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Single Mom Success Stories for Your Hope and Encouragement

Share81Pin112Email193 SharesCheck out these single mom success stories from everyday women to give you hope and encouragement on your single motherhood journey. These single moms (current or former) conquered the overwhelm and show you how you can too! Encouragement and hope in other’s stories Some of us become single mothers by choice, some are forced…

Check out these single mom success stories from everyday women to give you hope and encouragement on your single motherhood journey. These single moms (current or former) conquered the overwhelm and show you how you can too!

Encouragement and hope in other’s stories

Some of us become single mothers by choice, some are forced into it, and some simply face the fact that we must finally become a single mom.

Regardless of how you got here, there are usually times of despair when you ask yourself, “ How will I do this? “

We’ve all been there. The road can be quite long. And the road is different for everyone.

Sometimes it helps to listen to stories of others who went ahead of us.

Although no one’s story will mirror your own exactly, our hope is that you’ll hope and encouragement in these single mom stories.

Related: Resources and Programs Available for Single Mothers

These moms have made it through the difficult seasons and you will too.

Single Mom Success Stories of Hope & Encouragement

In this article, you will find stories from various single moms just like you .

These women aren’t CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. Because although that is inspiring, the majority of us simply inspire to make ends meet, get remarried and know we made the right choices to get on with our lives.

Which successful single mom story intrigues you the most? Click to go directly to her story, or read them all and find your inspiration!

• From single mom to Life Coach: Tamara
• Single Mom of 6 girls: Sarah
• Single parent to a child of special needs: Dawn
• From single mom to blended family: Cassie
• Working 3 jobs to make ends meet: Kim
• Single mom with no support: Julie
• Raising babies alone: Christina
• Characteristics all Successful Single Mom Stories Possess

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Tamara

Our first interview is with Tamara of Empowered Single Moms. Check out Tamara’s practical advice and how she was able to go into private practice after her divorce. You can find out more about Tamara on her website  Empowered Single Moms  where she writes for single moms and offers life coaching packages.

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A : The kids were 7 & 10. I was 43.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: That everything is on me. So often I long for another adult to be responsible for something anything.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I would focus on the priority for that day and do that first. It also helped when I went into private practice and was working for myself. My income was less secure than working for someone else, but I had much more flexibility and it didn’t take long before my income was higher too.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: The best thing about being a single mom is that I can make a plan to act on my priorities and I am not struggling with another adult who has different priorities and values.

Q: Who was/is your support system? A: My family and friends. I made new friends in the process of being a single mom and got closer to some of the friends I had.

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: You can do this. You need to do this. Really what choice do you have? It is like being in labor. It hurts and it is hard, but once you are in the middle of it the only way out of the pain is to keep going.

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: I learned how to stop yelling and being angry. I think the main thing was I no longer had the time or energy for the anger, so I needed to let it go.

Related: What to do in Moment When You Feel Lonely + 3 Things Not to Do

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Sarah

Sarah is a single mom of 6 girls! Sarah has two successful businesses. She blogs about her large, single-parent family at RaisingRoyalty .  She also has a virtual assistant business at XeraSupport .

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A : 1st time: pregnancy (4 months), 2nd time: 3 months, 23 months, 3.5 yrs, 5 yrs, 9 yrs

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: Logistics: Having to pick and choose who can do what because I’m only one person and I can’t be in two places at once.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: Focusing on the kids. No matter how hard, how overwhelmed I may get, when I focus on them, I find a way. There’s always a way.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: It’s just easier. I don’t have to argue with anyone about when bedtime is, who does what, what the rules are. I can buy myself ice cream, and I know I will get some of it. There are no expectations — since it’s all me, I get done what needs to get done, when I want to.

Related: 11 Tips on How to Be the Best Single Mom You Can Be

Q : Who was/is your support system? A: To be honest, when I was newly single, I didn’t have anyone. Now I have friends I can count on. But that took 4 years to build.

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: Focus on surviving first. You can fall apart/get angry/cry later. Shove the emotions aside and focus on getting your family stable – legally, financially, with routines and support. Then book yourself a weekly appointment with a therapist to deal with all the emotional fallout.

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: That I actually am an organized person. I like clean, decluttered spaces. I never thought I cared before.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents? A : Focus on the kids. You can handle anything if you focus on what’s best for them.

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Dawn

Dawn explains how we have a support system all around us if we are just willing to reach out. Dawn shares so much wisdom for single parents below. You can find Dawn over at  FI & Wine where she writes about financial independence and goal setting without giving up your wine!

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A: I was 27 and my son was 2.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A : Feeling like I had to be rock solid at all times. I had to play both roles, the soft mom that my son could go to when he hurt AND the disciplinarian that didn’t give in when pushed. Sometimes it was just so hard to be strong.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: I took one day at a time.

Life was just so overwhelming at times.

First, I sat down and assessed my situation with honesty and absolutely no shame. I set the long-term goals that I need to work towards then broke them down into small, manageable, time-based goals.

Related: 5 Things You Need to Stop To Be an Awesome Single Mom

Anytime I felt like there was just too much on my plate, I would break down my day into the key tasks that had to be addressed and I would tackle them one by one. Hour by hour, day to day I would simply focus on the one most important task. I would tackle that one goal and then move on to the next. No looking forward or backward, just focus on the task at hand.

If I stopped to absorb the enormity of my situation (caring for a son that had special needs, going back to school because I had no career and needed a pathway to make money, relying so much on friends and family, super long commute, etc.) I would become overwhelmed, emotional and unproductive.

That wasn’t helpful for anyone.

I also made sure I had my support system for times that I just needed to vent and feel all the emotions.

I gave myself a little time for that as needed, we all need to tap into how we are doing and accept that we feel angry, scared, stressed, exhausted, frustrated, sad, etc. But then I would refocus and continue on with my one important task and just keep making forward progress.

Related: How to Start a Christian Blog in 10 Steps

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: I don’t answer to anyone. I get to decide what I think is best for my son and how I will raise him. I love that I have a very special relationship with him and he is more aware of life’s ups and downs and empathetic because of our unique situation.

Q: Who was/is your support system? A: Everyone.

Don’t hesitate to build your tribe and reach out for help when you need it. I have reached out to family and friends, but I have found that complete strangers can become sudden pillars of support that you will forever be grateful for.

My son was having an outrageous tantrum when we were on vacation once. I was trying so hard to hold it together. A woman walked up to me and, without saying a word, gave me a huge hug. With just that small show of support, I lost it and started crying on her shoulder. She told me I had this and I was a wonderful mom, held me tight, and then walked on.

I’ll never forget how much her hug helped me on that day.

This one moment has not been unique.

I have come across kindness that I never expected, from random strangers, my esthetician, or the genius technician at the Apple Store.

If you are willing to open up and be vulnerable, you’ll find that you most certainly are not alone.

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: Take it one day at a time and be true and kind to yourself.

Take time for yourself because if you aren’t happy and healthy, you can’t be the best parent you can be. Mistakes happen, but those are learning opportunities to continue growing and being an amazing mom.

Be financially responsible and plan ahead. Worrying about money is often the reality but that stress doesn’t have to transfer to your child(ren).

Related: 6 Habits of all Happy & Successful Single Moms

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: That I am strong and I can do anything I put my mind to.

I didn’t start out this way but being a single mom certainly made me this way. Day in and day out I did what needed to be done. Then one day I realized just how far I had come.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents? A: It can feel so lonely sometimes and it’s hard to see the positives.

For a while, I focused on how this just wasn’t the life I signed up for or the way I wanted to raise my child.

But my son and I are who we are now because of our experience. And this is NOT a bad thing.

I am so proud of both of us. We are strong and appreciative and we value the people we have in our lives and the accomplishments we have made. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Cassie 

After ten years of mastering her own mess of single motherhood, Cassie ditched the security and comfort of the life she had built, upped and left her residence of Las Vegas and made the move to Southern California where she began a new adventure, blending a family.

Today Cassie leads a successful life. She is a life strategist for single moms as well as a writer and speaker of the heart. She is the creator of Unconventional Motherhood: Helping Single Moms Master the Mess. You can find her over at cassierajewich.com or join her Facebook group, The Single Moms Mastery for a small group connection with other single moms.

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A: I was 25 my daughter was 18 months.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: Dealing with the abuse and emotional/financial neglect of her father.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: Brought in the troops. Friends, family, community programs, and most of all I brought my heart and tears to Jesus.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: I got to create peace and set the stage for a strong foundation. Before becoming a single mom my attention was spent managing an abuser and seeking sanity.

Q: Who was/is your support system? A : My family. My mom and dad, my sister and then her husband. The got me through a lot.

Related: Single Parent Financial Problems and How to Overcome Them

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: Finances and emotions are probably on the list. Don’t neglect either. Lots of grace. Work with someone you trust that can help you create a plan.

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: Probably that I was the problem and I was really truly in an abusive marriage, which I believed I was above. This is not true for many and it doesn’t take away the responsibility of the abuser, but I was not wanting to see the truth. I also was not answering a call God had placed on my life.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents? A: I guess it depends on how they became a single parent, but for the most part working towards the best emotionally healthy you is the best thing you can do. You are the heart of the home. Bring that to a good place, bring lots of grace and if you are faith-based, partner with the Holy Spirit. He knows you and your children better than anyone. He knows the deep places of hurt and he will be faithful to lead you through to the other side.

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Kim

Kim McDowall has an inspiring, successful mom story. Kim worked 3 jobs when her kids were young just to make ends meet. Today, Kim is a freelance blogger, writer, and VA. You can find out more about Kim where she empowers those with a chronic illness at Chronic Chimera .

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A: I was 23.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: Finances.

I didn’t receive the court-ordered child support for years. This was 25 years ago and there wasn’t much help to enforce parents to pay child support back then. We struggled but those were also some of the best times because we found ways to have fun without spending money.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: I sometimes worked two or three jobs to pay all the bills plus childcare. I was exhausted but it was worth it. My kids were worth it.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A : Not having to worry about their father being abusive. We could be ourselves and laugh. We had so much fun together.

Related: Tips for Single Moms Desiring to Raise Amazing Boys

Q: Who was/is your support system? A: I didn’t really have one for a long time.

I moved closer to my mom after a few years and she would babysit sometimes but she and I never had a good relationship. I had friends in our small town that would look out for my kids but we all had our own lives to manage.

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: Enjoy this time with your kids. It’s a very special time. Make special days or times to do something fun each week or month.

Don’t rush into another relationship. If you do start seeing someone, listen to your kids. This person will affect their lives much more than you know.

Take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup and you DO need to put on your oxygen mask first. You can’t be there for your kids if you don’t take care of yourself. Make sure to go out with friends and pursue a hobby or just spend some time in the bath with a good book.

