essay on how to resolve conflict

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What is conflict?

Causes of conflict in a relationship, how do you respond to conflict, conflict resolution, stress, and emotions, core skill 1: quick stress relief, core skill 2: emotional awareness, nonverbal communication and conflict resolution, more tips for managing and resolving conflict, conflict resolution skills.

Whatever the cause of disagreements and disputes at home or work, these skills can help you resolve conflict in a constructive way and keep your relationships strong and growing.

Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

Conflict 101

• A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
• Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
• We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
• Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.
• Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.

Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can range from the need to feel safe and secure or respected and valued, to the need for greater closeness and intimacy.

Think about the opposing needs of a toddler and a parent. The child’s need is to explore, so venturing to the street or the cliff edge meets that need. But the parent’s need is to protect the child’s safety, a need that can only be met by limiting the toddler’s exploration. Since these needs are at odds, conflict arises.

The needs of each party play an important role in the long-term success of a relationship. Each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In the workplace, differing needs can result in broken deals, decreased profits, and lost jobs.

[Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

When you can recognize conflicting needs and are willing to examine them with compassion and understanding, it can lead to creative problem solving, team building, and stronger relationships.

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Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from painful memories from early childhood or previous unhealthy relationships, you may expect all disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict as demoralizing, humiliating, or something to fear. If your early life experiences left you feeling powerless or out of control, conflict may even be traumatizing for you.

If you’re afraid of conflict, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you enter a conflict situation already feeling threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you’re more likely to either shut down or blow up in anger.

Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict

Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases your understanding of the other person, builds trust, and strengthens your relationships.

If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. This will make it hard to communicate with others and establish what’s really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he slurps his soup—rather than what is  really bothering them.

The ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on your ability to:

• Manage stress quickly while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
• Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, intimidating, or punishing others.
• Pay attention to the  feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others.
• Be aware of and respect differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can almost always resolve a problem faster.

To successfully resolve a conflict, you need to learn and practice two core skills:

• Quick stress relief: the ability to quickly relieve stress in the moment.
• Emotional awareness: the ability to remain comfortable enough with your emotions to react in constructive ways, even in the midst of a perceived attack.

Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways.

Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.

Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.

Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

How stress affects conflict resolution

Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to:

• Accurately read another person’s body language .
• Hear what someone is really saying.
• Be aware of your own feelings.
• Be in touch with your own, deep-rooted needs.
• Communicate your needs clearly.

Is stress a problem for you?

You may be so used to feeling stressed that you’re not even aware you  are stressed. Stress may pose a problem in your life if you identify with the following:

• You often feel tense or tight somewhere in your body.
• You’re not aware of movement in your chest or stomach when you breathe.
• Conflict absorbs your time and attention.

Learn how to manage stress in the moment

One of the most reliable ways to rapidly reduce stress is by engaging one or more of your senses—sight, sound, taste, smell, touch—or through movement. You could squeeze a stress ball, smell a relaxing scent, taste a soothing cup of tea, or look at a treasured photograph. We all tend to respond differently to sensory input, often depending on how we respond to stress, so take some time to find things that are soothing to you. Read: Quick Stress Relief .

Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how or why you feel a certain way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or resolve disagreements.

[Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence]

Although knowing your own feelings may sound simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Your ability to handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be limited.

Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict

Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your  moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately, is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict.

Emotional awareness helps you to:

• Understand what is really troubling other people
• Understand yourself, including what is really troubling you
• Stay motivated until the conflict is resolved
• Communicate clearly and effectively
• Interest and influence others

Assessing your level of emotional awareness

The following quiz helps you assess your level of emotional awareness. Answer the following questions with:  almost never, occasionally, often, very often, or  almost always . There are no right or wrong responses, only the opportunity to become better acquainted with your emotional responses.

What kind of relationship do you have with your emotions?

• Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?
• Do you experience distinct feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, which are evident in different facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your own attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision-making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be “turned” down or even off. In either case, you may need help developing your emotional awareness. You can do this by using Helpguide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

When people are in the middle of a conflict, the words they use rarely convey the issues at the heart of the problem. But by paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals or “body language,” such as facial expressions, posture, gestures, and tone of voice, you can better understand what the person is really saying. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem.

[Read: Nonverbal Communication and Body Language]

Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Think about what you are transmitting to others during conflict, and if what you say matches your body language. If you say “I’m fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signaling you are anything but “fine.” A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange.

You can ensure that the process of managing and resolving conflict is as positive as possible by sticking to the following guidelines:

Listen for what is felt as well as said. When you really listen, you connect more deeply to your own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens, informs, and makes it easier for others to hear you when it’s your turn to speak.

Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or “being right.” Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and their viewpoint.

Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past conflicts, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.

Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worth your time and energy. Maybe you don’t want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it.

Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive others. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can serve only to deplete and drain your life.

Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

Using humor in conflict resolution

You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way . Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.

More Information

• CR Kit - Covers causes of conflict, different conflict styles, and fair fighting guidelines to help you positively resolve disagreements. (Conflict Resolution Network)
• 12 Skills Summary - A 12-step conflict resolution training kit. (Conflict Resolution Network)
• Effective Communication - The art of listening in conflict resolution. (University of Maryland)
• 10.3 Causes and Outcomes of Conflict – Organizational Behavior . (n.d.). Retrieved May 25, 2022, from Link
• Başoğul, C., & Özgür, G. (2016). Role of Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Management Strategies of Nurses. Asian Nursing Research , 10(3), 228–233. Link
• Corcoran, Kathleen O’Connell, and Brent Mallinckrodt. “Adult Attachment, Self-Efficacy, Perspective Taking, and Conflict Resolution.” Journal of Counseling & Development 78, no. 4 (2000): 473–83. Link
• Yarnell, Lisa M., and Kristin D. Neff. “Self-Compassion, Interpersonal Conflict Resolutions, and Well-Being.” Self and Identity 12, no. 2 (March 1, 2013): 146–59. Link
• Tucker, Corinna Jenkins, Susan M. Mchale, and Ann C. Crouter. “Conflict Resolution: Links with Adolescents’ Family Relationships and Individual Well-Being.” Journal of Family Issues 24, no. 6 (September 1, 2003): 715–36. Link

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How to Resolve Conflict in Workplace Essay

Introduction.

The inevitability of conflicts within an organization suggests that organizational leaders need to embrace them rather than avoid them. Thus, although there are many ways of dealing with conflicts at workplaces, such as collaboration, compromise, competing, avoidance, and accommodation, any strategy that emphasizes leaving conflicts unaddressed is inappropriate.

Conflicts often produce a negative implication on the performance of an organization (Bagshaw, 2004). Since the principal goal of organizational leadership is to look for mechanisms of resolving challenges, which may hinder the performance of an organization so that it delivers value to its owners (shareholders), conflict avoidance constitutes a risky approach to conflict management.

Organizations comprise people from different cultural, professional, racial, age, and other demographic backgrounds. Where people are segregated along these diversity differences, cultural conflicts arise. This suggests that managers and leaders within organizations encounter immense challenges in seeking effective strategies for recruitment, training, developing, and retaining the most talented personnel in an organization characterized by immense workforce diversities.

These challenges become even more pronounced as many organizations endeavor to engage in global businesses as a measure of increasing their competitive advantage. The more diverse the workforce is, the higher the risks of workplace conflicts associated with diversity differences. However, organizations gain from higher workforce innovation and creativity potential upon adopting effective strategies for handling this diversity.

Theoretical Background

Defining workplace conflicts.

In a healthy organization, conflicts are predictable. Workplaces bring people from different cultural backgrounds. Such people have different opinions and views towards various issues encountered in an organization’s daily activities. Such different opinions and views create points of parity and disparity. The disparities lead to conflicts. Bacal (1998, p. 8) defines workplace conflict as “issues that generate frequent expressions of emotions, frustration, and anger.”

This suggests that whenever two or more people work together, they disagree on strategies for accomplishing some desired outcomes. Such disagreements can be either constructive or destructive in an organization. In fact, Bacal (1998) refers to destructive conflicts as ugly clashes, while constructive disagreements are good organizational conflicts. While it is impossible to eliminate workplace conflicts, destructive conflicts are highly undesirable. They should be kept at minimal levels.

Organizations, individuals, and even work teams require constructive conflict for them to grow. Engaging in opposing discussions, especially on mechanisms of accomplishing certain outcomes, creates opportunities for “thinking and doing things that can be useful to everyone” (Bacal, 1998, p.8).

In this sense, the outcomes of decisions made following engagements in constructive conflicts are in favor and accommodative of all key stakeholders’ interests within an organization. Destructive conflicts make people in an organization uncomfortable.

In some situations, escalated conflicts have the implication of compelling people to quit (Bagshaw, 2004). Organizations that experience destructive conflicts also encounter challenges of “…lower morale, lower productivity, higher turnover, and more employee burnout” (Bacal, 1998, p.8). This suggests that organizational leaders and managers should focus on eliminating destructive conflicts while encouraging constructive conflicts in an effort to build higher-performing organizations.

Causes of Conflicts in the Workplace

Workplace conflicts are broadly subdivided into caustic and productive conflicts. Destructive conflicts often involve personality clashes. This occurs when people fail to get along with one another. This type of conflict in the workplace is often fuelled by emotion and perceptions about somebody else’s motives and character. For example, a team leader jumps on someone for being late because they view the team member as lazy and disrespectful.

The team member sees the team leader as out to ‘get’ them because they are not one of the ‘favored children.’ The second type occurs when people view decisions and ideas articulated to a given job or task differently. Conflicting ideas become productive in the event that parties in conflicts have the willingness to engage in brainstorming sessions (Bacal, 1998). In such situations, compromised ideas are, at times, better in enhancing the success of an organization compared to an original idea.

As a cause of workplace conflicts, as hinted above, personality clashes initiate disputes regarding certain business practices, which then skyrocket into mutual loathing (Collinsin & Rourke, 2005). In some cases, two people may not like each other right from the beginning due to diversity differences and other personality differences.

This claim implies that workplace diversity may be a big contributor to conflicts within an organization. Personality clashes also contribute to workplace disputes, which may escalate to become conflicts since people possess different beliefs, values, and approaches to handling problems. When people fail or have difficulties in appreciating and embracing other people’s work methods, clashes emerge.

Some conflicts within an organization can emerge due to a lack of trust in the HR to handle differences between two disagreeing employees. The situation makes the parties engaged in conflict expand their differences when permitted to take matters into their hands. Therefore, HRM deserves to evaluate the circumstances that may cause disregard the consideration of the roles of HRM in conflict resolution by employees.

Gramberg (2005, p. 94) supports this position by further claiming, “interpersonal skills are important to managers with regard to building workplace trust and cooperation from staff members who are collectively accountable for furthering business goals.” In fact, one of the roles of management in an organization is to ensure a peaceful environment characterized by workforce collaboration in the effort to meet an organization’s goals, mission, and aims.

Failure of employee collaboration may give rise to workplace conflicts. Other causes of conflicts within workplaces include poor or inadequate communication, which gives rise to misunderstandings, and limited organizational resources, which lead to competition and conflicting needs. Poor performance in tasks that are allocated to employees may also lead to conflicts when some tasks with higher effort input demands or when poorly completed tasks are reallocated to other employees.

Globalized organizations embrace diversity in their workforce. This strategic initiative is impaired by the belief that employing people from diverse backgrounds gives an organization a competitive advantage. For instance, an organization develops the capacity to tap and benefit from a wide range of talents and knowledge bases (Johnson & Keddy, 2010). This means that an organization is able to innovate and create a wide range of products, which translates into increased profitability while traded in the global markets.

Focusing on diversity as a strategic initiative for an organization delivers gains in terms of enhanced growth through an increment of product range due to innovation that is brought by people possessing different capabilities working together. However, it is crucial to note that diversity also brings together people from different cultural backgrounds (Gramberg, 2005).

The above assertion implies that diversity has the impact of creating cultural conflicts in workplaces. Institute of Leadership and Management (2007) confirms how the HRM is important in resolving such conflicts since it helps to create a common organizational culture by helping employees understand that different people have different abilities and beliefs and that these differences should not be permitted to influence the way people relate with one another.

Alternatively, diversity differences need to avoid personality clashes within workplaces. The HR, being charged with ensuring that employees work in harmony without conflicting situations that lead to personality clashes, should deploy diversity to enhance success by treating any conflict arising from cultural differences and frictions as an act of indiscipline and negligence to comply with an established organizational culture.

While this role may be well established in the outline of the mandates of the HRM in an organization, communication may hinder the success of the initiatives deployed by HR to curb personality conflicts.

Studies by Bacal (1998) and Lee (2008) identify communication as a major cause of workplace conflicts. Leaders for dynamic organizations appreciate the importance of effective communication, particularly while working in an environment of consistent change.

Communication has the ability to deliver tangible products as opposed to being a soft component of leadership roles. Improving the satisfaction of consumers, enhancing the quality of service delivery and product quality, and enhancing retention together with the satisfaction of employees depend on effective communication (Lee, 2008). These aspects also constitute the ingredients of workplace conflicts.

In an organization that employs people from diverse backgrounds, communication is the tool deployed to harness individual differences of employees to align them to a common organizational culture guided by the aims, missions, goals, and objectives of the organization (Johnson & Keddy 2010). This suggests that communication is also important in the effective resolution of employee conflicts. Conflicts influence employee productivity. Hence, the performance of an organization is also affected negatively.

