a thesis statement should not be too wordy

Top 6 Most Common Thesis Statement Mistakes

Writing a well-done thesis statement can often feel easier said than done. After all, this one sentence sets the tone for your entire paper and can make or break your assignment. To help with your next essay , we've put together a list of the most common thesis statement mistakes and tips to help you avoid them.

What is a Thesis Statement?

Just in case you need a refresher, here's a quick review:

A thesis statement, as defined by Dictionary.com , is: “a short statement, usually one sentence, that summarizes the main point or claim of an essay, research paper, etc., and is developed, supported, and explained in the text by means of examples and evidence.”

A thesis statement introduces your essay's main idea in the first paragraph of your assignment. It is the guiding factor that controls and organizes all other thoughts in your research paper.

How Do I Write a Thesis Statement?

It can take a long time to master the art of crafting a thesis statement. Luckily, there are some tools to help.

A good place to start is by checking out a thesis statement template. This will help ensure that you're including everything you're supposed to.

Here's a quick example:

You can also use an online thesis generator to organize your main idea and evidence. You enter the basic information about your argument and topic, and it helps you create a solid thesis statement.

It also helps to take time to explore some thesis statement examples (both good and bad) to clarify how to fix some of these common mistakes.

What are the Most Common Thesis Statement Mistakes?

Once you know the basics of how to write a thesis statement, there are certain mistakes to watch out for. Learning how to identify these common errors and understanding how to avoid them will help make your thesis statement a strong one.

1. The Statement is Unclear

Your reader needs to immediately understand your purpose. If it is vague or unclear, you've lost your audience from the start. Narrow down your focus and use straightforward language to state your main idea .

• Example thesis: The food in America is gross, unhealthy, and expensive, so we probably shouldn't be eating any of it.
• Improved thesis: Due to the obesity crisis in America, lawmakers should consider creating a plan to lower the prices of healthier foods so that everyone can afford to eat high-quality foods.

2. The Statement is Too Complicated

Making a statement that is too long or wordy generally confuses your reader. It also weakens the argument you are trying to make.

• Example thesis: Many athletes, such as those who play in colleges or for organizations like the NCAA, do not make any money, which is devastating because they deserve to make a substantial amount of money due to their efforts on the court and on the field and due to the fact that colleges earn a profit off of the sports that these athletes play.
• Improved thesis: NCAA athletes should receive compensation for their sports in college because they are generating revenue for universities and risking injury for themselves.

3. The Statement is Too Basic or Obvious

As you move up through school, your writing should mature as well. A successful thesis statement from junior high is not necessarily a strong thesis statement in high school or college. While being very basic and obvious in your younger writing might be fine, writing as an older student should be more precise and refined.

• Example thesis: In this paper, I will be discussing the importance of eating a healthy breakfast every day.
• Improved thesis: Eating a healthy breakfast is important to help your body function at its optimal level throughout the day.

4. The Statement has No Real Purpose

Your readers need to care about your topic in some way. Is this information helpful? Beneficial? Worth investigating? If not, choose a heartier topic that's worth discussing.

• Example thesis: I think these blue socks are the prettiest ones in the drawer.
• Improved thesis: Students should be allowed to express themselves as individuals by choosing any type of socks and shoes they want to wear to school.

5. The Statement Uses Poor Language Choices

Slang, abbreviations, and poor spelling have no place in a clear thesis statement. Use professional language to make your point.

• Example thesis: The best comedians should make you LOL 24-7.
• Improved thesis: To be a quality comedian, you must develop your craft in a way that inspires laughter and smiles at every performance.

6. The Statement Lacks Connection to the Rest of the Essay.

Even if you have a decent thesis statement, it will mean nothing if the rest of the essay strays from your main idea. Always connect your thoughts back to the thesis statement . The paper needs to be coherent and stay on target with your original argument.

Crafting a thorough thesis statement can feel like a difficult task, but it doesn't have to. If you are mindful of common mistakes that students make, you can avoid these errors and create a thesis statement that is clear, engaging, and purposeful.

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The thesis statement or main claim must be debatable

An argumentative or persuasive piece of writing must begin with a debatable thesis or claim. In other words, the thesis must be something that people could reasonably have differing opinions on. If your thesis is something that is generally agreed upon or accepted as fact then there is no reason to try to persuade people.

Example of a non-debatable thesis statement:

This thesis statement is not debatable. First, the word pollution implies that something is bad or negative in some way. Furthermore, all studies agree that pollution is a problem; they simply disagree on the impact it will have or the scope of the problem. No one could reasonably argue that pollution is unambiguously good.

