friend vs family essay

Family vs. Friends: Comparing Key Relationships

Gabrielle is an experienced freelance writer and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with experience using equine-assisted therapy.

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Friendships and familial relationships can be both a source of stress and a source of comfort depending on the circumstances. Whatever your own unique relational balance is amongst your friends and/or family members, know that both friends and family can provide meaningful and fulfilling connections.

Family vs. Friends

When it comes to comparing friendships and familial relationships, know that the quality of the relationship is a key component of how meaningful, supportive, and fulfilling a relationship is. This means that whether you are mostly close with your friends or your family, you can still experience loving, healthy, and respectful relationships.

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Which Is Better Family or Friends?

There is no "better" when it comes to a familial relationship or friendship. Relationships are all different and will vary based on unique circumstances. A fairer comparison would be to ask yourself which relationships are healthier? Healthy relationships may be absent amongst your family, but not amongst your friendships, or vice versa.

How Do Friends Differ From Family Members?

One big difference between family and friends is that your family member's relational label will not change, even if you have an argument. Your sibling, parent, aunt, or cousin will always maintain that relational label, even if you become estranged. With friendships, if you have a falling out, your relationship status can change and you may end up completely disconnected. In some families, there is more of an undertone that no matter what, family is family, and issues may be prioritized for resolution, while this may not be the case with some friendships.

Family vs. Friends Comparison Chart

Both family and friends can be caring, loving, irreplaceable, and maintain their relationship with you through the ups and downs of life. While some families are open, loving, and warm, others can be cold, abusive, and neglectful . Unlike with friendships, especially if you are a minor, families can feel more difficult to remove yourself from. Family relationships may also be associated with more complex issues, hierarchical disparities, and circumstances where one may feel indebted to another, while healthy friendships have an even power structure.

Why Do I Like My Friends More Than My Family?

If you feel like your friends have replaced your family or that you prefer your friends to your family, know that you are not alone. Many individuals turn to friends when they have difficulties with their family members or feel as if their friends are more trustworthy and understand them better than family members do. You have control over who you choose to surround yourself with friend-wise, but that's not the case when it comes to family. Being able to choose friends who support and accept you may feel a lot different when compared to your family relationships.

Do Family Members Count as Friends?

Family members can also be considered friends. There is no rule stating that a family member can't also be a friend. You may have a cousin close in age, a sibling who you consider to be a best friend, or another family member who you feel like you can truly confide in.

Friends or Family- Who Do You Rely on the Most and Why?

Relying more on a family member or friend will depend on your unique situation. Some individuals:

• Have an unhealthy family situation and prefer to rely on friends
• Have a more difficult time making and/or maintaining friendships and may rely more on family members
• May rely on family members for certain matters and friends for others

Family Versus Friends Quotes

Quotes about friendships and relationships with your family can highlight their similarities and differences. These quotes can feel inspirational to read, write in a card, or be communicate in other ways you see fit.

Are Friends Better Than Family for Your Health?

Research indicates that friendships, especially for adults, predict better health outcomes than familial relationships do. Having solid, reliable friendships was more closely tied to feeling happier and healthier.

Is It More Important to Have a Good Family Than Friends?

Research indicates that having good friends is tied to better mental and physical health outcomes. With that said, every circumstance is unique, and it's up to you to figure out which relationships in your life feel fulfilling, supportive, and loving, regardless if they are with a family member or friend.

Family or Friends

Relationships with friends and family members are unique to each individual. Know that there is no right or wrong way to have healthy and meaningful relationships, whether that means being closer to your friends or family members.

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Well | when friends are ‘like family’.

When Friends Are ‘Like Family’

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“My friends are the sisters I was meant to have,” a woman told me. Another said that her friends are more precious than her sisters because they remember things from her past that her sisters don’t and can’t, since they weren’t there. And a man commented that he didn’t enjoy a particular friend’s company all that much, but it was beside the point: “He’s family.”

I interviewed over 80 people for a book I’m writing about friendship, and was struck by how many said that one or another friend is “like family.”

These comments, and how people explained them, shed light on the nature of friendship, the nature of family, and something that lies at the heart of both: what it means to be close.

For friends, as for family, “close” is the holy grail of relationships. (In both contexts I often heard, “I wish we were closer” but never “I wish we weren’t so close.”)

What people meant by “close” could be very different, but their comments all helped me understand how friends could be like family – and why I often say of my friend Karl, “He’s like my brother.” First is longevity. We met at summer camp when I’d just turned 15, and the seeds of closeness were planted during one of those wondrous extended self-revealing teenage conversations, when we sat side by side behind the dining hall. Our friendship continued and deepened as we exchanged long letters that traversed the distance between our homes in Brooklyn and the Bronx.

After college, Karl was the one I called at 2 a.m. when I made a last-minute decision not to join the Peace Corps. Two decades later, we were traveling together when I showed him the photograph of a man I’d just met, saying, “It’s crazy but I keep thinking I’m going to marry him” – and I did.

I was there when Karl left Brown for Julliard, and, years later, when he came out as gay. Karl knew my parents, my cousins, my first husband and the other friends who have been important in my life, as I knew and know his. I visit his mother in a nursing home just as I’d visit my own, were she still alive. We can refer to anything and anyone in our pasts without having to explain.

If I’m upset about something, I call him; I trust his judgment, though I might not always follow his advice. And finally, maybe most of all, there’s comfort. I feel completely comfortable in his home, and when I’m around him, I can be completely and unselfconsciously myself.

It’s not that we don’t get on each other’s nerves. It’s that we do. A cartoon about a married couple could have been about us: A woman standing in the kitchen is saying to the man before her, “Is there anything else I can do wrong for you?” I sometimes feel that whatever I do within Karl’s view, he’ll suggest I do a different way.

All the elements making our friendship so close that Karl is like a brother were threaded through the accounts of people I interviewed. “We’re close” could mean they talk about anything; or that they see each other often; or that, though they don’t see each other often, when they do, it’s as though no time has passed: They just pick up where they left off. And sometimes “close” meant none of the above, but that they have a special connection, a connection of the heart.

There were also differences in what “anything” meant, in the phrase “We can talk about anything.” Paradoxically, it could be either very important, very personal topics, or insignificant details. A woman said of a friend, “We’re not that close; we wouldn’t talk about problems in our kids’ lives,” but, of another, “We’re not that close; we wouldn’t talk about what we’re having for dinner.”

“Like family” can mean dropping in and making plans without planning: You might call up and say, “I just made lasagna. Why don’t you come over for dinner?” Or you can invite yourself: “I’m feeling kind of low. Can I come over for dinner?”

Many grown children continue to wish that their parents or siblings could see them for who they really are, not who they wish them to be. This goal can be realized in friendship. “She gets me,” a woman said of a friend. “When I’m with her I can be myself.”

It would be easy to idealize family-like friendship as all satisfaction and cheer. And maybe for some lucky people it is. But friends can also resemble family by driving you crazy in similar ways. Why does she insist on washing dishes by hand when dishwashers do a better job of killing germs? Why does he always come exactly five minutes late?

Just as with literal families, friends who are like family can bring not only happiness but also pain, because the comfort of a close bond can sometimes morph into the restraints of bondage. The closer the bond, the greater the power to hurt – by disappointing, letting you down or, the ultimate betrayal, by dying. When a friend dies, a part of you dies, too, as you lose forever the experiences, the jokes, the references that you shared. A woman in her 70s who was mourning her lifelong best friend said the worst part was not being able to call her up and tell her how terrible she felt about her dying.

Sometimes we come to see friends as family because members of the family we grew up with live far away or feel too different, or are just too difficult to deal with. A woman who ended all contact with a sister explained that the option of cutting off a family member who brings you grief is a modern liberation, like the freedom to choose a spouse or divorce one. Holes left by rejected (or rejecting) relatives — or left by relatives lost to distance, death or circumstance — can be filled by friends who are like family. But family-like friends don’t have to be filling holes at all. Like my friend Karl, they can simply add richness, joy and, yes, at times, aggravation, that a literal family – in my case, two sisters I’m very close to — also provides.

Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and the author of “You Just Don’t Understand!” and “You’re Wearing THAT?”.

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Friends vs. family: a teen’s perspective on relationships.

Relationships are a part of life. Relating and communicating with others is a daily task and, as we grow, our interaction skills and relationship habits begin developing—especially in our teenage years.

For most teens, family, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends are seemingly the most important relationships in their lives. As teens mature, they form relationships with others that will eventually help them establish other relationships in their adult lives, whether it is with a boss, colleague, friend or spouse.

The friend factor

Friends are an integral part of adolescence. Teens spend the majority of time with their peers, from inside the classroom, to after school club meetings, to sports and extracurricular activities. School is where teens interact the most with others. It is also a place where, through new experiences and endeavors, teens learn how to handle situations independent of their family.

For most teens, learning how to handle different types of people—the personalities they mesh with and the ones they don’t—is an important life lesson. The most beneficial thing young people gain in having relationships outside of their family is developing a sense of community, support and dependability on others. 

Growing up in today’s society, teens are often faced with stressful situations. School activities and homework take up most of their of time. New responsibilities such as a job or volunteer commitment can also demand their attention. Teens also have a larger social network and enjoy spending time with new friends. These are just a few reasons young people tend to “drift away” from their families at this age.

Friends and more than friends

Upon entering high school, teens seek out people they want by their side for the next four years. This can be a stressful, yet thrilling experience. Teens want relationships with people they can trust, people they know will support them, and people who they can share experiences and memories with.

And while young people know their family are all of these things, teens often seek people outside of their family to fulfill these wants. Teens need people other than their family to rely on, which is why non-familial relationships are so important.

Romantic relationships also play a significant role in a teen’s life. Dating is an important process because it helps you learn what to look for in a mate and the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Asserting independence

But what is it about relationships that are so important? For teens, choosing their own friends—and relating to them in a way they don’t with their parents—is a form of independence. It is a small step towards coming out from under their parents’ wings and being accepted by others solely for who they are.

Teens are fulfilled by relationships with people they a mutual connection with. However, this sense of fulfillment can be so overpowering, it can often cause a young person to want to spend more time with their peers, rather than their family. Teens choose to be around other teens because their friends are more agreeable with their decisions than their parents. They feel more connected and better understood by them.

Community and acceptance is what drives teenagers. To them, the whole purpose of being in a relationship is that have someone in their life that they are completely compatible with, someone who understands them. 

Family ties

The most important relationship in a teenager’s life, whether the teen sees it this way or not, is the relationship they have with their parents. While adults make mistakes—we all do—it is the safety, leadership and example that they model that help young people become healthy and successful adults.

The unconditional love and comfort that parents provide fills a teen’s need to be connected to others. As teens get older, they begin to seek fulfillment in others. The key factor in this transition is how much fulfillment teens got from their parents. The love we receive as children, or the lack thereof, is a precursor to what we seek in others. 

