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Blog • Perfecting your Craft

Posted on Jun 30, 2023

How to Write a Biography: A 7-Step Guide [+Template]

From time to time, nonfiction authors become so captivated by a particular figure from either the present or the past, that they feel compelled to write an entire book about their life. Whether casting them as heroes or villains, there is an interesting quality in their humanity that compels these authors to revisit their life paths and write their story.

However, portraying someone’s life on paper in a comprehensive and engaging way requires solid preparation. If you’re looking to write a biography yourself, in this post we’ll share a step-by-step blueprint that you can follow. 

How to write a biography: 

1. Seek permission when possible 

2. research your subject thoroughly, 3. do interviews and visit locations, 4. organize your findings, 5. identify a central thesis, 6. write it using narrative elements, 7. get feedback and polish the text.

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Biography Outline Template

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While you technically don’t need permission to write about public figures (or deceased ones), that doesn't guarantee their legal team won't pursue legal action against you. Author Kitty Kelley was sued by Frank Sinatra before she even started to write His Way , a biography that paints Ol Blue Eyes in a controversial light. (Kelley ended up winning the lawsuit, however).  

Whenever feasible, advise the subject’s representatives of your intentions. If all goes according to plan, you’ll get a green light to proceed, or potentially an offer to collaborate. It's a matter of common sense; if someone were to write a book about you, you would likely want to know about it well prior to publication. So, make a sincere effort to reach out to their PR staff to negotiate an agreement or at least a mutual understanding of the scope of your project. 

At the same time, make sure that you still retain editorial control over the project, and not end up writing a puff piece that treats its protagonist like a saint or hero. No biography can ever be entirely objective, but you should always strive for a portrayal that closely aligns with facts and reality.

If you can’t get an answer from your subject, or you’re asked not to proceed forward, you can still accept the potential repercussions and write an unauthorized biography . The “rebellious act” of publishing without consent indeed makes for great marketing, though it’ll likely bring more headaches with it too. 

✋ Please note that, like other nonfiction books, if you intend to release your biography with a publishing house , you can put together a book proposal to send to them before you even write the book. If they like it enough, they might pay you an advance to write it.  

Book Proposal Template

Craft a professional pitch for your nonfiction book with our handy template.

Once you’ve settled (or not) the permission part, it’s time to dive deep into your character’s story.  

Deep and thorough research skills are the cornerstone of every biographer worth their salt. To paint a vivid and accurate portrait of someone's life, you’ll have to gather qualitative information from a wide range of reliable sources. 

Start with the information already available, from books on your subject to archival documents, then collect new ones firsthand by interviewing people or traveling to locations. 

Browse the web and library archives

Put your researcher hat on and start consuming any piece on your subject you can find, from their Wikipedia page to news articles, interviews, TV and radio appearances, YouTube videos, podcasts, books, magazines, and any other media outlets they may have been featured in. 

Establish a system to orderly collect the information you find 一 even seemingly insignificant details can prove valuable during the writing process, so be sure to save them. 

Depending on their era, you may find most of the information readily available online, or you may need to search through university libraries for older references. 

For his landmark biography of Alexander Hamilton, Ron Chernow spent untold hours at Columbia University’s library , reading through the Hamilton family papers, visiting the New York Historical Society, as well as interviewing the archivist of the New York Stock Exchange, and so on. The research process took years, but it certainly paid off. Chernow discovered that Hamilton created the first five securities originally traded on Wall Street. This finding, among others, revealed his significant contributions to shaping the current American financial and political systems, a legacy previously often overshadowed by other founding fathers. Today Alexander Hamilton is one of the best-selling biographies of all time, and it has become a cultural phenomenon with its own dedicated musical. 

Besides reading documents about your subject, research can help you understand the world that your subject lived in. 

Try to understand their time and social environment

Many biographies show how their protagonists have had a profound impact on society through their philosophical, artistic, or scientific contributions. But at the same time, it’s worth it as a biographer to make an effort to understand how their societal and historical context influenced their life’s path and work.

An interesting example is Stephen Greenblatt’s Will in the World . Finding himself limited by a lack of verified detail surrounding William Shakespeare's personal life, Greenblatt, instead, employs literary interpretation and imaginative reenactments to transport readers back to the Elizabethan era. The result is a vivid (though speculative) depiction of the playwright's life, enriching our understanding of his world.

Many readers enjoy biographies that transport them to a time and place, so exploring a historical period through the lens of a character can be entertaining in its own right. The Diary of Samuel Pepys became a classic not because people were enthralled by his life as an administrator, but rather from his meticulous and vivid documentation of everyday existence during the Restoration period.

Once you’ve gotten your hands on as many secondary sources as you can find, you’ll want to go hunting for stories first-hand from people who are (or were) close to your subject.

With all the material you’ve been through, by now you should already have a pretty good picture of your protagonist. But you’ll surely have some curiosities and missing dots in their character arc to figure out, which you can only get by interviewing primary sources.

Interview friends and associates

This part is more relevant if your subject is contemporary, and you can actually meet up or call with relatives, friends, colleagues, business partners, neighbors, or any other person related to them. 

In writing the popular biography of Steve Jobs, Walter Isaacson interviewed more than one hundred people, including Jobs’s family, colleagues, former college mates, business rivals, and the man himself.

🔍 Read other biographies to get a sense of what makes a great one. Check out our list of the 30 best biographies of all time , or take our 30-second quiz below for tips on which one you should read next. 

Which biography should you read next?

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When you conduct your interviews, make sure to record them with high quality audio you can revisit later. Then use tools like Otter.ai or Descript to transcribe them 一 it’ll save you countless hours. 

You can approach the interview with a specific set of questions, or follow your curiosity blindly, trying to uncover revealing stories and anecdotes about your subject. Whatever your method, author and biography editor Tom Bromley suggests that every interviewer arrives prepared, "Show that you’ve done your work. This will help to put the interviewee at ease, and get their best answers.” 

Bromley also places emphasis on the order in which you conduct interviews. “You may want to interview different members of the family or friends first, to get their perspective on something, and then go directly to the main interviewee. You'll be able to use that knowledge to ask sharper, more specific questions.” 

Finally, consider how much time you have with each interviewee. If you only have a 30-minute phone call with an important person, make it count by asking directly the most pressing questions you have. And, if you find a reliable source who is also particularly willing to help, conduct several interviews and ask them, if appropriate, to write a foreword as part of the book’s front matter .

Sometimes an important part of the process is packing your bags, getting on a plane, and personally visiting significant places in your character’s journey.

Visit significant places in their life

A place, whether that’s a city, a rural house, or a bodhi tree, can carry a particular energy that you can only truly experience by being there. In putting the pieces together about someone’s life, it may be useful to go visit where they grew up, or where other significant events of their lives happened. It will be easier to imagine what they experienced, and better tell their story. 

In researching The Lost City of Z , author David Grann embarked on a trek through the Amazon, retracing the steps of British explorer Percy Fawcett. This led Grann to develop new theories about the circumstances surrounding the explorer's disappearance.

Hopefully, you won’t have to deal with jaguars and anacondas to better understand your subject’s environment, but try to walk into their shoes as much as possible. 

Once you’ve researched your character enough, it’s time to put together all the puzzle pieces you collected so far. 

Take the bulk of notes, media, and other documents you’ve collected, and start to give them some order and structure. A simple way to do this is by creating a timeline. 

Create a chronological timeline

It helps to organize your notes chronologically 一 from childhood to the senior years, line up the most significant events of your subject’s life, including dates, places, names and other relevant bits. 

You should be able to divide their life into distinct periods, each with their unique events and significance. Based on that, you can start drafting an outline of the narrative you want to create.  

Draft a story outline 

Since a biography entails writing about a person’s entire life, it will have a beginning, a middle, and an end. You can pick where you want to end the story, depending on how consequential the last years of your subject were. But the nature of the work will give you a starting character arc to work with. 

To outline the story then, you could turn to the popular Three-Act Structure , which divides the narrative in three main parts. In a nutshell, you’ll want to make sure to have the following:

• Act 1. Setup : Introduce the protagonist's background and the turning points that set them on a path to achieve a goal. 
• Act 2. Confrontation : Describe the challenges they encounter, both internal and external, and how they rise to them. Then..
• Act 3. Resolution : Reach a climactic point in their story in which they succeed (or fail), showing how they (and the world around them) have changed as a result. 

Only one question remains before you begin writing: what will be the main focus of your biography?

Think about why you’re so drawn to your subject to dedicate years of your life to recounting their own. What aspect of their life do you want to highlight? Is it their evil nature, artistic genius, or visionary mindset? And what evidence have you got to back that up? Find a central thesis or focus to weave as the main thread throughout your narrative. 

Or find a unique angle

If you don’t have a particular theme to explore, finding a distinct angle on your subject’s story can also help you distinguish your work from other biographies or existing works on the same subject.

Plenty of biographies have been published about The Beatles 一 many of which have different focuses and approaches: 

• Philip Norman's Shout is sometimes regarded as leaning more towards a pro-Lennon and anti-McCartney stance, offering insights into the band's inner dynamics. 
• Ian McDonald's Revolution in the Head closely examines their music track by track, shifting the focus back to McCartney as a primary creative force. 
• Craig Brown's One Two Three Four aims to capture their story through anecdotes, fan letters, diary entries, and interviews. 
• Mark Lewisohn's monumental three-volume biography, Tune In , stands as a testament to over a decade of meticulous research, chronicling every intricate detail of the Beatles' journey.

Finally, consider that biographies are often more than recounting the life of a person. Similar to how Dickens’ Great Expectations is not solely about a boy named Pip (but an examination and critique of Britain’s fickle, unforgiving class system), a biography should strive to illuminate a broader truth — be it social, political, or human — beyond the immediate subject of the book. 

Once you’ve identified your main focus or angle, it’s time to write a great story. 

While biographies are often highly informative, they do not have to be dry and purely expository in nature . You can play with storytelling elements to make it an engaging read. 

You could do that by thoroughly detailing the setting of the story , depicting the people involved in the story as fully-fledged characters , or using rising action and building to a climax when describing a particularly significant milestone of the subject’s life. 

One common way to make a biography interesting to read is starting on a strong foot…

Hook the reader from the start

Just because you're honoring your character's whole life doesn't mean you have to begin when they said their first word. Starting from the middle or end of their life can be more captivating as it introduces conflicts and stakes that shaped their journey.

When he wrote about Christopher McCandless in Into the Wild , author Jon Krakauer didn’t open his subject’s childhood and abusive family environment. Instead, the book begins with McCandless hitchhiking his way into the wilderness, and subsequently being discovered dead in an abandoned bus. By starting in medias res , Krakauer hooks the reader’s interest, before tracing back the causes and motivations that led McCandless to die alone in that bus in the first place.

You can bend the timeline to improve the reader’s reading experience throughout the rest of the story too…

Play with flashback 

While biographies tend to follow a chronological narrative, you can use flashbacks to tell brief stories or anecdotes when appropriate. For example, if you were telling the story of footballer Lionel Messi, before the climax of winning the World Cup with Argentina, you could recall when he was just 13 years old, giving an interview to a local newspaper, expressing his lifelong dream of playing for the national team. 

