helping a friend isn't always good essay

Essay on Helping A Friend

Students are often asked to write an essay on Helping A Friend in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

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100 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Understanding friendship.

Friendship is a bond between two or more people who care about each other. Friends share their joys, sorrows, dreams, and fears. They also help each other in times of need. A friend in need is a friend indeed, as the saying goes.

The Importance of Helping

Helping a friend is an important part of friendship. This can be in the form of emotional support during tough times, or practical help like assisting with homework or chores. It shows that you care about your friend and their well-being.

Ways to Help a Friend

There are many ways to help a friend. You can offer a listening ear when they want to talk, give advice when asked, or lend a helping hand with tasks. Small acts of kindness can mean a lot to a friend in need.

Benefits of Helping a Friend

Helping a friend not only benefits them, but also strengthens your friendship. It leads to trust, respect, and mutual understanding. It also gives a sense of satisfaction and happiness, knowing that you have been there for your friend.

In conclusion, helping a friend is a key aspect of friendship. It shows love, care, and respect. It strengthens the bond and brings happiness to both. So, always be there for your friends in their times of need.

250 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Friendship is a bond of mutual affection and trust between two or more people. Friends are people who understand us, support us, and stand by us during good and bad times. One of the key parts of friendship is helping each other out.

Helping A Friend

Helping a friend can come in many forms. It could be helping them with their homework, sharing lunch, or even just lending a listening ear when they are feeling down. When a friend needs help, it’s important to be there for them. This strengthens the friendship bond.

Helping with Studies

One common way to help a friend is by assisting them with their studies. If your friend is struggling with a subject that you are good at, you can explain it to them in a simple way. This not only helps your friend but also improves your own understanding of the subject.

Support in Tough Times

Sometimes, friends go through tough times. They might feel sad or stressed. During these times, being there for them is very important. You can listen to their problems, reassure them, and remind them that they are not alone.

Sharing and Caring

Sharing is another way of helping a friend. If your friend forgets their lunch, you can share yours. If they need a book that you have, you can lend it to them. These small acts of kindness show that you care.

In conclusion, helping a friend is a key part of friendship. It strengthens the bond and makes both of you feel good. Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

500 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Introduction.

Helping a friend is one of the best things we can do. It shows our love and care. It makes our bond stronger. This essay will talk about why it’s important to help a friend, how we can help, and the benefits of doing so.

Why Helping a Friend is Important

Friends are like family. We share our happy times and sad times with them. When a friend is in need, it’s our duty to help. Helping a friend shows that we care about them. It tells them that they are not alone. This can give them strength and hope. It can make them feel better.

There are many ways to help a friend. One way is to listen to them. Sometimes, friends just need someone to talk to. They might be feeling sad or worried. By listening, we can show that we understand their feelings.

Another way to help is to give advice. If a friend is facing a problem, we can share our thoughts. We can give them ideas on how to solve the problem. But remember, we should not force our ideas on them. They have the right to make their own choices.

We can also help a friend by doing small things for them. For example, if a friend is sick, we can visit them. We can bring them food or help with their homework. If a friend is feeling low, we can cheer them up. We can tell them jokes or share funny stories.

Helping a friend is not just good for the friend, but also for us. It makes us feel happy and satisfied. It makes us feel useful. It teaches us to be kind and caring. It also strengthens our friendship.

When we help a friend, we also learn new things. For example, if we help a friend with a math problem, we might learn a new way to solve it. If we help a friend with a project, we might learn new skills.

Helping a friend can also make us stronger. It can teach us to face problems and find solutions. It can teach us to be patient and understanding. It can teach us to be better people.

In summary, helping a friend is a wonderful thing. It shows our love and care. It strengthens our friendship. It makes us feel good about ourselves. It teaches us many important lessons. So, the next time a friend needs help, let’s be there for them. Let’s show them that they can count on us. After all, that’s what friends are for.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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Helping a Friend 

Friendships are one of the most valuable relationships we have and they are essential in protecting our mental health. We care about our friends and we love them, even through annoyances and fights. But friendship is more than just laughter and having fun, it is about actually trying to be a good friend. One of the most important ways to be a good friend is to help them when you notice something is wrong. It may sound like a big responsibility, but it doesn’t have to be.   

