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- Raising Kids and Running a Household: How Working Parents Share the Load
In Close to Half of Two-Parent Families, Both Mom and Dad Work Full Time
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- About the Survey
The survey, conducted Sept. 15-Oct. 13, 2015, among 1,807 U.S. parents with children younger than 18, also shows that in two-parent families, parenting and household responsibilities are shared more equally when both the mother and the father work full time than when the father is employed full time and the mother is employed part time or not employed. 1 But even in households where both parents work full time, many say a large share of the day-to-day parenting responsibilities falls to mothers.
In households where the father works full time and the mother works part time or not at all, the distribution of labor when it comes to childcare and housekeeping is less balanced. These moms take on more of the responsibility for parenting tasks and household chores than those who work full time.
It is important to note, however, that there’s a significant gender gap in how mothers and fathers describe their household’s distribution of labor. Mothers in two-parent households, regardless of work status, are more likely to report that they do more on each of the items tested in the survey than fathers are to say their spouse or partner does more. For their part, fathers are generally more likely than mothers to say that these responsibilities are shared about equally. For example, 64% of mothers in two-parent households say that they do more than their spouse or partner when it comes to managing their children’s schedule and activities. And while many fathers (53%) concede that the mom in their household does more of this than they do, dads are much more likely than moms to say this responsibility is shared equally (41% vs. 31% of moms).
While mothers and fathers offer somewhat different views of the division of labor in their household, there is general agreement about who in their family is more job- or career-focused. For example, in two-parent households where the mother and father work full time, 62% say both are equally focused on work, while about one-in-five (22%) say the father is more focused and 15% say the mother is. Differences in the responses to this question between mothers and fathers in this type of household are modest.
In households where the father works full time and the mother works part time, a 63% majority, including 71% of fathers and 57% of mothers, say that, in their family, the father is more focused on his job or career than the mother; about a third (32%) say both are equally focused and 4% say the mother is more focused.
Across all two-parent households where both parents are employed at least part time, 59% say the father earns more than the mother, 17% say the mother earns more, and 23% say they earn about the same. Perhaps not surprisingly, 83% of parents in families where the father is employed full time and the mother is employed part time say the father earns more, while 3% say the mother does and 14% say they earn about the same. Yet, even in families where both parents work full time, half say the father is the top earner, while 22% say the mother is and 26% say they earn about the same amount.
Striking a Work-Family Balance Is Hard, Most Parents Say
Working mothers (60%) are somewhat more likely than fathers (52%) to say it’s difficult for them to balance work and family, and this is particularly the case for mothers who work full time. In fact, one-in-five full-time working moms say balancing the two is very difficult for them, compared with 12% of dads who work full time and 11% of moms who work part time. 2
There is a significant education gap in attitudes about balancing work and family, with college-educated mothers and fathers much more likely than those without a college degree to say it is difficult for them to balance the responsibilities of their job and their family. Among working mothers with a college or post-graduate degree, 70% say it is difficult for them to balance work and family life; 52% of mothers without a college degree say the same. Similarly, among working fathers, 61% of college graduates say this is difficult for them, compared with 47% of non-college graduates. These differences hold even when controlling for the fact that college-educated parents are more likely to work full time.
There is also a racial gap in these attitudes. White parents are more likely than those who are non-white to say it is difficult for them to balance work and family. 3 About six-in-ten (57%) white working fathers say this is the case, compared with 44% of non-white fathers. Among working moms, 65% of those who are white say it is difficult for them to balance the responsibilities of their job with the responsibilities of their family; about half (52%) of non-white working mothers say the same.
For working parents, attitudes toward balancing their job and their family life are highly correlated with their experiences as parents. For example, parents who say it is hard for them to strike the right balance between work and family are far less likely than parents who don’t to report that being a parent is enjoyable all of the time (36% vs. 50%). And by a narrower but significant margin, working parents who find it hard to balance work and family are also less inclined than those who don’t to say being a parent is rewarding all of the time (48% vs. 57%).
