unsent letter assignment

Forgiveness

Transactional writing: letters that heal, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, and gratitude are healing..

Posted March 24, 2014 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

"What is healing, but a shift in perspective?” — Mark Doty, Heaven’s Coast

Transactional writing — or letter writing — gets you beyond what you thought you could not get over.

With all the other ways of communicating digitally, we may have lost touch with the power of letter writing to change our lives, but it is still a powerful tool, even in the form of an email. So ask yourself: Do you owe someone a letter? Or maybe you are waiting for a letter that is never going to come? Maybe you should sit right down and write yourself a letter.

Letter writing can be therapeutic for the writer as well as the recipient, and it may be just the thing to help you change perspective.

As described in Expressive Writing: Words That Heal , transactional writing is more formal than expressive writing, although the content may be as personal as expressive writing.

Outside the context of writing to heal, transactional writing often occurs in various professions or businesses and offers an exchange of some value, meets the expectations of another, or completes an obligation. For the sake of writing-to-heal, a guiding principle is that your transactional writing takes care of the business of your emotional life — whether it's new business or unfinished business — in order to express compassion, asking or granting forgiveness , empathy, or gratitude .

Purpose and Audience

The purpose of transactional writing is to complete an exchange of thoughts, beliefs, and feelings with someone else. Although for your transactional writing, you may also consider some aspect of yourself as an audience.

For instance, you may write a letter of compassion, empathy or gratitude to your former self, to your future self, or to another aspect of yourself. Many writers do this, but most write to someone else, whether it be a friend, family member, or significant other. Sometimes participants write to an authority figure; sometimes to a stranger who played an important role in a particular experience.

Observing Conventions

Unlike expressive writing, transactional writing observes some of the common conventions of letters, like a greeting and a closing. In the act of writing any letter, the writer intentionally becomes conscious of another person, and this awareness to a large degree, influences word choice, word order, even the punctuation and sentence structure. So, to a greater extent than expressive writing, transactional writing observes language and style conventions like grammar, spelling, and punctuation as much as the writer is able.

Unsent or Sent

Do not worry about sending the letters you write. In fact, it might be smart to not send the letters you write for this exercise. This exercise is ultimately for your mental health and not the intended recipient’s. If, after finishing the exercise and taking a few days off, go back and look at your letters and reconsider if sending the letters would ultimately be beneficial for others and for you.

Shifting Perspective

Keep in mind, a guiding principle of transactional writing is to become conscious of another’s perspective. A defining characteristic of transactional writing is to communicate a message. Don’t let a concern for conventions become your immediate or primary focus.

Instead, concentrate on communicating your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, opinions, and judgments to another. You are encouraged to write as many drafts of your letter as you wish, so don’t worry about writing a perfect first draft.

Read the five options below and choose the one that serves your purposes best. Or you may decide to combine elements from each option, but you only need to write one letter for this assignment. Of course, if you just can't resist doing all of them, then go for it.

Transactional Writing Choice # 1: The Compassionate Letter

Imagine if someone you love, your closest friend, your child, your partner, or your significant other had suffered some trauma or traumas

In a compassionate and respectful way, write a letter with what advice would you have for them from your experience? You might also:

• Write about what you wish you had known but learned, and what you imagine that they might be able to learn from the event.
• Write about what ways you are now growing and they may also grow.
• Write about any way that there was a benefit to the crisis.
• Write about what your loved one might have learned about himself or herself from going through this difficulty.
• Or you may write about all the above.

As you continue to respond to your loved one, write encouraging words of hope, comfort, and advice.

Transactional Writing Choice #2: The Empathetic Letter

Symbolically take your leave of the past and move forward by composing a letter to yourself or to someone else involved in a distressing event. Try to understand why this person did, said, or acted the way they did.

You aren’t saying what happened is right, just or fair, but are instead trying to understand and empathize. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something that hurt you or that you don’t understand.

• What could they have been thinking?
• What could have happened to them in the past to make them do what they did?
• What could they have felt as they did it, and what did they feel afterward?
• How do they feel now?

After you finish writing, go back and change or add anything you want. Rewrite as necessary until your letter is as good as you can make it.

