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Writers in the Storm

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Writing About Hair: The Thick and Thin of Descriptions

You all are getting another peek into my magic notebook. This time we're taking a page out of my 17 page section that covers hair, wigs and every description of body hair you can imagine (and probably some of you can't). Now that I've scared you, we're going to talk about the hair on your character's heads - the color, the length, the style . . . We're covering it all. But there are a few very important points we should chat about first.

The #1 thing about hair descriptions is Do Not overuse them . You do not want to be known as "hair girl "or "hair boy!"

#2 on the essential List: Hair descriptions are a part of the character so make them work harder by using them to describe the person “inside,” not just what the person looks like outside.

•  A tomboy might have a very short, non-nonsense haircut. Then again, she might hide long tresses under a ball cap, because secretly she’d like to be noticed as the girl she really is.
• A man who works as an executive might conform to a short, and very tailored look. Or, he wears expensive suits but he wears his hair a little too long because on the weekends he caters to his passion and joins his buddies for motorcycle road trips.

Okay, because I have so many descriptions and definitions, I’m going to cut to the chase.

Alternative Generic Names For Head Hair

Coiffure Curls Down Fringe Fuzz Locks Mane Mop Ringlets Shock Strands Tresses Tufts Wig Wool

Descriptive Hair Phrases

Bangs obscured her eyes like a sheepdog Flaked with snowy dandruff Bleached, bottle baby Braid like a thick black rope Bundled at the nape Bun resembled a cow patty Cascading down her back Chemically damaged Coiled in a top-knot Crowning glory Cupie curls Curls foamed luxuriously Tendrils danced on the breeze Disheveled Downy bond hair sprinkled her arms Dramatic widow’s peak Elaborately dressed with ribbons Electrified Smelled like burnt chicken feathers Snow drifts of dandruff Veiled her expression with Greased into a ducktail Flaming locks fluttered to the floor Fluffy Frizz job, bad perm Glossy locks lifted on the wind Grew like a thatch of straw on a roof Grizzled, gray hair Hair drooped around pale cheeks Hair like Rapunzel Hairy as a dog Hung like a dark river Kinky perm Knotted Left unbound to tumble Like a clown wig, artificial red, plastic shine and fuzzy Like a thatched roof Like she put her finger in a light socket Limp and lifeless Long, shaggy hippy look Lustrous as onyx stone Marcelled into fingerwaves Matted to the scalp Perm fried Prematurely gray Puffed like a bubble around her head Ragged bangs Rat’s nest Ringlets Shock of hair stood straight up Slapped her face like wet worms Sleek and chic Smooth honey dripped over her shoulders Spiky Mohawk style of a punk rocker Spilled out of the hat Spread like feathers on a pillow Standing on end Stiff in front like a cockatoo Straight as a wire Streaked, highlighted Stuck to her sweaty nape Tangled mane Tousled pixie Two-toned dye job Unconquered curls sprang loose Unruly swirl Old-lady blue rinsed hair Vibrant color and shine Wet with sweat White Pigeon Wings at temples Wispy ringlets Wondered what rubble lay beneath that mess Wreathed her face

Hair Texture Phrases

Baby fuzz Bleached hair like mushy wet works Blue feather hair of old lady Bristle top Broom chopped Cat-fur fine Cotton candy hair, fine Cottony Dandelion fuzz Down Gummy Horsetail coarse Moldy hay Short-cropped and stiff Soft and lush Soft curls and waves Yellow straw

Descriptive Hair Color Words & Phrases

Coal Crows wing Ebony Jet Indian Ink Midnight Obsidian Onyx Raven

Grays and Whites

Battleship gray, dull gray Blue dandelion fuzz Blue rinse gray Faded glory Flint Grizzled (gray) Gunmetal Maltese gray (blue gray) Mineral Mousy (gray) Pewter Salt and Pepper Shale Silver cloud Smoke Snowy white Swan’s wing Steel Wood ashes

Amber (reddish) Ash brown Auburn (reddish) Baked Clay Bison Brunette Burnished Camel Caramel Chestnut Cinnamon Clove Dark beer Dark Earth Dark toffee Dirt Fudge cycle Glazed ginger Maple Sugar Mink Mousy Muddy Nutmeg Pecan Rawhide, dark reddish Root beer Russet Tobacco Tortoise Shell Walnut

Auburn Berry Brassy Brightest Burgundy Burnished copper Carrot top Cinnabar Clown wig red Cognac Dull brick Flame Garish brass Orange Russet Scarlet Strawberry Wine

Professional Hair Color Descriptions

  Ash blond -- Lacks red or gold highlights (verges on green tones); light mousy blond, medium and dark blond, dishwater, beige

Ash brown -- Browns lacking warm/red tones tones; light mousy brown, medium and dark brown

Black -- Different shades of black vary according to the amount of highlighting or pigmentation shadings present in the hair; black lacking all highlighting will be duller, ash shade; black containing a lot of red may appear as deep burgundy

Red -- Warm shades; berry, russet, strawberry (red-blonde), rusty orange, wine, carrot top, etc.

Towhead -- Whitish blond; usually an ash blond lacking warm tones but not always

Warm blond -- Blond with touch of gold and red; whiskey, wheat, honey, strawberry, brassy, golden etc.

Warm brown -- Brunette, dark or light brown that contains red or gold tones; varies from light to nearly black; reddish brown, chestnut, dark amber, auburn etc.

Hair Styles Modern And Historical

It’s impossible to name all the hairstyles but the selection here should be a good start. Many listed here also are known by other names.

[See of some these hairstyles here .]

Afro -- Unisex style borrowed from the African Americans; short and very curly, forming a bowl shaped profile; a pick is used to pull the hair away from the head and shape it

Asymmetric -- Hair is cut long on side of the head and short on the other.

Bedhead -- Popularized in 1990s by starlet Meg Ryan; short to mid-length shaggy cut worn jelled or moussed in tossed fashion

Beehive   -- A 60’s French twist coiled at the back of the head and rising above it to form a cone shape (see upsweep)

Bob -- Introduced in 1915 this short cropped hair style was popular during the 1920’s; also called the shingle bob, the shingle, the Eaton crop. It is often cropped at the jawline and aligned close to the face.

Bouffant -- Puffy hair style’ hair is backcombed or ratted then barely smoothed, resulting in a bubble affect

Bowl -- Most commonly worn by young boys. The bang area cut straight cross the forehead as if measured by turning a bowl upside down on the head. The top layers are longer and cut along the this bowl line around the head.

Braid -- Plaited hair

Bubble -- 60’s hairstyle, short to mid-length, ratted/backcombed to appear like a football helmet or bubble surrounding the head

Butch/flattop/crewcut -- A man’s style; usually cut with electric shears; very short and stands on end at the front of the head and his shaved close to the head on the sides; sometimes called a GI cut.

Buzz -  Modern slang for a hair shaved close to the head

Chignon -- Bun, usually at the nape or top of head; topknot

Conk -- African American textured hair that is straightened

Cornrows -- Small tightly braided rows of hair that hug the scalp; most often worn by African Americans

Duck tail -- 50’s style worn by girls and boys alike; hair on either side of nape combed toward the center of the head; reminiscent of Elvis Presley, Fabian, Doris Day, Debbie Reynolds etc.