Example of a debatable thesis statement:

This is an example of a debatable thesis because reasonable people could disagree with it. Some people might think that this is how we should spend the nation's money. Others might feel that we should be spending more money on education. Still others could argue that corporations, not the government, should be paying to limit pollution.

Another example of a debatable thesis statement:

In this example there is also room for disagreement between rational individuals. Some citizens might think focusing on recycling programs rather than private automobiles is the most effective strategy.

The thesis needs to be narrow

Although the scope of your paper might seem overwhelming at the start, generally the narrower the thesis the more effective your argument will be. Your thesis or claim must be supported by evidence. The broader your claim is, the more evidence you will need to convince readers that your position is right.

Example of a thesis that is too broad:

There are several reasons this statement is too broad to argue. First, what is included in the category "drugs"? Is the author talking about illegal drug use, recreational drug use (which might include alcohol and cigarettes), or all uses of medication in general? Second, in what ways are drugs detrimental? Is drug use causing deaths (and is the author equating deaths from overdoses and deaths from drug related violence)? Is drug use changing the moral climate or causing the economy to decline? Finally, what does the author mean by "society"? Is the author referring only to America or to the global population? Does the author make any distinction between the effects on children and adults? There are just too many questions that the claim leaves open. The author could not cover all of the topics listed above, yet the generality of the claim leaves all of these possibilities open to debate.

Example of a narrow or focused thesis:

In this example the topic of drugs has been narrowed down to illegal drugs and the detriment has been narrowed down to gang violence. This is a much more manageable topic.

We could narrow each debatable thesis from the previous examples in the following way:

Narrowed debatable thesis 1:

This thesis narrows the scope of the argument by specifying not just the amount of money used but also how the money could actually help to control pollution.

Narrowed debatable thesis 2:

This thesis narrows the scope of the argument by specifying not just what the focus of a national anti-pollution campaign should be but also why this is the appropriate focus.

Qualifiers such as " typically ," " generally ," " usually ," or " on average " also help to limit the scope of your claim by allowing for the almost inevitable exception to the rule.

Types of claims

Claims typically fall into one of four categories. Thinking about how you want to approach your topic, or, in other words, what type of claim you want to make, is one way to focus your thesis on one particular aspect of your broader topic.

Claims of fact or definition: These claims argue about what the definition of something is or whether something is a settled fact. Example:

Claims of cause and effect: These claims argue that one person, thing, or event caused another thing or event to occur. Example:

Claims about value: These are claims made of what something is worth, whether we value it or not, how we would rate or categorize something. Example:

Claims about solutions or policies: These are claims that argue for or against a certain solution or policy approach to a problem. Example:

Which type of claim is right for your argument? Which type of thesis or claim you use for your argument will depend on your position and knowledge of the topic, your audience, and the context of your paper. You might want to think about where you imagine your audience to be on this topic and pinpoint where you think the biggest difference in viewpoints might be. Even if you start with one type of claim you probably will be using several within the paper. Regardless of the type of claim you choose to utilize it is key to identify the controversy or debate you are addressing and to define your position early on in the paper.

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How to Write a Strong Thesis Statement: 4 Steps + Examples

What’s Covered:

What is the purpose of a thesis statement, writing a good thesis statement: 4 steps, common pitfalls to avoid, where to get your essay edited for free.

When you set out to write an essay, there has to be some kind of point to it, right? Otherwise, your essay would just be a big jumble of word salad that makes absolutely no sense. An essay needs a central point that ties into everything else. That main point is called a thesis statement, and it’s the core of any essay or research paper.

You may hear about Master degree candidates writing a thesis, and that is an entire paper–not to be confused with the thesis statement, which is typically one sentence that contains your paper’s focus. 

Read on to learn more about thesis statements and how to write them. We’ve also included some solid examples for you to reference.

Typically the last sentence of your introductory paragraph, the thesis statement serves as the roadmap for your essay. When your reader gets to the thesis statement, they should have a clear outline of your main point, as well as the information you’ll be presenting in order to either prove or support your point. 

The thesis statement should not be confused for a topic sentence , which is the first sentence of every paragraph in your essay. If you need help writing topic sentences, numerous resources are available. Topic sentences should go along with your thesis statement, though.

Since the thesis statement is the most important sentence of your entire essay or paper, it’s imperative that you get this part right. Otherwise, your paper will not have a good flow and will seem disjointed. That’s why it’s vital not to rush through developing one. It’s a methodical process with steps that you need to follow in order to create the best thesis statement possible.