Overall, relatively few working parents (9%) say parenting is stressful for them all of the time. But a significant share say that parenting is stressful all or most of the time, and that sentiment is much more common among parents who say they have difficulty balancing work and family life (32% compared with 15% of those who say achieving a work-life balance is not difficult for them). In addition, four-in-ten (39%) of those who say it is hard for them to balance their responsibilities at work and at home find being a parent tiring at least most of the time; of those who say it’s not difficult for them to strike a balance, 23% say being a parent is tiring at least most of the time.
Few Say Being a Working Parent Interferes with Career Advancement
While balancing work and family life can be difficult for many working parents, the survey suggests that being a parent doesn’t necessarily interfere with career advancement. When asked if being a parent has made it harder or easier to advance in their job or career or if it has had no impact, a majority (59%) of working parents say it has not made a difference. Three-in-ten say being a parent has made it harder for them to advance at work, and one-in-ten say being a parent has made it easier.
These overall numbers mask the disproportionate impact women say being a working parent has on their careers. Mothers are twice as likely as fathers to say being a working parent has made it harder for them to advance in their job or career. About four-in-ten working mothers (41%) say this, compared with two-in-ten working fathers. And mothers who work part time are just as likely as those who work full time to say being a working mother has made it harder for them to move ahead in their job.
For working mothers who have a spouse or partner who is more focused on his job than they are, being a working parent may have more of an impact on career advancement. About half (48%) of working mothers who say their spouse or partner is more focused on his work also say being a parent has made it harder for them to get ahead at work. By comparison, 30% of mothers who say they and their spouse or partner are equally focused on their careers say being a working parent has made it harder for them to advance in their job.
Four-in-Ten Full-Time Working Moms Always Feel Rushed
Most parents, including at least eight-in-ten mothers (86%) and fathers (81%), say they feel rushed at least sometimes. But for many mothers who work full time, feeling rushed is an almost constant reality. In fact, four-in-ten full-time working moms say they always feel rushed, even to do the things they have to do; an additional 50% say they sometimes feel rushed and just 10% never feel rushed.
In comparison, about three-in-ten mothers who are employed part time or not employed say they always feel rushed (29% in each group). But while 61% of moms who are employed part time say they sometimes feel rushed, fewer of those who are not employed (49%) feel similarly. In turn, mothers who do not work outside the home are about twice as likely as those who do to say they never feel rushed.
Full-time working moms are also more likely than mothers who are employed part time or not employed to say they spend too little time with their children and to say they don’t have enough time away from their children to get together with friends or pursue hobbies or interests. And among those who are married or cohabiting, mothers who work full time are more likely than other moms to say they spend too little time with their partners.
About four-in-ten (39%) mothers who are employed full time say they spend too little time with their kids, while 58% think they spend the right amount of time and just 3% say they spend too much time with their kids. At least seven-in-ten mothers who are employed part time (77%) or not employed (72%) say they spend about the right amount of time with their children, while 18% and 11%, respectively, say they spend too little time. About one-in-six (16%) mothers who do not work outside the home say they spend too much time with their kids; fewer (6%) of those who work part time say the same.
Among those who are married or cohabiting, 44% of mothers who work full time say they spend too little time with their partners, compared with 27% of moms who are employed part time and 34% of moms who are not employed. At least half in each group say they spend the right amount of time with their partners, while few say they spend too much time.
Fathers who work full time are no more likely than those who work part time or are not employed to say they always feel rushed (29% and 27%, respectively). 4 But fathers who are employed full time are somewhat more likely than other dads—and more likely than full-time working moms—to say they spend too little time with their kids. Half of full-time working dads say this, compared with 41% of dads who are employed part time or not employed and 39% of full-time working moms.
When it comes to leisure time, about half or more of all parents—whether they are employed full time, part time, or not employed—say there’s not enough of it. Full-time working mothers are somewhat more likely than other mothers to say this is the case; about six-in-ten (59%) say they don’t have enough time away from their children to get together with friends or to pursue hobbies and other interests, compared with about half of mothers who are employed part time (48%) or are not employed (47%). Among fathers, the same shares of those who work full time and those who work part time or are not employed say they don’t have enough leisure time away from their children (53% each).