In families, different generations have different outlooks on the importance of family relationships. Teens seem to view their friends as their family; those they can rely on. Due to the pressure to become independent so quickly, some teens focus mainly on their friends and leave their parents on the sideline. Teens who behave this way may have difficulties maintaining full and healthy relationships because they do not take the time to observe the examples of their parents. 

Other teens tend to view family as most important. These teens tend to be more mature and because of this, they have more stable relationships. To these teens, friends are an option, while family is a commitment. Without family, there is a lack of genuine support that cannot be given anywhere else. 

Even older teens and young adults heading off to college still have a lot to learn from their parent. Friends will teach you short-term lessons, while family will teach you long-term solutions and goals.

Whether it’s family, dating or friendships, relationships are vital to teens. The daily skills that they learn from experiences and mistakes helps make teens into who they will become in their adult life. Wherever we come from, who ever we are, we all have one thing in common: the need for acceptance and community.

By Erin Saba and Ashley Dancee

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Are friends better for us than family?

The power of friendship gets stronger with age and may even be more important than family relationships, indicates new research by a Michigan State University scholar. In a pair of studies involving nearly 280,000 people, William Chopik found that friendships become increasingly important to one’s happiness and health across the lifespan. Not only that, but in older adults, friendships are actually a stronger predictor of health and happiness than relationships with family members. “Friendships become even more important as we age,” said Chopik, assistant professor of psychology. “Keeping a few really good friends around can make a world of difference for our health and well-being. So it’s smart to invest in the friendships that make you happiest.” For the first study, Chopik analyzed survey information about relationships and self-rated health and happiness from 271,053 participants of all ages from nearly 100 countries. The second study looked at data from a separate survey about relationship support/strain and chronic illness from 7,481 older adults in the United States. According to the first study, both family and friend relationships were linked to better health and happiness overall, but only friendships became a stronger predictor of health and happiness at advanced ages. The second study also showed that friendships were very influential – when friends were the source of strain, participants reported more chronic illnesses; when friends were the source of support, participants were happier. Chopik said that may be because of the optional nature of relationships – that over time, we keep the friends we like and make us feel good and discard the rest. Friends also can provide a source of support for people who don’t have spouses or for those who don’t lean on family in times of need. Friends can also help prevent loneliness in older adults who may experience bereavement and often rediscover their social lives after they retire. Family relationships are often enjoyable too, Chopik said, but sometimes they involve serious, negative and monotonous interactions. “There are now a few studies starting to show just how important friendships can be for older adults. Summaries of these studies show that friendships predict day-to-day happiness more and ultimately how long we’ll live, more so than spousal and family relationships,” he said. Friendships often take a “back seat” in relationships research, Chopik added, which is strange, especially considering that they might be more influential for our happiness and health than other relationships. “Friendships help us stave off loneliness but are often harder to maintain across the lifespan,” he said. “If a friendship has survived the test of time, you know it must be a good one – a person you turn to for help and advice often and a person you wanted in your life.” The study appears online in the journal Personal Relationships.

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Materials provided by Michigan State University . Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Journal Reference :

• WILLIAM J. CHOPIK. Associations among relational values, support, health, and well-being across the adult lifespan . Personal Relationships , 2017; 24 (2): 408 DOI: 10.1111/pere.12187

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“Friends are the family you choose” is a popular maxim these days, when American families often live distant from each other and individuals often express a preference for friends over family. But even though we like to think of friends as our chosen family, we still communicate with friends and family members differently, according to a 2011 study from Oxford University. According to Sam Roberts and Robin Dunbar, who published their findings in the academic journal “Personal Relationships,” relationships between kin were more stable than friendships, based on a study of 251 women. Maintaining friendships requires frequent communication to create even a low-level emotional bond, and therefore friendships may actually be more fragile than family relationships.

More Frequent Contact with Friends

Though Roberts and Dunbar found that family relationships withstand the test of time, participants in their study still contacted friends more frequently than kin. Adults generally tend to expend more energy on friendships than family relationships, knowing that family ties are already strong and that maintaining friendship requires more contact.

Mediated vs. Unmediated Communications

A study by Applications Research at Motorola found that participants in a family household were more likely to control their availability to family members outside the household via phone or email. Participant communication was often due to a sense of obligation, and it often had a goal-oriented focus, such as a phone conversation to determine a meeting time and place. Participants admitted to avoiding communication with specific family members outside of the home whom they disliked or did not want to see. But though the study included close friends, participants did not experience as much anxiety surrounding communication with friends via technology or explicitly avoid communication with friends. This shows that friends are more likely to agree on set boundaries than family members, who may disagree about how much contact they should have.

Choosing vs. Not Choosing

Though family members may have many similarities, some family members are very different from each other in personality, taste or behavior. An article by Dena Kemmet of North Dakota State University’s Consumer and Family Sciences Extension Program argues that teenagers choose peers who are like themselves, thus giving them social units that mirror their tastes and personalities. Though peers provide an important support system for teens, Kemmet says this does not mean that parents grow any less important to their children during the adolescent years.

Family Relationships Predict Friendships

Roberts and Dunbar found that individuals in their study with larger families were likely to have larger networks of friends as well, with a lower level of emotional closeness overall. Individuals with smaller family networks were likely to have a small but emotionally close network of friends. In a similar vein, Andrew Ledbetter of Ohio State University found in a 2009 study that family-communication patterns predicted adult patterns of communication with friends. For example, young adults with more conversational families maintained a greater amount of face-to-face interaction in extra-familial relationships than those with less-conversational families.

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• Personal Relationships; Communication in social networks: Effects of kinship, network size, and emotional closeness; Sam Roberts and Robin Dunbar
• Applications Research; Mediated Communication Between Extended Family and Friends: A Case Study; Emilee Patrick and Crysta J. Metcalf
• North Dakota State University Extension: Who is More Important to Teens-Parents or Peers?
• Human Communication Research; Family Communication Patterns and Relational Maintenance Behavior: Direct and Mediated Associations with Friendship Closeness; Andrew M. Ledbetter

Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.

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Are Our Friends Better for Us than Our Families?

New research shines light on our relationships..

Posted June 13, 2017

When it comes to our health and happiness , friendship packs a powerful punch, enriching our lives and bolstering our wellbeing. And now, a new study shows that as we get older this effect gets even stronger—surpassing the impact of our spouse, siblings and children.

Researcher William Chopik conducted two studies exploring both friend and family relationships. First, in a study of over 270,000 people in 100 countries, he found that both family and friends positively impact our health and happiness in general, but as we get older, only our friendships prove to be beneficial.

In the second study of over 7,000 older Americans, the research showed that the quality of a relationship is what matters. If a friendship was a source of support, it brought happiness, but if a friendship was a source of stress , it could be tied to chronic illness . Interestingly, family relationships that were a source of strain did not link to chronic illness.

In later life, as our friends move away and pass away and our mobility declines, the risk of loneliness rises. So as we get older, it becomes crucial for us to invest time in social activities, join social groups and get to know the people we see on a regular basis whenever possible. Even simple social interactions with people at the local coffee shop or grocery store can make a big difference in a person’s feeling of being connected and cared about.

This study dovetails with others that show that—at any age--we find time spent with our friends to be more enjoyable than time spent with our spouses or family members. Chopik’s research advises that often family relationships are tainted by seriousness, negativity and a sense of obligation. This contrasts with the lightness, positivity and sense of choice that generally comes with friendship. After all, we pick our friends and they pick us and that mutuality brings with it an implicit affection that makes us feel secure and valued.

Big picture: All relationships that provide support are good for us, but as we get older we should take extra care to invest in friendships, because along with happiness, they can also bring us a long life!

Chopik, W. J. (2017) Associations among relational values, support, health, and well-being across the adult lifespan. Journal of Personal Relationships , 29 (2), 408-422.

Karen Riddell, J.D. , is a positive psychology-based life coach who empowers women in transition and writes and speaks on the importance of friendship.

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Essay on Family And Friends

Students are often asked to write an essay on Family And Friends in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Family And Friends

What is family.

A family is a group of people who are often related by blood. They are the first group of people we know when we are born. A family can include our parents, brothers, sisters, and sometimes grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. They teach us how to walk, talk, and understand the world. Families love and take care of each other.

Who are Friends?

Friends are people we like to spend time with. They are not from our family, but they can be just as important. We meet friends at school, parks, or classes. They play with us, share stories, and help us when we are sad or in trouble. Friends make life fun.

Why Family and Friends Matter

Family and friends are very important because they support us. Our family helps us grow up right and teaches us about life. Friends help us learn about trust and sharing. They both make us feel happy and loved. Without them, we would be very lonely. Family and friends fill our lives with joy.

250 Words Essay on Family And Friends

Importance of family and friends.

Family and friends are like the roots of a tree; they help us stay strong and grounded. Our family is the group of people we are born into or the ones who take care of us. They are our first teachers and our biggest supporters. They teach us how to walk, talk, and understand the world.

Family: Our First Friends

Our family is very important because they love us no matter what. They are there to celebrate our happy moments and support us when we are sad. They give us advice and help us make good choices. Our parents, brothers, sisters, and even our pets are part of our family. They make our house feel like a warm and happy home.

Friends: Our Chosen Family

Friends are the people we choose to have in our lives. They are the ones we share our toys with, play games with, and tell our secrets to. Good friends make us laugh, listen to our stories, and stand by us when we face problems. Just like family, true friends are important because they make us feel special and loved.

Together Is Better

Life is better with family and friends. They teach us how to share, care, and be kind to others. They make us feel we belong to something bigger than ourselves. Whether it’s a family picnic or a game with friends, these moments create memories that last forever.

In conclusion, family and friends fill our lives with joy and teach us how to love. They are the ones we think of first in good times and bad. They are our treasure, and we should always be thankful for them.

500 Words Essay on Family And Friends

Family is a group of people who are often connected by blood or marriage. In simple words, these are the people you live with, like your mom, dad, brothers, and sisters. Sometimes, your grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins are also part of your family. Family members take care of each other, help each other, and share a special bond that is hard to find anywhere else.

The Importance of Family

Your family is very important because they support you when you are sad and celebrate with you when you are happy. They teach you things like how to speak, how to walk, and how to behave with others. Families also make sure you have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a safe place to live. They are your first friends and the first people who love you.

What are Friends?

Friends are people who you are not related to but choose to spend time with. You meet friends at school, in your neighborhood, or during activities like sports or music classes. Friends make you laugh, join you in games, and are there to listen when you have something to share or when you need advice.

The Role of Friends in Our Lives

Friends are important because they make life more fun. They understand you in ways that sometimes family members might not. Friends are the ones you share secrets with, have adventures with, and learn new things with. They can be very different from you, which helps you learn about new cultures, foods, and ideas.

