active listening reflection essay

Active Listening: The Role in Communication Essay

Active listening builds trust and strong relationships, active listening can help you to resolve conflict, active listening prevents you from missing important information, active listening enables you to identify or anticipate problems, active listening helps you to build more knowledge, active listening empowers you as a leader, active communication real-life scenario.

In this regard, active listening can be used as a tool to improve the quality of relationships among team members. For example, a leader that is characterized by the ability to pay attention to employees’ concerns is generally perceived as a more reliable person (Hoppe 13). Therefore, an individual can benefit from this skill when meeting new people or improving relationships with current partners and team members.

For example, a leader with strong active listening skills can benefit from this ability by using it to get feedback about a service or product and learn new information from the client’s feedback. This approach emphasizes focusing on another person’s perspective and aiming to understand it better. As a result of reflective thinking, one can specify what exactly should be changed to resolve the conflict and satisfy customers’ needs.

For instance, when a person practices active listening, they make sure to confirm if their understanding of the situation is correct by paraphrasing what was said and asking confirmation questions. In doing so, an individual can often get additional explanations from the speaker, which is helpful in getting a comprehensive view of the problem and grasping different aspects of the information better.

For example, a person with well-developed active listening skills is usually good at critical thinking and analysis. These qualities are crucial when trying to determine or anticipate a problem or risk. As a result of thoughtful reflection and active listening, one can easily notice different details that prove critical to the underlying issue.

In this regard, a relevant example is a leader with developed active listening skills, whose ability helps them collect and use valuable data regarding a particular business project. For instance, by actively listening to different people involved in the project, the leader can discover new information, gain insights, and eventually identify an efficient business strategy.

For example, an individual that is confident in their abilities tends to be more successful in various aspects of their work. Active listening can provide a person with important knowledge and insight, which in turn can inspire them as a leader.

To conclude, active listening is an essential skill focused on understanding the perspective of the person involved in the conversation. This ability does not imply merely hearing what the speaker says and offering feedback. The active listening skill involves listening to the person and making an effort to understand their message by reflecting on their words. In this regard, the listener demonstrates their concern about the situation by focusing on what is happening around them rather than themselves. Such an ability allows individuals to empathize with other people’s emotions, feelings, and behaviors. Furthermore, active listening provides such benefits as trustful and strong relationships, more effective conflict resolution, and improved understanding of the information. This essential skill can be helpful in determining and predicting problems, accumulating knowledge, and being a confident leader. Overall, active listening is crucial in a business setting as well as in other scenarios.

Waiter: Good evening, I will be your waiter tonight. Can I start you off with a drink?

Customer: Yeah, I’ll have some water, please.

Waiter: Still or sparkling?

Customer: Still.

Waiter: Sure, I will be right back with that.

Waiter: Here is your water. Are you ready to order your food?

Customer: Yes, I am. I will get a beef burger. On the burger, I will have no tomatoes and onions, please.

Waiter: Just to make sure I got it right, a beef burger, no tomatoes and onions?

Customer: You got it.

Waiter: Alright, would you like fries or a baked potato with your burger?

Customer: Fries, please.

Waiter: Sure, I will be back with your order in a few minutes.

A few moments later…

Waiter: Okay, here is your burger with no tomatoes and onions and fries. Enjoy your meal.

Waiter: Just to make sure, is everything alright? Would you like anything else?

Customer: Umm, actually, my burger is not so good. The sauce you guys put on here is terribly spicy, and my burger is overcooked.

Waiter: I am so sorry to hear that. You said the sauce was too spicy, and your burger was overcooked?

Customer: Yes, that’s right.

Waiter: I will write that down and let the chief know. We are really sorry that you were not satisfied with your food. Can I offer you a new meal on the house?

Customer: I just want to say I am disappointed that you guys would serve such a bad meal. It has ruined my entire evening. I am not even sure if I want to take you up on your offer for a new meal. Sighs…

Waiter: Again, sir, I am truly sorry, you must feel so frustrated about this incident, so the least we can do is make you a new meal on the house. I know this isn’t an excuse, but the chief is new to the job, and this is the first meal he has messed up, so he will be truly sorry about serving an overcooked meal.

Customer: You said the chief is new?

Waiter: Yes, although like I said it is no excuse.

Customer: You know I apologize I may have overreacted a little, I will take you up on your offer about that new meal as everyone deserves a second chance.

Waiter: Please don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. Would you like another burger or do you need a couple minutes to choose something else from the menu?

Customer: I’ll just have another burger.

Waiter: Sure. Once again, no onions, tomatoes, or sauce on your burger, is that right?

Customer: That is correct.

A few moments later…

Waiter: Okay, so here is your new burger. Again, apologies for the first meal. I hope you will enjoy this one.

Customer: Like I said, everyone deserves a second chance, and this bite will determine if that is true.

Waiter: We appreciate your decision to give us a second chance.

Waiter: So, how is everything?

Customer: Fantastic, you can tell the chief that this is the best burger I have ever tasted. Thank you very much, it was worth accepting your offer.

Waiter: I am glad to hear that. Enjoy the rest of your meal!

Hoppe, Michael H. Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead . Center for Creative Leadership, 2018.

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7 Active Listening Techniques For Better Communication

It's time to start having more intentional conversations

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

• How to Improve

Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks. It's about actively processing and seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them. It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.

Active listening techniques include:

• Being fully present in the conversation
• Showing interest by practicing good eye contact
• Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage further responses
• Paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said
• Listening to understand rather than to respond
• Withholding judgment and advice

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD explains, "Active listening requires de-centering from one’s fixed position to be fully present with another. It helps people feel more understood and strengthens relationships as it signals a willingness to sit with the other’s perspective and empathy for their situation instead of singular focus on oneself."

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In communication, active listening is important because it keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It also makes the other person feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting—whether at work, at home, or in social situations.

Romanoff continues, "Ultimately, it shows respect and value for the other person’s needs, concerns, and ideas as the listener is actively signaling the other person matters to them."

When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.

7 Active Listening Techniques

The word "active" implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others. This involves the use of certain strategies or techniques. Here are seven active listening techniques to consider.

1. Be Fully Present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker.

"Being fully present involves the skill of tuning into the other person’s inner world while stepping away from your own. This is a power skill in deeply connecting and sitting with another’s emotions," says Romanoff.

To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away.

2. Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words.

During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.

It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don't convey any type of negative response.

3. Keep Good Eye Contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you.

At the same time, you don't want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels weird. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking "yes or no" questions often produce dead-end answers. This isn't helpful during active listening as it keeps the conversation from flowing. It also makes it difficult to truly listen to the other person because there isn't much you can gain from a short, non-descriptive response.

Instead, ask open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person. Examples of open-ended questions you may use when active listening include:

• Can you tell me a bit more about that?
• What did you think about that?
• What do you think is the best path moving forward?
• How do you think you could have responded differently?

The key to open-ended questions is to have a framework of curiosity about the other person. It signals genuine interest – making the other person feel valued and enables you to better understand them," adds Romanoff.

Open-ended questions encourage thoughtful, expansive responses, which is why they are often used by mental health therapists.

5. Reflect What You Hear

After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard. This active listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

One way to reflect what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard and give the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their meaning or intent.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

6, Be Patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. It also gives them the time to say what they are thinking without having to try to finish their sentences for them.

Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. It also requires listening to understand, not to respond. That is, don't prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking. Also, don't change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

During active listening, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with your own ideas and opinions about what is being said.

7, Withhold Judgment

Remaining neutral and non-judgmental in your responses enables the other person to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. It makes the conversation to a safe zone where they can trust that they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

Ways to be less judgmental when listening include:

• Expressing empathy for the person or their situation
• Learning more about different people and cultures
• Practicing acceptance of others
• Recognizing when you may be judging the other person, then stopping those thoughts

Active Listening Example

What does active listening look like? Here is an example of a conversation in which several different active listening techniques are used.

Lisa : I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I had a fight with my sister, and we haven't spoken since. I'm upset and don't know who to talk to.

Jodie : No problem! Tell me more about what happened. (open-ended question)

Lisa : Well, we were arguing about what to do for our parents' anniversary. I'm still so angry.

Jodie : Oh that's tough. You sound upset that you're not speaking because of it. (reflecting what was heard)

Lisa : Yes, she just makes me so angry. She assumed I would help her plan this elaborate party—I don't have time! It's like she couldn't see things from my perspective at all.

Jodie : Wow, that's too bad. How did that make you feel? (another open-ended question)

Lisa: Frustrated. Angry. Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans, and I was the one holding them back. Finally, I told her to do it without me. But that's not right, either.

Jodie : Sounds complicated. I bet you need some time to sort out how you feel about it. (withholding judgment)

Lisa : Yes, I guess I do. Thanks for listening—I just needed to vent.

Why Active Listening Is Important

Getting into the habit of active listening can have positive impacts in many key areas of your life. It can affect your relationships, your work, and your social interactions.

In Relationships

Active listening helps you better understand another person's point of view and respond with empathy. This is important in all types of healthy relationships , whether with a spouse, parent, child, another family member, or friend.

Being an active listener in your relationships involves recognizing that the conversation is more about the other person than about you. This is especially important when the other person is emotionally distressed.

Your ability to listen actively to a family member or friend who is going through a difficult time is a valuable communication skill. It helps keep you from offering opinions and solutions when the other person really just wants to be heard.

Active listening at work is particularly important if you are in a supervisory position or interact frequently with colleagues. It helps you understand problems and collaborate to develop solutions . It also showcases your patience, a valuable asset in the workplace.

In some cases, active listening while on the job can help improve workplace safety. For instance, if you are in the healthcare field, engaging in active listening can help reduce medical errors and prevent unintentional patient harm.

During Social Situations

Active listening techniques such as reflecting, asking open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and watching body language help you develop relationships when meeting new people . People who are active and empathic listeners are good at initiating and maintaining conversations.

Active listening helps others feel more emotionally supported. This can be beneficial when interacting with a person who has social anxiety . According to research, emotional support impacts the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex of the brain, resulting in decreased feelings of distress for socially anxious individuals.

Press Play for Advice on Active Listening

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares the value of listening to others, featuring psychiatrist Mark Goulston.

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Ways to Improve Active Listening

We've all been in situations where our "listeners" were distracted or disinterested. Or maybe you want to improve your own active listening skills so you don't do this to others.

Here are a few ways to be a better active listener yourself, or to encourage others to do the same:

• Encourage your own curiosity . The more curious you are about something, the easier it becomes to want to know more. This naturally causes you to ask more questions and to seek to understand, which are two of the core foundations of active listening in communication.
• Find a topic that interests you both . This works particularly well when engaging in small talk as you get to know one another. If you both have passion for the topic, it becomes easier to stay fully engaged in the conversation.
• Practice your active listening skills . Like with any skill, being good at active listening takes some practice. Be patient with yourself as you go through the learning process . Continuing to practice these skills may just inspire the person you're conversing with to do the same. By seeing you demonstrate active listening, they might become a better listener too.
• Understand when exiting the conversation is best . If you're talking with another person and they are clearly uninterested in the conversation, it may be best to end that conversation respectfully. This can help keep you from feeling annoyed and unheard.

