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‘My Ex and Whys’ Review: Stereotypical love

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‘My Ex and Whys’ Review: Stereotypical love

The message of Cathy Garcia-Molina’s My Ex and Whys is nothing new. It’s the same message that she has been repeating over and over again.

Love conquers all.

Love conquers all

In You Are the One (2006), a romance between Toni Gonzaga’s government worker and Sam Milby’s expat, love conquers differences in cultural upbringing. In A Very Special Love (2008), a romance between Sarah Geronimo’s personal assistant and John Lloyd Cruz’s stoic billionaire, love conquers differences in wealth and social status. In She’s Dating the Gangster (2014), a romance between Kathryn Bernardo’s simple schoolgirl and Daniel Padilla’s school bully, love conquers time.

My Ex and Whys is hardly subtle at all with what it wants love to wage war against this time.

Cali (Liza Soberano) is a blogger whose inspiration for the questions she posts online is her prolonged disdain towards her ex who cheated on her. Gio (Enrique Gil) is that ex. They rekindle communications on social media for all the world to see and participate in. Eventually, the spats and debates the two ex-lovers broadcast online be relationship sparks a debate, a rabid fight between those who favor Cali’s distrust with all men and Gio’s fervent desire to prove her wrong.

Garcia-Molina starts the movie by shaping her protagonists’ camps whose being relentlessly at odds with each other is mined for comedy, with Gio and Cali’s ruses to upend each other providing the film some humor.

Cali comes from a household of women scorned by men they loved and continue to love. Gio, on the other hand, is surrounded by kin who brag about their skillful infidelities. Cali capitalizes on gender stereotypes to put down men during her online tirades, while Gio resists the urge to make a mistake that will prove Cali right.

My Ex and Whys capitalizes on gender stereotypes, whether true or not, to separate the two former lovers, allowing love to conquer them.

Cute, commercial and silly

The movie sadly doesn’t explore its possibly lofty themes beyond what is cute, commercial and silly.

It doesn’t delve deep enough to dig whether or not Cali’s preoccupation with stereotyping the opposite sex has merit. It just paints a comical scenario to backdrop its familiar love story with, and nothing more. It is thoroughly entertaining, although at times, its persistence on painting its characters too simply turn them into noxiously close-minded individuals.

It is to Soberano’s credit that she is able to charm her way out of her character’s inexplicable immaturity. Gil, on the other hand, plays the suffering ex-boyfriend with ample enthusiasm. If My Ex and Whys is meant to be a simple showcase of a love team’s power to arouse fantasy and make-believe, then it seems like it is all worth it.

The movie however has a lot of interesting ideas, which it squarely abandons all for the sake of formula. It uses the mechanics of the internet and social media where opinions are pitted against each other as an adjunct of the seemingly irreparable relationship and back-and-forth squabbles of Cali and Gio. It’s all interesting, except that Garcia-Molina only pursues the idea to push her endeavor to champion escapist love.

Love wins again

My Ex and Whys doesn’t really make that indelible mark in a market that is overcrowded with all sorts of love stories. In the end, it is just another romance that mouths the same old motto that love wins, even against the stereotypes it doesn’t try to break and instead it boldly reinforces. – Rappler.com

Francis Joseph Cruz litigates for a living and writes about cinema for fun. The first Filipino movie he saw in the theaters was Carlo J. Caparas’ ‘Tirad Pass.’ Since then, he’s been on a mission to find better memories with Philippine cinema.

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“My Ex and Whys” Review: Typical Cathy Garcia-Molina Film

p style=”text-align:center;”> MY EX AND WHYS (2017) Review Directed by Cathy Garcia-Molina

Yes, Liza Soberano and Enrique Gil delivered what was wanted from them: romantic feels from start to finish and maybe slip some “hugot lines” here and there. And as director Cathy Garcia-Molina said, it was hard to make the two leads ugly because, they have the faces that can capture hearts. But the story felt forced that even the cheesiness of the film doesn’t work anymore.

My Ex and Whys tells the story of Cali (Soberano), a broken-hearted girl who turned her pain to literature by creating a blog called “The Bakit List.” As her blog got more and more attention, people are contacting her to attend “bloggers’ conference” for interviews and brands are starting to get her as an influencer. Gio (Gil) returns to her life and takes the name “DahilList” to counter or answer all of her blogs or tweets as they may look. And as the usual romantic comedies go, cat and dog turn soft when they reach a point where everything was okay, they were just being insensitive brats.

You don’t publicly state that men are naturally polygamous, nobody does that. But that statement isn’t surprising given that the film is torn presenting men as bad men and women as bad women in an unfair way. Even Cali’s “Bakit List” can be easily answered in a sensitive way.

Enrique Gil’s character Gio, grew up with a lot of men in his house, and cliched as it is, the behavior of men from being not loyal to their partners in an immoral way to having serious conversations turn into jokes are mostly the focus of their circle. Even their father, played by Joey Marquez, who was left by his wife for cheating, isn’t the best father figure there is, and that is acceptable at one point, but everything is obviously done that way to expose how polygamous a man can be, that even when Marquez gives Gil an advise, it feels wrong not walking the talk. So the audience will have this presumption or feel that his character shouldn’t be forgiven easily.

Cali, who’s with her mother and aunts because her dad left them for another woman (surprise?), acts like she knew everything about men, because of what her father did to her family and what Gio did to her. She blogs of why people are still falling in love even if in the end, men will most likely hurt you. One of her friends and one of her aunties are trying to make her believe otherwise or make her realize that not all men are the same. But she does not listen, so everything goes bad.

We live in the world where we protect ourselves from pain, but having people, friends and families around you makes things better. I guess that’s not the case for Cali. But as stubborn as she may be, she has a point. The story is just too one-sided though, that no one’s being really understanding and that will obviously lead to a toxic relationship which will end up bad, maybe that is what the story needed? Because fixing things will be their redemption? The film isn’t a fantasy film, it tries to tell stories of people who could’ve existed with us, in our world, in our time. But every story line was made without authenticity, every character was written for a purpose not accordingly .

My Ex and Whys is without a doubt charming. But it’s almost bad that these people doesn’t feel real even as fictitious characters, their conceptions about blogging and bloggers are stereotyped and insanely ridiculous that you might think they didn’t do their research. Was the film forced? Rushed? We don’t know. But the charms, decent acting from its stars and hugot lines are the only things we can get out of it.

2 OUT OF 5 STARS

“My Ex and Whys” is now showing in cinemas nationwide from Star Cinema. Rated PG by the MTRCB.

