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85 Funny Writing Quotes

• Post author By Onyemechi Nwakonam
• Post date December 30, 2020
• No Comments on 85 Funny Writing Quotes

I recently laughed and felt motivated by these writing quotes.

As writers, there are inspiring funny quotes that will get you laughing.

Writers are inspiring as well as funny.

Not all though.

Some have a way of making fun of their craft.

Sometimes when I need a hard laugh, I read these quotes.

What I also love is that these quotes also offer positive advice to writers.

Let’s start laughing.

1.” Learn to write. Never mind the damn statistics. If you like statistics, become a CPA.”

– Jim Murray

2.”Writing is like giving yourself homework, really hard homework, every day, for the rest of your life.”

—-Ketrina Monroe.

3.”A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.”

—–Thomas Mann

4.”There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately no one knows it.”  W.Somerset Maugham

5.”A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch.”

– Kingsley Amis

6.”Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”– Mark Twain

7.” If writers were good businessmen, they’d have too much sense to be writers.”

– Irvin S. Cobb

8.”I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

– Douglas Adams

9.”A person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down.”

– Edna St. Vincent Millay

10.”Unless a reviewer has the courage to give you unqualified praise, I say ignore the bastard.”

– John Steinbeck

11.”It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book.”

12. “I was sorry to hear my name mentioned as one of the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I am not feeling very well myself.”

– Mark Twain

13.” As far as I’m concerned, “whom” is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.”

– Calvin Trillin

14.”autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.”

– Quentin Crisp

15.”I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”

– Steven Wright

16.”Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.”

– Groucho Marx

17.”Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.”

– Fran Lebowitz

18.”Revising a story down to the bare essentials is always a little like murdering children, but it must be done.”

– Stephen King

19.”If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now.”

Dorothy Parker

20.”The funny thing about writing is that when you are doing it well or doing it poorly,It looks the exact same that is actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing”

21.”Never let a bad memory get in the way of a good memoir.”

– Joanie Levenson

22.”Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them. There’s many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.”

– Flannery O’Connor

23.”It’s splendid to be a great writer, to put men into the frying pan of your imagination and make them pop like chestnuts.”

– Gustave Flaubert

24.”Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public.”

– Paulo Coelho

25.”There are two kinds of people who sit around all day thinking about killing people. Mystery writers and serial killers. I’m the kind that pays best.”

                            Richard Castle

26.”I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”—Fred Allen

27.”All literature is gossip.”

– Truman Capote

28.”Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”

– Dr. Samuel Johnson, to an aspiring writer

29.”Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.”

– Anonymous

30.“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”

– Ernest Hemingway

31.”I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.”

– A. J. Liebling

32.”There’s not much to be said about the period except that most writers don’t reach it soon enough.”

– William Zinsser

33.”The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.”

– Thomas Jefferson

34.”It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.”

– Robert Benchley

35.”When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am a grown-up they call me a writer.”

– Isaac Bashevis Singer

36.”It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.”

– Jack Kerouac, WD

37.”Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Don’t use double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.”

– William Safire

38.” Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

39.”Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.”

– Ashish Chauhan ‏

40.”Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

41.”Did you hear about the little boy who ended a sentence with 5 prepositions? He said, “What are you bringing that book that I don’t want to be read to out of up for?”

42.”I hate the rhetoric of politicians, but I love it when writers lie to me. If the novelist ran for office. I would vote for their characters. ”   

Benson Bruno

43.”Let me see if I can put it in words that even the inebriated might understand.”

– Tom Robbins

44.”This is how you do it: sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it’s done. It’s that easy, and that hard.”

– Neil Gaiman

45.”When Thoreau wrote: “Simplify, simplify, simplify!” shouldn’t he have edited it down to “Simplify!”?”

– CrankyPappy ‏@CrankyPappy

46.”He does not so much split his infinitives as disembowel them.”

– Rebecca West

47.”If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand don’t remove it — I may b writing in my dreams.”– 

Terri Guillemes

48.”I am a writer. If I seem cold, it’s because I am surrounded by drafts.”

– (Unknown Author)

49.”Writers don’t have lifestyles. They sit in little rooms and write.”

– Norman Mailer

50.”The only time I’ll get good reviews is if I kill myself.”