Step 1: Decide what kind of paper you’re writing

When you’re assigned an essay, there are several different types you may get. Argumentative essays are designed to get the reader to agree with you on a topic. Informative or expository essays present information to the reader. Analytical essays offer up a point and then expand on it by analyzing relevant information. Thesis statements can look and sound different based on the type of paper you’re writing. For example:

• Argumentative: The United States needs a viable third political party to decrease bipartisanship, increase options, and help reduce corruption in government.
• Informative: The Libertarian party has thrown off elections before by gaining enough support in states to get on the ballot and by taking away crucial votes from candidates.
• Analytical: An analysis of past presidential elections shows that while third party votes may have been the minority, they did affect the outcome of the elections in 2020, 2016, and beyond.

Step 2: Figure out what point you want to make

Once you know what type of paper you’re writing, you then need to figure out the point you want to make with your thesis statement, and subsequently, your paper. In other words, you need to decide to answer a question about something, such as:

• What impact did reality TV have on American society?
• How has the musical Hamilton affected perception of American history?
• Why do I want to major in [chosen major here]?

If you have an argumentative essay, then you will be writing about an opinion. To make it easier, you may want to choose an opinion that you feel passionate about so that you’re writing about something that interests you. For example, if you have an interest in preserving the environment, you may want to choose a topic that relates to that. 

If you’re writing your college essay and they ask why you want to attend that school, you may want to have a main point and back it up with information, something along the lines of:

“Attending Harvard University would benefit me both academically and professionally, as it would give me a strong knowledge base upon which to build my career, develop my network, and hopefully give me an advantage in my chosen field.”

Step 3: Determine what information you’ll use to back up your point

Once you have the point you want to make, you need to figure out how you plan to back it up throughout the rest of your essay. Without this information, it will be hard to either prove or argue the main point of your thesis statement. If you decide to write about the Hamilton example, you may decide to address any falsehoods that the writer put into the musical, such as:

“The musical Hamilton, while accurate in many ways, leaves out key parts of American history, presents a nationalist view of founding fathers, and downplays the racism of the times.”

Once you’ve written your initial working thesis statement, you’ll then need to get information to back that up. For example, the musical completely leaves out Benjamin Franklin, portrays the founding fathers in a nationalist way that is too complimentary, and shows Hamilton as a staunch abolitionist despite the fact that his family likely did own slaves. 

Step 4: Revise and refine your thesis statement before you start writing

Read through your thesis statement several times before you begin to compose your full essay. You need to make sure the statement is ironclad, since it is the foundation of the entire paper. Edit it or have a peer review it for you to make sure everything makes sense and that you feel like you can truly write a paper on the topic. Once you’ve done that, you can then begin writing your paper.

When writing a thesis statement, there are some common pitfalls you should avoid so that your paper can be as solid as possible. Make sure you always edit the thesis statement before you do anything else. You also want to ensure that the thesis statement is clear and concise. Don’t make your reader hunt for your point. Finally, put your thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph and have your introduction flow toward that statement. Your reader will expect to find your statement in its traditional spot.

If you’re having trouble getting started, or need some guidance on your essay, there are tools available that can help you. CollegeVine offers a free peer essay review tool where one of your peers can read through your essay and provide you with valuable feedback. Getting essay feedback from a peer can help you wow your instructor or college admissions officer with an impactful essay that effectively illustrates your point.

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Writing a Paper: Thesis Statements

Basics of thesis statements.

The thesis statement is the brief articulation of your paper's central argument and purpose. You might hear it referred to as simply a "thesis." Every scholarly paper should have a thesis statement, and strong thesis statements are concise, specific, and arguable. Concise means the thesis is short: perhaps one or two sentences for a shorter paper. Specific means the thesis deals with a narrow and focused topic, appropriate to the paper's length. Arguable means that a scholar in your field could disagree (or perhaps already has!).

Strong thesis statements address specific intellectual questions, have clear positions, and use a structure that reflects the overall structure of the paper. Read on to learn more about constructing a strong thesis statement.

Being Specific

This thesis statement has no specific argument:

Needs Improvement: In this essay, I will examine two scholarly articles to find similarities and differences.

This statement is concise, but it is neither specific nor arguable—a reader might wonder, "Which scholarly articles? What is the topic of this paper? What field is the author writing in?" Additionally, the purpose of the paper—to "examine…to find similarities and differences" is not of a scholarly level. Identifying similarities and differences is a good first step, but strong academic argument goes further, analyzing what those similarities and differences might mean or imply.

Better: In this essay, I will argue that Bowler's (2003) autocratic management style, when coupled with Smith's (2007) theory of social cognition, can reduce the expenses associated with employee turnover.