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: I had the strength I never knew I had. I had more weaknesses too. In the end, I found out I was only human.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents? A: Nobody else knows what they’re doing either so breathe.

This is an opportunity that brings you so much closer to your kids. Also, your kids will always be a part of your life. Others may not.

Don’t put your personal life on the back burner but don’t let someone in your life who doesn’t love and respect you and your kids.

Don’t blink, it really is over faster than you think.

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Julie

Julie has been a single parent for 25 years. Below she describes how she began her single-parent journey with absolutely no support. Since Julie’s children moved out of the house and she has more time, she spends her time fundraising for various children’s cancer charities.

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A: The kids were 11 & 12. I was 36.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: Having no backup.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: Prayed and believed I could do it.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: Being able to make all the decisions regarding my kids.

Q: Who was/is your support system? A: None.

Related: Powerful Bible Verses About Hope with Free Download

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A : You can do it!!! Pray about it!

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: Your kids and you are closer and as they get older it becomes easier.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents?

A. Try to find other like-minded single moms. Make friends. You’ll need them.

The new lifestyle of single motherhood brings out all your strengths and adds to your character. I would not trade the person I’ve become because of all my challenges for anything.

God gave me the mountain and He helped me to climb it.

Successful Single Mom Success Story: Christina

Christina’s success single mom story begins with the overwhelm of being a newly single mom to young children. This is a story many of us can relate to. You can find out more about Christina where she writes for single moms at Raising Biracial Babies .

Q: What age were you and your children when you became a single mom? A: I was 32 and my kids were 3 years old and 15 months old.

Q: What was/is the hardest part for you being a single parent? A: Being completely responsible for everything by myself 24/7. Sometimes I’m used to it, but sometimes the sheer responsibility of literally every single thing is REALLY overwhelming. Never having time for myself and feeling isolated at times is hard too.

Q: How did you overcome your biggest hurdles of being a newly single parent? A: My biggest hurdle was probably the emotional toll it took on me.

I pushed myself to get out of the house and be around other people to take my mind off of what was going on. I read a lot of inspiring stories/blogs from single moms. I listened to music that made me feel good. I read quotes that made me feel empowered. I wrote positive affirmations down. I did whatever I could to get myself out of that really bad emotional place I was in.

Q: What is the best thing about being a single parent? A: I get to parent the way I want without having to make compromises with a significant other. I get all the love and amazing moments. My kids are pretty much obsessed with me and they know I’m always going to be there no matter what 🙂

Q: Who was/is your support system? A: My mom and very close friends.

Q: What advice would you give to a brand new single mom? A: Allow yourself to grieve. You need to mourn the loss of the life you thought you were going to have or mourn the loss of the family you thought your kids would have. But once you have done that, do whatever you can to uplift and empower yourself. Do things that make you feel good, (even if you fake it til you make it).

Q: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself as a result of being a single parent? A: How resourceful and strong I actually am. I fixed household things I didn’t think I could fix, (vacuum, plumbing, air conditioner, etc). I got to a place where I knew me and my kids would be just fine. As hard as being a single mom is, I wasn’t going to let it knock me down and I knew I would raise some awesome kids by myself.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to share with newly single parents? A: Even if this isn’t how you thought your life would go, you CAN do this. You have everything your kids need to be an amazing mom. Just make sure to take care of yourself too.

Hey there, I'm Jen! I've been a single mom for over ten years. I know firsthand how hard the single-parent journey can be. It’s my mission at Grace for Single Parents to uplift, renew, and propel single moms to live a full life with God's grace and love.

Hey Jeni, I went through everything I read here and I must confess that I was blessed and inspired. I am also a single mother, I would bee 26 this month and my son would be 7 this year. It has been a challenging time for me cos the life I dreamt of having was halted but I went back to school and I graduated last year

I am currently running a Facebook page”Broken yet strong” as an instruction from God to reach out to the single mothers out there, the abused and hopeless to bring hope to them

Thank you so much for all you do. I do hope to hear from you ma

M a very recent single mom and just cant get over this relation my child is just 3 months, m not even earning dont know how will i get over all this, but reading these stories kind off helpin me at this point of time

Reading these stories are very comforting. Sometimes getting lost into being a single mom can be overwhelming. In my case, my children father lives in a different country. So hearing other single mothers speak on having no other parent at all, does give me hope.

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What You Don't Know Until You're a Single Mom

No one's around to pat you on the back — or tell you what to do.

But my little family with my 8-year-old and 10-year-old daughters is my greatest source of joy. Sure, there's no partner on hand to tell me after a difficult day that I'm doing a good job — but there's no one around to tell me I should be doing it any different, either. Along the way, I've learned a few things.

1. You alone are responsible.

Every time you pass that stray sock on the stairs that fell out of the laundry basket, you inexplicably hope that someone will pick it up for you. It will live there until you do it.

2. You can't threaten your kids with "wait until your father gets home!"

You're judge, jury, executioner. And then you become comforter of the very child you just scolded. It's complicated.

3. Nobody's eating the leftovers.

Those Tupperware containers in the fridge are one of many reminders that the man of the house is gone. Your notion of how much food to make is all out of whack. Soon you will stop making meals that have leftovers . Because without a husband to please, chicken nuggets for the kids and wine and a salad for you is a damn fine meal.

4. You get to use all of the closets.

Spread your clothes out . Let them breathe. The shower, too. All of those hair products you wanted to try, then couldn't throw out even though you didn't like them? There's room for all of them in the shower, because it's all yours now.

5. You can bring the catalogs inside.

When the catalogs arrive, chock full of tech gadgets or sports gear that you can't afford, you no longer have to hide them from your spouse. You can even let the kids cut them up to make a collage, then give that to daddy for Father's Day. Easy peasy.

6. Some broken stuff will stay broken.

The leaky faucet can be fixed by placing a bucket in the sink, then using the caught water for plants. The broken garage door that is holding your car hostage requires a repairman . Choose your battles.

7. There won't be any unexpected charges on the credit card statement.

You know exactly what you bought , and owe, because you're the only one shopping. Unless you aren't, and there's fraud protection for that. But mostly, your budget is yours.

8. The dog poop out back is all yours, too.

Talk about fun!

9. Sick days are brutal.

Sick kids mean not getting anything done as you comfort and care of them, trying to create remedies from the stuff on hand so that you don't have to take a sick child to the store, all while trying not to come in direct contact with them, because then you will become the sick one, and there is no backup to cover for you when you are ill . You get up with a fever and get the kids off to school. Because that's what single moms do. This will feel like hell at the time, but will in fact be all the proof you ever needed that you are an epic badass.

10. Resign yourself to smaller celebrations.

Kids can't buy extravagant birthday or mother's day gifts for you. Because you're the one who does all the shopping. And how do you take them shopping and pay for a gift without seeing what it is? So gifts aren't bought. They're made. Which means more anyway.

11. Vacations can be a challenge.

Navigating airports, lengthy flights , car rentals , and long car rides as a solo parent will seem too daunting to even consider. Do it anyway, just to prove to yourself that you can. And to show your kids how amazing you really are. Years later they won't remember that you forgot to take the liquids bag out at security and held up the whole line of cranky travelers, but they will remember swimming with you in the hotel pool and being the center of your universe for that moment.

Cassandra Dunn is the author of novel The Art of Adapting (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster).

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8 Books About the Lives of Single Mothers

Reading Lists

Kelly mcmasters, author of "the leaving season," recommends stories about both the joys and the struggles of single parenthood.

When I first became a single mother, I hid it from everyone, including myself. In my new book, The Leaving Season: A Memoir in Essays , I track the evolution of my relationship with motherhood, starting as a reluctant mother of two in a married household and ultimately ending as a single mother in suburbia (I openly considered this my personal nightmare for most of my youth, but I’m slowly coming around). Throughout the book, everything I thought I knew gets blown apart, including my belief that I am not a natural mother, or that there even is such a thing.

The stereotype of single mothers is one that reeks of shame and desperation. I knew there was more to that story, but it took me a long time to realize that I was a part of that cliché. I’ve since worked to search out stories of single motherhood that feel more nuanced, intellectual, and, even, joyful. There is plenty of complication and darkness—although single motherhood was a revelation for me personally, there is nothing about any kind of motherhood that is easy or uncomplicated. 

Here are a few books that delve into the life of single mothers, both fictional and real:

How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of My Family by Sonora Jha

Sonora Jha is a single, immigrant mother who uses her own hopes and fears surrounding the possibility of raising a feminist son in America to reflect on the stories we tell each other about gender, violence, and love. Jha takes a hard look and offers clear-eyed and realistic blueprints for including social justice and feminist practices into everyday parenting in an effort to help build the next generation of men. She has a ferocious intellect, unstoppable warmth and generosity, and an uncompromising vision. The gorgeous mix of personal story and reporting makes the stakes of this narrative so intense that it becomes about so much more than mothers and sons.

Operating Instructions : A Journal of my Son’s First Year by Anne Lamott

In her mid-30s, Lamott has a child on her own, and the book is a chronicle of the very real mix of dark and light that is life with a newborn, from unending colic nights to the crack of your chest expanding from the overwhelming amount of sheer love. Even in the midst of chaos, she manages to find warmth and humor.  Lamott’s vulnerability with her struggles with sobriety, her brand of honesty and self-deprecation, and playfulness are what makes her book such a compelling read.

Animal: A Novel by Lisa Taddeo

A thriller and wild romp, we follow the protagonist, Joan, as she at once self-destructs and resurrects in the Los Angeles hills, where she has escaped to after a long history of being used and abused following a tony but tragic youth. While predatory men and a culture of sexualizing women are the focus, Joan is ultimately complicit in unexpected and difficult ways. I cannot give the full reason why I’m including this book in the roundup without giving away too much of the plot, but suffice to say that ultimately the heady mix of female rage, burning love, and cracked open desire is deeply redolent of the most animal parts of motherhood.  

Galatea: A Short Story by Madeline Miller

As with Miller’s other masterful stories, Galatea is a feminist retelling of an accepted Greek myth, in this case tracing the story of the sculptor Pygmalion who creates his perfect woman in marble. After a blessing from a goddess, the sculpture comes to life, but Pygmalion soon boils over with rage when he realizes that by breathing life into her stone beauty, his creation now also has a mind of her own with desires and independent thought. After giving birth to their child, Galatea can no longer pretend to be submissive and obedient, understanding that unless she leaves, she is locking her own daughter into a cycle of thwarted independence. Galatea breaks free, working to build a beautiful life alone with her child, for a period. This tiny book (all of 64 pages) feels giant, with characters who dig their talons into you and refuse to let go.