The first thing in knowing if something is wrong is to notice the signs. It is normal to get sad or upset during tough times, but prolonged periods of this can mean that there is something more serious happening. Some signs to look for are: self-harm, severe mood swings, refusing to eat food, repeated use of alcohol or drugs, drastic changes in behavior, extreme difficulty concentrating, or talking of suicide.   

Once you notice that there is something wrong, the next step is to let them know that you’re concerned and that you care. Saying things like, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately, is something going on?” is especially helpful. Make sure that you are being compassionate, understanding, and free of judgement. Your friend might not respond to your questions and that is okay, they might just not be ready to talk yet. You cannot force someone to get help so just offer your support. You can even ask things like, “ How can I best support you right now?, or “ Would you like me to go with you to a support group or a meeting?” Let them know you are there.   

Lastly, do what you can to keep them in your life. Text or call your friend regularly, and invite them in your plans, even if they do not always go. Try to learn more about mental health so you can better understand what your friend is going through. Remember not to say dismissive language like, “ You’ll get over it”, or “Toughen up,” as it doesn’t help anyone feel any better.  

If your friend is experiencing a mental health condition, this is the time they need you the most. Sometimes your friend may be too afraid to seek help or say anything. This is where you can come in. A simple conversation can be extremely therapeutic and can make a huge difference in someone’s life. After all, wouldn't you want the same for you?  

Written by: Alessandra Merino  

NAMI. (n.d.). How to Help a Friend. Retrieved from https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-Young-Adults/How-to-Help-a-Friend  

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Friendship and Friend’s Support Essay

Friendship is one of the most necessary and valuable things in life. After all, no person in the world can live a whole life alone. All people need communication, both for personal and spiritual growth. Without friendship, people begin to feel lonely and suffer from misunderstanding. Although there are many different people around, real friends are very hard to find and harder to keep.

Friendship is the ability to give mental warmth and provide support. It is the ability to find the right words for a friend, help in a difficult moment, and find a way out together. People around Gene understood it and expected it when his best friend needed support. It is illustrated by Dr. Stanpole’s words: “He needs that from you. He wanted especially to see you. You were the one person he asked for” (Knowles 64). Phineas himself expected support from his best friend: “He needed me. I was the least trustworthy person he had ever met. I knew that; he knew or should know that too” (Knowles, 108). However, it happens that the one you consider your friend fails and betrays in the most challenging moment. There is no desire to have anything in common, and there can be no question of further friendship after this.

Envy and suspicion have devastating consequences, even for the strongest friendship. Envy usually generates anger and resentment, unfounded claims, and objections. From all this, a wall of misunderstanding grows, and former friends are gradually separated from each other. Finney was capable of friendship, but the main character is not: “He had never been jealous of me for a second. Now I knew that never was and never could have been any rivalry between us. I was not of the same quality as the” (Knowles, 59). A wrong choice of a friend had fatal consequences for Phineas.

People have a lot of difficulties during their life path. Real friends should share both the best times and the worst. Moreover, it is necessary not only to have a friend but also to be one. Anything can happen, but a close and tested person around, can calm anybody and make feel better. No bad experiences, adversity, and other difficulties will break a person – because he or she will always have a reliable friend’s support.

Works Cited

Knowles, John. A Separate Peace. Simon and Schuster, 2014.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Friendship — How to Be a Good Friend: Building Meaningful Connections

How to Be a Good Friend: Building Meaningful Connections

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Words: 589 |

Published: Feb 7, 2024

Words: 589 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

Be a good listener, show genuine interest, be supportive and reliable, communicate honestly, respect differences, be forgiving.

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Why Asking Your Friends for Support Could Be Hurting You

Not all support is good for you, so what you ask for support on matters..

Posted June 30, 2021 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina

• The support you get from your friends isn't always in your best interest.
• The type of support you get from your friends depends on the type of story you tell them.
• Expressing what you want is more likely to get you support that can help you move you in a positive direction.