My Ex and Whys explained

My Ex and Whys [2] [3] is a 2017 Philippine romantic comedy drama film co-written and directed by Cathy Garcia-Molina. Starring Enrique Gil and Liza Soberano , the story is about a womanizer named Gio (Gil), who tries to prove he's a changed man to his ex-girlfriend, a blogger named Cali (Soberano). Cali, on the other hand, tests if Gio really has changed, and things didn't go as planned. The film was released on February 15, 2017, to commercial and critical success, grossing over ₱400 million worldwide. My Ex And Whys is the highest-grossing film to be starred by Soberano and Gil to date.

Enrique Gil as Sergio "Gio" Martinez
Liza Soberano as Calista "Cali" Ferrer

Supporting cast

Joey Marquez as Lincoln "Master Pops" Martinez
Cai Cortez as Candelaria "Tita Candy" Ferrer
Emilio Garcia as Calixto Ferrer, Cali's father
Arlene Muhlach as "Tita Libby", Cali's aunt
Ara Mina as "Mommy Dolly", Cali's mother
Ryan Bang as Lee
Joross Gamboa as Mustang Martinez
Jeffrey Tam as Daryl
Karen Reyes as Nina
Neil Coleta as Patrick
Dominic Roque as Jaguar Martinez
Nicco Manalo as Bert (Gio & Cali's friend)
Hyubs Azarcon as Kia
Xander Gallego as Ford Martinez
Kim Si-won as Kim Yu-Ri (Lee's fiancé)
Kim Da-yul as Ha-Na (Yu-Ri's best friend)
Kimi Bo-ram as Shannon (Ha-Na's sister)
Joseph Kyle Pablo as Cali's twin brother
Jello Andrei Pablo as Cali's twin brother
Timothy Ancheta as Fred
John Uy as Darly's boyfriend

Special participation

Diego Loyzaga as Guy Customer
Sofia Andres as Lady Customer

Cameo appearances

Sandara Park
Jhong Hilario
Billy Crawford
Vhong Navarro
Anne Curtis
Kathryn Bernardo
Daniel Padilla

International release

TFC released My Ex and Whys internationally around the same time said film was released in the Philippines. In North America, the film earned $434,000 on its first 3 days. [4] Then, on its fourth day, it was estimated to have earned $630,000. [5] On its 3rd weekend (ending March 5, 2017), the film earned an additional $110,000, summing up its 3-week North America gross to $1,300,000 [6]

On February 26, My Ex and Whys registers total earnings of $5 million worldwide. [7] This is composed of $4 million opening week gross in the Philippines and $1 million opening week gross from screenings in the Middle East, Europe, U.S. and Canada.

The film's commercial run has been extended in the U.S., Middle East, Canada and Southeast Asia. [8]

My Ex and Whys earned ₱31.5 million on its opening day, [9] and the figure increased to ₱100 million in three days. [10] Another milestone was made as the film crossed over the ₱200 million mark in 8 days. [11] After 17 days, the movie earned ₱341 million worldwide. [12] On August 11, 2017, ABS-CBN released its first-half annual report where it announced that My Ex and Whys brought in over ₱400M million in ticket sales in its entire run in the cinemas. [1]

Critical reception

Mari-an Santos of Philippine Entertainment Portal praised the two lead actors, stating that "the two have undeniable chemistry and play off each other well, whether it is in intense scenes or very casual time-wasters." [13] Oggs Cruz from Rappler commented that Soberano "is able to charm her way out of her character’s inexplicable immaturity. Gil, on the other hand, plays the suffering ex-boyfriend with ample enthusiasm. If My Ex and Whys is meant to be a simple showcase of a love team’s power to arouse fantasy and make-believe, then it seems like it is all worth it." [14] Philbert Dy through The Neighborhood complained that "the movie just takes it in a really bizarre, toxic direction. It essentially has its female protagonist go to borderline illegal lengths in order to prove herself right, the movie apparently unable to conceive of a way to display the pain that she went through without resorting to ludicrous antics. After that, it’s hard to buy into why this relationship needs to happen. The film, like so many of these romcoms, just takes the pairing for granted." [15]

Awards and nominations

Notes and references.

Web site: ABS-CBN posts P1.2-B net income in first half . ABS-CBN News. August 11, 2017. Star Cinema generated over P1.2 billion in revenues during the first half, including P400 million in ticket sales from “My Ex and Whys”,.
Web site: New LizQuen Movie to be Released in February 2017 . Push ABS-CBN.
September 22, 2016. Everything you need to know about the new LizQuen movie! . ABS-CBN Star Cinema.
Web site: The Weekend Report . moviecitynews. February 19, 2017.
Web site: The Weekend Report (4-Day Estimates) . moviecitynews. February 20, 2017.
Web site: The Weekend Report . moviecitynews. March 5, 2017.
Web site: 'My Ex and Whys' earns $5 million worldwide . ABS-CBN News. February 28, 2017.
Web site: Filipino Film My Ex And Whys Hits $5M In Simultaneous Worldwide Release . ABS-CBN PR. https://web.archive.org/web/20170225133136/http://abscbnpr.com/filipino-film-my-ex-and-whys-hits-us-5m-in-simultaneous-worldwide-release/. usurped. February 25, 2017. February 25, 2017.
Web site: LizQuen’s "My Ex and Whys" hits ₱31.5 million on its opening day . "LionheartTV". February 16, 2017. February 16, 2017.
Web site: 'My Ex and Whys' earns P100M after just three days . "ABS-CBN News". February 18, 2017. February 18, 2017.
Web site: My Ex and Whys' makes ₱200 million . "ABS-CBN News". February 24, 2017. February 24, 2017.
Web site: 'My Ex and Whys' snags P341 in box-office sales worldwide . ABS-CBN News. March 3, 2017.
Web site: REVIEW: Liza-Enrique movie My Ex and Whys remains entertaining despite cliches . PEP.ph. February 16, 2017 . April 15, 2017.
Web site: 'My Ex and Whys' Review: Stereotypical love . Rappler. February 18, 2017 . April 15, 2017.
Web site: ‘My Ex and Whys’ Takes a Toxic Turn and Never Recovers . The Neighborhood.. February 17, 2017 . April 15, 2017.

This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License . It uses material from the Wikipedia article " My Ex and Whys ".

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‘My Ex and Whys’ Movie Review: Love is the only DAHIL you need

My Ex and Whys

The film follows the story of Cali, a blogger who owns the up and coming blog, "The Bakit List," and her ex Gio who will return to her life unexpectedly and surprisingly after breaking her heart.
Cali (Liza Soberano) dreams of becoming a social-media influencer and owns a blog-on-the-rise called The Bakit List (The Why List). When an exchange with a user, @DahilListBoy, goes viral, she decides to meet him, and she later realizes that it is her ex-boyfriend Gio (Enrique Gil) who wants to get her back. — sybil11

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I Still Love My Ex: What to Do If You Feel This Way

Candis McDow is from Atlanta, GA, and has been a mental health advocate since 2014. She has lived experience and charges to bring awareness to the oblivious and provide hope to peers.