The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw

When this collection blazed onto the scene in 2020, it won every award possible, putting West Virginia University Press on the map. The nine stories in this shatteringly beautiful collection are all part of a loosely interconnected galaxy in which Black women and girls move through kitchens, bedrooms, and back parking lots, searching for, and often finding, desire, agency, religion, and care. In the“Peach Cobbler,” a single mother is observed through her teenage daughter’s eyes, handing down her family recipe for the dessert, as well as much more than she intends. 

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan

Chan’s inspiration for this novel came from a real-life news story about a mother who left her child home alone to go to work and lost custody as a result. Frida Liu, the main character in this hauntingly incredible novel, also risks losing custody of her child to her ex-husband and his hyper-perfect younger mistress after a similar incident. She enters into a dystopian government reform program in an attempt to prove that she can become a “good mother” in the eyes of the state. It’s a kind of Margaret Atwood meets Octavia Butler-esque twist, but unfortunately, this commentary on the sacrifices and hard choices mothers are forced to make every day between providing for and caring for their children feels disturbingly realistic.

The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante

After 15 years of marriage, Olga’s husband abandons her and their young children one summer during a stifling heat wave in Italy. Throughout their marriage, her husband shaped Olga’s personality and choices, so much so that when he leaves she no longer knows who she is anymore in his absence. As the story unfolds, and she struggles to continue to care for the children while moving through the black hole of devastation that threatens to engulf her, Ferrante allows the reader such an intense and intimate look into Olga’s mind as she comes to terms with her new reality, and the claustrophobia of caring for children is heightened when the three of them become stuck in their high rise as Olga begins to unravel. Ultimately, Olga comes to understand it is not she who has been abandoned, but is the one who did the abandoning long ago, and Ferrante allows us to view a woman returning to herself: “He wasn’t even a fragment of the past, he was only a stain, like the print of a hand left years ago on a wall.”

Meet Me Tonight in Atlantic City by Jane Wong

Poet Jane Wong’s gorgeous memoir functions as a love song to her mother. This bi-coastal story flips between Wong’s childhood in New Jersey lived primarily in the family’s Chinese American restaurant and her adulthood as an academic in the Pacific Northwest. Wong’s portrait of her postal worker mother is blazingly beautiful, even and especially after her father abandons the family, disappearing into a gambling addiction. Although there is despair and heartbreak, the resounding note here is one of joy, resilience, and beauty.

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The beauty of being a single mom people don't understand

The summer I was 31, I put my belongings in storage and went to Europe. I told everyone I was planning to finally finish my novel, but in reality, I was hoping to meet my future husband. I went on Tinder dates across Europe before I settled in Dublin, Ireland, for a few months. 

By the fall, I was back in the U.S. I didn’t have a husband, or a boyfriend. But I was pregnant, and committed to raising my child as a single mom . The details matter less and less with each passing year, and I try to keep them relatively opaque to preserve my daughter’s privacy. But her dad isn’t in the picture or on her birth certificate. Since the first day I saw the double pale pink line on the pregnancy test, it’s just been the two of us. And I am so grateful for that.

In my 20s, I worked at a women’s magazine, primarily focused on sex and relationship content. My circle of friends was predominantly women. I saw relationships as a means to an end. By the time I hit 30 and more of my friends were becoming partnered, I felt unmoored and panicky. I was done with my life as a single woman, but unsure what I wanted for the future. I would approach dates like job interviews, trying to cast the person in front of me for the role of husband. Did he have a stable job? Great. A good relationship with his family? Awesome. Did he want kids in the future? Then I would do whatever I could to ensure we would have a second date. I didn’t have time to talk about favorite books or musical tastes or what inspired him. If he sounded good on paper, then he was the right fit for me. To me, having a partner was essential to “ladder up” in the game of life. While I knew this wasn’t a healthy approach to relationships, I also didn’t really see an alternative. I wanted a family. And a husband was the way to get it.

But then, my unexpected pregnancy changed everything — starting with my outlook.

The more things I did by myself — even things that people around me said couldn’t be done, like taking care of a newborn alone — the more I realized I didn’t need a partner. In fact, I realized that in many ways, I didn’t want one.

I went to the hospital in labor on the subway, by myself. I came home three days later, cesarean-section-sore, by myself. For the first seven months of being a parent, my daughter came everywhere with me, simply because there was no one else to watch her. Were there sleepless nights? Of course. Hours of endless Googling the afternoon she rolled off the bed onto the carpeted floor? Without a doubt. But there was also a sense of calm growing inside me. The more things I did by myself — even things that people around me said couldn’t be done, like taking care of a newborn alone — the more I realized I didn’t need a partner. In fact, I realized that in many ways, I didn’t want one.

This became more apparent as I saw how easily resentments could grow in relationships . I saw partnered friends struggle with compromises and have disagreements about child-rearing. Everything from which foods to introduce to their infants to where to send their child to day care was a topic for discussion, and often disagreement. Not needing to compromise made me rely on my own intuition and become incredibly comfortable with my own internal voice and compass. 

I was also falling in love, and it looked nothing like what I had imagined. Instead of falling in love with a potential partner, I was experiencing love for the first time with my child. I was entranced by her opinions and her personality, the way she loved animals and sang off-key to the “Frozen” soundtrack and the millions of other things she did that were toddler-typical but also unique to her. She had mannerisms that I recognized from my own childhood pictures — a half smile, bright blue eyes — but was so very much herself. 

She was also completely dependent on me. Everything from the jobs I took to where I lived was decided within the lens of what was best for her. But rather than feel resentful, I felt empowered. I had the ability to put someone else above myself. 

Rather than feel resentful, I felt empowered. I had the ability to put someone else above myself.

In my 20s, I dated one man for six months, which is my longest romantic relationship to date. His biography — lawyer, smart, wanted kids in the future — checked all the right boxes. One night, he called me because he had sprained his wrist during a workout. “I don’t want to be by myself tonight. I think I need someone here,” he said. I remember bristling in annoyance. I had a huge work project due the next day. My plan had been to spend the weekend holed up in my apartment, alone, completing it. In fact, I had liked being by myself, without anyone interrupting me. I didn’t want to be with him, and I didn’t want anyone depending on me. But I felt the right thing to do was to put aside my own needs and go take care of him for the evening, even though I was resentful and angry.

We broke up not long after, but that experience worried me. Maybe, I thought, it was proof I wasn’t meant for relationships. His request had been so normal. Why had it made me so angry? It wasn’t until I was parenting Lucy did I realize what love without expectations felt like. I was learning to parent while learning to love, and it was a deep, intense, healing journey that would have been impossible if I had just fallen into a relationship because someone checked the right boxes.

I don’t want to say that being a solo parent is easy. It’s not. I’ve made a ton of compromises in my career to have the flexibility needed for taking care of a young child. The parent-child relationship when there’s only one parent and one child can be incredibly intense. I never want Lucy to feel responsible for my emotions, and I want her to realize that while this is a life that makes sense for me, it’s not one that makes sense for everyone. I would love her to be able to have that deep, all-consuming love with a partner that eluded me in my twenties. But I know now that it’s also fine if she doesn’t. 

Today, Lucy is 8. And I know a child is very different from having a partner. But as so many of my friends’ and acquaintances’ marriages crumbled due to COVID and other factors, I’m so thankful for the stability that I was able to give Lucy by recognizing that my potential as a parent was independent of my potential as a partner.  

In the past two years, I’ve also started going on dates. I’ve lost the need to couple up, which has meant I’m a lot more genuine on dates. I’ve lost the “pick me, pick me” mentality of my 20s and finally have the perspective I needed to determine: Do I like this person? I also have confidence in knowing what is right for me. I know that I will never settle into something that isn’t the right fit, and that’s something I want Lucy to learn, too. I want her to learn she has inner strength and resolve inside her. But most of all, I want her to know that sometimes, living life out of order can be magical, empowering and exactly the right path.

Do you have a personal essay to share with TODAY? Please send your ideas to  [email protected] .

Anna Davies is a writer, editor and content strategist living in Jersey City, New Jersey, with her daughter. She has written for The New York Times, New York, Glamour and others. She loves traveling and sharing the adventures she has with her daughter on Instagram @babybackpacker . 

Essay on Being A Single Mom

Students are often asked to write an essay on Being A Single Mom in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Being A Single Mom

Introduction.

Being a single mom means taking on the role of both parents. It involves a lot of hard work, love, and courage. Single moms face unique challenges, but they also experience special joys.

Single moms often feel a lot of pressure. They have to earn money, care for their children, and manage the home. It can be tough to find time for themselves. They may also feel lonely or stressed.

Despite the challenges, single moms show great strength. They become experts at multitasking. They also learn to solve problems on their own. Their strength inspires their children.

Being a single mom is also full of joys. They get to watch their kids grow and learn. They can feel proud of their hard work. Their bond with their children can be very strong.

Being a single mom is not easy, but it’s rewarding. Single moms are superheroes. They show us that love and strength can overcome any challenge.

250 Words Essay on Being A Single Mom

Being a single mom means taking on the role of both parents for your kids. It’s a tough job that requires strength, patience, and a lot of love.

Responsibilities

A single mom has to handle everything herself. She must work to pay bills, cook meals, help with homework, and make sure her kids are happy and healthy. She also has to find time for herself, which can be hard.

One of the main challenges single moms face is financial stress. With only one income, it can be hard to meet all the family’s needs. They also deal with social stigma, as some people might judge them for being a single parent.

Despite these challenges, being a single mom can also show the power of a woman. Single moms often become very strong, as they have to deal with tough situations every day. They are role models for their kids, showing them that it’s possible to overcome any challenge.

Single moms need support from family, friends, and society. This can come in many forms, like helping with childcare, offering emotional support, or providing financial aid.

Being a single mom is not easy, but it can also be rewarding. It’s a chance to show your kids the strength of a woman and the power of love. So, while it’s tough, many single moms wouldn’t change it for the world.

500 Words Essay on Being A Single Mom

Being a single mom is a role filled with both challenges and rewards. It involves raising a child or children without the daily support of a partner. This essay will discuss the various aspects of being a single mom, including the struggles, strengths, and the unique joys that come with it.

Challenges Faced

Single moms face many challenges. One of the main ones is financial pressure. With only one income, it can be hard to pay for everything a child needs. From food and clothes to education costs, it all adds up. Single moms also often struggle with time management. They have to juggle work, child care, house chores, and sometimes even studies. This can leave them feeling tired and stressed.

Strengths Developed

Despite the challenges, being a single mom also helps develop many strengths. They become very good at problem-solving. When something goes wrong, they can’t pass the problem to someone else. They have to fix it themselves. This helps them become strong and independent. Single moms also learn to be very organized. They have to plan their day well to fit in all their tasks. This helps them become efficient and effective in what they do.