We all think of our besties as the people who give us support and get us through difficult times in life. If you’re having a bad day, nothing feels better than calling a friend to whom you can vent. And any good friend knows that support and validation is a part of their job. But herein lies the problem.

You communicate the events of your life to others in the form of stories about things that happen. All the events that happen to us in life that cause any kind of significant emotion can be divided into one of two categories: Things you want and things you don’t want. Breakups, job loss, betrayal, the death of a loved one—all things you don’t want. Pets , birthday parties, getting a raise—all things you do want. Things you don’t want cause negative emotions, while things you do want generate positive emotions.

You are likely to seek the most support around the events that generate negative emotions, and as a result, the stories you share often come from the perspective of what you don’t like or don’t want in your life.

The support and feedback you get from your friends is significant because it shapes your own perspective and can influence your choice of actions for how to handle a situation.

But when a well-intentioned friend provides support and validation for a story about something you don’t want in your life, they may be reinforcing a perspective that isn’t in your best interest.

What would be in your best interest is getting support for the things you do want. You, however, are the one who determines the type of support you get, based on the story you tell.

Support for something you don’t want:

Friend: How are you today?

You: Lousy! My boyfriend is such a jerk. We had a huge fight last night because I had to ask him five times to take out the trash.

Friend: That’s too bad. You’re right, he sounds like a total jerk.

You: Isn’t he though? I’m glad you agree. Do you think I should leave him?

Friend: Maybe, a guy that acts like a jerk doesn’t deserve you.

Support for something you do want:

You: Last night was really tough because my boyfriend and I had a big argument, but I want our relationship to work so I’m trying to be a better communicator

Friend: The fight sounds stressful but it’s obvious you really care about him if you’re willing to work so hard on the relationship.

You: Well sometimes he acts like a jerk, but he has a lot of good qualities and usually he makes me happy.

Friend: He sounds like a good guy, I’m glad you found someone you really like.

Telling a story about what you do want doesn’t mean you can’t speak your truth. If you’re having a lousy day, you don’t have to lie and say you’re having a great one. You can state your truth—just don’t stop there. Finish, with what you do want for the situation. I had a lousy day, but I feel like a nice dinner and some company would help me feel better.

Gaining support from others on the things you want in your life can be critical to your success, but it depends on you expressing what it is you want. Next time you find yourself in vent mode, ask yourself: Am I telling a story about something I want or don’t want?

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D. , is the Director of Emory University’s Adult Outpatient Psychotherapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science in the School of Medicine.

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How To Comfort A Friend (With Examples of What to Say)

Good friends offer each other emotional support in difficult times. But it’s not always easy to console someone. You may be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and making the situation worse. In this guide, you’ll learn how to reassure a friend in distress and make them feel better.

Here is how to comfort a friend:

1. Ask your friend if they would like to talk

If your friend seems distressed and you don’t know the reason, offer them an opportunity to tell you what has happened.

Here are some things you could say to a friend when you want to encourage them to open up:

• “What’s happened?”
• “Would you like to talk?”
• “You seem shocked. What’s the matter?”

Keep your tone soft and non-judgmental to be as comforting as possible. Don’t pressure them into opening up if they aren’t ready, pressuring them would be the opposite of comforting. If they turn down your offer or swiftly change the subject , say, “I’m here to listen if you need me.”

Some people prefer to open up online or over text instead of having an in-person conversation. This might be because they want to spend some time alone with their thoughts before talking to someone else, or they may feel embarrassed if you’ve seen them crying. Others find it easier to express themselves in writing rather than during a face-to-face conversation.

2. Listen carefully to your friend

If your friend decides to open up to you, whether in person or by text, careful listening helps you understand their situation better. [ 1 ] You need to understand them first to be able to comfort them effectively.

Here are a few tips that will help you listen well:

• Give your friend plenty of time to talk. They may need time to calm down before they feel able to tell you what’s wrong. If your friend wants to speak in person, but it’s impossible for you to have a meaningful conversation—for example, if you have an urgent meeting to attend—set up a time to meet or talk on the phone as soon as possible.