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Loving an Ex Is Normal

How to get over an ex, finding closure.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I still love my ex?" It isn't uncommon to still love and have strong feelings for your ex-spouse or partner. Love is often a rollercoaster of emotions and instances that no one can either predict or control. The feelings you had can still linger, even after the relationship has ended.

If you still have feelings for an ex and/or still love an ex, don't feel shame. You are not alone, many people struggle to get over an ex and it may take a while because every relationship is different. Read along to get tips and encouragement on how to move forward during this difficult time.

If you still carry affection for a former partner, you might find yourself wondering if it's okay to still love your ex. As great as it would be to erase an ex out of your memory once the relationship ends, unfortunately, that's not possible. The love you once shared for your ex just doesn't fade away overnight, and that's something you have to be patient with yourself about.

Reasons you might still feel like you love your ex include:

You have fond memories of your time together
You tend to remember the good times (and forget about the bad)
You're focused on your ex's good qualities, but you ignore their negative traits
You are still attracted to them
You're grieving the loss of what you could have had together
You're still in love with the fantasy of who you thought your ex was before the breakup

Studies show that, when relationships end, people may deal with depression, PTSD, anxiety, and other mental health issues. So, it's understandable that you may have a tough time healing.

Despite the many issues that arise after a breakup, it's still important to make the effort to prioritize your own needs .

"If you still love an ex, that is normal and OK. It just means that you are processing the many emotions that come with being in a relationship," says Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Psychologist, and Hope for Depression Research Foundation 's Media Advisor.

Of course, it may feel as though your entire world is over. Those strong feelings that are omnipresent now won't last forever, and one day you'll look back and hopefully be grateful for the change that the breakup brought about for you.

If you've recently gotten out of a relationship or you realized that you're not completely over a former flame, below are some tips that can help you move on.

What should you do if you still love your ex?

Look for distractions from your feelings
Remove any reminders that trigger feelings for your ex
Consider taking a social media break
Take care of yourself
Give yourself time
Talk to a professional

Distract Yourself

An idle mind is especially damaging to a broken heart. If you're sitting at home thinking of your ex and all of the memories you've shared, you are setting yourself up for failure. However, if you keep busy, the time will pass, the day will move quicker, and the emotions will go along as well.

Although keeping busy is important, Lira de la Rosa cautions that if you're constantly busy, you won't have the time to really process your emotions. And, not processing the emotions can affect how you cope with loss in the future. So, while staying busy is a good thing, remember to allow yourself to feel your emotions.

Delete Your Ex Entirely

Delete your ex from your life completely. That entails their phone number, address, all social media platforms, family, friends, mutual acquaintances, and anything that attaches you to your ex.

Hanging on to things that constantly remind you of your ex will only stifle your growth. If you truly want to get over your ex, you have to cut them completely out of your life. Fair warning, it will be hard, but mending your heart is the overall goal.

Stay Away From Social Media

If you still love your ex, social media is not going to be helpful. You will only torture yourself if you scroll through your platforms. Just imagine your ex popping up on your timeline and they've just posted something with a new friend. Instantly your day is ruined.

Because you're in a vulnerable state, it'll be easy for you to compare your life to friends and online friends you've never even met.

Moreover, frequent social media usage has been linked to depression . So, delete your ex and do your best to stay off of social platforms as you process your emotions and focus on your healing.

Prioritize Self-Care

Long gone are the judgmental days of frowning on solo dates and sitting alone for lunch. So, treat yourself to a day of pampering or take yourself out on a date.

Enjoy yourself and learn to get used to your own company. After all, if you can't love yourself, how do you expect to move on and allow someone new to love you?

Don't Rush the Process

Falling in love can sometimes be a task and other times it comes at you fast and unexpectedly. However, with breakups , the process of getting over someone can feel like the end of the world.

Don't rush the process by trying to jump into another relationship. In fact, bringing someone new into your mess of emotions is the worst possible thing to do. Feel those emotions and work through them before trying to date again.

Talk It Out

Therapy isn't taboo anymore. You can talk to a professional in person, on video chat , on the phone, and through text message. Technology has made it possible for convenience to accommodate every aspect of life.

If you're still not intrigued by telling a complete stranger all of your business, you should consider talking to family members or a close friend about how you're feeling. Talking it out will release those emotions and give you clarity and closure.

Don't bottle those emotions or try to be "strong." You are human and you have the right to express yourself.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Ultimately closure is always the goal at the end of every relationship . Unfortunately, in most cases, we never receive closure; you either have to accept what is or find closure on your own.

Write a Letter

Therapists often recommend writing a letter as a way to deal with your emotions following a breakup or another painful event.

Counseling therapist Myriame Lyons, MA, RCC, CCC , recommends that her clients write a "Goodbye Letter." In this letter, Lyon asks patients to answer the following questions:

What will you miss?
What will you cherish?
What do you take responsibility for?
What do you wish for each other?

Lyon believes this exercise gives you an opportunity to share what has been left unsaid. Another perk to this form of closure is that you don’t need to share the letter with your ex to get the full benefits of writing all of this out. Figuring out these answers for yourself can be enough of a release to move forward.

During this time it's important to encourage yourself and realize that you matter. Don't get lost in grief and forget about your worth and significance in the world. Sure, it hurts to still love someone that is no longer a partner, but the world is still within your grasp. If you find that you're still having a hard time letting go, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional.

A Word From Verywell

In a perfect world, we'd all be able to erase the memory of an ex. Unfortunately, we aren't granted that luxury. Dealing with the emotions that come with a loss is imperative. The cure to getting over an ex that you love is living. It's OK to remember the memories (good and bad), crying is a part of that journey, and being sad is inevitable, but feeling that pain is what will eventually get you to the other side.

If you are still struggling with feelings of love, sadness, grief, or anger long after the relationship has ended, consider talking to a mental health professional. They can help you process your experience and find ways to move on with your life.

Kansky J, Allen JP. Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups . Emerg Adulthood . 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

Shensa A, Sidani JE, Dew MA, Escobar-Viera CG, Primack BA. Social media use and depression and anxiety symptoms: A cluster analysis . Am J Health Behav . 2018;42(2):116-128. doi:10.5993/AJHB.42.2.11

By Candis McDow Candis has been a mental health advocate since 2014. She has written several articles about mental illness, and her memoir Half the Battle (available on Amazon and candisymcdow.com) encompasses her journey of living with bipolar disorder.

My Ex and Whys

Original title: my ex & whys.

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My Ex & Whys streaming: where to watch online?

You can buy "My Ex and Whys" on Apple TV, Amazon Video as download or rent it on Apple TV, Amazon Video online.

Cali a blogger who owns the upcoming blog "The Bakit List," and her ex Gio who will return to her life unexpectedly and surprisingly.