If you find that you are having trouble with listening, you might benefit from professional treatment. Other options include engaging in social skills training or reading self-help books on interpersonal skills.

Keep in Mind

Active listening is an important social skill that has value in many different settings. Practice its many techniques often and it will become second nature. You'll start to ask open-ended questions and reflect what you've heard in your conversations without much (if any) thought.

"Ultimately, active listening helps the speaker feel more understood and heard—and helps the listener have more information and understanding. On both ends of active listening—people feel more connected and collaborative which is why it is such a vital tool when it comes to communication," says Romanoff.

If you find active listening techniques difficult, consider what might be getting in your way. Are you experiencing social anxiety during conversations or do you struggle with attention ? Getting help for these types of issues can help you improve your active listening skills, making you a better listener overall.

Frequently Asked Questions

Active listening helps you build trust and understand other people's situations and feelings. In turn, this empowers you to offer support and empathy. Unlike critical listening, active listening seeks to understand rather than reply. The goal is for the other person to be heard, validated, and inspired to solve their problems.

The three A's of active listening are attention, attitude, and adjustment. Attention entails being fully tuned in to the speaker's words and gestures. The proper attitude is one of positivity and open-mindedness. Adjustment is the ability to change your gestures, body language, and reactions as the speaker's story unfolds.

Reflection is the active listening technique that demonstrates that you understand and empathize with the person's feelings. In mirroring and summarizing what they've said, they feel heard and understood.

There are numerous ways to improve your active listening skills. One is to watch skilled interviewers on talk and news shows. Another is to research active listening techniques online and try them often in your everyday conversations, noting the speakers' reactions and looking for areas that need improvement.

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By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.

Husband and Wife (detail, 1945) by Milton Avery. Gift of Mr and Mrs Roy R Neuberger. Photo by Allen Phillips/ Wadsworth Atheneum

The art of listening

To listen well is not only a kindness to others but also, as the psychologist carl rogers made clear, a gift to ourselves.

by M M Owen   + BIO

Writing in Esquire magazine in 1935, Ernest Hemingway offered this advice to young writers: ‘When people talk, listen completely… Most people never listen.’ Even though Hemingway was one of my teenage heroes, the realisation crept up on me, somewhere around the age of 25: I am most people. I never listen.

Perhaps never was a little strong – but certainly my listening often occurred through a fog of distraction and self-regard. On my worst days, this could make me a shallow, solipsistic presence. Haltingly, I began to try to reach inside my own mental machinery, marshal my attention differently, listen better. I wasn’t sure what I was doing; but I had crossed paths with a few people who, as a habit, gave others their full attention – and it was powerful. It felt rare, it felt real; I wanted them around.

As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion, or blinking. When the concept of listening is addressed at any length, it is in the context of professional communication; something to be honed by leaders and mentors, but a specialisation that everyone else can happily ignore. This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone.

Along the way, I discovered that Carl Rogers, one of the 20th century’s most eminent psychologists, had put a name to this underrated skill: ‘active listening’. And though Rogers’s work was focused initially on the therapeutic setting, he drew no distinction between this and everyday life: ‘Whatever I have learned,’ he wrote, ‘is applicable to all of my human relationships.’ What Rogers learnt was that listening well – which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well – is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have.

T he paucity of my listening powers dawned on me as a byproduct of starting to meditate. This is not to make some claim to faux enlightenment – simply to say that meditation is the practice of noticing what you notice, and meditators tend to carry this mindset beyond the yoga mat, and begin to see their own mind more clearly. Among a smorgasbord of other patterns and quirks, what I saw was a self that, too often, didn’t listen.

The younger me enjoyed conversation. But a low, steady egoism meant that what I really enjoyed was talking. When it was someone else’s turn to talk, the listening could often feel like a chore. I might be passively absorbing whatever was being said – but a greater part of me would be daydreaming, reminiscing, making plans. I had a habit of interrupting, in the rather masculine belief that, whatever others had to say, I could say better for them. Sometimes, I would zone out and tune back in to realise that I’d been asked a question. I had a horrible habit, I saw, of sitting in silent linguistic craftsmanship, shaping my answer for when my turn came around – and only half-listening to what I’d actually be responding to.

The exceptions to this state of affairs, I began to see, were situations where there existed self-interest. If the subject was me, or material that might be of benefit to me, my attention would automatically sharpen. It was very easy to listen to someone explaining what steps I needed to take to ace a test or make some money. It was easy to listen to juicy gossip, particularly of the kind that made me feel fortunate or superior. It was easy to listen to debates on topics where I had a burning desire to be right. It was easy to listen to attractive women.

Bad listening signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them

On bad days, this attentional autopilot constricted me. On topics of politics or philosophy, this made me a bore and a bully. People avoided disagreeing with me on anything, even trivial points, because they knew it would balloon into annoyance and a failure to listen to their reasoning. In my personal life, too often, I could forget to support or lift up those around me. The flipside of not listening is not questioning – because, when you don’t want to listen, the last thing you want to do is trigger the exact scenario in which you are most expected to listen. And so I didn’t ask my friends serious questions often enough. I liked jokes, and I liked gossip; but I’d forget to ask them the real stuff. Or I’d ask them things they’d already told me a week ago. Or forget to ask about their recent job interview or break-up.

This is where bad listening does the most damage: it signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them, or you do but only in a skittish, flickering sort of a way. And so people become wary of opening up, or asking for advice, or leaning on you in the way that we lean on those people we truly believe to be big of heart.

All of the above makes for rather a glum picture, I know. I don’t want to overstate things. I wasn’t a monster. I cared for people and, when I concentrated, I could show it. I was liked, I made my way in the world, I apparently possessed what we call charisma. Plenty of the time, I listened fine. But this may be precisely the point: you can coast along in life as a bad listener. We tend to forgive it, because it’s common.

Kate Murphy, in her book You’re Not Listening (2020), frames modern life as particularly antagonistic to good listening:

[W]e are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people.

Why do we accept bad listening? Because, I think, listening well is hard, and we all know it. Like all forms of self-improvement, breaking this carapace requires intention, and ideally guidance.

W hen I discovered Rogers’s writings on listening, it was confirmation that, in many conversations, I had been getting it all wrong. When listening well, wrote Rogers and his co-author Richard Evans Farson in 1957, the listener ‘does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. He actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what he hears, and he tries, by his listening, to help the speaker work out his own problems.’ This was exactly the stance I had only rarely adopted.

Born in 1902 – in the same suburb of Chicago as Hemingway, three years earlier – Rogers had a strict religious upbringing. As a young man, he seemed destined for the ministry. But in 1926, he crossed the road from Union Theological Seminary to Columbia University, and committed himself to psychology. (At this time, psychology was a field so new and so in vogue that, in 1919, during negotiations for the Treaty of Versailles, Sigmund Freud had secretly advised Woodrow Wilson’s ambassador in Paris.)

Rogers’s early work was focused on what were then called ‘delinquent’ children; but, by the 1940s, he was developing a new approach to psychotherapy, which came to be termed ‘humanistic’ and ‘person-centred’. Unlike Freud, Rogers believed that all of us possess ‘strongly positive directional tendencies’. Unhappy people, he believed, were not broken; they were blocked. And as opposed to the then-dominant modes of psychotherapy – psychoanalysis and behaviourism – Rogers believed that a therapist should be less a problem-solver, and more a sort of skilled midwife, drawing out solutions that already existed in the client. All people possess a deep urge to ‘self-actualise’, he believed, and it is the therapist’s job to nurture this urge. They were there to ‘release and strengthen the individual, rather than to intervene in his life’. Key to achieving this goal was careful, focused, ‘active’ listening.

That this perspective doesn’t seem particularly radical today is a testament to Rogers’s legacy. As one of his biographers, David Cohen, writes , Rogers’s therapeutic philosophy ‘has become part of the fabric of therapy’. Today, in the West, many of us believe that going to therapy can be an empowering and positive move, rather than an indicator of crisis or sickness. This shift owes a great deal to Rogers. So too does the expectation that a therapist will allow themselves to enter into our thinking, and express a careful but tangible empathy. Where Freud focused on the mind in isolation, Rogers valued more of a merging of minds – boundaried, but intimate.

On bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle

Active listening, for Rogers, was essential to creating the conditions for growth. It was one of the key ingredients in making another person feel less alone, less stuck, and more capable of self-insight.

Rogers held that the basic challenge of listening is this: consciousnesses are isolated from one another, and there are thickets of cognitive noise between them. Cutting through the noise requires effort. Listening well ‘requires that we get inside the speaker, that we grasp, from his point of view , just what it is he is communicating to us.’ This empathic leap is a real effort. It is much easier to judge another’s point of view, analyse it, categorise it. But to put it on, like a mental costume, is very hard. As a teenager, I was a passionate atheist and a passionate Leftist. I saw things as very simple: all believers are gullible, and all conservatives are psychopaths, or at minimum heartless. I could hold to my Manichean view precisely because I had made no effort to grasp anyone else’s viewpoint.

Another of my old mental blocks, also flagged by Rogers, is the instinct that anyone I’m talking to is likely dumber than me. This arrogance is terrible for any attempt at listening, as Rogers recognises: ‘Until we can demonstrate a spirit which genuinely respects the potential worth of an individual,’ he writes, we won’t be good listeners. Previously, on bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle. I would look for clues that this person was wrong, and could be made to feel wrong. But as Rogers writes, to listen well, we ‘must create a climate which is neither critical, evaluative, nor moralising’.

‘Our emotions are often our own worst enemies when we try to become listeners,’ he wrote. In short, a great deal of bad listening comes down to lack of self-control. Other people animate us, associations fly, we are pricked by ideas. (This is why we have built careful social systems around not discussing such things as religion or politics at dinner parties.) When I was 21, if someone suggested that some pop music was pretty good, or capitalism had some redeeming features, I was incapable of not reacting. This made it very hard for me to listen to anyone’s opinion but my own. Which is why, Rogers says, one of the first skills to learn is non-intervention. Patience. ‘To listen to oneself,’ he wrote, ‘is a prerequisite to listening to others.’ Here, the analogy with meditation is clear: don’t chase every thought, don’t react to every internal event, stay centred. Today, in conversation, I try to constantly remind myself: only react, only intervene, when invited or when it will obviously be welcome. This takes practice, possibly endless practice.

And when we do intervene, following Rogers, we must resist the ever-present urge to drag the focus of the conversation back to ourselves. Sociologists call this urge ‘the shift response’. When a friend tells me they’d love to visit Thailand, I must resist the selfish pull to leap in with Oh yeah, Thailand is great, I spent Christmas in Koh Lanta once, did I ever tell you about the Muay Thai class I did? Instead, I must stay with them: where exactly do they want to go, and why? Sociologists call this ‘the support response’. To listen well is to step back, keep the focus with someone else.