Farraha Fawcett -- Long layered hair flipped or feathered back off the face with a bang that feathers or rolls off the face as well; made popular by the TV star of the same name; late 70’s and early 80’s

Finger waved -- Usually short haircut in which a stylist uses lotion and her fingers to create deep waves that circle the head. Popular in the 1920s and 30s.

Flip -- Feminine hair style of the 50’s and 60’s; long hair usually shoulder length turned up at the ends, sometimes in a roll.

Fontange -- Worn 1690’s to 1710; a towering fountain of frills and complex, lacy intertwining shaped around a wire frame and considered the height of fashion; nicknamed by disdaining men, the “tower and the comet”

French twist/seam -- Hair swept back from both sides the head (front to back) and rolled down the center of the head into a roll or tucked to make a seam

Fringe -- Curly bangs worn in the 1880’s; in 1900’s worn straight; alternate name for bangs

Kiss curls -- Seen immediately after Civil War; ringlets of curls on the cheeks or forehead

London Cut -- Short female cut popular during the 1960s and early 70s. The hair was cut over the ears, leaving a fringe in front of the ears, often brushed toward the face or straight down. The nape hair was cut along the hairline like a boys but more rounded instead of squared off like a man’s neckline.

Mohawk -- Shaved head with a strip of hair growth down the center of the head from forehead to the nape

Pads -- Late 1830’s long coiled curls over the ears (looked like ear muffs); at the back of the head they were called a Grecian knot or psyche knot

Pageboy -- Introduced in late 1930s early 40’s; long, hair turned under, usually just touching the shoulders

Pigtails -- Same as pony tail only the hair is parted down middle and each section is cinched into its own tail above or below the ear

Pixie -- Female short cut; feathered around profile of face and onto cheek, short at the nape line; usually with full bang and combed forward onto face; also called an Italian cut; permed version called a poodle cut

Pompadour -- Style of wearing the hair high over the forehead usually in some type of rolled affect; in 1940’s women used rats (nylon mash) to roll the hair off the forehead and puff it; a version of this also worn during the 1700’s and early 1800’s by most and women; name comes from a lady of this era called Madame Pompadour

Ponytail -- Hair gathered together and cinched with a rubber band or barrette to make a tail at the back of the head; worn high or low; worn low it’s sometimes called a George (referring to George Washington) or a Paul Revere

Poodle cut -- Short, curly haircut

Powdered hair/wigs -- Unisex style worn from about 1760’s to 1820; after 1740 men were wearing shorter, simpler wigs and began to powder their own hair

Punk -- Usually short on top and styled with lotion to stand up off the head; often a mohawk fashion from forehead to nape; sometimes dyed bright neon colors of pink, purple, blue, orange etc.

Queue -- Pigtail, esp. that of a Chinese. (Chinese queue was braided) Men of Colonial America wore these as well, usually tied back with a ribbon and in some cases men wore a periwig styled with a queue

Roach -- Hair brushed into a roll

Sausage curl -- Long tube-like coils of hair; popular in early 1800’s; in the early 1970’s these were piled on top of the head in a cluster, esp. for formal dress for teens.

Shag -- Like a pixie, only long at the nape. Lengths vary from short to long layered cut; popular during the early 70’s

Skin heads -- Group of radical racist youths, men and women alike, who shaved their heads

Spaniel’s curls -- Late 1840’s into the 50’s; long thick curls worn by the ear (as worn by Elizabeth Barrette Browning)

Spit curls -- First seen in 1831; flat curls on women in front of the ear

Tonsure -- Shaven part of a monk or cleric’s head

Updo/upsweep -- Generic term for long hair styled high on top of head; hair might petaled (layered curls), barrel curled, arranged in a chignon, backcombed into a beehive or styled in French roll etc.

Wedge cut -- Also called Dorothy Hamill cut; short cut worn mostly by women; sides feathered off the face, back cut longer from the drown to the occipital bone, where its layered into a wedge; nape is trimmed close the head and short; a late ‘70’s and early 80’s style.

Sharla has published three historical romances and her fourth, How to Fell a Timberman, is impatiently waiting to be formatted for Kindle.

When she’s not writing and researching ways to bedevil her book characters, Sharla enjoys collecting authentically costumed dolls from all over the world, traveling (to seek more dolls!), and reading tons of books. You can find Sharla here at Writers In The Storm, on Twitter at @SharlaWrites or on Facebook .

25 comments on “Writing About Hair: The Thick and Thin of Descriptions”

Thanks for sharing this wonderful list, along with the great pic!

Thank "you" for dropping by Erin.

Sharla, once more I must say ... you are amazing. How in the world do you do this ?? Reading your posts is like having our own personal writing coach. Each element of each writing technique in such amazing detail, that I need a workbook for your posts only.

Thanks ... everything I ever wanted to know about hair 🙂

Thanks for such a great compliment! Glad you enjoy my lists.

Goodie, another list of descriptions to add to my personal long list. Thanks so much for posting this - you save all of us a lot of long hours researching those perfect terms/descriptions for our manuscripts. Always, V

Glad you like the list Virgina. I wasn't kidding when I said I could only post a section of my hair list. But I figured you guys would be most interested in this one. 🙂

You've done it again, Sharla. The descriptive range you provide for such everyday characteristics is beyond impressive. Thanks.

Wow, you just made my top of the list for awesome. Thank you for all the work, and sharing.

Thank you ladies for stopping by. I'm happy to share. That's the best thing about being a romance writer. We share. 🙂

Wow! I'll never look at hair the same again.

Thanks Janie and thanks for stopping by WITS today.

Sharla, Thanks for the detailed description of HAIR that all writers can use in their stories.

what a helpful library you've created for hair. thank you

Thanks for posting such a useful resource! I made my own reference table, leaving a space for blonde and bald 🙂

My characters will never have a "bad hair day again!" Unless it furthers my plot, of course. 🙂

Thanks for taking so much time to compile these lists for us. It's so appreciated.

You are all welcome ladies. Now I wonder if I should tell my daughter, I used her punk hair style for my blog today. 🙂

What a great collection of facts! Thanks, Sharla! One of my characters, a Las Vegas showgirl, wears her hair in a "bob." Now I know what to call it.

Thanks for opening up your magic notebook, Sharla. I tend to get in a rut with hair and eye descriptions.

Thank you, wonderful descriptions. In Australia we also have (or had, it's a bit retro), a men's style called "short back and sides", like a crew cut but not as short. It was a conservative style that was the socially acceptable opposite of long hippy hair in the nineteen sixties. Hair styles carry a strong social message.

I love this regional information. Every country is different and sometimes even states here in the US. Thanks for sharing.

Very informative and fun, Sharla! I write stories set in the 15th century, and you included descriptions that I can use, also. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks. I write American historicals so I wanted to include styles from the past. Also I think sometimes it's fun to refer to old styles even for contemporary stories as they make great descriptions themselves.

This will save time I would have spent googling--thank you!

Your welcome Toni. You can find pictures of many hairstyles at the link I included above if that helps.