Family and Friends During Tough Times

When things get hard, like if you are feeling sick or having a bad day at school, family and friends are there to help. Your family might take care of you, make you soup, and make sure you get better. Your friends will try to cheer you up, maybe by telling jokes or doing something you enjoy together.

Building Strong Relationships

To have a good relationship with your family and friends, you need to talk to them, spend time with them, and show that you care. This means being kind, sharing, and helping them when they need it. It is also important to listen to them and respect their feelings.

Celebrating with Family and Friends

Birthdays, holidays, and special events are times when family and friends get together to celebrate. These are happy times when you can make great memories, like eating a birthday cake or going to a fun place together. These celebrations make the bond with your family and friends even stronger.

Family and friends are both very special. They make you feel loved, teach you new things, and are there for you in good times and bad. It’s important to take care of these relationships by being a good family member and a good friend. This means being kind, respectful, and there for each other. Remember, a life filled with loving family and friends is a happy life.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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• Mental Health/Psychology

Why Friends May Be More Important Than Family

F riends become increasingly important to health and happiness as people age, according to new research in the journal Personal Relationships . They’re so crucial, in fact, that having supportive friendships in old age was found to be a stronger predictor of wellbeing than having strong family connections.

The new paper explores the findings of two studies about relationships. In the first, involving more than 270,000 people in nearly 100 countries, author William Chopik found that both family and friend relationships were associated with better health and happiness overall. But at advanced ages, the link remained only for people who reported strong friendships.

“I went into the research sort of agnostic to the role of friendship,” says Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University. “But the really surprising thing was that, in a lot of ways, relationships with friends had a similar effect as those with family—and in others, they surpassed them.”

For the other study, Chopik analyzed a separate survey of nearly 7,500 older people in the U.S. Here, he found that it wasn’t just important to have friends, but that the quality of those friendships also mattered.

When people said their friends were a source of strain, they reported having more chronic illnesses. (Interestingly, that was not the case for people who reported strain from their spouses and children.) When their friends were a source of support, people were happier.

None of this is particularly surprising, says Chopik. After all, unlike our family, we can choose our friends. “A few studies show that we often enjoy our time with friends more than with family,” he says. “We do leisurely things with friends, whereas family events are often serious or maybe a little monotonous.”

MORE : You Asked: How Many Friends Do I Need?

The benefits of having close pals may also be stronger for older people because, by that point, those friendships have stood the test of time. “You have kept those people around because they have made you happy, or at least contributed to your wellbeing in some way,” says Chopik. “Across our lives, we let the more superficial friendships fade, and we’re left with the really influential ones.”

But Chopik says the power of friendship on physical and mental health is often ignored in research—especially in older people, where relationships with spouses and children are often considered more important.

And while it’s true that family members are often the people who provide caregiving support to the elderly, he says this can also create a sense of obligation. These relationships are certainly beneficial and often vital, Chopik adds. But they may not provide as much joy as those with long-time friends do.

Of course, some people can share powerful friendships with their siblings, spouses, children and other family members—and that’s a positive, too, says Chopik. “The general point is that the more support, the more positive interactions, the better,” he says. “The important thing is having people you can rely on, for the good times as well as the bad.”

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• Band 8 Essay Samples

Some People Say Friends Are More Important Than Family | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

by Manjusha Nambiar · Published December 29, 2021 · Updated April 11, 2024

Sample essay

Friends may come and go but family is constant. It is often said that friends are more important than family. In my opinion, this is not true. This essay will explain why family is more important than friends.

Friends are important and the nature of friendship changes as children grow up into adults. We form newer friendships as we age and it may or may not be feasible to maintain the same level of closeness with all of them. Friends also have their own families, responsibilities and priorities to take care of. Hence, it becomes difficult to completely rely on them in time of hardships. We may also lose touch with some friends due to our hectic schedules and thus they may not be approachable in times of need. Hence, while it is important to have friends, due to the transient nature of this relationship, it is not always bankable.

Family is the only constant throughout our life. While there may be difference of opinions and arguments within the family, it is certain that they will always have each other’s back in times of need. They will invariably be there for each other during the good and the difficult times. For instance, studies have shown that people who stay with their family and who have good relationships with them are happier and healthier. Thus, family is more important than friendship in life.

To conclude, while it is necessary to have friends in life, they are not more important than family. Friends have their own families to take care of and the only people who will stand by us at all times are our family members.

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Manjusha Nambiar

Hi, I'm Manjusha. This is my blog where I give IELTS preparation tips.

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It's Time To express Yourself

Friends vs. family: why friends are just as important as family.

You ever love people so much you're just happy to spend time with them? I feel that regularly because I surround myself with people who love me back. Some of these people are related to me and some aren't. 

I’ve lived a lifetime being pulled in two different directions – toward the obligation of family and the fun of friends. At some point, however, the lines started to blur and I couldn’t tell anybody apart anymore.

Before you know it, your friends are so close they feel like family and then the friend hangs start to seem like obligations too. Relatives may be left feeling neglected as you fit them into a calendar of events. It happens.

For some people, life circumstances have dictated who to prioritize and for some of us, it is not so clear. 

Comparing the relationship between friends and family

Friends are the people you choose to surround yourself with while being involved with family can seem like more of an obligation.

Familial relationships are for better or for worse. Blood, marriage, adoption – something has tied you to these people definitively. Even if the ties are strained, these people are still family. When a relative marries someone who you wouldn’t necessarily choose to spend your time with under other circumstances – still family.

It is easier for friends to come and go, but that also means the ones who stick together are worth it. Without the traditional obligations of holidays and family events, friends have to make an effort to be together. This can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, friends can get into all kinds of shenanigans together, usually with the understanding that they are in it together. On the other, one random disagreement could break the entire relationship.

Families are steeped in generations of tradition while friendships develop through shared experiences.

Family relationships tend to be hierarchical whereas friendships are more evenly balanced. We make friends through our common interests and these people become our peers.

Some people are subject to the “family is first” mentality. While this makes it clear that family is a priority, it can be a trap for those who want to step outside of any family norm or put their own needs first from time to time. It can also be difficult when an individual's values don't align with that of their relatives. 

When you’re with friends you have more freedom to be your true self. Again, this goes back to shared experiences. You have bonded with these people through something you have all taken part in, by choice or by happenstance, and that experience likely shapes some part of your personality. Everything we do affects who we are. With family, you may feel the need to fit a profile or you may not share everything for fear of judgment being passed. You may have to be conscious of your actions, the way you dress, and even what you say to keep the peace.

The effects of the family begin in childhood and last throughout your entire life 

These are the first relationships you form and they make an impact throughout the course of your entire life. Here’s a short video from Psych2Go on how the things that happen in our childhood do just that.   

The impact of the family is vast and the effects are both positive and negative. The reality is not everybody is close to their family. They could be separated by distance or circumstance. There could be something much deeper keeping people sharing the familial bond apart.

According to research published by the Oxford University Press, the quality of relationships within a family can impact a person’s well-being.  When support is received from one’s family, it can boost self-esteem and give a person a greater sense of self-worth. On the flip side, when family relationships are strained, it can cause stress which can lead to health-compromising behaviors.

At the end of the day, blood is blood no matter what the dynamic is and sometimes a person needs to reach outside of that to find a place in the world. The love from family can be deep, unyielding, and overbearing or it can be practically non-existent. While it’s important to develop friendships, it becomes even more crucial when there is no support coming from those to whom one is related.

Maintaining quality friendships has a positive impact on your well-being 

When it comes to friends, quality is definitely more important than quantity. There is a sense of belonging that comes from friendship and worthwhile friends have a profound impact on each other’s lives.

Friends lend support in a variety of ways. They celebrate our wins. They’re there to suffer through the pain of loss. We call on them when we need help and when we are bored. We enlist each other to partake in any number of shenanigans.

Friends are great when you need a reality check. If you have the kind of boundary-less friends that I do, you aren’t shy about your opinions and even though contempt or judgment shines through on occasion, you always know it comes from a place of caring. Plus, better to hear all the worst things about yourself from the people who love you so it doesn't phase you when the haters talk. 

Friends also provide an outlet for venting. We can share things with them that we might not be so open about with family members. This is what causes those lines to start getting fuzzy, especially when we want to avoid drama. We don’t have to censor ourselves around friends because we have already chosen to be in each other’s lives, also a reason why the reality checks work so well. When the only common interest we share with someone is blood, the relationship can be much more fragile.

Friends are the family that you choose. 

You might not be sure if you love your family because you have to or if it’s because you want to. You might not have a family to love at all. Whatever the case maybe we all need people. When all else fails, you literally can just pick your family.

There are no rules. There’s no guide to follow on how we build our tribe. Over the course of my lifetime, I’ve collected several friends for whom friend just doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. So we add labels, like a best friend, person, sister or brother, and aunt, uncle, or cousin by association – no blood, marriage, or adoption required.

Sometimes the bond of a chosen family can be stronger than that which you hold with true relatives. Not to let this be taken out of context, it doesn’t mean you don’t love those people to whom you are related, it just means that the love you hold is different.

We all have the right to choose which people we want in our lives, who we spend our time with. When your related family doesn’t fit the bill, handpicking your posse is the next best thing

How to balance relationships with friends and family so nobody feels neglected

1. Plan time for both by organizing priorities and blocking in time for each.

2. Plan something with all of them centered around yourself so they can spend time together and get to know each other.

3. Remind the people you love how important they are to you. 

4. Let everybody know it's not a competition for your attention. 

5. Plan fun activities so everybody can look forward to the time you will spend together.

6. Hang on to your traditions with each group respectively.

7. Be in the moment with whoever you are spending time with and don't let yourself be distracted with other responsibilities. 

8. Understand that there are very few true emergencies when you might be called on to blow off other plans. 

9. Set boundaries with your time so neither party can dominate it.

10. When all else fails, communicate - talk about how you feel, how they feel, and find a solution that has everybody feeling good.

There is room to love your friends and your family, and the bond of blood isn’t the only thing that can keep a group together. As I write this, I'm looking toward a group activity this weekend with friends I've known for 20+ years, planned months in advance. This comes on the heels of spending all day at the beginning of the week with my mother for Mother's day. And at the end of May, it's the greatest spectacle in racing - the Indy 500, a tradition 46 years in the making courtesy of my father and godfather, with a band of second-generation fanatics whose goal is to continue racking up the years as we pass it on to a third. 

Take the liberty and freedom to explore your options if you find the bonds in your closest relations lacking. If you’re lucky enough to have close relatives and close friends, throw them all in the pot together and make it your very own version of a big happy family.

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Difference Between Family And Friends (Essay Sample)

Difference between family and friends.