A nice example of Rogers’s approach, taken from his career, is his experience during the Second World War. Rogers was asked by the US Air Force to assess the psychological health of gunners, among whom morale appeared low. By being patient, and nonjudgmental, and gentle with his attention, Rogers discovered that the gunners had been bottling up one of their chief complaints: they resented civilians. Returning to his hometown and attending a football game, reported one pilot, ‘all that life and gaiety and luxury – it makes you so mad’. Rogers didn’t suggest any drastic intervention, or push any change in view. He recommended that the men be allowed to be honest about their anger, and process it openly, without shame. Their interlocutors, Rogers said, should begin by simply listening to them – for as long as it took, until they were unburdened. Only then should they respond.

Much like meditating, listening in this way takes work. It may take even more work outside the therapy room, in the absence of professional expectation. At all times, for almost all of us, our internal monologue is running, and it is desperate to spill from our brain onto our tongue. Stemming the flow requires intention. This is necessary because, even when we think an intervention is positive, it may be self-centred. We might not feel it, Rogers says, but, typically, when we offer our interpretation or input, ‘we are usually responding to our own needs to see the world in certain ways’. When I first began to observe myself as a listener, I saw how difficult I found it to simply let people finish their sentences. I noticed the infinite wave of impatience on which my attention rode. I noticed the slippery temptation of asking questions that were not really questions at all, but impositions of opinion disguised as questions. The better road, I began to see, was to stay silent. To wait.

The active listener’s job is to simply be there, to focus on ‘thinking with people instead of for or about them’. This thinking with requires listening for what Rogers calls ‘total meaning’. This means registering both the content of what they are saying, and (more subtly) the ‘ feeling or attitude underlying this content’. Often, the feeling is the real thing being expressed, and the content a sort of ventriloquist’s dummy. Capturing this feeling involves real concentration, especially as nonverbal cues – hesitation, mumbling, changes in posture – are crucial. Zone out, half-listen, and the ‘total meaning’ will entirely elude us.

Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists?

And though the bad listener loves to internally multitask while someone else is talking, faking it won’t work. As Rogers writes, people are alert to the mere ‘pretence of interest’, resenting it as ‘empty and sterile’. To sincerely listen means to marshal a mixture of agency, compassion, attention and commitment. This ‘demands practice’, Rogers said, and ‘may require changes in our own basic attitudes’.

Rogers’s theories were developed in a context where one person is attempting, explicitly, to help another person heal and grow. But Rogers was always explicit about the fact that his work was ‘about life’. Of his theories, he said that ‘the same lawfulness governs all human relationships’.

I think I started off from a lower point; by nature, I think my brain tends toward distraction and self-regard. But one would not need to be a bad listener to benefit from Rogers’s ideas. Even someone whose autopilot is an empathetic, interested listener can find much in his work. Rogers did more than anyone else to explore listening, systemise its dynamics, and record his professional explorations.

Certainly, being a good listener had an impact on Rogers’s own life. As another of his biographers, Howard Kirschenbaum, told me, Rogers discovered that ‘listening empathically to others was enormously healing and freeing, in both therapy and other relationships’. At his 80th birthday party, a cabaret was staged in which two Carl Rogers impersonators listened to one another in poses of exaggerated empathy. The well-meaning gag was a compliment; in a somewhat rare case of intellectuals actually embodying the ideas they espouse, Rogers was remembered as an excellent listener by everyone who knew him. Despite the kind of foibles that can weigh down any life – a reliance on alcohol, a frustration with monogamy – Rogers appears to have been a decent man: warm, open, and never cruel.

That he was able to carry his theories into his life should give encouragement, even to those of us who aren’t world-famous psychologists. Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists? Why else does all seduction start with riveted attention? Consider your own experience, and you will likely find a direct correlation between the people you feel love you, and the people who actually listen to the things you say. The people who never ask us a thing are the people we drift away from. The people who listen so hard that they pull new things out of us – who hear things we didn’t even say – are the ones we grab on to for life.

P erhaps above all, Rogers understood the stakes involved in listening well. All of us, when we are our best selves, want to bring growth to the people we choose to give our time to. We want to help them unlock themselves, stand taller, think better. The dynamic may not be as direct as with a therapist; there is more of an equal footing – but when our relationships are healthy, we want those around us to thrive. Listening well, Rogers showed, is the simplest route there. Be with people in the right way, and they become ‘enriched in courage and self-confidence’. They feel the releasing glow of attention, and develop an ‘underlying confidence in themselves’. If we don’t want this for our friends, then we are not their friends.

Indeed, such is the generosity of active listening that one can view the practice as one that borders on the spiritual. Though Rogers traded theology for psychology in his early 20s, he always maintained an interest in spirituality. He enjoyed the work of Søren Kierkegaard , an existentialist Christian; and, over the years, he had public discussions with the theologians Paul Tillich and Martin Buber . In successful therapy sessions, said Rogers, both therapist and client can find themselves in ‘a trance-like feeling’ where ‘there is, to borrow Buber’s phrase, a real “I-Thou” relationship’. Of his relationship to his clients, Rogers said: ‘I would like to go with him on the fearful journey into himself.’

Perhaps this is a bit rich for you; perhaps you would rather frame active listening as simply good manners, or a neat interpersonal hack. The point is: really listening to others might be an act of irrational generosity. People will eat up your attention; it could be hours or years before they ever turn the same attention back on you. Sometimes, joyfully, your listening will yield something new, deliver them somewhere. Sometimes, the person will respond with generosity of their own, and the reciprocity will be powerful. But often, nothing. Only rarely will people notice, let alone thank you, for your efforts. Yet this generosity of attention is what people deserve.

And lest this all sound a bit pious – active listening is not pure altruism. Listening well, as Rogers said, is ‘a growth experience’. It allows us to get the best of others. The carousel of souls is endless. People have deeply felt and fascinating lives, and they can enfranchise us to worlds we would never otherwise know. If we truly listen, we expand our own intelligence, emotional range, and sense that the world remains open to discovery. Active listening is a kindness to others but, as Rogers was always quick to make clear, it is also a gift to ourselves.

Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel

Rogers became a hero of the 1960s counterculture . He admired their utopian dreams of psychic liberation and uninhibited communication; late in life, he was drawn to the New Age writings of Carlos Castañeda. All of this speaks to one of the key critiques of Rogers’s philosophy, both during his lifetime and today: that he was too optimistic. Rogers recognised himself that he was, in Cohen’s words, ‘incorrigibly positive’. His critics called him a sort of Pollyanna of the mind, and thought him naive for believing that such simple interventions as empathy and listening could trigger transformation in people. (Perhaps certain readers will harbour similar critiques about my own beliefs as expressed here.)

Those inclined to agree with this assessment of Rogers will probably think that I have overstated the case. Listening as love? Listening as spiritual practice? But in my own life, a renewed approach to listening has improved how I relate to others, and I now believe listening is absurdly under-discussed. Good listening is complex, subtle, slippery – but it is also right here, it lives in us, and we can work on it every day. Unlike the abstractions of so much of ethics and so much of philosophy, our listening is there to be honed, every day. Like a muscle, it can be trained. Like an intellect, it can be tested. In the very same moment, it can spur both our own growth and the growth of others. Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I couldn’t write nonfiction that anyone else actually wanted to read until I began trying to truly listen.

‘The greatest compliment that was ever paid me,’ said Henry David Thoreau, ‘was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.’ Left on autopilot, I can still be a bad listener. I’ll interrupt, finish sentences, chivvy people along. I suspect many of the people I know still find me to be, on balance, an average listener. But I try! With anyone I can impact – and especially those whose souls I can help to light up – I follow Rogers; I offer as much ‘of safety, of warmth, of empathic understanding, as I can genuinely find in myself to give.’ And I open myself to whatever I can learn. I fail in my attentions, again and again. But I tune back in, again and again. I believe it is working.

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What Is Active Listening?

Tips for practicing this essential communication skill.

Active listening requires mastering many skills, including reading body language and tone of voice, maintaining your attention, and being aware of and controlling your emotional response. In this article, the author explains what active listening is and how to improve this essential communication skill.

Are you a good listener at work? You might think you are because you put away distractions, stay quiet, and nod your head when someone is talking to you. You might even repeat back your conversation partner’s main points to demonstrate that you’ve heard and absorbed them. These are all smart things to do, but they can still leave the speaker feeling unheard or even dismissed.

• Amy Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, cohost of the Women at Work podcast , and the author of two books: Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) and the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict . She writes and speaks about workplace dynamics. Watch her TEDx talk on conflict and follow her on LinkedIn . amyegallo

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How to Practice Active Listening: 16 Examples & Techniques

Do you wonder if you could be better?

Good listeners can stay present and engaged with what is being said. This article will describe a listening technique called active listening. It’s useful in building therapeutic relationships and creating empathy.

You will learn the benefits of active listening and how it makes you a better communicator. And we will provide a list of the skills needed and techniques to learn exactly how to practice this. Finally, we’ll go over common pitfalls that keep us from being good listeners.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

What is active listening 3 principles, is it important in communication 4 benefits, active listening skills you can foster, 7 techniques to train your active listening skills, 3 counseling exercises & activities, 3 worksheets to practice active listening, questions to ask others: 3 examples, possible barriers & psychology tips to overcome them, 3 courses for training on effective communication, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Often, while we are listening, we are thinking of how we will respond. We might get distracted and miss some of what was said. We may not be paying much attention to the nonverbal communication cues of the speaker.

Active listening requires the listener to pay close attention to what is being communicated verbally and nonverbally. The listener is encouraged to interpret not only the content of what is being said, but also the emotions present and the body language.

In order to achieve this, the listener must be willing to devote energy to the task. They will need to have an excellent attention span and honed empathic abilities . Active listening has even been referred to as the “measurable dimension of empathy” (Olson & Iwasiw, 1987, p. 104).

There are three main components of successful active listening (Rogers & Farson, 1987):

• Listen for total meaning When someone is conveying a message, there are two meanings to gather: the content and the feeling or attitude underlying the message. An active listener is not only tuned in to the information conveyed, but also how it is conveyed and any nonverbal cues present.
• Respond to feelings After listening, when a response is appropriate, the listener should respond to the feeling of what was said. In this way, the speaker feels understood and empathy is established.
• Note all cues Nonverbal cues include tone of voice, facial or body expressions, and speed of speech. All of these taken together can convey a much deeper meaning than merely the content of what was said.

Carl Rogers’s take on active listening

Psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson (1987) are responsible for defining the concept of active listening. They describe the skill as vitally important for effective communication. For Rogers, the ultimate goal of active listening was to foster positive change (Rogers & Farson, 1987). This change can occur in the context of a client/helper relationship or in the context of a group.

Rogers described three important principles in effective counseling: empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard . Active listening is a tool that fosters and supports these principles.

Empathy is demonstrated in active listening by the listener reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the speaker. These thoughts and feelings are believed, supported, and respected. They are not dismissed or challenged.