I must admit I only skimmed this, but I pinned it. It's an excellent resource. Thank you!

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The Emotion Amplifier Thesaurus , a companion to The Emotion Thesaurus , releases May 13th.

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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Setting Description Entry: Desert

August 30, 2008 by BECCA PUGLISI

A landscape of sand, flat, harsh sunlight, cacti, tumbleweeds, dust devils, cracked land, crumbing rock, sandstone, canyons, wind-worn rock formations, tracks, dead grasses, vibrant desert blooms (after rainfall), flash flooding, dry creek…

Wind (whistling, howling, piping, tearing, weaving, winding, gusting), birds cawing, flapping, squawking, the fluttering shift of feasting birds, screeching eagles, the sound of one’s own steps, heavy silence, baying wild dogs…

Arid air, dust, one’s own sweat and body odor, dry baked earth, carrion

Grit, dust, dry mouth & tongue, warm flat canteen water, copper taste in mouth, bitter taste of insects for eating, stringy wild game (hares, rats) the tough saltiness of hardtack, biscuits or jerky, an insatible thirst or hunger

Torrid heat, sweat, cutting wind, cracked lips, freezing cold (night) hard packed ground, rocks, gritty sand, shivering, swiping away dirt and sweat, pain from split lips and dehydration, numbness in legs, heat/pain from sun stroke, clothes…

Helpful hints: –The words you choose can convey atmosphere and mood.

Example 1: When I started my journey across the winding dunes of sand, the sky was clear blue glass. Now, as I stagger toward mountains growing no bigger despite three days of walking, that blue glass is marred by flecks of swirling ash…vultures waiting for their next meal…

–Similes and metaphors create strong imagery when used sparingly.

Example 1: The dust devil swirled across the canyon like a rattlesnake on the hunt. (Simile)…

Think beyond what a character sees, and provide a sensory feast for readers

Setting is much more than just a backdrop, which is why choosing the right one and describing it well is so important. To help with this, we have expanded and integrated this thesaurus into our online library at One Stop For Writers . Each entry has been enhanced to include possible sources of conflict , people commonly found in these locales , and setting-specific notes and tips , and the collection itself has been augmented to include a whopping 230 entries—all of which have been cross-referenced with our other thesauruses for easy searchability. So if you’re interested in seeing a free sample of this powerful Setting Thesaurus, head on over and register at One Stop.

On the other hand, if you prefer your references in book form, we’ve got you covered, too, because both books are now available for purchase in digital and print copies . In addition to the entries, each book contains instructional front matter to help you maximize your settings. With advice on topics like making your setting do double duty and using figurative language to bring them to life, these books offer ample information to help you maximize your settings and write them effectively.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Reader Interactions

March 10, 2020 at 4:15 am

Wow this helped me so much on my essay thanks I have altleast 20 things down for it from this website 😊❤️✨

October 7, 2019 at 5:11 pm

this is a very helpful extract where I could pick out some descriptions of the desert and how the climate is Thank you very much for doing this because it gives me the feel and the imagination that I am there now in the desert

February 23, 2019 at 9:35 am

helpful school work !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 7, 2018 at 1:43 pm

this has helped me so much for my gcse exams.that i am glad that somebody helped me

September 7, 2017 at 1:56 am

Such vivid descriptions creates a desert picture in my mind. Feel like am already there. Was doing last chapters of my novel wanted to write something about cold deserts. I come from the tropics and have no idea about cold deserts, any information will see me through.

May 6, 2017 at 3:13 pm

This was very helpul for my essay, love it.

May 7, 2017 at 3:41 pm

I’m so glad it was timely!

September 4, 2008 at 8:08 am

I do have one story that’s set in a desert land. But the greatest influence on me – in terms of living in so many different places – is that I always have people of different cultures and species having to live together, cooperate or deal with the various tensions that arise from their varying natures and customs. It’s a lot of fun. And because these stories are fantasies, they can be bizarre while still being realistic.

September 1, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Wow Marian–what a great culture to draw on. Does your work ever reflect where you lived?

And yes please–if you have descriptiors to add, go for it. Often I think of stuff after the fact, and each setting is so vast, there are infinite ways to describe!

Thanks everyone as always for visiting and commenting!

September 1, 2008 at 1:26 pm

I liked the low crime rate (because of the draconian penalties). It was so low that once, when my mom arrived at work to find the office open and burgled, 21 police officers showed up in response to her call (probably the most excitement they had had all week). The forensics people had to shove their way through the crowd.

There’s also the lack of taxes. So provided you’re an indoor person, which I am, you might find it tolerable. Oh, and women always got to go to the front of any line (e.g. at the post office), and had the front seats of buses reserved for them.

One thing I didn’t like was the censorship, which at times bordered on the ridiculous. For instance, the single government-owned ISP wouldn’t let you access the site http://www.ralan.com , which contains lots of useful information about markets in publishing. Why? Because there’s some prominent Israeli whose last name is Ralan. It’s not the same person, but no one bothered to check before blocking the site.

Television programs censor kisses or references to making love, and when I bought a scientific book on human anatomy, the naughty bits were blacked out with a Magic Marker. I once smuggled a Boris Vallejo book into the country and felt very daring. 🙂

So it wasn’t a completely unpleasant experience, but I escaped to Canada as quickly as I could, and I prefer it here.

September 1, 2008 at 6:17 am

Am starting to catch up on these wonderful posts! Is it OK to mention things I would include in your list of sights? Reptiles: snakes, lizards etc. Insects: spiders, biting ants, beetles etc. And sounds? The slither of sand sliding under the belly of a snake or lizard.

Great stuff. Bish

August 31, 2008 at 8:52 pm

Gosh, Marian, that sounds intense. Did you like it there?

August 31, 2008 at 4:56 pm

I actually lived in a desert (well, in the Middle East) for twelve years. Unbearable heat during the summer, up to 45 degrees Celsius, and equally unbearable humidity, since we were on the Gulf Coast.

Since I didn’t have a car, I used to go grocery shopping after sunset, thinking it would be cooler. But the pavement had been baked in the sunlight, so the heat rose off it like a solid wave. And during the day, objects in the distance shimmered, it was so hot. Sometimes I would walk past stores just so their automatic doors would open and I’d feel cool air for a moment.

The least little wind would raise puffs of dust, and a full-out sandstorm was a nightmare. Of course, one good thing about the heat and dryness was that the place was remarkably sterile. You don’t get too much insect or rodent life in an oven. The few plants that grew wild tended to be small, shrubby and tenacious.

Now, of course, I am living in a country that is the exact opposite and I shiver my way through the endless winter months. 🙂

August 31, 2008 at 10:05 am

Thanks for all of your detailed posts!

August 31, 2008 at 12:04 am

I love how I feel like I’m getting mini lessons here! Do ya’ll give out diploma’s? ;0)

thanks for all your work!

August 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Angela thanks you, Pema! Or, I’m sure she will when she gets back ;).

And PJ, thanks for the reminder. When Angela’s gone, this place just goes to pot…

August 30, 2008 at 10:18 am

Perfect! I have deserts, too! And how I remember to spell it right – with dessert you always want more, so there are two s letters. With desert, you want less, so there is only one. Hey – Please add this to your sidebar! I know you will, but I use your blog like every day and never want to forget something. It ROCKS!