Who Does More?
Most parents who are married or living with a partner with whom they share at least one child say that, in their household, the mother does more than the father when it comes to certain tasks related to their children. In particular, roughly six-in-ten (59%) say the mother plays a larger role in managing their children’s schedules and activities, while just 5% say the father does more and 36% say the parents share this responsibility equally.
Similarly, when it comes to taking care of sick children, 55% of married or cohabiting parents say the mother does more than the father; just 4% say the father does more, and 41% say both parents share this equally.
Mothers also tend to take on more household chores and responsibilities; 41% of married or cohabiting parents say this is the case in their households, compared with just 8% who say the father does more. Half say they and their partner share household chores and responsibilities about equally.
The division of labor between mothers and fathers is more even when it comes to disciplining and playing or doing activities with children. A quarter of married or cohabiting parents say the mother plays more of a disciplinarian role in their families, while 15% say the father does, and 59% say both share this role equally. About as many (27%) say the mother does more when it comes to playing or doing activities with their children; 11% say the father does more, and 61% say both play or do activities with their children about equally.
In households where both parents work full time, mothers and fathers tend to share some responsibilities more equally. For example, about six-in-ten (59%) parents in these households say this is the case when it comes to household chores and responsibilities. Still, about three-in-ten (31%) say the mother takes on more of this, while 9% say the father does. And while 47% of parents in two-parent households where both the mother and the father work full time say they and their partner play about an equal role when it comes to taking care of sick children, the same share says the mother does this more than the father. Just 6% in this type of household say the father does more.
Parents in households where both parents work full time report that mothers are doing more than fathers when it comes to managing their children’s schedules and activities. Some 54% say the mother does more in this area, while 6% say the father does and 39% say parents share this responsibility about equally.
Perhaps not surprisingly, in households where the father is employed full time and the mother is either not employed or is employed part time, childcare responsibilities usually fall to the mother.
For example, about two-thirds of parents in these households say the mother does more when it comes to managing the children’s schedules and activities (69%) and caring for them when they’re sick (67%).
Perceptions of Division of Labor Vary by Gender
Mothers and fathers in two-parent households differ in their perceptions of how they split certain responsibilities. The gap is especially pronounced when it comes to household chores and responsibilities. Half of mothers in two-parent households say they do more than their partners in this area, compared with 32% of fathers who say their wives or partners do more. Fathers, for their part, are more likely to say they and their partners share household chores and responsibilities about equally: More than half (56%) say this is the case, while 46% of mothers agree.
Similarly, while about six-in-ten mothers say they do more than their partners when it comes to managing their children’s schedules and activities (64%) and taking care of their children when they’re sick (62%), fewer fathers agree that, in their households, mothers do more in each of these areas (53% and 47%, respectively). In these areas, too, fathers are more likely than mothers to say they and their partners share responsibilities about equally.
To varying degrees, these gender differences in perceptions of who does more are evident in two-parent households where both parents work full time as well as in households where the father is employed full time and the mother is employed part time or is not employed. Where there are differences, mothers are more likely to say they do more than fathers are to say that their partner does more, while fathers tend to say responsibilities are shared about equally.
Focusing on Career and Raising a Family
In households where both the mother and father are working at least part time, about half (52%) say that both are equally focused on their job or career. Where there is an imbalance, parents are nearly three times as likely to say that the father in the household is more focused on his career than the mother is focused on hers (35% vs. 13%).
Mothers and fathers in these households generally agree about who is more focused on work. For example, 10% of fathers say their spouse or partner is more focused on work and 34% say they are more focused. Among mothers, 15% say they are more focused on work, while 35% say their spouse or partner is.
Among full-time working parents with a spouse or partner who also works full time, most (62%) report that mom and dad are equally focused on their careers. Only 15% of parents in these households say that the mother is more focused on her job, and 22% say the father is more focused on his job.