Poor communication often results in resistance to change, especially where the persons working in an organization consider the changes being implemented as threats to their jobs and personal excellence.

For instance, while personnel at the headquarters of an organization may be fighting for standardization of products produced by an organization to ease supply chain and logistics challenges, workers at departmental levels of various products may be opposed to such an endeavor. This disparity creates destructive workplace conflicts between an organization and employees at different hierarchical levels.

Inadequate communication at the intra-organizational levels may result in different perceptions of ideas and strategies that will enhance organizational success in the market (Bacal, 1998). This claim implies that conflicts in ideology minimize the opportunities for channeling organizational energy to the implementation of ideas and strategies that will enhance the increment of productivity of an organization.

Communicating both adequately and effectively is crucial for the elimination of workplace conflicts. Institute of Leadership and Management (2007) confirms that the availability of adequate and unambiguous information helps employees to collectively support effectively while doing what is within their capacity to ensure that an organization succeeds in the direction set by leaders and managers.

In this sense, the goal of an effective communication program within an organization is to foster a change in employees’ behaviors and perceptions toward other employees, which may trigger personality clashes.

Effecting the desired change in an organization through communication takes different forms. It may involve the harmonization of people’s attitudes or alteration of work processes in an effort to support the organization’s success by eliminating the clash of ideas in the manner of executing various job elements, which may be destructive.

Effective communication entails communicating strategies for success through translating the essential business objectives and goals into terms that employees can understand easily (Johnson & Keddy, 2010).

In response to such communication, employees become engaged and aligned in readiness to work collectively toward driving organizational success. In fact, when communication fails, misunderstanding arises, resulting in the failure of employees to execute tasks as desired by managers and leaders. This translates into workplace conflicts between managers, supervisors, and leaders with employees.

Impacts of Workplace Conflict

The human resource arm of an organization has an immense responsibility to ensure that top talent within an organization is retained. HRM is the core competency of an organization whose objective is to handle issues related to employees.

Such issues include enhancing motivation, enhancing job satisfaction, laying remuneration structures, giving advice on promotions, and aiding an organization to acquire top talent through selection and recruitment. Addressing issues that result in poor performance of employees, such as poor job satisfaction, calls for the HRM to establish correlations for the challenges. Lee (2008) identifies ugly workplace conflicts as one of the correlates of poor job satisfaction.

As a core competency for an organization, HRM engages in tasks such as training and development and managing conflicts within organizations through conflict resolution. Conflicts that HRM enhances their management are between an organization and employees or between employees and other employees. These conflicts produce both positive and negative impacts on an organization.

Conflicts may have the impact of creating opportunities for organizational growth. Bacal (1998) supports this impact by adding that a good organizational conflict entails providing the means for learning and setting mechanisms for fostering employee cooperation.

Collins and Rourke (2005) maintain that conflicts may create an opportunity for employees to learn strategies for effectively handling similar conflicts in the future.

While workplace conflicts may emanate from poor communication, conflicts can provide a means through which people become aware and/or understand the various issues that may translate into future conflicts.

Through this understanding, people are able to develop honesty and transparent organizational communication channels (Lee, 2008). Different ideas and angles of view on a given issue that may be influencing an organization have the impact of creating well-brainstormed ideas, which aid an organization in achieving better performance levels.

Organizational performance is a function of many variables. Some of these variables are workforce morale, employee turnover rates, productivity, and employee burnout. Bacal (1998) confirms that these variables correlate directly with workplace conflicts.

As revealed before, one of the common causes of workplace conflicts is workforce diversity, especially in terms of professional capabilities and cultural differences. This assertion implies that effective management of workforce diversity can improve workforce productivity, enhance workforce engagement, and foster the reduction of staff absenteeism and workforce turnover.

HRM plays a central role in handling all issues negatively influencing employees’ productivity in the workplace. In case of ugly conflicts, diversity implies leading to conflicts, which impair employees’ productivity by lowering their work morale. However, an organization will benefit if good organizational conflicts arise from diversity differences.

Google provides an important benchmark on how positive conflicts of workforce diversity can enhance the performance of an organization. Google Company gains from the varied viewpoints of its diverse workforce in effect that such a workforce provides increased problem-solving capacities and enhanced creativity levels.

In this context, it is inferable that proper management of good organizational conflicts involving exchange and disagreement on various ideas akin to diversity differences in talent and creativity levels has positive impacts. For instance, the creativity and innovativeness of a diverse workforce have made Google gain via establishing a central position in the competitive market.

The goal of managing workforce conflicts is to ensure that conflicts do not negatively impact organizations’ success. Labor turnover constitutes one of the negative impacts of workplace conflicts. In many organizations, labor turnover is deployed as a measure of performance. It measures the decisions of the worker to remain committed to the work of an organization (Bacal, 1998). Employee turnover is divided into two main types: voluntary and involuntary turnover.

Voluntary turnover occurs when employees decide to quit employment out of their own will to engage in other activities, such as self-employment, but not because the job was dissatisfying. In the case of involuntary turnover, people are compelled by circumstances to quit their employment. Such circumstances include poor pay, perception of exploitation, conflicts with other employees, and work-personal life conflicts, among other reasons.

Labor turnover is controllable or unavoidable in some situations. For instance, where workplace conflicts cause labor turnover, proper management of such conflicts can control and avoid them. Where this does not happen, the impacts of labor turnover due to destructive workplace conflicts have serious consequences on the performance of an organization both in the short and long term.

McClure (2004) contends that high turnover in organizations leads to increased costs of recruitment together with training of new employees to fill the gap left by the outgoing employees. Turnover is one of the issues that organizations seeking to exploit cost competitiveness as a strategy of success should address proactively. Addressing it proactively calls for organizations to deal with its causation, such as workplace conflicts.

The best approach to the management of organizational conflicts encompasses developing strategies for their prevention (Wisinski, 2003). However, the occurrence of conflicts indicates potential problems that negatively impact employees’ productivity, such as low motivation.

They also create opportunities for establishing good relationships among work teams and individuals when arbitration, mediation, and reconciliation efforts succeed. Considering that good relationship among employees is the foundation for higher work team productivity, mild destructive workplace conflicts in this sense can help build better-performing work teams.

Handling Conflicts in the Workplace

In practice, employees are not able to handle misunderstandings with their peers in an effective way before such misunderstandings have translated to personality clashes. The realization of this argument calls for the management to step in to look for mechanisms for handling conflicts (Myatt, 2012; Cloke & Goldsmith, 2005).

One such mechanism is adopting disciplinary measures for employees engaging in unproductive conflicts. However, intra-communication and inter-communication strategies are vital before disciplinary action is adopted.

This move calls for HR managers to possess good interpersonal and intrapersonal communication skills. “These skills are deployed to help harness employees’ personal and social skills that are necessary for conflict resolution” (Masters & Albright, 2002, p.117).

Indeed, interpersonal communication comprises an essential skill in conflict management within an organization in the effort to diffuse various stressful environments together with hostile situations, which may create fertile grounds for the development of conflicts (Myatt, 2012, para.8).

In organizational settings, the emergence of conflicts is hard to prevent. According to Gramberg (2005), the main challenge is how to resolve workplace conflicts. To reduce incidences of defiant behaviors, effective management of employees entails effectively communicating the rules and procedures of punishing employees in case of breach of the established rules and regulations that define the codes of ethics and organizational culture.

Since any grievances and disciplinary actions within an organization begin with clear and precise communication of the implications of an employee’s acts of misconduct, interpersonal and intrapersonal communication skills are an important requirement for a manager who endeavors to prepare, conduct, and conclude grievance and disciplinary cases effectively.

Scholars have developed many models to describe various mechanisms of resolving conflicts within an organization. Thomas-Kilmann proposed one such model. According to his model, conflicts can be handled using five main styles: accommodating, shunning, working together, rivalry, and compromising.

Accommodation involves the decision by an organization to cooperate with parties in conflict to the highest possible degree. Often, one party works against its desired goals and/or outcomes. The strategy works well when one party in conflict has a better solution to a given problem (Masters & Albright, 2002). It helps in building strong ties between two or more parties in conflict.

Alternatively, one may choose to ignore the need to resolve a given conflict. This approach entails the resolution of conflicts by avoiding them. This style works well when the effective solution is costly, when one perceives that he or she has minimal probabilities for winning, or when an issue in conflict is trivial. However, avoiding is not an effective strategy in the long term (Bagshaw, 2004: Bacal, 1998).

The collaboration includes partnering to follow a goal that another party pursues. During the collaboration, an effort is made to accommodate all people’s ideas for synthesis to develop a single superior idea for resolving a conflict.

Such an idea also needs to consider all points of agreement and disagreement between the collaborating parties (Bagshaw, 2004). This way, it becomes possible to break away from the win-lose strategy to explore the win-win strategy. This approach requires an incredibly high capacity to trust one another in the development of a superior idea for the resolution of a conflict.

The approach is opposed to the competing technique in which the focus is on the win-lose approach to conflict resolution (Gramberg, 2005). Competing approaches work well in times of dire need to make quick decisions. In the case of compromising, parties in conflict focus on a lose-lose strategy. The approach is best suited whenever parties in conflict pursue goals and objectives that cannot converge.

Lee (2008) asserts that managers should engage in communication with employees and other organizational stakeholders for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is attributed to the expensiveness of ineffective communication in an organization. In modern workplaces, communication in management is important since workplace environments continue to be sophisticated.

They also involve complex interaction processes among all individual units that make the whole organization. Consequently, collaboration capability enables an organization to gain from a diverse creative workforce that requires ardent and unambiguous communication (Lee, 2008). This way, it becomes possible to handle workplace conflicts that are attributed to poor and inadequate communication.

Upon establishing the issues that attract conflicts between various employees and/or an organization, the focus shifts to establishing mechanisms of healing the wounds caused by a conflict.

In this process, Gramberg (2005) identifies reconciliation, arbitration, and mediation as important techniques for handling workplace conflicts. Reconciliation involves the admission of wrongdoing followed by forgiveness. Mediation involves bringing two parties in conflict together through a third party by revisiting the series of events or disputes that led to the conflict.

This step is then followed by suggesting codes of behavior or reactions that should have prevented the conflict. In each case, the parties in conflict identify their own mistakes and put effort into ensuring they would not repeat the same mistakes in future workplace interaction processes (Gramberg, 2005). Arbitration through a third non-partisan party, including a court, becomes important where conflicts have translated to personal injuries and/or paying off damages is necessary.

Nature and Solutions of Workplace Conflicts

From the discussions in the literature review section, workplace conflicts have both negative and positive impacts. Even ugly conflicts may also have some aspects of positive impacts if managed effectively. Managing workplace conflicts requires the deployment of various techniques and approaches. From the Thomas-Kilmann model for conflict management, the techniques involve avoiding, challenging, teamwork, negotiation, and accommodation.

In the context of the Gramberg (2005), arbitration, reconciliation, and mediation can suffice as solutions to workplace conflicts. The appropriateness of each of these solutions depends on the cause of conflicts encountered by an organization and the desired outcomes. For instance, organizations seeking to have a motivated workforce in a bid to enhance their productivity in the long term will seek solutions that have long-term outcomes in the resolution of employee conflicts.

Based on the literature review, one of the causes of conflicts in the workplace is the allocation of tasks that are impartially done by poorly performing employees to higher performing employees after they (higher performing employees) have completed their allocated work. A possible solution to this challenge encompasses the deployment of performance-based pay systems.

Performance-based reimbursement is a system of payment in which people are rewarded or paid equivalently for their amount of work or output. A good example of this payment mechanism is the payment of salespeople on commission, depending on the number of sales made. Another potential cause of conflicts in an organization is personality clashes. A possible solution involves employing people with diverse personality traits.

When a conflict occurs, accepting it as the status quo followed by its avoidance may be a possible response to workplace conflicts with the anticipation that the conflict will fade (Collinsin & Rourke, 2005). Alternatively, parties in conflicts can work collaboratively to establish a common ground of mutual benefit. This approach can sometimes fail to work, with parties resorting to compromising, accommodation, or competing.

Competing calls for parties to engage in a dialogue such that the best party emerges the winner. The losing party follows the directive issued by the winner. This alternative opposes the compromising option, which advocates for parties in conflict to consider acquiring little gains and/or incur some losses in the effort to establish a middle ground. People wishing to embrace accommodation as an alternative to the resolution of conflicts surrender their demands and needs in the quest to please another party (Gramberg, 2005).

In these five alternatives, parties in conflict may engage in dialogue voluntarily without mediation from a third non-partisan party. Bringing parties in conflict into an agreement may also call for arbitration. In situations where one party admits wrongdoing, reconciliation becomes an important alternative to the solution of workplace conflicts.

Diversity constitutes a major cause of conflicts within an organization. It refers to the myriads of differences existing among people working in an organization concerning parameters such as gender, race, community values, age, sexual affection, income levels, work experience, parental status, religious beliefs, ethnicity, religion, and physical abilities.

Where organizational culture reinforces the significance of diversity differences in contributing to and explaining workplace behaviors, performance levels, stigmatization of abilities of various people, and stereotyping of people from a given cultural background, ugly conflicts are inevitable. A solution to this challenge is developing an organizational culture that embraces workforce differences in line with an organization’s goals, objectives, and mission.

Tackling Conflict: Conflict Management Styles, Implication of Conflict Management Styles, and the Relationship between Conflict Management and Job Satisfaction

Traditionally, many organizations were managed hierarchically through a bureaucratic system in which pay level was a function of an employee’s position in the hierarchy of management. Adopting a performance-based pay system in such organizations entails adopting organizational change. Unfortunately, people generally resist change, especially when the desired change influences them negatively.