August 30, 2008 at 8:33 am

Your words are so descriptive, it almost sounds like you’re posting this entry from the Arabian desert! 😉

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Writing Tips Oasis - A website dedicated to helping writers to write and publish books.

How to Describe an Afternoon in a Story

By Isobel Coughlan

Are you writing a scene that takes place over an afternoon? If you’re looking for inspiration, this post will help. In it, we’ll show you how to describe an afternoon in a story. Read on!

A situation or place that has no trouble or excitement.

“The quiet afternoon gave the soldiers a chance to catch their breath. However, they knew they’d be back in action tomorrow.”

“Hannah prayed for a quiet afternoon, but with three cats, this was rarely possible.”

How it Adds Description

You can use “quiet” to describe an afternoon that’s uneventful, and many characters will likely look forward to this. This is because a “quiet” afternoon allows your character to take a break and unwind. However, characters who like to be busy might get bored during a “quiet” afternoon. This might cause them to look for trouble or things to do.

Something or somewhere that’s quiet and calm.

“Angus enjoyed the serene afternoon by the lake, and he wished he could spend more time feeling so relaxed.”

“As her children played by the sands, the mother reflected on what a serene afternoon it had been.”

If you want to describe a relaxed afternoon, you can use “serene.” This adjective shows that the afternoon has been tranquil and peaceful, which will likely leave your character in a good mood. A “serene” afternoon will be more likely in a safe or comfortable setting, such as the character’s home or favorite place.

A period of time that feels like a great amount of time .

“Every time the baker checked his watch, the hand had only moved for five minutes. It was the longest afternoon of his life.”

“When Jay looked at his timetable and saw double math, he knew the afternoon would be a long one.”

“Long” can signify that your fictional afternoon feels slow or like it’s taking a lot of time to pass. This could be because an event is boring or because there’s not much for your character to do. To speed the “long” afternoon up, a bored character might busy themselves or try to avoid watching the time via clocks.

Something that’s wonderful and pleasant.

“All of the children enjoyed the party, and overall, it was a golden afternoon for everyone.”

“Emmy looked back on the golden afternoon with fondness. She was glad she got to experience such joy with her loved ones.”

A “golden” afternoon is something that is wonderful, pleasant, and overall positive. This is the perfect way to describe a happy afternoon, and it shows that your characters have had a good time. More emotional characters may even feel overwhelmed and cry tears of joy after a “golden” afternoon as they’re more comfortable with showing their feelings.

Something very busy and rushed .

“Karen wasn’t looking forward to the hectic afternoon that lay ahead of her. She hadn’t had enough sleep to deal with her to-do list!”

“When the hectic afternoon was over, Danny sat down on the couch and refused to move until  bedtime.”

Sometimes, afternoons are busier than planned. If your fictional afternoon is particularly busy or full of activities, you can describe it as “hectic.” Characters might feel stressed out after a “hectic” afternoon, as they’ve likely had to rush around completing tasks without being able to take a moment for themselves.

6. Unforgettable

Something so enjoyable, unusual, or beautiful that it is remembered for a long time.

“The unforgettable afternoon was filled with laughter and love.”

“Carrie has unforgettable afternoons whenever she visits the circus. The smell of popcorn and the sight of acrobats is simply enchanting to her.”

“Unforgettable” shows that your characters are enjoying their afternoon to the point that they’ll never forget it. This shows that the events are memorable and, therefore, out of the ordinary. After an “unforgettable” afternoon, characters might spend some time reflecting on the events or may talk about them for days after as they’re so impactful.

7. Romantic

A situation that’s positive and connected with romantic love or relationships.

“Harry planned a romantic afternoon for his new beau. It involved flowers, a long walk on the beach, and a bottle of champagne.”

“Penny was desperate for a romantic afternoon, but alas, she had no suitors.”

If you’re writing an afternoon that focuses on a developing or flirty relationship between two characters, you can call it “romantic.” This shows that there’s an amorous element to the situation, as the two characters fall in love and get to know each other.

8. Stressful

Something that causes characters to feel stressed, anxious , or tense.

“Gary wished the stressful afternoon would end, but somehow it kept getting worse.”

“We don’t want you to have a stressful afternoon, so we canceled your extracurricular activities!”

“Stressful” implies that the events in your afternoon are leaving your character feeling stressed or tense. This might lead them to break down, as they’re unable to cope with the pressure of the situation. Characters with a nervous disposition might feel the effects of a “stressful” afternoon more than others.

Something unexpected or unusual .

“What a strange afternoon. I never expected for us to end up here!”

“After Tim spent four hours searching for his neighbor’s unicorn, he concluded that it had been a strange afternoon.”

You can use “strange” to show your fictional afternoon has included unusual or unexpected events. This might leave your character feeling confused or perplexed, as they may have expected a normal afternoon and the odd events have caught them by surprise. An organised character who thinks an afternoon is “strange” may also feel disorientated or anxious, as the events don’t fit their standard schedule.

Something bad or unpleasant .

“This whole afternoon has been completely rotten . Take me home at once!”

“Mary tried to make the best of the rotten afternoon, but there was no saving it after the horrible events of the earthquake.”

If you want to show your reader your character has had a bad afternoon, you can use the word “rotten.” This showcases that the afternoon is worse than usual, likely due to negative events or a character’s bad mood.

Personification practice for writers.

by NikkiYoungAuthor | Nov 11, 2020

I love personification. It is one of my favourite writing techniques.

Perhaps this is because of the vividness it brings to your writing, as well as the idea that you can give life to your settings in a way that is only possible using this technique. Plus, it’s fun!

At the Storymakers Club, we practised personification by writing weather reports. We wanted to add a unique touch to the usual method of reporting the temperature, and the predictions of sunshine, rain or storms, etc. We brought the weather to life by imagining the sun, clouds, rain or wind, with personalities of their own and how they might think or behave.

Here are some examples of what we came up with:

Today, the sun will battle with the clouds in a war that will have households turning their lights on and off throughout the day. Due to the blustering wind, heavy, dark clouds will sweep across the skies in a pattern of ash-grey and white, with a hint of blue peeping out on occasion.

Today, the sky will be cold and unwelcoming, pouring forth an endless stream of drizzling rain. Keep your lights on because the chances of there being any sunlight are very slim. Don’t let the darkness lull you to sleep because if you do, the thunder will laugh in your face when it booms through the sky later, followed by the lightening that will flash in the sky, disturbing your slumber.

Personification works really well when describing the weather.

Everything is still and calm as if already in preparation for a blazing hot day, when it will be too hot for any movement whatsoever. At the moment, the sun is hiding behind a thin blanket of wispy cloud, but the air is warm with the promise of what’s to come.

An early morning burst of rain has done little to freshen the ground, though the plants will be glad of the reprise from the sun’s intense gaze. Now, the clouds have parted, having unleashed their load to leave a pale blue sky that is like the sea on a calm day. The plants and trees are silent and unmoving as if conserving their energy for the scorching day that is sure to come.

What do you think? Gives an interesting image, doesn’t it? Which is exactly what personification is supposed to do.