Rogers stresses that in order to be successful in active listening, the listener must be authentic in their care. This reflects the principle of genuineness. Active listening can’t be faked.

Active listening requires true feelings of respect toward the individual speaking. The listener accepts and supports the speaker regardless of the content of their words. This illustrates the principle of unconditional positive regard.

It is also a skill that will benefit the listener in their life outside of work.

Whether at work or in casual conversation, active listening can provide a safe and empathetic space for a speaker, fostering feelings of trust.

Active listening in counseling

Active listening has been shown to be a vital skill in counseling. Empathy and empathic listening foster the therapeutic relationship , and the relationship between therapist and client has been shown to be the one of the most crucial and stable predictors of client success (Martin, Garske, & Davis, 2000).

Another benefit of learning active listening as a counselor is that it may increase self-efficacy . Levitt (2002) examined the impact of teaching active listening to counseling students and found that this skill created greater levels of confidence in the students and helped to reduce their anxiety as new counselors.

Active listening in the workplace

Kubota, Mishima, and Nagata (2004) examined the effects of an active listening training program on middle managers, finding positive results. In workplaces, a large portion of stress experienced by employees comes from interpersonal relationships.

The study showed that teaching managers who learned active listening skills were better able to support employees with mental health issues, providing a safe environment for them to share their difficulties without judgment. This led to calmer behaviors and more success (Kubota et al., 2004).

Can active listening skills even work through text conversations? Perhaps so. A unique and interesting study looked at the application of active listening to written communication online (Bauer & Figl, 2008). This case study was examining soft skills among computer science students and to see if active listening could come across in instant message conversations.

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Active listening requires a skill set that differs from typical everyday listening. Not only are you using the principles of empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard, but you must also develop certain skillful ways of interacting.

It’s useful to begin with the body language of the listener (Robertson, 2005). How do you know when someone is listening to you? Maintaining eye contact and appropriate facial expressions is important to convey empathy and attention. As with all aspects of active listening, these indicators shouldn’t be forced or faked. They are simply a reflection of your genuine attentiveness.

It also helps to remove distractions from the environment. Depending on the context, you may desire to set up an environment that conveys peace and quiet. If you are in a public place, putting away distractions or moving to a quieter location can also be helpful.

Another skill is following (Robertson, 2005). To actively follow what the speaker is conveying, you allow space for them to speak, reducing or eliminating questions and giving space for silence .

In a non-active listening situation, there may be quick back and forth, many rapid questions, or people may talk over one another. With active listening, the speaker is given the time and space to speak as much as they want. And they are encouraged to continue.

A third skill is reflecting (Robertson, 2005). This is the skill of repeating what you heard the speaker say, but avoiding parroting it back verbatim. You are trying to capture the essence of what they said and reflect it back to them. You may also try to capture the feelings that are conveyed.

This is always done without expressing judgment and with the goal of understanding. It may even be useful to ask if you have it right before asking them to continue.

Each technique is listed with an example and an explanation of the use.

Use the below suggestions to help your clients improve their listening.

Practicing with a partner

For counselors in training, it is important to practice active listening with a partner. One partner shares a story of something emotional that happened, and the listener will practice the following techniques:

• Demonstrating listening through body language and nonverbal responses
• Reflecting back the content of what the partner shared
• Reflecting back the emotions that the partner shared

It’s important to check in with your partner after you’ve reflected to be sure that it’s accurate.

Mindful listening group practice

In many ways, active listening is a mindfulness practice. The listener is trying to stay focused on the present, with what is being shared. And they are working to accomplish this without judgment.

Here is an excellent activity to practice mindful listening in a group.

• Have the group sit in a circle.
• Offer an ice breaker question or prompt, such as something they are grateful for today.
• Rather than go around the circle, ask participants to share spontaneously when they feel ready.
• Invite them to notice if they are thinking about their answer, rather than listening.
• Ask them to be present with the person who is sharing.
• Challenge them to notice if they are uncomfortable with the silences.

Mindful listening alone

At any moment, you can drop in and practice mindful listening. Simply stop what you are doing, close your eyes, and try to see how many sounds you can hear around you and within you. Notice if there are judgments arising and try not to attach to them. Stay with the flow of sounds for as long as you can.

Listening Accurately

This worksheet offers a five-step process to improve your communication skills with another person. It would be a useful tool for working with couples or anyone who would like to hone their listening skills.

The five steps are:

• Step in their shoes.
• Fact-check your interpretation.
• Give your full attention.
• Clarify what they’ve said.
• Clarify what you’ve said.

500 Years Ago

This creative exercise helps both the listener and the speaker develop their empathy by imagining themselves in someone else’s place.

The listener is instructed to pretend that they have come from the past, 500 years ago. The speaker is trying to explain something to them and must use language that they can understand.

Using Small Rewards

In working to create a therapeutic alliance, nonverbal communication is key. This worksheet lists some “small rewards,” subtle but powerful nonverbal gestures that the therapist can use to let their client know that they hear them and are following along.

The worksheet invites the practitioner to listen to a five-minute segment of their session and see how often they were using these nonverbal cues. There is space to reflect on how better to incorporate them and consider why there may have been trouble.

How to actively listen to others – Scott Pierce

Active listening starts with refraining from questions. It’s important that the stage be set by allowing the speaker enough time and space to speak.

Start with reflection

Begin with reflections and try to capture the feeling of what was said. A reflection mirrors back what the person just said and tries to capture the meaning or the tone.

For example, let’s say a friend comes to you about a fight she had with her husband. She describes how the argument got heated, and they ended up sleeping separately. She is feeling worried about the state of their marriage.

A reflection restates what she said: “Things got really heated last night – so bad you didn’t even want to be in the same room.” Or “You’re feeling really worried because this fight felt so intense.”

The first example is a reflection of the content of what was shared. The second reflects the emotions. These types of reflections validate the speaker and help them feel heard and understood.

Asking questions

Only after reflection has been done will it be time to ask questions. The types of questions are important. The purpose of questions during active listening is to continue to move the individual toward self-discovery.

Open questions are vital for this step. Open questions can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. They invite introspection. Powerful questions stimulate curiosity in the listener and encourage conversation. They reveal underlying assumptions and invite creativity. They don’t change the subject or close down the conversation.

The point of an open-ended question as part of active listening is to learn more and continue to connect with the speaker. It is not to drive the conversation in a particular direction.

Here are three examples of closed questions vs open questions to ask, given the above situation. Remember, your friend just told you about a terrible fight that she had with her husband, and she is upset.

Closed question: “Did you make up?” Open question: “How are you feeling about the fight today?”

Closed question: “Did your kids hear you?” Open question: “How does it feel to share this with me? Have you thought about talking to anyone else?”

Closed question: “Are you going to leave him?” Open question: “What sorts of responses or solutions are you considering?”

You can see that the open questions invite conversation and show compassion , whereas the closed questions seem more like information gathering.

When practicing active listening, practitioners should also self-monitor for judgments that might come up while the person is speaking.

If these judgments aren’t monitored, they may cause criticizing, labeling, diagnosing, or even praising in a way that leads the speaker (Robertson, 2005).

The goal of active listening is to create a safe environment for the individual to speak freely. Any of these responses may lead to defensiveness, distrust, or shutting down.

Another barrier is suggesting solutions (Robertson, 2005). Although it may seem well meaning, the urge to suggest solutions often comes from a discomfort with what the speaker is saying. While it may seem supportive, it creates an imbalance of power in the dynamic. The speaker is left feeling unheard, and they are disempowered to create their own solutions.

A third barrier is avoiding what the person is sharing. This may manifest as diverting the conversation away, logically arguing, or even reassuring. Again, while reassurance seems comforting, it often shuts down or ends the conversation for the other person.

A wonderful example of the comparison of empathetic and other responses can be found in Brené Brown’s video below about sympathy versus empathy.

Active listening is a straightforward skill, and taking a short course is the perfect way to learn how to do it effectively. While it is possible to learn it simply by reading, it’s always helpful to see it in action and practice with other people.

If you are hoping to learn active listening to improve your workplace as a manager or a leader, these courses would be great for you.

Udemy offers thousands of short courses on everything from programming to cooking, and this course on active listening has over 10,000 downloads.

LinkedIn Learning offers courses for businesses, including one on effective listening . Your team can take a listening assessment, address challenges that they have, and learn effective listening behaviors.

A wonderful course for in-depth active listening training is offered by Voice of Health (VOH). VOH is an online peer-support community that offers free training for anyone interested.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Our Positive Psychology Toolkit© has excellent resources for learning how to listen more effectively and empathetically. One such tool is the exercise Listening Without Trying to Solve .

This exercise is done with a group. Individuals are paired off with one person as the listener and one as the storyteller. Each listener is given a card with instructions, half are told to listen without trying to solve and half are told to try to solve the problem as best as they can. Each pair is given five minutes for the storyteller to share a problem.

After sharing, the group returns together and discusses how it felt to be on the receiving end of a person who is working hard to solve the problem vs someone who is fully listening and empathizing. This is a powerful activity to show the effectiveness of active listening.

This checklist is a helpful tool for practicing active listening techniques. The checklist lists the techniques and then asks the listener to check back to see if they successfully used each one. There is space to write what worked well, what was difficult, and how to better incorporate unused techniques.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

Active listening is a skill that anyone can learn. It’s a vital tool for therapists and counselors to connect empathically with their clients. But it’s also useful for better communication with family, friends, and coworkers.

Practicing active listening can deepen connections in your relationships and help to create stronger and more lasting bonds. Try some of these exercises to improve your communication skills today.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

• Bauer, C., & Figl, K. (2008). ‘Active listening’ in written online communication-a case study in a course on ‘soft skills’ for computer scientists. In 2008 38th Annual Frontiers in Education Conference (pp. F2C–1). IEEE.
• Kubota, S., Mishima, N., & Nagata, S. (2004). A study of the effects of active listening on listening attitudes of middle managers. Journal of Occupational Health , 46 (1), 60–67.
• Levitt, D. H. (2002). Active listening and counselor self-efficacy: Emphasis on one microskill in beginning counselor training. The Clinical Supervisor , 20 (2), 101–115.
• Martin, D. J., Garske, J. P., & Davis, M. K. (2000). Relation of the therapeutic alliance with outcome and other variables: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology , 68 (3), 438–450.
• Olson, J. K., & Iwasiw, C. L. (1987). Effects of a training model on active listening skills of post-RN students. Journal of Nursing Education , 26 (3), 104–107.
• Robertson, K. (2005). Active listening: More than just paying attention. Australian Family Physician , 34 (12), 1053–1055.
• Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1987). Active listening. In R. G. Newman, M. A. Danziger, & M. Cohen (Eds.), Communicating in business today . DC Heath & Company.