– Edward Albee

51.”I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh. I know I’m on the right track-But yes, I don’t like to get maudlin, And I have a tendency towards it “-

Gene Wilder

52.”It is perfectly okay to write garbage – as long as you edit brilliantly.”

– C.J. Cherryh

53.”It’s a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.”

Andrew Jackson

54.”A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.”

– Baltasar Gracián

55.”I get a lot of letters from people. They say: “I want to be a writer. What should I do?” I tell them to stop writing to me and get on with it.”

– Ruth Rendell

56.”Writing is so difficult that I often feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment thereafter.”

– Jessamyn West

57.” when people share a little light on their monster we find out how similar most of our monsters are”

 Anne Lamott

58.”About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.”

– Josh Billings

59.”The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time… unlike, say, a brain surgeon.”

– Robert Cormier

60.”Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money’.’ – Ashish Chauhan

61″I am procrastinating by writing this

You are procrastinating by reading this

Now we are procrastinating together”

62.”Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.”

63.”It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.”

64.”An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.”

– Franklin P. Jones

65.”All autobiographies are alibi-ographies.”

– Clare Booth Luce

66.”Alimony is the curse of the writing class.”

67.”I’m not a very good writer… but I’m an excellent rewriter.”

– James Michener

68.”How many writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to screw it in,

One to sharpen all the pencils in the house,

One to make more coffee,

One to call a friend to chat,

And one to complain that there’s never time to do any writing.

Wait, that’s only five — that’s why they need editors.”

69.”The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.”

– Mary Heaton Vorse

70.”Me in the early freelance years: stranger: Oh, you’re a writer! Have you written anything I may have read? Me: Depends. How well-read are you on the top ten tips for hiring a professional carpet cleaning service in Manchester?”

– Kelly Dunning

71.”Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.”

– Philip Guedalla

72.”Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

– Gene Fowler

73.”I try to leave out the parts that people skip.”

– Elmore Leonard

74.”The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering.”

– Tom Waits

75.”I wrote a few children\’s books. Not on purpose.”- Steven Wright

76.’Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.’ – Christopher Hampton

77.”Being an author is being in charge of your own personal insane asylum.”

– Terri Guillemets

78.”The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.”

– J. Frank Dobie

79.”Other than the physical act of putting pen to paper, I can’t think of another more important job duty of the writer than to stare wistfully out a window.”

80.”The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”

81.”If Moses were alive today he’d come down from the mountain with the Ten

Commandments and spend the next five years trying to get them published.”

82.”No author dislikes to be edited a much as he dislikes not to be published.”

– Russell Lynes

83.”The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.”

– S.J. Perelman

84.”Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of two absolute necessities. The other, unfortunately, is talent.”

85.”If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”

Now it’s your turn.

Let me know your favorite funny writing quotes in the comments section.

If you know of any funny Writing quote.

Feel free to share with me in the comments section.

• Tags Writing Quotes

By Onyemechi Nwakonam

Hi ,I write poetry and short prose. I am excited to help you organise your writing journey.

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20+ Funny Writing Quotes to Make You Feel Better About Being a Writer

Just a heads up, we use affiliate links in our articles and reviews whenever possible to help cover the costs of running this site.

As an aspiring writer (or a well-established one), staring at a blank sheet of paper (or screen) is quite intimidating. Sometimes, you need a kick of inspiration or a glug of motivation to get you on the right track. Well, that’s the beautiful part of writing; you need not look very far to find the best quotes about writing.

Personally, I am a huge fan of comedy and appreciate anyone who works hard to inject funny stuff into their work. The same goes for funny quotes about writing. Nothing makes me feel less like an amateur and more like a fellow artist sharing the writing life with other writing friends.

I searched high and low (seriously, I stumbled across a webpage from 1995 with a few gems) for the best funny writing quotes to make you laugh, inspire you, and, at the very least, get you back to the keyboard (or blank page).