If they’ve sent you a message but you can’t send a meaningful reply, quickly explain the situation and tell them when they can expect to hear from you.

• If you are talking face to face, use nonverbal signals to encourage your friend to keep talking. Nod when they tell you something significant to show that you have been listening. Lean forward slightly when they speak.
• Reflect what your friend tells you using your own words. For example, if your friend has just discovered their spouse is cheating and they think it’s time to end the marriage, you might say, “So it sounds like you’re considering divorce?” This signals you have been listening and gives your friend a chance to correct you if you’ve misunderstood them.
• Don’t jump to conclusions. Try not to make any assumptions about how your friend feels. Do not say, for example, “You seem to be taking it really well! Most people cry a lot after a breakup.” They may be struggling to conceal their real emotions, or they may be numb from shock.
• Give prompts if your friend is struggling to find the right words. For example, gently saying, “And then what happened?” can help your friend focus on telling their story. Don’t overdo it; you want to avoid bombarding your friend with questions.

See our guide to improving your social intelligence for tips on how to be a better listener.

3. Show empathy

When you empathize with someone, you try to see things from their perspective and recognize their feelings. [ 2 ] Empathy can help you understand what kind of support your friend needs.

Here’s how to show empathy when you are listening to a friend:

• Show that you understand how your friend feels by summarizing what you’ve heard . For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re really frustrated right now.” Go beyond reflecting their words back to them; try to find the emotion behind their statements. It can also help to look at their body language for clues. For example, if they appear calm but they are tapping one foot, they might be feeling anxious. You could say, “You look pretty calm, but you’re tapping your foot; are you worried?”
• Try not to judge your friend. You might not understand their choices or their emotions, but it can help to remind yourself that in their shoes, you may feel and act the same way. Avoid making critical remarks.
• If you aren’t sure exactly how your friend is feeling, ask. Sometimes, direct questions are the best way to understand how someone feels. For example, you could ask, “How did you feel when that happened?”
• Recognize emotions respectfully. For example, you could say, “You’ve got a lot to deal with right now,” or “It’s come as a massive shock, hasn’t it?”

4. Ask before you hug your friend

Hugs can be comforting in stressful situations, [ 3 ] but a few people don’t like physical contact with others. It’s best to ask first, especially if you’ve never hugged your friend before. Say, “Would you like a hug?”

5. Tell your friend how much they mean to you

Research shows that showing a friend acceptance, affection, and love can help comfort them. [ 4 ]

You could say something like, “I care about you very much, and I want to help you get through this,” or “You’re my best friend. I’m here for you.”

6. Do not minimize your friend’s feelings

Do not say anything that gives your friend the impression their feelings aren’t important to you.

For example, here are some phrases that could come across as belittling:

• “Well, it could be worse.”
• “You’ll soon get over it. It’s not really a big deal.”
• “Don’t worry, most people just adapt to living with diabetes.”

Do not tell your friend to “cheer up” or “smile.” When someone is in physical pain or hurting emotionally, being told to “focus on the positives” often feels insulting and can make them feel invalidated. Take extra care on how you talk to a friend who is clinically depressed . For example, telling them to try changing their attitude or look on the bright side could come across as patronizing.

7. Avoid asking your friend to justify their emotions

It’s generally better to avoid asking someone why they feel a particular way because this could come across as judgmental and invalidating. You may be puzzled by your friend’s reaction to bad news or even think that their state of mind is irrational, but it’s important to remember that people respond differently to difficult situations.

For example, if your friend is getting divorced and they are upset, it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask, “Why are you upset? Your ex is a horrible person, and you’ll be better off single!” It would be more helpful to validate their emotions and give them a chance to feel heard. You could say, “Divorce is really difficult. No wonder you’re upset.”

Remember that people who are hurting emotionally can feel several strong emotions at the same time. They may quickly swing from one emotion to another.