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The Pros and Cons of Reconnecting With an Ex

Letting loneliness force recoupling, no matter the cost..

Posted November 7, 2021 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina

Despite less than favorable research results, for many people the desire to re-connect with an ex is compelling.
After a breakup, it is important to balance the question of reconnecting with an ex with considerations that support and strengthen you.
It is valuable to put into perspective the impact of a breakup on sense of self, feelings of loss, and fear of having made a mistake.

“Never go back to your ex. It’s like reading the same book over and over again when you know how the story ends.”

“Sometimes people need to fall apart to realize they need to fall back together.”

Popular advice may differ, but many people do consider going back to an ex. While internet posts would suggest that breaking up and making up seems particularly common for the college crowd, research suggests that breaking up is indeed hard to do, and leads to considerable distress, in that age group.

In research with cyclical and non-cyclical couples, Amber Vennum and colleagues found that it's complicated. While movies, books, and TV shows portray re-connecting as romantic, the results of getting back together are less than desirable for both cycling married and cohabitating couples.

It would seem that although happy endings are not guaranteed, the wish to re-connect with an ex can be very compelling. We are human, feelings are complicated, relationships are based on conscious and unconscious factors and the unknown is frightening. It is what makes the Google search “Get your ex back” so popular.

Who Am I Now?

Breakups call into question definitions of self whether initiated by you, the other partner, or both. You are standing at what we call "the liminal space” between what was and what is yet to be.

Most people feel a certain amount of fear , loneliness , guilt , and confusion in this space. Propelled by the emotional pain, many begin looking backward instead of forwards. Consider that the safety warning in rearview mirrors reminds us that the backward perspective is often faulty.

Do you really understand what happened in your relationship? Does your ex? For relationships to be different, both partners have to be different. If you are considering reaching for your ex, consider first reaching for supportive friends, professional guidance, a new challenge that invites an expanded definition of self, or maybe self-permission to date and to see the world from a forward perspective.

Why Am I So Sad?

No matter how bad a relationship may have been, it was a bond. As such, it is inevitable that a breakup will be experienced with feelings of loss. Sometimes if a loss has been suffered in connection with other significant people, the pain can be significant.

The fact that you feel loss is a reflection of your capacity to connect, not necessarily a testimonial of your prior relationship. You may feel love for your ex. The question is whether the relationship is viable. If not, the desperate need to re-connect often leads to more breakups and loss.

Suffering loss is human and does not equate with instability, inadequacy, or dysfunction. It is a necessary dynamic to finding self and ultimately finding a different type of partner. Handling loss is greatly facilitated with family and friend networks of support.

Equally important is self-compassion. As psychologist Kristin Neff describes it, self-compassion is taking a moment to be mindful of how you feel, recognizing how human and understandable your feelings are, and giving yourself the emotional hug and kindness you would share with a friend who was in your situation. It is unexpectedly empowering.

Maybe I Was Wrong

Regardless of how correct the breakup may have felt, it can start to feel terribly wrong when you find that she/he has connected with another partner.

Images of the beginning magic you once had become what you assume he/she now has with another person. Sometimes there is even the assumption that your ex has become the person you always wished for, but with someone else.

Fantasy may be good in the movies but no one walks out of a problem relationship and into a phone booth to turn into a superhero. It is worth considering that your ex is still the same person but may have found a match—someone you do not want to be. It is worth considering that if you feel you were bypassed for someone else, you were with the wrong person for you. So, if you decide to pursue your ex by becoming the person he/she needs you to be, you may end up with your ex, but who will you be?

Trapped in Euphoria

A common trap in the aftermath of a breakup is to remember and define the relationship in terms of a euphoric phase. As discussed by Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love, this is the initial phase of a relationship in which the partners are physically, psychologically, and neurochemically in a state of yearning, obsession, and desire for each other. The pre-frontal cortex that registers negative judgment is suppressed and there is an increase in dopamine which has a similar effect as cocaine. A relationship needs the Euphoria but it needs to be able to sustain much more.

Couple at Any Cost

A common prompt for pursuing an ex is a feeling of loneliness in a world of couples. If it doesn’t drive you to return and try to accept what was once unworkable with your former partner, it may lead you to settle for connections with partners that are not suited to you. The result is unfair—mostly to you.

While it is understandable to want to be with someone wonderful, positive connections usually come as part of a journey of nourishing and finding yourself. However you choose to move on, if your journey includes recognizing and developing your own sense of self, the chances are that you just might find someone who will light up your life.

Facebook image: fizkes/Shutterstock

Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP, a psychologist and host of “Psych Up Live” on International Talk Radio, formerly taught at Long Island University Post and is the author of three books including Healing Together for Couples.

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Why Do I Love My Ex?

If you've been thinking about your ex a lot lately, you might feel overwhelmed or unsettled. You may even ask yourself: “Why are they on my mind all of a sudden?”

Taking some time to mindfully pinpoint the cause of these thoughts and feelings can help you figure out how you should proceed in mental clarity and in the best possible way that safeguards your mental health.

Below, we’re exploring how to work through these thoughts, as well as supportive strategies (like therapy) that can help you to feel grounded in your decision for a new season or a fresh start.

Why do people think about their exes?

There are many reasons why these thoughts can preoccupy people’s minds. We’ve listed a few options below that can help you to validate your experiences:

You're feeling lonely

If you've been broken up for a while and haven't met anyone new, you might start to think about your ex because you're feeling lonely. Maybe you miss the good times— and if you haven't found someone else yet, you may be starting to forget about the reasons that may have led to the ending of your last relationship.

If you're feeling lonely, you can instead try making plans with friends or family. Spending more time around people you love might be just what you need to stop having unwanted thoughts of your ex.

It can feel difficult to face these feelings as they occur. However, it can be helpful to remember that loneliness generally will not last forever—and you can always keep the door open to meeting someone new who can help to fill that area of your life if you decide that it is the best option that suits you in that specific season.

They're still a part of your life

If your ex is still a part of your life, it can be difficult to completely sever and stop thinking about them. An ex could still be in your life for a number of reasons—you may have decided to stay friends, you might have a mutual group of friends that you both hang out with or there could be kids involved that you need to co-parent.

When this is the case, many may find that the best thing to do is try to set clear boundaries in your relationship as you can. A qualified therapist can help you to do this in a healthy way. To begin, you may choose to spend time with new or different friends primarily, or you may choose to only talk to each other when it's about the kids, for example.

This can lead many to question if one’s ex should remain a part of their life. The “correct” answer, in this case, can vary for many. The best option generally depends entirely on you, your situation and your comfort level with both the person and your support system. If you and your ex have children together, for example, then completely eliminating your ex from your life may not be feasible.

