how to get 5 year old to do homework

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Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents

• Your child doesn’t understand the work and needs some extra help. It’s possible that your youngster doesn’t want to do his homework because he really needs help.  Also, it can be challenging for moms and dads to accept that their youngster might need help with homework, because there is often a stigma attached to kids who need tutoring. 
• Your child is addicted to TV and video games. Moms and dads often find it very difficult to limit these activities. But, understand that playing video games and watching TV doesn’t relax a youngster’s brain.  In fact, it actually over-stimulates the brain and makes it harder for him to learn and retain information.  Too much of watching TV and playing video games contributes to your youngster struggling with school and homework in more ways than one.
• Your child is exhausted from a long day at school. In the last 10 to 20 years, the needs of kids have not changed, however the pace of life has.  Most moms and dads are busy and have very little down time, which inevitably means that the youngster ends up with less down time too.  He is going to be less likely to be motivated to work when there is chaos all around him.  
• Your child is not sleeping enough. Sleep is one of the most under-appreciated needs in our society today. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause him to be sick more often, lose focus, and have more emotional issues. Kids often need a great deal more sleep than they usually get.  
• Your child is over-booked with other activities. Moms and dads want their youngster to develop skills other than academics. Because of this, they often sign-up their youngster for extracurricular activities (e.g., sports or arts).  
• Your child is overwhelmed by your expectations. Moms and dads want their youngster to be well-rounded and to get ahead in life.  Along with this comes getting good grades.  All these expectations can put a lot of pressure on your youngster and may cause him to become burned-out and want to find an escape.
• instructions are unclear
• neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of assignments
• the assignments are often too hard or too easy
• the homework is assigned in uneven amounts
• you can't provide needed supplies or materials 
• you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
• your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
• your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them
• Do you understand what you're supposed to do?
• What do you need to do to finish the assignment?
• Do you need help in understanding how to do your work?
• Have you ever done any problems like the ones you're supposed to do right now?
• Do you have everything you need to do the assignment?
• Does your answer make sense to you? 
• Are you still having problems? Maybe it would help to take a break or have a snack.
• Do you need to review your notes (or reread a chapter in your textbook) before you do the assignment? 
• How far have you gotten on the assignment? Let's try to figure out where you're having a problem.

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Strategies to make homework go more smoothly.

Routines and incentive systems to help kids succeed

Writer: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Clinical Expert: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Here is the best guide to helping kids do homework successfully that we’ve seen, published by the National Association of School Psychologists on their website, NASPonline.org . Our thanks to NASP for sharing it with us.

There are two key strategies parents can draw on to reduce homework hassles. The first is to establish clear routines around homework, including when and where homework gets done and setting up daily schedules for homework. The second is to build in rewards or incentives to use with children for whom “good grades” is not a sufficient reward for doing homework.

Homework Routines

Tasks are easiest to accomplish when tied to specific routines. By establishing daily routines for homework completion, you will not only make homework go more smoothly, but you will also be fostering a sense of order your child can apply to later life, including college and work.

Step 1. Find a location in the house where homework will be done. The right location will depend on your child and the culture of your family. Some children do best at a desk in their bedroom. It is a quiet location, away from the hubbub of family noise. Other children become too distracted by the things they keep in their bedroom and do better at a place removed from those distractions, like the dining room table. Some children need to work by themselves. Others need to have parents nearby to help keep them on task and to answer questions when problems arise. Ask your child where the best place is to work. Both you and your child need to discuss pros and cons of different settings to arrive at a mutually agreed upon location.

Step 2. Set up a homework center. Once you and your child have identified a location, fix it up as a home office/homework center. Make sure there is a clear workspace large enough to set out all the materials necessary for completing assignments. Outfit the homework center with the kinds of supplies your child is most likely to need, such as pencils, pens, colored markers, rulers, scissors, a dictionary and thesaurus, graph paper, construction paper, glue and cellophane tape, lined paper, a calculator, spell checker, and, depending on the age and needs of your child, a computer or laptop. If the homework center is a place that will be used for other things (such as the dining room table), then your child can keep the supplies in a portable crate or bin. If possible, the homework center should include a bulletin board that can hold a monthly calendar on which your child can keep track of longterm assignments. Allowing children some leeway in decorating the homework center can help them feel at home there, but you should be careful that it does not become too cluttered with distracting materials.

Step 3. Establish a homework time. Your child should get in the habit of doing homework at the same time every day. The time may vary depending on the individual child. Some children need a break right after school to get some exercise and have a snack. Others need to start homework while they are still in a school mode (i.e., right after school when there is still some momentum left from getting through the day). In general, it may be best to get homework done either before dinner or as early in the evening as the child can tolerate. The later it gets, the more tired the child becomes and the more slowly the homework gets done.

Step 4. Establish a daily homework schedule. In general, at least into middle school, the homework session should begin with your sitting down with your child and drawing up a homework schedule. You should review all the assignments and make sure your child understands them and has all the necessary materials. Ask your child to estimate how long it will take to complete each assignment. Then ask when each assignment will get started. If your child needs help with any assignment , then this should be determined at the beginning so that the start times can take into account parent availability. A Daily Homework Planner is included at the end of this handout and contains a place for identifying when breaks may be taken and what rewards may be earned.

Incentive Systems

Many children who are not motivated by the enjoyment of doing homework are motivated by the high grade they hope to earn as a result of doing a quality job. Thus, the grade is an incentive, motivating the child to do homework with care and in a timely manner. For children who are not motivated by grades, parents will need to look for other rewards to help them get through their nightly chores. Incentive systems fall into two categories: simple and elaborate.

Simple incentive systems. The simplest incentive system is reminding the child of a fun activity to do when homework is done. It may be a favorite television show, a chance to spend some time with a video or computer game, talking on the telephone or instant messaging, or playing a game with a parent. This system of withholding fun things until the drudgery is over is sometimes called Grandma’s Law because grandmothers often use it quite effectively (“First take out the trash, then you can have chocolate chip cookies.”). Having something to look forward to can be a powerful incentive to get the hard work done. When parents remind children of this as they sit down at their desks they may be able to spark the engine that drives the child to stick with the work until it is done.

Elaborate incentive systems. These involve more planning and more work on the part of parents but in some cases are necessary to address more significant homework problems. More complex incentives systems might include a structure for earning points that could be used to “purchase” privileges or rewards or a system that provides greater reward for accomplishing more difficult homework tasks. These systems work best when parents and children together develop them. Giving children input gives them a sense of control and ownership, making the system more likely to succeed. We have found that children are generally realistic in setting goals and deciding on rewards and penalties when they are involved in the decision-making process.

Building in breaks. These are good for the child who cannot quite make it to the end without a small reward en route. When creating the daily homework schedule, it may be useful with these children to identify when they will take their breaks. Some children prefer to take breaks at specific time intervals (every 15 minutes), while others do better when the breaks occur after they finish an activity. If you use this approach, you should discuss with your child how long the breaks will last and what will be done during the breaks (get a snack, call a friend, play one level on a video game). The Daily Homework Planner includes sections where breaks and end-of-homework rewards can be identified.

Building in choice. This can be an effective strategy for parents to use with children who resist homework. Choice can be incorporated into both the order in which the child agrees to complete assignments and the schedule they will follow to get the work done. Building in choice not only helps motivate children but can also reduce power struggles between parents and children.

Developing Incentive Systems

Step 1. Describe the problem behaviors. Parents and children decide which behaviors are causing problems at homework time. For some children putting homework off to the last minute is the problem; for others, it is forgetting materials or neglecting to write down assignments. Still others rush through their work and make careless mistakes, while others dawdle over assignments, taking hours to complete what should take only a few minutes. It is important to be as specific as possible when describing the problem behaviors. The problem behavior should be described as behaviors that can be seen or heard; for instance, complains about h omework or rushes through homework, making many mistakes are better descriptors than has a bad attitude or is lazy.

Step 2. Set a goal. Usually the goal relates directly to the problem behavior. For instance, if not writing down assignments is the problem, the goal might be: “Joe will write down his assignments in his assignment book for every class.”

Step 3. Decide on possible rewards and penalties. Homework incentive systems work best when children have a menu of rewards to choose from, since no single reward will be attractive for long. We recommend a point system in which points can be earned for the goal behaviors and traded in for the reward the child wants to earn. The bigger the reward, the more points the child will need to earn it. The menu should include both larger, more expensive rewards that may take a week or a month to earn and smaller, inexpensive rewards that can be earned daily. It may also be necessary to build penalties into the system. This is usually the loss of a privilege (such as the chance to watch a favorite TV show or the chance to talk on the telephone to a friend).

Once the system is up and running, and if you find your child is earning more penalties than rewards, then the program needs to be revised so that your child can be more successful. Usually when this kind of system fails, we think of it as a design failure rather than the failure of the child to respond to rewards. It may be a good idea if you are having difficulty designing a system that works to consult a specialist, such as a school psychologist or counselor, for assistance.

Step 4. Write a homework contract. The contract should say exactly what the child agrees to do and exactly what the parents’ roles and responsibilities will be. When the contract is in place, it should reduce some of the tension parents and kids often experience around homework. For instance, if part of the contract is that the child will earn a point for not complaining about homework, then if the child does complain, this should not be cause for a battle between parent and child: the child simply does not earn that point. Parents should also be sure to praise their children for following the contract. It will be important for parents to agree to a contract they can live with; that is, avoiding penalties they are either unable or unwilling to impose (e.g., if both parents work and are not at home, they cannot monitor whether a child is beginning homework right after school, so an alternative contract may need to be written).

We have found that it is a rare incentive system that works the first time. Parents should expect to try it out and redesign it to work the kinks out. Eventually, once the child is used to doing the behaviors specified in the contract, the contract can be rewritten to work on another problem behavior. Your child over time may be willing to drop the use of an incentive system altogether. This is often a long-term goal, however, and you should be ready to write a new contract if your child slips back to bad habits once a system is dropped.

Click here to download the homework planner and incentive sheet .

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How to Get Your Kids to Do Their Homework

Last Updated: May 10, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophia Latorre . Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 465,732 times.

Parents around the world would love the magic formula to encourage kids to do their homework. Alas, it's not as simple as waving a wand, but there are some methods for encouraging your kids to develop and stick to a regular homework routine. For some parents, effective encouragement will also be about changing your own approach to homework enforcement. Don't worry, it's not hard, it's just about taking a moment to work it through. Create a homework space and schedule, establish clear expectations, rewards, and consequences, and approach homework positively.

Creating a Homework Space and Schedule

• For example, if your kids do their homework at the dinner table, unpack the box to give them access to their supplies when it’s time to do homework. Pack up the box and move it off the table when they’re finished.

• Allow your kids to have a say in creating the schedule. If they feel like their opinions have been heard and considered, they’re more likely to stick to the plan.
• Agree on homework-free times, such as Friday nights or one weekend day, and allow them to plan how they use this free time.

Establishing Expectations, Rewards, and Consequences

• Occasional rewards for a special project done really well can be a great boost but regular material rewards are best avoided.
• When your child does their homework, tell them that you are really proud of them for being organized, timely, proactive, etc. It is important to define the exact reason why you are proud so that they know what to keep up.

• Keep your message simple, reminding your kids what you have agreed upon together when discussing how they'd approach homework and expressing both disappointment and a hope to see things return to normal the next day.

• For example, if your child forgets their homework or books at school, don’t spend hours tracking down a maintenance worker to let you into the building so you can retrieve their forgotten items. If they can find a way to get them, great, and if not, they’ll have to suffer the consequences.

• Naturally, if you have a child with learning or other disabilities, you may need to adjust this hands-off approach. Don't be afraid to seek support from professional people skilled in your child's particular disability; they may be able to provide you with additional strategies.

Approaching Homework Positively

• You should still keep a positive attitude toward homework. Don’t agree with your kid when they say, “Homework sucks. I wish I didn’t have to do it.” Instead, reply with something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but once you finish your homework you can invite a friend over.”

• For example, if your child wants to be a marine biologist, tell them that they’ll need good grades in school to get into a college where they can earn a degree in biology, zoology, or ecology.
• For example, tell your would-be actor that they won’t be able to memorize their lines if they’re not a stellar reader. Encourage them to read and memorize parts of their textbook for practice.

Altering Your Own Involvement

Expert Q&A

• When the teacher asks that you have a part in your child's homework, do it! Working with your child's teacher will show your child that authority figures at school and home or on the same team. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
• Encourage professional presentation and neatness. If they're producing messy homework, try to catch them in the process and encourage a neater effort. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Keep up to date with your child's school life. Talk with their teacher regularly to ensure you know the purpose of your child's assignments and understand the rules in class. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/
• ↑ http://sparksofgenius.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/train-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-arguing/
• ↑ https://fosteringperspectives.org/fp_vol1no1/articles_vol1no1/ignoring_effective_way.htm
• ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-homework-battle-how-to-get-children-to-do-homework/
• ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819173846.htm
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/involve/homework/part_pg2.html#2

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Ten Homework Motivation Strategies for Children and Teens

Use these 10 strategies to end the homework wars..