Performance-based payment system encompasses one of the changes that may face hefty criticisms from employees, particularly those at senior levels in the hierarchical management protocol. Senior employees whose payment needs adjustment to meet their performance levels are most likely to object to the system when a subordinate who records a high-performance level earns a higher income than they do.

On the other hand, the subordinates will embrace the change. Consequently, implementing performance-based pay systems within an organization may create conflicts between employees, their line managers, and supervisors. Additionally, in an effort to earn higher pay, employees may work at unsafe speeds. This situation is undesired. Thus, this solution is inappropriate since it may introduce other conflicts.

An alternative to implementing performance pay systems involves seeking to resolve workplace conflicts related to personality clashes by employing people of assorted personality traits. While this strategy has the merits of ensuring that people with similar personalities work under similar work environments, it becomes hard to find enough people possessing exactly similar personality traits in large work teams.

For effectiveness in the performance of a work team, diversity in personality traits may also be important, especially where an organization intends to create a work team that engages in constructive conflicts to enhance the brainstorming of ideas. Consequently, this solution is inappropriate since some levels of disagreements in decision-making processes and the manner of contextualization of issues are important in developing the most effective strategies for enhancing organizational performance.

Parties in workplace engage in conflicts due to different opinions. This implies that seeking to compel conflicting people to establish a compromise, accommodation, or collaboration attracts some challenges since none of the parties would be willing to sacrifice his or her self-esteem. Competing is perhaps the best approach for ensuring that a superior party in a conflict wins.

This boosts the self-esteem of the winner but immensely destroys the self-image of the loser. In the case where conflicts involve issues that are directly related to work, the loser suffers low job morale, which may affect his or her satisfaction with the job. This may lead to an intention of turnover or even the actual turnover. The converse of this claim is true for the winning party.

From an organizational dimension, the goal is to enhance the motivation and commitment of all employees in their work commitment. In overall, this suggests that the organization will have lost by deploying competing styles for workplace conflict management. Although the conflicts may be resolved, collaboration may also have similar impacts, just like competition, since one party must surrender to the demands of another party. Avoidance is the most inappropriate alternative.

Diversity management, as an approach to the resolution of workplace conflicts, implies that strategies for managing workforce diversity cuts across different causation elements for conflicts in workplaces. Thus, it can help in the elimination of conflicts that are associated with different levels of expertise, thus leading to a low performance by some employees that will necessitate the incorporation of performance pay-based systems while addressing the issues of personality differences, which may create personality clashes.

It also rhymes well with the concerns of mediation, reconciliation, and arbitration since conflicts that require these mechanisms of conflict resolution are akin to differences among individuals. Diversity management is the most preferred approach in the management of workplace conflicts in globalized organizations.

Recommendations

There are different approaches to solving conflicts. The article recommends a proactive passive approach as opposed to a reactive approach. The recommended proactive passive approach emphasizes handling the causation of conflicts in workplaces effectively. Mediation, arbitration, and reconciliation are reactive since they are deployed after a conflict has already occurred and caused damage to an organization.

Avoiding, competing, collaborating, compromising, and accommodating are equally reactive approaches. The adoption of performance-based pay systems is a recommendable approach to the management of conflicts that are associated with poor performance among some employees. However, they can create more problems and conflicts in the end. Thus, the approach is unsuitable.

The best approach for managing workplace conflicts entails understanding the benefits of adopting a multicultural environment tolerant of diverse workforce. By accomplishing this strategy, organizations would gain immensely in the form of increased productivity of the diverse workforce, hence boosting the profitability of the organization in question.

Incorporating this recommendation requires all management staff members, from top to bottom, to understand workforce diversity’s relevance from moral and business perspectives. Another way of incorporating the recommendation is by altering organizational values to orient people to commit themselves to promoting workforce diversity within the work environment.

A third way of incorporating the recommendation involves the creation of awareness and/or skills that focus on diversity training. This strategy needs to be implemented by managers of organizations in the quest to ensure that workforce socialization is directly congruent with the adopted new values.

In turn, it can increase understanding among people from diverse cultural backgrounds and increase group cohesion. It can also foster the improvement of self-knowledge. When employees embrace the diversity and diversity needs of all their work team members, they can carefully examine their objectives. Through this path, they can understand what is most important to them, thus improving their focus and enhancing their efficiency. This strategy is an essential catalyst for job satisfaction.

Conflict is inevitable in the workplace. It is a reality in every work environment by bringing people from diverse backgrounds together. While people continue to work in teams while caring about the manner their work team members treat them, disagreements will always arise to create conflicts in the workplaces.

Conflicts refer to the various issues emerging in the workplace that create emotions such as anger, discontent, and frustration. Such emotions produce either positive impacts or negative impacts on an organization. For instance, positive impacts may encompass the provision of an opportunity for organizational growth. Negative impacts involve issues such as reduced employee motivation, turnover, low job satisfaction, and reduced employee productivity.

Reference List

Bacal, R. (1998). Conflict Prevention in the Workplace: Using Cooperative Communication . Winnipeg: Bacal & Associates.

Bagshaw, M. (2004). IRS Managing Conflict in the Workplace . London: Lexis Nexis.

Cloke, K., & Goldsmith, J. (2005). Resolving Conflicts at Work: Eight Strategies for Everyone on the Job (Rev. ed.) . San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Collins, D., & Rourke, S. (2005). Managing Conflict and Workplace Relationships . Ohio: Mason.

Gramberg, B. (2005). Managing Workplace Conflict: Alternative Dispute Resolution in Australia . Annandale, N.S. W.: Federation Press.

Institute of Leadership and Management. (2007). Managing conflict in the Workplace . Oxford, Boston: Pergamon Flexible Learning.

Johnson, C., & Keddy, J. (2010). Managing Conflict at Work: Understanding and Resolving Conflict for Productive Working Relationships . London: Kogan Page.

Lee, E. (2008). Communication Network Approaches to Conflict Management at the Workplace and Job Satisfaction . London: Lexis Nexis.

Masters, F., & Albright, R. (2002). The Complete Guide to Conflict Resolution in the Workplace . New York< NY: Amacom.

McClure, L. (2004). Anger and Conflict in the Workplace: Spot the Signs, Avoid the Trauma . San Francisco, SA: Jossey-Bass.

Myatt, M. (2012). 5 Keys of Dealing with Workplace Conflict. Retrieved from < https://www.forbes.com/ >.

Wisinski, J. (2003). Resolving Conflicts on the Job . New York< NY: Amacom.

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• What is Conflict Resolution, and How Does It Work?

How to manage conflict at work through conflict resolution

By Katie Shonk — on April 18th, 2024 / Conflict Resolution

If you work with others, sooner or later you will almost inevitably face the need for conflict resolution. You may need to mediate a dispute between two members of your department. Or you may find yourself angered by something a colleague reportedly said about you in a meeting. Or you may need to engage in conflict resolution with a client over a missed deadline. In organizations, conflict is inevitable, and good conflict management tools are essential.

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What is conflict resolution, and how can you use it to settle disputes in your workplace?

Conflict resolution can be defined as the informal or formal process that two or more parties use to find a peaceful solution to their dispute.

A number of common cognitive and emotional traps, many of them unconscious, can exacerbate conflict and contribute to the need for conflict resolution:

• Self-serving fairness interpretations. Rather than deciding what’s fair from a position of neutrality, we interpret what would be most fair to us, then justify this preference on the bases of fairness. For example, department heads are likely to each think they deserve the lion’s share of the annual budget. Disagreements about what’s fairlead to clashes.

• Overconfidence. We tend to be overconfident in our judgments, a tendency that leads us to unrealistic expectations. Disputants are likely to be overconfident about their odds of winning a lawsuit, for instance, an error that can lead them to shun a negotiated settlement that would save them time and money.

• Escalation of commitment. Whether negotiators are dealing with a labor strike, a merger, or an argument with a colleague, they are likely to irrationally escalate their commitment to their chosen course of action, long after it has proven useful. We desperately try to recoup our past investments in a dispute (such as money spent on legal fees), failing to recognize that such “sunk costs” should play no role in our decisions about the future.

• Conflict avoidance. Because negative emotions cause us discomfort and distress, we may try to tamp them down, hoping that our feelings will dissipate with time. In fact, conflict tends to become more entrenched, and parties have a greater need for conflict resolution when they avoid dealing with their strong emotions.

Given these and other pitfalls, how can you set up a constructive conflict resolution process when dealing with conflict at work and other realms? Conflicts can be resolved in a variety of ways, including negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and litigation.

• Negotiation. In conflict resolution, you can and should draw on the same principles of collaborative negotiation that you use in dealmaking. For example, you should aim to explore the interests underlying parties’ positions, such as a desire to resolve a dispute without attracting negative publicity or to repair a damaged business relationship. In addition, determine your best alternative to a negotiated agreement , or BATNA —what you will do if you fail to reach an agreement, such as finding a new partner or filing a lawsuit. By brainstorming options and looking for tradeoffs across issues, you may be able to negotiate a satisfactory outcome to your dispute without the aid of outside parties.

• Mediation. In mediation, disputants enlist a trained, neutral third party to help them come to a consensus. Rather than imposing a solution, a professional mediator encourages disputants to explore the interests underlying their positions. Working with parties both together and separately, mediators seek to help them discover a resolution that is sustainable, voluntary, and nonbinding.

• Arbitration. In arbitration, which can resemble a court trial, a neutral third party serves as a judge who makes decisions to end the dispute. The arbitrator listens to the arguments and evidence presented by each side, then renders a binding and often confidential decision. Although disputants typically cannot appeal an arbitrator’s decision, they can negotiate most aspects of the arbitration process, including whether lawyers will be present and which standards of evidence will be used.

• Litigation. In civil litigation, a defendant and a plaintiff face off before either a judge or a judge and jury, who weigh the evidence and make a ruling. Information presented in hearings and trials usually enters the public record. Lawyers typically dominate litigation, which often ends in a negotiated settlement during the pretrial period.

In general, it makes sense to start off less-expensive, less-formal conflict resolution procedures, such as negotiation and mediation, before making the larger commitments of money and time that arbitration and litigation often demand. Conflict-resolution training can further enhance your ability to negotiate satisfactory resolutions to your disputes.

What conflict resolution methods have you tried before? Leave us a comment.

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No Responses to “What is Conflict Resolution, and How Does It Work?”

4 responses to “what is conflict resolution, and how does it work”.

Conflict resolution arise due to dispute between two parties involved in any trade , it can be solved with fair negotiation or through Mediator or through arbitrator or through litigation.

Wondful work keep up pls.

Conflict resolution is way of settling misundestanding between two or more bodies on a matter through dialog.

Conflict Resolution can also be defined as a strong will and determination to create solution to a misunderstanding between two or more parties

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5 Strategies for Conflict Resolution in the Workplace

• 07 Sep 2023

Any scenario in which you live, work, and collaborate with others is susceptible to conflict. Because workplaces are made up of employees with different backgrounds, personalities, opinions, and daily lives, discord is bound to occur. To navigate it, it’s crucial to understand why it arises and your options for resolving it.

Common reasons for workplace conflict include:

• Misunderstandings or poor communication skills
• Differing opinions, viewpoints, or personalities
• Biases or stereotypes
• Variations in learning or processing styles
• Perceptions of unfairness

Although conflict is common, many don’t feel comfortable handling it—especially with colleagues. As a business leader, you’ll likely clash with other managers and need to help your team work through disputes.

Here’s why conflict resolution is important and five strategies for approaching it.

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Why Is Addressing Workplace Conflict Important?

Pretending conflict doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring issues can lead to missed deadlines, festering resentment, and unsuccessful initiatives.

Yet, according to coaching and training firm Bravely , 53 percent of employees handle “toxic” situations by avoiding them. Worse still, averting a difficult conversation can cost an organization $7,500 and more than seven workdays.

That adds up quickly: American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to the impact of unresolved conflict.

As a leader, you have a responsibility to foster healthy conflict resolution and create a safe, productive work environment for employees.

“Some rights, such as the right to safe working conditions or the right against sexual harassment, are fundamental to the employment relationship,” says Harvard Business School Professor Nien-hê Hsieh in the course Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability . “These rights are things that employees should be entitled to no matter what. They’re often written into the law, but even when they aren’t, they’re central to the ethical treatment of others, which involves respecting the inherent dignity and intrinsic worth of each individual.”

Effectively resolving disputes as they arise benefits your employees’ well-being and your company’s financial health. The first step is learning about five conflict resolution strategies at your disposal.

Related: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees

While there are several approaches to conflict, some can be more effective than others. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model —developed by Dr. Kenneth W. Thomas and Dr. Ralph H. Kilmann—outlines five strategies for conflict resolution:

• Accommodating
• Compromising
• Collaborating

These fall on a graph, with assertiveness on the y-axis and cooperativeness on the x-axis. In the Thomas-Kilmann model, “assertiveness” refers to the extent to which you try to reach your own goal, and “cooperativeness” is the extent to which you try to satisfy the other party’s goal.

Alternatively, you can think of these axis labels as the “importance of my goal” and the “importance of this relationship.” If your assertiveness is high, you aim to achieve your own goal. If your cooperativeness is high, you strive to help the other person reach theirs to maintain the relationship.

Here’s a breakdown of the five strategies and when to use each.