For example, someone with family problems might feel angry, sad, and scared all at once if one of their relatives keeps getting into trouble with the law. They may criticize their relative’s actions while expressing sadness that the relationship has broken down.

8. Be honest if you don’t know what to say

It’s OK to be honest if you can’t find the right words of comfort. However, staying completely silent might not feel right either. One solution is to simply acknowledge that you don’t have any suitable words or have any personal understanding of what they are going through.

Here are some examples of things you can say when you aren’t sure how to respond to a friend when they are upset:

• “I don’t know what to say, but I am here for you.”
• “I can’t think of the right words, but I care about you and will listen whenever you want to talk.”
• “I don’t know what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder, but I’m here to support you.”

9. Offer specific practical support

Depending on the situation, offering your friend practical help along with emotional support can be comforting. If they know you are willing to help out, they may feel less overwhelmed.

However, your friend may not know exactly what they need from you, or they might be uncertain what you can offer them and decide that it’s easier not to ask for anything at all.

It can help to spell out exactly what you can do for them. Try not to make general offers like, “If you need anything, just let me know,” which is kind but vague. Before making an offer, make sure you can follow through on it.

Here are some examples of how you could offer practical support:

• “Would you like me to pick up some groceries for the weekend?”
• “Would you like me to walk your dog in the evenings this week?”
• “Would you like me to pick the kids up from school today?”
• “If you need a lift to the clinic, I’d be happy to take you if you don’t feel like driving.”

If your friend is very distressed and can’t think clearly, tell them to call or message you if they think of anything you can do for them. You can also consider trying to convince your friend to go to therapy .

You might get the impression that your friend is worried about inconveniencing you. If so, phrase your offer in a casual way that implies that helping them out is no big deal.

Here are some examples of ways you can offer help in a low-key, casual way:

• Instead of saying, “Shall I come and cut your lawn?” you could say, “I finally got my lawnmower running again, and it needs more use. Can I come and cut your lawn?”
• Instead of saying, “Would you like me to make you some dinner?” you could say, “I tried out a new casserole recipe, and I’ve made far too much. Can I bring some over?”

10. Avoid using platitudes

Platitudes are clichéd statements that have been used so often that they no longer have any real meaning. Some people don’t mind them, but platitudes can come across as insensitive and robotic. In general, it’s best to avoid them.

Here are some common platitudes to avoid:

• [After a death] “He’s in a better place now.”
• [After a sudden redundancy] “Everything happens for a reason. It will work out.”
• [After a breakup] “There are plenty more fish in the sea.”

11. Avoid talking about your own experiences

When a friend is going through a tough time, you might be tempted to tell them stories about similar experiences you’ve had. For example, if they have lost a parent, you may automatically start comparing their situation to the last time you lost a loved one.

But when your friend is anxious or upset, you could come across as insensitive or self-centered if you start talking about yourself.

Do not say, “I know exactly how you feel,” because research shows that even if you’re just trying to show empathy, your friend probably won’t find this kind of statement very comforting. [ 4 ] It’s better to focus on your friend’s specific situation and how they feel in the present moment.

12. Avoid giving unsolicited advice

When a friend is suffering, it’s tempting to jump in with advice or solutions. It’s natural to try suggesting things that you think might make them feel better. But if a friend is telling you about a problem or an event that has upset them, they probably want to vent or talk about their emotions before thinking about their next steps.

Research shows that unsolicited advice can come across as unhelpful and may cause the person in need further stress. [ 5 ] Wait until your friend asks for your input before you suggest solutions.

13. Use humor carefully

It’s common for friends to use humor when comforting each other. Research shows that humor can work well as long as the person in distress perceives it as well-timed and funny. [ 6 ]

But you need to think carefully before making a joke when consoling a friend because humor can backfire. If it goes wrong, your friend might feel as though you are belittling their pain. It’s not always possible to predict what someone else will find amusing, and it’s not always easy to tell when the moment is right to make a joke or light-hearted remark.

As a general rule, do not make jokes when your friend is upset unless you know them very well and feel confident that they will appreciate it.