Used sparsely and intentionally, flashbacks can add more context to the story and keep the narrative interesting. Just like including dialogue does…

Reimagine conversations

Recreating conversations that your subject had with people around them is another effective way to color the story. Dialogue helps the reader imagine the story like a movie, providing a deeper sensory experience. 

One thing is trying to articulate the root of Steve Jobs’ obsession with product design, another would be to quote his father , teaching him how to build a fence when he was young: “You've got to make the back of the fence just as good looking as the front of the fence. Even though nobody will see it, you will know. And that will show that you're dedicated to making something perfect.”

Unlike memoirs and autobiographies, in which the author tells the story from their personal viewpoint and enjoys greater freedom to recall conversations, biographies require a commitment to facts. So, when recreating dialogue, try to quote directly from reliable sources like personal diaries, emails, and text messages. You could also use your interview scripts as an alternative to dialogue. As Tom Bromley suggests, “If you talk with a good amount of people, you can try to tell the story from their perspective, interweaving different segments and quoting the interviewees directly.”

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These are just some of the story elements you can use to make your biography more compelling. Once you’ve finished your manuscript, it’s a good idea to ask for feedback. 

If you’re going to self-publish your biography, you’ll have to polish it to professional standards. After leaving your work to rest for a while, look at it with fresh eyes and self-edit your manuscript eliminating passive voice, filler words, and redundant adverbs. 

Then, have a professional editor give you a general assessment. They’ll look at the structure and shape of your manuscript and tell you which parts need to be expanded on or cut. As someone who edited and commissioned several biographies, Tom Bromley points out that a professional “will look at the sources used and assess whether they back up the points made, or if more are needed. They would also look for context, and whether or not more background information is needed for the reader to understand the story fully. And they might check your facts, too.”  

In addition to structural editing, you may want to have someone copy-edit and proofread your work.

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Importantly, make sure to include a bibliography with a list of all the interviews, documents, and sources used in the writing process. You’ll have to compile it according to a manual of style, but you can easily create one by using tools like EasyBib . Once the text is nicely polished and typeset in your writing software , you can prepare for the publication process.  

In conclusion, by mixing storytelling elements with diligent research, you’ll be able to breathe life into a powerful biography that immerses readers in another individual’s life experience. Whether that’ll spark inspiration or controversy, remember you could have an important role in shaping their legacy 一 and that’s something not to take lightly. 

Continue reading

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• Funerals & Memorial Services

How to Write a Biography for a Funeral Program + Examples

Updated 05/11/2022

Published 03/10/2021

Belinda McLeod, BA in Secondary Education

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

After a person dies, someone in the family usually writes a biography or obituary about the person. This task sometimes falls to a friend or the funeral director may also help with the writing process. 

You may then submit the biography or obituary to the newspaper through the funeral home. Most newspapers charge families a per-word rate to print the article. You may also write the obituary for the funeral program on the funeral home’s website.

Check out our tips for writing a biography for a funeral. We will also give you short biography examples to help you with your task of telling your loved one’s life story. 

Jump ahead to these sections:

Steps for writing a biography for a funeral, funeral biography samples.

Think of a biography (or obituary) as a news article informing the general public about a death that occurred. Even though you may feel emotional when writing an obituary, this is not typically the outlet for writing about your feelings. 

Even though the biography is an informative article, it is up to you to include the details. You can include pretty much whatever you want, but it’s a good idea to get the family’s general consensus regarding what you will write about in the biography.

The number and types of details may vary, depending on the person and where the biography or obituary will be used. A biography (or obituary) read at a funeral may include more details than one printed in the newspaper or funeral program . 

Step 1: Start with the general facts

You want to identify the deceased first. Use the full name (with the maiden name in parentheses) and the age of the person. If the deceased had an often-used nickname, consider putting it in quotes. 

The more identification factors you use makes it less likely that your loved one gets mistaken for someone else. This is especially important if your loved one had a common name. 

Step 2: Consider including the essential dates in the obituary

Some families choose to include the birth date and death date of the deceased in the obituary. You can present this information in a variety of ways. 

Others avoid giving this detailed information in hopes of limiting the likelihood of fraudulent activity. You may provide partial information, such as “She was born to Bob and Mary Smith in October 1982.”

Step 3: Consider including the cause of death

The family must decide whether or not to include the cause of death. Most people who read the biography will wonder, “What happened?” This question may seem nosy to you, but it is only human nature to be curious about such matters. 

Some families choose to leave this information out of the biography, which is their prerogative. Others may view it as a piece of information that may be helpful to future generations. Some may give partial information, such as “Mary Frankie Jones, 65, passed away after a long illness.”

Step 4: Include information about the early life of the deceased

Most people choose to include the names of the parents of the deceased as well as the city of birth. Again, only include specific information if you feel comfortable; some unscrupulous individuals use this biographical information for nefarious purposes.

You may consider including where the deceased graduated high school and/or college. Include any brief military service during this section of the biography as well.

Step 5: Include other family information

Often, you list a deceased person’s marriages in the article chronologically and list children at the end of the article as “survivors to the deceased.”

For some, it’s easy to write about the deceased’s spouse but makes a difficult task for others. Again, there are no “rules” on who to include, so you and your family must make those determinations.

People agonize over whether to include estranged family members. You may also wonder whether to label stepchildren differently than biological children. Ex-spouses and long-term partners that never marry may pause you as you write the obituary. 

Each situation is different, so most etiquette guides recommend that people do their best to keep their relationships with their living family members intact by not limiting the list of survivors in the obituary. 

Step 6: Write about your loved one’s professional life

A funeral biography is not the same as a resume, but most people give at least some general information about how the deceased earned a living. 

If the deceased worked his entire adult life at one place of business, you would include this detail in the obituary. If he job-hopped but stayed in the same industry, you may include a sentence about his profession.

You may make this section of the biography longer for those with active careers. 

Step 7: Consider including information about community involvement

Many families choose to include their loved one’s involvement in community groups. For example, you may choose to include the deceased’s involvement in a specific church, civic organization, or volunteer group. You may also want to include any offices that the deceased held in any of these organizations as well as any awards earned. 

Step 8: Add any details that made your loved one special

There’s much more to life than work and club memberships. Think about other details you could include in the biography that would help people understand what made your loved one unique. 

Perhaps you want to write about how she was a Star Wars superfan and waited in line each time a new film was released. Maybe your loved one was an avid camper and fisherman and spent each weekend in a tent. 

You may want to write a lengthy exposition about what made your loved one special, which you should do. Use this information to write your loved one’s eulogy or share your writing with close family members. Depending on where you publish it, you may find your writing limited by the amount of space available. 

To get you started in your writing process, read these short, fictional obituary snippets. 

For a parent or grandparent

Douglas Richard Schrute, 82, passed away peacefully in his home on Monday, June 23, 2020. His wife of 53 years was by his side at the time of death.

Douglas was born on December 22, 1938, to Richard and Mary (Sullivan) Schrute in Elmwood, Illinois. He was the fourth son born to the couple. 

After graduating from Elmwood High School, he joined the U.S. Army, serving his country in Korea.

For a child or grandchild

Mary Kate is survived by her parents, Michael and Patricia Carmichael, and one brother, Cole. Other survivors include her maternal grandparents, John and Tawnya Crabtree, and her paternal grandparents, Frank and Louise Carmichael. 

For a partner or spouse

Peter worked in the telecommunications industry all his life. He began his career at Southwestern Bell in 1973 and retired from AT&T in 2018. He worked as a technical salesperson for most of his professional life. 

For an adult without immediate family

Michael will always be remembered by his friends as the “man of 1,000 stories.” He began each conversation by saying, “Stop me if you’ve heard this before,” which no one ever did. He was the life of the party, and laughter followed him wherever he went. 

For someone who died after a long illness

Jack passed away Friday, December 8, after a long battle with lung cancer. 

The family wishes to express appreciation to the Elmwood Hospice organization for helping make his transition to heaven as peaceful as possible.

Take Great Care When Writing the Biography of a Loved One

If you are in charge of making all of the arrangements, you may find yourself overwhelmed by your list of “to-do” items. 

Even though you may find yourself pressed for time, carefully consider the wording of your loved one’s biography or obituary. Take care to be as accurate as possible by double-checking dates, the spelling of names, and other facts. 

Anytime you write something of this level of importance, it is good to have other family members and friends check the piece for accuracy, clarity, and grammar. Have others proofread the funeral program as well and help you pick which modern funeral program to include. 

You only have one chance to write the obituary of your loved one, so take your time as you complete this task. 

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How to Write Your Parents’ Life Story in 3 Steps

Have you ever wondered what your parents dreamed about as kids?  

Imagine you grab a book that describes the story of your life long before you were born. The words introduce you to a decade in which you didn’t yet exist, and the paragraphs move you to places where you’ve probably never been.

And you can’t put it down, because the principal characters of that breathtaking story are your parents.

As you read, you discover who they were before they met, how they grew up, and how their lives had the fortunate twist of crossing their paths. In a nonfiction book that describes your parents’ life, you can preserve those invaluable memories and connect, over and over, with your loved ones.

Writing your story and preserving your heritage not only offers benefits for your mental health , but it's also an excellent way to strengthen your relationship with your family and an admirable gesture to honor your parents.

But how do you get started?  Writing your parents’ life story from scratch is a big task, but you can make it manageable by following three simple steps.

Photo credit: Pixabay

1. Start a Five-Sense Conversation

The first step is to gather all the interesting stories of your parents’ lives. The research phase can be easy for you, but it might overwhelm your parents. Sit with them and listen carefully to their story. Enjoy that pleasant conversation — it’s not an interrogation! As they talk, hand them photo albums, old letters, or objects with sentimental value to prompt their memories.  

As you talk, focus on having a  five-sense conversation .  Your goal isn’t just to know the facts about dates and places. You also want to awaken emotions that were asleep in a hidden memory. To do that, the storytellers must work with their senses to access the best of their memories and speak from their hearts. In that way, you capture their authentic voices when it’s time to type those words on the computer.

To touch on the five senses, ask for details about what things looked like — colors, textures, shape and size. If there’s a song they love, play it, and maybe even dance or sing together. If there’s a meal your parents enjoyed as kids, try to cook that meal with them. Spend time with them and enjoy the process together, doing all you can to gather rich details about sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. 

Photo credit: Burst

Don’t be afraid to ask about everything that intrigues you. Invite your parents to talk about their dreams and downfalls, their struggles and efforts, their progress and their mistakes. Ask them which crisis made them grow, the happiest moments of their life together, and what advice they would offer to the future generations of your family — or the world.

If there are gaps in their stories, you can call on other relatives or family friends for additional information. Those supporting characters in the story can offer another perspective or a more detailed description of an anecdote.

To get more detailed information on how to prepare to interview your loved ones, check out this guideline published by the library of UCLA. 

2. Record the Interviews

It’s important to keep proof of those stories, so don’t forget to record your interviews. This will allow you to check back as you write to make sure your details are accurate. Recording will also free you from the burden of note taking so you can concentrate while they speak and enjoy a more natural conversation. In addition to preserving facts for your book, you’ll also have a treasured keepsake that captures the tone and timbre of their voice for posterity — an incredible gift for future generations.