Transactional Writing Choice #3: The Gratitude Letter

Write a letter to someone in your life that you would like to thank for something they gave you, or something they taught you, or something they have inspired in you. Get right to the point and don’t apologize for not writing before now. Imagine how the recipient may feel when they read your letter.

• Describe your relationship with the person you are thanking and the context for this occasion.
• Describe the gift that you received, the skill you learned, or the inspiration you received from knowing them.
• Tell them what their gift meant to you when you received it.
• Tell them how you felt about it then and now.
• Tell them how you have been able to use this gift or the skill or the inspiration you received from them.
• Tell them how your life has been enriched by what you have received from them and for their presence in your life.

Transactional Writing Choice #4: Granting Forgiveness Letter

Write a letter to someone in your life that you need to forgive for something they did or said or did not do or did not say. (Or write a forgiveness letter to yourself if there is something you did that you wish to forgive yourself for doing or saying. If you are writing to forgive yourself, write as if you were another person. Write in the second person, “you.”)

Before writing, think about the specific situation where you were treated badly by another person. Recall how you felt before, during, and after the event. Imagine how the other person felt and why they felt that way.

Work toward not demonizing the other person, remembering instead that they are humans with fears, insecurities, and stories of their own.

When you begin writing, write words that describe your deepest emotions and thoughts concerning this event in your life. Mention briefly what led up to the event. Focus more on the other person or people who are responsible for what happened.

What do you think was going on in their life at the time? How do you think they feel about it afterward? What will it take for you to forgive them?

Explore what being able to forgive them means to you and to them. As always, write continuously in an uncensored way.

Transactional Writing Choice #5: Asking Forgiveness Letter

Before writing, think about something that you have done in the past that caused someone else emotional pain. Think carefully about what led up to the event, what was going on in your mind at the time, and how you felt afterward.

Imagine how the other person felt and what he or she may have felt and what they may have thought. Briefly describe what happened, but focus on the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

If you can, express your sorrow and write out an apology. Don’t use your writing to justify your actions, but include if you can what it might take to make amends with this person, their family, and friends. As always, write continuously and write in an uncensored way.

A Paper Sacrifice

When your letter is as perfect as you can make it, it is a perfect sacrifice for moving ahead symbolically. Taking care for safety, create a ritual for burning your perfect paper sacrifice — symbolically releasing all that it represents.

Watch your letter burn. Watch the paper become ashes. Watch the smoke rise from the paper. Know that the materials of the ink and the paper have returned to the basic elements. No matter has been created or destroyed, its shape has changed, and that can make all the difference.

See the book, Expressive Writing: Words That Heal by James W. Pennebaker and John F. Evans.

John F. Evans, Ed.D. , is a writer, scholar, and workshop facilitator, as well as the founder and executive director of Wellness & Writing Connections.

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The Unsent Project

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A Collection Of Unsent Text Messages To First Loves

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Night: Unsent Letters Writing Strategy

As part of their study of Elie Wiesel's Night, individuals assume the voice of an Auschwitz survivor and craft a letter to a former SS officer who worked at the camp and claims he is not guilty of any crime. 

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• The sixth in a series of seven reading comprehension strategies using Elie Wiesel's Night as the anchor text
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(English) Unsent Letter Writing Assignment

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Esther Kane

MSW, RSW, RCC

Therapeutic Letter-Writing: The Unsent Letter

5 October 2020 by Esther Kane

I’ve decided to write a two-part series on the magic of a form of homework I give to practically ALL of my clients at one or more points on their healing journeys — THE UNSENT LETTER. Every time I give this letter-writing homework, I send them the links to two of my blog posts I’ve written on the subject. The first of these posts  explains how therapeutic letter writing is and outlines how to write one to receive the incredible benefits.   For those of you who prefer learning through auditory and visual methods, I produced two separate videos on how to write the UNSENT LETTER. Part two will be in next week’s blog, so look out for it. Here’s the first one:

Esther’s therapy office is located in Victoria, BC. In-person, video, and telephone appointments available. To set up a FREE 15-minute phone consultation, contact me online or call 778.265.6190 .

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Our Weekly Tip: Writing the Unsent Letter

Our Tip of the Week: Whether your loved one died suddenly or after a long illness, you may find yourself wishing you had said something to them. One last, “I love you,” perhaps, or an apology for something you did or did not do. An unsent letter is one way to manage and express your feelings.