The new revision here is still concise, as well as specific and arguable.  We can see that it is specific because the writer is mentioning (a) concrete ideas and (b) exact authors.  We can also gather the field (business) and the topic (management and employee turnover). The statement is arguable because the student goes beyond merely comparing; he or she draws conclusions from that comparison ("can reduce the expenses associated with employee turnover").

Making a Unique Argument

This thesis draft repeats the language of the writing prompt without making a unique argument:

Needs Improvement: The purpose of this essay is to monitor, assess, and evaluate an educational program for its strengths and weaknesses. Then, I will provide suggestions for improvement.

You can see here that the student has simply stated the paper's assignment, without articulating specifically how he or she will address it. The student can correct this error simply by phrasing the thesis statement as a specific answer to the assignment prompt.

Better: Through a series of student interviews, I found that Kennedy High School's antibullying program was ineffective. In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).

Words like "ineffective" and "argue" show here that the student has clearly thought through the assignment and analyzed the material; he or she is putting forth a specific and debatable position. The concrete information ("student interviews," "antibullying") further prepares the reader for the body of the paper and demonstrates how the student has addressed the assignment prompt without just restating that language.

Creating a Debate

This thesis statement includes only obvious fact or plot summary instead of argument:

Needs Improvement: Leadership is an important quality in nurse educators.

A good strategy to determine if your thesis statement is too broad (and therefore, not arguable) is to ask yourself, "Would a scholar in my field disagree with this point?" Here, we can see easily that no scholar is likely to argue that leadership is an unimportant quality in nurse educators.  The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.

Better: Roderick's (2009) theory of participatory leadership  is particularly appropriate to nurse educators working within the emergency medicine field, where students benefit most from collegial and kinesthetic learning.

Here, the student has identified a particular type of leadership ("participatory leadership"), narrowing the topic, and has made an arguable claim (this type of leadership is "appropriate" to a specific type of nurse educator). Conceivably, a scholar in the nursing field might disagree with this approach. The student's paper can now proceed, providing specific pieces of evidence to support the arguable central claim.

Choosing the Right Words

This thesis statement uses large or scholarly-sounding words that have no real substance:

Needs Improvement: Scholars should work to seize metacognitive outcomes by harnessing discipline-based networks to empower collaborative infrastructures.

There are many words in this sentence that may be buzzwords in the student's field or key terms taken from other texts, but together they do not communicate a clear, specific meaning. Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences. When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.

Better: Ecologists should work to educate the U.S. public on conservation methods by making use of local and national green organizations to create a widespread communication plan.

Notice in the revision that the field is now clear (ecology), and the language has been made much more field-specific ("conservation methods," "green organizations"), so the reader is able to see concretely the ideas the student is communicating.

Leaving Room for Discussion

This thesis statement is not capable of development or advancement in the paper:

Needs Improvement: There are always alternatives to illegal drug use.

This sample thesis statement makes a claim, but it is not a claim that will sustain extended discussion. This claim is the type of claim that might be appropriate for the conclusion of a paper, but in the beginning of the paper, the student is left with nowhere to go. What further points can be made? If there are "always alternatives" to the problem the student is identifying, then why bother developing a paper around that claim? Ideally, a thesis statement should be complex enough to explore over the length of the entire paper.

Better: The most effective treatment plan for methamphetamine addiction may be a combination of pharmacological and cognitive therapy, as argued by Baker (2008), Smith (2009), and Xavier (2011).

In the revised thesis, you can see the student make a specific, debatable claim that has the potential to generate several pages' worth of discussion. When drafting a thesis statement, think about the questions your thesis statement will generate: What follow-up inquiries might a reader have? In the first example, there are almost no additional questions implied, but the revised example allows for a good deal more exploration.

Thesis Mad Libs

If you are having trouble getting started, try using the models below to generate a rough model of a thesis statement! These models are intended for drafting purposes only and should not appear in your final work.

• In this essay, I argue ____, using ______ to assert _____.
• While scholars have often argued ______, I argue______, because_______.
• Through an analysis of ______, I argue ______, which is important because_______.

Words to Avoid and to Embrace

When drafting your thesis statement, avoid words like explore, investigate, learn, compile, summarize , and explain to describe the main purpose of your paper. These words imply a paper that summarizes or "reports," rather than synthesizing and analyzing.

Instead of the terms above, try words like argue, critique, question , and interrogate . These more analytical words may help you begin strongly, by articulating a specific, critical, scholarly position.

Read Kayla's blog post for tips on taking a stand in a well-crafted thesis statement.

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Writing Studio

Refining thesis statements, what makes for an effective thesis.