The situation is much different in households where the father works full time and the mother works part time. A majority of parents (63%) in these households (71% of fathers and 57% of mothers) say the father is more focused on work than the mother is, while 32% say they are equally focused and just 4% say the mother is more focused than the father.
Among fathers in two-parent households, there is a significant racial gap in terms of how focused they say they are on their job compared with their spouse or partner. White fathers (39%) are much more likely than non-white fathers (19%) to say they are more focused on their career than their spouse or partner is. Among non-white fathers, a solid majority (69%) say they and their spouse or partner are equally focused on their jobs, compared with half of white fathers.
Who Earns More in Two-Parent Households?
While half of working parents say they and their spouses or partners are equally focused on their careers, the same is not true when it comes to compensation. Only 26% of parents in households where both parents work full time say they and their spouses or partners earn about the same amount of money. Half say the father makes more, and 22% say the mother makes more.
These findings are comparable to government data that show in 52% of married couples in which the mother and father worked full time, the father earned more in 2014. In 24% of these households the mother earned more, and in the remaining 23% the mother and father earned about the same amount. Fathers earned more in the vast majority of households (86%) where the father worked full time and the mother worked part time. 5
In the Pew Research survey, among mothers in two-parent households, those who work full time (24%) are more likely than those who work part time (4%) to report that they earn more than their husband or partner. Even so, 44% of full-time working mothers in two-parent households say their spouse or partner earns more than they do; 32% say they earn about the same amount. Among part-time working moms, 78% say their husband or partner earns more than they do.
Similarly, working mothers with a college education are more likely than those who have not finished college to say that they out-earn their spouse or partner (23% vs. 8%). About half (51%) of college-educated working moms say that their spouse or partner earns more than them, and 25% say that they earn about the same amount.
In households where parents report that they are equally focused on their careers, half (50%) say that the father earns more than the mother. Some 18% say that the mother earns more in those households, and 30% say they earn about the same amount. In households where the father is more focused on his career than the mother, 84% say the father earns more, 5% say the mother earns more and 10% say they earn about the same amount. In families where the mom is more focused on her career than the dad is on his, a plurality (46%) say the mother earns more; three-in-ten in these households say the father earns more, and 24% say they earn about the same amount.
- Throughout this report, mentions of Pew Research survey respondents in two-parent households refer to couples who are married or cohabiting and have at least one child under 18 together. ↩
- The number of part-time working fathers in the sample is too small to analyze. ↩
- White parents do not include Hispanics. Non-white parents include those who are Hispanic or any race other than white. ↩
- Because only 43 fathers in the survey are employed part time and 78 are not employed, we are not able to look at these two groups separately. ↩
- Based on the share of the couple’s salary and wage income in 2014 which was earned by the wife, among male/female married couples with children under 18 in the household. These data exclude the less than 1% of cases where neither the mother nor the father has positive wages or salary. ↩
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Narrative Essay: I Love My Parents
Parents are the closest people that we have in our lives, whether we realize it or not. They love us not because we are smart, beautiful, successful or we have a good sense of humour, but just because we are their children. I, too, love mom and dad simply because they are my parents, but I think I would have felt the same even if they weren’t. I love who they are as people, each with their own individual traits – and, together, forming an amazing super-team that’s made me who I am today and taught me what life is all about.
My mother is a cheerful, chatty perfectionist who seems to always find something to get excited about and who can talk for hours about animals and flowers. She is never afraid to speak her mind and she can be very convincing when she wants to. She sometimes get upset a bit too easily, but she is just as quick to forgive and forget. I love mom for all that she is – even when she’s angry – for all that she has done for me, and for all that she’s taught me. My mom has been through a lot throughout the years, but she always kept fighting.She taught me to never lose hope even in the direst of moments, and she showed me how to look for happiness in the small things. She’s been trying to teach me to be more organized as well, but hasn’t succeeded yet. I love her for that too.