1. Avoiding

Avoiding is a strategy best suited for situations in which the relationship’s importance and goal are both low.

While you’re unlikely to encounter these scenarios at work, they may occur in daily life. For instance, imagine you’re on a public bus and the passenger next to you is loudly playing music. You’ll likely never bump into that person again, and your goal of a pleasant bus ride isn’t extremely pressing. Avoiding conflict by ignoring the music is a valid option.

In workplace conflicts—where your goals are typically important and you care about maintaining a lasting relationship with colleagues—avoidance can be detrimental.

Remember: Some situations require avoiding conflict, but you’re unlikely to encounter them in the workplace.

2. Competing

Competing is another strategy that, while not often suited for workplace conflict, can be useful in some situations.

This conflict style is for scenarios in which you place high importance on your goal and low importance on your relationships with others. It’s high in assertiveness and low in cooperation.

You may choose a competing style in a crisis. For instance, if someone is unconscious and people are arguing about what to do, asserting yourself and taking charge can help the person get medical attention quicker.

You can also use it when standing up for yourself and in instances where you feel unsafe. In those cases, asserting yourself and reaching safety is more critical than your relationships with others.

When using a competing style in situations where your relationships do matter (for instance, with a colleague), you risk impeding trust—along with collaboration, creativity, and productivity.

3. Accommodating

The third conflict resolution strategy is accommodation, in which you acquiesce to the other party’s needs. Use accommodating in instances where the relationship matters more than your goal.

For example, if you pitch an idea for a future project in a meeting, and one of your colleagues says they believe it will have a negative impact, you could resolve the conflict by rescinding your original thought.

This is useful if the other person is angry or hostile or you don’t have a strong opinion on the matter. It immediately deescalates conflict by removing your goal from the equation.

While accommodation has its place within organizational settings, question whether you use it to avoid conflict. If someone disagrees with you, simply acquiescing can snuff out opportunities for innovation and creative problem-solving .

As a leader, notice whether your employees frequently fall back on accommodation. If the setting is safe, encouraging healthy debate can lead to greater collaboration.

Related: How to Create a Culture of Ethics and Accountability in the Workplace

4. Compromising

Compromising is a conflict resolution strategy in which you and the other party willingly forfeit some of your needs to reach an agreement. It’s known as a “lose-lose” strategy, since neither of you achieve your full goal.

This strategy works well when your care for your goal and the relationship are both moderate. You value the relationship, but not so much that you abandon your goal, like in accommodation.

For example, maybe you and a peer express interest in leading an upcoming project. You could compromise by co-leading it or deciding one of you leads this one and the other the next one.

Compromising requires big-picture thinking and swallowing your pride, knowing you won’t get all your needs fulfilled. The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.

5. Collaborating

Where compromise is a lose-lose strategy, collaboration is a win-win. In instances of collaboration, your goal and the relationship are equally important, motivating both you and the other party to work together to find an outcome that meets all needs.

An example of a situation where collaboration is necessary is if one of your employees isn’t performing well in their role—to the point that they’re negatively impacting the business. While maintaining a strong, positive relationship is important, so is finding a solution to their poor performance. Framing the conflict as a collaboration can open doors to help each other discover its cause and what you can do to improve performance and the business’s health.

Collaboration is ideal for most workplace conflicts. Goals are important, but so is maintaining positive relationships with co-workers. Promote collaboration whenever possible to find creative solutions to problems . If you can’t generate a win-win idea, you can always fall back on compromise.

Considering Your Responsibilities as a Leader

As a leader, not only must you address your own conflicts but help your employees work through theirs. When doing so, remember your responsibilities to your employees—whether ethical, legal, or economic.

Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability groups your ethical responsibilities to employees into five categories:

• Well-being: What’s ultimately good for the person
• Rights: Entitlement to receive certain treatment
• Duties: A moral obligation to behave in a specific way
• Best practices: Aspirational standards not required by law or cultural norms
• Fairness: Impartial and just treatment

In the course, Hsieh outlines three types of fairness you can use when helping employees solve conflicts:

• Legitimate expectations: Employees reasonably expect certain practices or behaviors to continue based on experiences with the organization and explicit promises.
• Procedural fairness: Managers must resolve issues impartially and consistently.
• Distributive fairness: Your company equitably allocates opportunities, benefits, and burdens.

Particularly with procedural fairness, ensure you don’t take sides when mediating conflict. Treat both parties equally, allowing them time to speak and share their perspectives. Guide your team toward collaboration or compromise, and work toward a solution that achieves the goal while maintaining—and even strengthening—relationships.

Are you interested in learning how to navigate difficult decisions as a leader? Explore Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability —one of our online leadership and management courses —and download our free guide to becoming a more effective leader.

About the Author

Essay On Conflict Resolution

Understanding the importance of conflict resolution in a team and learning to deal with conflicts is one of the first skills team leaders must master. In this article we review the work – related conflict situations – and examine a variety of strategies and methods for coping with interpersonal conflicts at the workplace, such as conflict management, team building and team communication. I will also explain the role of team members and their role in dealing with conflicts, as well as their roles and responsibilities. [Sources: 7]

The way in which people conduct conflict resolution can be divided into three main styles: conflict management, team building and team communication. These conflict and management styles tend to find solutions to various conflicts. The different styles differ in their approach to conflict resolution and can be suitable for different situations. There are five strategies that are used in conflict resolution, each with its own strengths and weaknesses and its place in the workplace. You can use these styles to resolve conflicts in a variety of situations, such as team meetings, meetings with colleagues, face-to-face meetings or private.

Conflict management involves resolving deep-rooted conflicts, such as conflicts of interest, conflicts of values and conflicts between people. The choice of conflict resolution strategy, in turn, is determined by the issues that people usually focus on, which in turn determine the decisions for conflict resolution strategies. [Sources: 11]

To resolve conflicts, you must look at the conflict from your opponent’s perspective and learn more about the perspective and motivation of the person or group. Identify the actions you have taken to manage conflicts and the types of leadership skills and theories you use to resolve conflicts. The aim of conflict management is to intervene in a way that makes conflict resolution more effective and less burdensome for both you and the other person. When is it better for you or others to resolve a conflict and to deal with other people? [Sources: 5, 11]

Organizational framework – structures have conditions that tend to differ and even differ. In the introduction to conflict resolution, they have different personalities, different perspectives and different approaches to conflict management. Introduction to organizational structures – up have a variety of conditions, some of which are prone to personality changes, diversity of opinion or even disagreement.

Specific channels could be created to suppress conflicts to make the conflict explicit and to establish specific methods for resolving it. Conflict participants and those who want to learn about conflicts in the event of a conflict should be aware that conflicts can arise when people interact with each other. The key to fostering the kind of conflict that hinders a team’s development – and its ability to resolve conflicts – lies first in understanding the team. [Sources: 13]

This starts with the understanding that conflict and conflict management are two different things and not one and the same. What is being said is being said and we see it in many different ways, not only in conflict resolution but also in conflict management. [Sources: 3, 8, 11]

The conflict process consists of four stages or levels of conflict, each of which shows the development of relations between the parties involved in the conflict. The final stage of the conflict process is to show results of conflict, which leads to the resolution of current conflicts, but does not help the parties to learn how to resolve their own conflicts more effectively in the future. Fortunately, however, the extensive literature shows how the principles of conflict management can produce positive results for people involved in social conflicts, but nothing helps both parties to learn more about conflict management and how to resolve their own conflicts more efficiently in order to better resolve conflicts for themselves and their families. [Sources: 1, 4]

The Conflict Resolution Essay is published in the Journal of Conflict Management, a journal of the American Psychological Association. An important paper, in my view, is the use of conflict style inventories that people use to improve communication about conflict resolution. The work – related situations involved in a review of this paper, and we have a Center for Conflict Resolution at the University of Illinois at Urbana – Champaign. [Sources: 7, 8]

This article provides a do-or-do solution that can help you resolve conflicts in a better way. My writing service offers an essay on conflict resolution, from which you can learn about possible ways to avoid conflicts and resolve conflicts.

Strategies for conflict resolution The first step in resolving a conflict is to recognize its existence and identify its underlying causes. A given conflict must be viewed from the point of view of the issues that led to its emergence, in order to resolve the conflict and ensure that conflicts do not arise again from the same rationale. [Sources: 0]

Mediation is the process of conflict resolution or mediation in which there may be two or more opinions or where some of the opinions are in conflict with each other and one of those opinions may have been the conflict of the other. Improving understanding is a goal of conflict transformation, as the parties differ in their interests and values and must be considered in a narrower sense (see the article on conflict transformations for in-depth discussion). Conflict resolution skills should be a fundamental part of the curriculum. The facts and arguments related to the conflict resolution essay are presented in the form of facts, arguments and examples, in addition to a brief summary of each. [Sources: 4, 7, 11]

[0]: https://www.a1-termpaper.com/topics/essay/brief-review-conflict-resolution/1555840

[1]: https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2016/04/14/quell-tensions-campuses-should-adopt-conflict-resolution-principles-essay

[3]: https://myessayservices.com/do-my-homework-for-me/managing-conflict-the-workplace-free-sample-research-paper

[4]: http://www.stmgaparish.org/uncategorized/26772117

[5]: https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/implement/provide-information-enhance-skills/conflict-resolution/main

[7]: https://wallkillriverschool.com/fq58ktufq

[8]: https://www.riverhouseepress.com/free-web-resources-on-conflict-resolution-conflict-style-inventories

[11]: https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/meaning_resolution

[13]: https://tammylenski.com/blog/conflict-resolution-quotations/

[15]: https://nursinganswers.net/essays/conflict-resolution-communication-5453.php

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How to Write an Essay on Conflict

How to Write a Motif Paper

In both real life and in fiction, conflict describes an enduring struggle between two opposing forces. Whether you're watching a cartoon or reading a serious literary tome, conflict is a key component of plot. Writing an essay on conflict requires a focus, clarity, and an understanding of the different types of conflict presented in a story.

Identify the Type of Conflict

While most people think of conflict as a fight between two characters, it can be categorized as internal or external or both. Conflict can present itself in four primary ways: externally, as man versus man, man versus society, or man versus nature and internally, as man versus self, as exemplified by the tragic struggle of Shakespeare’s Hamlet trying to avenge his father’s murder.

Find Supporting Evidence

Whether you’re analyzing a piece of literature or a clash between two nations, you’ll first need to identity the two opposing forces that comprise your central argument, and then find evidence to support your claim. For example, if your central conflict is man versus nature – think Sebastian Junger’s “The Perfect Storm” – you’ll want to find specific examples of where the sea rises up against the sailors. As with any analytical essay, analyzing conflicts requires you to look for specific quotes, phrases or parts of dialogue that reinforce your position.

Draft Your Thesis

Once you've figured out your protagonist and antagonist and the type of conflict to address in your essay, narrow your focus and write a concise thesis statement that states the central conflict you plan to address. For example, If you’re analyzing “man versus society” in your essay, such as when Atticus Finch fights against a racist society in “To Kill a Mockingbird,” you could state, "In 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' Harper Lee uses Atticus Finch’s defense of Tom Robinson to both illustrate and combat the rampant racism that has infected his Southern town." Your thesis statement will provide you with a road map for the rest of your paper and will help you decide upon the main points of your paper. Your thesis should be the very last sentence in your introduction.

Start Writing

Once you’ve found your examples and written your thesis, write your first draft. Remember to start your essay with a “hook” – a question, a quote, or a statistic, for example that will introduce the conflict you’ll be analyzing. Start each body paragraph with a topic sentence that states a main point, and then support that point with three or four of your examples from your initial research. Repeat this process for each remaining body paragraph. Within the body of the paper, address whether the conflict was resolved, and how. In your conclusion, summarize your main points and restate -- but don’t repeat verbatim -- your thesis.

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Jennifer Brozak earned her state teaching certificate in Secondary English and Communications from St. Vincent College in Latrobe, Pa., and her bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Pittsburgh. A former high school English teacher, Jennifer enjoys writing articles about parenting and education and has contributed to Reader's Digest, Mamapedia, Shmoop and more.

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How to Navigate Conflict with a Coworker

Seven strategies to help you make progress with even the most difficult people

Interpersonal conflicts are common in the workplace, and it’s easy to get caught up in them. But that can lead to reduced creativity, slower and worse decision-making, and even fatal mistakes. So how can we return to our best selves? Having studied conflict management and resolution over the past several years, the author outlines seven principles to help you work more effectively with difficult colleagues: (1) Understand that your perspective is not the only one possible. (2) Be aware of and question any unconscious biases you may be harboring. (3) View the conflict not as me-versus-them but as a problem to be jointly solved. (4) Understand what outcome you’re aiming for. (5) Be very judicious in discussing the issue with others. (6) Experiment with behavior change to find out what will improve the situation. (7) Make sure to stay curious about the other person and how you can more effectively work together.

Early in my career I took a job reporting to someone who had a reputation for being difficult. I’ll call her Elise. Plenty of people warned me that she would be hard to work with, but I thought I could handle it. I prided myself on being able to get along with anyone. I didn’t let people get under my skin. I could see the best in everyone.

• Amy Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, cohost of the Women at Work podcast , and the author of two books: Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) and the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict . She writes and speaks about workplace dynamics. Watch her TEDx talk on conflict and follow her on LinkedIn . amyegallo

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What Makes Conflict? How Are Conflicts Resolved?

Couples do best when both partners have strong conflict resolution skills..