Unique Joys

Even with all the struggles, being a single mom also brings unique joys. The bond between a single mom and her child is often very strong. They rely on each other and this creates a deep connection. Single moms also get to make all the decisions for their child. This can be empowering. They get to decide what values to teach their child, what food to cook for them, and how to spend their time together. These moments can bring a lot of happiness.

Support for Single Moms

It’s important for single moms to get support. This can come from family, friends, or community groups. Support can mean someone to talk to when things get tough. Or it can be practical help, like babysitting or sharing meals. Schools can also help by providing resources and understanding the special needs of children from single-parent families.

In conclusion, being a single mom is a journey filled with ups and downs. There are challenges, like financial pressure and time management. But there are also strengths developed, like problem-solving and organization. And there are unique joys, like the strong bond with their child and the power to make decisions. With the right support, single moms can provide a loving and nurturing environment for their children. They are a testament to the resilience and strength of the human spirit.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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My Story as a Single Mom

As a traditional Mexican woman , I never thought divorce was going to be part of my story.

The last few years have been a challenging transition period for me, my son, and my now ex-husband. 

After many months of dealing with the stress of divorce and handling it to the best of my ability, I started writing about it. I found that being able to express myself in writing in the first place was easy and therapeutic. I also discovered a new circle of support and a sense of not being alone. It was all part of my process, and in the last years, it has become part of my daily life.

As a divorced mother my biggest challenge has been adjusting to many new routines while setting new limits and finding new habits

As a divorced mother, my biggest challenge has been adjusting to many new routines while setting new limits and finding new habits . Here are some examples of how I try to maintain balance in my life today.

As a single mother , I make sure that the weekends with my children are quality time with them and focus on activities that we can do together.

I make sure my weekends without my kid are as productive as possible (taking care of myself or with projects around the house, catching up on work). This helps me focus all my time and energy on my child on the weekends that I have him.

As a single mother, I need to take more responsibility for my finances. I work with a financial advisor to help me create better habits and have a spending and savings plan.

I schedule regular  therapy  sessions to make sure I am talking to someone about how I feel. When you don’t have someone to talk to about your feelings, it’s essential to find help from an expert with whom you can vent and get advice. Therapy has been an excellent investment in my care. A therapist can also help you find support groups for single parents or programs that help single mothers.

I regularly ask my children how they feel, what they need, and what I can help with the most

I regularly ask my children how they feel, what they need, and what I can help with the most.

Even though I chose to become a single mother, divorcing while a young child is a difficult challenge. That said, when it comes to my son, I never tried to hide anything, and I have always been very direct and open with him. Children of divorce need constant reassurance that it was not their fault. Divorcing children means that you will have to remind them repeatedly that both parents will love them the same even if they are no longer together.

It has also been painful for him—children of divorce face many emotions.

I’ve made sure to remind him that we have to feel these emotions, live them, and talk about them, and we do. I have sat and cried with him many times. I have also taken him to therapy and invested in his care. It’s a big adjustment, and the children of divorcees need time to process this change. Now we are much better, but the feelings are still flourishing. When this happens, I ask him to let me know. Being open and honest with your children during the divorce process is very important. My son has helped me heal in many ways, and I pray all the time to help him heal.

Here are some  tips  that can help:

• Be open and honest with your children when appropriate.
• Children of divorced parents need to be constantly reminded that they did nothing wrong and that their parents separated is not their fault.
• Encourage your children to talk to you about their emotions or invest in therapy as a form of self-care for the child or yourself.
• Be patient. Parental divorce is a significant change, and it will take time to find your way as a single parent .

As an entrepreneurial single mom, I face many challenges balancing work and everyday tasks. I’m constantly struggling, trying to get in a good, stable position just to keep up. But I also want to pursue my goals, passions, and dreams. There are many fears and doubts about being a single parent. I have the support of family and friends, but being a single parent also means there is no such safety net as having a partner to support you. As a single mother, you are everything, and fears of failure take over. I have them daily. So it’s a matter of being brave, praying for everything to go well, and moving on. Either that or stay where we are and regret not having done more.

Make sure you have a robust support system and someone you can talk to and turn to in times of need. You don’t have to do this alone. Look for programs that help single mothers or join support groups for single parents.

One of my biggest challenges is myself.

Sometimes I think that I am the one who stops having big professional dreams. But many times, it is because I feel that mother’s guilt. I feel like I’ve already put him through a lot with the divorce process. If I can’t support him as a single mom, then what? On the other hand, my son is also my biggest motivation. I love my son, and he is the reason I keep going and moving forward. Ideas? I have them. People, who believe in me? I also have them. I need to tell myself that I have to get over my fears and do it! Being a single mother does not mean that you cannot invest in your dreams.

Sometimes I think that I am the one who stops having big professional dreams

The same struggles in a two-parent household are found in a one-parent family, and the difference is that the experience is amplified when one becomes a single mother. Generally, there is no longer the same support from a second person, even when everything possible is done to be joint parents.

For example, while a two-parent household may have both parents helping to organize schedules, disciplining, picking up sick children, etc., a single mother has that responsibility alone when it is his (or her) turn to have the children. Handling all of that takes a lot of organization and planning, especially as children get older and activities increase, and life balance becomes increasingly difficult.

The more you can plan, the easier it will be to handle being a single parent. One tip to help manage your work-daily balance is to have a visible calendar somewhere in the house to remind you of your daily needs. Planning for the unexpected also helps! That means sometimes having a friend or family member available in case something comes up that she can’t handle directly.

Scheduling problems aren’t the only ones for single parents, either.

As a working single mother, I have another big challenge: finances. Usually, for single parents, there will always be some financial hardship. Divorcing with children usually means that one parent has the children most of the time. In my case, I am the one who receives the child support because my son lives with me full time. There have been many, many months when my ex-husband has not paid his responsibility. But that doesn’t stop the mine. Everything still needs to be paid, regardless of my ex-husband paying or not.

Being a single mother, honestly, is a steady job. I try not to celebrate every victory or achievement to remain steadfast and humble, but I remind myself how much I have come and how much I have accomplished. I love talking about the things I do, hoping that others will be inspired and motivated if they are in the same situation. I think that’s when I do celebrate. I celebrate when I know that what I do can make a difference, not only for myself and my son but also for others, especially other moms, single working moms, and separated parents in general.

Like everything else, I want to be proud, but I also want my son and parents to be proud of me and who I am. Some days are better than others. I am human. I work hard on my emotional care so that I can be a successful single mother. I make mistakes and feel guilty, but I keep going and try to be stronger than before. More substantial and better every time!

Children and divorce will undoubtedly change the course of your life forever. Knowing that my son is well cared for in our single homes and that they feel loved and safe is all that is truly important to me.

by Tannia V.

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Single Mom Success Stories

At Single Mom Defined, we celebrate Mother’s Day 365 days a year. And on Mother’s Day, we aim to shower our community of moms with love, affirmations, and encouragement. One of our goals is to share single mom success stories to empower other single moms. We know that single motherhood is not easy. Still, time and time again, single moms continue to crush the stereotypes about them. 

Single Mom Success Stories 

We asked three successful single moms questions about motherhood and their journey to success. We also asked what they would say to other mothers possibly struggling. Let’s introduce our 2023 Mother’s Day featured moms. We start with their bio, then jump right into their thoughts. 

Tammy Thompson, Mom of 5, Grandmother of 19

Tammy is an internationally recognized Poverty Expert. Through her company, T3 Media, a Social Justice Media company, she executive produced, We Wear the Mask, a documentary released in 2017 highlighting the stigma associated with women in poverty. She is also the owner of T3 Consulting. Currently, Tammy is the Founder and Executive Director of Catapult Greater Pittsburgh. She has developed multiple wealth-building initiatives, including, Catapult: Startup to Storefront and the Gallery on Penn, a retail incubator program.

As a highly sought-after speaker, Tammy shares her life stories to illuminate her journey through poverty toward prosperity. Her story, “One Can of Carrots,” has become one of her signature talks and has resulted in the creation of workshops and a curriculum rooted in her expertise in “The Psychology of Poverty.” 

Kenya Mathews, Mom of 4, Bonus Mom of 4, Grandmother of 3, plus 1 on the way

Kenya Mathews currently serves as Product Solutions Manager for Google LLC. also a Co-Lead for the Black Googler Network ERG and a Co-Lead on the K-12 Pitt Education ERG. Before her role at Google, she was an Assistant Vice President, Sr. Product Manager of Retail Lending Customer Experiences, and President of the African American EBRG at PNC Financial Services, serving over 1k employees. 

Kenya’s passion for giving back to the community led her to join the Board of Directors for Gwen’s Girls, The Pittsburgh Project, and The Professional Women’s Network. She enjoys spending time with her family, developing relationships, connecting resources to the community, and engaging in communication that leaves everyone motivated, inspired, and ready to show up for the goals they seek.     

Kenya received her Master of Science in Organizational Leadership and Change Management from Robert Morris University, her Bachelor of Science in Information Technology and Network Security from Point Park University and her Associate’s Degree in Information Technology Support from The Community College of Allegheny County.  

Cheryl Hall-Russell, Mom of 2 

Cheryl Hall-Russell is the CEO of Black Women Wise Women LLC. Born and raised in Indianapolis, IN, and is a product of its public schools and public universities. The youngest of 4 children, Cheryl spent her school years in Indianapolis and summers with her grandparents in Mississippi, a southern journey shared by so many Black children whose parents are from the South. Educated in underperforming schools, Cheryl had to find mentors and supporters to help her realize her potential.

She holds a Master’s from Indiana University in Philanthropic Studies, an MPA in nonprofit management, and an Ed.D in Leadership and Administration from Point Park University. Cheryl has used her education and experience as a CEO or Executive Director of multiple nonprofits in Indianapolis and Pittsburgh. In 2017 I launched Black Women Wise Women, LLC, a diversity, equity, and inclusion research firm specializing in organizational assessments via a DEI lens, training, coaching, and facilitation. 

What These Successful Single Moms Had To Say

How did you become a single mom .

Tammy: I became a single mother when I had my twins at 17 years old. I’m probably a bit of a cliche in that I had very low self-esteem and self-confidence, was the daughter of an absent father, and fell for the first guy who told me I was pretty. He could probably smell the vulnerability and naïveté on me. He was popular and charismatic, and he made me feel special, something I hadn’t felt since my father left, and of course, I thought I was in love.

I also was in love with his family. He had a mother, father, and brother at home who all loved me, and I may have been more attracted to his family life than I was to him. Our relationship was toxic, but I stayed because I craved a family, so by the time I was 22, I had five kids and was alone. Because, of course, he moved on.