14. Use your friend’s preferred words and phrases

Some people prefer to use blunt, factual, or medical terms. Others like to use softer or euphemistic language. Certain words or phrases may upset someone who is going through a crisis. It’s usually best to mirror your friend.

For example, if your friend has had a miscarriage, they might prefer to use the term “loss” when talking about it.

15. Know when to change the subject

Some people like to talk about their problems. Others prefer to think about something else and talk about completely unrelated topics when they are stressed, broken hearted, or in pain. Follow your friend’s lead.

For example, if they want to talk about their favorite memories of a relative who just died, give them the opportunity to reminisce. But if they are determined to talk about ordinary or trivial things, go along with it.

16. Respect your friend’s religious beliefs

You don’t want your friend to feel as though you are pushing your beliefs onto them when they are vulnerable. If you are both members of the same faith, it is probably OK to suggest that you pray, meditate, or carry out a comforting ritual together. But if you come from different religious backgrounds, it’s usually best to avoid mentioning religion or spirituality.

17. Respect your friend’s privacy

Allow your friend to share their news and open up to other people at their own pace. For example, if your friend has recently lost a pet, they may not have told all their friends and family members, so do not post a message of support on their social media where everyone can see it.

18. Keep reaching out to your friend

It might take your friend a long time to process and recover from a crisis or tragedy. Check in with them regularly. As a general rule, reach out no less often than you would normally. Don’t avoid your friend. Although it’s good to respect their privacy, most people appreciate ongoing support.

Anniversaries and special occasions are often difficult after a loss. Your friend may appreciate a supportive message on these days. Keep your message short and, if you are able and willing to support them, let them know they can reach out to you.

Here are some examples of messages you could send:

• [On a deceased relative’s birthday] “I’m thinking of you today. If you need to talk, just call me.”
• [At New Year shortly after a divorce] “Just wanted to check in and let you know that you’re in my thoughts today. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
• Jones, S. M. (2011). Supportive Listening . International Journal of Listening , 25 (1-2), 85–103.
• Burgoon, J.K., & Bacue, A.E. (2003). Nonverbal communication skills. In J. O. Greene & B. R. Burleson (Eds.), Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. (pp. 179–219). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
• McGlone, F., & Walker, S. (2021). Four Ways Hugs Are Good for Your Health . Greater Good .
• Burleson, B. R. (2003). Emotional support skills. In J. O. Greene & B. R. Burleson (Eds.), Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. (pp. 551–594). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
• Feng, B., & Magen, E. (2016). Relationship closeness predicts unsolicited advice giving in supportive interactions . Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 33 (6), 751–767.
• Bippus, A. M. (2000). Humor usage in comforting episodes: Factors predicting outcomes . Western Journal of Communication , 64 (4), 359–384.

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf’s scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more .

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How to Help a Friend Through a Bad Decision

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I’ve been both the advisor and the advisee, the on-call therapist, and the one climbing into my roommate’s bed in tears asking if I can sleep there for the night. One of the most challenging parts such a situation is the desire to fix the problem at hand. It can be frustrating to watch the destructive behaviors of or towards someone you love. Although your plan of action might be close on hand, you might need to reevaluate your degree of involvement. At the same time, you’re not about to let your best friend walk down the aisle with the boyfriend who cheated on her twelve different times that month.

Let’s break this down.

What does “bad” mean anyway?

We all make our share of painful decisions; some are just more impactful than others. Be sure to evaluate the situation as objectively as possible, asking yourself why the execution of the situation at hand would be so detrimental. From an ethical standpoint, “bad” might mean morally wrong. And yet, we each have our own unique moral code that allows us to evaluate pros and cons, and ultimately reach conclusions that are closest to each of our personal values. Before raising your voice, consider who this decision is really hurting. Is your friend happy or unhappy in her current state? Are you more concerned about what you would do?

However, actions that are harmful to someone’s physical health require immediate action. Be sure to call 911 if your friend is considering physical harm to him/herself or others.