Posted September 6, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

When it comes to homework, parents get burnt out hearing these hollow and suspicious words: "I did it at school," "They didn't give homework today," "It hardly counts for my grade," "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway," "That assignment was optional." As parents, hearing these words is enough to drive you crazy.

As I write in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , parents must not let their emotions get the best of them when their kids are not getting homework done. The strategies below are for helping your child or teen get unstuck:

• Nix the nagging! Pestering creates an adversarial, shaming dynamic that backfires. Instead, try my Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach. Gently empower your child or teen by supportively saying, "I see that you are frustrated. Let's think of ways to help you get back on track with your homework/schoolwork."
• Encourage effort over perfection. Be mindful that kids tend to get intimidated when they have a hard time understanding material. They may get into negative self-talk like, "I can't do this." Even if they're truly thinking this way, parents may instead hear comments like, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." Remind your child or teen that doing his best effort is better than not doing it at all.
• Prioritize. Coach and encourage that the order that homework is done based on urgency, complexity, and workload. At the same time, realize that some students do better by starting with easier tasks and that this can help spark them to tackle more demanding assignments.
• Break it down. Reinforce breaking up homework time into manageable chunks and encourage taking regular breaks. Encourage moving around and walking away for a bit. Remind that an apple really does provide the same effect, and is healthier than an energy drink.
• Think "15 minutes of pain." Have the student set a timer for only 15 minutes. Keep it lighthearted and explain that even if it "hurts" doing the work, she can stop after 15 minutes. Like most things in life, once we push ourselves and get going, it's not so bad.
• Don't be consequence ravenous. Imposing consequences for homework not being done can backfire with defiant behavior. If you use consequences, don't present them with yelling. Keep them reasonable and ask the student to help you be able to move towards rewards (don't go overboard) and minimize consequences. Remember that real, natural consequences are the best motivators.
• Encourage connection. Encourage the student to make or re-establish a connection with his teacher. I have seen hundreds of kids "shoot themselves in the foot" with incomplete homework if they don't have a decent relationship with their teacher.
• Change up the homework/study surroundings. Try putting an inspirational poster by the desk, moving to a different room, or silencing the cell phone. New changes can create more changes.
• Use those study halls. Encourage the use of them as much as possible. Some kids lose sight of that more done at school, means less to do at home.
• Allow for some fun. Notice if your student is racing through the homework just to have fun. Fun time like, TV, phone time, or surfing the web, is welcome, but make sure you put limits on it.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and the author of seven books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.

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Your Age-by-Age Guide to Homework

Are you scared to look in your child’s book bag at the end of the day?

And I’m not talking about the forgotten sandwiches that migrate to the bottom of a full backpack.

I mean the dreaded homework assignments that loom within folders and binders, just waiting to be ignored and fought over for the rest of the evening.

Typically when parents think of the word “homework”, they quickly associate it with the term “fight”.

But homework doesn’t have to be a fight – a struggle at times, yes, but now a full out war.

Understanding what homework looks like at each grade level is a great start to helping support your child in completing their school work.

Also, the earlier you focus on creating an environment of learning and studying, the easier time your child will have as they progress through school.

Here’s your guide on setting up your child for academic success as well as what kind of homework to expect for each grade:

Setting Up For Success

From day one, homework is important in developing good study skills.

In order to encourage your child to complete their homework and take it seriously, you need to establish a proper homework environment .

Here are some tips for setting your child up for homework success:

• Set a regular homework time. Homework should be done at the same time each evening to establish a routine. Just make sure you’re allowing your little one some time to decompress when they get home before jumping into more schoolwork.
• Create a study area. Give your child a place to with proper lighting, materials and few to now distractions.
• Keep an eye on their work. Involve yourself in the process not only by helping them with homework, but monitoring their progress as well.
• Be a role model. While you may not have homework at this stage in your life, you can model good study habits by reading and pursuing your own learning opportunities.

You may think your child is a little Einstein when they start school, but the learning material will progressively get more difficult as they age.

Encouraging good study habits will give them the skills they need to continue their success through school.

Grade-by-Grade Homework Guide

Kindergarten.

When your little one is in kindergarten, it’s likely they won’t have much for homework.

However, you may find the teacher sending home easy tasks such as practicing sight words, letters, numbers and working on patterns.

Since there shouldn’t be a lot of academic expectation from children this young, it’s easy to navigate the homework by making it fun and play-based.

Children learn best through tactile activities, so materials such as PlayDoh can be used to create numbers and letters as well as designing patterns using different colors.

A whiteboard is a great tool to practice what they are learning, especially sight words. Write out the word, have your child read it and let them erase it before moving on to the next one.

Kindergarten homework tends to be pretty repetitive, meaning that your child is likely going to practice the same material each night on a week-to-week basis.

Even if your little one is catching on quick to the material, it’s important to keep up with the homework habit. This is going to help them develop healthy studying habits as they move from grade to grade.

Elementary School: Grades 1 to 2

Once your child moves from kindergarten into grade 1, the learning environment becomes less play-based and more academic.

This doesn’t mean you can’t continue making homework fun! At this age, their focus is still on playing, so you can keep using novel materials when doing homework.

The workload is likely not going to increase during these grades, but the material may become more challenging.

In order to keep homework from becoming too time consuming, you may have to mix straight-up review with play.

Use unique activities when it comes to concepts your child is struggling with and quick reviews for the learning objectives they have easily grasped.

By these grades, teachers typically encourage your child to be reading. This aspect of homework can be delayed until bedtime – which makes reading seem less like “work” and more like a leisurely activity.

Elementary School: Grades 3 to 5

By the time your little one enters grade 3, and until they finish elementary school, they should begin to complete their homework independently.

While it’s important that you remain on standby to help them with difficult concepts, you should be able to set up each homework activity and allow them to complete them on their own.

During this time, students begin to progress from simply practicing basic skills and mastering them onto more complex skills.

This means that homework is going to become more challenging, which is why focusing on a good homework routine during these grades is very important.

If you find your child resisting their homework at this age, there’s nothing wrong with offering an incentive for completing it. Try to stay away from monetary rewards and focus more on fun activities they can engage in once homework is completed.

Remember to not make homework seem like a cumbersome chore – instead, cheer your child on as they work through it. Praise them for doing a good job.

Middle School: Grades 6 to 8

Once your child hits middle school, they should be able to complete their homework assignments on their own.

Homework at this grade level is going to shift more heavily from practicing concepts to completing assignments such as essays and projects.

This is the beginning stages of the foundation of study skills they will need to succeed in high school as well as college or university.

During this time, students are beginning to rely more on technology to complete their assignments. Make sure your child has access to a tablet or computer they can use to conduct research as well as seek help for their homework.

However, it’s important for you to stay involved in their progress. Regular check-ins with their homework will not only help your child stay on track but it will also show them that you want to be involved in their education.

High School: Grades 9 to 12

It’s in high school where a student’s homework load balloons and becomes more time consuming than it was before.

Luckily, kids at these grade levels are able to choose a portion of their courses, so they have a vested interest in what they are learning.

However, with all the changes they are experiencing emotionally and physically, this period of their lives can be extremely stressful.

Maintaining that homework routine is more important now than ever. Stressed-out teens may become overwhelmed with the workload and feel compelled on throwing in the towel on completing homework assignments.

Continue to be supportive by helping them plan and prepare for homework assignments as well as tests and exams .

While you may not be able to help them with the homework material (what is “new” math, anyway?), you can certainly lend a hand when it comes to time management and getting the homework done.

You Can Make the Difference

When left to their own devices, children can’t be expected to take their schoolwork 100% seriously.

It’s your job as the parent to support and guide them through their homework and assignments.

Building good habits now is going to make all the differences as your child progresses through school.

How do you deal with homework hurdles? Share your tips in the comments!

My name is Chelsy and I am a single mother, blogger, and freelance writer. I blog about parenting at Motherhood+Mayhem (motherhoodandmayhem.online) and about working from home at Mama Needs Coffee (mamaneedscoffee.online). When I'm not writing or blogging, you can find me building blanket forts in my living room.

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7 Easy Ways to Help Your Kids To Finish Their Homework…

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How to Get Kids to Do Their Homework and Raise Self-Starters

Homework is one of the best opportunities for kids to practice being self-starters. But how can parents encourage this self-reliance in their kids and avoid fighting over homework?

It had been nearly an hour since my eight-year-old had begun her vocabulary homework. With four pages still to go, she was on the verge of tears and sleepiness as we approached bedtime.

She was overwhelmed and in over her head.

The issue wasn’t an exorbitant amount of homework, but rather that she had left this assignment for the last minute. With a week to complete a unit in her workbook, she hadn’t planned carefully enough, and now was scrambling to get it done the evening before it was due.

This was the first year my oldest had received homework. Wanting to give her a sense of ownership over this responsibility, I had generally let her determine when and how to complete her work .

But as I sat beside her and saw her struggle, I wondered if I had done too little to coach her in time management. Not wanting to become a dreaded helicopter parent, I had probably overcompensated in the opposite direction.

The RIGHT way to get kids to do homework, according to experts

After this experience, I felt a little lost – wondering how much checking in with kids about their homework was too much and how much was too little. Where was the balance?

Searching for answers, I decided to dig into this topic. After identifying three experts in this field, I reached out to them and arranged interviews. Here’s what they told me:

In the early years, actively coach kids on organization and time management

The first thing I learned, not surprisingly, is that my approach to letting my daughter figure out time management on her own was all wrong.

The experts I spoke to pointed out that few young kids have executive functioning skills or the ability to plan ahead when they first begin receiving homework – often in early elementary school. This lack of organizational understanding can be a barrier to getting homework done.

Here’s what they suggest parents do to help their kids develop these skills:

• Set up a specific place for kids to do homework: Betsy Brown Braun , a child development and behavior specialist, believes that kids should have a special place where homework is completed other than the dining room table or kitchen counter. “Kids should have a place of their own – like a desk,” she says. “We want to set them up to respect homework.” This creates a physical place kids associate with doing work, and later with planning for doing work.
• Have a homework routine : Kids benefit from knowing there’s a certain time every day set aside for doing homework, according to Ann Dolin, owner of Educational Connections , a tutoring company in the metropolitan D.C. area. The hour doesn’t have to be the same every day – especially if afterschool activities vary each afternoon. But kids should have a general sense of when homework time takes place. And Braun suggests that parents should involve their children in deciding when this time should be: “Because that shows his responsibility in it,” she says. Knowing there’s a specific time to do homework gets kids in the habit of setting aside time each day to complete their work.
• Ask kids if they need a reminder: Braun suggests asking your child if they want a reminder when the agreed-upon homework time approaches. Ask if they’d like for you to set an alarm or simply tell them when it’s time. By taking ownership of being aware of when it’s time for homework, they’ll start to move towards taking ownership of managing their workload.
• Help kids get started – and then walk away: At this young age, some kids might feel overwhelmed by the idea of simply getting started with their work. Parents can help by making sure their kids understand the directions. But after kids have completed a few problems in an assignment, both Dolin and Braun agree that parents should then walk away and let kids independently complete the work on their own. Completing each assignment independently is, again, a stepping stone towards independently managing the flow of homework assignments.
• Make a rule that homework isn’t considered complete until it’s in your child’s backpack: A good habit to form early on is to make sure homework goes right into kids backpacks as soon as it’s done, Dolin says. This avoids any assignments being turned in late.
• Make sure kids have some downtime: After a long day of school and activities, kids need a bit of downtime before digging into homework. “Most kids need at least a half hour to unwind,” Dolin suggests. This downtime helps kids recharge and increases their ability to focus. Braun also emphasizes that parents need to watch out for overscheduling after-school activities and making sure these don’t supersede homework.

Help kids plan their homework with this weekly homework planner. Click on the link below to access the planner. In addition to receiving the planner, you’ll also be signed up for my weekly-ish newsletter with tips on how to raise independent, self-reliant kids:

Eventually, kids can independently manage homework on their own

Every child is different. But after a year or two of getting help from parents on these intermediary steps towards better time-management, most kids are ready to take on independently the full responsibility of homework management.

But how can parents know if their child is ready? “By asking a lot of questions”, Dolin says.

“How might you organize this? How long are you going to spend on this? Depending on their answers to these questions you can tell if they can be independent,” she says.

Questions about organization and time management also help kids begin problem-solving on their own. And once you’ve seen a consistent pattern of kids having a well-thought-out plan for completing their homework, you can begin to step back and let kids manage their own time.

Ready to teach your child life skills? These cards can help! Each card in this eighty-one deck contains a skill your child can begin practicing with you or on their own. Click here or the image below to learn more.

Ways parents sabotage their kids’ self-reliance with homework

Often without even knowing it, parents get in the way of their kids’ independence with homework and other responsibilities. Here are a few things to avoid in order to raise kids who are homework self-starters:

Don’t focus too heavily on the quality of the work: It’s natural for parents to want their kids to do their best school work. But leave the quality of the work up to the teacher, Dolin says. “I hear of so many fights about the quality of work between parents and students,” she says. “And then kids will start to avoid homework. The goal of homework – especially when kids are younger – is to practice skills and learn independence and responsibility.”