During the interview, there are three things you should keep in mind:

• Make sure your electronic device is completely charged and has enough storage space before the conversation starts. Once the interview begins, activate the voice recorder and place it near the storytellers. It’s a good idea to do a test first, to make sure their voices are clear.
• Listen and observe your parents as they speak. Let them talk as long as they want, and try not to interrupt them — sometimes tangents turn out to be the best anecdotes! Pay attention to how their emotions bloom as they tell about a specific moment of their past.  
• Have a pad and a pen handy, but be careful not to overuse it or let it become a distraction. Write all the questions you have, and take notes of decisive citations and revealing thoughts. 

Your smartphone provides the easiest way to record your interviews.   Voice Memos  is the best recording app for iOS users — just touch the bright red button and let it record. If you have an Android device, download Easy Voice Recorder .

If you can’t meet in person, you can record your interview on your favorite video calling app. Zoom, Skype and Google Meet all offer ways to record your call. 

3. Digitize Photos and Documents

To help bring your parents’ stories to life, you’ll want to include photos in your book. Seeing your parents in their youth will complete the portrait you paint of them as full, interesting people. 

Photo credit: Getty Images

To round out the book, collect photographs, letters and documents such as birth certificates or diplomas. There are several free, downloadable apps that make scanning and editing these images easy: 

• PhotoScan  is one of the best ways to digitize old photographs for both iOS and Android users. It also allows you to back up scans with Google Photos for sharing.
• Photomyne is also free, and you can upgrade to premium features that let you scan multiple images in just one snapshot. It's free to download for both iOS and Android.
• Genius Scan and CamScanner are useful for scanning text documents. The apps automatically crop images and allow you to share them as PDF or JPG files.

Digitizing photos and documents is a great way to preserve them for posterity, and it makes it possible to insert images into your story as you write.

StoryTerrace Can Help 

Crafting a book from scratch is a thrilling project, but it can be overwhelming. If you've thought about creating that book but are having trouble getting started, StoryTerrace can help you transform that idea into a hardcover non-fiction book  with our experienced team of editors, writers and designers. 

StoryTerrace  takes on the hard work of book production so you can relax. One of our 600 writers and journalists  will interview your loved ones and turn their words into clear, compelling prose. With our specialized Bookmaker platform, you can easily add photos to the book. When all is ready to print, you’ll receive a beautiful hardback book worthy of passing down to future generations.

If you’re worried about not having the time or the skill to do your parents’ story justice, we’re here for you! StoryTerrace makes it possible to capture your parents’ stories in a professional book that you’ll be proud to share.

To learn more about our hardback books and writing process, contact StoryTerrace today .  You can also   subscribe to our newsletter so you never miss out on helpful writing advice. 

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How to Write an Interesting Biography

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A biography is a written account of the series of events that make up a person's life. Some of those events are going to be pretty boring, so you'll need to try to make your account as interesting as possible!

Every student will write a biography at some point, but the level of detail and sophistication will differ. A fourth grade biography will be much different from a middle school-level biography or a high school or college-level biography.

However, each biography will include the basic details. The first information you should gather in your research will include biographical details and facts. You must use a trustworthy resource to ensure that your information is accurate.

Using research note cards , collect the following data, carefully recording the source for each piece of information:

Including Basic Details

• Date and place of birth and death
• Family information
• Lifetime accomplishments
• Major events of life
• Effects/impact on society, historical significance

While this information is necessary to your project, these dry facts, on their own, don't really make a very good biography. Once you've found these basics, you'll want to dig a little deeper.

You choose a certain person because you think he or she is interesting, so you certainly don't want to burden your paper with an inventory of boring facts. Your goal is to impress your reader!

Start off with great first sentence . It's a good idea to begin with a really interesting statement, a little-known fact, or really intriguing event.

You should avoid starting out with a standard but boring line like:

"Meriwether Lewis was born in Virginia in 1774."

Instead, try starting with something like this:

"Late one afternoon in October, 1809, Meriwether Lewis arrived at a small log cabin nestled deep in the Tennessee Mountains. By sunrise on the following day, he was dead, having suffered gunshot wounds to the head and chest.

You'll have to make sure your beginning is motivating, but it should also be relevant. The next sentence or two should lead into your thesis statement , or main message of your biography.

"It was a tragic end to a life that had so deeply affected the course of history in the United States. Meriwether Lewis, a driven and often tormented soul, led an expedition of discovery that expanded a young nation's economic potential, increased its scientific understanding, and enhanced its worldwide reputation."

Now that you've created an impressive beginning , you'll want to continue the flow. Find more intriguing details about the man and his work, and weave them into the composition.

Examples of Interesting Details:

• Some people believed that Lewis and Clark would encounter elephants in the western wilderness, having misunderstood the wooly mammoth bones discovered in the United States.
• The expedition resulted in the discovery and description of 122 new animal species and subspecies.
• Lewis was a hypochondriac.
• His death is still an unsolved mystery, although it was ruled a suicide.

You can find interesting facts by consulting diverse sources.

Fill the body of your biography with material that gives insight into your subject's personality. For instance, in a biography about Meriwether Lewis, you would ask what traits or events motivated him to embark on such a monumental exercise.

Questions to Consider in Your Biography:

• Was there something in your subject's childhood that shaped his/her personality?
• Was there a personality trait that drove him/her to succeed or impeded his progress?
• What adjectives would you use to describe him/her?
• What were some turning points in this life?
• What was his/her impact on history?

Be sure to use transitional phrases and words to link your paragraphs and make your composition paragraphs flow . It is normal for good writers to re-arrange their sentences to create a better paper.

The final paragraph will summarize your main points and re-assert your main claim about your subject. It should point out your main points, re-name the person you're writing about, but it should not repeat specific examples.

As always, proofread your paper and check for errors. Create a bibliography and title page according to your teacher's instructions. Consult a style guide for proper documentation.

• 10 Steps to Writing a Successful Book Report
• How to Write a Good Thesis Statement
• How to Write a Personal Narrative
• The Introductory Paragraph: Start Your Paper Off Right
• How to Write a Solid Thesis Statement
• How to Help Your 4th Grader Write a Biography
• Tips for Writing an Art History Paper
• How to Write a Great Book Report
• How to Write a Film Review
• How to Write a Research Paper That Earns an A
• The Ultimate Guide to the 5-Paragraph Essay
• Overused and Tired Words
• Writing a Descriptive Essay
• How to Write a Great Essay for the TOEFL or TOEIC
• Structure of a Descriptive Essay
• How to Write a Narrative Essay or Speech

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

A life of service: a mini-biography of my late father, john asiegbu ezeokoye, 20 comments:.

Lovely biography and well written...tanks

Wow, great post.

Thanks for this great post. I have read this short details biography about John, father etc. I a writer and want to learn how to write the biography. I told that it is useful site for me.

your blog is better but you can make more better to host your website on any hosting provider.I can suggest you to make your blog like read more this blog

I think it is really difficult to complete a mini biography as there has not that much space to write the whole biography and there has less option there too. http://www.biographywritingservices.com/how-to-write-a-chef-biography/ this website will help you more to know about the writing service.

This entire article is about Rochelle's downtown fantastic market on the library green. There are a wide range of libraries around us and we can discover helpful link books from any library. The thing is we should endeavor to peruse book to expand our insight for various purposes in our extra time.

We believe it is very hard to accomplish the small resource because there's not really much room to create the entire resource as well as there's homepage much less choice presently there as well.

Wao your father was a great man.Its an amazing experience to read here him.If you want read about his earlier life then read here.Thanks for this post.

This really helped me in writing my Late Dads Biography. May God bless the One who wrote this. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this. It was of help to me while writing my late Dad's Biography. Thank you

God bless the writer

Thanks so much for everything sir

Nice one dear

Good write up. May his soul rest in peace amen

This helped me in writing my sister’s biography. Thanks to the writer

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Writing About My Father

The first thing I ever wrote that I was truly proud of was a letter to my father. I wrote it to him on Father’s Day. I can’t remember how old I was, maybe 17? It’s all so nebulous, that period of my life. What I remember is how moved I was writing my thanks to him and how he responded to that letter. He came to me, tears in his eyes, letter in his hand, and gave me a big hug and thanked me.

I remember him looking at me a little incredulously that day, like he couldn’t believe what I’d written. Not the content, which I think he already knew, but the way I expressed it. Hell, it surprised even me. He let my stepmom read the letter, and she came to me with tears in her eyes. I already knew that words were powerful conduits through which we can convey meaning and emotion — I just never knew I had that ability.

I give my mom most of the credit for my love of literature, but my dad was always encouraging me and appreciating my stories. I shared an account of a near-death experience on my sailboat with him, and he raved for weeks and months and years about how much he loved my telling of that adventure. He has encouraged me from the beginning. I look up to my father — have always thought of him as a real-life superhero — and so writing became a way to make him proud.

My dad was my best friend for most of my childhood. I knew this early on and celebrated it and bragged about it. How many other kids considered their father their best friend? I didn’t know many. But I would get up at the crack of dawn during the summer months to go farming with him. I would sit on his lap and steer his pickup truck. I would dip into his tobacco when he wasn’t looking. I would lean out the truck window and throw up soon after. I slept on the floor of the bathroom while he showered, back when I was five or six years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. He would hold his jeans by the waist, jump up in the air, and shove both feet through at the same time, all before he hit the ground. My dad could fly.

I fell in love with my wife Amber while talking about my dad. We were at dinner. Amber and I had just met that morning, had spent the day together out on a boat I was captaining at the time. The couple that owned the boat were sitting with us on the patio of this restaurant, and Amber was doing her psychologist trick of asking pointed questions and forcing us to answer them in turn. She asked who our hero was, and when it was my turn to respond, I started talking about my father. I got choked up. Amber reached under the table and squeezed my hand. She told me about her father. We fell in love.

It’s weird to be so close to my dad, to consider him my best friend even today, and realize that most of my books are about losing a father. My parents got divorced when I was eight or nine years old. My dad moved into a house down the street, and so began a life lived between two homes. A life of every-other-weekends. Often it was every weekend. We spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t like he was off on another planet, but you would never know that looking over my body of work.

The first book I ever wrote was about a girl named Molly who lost her dad. She spends four entire novels trying to find him, to be reunited with him. Juliette’s strained and distant relationship with her father is a central theme in Wool. The final scene of that book was written fairly early in the process — I think while writing part 2 of Wool. All of that plot and adventure culminates in what she decides to do on the final page. And then there’s Sand, where a father’s disappearance tears a family apart, where his absence looms larger than the night sky.

I don’t think any of this is an accident. I love my dad. I missed him. I think I spend a lot of time writing about how much I missed him. We didn’t have to be dysfunctional for that to motivate my art. We just were who we were.

One of my fondest childhood memories I have of my dad was during this freak snowstorm in Monroe, North Carolina. My dad knew people wouldn’t drive carefully enough with the roads covered in snow. So he threw a chain into the back of his pickup, grabbed two pairs of work gloves, bundled me up, and off we went, driving aimlessly around town. Sure enough, we came across cars in ditches, the owners stranded. This was before cell phones. Way before. Dad would pull up and tell these people that he’d have them out “in a jiffy.”