Withhold (Visible) Judgment

Criticizing a friend’s choices can do some serious damage to your relationship if you aren’t careful about the way you express that criticism. Be conscious of your demeanor and severity while discussing the problem. Something as small as a wrinkled nose can give away your disgust, and downgrade your credibility from “objective listener” to “opponent.” Not giving your friend a chance to explain her side might start a fight right off the bat rather than leading to a solution.

This approach might seem counterintuitive since you probably feel that you need to stop something unhealthy before it starts (or continues to worsen). However, there are (forthcoming) methods of discussion and conversation that don’t include making your friend feel isolated.

But You Don’t Have to Agree

I think a common misconception about being a “good friend” is that you either have to be brutal, unforgivingly honest, or you blindly agree. Social relationships, especially the close and important ones, require a certain amount of both tact and candor. Just because you aren’t actively vomiting at the mention of your friend’s terrible boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t calmly express the reasons why he appears to be a negative force. You’re allowed to have an opinion in times that require honesty for the well-being of a loved one.

It might even helpful to phrase it in the form of a question. Let me give you an example (completely fictional) conversation:

I noticed Jared was yelling a lot about the wedding plans.

Yeah, he raises his voice when he’s frustrated.  

Got it. Does it upset you when he acts that way?

Now a number of things can happen as a result. You might get information, you might get nothing, you might just have to move on with the conversation.

       Result #1: Acknowledgment

It actually does upset me. It makes me really uncomfortable.

This might be the best-case scenario, in which Leah is honest with herself, and you merely facilitated that self-examination.

       Result #2: Resistance

No, we’re just like that. And it’s not really your business.

       Result #3: No Change

I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.

Gauge the situation. Does it feel like you should keep prying? Is it time to pull back? Use your judgment to determine whether it’s appropriate to bring this problem into the foreground right away.

Encourage, Don’t Discourage

While you might not be able to dissuade your friend from spending time with harmful people, but you can encourage her to participate in “positive experiences with yourself and other people from time to time” ( Psychology Today ). You can’t pry Leah from her loud, anger-prone boyfriend, but you can set up additional time for fun, exciting activities that remind her of the wonderful friends she has outside of her relationship. Perhaps the positivity might allow her to realize that she doesn’t need her boyfriend to fill any holes, or that she can indeed have a fulfilling social life with close friends—ones that don’t yell about every little thing.

Remember: Autonomy

With a little help in this scenario, Leah might just realize that she doesn’t want to marry this creep, but alternatively, he might not actually be a creep. Your opinions, past experiences, and associations color everything you think and do, try as you might be ultra impartial. Ultimately, your friend may have to make her own mistakes, or use all of the support and information you’ve given her to make an informed decision. She knows what’s best for her, after all.

Note that health-related or legal matters may be more serious, and may require immediate intervention. The National Suicide Prevention hotline is 1 (800) 273-8255, and as always, call 911 in the event of an emergency.

Being a good friend is less about stopping “bad decisions,” and more about guiding a friend towards optimal mental health. Hopefully, your support and guidance will lead to a natural digression from damaging influences.

How have you helped a friend through a potentially harmful decision? Tell us about it in the comments!

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Helping a Friend Is Not Always Good Quotes

It’s a universal truth that friendship is an essential component of a fulfilling life. We cherish our friends and will go to great lengths to help them in times of need. But what happens when our good intentions turn sour?

This helping a friend is not always good quotes sheds light on the darker side of helping a friend. While it’s crucial to be there for those we care about, it’s equally vital to recognize the potential pitfalls that come with our altruistic acts.

1. Offering aid to a friend may not always be a wise course of action. Let them fix it themselves.

2. Sometimes, the best way to assist a friend is to let them find their way.

3. While assisting a friend is honourable, it can also be a double-edged sword.

4. You may mean well, but helping a friend can sometimes cause more harm than good.

5. Even if you have the best intentions, sometimes it’s better to leave your friend to their own devices.

6. Not all help is beneficial, particularly when it comes to helping a friend.

7. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to not help your friend.