Try it next time you have to write a description of a setting.

If you want to join us at one of our weekly groups, take a look at what’s on .

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21 “Show Don’t Tell” Examples: How to Turn Bland Writing Into a Colorful Story

by Henneke | 61 enchanting opinions, add yours? :)

T hese examples of “Show Don’t Tell” will inspire you to tell better stories by directing a mental movie in your readers’ minds.

This article includes:

Show, Don’t Tell

She purses her lips, and wonders, Why does the story feel flat? Why does it seem to drag on? Where has the drama gone? Is it too long?

Okay, she thinks. Time to cut down my story.

She removes a few sentences here, scraps a whole paragraph there, shortens another sentence. After crossing out words for over 20 minutes, she’s reduced her word count almost by half. Phew. With a sigh of relief, she treats herself to Jasmine tea with carrot cake.

But, hey, what happened to her story?

It seems even worse than before.

Sometimes stories are too short rather than too long

When a writer hasn’t painted vivid imagery , readers can’t picture what’s happening. That’s when a story feels flat. Devoid of drama. Dull.

To let readers experience your story , show rather than tell:

• Telling means giving a brief, factual statement.
• Showing means using sensory details and describing actions to direct a mental movie in your reader’s mind.

For instance:

Showing is: She yawned.

Telling is: She is hungry.

And the best way to learn the difference between showing and telling?

Firstly, study how authors use this technique in their writing. Start with the examples below. And secondly, practice.

Show, Don’t Tell Exercise

You can use the 18 examples below for practice:

• Review the “to tell” statements and consider how you can prove these statements (such as he’s nervous, she’s lonely ). How can you see or hear that someone is nervous or lonely? Which actions demonstrate it?
• Write down two or three actions or sensory details that show rather than tell.
• Compare your notes to the “to show” examples.

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show emotions

To demonstrate someone’s emotions, think about what somebody does when they feel angry, hungover, or happy.

How can you see their anger in their movements? What does an angry face look like? What are they muttering or screaming? What would they say when thinking aloud?

Example #1: He’s nervous about his job interview

In his book Behold the Dreamers , Imbolo Mbue shows Jende is nervous:

His throat went dry. His palms moistened. Unable to reach for his handkerchief in the packed downtown subway, he wiped both palms on his pants.

Can you hear the internal monologue droning on in Jende’s mind?

After the monologue comes a tactile description of his throat going dry and his palms moistening, and then you can picture Jende wiping his palms on his pants. Vivid?

Example #2: She was angry

From Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep :

Have you notice the strong verbs in this example? Verbs like to slam, to slop over, to swing, to spark and to glare inject power into the writing.

Example #3: Cheryl has started the Pacific Crest Trail but she fears she can’t do this

In her book Wild: A Journey from Lost to Found , Cheryl Strayed shows her fear as follows:

So then I tried to simply concentrate on what I heard—my feet thudding against the dry and rocky trail, the brittle leaves and branches of the low-lying bushes I passed clattering in the hot wind—but it could not be done.

Note how many sensory words are used in the above paragraph, like screaming, humming, panting, thudding, clattering, clamor, drowning out . As a reader, you can almost hear Cheryl’s fight with her fears.

Emotions like fear, nervousness, anger, and happiness remain abstract unless we show readers how such emotions manifest themselves in body language, dialogues, or actions.

Instead of telling readers you’re happy, can readers see you’re grinning from ear to ear?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show feelings

Emotions are expressed through physical reactions—we can see someone’s emotions in their body language.

Feelings can be expressed physically, too, but they can also be internal perceptions of our mental state. This can make it harder to show rather than tell.

To show feelings, consider someone’s inner thoughts and think about a person’s environment or activities that may accentuate or symbolize their feelings.

Example #4: Kate feels lonely, despite sharing a house with four other people

In her book The Lido , Libby Page demonstrates Kate’s loneliness as follows:

They are people that she has heard grunting in the heat of sex (thin walls) and whose pubic hairs she has untangled from the shower plug, but she doesn’t know where they all came from before arriving here in this house, or what their favourite films are. She doesn’t really know them at all. And they certainly don’t know her. But what is there to know really?

Can you feel Kate’s loneliness, symbolized by the lack of interaction?

Example #5: She feels trapped in her hometown

In The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, one of the protagonists explains why she feels trapped by her hometown’s smallness:

The initials on the bottom of school desks—carved by 3 generations of one family—symbolize the feeling of being trapped in the eternal monotony of small-town life. When will things ever change?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show a person’s passion

You know I’m passionate about writing, don’t you?

But have I ever told you that?

Nope, I show my passion by sharing my best writing tips and tricks so you can tell better stories and share your ideas with gusto.

What are you passionate about? And which actions can prove your passion?

Get inspired by the 6 examples below …

Example #6: Frank, a music shop owner, is passionate about sharing music with people, even strangers

In her book The Music Shop , Rachel Joyce demonstrates Frank’s passion as follows:

‘What was it this time?’

‘Genesis. Invisible Touch.’

‘What did you do, Frank?’

(…) Frank had done the sort of thing he always did. He’d grabbed his old suede jacket and loped after the young man until he caught him at the bus stop. (What kind of thief waited for the number 11?)

He’d said, between deep breaths, that he would call the police unless the lad came back and tried something new in the listening booth. He could keep the Genesis record if he wanted the thing so much, though it broke Frank’s heart that he was nicking the wrong one – their early stuff was tons better.

He could have the album for nothing, and even the sleeve; ‘so long as you try “Fingal’s Cave”. If you like Genesis, trust me. You’ll love Mendelssohn.’

Isn’t it amazing how such a short story can characterize one person? It feels like you know Frank a little already.

Example #7: Young Araki loves dictionaries

In her book The Great Passage , Shion Miura describes Araki’s love for dictionaries as follows:

Little by little he collected a variety of dictionaries from different publishers and compared them. Some were tattered and worn. Others had annotations and underlining in red. Old dictionaries bore signs of the linguistic struggles of compiler and user alike.

Can you picture the dictionaries in Araki’s room?

Example #8: Sportcoat is a nature-lover

In his book Deacon King Kong , James McBride describes the protagonist as a nature-lover:

I like how this paragraph expresses that enjoyment of nature is not a passive state but an active act—of summoning an animal into action and of coaxing plants grow and seeds to sprout.

Example #9: Robin Wall Kimmerer loves plants

While the ways to tell something are relatively limited, myriad ways exist to show something.

For instance, here’s how Robin Wall Kimmerer describes she’s a born botanist in her book Braiding Sweetgrass :

(…) how could I tell him that I was born a botanist, that I had shoeboxes of seeds and piles of pressed leaves under my bed, that I’d stop my bike along the road to identify a new species, that plants colored my dreams, that the plants had chosen me?

I love how those last words describe that botany is her calling: “The plants had chosen me.”