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How-to Suggestion: When writing your unsent letter, try to find a private space. A spot outdoors that is special to you, perhaps, or a room where you know you will not be bothered.

Choose the format that is easiest for you. Some people are more comfortable writing longhand while others prefer to use a computer. If you use a computer, you may want to delete the letter after you’ve written it, especially if you don’t want other people to view it. You can print out a copy to keep for yourself if you like.

When writing an unsent letter, don’t worry about spelling and punctuation. Just let the feelings flow. Write what you would say to your loved one if they were standing in front of you. You may find yourself feeling angry at your loved one for leaving you or for something they did before they died, and it’s okay to express that, too.

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The letter does not have to be of any particular length. Some people write several pages to express all their feelings. Some people are satisfied with one or two sentences.

Once you have finished the letter, you have several options. You can keep it to help remember your loved one. You can place it in your loved one’s casket to be buried with them, or you can burn it and place it with your loved one’s cremains. You can also burn it and scatter it in a place that was important to you and your loved one. Some people destroy the letter and simply throw it in the trash.

An unsent letter gives you a way to resolve issues with your loved one, even after their death. If you find yourself struggling with grief, guilt, or anger, the unsent letter can be a valuable tool to help you deal with your feelings and move on.

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THE UNSENT PROJECT

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A COLLECTION OF UNSENT TEXT MESSAGES TO FIRST LOVES

The Unsent Project compiles an extensive collection of more than 5,000,000 unsent text messages addressed to individuals’ initial loves. These messages, submitted anonymously from individuals globally, serve as a testament to unresolved sentiments. Initiated by Rora Blue in 2015, the project seeks to explore the varied perceptions of love’s hues. Each submission correlates with the color linked by the sender to their first love, forming a visual spectrum of emotions.

The diversity within these submissions spans a wide spectrum of feelings, encapsulating a myriad of emotions. The definition of “first love” remains open-ended, allowing submissions addressed to past partners, cherished friends, former flames, family members, and even beloved pets.

All entries are meticulously recorded and housed in a digital repository, permitting sorting options by name and associated color. The core objective of the Unsent Project lies in providing an avenue for individuals to express their unspoken emotions, offering a cathartic release for those in need of an emotional outlet.

The Unsent Project is an artistic endeavor that collects anonymous, unsent letters, expressing unspoken emotions, thoughts, and confessions. Created by Unsent Projec, this ongoing social media-based initiative encourages people to share their deepest feelings through handwritten letters they never sent. Participants write messages addressing anyone, whether living or deceased, to articulate emotions they couldn’t express directly. Through this project, individuals find solace, healing, and a sense of connection by anonymously sharing their untold stories, creating a poignant tapestry of unspoken sentiments.

The Unsent Project is a creative initiative founded by artist Rora Blue, inviting individuals to anonymously submit unsent letters they’ve written but never sent.

Rora Blue started the project as a personal endeavor to process her own emotions by writing unsent letters. She then expanded it into an open platform for others to share their unspoken words.

The project aims to provide a cathartic outlet for individuals to express emotions, thoughts, and experiences they haven’t communicated. It serves as a collective space to validate unexpressed feelings and foster connection through shared experiences.

Participants can contribute by submitting their own unsent letters through The Unsent Project’s website or social media platforms. Submissions can be handwritten or typed and are usually anonymized.

The project accepts letters encompassing diverse emotions and themes, including love, loss, gratitude, regret, forgiveness, self-reflection, and more.

While there aren’t strict guidelines, letters should be authentic, respectful, and not contain identifying information to maintain anonymity.

For many contributors, sharing their unsent letters can be a therapeutic experience, offering emotional release, validation, and a sense of solidarity with others who may relate to their feelings.

The project primarily serves as a platform for expression rather than providing direct counseling or support. However, the act of sharing and reading others’ letters can offer comfort and a sense of community.

Participants can submit handwritten or typed letters. Some submissions also include accompanying artwork or visuals that complement the written content.

The project usually removes any identifying information before sharing the submissions online. This process helps maintain the confidentiality and privacy of contributors.