However, if there are no children to consider and there isn’t anything legally binding you to your ex, it is generally up to you to determine whether your ex truly belongs in your life. Different decisions and arrangements can work for different people. You may consider examining your situation to see what's right for you at this time.

You never got closure

Another reason you might currently be thinking about your ex is that you didn't get closure when your relationship ended. It may be possible that they left without an explanation—possibly leaving you confused about what you may have done to precede that decision.

This can be a hard situation to experience that can leave you with a lot of "what ifs" and mixed emotions. If you find that you may need closure, you may consider reaching out to your ex so you can get the closure you need to move on.

However, you may choose not to do this if you believe it may be detrimental to your mental health. After all—constantly seeking closure when it's simply not available can lead to feelings of distress.

In this case, it can be helpful to remember that most of the time, romantic relationships end for a reason. If closure is keeping you from letting go, then you may find that you need to work on redirecting your focus and energy towards relationships which will be healthy and beneficial to you.

How can online therapy help those working through previous relationships?

If you've considered these options and are still experiencing thoughts about your ex, you may benefit from speaking to a professional discreetly about your experiences.

Breakups, unrequited feelings and relationships can be difficult. It can be helpful to know that there can be help made available if you need it.

Online therapy has been noted by many to be an effective way to get help with all kinds of situations, including breakups or lingering feelings for previous relationships. Many may also find it to be more convenient than alternative options that are available, as it can feel overwhelming to have to leave your home or safe place to discuss such sensitive topics.

Is online therapy effective?

Online therapy can be a convenient way to talk through any issues you may be having about a past relationship—or a variety of other mental health conditions. You can speak with a therapist at a time that works with your schedule, and you can connect anywhere you have an internet connection and a smartphone, tablet or computer.

This level of convenience has prompted many to wonder about the efficacy of online therapy, especially when it relates to relationship progression and support. Recent review of the literature from the National Council on Aging has found that online therapy can be comparably effective for many who are experiencing depression, anxiety disorders, grief, family or relationship concerns and sleep disturbances.

What do I do if I love my ex?

If you find yourself still in love with your ex, it may be helpful to accept the emotions and realize they’re a natural part of getting over past relationships. Consider focusing on self-care practices during this time, such as yoga, spending time with an old friend, or taking long walks in nature. If these thoughts and emotions are preventing you from moving forward, you might also want to speak to a therapist to find closure.

Why do I love my ex so much?

Loving your ex is often tied to the experiences and memories you shared. The emotions after breaking up can linger, especially if your former partner was like your whole world, twin flame, or soul mate. For example, you might have shared a deep connection that can be difficult to get past after the relationship ends.

Is it normal to still love your ex after 10 years?

It is not uncommon to still have feelings for an ex, such as an ex-husband, even after a long period like 10 years. You may have experienced a difficult time moving on from the relationship and still have unresolved feelings after it ended. However, you may want to reflect on why you still love your ex to learn how to gain closure and move on.

Is it OK to date if I still love my ex?

Dating while you still have feelings for your ex can be hard. However, you can show respect to yourself and potential new partners by letting them know where you stand emotionally. If you're not over your past relationship, it can often be helpful to take some time to heal before dating again. That way, you can gain a sense of what you might want out of a new relationship.

Why do I miss my ex so much it hurts?

Missing an ex so intensely that it hurts can be a sign of a broken heart. You might experience intense emotional pain if the relationship was a significant part of your life. Remembering the positive memories and ignoring why the relationship ended can worsen the painful emotions.

Does my ex think of me?

It's natural to wonder if your ex thinks about you, especially during times of loneliness. While there's no way to know for sure without asking them, it's common for people to think about former partners from time to time. However, it’s often more beneficial to focus on your own growth rather than wondering what they may be thinking about.

Why do men love their ex?

Men, like anyone else, may continue loving their ex because of the strong emotional bond and experiences they had. Love for a former partner can persist if the relationship played a large role in their life. Still, the reason for continuing to have attachments can vary based on personal experiences and how strong the emotional connection was.

Can you be in love with two people?

It is possible to have feelings for two people simultaneously. This can be a confusing time while managing your emotions. Be honest with yourself and the people involved out of respect. You might also consider seeking guidance to work through these emotions and manage them effectively.

Why do exes get back together years later?

Exes may reunite years later for various reasons, such as realizing the nature of their true love, life circumstances that align, or personal growth that makes them more compatible. Sometimes, the time apart helps them appreciate what they had and see their past relationship in a new way.

Do exes ever end up together?

Exes can and do sometimes end up together, often after spending time apart and experiencing personal growth. If both people have resolved past problems that were affecting the relationship and are willing to create a new and healthier one, exes can successfully get back together. However, the success of the new relationship will depend on the individuals and their efforts to work together.

Why Don't Women Like Me? Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams , LPC, CCTP
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex? Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox , NCC, LPC
Relationships and Relations

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What is Your Why? 5 Examples to Help You Find Yours

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What is a “Why” in life?

Finding your “why” in life, examples of corporate “why” statements, “my why is to share the power of therapeutic humor with others.”, “my why is to help people be more connected in their life, career, and business.”, “to push myself to be the best version of myself so that i know my mom is smiling down on me.”, “to leave the world better than i found it and be remembered by the people whose lives i touched as a force for good in their lives.”, “to be worth it.”, wrapping up.

What is your “Why” in life?

This question is very common but makes you think about what you truly want out of life. How do you find out what your “Why” in life is? By asking as many questions as possible:

Why do I do this?
Why do I value this over that?
Why am I not happy when X happens?
Why am I stressed now?

If you keep asking these questions, it’s likely that you’ll eventually end up with the same answer.

Common answers to these “Why” questions are usually a variation or combination of the following:

Providing for my family.
To leave a legacy.
Feeling loved.
Having a positive impact on the lives of others.

So how do you find your “Why” in life? One way to try is by asking yourself the questions I mentioned before:

Here’s an example:

Q: Why am I so stressed all the time?

A: Because my work makes me stressed.

Q: Why do I work every day from 7:00 to 16:00?

A: Because I need money in order to do the things that I value most.

Q: What do I value most?

A: To live a happy life and to be surrounded by people who I can have positive interactions with.

Q: Why do I want to have a positive influence on the world ?

A: Because I’ve been given an opportunity in life that not a lot of other people have gotten (good upbringing, basic needs, family, health, education). I don’t just want to take these for granted . I want to use this opportunity to give back to the world.

A-ha. This is a “Why” statement that I can personally be happy with. With just 4 questions, I’ve dug down to the bottom of my “Why”, which shows me what drives me to do the things I do in life.

It’s also important to be willing to take a step back and look at the general direction of your life. Are you really living a life that you won’t regret one day? This is a harder question to answer, but it’s important to consider this every once in a while.

What does our data say?