He’d let me out, and the two of us would spin the locks on the front tires to put the truck in four-wheel-drive. I was so proud that I knew how to do this. I was probably ten or twelve years old. I’d tug on those too-big gloves and wave him back as he put the truck in reverse and eased down into the ditch to line up with the front of the stricken car. He’d hand me the chain, and I’d dive down under the bumper, looking for something solid to wrap it around. I felt like a real man under there, with the grease and the mud, studying the hidden bits of machinery that make cars move. Dad would inch forward until the chain was tight; the truck would lurch and growl; but we always got the vehicles back on the road. My dad could do anything.

But it was what he did next that taught me my biggest lesson — it’s the thing that makes me strive to be like him every single day. The owners of these cars would fish a few bills out of their wallets, sometimes every bit of what they had in there, and try to pay my dad. And he always refused. Waved them off. Threw that chain back in the bed of the truck with a clack and rattle, knocked the snow off my jacket, told me to get back in and to mind the mud on my boots, and then we were off again, looking for someone else in trouble, not a care of our own between us.

I don’t thank my father enough for inspiring me to be a better person. I write about him in all of my books. Always missing. Always distant. But that wasn’t how he lived. He was always there and still is. I guess even with all that time together, it was never enough. And that’s what I write about.

37 responses to “Writing About My Father”

Beautifully expressed.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, Hugh. In so many ways.

A wonderful account, thank you.

As a father to two girls, the younger being a senior in high school this year, I often reminisce about the concerts, the sporting events, and the little gifts and hugs they have given me over the years. I remember how my chest swelled with pride to bursting on seeing their accomplishments. And how my eyes teared up with joy at knowing these were my children.

Though my family was together for my childhood, I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad. We were too much alike in the wrong ways I think and we butted heads often in my teen years. I lost him in an accident at home just after I graduated high school at seventeen. I wonder sometimes if time would have healed our relationship — if he felt about me the way I’ve felt about my daughters.

Tell your kids you love them, and that you’re proud of them. Every day.

Great account of your father. I like how the story of the chains in the snow made into the hurricane.

Youve become an inspiration yourself. Keep writing. We want whatever’s next.

Mike http://www.cindercast.com

I’m so glad that your dad cried that day after reading your letter, and you saw the impact that your words had on people.

Hugh Howey, you made me cry.

Not the tearing up, sniffing, thinking “OMG that’s beautiful” (although it is) kind of cry. But the “son-of-a-bitch I’m sitting here blatting” kind of cry.

The fact that you can be so open, can express your feelings, love, and admiration so openly-THIS is what makes you able to create characters who readers fall in love with; and even love to hate. You are able to dream up great stories with your mind and your intellect shapes eloquent sentences that move people. But your heart is what allows you to connect. Thanks for that.

I too adored my father and unfortunately he died way, way too young. Almost half a lifetime ago. It still feels like yesterday. I’m not sharing that for sympathy or anything; just to say thanks for making me think of my dad. I hope your family blesses you for many years to come.

Hugh, this is very moving and wonderfully expressed. I was sitting in the cafe with tears in my eyes reading it. It struck me as a son, but also as a teacher. In China teachers become somewhat parental figures, even for university students, which gives a teacher a lot of power in a kid’s life. That’s why when I appreciate a student’s work, I always show it with my whole being to encourage them the way your father did.

Also, this instantly inspired me to want to write about my own father, but there are so many complications to trying to get a bead on a man, as it should be. So, I quickly wrote this to express my complicated feelings, and hopefully this will be a jumping off point for a future piece about him. Thank you.

—————————- Insect by WuWei Wilson

My father was a killer at one time in his life. He killed the grandfathers of people who I would later go on to love, to teach, to share my deepest feelings with. Somehow his path of pointing a gun, led to my path of pointing a word of friendship. But the blood on my father’s hands stained his whole life.

My father was a lover. He had love in his heart and tried to share it as best he could with everyone he met. Especially those weaker and more vulnerable to life’s crushing thumb. He taught me to love and be open to the grandchildren of the the people he once killed.

My father was fighter who thought most problems could be solved by force of muscle, voice or will. He would punish the bad in his eyes. He would use fist to fight his foe. Belt to punish his brood. He would see himself as righteous anger in the name of good.

My father was a philosopher. He knew that he could not change others in any large way, and you could fight and argue but in the end you just needed to do right by them and by you. Be good, spread that good. See evil, but don’t let it make you evil. Acknowledge there is very little distinction between the two.

Skin of stone. Heart of glass.

Blood on face. Tears in eyes.

A shout in mouth. A sigh in throat.

Hands in fists. Arms giving hug.

My father is still alive. He is still all these things in some small way, but now he is mostly just tired. Although I can still see the man there, the man that has been made by contradictions. The way life is made by dualities.

A honest man will always be an insect. Wallowing in shit one moment, enjoying the view from the top of a flower the next. My father was, is, always will be an insect. As am I.

Hugh, this piece in itself is inspiring. Your dad sounds like a great guy. Thanks for sharing a little bit of him with us.

Very nice, Hugh, thanks for sharing this. Having met & chatted to you, albeit briefly, I can tell your father would be delighted at how his boy turned out, and how you are not only writing great books but in the vanguard of a publishing revolution. Sharing your publishing experiences will act act like snow-chains and will help draw-out writers who are being sucked in to the quicksand of the “traditional” ways.

You made me cry. Lately, I feel like I don’t have the words I need. I feel like I should be saying all kinds of important things to my dad, but just thinking about it makes me cry. I try to show him, through my actions, how important he is to me, because my words are gone.

Absolutely wonderful story and a beautiful tribute, not only your family and Amber, but to “love.” Continued success and good health to you in 2014, Hugh. Jerry :)

I am a mom of two children, one of which is graduating high school in June. I have to say your story is inspirational in a way that you probably did not even consider. As a mom or dad there is also never enough time with our children either. I stayed at home mom when my children were little and I have always worked a job that enabled me to be home when they were home. There are days when it takes my breath away to look at a picture of them from when they were little because it seems like the picture was taken days ago instead of years. I have often wondered what it felt like to look at old pictures for parents who did not spend much time with their kids. I can’t decide if I think it would be easier or harder.

Beautiful piece. Both my parents are gone and I have friends with parents still living who often don’t want to spend time with them. It hurts me to hear it. It brings all types of tears to my eyes — tears about missing my parents and the fun we had, tears for my friends who don’t realize that precious time is slipping away and you can’t get it back, tears for their parents who surely miss them.

This touched my heart. I know your mom and dad. I used to hang out at your grandparents house, Hugh and Cutie’s, while I was in high school. I had a crush on your mom, but she was a few years older than me. I always thought Hamp was a lucky man. Later on, I even bought the land that I live on from him, on Wesley Chapel Road. You dad is a great guy! Just hate that he has moved from here. It is so refreshing to read what you have written here about him. So proud that you are doing great as writer. Keep it you. You make Union County proud!!!

Thank you for going into the ditch for us, Hugh. Just… thank you.

Beautiful. You made me cry-but in a good way. Thank you for sharing that with us, Hugh. Your love for your father does bleed through into your work, and it is a wonderful thing.

This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

Hugh, he is still that way 100%. You are both blessed.

Thank you for this gem, Hugh. You’ve crafted a perfect synopsis of who you are and how you came to be, probably not your goal, but there it is :)

That was very moving, Hugh. Like others, I cried when I read it. I wish I’d known my father the way you knew yours. My father died when I was 5, and at my age (67) I still miss him, even though I hardly knew him.

Your father sounded like a great man. :D

I remember getting out to turn those things on the front wheels just like that on my dad’s truck!! But never for the reason you describe. What incredible memories and what a truly good man. I suspect your apple didn’t fall far.

” I guess even with all that time together, it was never enough. ” that says it all about my dad. I am almost the age he was when he died. Fify-nine, way too young and so much has happened since then. Thanks for writing about your dad and reminding me how much I love mine

My husband and I have know Hamp, Hugh’s father, for a life time as we have know and loved Hugh for his lifetime! We love both his parents, but this essay about Hamp and his wife Sherry are so accurate! Hugh is a blending of this loving parents, but these times and experience with Hamp are profound! We share many good memories and life stories with Hugh and Hamp. Both are amazing men who are the salt of the earth and are grounded in all the right values for living the good and honest life. We are so proud of you, Hugh! Walt and Cookie

What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. Hamp is everything you described and truly a loyal friend and neighbor! We are blessed to have both your dad and step-mom and our lives. Thank you for sharing.

You, my dear, are a mensch. I’m proud to know you.

Absolutely beautiful, Hugh! Made me quite teary. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man! And I’m sure he’s very proud of you! :)

Hey Hugh. Thanks for sharing. That touches my heart, both as a new father imagining how important I can be to my son and as someone who can relate. My dad was and still is very important to me. I grew up with my mom while he was in another state getting his medical residency finished, but when we moved back in with him, he was working like 80 hours a week. I cherished everything we could do together and enjoy together, from music to sports. He made up a cowboy character and told us bedtime stories about him. I’m sure that influenced my love of stories. I remember his excitement when I was old enough to read and get The Cather in the Rye, and how he took me to the bookstore to get it, telling me about how it was a banned book and me feeling a rush of discovery to have his permission and encouragement to read something that the system said was bad.

They got divorced when I was twelve and it was really hard. I moved in with him and when he soon after lost his job, we had my teenage years to finally bond, working together at a pizza place and having more time to chat and hang out. His self-admitted failures frustrated and saddened me at the time, and pushed me to not make the same mistakes–for both of us. A big part of who I am is influenced by seeing those and trying to do better, even though I have all the tendencies that he had which overpowered his good intentions and caused problems. This journey of leap frogging our parents may be common, but it is still fascinating and emotional. We love them for their efforts and they love us for the same. We (hopefully) forgive them for where they messed up and see in them the same idiosyncricies which could lead to the same results for us if we’re not careful. Likewise, they see in us those traits and lovingly try and coach us to be better than they were.

I’d comment about that and what you’ve written in Sand, but I don’t want to spoil anything. I told you how much I loved the sunrise scene. I love both parents in that book and the way the family unit is explored emotionally. Same as in the Silo Saga. I appreciate you sharing because of how much depth it adds to the reading experience, knowing you better as the storyteller.

Have a beautiful day, Hugh. Thanks again for telling us your stories.

Warms my heart to read about such a loving father and generous human being – enjoyed it!

My grandfather was T.M. Howey. He was from mineral springs area. But left to work for the railroad. His home was in Richmond. Anyway, I think we could be related. My Mother was adopted but her real mother was a Sutton, also from that area of Union County. So I am curious if you are a cousin… Polly

[…] Writing About My Father | Hugh Howey […]

Very nice :-) Our life is in our books. There is always a predominant theme, irrespective of how we weave the plot. Thanks for sharing

[…] week, Hugh Howey wrote a blog piece about themes in his writing and it got me thinking about my own. I have enough of […]

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How to write an obituary for a father.