Top 20 Funny Writing Quotes (to Motivate You)

The following quotes are in no specific order. Some are laugh-out-loud, hilarious quotes as if comedians wrote them. Others are simply a good laugh or chuckle. Whatever the case is, this collection of funny quotes about writing will make you think. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

“The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.” – Marty Feldman

“I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.” – Fred Allen

“There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” – Red Smith

“All writers are vain, selfish, and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery.” – George Orwell

“The secret of popular writing is never to put more on a given page than the common reader can lap off it with no strain whatsoever on his habitually slack attention.” – Ezra Pound

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” – Stephen King

“I do not like to write – I like to have written.” – Gloria Steinem

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright

“A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.” – Baltasar Gracián

“Easy reading is damn hard writing.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” – Agatha Christie

“The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time; unlike, say, a brain surgeon.” – Robert Cormier

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of ‘The Elements of Style.’ The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now while they’re happy.” – Dorothy Parker

“I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.” – Peter De Vries

“A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” – Thomas Mann

“The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn’t require any.” – Russell Baker

“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.” – E.L. Doctorow

“There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” – W. Somerset Maugham

“Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Famous Authors and Their Funny Writing Quotes

Some writers are synonymous with their wit and unique views about the art of written word. I have to mention them here because, well, these people have clearly mastered the art of writing.

Mark Twain’s Humorous Take on Writing

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it, and the writing will be just as it should be.”

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

“Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”

Oscar Wilde’s Witty Writing Quotes

“I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.”

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”    

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”

Kurt Vonnegut’s Unique Thoughts on Writing

“This is what I find encouraging about the writing trades: They allow lunatics to seem saner than sane.”

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”    

“Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.”

“Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.”

Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens on Humor

“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it’s done. It’s that easy, and that hard.”    

“The main rule of writing is that if you do it with enough assurance and confidence, you’re allowed to do whatever you like. So write your story as it needs to be written.”

“Finish what you’re writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it.”

Virginia Woolf Will Leave You Howling

“Writing is like sex. First, you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money.”

Ernest Hemingway’s Earnest Observations

“The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in shock-proof shit-detector.”

“The first draft of anything is garbage.”

Ray Bradbury’s Quotation Chronicles 

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

“I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously.”

“You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.”

Impact of Funny Writing Quotes on Readers

I’m assuming you’re here to find inspiration to keep writing (aren’t we all) or looking for that one quip that’ll fit nicely into your latest writing piece. But who said you need to quote the greats? You have everything you need to write your own classic material!

It is a well-established fact that humor has a positive effect on memory recall. However, the exact reason for this effect is unknown. It is speculated that humorous content tends to be more memorable because it triggers emotional responses and engages people’s attention. When information is presented in a humorous or entertaining way, it can enhance the encoding and retrieval processes in memory. #Science

So, it is safe to assume that adding humor to your writing tickles the happy glands in your readers, thus making them more susceptible to your story/message. (And yes, I’m well aware there are no such things as happy glands–work with me here.) But how exactly do you implement humor into your writing? 

Keep reading to find out.

How to Implement Humor in Your Writing

If you’re sweating at this point, fear not. No one is asking you to stand on stage at your local coffee shop’s open mic night. Implementing humor into your writing is a lot less hard work than you think. Here are five examples to elicit some laughter from your readers:

•   Puns and Wordplay : You don’t need to be the next Dr. Seuss to sprinkle a little wordplay into your work. Incorporating a pun or two adds a playful element to your writing. Just make sure that the wordplay is relevant and fits the context. (You have no idea how hard I am restraining myself from adding a pun here.)
•   Analogies and Metaphors : Make a point to give your readers visual cues with analogies and metaphors. Sometimes, taking complex information and relaying it in a more familiar sense helps your readers to grasp what you are saying. And to save you the Google search: an analogy uses a structured format to show how two sets of things are alike, while metaphors directly assert that one thing is similar to another without using “like” or “as.”
•   Satire and Self-deprecation : David Sedaris is a master at this form of humor. You can employ satire to criticize or mock human flaws, society, institutions, or even yourself. In doing so, you can tackle subjects that seem insurmountable or taboo. As always, be mindful of your tone and context. You don’t want to come across as offensive.
•   Exaggeration and Hyperbole : Taking a fact and stretching it juuuuust a bit helps make details or situations much more memorable to your readers. How far you stretch the truth is up to you, the writer. 
•   Anecdotes and Personal Stories : Sharing funny anecdotes or real-life experiences can help connect you with readers personally. How much you insert yourself into your work is dictated by the medium of your writing. I’m sure an academic advisor wouldn’t want to read about your night out with friends in your thesis. Then again, what’s stopping you?

Importance of Timing in Funny Writing

Humorous writing can be deployed in one of two ways: 1.) breaking tension or 2.) disrupting expectations.