Posted November 14, 2012 | Reviewed by Devon Frye

Why Conflict Is Healthy for Relationships By Elizabeth Dorrance Hall Ph.D.

Conflict is a term that refers to situations in which two or more sides appear to be pulling or pushing in opposing directions.. If the participants stay calm and friendly, we might refer to their way of dealing with the conflict as shared problem-solving . If tensions emerge or anger escalates, the terms arguments or fights may be a better fit.

In these sensitive situations, do you sometimes find yourself insisting on what you want? Do you hold back from verbalizing your perspective on some issues for fear that the conflict will erupt into a fight?

This article explains how to address differences, ie, to deal with conflict, in a way that yields satisfaction for everyone involved. This same collaborative conflict resolution strategy can be used at home, at work, with friends, in business, in politics —in any venue where both parties would prefer to convert their conflicts into effective win-win problem-solving.

Where do conflicts emerge?

As I explain in my book From Conflict to Resolution , conflicts can emerge in any of three realms:

(1) within oneself (which therapists refer to as intrapsychic conflict),

(2) between oneself and one or more others, and

(3) between oneself and a circumstance (e.g., illness, financial difficulties).

Often a conflict has aspects in two or even all three of these realms. For instance, If "Joe" feels conflicted about whether to leave his job, he is likely to experience conflicts within himself—his current salary is great and at the same time, the hours are too long. If a loved one wants Joe to stay and he wants to leave his current job, the conflict has become interpersonal. And if Joe develops an illness, what he wants and the realities of what he needs to do to heal his health problem may conflict.

What causes conflicts to yield fights?

Collaborative dialogue skills are essential to the resolution process. Without the necessary skills, adversarial stances, tension, and anger can make a win-win outcome unlikely.

Bickering, arguing, or getting insistent indicate someone who is unskilled at handling conflicts in a collaborative way. So does going silent about your perspective. Talking in an irritated tone of voice, becoming insistent on your way, ignoring what the other person says, blaming, attacking, and using anger to bully others into doing what you want or, heaven forbid, going to war, all indicate collaborative dialogue skill deficits.

Conflict resolution also takes knowledge of the three-step resolution process. Without clarity about these three steps, participants are likely to end up in a tug-of-war for whose way will win and who will lose. This kind of adversarial process gets settled by who has more power, unlike the win-win plan of action that is the goal of collaborative conflict resolution.

How can you tell when there is a conflict afoot?

Emotional discomfort—that is, negative emotions—alert you to the reality that a situation of conflict is occurring.

Any time two or more people need to pick a shared course of action, they are at risk for experiencing conflict. Decisions, therefore, are one danger point .

Similarly, seeing a situation differently and/or wanting different outcomes can also provoke conflict.

Fortunately, there are ways to disagree that prevent conflicts from emerging in these situations. (I write about these in my post " How To Disagree Agreeably. "

The 3 Steps of Collaborative Conflict Resolution

To settle a disagreement without getting mad, sad, or anxious , take the following three steps:

• Recognize that there is a problem that needs to be solved by noting differing ideas of what to do.
• Explore the underlying concerns.
• Create a mutually agreeable solution.

For this 3-step process to proceed effectively, participants need to feel as if they are sitting on the same side of the table facing the problem rather than as opponents sitting across from each other. Sustaining a friendly and cooperative attitude is essential.

What would these steps of conflict resolution look like for addressing a real problem?

Jim and Barbara were a couple in my therapy practice who disagreed about what to do on their summer vacation. Their usual disagreement strategy had been to argue over my, way, no my way until one gave up, gave in, and was left feeling depressed and resentful. Collaborative conflict resolution was new for them.

STEP 1: Note Differing Ideas of What to Do

Recognize that there is a problem that needs to be solved. Usually, that recognition comes when two or more people are each advocating for different action plans.

To begin a process of conflict resolution, Jim and Barbara had to recognize that they had hit a conflict. The conflict had arisen because they need to make a decision together. Becoming irritated, Jim was tempted to continue in bickering mode. Jim responded positively though when I suggested that the rising tension indicated an opportunity to use their new three steps of conflict resolution.

Jim: Let’s take a trip to Peking this summer. I want to travel and explore.

Barbara: (Feeling alarmed) That's what I was afraid you would say. Not me. Travel sounds totally unappealing to me. I'd prefer to just stay home.

Jim : So where do we go from here? If I want to travel and you want to stay home, we're stuck already.

Thus the first step in moving forward toward resolving a conflict consists of both sides saying what is initially on their minds with regard to what they want to do. Both sides speak and both listen to the other, even though what they want seems to be in conflict.

Danger: Participants who at this point head straight for the third step, finding solutions, will find themselves locked in a tug-of-war, a power struggle over whose way will prevail. Far better to note the conflicting ideas and therefore proceed immediately to step two.

STEP 2: Explore the Underlying Concerns.

This second step requires a shift from talking about actions—the solution that each participant has proposed—to exploring the underlying concerns . Concerns are the factors that have motivated each person's initial suggestions. Concerns are desires, fears, and other factors that matter to you in a given situation.

All the concerns, that is, the concerns of both or all the participants, go on one list. Any concern of one party that way becomes a shared concern.

Jim: I was thinking of an exploring vacation because I want to be physically active during our time off. At my job, I sit at my desk all day. On my vacation, I'd like to move around, to walk long distances, to meet new people. Besides, seeing new places and meeting new people feels invigorating, fun.

Barbara: That makes sense to me, that you want physical activity. And I agree that new is often fun. As for me, I want to stay home because I've been working such long hours. I want to rest. I want to relax, slow down, and recuperate. I also would love time to read, since I have so little time to read most of the year.

STEP 3: Create a Mutually Agreeable Solution

Finding solutions can be launched by summarizing aloud all the items on the concerns list.

Each participant then offers a modification of their original suggested solution, or new ideas altogether, so that the plan of action is responsive to their concerns and also to the partner's concerns.

The resolution brings a sense of calm, closure, and mutual satisfaction when a plan of action includes elements responsive to each and all of the underlying concerns of both parties.

Jim: So I want to be able to move around a lot, walk, see new sights, and meet new people. You want to be able to sit still, read, and relax. How about if we go to a beach resort? You can sit and relax on the beach; I can do beach sports like surfing or volleyball and take long suns along the shoreline. You can relax alone in the sun. I can meet the people participating in sports with me. We can go to a place that is new for us, and with a lot of activity options which I would like. That way we could stay in one place which you would prefer. and where you can do activities that are restful for you.

Barbara: Sounds perfect! Sometimes I'd be glad too to go for long walks with you. And I would be okay with flying to a new place if once we arrive I can mostly just sit on the beach. That actually sounds even better than staying home.

Note that even though this couple's eventual solution was different from the initial suggestions of either of them, because the plan of action was responsive to the concerns of both people, it felt good—better even for both of them than either of their first ideas. That is, the solution was “win-win”—not because one or both of them "got their way," but because the solution was responsive to the underlying concerns of both of them.

Conclusions

While the dilemma above was a relatively simple conflict to resolve, the same three steps apply to any conflict, simple or complex. Note too that the three steps described above apply to solving conflicts that have occurred within any of the three potential conflict realms: within one person’s wishes, fears, or values; between people; or between people and difficult circumstances.

Staying on pathways of collaborative communication keeps the conflict resolution process moving forward. Communication errors like blame, criticism or dismissive listening can throw the process off track. Similarly, slippage into a tone of voice that conveys a negative attitude—for example, contempt, irritation, sarcasm, or anger—also risks triggering a stance of adversarial conflict.

Collaborative dialogue plus cooperative conflict resolution skills make people more effective and productive at work and enable them to live more harmoniously as families, They create a peaceful and harmonious way of living in the world. Sound worth a try?

To learn more about how to handle conflict in ways that enhance your relationships, check out Dr. Heitler's books and website .

Susan Heitler, Ph.D ., is the author of many books, including From Conflict to Resolution and The Power of Two . She is a graduate of Harvard University and New York University.

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At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

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Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies

While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people (Overall & McNulty, 2017).

If we accept that all partners will disagree at times, we must also recognize that it is crucial to find a resolution to ensure that the relationship’s health is maintained (Grieger, 2015).

This article explores conflict and its resolution in couples and other relationships, introducing key strategies and activities to help avoid or recover from any harm done.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

Is conflict resolution important for healthy relationships, how to resolve conflicts in relationships: 4 steps, 5 helpful strategies for couples & married people, 5 exercises, activities, & worksheets for couples therapy, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Conflict need not always lead to damage. Challenge and disagreement within a relationship (romantic or otherwise) can encourage growth, deeper understanding, improved communication , and progress toward a goal (Overall & McNulty, 2017; Tatkin, 2012).

But this is not always the case.

The most critical aspect of conflict affecting the health of a relationship is its resolution. There will always be disagreement and differences of opinion of one kind or another. However, to avoid a loss of trust, damage to intimacy, or behavior that further upsets the relationship, “the couple will want to make sure that the resolution does not leave lingering hurt or resentment in one or both of them” (Grieger, 2015, p. 161).

Clinical psychologist Russell Grieger (2015) suggests that disagreements have four possible outcomes:

• The outcome is good for the first person, but not the second. This is a win–lose situation. One person gets what they want, while the other is left defeated, possibly feeling hurt, angry, and resentful. Such feelings may lead to further disagreements or surface in other areas of the relationship.
• The outcome benefits the second person, but not the first. This is similar to the first possible outcome, only this time it is the first person within the relationship who is left feeling thwarted or slighted (a lose–win scenario).
• The outcome is bad for both people. The third option is bad for both people; they equally face loss (lose–lose). Often a result of stubbornness on both sides when neither wants the other to ‘win,’ so neither will give in . Again, this is damaging for the relationship and, if ongoing or repeated, ultimately toxic.
• A resolution is found that is appropriate for both people. The couple or partners work toward an equally beneficial resolution and achieve a win–win outcome. Neither person is left feeling defeated or damaged, leading to increased confidence and trust in the relationship .

Undoubtedly, the fourth option is the most ideal for a long-term, healthy partnership and avoids the potential for a downward spiral in the relationship (Grieger, 2015). When in response to conflict, a win–win outcome leads to growth and moving forward.

• Step 1 – Eliminate relationship disturbances Firstly, it is vital to remove or at least reduce emotions that will get in the way of conflict resolution, such as hurt, anger, and resentment.

Otherwise, either side is unlikely to listen patiently and openly to what the other is saying.

• Step 2 – Commit to a win–win posture Each party must commit to finding a solution that works equally for both. One side winning while the other loses is not acceptable. The couple must remain motivated and open to change.
• Step 3 – Adopt purposeful listening A win–win solution is more likely when each partner is actively listening to the other. Each individual knows what a win looks like for themselves but now must purposefully listen to the other, avoiding censorship or judgment.

Once both have a shared understanding, a win–win solution is possible.

• Step 4 – Practice synergistic brainstorming The couple can progress toward identifying a workable resolution, having removed any emotional contamination, adopted a win–win mindset, and fully committed to a win for both.

The couple can share ideas, hopes, needs, goals, and concerns until finding a solution that satisfies both of them.

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These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve communication skills and enjoy more positive social interactions with others.

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Conflict can become an unhealthy habit, leading to a repeating pattern of one or both partners consistently feeling they have lost (Grieger, 2015).

It’s important to consider what brought the couple together in the first place and what they can do more or less of to show their love and understand one another better going forward.

Launching and landing rituals

Heading out to work, school, or the store is described as launching , a time when one partner leaves the relationship world for the non-relationship world (Tatkin, 2012).

Launchings and landings (returning to the relationship) can be an opportunity for conflict or the perfect chance to build healthy relationship-building habits.

Ask yourself or your client:

• Do you run out the door?
• Do you give a lingering kiss and share a moment?
• Do you return, slamming the door as you come in and ask what’s for dinner?
• Do you walk in with a smile and a funny story to tell?

What is right for one couple may not be for the next. It is essential to consider the message sent by each partner’s behavior. An enjoyable farewell and return can, in time, improve connections and reduce the risk of conflict.

Blueprint for love

Caddell (2013) describes the importance of building a blueprint for love. Conflict often arises from misunderstandings or a failure to consider the other’s needs and wishes.

Understanding what a loving relationship looks like to your partner may make it easier to recognize what upsets or frustrates them.

Use the Blueprint for Love worksheet to reflect on how a relationship’s blueprint for love might look.

The exercise begins by asking the client to think of a couple from their past who had a loving relationship. It may be their parents, or they can choose two other people who showed love, acceptance, and caring for one another. Then the person considers what they are looking for in a relationship.

Nothing swept under the rug

Conflict is often unavoidable and sometimes outside of our control. However, how we respond to disagreements, harsh words, and arguments is .

Tatkin (2012, p. 155) suggests couples should adopt the “policy never to avoid anything, no matter how difficult.” Not leaving things to fester and returning at a later date requires paying attention to one another and recognizing what is sensitive for the other person.

Aim to discuss and agree on a mutually beneficial outcome as soon as possible after an issue occurs. If that’s not possible, then agree when it can be discussed.

Revisiting the past

Sometimes couples forget what they saw in each other when they first met. Instead, they become wrapped up in repeating patterns of arguing, disagreements, and conflict.

Revisiting the past can serve as a helpful reminder of what is good about a couple and review why they are together (Williams, 2012).