The difference between friends and family has been controversial in recent history. Today there is a common saying that states that family is the friends that you choose. The biological and legal definition of family is the people that are related by blood or marriage. These include parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, great-aunts, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, great-uncles and great-great-grandparents and so on. The most definitive feature is that families are as a result of an accident at birth. People do not have a choice over their families until they are old enough to marry to get married. That is when they choose those they would like to spend the rest of their lives with. On the other hand, friends are the people that we interact every day with. These are the people that we meet over the course of our lives and develop relationships that might last long or might be short lived.

Family members are the people who hail from a common ancestry while friends are not related to people. According to a recently concluded research relationships between family members tend to last longer compared to those created via friendship. People who come from a common ancestry tend to be loyal to each other compared to friends who get into relationships to achieve certain goals. Families usually have more complicated ties compared to friendships. People come into this world inform of a family even if they do not know where they are they do exists. Friends are the people they meet in the course of their lives whom they do not have any blood relation with and develop relationships.

Another major difference between friends and family is in the structures of each. The traditional American structure of a family tart with two people who get married and bear children who also bear children and the structure continue that trend. However, friendships do not have a specific structure that they follow.  Friends are the people that we develop special bonds with and feel like we can share some of our information with. They are the people that other people feel comfortable when around. Friends share most private things among themselves that they do not share with their family members. The friend of an individual is in a position to know more about that particular individual compared to a family member.

Today the notion that friends are the family that one chooses is beginning to shape many relationships and the traditional form of friendship. People today are showing more loyalty to their friend than their families. Cases have been reported all over the world where family members are killing each other over loyalty to their friends or for personal gain. Traditionally relationships between family members lasted for long periods compared to relationships forged over friendship. Additionally, relationships among family members tend to be steadier and firm compared to those among friends.  A recently concluded research suggests that friends maintained more contact compared to relatives. Most friends still call each other to discuss certain matters affecting them and the solutions to these problems compared to family. Critics argue that this is because family members tend to be more judgmental compared to friends. Friends, on the other hand, can motivate one to get into trouble for their enjoyment while family members will tend to protect their relatives from trouble. Relationship among family members are based on the fact that these people shared a bloodline. However it is important to note that most people share secrets with friends as opposed to family. This is because they feel that they have some things in common with their friends that they do not experience with their family members. Friendships can only evolve into family that is through marriage or adoption while at the same time people have to be open and close to their family members for them to be considered as friends.

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• Families and Friends as the Most Essential People in an Individuals Life

Families and Friends as the Most Essential People in an Individuals Life - Essay Example

• Subject: Sociology
• Type: Essay
• Level: Undergraduate
• Pages: 4 (1000 words)
• Downloads: 4
• Author: antoniettaluett

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What is the Difference Between Friends and Family?

Friends and family are similar to two eyes. Together, our two eyes provide vision. Like family, friends provide love, care, and support. Both have value in their own right. Friendship is the relationship itself, but family is a certain manner we hold relationships.

The difference between friends and family is that friends are the people you choose to be in your life, while the individuals in your life who are related to you by blood are your family.

To understand further differences between friends and family, let’s first study definitions:

Table of Contents

Who are Friends?

For the majority of us, a friend is someone who stands with us throughout our everyday lives. Friends are people with whom you have a close relationship. You and your buddies have a few shared ideals and ideas.

Friends can live next door to you, across the country, or even on the other side of the world. A friend usually is someone you can trust or enjoy spending time with.

Friends communicate with one another and hang out together. They have mutual respect and assist one another when they are harmed or in need.

What Does Healthy Friendship Look Like?

1. celebrate each other’s success.

In a healthy friendship, friends praise each other’s achievements. Genuinely devoted friends will never be jealous of your achievement. They remain genuine.

A vital aspect of friendship is enjoying it, joyously appreciating it, and feeling proud of friends. True friends are concerned about their friends’ success.

2. Helping Each Other In Tough Times

Your friends might be a reliable source of support for you. If you have loving and healthy friendships, you assist each other when things are tough and care for each other’s needs.

3. Trust and Loyalty in Friendship

Loyalty and trust are the two important factors that matter the most in friendship.

Trusting each other is crucial because it allows us to be honest with one another and enjoy ourselves to the fullest.

In a friendship, loyalty means assisting the other person in becoming their best self. A loyal friend will remain by your side and ensure you are not experiencing pain and suffering alone.

A loyal buddy will stick by your side even after everyone else has left to support you through life’s challenges.

Who are Family?

A family is a collection of individuals that work together as a unit.

The definition of a family that is most frequently used is a unit that consists of parents and their kids living collectively. When we discuss family love, we most frequently refer to this definition.

Family can also refer to all ancestors who share the same last name. Some people view their friends as members of their family.

However, depending on your relationship type, your love for your friends may or may not suit when we talk about family love.

Learn more: What is the Difference Between Melodramatic and Dramatic?

What Does a Loving Healthy Family Look Like?

Families can differ greatly from one another and still be based on love for one another. However, there are some qualities of familial love that are shared by healthy families given below:

1. It Is Love, Unconditional Love

Unconditional affection in families is healthy. You still love the other family members for who they are, despite what they do, say, or feel. 

You might hold radically different political ideas. You might disagree with what a different family member does. However, they are your family and will always love you unconditionally.

2. You Treat One Another With Respect

When you healthily respect your family members, your words and deeds reflect that respect. Even if you disagree with a family member’s decision, you should respect their freedom to make it.

3. You Enjoy Doing Things Together

Families who participate in activities together develop closer bonds. The interactions between you and your family strengthen your bond, whether you go on an outing or spend the evening playing games.

Differences Between Friends and Family Video

The differences between friends and family are given below:

The main difference between friends and family is that a family is a system of relationships where members live nearby and spend most of their time together.

We cannot always choose these relationships, such as those with our parents, siblings, and other family members. Family shares a single home, a single kitchen, and most importantly, a common environment and each other’s energies .

On the other hand, a friend is someone who is familiar with all of your details. Friends are those who know when to correct you and when to comfort you despite the fact that you are wrong.

They are the ones who manage your anger and hatred and grasp you when you can also not analyze your own sentiments while still deciding to be by your side.

Another difference between friends and family is that family is one such attachment which cannot be lost easily. How harsh we speak to them or act in an ill-mannered way with them, we know that family loves us, and we love family deep inside.

Whereas, when it comes to friends, we tend to first make friends with those who share our thinking. As a result, we enjoy hanging out with them and doing all kinds of weird stuff.

Friends understand us very well and we can share any secrets with the friends which we cannot share or hesitate to share with family.

Family Vs. Friends

The comparison between family vs. friends are given below:

• The first comparison between family vs. friends is that we can choose the friends we want either good or bad, but we are unable to do so when it comes to family.
• In comparison between family vs. friends, connections with friends are created in the various locations to which we travel, thus they are frequently changing. While family is formed from the moment we are born, we are related to one another by blood and a variety of other characteristics.
• Family members are almost inseparable and overly bonded. Oppositely friends are connected socially, professionally, and officially, not from blood.

Friendship Vs. Family

The difference between friendship vs. family are:

Most friendships involve a trustworthy friend who is always there for you, whether with quiet words or great actions. Friendship is an affectionate bond between people.

The framework of friendship is significantly more open-ended and offers a wide range of potential interactions. In its own way, friendship is incredibly distinctive.

But when you are friends, you nearly always have a strong connection since you are around the same age, almost as mature, and almost as experienced in life.

Family members are those in your life who accept you for who you are and who want you to be a part of theirs. They are the people that love you unconditionally and would do anything to make you smile. Even when you treat them badly, they still come to you.

Your mother has since lost her sense of taste and her favorite meal, she still clearly remembers yours. Your sister is prouder of your accomplishments than of her own.

The only man in the world who never feels envious of your success and instead wants you to succeed is your father. Although your brother has never gotten into a fight, he is not afraid to defend you against the bullies at school.

What are the Differences Between Friends and Family?

Highlighting the differences between friends and family in the following table:

Family and friends offer you support at various times and under varying situations. From one person to another, it differs. 

Family creates you, forms you, loves you, and seeks your interests. Friends awaken you and make you feel at home anywhere.

If life is a race, to put it simply. Family is the person running beside you, while friendships are the rest stops. There are friends who become family and friends who are already family.

Read more: What is the Difference Between Sedan and SUV?

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The Family is More Important than Friends Essay

This goes down without much argument that family is more important than friendship. The family should come first and friends later.

The family and friends will give you the emotional support that you need when you need it. They are always there for you throughout the ups and down of life. Friends may abandon you when things get tough, but family hardly will run away from you when things are not working out.

Take an example of an instance when you have lost a job, or maybe you have poor health. At this time you can’t tend to your needs properly. It’s during such times when you badly need support. Most of the people that you may have thought are your friends and wouldn’t leave you alone always disappoint you by abandoning you, but family members will see you through your struggles till you rise again.

Another reason why the family should always come first is that they mostly know your deepest secrets and were always with you when you were a young child. Most friends would and will use what they know to be your shameful past or secrets to hurt you when there is a misunderstanding. But your family is always concerned about your well-being and will go to any length to make sure that the secrets are guarded at all cost.

As I summarize my argument, it’s evidently clear that while we need friends in our lives, it is paramount to know and acknowledge the crucial role that our family plays throughout our lifetime. The family’s emotional, financial, physical and spiritual support is vital and should not be sidelined. Our family members can be our best friends, but our best friends can’t become our family members. After all, blood is always thicker than water

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Friendship vs. family Opinion Essay

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What It Means To Be Asian in America

The lived experiences and perspectives of asian americans in their own words.

Asians are the fastest growing racial and ethnic group in the United States. More than 24 million Americans in the U.S. trace their roots to more than 20 countries in East and Southeast Asia and the Indian subcontinent.

The majority of Asian Americans are immigrants, coming to understand what they left behind and building their lives in the United States. At the same time, there is a fast growing, U.S.-born generation of Asian Americans who are navigating their own connections to familial heritage and their own experiences growing up in the U.S.

In a new Pew Research Center analysis based on dozens of focus groups, Asian American participants described the challenges of navigating their own identity in a nation where the label “Asian” brings expectations about their origins, behavior and physical self. Read on to see, in their own words, what it means to be Asian in America.

• Introduction

Table of Contents

This is how i view my identity, this is how others see and treat me, this is what it means to be home in america, about this project, methodological note, acknowledgments.

No single experience defines what it means to be Asian in the United States today. Instead, Asian Americans’ lived experiences are in part shaped by where they were born, how connected they are to their family’s ethnic origins, and how others – both Asians and non-Asians – see and engage with them in their daily lives. Yet despite diverse experiences, backgrounds and origins, shared experiences and common themes emerged when we asked: “What does it mean to be Asian in America?”