Both methods require proper timing to implement. I will use two of my favorite (British) writers/comedians to demonstrate each.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a master at comedic timing. In her hit series Fleabag, a dark and vulgar comedy, PWB uses humor to diffuse countless difficult situations. Here’s one brief exchange of Fleabag and the Priest discussing a heavy-handed topic, the purpose of life:

The Priest : Why would you believe in something awful when you can believe in something wonderful!? Fleabag : Don’t make me an optimist; you will ruin my life.

It’s a subtle joke but effective in diffusing further tension around a taboo subject. Now, what about disrupting expectations? For that, I’ll let James Acaster demonstrate:

Notice when Acaster earns that very big laugh from the audience. Yes, he earned a few chuckles throughout this anecdote about a childhood car trip. However, after he announces the time of death of an airplane passenger on whom he attempted heart surgery with a spork–a completely unexpected disruption to the bit–that’s when the audience bursts out in their biggest laugh.

Both Phoebe and James are working for laughs; that’s the entire point of their work. For you and your writing, look for those moments that are too heavy or intense and relieve your reader a bit with properly timed humor. Just don’t over do it or make it feel forced.

Influence of Humor on Reader Engagement

I can’t remember the last time I read a serious article or book that didn’t use humor. I can’t remember because humor makes ideas stick in your brain. If your goal as a writer is to gain more followers, write a best-seller, or at the very least, foster a decent writing career, you will need engaged readers. And engaged readers, like most humans, enjoy humor.

I’m not saying you need to be a comedic writer or humorist. However, wielding the comedic pen from time to time will not only turn you into a great writer, but it will also leave a lasting impression on your readers.

Take, for example, when you were young and in school. To this day, anytime my wife asks me how many cups are in a half gallon, my brain automatically sings: “One gallon, four quarts, eight pints, sixteen cups, Purple People Eater!”

Why a Purple People Eater? I have no clue. But that silly, ridiculous image and catchy tune I learned in second grade is so far lodged in my brain that I will never not know my units of volume conversion rates. It is also another argument for adopting the metric system. But I digress.

The point is humor is a powerful tool for writers. Use it.

Conclusion: The Power of Humor in Writing

If you know of a better way to make the writing and reading process enjoyable for both parties involved, I’m all ears. Sure, this article is a list of my favorite quotes about writing. But–I hope–it’s something much more helpful than that.

I hope these funny sayings motivate and inspire you to practice your craft.

Who knows, maybe one day a funny thing you wrote will make this list of famous quotes.

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It is perfectly okay to write garbage – as long as you edit brilliantly. – C.J. Cherryh

It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book. – Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

A person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down. – Edna St. Vincent Millay

I try to leave out the parts that people skip. – Elmore Leonard

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. – Gene Fowler

I’m not a very good writer… but I’m an excellent rewriter. – James Michener

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous. – Robert Benchley

The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time… unlike, say, a brain surgeon. – Robert Cormier

No author dislikes to be edited a much as he dislikes not to be published. – Russell Lynes

The road to hell is paved with adverbs. – Stephen King

Other than the physical act of putting pen to paper, I can’t think of another more important job duty of the writer than to stare wistfully out a window. – Terri Guillemets

Being an author is being in charge of your own personal insane asylum. – Terri Guillemets

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• Mar 9, 2017

20 Inspirational (And Occasionally Funny) Quotes About Writing

Updated: Jul 19, 2019

One of my favorite things to do in my spare time, or when I'm knee-deep in work and simply need some inspiration, is to look up popular quotes.

I love doing this because there's an endless supply of quotes online these days. In fact, finding quotes that matter most to you is as simple as Googling, "quotes about ..." They can be funny, thought-provoking and inspiring. They can be about love, work, life, empowerment, and even work-life balance. They can come from movies, actors, politicians, authors, singers, artists, and sports legends. Quotes are everywhere.

For the benefit of my fellow writers out there, here are 20 of my favorite quotes about writing. Most of these I found on popular sites like BrainyQuote and Goodreads.

---------------------------------------------------

"Read, read, read. Read everything – trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window."

– William Faulkner

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Write while the heat is in you. … The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with.” – Henry David Thoreau

“I think all writing is a disease. You can’t stop it.” – William Carlos Williams

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."

– Benjamin Franklin

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

– Ernest Hemingway

"It ain't whatcha write, it's the way atcha write it."