Example #10: Lars is passionate about good food

In his book Kitchens of the Great Midwest , J. Ryan Stradal demonstrates a passion for food as follows:

Week One NO TEETH, SO:

1. Homemade guacamole. 2. Puréed prunes (do infants like prunes?) 3. Puréed carrots (Sugarsnax 54, ideally, but more likely Autumn King). 4. Puréed beets (Lutz green leaf). 5. Homemade Honeycrisp applesauce (get apples from Dennis Wu). 6. Hummus (from canned chickpeas? Maybe wait for week 2.) 7. Olive tapenade (maybe with puréed Cerignola olives? Ask Sherry Dubcek about the best kind of olives for a newborn.) 8. What for protein and iron?

Can you picture Lars writing down the menu, while licking his lips?

And, thinking about your own passions, which actions describe them best?

Example #11: Chris doesn’t like going to the gym

Of course, just like you show what a person loves doing, you can also show their dislikes.

In his book The Man Who Died Twice , Richard Osman shows that Chris doesn’t like going to the gym:

Of all the machines at the gym, the bike suits him best. For a start you’re sitting down, and you can look at your phone while you’re using it. You can take things at your own pace – sedate in Chris’s case – but you can also speed up to look more impressive any time a muscled man in a singlet or a muscled woman in Lycra walks by.

And Chris comments on the exercise bike:

The heart-rate monitor was terrifying; Chris had seen numbers that surely couldn’t be right. The calorie counter was worst of all. Six miles of cycling to burn off a hundred calories? Six miles? For half a Twix? It didn’t bear thinking about.

Isn’t it amazing how just a few sentences give such a good impression of someone’s dislike of exercise?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: Turn weak action into a movie-like description

Don’t be fooled into thinking that action is always telling rather than showing.

Some action is so vague a reader can’t really imagine what’s happening.

As a writer it’s your task to help readers experience your story. So, give them enough vivid details to let a movie play in their mind.

Here’s how …

Example #12: Moody shows Pearl the town

In her book Little Fires Everywhere , by Celeste Ng paints a vivid image of the town tour:

At Horseshoe Lake, they climbed trees like children, throwing stale chunks of bread to the ducks bobbing below.

In Yours Truly, the local diner, they sat in a high-backed wooden booth and ate fries smothered in cheese and bacon and fed quarters into the jukebox to play “Great Balls of Fire” and “Hey Jude.”

Much more vivid than an abstract tour of the town, right?

Example #13: Jack Reacher fires his Barrett

In the thriller Die Trying , Lee Child slows down the action to heighten the drama:

That bubble of gas hurled the bullet down the barrel and forced ahead of it and around it to explode out into the atmosphere. Most of it was smashed sideways by the muzzle brake in a perfectly balanced radial pattern, like a donut, so that the recoil moved the barrel straight back against Reacher’s shoulder without deflecting it either sideways or up or down.

Meanwhile, behind it, the bullet was starting to spin inside the barrel as the rifling grooves grabbed at it.

Then the gas ahead of the bullet was heating the oxygen in the air to the point where the air caught fire. There was a brief flash of flame and the bullet burst out through the exact center of it, spearing through the burned air at nineteen hundred miles an hour.

A thousandth of a second later, it was a yard away, followed by a cone of gunpowder particles and a puff of soot. Another thousandth of a second later, it was six feet away, and its sound was bravely chasing after it, three times slower.

That’s 225 words to describe less than one-hundredth of a second.

Lee Child is a master in pacing his stories . He keeps us reading for pages and pages before he at last reveals whether the bullet hits someone or not.

Remember, slow down the action to heighten the drama.

Example #14: Harold and his brother Raymond didn’t know what to say to Maggie

Even when nothing seems to happen, you can still paint a vivid picture as Kent Haruf does in Plainsong :

Can you imagine how you’d film this scene?

“Show don’t tell” works for objects and environments, too

A landscape is not a still life painting; you can detect subtle movements such as grass waving or with powerful activities like trees creaking in a storm.

Example #15: The ice surface is a chaos of crushing movement

In his book Endurance , Alfred Lansing describes the astonishing story of Ernest Shackleton’s expedition to cross Antarctica.

Here’s when their ship finds herself in a dangerous situation:

Can you picture the scene? Does it make you feel scared, too?

Example #16: The ship is crushed by the ice

Here’s how Lansing describes what happens to the ship:

Lansing describes the ship as if she is a person screaming, dying, and crying out in agony . This is called personification , and it adds an extra dimension to the principle of showing.

Showing places readers directly into a scene, so they can experience what’s happening to a story’s character, even if that character is a ship.

Example #17: The porch was cluttered

Describing a room, a porch, or a garden can show us a lot about the person living there, too.

This is from Anne Tyler’s Redhead by the Side of the Road :

Micah had to swerve around a skateboard and a sippy cup on his way up the front steps, and the porch was strewn not only with the standard strollers and tricycles but also with a pair of snow boots from last winter, a paper bag full of coat hangers, and what appeared to be somebody’s breakfast plate bearing a wrung-out half of a grapefruit.

Reading that description is like watching a movie, right?

Example #18: Everything is in the right place

And here’s an opposite description of a neat person, also from Anne Tyler’s Redhead by the Side of the Road :

His sock drawer looked like a box of bonbons, each pair rolled and standing on end according to his instructions. Newspaper read in the proper sequence, first section first and second section next, folded back knife-sharp when he was done. Lord forbid someone should fiddle with the paper before him! He was a sign painter by profession, and all of his paints and his India inks were lined up by color in alphabetical order. The Bs I remember especially, because there were so many of them. Beige, black, blue, brown …

The 3 examples of neatness in the paragraph above sketch a persuasive image of how neat this person is. I love the simile at the start: “His sock drawer looked like a box of bonbons.”

How to show AND tell

The general advice is that we must show and not tell.

But that’s not always true.

Sometimes, it’s quicker to tell. So, you tell instead of showing to keep the pace of the story.

At other times you may want to both tell and show, so readers are clear how to interpret your story.

Example #19: It was hot

Saeed Jones opens the first chapter of his memoir How We Fight for Our Lives with these sentences:

The waxy-faced weatherman on Channel 8 said we had been above 90 degrees for ten days in a row. Day after day of my T-shirt sticking to the sweat on my lower back, the smell of insect repellant gone slick with sunscreen, the air droning with the hum of cicadas, dead yellow grass cracking under every footstep, asphalt bubbling on the roads.

In the first sentence above, Jones tells us (via the weatherman) that it has been hot for 10 days in a row. Next, he shows that it was hot with sensory details: The sweaty, sticky T-shirt, the smell of insect repellant and sunscreen, the hum of the cicadas, and the dead yellow grass.

Example #20: A mother’s love

Here’s an example of Tell AND Show from Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner:

I remember these things clearly because that was how my mother loved you, not through white lies and constant verbal affirmation, but in subtle observations of what brought you joy, pocketed away to make you feel comforted and cared for without even realizing it. She remembered if you liked your stews with extra broth, if you were sensitive to spice, if you hated tomatoes, if you didn’t eat seafood, if you had a large appetite. She remembered which banchan side dish you emptied first so the next time you were over it’d be set with a heaping double portion, served alongside the various other preferences that made you, you.

Zauner first tells, suggesting that her mother showed her love by paying attention and making you feel comforted and cared for. Then she shows with the examples how her mother did that by paying attention to what you liked, and giving a bigger portion the next time.