In an effort to make our handouts more accessible, we have begun converting our PDF handouts to web pages. Download this page as a PDF: Refining Thesis Statements Return to Writing Studio Handouts

An effective thesis should be argumentative and controversial (i.e., if you could make a plausible case against your thesis, it is probably an argument), something not immediately obvious which you can persuade a reader to believe through the evidence in the body of your paper.

A strong thesis statement answers a specific question and takes a distinct position on the topic, is focused, and allows the reader to anticipate the organization of the argument to follow.

A weak thesis statement is vague (identifies a topic but does not specify an argument), offers plot summary or is a statement of fact, is un-provable, or does not give the reader a sense of why the argument is important.

Look over the two example thesis statements below. Consider and name how each of the progressively refined versions matches the criteria offered above.

Example Thesis A

Version 1: Marge Simpson is important to the plot of The Simpsons.

Version 2:  Marge Simpson is important to The Simpsons because she fulfills a significant family role as a mother and housewife.

Version 3:  Marge Simpson is important to The Simpsons because she fulfills a significant family role as a teacher and caregiver to her husband and children.

Version 4:  While Marge Simpson may be a model caregiver for her family, she is a different sort of model for her audience.

Version 5:  Despite her role as a seemingly submissive housewife and mother, Marge Simpson comes to function for the audience of The Simpsons as a subversive force against “middle class” values.

Example Thesis B

Version 1:  Eating disorders are a significant problem among college-aged students.

Version 2:  Eating disorders are a significant problem among college-aged men because they negatively affect academic performance, socializing, and overall psychological well-being.

Version 3:  Eating disorders among college-aged men are overshadowed by a focus on eating disorders among college-aged women.

Version 4:  Eating disorders among college-aged men are overshadowed by a focus on eating disorders among college-aged women; people don’t notice this because an eating disorder is typically considered a women’s disease and is stigmatized as such.

Version 5: Lack of attention to eating disorders among college-aged men not only leaves this group of students untreated, but also exacerbates feelings of isolation associated with this disease.

This handout was originally produced by Jane Wanninger, Graduate Student, Department of English, Vanderbilt University

Last revised: 07/2009 | Adapted for web delivery: 04/2021

In order to access certain content on this page, you may need to download Adobe Acrobat Reader or an equivalent PDF viewer software.

Want to create or adapt books like this? Learn more about how Pressbooks supports open publishing practices.

9.1 Developing a Strong, Clear Thesis Statement

Learning objectives.

• Develop a strong, clear thesis statement with the proper elements.
• Revise your thesis statement.

Have you ever known a person who was not very good at telling stories? You probably had trouble following his train of thought as he jumped around from point to point, either being too brief in places that needed further explanation or providing too many details on a meaningless element. Maybe he told the end of the story first, then moved to the beginning and later added details to the middle. His ideas were probably scattered, and the story did not flow very well. When the story was over, you probably had many questions.

Just as a personal anecdote can be a disorganized mess, an essay can fall into the same trap of being out of order and confusing. That is why writers need a thesis statement to provide a specific focus for their essay and to organize what they are about to discuss in the body.

Just like a topic sentence summarizes a single paragraph, the thesis statement summarizes an entire essay. It tells the reader the point you want to make in your essay, while the essay itself supports that point. It is like a signpost that signals the essay’s destination. You should form your thesis before you begin to organize an essay, but you may find that it needs revision as the essay develops.

Elements of a Thesis Statement

For every essay you write, you must focus on a central idea. This idea stems from a topic you have chosen or been assigned or from a question your teacher has asked. It is not enough merely to discuss a general topic or simply answer a question with a yes or no. You have to form a specific opinion, and then articulate that into a controlling idea —the main idea upon which you build your thesis.

Remember that a thesis is not the topic itself, but rather your interpretation of the question or subject. For whatever topic your professor gives you, you must ask yourself, “What do I want to say about it?” Asking and then answering this question is vital to forming a thesis that is precise, forceful and confident.

A thesis is one sentence long and appears toward the end of your introduction. It is specific and focuses on one to three points of a single idea—points that are able to be demonstrated in the body. It forecasts the content of the essay and suggests how you will organize your information. Remember that a thesis statement does not summarize an issue but rather dissects it.

A Strong Thesis Statement

A strong thesis statement contains the following qualities.

Specificity. A thesis statement must concentrate on a specific area of a general topic. As you may recall, the creation of a thesis statement begins when you choose a broad subject and then narrow down its parts until you pinpoint a specific aspect of that topic. For example, health care is a broad topic, but a proper thesis statement would focus on a specific area of that topic, such as options for individuals without health care coverage.