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Active listening is a communication technique used in counselling, training and conflict resolution, which requires the listener to feed back what they hear to the speaker, by way of re-stating or paraphrasing what they have heard in their own words, to confirm what they have heard and moreover, to confirm the understanding of both parties. When interacting, people often “wait to speak” rather than listening attentively. They might also be distracted. Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the “function” of communicating objectively as opposed to focusing on “forms”, passive expression or subjectivity. There are many opinions on what “active listening” is. A search of the term reveals interpretations of the “activity” as including “interpreting body language” or focusing on something other than or in addition to words. Successful communication is the establishment of common ground between two people’understanding. Agreeing to disagree is common ground. Common ground can be false, i.e., a person says they feel a certain way but they do not. Nevertheless it is common ground, once accepted as understood. Dialogue, understanding and progress can only arise from that common ground. And that common ground cannot be established without respect for the words as spoken by the speaker, for whatever reason. Thus the essence of active listening is as simple as it is effective: paraphrasing the speakers words back to them as a question. There is little room for assumption or interpretation. It is functional, mechanical and leaves little doubt as to what is meant by what is said. “The process is successful if the person receiving the information gives feedback which shows understanding for meaning. Suspending one’s own frame of reference, suspending judgment and avoiding other internal mental activities are important to fully attend to the speaker. Comprehension is “shared meaning between parties in a communication transaction”. This is the first step in the listening process. The first challenge for the listener is accurately identifying speech sounds and understanding and synthesizing these sounds as words. We are constantly bombarded with auditory stimuli, so the listener has to select which of those stimuli are speech sounds and choose to pay attention to the appropriate sounds (attending). The second challenge is being able to discern breaks between discernible words, or speech segmentation. This becomes significantly more difficult with an unfamiliar language because the speech sounds blend together into a continuous jumble. Determining the context and meanings of each word is essential to comprehending a sentence. This is the second step in the listening process. Memory is essential to the listening process because the information we retain when involved in the listening process is how we create meaning from words. We depend on our memory to fill in the blanks when we’re listening. Because everyone has different memories, the speaker and the listener may attach different meanings to the same statement. However, our memories are fallible and we can’t remember everything that we’ve ever listened to. There are many reasons why we forget some information that we’ve received. The first is cramming. When you cram there is a lot of information entered into your short term memory. Shortly after cramming, when you don’t need the information anymore, it is purged from your brain before it can be transferred into your long term memory. The second reason is that you aren’t paying attention when you receive the information. Alternatively, when you receive the information you may not attach importance to it, so it loses its meaning. A fourth reason is at the time the information was received you lacked motivation to listen carefully to better remember it. Using information immediately after receiving it enhances information retention and lessens the forgetting curve (the rate at which we no longer retain information in our memory). Retention is lessened when we engage in mindless listening, where little effort is made to listen to a speaker’s message. Mindful listening is active listening. Listening is an interaction between speaker and listener. It adds action to a normally passive process. The speaker looks for verbal and nonverbal responses from the listener to if the message is being listened to. Usually the response is nonverbal because if the response is verbal the speaker/listener roles are reversed so the listener becomes the speaker and is no longer listening. Based on the response the speaker chooses to either adjust or continue with his/her communication style. Active listening involves the listener observing the speaker’s behavior and body language. Having the ability to interpret a person’s body language lets the listener develop a more accurate understanding of the speaker’s message. When the listener does not respond to the speaker’s nonverbal language, (s)he engages in a content-only response which ignores the emotions that guide the message. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker’s words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker’simply stating what was said. In emotionally charged communications, the listener may listen for feelings. Thus, rather than merely repeating what the speaker has said, the active listener will describe the underlying emotion (“You seem to feel angry,” or “You seem to feel frustrated, is that because … ?”). Individuals in conflict often contradict each other. This has the effect of denying the validity of the other person’s position. Ambushing occurs when one listens to someone else’s argument for its weaknesses and ignore its strengths. The purpose is to attack the speaker’s position and support their own. This may include a distortion of the speaker’s argument to gain a competitive advantage. Either party may react defensively, and they may lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, if one finds that the other party understands, an atmosphere of cooperation can be created. This increases the possibility of collaborating and resolving the conflict. In the book Leader Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon, who coined the term “active listening,” states “Active listening is certainly not complex. Listeners need only restate, in their own language, their impression of the expression of the sender. … Still, learning to do Active Listening well is a rather difficult task …” Active listening is used in a wide variety of situations, including public interest advocacy, community organizing, tutoring, medical workers talking to patients,HIV counseling, helping suicidal persons, management,counseling and journalistic settings. In groups it may aid in reaching consensus. It may also be used in casual conversation or small talk to build understanding, though this can be interpreted as condescending. A listener can use several degrees of active listening, each resulting in a different quality of communication. The active listening chart below shows the three main degrees of listening: repeating, paraphrasing and reflecting. Listening barriers may be psychological (e.g. emotions) or physical (e.g. noise and visual distraction). Cultural differences including speakers’ accents, vocabulary, and misunderstandings due to cultural assumptions often obstruct the listening process. The first of these is the shift response which is the general tendency in a conversation to affix the attention to you. There is competition between individuals for attention and a focus on self by shifting the topic; it is a me-oriented technique. The listener shifts from a passive position, receiver, to an active role, sender. This is a type of conversational narcissism; the tendency of listeners to turn the topic of conversations to themselves without showing sustained interest in others listening. With conversational narcissism there is a tendency to overuse the shift response and under use the support response. A support response is the opposite of a shift response; it is an attention giving method and a cooperative effort to focus the conversational attention on the other person. Instead of being me-oriented like shift response, it is we-oriented. It is the response most likely to be used by a competent communicator To use the active listening technique to improve interpersonal communication, one puts personal emotions aside during the conversation, asks questions and paraphrases back to the speaker to clarify understanding, and one also tries to overcome all types of environment distractions. Judging or arguing prematurely is a result of holding onto a strict personal opinion. This hinders the ability to be able to listen closely to what is being said. Furthermore, the listener considers the speaker’s background, both cultural and personal, to benefit as much as possible from the communication process. Eye contact and appropriate body languages are seen as important components to active listening. Effective listening involves focusing on what the speaker is saying; at times the listener might come across certain key words which may help them understand the speaker. The stress and intonation may also keep them active and away from distractions. Taking notes on the message can aid in retention. There are several misconceptions about listening. The first of these is listening and hearing are the same thing. Hearing is the physiological process of registering sound waves as they hit the eardrum. We have no control over what we hear. The sounds we hear have no meaning until we give them their meaning in context. Listening on the other hand is an active process that constructs meaning from both verbal and nonverbal messages. Active Listening has been developed as a concept in music and technology by Fran??ois Pachet, researcher at Sony Computer Science Laboratory – Paris. Active listening in music refers to the idea that listeners can be given some degree of control on the music they listen to, by means of technological applications mainly based on artificial intelligence and information theory techniques, by opposition to traditional listening, in which the musical media is played passively by some neutral device

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Isaac Slaughter

Reflective Listening VS Active Listening – A Complete Guide

The human race has learned to change and adapt to multiple environmental forces throughout history. The ability to learn new skills that enable humans to survive increasingly challenging environments is possibly the most accurate example in this context. One of the abilities that humans have had since their inception is the ability to listen.

Listening is an essential skill that needs to be developed in every person regardless of age or social role. It is a powerful resource through which we can receive, comprehend, and evaluate the information we get from the speaker.

Moreover, listening enhances interpersonal relationships and improves people’s lives by lowering the possibility of misunderstandings and conflicts. Several listening types and levels can be used in different contexts. In this article, we will tell you about two different listening techniques and compare them, so keep reading if you want to learn more.

What is Reflective Listening?

Reflective listening is a form of listening that includes paying keen attention to the ideas and emotions conveyed by another person. 1  When using this method, the listener summarizes the speaker’s words. The speaker gets the chance to correct any misheard information or provide additional context for the conversation. In reflective listening, the focus is to ensure that the other person is heard and understood clearly. 2

Through reflective listening, the person gets the chance to gather their thoughts and express themselves honestly by asking them a question. There are two principal approaches to reflective listening.

1. Paraphrasing : This includes hearing what the speaker has to say and reflecting on it in your own words. Also, this is typically a good way for both the speaker and the listener to determine whether or not they fully comprehended the message correctly. 

2. Mirroring : This is a more compact and easy method of reflective listening that includes repetition of the main points of the message. It assists you in maintaining your attention for the remainder of the speech and making the speaker believe you are listening.

Principles of Reflective Listening

The following are the fundamental principles of reflective listening:

• Listen first, then speak.
• Deal with individual details rather than impersonal generalizations.
• Recognize the feelings underlying the words to improve your comprehension of the message.
• Describe your understanding of the message in detail.

What are the Skills necessary for Reflective listening?

Reflective listening is divided into two skill categories:

1. Attending Skills

Giving the speaker your physical and psychological focus during a conversation is referred to as attending skills. Attending skills are a way for listeners to show that they are interested and willing to join in with what the speaker has to say. These skills assist in the establishment of rapport with the speaker. Common attending skills are:

• Choosing a peaceful environment that is appropriate for the conversation.
• Turning toward the speaker.
• Keeping natural eye contact.
• Seated at a comfortable distance from the speaker
• Refraining from interruptions, like looking somewhere else, checking phones, or talking on the phone with someone else.
• Keeping interested silence.

2. Reflective Skills

The process of “checking out” involves reflective skills.

Reflective listening skills comprise:

1. Acknowledgment: Listeners show their appreciation with simple phrases and nonverbal utterances that tell they are paying attention to the speaker. Typical examples of acknowledgment responses are “mm-hmm,” “oh,” and “go on.”

2. Reflecting what has been said by the speaker: It is the ability to reflect on meaning, emotions, and content. It entails reflecting the speaker’s thoughts and emotions in the listener’s own words.

3. Summarizing the key points made by the speaker: It involves summing up the speaker’s key points into a concise statement. Thus, this necessitates identifying the speaker’s key points and restating them in the listener’s words.

How to practice Reflective Listening?

Reflective listening is essential. It ensures that the speakers know that their message has been received and understood by the listener. 1  

Here are some ways to put reflective listening into practice in conversations:

• Try to listen more instead of talking.

• Respond only to the personal aspects of what is said other than focusing on inauthentic, vague, or complex information.

• Try your best to remember all the significant facts and details said by the speaker.

• Instead of asking questions or expressing your feelings, beliefs, or desires, re-evaluate and understand what the person speaking has said.

• Maintain an open mind while responding with empathy.

When should you use Reflective Listening?

You can use reflective listening when:

• The other person is more emotionally charged and has a stronger desire to be understood. 

• You decide to take out time to listen.

• You can maintain a reasonable level of separation and objectivity while not becoming so personally invested in what the other individual is saying.

• You have faith in the other person’s ability to manage their own life.