Example #21: A miserable walk in the rain

And here’s an example from The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May:

What I hadn’t considered, though, was just how miserable the combination of walking fifteen boring miles and battling through oncoming rain would be. You can see absolutely nothing, because your head is angled relentlessly down. Your glasses steam up, but there’s no point in wiping them. Your neck begins to ache. Progress is surprisingly slow.

The first sentence above tells us that it’s miserable to walk in the rain. The next sentences show why that’s the case: That you can see absolutely nothing , that your glasses steam up , that your neck aches , and that progress is slow .

In just a few sentences, May first tells us and then shows us why walking in the rain makes her miserable.

When to show and when to tell

Telling is brief and factual.

Showing, in contrast, uses more words to direct a mental movie in your readers’ minds.

• Add sensory details to make the story more vivid—this is how you allow readers to experience your story.
• Slow down to describe action in more detail—this is how you increase the drama in your writing.

When you show rather than tell, your reader becomes an active participant in your story.

So, race through the less important parts of your story.

And dramatize the key parts, with detailed and vivid descriptions.

Now, imagine your favorite reader …

She’s sitting at her desk, sipping a cup of coffee.

She switches on her laptop, wipes the sleep from her right eye, and briefly massages her temples. Then she opens your email and clicks to read your blog post.

A lightbulb goes off in her mind and she whizzes off a quick email to thank you. She’s excited to implement your advice.

Sound good?

Happy storytelling.

Recommended reading on show, don’t tell:

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Reader Interactions

Leave a comment and join the conversation cancel reply.

December 27, 2022 at 8:19 pm

I want to write about my son who died in the hospital from various complications. How do I start writing? I will be changing the immediate family names.

December 28, 2022 at 3:25 pm

I’m so sorry about your loss, Beverly, and how courageous to want to share your story!

A story starts with the inciting incident—the incident that gets the story going, where the reader gets the first impression of the problem that’s coming up. In the case of your son’s story, that’s probably when he fell ill or when he was admitted to hospital. Any backstory you want to share (details of what happened before), you can share later on in the story.

July 18, 2022 at 9:30 am

A big thank you! I do know the difference between ”showing” and ”telling” but it’s clearer with your examples.

You know what? Every morning, before I go to work, I read one of your blog post (since 4-5 months). And in the same time, I improve my English! You are my mentor.

My goal is to read all of your blog posts. I take my time : a small bite, snackable ;), of reading. You are a great help for my writing.

July 18, 2022 at 3:14 pm

That’s such lovely feedback. Thank you so much, Alexandra. Happy writing!

August 12, 2020 at 8:50 pm

As always, your blogs/articles are a great resource for actionable steps towards better writing. Question: Do you have any other recommendations for books or exercises that will help improve descriptive writing?

August 13, 2020 at 1:00 pm

My favorite is the book “Made to Stick” by Chip and Dan Heath.

August 17, 2021 at 1:25 pm

I just finished reading it. It’s terrific. Thanks for recommending it.

August 17, 2021 at 3:29 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed it, Wally!

June 3, 2020 at 3:40 pm

Thank you for your interesting and useful post. I read it with my 5th and 6th-grade students. They are writing Realistic fiction stories about making ends meet after having studied world minimum wages and budgeting.

June 3, 2020 at 3:56 pm

Since the students did a lot of planning beforehand and had a whole biography and back story created in their plans for their characters we have been having to go through and take planning language out (eg. “This story is about Sally a 21-year-old girl from Denmark, who works at McDonald’s, and wants to be a pop star.” => “Sally ran through the lyrics to her garage band’s newest song as she flipped burgers and waited for her shift to be over. From work, she’d ride her bike to rehearsal and the lyrics would still be shifting around in her head. She was still working on them. She wanted them to be perfect for their first Copenhagen coffee house show, and they just weren’t quite there yet.”).

June 3, 2020 at 6:20 pm

Thank you for sharing this post with your students, and for sharing your example. I like it! I wish I had had a teacher like you. 🙂

April 4, 2020 at 8:34 am

It’s so much easier to tell, but so much better to show. Sometimes the perfect words are difficult to prise from my mind. I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago and a perfect example of what it’s all about grabbed my attention. The item was about a couple of women holidaying in Peru. One of the women was relating an experience from their time there. They had been out for the day. They were both hot and tired. The one was relating the experience arrived back at their lodgings first. She described how she flopped onto her bed, picked up her travel guide and began flicking the pages. Wondering what adventures they would be getting up to tomorrow. At that moment, from the corner of her eye she spotted the bedside table moving, and she watched the table move all the way across the floor by itself until it reached the other side of the room. She said she wondered if there were ghosts in the room. That was when her friend darted into the room screaming at her to get up and out because there was an earthquake.

April 4, 2020 at 9:38 am

Great story!

I agree with you that telling is much easier. Showing takes a lot more effort but it’s well worth it!

March 31, 2020 at 2:52 pm

This is an evergreen exercise that is so helpful and powerful. Thank you.

April 1, 2020 at 1:01 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed this, Andrea. Happy writing!

January 3, 2020 at 9:31 am

I had to stop for a long time in this article. I read it over and over again about what I wrote on my blog. You have enlightened my mind. Thanks so much

January 3, 2020 at 10:15 am

I’m glad you found this one useful, Jacky. Happy writing! And thank you for stopping by.

September 30, 2019 at 5:52 pm

Thank you.Your words spark my imaginary mind. Regards, Lubosi jr

September 30, 2019 at 6:30 pm

That’s great! Thank you for letting me know 🙂

August 22, 2019 at 8:52 am

Wow! was absorbed in the scenes portrayed…

August 22, 2019 at 1:00 pm

I love these scenes, too 🙂

July 24, 2019 at 2:21 pm

It’s a pleasure to see a quote from my compatriot, Anton Chekhov, illustrated by Henneke 😉

July 24, 2019 at 7:36 pm

It’s such a beautiful quote. One of my faves 🙂

July 18, 2019 at 6:27 am

Well !!! I am not so fond of reading fiction but when I read this article trust me it is making me curious to go for fiction and read more and more. You put words together in such a fashion that it connects with me and blends my mind into your story mode. Great Work !!!

July 19, 2019 at 10:40 am

Happy reading, Rahul! I’ve been reading a lot more fiction in recent years, and really enjoy. I’m also pretty sure it helps make me a better writer 🙂

July 17, 2019 at 9:10 pm

Henneke, you are a master of the show and not tell technique. You had me gripped right to the end of the post. The amazing part is that you educate so skillfully and inspire so effortlessly. Are you planning on doing any fiction in the future if you have not already done so? I’m sure it will be a masterpiece.

July 19, 2019 at 10:39 am

Maybe one day, I’ll try some fiction, and it’ll be thanks to you and others who encourage me to try. I appreciate your lovely comment, Poovanesh.

July 8, 2019 at 12:35 am

Your writing always leaves me with a warm and fuzzy feeling that inspires me to get cracking on that half-finished draft again. Thank you. Also: “jasmine tea with carrot cake” – glad to know I’m not the only jasmine tea addict around here!