I’ve interviewed 36 people who have at some point “reinvented” themselves in order to live a life that’s aligned with their “Why”. As a result of reinventing themselves, these people have shared with me the mental struggles that they’ve overcome:

Our most recent interviews discussing self-reinvention:

How a Mindset Change Helped Me Break Free From Childhood Trauma and Toxicity

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About our project

The “Why” statement has become quite popular ever since the book Start With Why by Simon Sinek became a global best-seller.

This book covers the importance of “Why” statements in the corporate world, and how leaders can inspire more people to do the same by starting with the question “Why?”

The idea is that everything you do – whether you’re a business or a person – should have the same fundamental reason. So if somebody started to question your actions (why do you do that? Why this? Why that?), eventually, you’d circle back to your main “Why” statement.

“Why” statements are common in businesses already. Here are some examples:

We aim to challenge the status quo. We aim to think differently. – Apple
To connect millions of people in real life all over the world, through a community marketplace– so that you can belong anywhere. – Airbnb
To empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve more. – Microsoft
To organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful. – Google

Examples of personal “Why” statements in life

Even though you have to define your own “Why” statement in life, it’s still interesting to read about other people’s statements. That’s why I’ve asked around to include examples of personal “Why” statements in this article.

This personal “Why” statement comes from David Jacobson, who is the president of Humor Horizons. I think this is a great example of how simple a personal “Why” statement in life can be.

My why is to share the power of therapeutic humor with others. Humor has been life transforming for me. It has enabled me to cope with chronic pain and severe arthritis. I have been able to do a 50-miles unicyle ride as a fund raiser which I partially attribute my sense of humor to helping me complete. I wrote a book on the humor habits that I use to help me cope and I am now beginning a research project to use positive depression tests rather than negative (how happy are you vs how sad, etc). My sense of humor is my source of happiness!

This “Why” statement comes from Beth Bridges and shows how a life event can solidify your purpose in life. Beth is an author and specializes in the power of networking. She also runs The Networking Motivator, a website about sharing networking strategies with others .

Here’s how she defines her “Why” in life.

My why is to help people be more connected in their life, career, and business. A year and a half ago, my husband of 17 years had a massive heart attack and was gone in minutes. What saved my sanity? The friends and business connections who gladly helped me with things small and large. Without that community, I would have been lost in despair and sadness. Now, I want to make sure that everyone has the tools and knowledge to build their own community so that they can survive whatever life throws at them.

This personal “Why” statement comes from Colby West , who shares a very touching story on how a life event can influence your “Why”. I think this is a great example of how you can be driven to make the most of yourself by defining a fundamental reason, a.k.a. your “Why”.

I lost my mom to alcohol abuse on the 14th of March 2017, which I didn’t know the degree of until it was too late. It took me about 2 years to realize that I needed to make a change in my life in order to become the person I know she would want me to be. Almost 4 months ago, I decided to work smarter AND harder and “spread my wings” a bit. I quit drinking alcohol, committed to health and wellness so much that I got my body fat % down to about 5%, all while adding 3 (soon to be 4) income streams to my life. Though I’m nowhere near finished, and will likely never be satisfied, I will continue to push myself to be the best version of myself so that I know my momma is smiling down on me, 100%.

This one comes from Paige, which I find a really inspiring example. “To leave the world better than I found it” is such a simple but powerful purpose. Paige started a global branding and marketing firm – called Mavens & Moguls – 18 years ago. She’s been happily married for 27 years, has a close circle of friends, nieces, nephews, and god kids.

Quite simply I want to leave the world better than I found it and be remembered by the people whose lives I touched as a force for good in their lives. I lost 7 people very close to me in 6 years and know first hand no one on their deathbed wishes they worked more, made more money or won more awards. They just want to be with the ones they love most and to tell them they mattered. I think of those people often and the roles they played in my life. I want to be remembered for passing along the very best in me to others so their lives are better and happier in some way because I was part of it.

This is my personal “Why” in life, and in order to explain what this means, I have to go back in time.

On the 17th of July, 2014, I wrote a journal entry that eventually went off-topic into a rant about how lucky I was. This is what I wrote down:

Seriously, I’ve been extremely lucky in my life so far. I have great parents and financial security. As a result, I’ve gotten a solid education, friends, safety, hobbies and I can easily get around. More importantly, I’ve not had any major setbacks in life so far. That leads me to think: Am I worth it? Do I actually deserve all these things? More importantly, how can I make sure that I actually deserve everything that I’ve been lucky enough to have so far? Simply appreciating what I have is definitely NOT enough. No way. I want to give back to my parents and to make them happy. I want to help other people as much as I’ve been helped in the past. And most importantly, I want to have a positive influence on the world. Come to think of it, I need to be the best version of myself I can. I need to reach my full potential. But what is my potential? I think I can potentially do a lot of good things in my life. I’m smart, physically fit and mentally healthy (I think). But why? Because I’ve been so lucky in the past already. My luck has given me so many potential opportunities, and if I want to be “worth it”, I need to make sure that I don’t let these opportunities go to waste. There are people with fewer opportunities (aka less luck) that still manage to have an amazing influence on the world by reaching their full potential. I need to do the same. I need to be worth it. How? By giving my “luck” to others as much as I can. By “paying it forward”. By not letting my opportunities go to waste. By appreciating everything that I have and not just taking it for granted. By being the best person I can. I don’t believe in karma, but if I did, it basically comes down to accumulating as much positive karma as possible. That’s how I can be worth it. Me

Even though I wrote this years ago, this is still exactly how I feel about my life. At the time, I didn’t worry about my wording. Instead, I just wrote whatever thoughts raced through my mind.

But now, after giving it some more time, I have redefined my personal “Why” in life like this:

To be worth everything that has been given to me, and to have as much of a positive influence on the world as possible.

💡 By the way : If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here. 👇

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

There you have it. There are many different reasons to do the things you do in life, but they generally follow the same fundamental driving force. If somebody started to question your actions, you’d have to be able to circle back to your main “Why” statement. If you’ve made it all the way down this article, I hope you know how to define your own personal “Why” statement.

I’d love to hear from you now! What is your “Why” in life? What makes you do the things you do on a daily basis when you really think about it? Let’s share more examples in the comments below!

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

43 thoughts on “What is Your Why? 5 Examples to Help You Find Yours”

Wow – such a great inspiring article – I have been looking for my ‘ “why?” ‘ for years and hope to find it soon! Thanks!🤗

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‘My Ex and Whys’ Official Movie Posters

Posted on January 18, 2017 by cd // 0 Comments

Star Cinema has released the official movie posters for their upcoming Valentine offering “My Ex and Whys” starring Liza Soberano and Enrique Gil.

Both posters feature the golden trees of South Korea in the background.

Directed by Cathy Garcia-Molina, the movie is set to open in cinemas nationwide this February.