8. Although it may be difficult to watch a friend struggle, sometimes they must do so to learn and grow.

9. While helping a friend can be a noble pursuit, it can also enable bad behaviour.

10. Helping a friend in the wrong way can cause more damage than good.

11. Overzealous assistance can sometimes be more of a hindrance than a help.

12. While it’s natural to want to help a friend in need, it’s essential to do so in a manner that won’t cause additional problems.

13. Helping a friend can sometimes lead to resentment and a lack of gratitude.

14. While helping a friend can be rewarding, it’s crucial to avoid crossing boundaries.

15. Sometimes, offering help can infringe on a friend’s independence and self-reliance.

16. Trying to help a friend doesn’t always work out well. Just be there for them.

17. Giving assistance may not be the best thing for a friend in all situations.

18. Helping someone can be a mixed bag, even if you mean well.

19. You might want to lend a hand, but it’s not always the right choice.

20. Sometimes, it’s better to let your friend figure things out on their own.

21. A true friend knows when to step back and let their friend handle their own problems.

22. Being too helpful can sometimes backfire when it comes to helping a friend.

23. Not all help is good help, especially when it comes to friends.

24. Doing nothing can sometimes be the best way to help a friend in need.

25. Doing nothing can sometimes be the kindest thing you can do for a friend.

26. Trying too hard to help can sometimes do more harm than good.

27. Offering too much help can take away a friend’s independence.

28. Helping a friend isn’t always the best choice, even if you want to.

29. Lending a hand can sometimes cause more harm than good.

30. Friends sometimes need to handle things without outside assistance.

31. Being a true friend means knowing when to step back and let your friend handle their own affairs.

32. Overhelping can sometimes cause problems when trying to assist a friend.

33. Not all help is helpful, especially when it comes to friends.

34. Doing nothing can sometimes be the best way to help a friend in need.

35. Sometimes, not helping can be the best way to show you care.

36. Trying too hard to help can sometimes backfire. Just offer support.

37. Being a good friend means knowing when to help without crossing boundaries.

38. Being too helpful can sometimes take away a friend’s independence.

39. Helping a friend can be a double-edged sword, so it’s important to be careful.

40. Although you might want to help, it’s not always the best thing to do for a friend.

41. Sometimes, the best way to help a friend is to step back and let them handle things themselves.

42. Doing nothing can sometimes be the most helpful thing you can do for a friend.

43. Being too helpful can sometimes take away a friend’s sense of independence and agency.

44. Helping can sometimes create a power dynamic that can be harmful to a friendship.

45. It’s important to be mindful of how your help might impact your friend’s life and well-being.

46. Sometimes, helping too much can send the message that you don’t trust your friend to handle things on their own.

47. Knowing when to offer help and when not to can be a delicate balancing act.

48. Sometimes, the best way to help a friend is to simply listen and offer support.

49. Helping a friend can be a tricky business, and it’s not always the right thing to do.

50. Although you might want to assist your friend, sometimes the best thing you can do is to back off and let them figure things out for themselves.

51. Over-helping can sometimes do more harm than good, so it’s important to be mindful of how you can be of service.

52. Helping can sometimes create a power dynamic that can be harmful to a friendship.

53. Knowing when to offer help and when not to can be a challenging task, but it’s essential to being a good friend.

54. Sometimes, being there for your friend without trying to “fix” things can be the most helpful thing you can do.

55. Helping too much can sometimes cause your friend to become dependent on you, which isn’t always the healthiest dynamic.

Helping a friend is a delicate balancing act. While we want to be there for our friends in their times of need, it’s important to be mindful of how our actions might impact them.

Over-helping can create an unhealthy dynamic that can do more harm than good. I hope these helping a friend is not always good quotes help you to see reasons why you should not always extend helping hands to your friends. Please, remember to share these quotes. Thanks.

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, getting college essay help: important do's and don’ts.

College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

• Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
• Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
• Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
• Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

• Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
• Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
• Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
• Tell you what to say and how to say it
• Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
• Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

• An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
• An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
• An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

• If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
• If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
• If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

• Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
• Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
• Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

• Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
• How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
• Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
• Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

• Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
• Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
• Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
• Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
• What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

• You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
• A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
• A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
• A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
• All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
• Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
• If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
• Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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