Kenya: I became a single mother at 17 to my oldest son while living at home with my mother and a senior in high school. I had three children by the time I was 20 years old. I now have three boys and one daughter. They are all grown except my youngest son, who is now 14. 

Cheryl: After a very long, albeit unhealthy marriage, I decided to leave–not only the marriage but the city where we lived. I left with an 8-year-old and a 19-year-old son about to launch into the Marines. I came to Pittsburgh with zero knowledge of its culture and had to adjust to a difficult job and a city where it is challenging to make friends.

What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned as a single mother? How has the experience changed you/shaped your life?

Tammy: The biggest lessons learned were that I was inadequate to raise those children alone. There wasn’t enough of me to go around. I knew that no matter how much we love our children and want the best for them, they need two parents. Hell, they need two parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, and an entire village. Raising them alone broke me. It traumatized me. Single parenting stressed me out and is the biggest source of my trauma and anxiety. It also made me a badass.

Single parenting strengthened me and taught me most of my problem-solving skills. It taught me that I can do anything. But it also killed something inside me that I don’t think I will ever regain.

Kenya: Faith, Perseverance, Strength & Courage. There were, and still are, times during my parenting journey when I had to lean heavily on my faith and trust that all things are working, even what I cannot see. On days when I didn’t feel that I was enough or had the energy to parent, looking into my children’s eyes planted perseverance that pushed me to strive for more because my children deserved more. Parenting, especially single parenting, takes a ton of courage. Courage and strength to show up, follow up, and stand up. You recognize you are not being courageous to benefit yourself only. You must be strong and courageous for your children.

We can’t be what we can’t see, and therefore it was important to me that I BE the example and not just talk about examples! 

Cheryl: There are many things we can multitask on but not parenting. Our children need us to be still with them and listen. They need our unwavering commitment, especially through the difficult years of moving from child to adult.

We have to calm our minds and bodies and open our hearts and spirits to truly listen to them and provide the support they need, even when making poor decisions.  

Is there anything in your bio that stands out that people told you you couldn’t do as a single mother? What would you say today to those naysayers?

Tammy: Everything in my bio is outside of what people told me I was capable of, including myself. I remember my mother telling me after I told her I was pregnant that I would never be more than a welfare recipient for the rest of my life and that I had ruined my life. I believed her for a very long time.

I’d tell the naysayers that I understood why they felt that way, it felt that they were right for a very long time, but God has the final say, and we all were wrong.

Kenya: As aforementioned, I started as a young mother at 17 years old, with three children by age 20. At 28 years old, I had no college degrees and always found work in customer service roles. A stereotype was placed on me that I would be another young mother who would rely on and off public assistance and live in subsidized housing for the rest of my life. I was determined not to allow that narrative to be MY story. Nor the legacy I left behind for my children.

I started my collegiate career at 29 years old while working full-time and being a mother to four children. Yes, I had another child by this time, who was two years old.

I began at CCAC, continued to PPU, then finished at RMU. I graduated with 3 degrees and numerous certifications at 37 years old. The journey was long but worth it, as I now work for one of the largest tech companies globally! I would say to naysayers not ‘I told you’ or ‘Look at me now .’It’s more about talking with them about changing their perspectives and realizing the stereotypes and microaggressions that can hinder progression within entire communities.

I like to engage in conversations that allow them to become better individuals and be inspired by my accomplishments so that they think twice before they act on conscious or unconscious bias. Be the example! 

Cheryl: LOL! Yes, I was running a large agency, handling a grade school child, and going through a tough divorce when I decided to go back for my doctorate. I was a woman with a plan, and I discovered that when you lock in, anything is possible.

My naysayers applaud me now for my perseverance and success as an entrepreneur.

Do you remember your first Mother’s Day as a single mom? How does it compare to recent Mother’s Day celebrations? 

Tammy: i remember my very first mother’s day and my conflicting feelings. i was happy to be a mom but didn’t feel it was ok to celebrate it because wasn’t i supposed to feel ashamed for being an “unwed, teenage mother” unfortunately, mother’s days were mostly sad and lonely for me. they reminded me that i was alone, raising my babies, and there was no one to celebrate that. as my kids got older and made cute little cards in school. i cherished those gifts because they reminded me that at least my kids loved me, even when i was failing them., kenya: on my first mother’s day, i lived at home with my mother in my childhood bedroom. i had recently dropped out of high school and was trying to figure out my path and purpose. i knew that “this can’t be what god has ordained in my life.” .

Mother’s Day takes on new meaning for me now. It says, “Whew, girl, You did it!” I understand that I was growing up with my children while I was raising them. My children are happy, healthy creatives that live and move to the beat of their own drum. They have never been in trouble. One is a military veteran, and two of my children have made me a 2x Mimi. For the last 4 years, I have also been a bonus mom to my fiance’s four children by way of my domestic partnership. In total, I have eight children, 3 grandchildren, and 1 on the way. 

My children, all eight of them, play a huge part in my overall success. I am watching and helping them navigate life and have strong positive relationships with all of them. They talk to me about anything. Anything and everything, y’all, sometimes too much. (lol). It means the world to me. They trust, respect, and, most importantly, love me. 

So Mother’s Day is now filled with appreciation and love. And respect for my, first and foremost, my mother, my grandmother, and all the mothers that have made an impact on my life. I was able to be a strong mother to my children because of them. Motherhood is a stressful, overwhelming, beautiful life-long journey. It takes time to see all the blessings motherhood provides, not just to your family but to the world! 

Cheryl: On my first Mother’s Day after my separation, I focused on my mother and grandmother (who lived until 109!). I wanted to dull the pain of navigating alone. Since then, I have grown a lot and now spend this time with my daughter or celebrating with my sister and mother. Proudly celebrating ourselves and our children. 

What advice would you give single mothers, especially those a little down this time of year .

Tammy: I would remind single mothers to remember that our children tend to love us unconditionally and that every day is Mother’s Day. We care for and put our children’s needs before our own every day, even when we think we’re not doing enough. We’re doing what we can. Don’t wait on others to celebrate you; celebrate yourself by reserving some of you for yourself. Remember that you deserve happiness. Your happiness transfers to your children, just as your stress, anxiety, and unhappiness do. Be cognizant that you are worthy of peace, happiness, and a fulfilled life every day, not just on Mother’s Day.

Kenya: Continue to have faith that all things are working, and persevere – when you don’t think you can’t do it, think of all the mothers that did and look at your child and say, ‘You deserve for me to keep going, persevere and overcome so that you can flourish.’ There is no such thing as a perfect parent; we are all figuring it out as we go; continue to learn and lean on your support system because you can’t be your best self by yourself! Lastly, Mamas, You’ve Got This!!! 

Cheryl: Focus on how your input has led to large and small victories for your children. Also, forgive yourself for not always knowing what to do. Try to become a better mom daily. We all feel like we failed at some point in this journey, don’t stay in that spot. Surround yourself with trusted friends and family who can give you good advice and keep moving forward.

Are you or do you know someone who has a single mom success story?  Let us know in the comments. 

Read more stories from moms featured on Single Mom Defined.

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I Was Raised By A Strong Single Mom, And This Is What I Learned

My mom was the kind of parent who literally kept everything.

Every footprint Christmas ornament, every handmade Mother’s Day card — everything . I didn’t realize this until I got married and inherited a ginormous chest full of those nostalgic little treasures. It weighed a ton, and was chock-full of memories from every phase of my life.

One such treasure I discovered was a picture drawn in 1990. I would’ve been six at the time. It was captioned “MK’s Future Family” at the top, followed by a drawing of a mother, 4 children, a dog, and two horses. Completely absent from the family setup? A dad.

Back then, the school counselors used to worry about my art work. They believed that, because I was a child of divorce , the lack of father figures in my art work was indicative of deeply-rooted relationship insecurity.

It’s kind of funny to me now, because the truth was quite the contrary . I didn’t draw a picture of a husband in my future for the same reason I didn’t add a whale or a cat. I just figured I wouldn’t need one .

I’m a mom now, and although I decided against whales and cats, I do have a husband who is very much the love of my life. But I also know that if I had to make our home without him, God forbid, I could. You see, I inherited far more from my strong, single mother than I could ever cram into that clunky ass trunk. And the life lessons she imparted in me are just as treasured.

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does matter.

They say the best things in life are free, but really, shelter and food are pretty awesome and those things cost money. Growing up in my household, things were pretty tight. Only money could have relieved the pressure my mother was shouldering at the time. There is no stress quite like financial insecurity. My strong, single mother taught me that while money doesn’t buy happiness, it does matter . And remembering that truth has compelled me to work my tail off and make certain I could provide for my kids independently if it ever became necessary.

Gender roles are a joke.

Believe me when I say, I am grateful for the man that is in my house. I get stumped by the occasional pickle jar, and he’s happy to step up and handle the more physically demanding tasks in our home. (Also, I love him. So there’s that.) But, my mother didn’t have the luxury of a live-in handy man. And yet, I still remember eating pickles. The grass got mowed, the oil in our minivan was changed, and more than once I remember seeing my mother with a hammer in one hand, a nail between her teeth, and determination painted on her face. My mother got shit done, and she managed to do it without a husband. She was a walking middle finger to societal gender roles, and her example is one I intend to follow.

Parenting requires sacrifice.

Parenting is hard as hell. My husband and I often feel we are near a breaking point, and that’s in a two-parent household. My mother managed that load by herself. The amount of self-sacrifice that it required for her to bring us up in a loving home, while simultaneously providing for our care still blows my mind. Single mothers are deserving of all the applause (and absolutely zero of the stigma) .

I can be enough.

I imagine my mother was pretty damn terrified when she realized the burden of raising three children fell squarely on her shoulders. But she rose to the occasion without hesitating. Watching my mother work full time, finish her degree, and put food on our table taught me that, if it ever became necessary, I could be enough for my children. It might be hard as hell, and I might sacrifice some years of my life, but I could do it. The truth is, our little family struggled a great deal, financially. But even in those hard times, we knew we had one another — and as we discovered, that was enough.

My mother taught me all of these things and more. Being raised by a strong mama made me who I am today, and I will forever be grateful.

This article was originally published on Feb. 18, 2018

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My Partner Isn’t Just “Out of Town”

How to understand single parents when you’re not one..

A couple of years ago at Christmastime, my now-5-year-old daughter started crying on the way home from school. “I only got to make ONE Christmas gift at school and I gave it to Daddy! Now I don’t have one for you!” My eyes teared up as well. I hated that my daughter felt different for being the child of divorce. She was the only child in her church-based preschool whose parents weren’t married. In the school directory we were the only set of parents with different last names. And, as I’ve become accustomed to, she was the only child who would need to make two gifts for her parents at Christmas.