When it comes to writing obituaries, it can be hard to know where to start. Writing a beautiful obituary for your father can offer its own set of difficulties. Fathers play such important roles in their family’s lives -- how can you possibly sum all of that up in a few sentences? Here's where to start when it comes to how to write an obituary for your father.

What kind of information should you include in an obituary for a father?

Generally, you should include the following information in an obituary:

• Parents' Names
• Spouse's Name (if applicable)
• Children's Names (if applicable)

This type of information is standard to include in an obituary and helps provide a factual account of the individual’s life. Other biographical information that’s typically included is information on education, occupations, and any military service. When writing an obituary for a father, you’ll also want to focus on other aspects of his life that were particularly important to you (and your family).

What else should I say about my father in his obituary?

Include a brief overview and description of his life. The overview can be as in depth or brief as you’d like it to. The overview can be simply a statement of facts or it can be touching and descriptive. If you need to be mindful of length (which is applicable if you have to publish the obituary in a newspaper), you may want to avoid going into too much detail. You’ll always have the option to post a fuller obituary online or to share more about his life during the eulogy or memorial service.

It can help to begin by listing out details about your father’s life and what his impact was on those around him. Paying special attention to the way your father impacted others, such as your family, friends, and larger community can help you begin to put the pieces together. If your father had any lessons, values, or words he lived by, you could include these in the obituary as well.

In addition, including information about his passions, hobbies, and interests can help tell the story of your dad’s life. If your dad wasn’t a big hobbyist or you’re having difficulty coming up with favorite passions of his, here are some questions that can help guide you:

• Where were his favorite places to vacation? Why?
• Was he a part of any local community organizations or clubs? What made them special?
• Was he a part of any religious organizations? What made his religion important to him?
• Did he start or maintain any family traditions around birthdays or the holidays?
• Did he speak about his duties as a father and what he tried to impart?
• Did he have any lessons that he felt were most important to teach his children?
• Did he have any words of wisdom?
• Were there any subjects he studied or pursued throughout his life?

Here’s more information you can include that’s separate from typical biographical information:

• His interests and hobbies
• Any organizations he belonged to or volunteered for
• His sayings, words of wisdom, or values he imparted
• His relationship with his friends, family and community
• His favorite places to travel, things to make, food to eat or things to do
• Other aspects of his life that you felt made him special and unique

Important tips when writing an obituary for a father

At this point, you should have some information that you’re ready to start putting together in the form of an obituary. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you start writing an obituary for your father: Try to keep the tone in mind. Was your father funny? Serious? Lyrical? Writing an obituary that matches this style can personalize the obituary. Acknowledge his accomplishments and interests outside of fatherhood. Describe activities and hobbies he was proud of or interested in. If you have to publish the obituary in a newspaper, be mindful of length. Many newspapers charge by the line, so an obituary of just 4-5 sentences can cost you hundreds of dollars. Don’t forget to include information about any services (or if there’s no services, include that as well).

Use the AI obituary writer

Sample obituary for fathers

For an example of how to write an obituary for your (or father figure), you can reference the sample below. Most obituary examples for fathers focus on elements that made the individual a good dad. This is typically paramount to the obituary and generally includes information on how they functioned as a part of their family, as a support for their kids, and what fatherhood meant for them. This sample can be used for biological fathers, step-fathers, or even father-in-laws -- an obituary is a personal endeavour and customizing the sample obituary for your dad is important.

If you'd prefer to follow templates instead of real samples of obituaries for fathers, you can check out Ever Loved's free obituary templates for fathers and father figures. These touching obituary templates for fathers will provide you with a foundation and starting place to writing a fuller obituary that matches up with your preferences. (Regardless of what you choose to follow, writing an obituary for a dad can be made easier by checking out references, samples, and examples as it'll help you identify commonalities between examples of obituaries for a father, templates, and customized and personalized obituaries.

Jon Menken, 72, of Columbus, OH, passed away on December 1st after a brief battle with pneumonia. Jon was born on November 3rd, 1949 to Jon and Marion Menken in Minneapolis. After graduating from Eastview High in 1965, he went on to study Art History at Ohio State University. After graduation, he got his first job as a historian for the Art & History Museum in Columbus. He loved it and would end up staying with the museum for over 20 years, rising through the ranks the entire time. It was at this time that he met and fell in love with Caitlyn. They were married in 1974 and were with each other through all of life's ups and downs. Jon and Caitlyn would go on to have 2 children, Marion and Mariah. Jon was a wonderful and devoted father, husband and teacher. He always taught us to stand tall, be proud, and know ourselves in all situations and supported us all throughout the many accomplishments and difficulties of our lives. When Jon wasn't working in the archives of the museum, he could be found flyfishing and painting. An avid painter, Jon dedicated much of his time to experimenting with different styles of painting and reading about the greats. Jon was predeceased by his parents, Jon and Marion Menken. He is survived by his wife, Caitlyn; his children, Marion and Mariah; and many grandchildren. The family requests that donations be made to the Art & History Museum of Columbus, of which Jon was a member. There will be a memorial service at Greenhold Park on December 9th at 10 AM.

Here is the template, which you can edit and use as you see fit:

[Full name], [age], of [place of residence], passed away on [date of death] after [cause of death]. [First name] was born on [date and year of birth] to [parents] in [city of birth]. After graduating from [name of high school] in [high school graduation year], he went on to study [college major] at [college name]. After graduation, he got his first job as a [job title] for [company]. He loved it and would end up staying with [company] for [number] years, rising through the ranks the entire time. It was at this time that he met and fell in love with [spouse's name]. They were married in [year] and were with each other through all of life's ups and downs. [First name and spouse's first name] would go on to have [number] children, [names of children]. [First name] was a wonderful and devoted father, husband and teacher. He always taught us to [life lesson] and supported us all throughout the many accomplishments and difficulties of our lives. When [first name] wasn't working in [location], he could be found [describe hobby]. An avid [hobby name], [First name] dedicated much of his time to [description related to hobby]. [First name] was predeceased by [list of family members who have passed away]. He is survived by [list of family members who are still alive]. The family requests that donations be made to [organization name], of which [first name] was a member. There will be a [funeral service/memorial/celebration of life] at [date & time] at [location].

If you’re looking more obituary samples for dads, you can more on this list of obituary templates . These templates come with both the template and the sample obituary for fathers so that you can see what it’d look like with the template filled in. If you’d like real-world obituary samples for fathers, check out this article on examples of obituaries that have been posted to Ever Loved .

When you’re ready to post an obituary for your dad, publishing an obituary for free using Ever Loved is easy. Ever Loved obituaries come with tons of other features, such as the ability to post and collect condolences, start a fundraiser, share event information, and much more -- all for free.

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How to Write a Eulogy For a Father

Last Updated: June 22, 2023 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP . Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 648,673 times.

Writing a eulogy for your father can be a heartbreaking experience. It's perfectly normal to feel sad and nervous when composing such a personal eulogy, so take care of yourself throughout the writing process. To start your eulogy, spend some time brainstorming. Think about your most treasured memories of your father and how they can fit into a eulogy. From there, you can begin writing. Write a piece that expresses how much your father meant to you, and how grateful you are for his presence in your life. As delivering a eulogy for your father can be emotionally trying, practice a bit before delivering the eulogy to make sure you're okay speaking about your father publicly.

Things You Should Know

• Understand that a eulogy is different from an obituary, because a eulogy focuses on a person's personal story and capturing who they were.
• Include sensory details to color the piece. Make sure to include at least one story about your father to engage the audience.
• Read through your eulogy again and edit as needed—does this cover your father's personality well and follow a theme?

Prewriting Your Eulogy

• Avoid writing laundry lists of achievements, and including an excess of facts about the person. Instead, focus on stories and memories that speak to a person's character.

• Also, think about what external things you associate with your father. What music reminds you of your dad, as well as movies, television shows, foods, sounds, and smells? You may want to immerse yourself in these things as you write, as this may trigger some valuable memories for your eulogy.

• You do not have to be insightful or make sense of death. It's okay to admit death is terrible and baffling. Try to make sense of a person's life. Who was your father and what will the world be like without him?
• You can figure out vague concepts as a theme. Maybe your father was an attorney who took on civil rights cases. You can focus on the theme of generosity, community, and helping others. Maybe your father was a business man who made his own fortune. Your theme can be something like the benefits of tenacity, hard work, and dedication.
• You can also talk about what you learned from your father. What is the greatest lesson he taught you? How do you incorporate that lesson in your life today?

• You can write your eulogy in chronological order. This may be helpful if you include anecdotes from your father's early life, as well as his later life. If you find your stories and memories come from different points in time, chronological order may make sense.
• You can also organize your eulogy by ideas. If you're talking about several characteristics of your father, all illustrated by different moments and memories, organize by ideas. For example, you're talking about your father's success as a business man and how this success was due to determination, work ethic, and personal skill. You can have a section on each of these qualities, and include appropriate memories and anecdotes.

Writing the Eulogy

• This will probably be the easiest part of the eulogy. You simply have to say who you are, and how close you were to your father. This helps give you credibility.
• For example, you can open with something like, "My name is Jane Sherman, and we are gathered here today to say goodbye to my father, Glenn. I was an only child, and because of this particularly close to my dad. We talked almost every day, even after I moved away from home."

• You may want to talk with your family and the funeral director here. You want your tone to match the service. If it's a religious ceremony, you may want to adopt a somber and respectful tone, for example.
• However, do not let the service completely dictate tone. You want your tone to reflect who your father was as a person, primarily. If your father was a jovial person, always joking around, you can adopt a more lighthearted tone. Think of your eulogy more as a celebration of a life than an act of grieving.

• For example, say your eulogy is about how your father was always able to find fun, despite having a somewhat difficult life. Select an anecdote that speaks to your father's ability to find levity, despite the circumstances.
• Say your father died of lung cancer. You can talk about how he faced his diagnosis with humor. You could start with something like, "When my father first found out he had cancer, he joked about his treatment options. I remember him saying to me, 'I'm optimistic about radiation though.' When I asked him why, hoping the prognosis was positive, he responded, 'I'm hoping exposure to radiation will turn me into a superhero. I could be the next Spiderman.'"

• Sensory details can help. Maybe your father loved working outdoors, and he always smelled like soil. Maybe your father loved the color red, and almost always incorporated red into his wardrobe.
• Include as many tiny details as you remember. For example, "I remember my dad was always singing old Johnny Cash songs, and he had a deep, baritone voice just like Johnny Cash. I would wake up Sunday mornings to hear him singing, 'I Walk the Line' from the basement, the smell of fresh coffee wafting into my bedroom.'"

• If your father was religious, Bible quotes can help. There is a lot in the Bible about life and death, so you can look here.
• You can also look into books, movies, songs, and television quotes your father loved. If your father was a huge fan of Robert Frost, you can include a line from a Robert Frost poem in your eulogy.

• Think of something funny to say about your father. Was he overly argumentative? Include a humorous story about him arguing about a bill in a diner long after everyone else had let the issue go. You could say something like, "Despite my father's appreciation for humor, he was not perfect. He could be overly critical, and at times argumentative. I remember once, on a family vacation, we stopped at a Denny's..."
• A story that illustrates flaws should be light in nature. You do not want to sound like you're angry at the deceased, as this can come off as disrespectful. You do not, for example, want to include the story of an epic, serious argument you and your dad had to illustrate he was argumentative. This will not provide laughter. Instead, focus on a low-stakes situation that will make people laugh.