– Jack Kerouac, WD

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."

– William Wordsworth

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” – Ernest Hemingway

"A man's grammar, like Caesar's wife, should not only be pure, but above suspicion of impurity."

– Edgar Allan Poe

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

– Mark Twain

"The scariest moment is always just before you start."

– Stephen King

"Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go."

– E.L. Doctorow

"This is how you do it: sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard."

– Neil Gaiman

“For your born writer, nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon the right word.” – Catherine Drinker Bowen

"And the idea of just wandering off to a cafe with a notebook and writing and seeing where that takes me for awhile is just bliss."

– J.K. Rowling

"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on."

– Louis L'Amour

“I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.” – Harper Lee, WD

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

– Steven Wright

“The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.” – Robert Benchley

*STEVE GAMEL is the Owner/President of Edit This, a writing and editing services company located in Denton, TX. Along with being a sports writer for the Denton Record-Chronicle, Steve handles anything involving the written word. Give him a call today to help give your business a clear voice.

#20inspirationalandfunnyquotesaboutwriting #writingandediting #EditThisandDentonTx

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Funny Writing Quotes

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Funny Writing Quotes – Find the best humorous writing quotes here, with quotes about writing from authors like Flannery O’Connor and Robert Heinlein. Writing is rewarding, but it’s also isolating… and it can be challenging. So bookmark this page of funny quotes about writing for times when you need a break. And make sure you share this page with your friends and connections on social media. They’ll enjoy these funny writing quotes as much as you!

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The Funniest Lines And Quotes In Literature

"The story so far: In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

– Douglas Adams,  The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Writing is hard. First, an idea is necessary. It must be compelling; it must be original. It must be worth a reader’s time, and a writer must have the patience to commit the whole thing to paper. It’s tedious work, and to do it with a dash of humor is the most difficult task of all.

Here at Dictionary.com, we like a bit of funny in our books. So, as an homage to those who do it well, we compiled a list of our favorite humorous quotes from literature.

This being the beginning of our slideshow, let’s begin at the beginning. Douglas Adams wrote this line in 1980, and it’s the opening of his novel The Restaurant at the Far End of the Universe . It’s droll and dripping with wit. This line is as prescient today as it was when it was written. Open up the newspaper and what do you see? Day after day, it’s nothing but bad news leading us to believe Adams was on to something when he penned it.

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

– Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson

Twain was widely regarded as the smartest person in the room, but this quote from the 1894 novel  Pudd’nhead Wilson makes it clear that he had a sense of humor about himself. We’ve all been there: we’re in the midst of dominating a friendly debate, and then bam, your friend hits you with a good example that leaves you dead in your tracks. It’s infuriating—and oh so true.

"To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

– Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Let’s be clear. This list could have been compiled with only Oscar Wilde quotes. However, this one from the 1895 play  The Importance of Being Earnest is our favorite. Rereading this example of Wilde’s sly humor makes him one of our favorite authors.

"You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."

– David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

The sentiment of this quote has varied origins, but this particular version appears in the book everyone claims to have read (we know none of you have). The 1996 tome  Infinite Jest  touches at the heart of what we all feel. Deep down we’re all self-conscious, and if taken to heart, Wallace’s quote can help one overcome a case of self doubt. Like all good humor, there’s a kernel of truth to its tongue-in-cheek delivery, and if you’re ever feeling down about yourself, we recommend keeping this one in mind.

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

– Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection

Comics are literature, right? We don’t see why not. Bill Watterson’s epic Calvin and Hobbes series ran from 1985–1995, and this line is a standout. We wake up in the morning feeling like a million bucks, then things start going wrong as soon as we get out of bed. It happens to the best of us, and Watterson recognized it.

"There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends."

– Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

You might think Sylvia Plath’s 1963 novel The Bell Jar isn’t big on humor, but this line gets us anyway. Throwing up with somebody is a shared ordeal, and it has a way of making fast friends out of strangers. Plath’s reference in the book was in reference to a case of food poisoning, but her point holds humorously true.

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

– Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

Terry Pratchett was a comedic genius widely known for his whopping 41-novel  Discworld series. This quote comes from his 1991 book Reaper Man.  Word people know to use exclamation points sparingly, but we all have those friends who insist on sending a bevy of exclamation points and ALL CAPS in their text messages.