Braun agrees: “I don’t believe that parents should correct their kids’ homework. The quality of the homework is between the child and teacher. How else will the teacher know what the kid needs help on?” She also notes that parents often think they are helping their kids by getting involved in their homework, or not letting them fail. But parents don’t realize the message they’re sending – that their child is not capable or good enough.

Don’t create your own consequences for incomplete homework: Again, let that be between the student and the teacher. If a student doesn’t finish his homework, “he must deal with his teacher,” Dr. Frances Walfish , a family and relationship psychotherapist, says. “Don’t bail him out, criticise, or chastise him,” she continues. Let the teacher decide what the consequence will be and eventually he should begin to realize that it’s easier to get homework done the night before.

If a child declares that she won’t do her homework on a particular evening, parents can state – in a non-threatening way – that they ‘ ll write the child’s teacher and make them aware of her decision, Braun suggests. But she warns that parents still need to be alert to tiredness, an uneasiness about getting started or other reasons why kids might resisting doing their homework – and address those reasons first.

Don’t do homework with your kids :  “Don’t get in the habit of doing homework with your child too much. Parents get in the habit of doing the homework with the child and when it’s time for kids to do their homework on their own they haven’t had the experience of doing it alone,” Braun says. This gets back to the notion of making sure kids understand what they need to accomplish and then walking away to let them work on their own. “A seven or eight-year-old should be able to get his homework done on his own.” she says.

Don’t send the general message that your child isn’t capable: By constantly correcting kids – not letting them try and fail – and doing things for them that they’re capable of doing on their own, we are sending the message to kids that they aren’t capable, Braun says.  But by “working to cultivate self-reliance early on you are putting kids in a position to make them self-starters in everything including homework.”

Coaching while also letting go

After that fateful evening of disappointment and frustration, I changed my tactic in helping my daughter plan her time.

“Let’s sit down and decide when you will have an opportunity to work on your vocabulary homework for this week.” I began to ask her every Monday evening. Play practice was on Thursdays, basketball on Wednesdays. That left Monday and Tuesday as the best evenings for her to work on her assignment.

Writing out the days of the week, we determined on which evening she would have more time to get her work done.

As the weeks progressed, she became more aware of how much time was needed and how long an assignment would take. Sure, there were a few hiccups along the way, but by the end of the year, she was just about ready to tackle homework on her own.

And now that’s she’s in fifth grade, that work has paid off. While every now and then she still discovers she hasn’t allowed enough time to finish a math assignment or didn’t read her book report book quite as quickly as she had hoped, on most weeks her homework is complete – and she gets to bed on time.  

Interested in getting your kids started on chores? My four-lesson course will teach you how to get started, avoid nagging & power struggles, and keep your kids motivated. Click here or the image below to learn more.

See related:

15 Life Skills Kids Need Before They Leave Home

10 Life Lessons Kids Need to Experience Before They Leave Home

How to Raise Responsible Kids – Not Just Obedient Ones

What to do next…

1. subscribe to self-sufficient kids’ email list., 2. take one of my quizzes.

Find out if you’re raising a self-sufficient kid ( click here ) or if you’re doing too much for your kids ( click here ). At the end of each quiz, you’ll be asked to provide your email address to see the results.

3. Get your kids started on chores.

Learn how to get your child started on chores (& keep them motivated + avoid power struggles) by enrolling in my Get Your Kids Successfully Started on Chores course. Click here to learn more and sign up.

About Kerry Flatley

Hi! I’m Kerry, the mother of two girls and a certified parent educator. I believe it is possible for parents to have a supportive, loving, and warm relationship with their kids while raising them to be independent and ultimately self-sufficient. Over the years, I’ve read numerous books and articles that support this belief and I’ve put these ideas into practice with my own kids. Read more about me and Self-Sufficient Kids here.

5 ways to help your child focus (based on science!)

by: Carol Lloyd | Updated: October 6, 2022

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Many young children have trouble sitting still and staying focused. Even older kids can sometimes struggle after a long day at school. If you’re having trouble getting your child to start their homework or stay focused at school, try these tips.

Here are some ways to help your child settle down and concentrate:

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Home » Tools for Your 5-Year-Old » Homework for Your 5-Year-Old

Homework for Your 5-Year-Old

Listen to an audio file of this tool.

Now Is the Right Time!

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your 5-year-old child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and setting up a daily homework routine provides a perfect opportunity.

Children ages 5-10 are in the process of establishing critical learning habits, including how they approach homework, that will extend throughout their school years. For most children, homework is a nightly reality. Children who have a parent or someone in a parenting role involved in supporting learning at home and are engaged in their school community have more consistent attendance, better social skills, and higher grade point averages and test scores than those children without such support. 1 Indeed, the best predictor of students’ academic achievement is parental involvement.

Yet, there are challenges. “I don’t want to do homework. I haven’t had any time to play,” might be a frequent complaint you hear from your seven-year-old. Your child may engage you in power struggles when they have other goals in mind. Their goal – “How can I play longer?” – is typical.

A study by the National Center on Families Learning found that 60% of American families struggle to help children with their homework. 2 More than 25% admit that the reason they struggle is that they are too busy; this is up from just over 20% in 2013. Other reasons parents identified for having trouble with helping with homework were not understanding the subject matter (34%) and pushback from their kids (41%). 3

While getting a regular homework routine going might be a challenge, it can be a joyful experience that promotes valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters to support a homework routine in cooperative ways that avoid a daily struggle.

Why Homework?

Five and six-year-olds will be brand new to the homework experience, and you will have an opportunity to establish positive habits that will stay with them for years to come. Seven, eight, nine, and ten-year-olds will be bringing brand new academic challenges home like reading with competence and learning fractions. Additionally, they may be expected to complete long-term projects. This will take a whole new level of planning and organization. These homework assignments can become a challenge if regular routines are not established. Today, in the short term, establishing effective homework habits will create

• greater cooperation and motivation;
• greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment as you implement your respective roles and feel set up for success;
• trust in each other that you have the competence to complete your responsibilities with practice and care;
• reduced frustrations from a lack of organization, space, or resources; and
• learning about your child’s school curriculum.

Tomorrow, in the long term, homework helps your child

• build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal setting;
• build skills in responsible decision making, hard work, and persistence;
• gains independence, life skills competence, and self-sufficiency; and
• develops positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success.

Five Steps for Creating a Homework Routine

This five-step process helps your family establish a routine for homework. It also builds important skills in your child. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues as well ( learn more about the process ).

These steps are done best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Intentional communication and a healthy parenting relationship support these steps.

Step 1. Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

You can get your child thinking about establishing a homework routine by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your child’s thinking. You’ll also begin to better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to homework so that you can address them. In gaining input, your child

• has the opportunity to think through the routine and problem solve through any challenges they may encounter ahead of time;
• has a greater stake in anything they’ve designed themselves (and with that sense of ownership, comes a greater responsibility for implementing the routine);
• will have more motivation to work together and cooperate because of their sense of ownership; and
• will be working with you on making informed decisions (understanding the reasons behind those decisions) about a critical aspect of their learning — their homework.
• “How do you want to spend your time after school?”
• “Would you like a snack first?”
• “Do you want to change into play clothes first?”
• “Do you want time to rest or run outside and play?”
• “Considering all of the activities that typically take place after school, when is the best time for you to do homework?”
• Experiment to figure out a plan for homework. Since the homework experience for younger children is new, you’ll want to take a week and try out different times to see what works best with your child’s energy. Your child, for example, may say that they want to get homework done right after school only to find that they’re mentally worn and need a break. So, ask key questions and assign a first trial week. If one way doesn’t work, try out an after-dinner time and ask again: “Does this time work better?” Everyone has different energy cycles and times when they feel better able to focus, so work on discovering that rhythm with your child and you’ll go a long way toward setting them up for success!
• Once you agree upon a time that makes sense for all, your attempts to keep that time sacred and consistent for homework will be important to ensure it becomes a habit and routine. If you are consistent, it can serve as a predictable, non-negotiable process. Your child knows what to expect and when to expect it.
• Take note of the time when your child has said is the best time to do homework. Set a timer to go off at that time. Instead of you calling out, “Time for homework!” which may incite a battle, an inanimate, dispassionate object is alerting them. You can use a kitchen timer outside or inside.
• If your child has decided to do homework right after school, be certain to provide a healthy high protein snack first (peanut butter crackers, cheese stick and apples). You may even consider having this snack ready for the car ride home.
• If you cannot offer a choice in the time of day homework is completed, then find another choice your child can make. For example, you could allow your child to decide what space they use, or what snack they will have to accompany homework completion. Adding some level of choice to the process will prevent power struggles and help your child take ownership.
• a well-lit location (or get a task lamp to light up a preferred spot);
• close proximity to your family’s living space or kitchen (wherever you’ll typically be so that you are never far to offer support); and
• a hard work surface that can get dirty. (Your child may need to color with markers, use glue sticks, cut, and more. Make sure your surface is durable.)
• School supplies: loose leaf paper, crayons, glue sticks, scissors, pencils, pencil sharpener, a children’s dictionary, and any other items you anticipate they might need.
• No clutter. In fact, a disorganized environment can distract from a child’s focus. So eliminate clutter, organize tools, and only have the essentials at hand. Invest in a few supply holders to keep tools neat and ready.
• A binder, bin, or other receptacle designated for school papers that are brought home and stay at home.
• The goal of a homework space is to provide a well-equipped, consistent place for your child to fully focus on the work at hand. In this way, they’ll know what to expect. You won’t have to struggle over frustrations when they can’t find a school tool. And, they’ll learn to take greater responsibility for their learning as they work with you to organize this space.
• Make it fun! Designing a homework spot together can be an enjoyable experience. Allow your child to pick out their own organization bins and school tools. Perhaps they could make a sign with their name on it to designate the space. Or, create a poster with an inspirational saying like, “Good things come from hard work!” Take a little time to label your new supply holders not only with names but also with stickers or drawings to allow your child to personalize them. All this can be motivating to a child.
• Create a family homework rule. Be sure to discuss (at a family dinner, for example) how the family can respect homework time. Consider if you want all siblings to do homework at the same time or not. If you want everyone to do homework at the same time, consider what would need to be in place to make that happen. Either way, agree upon a homework rule that everyone will respect the person who is focused on their work and will be quiet in that area of the house.

Step 2. Teach New Skills by Interactive Modeling

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, learning on which developmental milestones a child is working can help a parent know which tasks might be more difficult. Here are some examples as they relate to homework: 4

• Five-year-olds like to help and follow rules. They typically see only one way of doing things (so if you suggest another, it might be difficult for them to understand and follow). They also may fear making mistakes, so it’s important to send the message that “Everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes are essential to learning.”
• Six-year-olds may be more apt to question your rules and refuse to proceed with the routine. But, they are ambitious and eager to do well, so recognize small steps toward competence.
• Seven-year-olds crave routine and structure, so they may not be able to deal well with a chaotic household distracting from their focus.
• Eight-year-olds are highly social and thrive in cooperative learning groups. This could be a great time to introduce a study partner/friend where buddies complete homework together discussing the issues and supporting one another. (This may not work for every child, so it is important to know your child and their ways of learning and focusing.) Eight-year-olds also may simply enjoy talking about what they are working on with you more than in past years.
• Nine-year-olds are highly competent with fine motor skills but can become easily frustrated. They may need directions that contain one instruction. They require patience and can be hard on themselves.
• Ten-year-olds are growing rapidly so they require more movement. They have a strong sense of right and wrong and awareness of fairness issues. They can feel more competent with homework, though challenging work may trigger anger and/or frustration.

Teaching is different than just telling. Teaching builds basic skills, grows problem-solving abilities, and sets your child up for success. Teaching also involves modeling and practicing the positive behaviors you want to see, promoting skills, and preventing problems.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, it is easy to be confused about how best to support your child’s homework. Here are some specific ways you can define your role while ensuring your child has full ownership over their learning process.