Precision. A strong thesis statement must be precise enough to allow for a coherent argument and to remain focused on the topic. If the specific topic is options for individuals without health care coverage, then your precise thesis statement must make an exact claim about it, such as that limited options exist for those who are uninsured by their employers. You must further pinpoint what you are going to discuss regarding these limited effects, such as whom they affect and what the cause is.

Ability to be argued. A thesis statement must present a relevant and specific argument. A factual statement often is not considered arguable. Be sure your thesis statement contains a point of view that can be supported with evidence.

Ability to be demonstrated. For any claim you make in your thesis, you must be able to provide reasons and examples for your opinion. You can rely on personal observations in order to do this, or you can consult outside sources to demonstrate that what you assert is valid. A worthy argument is backed by examples and details.

Forcefulness. A thesis statement that is forceful shows readers that you are, in fact, making an argument. The tone is assertive and takes a stance that others might oppose.

Confidence. In addition to using force in your thesis statement, you must also use confidence in your claim. Phrases such as I feel or I believe actually weaken the readers’ sense of your confidence because these phrases imply that you are the only person who feels the way you do. In other words, your stance has insufficient backing. Taking an authoritative stance on the matter persuades your readers to have faith in your argument and open their minds to what you have to say.

Even in a personal essay that allows the use of first person, your thesis should not contain phrases such as in my opinion or I believe . These statements reduce your credibility and weaken your argument. Your opinion is more convincing when you use a firm attitude.

On a separate sheet of paper, write a thesis statement for each of the following topics. Remember to make each statement specific, precise, demonstrable, forceful and confident.

• Texting while driving
• The legal drinking age in the United States
• Steroid use among professional athletes

Examples of Appropriate Thesis Statements

Each of the following thesis statements meets several of the following requirements:

• Specificity
• Ability to be argued
• Ability to be demonstrated
• Forcefulness
• The societal and personal struggles of Troy Maxon in the play Fences symbolize the challenge of black males who lived through segregation and integration in the United States.
• Closing all American borders for a period of five years is one solution that will tackle illegal immigration.
• Shakespeare’s use of dramatic irony in Romeo and Juliet spoils the outcome for the audience and weakens the plot.
• J. D. Salinger’s character in Catcher in the Rye , Holden Caulfield, is a confused rebel who voices his disgust with phonies, yet in an effort to protect himself, he acts like a phony on many occasions.
• Compared to an absolute divorce, no-fault divorce is less expensive, promotes fairer settlements, and reflects a more realistic view of the causes for marital breakdown.
• Exposing children from an early age to the dangers of drug abuse is a sure method of preventing future drug addicts.
• In today’s crumbling job market, a high school diploma is not significant enough education to land a stable, lucrative job.

You can find thesis statements in many places, such as in the news; in the opinions of friends, coworkers or teachers; and even in songs you hear on the radio. Become aware of thesis statements in everyday life by paying attention to people’s opinions and their reasons for those opinions. Pay attention to your own everyday thesis statements as well, as these can become material for future essays.

Now that you have read about the contents of a good thesis statement and have seen examples, take a look at the pitfalls to avoid when composing your own thesis:

A thesis is weak when it is simply a declaration of your subject or a description of what you will discuss in your essay.

Weak thesis statement: My paper will explain why imagination is more important than knowledge.

A thesis is weak when it makes an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insults the opposing side.

Weak thesis statement: Religious radicals across America are trying to legislate their Puritanical beliefs by banning required high school books.

A thesis is weak when it contains an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with or provides a dead end.

Weak thesis statement: Advertising companies use sex to sell their products.

A thesis is weak when the statement is too broad.

Weak thesis statement: The life of Abraham Lincoln was long and challenging.

Read the following thesis statements. On a separate piece of paper, identify each as weak or strong. For those that are weak, list the reasons why. Then revise the weak statements so that they conform to the requirements of a strong thesis.

• The subject of this paper is my experience with ferrets as pets.
• The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to prepare for the impending end of oil.
• Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century.
• In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore.
• Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to support civil rights legislation.
• Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that not all children’s toys are safe.
• My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare.

Writing at Work

Often in your career, you will need to ask your boss for something through an e-mail. Just as a thesis statement organizes an essay, it can also organize your e-mail request. While your e-mail will be shorter than an essay, using a thesis statement in your first paragraph quickly lets your boss know what you are asking for, why it is necessary, and what the benefits are. In short body paragraphs, you can provide the essential information needed to expand upon your request.

Thesis Statement Revision

Your thesis will probably change as you write, so you will need to modify it to reflect exactly what you have discussed in your essay. Remember from Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” that your thesis statement begins as a working thesis statement , an indefinite statement that you make about your topic early in the writing process for the purpose of planning and guiding your writing.