In the fall of 2021, Pew Research Center undertook the largest focus group study it had ever conducted – 66 focus groups with 264 total participants – to hear Asian Americans talk about their lived experiences in America. The focus groups were organized into 18 distinct Asian ethnic origin groups, fielded in 18 languages and moderated by members of their own ethnic groups. Because of the pandemic, the focus groups were conducted virtually, allowing us to recruit participants from all parts of the United States. This approach allowed us to hear a diverse set of voices – especially from less populous Asian ethnic groups whose views, attitudes and opinions are seldom presented in traditional polling. The approach also allowed us to explore the reasons behind people’s opinions and choices about what it means to belong in America, beyond the preset response options of a traditional survey.

The terms “Asian,” “Asians living in the United States” and “Asian American” are used interchangeably throughout this essay to refer to U.S. adults who self-identify as Asian, either alone or in combination with other races or Hispanic identity.

“The United States” and “the U.S.” are used interchangeably with “America” for variations in the writing.

Multiracial participants are those who indicate they are of two or more racial backgrounds (one of which is Asian). Multiethnic participants are those who indicate they are of two or more ethnicities, including those identified as Asian with Hispanic background.

U.S. born refers to people born in the 50 U.S. states or the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, or other U.S. territories.

Immigrant refers to people who were not U.S. citizens at birth – in other words, those born outside the U.S., Puerto Rico or other U.S. territories to parents who were not U.S. citizens. The terms “immigrant,” “first generation” and “foreign born” are used interchangeably in this report.  

Second generation refers to people born in the 50 states or the District of Columbia with at least one first-generation, or immigrant, parent.

The pan-ethnic term “Asian American” describes the population of about 22 million people living in the United States who trace their roots to more than 20 countries in East and Southeast Asia and the Indian subcontinent. The term was popularized by U.S. student activists in the 1960s and was eventually adopted by the U.S. Census Bureau. However, the “Asian” label masks the diverse demographics and wide economic disparities across the largest national origin groups (such as Chinese, Indian, Filipino) and the less populous ones (such as Bhutanese, Hmong and Nepalese) living in America. It also hides the varied circumstances of groups immigrated to the U.S. and how they started their lives there. The population’s diversity often presents challenges . Conventional survey methods typically reflect the voices of larger groups without fully capturing the broad range of views, attitudes, life starting points and perspectives experienced by Asian Americans. They can also limit understanding of the shared experiences across this diverse population.

Across all focus groups, some common findings emerged. Participants highlighted how the pan-ethnic “Asian” label used in the U.S. represented only one part of how they think of themselves. For example, recently arrived Asian immigrant participants told us they are drawn more to their ethnic identity than to the more general, U.S.-created pan-ethnic Asian American identity. Meanwhile, U.S.-born Asian participants shared how they identified, at times, as Asian but also, at other times, by their ethnic origin and as Americans.

Another common finding among focus group participants is the disconnect they noted between how they see themselves and how others view them. Sometimes this led to maltreatment of them or their families, especially at heightened moments in American history such as during Japanese incarceration during World War II, the aftermath of 9/11 and, more recently, the COVID-19 pandemic. Beyond these specific moments, many in the focus groups offered their own experiences that had revealed other people’s assumptions or misconceptions about their identity.

Another shared finding is the multiple ways in which participants take and express pride in their cultural and ethnic backgrounds while also feeling at home in America, celebrating and blending their unique cultural traditions and practices with those of other Americans.

This focus group project is part of a broader research agenda about Asians living in the United States. The findings presented here offer a small glimpse of what participants told us, in their own words, about how they identify themselves, how others see and treat them, and more generally, what it means to be Asian in America.

Illustrations by Jing Li

Publications from the Being Asian in America project

• Read the data essay: What It Means to Be Asian in America
• Watch the documentary: Being Asian in America
• Explore the interactive: In Their Own Words: The Diverse Perspectives of Being Asian in America
• View expanded interviews: Extended Interviews: Being Asian in America
• About this research project: More on the Being Asian in America project
• Q&A: Why and how Pew Research Center conducted 66 focus groups with Asian Americans

One of the topics covered in each focus group was how participants viewed their own racial or ethnic identity. Moderators asked them how they viewed themselves, and what experiences informed their views about their identity. These discussions not only highlighted differences in how participants thought about their own racial or ethnic background, but they also revealed how different settings can influence how they would choose to identify themselves. Across all focus groups, the general theme emerged that being Asian was only one part of how participants viewed themselves.

The pan-ethnic label ‘Asian’ is often used more in formal settings

“I think when I think of the Asian Americans, I think that we’re all unique and different. We come from different cultures and backgrounds. We come from unique stories, not just as a group, but just as individual humans.” Mali , documentary participant

Many participants described a complicated relationship with the pan-ethnic labels “Asian” or “Asian American.” For some, using the term was less of an active choice and more of an imposed one, with participants discussing the disconnect between how they would like to identify themselves and the available choices often found in formal settings. For example, an immigrant Pakistani woman remarked how she typically sees “Asian American” on forms, but not more specific options. Similarly, an immigrant Burmese woman described her experience of applying for jobs and having to identify as “Asian,” as opposed to identifying by her ethnic background, because no other options were available. These experiences highlight the challenges organizations like government agencies and employers have in developing surveys or forms that ask respondents about their identity. A common sentiment is one like this:

“I guess … I feel like I just kind of check off ‘Asian’ [for] an application or the test forms. That’s the only time I would identify as Asian. But Asian is too broad. Asia is a big continent. Yeah, I feel like it’s just too broad. To specify things, you’re Taiwanese American, that’s exactly where you came from.”

–U.S.-born woman of Taiwanese origin in early 20s

Smaller ethnic groups default to ‘Asian’ since their groups are less recognizable

Other participants shared how their experiences in explaining the geographic location and culture of their origin country led them to prefer “Asian” when talking about themselves with others. This theme was especially prominent among those belonging to smaller origin groups such as Bangladeshis and Bhutanese. A Lao participant remarked she would initially say “Asian American” because people might not be familiar with “Lao.”

“​​[When I fill out] forms, I select ‘Asian American,’ and that’s why I consider myself as an Asian American. [It is difficult to identify as] Nepali American [since] there are no such options in forms. That’s why, Asian American is fine to me.”

–Immigrant woman of Nepalese origin in late 20s

“Coming to a big country like [the United States], when people ask where we are from … there are some people who have no idea about Bhutan, so we end up introducing ourselves as being Asian.”

–Immigrant woman of Bhutanese origin in late 40s

But for many, ‘Asian’ as a label or identity just doesn’t fit

Many participants felt that neither “Asian” nor “Asian American” truly captures how they view themselves and their identity. They argue that these labels are too broad or too ambiguous, as there are so many different groups included within these labels. For example, a U.S.-born Pakistani man remarked on how “Asian” lumps many groups together – that the term is not limited to South Asian groups such as Indian and Pakistani, but also includes East Asian groups. Similarly, an immigrant Nepalese man described how “Asian” often means Chinese for many Americans. A Filipino woman summed it up this way:

“Now I consider myself to be both Filipino and Asian American, but growing up in [Southern California] … I didn’t start to identify as Asian American until college because in [the Los Angeles suburb where I lived], it’s a big mix of everything – Black, Latino, Pacific Islander and Asian … when I would go into spaces where there were a lot of other Asians, especially East Asians, I didn’t feel like I belonged. … In media, right, like people still associate Asian with being East Asian.”

–U.S.-born woman of Filipino origin in mid-20s

Participants also noted they have encountered confusion or the tendency for others to view Asian Americans as people from mostly East Asian countries, such as China, Japan and Korea. For some, this confusion even extends to interactions with other Asian American groups. A Pakistani man remarked on how he rarely finds Pakistani or Indian brands when he visits Asian stores. Instead, he recalled mostly finding Vietnamese, Korean and Chinese items.

Among participants of South Asian descent, some identified with the label “South Asian” more than just “Asian.” There were other nuances, too, when it comes to the labels people choose. Some Indian participants, for example, said people sometimes group them with Native Americans who are also referred to as Indians in the United States. This Indian woman shared her experience at school:

“I love South Asian or ‘Desi’ only because up until recently … it’s fairly new to say South Asian. I’ve always said ‘Desi’ because growing up … I’ve had to say I’m the red dot Indian, not the feather Indian. So annoying, you know? … Always a distinction that I’ve had to make.”

–U.S.-born woman of Indian origin in late 20s

Participants with multiethnic or multiracial backgrounds described their own unique experiences with their identity. Rather than choosing one racial or ethnic group over the other, some participants described identifying with both groups, since this more accurately describes how they see themselves. In some cases, this choice reflected the history of the Asian diaspora. For example, an immigrant Cambodian man described being both Khmer/Cambodian and Chinese, since his grandparents came from China. Some other participants recalled going through an “identity crisis” as they navigated between multiple identities. As one woman explained:

“I would say I went through an identity crisis. … It’s because of being multicultural. … There’s also French in the mix within my family, too. Because I don’t identify, speak or understand the language, I really can’t connect to the French roots … I’m in between like Cambodian and Thai, and then Chinese and then French … I finally lumped it up. I’m just an Asian American and proud of all my roots.”

–U.S.-born woman of Cambodian origin in mid-30s

In other cases, the choice reflected U.S. patterns of intermarriage. Asian newlyweds have the highest intermarriage rate of any racial or ethnic group in the country. One Japanese-origin man with Hispanic roots noted:

“So I would like to see myself as a Hispanic Asian American. I want to say Hispanic first because I have more of my mom’s culture in me than my dad’s culture. In fact, I actually have more American culture than my dad’s culture for what I do normally. So I guess, Hispanic American Asian.”

–U.S.-born man of Hispanic and Japanese origin in early 40s

Other identities beyond race or ethnicity are also important

Focus group participants also talked about their identity beyond the racial or ethnic dimension. For example, one Chinese woman noted that the best term to describe her would be “immigrant.” Faith and religious ties were also important to some. One immigrant participant talked about his love of Pakistani values and how religion is intermingled into Pakistani culture. Another woman explained:

“[Japanese language and culture] are very important to me and ingrained in me because they were always part of my life, and I felt them when I was growing up. Even the word itadakimasu reflects Japanese culture or the tradition. Shinto religion is a part of the culture. They are part of my identity, and they are very important to me.”

–Immigrant woman of Japanese origin in mid-30s

For some, gender is another important aspect of identity. One Korean participant emphasized that being a woman is an important part of her identity. For others, sexual orientation is an essential part of their overall identity. One U.S.-born Filipino participant described herself as “queer Asian American.” Another participant put it this way:

“I belong to the [LGBTQ] community … before, what we only know is gay and lesbian. We don’t know about being queer, nonbinary. [Here], my horizon of knowing what genders and gender roles is also expanded … in the Philippines, if you’ll be with same sex, you’re considered gay or lesbian. But here … what’s happening is so broad, on how you identify yourself.”