The letters are often shared on The Unsent Project’s website and social media platforms, allowing a wide audience to engage with the stories and emotions conveyed in the submissions.

While there’s no rigid selection process, the project curator(s) may review submissions to ensure they align with the project’s ethos and themes before sharing them.

Yes, contributors can typically see their submissions on The Unsent Project’s platform unless they’ve chosen to remain completely anonymous.

The project has garnered significant attention and participation over time, expanding its reach globally and accumulating a diverse collection of unsent letters.

The project has occasionally organized offline events like exhibitions or workshops centered around the themes of unspoken words and emotions. It has also collaborated with various artists and organizations to amplify its impact.

While primarily an artistic endeavor, researchers and psychologists have shown interest in studying the emotional impact and psychological aspects of the letters shared in the project.

The project acknowledges the sensitivity of the content shared and aims to create a supportive environment. It might provide trigger warnings or resources for those who might be affected by certain themes.

The project’s emphasis on anonymity, raw emotional expression, and the diverse array of unspoken feelings distinguishes it, fostering a community of shared experiences.

Yes, the project often encourages engagement through discussions, prompts, and shared experiences related to the themes explored in the unsent letters.

Individuals can support the project by submitting their own unsent letters, engaging with shared content, spreading awareness, or even participating in related

The Unsent Project stands as a testament to the depth and complexity of human emotions, offering a space for catharsis and connection through the unspoken words that resonate with many. events or workshops.

The Unsent Project: Anonymously shares unspoken emotions through submitted letters, fostering catharsis, connection, and empathy in a diverse array of unexpressed feelings.

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*psychotherapy * supervision * training/cpd *, seven ways the ‘unsent letter’ can channel your anger.

Write down your angry thoughts (but don’t send them) to help process your feelings (pic courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/anankkml)

Full of rage at someone but not sure you can tell them? Feeling hurt and let down by a partner but fearful of telling them straight? Wish you could tell a parent exactly how they made you feel? I frequently recommend the ‘unsent letter’ as a way of expressing your feelings about or towards someone who’s made you mad, bad or sad.

The unsent letter is a form of writing therapy that encourages you to address a letter to someone you don’t feel you can talk directly to – perhaps a former lover, a friend you’ve fallen out with, or perhaps someone who has died. It’s a way of putting into words a deeply held thought or feeling that has somehow been damaging you in some way, or holding you back. The idea is that you write about your feelings openly – so they’re ‘out there’ – but you don’t have to send the letter. The point is to articulate and process your feelings rather then openly hurt someone else by sending the letter.

So you can rage about a vexatious issue connected to a significant person in your life, and it’s you who ends up feeling better. The unsent letter can be written by hand, or typed as an email – whichever you prefer. Just don’t press send!

Here are seven ways the unsent letter can help to channel your anger…

• You may find that during the course of bashing out words on the screen, or scribbling frantically on the page, your anger may gradually lose its momentum and subside into something more meditative, thoughtful and creative.
• The very act of finding the right words to express feelings can become a journey in itself. Crafting phrases, shaping thoughts, and giving them rhythm helped give a constructive voice to a destructive energy.
• Like dancing while no-one’s watching, and singing while no-one’s listening, writing that unsent letter allows you to express barely and brutally how are feeling – with no fear that someone will creep up behind you and admonish you for having those thoughts in the first place. There is no shame and no anxiety, and no need to hide.
• Letting your demons come out of the shadows, and seeing them in the brightest of lights on the page, can make them look much less scary and sinister.
• By writing without censoring you can spot when I call ‘victim vocabulary’. In other words, the ‘should, must, ought, had to’ kind of language. It can help to rephrase your thoughts with I rather than you – to say ‘I feel hurt’ when you do that, instead of saying ‘you hurt me’.
• It can bring to consciousness a realisation that you may also be complicit in the fractious dynamic that has been created. Maybe you aren’t completely the innocent, wounded party after all. Not easy to admit, but writing it all out can help you become much more objective about your role in the disagreement.
• The unsent letter can be a process of recognising the feeling, naming it, owning it – and then letting it go.Instead of holding onto the hurt or rage, and letting it distil into resentment, the feeling can lose its power and its meaning can become less significant. The page or screen now holds your anger so you don’t have to.