Enrique Gil and Elmo Magalona – Garage March 2015 Cover

Enrique Gil, Maja Salvador ‘Twerk It Like Miley’ Number Goes Viral

Enrique Gil Lands First Men’s Health Cover

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Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me? 11 main motives behind your ex’s actions

Updated January 29, 2024 by Callisto Adams 1 Comment

Coping with heartbreak after the breakup raises a lot of questions.

You’re still in denial, confused, or full of regrets. It’s quite understandable to find it hard to move on .

You still have hope and wonder why you haven’t heard from your ex since the breakup.

Usually, the reason that lies behind your ex’s silence is related to them but also to you.

It all depends on your breakup and your relationship dynamics.

It might be that your ex needs some time to reflect or they find it hard to redeem after the breakup.

Add to this, the remorseful action of your ex.

We’re tackling this matter from both: the dumpee’s and the dumper’s point of view.

To have a bigger picture of it, here are 11 reasons why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you:

1. Your ex is hurt by you

One of the main reasons that an ex hasn’t tried to contact you is because they’re dealing with their feelings.

Your ex can’t be resilient if they were hurt by your actions.

They need to go first through the stages of grief and refine themselves.

They need to take time to reflect and heal. Your ex can’t go immediately to the source that caused their pain.

Tip #1: During this time you should be patient. Take this time to reflect on your actions too.

If you think that you can make this relationship work then apologize.

Be the first to take action. In this conversation after the breakup , let your ex know that you’ve changed. Show it!

2. Your ex is mixed up

The dumper doesn’t get confused at the first stage of the breakup.

Whereas, the dumpee is confused and feels devastated immediately after the breakup.

During this time, the dumper enjoys a little of their free time.

Then, they might keep their dating option open, so they don’t try to reach out to you yet.

On the other hand, the dumpee is sorting their feelings: are they in love, hurt, or out of this love?

For the dumper~ Give your ex time to work on themselves. Don’t call or text out of boredom, loneliness, or anxiety.

For the dumpee~ During this time focus more on your improvement. Don’t keep waiting and wasting time while focusing only on your ex.

3. Your ex feels ashamed of their actions

Another reason why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you is that they are feeling guilty.

The moment they doubt their decisions they don’t feel ready to reach out to you.

They’re hesitating to make the first move. This means that they might be scared of your reaction and rejection.

Hence, they hesitate to reach out to you because they don’t want to hurt you more.

Tip #3: In this case, nothing is under the dumpee’s control. You need only focus on your improvement.

After some time, if you’re completely healed then you might give one last call.

Try to understand how they are feeling too.

Of course without going over your boundaries too.

It takes time to be subjective on your own after a heartbreak. So, to have a particular plan on how to decipher your ex’s actions, you need the help of a relationship coach. They will help you to separate what you are feeling from romanticizing your relationship.

4. Your ex cut you off from their life

When you part ways, using No Contact is always a possibility.

If your ex wants to heal or wants to forget you, then they don’t bother to reach out to you.

Especially, the dumpee needs the isolation phase to refine their purpose of life and reflect.

Often, they can delete your number or remove you from their social media.

They use this time alone to improve themselves but also to send a signal that you’ll know you messed it up.

Tip #4: You should focus more on reflecting on what your flaws were during the relationship. Reflect on what could be fixed and whatnot.

If you’re able to balance these then you can talk to your ex. Before doing it make sure to know your ex’s stance towards you.

5. Your ex doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you

How your ex reacts after the breakup depends on the circumstances in which you broke up and on your relationship.

For some, it might take 2-5 months to heal or more.

If the breakup was bad and your ex hasn’t reached out, there are two reasons.

They are either healing or aren’t interested in having a relationship with you .

If they have already disconnected with you emotionally too then your ex is ready to move on.

That all depends on how long they haven’t contacted you.

If it is longer than 5 months then your ex has probably moved on.

Tip #5: The moment your ex is detached from you even emotionally is your turn to work on yourself.

Try to spot what made your ex emotionally disconnected from you.

6. Your ex wants both of you to heal

Not contacting you in a week or two weeks after parting ways amicably isn’t something bad.

Your ex hasn’t contacted you in a week or two weeks because they want to use this time to heal and reflect.

Both of you have been making mistakes and avoiding working on the relationship.

To avoid hurting one another it’s better to take some time apart from each other.

In this case, they want what’s best for you and for themselves too.

They value you and respect you. That’s why your ex takes this time to work on themselves to make the relationship work.

Tip #6: Use this time wisely and don’t cling to your ex. If you do that then you’ll only push them away.

7. Your ex might be avoiding you

If you haven’t heard from your ex since the breakup then they might’ve been avoiding you.

It could be either that your ex hates or loves you.

If your ex still has feelings for you then being in touch with you will bring back the memories.

The memories will bring back mixed feelings.

Hence, the pain and the negative impact that your relationship had, make your ex avoid and not call you.

Tip #7: Don’t insist on contacting them first. If you initiated the breakup then you should give your ex time and space to heal.

8. Your ex is testing you

After experiencing a breakup, there is that type of person who wants to test your feelings.

If your ex still has feelings for you then they want to see what you would do to get them back.

This all depends on the character of your ex.

They would not reach you out because they now want you to chase them .

They don’t want to be the first to make things work or apologize.

Since it’s you who broke up with them, they want to be sure if they should restart the relationship.

First, check out for signs that your ex is wanting you to chase them.

Second, don’t jump immediately into recreating the relationship. If you’re not completely healed and improved that will create other issues.

9. Your ex is afraid of commitment

Depending on the situation, an ex puts as much effort into your relationship as you do. Yet, sometimes they lack something that fails the relationship.

Being afraid to take responsibility in a relationship is one of the reasons why an ex won’t reach out.

It’s normal to worry and say: My ex has never contacted me again.

You might still have feelings and this might prevent you from healing.

This doesn’t mean your ex has stopped loving you. At this moment your ex is having inner issues that they need to solve.

They are not able to face reality and work on their flaws. That’s why they try to avoid it rather than contact you and fix the relationship.

Tip #9: Don’t push your ex to change. Commitment can be learned but not forced.

You should let yourself focus on your improvement this time!

10. Your ex doesn’t want to sound miserable

This is quite an ambivalent motive. Both the dumper and the dumpee will feel miserable if they reach out to one another first.

This can be an ongoing ‘game’ if one of you doesn’t break the pattern and take the first step.

The dumper won’t reach because of their ego, pride, or fear of hurting you or being rejected.

On the other hand, the dumpee won’t reach because of being afraid of being hurt.

If you were dumped, then you’ll be afraid that your ex would break your heart again.

Tip #10: First, try to move on from the breakup. Then, you should be open to listening and try to be listened to.

If you think that your relationship could work out then work in that direction.