–Immigrant woman of Filipino origin in early 20s

Immigrant identity is tied to their ethnic heritage

Participants born outside the United States tended to link their identity with their ethnic heritage. Some felt strongly connected with their ethnic ties due to their citizenship status. For others, the lack of permanent residency or citizenship meant they have stronger ties to their ethnicity and birthplace. And in some cases, participants said they held on to their ethnic identity even after they became U.S. citizens. One woman emphasized that she will always be Taiwanese because she was born there, despite now living in the U.S.

For other participants, family origin played a central role in their identity, regardless of their status in the U.S. According to some of them, this attitude was heavily influenced by their memories and experiences in early childhood when they were still living in their countries of origin. These influences are so profound that even after decades of living in the U.S., some still feel the strong connection to their ethnic roots. And those with U.S.-born children talked about sending their kids to special educational programs in the U.S. to learn about their ethnic heritage.

“Yes, as for me, I hold that I am Khmer because our nationality cannot be deleted, our identity is Khmer as I hold that I am Khmer … so I try, even [with] my children today, I try to learn Khmer through Zoom through the so-called Khmer Parent Association.”

–Immigrant man of Cambodian origin in late 50s

Navigating life in America is an adjustment

Many participants pointed to cultural differences they have noticed between their ethnic culture and U.S. culture. One of the most distinct differences is in food. For some participants, their strong attachment to the unique dishes of their families and their countries of origin helps them maintain strong ties to their ethnic identity. One Sri Lankan participant shared that her roots are still in Sri Lanka, since she still follows Sri Lankan traditions in the U.S. such as preparing kiribath (rice with coconut milk) and celebrating Ramadan.

For other participants, interactions in social settings with those outside their own ethnic group circles highlighted cultural differences. One Bangladeshi woman talked about how Bengalis share personal stories and challenges with each other, while others in the U.S. like to have “small talk” about TV series or clothes.

Many immigrants in the focus groups have found it is easier to socialize when they are around others belonging to their ethnicity. When interacting with others who don’t share the same ethnicity, participants noted they must be more self-aware about cultural differences to avoid making mistakes in social interactions. Here, participants described the importance of learning to “fit in,” to avoid feeling left out or excluded. One Korean woman said:

“Every time I go to a party, I feel unwelcome. … In Korea, when I invite guests to my house and one person sits without talking, I come over and talk and treat them as a host. But in the United States, I have to go and mingle. I hate mingling so much. I have to talk and keep going through unimportant stories. In Korea, I am assigned to a dinner or gathering. I have a party with a sense of security. In America, I have nowhere to sit, and I don’t know where to go and who to talk to.”

–Immigrant woman of Korean origin in mid-40s

And a Bhutanese immigrant explained:

“In my case, I am not an American. I consider myself a Bhutanese. … I am a Bhutanese because I do not know American culture to consider myself as an American. It is very difficult to understand the sense of humor in America. So, we are pure Bhutanese in America.”

–Immigrant man of Bhutanese origin in early 40s

Language was also a key aspect of identity for the participants. Many immigrants in the focus groups said they speak a language other than English at home and in their daily lives. One Vietnamese man considered himself Vietnamese since his Vietnamese is better than his English. Others emphasized their English skills. A Bangladeshi participant felt that she was more accepted in the workplace when she does more “American” things and speaks fluent English, rather than sharing things from Bangladeshi culture. She felt that others in her workplace correlate her English fluency with her ability to do her job. For others born in the U.S., the language they speak at home influences their connection to their ethnic roots.

“Now if I go to my work and do show my Bengali culture and Asian culture, they are not going to take anything out of it. So, basically, I have to show something that they are interested in. I have to show that I am American, [that] I can speak English fluently. I can do whatever you give me as a responsibility. So, in those cases I can’t show anything about my culture.”

–Immigrant woman of Bangladeshi origin in late 20s

“Being bi-ethnic and tri-cultural creates so many unique dynamics, and … one of the dynamics has to do with … what it is to be Americanized. … One of the things that played a role into how I associate the identity is language. Now, my father never spoke Spanish to me … because he wanted me to develop a fluency in English, because for him, he struggled with English. What happened was three out of the four people that raised me were Khmer … they spoke to me in Khmer. We’d eat breakfast, lunch and dinner speaking Khmer. We’d go to the temple in Khmer with the language and we’d also watch videos and movies in Khmer. … Looking into why I strongly identify with the heritage, one of the reasons is [that] speaking that language connects to the home I used to have [as my families have passed away].”

–U.S.-born man of Cambodian origin in early 30s

Balancing between individualistic and collective thinking

For some immigrant participants, the main differences between themselves and others who are seen as “truly American” were less about cultural differences, or how people behave, and more about differences in “mindset,” or how people think . Those who identified strongly with their ethnicity discussed how their way of thinking is different from a “typical American.” To some, the “American mentality” is more individualistic, with less judgment on what one should do or how they should act . One immigrant Japanese man, for example, talked about how other Japanese-origin co-workers in the U.S. would work without taking breaks because it’s culturally inconsiderate to take a break while others continued working. However, he would speak up for himself and other workers when they are not taking any work breaks. He attributed this to his “American” way of thinking, which encourages people to stand up for themselves.

Some U.S.-born participants who grew up in an immigrant family described the cultural clashes that happened between themselves and their immigrant parents. Participants talked about how the second generation (children of immigrant parents) struggles to pursue their own dreams while still living up to the traditional expectations of their immigrant parents.

“I feel like one of the biggest things I’ve seen, just like [my] Asian American friends overall, is the kind of family-individualistic clash … like wanting to do your own thing is like, is kind of instilled in you as an American, like go and … follow your dream. But then you just grow up with such a sense of like also wanting to be there for your family and to live up to those expectations, and I feel like that’s something that’s very pronounced in Asian cultures.”

–U.S.-born man of Indian origin in mid-20s

Discussions also highlighted differences about gender roles between growing up in America compared with elsewhere.

“As a woman or being a girl, because of your gender, you have to keep your mouth shut [and] wait so that they call on you for you to speak up. … I do respect our elders and I do respect hearing their guidance but I also want them to learn to hear from the younger person … because we have things to share that they might not know and that [are] important … so I like to challenge gender roles or traditional roles because it is something that [because] I was born and raised here [in America], I learn that we all have the equal rights to be able to speak and share our thoughts and ideas.”

U.S. born have mixed ties to their family’s heritage

“I think being Hmong is somewhat of being free, but being free of others’ perceptions of you or of others’ attempts to assimilate you or attempts to put pressure on you. I feel like being Hmong is to resist, really.” Pa Houa , documentary participant

How U.S.-born participants identify themselves depends on their familiarity with their own heritage, whom they are talking with, where they are when asked about their identity and what the answer is used for. Some mentioned that they have stronger ethnic ties because they are very familiar with their family’s ethnic heritage. Others talked about how their eating habits and preferred dishes made them feel closer to their ethnic identity. For example, one Korean participant shared his journey of getting closer to his Korean heritage because of Korean food and customs. When some participants shared their reasons for feeling closer to their ethnic identity, they also expressed a strong sense of pride with their unique cultural and ethnic heritage.

“I definitely consider myself Japanese American. I mean I’m Japanese and American. Really, ever since I’ve grown up, I’ve really admired Japanese culture. I grew up watching a lot of anime and Japanese black and white films. Just learning about [it], I would hear about Japanese stuff from my grandparents … myself, and my family having blended Japanese culture and American culture together.”

–U.S.-born man of Japanese origin in late 20s

Meanwhile, participants who were not familiar with their family’s heritage showed less connection with their ethnic ties. One U.S.-born woman said she has a hard time calling herself Cambodian, as she is “not close to the Cambodian community.” Participants with stronger ethnic ties talked about relating to their specific ethnic group more than the broader Asian group. Another woman noted that being Vietnamese is “more specific and unique than just being Asian” and said that she didn’t feel she belonged with other Asians. Some participants also disliked being seen as or called “Asian,” in part because they want to distinguish themselves from other Asian groups. For example, one Taiwanese woman introduces herself as Taiwanese when she can, because she had frequently been seen as Chinese.

Some in the focus groups described how their views of their own identities shifted as they grew older. For example, some U.S.-born and immigrant participants who came to the U.S. at younger ages described how their experiences in high school and the need to “fit in” were important in shaping their own identities. A Chinese woman put it this way:

“So basically, all I know is that I was born in the United States. Again, when I came back, I didn’t feel any barrier with my other friends who are White or Black. … Then I got a little confused in high school when I had trouble self-identifying if I am Asian, Chinese American, like who am I. … Should I completely immerse myself in the American culture? Should I also keep my Chinese identity and stuff like that? So yeah, that was like the middle of that mist. Now, I’m pretty clear about myself. I think I am Chinese American, Asian American, whatever people want.”

–U.S.-born woman of Chinese origin in early 20s

Identity is influenced by birthplace

“I identified myself first and foremost as American. Even on the forms that you fill out that says, you know, ‘Asian’ or ‘Chinese’ or ‘other,’ I would check the ‘other’ box, and I would put ‘American Chinese’ instead of ‘Chinese American.’” Brent , documentary participant

When talking about what it means to be “American,” participants offered their own definitions. For some, “American” is associated with acquiring a distinct identity alongside their ethnic or racial backgrounds, rather than replacing them. One Indian participant put it this way:

“I would also say [that I am] Indian American just because I find myself always bouncing between the two … it’s not even like dual identity, it just is one whole identity for me, like there’s not this separation. … I’m doing [both] Indian things [and] American things. … They use that term like ABCD … ‘American Born Confused Desi’ … I don’t feel that way anymore, although there are those moments … but I would say [that I am] Indian American for sure.”

–U.S.-born woman of Indian origin in early 30s

Meanwhile, some U.S.-born participants view being American as central to their identity while also valuing the culture of their family’s heritage.

Many immigrant participants associated the term “American” with immigration status or citizenship. One Taiwanese woman said she can’t call herself American since she doesn’t have a U.S. passport. Notably, U.S. citizenship is an important milestone for many immigrant participants, giving them a stronger sense of belonging and ultimately calling themselves American. A Bangladeshi participant shared that she hasn’t received U.S. citizenship yet, and she would call herself American after she receives her U.S. passport.

Other participants gave an even narrower definition, saying only those born and raised in the United States are truly American. One Taiwanese woman mentioned that her son would be American since he was born, raised and educated in the U.S. She added that while she has U.S. citizenship, she didn’t consider herself American since she didn’t grow up in the U.S. This narrower definition has implications for belonging. Some immigrants in the groups said they could never become truly American since the way they express themselves is so different from those who were born and raised in the U.S. A Japanese woman pointed out that Japanese people “are still very intimidated by authorities,” while those born and raised in America give their opinions without hesitation.

“As soon as I arrived, I called myself a Burmese immigrant. I had a green card, but I still wasn’t an American citizen. … Now I have become a U.S. citizen, so now I am a Burmese American.”