Working thesis statements often become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and reasons for those opinions. Revision helps you strengthen your thesis so that it matches what you have expressed in the body of the paper.

The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement.

Ways to Revise Your Thesis

You can cut down on irrelevant aspects and revise your thesis by taking the following steps:

1. Pinpoint and replace all nonspecific words, such as people , everything , society , or life , with more precise words in order to reduce any vagueness.

Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.

Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By replacing those general words like people and work hard , the writer can better focus his or her research and gain more direction in his or her writing.

2. Clarify ideas that need explanation by asking yourself questions that narrow your thesis.

Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.

Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill sets.

A joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can devise a more precise and appropriate explanation for joke . The writer should ask himself or herself questions similar to the 5WH questions. (See Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” for more information on the 5WH questions.) By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more accurately defines his or her stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.

3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be , a verb that simply states that a situation exists.

Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are not paid enough.

Revised thesis: The Kansas City legislature cannot afford to pay its educators, resulting in job cuts and resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.

The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are . Linking verbs often make thesis statements weak because they do not express action. Rather, they connect words and phrases to the second half of the sentence. Readers might wonder, “Why are they not paid enough?” But this statement does not compel them to ask many more questions. The writer should ask himself or herself questions in order to replace the linking verb with an action verb, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that takes a more definitive stance on the issue:

• Who is not paying the teachers enough?
• What is considered “enough”?
• What is the problem?
• What are the results

4. Omit any general claims that are hard to support.

Working thesis: Today’s teenage girls are too sexualized.

Revised thesis: Teenage girls who are captivated by the sexual images on MTV are conditioned to believe that a woman’s worth depends on her sensuality, a feeling that harms their self-esteem and behavior.

It is true that some young women in today’s society are more sexualized than in the past, but that is not true for all girls. Many girls have strict parents, dress appropriately, and do not engage in sexual activity while in middle school and high school. The writer of this thesis should ask the following questions:

• Which teenage girls?
• What constitutes “too” sexualized?
• Why are they behaving that way?
• Where does this behavior show up?
• What are the repercussions?

In the first section of Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” , you determined your purpose for writing and your audience. You then completed a freewriting exercise about an event you recently experienced and chose a general topic to write about. Using that general topic, you then narrowed it down by answering the 5WH questions. After you answered these questions, you chose one of the three methods of prewriting and gathered possible supporting points for your working thesis statement.

Now, on a separate sheet of paper, write down your working thesis statement. Identify any weaknesses in this sentence and revise the statement to reflect the elements of a strong thesis statement. Make sure it is specific, precise, arguable, demonstrable, forceful, and confident.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

In your career you may have to write a project proposal that focuses on a particular problem in your company, such as reinforcing the tardiness policy. The proposal would aim to fix the problem; using a thesis statement would clearly state the boundaries of the problem and tell the goals of the project. After writing the proposal, you may find that the thesis needs revision to reflect exactly what is expressed in the body. Using the techniques from this chapter would apply to revising that thesis.

Key Takeaways

• Proper essays require a thesis statement to provide a specific focus and suggest how the essay will be organized.
• A thesis statement is your interpretation of the subject, not the topic itself.
• A strong thesis is specific, precise, forceful, confident, and is able to be demonstrated.
• A strong thesis challenges readers with a point of view that can be debated and can be supported with evidence.
• A weak thesis is simply a declaration of your topic or contains an obvious fact that cannot be argued.
• Depending on your topic, it may or may not be appropriate to use first person point of view.
• Revise your thesis by ensuring all words are specific, all ideas are exact, and all verbs express action.

Writing for Success Copyright © 2015 by University of Minnesota is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

Rams Write: Thesis Statements

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Introduction

A good thesis statement should:.

• Convey the topic and opinion of the essay, as well as the subjects and examples that will be discussed (see Jerz's Topic, Opinion, Blueprint model below)
• Be approximately 1-2 sentences long, and included in the essay's introductory paragraph

Meme Generator

What is a Blueprint?

A blueprint is simply a set of subtopics that you plan to discuss throughout your essay, likely the subjects of each individual paragraph. 

Here's a tip!

Although we start writing with a general idea of what our thesis will be, it's always helpful to draft the entire essay and then go back and revise your thesis to reflect how your argument really progressed. Revising your thesis after writing a first draft also helps you with your final revision. You will better identify "fluff," places where you go off-topic, as well as ideas that may need further clarification. 

How To Write a Killer Thesis Statement

Bad vs. Good Thesis Statements

Bad thesis statements have:.