11. Your ex isn’t able to forgive you

When you experience a breakup, after a few days or even weeks you’ll wonder why your ex has gone quiet. Will they call or contact me ever again?

When your ex doesn’t contact you and is quiet then they’re working on:

Their anger, their feelings;
Resentment;
Pain;
Guilt;

Your ex is still processing their feelings and trying to rebuild their confidence.

The negative feelings that evoke after the breakup lead your ex to have difficulties forgiving you.

Tip #11: Know that forgiving after being dumped is quite hard.

You should take responsibility for your actions. Start small. Spot your mistakes and work on them.

When will my ex contact me?

Your ex will contact you the moment they feel ready or when they lack something. There is no in-between.

Hence, if you ask: will your ex ever contact you again? The answer is yes and no.

That all depends on the way you broke up and if your ex is willing to change things.

Here are a few situations when your ex will reach out:

~ Your ex will contact you when they’re able to forgive.

A dumpee will reach out to you when they are already past the breakup.

They either reach out to ask for closure if there wasn’t one.

On the other hand, they might want to have a final conversation that may either reconcile things or not.

~ When they feel lonely and bored.

This applies to both dumpers and the dumpees.

A dumpee reaches out right after the breakup when they feel lonely and crumbled.

Whereas, the dumper reaches out later on after the breakup. They contact you when the breakup hits them.

At the fourth stage of the breakup, or after 3 weeks, the dumper feels lonely.

This triggers your memories and they might text or call you.

Note: Be aware of breadcrumbing during this period. If you answer breadcrumbing then you’ll be even more confused and hurt.

~ When they have realized their mistakes and are willing to change.

That’s the moment when No Contact works . When you detach from them, then they’ll be able to feel your absence.

Your ex can reflect on their mistakes and also on your behavior.

If they’re still in love with you, they will try to find a middle way.

Until they realize it, depends on how things ended.

Don’t be afraid and ask if he or she will talk to you again.

They’ll talk to you sooner or later. Yet, take a close look at the reason that they’re contacting you again.

Should I wait for my ex to contact me first?

Whether you should text your ex first or wait depends on if you’re healed already or willing to change.

These two are the main reasons that matter before making this decision.

~If you’re already healed and think that your relationship can work, text your ex first.

You shouldn’t contact your ex (dumper) first if you aren’t over the breakup and if it’s a few weeks after the breakup.

This will make you seem needy and you won’t be ready to reflect correctly.

It’s still early, so you can’t define and sort your ex’s feelings or actions.

~Also, if you’re the dumper and want to contact them first in the first week after breaking up, don’t do it.

Give them some time to overcome their feelings.

If your ex hasn’t gone through the process of grief then they won’t know what they want or what they feel in reality.

They will still be stuck between fantasy and pain.

Instead of focusing on being the winner of the breakup or whether you should contact your ex first, focus on yourself.

Once you’re healed and you’ve reflected on your flaws, it doesn’t matter if you text first or not.

If you think that you’ve improved, don’t hesitate to contact your ex if you want to recover the relationship.

Additional articles to handle this situation:

Nourish yourself first: How to heal from the breakup?
Distance yourself and reflect: 30 days of No Contact
Learn some tips and tricks to make your ex jealous: How to make your ex jealous

With the help of these articles, you can turn the situation around! Hang in there!

The timeline of not reaching out and the meaning behind it!

What defines the real reason behind your ex’s actions is the period that they haven’t contacted you.

Everyone has a different technique and timeline when it comes to getting over a breakup.

~When an ex hasn’t been contacted in 2 months might mean a lot of things.

This all depends on your ex’s attachment style and how they have been processing the breakup.

The first month after the breakup provides all the opportunities to start and sort out your feelings.

So if your ex doesn’t contact you for 2 months they might be struggling either to move on or reconnect.

You can know it only by the way the breakup happened and by your ex’s personality.

Usually, two months is not such a long period to connect if the breakup was bad.

During the second month, usually, the dumper will start her or his healing journey.

The first month means that they are adjusting to the breakup and the changing pattern.

Doesn’t mean that at this moment, your ex isn’t thinking about you or missing you .

As it is a hard or controversial period for you it is for your ex too.

~When an ex doesn’t contact you after 3 months

The first three months it is halfway to creating that new version of you after the breakup.

If your ex has still feelings for you but just needs time to work on themselves they will take these months in silence.

I am not implying that this is always the case but when they want to make the relationship work they will let you know.

There will be clear signs such as not blocking you, watching any of your stories but still not contacting you.

They are keeping a glimpse of your life just to make sure when they can return.

~When an ex doesn’t contact you after 6 months

If your ex doesn’t contact you for 6 months that means that they are focused on moving on.

This isn’t a definite answer to whether your ex will want to come back or not.

Yet, if the dumper doesn’t contact you for 6 months that means that they are not interested in reconciling.

Whereas, if the dumper doesn’t contact in 6 months that means that they are healing and focusing on themselves.

What if my ex never reaches out?

If an ex never reaches out that means that they permanently moved on or they’re having a hard time doing it.

If the relationship was toxic then they just aren’t ready to be back in the same relationship.

All the heartbreak and pain that they have experienced won’t let them come back.

It all depends on your situation.

When an ex cheats they might block you on everything just to decrease the level of their guilt.

In this case, they won’t take responsibility for their actions, and try to soothe them by creating a distance.

On the other hand, if you are doing great during the No Contact an ex can’t find their place in your new life.

This means that they are not ready to be a part of or compatible with the new you.

If you have been working on yourself during the No Contact and your ex didn’t it will be hard for them.

They don’t want to come into your life and feel less or they just can’t give you something more at that moment.

The End: Why hasn’t my ex reached out yet?

When an ex has broken up with you and hasn’t reached out yet that means that they’re looking forward.

It means that they are focused on themselves and want to heal.

If the relationship and the breakup hurt your ex and they were shattered, they need a longer time to recollect themselves.

Nevertheless, if your ex hasn’t reached out, they might take this time to elevate themselves.

Know that not everyone deals with the breakup the same. Some can heal faster than others.

So, the timeline for healing and connecting with you is different.

If your ex doesn’t contact you for a longer period than 6 months then they are focused on moving on.

Be strong and focus on elevating yourself instead.

Was This Helpful?

About Callisto Adams

Dr. Callisto Adams, Ph.D., is a relationship counselor with over seven years of experience. She founded Hetexted.com and authored "Texting Beyond Basics: Electrified." Her educational background includes a BSc in Psychology and certifications from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and Harvard's 'Treating Couples' course. Dr. Adams is known for blending personal experience with professional expertise in relationship advising.

Reader Interactions

November 21, 2022 at 1:13 am

If an ex hasn’t contacted you after 2 weeks they don’t give a fuck . Simple as that .

my ex and whys essay

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