• Think of a few final thoughts that will sum up your father for others. Tell the audience, directly, what you are trying to say. For instance, "What I learned from my father was that life is short, and often brutal, and the best way to combat all that is with a good laugh and an ability to appreciate the small moments of joy, despite any circumstances."
• You should also thank the audience for their time. Briefly say something like, "I appreciate you all coming out to remember my father, Glenn Sherman, and giving me an opportunity to tell you a little bit more about him. I know he would have been honored to know how many people cared enough to attend."

Completing and Delivering the Eulogy

• Ask yourself whether your eulogy makes sense. Do your stories illustrate your theme? Do you feel like anything is missing? Is there a story you should have included or an aspect of your father's personality you could have explored more? Is there anything that feels like it doesn't belong?
• Add to your eulogy as needed. If you feel like there's room for expansion, expand as needed. You can also cut anything out that you feel like does not add to the theme. Time is an issue. The average eulogy should only last 5 to 7 minutes.

• If you want to memorize the whole speech, memorize small chunks one at a time. It can be daunting to remember everything.
• You should write down notes with reminders on them. This will help you stay on track as you deliver your speech.

• You can ask a friend or family member to listen to you practice. They can give you feedback on how to make your delivery smoother.

• Reach out to others. Your existing relationships are important during grief. Lean on friends and family members during your weak moments.
• Try to work on reframing your sense of identity. Losing a parent can make you feel you've lost a source of personal guidance. Try to think about who you are without your father, and how you can move forward.
• Stay in the present. Remember, the present is where your life is occurring right now. Be grateful for what you do have. Try to be thankful for life each day, and live it to the fullest despite your loss.

Sample Eulogy

Expert Q&A

• Keep your father's eulogy to about 5 or 10 minutes. The length does not matter, but you might find it hard to talk for more than 10 minutes about the father you lost. Thanks Helpful 6 Not Helpful 0
• Make eye contact with the mourners as you give your eulogy. This will help you establish more of a connection with your audience than you would when reading straight from your paper. Thanks Helpful 5 Not Helpful 3

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/skills/how-to/write-deliver-eulogy/
• ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.
• ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/brainstorming/
• ↑ https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-a-eulogy/
• ↑ https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2020/nov/delivering-a-heartfelt-farewell
• ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-give-a-eulogy-that-truly-celebrates-the-person-youre-honoring/

About This Article

To write a eulogy for your father, brainstorm some ideas by writing down memories of him. Once you have a list of ideas, use it to help you come up with a theme for your eulogy that sums up who your father was, such as generosity, hard-working, or helping others. When you begin writing, introduce yourself so the audience will know your relationship to your father. Follow this up with a story or anecdote that speaks to who your father was, which will help engage your audience. For example, if your father was a humorous person, you might talk about how he responded with a joke when talking about his health problems. After the story, include small details about your father, such as how he always liked working outside or singing old songs, since the details will help friends and relatives grieve. In conclusion, write a few statements to sum up your theme, by saying something like, “What I learned from my father is that you should treat others the way you want to be treated.” For tips on how to edit and deliver your eulogy, keep reading! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Makiko Itoh : Not a nameless cat.

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A short biography of my father

As I've already mentioned online somewhere, my father died in late November. His memorial service will be held in February, at the church he attended. I wrote up a short biography for the pastors at the church to refer to in their eulogy (or whatever it is called that is read out at a memorial service) and I thought I'd post it here too, as a sort of closure. It is admittedly the 'good' version of my father's life, and leaves out a lot, but it is what I think is most fitting.

Masamichi Itoh was born in 1936 in Tokyo. His parents were Salvation Army officers working at a Salvation Army hospital. They were Christians, which was very unusual for Japanese people at that time. While he was evacuated to the countryside during the war, he spent most of his youth in Tokyo. Years later he remembered always being hungry as a child, especially in the postwar period, and his mother struggling to feed six children. He was the oldest.

From an early age he was very interested in America and learning English. In his teens he had more than 25 penpals in America, all but one of whom were girls, most of them blonde. His favorite American actress was June Allyson. When he entered college in the '50s, he grew his hair into a "regent" - a big fluffy pompadour at front, like James Dean - and frequented the dance halls of Tokyo, dancing the boogie woogie.

At the age of 26 he married Michiko Munemura, a 21 year old girl with big eyes. It was an arranged marriage, the usual way young people got married in Japan at the time. They eventually had three daughters - Makiko, Mayumi and Megumi. Makiko lives in France, Mayumi in Japan, and Megumi in Florida. He also has two grandchildren, Lyoh and Lena.

His English ability and his interest in travelling abroad finally came together in his early 30s, when he was sent to England by his company to cultivate business there. He was their sole representative in Europe for 5 years. After six months he was joined by his wife and two older daughters (daughter no. 3 was born later in the United States). Life was tough sometimes, but looking back later he said he really enjoyed his time in England.

After several years in England and a year in New York, he and his family returned to Tokyo. But back in Japan, he did not feel like he fit into his company anymore. Unhappy, he took the drastic step of resigning - a very unusual thing to do for a Japanese salaryman in the 1970s. He found another job back in New York and the family moved once more.

Perhaps because of so many moves, the marriage became too strained, and he divorced from his wife a few years later. He eventually found friendship and a purpose in life again when he joined the Universal Church, which became the center of his spiritual and social life. He found it very fulfilling to serve on the church's board, especially after retirement. That and his friends here [in New York] were the main reasons why he decided to live out his retirement in New York rather than going back to Japan.

Masamichi had a lifelong love of good food, movies, and travel. He used to keep file folders full of the business cards of restaurants he visited around the world. When he was in his 60s, he went back to dance class again to boogie woogie once more.

(See also: Doing business as a Japanese businessman in the '60s and '70s' )

Comments on this post:

Thank you for sharing.

Did you parents decide to keep the M name going or is that something that Japanese families do traditionally? We almost did that with our son. But I decided I didn't want tradition and his name is so strange to most people anyway that I just like it. Even though it's a really old English name. Your Father really lived a vibrant life, or at least it sounds that way! Thank you so much for sharing!

The M thing is just a

The M thing is just a coincidence, definitely not any kind of tradition. Though when it came time to name my youngest sister my parents may have looked for an M-name on purpose.

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Recent popular.

Letter to a Birth Parent

So, you’ve identified a potential birth parent and you’re ready to reach out. But how? What’s the best medium? Phone? Email? Snail mail? And what do you say?

There’s no magic bullet here, but if you’ve made it this far in your search, you know that already. Some birth parents have been praying you would find them, some never knew you existed, and some hope to take their secret to the grave. Worse, you have no way of knowing which of those describes the person you’re contacting.

Plus, you might have the wrong person.

For these reasons, I advocate reaching out in a way that gives the other person room to maneuver, emotionally speaking. A phone call is risky, because you’ll almost certainly take them by surprise, and they might feel cornered. Email is quick but impersonal, and it might not be seen. A letter is better, if you have a mailing address. Hand address the envelope, and pay for delivery confirmation if want to know when it was delivered.

I’ve had success with an approach that lays out the evidence for the relationship but doesn’t take the final logical step of saying outright “You’re my parent.” Even if you know with absolute certainty that you’re writing to your birth father, for example, don’t say so.  Say, instead, the equivalent of “Hmm, this is interesting. Do you have any information that might shed light?” Then, let him come to you.

Sometimes, you may want to leave out evidence from your letter. If you have DNA proof of who your grandparents were, and they only had one daughter (your birth mother), you may instead want to describe your connection to your great grandparents (her grandparents), so she has wiggle room.

DNA is complicated, but keep your letter simple. No need to mention centimorgan values and segment sizes and X chromosomes. You don’t want to scare the recipient off.

Responses to the letter have been varied. One birth mother was thrilled to be found. Another said ‘Sorry, I can’t help, good luck with your search.’ (Yes, she was the birth mother.) One birth father pointed us to his cousin and agreed to take a DNA test to help. (Heh.) Another not only acknowledged the relationship but also thanked his daughter for reaching out in such a considerate way.

Which is to say, no promises. My fingers are crossed for you, though, very, very tightly.

Final comments before I share the template. I’m a scientist.  I think like a scientist and write like one, which is to say: bone dry. Feel free to modify the letter however you like to make it reflect your personality. The template below is for an adoptee. It can be easily modified for an unknown father situation or even a break in your lineage further back in time.

Bracketed text in blue is meant to be replaced with your own details. Bracketed text in red is commentary to guide you in modifying the letter for yourself.  Please proofread your final version and make sure all of the bracketed text has been edited or removed, otherwise the recipient may think it’s a poorly executed scam.

If you have suggestions to improve the letter, or if you try it and it works for you, please let me know in the comments.

Template Letter

Dear {potential birthparent’s name} ,

I recently took a genealogical DNA test through {name of testing company} and learned that I am descended from your {relationship of shared ancestors to potential birthparent, e.g., grandparents} , {name and dates of the husband ancestor} and {name and dates of the wife ancestor} . I have close cousins through both the {husband’s surname} and {wife’s surname} families. {Modify as fits your scenario; for example, you may only have cousins through one of the lines.}

I have also taken a yDNA test, which tracks a man’s surname lineage, and it connects me to several other people from the {surname} surname. {Women cannot do the yDNA test, so you will want to delete this paragraph.}

I was born {name at birth} on {birthdate} in {birth city and state} and adopted {time of adoption, e.g., shortly after my birth} . I am searching for my biological family to learn my heritage and especially my medical family history. I have a copy of non-identifying adoption information that states that my birth mother was {description from nonID: age, ethnicity, occupation, etc.} and my birth father was {description from nonID: age, ethnicity, occupation, etc.} . (My DNA shows evidence of both ethnicities.) Both of my biological parents were born in {location where they were born} . I {do not} believe that my birth father knew that I was placed for adoption.  {If your case is one of unknown paternity, you can change this to describe your mother and the time and place of your conception.}

Of the {#} children of {husband ancestor} and {wife ancestor} , I have been able to rule out {names of their children who have been ruled out} , meaning that either {name of candidate} or {name of candidate} was my {relationship to you, e.g., grandmother} . {Modify this paragraph to fit the details of your search. Remember to give your target an “out”, so that the evidence doesn’t point only to them.}

I hope that you have information that can help me to identify my birth parents and are open to contact with me. I don’t wish to upset anyone’s life; my purpose in searching for my birth family is to learn my medical history and perhaps see photos or maybe meet biological relatives, as I have never met anyone who looks like me. I was adopted by a loving family in {city and state} and am now married with {number} children and {number} grandchildren.

I am enclosing a photo of myself so you can see what I look like. I now live in {city and state} , and all my contact information is listed below. Please reach out to me if you might be willing to assist in my search.