Ask the couple to consider and discuss the following relationship therapy questions :

• What made you fall in love with each other?
• What were your early years like together?
• How were things better then?
• How are things better now?
• How do you currently show your partner that you care?
• What does your partner do that makes you feel loved?
• What caring behaviors can you do more of or start?

Focus on good communication

Clear, open, and complete dialogue is crucial to a successful relationship and reducing conflict. Sharing and understanding are best achieved when we are not projecting our own beliefs about a partner or what they are going to say but genuinely paying attention to verbal and nonverbal behavior (Hannah, Luquet, Hendrix, Hunt, & Mason, 2005).

Effective listening takes practice. Focus on your partner, what they have to say, and how they act; do not divide attention by looking at your phone or people passing by. Hear what they are saying and how they say it, rather than attending to your own thoughts. And crucially, be comfortable with moments of silence and practice nonjudgment.

Yet this can lead to any resolution being preferable to none due to the fear or discomfort of conflict.

To break out of the lose–win, win–lose, or lose–lose pattern often experienced in a relationship, each partnership must find their own path to achieving a win–win outcome (Grieger, 2015).

The following couples therapy exercises help to remove obstacles in the way of achieving positive outcomes in order to better understand how to ensure both partners win:

Removing relationship disturbances

Existing relationship disturbances can negatively affect finding an appropriate conflict resolution.

Ask each partner to complete the Removing Relationship Disturbances worksheet.

The exercise begins by each partner identifying existing disagreements and conflicts in their relationship and the emotional reactions that accompany them.

Couples answer the following:

• What do we disagree about?
• How do I emotionally react?
• How does my partner emotionally react?

To help with this exercise, couples can think about times when they experienced hurt, upset, anger, insecurity, and fear.

Next, they consider what they could do to remove such disturbances, being specific. What actions could resolve the problem causing these emotional reactions?

Agree to a Win–Win Mindset

Finding a better outcome to conflict requires adopting a win–win mindset. Grieger (2015) suggests rather than asking yourself, “How can I get what I want?” ask, “How can we get what we want?”

This change in approach requires a commitment from both partners to find solutions to problems that lead to mutual satisfaction.

Ask each partner to complete the Agree to a Win–Win Mindset and sign off on the following:

I, ____________________________, commit to adopting a win–win mindset where I work toward outcomes from current and future disagreements so that we both get what we want and need.

Tell them that to achieve a win–win outcome from conflicts, they need to commit to the mindset that they want to reach satisfactory results from all aspects of their relationship.

Once they have both physically signed up, put the sheet somewhere visible in the house to remind both parties that a new mindset is required throughout the relationship, now and in the future.

Listening With Purpose

To understand what a win means for the other person during conflict or a disagreement, it is essential to listen well, forming a deep understanding of their needs, hopes, fears, and wishes.

Use the Listening With Purpose worksheet to capture what winning looks like for both partners in a relationship before considering the next steps.

The couple should take some time, preferably in a place where they both feel safe and comfortable, to discuss what outcome they would like from the existing disagreement.

Without judgment and allowing each person the opportunity to talk openly, they should be able to share what they want. Remember, there is no right or wrong answer – only a true reflection of needs.

Brainstorming for Synergy

Compromise is essential in any relationship, particularly during conflict. Each partner must consider giving something up of similar value so that they meet somewhere in the middle (Grieger, 2015).

Use the Brainstorming for Synergy worksheet to encourage bouncing ideas off each other until the couple finds a win for both partners.

Capture the following:

• What is the disagreement about?
• What does a win for each person look like?
• Brainstorm ideas that could lead to mutual satisfaction.

Often, resolutions to conflict and disagreement feel like a win to both parties; this is a win–win situation. The couple’s goal should be for mutual satisfaction.

Regular Couple Check-Ups

We have regular check-ups for our physical wellbeing, so why not for our relationship health? Without regular monitoring, we don’t know if we are doing things right or wrong for the relationship and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Grieger (2015) suggests the beginning of the month is a great time to attend to the health of the relationship. Use the Regular Couple Check-Ups worksheet to take stock honestly and openly and make plans for keeping the relationship on track or shake things up a little.

Ask each partner to consider the following questions together or apart:

• What is working well in the relationship, and what should we keep doing?
• What is working okay in the relationship that we could improve?
• What are we not doing that we need to start?
• What are we not doing so well and need to stop, improve, or replace?

The check-ups must be approached with an open, win–win mindset. This is not an opportunity to score points, but to perform a relationship health check and move forward in a positive way.

Couples therapist: 5 steps to repair conflict in your relationship

If you’re looking for more tools to help your clients strengthen their relationships, be sure to check out three of our hand-picked exercises from the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, which you can download for free in our 3 Positive Relationships Exercises Pack .

Here’s a quick snapshot of what’s included:

• Connecting with Others by Self-Disclosure In this exercise, clients practice answering questions that require personal disclosure. With one person acting as a listener while the other speaks, it is an opportunity for clients to get comfortable with the vulnerability inherent in self-disclosure as a means to strengthen intimacy and connection.
• Identifying our Expert Companions This exercise introduces clients to the notion of an expert companion as someone who can listen and help guide them through challenging times. In it, clients will discover the qualities inherent in their ideal expert companion and identify someone in their life who is best suited to fill this valuable role.
• The Sound Relationship House Inspection This exercise teaches couples the nine elements of the Sound Relationship House (SRH) as a metaphor for the functioning of their relationship. By having each partner rate their perception of the nine elements, couples will clarify areas of agreement and aspects of the relationship that would benefit from greater nurturing and attention.

Try out these powerful tools for yourself by downloading the exercise pack today.

Additional reading we recommend includes:

• 14 Conflict Resolution Strategies & Techniques for the Workplace This article about conflict resolution in the workplace is a helpful additional read, especially where couples work together. Whether it is working in the family business or working from home, these can cause conflict so be sure to have a look at this article too.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Conflict is a natural part of life. While it is not always damaging, it plays an inevitable role in every relationship.

Indeed, “all couples have disagreements. It is impossible to avoid them. It is how they handle them that will make or break their relationship” (Grieger, 2015, p. 164).

While couples should try to avoid a repeating pattern of conflict, when conflict is inevitable, they should seek a solution that leaves neither party feeling unfairly treated, hurt, or angry. If the resolution leaves one person feeling slighted or resentful, it can creep into other areas of the relationship.

A win–win outcome is most likely when we commit to fairness and listen to one another with open minds and hearts. We must use what we hear and what we already know of the other person to work together and find a solution where no one is left feeling they have lost.

While it is essential to avoid unnecessary conflict, it is helpful to develop an environment in which a couple can flourish and adopt a compassionate, trusting outlook that avoids damage or aids healing when conflict is unavoidable.

These strategies, worksheets, and exercises, teamed with the desire to grow and develop as a couple, provide a way to resolve conflict and form deeper bonds.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

• Caddell, J. (2013). Your best love: The couple’s workbook and guide to their best relationship. Author .
• Grieger, R. (2015). The couples therapy companion: A cognitive behavior workbook . Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.
• Hannah, M. T., Luquet, W., Hendrix, H., Hunt, H., & Mason, R. C. (2005). Imago relationship therapy: Perspectives on theory . Jossey-Bass.
• Overall, N. C., & McNulty, J. K. (2017). What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships? Current Opinion in Psychology , 13 , 1–5.
• Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship . New Harbinger.
• Williams, M. (2012). Couples counseling: A step by step guide for therapists . Viale.

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Article feedback

What our readers think.

Thank you for this beautiful article. What happens when the other party don’t want to communicate but wants some space.

Thanks for your question. Sadly, we do not have any control over the way that others choose to communicate with us. We do, however, have full agency over the way that we act in response to another person’s communication style.

It’s important to remember that a conversation probably won’t be very productive if the parties involved have different needs at that moment, so it is probably best to wait until everyone involved is ready to discuss.

I hope this helps!

-Caroline | Community Management

In my relationship, I like to resolve things quickly, but my partner tends to push things off and never takes the initiative to start these conversations. It leaves me feeling resentful, even though I want to respect his desire to take space. How is a good way of addressing this?

It’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated in this situation. Communication is crucial in any relationship, and it can be challenging when the ways you and your partner handle conflicts differ. Here are a few suggestions that might help:

– Express your feelings: Start by letting your partner know how you’re feeling, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, you might say, “I feel a bit upset when we don’t resolve our disagreements promptly, and it often leaves me feeling resentful.” – Understanding each other’s needs: It’s important to understand that people have different ways of processing emotions and conflicts. Your partner might need more time to think things through, while you might prefer addressing issues immediately. Discuss these differences openly and try to understand each other’s needs. – Find a compromise: Based on your understanding of each other’s needs, try to find a middle ground. Perhaps you could agree to give your partner some space to process, but they also agree to initiate a conversation about the issue within a certain timeframe. – Seek professional help: If these conversations are difficult or if you can’t seem to find a compromise, you might find it helpful to seek guidance from a relationship counselor.

Remember, it’s perfectly normal for couples to have different conflict resolution styles. The key is to communicate openly, understand each other’s needs, and find a compromise that works for both of you.

Best of luck, Julia | Community Manager

Please help me my marriage is divorced before 1 year.i have very regret.so how I can be resolved.the problem

Hi Alemnesh,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling regret. Have you considered speaking with someone, perhaps a coach, therapist, or even a good friend, about your feelings surrounding the relationship? Of course, what to do next largely depends on the circumstances surrounding the end of the relationship, but perhaps sharing your concerns with someone you can trust may give you some insight or encouragement to help you move forward, whether that means looking to move on or trying to rekindle the relationship.

I wish you all the best.

– Nicole | Community Manager

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How to Manage Workplace Conflict

Handling team conflict effectively.

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Your people bring different perspectives and knowledge to your team, improving problem solving and performance. But difference can sometimes lead to conflict. And you'll need to deal with it!

In this article, we'll look at ways to identify and resolve conflict in your team, and to keep working relationships healthy and productive.

First, we'll highlight a few general skills and approaches that a manager can call on in conflict situations. Then we'll look at a five-step process for applying those skills in practice.

(If you want to understand why conflict arises and how to resolve it, read our introductory article, Conflict Resolution .)

Conflict Resolution Skills for Managers

By using the following approach, managers will likely be able to stop conflict before it gets out of hand.

Be Proactive

Leaving someone out of an email chain, making an inappropriate remark, or speaking over people in a meeting... conflict often starts with small disagreements that escalate fast.

So, if you spot conflict, avoid leaving it to team members or HR to resolve – instead, act! This shows that you treat conflict seriously and won't condone potentially destructive behavior.

Signs of conflict can be subtle, but you can detect them by being aware of the interactions within your team. Conflict might be reflected in individuals' body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice.

The better you know your team members, the more easily you'll pick up on cues and spot tensions that may be lurking under the surface. As well as the details of the conflict, keep in mind that you may need to consider if competing values are contributing to the tension.

Develop your emotional intelligence to better identify and manage the emotions of your team members.

​ Be Fair and Impartial

Even if you agree with one or more individuals in a conflicting team, make sure that you remain objective. Your role is to address the issue cauding the conflict and to reach a solution that works for all parties.

Treat each person fairly. Give everyone the time and opportunity to present their own perspective and to respond to any criticism. It's vital that all parties can state their case and are listened to.

Step in When Needed

Don't allow individuals to hijack the conversation or to dominate more-reserved colleagues. If one person is constantly talking over others, keep your questions directed at the person being interrupted.

If people still attempt to interrupt, politely ask them to wait until their co-worker has finished before inviting their point of view.

Avoid Assumptions

When facilitating a conflict discussion, avoid stating as facts things that you only think you know or may have heard. For example, it's best to use phrases like, "As far as I'm aware," or, "As I understand it."

This also allows for the possibility that your understanding is wrong or incomplete. And it creates an opportunity for the conflicting parties to restate their cases and clarify misunderstandings.

It's important to be patient and to perservere. Read our article The Role of the Facilitator for more ways to move talks forward.

Managing Conflict in the Workplace in Five Steps

When a situation gets out of hand, you may need to step in as a direct facilitator, with a targeted approach to resolving team conflict.

You can follow these five steps, which we've adapted from a framework used by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD). [1]

1. Speak to Team Members Individually

Start by having an informal one-on-one with each team member involved in the conflict. This way you can hear people's concerns in a safe, confidential setting. In these meetings:

• Avoid making assumptions and let people open up in their own time.
• Reassure them that the discussion is confidential.
• Ask each party the same questions, to remain impartial.

2. Bring People Together

Once you've got a better understanding of the conflict and everyone's perspectives, it's time to bring the relevant parties together and act as a moderator.

Set some ground rules before getting the conversation underway. Encourage team members to listen to one another, respect each other's points of view, and not interrupt or make personal comments. During the conversation:

• Keep the tone of the conversation calm and non-threatening.
• Encourage active listening , so people understand where the other person is coming from.
• Encourage individuals to share ideas. What do they want or need? What would they be prepared to commit to? Have them to brainstorm some solutions.
• Ask them about situations where they've worked well together in the past. See if they can build on those positive experiences.

If the discussion becomes heated, take a break and reconvene when everyone's had a chance to calm down. Be alert for any passive-aggressive behavior .

Read our article Managing Emotion in Your Team for more tips on handling heated conversations.

3. Ask the Wider Team for Ideas

When a conflict affects the whole team, provided it's not sensitive or confidential, you can ask for everyone's perspective.

Talking things out helps you and your team to consider different assumptions, beliefs, and decision-making approaches. This can also be a part of creating a " psychologically safe " environment, where people feel comfortable sharing ideas and concerns, thus preventing future conflicts.