Benefits of Reflective Listening

• Reflective listening has the following advantages:
• It shows the speaker that they have been heard, comprehended, cared about, and supported.
• It provides feedback to the speaker about what they said and how the other person received it.
• It allows the other person to think and express themselves more clearly.
• It lets you confirm your own ability to hear what someone has said.
• You cannot zone out during conversation.
• It makes it possible for others to focus on themselves, relieve stress, solve issues, and express emotions more skillfully.
• It enables others to develop their expression in greater depth.
• It assists the other in finding a solution to their issue.
• It makes you clearly understand what you want or expect to do.

What is Active Listening?

After knowing everything about reflective listening, let us jump to active listening. Active listening calls for complete focus from the listener in addition to nonverbal cues and responses. It shows that the person has given the speaker their attention and comprehended what they are saying. In active listening, you must listen carefully to respond better to what the speaker is saying. The goal is to ensure that the speaker is heard and understood in active listening. 1

People who actively listen are more likely to exhibit nonverbal cues. These signs can be seen in a smile, eye contact, or even the listener’s posture. Active listening plays a crucial role in recognizing and appreciating the perspectives and feelings of others. Not only does it aids in conflict resolution, but it also creates a culture of respect.

Before responding to react, active listening’s purpose is to hear and gather information to comprehend other people and situations. It is the conscious effort to pay close attention, comprehend what others are trying to say, and avoid passing any judgment. 2

Why is Active Listening Important?

Responding in a way that shows you comprehend what the speaker is trying to convey to you about their experience is an explanation of active listening. The other person may feel more at ease and taken care of during the conversation by engaging in active listening. 1

It encourages the other person to feel comfortable and safe. When the other person feels secure and understood, they are more likely to open up. In addition to being essential to a respectful conversation and sincere, empathic engagement, active listening can also generate good feelings. 2

The leaders, administrators, and executives can improve their interpersonal communication and problem-solving abilities by practicing active listening.

The 3 “A”s in Active Listening

It is a technique you can use to enhance your listening abilities. Three primary qualities, attitude, attention, and adjustment, are the foundation of active listening. They are collectively known as the 3As. Let us get to know about each

1. Attitude

The first step toward becoming a master of active listening is maintaining a safe and positive attitude while paying attention to a person speaking ahead of you. You can do a great job laying the groundwork for your open-mindedness by keeping a positive, upbeat attitude.

Know that even if we already have strong opinions or feelings about a subject, with a healthy attitude, we can all still pick up new information from others. Respecting others encourages us to listen more intently and to look past our preconceptions.

2. Attention

Maintaining focus on the person speaking is the second critical element that is essential for improving your active listening skills. We need to pay close attention if we want to listen well. Most of us are easily distracted or have shorter attention spans.

If this is the case, you should practice some exercises to help you maintain your focus on the speaker. You can focus better by solving puzzles and playing mind games. You can also meditate as it is an essential tool for maintaining our attention.

3. Adjustment

Adjustment is nothing more than having an open mind. Learn to adjust with the correct focus. To master this skill, you must be tolerant of the conversation’s direction and pace, even if you think something is off. 

Keeping an adaptable environment can make it simpler for you and the people to approach with numerous ideas and suggestions. When we are willing to put in the time and maintain an open mind, we can adjust to the circumstances and ultimately improve as listeners. 1

How to Practice Active Listening?

Being an active listener requires a lot of focus and determination. Anyone can improve their active listening skills with practice. Following are some methods you can practice to improve your listening skills:

• Pay attention to the speaker.

• Don’t interrupt the conversation, and let others complete it first. Speak during silences.

• Respond to what the other person has said instead of giving unasked-for advice or opinions.

• Be unbiased and non-judgmental to help the person feel comfortable to keep talking.

• Try asking open-ended questions to demonstrate your interest in the speaker and to elicit thoughtful, reasonable answers.

• Seek clarification if necessary to help understand something the other person has said. However, don’t let unimportant details distract you from the bigger picture.

Purpose and Benefits of Active Listening

Being more attentive to what you’re listening to can help you in both your professional and personal lives. Listening helps people feel acknowledged in everyday interactions with coworkers when networking for new opportunities and challenges. Empathy, the main foundation of active listening, is essential for developing healthy relationships.

Furthermore, active listening can improve your ability to control emotions, remember information, and solve problems efficiently. 1

The benefits of using active listening include the following.

• It aids in learning more about a variety of topics. The more information you possess, the better you will be capable of sharing and putting into practice.
• It will help to improve mutual understanding and acceptance.
• It will enable you to view life from different perspectives.
• It will contribute to the development of strong trust.
• It will make you more approachable to people.
• It will help the person to vent.
• It will strengthen bonds between people and foster friendships.
• It will speed up problem-solving.
• It will prevent conflicts.
• It will cut down on mistakes and wasted time.
• It will help polish your conversational skill.
• It lessens the hesitation to carry on the conversation.
• It will help you develop self-worth and confidence.

What are the Skills necessary for Active Listening?

1. pay attention.

Give the person your full attention and nod in agreement with what they are saying. Look straight at the person speaking and leave all the distracting thoughts behind. You should also pay attention to the speaker’s nonverbal cues. Avoid chit-chatting while listening if you are in a group setting.

2. Ask Open-ended questions

Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to share as much as they can. The more the person talks, the simpler it will be to comprehend what the person wants to say. Don’t ask “yes” or “no” questions; they frequently result in inconclusive results. For instance, instead of asking, “do you like pizza?” (close-ended question), ask, “what flavor of pizza do you prefer?” (open-ended question).

The latter questions maintain the flow of conversation and enable you to get more information about the speaker’s perspective.

3. Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is restating the same things the speaker said. Remember that it is not compulsory to concur with the person speaking when you are paraphrasing. An advantage of paraphrasing is the ability to identify and correct any mistakes by repeating the words back to the person.

4. Reflecting feelings

Reflecting on feelings enables the speaker to pay attention to what they are saying and how they feel. It demonstrates to the person speaking that you are making an effort to know their point of view and to comprehend their surroundings as they do.

Ways to Encourage Active Listening

We have all encountered situations during which our “listeners” were preoccupied or uninterested. So here are some methods:

• Choose a topic that both of you are interested in: When you first meet someone, this works particularly well for small talk.

• Set an example for being a good listener: Listen carefully. That person might improve their listening skills after seeing you engage in active listening.

• Leave conversation if uninterested: If the person is not having any interest in what you are saying, end the conversation.

Comparison between Reflective and Active Listening

We use both reflective and active listening when speaking to someone. Both are essential techniques we use during a conversation.

The primary difference between these two is that in reflective listening, the person reflects someone else’s thoughts and opinions onto themselves. In active listening, the other person wants you to participate in the conversation and acknowledge their thoughts. 1

There is more talking in active listening when compared to reflective listening. By reflective listening, we can serve as an intellectual mirror for them by helping to organize thoughts.

Final Thoughts

Having good communication depends solely on good listening. People can improve their communication skills by listening, which also helps them in their quest to convey their message.

Active listening involves paying thorough attention to the person speaking while having a conversation. The listener must set aside thoughts and opinions on how to respond and focus on comprehending the statement. Nonverbal cues are essential in active listening because they show the person that we are attentively listening to them.

In contrast, reflective listening is just like active listening in some ways because it also requires complete focus on the speaker. The difference here is that the person listening must mirror the speaker’s emotions to demonstrate that they are paying close attention to what the speaker is stating. 

However, both active and reflective listening methods will make things simpler and more purposeful for you to communicate with others. Fully understanding which styles to use at different times is crucial because it allows a person to determine which situations require specific techniques.

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The Benefits of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening

• builds trust and respect,
• enables the disputants to release their emotions,
• reduces tensions,
• encourages the surfacing of information, and
• creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving .

Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from others involved in the conflict.

Even when the conflict is not resolved during mediation, the listening process can have a profound impact on the parties. Jonathon Chace, associate director of the U.S. Community Relations Service, recalls a highly charged community race-related conflict he responded to more than 30 years ago when he was a mediator in the agency's Mid-Atlantic office. It involved the construction of a highway that would physically divide a community centered around a public housing project. After weeks of protest activity, the parties agreed to mediation. In the end, the public officials prevailed and the aggrieved community got little relief. When the final session ended, the leader of the community organization bolted across the floor, clasped the mediator's hand and thanked him for being "different from the others."

"How was I different?" Chace asked. "You listened," was the reply. "You were the only one who cared about what we were saying."[1]

William Simkin, former director of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service and one of the first practitioners to write in depth about the mediation process, noted in 1971 that "understanding has limited utility unless the mediator can somehow convey to the parties the fact that [the mediator] knows the essence of the problem. At that point," he said, "and only then, can (the mediator) expect to be accorded confidence and respect."[2]

Simkin was writing about more than the need to understand and project an understanding of the facts. Understanding "is not confined to bare facts," he said. "Quite frequently the strong emotional background of an issue and the personalities involved may be more significant than the facts." He suggested that mediators apply "sympathetic understanding,"[3] which in reality is empathic listening.

How to Listen with Empathy

Empathy is the ability to project oneself into the personality of another person in order to better understand that person's emotions or feelings. Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker know, "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you." The listener unmistakably conveys this message through words and non-verbal behaviors, including body language. In so doing, the listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do. It is neither advisable nor necessary for a mediator to agree with the speaker, even when asked to do so. It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem."

While this article focuses on mediation, it should be apparent that empathic listening is a core skill that will strengthen the interpersonal effectiveness of individuals in many aspects of their professional and personal lives.[4] Parties to unassisted negotiations -- those that do not involve a mediator -- can often function as their own mediator and increase their negotiating effectiveness through the use of empathy. Through the use of skilled listening these "mediational negotiators" can control the negotiation by their:

• willingness to let the other parties dominate the discussion,
• attentiveness to what is being said,
• care not to interrupt,
• use of open-ended questions,
• sensitivity to the emotions being expressed, and
• ability to reflect back to the other party the substance and feelings being expressed.

The power of empathic listening in volatile settings is reflected in Madelyn Burley-Allen's description of the skilled listener. "When you listen well," Burley-Allen says, "you:

• acknowledge the speaker,
• increase the speaker's self-esteem and confidence,
• tell the speaker, "You are important" and "I am not judging you,"
• gain the speaker's cooperation,
• reduce stress and tension,
• build teamwork,
• gain trust,
• elicit openness,
• gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and
• obtain more valid information about the speakers and the subject."[5]

To obtain these results, Burly-Allen says, a skilled listener:

• "takes information from others while remaining non-judgmental and empathic,
• acknowledges the speaker in a way that invites the communication to continue, and
• provides a limited but encouraging response, carrying the speaker's idea one step forward."

Empathic Listening in Mediation

Before a mediator can expect to obtain clear and accurate information about the conflict from a party who is emotionally distraught, it is necessary to enable that party to engage in a cathartic process, according to Lyman S. Steil,[6] a former president of the American Listening Association. He defines catharsis as "the process of releasing emotion, the ventilation of feelings, the sharing of problems or frustrations with an empathic listener. Catharsis," he continues, "basically requires an understanding listener who is observant to the cathartic need cues and clues. People who need catharsis will often give verbal and non-verbal cues, and good listeners will be sensitive enough to recognize them. Cathartic fulfillment is necessary for maximized success" at all other levels of communication.