I look forward to hearing from you, and will follow up with a phone call on {day and date a week or so after you expect them to receive the letter} . {Many searchers are uncomfortable with this paragraph and omit it.}

{name, address, phone number, and email address} {Give the recipient multiple ways to contact you.}

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64 thoughts on “Letter to a Birth Parent”

Thank you very much. So helpful!! Look forward to reading more from you site!

The letter above is a really good template to use.

I also agree that you have to leave room for the other party to manoeuvre, and not to jump straight to the end point by making some form of definitive statement about the potential relationship in the first communication.

I’ve found that being open and honest in the first instance, about why your searching can go a long way in these matters, and that for the most part people will try to help you. Always give the other person enough information for them to be able to make a reasoned judgement about contacting you back.

If they do contact you back, then all subsequent communication becomes much easier, free flowing and can be very revealing. Plus you have started to build trust with the other party.

Trust, is an extremely important part in this process. It’s an intangible asset that takes a long time to build, but can be lost in seconds. The moment the other party lose trust in you, your relationship can be in jeopardy and your chances of success can go with it.

Recently I was contacted by someone who sent me half coded messages and smiley face emoticon’s,over 4 different emails, before finally suggesting that a close relative of mine was probably their G Grandfather.

The message was “telegraphed” and I knew their real intention for contacting me, but the fact that they weren’t direct with me made them look deceitful. I’m sure that they didn’t mean to be deceitful, and probably thought that they were protecting my feelings, however it didn’t endear me to them, or their plight, at all.

Being honest in these matters has nearly always paid back for me.

Important comments. Thank you for sharing them.

Hello, Thank you so much for sharing this template! I recently found out that the man I thought was my father wasn’t through ancestry.com and my bio mother doesn’t know who my bio dad is. After tracing my relatives that would be on my bio dads side I narrowed it down to my bio dad but here’s the catch he has a twin brother and after weeks of research I know I’m correct and connected all the dots! Your letter made me feel so comfortable with reaching out to them and I followed your instructions and mailed it restricted so that only the recipient could sign for it. It has been 2 weeks now and I haven’t heard back from them and was hoping for some advice on what to do next. I am grown with my own family now and want nothing from my bio dad other to hopefully get to know him and my siblings. I don’t know how much time to give this and if I should try to call them if they don’t respond? Thank you again

My heart goes out to you. This is the most nerve-wracking part of a search, because we can’t control the outcome. My best advice is to wait another couple of weeks to let him work through what you’ve told him, then try again. Please let me know of any updates. I’m pulling for you!

Hi did you ever hear back from him?

I found out my father wasn’t my father through ancestry DNA…wasn’t expecting that, but I was then given two options which was easy to figure which one was the one that was probably my father through DNA. So 2nd day I figured it out. 3rd day I did the phone call and met up with him and took his DNA. Bout a week later got results back and I was right…he is my biological father. The next weekend I’ve met my him, step-mom, sister, two nephews, only first cousin and 3 of her four children. The next weekend I met my grandma. (this is the next weekend) tomorrow the immidate family is all getting together again to hang out let the kids play and take pictures. So the phone call works…it was a shock for me, figured may as well shock him too.

Wow! That’s a whirlwind series of events. Congratulations on your new-found family!

I cannot thank you enough for this! I was truly lost for words and this is precisely what I needed to deliver the news to my bio-father. He was very impressed by the way I chose to deliver the news and I have no one to thank but you. Thank you ? . It was eloquent, to the point and very giving. Well done!

Good luck and most of all peace in the hearts of everyone that needs these resources. ❤️

I can’t tell you how pleased I am that the letter was useful. Congratulations on finding your bio-father!

If I only have my bio-dad’s name from ancestry dna (closest other relative is a second cousin) and all the non-identifying info I have I now question (including whether he knows about me) how would you recommend proceeding? Many many thanks!

Is the 2nd cousin on your bio-dad’s side?

• Pingback: DNA Testing for Adoption Reunion – Forget Me Not Family Society

I took a DNA test and I have 3 close results one first cousin, one-second cousin, and one-third cousin. I am going to have to guess which is on my mother’s side and which is on my father’s side. I also am really unsure how to proceed from here. I don’t want to upset anyone but am truly curious as to who my parents were and some of my medical history. I don’t think I want to meet anyone at this point. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

Where did you test?

AncestryDNA

It’s probably best for you to contact me directly so I can give you advice. You can contact me by email (theDNAgeek -at- gmail.com) or via my Facebook page ( https://www.facebook.com/theDNAgeek/ ).

I was adopted as a baby so I took a 23andMe and Ancestry DNA test to help me find my birth parents. I found my birth mother but I haven’t contacted her, yet. On Ancestry DNA, I found a first cousin on my father’s side so I contacted him. He was very open with me and gave me the names of his uncles and father; he wants to meet me. After doing more research, I think that he might be a half-uncle. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. What if he doesn’t know that his father has another son. How should I approach this matter? What should I say to him? I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed with this matter. Thanks so much.

I wouldn’t say anything unless I was absolutely sure, and then I would take my time breaking the news. For example, “It really looks like we’re first cousins, but there are some other options, like half uncle. Could that be possible? I don’t want to disrupt the lives of your uncles unless I’m sure.” And then seeing how he reacts. He might be willing to get his uncles on board to find out.

You’re in a tough spot, but I can tell from your concern about them and their families that you’ll approach what could be a difficult conversation in a respectful and caring way. Good luck.

If you’re not sure, we could set up a consultation to review your matches to get a better feel for whether he’s a cousin or a half uncle.

Thank you very much for your advice.

You’re welcome. Good luck.

You’re welcome. Good luck!

I tried your letter approach, but was soundly rejected. It seems my most likely BF was a member of 10 siblings. So far children of 5 of those have tested as first cousins. Of the 2 male siblings’ children remaining, one sibling’s child will not respond at all and the other sibling’s child has threatened to bring charges of harassment for me even bringing up the matter. The latter is also within just a few days of my birthday and his father bears a very strong resemblance to me. I tried asking for help on DNA Detectives – no one stepped up. Anyone like to kelp me resolve this long standing dilemma?

Unfortunately, if you’ve approached all of the adult descendants of the last two candidates, and they won’t test, there’s not much you can do except wait and hope they change their minds. I’m so sorry. Are the cousins receptive? Forging relationships with them may be gratifying, and could also have the side benefit of bridging acceptance by your remaining cousin and half sibling. I wish you the very best.

I’m in a tough spot. I’ve located my two potential birth fathers ( brothers) One is alive – one is not. Which family do I approach first? I have a gut feeling it’s the one who is alive. He has two daughters. I have all the addresses, phone numbers and emails.

Email or Letter? What’s most effective?

My concern is his wife may open it and I don’t want to cause any stress in their lives.

Any advice is appreciated.

I would contact both families: the brother who is alive and the children of the one who isn’t. If you craft the letter according to the template, the family can ease into an acceptance of what you’re telling them. One or both families may decide “it’s the other brother” at first. Let them think that, and simply ask them to test. They’ll have several weeks to adjust before the results come back. Good luck!

Thank you for your template. I’m sure it has helped many people write a letter of contact. I wish it was something that would help me. You see, I found my birth mother many years ago. She had already passed. Last May (2018) I did Ancestry dna and got results. There was a match that took until this past (2019) January to figure out who she is. No relatives (matches) had ever heard of her or knew who she is, search angel couldn’t figure it out, it was a dead end. She however did have the name of her paternal grandfather and her maternal grandmother on her ‘tree’. Her paternal grandfather was married to my birth mother. Believe me, it took many hours with lots of fits and starts to confirm the name I recognized was who I thought when I saw it. She is my half niece and she’s listed as 1st cousin on ancestry. Folks have messaged her on ancestry (using the “Hi, I see that we are [1st, 3rd, etc.] cousins with no response. We have no idea if she’s even gotten the messages. (She’s young and in the military). She has logged on twice – March 2018 and December 2018. Because I was digging, I found the half brother I suspected I have. Knowing my “mother’s” history, I am reasonably/almost positive she never told her fourth and last] husband that she had given two daughters up for adoption, 14 years before they were married. I know where my niece lives and I know where my half brother lives (he is 15 years younger than I). So, where might I find a template for contacting my niece and one for contacting my half brother? I’ve looked and just can’t seem to find one. Especially one to someone who hasn’t tested (half brother). Thanks in advance for any help.

Feel free to modify this template to fit your situation. Good luck reaching out to them!

I am looking to write to someone who i believe may be my bio-father. I want to contact him to find out whether they are and wanted to know the best way to write to them to confirm this.

I hope the template in this post works for you. Good luck!

Hello, I love the draft of your letter! I am an adoptee and had attempted to write one and it was not nearly as eloquent. Question: My 23andme said “father.” Does that mean he definitely is my father? How accurate are these kits? I saw the comment in here about brothers and they were not sure which one it was. I do not want to make any assumptions.

Oh my goodness! Yes, if 23andMe says “father”, there’s not much wiggle room. Technically, there are two possible relationships there: father or son. You can tell the difference using your ages.

Thanks! I am going to use your template to write a letter to him now. Nervous 🙂

Fingers crossed! Please let me know how it goes.

Hi I thought this was a genius letter. I used it to send a letter to my birth mom. And plan on sending one to my birth uncle or dad which ever one he is . One is deceased and because of the close age I’m not real sure. What complicates this is they both gave a child up for adoption with in a few months of each other. My main question is how long to expect a response back from my birth mom. I’m worried the letter didn’t express an interest in personal contact. Which could possibly be hurtful. What is the normal response time to expect? And is there a possible follow up letter we can use if there isn’t a response?

I’m so glad you found the letter helpful. There isn’t a standard response time, unfortunately. Each person is different. I’d give it at least a month or two.

I sent this letter to my bmom and bdad. My bdad replied within 48 hours of receiving it – he denied I was his, a week later he contacted me again and apologized as I didn’t deserve that, I was his kid (he had no idea I existed). My bmom took a little while to contact me, about 6 weeks, she called on my birthday. It has taken about a year but we are building a relationship now.

How wonderful that both of your birth parents are open to contact. I am so happy for you!

Thank you so much for your template! I would like to use it to send letters to my half sister and potential BF. I found their home addresses via google searching and Facebook. I’m planning on sending certified letters to their physical home addresses but leave out how I found their addresses. My other options are to send a message to my BF’s wife’s Facebook page…not good, or send a second message via Ancestry to my half sister (but she hasn’t yet checked her inbox for my first message). What do you think?

I would send a letter to your BF first. Give him a chance to respond before trying to contact your half sister outside of Ancestry. Since she’s tested there, reaching out to her via their messaging system is fair game. I would absolutely not contact his wife except as a last resort. It’s not likely to have a positive outcome. Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much for posting this template! In such a sensitive moment of my life you gave me the words I needed to express myself. I used this template and received a response from my bio father within 2 weeks, who responded with kindness and understanding. Thank you for helping me and all the others who have posted here! I only hope that everyone else who is in a similar situation finds the answers they are looking for, and would recommend this letter to do it! Wishing you all the best 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing your success story. I’m so glad to hear that the letter helped. Best wishes moving forward with your new-found biological father.