• “Where in your book did you find this lesson?”
• “Where else could you look to find the answer?”
• “What other ways can you think about your answer?”
• Share your curiosity and interest in the subject, but do not provide an answer.
• Focus on keywords so that they too can learn to spot key words.
• Attempt to read together. Young children who are learning to read may require help reading and understanding directions.
• Use your finger to underscore the text you are reading.
• Ask your child which words are most important when you are talking about a problem.
• Have your child underline or highlight those words in the instructions or in the specific question they are trying to answer so that you have a focusing point. Children need support in figuring out what is most important in making sense out of text of any kind.
• Research together. If you cannot find the source of the problem in your child’s books, then do some online research together. But be certain that you allow your child to drive the process. You might ask, “What should we look up or search for together?” These are the first seeds of strong research skills.
• Teach the essential “brain break.” Breaks do not represent weakness or a lack of persistence. In fact, people’s brains work better if they take frequent breaks.
• Show proactively what a brain break might look like. Pretend play through it. Parent: sit with your pencil and paper and say aloud, “I am really starting to feel frustrated.” Then, move away from your seat and breathe deeply and loudly. Get a drink of water. Walk outside and breathe in the fresh air. Take your child with you to do this alongside you.
• You might ask, “What else makes you feel better and comforted when you are frustrated?” Brainstorm a brief list of spaces, places, things, and actions that offer comfort when frustrated. Leave that list in your school tool homework space. It will serve as an ongoing resource when brain breaks are required.
• It’s a common challenge of homework time for a child to fear making mistakes. Homework is practice, it is intended as a time to try out an answer, get it wrong, and try again. Hang up a sign near your homework spot to remind your child, “Mistakes are part of learning.”
• You do not need to be a subject matter expert EVER! If you find that you are struggling to get the right answer for yourself, take a step back. Realize that you are stealing a learning opportunity away from your child. Ask yourself how you can provide the guidance and support for them to answer the question or solve the problem (even if they get it wrong).

Step 3. Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Homework practice can take the form of cooperatively completing the task together or trying out a task with you as a coach and ready support. Practice grows vital new brain connections that strengthen (and eventually form habits) each time your child practices.

• Use “Show me…” statements. When a child learns a new ability, they are eager to show it off! Give them that chance. Say: “Show me you know what’s next when our timer goes off.” This can be used when you are in the after school routine and need an alert to move on to homework.
• Do a “brain break” dry run. In the midst of homework one night, maybe at a natural breaking point, play “brain break.” Practice moving away from homework. Get a drink of water. Walk outside and sniff the fresh air. Then, go back and ask, “Do you feel refreshed and ready or do you need a little more time?” If your child responds they need more time, then what would make them feel better? Perhaps a hug on a teddy bear or a couple of runs around the house might do the trick. This practice is super important if you plan to use it as a tool when your child is really upset.
• Recognize effort by using “I notice…” statements. For example, “I noticed how you got to work this afternoon when the timer sounded without me asking. That’s taking responsibility!”
• Proactively remind your child to help them be successful. Often the challenges in a homework routine seem to recur day after day and may be predictable. You might know exactly what they are and when they are going to happen. So, just before they do, remind in a gentle, non-public way. You may whisper in your child’s ear, “Remember what we can do next to figure out the problem? What is it?”

Resist the temptation to nag. Children often need more time to perform tasks that challenge them even if you believe they are simple and don’t require much time. Be sure to wait long enough for your child to show you they are competent. Your waiting could make all the difference in whether they are able to do what you need them to do.

Step 4. Support Your Child’s Development and Success

At this point, you’ve taught your child several new positive learning habits so that they understand how to perform them. You’ve practiced together. Now, you can offer support when it’s needed. Parents naturally offer support as they see their child fumble with a situation in which they need help. This is no different.

• Promote a learning attitude. Show confidence that your child can learn anything with time and practice (because they truly can!). Your comments and reflections will matter greatly in how competent they feel to meet any learning challenge.
• Ask key questions when your child struggles. You could say, “It looks like you feel stuck. Is there another way you could approach the problem?” or “How are you feeling about homework tonight?”
• Coach on communications. You might notice your child struggling and getting stuck even with your support. You might then say, “Seems like you are having trouble figuring this problem out and cannot find the answer in your resources. This would be a good time to ask your teacher about this problem. You might say, ‘Mrs. Johnson, I struggled with this one. Can you help me?’”
• Stay engaged. It can be motivating for a child when a parent does their own paperwork alongside them keeping them company. Working together, after all, is much more enjoyable than working alone.
• Allow for and reflect on real world consequences. If you see a mistake on your child’s worksheet, don’t correct it. You’ll be taking away a valuable learning opportunity. You could leave it alone altogether or ask once, “Do you feel like this is right or are you struggling with it?” If your child confirms it’s the answer they want to give, then allow them the experience of their teacher correcting it. It’s an important learning opportunity. It may open a door to extra support from their teacher.
• Apply logical consequences when needed. Logical consequences should come soon after the negative behavior and need to be provided in a way that maintains a healthy relationship. Rather than punishment, a consequence is about supporting the learning process. First, get your own feelings in check. Not only is this good modeling, when your feelings are in check you are able to provide logical consequences that fit the behavior. Second, invite your child into a discussion about the expectations established in Step 2. Third, if you feel that your child is not holding up their end of the bargain (unless it is a matter of them not knowing how), then apply a logical consequence as a teachable moment.

If you groan that it’s homework time, surely your child will groan too. Become aware of your own reactions to homework. Be sure that the tone and attitude you bring to homework is one of digging in, being curious, and learning.

A research study noted whether mothers’ comments during homework completion were controlling or supporting autonomy and competence. 5 The researchers concluded that those children who brought worries about their ability to perform had a heightened sensitivity to their mothers’ comments. Moms who supported their autonomy – “I know you can do it!” – and demonstrated that they believed in their child’s ability to do the work predicted increased achievement over time. However, those mothers who were more controlling in their comments – “I need to check your work. That’s not right.” – predicted less engagement and lower achievement in their children.

Step 5. Recognize Effort and Quality to Foster Motivation

No matter how old your child is, your praise and encouragement are their sweetest reward.

If your child is working to grow their skills – even in small ways – it will be worth your while to recognize it. Your recognition can go a long way to promoting positive behaviors and helping your child manage their feelings. Your recognition also promotes safe, secure, and nurturing relationships — a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow.

You can recognize your child’s efforts with praise, high fives, and hugs. Praise is most effective when you name the specific behavior of which you want to see more. For example, “You put your game away when the timer went off and got out your work. Love seeing that!”

Avoid bribes. A bribe is a promise for a behavior, while praise is special attention after the behavior. While bribes may work in the short term, praise grows lasting motivation for good behavior and effort. For example, instead of saying, “If you get your homework done right after school, I will let you choose the game we play after dinner” (which is a bribe), try recognizing the behavior after. “You got to work on your homework like we practiced. Love seeing that!”

• Recognize and call out when it is going well. It may seem obvious, but it’s easy not to notice when all is moving along smoothly. When children are completing their homework tasks on time, for example, a short, specific call out is all that’s needed. “I noticed you completed your homework today on your own in the time we agreed upon. Yes! Excellent.”
• Recognize small steps along the way. Don’t wait for the big accomplishments – like the entire homework routine to go smoothly – in order to recognize. Remember that your recognition can work as a tool to promote more positive behaviors. Find small ways your child is making an effort and let them know you see them.
• Build celebrations into your routine. For example, “We’ll get our business taken care of first with our homework, and then we’ll run around outside or take a bike ride.” Include hugs as a way to appreciate one another.

Engaging in these five steps is an investment that builds your skills as an effective parent to use on many other issues and builds important skills that will last a lifetime for your child. Throughout this tool, there are opportunities for children to become more self-aware, to deepen their social awareness, to exercise their self-management skills, to work on their relationship skills, and to demonstrate and practice responsible decision making.

[ 1 ] Henderson, A.T., Mapp, K.L., Johnson, V.R., & Davies, D. (2007). Beyond the bake sale: The essential guide to family-school partnerships. NY: The New York Press.

[ 2 ] reid, k. s. (2014). survey finds more parents troubled by their children’s homework . education week, september 19. retrieved on september 25, 2104., [ 3 ] national center for families learning. (2014). annual survey on parents and homework . google consumer surveys, august 12, 2014, to august 22, 2014, based on 1,039 online responses., [ 4 ] wood, c. (2017). yardsticks; child and adolescent development ages 4-14. turners falls, ma: center for responsive schools., [ 5 ] fei-yin ng, f., kenney-benson, g.a., & pomerantz, e.m. (2004). children’s achievement moderates the effects of mothers’ use of control and autonomy support. child development. vol. 75, 3, 764-780., recommended citation: center for health and safety culture. (2020). homework. ages 5-10. retrieved from https://parentingmontana.org..

ParentingMontana.org was supported [in part] by CFDA 93.959 and 93.243 from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), and by the Preschool Development Grant Birth through Five Initiative (PDG B-5), Grant Number 90TP0026-01-00, from the Office of Child Care, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and by the Montana State General Fund. The views and opinions contained do not necessarily reflect those of SAMHSA, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, or the Montana Department of Health and Human Services, and should not be construed as such.

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The Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Kids Time Management

Use these tips to help your child discover how to plan and prioritize her time..

Many kids are overwhelmed by the prospect of fitting everything they have and want to do into the few short hours after school. Between homework, activities, and just time to play, there’s a lot to do. But even though most kids don’t have the cognitive skills to organize their schedules independently until middle school, you can start teaching them how to plan and prioritize their time now. “When we teach children strategies for time management from an early age, they internalize them, which sets them up for lifelong success,” says Lynn Meltzer, Ph.D., president of the Research Institute for Learning and Development , a nonprofit research and educational organization.

Wondering how the heck to begin? No worries. Teachers shared their tips on the essential concepts and lessons to teach, age by age, so you can make this school year’s schedule more manageable, successful, and a whole lot more fun for everyone! 

Time Management Tips for Preschoolers

For 3- and 4-year-olds, time is essentially divided into now, and not now. But that’s enough to help them figure out how to predict and plan what comes next. To reinforce that knowledge:

• Talk about the changing seasons. All those leaf prints (and later in the year, snowflakes) on display in almost every preschool classroom aren’t coincidental, says Stephanie Lampert, a pre-K teacher from Atlanta. The seasons are a primary vehicle for introducing the cyclical nature of time. “It’s an extremely abstract concept,” she says, “and preschoolers are extremely concrete thinkers. By observing a tree over the seasons, for example, kids can see the progression: The green leaves of summer turn red, then brown, and eventually fall off the tree before coming back to life again in the spring. This is a tangible representation of the passage of time that little ones can understand.” How does that help with time management? By observing the patterns in nature and in their daily lives, little kids intuitively grasp the concept of time — and how to create order. Reinforce those lessons by having your child sort family photos by seasons, for instance. Or point out patterns in nature when you go for a walk.
• Create a (picture) schedule. “As adults, we use apps and calendars to remind us what we should be doing and when. In the preschool world, we use pictures — like an apple for snacktime and a book for storytime,” says Ellen Dietrick, a Needham, MA, preschool director whose classrooms are dotted with visual cues to keep her young charges on track. So while these 3- and 4-year-olds can’t tell you the exact hour they have snacks, they know it comes after circle time and before the bathroom break. “It gives them a comforting sense of order and predictability,” Dietrick says. Since little kids love routines and repetition so much, create charts of your child’s morning and bedtime rituals. Then have your child check off the steps as he does them — an important lesson in breaking up a bigger chore into smaller, more manageable ones. Try these nine ways to make choretime fun , too. 
• Practice waiting. “Time management, at its most basic level, is the ability to delay gratification,” a skill linked to better study habits and grades, among other things, says Dietrick. To strengthen time management, Dietrick devises situations that require her students to wait for something they want. “If they clamor for pajama day, for example, we schedule it for a week away, rather than the following day,” she explains. “We mark the days off on the calendar and build up the excitement as the event gets closer. This gives them a sense of what it feels like to postpone something — and a positive experience to associate with it.” Try something similar with outings and birthdays: Begin talking up that trip to the zoo a few days beforehand, for instance, or tell your child to keep a running birthday wish list. Even planting a bulb, watering it, and watching it slowly bloom teaches the art of patience.

Time Management Tips for Children in Grades K to 2

As kids move through these early grades, they’re learning to read calendars and clocks. Those are the basics they need to stick to a schedule. To reinforce the skill:

• Find a place for everything. “A kid can’t finish his morning work if he can’t find his pencil. So organization has to come before time management,” notes Staci Carper, a first-grade teacher from Marietta, GA. To motivate her students, Carper created Deskalina, a cousin of the tooth fairy, who looks for clean and orderly desks and leaves a note, a prize, or a piece of candy when she finds one. When Deskalina starts flitting about, the desks in Carper’s classroom suddenly become tidy. Carper also sets up clear routines, like a “Keep Here” folder for unfinished schoolwork and a “Take Home” one for homework. To encourage your child to keep her homework supplies (or room) organized, invent your own mythical being to bestow treats and notes. An easy-to-spot weekly checklist (“Homework in backpack? Reading log signed?”) will also go a long way in keeping your kid on top of things.
• Use a visual timer. To help her first graders comprehend how much time is left to complete a task, Carper displays a pie-like visual timer on her Smartboard. When she sets it for 15 minutes, for example, one-quarter of the “pie” turns green. As the seconds tick away, the slice becomes smaller, and when there are only five minutes left, the slice turns red. Seeing time literally slipping away can help kids pace themselves, she explains. You don’t have to be a teacher to score a visual timer — apps like Children’s Countdown (for younger kids) and Time Timer  fit the bill just as well. So do old-school egg and sand timers. Use any during homework sessions. If you have a second grader, for instance, set the timer for 20 or 25 minutes. Give your child a star each night he finishes before the buzzer, and reward a week’s worth of stars with a special treat over the weekend (like a one-on-one walk to the park with you). The goal is to help kids tackle their assignments more effectively and efficiently, while making them more aware of the ticking clock, Carper says.
• Be clear about consequences. “Grade-schoolers can and should be held accountable for their own assignments and they need to feel the consequences when they drop the ball,” says Joan Greenfield, a second-grade teacher from West Hartford, CT. Sometimes those results happen naturally (i.e., if she doesn’t study her spelling words, she probably won’t do well on the test); other times an adult has to set the ramifications. Every Friday, for example, Greenfield has something called Choice Time, when students get to choose what they want to play with, from board games to Legos to computers. “My students live for Choice Time. But our class rule is that they only get to participate if they’ve completed all the assignments in their classwork folders.” The valuable lesson kids get? “Good things happen when I work hard and manage my time and missing them is what happens when I don’t,” Greenfield explains. Your child has a better shot at absorbing this lesson if you resist the urge to email an excuse to the teacher every time she fails to turn in her homework, says Greenfield. Instead, give your kid the onus of explaining to the teacher what went wrong, and how she plans to avoid the problem next time. Discover more do's and don't for helping your child with homework . 