So, you may have to press ‘save’ on the email, but you don’t need to press ‘save’ on your anger.

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Top 5 This Week

Controversy erupts over apd’s unsent letter supporting pardoned killer, can gambling donors save dade phelan, who are the eight republican incumbents forced into runoffs , silencing trump, pope francis calls paxton’s efforts to close migrant shelter “sheer madness”, related posts, garrett foster’s mother speaks out: “abbott used my dead child for politics”, republican policies make texas less attractive to young talent, texas man looks for girlfriend with $400 billboard, 79 protesters arrested at monday’s pro-palestine protest at ut-austin, megan thee stallion’s ex-cameraman accuses her of forcing him to watch her have sex, charges against most students arrested in pro-palestinian protest at ut austin dismissed.

The Austin Police Department drafted a letter advocating for Daniel Perry’s innocence two days before Gov. Greg Abbott pardoned Perry for killing Garret Foster during a Black Lives Matter protest.

The letter, first obtained by the Austin-American Statesman and KVUE-TV, was supposed to be sent the day before Abbott pardoned Perry last week, but the letter was never sent.

“Ultimately the drafted letter was not submitted. After discussions with city leadership, as is standard in certain situations, I decided not to submit the letter,” interim police chief Robin Henderson told the Statesman.

The letter stated that Perry should be released and that he should never have been charged in the first place because, according to the APD, he acted in self-defense.

APD consulted retired Detective David Fugit, who has advocated for Perry’s freedom, and concluded that “the prosecution of Mr. Perry was not based on the merits of direct evidence, but by conjecture, innuendo, character assassination, and more importantly, the exclusion of exculpatory evidence,” the letter stated.

“We collectively feel that for justice to be served, a full pardon and restoration of his firearm rights should be granted to Mr. Perry,” APD concluded.

However, the letter has drawn criticism from other figures.

Travis County District Attorney Jose Garza said the jury heard evidence that Perry’s attack was premeditated and that APD did not investigate the facts of the case. He also noted that Henderson did not attend Perry’s trial.

“Had she been at the trial, she would have known that Mr. Perry had a full and fair opportunity to argue the killing was in self-defense and that after deliberate consideration, the jury did not find that it was in self-defense,” Garza said.

Evidence was released that, before the shooting, Perry had posted on social media that “I might have to kill a few people on my way to work, they are rioting outside my apartment complex.” He was also found to have had on-line conversations with a 16-year-old girl, in which he told her to “come up with a reason why I should be your boyfriend.”

Garza also added that, unlike the interim police chief, he believes in jury service and that it is a foundation of the criminal justice system.

“This is not an appropriate role for the Austin Police Department, and those words have no place on official letterhead,” Mayor Kirk Watson said.

“We support the chief’s decision not to send the letter,” Interim Assistant City Manager Bruce Mills said. “Clearly, the draft letter is outside the police department’s role.”

Although the department’s role is not to advocate for a person’s pardon, some detectives have written letters about an inmate’s parole eligibility.

Garrett Foster participated in a Black Lives Matter protest in downtown Austin on July 25, 2020. He was marching with other protesters while legally carrying a semi-automatic rifle to protect them.

Perry was driving for Uber and encountered the protesters, he honked at them and drove his car into the crowd, Foster approached him and Perry pulled out a handgun and fatally shot him.

Perry has already been released from jail and his gun rights have been restored.

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An Unsent Letter

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My once-dear friend,

Upon receiving your letter, I started a profound reflection on our seven-year-long "friendship."

It has been quite some time since our last argument, and I believe that both you and I have regained our composure and can engage in a reasonable conversation. Now, please allow me to be sincere and straightforward in my words.

The differences between us have existed since the beginning of our relationship. At first, I was blinded by my intense admiration and affection for you, and I willingly regarded you as an authority figure and my spiritual mentor. However, this does not justify treating your followers as mere experimental subjects.

You often exert pressure on everyone around you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, causing people to subconsciously perceive themselves as inferior to you. You sit in the "Father's" chair, accepting unconditional admiration, flattery, and praise, as a guarantee of your unassailable authority.