Factor in that he wrote this well before text messaging existed, and we embrace the shared disdain of excessive exclamation points.

"The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families."

– Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages

Picture this: You’re sitting with the family around the dining room table. Dad is going on and on about his misguided views on immigration, and all you can think to yourself is you’d rather be out with your friends. We all know the feeling, and that’s why this quote from Jay McInerney’s 1996 novel The Last of the Savages is such a good punchline.

However, if you’re a parent and reading this, don’t worry. This one generally applies to adolescence. As we get older, we come to see that family really is worth a lot.

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."

– Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

Sometimes, truer words were never spoke, and in terms of this quote from Christopher Moore’s 1992 novel Practical Demonkeeping , we couldn’t agree more.

It’s true; there isn’t a soul among us who isn’t a little bit crazy. Scratching the surface of anyone will reveal all sorts of interesting proclivities. None of us are what we seem, and in thirteen words Moore summed us up perfectly.

"If this typewriter can't do it, then f*** it, it can't be done."

– Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

This is the first line of Tom Robbins’ 1980 novel Still Life with Woodpecker , and what a first line it is. If you write, then you’ve spent your time staring at a blank page. Your fingers are quiet, and your mind feels like cement. It’s not working, and we’re willing to bet you’ve thought something along the lines of this quote.

Though vulgar, Robbins’ line is oh-so-very accurate when it comes to the craft of writing. And for that, it’s one of our favorites.

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23 Inspiring (And Funny) Quotes About Editing

Writers and editors love to make fun of ourselves. We know that our creative endeavors are hard, and a bit of levity never hurt anyone when trying to do something hard.

We’re also known for making quips about our profession and saying them in humorous yet thought-provoking ways.

Here are our favorite quotes about editing and writing.

David Ogilvy on editing before sending

Never send a letter or a memo on the day you write it. Read it aloud the next morning—and then edit it.

David Ogilvy on editing enough to show it to someone else

I am a lousy copywriter, but I am a good editor. So, I go to work editing my own draft. After four or five edits, it looks good enough to show to the client.

T.S. Eliot on failed writers

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Patricia Fuller on being naked in public

Writing without revising is the literary equivalent of waltzing gaily out of the house in your underwear.

Sarah Vowell on being interesting

I’m a big fan of editing and keeping only the interesting bits in.

Joseph Kanon on appreciation

When you’re editing, you want to be the perfect appreciator, not another writer.

Joseph Kanon on the role of an editor

Being an editor doesn’t make you a better writer – or vice versa. The worst thing any editor can do is be in competition with his writer.

Rajkumar Hirani on editing as meditation

Editing is a meditative process. I enjoy it the most. I am not dealing with 200 people.

Samuel Johnson on originality and quality

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

Tiffany Madison on editing as prison

While writing is like a joyful release, editing is a prison where the bars are my former intentions and the abusive warden my own neuroticism.

S. Kelley Harrell on what editing does to the brain

A good editor doesn’t rewrite words, she rewires synapses.

Emma Hill on editing as color

The first draft is black and white, editing gives the story color.”

Jodi Picoult on the necessity of creating before editing

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.

Susan Bell on reading well

An editor doesn’t just read, he reads well, and reading well is a creative, powerful act.

Ralph Waldo Emerson on omitting unnecessary words

Let the reader find that he cannot afford to omit any line of your writing because you have omitted every word that he can spare.

Richard Due on a text coming alive

I’ve reached that final moment of editing a book—the one where the text manifests as a living breathing person and starts slugging me in the face.

C. J. Cherryh on editing brilliantly

It is perfectly okay to write garbage — as long as you edit brilliantly.

Israelmore Ayivor on empty pages

A person who wrote badly did better than a person who does not write at all. A bad writing can be corrected. An empty page remains an empty page.

Dene October on whose needs an editor serves

A good editor is someone who cares a little less about the author’s needs than the reader’s.

Mark Twain on concise writing

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Gina McKnight on momentum

Writing is like riding a bike. Once you gain momentum, the hills are easier. Editing, however, requires a motor and some horsepower.

Russell Lynes on what an author truly dislikes

No author dislikes to be edited as much as he dislikes not to be published.

Leya Delray on editing as dieting

Editing. It’s like dieting; except a lot more violent.

Hopefully these quotes give you some inspiration, made you think, and maybe also made you laugh.

What are your favorite quotes about editing?

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