Can you give me some advice on how to write a follow up? It has been 3.5 months since the birth mom received the letter (which was sent certified). I have not heard anything in response. So, of course I wonder if it was her who really signed for it, etc…. But do you recommend something saying “I understand the complications of this, but just want you to know that I simply would like to confirm I have the correct person, or I should move on in my search” something to that effect? Thanks for any help you can provide. 3.5 months feels like forever!

I’m sorry she hasn’t responded. Your approach sounds fine, but if she doesn’t respond a second time, I’m afraid you should let it be. I’m hoping all the best for you.

Thank you for this template. I hope to be able to use it someday for my husband’s maternal grandfather. So far we have a supposed name and place in Germany but haven’t had luck with response from descendants in Germany. There is only one decent match that appears to be from that branch but that person also doesn’t know her paternal grandfather. I am having a hard time building out trees and genetic networks because everyone else is a distant match and there doesn’t seem to be many German records online. At this point, is it just a waiting game for more usable matches? I have my husband’s DNA on Ancestry, MyHeritage, FTDNA and Gedmatch.

For records, you might try consulting a German genealogist who specializes in the region of Germany you think your husband’s grandfather was from. They will have access to records that are not online. As far as DNA matches go, you’ve discovered the hard way that not many Germans have tested at this point. You’ll probably have the best luck at MyHeritage.

Thank you so much for this great template.

The only thing that I have found that makes this less awkward for everyone is to have a cousin write the letters.

I have found 20+ birth parents for my extended adopted cousins. Since I match one side of their family; representing that side is a huge help. I identify how I am related to them and then how the adopted person is related to their lineage.

All of the contact information in the letter is through me. That way if the birth mother or father want to decline contact they don’t have to say no to their birth child. It gives them a way out and wiggle room so to speak.

I have to say in the 20+ cases I have solved, I only had one birth mom who didn’t want contact. I found this case the most usual since her grown children today had no children of their own. Only her adopted daughter has children. So these would be her only grandkids.

Having an intermediary make contact is also a good option if someone is willing. Your new-found cousins are fortunate to have you on their side.

Hi Shelley! I received an email from you asking if I had made contact with my bio family (with regard to my comment about my maternal half brother and half niece with not knowing how to reach out to either of them by mail). I never could figure out just what to say in a letter to either of them and figured it would “come to me” if I put it out of my mind for awhile. Out of the Blue, on December 9, 2020 I received TWO notifications (Ancestry and 23andMe) that I had messages from a relative. They were from my half niece! She had decided to reply to the messages that had been left for her on those two sites. The messages were from my half sister (also her half aunt) and a 2nd cousin (she got involved when we were trying to figure out who she [half niece] was and how we were all related. I know my [half] sister replied and I did as well. As it turns out, her father (our half brother) had apparently mentioned in passing, that he was curious about our mother’s “past” and the niece took it upon herself to help him (without his knowledge). After I replied to her, she told her father that he had two half sisters (he had evidently been told by HIS paternal step sister, many years ago, that he had a half sister (our mother had told her). He didn’t believe it, but at one time had investigated (back before all the DNA stuff), but it because too difficult to find any information so he dropped it. After communicating with me, our niece checked MY tree(s) on Ancestry and 23andMe and determined that she is, in fact, our half niece and that her father is, in fact, our half brother. Long story short: He (brother) says he is willing to communicate with us what he knows about our mother. I’m guessing the communications will be through our niece, but it’s too soon to tell. Our niece was thinking about getting him a DNA kit for Christmas, but I haven’t heard yet whether she did. I do know that [previously] he was hesitant to take the test because he did NOT want ANY of his paternal relatives to have any access to him. I let the niece know that he can keep everything private should he choose, but also, he did not have to communicate with or acknowledge any of those relatives if he didn’t want to. Also, that those relatives would already have some knowledge due to the fact that SHE took those tests. Our brother had a VERY bad life (mostly due to his father who was not a good person), but also not a very good life with our mother. Knowing what we know about our mother and HER life, we are not surprised, but we (sister and I) do feel pain in our hearts that he had to go through all of that and we feel eternally blessed for having been removed from her custody. I/we do hope that our brother will communicate with us himself and not just through our niece and we are giving them both “space” to come to terms with all of it. He had a birthday the day before Christmas and I sent happy birthday wishes through our niece. Thanks for asking and offering to assist me/us with contacting our brother, but that particular problem solved itself.

At least contact has been made. That is the largest hurdle!

I have sent 6 letters out to family of an adoptee that I am helping now. The dad never responded and BTW, I never said he was the dad. I also sent letters to 2 half brothers and 3 uncles/aunts. Four of these letters just went out on Tuesday.

You just never know how people will react. We are hoping someone will talk to us. At this point I don’t know who her mother was but I am pretty confidant who dad was. It is a waiting game to see if anyone responds.

I hope your 1/2 brother chooses to communicate. It isn’t your fault or your 1/2 sisters that he had such a terrible life. If he can put that behind him and see he has 2 great sisters, life might be better.

Please keep me posted how things go.

Best of luck to you!

I like the idea of having a cousin reach out and that actually happened with my paternal half brothers (without my asking the cousin for help). Our father never knew I existed. Sadly he passed before he could be told. Also, sadly, there are no cousins to help with reaching out to my maternal half brother who may or may not know about me. His daughter tested and is my half niece, but I have no idea whether she told her father or even if she has figured out the relationship she and I have. So, I’m stuck in the “nobody to reach out for me” and “what to say” when reaching out on my own.

The template can give you some ideas about how to reach out on your own. The trick is to strike the right balance between telling them the whole truth and keeping enough back that you don’t scare them off right away. I find they’re more accepting if you give them time to think about it.

Have you made contact with your bio family? Did you find someone to reach out on your behalf?

I would be willing to write a letter on your behalf, but of course we would need to talk. Let me know if I can help.

Hi – I found out through Ancestry after taking a DNA test, that my Father isn’t my biological Father. My Father and I were building a family tree together, and I decided to have a DNA test done because we were hitting a brick wall with finding relatives and I thought having a DNA test would throw us some more results. To say we were shocked by the results was an understatement! To make things worse, I didn’t notice the DNA match first, my Dad did. To think I handed that to him on a plate, breaks my heart. My Dad recognised this persons name immediately, and after talks with my Mother, she admitted to him about having an affair. They told me a week later (I hadn’t looked at Ancestry for a while, so I hadn’t noticed myself). Anyway, I’ve lived with this for a year, and while ‘we’ have all moved on, nobody talks about it and thankfully as a family we have all gone back to normal. Except for me. Most of the time I don’t actually think about it, but there are gut wrenching times when the feelings are so over whelming, I feel myself going into some kind of depression. I feel like I want to know more about my biological father, and then I don’t, and then I feel guilty that I’m betraying my father. I can’t talk to my Mum in case I upset her and I know really she is keeping some parts from me, and I don’t want to upset their lives again, especially now its all died down. So the only person I really can look to for answers is my bio-father. I have written so many messages through Ancestry and deleted them. I’m not looking to fill a family hole, I’ve had a great childhood and I have a loving family, I’m not missing anything in my life, I’m just intrigued to know more, but is that enough to rock someone elses world for, or is that just selfish?

Everything you’re feeling is normal. So normal that others in your situation have created support groups online. This article might give you some insight into how not-alone you are in this. https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/07/dna-test-misattributed-paternity/562928/

You might want to join such a group to help you cope with this revelation before you decide whether to reach out to your biofather. There’s no right or wrong here, just what’s right for you.

This is always a sticky substation. Are there any close DNA matches to your bio father’s side? Do you have a 1C or 2C match on his side? Try to find someone who can make the contact for you. It allows the bio parent some wiggle room to decline contact and I have found they are much more likely to talk to a stranger than their child.

I have a cousin (case #24 for me now) who was adopted and I found her bio dad in 5 days. Wrote to him and he has never replied nor did I get the letter returned. So this week I wrote to his son, who should be a 1/2 brother to my cousin. Still haven’t heard from the son, but he might need time to respond.

I never say that they are the parent, brother, sister, etc…. I tell them who the adoptee is matching on DNA. The bio family will more than likely know these people or at least the surnames.

It is a shocker for all that is for sure. But I believe the adopted person should know about the bio family even if they don’t make direct contact with the immediate family. I find a lot of adoptees like to know where the family came from and any health issues. This gives the adoptee a connection to their lineage.

Best of luck. Post updates please.

I liked the sample letter and the idea of tweaking it to suite your needs. I would make a few suggestions. If this person is a biological parent I would enclose a photo of yourself since they might see a resemblance to themselves or someone in thier family. I would totally avoid using registered mail since you don’t know if he or she will be the one that answers the door,also registered mail tends to make people think your looking for something or worse yet a bill collector (might not sign for it) I sent my bio father a letter and photo first class mail. It turned out he wasn’t in the US when the letter arrived and was put aside by his wife until he returned. I had no idea he had a wife none of the database companies I paid to get his correct address list a wife living at the address. Another thing I was told he knew about my mother being pregnant, it turned out to be totally untrue (my grandmother finally stated he was correct) You only get one shot at a first impression if you appear aggressive or insulting you may never get a response

I do everything you mentioned, like the photo of the adoptee and sending it first class mail. In this last case I also included a photo of the grandfather since it was available and the adoptee looks a lot like grandpa!

Again, I never say that they are the bio parent, aunt/uncle, 1/2 sib or any other relationship. I just ask for their help in solving the mystery.

I am very frustrated with this last case. I have send 6 letters out and NO one has responded. Nor have my letters been returned. I sent 2 letters out before Christmas and 4 more letters mid January. I have solved many adoptee cases and none have been so unresponsive.

The adoptee had a 1C1R match who spoke to me and the adoptee back in Dec. Now he is not talking. We are trying to figure out why everyone is so silent?

In the past, I have had more luck with older people spilling the beans. It is like they want the truth to come out. Especially, since they are older and in this case the adoptee is 58. Time seems to heal and the bio parents are more mature at this point.

We have at least 2 younger cousins that could be contacted. So that is our next set of letters.

With all of the DNA matches on the fathers side, I am confidant that I have the correct family. The biggest confirmation is a 2C match to the father’s grandmothers family. The surname is so unusual that this has to be the correct lineage. DNA doesn’t lie.

Fingers crossed that someone makes contact soon!

Thanks so much for the letter. I used your template twice. I wrote a letter to someone because I wasn’t sure if she is my paternal grandmother or grand aunt. She called me within a few days and gave me helpful information. She is my paternal grand aunt. My paternal grand aunt had a lot of sisters and all of them are deceased so she is trying to help me connect with other relatives to help me.

Also, I used the template to write a letter to my birth mother and included pictures. Unfortunately, it has been four months and she hasn’t responded. I was able to see that she did receive the letter. If she decides not to respond, I am okay with it. It is her loss. My adopted parents were wonderful. I won’t reach out to her again.

I will focus on finding my birth father. His relatives are trying hard to help me.

Thanks again.

I’m so glad to hear that the template was helpful in reaching out to your paternal side. Good luck in finding him!

hello, thank you for the template, a real life example is what i need! I’m writing to my biological father who had no idea I existed until 18 months ago (54 years of not knowing!!). This template will help, thank you for sharing.

You’re welcome, and good luck!

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