I think of this situation often when I’m hanging out with a married mom and they describe their spouse’s temporary absence as leaving them a solo parent:

“Kevin worked so much when we were first married; I was basically a married single mom.”

“Well, Kristin’s out of town. I’m a married single mom this weekend!”

“Damien is so busy studying for his boards that I’m pretty much a married single mom!”

As a single mom who studies communication in families, these statements strike me as both oxymoronic and pretty insensitive. These moms don’t feel different because of their lack of a partner. Their kids don’t question why the families in the books they read don’t look like their family. These moms experience stress because the person they are used to having alongside them is temporarily out of commission.

I’ve been a single mom since my daughter was weeks old; single parenting is a lifestyle, not a situation to weather until my spouse comes home or passes the bar exam. Unless we marry someone who wants to co-parent (and the research shows that many do not ), single moms live each day knowing that we will parent for the next 24 hours on our own. And the next week on our own. And the next year.

And while single parenting is challenging in obvious ways—there’s no one to pass your kid off to when you’ve just had too much, you do all of the transportation and logistics yourself, there’s no divide-and-conquer at bedtime—legit single parenting differs in ways most temporary solo parents might not recognize.

As single moms, we are bombarded by (often inaccurate) messaging that our kids will have poorer outcomes than their friends with married parents. I’m a researcher who studies families, and when I take a quick dive into the family communication, psychology, or sociology literature, I see an endless list of disadvantages associated with having a single mom. Research shows that kids of single moms can have poorer academic outcomes. Some have trouble with romantic relationships, starting in adolescence. These outcomes can result from father absence: Kids whose fathers aren’t significantly involved might experience threats to their well-being as a young adult. Other negative outcomes are tied specifically to divorce. Some research shows that parental divorce among minor children has consequences for both parent–child relationships and health across the life course, a primary reason why divorce is considered an adverse childhood experience ( ACE ) when predicting lifelong health and opportunity. The messaging around these findings is especially pointed if single moms are Black. Media, especially conservative media, exploits this research and uses it to argue for the inferiority of Black parenting. Much of this inaccurate messaging has origins in late-20 th -century “welfare queen” imagery and carries forward into current media.

As a mom of a 5-year-old who seems well-adjusted, this constant messaging weighs on me. As a scientist, I know that these studies show association, not causation. But decades of internalizing negative messaging about single parenting still causes me to fear for my child’s health and well-being. As a result, I overcompensate so that she doesn’t become a statistic. I don’t hire babysitters and go out at night. I don’t date during my parenting time. She will enter kindergarten this year never having been enrolled in full-time daycare, a choice I might have weighed differently if I were still married to her father.

But while my fears aren’t completely unfounded, more recent research suggests that children of all racial and ethnic groups who have experienced divorce do just as well as children from intact families, achieving similar scores on measures of academic success and subjective well-being . In other words, kids who live with their divorced single mom do just as well in school and are just as happy as kids whose parents are married. Single parenthood does not appear to affect kids’ educational achievement , and a childhood with a supportive parent (mom or dad) who maintains a controlled environment at home can lead to happier kids.

This uncertainty is something “married single moms” don’t experience. They might have other fears about their children’s development, but those fears don’t revolve around their family composition. They might even be more likely to work hard at their marriage for fear that their kids will face similar challenges. But as married parents, they don’t have to confront the reality that their kids are perceived as already disadvantaged.

Single moms and our kids also encounter stigma and stereotyping in media. It’s rare to read a children’s book to my daughter that doesn’t include a family with both a mom and a dad (this is also frustrating for queer parents). When my daughter was a baby, I gravitated toward Anna Dewdney’s Llama Llama series because Llama Llama lives with only his mom. In the Llama Llama Valentine’s Day book, the UPS buffalo arrives with flowers for Mama Llama, at which point I (still) exclaim “WHO DO YOU THINK THE FLOWERS ARE FROM?! MAYBE MAMA’S BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND?!” (Or maybe the hot UPS buffalo?) Sure, I overdo it, but I always choose to capitalize on the rare occasion that there is a single mom in a book.

Much of the stigma and stereotyping in media comes from the (often substantiated) belief that single moms are more likely to be poor (and Black) than married moms. Research shows that perceptions of single parents are most strongly shaped by beliefs about economic resources. In short, single moms are seen as less-than because people perceive them as struggling financially. In fact, in one experiment , participants in a phone survey described single parents as less likely to be able to provide for their children’s basic needs than other types of “different” parents (adoptive or gay/lesbian couples). And other studies show that research participants blame single moms for their circumstances because their kids are perceived as being born out of wedlock or raised without a father figure.

This stigma perpetuates with media rated well beyond PG. I turned on Tyler Perry’s movie The Single Moms Club the other day, only to encounter yet another story about single moms who can’t handle their kids. Of the five moms, two are Black: one lives in the projects, has an older child in jail, and struggles to make ends meet. The other Black mom’s ex-husband has a drug problem and is an absent father. Of the two white women, one is a lawyer who is a single mother by choice, and the other white mother struggles to cope with the “rough” consequences of divorce: She can no longer employ the nanny. The remaining Latina mom is afraid to tell her ex-husband about her new boyfriend; her main conflict in the movie stereotypically revolves around her divorce-imposed sexual repression. The moms spend the movie trying to redeem themselves in the eyes of the school for their kids’ poor behavior, finally becoming closer to their kids in the process.

The problematic trope of the single mom with an unruly child seems even more trite when framed by the tired racial tropes Perry employs in the movie. These are not messages that moms whose partners are out of town for the weekend or enrolled in an evening MBA program internalize. Media doesn’t root their kids’ behavior problems in their romantic relationships. And when their kids do exhibit problematic behavior, they don’t fear that this behavior will be attributed to their “broken home.”

Finally, as a single mom, I don’t have the joy of experiencing my child’s growth alongside another adult. This is perhaps the starkest difference between my permanent single motherhood and my friends’ temporary lack of a co-parent. My daughter’s first step, her first words, the first time she wrote her name—these types of milestones are often witnessed only by me. Similarly, when it comes to concerns I have about her social, physical, or emotional development, there’s no one to share with. Sure, I have loads of friends and family, and I do share with them, probably a little too much. But this is not a substitute for the feedback loop provided by co-parenting.

Even when married moms are left alone to parent for a weekend or longer, another person exists who is inextricably linked to both the mom and her child. That person is not going to be annoyed or inconvenienced by a text or a call with a funny or concerning anecdote. Married moms became parents alongside their partner and there is someone else who has a similar experience of their kid in real time.

To be sure, there are degrees of single parenthood. I have it easier than many of my single-mom peers. I live close to my child’s father, and although he has much less parenting time than me, he’s consistently involved. Me having a good job provides my daughter an advantage, because research shows that for middle-class single moms, it is less important that my ex is involved in my daughter’s life and her schooling than it would be if we were poor. And as a white woman, my child’s behavior may be attributed to our family arrangement, but it will never be attributed to my race and our family arrangement.

And married-parent involvement varies. Moms married to first responders, long-haul truckers, or spouses struggling with addiction may not feel that they are in a partnership. Some spouses just aren’t attentive or helpful regardless of their occupation. And sadly, married women with children and a husband actually perform more housework than single moms.

The following Christmas, my daughter came home from her new, more diverse preschool with two gifts, one for me and one for her dad. As I effusively thanked her teachers for this very important act, they downplayed my gratitude. For them, our family composition did not make my daughter an outlier. Uncoincidentally, they are both single mothers. And they are both women of color. I will never know what it’s like to have my status as a single mom scrutinized alongside my race. But I realized then that while I can’t choose what the news or children’s books suggest about our family, I can choose schools and organizations that acknowledge the strength that comes from single parenting, and the blessing of our small but loving family.

Single mom of 4 asks for an end to 'silently judging' mothers like her

Mom Ashley Rodgers reveals the hidden hardships single mothers may face.

In a powerful essay, one mom is challenging the seemingly clouded views of what it means to be a single mother.

Ashley Rodgers, a writer and a full-time employee at a Missouri school district, wrote a piece for the popular website Scary Mommy titled, "This Is What A Single Mom Really Feels Like."

In the story published Monday, Rodgers gets candid about being a single mom to four kids with the intention of relating to women who also parent solo.

"What do you picture when you hear "single mom"?" Rodgers wrote." "Do you imagine a woman more worried about her next drink than her son’s baseball game? Maybe you picture a woman smoking a Virginia Slim on the rickety porch of a beat up old trailer while her kids play down the road without any shoes on."

"To me, "single mom" means so much more."

Rodgers told "Good Morning America" that she and her ex-husband have three children together. They split in 2016 after he was on deployment while Rodgers was pregnant with her second child.

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"He had a hard time coming back from that," Rodgers said. "It came to the point where he had a bottle of whisky in one hand and a gun in the other and we just had to go our separate ways."

Rodgers entered into a new relationship and had a fourth child in February 2020. She and her baby's father live separately, and Rodgers said most of the responsibility falls on her. This is why, she added, she considers herself a single parent.

"I feel like the mental image of a single mother is so incredibly negative and we need to challenge that," Rodgers told "GMA."

"I want [people] to think about what's behind the scenes and I want them to know that what you're seeing is a very small piece to a very large puzzle," she added.

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In her piece, Rodgers reveals the hidden hardships single mothers may face like maxing out credit cards to buy gifts, choosing a job over taking care of a sick child and falling asleep alone on the couch because her bed "just feels too empty."

"That woman, the one you silently judge, she has been through more hell than you can ever imagine," Rodgers wrote.

Rodgers also challenged the expectations people may have of mothers versus fathers, she explained -- like if a dad sends kids to school in unmatched clothing some may say, "Well, he tried," Rodgers said.

"But God forbid a single mother forgets to dress their child up for spirit week with fancy braids and coordinating outfits to boot. "Does she care at all?" "She must not be well" "Those poor children," she wrote.

Rodgers said that being a single parent means being in charge of the home, the bills, grocery shopping, disciplining the kids and so much more.

"You have your hands in so many different baskets. You don't have the time to just 'parent,'" she said.

Rodgers said she's received positive feedback from her opinion piece and hopes she's empowered single parents to find happiness within themselves.

"Do things for yourselves too and be openly honest to your kids," she said. "If you're having a tough day and you yell, apologize to them."

"By showing our kids grace we're granting grace to ourselves," Rodgers added. "We are just one person. There's only so much that one person can do."

Editor's note: This story was originally published on Jan. 6, 2021.