"Cathartic communication," Steil continues, "requires caring, concerned, risk-taking and non-judgmental listening. Truly empathic people suspend evaluation and criticism when they listen to others. Here the challenge is to enter into the private world of the speaker, to understand without judging actions or feelings."

Providing empathic responses to two or more parties to the same conflict should not present a problem for a mediator who follows the basic principles of active listening. The mediator demonstrates objectivity and fairness by remaining non-judgmental throughout the negotiation, giving the parties equal time and attention and as much time as each needs to express themselves.

Parties to volatile conflicts often feel that nobody on the other side is interested in what they have to say. The parties often have been talking at each other and past each other, but not with each other. Neither believes that their message has been listened to or understood. Nor do they feel respected. Locked into positions that they know the other will not accept, the parties tend to be close-minded, distrustful of each other, and often angry , frustrated, discouraged, or hurt.

When the mediator comes onto the scene, he or she continuously models good conflict-management behaviors, trying to create an environment where the parties in conflict will begin to listen to each other with clear heads. For many disputants, this may be the first time they have had an opportunity to fully present their story. During this process, the parties may hear things that they have not heard before, things that broaden their understanding of how the other party perceives the problem. This can open minds and create a receptivity to new ideas that might lead to a settlement.[7] In creating a trusting environment, it is the mediator's hope that some strands of trust will begin to connect the parties and replace the negative emotions that they brought to the table.

Mediator Nancy Ferrell, who formerly responded to volatile community race-related conflicts for the Dallas Office of the U.S. Community Relations Service, questions whether mediation can work if some measure of empathy is not developed between the parties. She describes a multi-issue case involving black students and members of a white fraternity that held an annual "black-face" party at a university in Oklahoma. At the outset, the student president of the fraternity was convinced that the annual tradition was harmless and inoffensive. It wasn't until the mediator created an opportunity for him to listen to the aggrieved parties at the table that he realized the extraordinary impact his fraternity's antics had on black students. Once he recognized the problem, a solution to that part of the conflict was only a step away.

Ferrell seeks clues that the parties will respond to each other with some measure of empathy before bringing them to the table. Speaking of conflicts between parties who had a continuing relationship, she said, "One of my decisions about whether they were ready to meet at the table was whether or not I could get any glimmer of empathy from all sides. ... If I couldn't get some awareness of sensitivity to the other party's position, I was reluctant to go to the table. ... If you can't create empathy, you can't have a relationship. Without that, mediation is not going to work."[8]

George Williams, who was a volunteer mediator at Chicago 's Center for Conflict Resolution after he retired as president of American University, recalled an incident in an entirely different type of dispute in the mid-1980s. The conflict was between a trade school and a student who had been expelled for what appeared to him to be a minor infraction of the rules, shortly after paying his full tuition. After losing his internal appeal, he considered a lawsuit, but chose mediation. The young man fared no better at mediation, yet later profusely thanked Williams for being "the first person who listened to what I had to say."

Listening: A Learnable Skill

As many mediators, including myself, have come to understand, listening is a learnable skill. Unfortunately, it is not typically taught along with other communication skills at home or in school. I spend more time listening than using any other form of communication, yet as a youngster I was never taught the skill. I spent long hours learning to read and write and even had classroom training in public speaking, but I never had a lesson in listening or thought of listening as a learnable skill until I entered the world of mediation as an adult. While some may have had better experiences during their formative years, for many listening is often treated the same as "hearing." We do not ordinarily receive instruction in using our other senses -- smell, sight, touch and taste -- so why give lessons in hearing (sound)? A message that listening was an important skill to learn would have fallen on deaf ears when I was a child. Perhaps now that peer mediation is being taught in many classrooms across the nation, when children are taught to "Listen to your elders," they also will be taught by elders who model good listening skills.

Guidelines for Empathic Listening

Madelyn Burley-Allen offers these guidelines for empathic listening:

• Be attentive. Be interested. Be alert and not distracted. Create a positive atmosphere through nonverbal behavior.
• Be a sounding board -- allow the speaker to bounce ideas and feelings off you while assuming a nonjudgmental, non-critical manner.
• Don't ask a lot of questions. They can give the impression you are "grilling" the speaker.
• Act like a mirror -- reflect back what you think the speaker is saying and feeling.
• Don't discount the speaker's feelings by using stock phrases like "It's not that bad," or "You'll feel better tomorrow."
• Don't let the speaker "hook" you. This can happen if you get angry or upset, allow yourself to get involved in an argument, or pass judgment on the other person.
• Providing brief, noncommittal acknowledging responses, e.g., "Uh-huh," "I see."
• Giving nonverbal acknowledgements, e.g., head nodding, facial expressions matching the speaker, open and relaxed body expression, eye contact.
• Invitations to say more, e.g., "Tell me about it," "I'd like to hear about that."
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't change the subject or move in a new direction.
• Don't rehearse in your own head.
• Don't interrogate.
• Don't teach.
• Don't give advice.
• Do reflect back to the speaker what you understand and how you think the speaker feels.[9]

The ability to listen with empathy may be the most important attribute of interveners who succeed in gaining the trust and cooperation of parties to intractable conflicts and other disputes with high emotional content. Among its other advantages, as Burley-Allen points out, empathic listening has empowering qualities. Providing an opportunity for people to talk through their problem may clarify their thinking as well as provide a necessary emotional release. Thomas Gordon agrees that active listening facilitates problem-solving and, like Burley-Allen's primer on listening,[10] Gordon's "Leadership Effectiveness Training"[11] provides numerous exercises and suggestions for those seeking to strengthen their listening skills.

[1] Richard Salem, "Community Dispute Resolution Through Outside Intervention," Peace & Change Journal VIII, no. 2/3 (1982)

[2] William Simkin, Mediation and the Dynamics of Collective Bargaining (BNA Books, 1971)

[4] Books on effective listening cited in this paper primarily address the topic in one-on-one situations and use examples in both personal and professional settings. Three books by Thomas Gordon all use the same communication models in a variety of settings. They are Gordon's Leadership Effectiveness Training , (Bantam Books, 1977), Teacher Effectiveness Training, (1974), and Parent Effectiveness Training .

[5] Madelyn Burley-Allen, Listening the Forgotten Skill , (John Wiley & sons, 1982). Burley-Allen is a former president of the American Listening Assn.

[6] Lyman K. Steil, "On Listening...and Not Listening," Executive Health , (newsletter, 1981). Dr. Steil is a former president of the American Listening Assn. See also, "Effective Listening," by Steil, Barker and Watson, McGraw Hill, 1983 and "Listening Leaders," Beaver Press, forthcoming, 2003.

[7] Labor mediator Walter Maggiolo wrote that the effective mediator performs the following four essential tasks: (1) Understand and appreciate "the problems confronting the parties;" (2) Impart to the parties "the fact that the mediator knows and appreciates their problems;" (3) create "doubts in the minds of the parties about the validity of the positions they have assumed with respect to the problems;" and (4) surface or suggest "alternative approaches which may facilitate agreement." W. Maggiolo, "Techniques of Mediation," 1985.

[8] Nancy Ferrell, Oral History, Civil Rights Mediation Project, available at http://www.civilrightsmediation.org/ .

[9] Ibid, 101-102.

[11] Thomas Gordon, Leadership Effectiveness Training , (Bantam Books, 1977). See also, Thomas Gordon, Teacher Effectiveness Training (1974).

Use the following to cite this article: Salem, Richard. "Empathic Listening." Beyond Intractability . Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Information Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: July 2003 < http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening >.

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The Value of Listening in the Classroom: How to Teach Your Students Active Listening

• March 3, 2020

Here’s a fast fact: over 60% of all misunderstandings come from poor listening and only 1% from poor reading.[11] If you don’t currently teach your students specifically how to listen, it may be time to add activities to your curriculum that strengthen this skill. The benefits of strong listening skills may begin in class, but they extend through all aspects of your student’s academic and personal lives.

What’s the Difference Between Active and Passive Listening?

Active listening, loosely defined, is paying attention to a speaker and listening to understand, not to respond.[8] It also includes complete focus on the speaker with minimal distractions out of respect and an intent to learn. In school, one example of active listening would be a student waiting their turn and considering what their peers have to say before stating their opinion in a classroom discussion.

Passive listening, however, is like listening while multitasking.[9] A passive listener might pay attention to a speaker with the sole intent to respond or place some of their attention in another task. A classroom example of passive listening? Students who text during class, interrupt other classmates to voice their opinion, or do homework during lecture or story time may be passive listeners.

Strategies that encourage active listening and limit its passive counterpart as much as possible are important ways to help students perform well in class.

The Benefits of Teaching Students How to Listen

Why teach students tips and tricks that lead to active listening? The answer may seem obvious, but helping students learn to listen can give them advantages you might not expect. For example, students with strong listening skills don’t just retain more information, but they are also less likely to feel unprepared and frustrated in class.[11,12 ] Additionally, improved listening skills can lead to improved self-efficacy, or a student’s belief that they can succeed in class.[4] This means that students who develop better listening skills are more likely to feel confident, comfortable, and prepared to succeed in school.

Learning how to listen can also teach students how to communicate their ideas.[14] This is because students who listen pick up more knowledge to reflect on and think critically about before they respond. Plus, for dual language learners in your class, learning how to listen can help students pick up their second language faster.[6]

The importance of active listening also branches into social-emotional development . Active listening promotes mindful thinking , which can reduce anxiety and depression in students.[1] It can also help students build relationships because as they engage themselves in conversation, their peers are more likely to view them as open and interested.[8] And finally, practicing active listening can promote empathy —a skill that can enrich a student’s life both in and outside of the classroom.

So, in review: teaching students listening skills leads to lasting advantages in a student’s academic career and beyond, including:

• Greater ability to communicate
• Faster second language acquisition
• Lower levels of frustration, anxiety, and depression
• Improved relationship skills
• Stronger sense of empathy

How to Help Students Develop Stronger Active Listening Skills

Active listening is easiest when there are fewer distractions.[10] Try to limit the number of distracting decorations in your classroom, such as too many posters or large, very bright items. This will not only be helpful for your classroom as a whole but also students with disorders that act as a barrier to active listening and focus, like attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) .

If you have students who struggle to listen in class, multisensory curriculum can be helpful.[15] Multisensory learning involves any activity that engages two or more of the senses (such as sight, hearing, or smell). You could, for example, sing a song to teach students the names of the solar system planets or have students draw a scene from a book as you read it in class.[3] As you engage several of your students’ senses, they will be better able to listen and comprehend class materials.