–Immigrant man of Burmese origin in mid-30s

“Since I was born … and raised here, I kind of always view myself as American first who just happened to be Asian or Chinese. So I actually don’t like the term Chinese American or Asian American. I’m American Asian or American Chinese. I view myself as American first.”

–U.S.-born man of Chinese origin in early 60s

“[I used to think of myself as] Filipino, but recently I started saying ‘Filipino American’ because I got [U.S.] citizenship. And it just sounds weird to say Filipino American, but I’m trying to … I want to accept it. I feel like it’s now marry-able to my identity.”

–Immigrant woman of Filipino origin in early 30s

For others, American identity is about the process of ‘becoming’ culturally American

Immigrant participants also emphasized how their experiences and time living in America inform their views of being an “American.” As a result, some started to see themselves as Americans after spending more than a decade in the U.S. One Taiwanese man considered himself an American since he knows more about the U.S. than Taiwan after living in the U.S. for over 52 years.

But for other immigrant participants, the process of “becoming” American is not about how long they have lived in the U.S., but rather how familiar they are with American culture and their ability to speak English with little to no accent. This is especially true for those whose first language is not English, as learning and speaking it without an accent can be a big challenge for some. One Bangladeshi participant shared that his pronunciation of “hot water” was very different from American English, resulting in confusions in communication. By contrast, those who were more confident in their English skills felt they can better understand American culture and values as a result, leading them to a stronger connection with an American identity.

“[My friends and family tease me for being Americanized when I go back to Japan.] I think I seem a little different to people who live in Japan. I don’t think they mean anything bad, and they [were] just joking, because I already know that I seem a little different to people who live in Japan.”

–Immigrant man of Japanese origin in mid-40s

“I value my Hmong culture, and language, and ethnicity, but I also do acknowledge, again, that I was born here in America and I’m grateful that I was born here, and I was given opportunities that my parents weren’t given opportunities for.”

–U.S.-born woman of Hmong origin in early 30s

During the focus group discussions about identity, a recurring theme emerged about the difference between how participants saw themselves and how others see them. When asked to elaborate on their experiences and their points of view, some participants shared experiences they had with people misidentifying their race or ethnicity. Others talked about their frustration with being labeled the “model minority.” In all these discussions, participants shed light on the negative impacts that mistaken assumptions and labels had on their lives.

All people see is ‘Asian’

For many, interactions with others (non-Asians and Asians alike) often required explaining their backgrounds, reacting to stereotypes, and for those from smaller origin groups in particular, correcting the misconception that being “Asian” means you come from one of the larger Asian ethnic groups. Several participants remarked that in their own experiences, when others think about Asians, they tend to think of someone who is Chinese. As one immigrant Filipino woman put it, “Interacting with [non-Asians in the U.S.], it’s hard. … Well, first, I look Spanish. I mean, I don’t look Asian, so would you guess – it’s like they have a vision of what an Asian [should] look like.” Similarly, an immigrant Indonesian man remarked how Americans tended to see Asians primarily through their physical features, which not all Asian groups share.

Several participants also described how the tendency to view Asians as a monolithic group can be even more common in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic.

“The first [thing people think of me as] is just Chinese. ‘You guys are just Chinese.’ I’m not the only one who felt [this] after the COVID-19 outbreak. ‘Whether you’re Japanese, Korean, or Southeast Asian, you’re just Chinese [to Americans]. I should avoid you.’ I’ve felt this way before, but I think I’ve felt it a bit more after the COVID-19 outbreak.”

–Immigrant woman of Korean origin in early 30s

At the same time, other participants described their own experiences trying to convince others that they are Asian or Asian American. This was a common experience among Southeast Asian participants.

“I have to convince people I’m Asian, not Middle Eastern. … If you type in Asian or you say Asian, most people associate it with Chinese food, Japanese food, karate, and like all these things but then they don’t associate it with you.”

–U.S.-born man of Pakistani origin in early 30s

The model minority myth and its impact

“I’ve never really done the best academically, compared to all my other Asian peers too. I never really excelled. I wasn’t in honors. … Those stereotypes, I think really [have] taken a toll on my self-esteem.” Diane , documentary participant

Across focus groups, immigrant and U.S.-born participants described the challenges of the seemingly positive stereotypes of Asians as intelligent, gifted in technical roles and hardworking. Participants often referred to this as the “model minority myth.”

The label “model minority” was coined in the 1960s and has been used to characterize Asian Americans as financially and educationally successful and hardworking when compared with other groups. However, for many Asians living in the United States, these characterizations do not align with their lived experiences or reflect their socioeconomic backgrounds. Indeed, among Asian origin groups in the U.S., there are wide differences in economic and social experiences. 

Academic research on the model minority myth has pointed to its impact beyond Asian Americans and towards other racial and ethnic groups, especially Black Americans, in the U.S. Some argue that the model minority myth has been used to justify policies that overlook the historical circumstances and impacts of colonialism, slavery, discrimination and segregation on other non-White racial and ethnic groups.

Many participants noted ways in which the model minority myth has been harmful. For some, expectations based on the myth didn’t match their own experiences of coming from impoverished communities. Some also recalled experiences at school when they struggled to meet their teachers’ expectations in math and science.

“As an Asian person, I feel like there’s that stereotype that Asian students are high achievers academically. They’re good at math and science. … I was a pretty mediocre student, and math and science were actually my weakest subjects, so I feel like it’s either way you lose. Teachers expect you to fit a certain stereotype and if you’re not, then you’re a disappointment, but at the same time, even if you are good at math and science, that just means that you’re fitting a stereotype. It’s [actually] your own achievement, but your teachers might think, ‘Oh, it’s because they’re Asian,’ and that diminishes your achievement.”

–U.S.-born woman of Korean origin in late 20s

Some participants felt that even when being Asian worked in their favor in the job market, they encountered stereotypes that “Asians can do quality work with less compensation” or that “Asians would not complain about anything at work.”

“There is a joke from foreigners and even Asian Americans that says, ‘No matter what you do, Asians always do the best.’ You need to get A, not just B-plus. Otherwise, you’ll be a disgrace to the family. … Even Silicon Valley hires Asian because [an] Asian’s wage is cheaper but [they] can work better. When [work] visa overflow happens, they hire Asians like Chinese and Indian to work in IT fields because we are good at this and do not complain about anything.”

–Immigrant man of Thai origin in early 40s

Others expressed frustration that people were placing them in the model minority box. One Indian woman put it this way:

“Indian people and Asian people, like … our parents or grandparents are the ones who immigrated here … against all odds. … A lot of Indian and Asian people have succeeded and have done really well for themselves because they’ve worked themselves to the bone. So now the expectations [of] the newer generations who were born here are incredibly unrealistic and high. And you get that not only from your family and the Indian community, but you’re also getting it from all of the American people around you, expecting you to be … insanely good at math, play an instrument, you know how to do this, you know how to do that, but it’s not true. And it’s just living with those expectations, it’s difficult.”

–U.S.-born woman of Indian origin in early 20s

Whether U.S. born or immigrants, Asians are often seen by others as foreigners

“Being only not quite 10 years old, it was kind of exciting to ride on a bus to go someplace. But when we went to Pomona, the assembly center, we were stuck in one of the stalls they used for the animals.” Tokiko , documentary participant

Across all focus groups, participants highlighted a common question they are asked in America when meeting people for the first time: “Where are you really from?” For participants, this question implied that people think they are “foreigners,” even though they may be longtime residents or citizens of the United States or were born in the country. One man of Vietnamese origin shared his experience with strangers who assumed that he and his friends are North Korean. Perhaps even more hurtful, participants mentioned that this meant people had a preconceived notion of what an “American” is supposed to look like, sound like or act like. One Chinese woman said that White Americans treated people like herself as outsiders based on her skin color and appearance, even though she was raised in the U.S.

Many focus group participants also acknowledged the common stereotype of treating Asians as “forever foreigners.” Some immigrant participants said they felt exhausted from constantly being asked this question by people even when they speak perfect English with no accent. During the discussion, a Korean immigrant man recalled that someone had said to him, “You speak English well, but where are you from?” One Filipino participant shared her experience during the first six months in the U.S.:

“You know, I spoke English fine. But there were certain things that, you know, people constantly questioning you like, oh, where are you from? When did you come here? You know, just asking about your experience to the point where … you become fed up with it after a while.”

–Immigrant woman of Filipino origin in mid-30s

U.S.-born participants also talked about experiences when others asked where they are from. Many shared that they would not talk about their ethnic origin right away when answering such a question because it often led to misunderstandings and assumptions that they are immigrants.

“I always get that question of, you know, ‘Where are you from?’ and I’m like, ‘I’m from America.’ And then they’re like, ‘No. Where are you from-from ?’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah, my family is from Pakistan,’ so it’s like I always had like that dual identity even though it’s never attached to me because I am like, of Pakistani descent.”

–U.S.-born man of Pakistani origin in early 20s

One Korean woman born in the U.S. said that once people know she is Korean, they ask even more offensive questions such as “Are you from North or South Korea?” or “Do you still eat dogs?”

In a similar situation, this U.S.-born Indian woman shared her responses:

“I find that there’s a, ‘So but where are you from?’ Like even in professional settings when they feel comfortable enough to ask you. ‘So – so where are you from?’ ‘Oh, I was born in [names city], Colorado. Like at [the hospital], down the street.’ ‘No, but like where are you from?’ ‘My mother’s womb?’”

–U.S.-born woman of Indian origin in early 40s

Ignorance and misinformation about Asian identity can lead to contentious encounters

“I have dealt with kids who just gave up on their Sikh identity, cut their hair and groomed their beard and everything. They just wanted to fit in and not have to deal with it, especially [those] who are victim or bullied in any incident.” Surinder , documentary participant

In some cases, ignorance and misinformation about Asians in the U.S. lead to inappropriate comments or questions and uncomfortable or dangerous situations. Participants shared their frustration when others asked about their country of origin, and they then had to explain their identity or correct misunderstandings or stereotypes about their background. At other times, some participants faced ignorant comments about their ethnicity, which sometimes led to more contentious encounters. For example, some Indian or Pakistani participants talked about the attacks or verbal abuse they experienced from others blaming them for the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Others discussed the racial slurs directed toward them since the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Some Japanese participants recalled their families losing everything and being incarcerated during World War II and the long-term effect it had on their lives.

“I think like right now with the coronavirus, I think we’re just Chinese, Chinese American, well, just Asian American or Asians in general, you’re just going through the same struggles right now. Like everyone is just blaming whoever looks Asian about the virus. You don’t feel safe.”

–U.S.-born man of Chinese origin in early 30s

“At the beginning of the pandemic, a friend and I went to celebrate her birthday at a club and like these guys just kept calling us COVID.”