My father is quiet, patient and calm, and he has an adorable hit-and-miss sense of humour. I may not always find his jokes that funny, but I love him for trying. Dad almost never gets angry and he is always polite, friendly and nice to everyone. He is not the one to verbalize emotions, but he always shows his feelings through sweet gestures and little surprizes. He is the pacifist in our family and never goes against mom’s wishes, but he runs a large company witha firm hand. I love my father for all these characteristics and for all he’s sacrificed to build a better life for us. He’s worked day and night to ensure we afford good education and have a rich, wonderful childhood, and he has passed up many great opportunities for the benefit of our family. I love dad because he’s taught me that you cannot have it all in life, but with hard work and dedication, you can have what matters most to you.
Mom and dad may be very different people, but they complement each other perfectly. Together, they formed a super-team that was always there – and, thankfully, still is – to provide comfort, nurturing, and support and help me grow as a person. Their complementary personalities bring balance in our family, and each of them steps in whenever they are needed the most. Together, they taught me to believe in myself and have turned me into a fighter. Their care and dedication towards me and each other has served as an example of what healthy relationships should be like, and I love and admire them for that.
I love my parents because they are my parents, my good friends, my heroes, my role models, my safe haven, my pillars of strength.I am who I am today thanks to them, and I know that their support and affection will play an essential role in what I will become in the future.All I can hope is that, when I have children of my own, I will be half as good a parent as they were to me.
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10 Lessons My Parents Taught Me About The Value Of Working Hard
I am convinced that parents are hardworking superhumans. I’ve lived a great life thanks to my parents, and they’ve given me everything I could have dreamed of.
Now that I’m an adult, I realize the struggles they’ve faced to make sure my life was as good as possible.
Mom and Dad, please don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you’ve struggled.
Despite that, as parents, you’ve never failed me. You’ve done everything in your power to make a good life for me. Thank you for that.
I am a better person because of who you are.
Here are a few things I've learned from watching you two navigate your lives:
1. The value of a dollar.
You always made money come out of thin air, so I never had to wait for anything. Lunch money, reading books and a house over my head are all luxuries I had because of you.
I realize now how hard you had to work for this and it’s taught me to manage my finances and appreciate everything I have.
2. Every moment spent together is a gift.
You’ve worked ridiculous hours, weekends and holidays to support me. When you were home, you filled the house with love and fun.
Every time we read a book, watched a movie or sat in the same room together, it was the best time of my life.
3. How to manage a schedule.
Despite working exhausting hours, you never missed a school concert or teacher conference.
You were at every award ceremony and freezing cold tennis match you could possibly attend. Thank you for never missing the things that are important to me.
4. There’s no shame in struggling.
I’ve seen you at your worst, so I’m not embarrassed when you see me at mine. Whether I’m upset over something small or big, you take me seriously and treat me with nothing but respect.
I’m happy to share hard times with you because I know you’ve been there. Thank you for listening to my problems and offering honest advice.
5. The definition of strength.
Being a strong person doesn’t mean having no emotions. It’s okay to be tired and frustrated.
You’ve been tired and frustrated, yet continued on without a second thought. That’s real strength.
6. How to be self-sufficient.
Every time you showed me how to fix something on my car or stand up for myself, you gave me a little piece of confidence.
You’ve given me enough pieces to carry myself into adulthood with grace and dignity.
7. How to be selfless.
You’ve wiped my tears instead of your own, and that small act has taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
You’ve given so much of yourself to others. It’s just the way you are, and I hope to be the same way.
8. Laughter can fix most problems.
Thank you for sitting with me, listening to me vent and teaching me to have a sense of humor about it. You’ve taught me your favorite dirty jokes and childhood anecdotes.
Even though I’ve heard them a million times, they still make me laugh. Being able to laugh at a joke or at myself has made my life substantially easier.
9. Family isn’t defined by bloodlines.
You’ve taken your closest friends and turned them into a big family for me. I have this huge support system because of the bonds you’ve created.
I only hope that when I have kids, they feel the kind of love I’ve felt because of you.
10. Hard work pays off.
Whether it was learning to ride a bike, graduating high school or going to college, you never gave me the idea that I couldn’t do something if I tried as hard as possible.
Life isn’t always easy, but you worked hard and made it. All the odd jobs you’ve picked up because you had no choice didn’t go unnoticed.