4. Draw up a Plan

Ask the parties to detail agreed-on actions for reconciliation. And get each to commit to this strategy. You can draw up a timetable for actions, ticking them off as and when they are achieved. Hold all relevant parties accountable.

5. Follow up

Ensure that issues have been resolved properly by following up on the situation. For example, people may still feel irritated but not want to drag things out. You can use one-on-ones to prevent old disagreements from resurfacing. And try an anonymous team survey to get feedback and uncover any lingering frustrations.

Discover more ways to manage disputes in our article, Resolving Workplace Conflict Through Mediation .

Seek Guidance and Support

When you're faced with a challenging conflict in your team and are unsure how to handle it, seek support from a trusted colleague, your line manager, or your HR department.

If your efforts at conflict resolution don't work, you'll need to be willing to pursue formal procedures if necessary. And some situations, such as harassment, discrimination or bullying , require a formal disciplinary process to be followed. In these instances, or if you are in any doubt, liaise with your HR team for advice.

Reflect on Your Conflict Management Skills

Consider what you did well and where you could improve after handling a conflict situation in your team. Solicit feedback from the team members involved to find out how effective they felt you were at helping resolve the situation.

Now think about structural or procedural improvements you can make to prevent future conflict. These could be:

• Setting clear goals for every team member – when people experience the right amount of pressure , they perform well.
• Make sure that people's responsibilities match their skills . Offer learning and development opportunities to plug skills gaps and help your people to realize their career aspirations .
• Using regular one-on-ones to sound out potential sources of future conflict.

As the CIPD concludes, the key to resolving conflict is to, "Build an environment in your team that is open, respectful, kind, fair and consistent, in which people feel 'psychologically safe.'"

Team conflict is natural. But by practicing the conflict management skills we outline here, you'll be able to spot and deal with issues between team members before they escalate.

To avoid team conflict:

• Be proactive.
• Be impartial.
• Step in when needed.
• Avoid assumptions.
• Be patient.

If team conflict persists, address it by implementing these five steps:

• Speak to team members individually.
• Bring people together.
• Ask the wider team for ideas.
• Draw up a plan.

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Hi, it’s a nice post about Conflict Management Training Courses Online. Thanks for sharing this Article. https://www.shinebrightx.com/soft-skill-training/conflict-management-training

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Classroom Q&A

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In this EdWeek blog, an experiment in knowledge-gathering, Ferlazzo will address readers’ questions on classroom management, ELL instruction, lesson planning, and other issues facing teachers. Send your questions to [email protected]. Read more from this blog.

The Best Ways to Resolve Conflicts Between Students

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It’s not unusual for students to have conflicts with their classmates. What are the best ways teachers can create the conditional to stop them before they occur and respond once they have begun?

This series will explore possible actions educators can take.

Today, Vickie Gomez, Danny Woo, Kevin Parr, Jessica Torres, Rosalind Wiseman, and Dr. Bryan Harris contribute their ideas. You can listen to a 10-minute conversation I had with Danny, Kevin, and Jessica on my BAM! Radio Show . You can also find a list of, and links to, previous shows here .

Our school is very lucky because we have a very relational culture focused on restorative practices, and campus monitors who are experienced in conflict resolution.

For years, any time any of my students have had conflicts, I’ve texted Vickie Gomez, a campus monitor who is assigned to our “Small Learning Community.” Except for the very few times those conflicts had escalated into physical fights before I had called her in, she has mediated every dispute and it’s been resolved by the next class. I know that many other teachers in our school have had had similar experiences.

Last week, I asked Vickie to describe what she does:

I first talk with each student individually to find out what happened in class and to also find out what else has happened in that student’s day. Often the problem has nothing to do with the other student—something else took place earlier and it just boiled over. I try to get each student to put themselves into the other student’s position and how they might see things. I ask each student what ideas they have for resolving the problem. I take in this information, especially their ideas on how to resolve the problem, and take the two of them on a “walk and talk” together. I explain that I have to kick things up to administration—and to their parents—if they can’t resolve things. The vast majority of time, students work it out.

Students—and school staff—have an enormous amount of respect and affection for Vickie!

Response From Danny Woo

Danny Woo is a middle school science teacher at San Jose Charter Academy in West Covina, Calif. He centers his class on the implications science has on social, economic, and environmental justice:

The way adults handle student conflicts can go a long way in setting the tone of your classroom learning environment. If educators wish to establish a culture that values a sense of community, conflicts between students will be approached with reconciliation as the goal. This is the hallmark of the restorative justice model and nonviolent communication (NVC) where community building is achieved by focusing on strengthening and repairing relationships. This approach is most effective when it is a shared value among school leadership and is embedded in school wide practice. That said, if your school leans toward a traditional approach to discipline, you can still exercise restorative practices within your own classroom.

Before responding to student conflicts, we need to keep in mind Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. Every student is looking for a sense of security, belonging, acknowledgment, and independence. And in the case of pre-teens and adolescents, these needs are heightened. In most cases, conflict arises when one of these needs are threatened.

My first steps in helping students resolve their conflict is to speak to both parties separately. This is a fact finding session to get a clearer picture of what each student involved is thinking. I ask the students for their point of view, establishing that I am reserving judgment. I make a point of being transparent and let each party know that I will be having this same conversation with the other student(s) but will not render an opinion. I make it clear that my goal is to eventually help them reconnect.

When I’ve had a chance to speak with all involved, we set up a time to meet together with me as the mediator. Prior to the meeting, I ask the students to think about what feelings are alive inside of them. Sometimes you will have to provide them with the language to describe their feelings. Next I ask them to think about what they need from the other party. This is the framework we use in our group session:

• What is your perspective of the situation? Describe and share your point of view.
• What are your feelings? What is alive inside of you? Name them.
• What do you need from the person(s) who you have conflict with?

In the group session I have each party share their perspective on the situation. No one is allowed to interrupt or interject while the other person is sharing. Each party will have a turn to share their perspective and what feelings they harbor. I encourage them to be as explicit as possible in identifying and describing how they feel.

The last phase of this process is for each party to express their requests in the spirit of healing and reconciliation. In my 17 years of teaching, I have yet to meet children who are not amenable to finding solutions to an issue, especially if there is a history of friendship between the two parties. In the majority of cases I have dealt with, I found that conflicts arise due to a deficit in language to identify and express their feelings and needs. Children need to be given a framework that honors their thoughts and authentic self, as well as provides the opportunity to hear one another.

Response From Kevin Parr

Kevin Parr is a 4th grade teacher from Wenatchee, Wash., and an ASCD Emerging Leader:

Student Conflicts: Teachable Moments

Conflicts between students are a natural part of life inside a classroom or school and should be treated as such. In fact, helping students respond to and resolve conflicts with peers is an important part of their learning. Here are a few ways teachers can treat student-student conflicts as teachable moments:

Listen: At times, teachers try to quickly extinguish conflicts by resolving the problem for students rather than help students resolve conflicts themselves. In doing so, teachers deny students the opportunity to develop the skills and mindsets they will need to resolve interpersonal conflicts throughout their personal and professional lives. It may seem overly simplistic but a teacher’s primary role in helping kids resolve conflicts is to listen. Listening not only empowers students to take ownership of the conflict, it also models the important skill for them.

Avoid jumping to conclusions: When listening to student’s perspectives on a conflict it is easy for teachers to place blame on a particular student has been involved in similar conflicts before. Whereas reputations can exist for a reason a few things are wrong with this approach. First, if the goal is for students to learn to resolve their own conflicts, placing blame robs students of their ownership of the conflict. Second, it demonstrates to kids that their past mistakes will follow them forever even if their decisions and actions change. If our focus is on learning, every child deserves another chance.

Everyone has a role: Usually, there is more than one person at fault in student conflicts. Multiple kids generally have a role in creating the situation and/or making it worse. Rather than seeking to find a singular “guilty party” teachers should help all students see their role in the conflict and discover ways to act or react differently in the future.

You are not alone: It is important that teachers let students know that conflicts are normal and all people, including adults, have conflicts with others. Kids should also know that their current conflict will not be their last conflict so the skills they are learning and practicing will help them throughout their life. Furthermore, teachers can use personal stories to reinforce the notion that the skills students are building are life-long skills.

Understanding that student conflicts are natural can help teachers use them as teachable moments. Teachers should expect and embrace these conflicts as part of a child’s learning.

Response From Jessica Torres

Jessica Torres is a first year elementary assistant principal at Brook Avenue Elementary school in Waco, Texas. She formerly served as an instructional coach and a public Montessori elementary teacher. Torres is a current doctoral student in Tarleton State’s Educational Leadership Program. She obtained her Masters in Educational Administration through Concordia University, and her Bachelor degree from Stephen F. Austin. Known widely as @owl_b_torresedu by her Twitter PLN, Mrs. Torres is a staunch supporter of public education, personalized professional development and connecting with others who are passionate about education and students:

Conflict—Is it a Bad Word?

Responding to disputes between students is a skill often overlooked during many teacher preparation programs. Many new teachers walk into the classroom with the belief that a well-managed classroom will alleviate any scuffles or disagreements among students—this could not be further from the truth. Even the best teacher will have students who experience conflict with one another. Conflict is not always negative. Conflict can bring about change, different perspectives and allow various types of growth. The methods we use to prepare our students to deal with conflict effectively ultimately can determine whether or not students are prepared to step into the world as productive, peaceful citizens. Experiencing conflict in the classroom should not be viewed as a disruption to be removed or halted, but instead as an opportunity to teach students missing skills.

Responding to the Conflict

When responding to conflict, it is important to ensure safety first. If students have a physical conflict, ensure that they are separated and provided their areas in which to calm down. In a nonbiased tone, ask each student to describe what happened during the incident either verbally or in writing, whichever the student is most comfortable using to communicate. There are many behavior “think sheets” available online for students to complete during times of conflict. Once each student has shared their version of the incident discuss with them the effects their behavior had on the students around them, the teacher, and their learning.

Students often fail to realize that the conflict is not a contained event. Their actions impact more than just those involved directly. During this time coaching should come into play. Reminding students of the strategies that they can use when they feel themselves become angry, for example, breathing techniques, visiting a calm-down corner, or even reading a book with a character going through a similar situation. Supporting students as they feel emotions is critical to showing them appropriate ways to manage their feelings. Students must understand that everyone is allowed to feel angry or upset, the difference is in whether we react physically or inappropriately with words as opposed to rationally and calmly.

Restorative practices encourage the students to discuss with each other how they felt before, during and after the conflict. After acknowledging each other’s feelings, ask both students what can be done to fix the situation. Students often surprise me during this stage with their compassion and willingness to forgive each other. If students can come to a reasonable solution allow them to shake hands and continue with their day without receiving a punitive consequence. Through this process, students will begin moving away from expecting results, but instead working towards peace and restoring relationships.

Response From Rosalind Wiseman

Rosalind Wiseman is a teacher and bestselling author of Queen Bees & Wannabees , the book that inspired the hit movie Mean Girls, Masterminds & Wingmen , as well as Owning Up: Empowering Adolescents to Confront Social Cruelty, Bullying, and Injustice , a new curriculum for middle and high school students. She is the founder of Cultures of Dignity and lives in Colorado with her husband and two children. Follow her on Twitter at @cultureodignity :

This situation is harder than it looks. Were these students friends in the past and now they aren’t? Have they never gotten along? Is one child targeted for a specific reason like their ethnicity, race, disability, gender, socioeconomic class, or some other perceived inherent trait? If this dynamic exists then this situation should be defined as bullying instead of a conflict.

So first, take a step back and just watch your students to see if you notice a pattern in the students’ interaction. Are there consistent times of the day when the conflict seems to flare? Are other kids exacerbating the tension?

Once you’ve done the research, it’s time to reach out to each student—and that also requires consideration. In most cases, it’s more effective to meet with the students individually instead of meeting with the group where the dynamics within the relationship it can sabotage any hope for a positive outcome. So say something like, “Can we set up a time to talk? You’re not in trouble. I just want to check in with you about something that may be important.” Then meet with each student during a time of day and in a location that feels private and comfortable to the student.

Start the meeting by communicating the following: “Thanks for meeting with me, I want to talk about something that is important that has come to my attention.” Then explain the situation as it has been shared with you and/or what you observed. Ask the student how accurate they think your information is and listen to their anwer. If the child is willing to tell you what’s going on, give them the space to unload. If they are reluctant or deny it, respond with “I can probably understand why you may not want to tell me but I don’t want to make assumptions. So can you tell me why you don’t want to tell me? I think that’s probably really important for me to know. “

For all students it’s critical to communicate the following (in your own words): “It’s common for people to get into conflicts but it’s not ok if that conflict is making you or anyone else feel unsafe or that don’t want to come to class (or the school). As your teacher, it’s my responsibility to do whatever I need to do whatever support you and every student in my class. So I’m going to ask you a few questions and together we will figure out next steps.”

Then ask the student to answer the following questions

• Why do they think the conflict is happening?
• Why is the conflict making them feel bad/angry/anxious?
• If this conflict involves a group of people, ask the student how they think the group is influencing the conflict.
• What do they want to change? Even if that change seems small or obvious, what would it be?
• What do they want out of the relationship with the person they are now in a conflict with? Do they want to be completely separated from this person? If they were friends before, do they still want a friendship?
• What is one action, no matter how small, that they can take to make the situation better—where they feel good about how they’ve handled it.