Time Management for Children in Grades 3 to 5

Homework and extracurriculars increase at this age so it’s even more important that kids learn how to set goals, prioritize, organize, and think flexibly, says Dr. Meltzer. Your goal: To get your child to manage his time more purposefully, without a lot of nagging and hovering. How to accomplish this:

• Work on estimating time. “In order to make a realistic schedule, you need a good sense of how long things take,” says Marcia Grosswald, an upper-elementary resource teacher in Summit, NJ. To teach this vital skill, Grosswald has her students spend a few minutes at the end of the day planning their after-school hours. “I give them a chart that breaks the afternoon and evening hours into 15-minute intervals,” she explains. “Each time slot is followed by three columns: what kids plans to do, what they actually did, and reflection.” The reflection piece is essential, Grosswald says, because constantly reassessing how things are going helps a kid adapt his schedule accordingly: Last time I had a soccer game at 5 p.m., I had tough time concentrating on my homework afterward. This time, I’m going to do my hardest assignments before practice.  If your child’s teacher doesn’t do this, do it yourself at home. Make a chart, have your child fill out the first column himself, and then fill out the last two items together, discussing what went according to plan — and what your child can do about the things that went awry.
• Plan for long-term assignments. Deciding when to do tonight’s math assignment is one thing. Figuring out how and when to tackle the book report diorama that’s due three weeks from Tuesday is quite another.  “The key with long-range projects is to break them down into smaller steps — reading the book, for instance, or shopping for materials — and then break those tasks down into even smaller nightly assignments, like reading chapters one to three,” says Amy Broocke, who coordinates a tutoring program at her school in Richmond, VA. She also suggests your child use sticky notes when she’s adding tasks to the calendar; that way, the note can easily be moved to another day if the assignment takes longer than expected. Your child can also plan the steps necessary to complete a project by working backward from the due date, suggests Grosswald. Talk through the process together so the assignment feels less overwhelming: You probably need a day to shop for materials and three days to do the diorama. That leaves you with 10 days to finish the book. It’s 150 pages long so you need to read 15 pages a day. Here's how to create a stress-free study space . 
• Set priorities. “It’s essential kids learn to differentiate between ‘have tos’ and ‘want tos’ and learn to prioritize and self-monitor,” says Meltzer. To help her class do that, Grosswald uses a rock, pebble, and water analogy. The rocks and pebbles represent the students’ duties, she explains, with the rocks signifying their most essential tasks (like school, homework, and sleep) and the pebbles representing their extracurricular commitments. The water stands in for want-to-dos, like video games and hanging out with friends. “I use a jar to represent a day,” she says. “The rocks go in first because they are things you have to do whether you like it or not. Next come the pebbles. But there’s still some room in the jar, so we pour water until our jar — and the day is full.” If you do the rock jar at home, as I did, you’ll have a chance to chat with your kid about her goals, priorities and passions. Don’t be afraid to make changes if you notice the balance is a bit out of whack. After our conversation, we decided Emma would kick off the school year with fewer extracurricular pebbles crammed between the rocks — and a lot more of that refreshing water known as chill time.

Photo credit: 101cats/iStockphoto

A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

9 Simple Tips for Teaching Kids How to Focus on Homework

by Cate Scolnik . (This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here .)

Five minutes into my daughter starting it, she’s asked 4 irrelevant questions and walked across the room twice – for no reason .

She had a break when she first got in from school, and had a snack. Then we agreed to a little outside time before starting homework.

She’s got the book open and a pencil in her hand, but that’s the sum total of her achievement so far.

Her mind doesn’t seem to want to sit still – preferring to bounce all around the place. It’s like her mind is a magnet, and when it’s put near homework, it repels away from it.

When she was 5 I thought she would grow out of it, but at 8 years old I was beginning to worry.

As someone who likes to get in and get things done, it drives me nuts .

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter dearly. But the way she gets distracted every 5 minutes during homework time is enough to make anyone go crazy.

She’s highly intelligent, has loads of positive energy and is warm and engaging. She can focus long and hard on anything she is interested in. But getting her to focus on homework she isn’t keen on? Damn near impossible.

I just couldn’t sustain parenting positively unless I got this under control. I wanted to take some action.

At one point when her distraction was driving me nuts, I had started to wonder if I should get her tested for attention deficit disorder (ADD). My research on this topic led me to discover some behavioral techniques used with ADD kids, that are also applicable to any child having difficulty focusing.

I decided to try them for teaching my daughter how to focus on homework. Some worked better than others but overall it has been a great success. Here are the ones that worked for us –

#1 Keep It Short

When it came to doing homework, we kept it short and broke it down. Generally, that meant one ten-minute stint a day, instead of one 30-40 minute block each week.

Each time she wandered off task (mentally or physically), I would gently guide her back to the homework.

I kept the focus light and pointed out the fun parts of her work. And I bit down hard on my tongue every time I felt like screaming “If you just stuck to the task and focused you could be done already!”

#2 Use A Timer

So, if I estimated a task could be completed in about 2 minutes, I’d set the timer for 5 minutes. Each time she started chatting about something, I’d say something like “I hope you beat the timer!” or “Don’t forget – you want to beat the timer!”

#3 Wear Them Out

My daughter has loads of physical energy, so I made sure she got lots of exercise . Even now she needs to do lots of running around, or physical activity to wear her out a bit.

I’m not talking about making her run a marathon every day. Just encouraging and supporting her to move her body.

I worked with her natural rhythms as much as possible. I realized she had more energy in the afternoon, so we often went on outings in the morning.

If she’d been to school for the day and we were going to spend a few minutes on homework, I’d encourage her to go and jump her jiggles out on the trampoline before we sat down to focus.

#4 Kept It Positive

I focused on her positive outcomes as much as possible. Whenever she breezed through an activity I would give her positive feedback .

“Look how quickly you finished writing out your words! You stayed focused and you finished that in no time. Well done!”

We’d always start homework early and allow extra time to get things done, so I had to be organized and plan ahead. This meant I could sometimes say, “Wow! You finished your homework the day before it’s due. Great effort!”

If we’d been working on a homework task for a long time and she was just getting less and less focused, I’d call a stop to it. When a five-minute task is only half done after 25 minutes, and there’s no momentum, there really isn’t any point continuing.

This is a tricky one, and I didn’t use it often. She’s a bright girl and she knew she hadn’t finished what she set out to do that day. But if we kept trying and getting nowhere, we would both become very frustrated and dejected – no good ever comes out of that.

So I’d suggest we leave it for now, and come back to the task when we were fresher. This way she wasn’t failing, it just wasn’t the right time.

#6 Eat More Fish

Crazy as it might sound, eating more fish or taking fish oil supplements , is apparently helpful.

Now, I’m not a nutritionist and I understand that the fish oil theory is unproven. But there seems to be research to support the fact that fish oil high in EPA (rather than DHA) can help improve focus.

I figured it was something that couldn’t hurt, so I did it. It seemed to me that each time her fish oil consumption dipped, she became less focused.

I’ve no real evidence to support that – it may just be in my head. 😉

#7 Encourage Self-Management

The Tools of the Mind program produces brighter children who are classified as gifted more often, but more importantly, it also produces kids with better behavior, greater focus and control.

Classes involve role play and each child creates their own detailed plan of their part. If a child gets off track, the teacher refers them back to their plan.

One of the ways the program helps is through encouraging planning and time management by setting weekly goals. This helps to wire up the part of the brain responsible for maintaining concentration and setting goals.

The Tools of the Mind philosophy is that every child can become a successful learner, with the right support. Children learn by using the skills they currently have – such as drawing and play. They think through their play plan, then draw a detailed record of it, then carry it out.

Using their skills in this way teaches children to set achievable goals, work out how to reach them, and stay on track. They learn they can be responsible for their own outcomes. We’ve been using this to teach my daughter self-management .

#8 Work Together

My daughter is nearly eleven now and has matured a lot over the last year. And I’ve just started using self-management techniques to help her set goals and plan how she’ll achieve them.

Earlier this year she said she really wanted to improve her grades, which I said was a great goal. Then she said she wanted to be involved in band, which means taking some band lessons in class time.

I asked her to plan how she intended to achieve both goals, given she has other extra-curricular activities she wants to keep up.

She created a plan to practice her instrument regularly and do more homework than she has previously. We’re at week 7 of our school year here in Australia, and so far she’s on track.

She dives into homework without being reminded and gets it done early. She’s also completing homework tasks to a higher standard, rather than madly (and messily) rushing through them .

Since starting band she’s been practicing twice a day, every day – without being asked. I know that if she loses momentum, or strays off track, I can direct her back to her own plan.

#9 Understand The Scale

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And attention and focus can vary wildly, particularly in the early years.

It partly depends on the environment, and partly the child.

Try and take the pressure off, and work with your child’s strengths.

Break tasks down and keep them fun.

Aim for a balance between physical and mental focus, and remember it’s OK to give up if the timing isn’t right.

Have realistic expectations, and know that your child’s focus will improve with age.

Don’t be scared to quit when things really are not working. Not doing a perfect job on the homework once in a while is not the end of the world. If it comes to a choice between quitting for the moment or screaming and yelling at your kids through the task, choose love and call it quits.

And finally, hang in there. It’s all going to be OK.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

Take a moment to consider your child’s behavior.

• How does it compare to other children? Either their siblings or a number of other kids of a similar age? (Try to compare them with a range of other kids – rather than one or two)
• Does your child seem to have age-appropriate behavior and focus? If you’re concerned, do you need to seek help?
• How can you start breaking down big tasks into manageable (snack-sized) sections?
• Is your child able to focus on things they like doing? Can you use that in your favor?
• Are your kids distracted by things that could be controlled?
• What strategies can you put in place to keep your kids focus?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

• Brainstorm some roles that you can use to elicit certain behavior. If you need your child to be quiet and still for a few minutes, what can they pretend to be? A King or Queen on a throne? A soldier on guard? Good posture during homework is a good idea, but if the only way to get your child to do it without a fuss is to let them pretend to sit on a throne or stand in attention, go for it!
• Think back over the things that your child struggles to focus on. How can you get them to use self-management techniques to improve?
• If it seems impossible to get your child to focus and pay attention ask yourself this: “If it were possible, how would it be achieved?” Make some notes.
• Take a moment to check out why Tools of the Mind works so well and think about how you might use their strategies at home.

About Cate Scolnik

Cate is on a mission to help parents stop yelling and create families that listen to each other. She does this while imperfectly parenting two boisterous girls of her own and learning from her mistakes. Download her free Cheat Sheet to Get Your Kids from "No" to "Yes" in Three Simple Steps and reduce your yelling today.

May 16, 2016 at 6:21 am

This is a great article and there is some mention of it but I feel it has to be emphasized- that no homework should ever trump connection with your child. If homework struggles are causing you to butt heads time to re-think! Your child needs you in their side ALWAYS, there have long difficult days in School where social interactions and the system challenge their resources all day long. The need to come home to an ally. Here in Canada we are seeing tons of research that shows that homework before high school produces little increase in assessment scores – I imagine education philosophy will move toward reducing or almost eliminating primary homework! So don’t sacrifice your living connected relationship at home iver homework

May 16, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Totally agree with you on the point that “no homework should ever trump connection with your child”, Kim.

I’ve read some of the research about homework, but I’m not entirely convinced. To me, even if homework does little to increase assessment scores, it builds the habit and discipline of getting things done on your own outside the classroom… So IMO there is some merit to it. The question for me is more of how to teach our kids to focus and build this habit in a kind and gentle manner without butting heads…

May 16, 2016 at 11:29 pm

You’re right that we shouldn’t let homework damage relationships. I’m fortunate that our school has homework as an optional thing, but we do opt in. Like Sumitha, I think it’s more about getting a routine established.