However, when faced with criticisms or challenges, your amiable demeanor and generosity vanish, replaced by cruelty, denunciation, and dictatorship. In your eyes, any dissent is nothing more than rebellion against one's father. Even though my intention is to further refine the valuable insights you have discovered, you accuse me of harboring "patricidal motives" and claim that my efforts to expand upon your doctrine are an attempt to "undermine your unshakable fortress."

However, isn't your obsession with authority an outward display of your pathological dependency? With all due respect, you simply derive your sense of security from the love and approval of others, and you rely on it for your emotional stability.

Obviously, I am not the only "friend" who has distanced themselves from you due to differences in ideals. Admit it — you don't seek friends, but rather compliant children who lack independent opinions.

Frankly, your "authority" and obstinacy now appear rather absurd in my eyes.

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Austin police penned unsent letter to parole board in favor of man convicted of killing BLM protester

K VUE has obtained a letter from the Austin Police Department (APD) that was nearly sent to the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles that strongly advocates for the release of, and full clemency for, Daniel Perry, the man who was tried and convicted in the shooting death of Black Lives Matter protester Garrett Foster in 2020.

The letter, which has the signature line of APD Interim Police Chief Robin Henderson, asserts that the prosecution of Perry was based on conjecture and innuendo and that it amounted to a character assassination of Perry, echoing the beliefs of the lead investigator in the case.

The department was on the verge of sending the letter to the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles but held back before hitting "send."

RELATED: Texas governor pardons ex-Army sergeant convicted of killing Black Lives Matter protester

What the letter says 

The draft letter claims that a 12-person jury that convicted Perry in 2023 came to the wrong conclusion – one different from those inside APD.

The draft document states: “As law enforcement officers, we are bestowed the honorable duty to investigate, collect and provide complete and honest unbiased facts to the citizens of this state. This unbiased collection and presentation of evidence must be conducted separate from political and emotional influence."

The letter goes on to say; “This duty is not taken lightly and is essential for justice to occur in order for the public to maintain trust in a system that is designed to protect the innocent while at the same time holding those who violate the law accountable.”

The letter concludes: “We collectively feel that for justice to be served, a full pardon and restoration of his firearm rights should be granted to Mr. Perry.”

The letter provides a window into how Austin police viewed the case – beyond the finding of lead investigator David Fugitt, who has since retired from the department and fought on Perry’s behalf.

RELATED: Daniel Perry sentenced to 25 years in prison for murder of protester

Official reaction 

In the days leading up to Perry’s pardon, the Board of Pardons and Paroles reached out to APD, the Travis County sheriff’s office and the judge in the case to see if they wished to offer input on the proposed pardon. APD was the only one to accept the offer.

"Ultimately, the drafted letter was not submitted," APD Interim Chief Robin Henderson told KVUE. "After discussions with city leadership, as is standard in certain situations, I decided not to submit the letter."

The next day, the Board of Pardons and Paroles recommended Perry’s clemency, Gov. Greg Abbott issued a proclamation granting the pardon and Perry walked out of prison – just over a year after his conviction in April 2023.

Austin Mayor Kirk Watson addressed APD's letter in a statement that read,  "Whether the letter was sent is irrelevant. This is not an appropriate role for the Austin Police Department, and those words have no place on official letterhead."

Travis County District Attorney José Garza said in a statement Tuesday that the jury heard evidence that Perry's attack was "deliberate and premeditated."

“Although that evidence was available to APD,  they did not investigate those facts, nor did the Interim Chief of Police attend the trial," Garza said. "Had she been at the trial,  she would have known that Mr. Perry had a full and fair opportunity to argue the killing was in self-defense and  that, after deliberate consideration, the jury did not find that it was in self-defense."

Garza's statement continued to say that he is grateful for the jury and that, "unlike  the Interim Chief of Police, I believe that jury service is a foundation of our  criminal justice system, and their verdict should not be disturbed."

Austin Councilmember Vanessa Fuentes also released a statement, saying she is, "Disappointed to learn that APD leadership considered advocating for pardoning a convicted murderer, Daniel Perry. This shows disregard for due process & is a slap in the face to our justice system. I'm seeking to understand why city officials would consider such an unusual action."

Perry’s attorneys have said that their client is eager to begin a new life and may try to return to the military.

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