Because of you, I’m not afraid of hard work; I embrace it.
Thank you for always supporting me and giving me everything I need to succeed.
Know that everything I accomplish for myself is also for you.
Every victory of mine is a victory for you, too. It’s the biggest compliment when I’m told I’m just like my parents. There’s no one better for me to be.
College Essay: My Parents’ Sacrifice Makes Me Strong
After living in Texas briefly, my mom moved in with my aunt in Minnesota, where she helped raise my cousins while my aunt and uncle worked. My mom still glances to the building where she first lived. I think it’s amazing how she first moved here, she lived in a small apartment and now owns a house.
My dad’s family was poor. He dropped out of elementary school to work. My dad was the only son my grandpa had. My dad thought he was responsible to help his family out, so he decided to leave for Minnesota because of many work opportunities .
My parents met working in cleaning at the IDS C enter during night shifts. I am their only child, and their main priority was not leaving me alone while they worked. My mom left her cleaning job to work mornings at a warehouse. My dad continued his job in cleaning at night.
My dad would get me ready for school and walked me to the bus stop while waiting in the cold. When I arrived home from school, my dad had dinner prepared and the house cleaned. I would eat with him at the table while watching TV, but he left after to pick up my mom from work.
My mom would get home in the afternoon. Most memories of my mom are watching her lying down on the couch watching her n ovelas – S panish soap operas – a nd falling asleep in the living room. I knew her job was physically tiring, so I didn’t bother her.
Seeing my parents work hard and challenge Mexican customs influence my values today as a person. As a child, my dad cooked and cleaned, to help out my mom, which is rare in Mexican culture. Conservative Mexicans believe men are superior to women; women are seen as housewives who cook, clean and obey their husbands. My parents constantly tell me I should get an education to never depend on a man. My family challenged machismo , Mexican sexism, by creating their own values and future.
My parents encouraged me to, “ ponte las pilas ” in school, which translates to “put on your batteries” in English. It means that I should put in effort and work into achieving my goal. I was taught that school is the key object in life. I stay up late to complete all my homework assignments, because of this I miss a good amount of sleep, but I’m willing to put in effort to have good grades that will benefit me. I have softball practice right after school, so I try to do nearly all of my homework ahead of time, so I won’t end up behind.
My parents taught me to set high standards for myself. My school operates on a 4.0-scale. During lunch, my friends talked joyfully about earning a 3.25 on a test. When I earn less than a 4.25, I feel disappointed. My friends reacted with, “You should be happy. You’re extra . ” Hearing that phrase flashbacks to my parents seeing my grades. My mom would pressure me to do better when I don’t earn all 4.0s
Every once in awhile , I struggled with following their value of education. It can be difficult to balance school, sports and life. My parents think I’m too young to complain about life. They don’t think I’m tired, because I don’t physically work, but don’t understand that I’m mentally tired and stressed out. It’s hard for them to understand this because they didn’t have the experience of going to school.
The way I could thank my parents for their sacrifice is accomplishing their American dream by going to college and graduating to have a professional career. I visualize the day I graduate college with my degree, so my family celebrates by having a carne asada (BBQ) in the yard. All my friends, relatives, and family friends would be there to congratulate me on my accomplishments.
As teenagers, my parents worked hard manual labor jobs to be able to provide for themselves and their family. Both of them woke up early in the morning to head to work. Staying up late to earn extra cash. As teenagers, my parents tried going to school here in the U.S . but weren’t able to, so they continued to work. Early in the morning now, my dad arrives home from work at 2:30 a.m ., wakes up to drop me off at school around 7:30 a.m . , so I can focus on studying hard to earn good grades. My parents want me to stay in school and not prefer work to head on their same path as them. Their struggle influences me to have a good work ethic in school and go against the odds.
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Life Lessons I Learned from My Parents
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The Value of Hard Work
Resilience in adversity, the importance of kindness and compassion, the value of family and relationships, the pursuit of lifelong learning, conclusion: a legacy of life lessons.
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