Thanks for your comment. 😉

May 10, 2017 at 3:50 pm

Agree with #Cate. I asked school to increase the home work for my daughter to help her develop the habit of focus, responsibility, self – discipline and also prepare them for high school where they should not get shocked with the name of home work thinking it as a monster.

Apart from this, these tips are life saving and work word by word. Thank you so much for sharing and I liked these so much that I shared the page with my facebook friends.

May 16, 2016 at 1:35 pm

My child’s PRE-SCHOOL had homework. It was age-appropriate (“Color the baby chicks yellow”) but surprise, surprise–my daughter didn’t want to do it. She wanted to run around the playground and then jump on the sofa. I mentioned this to another parent (of a typically developing child) and she said, “Oh, we don’t do the homework. It’s not developmentally appropriate at this age.” Boy, did my life improve when I followed her advice and ignored the homework! I told the school, nicely, that I got home from work too late in the evening to do homework. And that was the end of it! Now, in elementary school, we don’t do the homework every night. It is BORING (math worksheets) and turns her off to everything related to school!

May 16, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Wendy, homework in preschool is probably pushing it too much… but as kids grow older, I do believe there is some merit to homework in terms of building habits and discipline of doing things on your own outside the classroom and being accountable for something that is assigned to you.

I personally feel that telling kids you don’t have to do something because it is boring sends the wrong message (listening to any grownup is boring for a kid… so if they can skip doing homework because it is boring, why not also skip listening to what grownups tell them?) To me, building the habits of accountability and sticking to a task even if it is sometimes boring and learning tricks to focus even when you sometimes don’t want to are important life skills… Homework is one of the ways to do this, and I would rather look for kind and gentle ways to do this than give up on homework entirely.

May 16, 2016 at 7:49 pm

I don’t believe in most homework and glad it’s not generally a part of Montessori. At my kids’ school they don’t start handing out homework until 4th grade, and even then it’s a packet they have all week to complete so they can choose their own pace for finishing it. I like that no homework leaves time for other things like piano and violin and volleyball and Latin, not to mention the chance for my kids to help me cook, etc. When my oldest got to the adolescent program and we started to struggle with homework, we realized in her case the best approach was to back off and leave her to fail or succeed on her own. I think for many children there is much more value in unstructured time to play and explore. They have to be disciplined at school all day. I don’t see why they have to extend that into home time. I love watching my kids come up with their own projects which are often far more interesting than anything a teacher would send home as an assignment. Most homework is busy work. Life is too short for that.

May 16, 2016 at 9:20 pm

If the homework was long and unending, I would likely agree with you (at least to a certain extent ;)), Korinthia. Fortunately, my daughter’s home work assignments usually take just 10 – 15 minutes which she actually finishes up in school. It is busy work, but it reinforces the facts that she has learnt that day in school. Her teacher’s take is that it helps her gauge if the kids are grasping what they learn, and lets her know if she should repeat any concepts or slow down the pace etc. I love that idea of using homework (and tests) as a feedback loop. Her school also specifically tells parent not to get involved unless the child asks for clarifications. This also helps the homework serve as a mini-token of responsibility and self-management… which is all good in my book.

I love how every time this discussion comes up, we come at it from such opposite perspectives 🙂

May 16, 2016 at 10:14 pm

I think one of the trickiest things in parenting is realizing people can do the opposite of what you do and still not be wrong. We’re all so vulnerable in this area that people get defensive fast! I love that you are so thoughtful with every response, and that there is more than one way to be right. And I keep coming back here because I feel it’s a safe place to voice a different perspective without people taking it as a challenge to their own parenting decisions. That’s a rare and wonderful thing and you should be proud of this site. (For that and many reasons!)

May 16, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Thanks, Korinthia. I needed to hear that today (for a reason unrelated to this site and the comments here). And of course I lapped up the compliments about the site too. I never tire of that 🙂

And you stretch my thinking more than anyone I know and I learnt a lot about writing responses from studying your responses… so thanks right back at ya!

May 16, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Hi Korintha,

You’re right that we can use homework as a valuable learning experience. For years my older daughter (now 11) has ‘hoped’ for straight As, but hasn’t achieved them. She’s getting better for years she did the bare minimum with homework, and did it rather … messily too! While I don’t push her too much, I do make the point that A grades are the result of hard work. They’re achievable for anyone who puts in the effort – including her. But getting As means you’ve done the best you possible can, almost all the time.

It doesn’t stop her hoping every time her report comes home, but she knows she can set goals and strive to meet them (they’re just usually in non-academic areas!).

Anyway, your point about homework being a mutli-faceted learning opportunity is a great one. 😉

May 17, 2016 at 7:27 am

Grades are a weird measure of things, though, because they aren’t universal. Does getting an A mean it’s the best you as an individual can do, even if it’s not great? Does getting an A mean there is some objective level of excellence that few people can reach? Does getting an A mean the grade was on a curve and you are simply the best in this particular crowd? A’s on a single report card can mean all of those things or none of them.

I remember in college I was upset one semester because my perfect 4.0 was marred by a B in tennis which I was simply taking for fun. I felt I should get an A for showing up and doing my best every time. Apparently the teacher had a different measure. And how do you grade music (which was my major)? One person can play every note perfectly and leave you feeling cold with their performance, and another can make mistakes but be electrifying. In orchestra it was pure participation–you started with an A and every class you missed you went down one letter grade. The A says nothing about if you did well or even improved. (You could get worse and still get an A.) When I was in 6th grade I used to alternate between A’s and failing grades in reading based on if I handed in the book reports. Those grades said nothing about my reading ability.

Grades do say something, but I’m skeptical about what. And every time I get worried about grades I remember my grandma telling me that nobody ever asked her her GPA once she graduated. No one has ever asked me mine, either. People only care what I can actually do, and that I try to prove every day, and that’s what I tell my kids to aim for. They may or may not get the grades they deserve to reflect that, but they need to mentally grade themselves to stay honest.

May 20, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Your points are spot on, as always. Grades are an arbitrary measure.

I think it’s far more important that my daughter is satisfied that she’s done her best, and that she’s proud of her efforts. Having said that, I do think it’s useful to learn that you can set goals and strive towards them.

Arbitrary or not, we spend most of our lives being assessed. Either at school or university or in the workplace. It’s usually one person’s opinion of certain traits or activities, and it’s often arbitrary.

Whilst I’ve certainly been the victim of a manager who’s had their own agenda – and rated me accordingly – I think that’s the exception. I also think it’s important that my kids feel that they have some control over the assessment. If they put in greater time and effort, they will usually get greater results.

It’s important to know that grades and assessments are only one person’s opinion and that they may be flawed. That is, we need to keep it in perspective. But given we’ll have these assessments throughout our lives, we need to learn to feel we have some control over them and we need to learn how to handle them. How to digest them, how to cope with them, and how to use them too.

It’s a complicated, complex, multi-faceted issue! And I certainly appreciate your perspective. Thanks for commenting 😉

May 17, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Thanks for this article! We are in our last week of kindergarten homework before the summer hits. That first sentence! So funny and spot on. Like “where are you going sit back down!” I find my self saying frequently. My son gets a packet of homework on Monday that he has to complete and turn in by Friday. I like the idea of using the timer! I’m not sure about play before homework.. I see the need for a break. My issue is that after eating and a play break its already so late then he’s not focused because he’s just getting tired. Also other than getting a 5 year old to focus on homework is doing the homework correctly. He will speed through it sometimes brag about how many pages he completed but he sometimes just writes down whatever to make it look like its complete! This has been driving me crazy, I have to erase so much! I’m trying to find the balance between getting him to work independently and me sitting there for every question. They do homework time in after school too and this is also when he makes it look like he’s doing homework and sometimes just draws pictures on the back of his homework pages. I think the amount of homework for kindergarten is a bit much, but I don’t think that not doing it is an option. I want to encourage him and be proud of him for completing his homework and also try to only let him play on the tablet after the whole packet is done… which also kinda leads to him speeding through it. Ugh and this is just year ONE! OMG!

May 18, 2016 at 3:57 am

Hi Amber, You’re right – you need to find what works for you. And if your kids are in after school care, it’s a bit too late to get them to concentrate when you get home. When I get my kids home it’s nearly 6pm, and there’s no way I can get them to focus on homework.

I’m lucky that I have two days a week where I don’t work late, so they are our ‘homework days’. The other option for us is to do a few minutes in the morning, before school, when the girls are fresh. Of course, this depends on what mornings look like in your house.

You say you want to be proud of him, but it’s also important that he’s proud of himself. That’s why I often ask my girls if they’re proud of their homework. It’s a great technique to get them to reflect on their efforts. 🙂

January 23, 2018 at 9:41 pm

Thanks for the tips for getting kids to do homework better. My son struggles with math, and he never wants to do his homework. I really like your idea to set a timer. That way, he knows exactly how long he needs to work before he can take a break to play. We will definitely give this a try.

April 7, 2018 at 9:49 am

Yes!! I totally agree with Korinthia! I have 5 kids from high school to a 2 yr. Old and it frustrates us as a family when we cannot take a walk, go out and play, or do any sports or extracurricular activity or even help with dinner because they have so much homework! How can kids get their 60 min. Of physical activity or eat healthier or spend time with family if we barely have time to eat a rushed meal to do homework? Including on weekends and vacation!

July 16, 2018 at 6:07 am

Homework is one word that makes every school child – and many parents – cringe. Follow these handy tips, and soon, homework related tension will become a thing of the past. https://www.parentcircle.com/article/exclusive-tips-to-make-homework-easy-for-your-child/

August 8, 2018 at 3:21 am

Awesome post!!! Homework is very important for students to get great results in academic. It is also essential to complete your homework on time. Thanks for sharing this information.

September 4, 2018 at 12:25 am

Good tips and very informative. Homework is a very important thing to get good grades n academic. Today, Focus on Homework is very essential. So, Students must do homework on time.

June 24, 2019 at 6:52 pm

October 15, 2019 at 7:55 am

It’s really useful tips for many parents and their kids. I think that right focus on homework is an important part to stay productive for a whole year in school.

January 7, 2020 at 11:13 am

Learning to focus is extremely important especially with the distractions that surrounds us in today’s world. Your article has been tremendously helpful and I am grateful so Thank you for sharing .

September 30, 2020 at 5:13 am

Nice!! I agree with the fine parent/this website.I tried all of them and almost all of them worked.Keep it up.👍👌👋

January 14, 2022 at 6:55 am

Nice tips, I’ll be sure to remember them. So I can try them out when I become a parent. Or I could just tell some parents around me.

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How to Get Your Child to Do What You Ask the First Time

Stephanie Rausser / Getty Images

Much to the universal dismay of moms and dads, children often ignore requests and directions from their parents. Sometimes kids don't hear what's being communicated and other times they forget your instructions. Additionally, they might purposefully ignore what they hear the first time. They do this because they don't want to oblige, are too distracted to focus on your request, are waging a form of protest, or are are attempting to continue a desired behavior.

While this listening issue may sort itself out as a child matures, there are steps you can take to set expectations for responsiveness and begin to curb this behavior. This starts with making some adjustments in how you ask your child to do what you say.

Repeating requests over and over— get up and brush your teeth, start your homework, clean up your room —is an energy burner and source of great frustration for many parents. In many cases, parents fall into a pattern of always making several requests of a child.

You might tell your child to do something, then tell them again 10 minutes later, and again 30 minutes later, only realizing at that point that they still haven't done what you asked. When you have to ask your child to do something for what seems like the umpteenth time, frustration builds up and your reaction is often not a calm one. This is how a simple request becomes a source of tension and conflict.

How to Get Your Child to Comply

Before you get too angry, it's important to note that your child may not be ignoring you on purpose. They really might not have heard you or have forgotten, as kid's working memory is not as efficient as you might expect. Also, they may fully intend to do what you're asking but just play to do it later. But there are a variety of strategies you can use to get your child to do what you ask the first time.

Get Their Attention

Science has proven that when children become immersed in what they are doing, they don't pay attention to what is going on around them. In fact, the research points out that kids under the age of 14 lack "peripheral awareness," which means that if your child is focused on a toy, book, game, or TV show when you ask them to do something, their brain is tuned into that activity and not much more.

That means that, at the very least, you must make eye contact when you request that your child do something. It works best if you can go up to them, touch their arm or rest a hand on their shoulder, and get down to eye level. Encourage them to make eye contact with you in return and repeat what you have just asked them to do. That way you both know that the request was made and heard.

If you are busy in another room, ask your child to come to you before you make your request.

Change Your Approach

If you have approached your child as above and it still takes repeated nagging or begging on your part to get them to do as you say, then you may need a new game plan. Many children have developed several strategies to put things off as long as possible. Kids don’t quite understand the consequences of not doing undesirable tasks and are more motivated by what brings them joy, rather than what has to get done.