Because students are often ready to listen during story time, this can be an excellent opportunity to teach active listening. Read one of these picture or chapter books that teaches the importance of listening as a class, then talk with your students about what they learned:

• Little Elephant’s Listening Ears by Susan Hood
• Telephone by Mac Barnett
• Rules by Cynthia Lord
• My Mouth is a Volcano! by Julia Cook
• Same Sun Here by Silas House and Neela Vaswani
• Listen, Buddy by Helen Lester
• Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick

And finally, lead by example. Provide students with an opportunity to model active listening skills by holding regular classroom meetings.[7] The subject of these meetings (anything from class policies to recent academic topics) doesn’t matter so much as the structure. Remind students to practice their active listening skills and focus less on making their opinion heard but listening and responding to their classmates’ ideas.

6 Engaging Activities That Teach Students Active Listening

Teaching students how to listen is critical for their academic futures, but with the right mindset, it can be fun, too! Use these six active listening activities for kids to teach them how to focus on and understand information in class:

• Mindful Listening Meditation : This meditation teaches students how to tune out their thoughts and tune into the sounds surrounding them, a strategy that directly connects to active listening.
• String Telephone Project : A listening activity with a STEM component! Build these string telephones as a class and discuss how sounds travel.
• Listening with Openness Group Activity : This group activity can teach students how to take turns and listen during a classroom discussion.
• Simon Says : Did you know that this classic game can help students learn to listen? Try any of the ten variations included in this resource, then have a discussion on listening to and following directions.
• Outdoor Sound Scavenger Hunt : Head outdoors for this active listening game as students identify and find different sounds around your school.
• Active Listening Conversation Partners : Pair up your older students and have them practice active listening skills with their conversation partner for a few minutes at a time.
• Graham, R. A Cognitive-Attentional Perspective on the Psychological Benefits of Listening . Music and Medicine: An Interdisciplinary Journal. 2010, 2(3), pp. 167-173.
• Funk, H.D., and Funk, G.D. Guidelines for Developing Listening Skills. The Reading Teacher, May 1989, 42(9), pp. 660-663.
• Sevik, M. Teaching Listening Skills to Young Learners through “Listen and Do” Songs. English Teaching Forum, 2012, 50(3), pp. 10-17.
• Graham, S. Self-efficacy and academic listening. Journal of English for Academic Purposes, June 2011, 10(2), pp. 113-117.
• Winn, D.D. Develop Listening Skills as a Part of the Curriculum . The Reading Teacher, November 1988, 42(2), pp. 144-146.
• Caruso, M., Colombi, A.G., Tebbit, S. Teaching How to Listen: Blended Learning for the Development and Assessment of Listening Skills in a Second Language. Journal of University Teaching & Learning Practice, 2017, 14(1), pp. 1-19.
• Rycroft, E. 7 Listening Activities to Get Your Students Attentive & Ready to Learn . Retrieved from proudtobeprimary.com: https://proudtobeprimary.com/listening-activities/.
• University of Adelaide Staff. Active Listening . Retrieved from adelaide.edu.au: https://www.adelaide.edu.au/writingcentre/sites/default/files/docs/learningguide-activelistening.pdf.
• Gillespie, C. Difference Between Active Listening & Passive Listening. Retrieved from theclassroom.com: https://www.theclassroom.com/difference-between-active-listening-passive-listening-10014817.html.
• Fitzpatrick, M., and Fitzpatrick, M. Ditching Our Distractions: The Importance of Active Listening. retrieved from forbes.com: https://www.forbes.com/sites/sungardas/2014/08/20/ditching-our-distractions-the-importance-of-active-listening/#702eec593f1b.
• Iwankovitsch, R. The Importance of Listening. Language Arts Journal of Michigan, 2001, 17(2), pp. 5-6.
• Harvard Graduate School of Education. The Value of Listening . Retrieved from harvard.edu: https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/17/09/value-listening.
• Wright State University Staff. Listening Effectively. Retrieved from wright.edu: www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/skills/listening.htm.
• Penn State University Staff. Active Listening. Retrieved from psu.edu: tutorials.istudy.psu.edu/activelistening/
• Shams, L., and Seitz, A.R. Benefits of multisensory learning. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, November 2008, 12(11), pp. 411-417.

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StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-.

StatPearls [Internet].

Active listening.

Karie Tennant ; Ashley Long ; Tammy J. Toney-Butler .

Affiliations

Last Update: September 13, 2023 .

• Introduction

Active listening is a fundamental aspect of professional interaction, and mastery requires cultivating deliberate practice. Communication is characterized by an exchange in which one party, the sender, transmits information via verbal, written, or nonverbal means to another party, the receiver. In active listening, it is critical that the receiver acknowledges receipt of the information and provides feedback to the sender to ensure mutual understanding. The ability to communicate effectively is not innate; it is a learned skill that requires ongoing practice and refinement. This proficiency underpins teamwork and builds strong patient relationships, vital for positive healthcare outcomes. Effective communication promotes problem-solving efficacy within teams and significantly reduces the likelihood of errors.

Many professionals underestimate the challenges of maintaining clear communication in a demanding healthcare environment. This misjudgment often amplifies stress in the workplace. For instance, in the operating room, where everyone is task-focused and striving for positive patient outcomes, responses to queries can be curtailed due to time pressures. Such abbreviated communication can lead to misinterpretations, which may increase team stress. Therefore, despite time constraints, striving for clarity and completeness in communication is essential for minimizing misunderstandings and enhancing overall team performance. [1]

Upon receiving transmitted information (including sentiments or concepts) from the sender, the receiver's role extends beyond a mere acknowledgment of receipt. The conveyed information, which may be interpreted as either positive or negative, holds the potential to influence the sender's desired outcome. For effective communication, the receiver must provide feedback to the sender. Feedback encompasses an acknowledgment from the receiver coupled with a recapitulation of their understanding of the sender's message. This allows the sender to confirm the accuracy of the received message or offer a restatement for better clarity. This process allows the receiver to seek further clarification through questions, facilitating a better grasp of the message.

Significantly, this communicative clarification process does not consume additional time or detract from the tasks. On the contrary, it improves patient care by incorporating improvisational elements into communication. [2] Simultaneously, understanding the impact of attention-engaging listening tasks on auditory-motor integration is beneficial. [3]  The interaction between physician empathy and breaking terrible news significantly affects patient outcomes, and the timing of these interactions may influence the survival rate among lung cancer and pleural mesothelioma patients. Thus, the receiver's empathetic response and accurate understanding are critical factors in communication, particularly in healthcare settings. [4]

• Issues of Concern

Several factors can obstruct effective 2-way communication, which is crucial for active listening. The sender's message delivery mode is as significant as the content of the message itself. Misinterpretation of message tone is common, hence necessitating a feedback mechanism. Verbal communication, whether written or spoken, carries an implicit tone that can significantly affect the receiver's understanding of the message. This dynamic can give rise to conflicts in various contexts, including workplaces and patient-care settings. For instance, responses must be concise and precise in an operating room. The tone accompanying the information delivery also plays a critical role; underlying emotions or attitudes conveyed in the sender's words could lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdowns. The written form of verbal communication may, at times, foster negative emotions due to an assumed tone, contrasting face-to-face exchanges that tend to be more direct. Misinterpretation of tone from written words is frequent, especially in surgical environments. Being detail-focused and task-oriented, surgical teams often state their messages by conveying specific information. As a result, pleasantries are frequently omitted, contributing to potential misunderstandings. [5] [6]

Nonverbal communication constitutes a significant component of interaction, encompassing body language, touch, and periods of silence. The communicator and the recipient exhibit body language, indicating positive engagement or discomfort. A person's physical demeanor often reveals their genuine sentiments, even when these may contrast with their spoken words. Examples of body language include abrupt departures after information exchange, eye-rolling, sighing, shaking one's head, avoiding eye contact, placing hands on hips, or maintaining a rigid posture. These gestures may suggest a range of emotions, from indifference and disagreement to outright displeasure. Touch, another element of nonverbal communication, can serve as an expression of empathy or an attempt to exert dominance. While these gestures typically convey benevolent intent, their reception may vary based on individual comfort levels. It is paramount to respect personal boundaries for all team members and patients. Silence, often overlooked, can deliver a potent message. It may suggest thoughtful contemplation or profound shock, rendering an individual speechless. Providing the individual adequate time for processing the information and formulating a response is crucial during such instances. Periods of silence, commonly referred to as 'dead space,' do not necessarily require filling with inconsequential conversation.

• Clinical Significance

To provide effective feedback, one must first develop strong listening skills, facilitating a clear transmission of ideas from the sender. The following tips can aid in becoming a proficient listener:

• Concentrate on the sender. Give your full attention to the speaker and their message.
• Listen for the intended message. Rather than hearing what you want or expect, strive to understand the speaker's intended meaning.
• Refrain from premature judgment. Avoid making swift judgments if your relationship with the sender isn't robust. Observe their body language to gain insights into their attitudes toward the message.
• Reflect and paraphrase. Reiterate what you have understood in your own words. This demonstrates your engagement and confirms your comprehension.
• Ask for clarification. Do not hesitate to ask if any part of the message remains unclear. This will ensure accurate understanding and prevent miscommunication.
• Maintain focus. If the sender veers off-topic, gently steer the conversation back to the original issue or concern.
• Avoid distractions and assumptions. Stay focused on the sender's words rather than letting your thoughts wander or make unfounded assumptions.
• Listen fully before responding. Ensure you have heard and understood the entire message before responding. Active listening is a two-way process.

Active listening calls for full engagement. Both your colleagues and patients will highly value this enhanced communication tool.

• Enhancing Healthcare Team Outcomes

Cultural competence holds a pivotal position in healthcare and significantly influences the process of active listening. Interacting and effectively communicating with individuals from diverse cultures often necessitates modifying conventional communication techniques. Individuals from different cultures uphold unique norms, which may not align with those widely recognized within one's own country. Thus, it becomes imperative for healthcare professionals to participate in educational programs or informative sessions to broaden their understanding of the cultural nuances prevalent in the demographic regions they serve. To facilitate ongoing growth and understanding, these programs should provide continual learning opportunities and feature speakers from various ethnic backgrounds who can accurately represent their culture's distinct communication styles. [7] [8]

Interpreters play a critical role for patients facing language barriers, and their services significantly improve patient satisfaction. However, the power of active listening, which includes attentive body language and meaningful gestures, should not be underestimated. Despite language differences, these nonverbal cues can foster a robust connection within the patient-provider relationship. [9]  Individuals have an inherent right to uphold their cultural traditions, and they must receive respect for their unique identity. Investing in comprehensive training, knowledge acquisition, and increased cultural sensitivity can bolster teamwork and communication. These enhancements ultimately lead to superior patient outcomes. [10]

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Disclosure: Karie Tennant declares no relevant financial relationships with ineligible companies.

Disclosure: Ashley Long declares no relevant financial relationships with ineligible companies.

Disclosure: Tammy Toney-Butler declares no relevant financial relationships with ineligible companies.

This book is distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) ( http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/ ), which permits others to distribute the work, provided that the article is not altered or used commercially. You are not required to obtain permission to distribute this article, provided that you credit the author and journal.

• Cite this Page Tennant K, Long A, Toney-Butler TJ. Active Listening. [Updated 2023 Sep 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-.

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