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Navigating parenthood: The story of three inspiring single mothers

Single motherhood — a phrase that carries many stories of strength, perseverance, and resilience. It takes a village to raise a child yet single mothers are out there doing it all by themselves — juggling a million other responsibilities, and dealing with social stigma. Despite all these barriers and challenges, these mothers are shattering stereotypes and exceeding expectations.

This Mother's Day, we dive into the lives of these inspiring mothers who are rewriting the narrative of single motherhood, to learn about their triumphs, struggles, and everything in between.

For all latest news, follow The Daily Star's Google News channel.

Introducing our single mothers.

The first of our trio, Razia Rahman is the CEO and founder of the NGO Protigga Foundation and Razia Rahman Consulting. With her work spanning over 40 upazilas, she is a mother of three and has dedicated her life to empowering women and youth.

Next up is Nudrat Nawar who is the deputy chief of Business Development and Corporate Strategies at Index Group. She is also a prosthetic makeup artist and mother to a 3-year-old son.

Last but not least, Sheikh Suraiya Rehnuma is a fashion and portrait photographer with her own studio called LenzKraft Production. She is the mother to an 8-year-old daughter.

The challenges of single motherhood

When speaking about challenges, all three mothers detail somewhat varying accounts, which prove that motherhood is a unique journey for everyone. According to Razia Rahman, the biggest challenge or rather annoyance has to be dealing with unnecessary, personal, and intrusive questions from people.

She mentions, "When I joined the workforce, I would always face questions such as 'What does bhai (husband) do?" In addition, she notes how the attitudes of people change, especially that of men, who cast nasty glances as soon as they come to learn of her single status.

For Suraiya, the biggest challenge was having to face constant criticism about her style of parenting. The constant disapproval made her second-guess her choices as they created doubts and dilemmas in her mind. In those anxious moments, she felt lonely as she had trouble finding someone to share these concerns with.

Nudrat details the struggle to manage work and motherhood, chasing deadlines, and taking care of her toddler's every need as the sole parent. Handling her own emotions while also managing her child's emotions does take its toll on her.

She has experienced "working mum guilt" for not getting to spend as much time as she would like with her son. In addition, it has proven to be a challenge to take out time for herself and manage time across all responsibilities efficiently. The frowning faces doubting her abilities to fulfil her motherly responsibilities along with career aspirations have certainly not helped.

The societal stigma, perception, and discrimination

Razia tells us that she had to experience character assassination and rumour-mongering in society. While she was in the early stages of her career, many in society discredited her achievements and deemed it unnecessary to invite her to social gatherings. Her children had to endure being labelled "children of a broken family" and deal with the barrage of questions that come with it, especially in school from the parents of their peers.

Suraiya adds the blame game that society indulges in with single mothers for every choice they make regarding their life and their children's life. In the eyes of society, no decision is ever sound coming from a single mother.

"The main issue I faced was during my daughter's school admission. I had to justify my status as a single mother, my income source, and how I'll be paying her fees. As a result, many of her school applications got rejected," says Suraiya.

Acknowledging the fact that everyone's journey is unique and many single mothers are struggling in their journeys, these inspiring women tell us that they refuse to be boxed into one identity of "single mother" or "damsels in distress". They have their own identities and achievements, which serve as a testament to their being all-rounders. These excellent mothers are achieving it all, demonstrating their competency and capability to raise happy and healthy children.

The financial challenges along the way

Shouldering the responsibilities of two people by oneself to raise their progenies does bring about its fair share of financial difficulties. Instead of giving up and submitting to their fate, our trio of mothers rose to the challenge.

Nudrat and Razia both mention adopting frugal lifestyle habits, reducing unnecessary expenses, prioritising wants over needs, and most importantly, working consistently hard to grow their careers ultimately increasing their earning potential.

"I create and stick to a budget that outlines my monthly expenses, including childcare, housing, utilities, groceries, and other essential needs. This helps me track my spending and ensures that I am living within my means," Nudrat states.

They all expressed gratitude for having a supportive family who was they were to help them financially if and when needed. "When I was still building my career early on, my parents supported me and my daughter financially. I had an unwritten contract with my father that he will cover our basic expenses including my daughter's schooling expenses".

As her career has propelled forward, she has become financially independent.

Balancing it all, the 24/7 juggling act

For Nudrat, it is about prioritising and setting realistic expectations. While emphasising the most on her toddler's needs, she plans her office work to achieve maximum efficiency while also ensuring that she sets aside time for herself to recharge, in order to be more present with her son without any lethargy holding her back. She advises being organised to reduce stress and manage things better.

Razia and Suraiya tell us about raising their children to be independent, mature, and understanding which has led them to be mindful of their mothers' nature of work. According to Razia, she gets ample personal time as she has to travel all over Bangladesh by herself for work.  The domestic help in her house, who are akin to her family, also provides tremendous support around the household, pushing her that much closer to balance.

With Suraiya's studio being located upstairs in her house, her indoor shoots take place in close proximity to her daughter. She does her editing work while her daughter is next to her doing homework.

She adds, "I'm currently going with the flow and I don't think about balance. I'm also teaching and raising my child that way, that life is not always perfect and well balanced and that is okay."

How society can better support single mothers

All three ladies unanimously mention acceptance, equality, and respect as the crucial things that society must provide to single mothers. Single mothers should be respected all across the board and people need to stop asking irrelevant, unnecessary intrusive queries about their personal lives. People need to be less judgmental and more open-minded.

Counselling services for mothers need to be more widespread and easily accessible. Mothers with good mental health can raise emotionally adept and healthy children.

Single mothers should not be discriminated against in work, schools, or any other place in society based on stereotypes, gender, and marital status.

"Legal protections against discrimination, harassment, and violence for single mothers in the workplace and society at large would create a safer environment for them and their children," says Nudrat.

Nudrat and Suraiya note the utmost significance of having affordable and accessible community-based childcare or government-supported childcare for working mothers. Employers should also be empathetic and provide flexible arrangements for women so that they can be present for their children and have more of a work-life balance.

Society has to adopt a multifaceted approach to support single-parent households.

"Providing access to education and job opportunities for single mothers would empower them to gain skills, secure stable employment, and improve their economic independence. This could include scholarships, vocational training programmes, and job placement support," notes Nudrat.

Words of wisdom for mothers traversing a similar path

Razia and Suraiya note the importance of having faith and confidence in oneself. Working hard and smart consistently, tapping into one's potential is key to achieving success and balance as a mother.

Razia especially stresses the importance of having goals, attaining education, creating an identity for oneself outside the family, and being independent, particularly financially.

"Try to know yourself and respect yourself. If you don't treat yourself with respect, then others won't do the same", adds Razia. She strongly advises being wary of people and not trusting everyone with your woes and vulnerability.

They all note the significance of having a positive outlook and reframing the mindset to see the good in the bad and find the small joys in life. Being optimistic can push you a long way.

Leaning into your support network, be it family and/or friends, and fostering healthy friendships where everyone roots for each other's success can be a great way to stay mentally healthy and get rid of isolation. Collective success brings fulfilment like no other.

Most importantly, they ask all mothers to be kind to themselves. It is an uphill battle and taking it one day at a time, being realistic, being patient, and patting yourself on the back sure pave the way to make it easier.

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Learning and growing alongside my child, a musician on the autism spectrum

For a kid who was never invited to a birthday party growing up, Spenser has now found his place in the music community. It changed his life. And mine.

By Pat Murray April 5, 2024

My name is Pat Murray, and I am the 64-year-old single mother of a 33-year-old autistic son. This Autism Acceptance Month , I find myself reflecting on our journey together. For a kid who was never invited to a birthday party growing up, he has now found his place in a new community: music. It changed his life. And mine.

When Spenser was 2 months old, I knew he was special; I thought he was blind. You see, he would stare at the mechanism on the baby swing that I would place him in while I was working around the kitchen. There was a fan over top of the kitchen island, and sometimes an hour would go by without him ever taking his eyes off of it. But all of the older mothers in my circle would say things like, “Oh, he’s just a boy… checking out the engineering of it all.” But I was not reassured.

So one night I brought him into the emergency room because I had worked myself into a frenzy, convinced that he couldn’t see. In fact, once there, I had six resident doctors convinced, too! But then one young doctor took a tissue, twirled it up into a fine point, and slowly brought the pointed end towards his eye. He blinked, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. Nope, not blind.

At around 7 to 8 months old, I was convinced he was autistic. There was just something in the way he would look at me from his highchair. I would spread Cheerios across his tray and would watch to see if he could manage the Pincer grasp… a milestone his older sister had reached by that age. I can’t remember when he conquered it. But I do remember his father saying that I was just overthinking everything. It is very common for parents of “Aspies”(short for Asperger’s syndrome) to struggle with coming to terms.

Related: How to encourage your kid to practice their instrument, according to music education experts

There are so many painful memories from Spenser’s childhood, but probably the most excruciating one was when I went into the school to shadow him for a day. His kindergarten teacher had informed us that she was concerned; he was not socializing “normally.” And so, I spent the day watching him from the corner of the classroom. No one played with him. Then, while sitting in the library that afternoon, I watched him coming back from the stacks with a book he had found. A table of little girls in his class saw him coming and screeched, “Spenser germs! Spenser germs!” They scattered as he passed by. His eyes met mine and then he quickly averted them. He pretended it hadn’t happened. There are too many examples like this to recount.

Spenser was diagnosed with ADHD in seventh grade. I had taken him to six different child psychologists, and he was eventually prescribed Ritalin. Following his doctor’s advice, we inadvertently over-medicated him, and he developed Tourette’s symptoms. It was terrifying and heartbreaking. 

Related: I’m the mom of a child with autism. Here are 3 things I want people to know

I could literally write a book on ADHD by then, but it wasn’t until later that year, after we had moved from Kingston to Toronto, that I heard about Asperger’s syndrome. He was diagnosed with it about eight months later. I enrolled him in Asperger’s social classes at the Child Mental Health Clinic, and we went every Wednesday night for role-play for three years.

For his birthday that initial year, we bought him a drum kit, and his life changed. All of a sudden, he was excited and motivated to do something other than play video games. We got him lessons, and he bonded with his teacher.

And then, he started to build a different circle of friends: musicians. He joined one band after another and became sought-after for his musical skill. It was the greatest thing I had ever witnessed.

Becoming a part of ASD Band through Jake’s House has had the most tremendous impact on him. 

The filming of their feature-length documentary, ASD Band: The Movie , was a fantastic experience for him and has brought him and the band to some very special places across North America to perform. They were featured on Canada’s Got Talent, and many other top-tier media outlets. Their second album is about to be released on all streaming services (so stay tuned for that!).