The fact of the matter is that most adults wouldn't categorize these activities as fun either. So, children learn to distract parents by whining, bringing up something else to do at that moment, starting an argument, or just downright ignoring the request. To curb your child from stalling or ignoring you, you will need to put a little bit more time and attention in the way you approach the situation.

Breaking a child's tendency to ignore you or resist cooperating when you say something the first time will take time and some practice on your part. However, the results will be less frustration, anger, and stress for you, and hopefully more respect, compliance, and self-discipline from your child.

It's best to start practicing these steps with a request that does not require you to leave the house soon afterward. At the beginning of the exercise, there may be tantrums and lengthy explanations, which all take some considerable time.

Set a Time Frame

Decide in your own mind what you want the child to do and the time frame you will accept for their compliance (immediately, within 15 minutes, etc.) Check in with yourself about the reason behind your choices and whether that actually matches your request.

Be Specific

Don't phrase your request as a question. Tell them specifically what you want them to do in a direct way. For example, rather than asking, "Can you please go brush your teeth now?" say, "Please go brush your teeth right now so you can get to bed on time."

Watch for Compliance

It's easy to give an instruction and pivot back to what you were doing beforehand. At the beginning of this practice, avoid doing so. Check immediately to see if what you requested was done. That way, your child has accountability and knows you are serious about them complying with the request.

Check for Understanding

If they don't begin doing what you asked or don't complete the task, calmly ask them "What did I ask you to do?" Make sure the child is clear about what is expected. If they can correctly tell you, say, "That's good, now please get to it."

Praise Success

If your child does what you asked, tell them what a good job they did and how much you appreciate them taking action. It's easy to forget to do this, but remembering to reinforce the compliance with praise can go a long way in reinforcing this behavior.

Give Fair Warning

If they don't do what you asked after the first or second request, then it's time to explain why you are asking them to do that specific task and what the consequences are if they don't comply. Just repeating “because I said so” is not effective and may lead to other issues with compliance.

If possible, show your child the actual impact of their behavior so that they know that your requests are not arbitrary. An example of this is to let your child know that if they don't do something you have requested, it affects others.

For example: “Please go brush your teeth right now. Bedtime is in 15 minutes. If you don't brush your teeth right now, there won't be any time left to read a story tonight. Daddy really looks forward to reading with you before bed and I know you enjoy reading with him, too."

Be Consistent and Follow Through

If your reasonable request is followed up by more defiance and temper tantrums, then it is time to follow through with the consequence you have set. Be firm and keep at it. Consistency with this step is key to letting your child know that you are serious when you make a request the first time.

These steps may seem ineffective the first several times you employ them but stick with it. Eventually, both of you will get used to the method. You will get better at phrasing your requests firmly and purposefully the first time, and your child will come to understand that you do not ask arbitrary or unreasonable requests of them.

Waterman AH, Atkinson AL, Aslam SS, Holmes J, Jaroslawska A, Allen RJ. Do actions speak louder than words? Examining children's ability to follow instructions .  Mem Cognit . 2017;45(6):877-890. doi:10.3758/s13421-017-0702-7

Remington A, Cartwright-Finch U, Lavie N. I can see clearly now: the effects of age and perceptual load on inattentional blindness .  Front Hum Neurosci . 2014;8. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2014.00229

American Academy of Pediatrics. What's the best way to discipline my child? Reviewed November 5, 2018.

Remington A, Cartwright-Finch U, Lavie N. I can see clearly now: the effects of age and perceptual load on inattentional blindness .  Frontiers in Human Neuroscience . 2014;8.

By Kimberly L. Keith, M.Ed, LPC Kimberly L. Keith, M.Ed., LPC, is a counselor, parent educator, and advocate for children and families in the court and community.  

Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. "My Child Refuses to Do Homework" — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork
• 3. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 4. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
• 5. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
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How to Help Kindergarteners Do Homework Without Tears

Inside: New students have a hard time working on homework. Kindergarteners especially have no desire to sit still and often refuse to do their homework. But there are tips and tricks to help new Kindergarteners do homework without complaining or without tears.

Congrats! You’ve survived the huge parenting milestone of sending your child off to Kindergarten!

But now there’s a new challenge for parents: homework.

Some Kindergarteners come home with no homework ever, some start it a month or two into school, and some schools start to send home homework Day 1.

There’s a huge debate over the purpose and benefits of homework in general and many, many parents are frustrated homework starts in Kindergarten.

Related: Here’s What You Need to Know About Homework and Why Teachers Assign It 

But if homework is being assigned to our youngest learners-and it is being assigned in the majority of our schools- we need ideas to help our Kindergarteners do homework without complaints and without tears. 

Because while a few kiddos might be excited to do homework because it makes them feel like a big kid, many kids balk at the idea of sitting down to do more work after their hours at school.

Our Kindergarten kids may fight us every step of the way to complete their homework, mostly because they’re absolutely exhausted . They are mentally and physically drained.

These new students have been told what to do all day.

They have probably had to sit still on a tiny rung spot with their legs folded under them way longer than they’ve ever had to.

They have to actually work. And think. And answer tough questions.

They have to memorize a long list of Kindergarten sight words. 

And now we expect them to do more work at home? More thinking? More sitting?

Of course they’re going to complain or flat out refuse or revert to tears and a tantrum.

But there are ways to help ease them into this new transition of coming home from school and helping kindergarteners do homework.

General Homework Tips To Help All Students:

Before we get into Kindergarten specific tips, there are several things you can do to help set your student up for homework success for years to come .

The first and most important is to create an afternoon schedule and routine and be consistent with it.

My kids know they come home, hang up their backpacks and empty them, wash their hands, get a snack, and start their homework.

Because if it’s something that happens every day, my kids know what to expect. They know it’s coming.

You will set yourself up for a lifetime of homework ease if you instill in them now the expectation that homework is done right after school.

If you’re unsure how to set up an afterschool routine, use this one.

My kids love to check things off their Afterschool Checklist almost as much as I love crossing things off my to-do list because they are in control of how fast they move through the list.

The faster they get their checklist done, the sooner they can go play.

For more general tips and tricks for homework solutions, like setting up a homework station and a homework supply box, click here .

Encourage Your Kindergarteners to Do Homework Without Complaining:

If you set the expectation that homework is something we do and we do it without complaining , it will benefit everyone in the family.

For you, you don’t have to hear the whining and can get through the afternoon without pulling your hair out or needing a cocktail by 4pm.

For them, they get a treat. Try punching a hole in a sheet of paper every time they finish their work without complaining.

When they get five, they get a special “date” with mom or dad or get to go somewhere they love.

Every month, you can increase the number of holes they need to earn the date.

Whatever it takes to discourage the complaints.

Homework Strategies to Help Kindergarteners Do Homework:

For our Kindergarteners, we need to help them actually finish their homework.

This is new, so there are going to be some growing pains.

Keep in mind, not all tricks will work for all kids. You need to choose what you think would motivate your child the most.

And if that doesn’t work, try another trick.

1. Physically Be Nearby

We can’t expect these five-year-olds to sit and work independently in September .

We need to build up to it.

For the first week, sit next to them as they finish their work. Then the next week, sit across from while they work. During the third week, don’t sit with them, but stay in the same room. You can then graduate to being in and out of the room as needed.

If they balk at you moving further away, take a step closer to them until they feel more confident.

The end goal is for them to not need you to be monitoring their every move.

2. Visually Reduce the Amount of Homework

If a whole math sheet overwhelms them, cover some of it up with another paper.

You can cover up half of the paper or you can cover it all and just show one line at a time.

As they finish their work, slide the paper down until they get to the bottom of the sheet.

3. Reduce the Amount of Time They Have to Work

It can be intimidating to sit down and finish all their work at once .

Set a timer and have them work for five minutes. Then take a “brain break” for five minutes. Repeat the pattern until the work is finished.

For the next week, extend the work timer to six minutes, but keep the brain break time the same.

Some brain break ideas: listening to music, dancing, coloring, building Legos, exercising, jumping, or these really cool brain breaks on youtube.

4. Let Kindergarteners Do Homework and Move Around While They Work

Who says kids have to sit still to do their work?

Let them stand to finish their work.

Let them do their work on a bosu ball or on an indoor trampoline with a clipboard.

Standing, jumping, bouncing, stretching, spinning…whatever their little bodies need.

If they can’t do these things while they actually work, encourage them to be active before and after homework time.

5. Let Kindergarteners Do Homework Outdoors

Who says homework has to be done inside? They’ve been stuck inside all day.

Let them finish their work while breathing in the fresh air.

Fresh air and oxygen will wake them up, refresh them, and get their brain moving.

Try working at a picnic table or on your back patio or balcony.

6. Use Their Whole Body to Finish Their Work

Since many kids learn best when they’re moving, encourage them to use their bodies to learn.

Let them stomp their math answers using this fun activity from the SuperKids Activity Guide . 3 + 4 = Stomp the 7! Then they can write it on their paper.

Use chalk to practice their letters and sounds.

If you write letters on the ground, have them run to the “C” or run to the letter that makes the /b/ sound.

When they’re starting to read, have them spell words by running to each letter.

Use chalk to practice their numbers and addition and subtraction. Write the numbers on the ground and have them run to the 4. Or have them run to the answers of  “1 + 1” or “6-2!”

7. Give Them Counters to Finish Their Math

When it’s time to start adding and subtracting, let them use real tangible things that they can move to add or subtract.

They can add and subtract with coins, Cheerios, crackers, or even their favorite toys.

1 Shopkin + 3 Shopkins = 4 Shopkins

8. Give Them Colorful Markers

Grey pencils can be so boring.

Let them use markers–or better yet, smelly markers –to trace their letters, write their name, or write their spelling words.

Rainbow colors make monotonous work more enjoyable and your kids will be used to “Rainbow Writing” from school. 

9. Offer them a Healthy Snack While Kindergarteners do Homework:

My kids live for snacks, so they love to eat snacks while they do their work.

They do a problem and then take a bite.

Offer them “brain food” during this time to boost their minds and memories: berries (especially blueberries), bananas, trail mix, sunbutter and jelly, and avocado (try guacamole and chips).

10. Use Rewards (for a short period of time)

Offer up rewards for when they finish a row of their work…stickers, stars, or even a treat.

Put their favorite food at the end of a row of problems. ..  I’ve used Goldfish Crackers, fruit snacks, and even jelly beans.

When they finish the row, let them eat the treat.

The following week, only put the treat on every other line of work.

Eventually, just put a treat at the end of the page.

The goal is to wean them off of needing or expecting the treat.

With these 10 tips, kindergartner homework will get done sooner without complaints, and without tears.

And your afternoon will go much smoother.

Need more Back to School Help and Ideas? We’ve got you covered:

Reader Interactions

Shelby @Fitasamamabear says

September 14, 2017 at 12:28 pm

There’s homework in kindergarten now?? Actually?! Oi

Nicole Black says

September 15, 2017 at 12:33 pm

In some classes, yes! A lot of Kindergartners don’t start right away though….

Erin Burton says

September 28, 2017 at 12:49 pm

I like that so many of your strategies involve moving. You are correct! Children have already had to sit still for hours at school, listening, following orders, and mentally concentrating (sometimes on things they care nothing about). They need time to get up and move! I am actually an ex-public educator who now homeschools my children. My children will often pace while reading, and sometimes we take it a bit further and study while we take a walk outside. My children are able to concentrate much longer when they move. We probably have an hour’s worth of sit-down time each day. The rest is spent moving, exploring, and playing. Children (well… and adults) are not built to sit for hours without moving. Nice post! 🙂

September 28, 2017 at 1:23 pm

Yes!! A lot of kids have to move to do everything. I force them to sit while they’re eating (I’ve given the Heimlich one too many times) but other than that, who cares if they’re standing or jumping while they spell or read or practice math facts??? Not only will they focus more for some kids, it will actually help them retain the info!!

Flossie McCowald | SuperMomHacks says

September 28, 2017 at 1:18 pm

OK, let me just get out of the way that having homework in K is SICK SICK SICK. (I’m a mama of a 3rd grader and a K student.) But – having said that – your tips are SO great and SO spot-on. Our third grader has ALWAYS struggled with homework; some of these are tricks we have tried with her in the past, some we still use with her now, and some I WISH I’d thought of when she was in K suffering through (what to her was) busywork! Thanks for the great post! 🙂

September 28, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I know a lot of people get angered by this post because of it’s premise. I’m not trying to take a stand in favor of Kinder homework. But if it’s getting assigned–and it is getting assigned– I wanted my readers to have some tips to help them get through it. And you’re right, these tips will apply for anyone trying to do homework… Glad you liked the tips!

Becca @ The Married Cat Lady says

September 28, 2017 at 2:38 pm

I don’t have kids yet, but I definitely want to remember some of these great tips for when I do someday!

Żarty O żydach says

January 29, 2022 at 4:33 am

Definitely, what a great blog and illuminating posts, I will bookmark your site.Best Regards!