While the child is talking the you can write down what they’re saying. After their done, read it back to them and ask them if you got it right or if they need to make any changes. The purpose is to help the student put their feelings to words and identify what they need. Remember in these situations, some students are trying to figure out how much you know so they can shut you down, others are relieved that an adult has brought it up. If the child is not feeling safe, then the teacher and student need to decide who in the school they can go to to tell and take additional steps. All to say when you’re having this talk, it’s really important to pay attention to the student body language, their tone, and the nature of their responses.

At the end of the conversation it’s time to reinforce your expectations; which should include some combination of “Every student in my class has the right to feel worthy and included. As your teacher, that looks like X to me. This situation is difficult and I really appreciate that you trusted me to tell me even a little of what’s going on. You can always come back and tell me more things you’re thinking or feeling. But for right now, you’ve done a lot. You’ve said what you don’t like and what you want. You’ve identified one thing you can do that will make you proud. So let’s check in tomorrow and see how you’re feeling.”

Response From Dr. Bryan Harris

Dr. Bryan Harris serves as the Director of Professional Development for the Casa Grande Elementary School District in Arizona. He is the author of five books on topics ranging from classroom management to student engagement. For more information his trainings and workshops, he can be reached at www.bryan-harris.com:

I am convinced of this one very important truth: the world would be a much better place if we all accepted the fact that conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of life. The world would also be a better place if people took more naps and someone invented zero-calorie cheesecake (but that’s a topic for another time).

When helping students work through conflict, we first need to understand the nature of it; as educators, we must have a solid grasp of what conflict is, how it is likely to manifest itself in the classroom, and effective ways to build conflict resolutions skills in our students. In order to do that, we need to briefly dig into some definitions and truths about conflict.

If you have no conflict in your life, one of two things is true: you’re dead or you’re not paying attention to the people around you. Since you are reading this, let’s start with the latter. Whenever you interact with the people around you—whether they be family members, co-workers, friends, or a stranger at the store there is the possibility (or the likelihood) that conflict will arise. If you look up dictionary definitions you’ll find phrases like struggle for power, strong disagreement, and an opposition of forces. None of those are pleasant so it’s no wonder people strive to avoid conflict. However, conflict is simply a by-product of being around other people. That is one of the first things I want students to understand—conflict simply is. It exists because I interact with other people. Its existence does not make me a bad person nor does it necessarily mean that I am doing something wrong (although my responses can often make the situation much, much worse). Too often we assign blame, place guilt upon ourselves, or ignore conflict when it arises. None of those are healthy responses.

So, what exactly is conflict and where does it come from? When working with students, we want to provide straightforward, honest, and simple answers even though the concepts are deep and complicated. In terms of external conflict with other people, I want students to understand that conflict typically comes from one of three situations: blocked goals or expectations, opposing beliefs or points of view, or miscommunication. In the simplest terms, someone has something I want = conflict. Someone is in my way = conflict. Someone thinks or says something I don’t like = conflict. Someone communicates in a way I don’t understand or appreciate = bingo, conflict!

Before we attempt to help mediate conflict among students, we first need to understand what we are dealing with. That, and we need to have a good handle on our own understanding of conflict. In summary, here are some big truths about conflict:

• It is— As I mentioned before, conflict is just a natural part of the human existence. Its presence in my life merely means that I am interacting with other flawed, imperfect people.
• It is unavoidable, expect it— I should not be surprised, flabbergasted, or stunned when I find myself in conflict with someone. Nor should I be overly frustrated. As educators, we should not be surprised or upset when our students are in conflict with each other. The fact is that many of our students are not learning effective conflict resolution skills at home and there aren’t a ton of excellent examples of conflict resolution models in the media, sports, entertainment, or politics.
• It can be a good thing— The right kind of conflict can serve as a catalyst for personal growth. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love conflict but when it is handled correctly, I learn a lot about myself and the people around me.
• Our goal is to empower others— As educators, we should always be seeking ways to build skills in our students. We certainly adopt that belief when it comes to core academic skills and “soft” skills such as perseverance, attention to detail, and patience. We need to adopt this belief about building conflict resolution skills as well. Quite simply, the ability to understand and learn from conflict is a life skill. If students don’t learn it and create effective habits, life is going to be tough... regardless of their scores on achievement tests.

To answer the question directly, “How do we respond when students are having conflict with each other?” consider the following principles:

• Don’t take it personally—Someone once shared the following acronym with me: QTIP (Quite Taking It Personally). Other peoples’ behavior typically says more about them then it does about me. When students act in inappropriate ways, it is not usually about the teacher (unless, of course, it is about the teacher because there is a level of disrespect, disorganization, or outright cruel behavior. The good news is that most teachers are positive role models who love their students.) As educators, we need to remember that students need patient, loving guidance from an adult who doesn’t take offense at every transgression.
• Don’t catastrophize, exaggerate, or trivialize—When helping others work through their struggles, we need to remain tactful and neutral. Although we may think that their conflict is silly, we can make it worse if we go to extremes to show our disdain.
• Avoid pronouns—When we use terms like I, they, us, we, and them we automatically pit people and groups against each other. It is best to stick to the facts when describing a situation that needs to be addressed. Although students may use lots of pronouns as they describe their conflict, we can help lower the stress levels if we remain neutral in our language.
• Avoid sarcasm—Sarcasm will always make the situation worse.
• Respond rather than react—Remember that conflict is a natural result of people spending time together. Classrooms are unique places... lots of people crammed together in a confined space for long periods of time. That’s practically a recipe for conflict. So, it’s not a matter of if there will be problems, it’s a matter of when and how often. As teachers and leaders, our job is to respond with a thoughtful plan.
• Embody respect—In some cases (perhaps in many cases) we are the best role models our students have. As a result, we must always embody respect, show empathy, and express appreciation for all our students. Quite simply, our students will not develop appropriate conflict resolution skills unless we model it for them. Think about the message we are sending to kids if get easily offended, outright mad, start yelling, or demean those around us. When helping others, we need to be aware of our own emotions, body language, and frustrations.
• Teach—Use role-plays, scenarios, current events, and other real-life situations to teach students the appropriate ways to handle conflict. Our students need and deserve to learn these skills. However, we cannot wait until “the heat of the moment” to try to talk kids through the process. Again, it’s not a matter of if there will be conflict in your classroom, it’s a matter of when. So get ahead of the curve and incorporate teaching opportunities throughout the school year.

The principles described above are reminders for us, the adults, as we direct and guide students. However, each of the principles can and should be taught to students. Of course, the age and maturity level of your students will dictate how you teach the principles but they should be made a priority.

Thanks to Vickie, Danny, Kevin, Jessica, Rosalind, and Bryan for their contributions!

(This is the first post in a two-part series)

The new question-of-the-week is:

When two or more students are having a conflict, what are the most effective ways teachers can respond to the situation?

Consider contributing a question to be answered in a future post. You can send one to me at [email protected] . When you send it in, let me know if I can use your real name if it’s selected or if you’d prefer remaining anonymous and have a pseudonym in mind.

You can also contact me on Twitter at @Larryferlazzo .

Anyone whose question is selected for this weekly column can choose one free book from a number of education publishers.

Education Week has published a collection of posts from this blog, along with new material, in an e-book form. It’s titled Classroom Management Q&As: Expert Strategies for Teaching .

Just a reminder—you can subscribe and receive updates from this blog via email . And, if you missed any of the highlights from the first six years of this blog, you can see a categorized list below. They don’t include ones from this current year.

This Year’s Most Popular Q&A Posts

Classroom Management Advice

Race & Gender Challenges

Implementing The Common Core

Best Ways To Begin The School Year

Best Ways To End The School Year

Student Motivation & Social Emotional Learning

Teaching Social Studies

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Using Tech In The Classroom

Parent Engagement In Schools

Teaching English Language Learners

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Reading Instruction

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Differentiating Instruction

Math Instruction

Science Instruction

Advice For New Teachers

Author Interviews

Entering The Teaching Profession

Administrator Leadership

Teacher Leadership

Relationships In Schools

Professional Development

Instructional Strategies

I am also creating a Twitter list including all contributors to this column .

Look for Part Two in a few days.

The opinions expressed in Classroom Q&A With Larry Ferlazzo are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

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7 Simple Strategies to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors

By Guest Blogger

Do you have a difficult supervisor, or do you have to work with difficult people? Each time I ask this question at my workshops, I get nods from nearly every participant.

Robert Bramson, author “ Coping with Difficult People ,” identified seven types of difficult people:

• Hostile-aggressives, who are usually antagonistic and impolite,
• Complainers, who spend most of their time moaning about their troubles,
• Silent or unresponsive clams, who seem to ignore you and your questions,
• Super-agreeable friendly types, who don’t follow through on their promises,
• Wet-blanket negativist, who can bring down the morale of a group with their pessimism,
• Know-it all experts, who think their way is the only right way, and
• Indecisives, who keep changing their minds and have trouble making decisions.

In my work as a thesis coach for graduate students, I heard about supervisors in all of the above categories. In addition, I also learned about two other kinds of difficult supervisors:

• Hands-off super busy types, who never have time to mentor you, and
• Micromanagers, who question every detail of your project and work hours.

While specific strategies to deal with each of these personality types is beyond the scope of this article, there are a few principles that will help you resolve most conflicts, even with difficult people. If I had to use one word for to summarize these principles it would be “assertiveness.”

7 strategies to become more assertive & resolve conflicts

What Is Assertiveness?  An assertive person is able to communicate their ideas confidently while also considering the needs of other people. Some students and postdoctoral fellows are hesitant about expressing their ideas, especially if their supervisors are difficult people.

The following seven strategies will help you to become more assertive and resolve disagreements with your supervisor, even if he or she is a difficult person:

1)  Understand your supervisor’s expectations

2) prepare an agenda for every meeting.

Supervisors are busy and your work is just one of the hundred things on their minds. When you come to a meeting with a clear agenda , you will immediately get your supervisor’s attention so you can focus on the problems that need to be resolved. If there are any forms that need to be signed, or manuscripts that need to be reviewed, bring them to the meeting. This will make it easy for your supervisor to support you.

3)   Explain the problem and leave your emotions out of the discussion

Do not assume that your supervisor is familiar with the minute details of your work. Describe the problem by stating the facts and explain how it is interfering with your work. Avoid talking about your emotions, such as frustration or anger, because your discussion will get side-tracked, and you might create even more conflicts.

4)  Define in advance how you would like the problem to be resolved

You know more about your work than your supervisor does. You can save yourself and your supervisor some time if you come to every meeting with one or more proposals to resolve your problem. Your supervisor will appreciate that you took the time to think of solutions, and will be more likely to view your proposals favorably.

5)   Listen to your supervisor’s viewpoint and brainstorm about mutually beneficial solutions

Your supervisor might not agree with all of your ideas, but he or she probably has reasons for it. Do not take criticism personally or get defensive. Look at the problem from their viewpoint, and brainstorm about solutions that will meet both of your needs.

6)  Put important agreements in writing

One of the most frequent sources of conflict is miscommunication. For example, you might misunderstand your supervisor’s suggestions and take your project in the wrong direction. The best way to avoid miscommunication is to follow up after every meeting with an email that summarizes what you have agreed upon and your action items. This will give your supervisor a chance to review what you have discussed and add suggestions if needed.

7)  Always follow through on your end of the deal

When you meet with your supervisor, prioritize your action item list and set some approximate timelines. Be sure that you keep your commitments, and if for some reason you are not able to, let your supervisor know as soon as possible. In order to build trust between you and your supervisor, you need to demonstrate that they can count on you to follow through on your commitments.

Assertiveness is a skill that will help you to resolve both personal and professional conflicts. At the workplace, these strategies will help you to communicate with confidence earn respect from your supervisor. Whenever possible, discuss important issues in person or over the telephone instead of email. As you cannot see a person’s body language or sense their tone of voice in an email, there is a high likelihood of miscommunication, which can lead to even more conflicts.

If your supervisor is a difficult person, the above strategies will still be helpful but you will need to be more assertive to get your point across. Some supervisors might try to intimidate you with negative comments (hostile-aggressives, complainers, know-it all experts, wet-blanket negativists, and micromanagers), while other supervisors might be nice people, but poor mentors (super-agreeable friendly types, indecisives, and super busy types). If you supervisor ignores you even when you meet in person (silent or unresponsive clam), you will probably need support from your colleagues or other supervisors to complete your work.

Whether your supervisor is a negative person or just an inexperienced manager, you can resolve most conflicts if you communicate your ideas assertively, listen to his or her viewpoint, and discuss options for mutually beneficial solutions.

If you package your challenges with your supervisor into learning opportunities as you are advancing career, you will become the independent, assertive, and proactive person that all employers are eager to hire.

An excellent resource to learn more about assertiveness skills is Dale Carnegie’s book “ How To Win Friends and Influence People. ”

Thank you to our guest blogger!  

Additional Resources

• Getting the Most Out of Supervisor Meetings by Joanne Kamens on  Bitesize Bio
• Good communication with your PhD supervisor/scientific advisor  by Joanne Kamens on BitsizeBio 

Additional Resources on the Addgene Blog

• Read our " Management for Scientists " series
• More science career articles on our blog
• Read Joanne Kamen's Post on What Makes a Good Mentor

Resources on the Addgene Wesbite

• Find plasmids to Expedite Your Experiments and Achieve Your Research Goals

Topics: Science Careers , Management for Scientists

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