Related: This stranger’s kindness to a child with autism is a lesson in compassion

Through the band, Spenser has learned so much about who he is, and why he does the things he does. He is researching his uniqueness, and he is beginning to celebrate his wonderful eccentricities. The community of Jake’s House and ASD Band have allowed me and his sister to better appreciate him, and we have formed a deeper bond with him. We love him so much and we are working hard to help him navigate the world. But mostly, thanks to his association with the band, we are learning to better navigate as a family.

Pat Murray is the mother of Spenser Murray, an energetic drummer with an affinity for punk rock music who happens to be on the autism spectrum. Watch ASD Band: The Movie or follow the band on Instagram and TikTok .

This story is a part of The Motherly Collective contributor network where we showcase the stories, experiences and advice from brands, writers and experts who want to share their perspective with our community. We believe that there is no single story of motherhood, and that every mother's journey is unique. By amplifying each mother's experience and offering expert-driven content, we can support, inform and inspire each other on this incredible journey. If you're interested in contributing to The Motherly Collective please click here .

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NPR defends its journalism after senior editor says it has lost the public's trust

David Folkenflik

NPR is defending its journalism and integrity after a senior editor wrote an essay accusing it of losing the public's trust. Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images hide caption

NPR is defending its journalism and integrity after a senior editor wrote an essay accusing it of losing the public's trust.

NPR's top news executive defended its journalism and its commitment to reflecting a diverse array of views on Tuesday after a senior NPR editor wrote a broad critique of how the network has covered some of the most important stories of the age.

"An open-minded spirit no longer exists within NPR, and now, predictably, we don't have an audience that reflects America," writes Uri Berliner.

A strategic emphasis on diversity and inclusion on the basis of race, ethnicity and sexual orientation, promoted by NPR's former CEO, John Lansing, has fed "the absence of viewpoint diversity," Berliner writes.

NPR's chief news executive, Edith Chapin, wrote in a memo to staff Tuesday afternoon that she and the news leadership team strongly reject Berliner's assessment.

"We're proud to stand behind the exceptional work that our desks and shows do to cover a wide range of challenging stories," she wrote. "We believe that inclusion — among our staff, with our sourcing, and in our overall coverage — is critical to telling the nuanced stories of this country and our world."

NPR names tech executive Katherine Maher to lead in turbulent era

She added, "None of our work is above scrutiny or critique. We must have vigorous discussions in the newsroom about how we serve the public as a whole."

A spokesperson for NPR said Chapin, who also serves as the network's chief content officer, would have no further comment.

Praised by NPR's critics

Berliner is a senior editor on NPR's Business Desk. (Disclosure: I, too, am part of the Business Desk, and Berliner has edited many of my past stories. He did not see any version of this article or participate in its preparation before it was posted publicly.)

Berliner's essay , titled "I've Been at NPR for 25 years. Here's How We Lost America's Trust," was published by The Free Press, a website that has welcomed journalists who have concluded that mainstream news outlets have become reflexively liberal.

Berliner writes that as a Subaru-driving, Sarah Lawrence College graduate who "was raised by a lesbian peace activist mother ," he fits the mold of a loyal NPR fan.

Yet Berliner says NPR's news coverage has fallen short on some of the most controversial stories of recent years, from the question of whether former President Donald Trump colluded with Russia in the 2016 election, to the origins of the virus that causes COVID-19, to the significance and provenance of emails leaked from a laptop owned by Hunter Biden weeks before the 2020 election. In addition, he blasted NPR's coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict.

On each of these stories, Berliner asserts, NPR has suffered from groupthink due to too little diversity of viewpoints in the newsroom.

The essay ricocheted Tuesday around conservative media , with some labeling Berliner a whistleblower . Others picked it up on social media, including Elon Musk, who has lambasted NPR for leaving his social media site, X. (Musk emailed another NPR reporter a link to Berliner's article with a gibe that the reporter was a "quisling" — a World War II reference to someone who collaborates with the enemy.)

When asked for further comment late Tuesday, Berliner declined, saying the essay spoke for itself.

The arguments he raises — and counters — have percolated across U.S. newsrooms in recent years. The #MeToo sexual harassment scandals of 2016 and 2017 forced newsrooms to listen to and heed more junior colleagues. The social justice movement prompted by the killing of George Floyd in 2020 inspired a reckoning in many places. Newsroom leaders often appeared to stand on shaky ground.

Leaders at many newsrooms, including top editors at The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times , lost their jobs. Legendary Washington Post Executive Editor Martin Baron wrote in his memoir that he feared his bonds with the staff were "frayed beyond repair," especially over the degree of self-expression his journalists expected to exert on social media, before he decided to step down in early 2021.

Since then, Baron and others — including leaders of some of these newsrooms — have suggested that the pendulum has swung too far.

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Legendary editor marty baron describes his 'collision of power' with trump and bezos.

New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzberger warned last year against journalists embracing a stance of what he calls "one-side-ism": "where journalists are demonstrating that they're on the side of the righteous."

"I really think that that can create blind spots and echo chambers," he said.

Internal arguments at The Times over the strength of its reporting on accusations that Hamas engaged in sexual assaults as part of a strategy for its Oct. 7 attack on Israel erupted publicly . The paper conducted an investigation to determine the source of a leak over a planned episode of the paper's podcast The Daily on the subject, which months later has not been released. The newsroom guild accused the paper of "targeted interrogation" of journalists of Middle Eastern descent.

Heated pushback in NPR's newsroom

Given Berliner's account of private conversations, several NPR journalists question whether they can now trust him with unguarded assessments about stories in real time. Others express frustration that he had not sought out comment in advance of publication. Berliner acknowledged to me that for this story, he did not seek NPR's approval to publish the piece, nor did he give the network advance notice.

Some of Berliner's NPR colleagues are responding heatedly. Fernando Alfonso, a senior supervising editor for digital news, wrote that he wholeheartedly rejected Berliner's critique of the coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict, for which NPR's journalists, like their peers, periodically put themselves at risk.

Alfonso also took issue with Berliner's concern over the focus on diversity at NPR.

"As a person of color who has often worked in newsrooms with little to no people who look like me, the efforts NPR has made to diversify its workforce and its sources are unique and appropriate given the news industry's long-standing lack of diversity," Alfonso says. "These efforts should be celebrated and not denigrated as Uri has done."

After this story was first published, Berliner contested Alfonso's characterization, saying his criticism of NPR is about the lack of diversity of viewpoints, not its diversity itself.

"I never criticized NPR's priority of achieving a more diverse workforce in terms of race, ethnicity and sexual orientation. I have not 'denigrated' NPR's newsroom diversity goals," Berliner said. "That's wrong."

Questions of diversity

Under former CEO John Lansing, NPR made increasing diversity, both of its staff and its audience, its "North Star" mission. Berliner says in the essay that NPR failed to consider broader diversity of viewpoint, noting, "In D.C., where NPR is headquartered and many of us live, I found 87 registered Democrats working in editorial positions and zero Republicans."

Berliner cited audience estimates that suggested a concurrent falloff in listening by Republicans. (The number of people listening to NPR broadcasts and terrestrial radio broadly has declined since the start of the pandemic.)

Former NPR vice president for news and ombudsman Jeffrey Dvorkin tweeted , "I know Uri. He's not wrong."

Others questioned Berliner's logic. "This probably gets causality somewhat backward," tweeted Semafor Washington editor Jordan Weissmann . "I'd guess that a lot of NPR listeners who voted for [Mitt] Romney have changed how they identify politically."

Similarly, Nieman Lab founder Joshua Benton suggested the rise of Trump alienated many NPR-appreciating Republicans from the GOP.

In recent years, NPR has greatly enhanced the percentage of people of color in its workforce and its executive ranks. Four out of 10 staffers are people of color; nearly half of NPR's leadership team identifies as Black, Asian or Latino.

"The philosophy is: Do you want to serve all of America and make sure it sounds like all of America, or not?" Lansing, who stepped down last month, says in response to Berliner's piece. "I'd welcome the argument against that."

"On radio, we were really lagging in our representation of an audience that makes us look like what America looks like today," Lansing says. The U.S. looks and sounds a lot different than it did in 1971, when NPR's first show was broadcast, Lansing says.

A network spokesperson says new NPR CEO Katherine Maher supports Chapin and her response to Berliner's critique.

The spokesperson says that Maher "believes that it's a healthy thing for a public service newsroom to engage in rigorous consideration of the needs of our audiences, including where we serve our mission well and where we can serve it better."

Disclosure: This story was reported and written by NPR Media Correspondent David Folkenflik and edited by Deputy Business Editor Emily Kopp and Managing Editor Gerry Holmes. Under NPR's protocol for reporting on itself, no NPR corporate official or news executive reviewed this story before it was posted publicly.

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The Sunday Read: ‘What Deathbed Visions Teach Us About Living’

Researchers are documenting a phenomenon that seems to help the dying, as well as those they leave behind..

By Phoebe Zerwick

Read by Samantha Desz

Produced by Jack D’Isidoro and Aaron Esposito

Narration produced by Anna Diamond and Emma Kehlbeck

Original music by Aaron Esposito

Engineered by Sophia Lanman and Sharon Kearney

Listen and follow The Daily Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Chris Kerr was 12 when he first observed a deathbed vision. His memory of that summer in 1974 is blurred, but not the sense of mystery he felt at the bedside of his dying father. Throughout Kerr’s childhood in Toronto, his father, a surgeon, was too busy to spend much time with his son, except for an annual fishing trip they took, just the two of them, to the Canadian wilderness. Gaunt and weakened by cancer at 42, his father reached for the buttons on Kerr’s shirt, fiddled with them and said something about getting ready to catch the plane to their cabin in the woods. “I knew intuitively, I knew wherever he was, must be a good place because we were going fishing,” Kerr told me.

Kerr now calls what he witnessed an end-of-life vision. His father wasn’t delusional, he believes. His mind was taking him to a time and place where he and his son could be together, in the wilds of northern Canada.

Kerr followed his father into medicine, and in the last 10 years he has hired a permanent research team that expanded studies on deathbed visions to include interviews with patients receiving hospice care at home and with their families, deepening researchers’ understanding of the variety and profundity of these visions.

There are a lot of ways to listen to ‘The Daily.’ Here’s how.

We want to hear from you. Tune in, and tell us what you think. Email us at [email protected] . Follow Michael Barbaro on X: @mikiebarb . And if you’re interested in advertising with The Daily, write to us at [email protected] .

Additional production for The Sunday Read was contributed by Isabella Anderson, Anna Diamond, Sarah Diamond, Elena Hecht, Emma Kehlbeck, Tanya Pérez and Krish Seenivasan.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Single Parenting — Single Mothers: Navigating a Complex Journey

Single Mothers: Navigating a Complex Journey

• Categories: Mother Single Parenting

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Published: Sep 5, 2023

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