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Here's how much money I made as a software engineer at Meta, Apple, and Oracle

• Sandeep Rao is a software engineer who has worked at Meta, Apple, and Oracle. 
• When he first started his career as a new graduate, his compensation was only $15,000.
• He explains how, thanks to high performance and negotiation skills, he now makes nearly $700,000. 

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sandeep Rao, a 32-year-old software engineer based in San Jose, California. Business Insider has verified his income with documentation. This essay has been edited for length and clarity.

My salary journey in Big Tech has seen my total compensation — which includes base salary, bonuses, and stocks — increase from $15,000 in 2012 to $685,000 in 2024.

I'm a staff software engineer and have worked at three different tech companies, moving from Oracle to Apple to Meta. Over my career, I've led the development of successful software apps and features from scratch that are used every day by millions of people across the world.

While I have made my career moves primarily based on which areas of software engineering I'd get to work on, compensation is also important to me, so I've been strategic and negotiated for higher salaries with each move.

Tech companies use tools like additional equity to retain high-performing employees. In my experience, if you're consistently a top performer at your organization, it's certainly possible to keep your pay at or above market level and have a rewarding career within your company.

I took a low-paying job to get my foot in the door

While I got my undergraduate degree in electrical engineering , I realized midway through college that software engineering was my passion and pivoted to pursue a career in software instead.

My first job was as a software developer at Oracle in India. While Oracle isn't generally low-paying in the tech industry, my salary of 850,000 rupees, or $15,000, was low compared to what new grads were making at that time in competing Big Tech companies like Microsoft or Amazon because it was a "take it or leave it" new grad offer.

The work was unappealing to me because it didn't align with my career interests — I didn't want to continue building expertise in that specific area of software engineering — but I took it to get my foot in the door of a Big Tech company and build credibility.

I knew I eventually wanted to end up where all the action is — Silicon Valley . I worked at Oracle from 2012 to 2014, and during this time, I applied to graduate schools in the US because I felt a formal computer science degree would help me compete with the talented people in the Valley.

I got accepted into a graduate program in computer science at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. I left behind my family and friends in India and moved to the US with nothing but a suitcase and $65,000 in student debt.

Grad school was hard, but the doors it opened for me made the struggle worth it.

I was ecstatic to get a job at Apple

I finished grad school and got a job as a software engineer at Apple in Cupertino, California, where my base salary was $115,000.

I was ecstatic to work at one of the best companies in the world and felt my dreams were coming true. But I realized I wanted to work on more direct user-facing applications rather than on technology that ran under the hood.

Initially, I considered looking for new opportunities within Apple, but between high taxes, the high cost of living, and my student loans, I felt more compelled to switch companies, given that I'd likely receive a significant salary bump .

I had gotten a very small cost-of-living raise on my base salary at Apple, but it wasn't significant; not getting a bigger raise wasn't a big motivator in my decision to change companies, but it certainly made my choice easier.

My negotiation skills helped me get a 10% salary increase

At the end of 2017, I moved to Meta (then Facebook) in Menlo Park, California. I wanted to experience the culture of younger internet-based companies whose products are used by billions of people.

When I received my offer, I did my research to get a clear understanding of what my market value was and what salary I wanted to land on. I also learned what parts of my total compensation are negotiable, such as stocks and the sign-on bonus, and what is non-negotiable, like base salary and annual bonuses.

I was prepared to negotiate and walked away with an offer of $140,000, which was 10% more than their original offer.

In 2021, I landed a large-scale project at Meta that added a lot of value to the Messenger app and worked with several cross-functional teams across engineering, design, data science, and legal.

My accomplishments, such as this one, and high performance at work got me the promotions, visibility, and leverage to negotiate for higher pay and a successful salary journey.

Every year between 2018 to 2023, my base salary increased — as did my total compensation — through a combination of performance-based yearly stock refreshers, additional boosts from promotions, and stock market appreciation.

Related stories

Compensation in a tech career usually gets more and more equity-heavy than salary-heavy, so base salaries don't increase as quickly as equity, but my salary and total annual compensation steadily rose:

2012-2014: $15,000 total compensation

Grad School

2014-2016: $0 total compensation

Student loan debt: $65,000

2016: $130,000 total compensation

2017: $165,000 total compensation

2018: $230,000 total compensation

2019: $240,000 total compensation

2020: $350,000 total compensation (promotion)

2021: $510,000 total compensation

2022: $375,000 total compensation (promotion, but total compensation dropped due to stock price drop)

2023: $545,000 total compensation

In 2024, I'm projected to make $685,000 through a combination of base salary, bonuses, and stock.

Five strategies for increasing my compensation package

Over the years, I learned five salary strategies that helped me grow my salary and overall compensation:

1. Always do your homework about market rates for your role, level, and location — especially when you switch jobs.

Switching jobs is a good way to increase your income.

Even if money may not be the primary motivator for a job switch, I always make sure to be conscious and strategic about my compensation by doing salary research to avoid leaving any money on the table.

When I started doing salary research during my switch to Meta, I found out my market value was much higher than what I was making at Apple at that time. This helped me start my negotiations with Meta at the market rate rather than the salary I was making.

I used Levels.fyi , Blind , and Glassdoor to find salary information and clearly understand my market value. Keep yourself updated on these benchmarks even if you don't plan on a job change anytime soon, so you know you're on par with the market, and any salary difference is offset by other factors such as better work-life balance.

2. Never let your bad salary "baggage" carry over to your new job.

If your salary isn't up to market standards right now, don't let it affect your pay at the next job. Otherwise, it'll lead to a cycle where you'll be underpaid for the rest of your career.

Employers and recruiters could use your salary history to give you only a modest raise, while your actual market value could easily be double or triple your most recent salary.

In California, labor laws make it illegal for employers to ask you about your current salary and salary history. You're also allowed to ask potential employers for the pay range for the position you're applying for.

If your state has similar protections, just being aware of this law can help you make any corrections to your pay during negotiations. This helped me start offer negotiations from my market value instead of my current pay.

3. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith to make that 10x impact on your career.

That could involve switching from a non-tech job to a tech job or taking a short-term hit for long-term gain. For example, I picked Oracle for my first job despite the low pay and unappealing work so I could build credibility to get into a Tier 1 grad school.

I also took a loan of about $65,000 to pay for Carnegie Mellon, even though I could have chosen to go to a cheaper public university.

Deciding to work at Oracle and attend Carnegie Mellon cost me a few years and a lot of debt, but doing so opened doors unlike anything else, and I haven't looked back ever since.

4. Negotiate to keep your base salary from falling behind

It's inevitable for your salary to fall behind as you stay longer at a company, especially in tech due to restricted stock unit (RSU) "cliffs."

Most RSU packages offered to new employees in the tech industry have a two- to four-year vesting period. Unless the employer offers a significant pay bump along the way, total compensation usually takes a drop after this vesting period. Many companies also offer annual performance-based stock refreshers to lower this salary gap, but they're usually not as large as the initial grant. 

If you love working at your company and feel forced to move just to get a raise, you can ask your senior leadership to make a "correction." After all, it's much more expensive and time-consuming for employers to hire new people than to retain good employees.

Most Big Tech companies have employee retention programs like additional or discretionary equity. Additional equity programs are mainly used to retain high-performing employees, so they're usually highly selective.

This is how I was able to keep my compensation at or above market level despite spending six years at Meta. When I was reaching the end of my vesting period in my fourth year, I had a conversation with my senior leadership to see if there was any room for a pay correction so I could go back to focusing on my work 100% without worrying about salary.

Being prepared with my predicted compensation drop and market data greatly helped me build a cogent narrative going in. If you're consistently a top performer at your organization, it's certainly possible to keep your pay at or above market level and have a rewarding career within your company.

5. Don't assume people will reward your work or anticipate your needs — ask.

Always ask for what you want , whether it's a raise or that interesting project that just came in. The worst that will happen is you'll get a "no." If you don't ask, nobody will know, or even worse, people may assume that you're happy with what you have and move on. 

I used this strategy when I heard of a new company initiative and asked to be a founding engineer because I was looking to create more impact in my role. Despite the high risk and ambiguity involved, I successfully delivered on the projects, which eventually led to a promotion. None of this would've been possible if I hadn't asked. 

At the end of the day, you're your biggest advocate when it comes to your salary and career journey. There's no substitute for hard work, but being strategic about how you achieve your goals can go a long way. Sometimes, you have to take big risks and step out of your comfort zone to get that high-paying dream job.

If you want to share your career progression and salary journey, email Jane Zhang at [email protected] .

Watch: Nearly 50,000 tech workers have been laid off — but there's a hack to avoid layoffs

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Tiger Woods finishes Masters with his highest score as a pro and sets sights on upcoming majors

Tiger Woods waves after his final round at the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National Golf Club Sunday, April 14, 2024, in Augusta, Ga. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

Tiger Woods walks to the green on the fifth hole during final round at the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National Golf Club Sunday, April 14, 2024, in Augusta, Ga. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

Tiger Woods walks to the tee on the fourth hole during final round at the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National Golf Club Sunday, April 14, 2024, in Augusta, Ga. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

Tiger Woods hits his tee shot on the fourth hole during final round at the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National Golf Club Sunday, April 14, 2024, in Augusta, Ga. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

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Follow the AP’s live coverage of the 2024 Masters tournament.

AUGUSTA, Ga. (AP) — Tiger Woods finished the Masters on Sunday with a record he could do without, walking off the course with a 16-over 304, his highest 72-hole score in a career that spans three decades.

Woods’ previous high was 302 at the Memorial in 2015. He has only failed to break 300 one other time at the Masters two years ago when he shot 78-78 on the weekend and finished at 301.

Despite the score, Woods called it a “good week” and said he’s going to begin preparing for the other three majors including the PGA Championship in May, the U.S. Open in June and the British Open in July.

“This is a golf course I knew going into it, so I’m going to do my homework going forward at Pinehurst, Valhalla and Troon,” Woods said. “But that’s kind of the game plan.”

Overall, he wasn’t unhappy with how he played.

“Coming in here, not having played a full tournament in a very long time, it was a good fight on Thursday and Friday,” Woods said. “Unfortunately (Saturday) didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted it to.”

It hardly mattered to the crowd.

The 48-year-old Woods, who is still dealing with the effects of numerous surgeries that have impacted his body and limited his playing time on the PGA Tour, received a huge roar from the crowd as he pitched close to the hole on No. 18 and made par.

Wearing his traditional Sunday red, Woods tipped his hat the crowd.

Woods has played only 24 holes in one tournament going into the Masters

“I’m just going to keep lifting, keep the motor going, keep the body moving, keep getting stronger, keep progressing,” Woods said. “Hopefully the practice sessions will keep getting longer.”

Woods was in last place among the 60 players who made the cut when he finished. The previous time he finished in last place was in the 2020 Genesis Invitational at Riviera.

Still, the patrons flocked to see the man who took golf’s popularity to new heights, even if he isn’t been the dominant player he once was at Augusta National.

Woods hasn’t really been competitive here since 2020 when he finished tied for 38th one year after his stunning fifth victory at age 43.

He finished 13 over two years ago, then was forced to withdraw in 2023 in the third round due to injuries that weren’t helped by the cold, rainy weather that had taken an obvious physical toll on his body.

For a short time this week Woods showed glimpses of past greatness, relying mostly on his knowledge of the course.

He played the first two rounds in 1 over to make the cut for a record 24th time. But the final two rounds were a struggle for Woods, who posted his worst round of his career at a major with an 82 on Saturday.

“It’s always nice coming back here because I know the golf course, I know how to play it,” Woods said. “I can kind of simulate shots. Granted, it’s never quite the same as getting out here and doing it.”

He played the final 36 holes in 15 over, shooting 77 on Sunday in his 100th career round at the Masters.

Before the round Woods appeared to receive some swing tips from his 15-year-old son Charlie on the practice range.

Things started off well enough, but that didn’t last long.

After playing the first two holes in 1 under, Woods made a bogey on No. 3 before things started to unravel on the par-4 fifth hole when he took an unplayable lie and had to be driven back to the tee box in a golf cart to hit again. He wound up with a triple-bogey 7.

He added another bogey on the 6th.

He nearly chipped in from the sand on No. 16, giving fans a thrill and bringing back fond memories of his iconic chip in in 2005 en route to the fourth of his five championships at Augusta.

Woods said the toughest part of the week for him was battling the wind, which reached 45 mph at times with gusts.

“What it was doing out here to the golf shots and the balls and putting, how difficult the course was playing,” Woods said. “It doesn’t take much to get out of position here. Unfortunately, I got out of position a lot (Saturday) and a couple times today.”

The once-dominant Woods played with Neal Shipley, the only amateur to make the cut at the Masters.

It was a stark reminder of just how long Woods has been around.

Woods’ streak of cuts made at the Masters began in 1997, before the 23-year-old Shipley was born.

Even with Woods being out of contention he still attracting the usual huge throng of fans eager just to get a glimpse of the player that became the face of the sport. Fans applaud after every Woods’ shot — good or bad — and continue to shout encouragement his way.

AP golf: https://apnews.com/hub/golf