July 8, 2019 at 4:28 pm

I’m glad you feel inspired to get cracking on your draft again, Manasa! Happy writing 🙂

July 4, 2019 at 4:08 am

The world is so lucky to have such a passionate, creative force like you – so willing and caring to share and inspire us minions. Thank you for sharing your joy and expertise!

July 4, 2019 at 7:27 pm

What a lovely comment. Thank you so much, Lori. Happy storytelling!

July 3, 2019 at 9:11 am

I love the way you have laid out this article. i’m glad you pointed out showing and telling as I am guilty of elaborating on telling when it should be to the point. I need to work more on my showing skills.

Thanks a bunch

July 3, 2019 at 6:40 pm

I’m glad you liked it. Happy writing, Macky!

June 26, 2019 at 6:41 pm

Thank you for this! Just the reminder I needed – show, don’t tell, and go for the kind of writing, both fiction and non-fiction, that allows me to do that.

LOVE the illustration! So glad you chose to keep doing them – they add just the most wondrous touch to your wondrous words.

June 26, 2019 at 9:09 pm

The illustration was inspired by the Chekhov quote. Thank you for your compliment, Birdy. I’m also happy to know you found this blog post useful.

Happy storytelling!

June 26, 2019 at 10:03 am

I’m often guilty of making things too plain and to the point … sometimes the stories feel like extra padding to me, when in fact they are where the real learning happens – because they are what people remember.

I need to remember THAT ?

I love the way you show through examples, as well as your own excellent writing.

Thank you, Henneke!

June 26, 2019 at 9:08 pm

Yes, that’s so true that the stories are what people remember. I also find those stories, especially when they’re personal, make connections between writer and reader so much stronger.

I also felt inspired when I put all these examples together.

Happy storytelling, Alison. And thank you, as always, for stopping by! 🙂

June 26, 2019 at 8:15 am

You never disappoint me with showing when I most need you dearest Henneke. I tried to understand how to express it descriptively, but that was sort of not quite right. The different ways of showing you have in this blog will be my guide for the next month. Still ending up telling more than showing, I couldn’t possibly imagine as I sit in front of the laptop chewing on my fingernails.

June 26, 2019 at 9:09 am

I’m reading your comment while sipping my green tea, and my brain hasn’t quite kicked into gear. Your comment put a smile on my face. Thank you so much, Annamarie.

June 25, 2019 at 8:12 pm

As usual, Henneke, your blog today is magical. I took three pages of a novel I’ve just completed and scanned through them. It took only two, maybe three paragraphs to reveal I’ve done a peck of tellin’ and damn little showin’. Heck, what’s another edit…Thank you.

June 25, 2019 at 8:40 pm

I’ve found that “showing” can sometimes feel like a hard job, but also very rewarding. Happy editing, Patricia. I’m glad this blog was useful to you.

June 25, 2019 at 6:33 pm

I always love your posts, but this one is exactly what I needed. It had my story exploding through my mind: is this right, can I change this, should I do this instead? Thank you.

June 25, 2019 at 7:26 pm

Your comment puts a smile on my face, Danae. Thank you. Happy storytelling!

June 25, 2019 at 5:35 pm

Ooh! Your posts always make me want to read more fiction! So busy writing, I forget the joy of reading sometimes.

I love reading fiction! And I’d happily recommend any of the books I quoted here 🙂

June 25, 2019 at 4:38 pm

Great post, Henneke! So many gems here on how and when to use showing and telling. Another fun variation … slipping in “telling” while something unusual is happening — such as two characters discussing something while watching dragons mating. ?I think Blake Snyder referred to it as the ‘pope in the pool’. I’m sure you can come up with a business writing application! LOL!

June 25, 2019 at 7:24 pm

That sounds like quite a challenge! I’m not sure what we do in business writing with boring back stories. I think we either skip it or perhaps a short list of bullet points that are easy to scan?

I like your variation of the pope in the pool ?

June 25, 2019 at 4:32 pm

Henneke, your joy for writing, and for reading is contagious! Thank you for your inspiring writing tips and helpful articles.

June 25, 2019 at 7:21 pm

What a lovely comment. Thank you, Susan, and happy writing!

June 25, 2019 at 3:20 pm

This one is a keeper! Keep stroking that keyboard with more good stuff like this! Do you provide PDF versions?

June 25, 2019 at 7:20 pm

Thank you, Margie. I’m not providing PDF versions at the moment as I try to focus on writing. It’s a big enough task already!

June 25, 2019 at 2:05 pm

I love writing, and “showing” is the part I love the most. People seldom listen to stories told with a lot of showing (a lot of words) because they are always too eager to talk, to listen. But readers seem to get it that they cannot write while they are reading. Haha! Or maybe it is the sure knowledge that they can put the book down if it gets to be too much? Anyway, writing that shows is fun. I once wrote about a scuffle between two men in an office, that degraded to rolling around under the desk, fighting for life. The dust on the floor under the desk even came into play, plus the thudding of their shoes against the wooden floor. Such fun. Another fun thing to show is how a child sees things. That point of view can say so much about a scene in such an engaging way, because it draws the reader in to try and interpret what is going on, with the innocent child clues.

June 25, 2019 at 2:29 pm

The “showing” part of writing is what I love most, too. And I enjoyed gathering all the examples for this post here—they inspired me, too.

I like your idea of showing from a child’s point of view. It can also be a great way to add a splash of humor.

Thank you, as always, for stopping by!

June 25, 2019 at 1:55 pm

Yes, your best yet, Henneke! A keeper. I’m a long-time fan and use some of your “show, don’t tell” style in my nonfiction magazine articles or they would be dull-as-dishwater boring and who would finish reading them, including editors? Without some human emotion in the mix, reading blocks of nonfiction is like slogging through cold oatmeal.

June 25, 2019 at 2:00 pm

Brrrr. Cold oatmeal. That’s no fun.

June 25, 2019 at 1:54 pm

The worst thing is when the telling is not short and factual but long and boring, as well ?

June 25, 2019 at 1:59 pm

Oh my, sigh, yes.

June 25, 2019 at 1:38 pm

I put my coffee cup down and sighed in resignation, a bit sorrier than usual to see this one come to an end.

June 25, 2019 at 1:39 pm

And I was afraid it was too long!

Thank you, Catherine 🙂

June 25, 2019 at 12:26 pm

Henneke, you did it again. Made me read to the last word. You know, this is not a blog post. It’s a mini-course. I could actually feel my heartbeat thrumming with excitement as I read on….and exclaimed an inevitable ‘yessssss’ at the end. I’m gonna save this post and re-read it many times.

June 25, 2019 at 12:47 pm

I could picture you reading this post. Fab 🙂

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About Henneke

I never saw myself as a writer, but in my early forties, I learned how to write and discovered the joy of writing. Now, I’d like to empower you to find your voice, share your ideas and inspire your audience. Learn how I can help you

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breeze - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

• a rainy day
• autumn breeze
• ocean breeze
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The breeze played with her hair giving it the same buoyant wave as the sea so close by.

The air that had been so still on previous days had gain a slight movement, as if it had discovered its direction yet was content to meander at its own pace.

The breeze that day was but the wind in calm meditation.

The breeze came with that sense of balance, the wisdom to move yet at a steady calm pace.

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