–U.S.-born woman of Korean origin in early 20s

“There [were] a lot of instances after 9/11. One day, somebody put a poster about 9/11 [in front of] my business. He was wearing a gun. … On the poster, it was written ‘you Arabs, go back to your country.’ And then someone came inside. He pointed his gun at me and said ‘Go back to your country.’”

–Immigrant man of Pakistani origin in mid-60s

“[My parents went through the] internment camps during World War II. And my dad, he was in high school, so he was – they were building the camps and then he was put into the Santa Anita horse track place, the stables there. And then they were sent – all the Japanese Americans were sent to different camps, right, during World War II and – in California. Yeah, and they lost everything, yeah.”

–U.S.-born woman of Japanese origin in mid-60s

As focus group participants contemplated their identity during the discussions, many talked about their sense of belonging in America. Although some felt frustrated with people misunderstanding their ethnic heritage, they didn’t take a negative view of life in America. Instead, many participants – both immigrant and U.S. born – took pride in their unique cultural and ethnic backgrounds. In these discussions, people gave their own definitions of America as a place with a diverse set of cultures, with their ethnic heritage being a part of it.

Taking pride in their unique cultures

“Being a Pakistani American, I’m proud. … Because I work hard, and I make true my dreams from here.” Shahid , documentary participant

Despite the challenges of adapting to life in America for immigrant participants or of navigating their dual cultural identity for U.S.-born ones, focus group participants called America their home. And while participants talked about their identities in different ways – ethnic identity, racial (Asian) identity, and being American – they take pride in their unique cultures. Many also expressed a strong sense of responsibility to give back or support their community, sharing their cultural heritage with others on their own terms.

“Right now it has been a little difficult. I think it has been for all Asians because of the COVID issue … but I’m glad that we’re all here [in America]. I think we should be proud to be here. I’m glad that our families have traveled here, and we can help make life better for communities, our families and ourselves. I think that’s really a wonderful thing. We can be those role models for a lot of the future, the younger folks. I hope that something I did in the last years will have impacted either my family, friends or students that I taught in other community things that I’ve done. So you hope that it helps someplace along the line.”

“I am very proud of my culture. … There is not a single Bengali at my workplace, but people know the name of my country. Maybe many years [later] – educated people know all about the country. So, I don’t have to explain that there is a small country next to India and Nepal. It’s beyond saying. People after all know Bangladesh. And there are so many Bengali present here as well. So, I am very proud to be a Bangladeshi.”

Where home is

When asked about the definition of home, some immigrant participants said home is where their families are located. Immigrants in the focus groups came to the United States by various paths, whether through work opportunities, reuniting with family or seeking a safe haven as refugees. Along their journey, some received support from family members, their local community or other individuals, while others overcame challenges by themselves. Either way, they take pride in establishing their home in America and can feel hurt when someone tells them to “go back to your country.” In response, one Laotian woman in her mid-40s said, “This is my home. My country. Go away.”

“If you ask me personally, I view my home as my house … then I would say my house is with my family because wherever I go, I cannot marry if I do not have my family so that is how I would answer.”

–Immigrant man of Hmong origin in late 30s

“[If somebody yelled at me ‘go back to your country’] I’d feel angry because this is my country! I live here. America is my country. I grew up here and worked here … I’d say, ‘This is my country! You go back to your country! … I will not go anywhere. This is my home. I will live here.’ That’s what I’d say.”

–Immigrant woman of Laotian origin in early 50s

‘American’ means to blend their unique cultural and ethnic heritage with that in the U.S.

“I want to teach my children two traditions – one American and one Vietnamese – so they can compare and choose for themselves the best route in life.” Helen , documentary participant (translated from Vietnamese)

Both U.S.-born and immigrant participants in the focus groups shared their experiences of navigating a dual cultural environment between their ethnic heritage and American culture. A common thread that emerged was that being Asian in America is a process of blending two or more identities as one.

“Yeah, I want to say that’s how I feel – because like thinking about it, I would call my dad Lao but I would call myself Laotian American because I think I’m a little more integrated in the American society and I’ve also been a little more Americanized, compared to my dad. So that’s how I would see it.”

–U.S.-born man of Laotian origin in late 20s

“I mean, Bangladeshi Americans who are here, we are carrying Bangladeshi culture, religion, food. I am also trying to be Americanized like the Americans. Regarding language, eating habits.”

–Immigrant man of Bangladeshi origin in mid-50s

“Just like there is Chinese American, Mexican American, Japanese American, Italian American, so there is Indian American. I don’t want to give up Indianness. I am American by nationality, but I am Indian by birth. So whenever I talk, I try to show both the flags as well, both Indian and American flags. Just because you make new relatives but don’t forget the old relatives.”

–Immigrant man of Indian origin in late 40s

Pew Research Center designed these focus groups to better understand how members of an ethnically diverse Asian population think about their place in America and life here. By including participants of different languages, immigration or refugee experiences, educational backgrounds, and income levels, this focus group study aimed to capture in people’s own words what it means to be Asian in America. The discussions in these groups may or may not resonate with all Asians living in the United States. Browse excerpts from our focus groups with the interactive quote sorter below, view a video documentary focused on the topics discussed in the focus groups, or tell us your story of belonging in America via social media. The focus group project is part of a broader research project studying the diverse experiences of Asians living in the U.S.

Read sortable quotes from our focus groups

Browse excerpts in the interactive quote sorter from focus group participants in response to the question “What does it mean to be [Vietnamese, Thai, Sri Lankan, Hmong, etc.] like yourself in America?” This interactive allows you to sort quotes from focus group participants by ethnic origin, nativity (U.S. born or born in another country), gender and age.

Video documentary

Videos throughout the data essay illustrate what focus group participants discussed. Those recorded in these videos did not participate in the focus groups but were sampled to have similar demographic characteristics and thematically relevant stories.

Watch the full video documentary and watch additional shorter video clips related to the themes of this data essay.

Share the story of your family and your identity

Did the voices in this data essay resonate? Share your story of what it means to be Asian in America with @pewresearch. Tell us your story by using the hashtag #BeingAsianInAmerica and @pewidentity on Twitter, as well as #BeingAsianInAmerica and @pewresearch on Instagram.

This cross-ethnic, comparative qualitative research project explores the identity, economic mobility, representation, and experiences of immigration and discrimination among the Asian population in the United States. The analysis is based on 66 focus groups we conducted virtually in the fall of 2021 and included 264 participants from across the U.S. More information about the groups and analysis can be found in this appendix .

Pew Research Center is a subsidiary of The Pew Charitable Trusts, its primary funder. This data essay was funded by The Pew Charitable Trusts, with generous support from the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative DAF, an advised fund of the Silicon Valley Community Foundation; the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation; the Henry Luce Foundation; The Wallace H. Coulter Foundation; The Dirk and Charlene Kabcenell Foundation; The Long Family Foundation; Lu-Hebert Fund; Gee Family Foundation; Joseph Cotchett; the Julian Abdey and Sabrina Moyle Charitable Fund; and Nanci Nishimura.

The accompanying video clips and video documentary were made possible by The Pew Charitable Trusts, with generous support from The Sobrato Family Foundation and The Long Family Foundation.

We would also like to thank the Leaders Forum for its thought leadership and valuable assistance in helping make this study possible. This is a collaborative effort based on the input and analysis of a number of individuals and experts at Pew Research Center and outside experts.

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• Revision vs. Proofreading

by acburton | Apr 30, 2024 | Resources for Students , Writing Resources

Somewhere towards the end of the writing process , you’ll be ready for revision. Or proofreading? Or both!

You see, revision and proofreading are two different things. Revision is the process of reviewing and improving our writing for clarity, conciseness, and to make sure it fits the prompt/serves our purpose as well as seems accessible to our target audience. It focuses on global, or overarching, concerns in our writing: things like organization, argument, evidence, continuity, clarity, and flow. Proofreading on the other hand is all about double-checking local, or minor, concerns like grammar, spelling, syntax, and word choice. While both are essential, they represent two separate stages in the writing process. Revision should happen after initial drafting, while proofreading occurs as a final step before turning in a piece of writing.

The “Intuitive Sequence”

Harris ( How To Do Things with Texts ) describes the “labor of writing” as involving three steps:

• “Drafting, or generating text.”
• “Revising, or working with the text you’ve created, rethinking and developing what you want to say.”
• “Editing, or working on your text as an artifact, preparing the final version of your document.”

These steps form the “intuitive sequence”; the process of transforming ideas into words on the page, reconsidering, revisiting, and reworking what you have written, and, lastly, editing, formatting, or in other words, proofreading your final document.

It is important to remember however, that, in practice, much of this work overlaps. Many, if not most, writers revise and edit as they move through their draft, although as Harris notes, it is not usually recommended to spend too much time “polishing” a draft before you are even sure it will make it to the final cut (or version) of your essay. Sometimes, revision can include drafting new material to incorporate into your paper, or editing can lead you right back to the revision stage if you find your paragraphs, sentences, or arguments could use some rearranging.

Remember! Aim for good enough, not perfect. No piece of writing will ever be perfect, which means we’re always aiming for ‘good enough.’

Tips for Approaching Revision, Proofreading, or Both

This is not an exhaustive list! For example, in both stages, you’ll want to be sure that you are appropriately citing the work you get from another author or authors.

• As you begin revising, start by taking a “funnel approach”: begin with general concerns and gradually move to those more specific.
• Reexamine the topic and structure of your writing. Do you stay on topic throughout your essay? After revisiting your transitions, should you rearrange your paragraphs to change the ‘flow’ of your paper?
• Check out the language used; is it too wordy? Redundant? What is your tone? Are your arguments clear to an external reader?

Proofreading

• Avoid relying only on spelling and grammar checkers. They make mistakes too, so you will need to double and triple check your work, even with software helping your writing.
• Fix one error at a time. This will help you avoid having to skim or reread to catch errors that weren’t addressed the first time you caught them.
• Read the text backwards. Sometimes the brain automatically corrects written mistakes!
• Ask a native English speaker to read your paper out loud. This will help you catch minor grammatical errors you might have missed, as well as allow you to hear the ‘flow’ of your essay.
• Double-check. It’s always a good idea to read through your draft at various stages of the writing process.
• Know when to stop working on it! You’ll reach a point at which you’re not substantially revising or improving a piece of writing, just tinkering with it or nit picking (which generally isn’t helpful). It’s important to know when a piece of writing is good enough.

Ask for Feedback

While you can create a clear, powerful piece of writing on your own, it’s impossible to know whether it reads that way to an audience without talking to someone about it. Be sure to have peers, friends, family, or tutors give you feedback on your writing to make sure it’s communicating what you want it to.

Visit the Writing Center for additional help during all stages of the writing process!

https://www.unr.edu/writing-speaking-center/writing-speaking-resources/editing-and- proofreading-techniques https://www.grammarly.com/blog/revise/ https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctv1vbd212.8 How To Do Things with Texts by Joseph Harris (Chapter 5).

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