• Nothing to argue
• No hint about where they’re headed
• No focus, they’re too broad
• A long list of information

Good Thesis Statements Have:

• A clear point of view
• A detailed blueprint about where the essay is headed
• Clear and concise form

Ways To Improve

Your thesis takes a position that others might challenge

• Your thesis statement is specific

If the reader can ask the questions, "So What?" "How?" or "Why?", then you might need to clarify your thesis.

Example Thesis Statements

In his work “Plagiarism is Not a Big Moral Deal,” Fish discusses how plagiarism should be treated in an academic atmosphere, due to the fact that it is often rooted in misunderstanding, a lack of originality, and the exclusivity of academic circles.

This thesis has a topic and blueprint, but is missing an opinion.

In his work, “Plagiarism Is Not a Big Moral Deal,” Fish discusses how plagiarism should not be treated as a moral or philosophical issue, due to the fact that it is often rooted in misunderstanding of the complex rules, a lack of originality as a concept, and the exclusivity of academic circles.

Explanation

This thesis is better because it includes all of the following:

Topic : A discussion of how plagiarism should be treated in an academic atmosphere.

Opinion : Plagiarism is not an issue of morality but rather professionalism.

Blueprint : He argues that plagiarism is often caused by misunderstanding without malicious intent, lack of originality as a concept, and overly complicated rules and systems taught to a few in academic circles. 

Common Mistakes

Common mistakes include:.

1. Lack of focus and specificity 

2. Jargon (word choice that is exclusive/ hard to understand)

3. Treating your thesis statement like a topic sentence

4. Not adequately representing your claim

Difference Between a Thesis and a Topic Sentence

Thesis statements are 1-2 sentences that assert your opinion and what will be said throughout the entire essay . 

Topic sentences introduce the discussion to follow in a specific paragrap h .  Each must be general enough to express the paragraph’s overall subject, but also specific enough that the reader knows where the paragraph is going. For more information, see Rams Write: Topic Sentences .

Thesis Sentence vs. Topic

Sparknotes: "Thesis Machine Strategy"

The “thesis machine”.

This is a technique my first writing professor taught me. It’s a reliable jumping off point for when you’re just trying to get a thesis down. The pattern’s simple—here’s an example:

Topic: Hufflepuffs

Topic + Position: Hufflepuffs make the best friends

Topic + Position + Rationale  (Think of this as the “because” step): Hufflepuffs make the best friends because they are accepting and loyal.

Topic + Position + Rationale + Qualification  (The “although” step): Although they are often overlooked and considered oddballs, Hufflepuffs make the best friends because of their deep-seated values of loyalty, dedication, and acceptance, all crucial traits in any friendship.

General Guideline for Theses

Jerz's Literary Weblog  offers general guidelines for brainstorming your thesis.

This page was created by/ MLA Citations

Kirsten LaCroix, Framingham State U, Class of 2022

Bri Hibbert, Framingham State U, Class of 2022

Spring 2019

Julia Coolidge, Framingham State U, Class of 2022 

Sarah Wheeler, Framingham State U, Class of 2021

Works Cited

"Developing Your Thesis."  Odegaard Writing and Research Center,  2018,  depts.washington.edu/owrc/Handouts/Developing%20Your%20Thesis.pdf .

Harrogate, Kurt. "How to Write a Killer Thesis Statement." Sparknotes Blog , 17 March 2017,  www.sparknotes.com/blog/2017/03/17/how-to-write-a-killer-thesis-statement/ . 

"How to Write a Killer Thesis Statement by Shmoop."  Youtube,  uploaded by Shmoop, 6 September 2013,  www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wxE8R_x5I0 . 

Jerz, Dennis G. and Jordan, Nicci. "Blueprinting: Using the Thesis Paragraph to Plan Your Essay."  Jerz’s Literacy Weblog,  10 June 2015,  jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/academic1/blueprinting-using-the-thesis-paragraph-to-plan-your-essay/ . 

Meme Generator: Create Your Own Meme.  Meme Generator, 2019,  memegenerator.net . 

"Thesis Statements." The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,  2018,  writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/thesis-statements/ .

"Thesis Statement vs. Topic Sentence by Shmoop."  YouTube,  uploaded by Shmoop, 16 July 2013,  www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=236&v=Nx2-PcBzZjo . 

"Writing Tips: Thesis Statements."  University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Center for Writing Students,  2013,  www.cws.illinois.edu/workshop/writers/tips/thesis/ .

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Chapter 5: Thesis Statements, Introductions, and Conclusions

Effective thesis statements, an effective thesis statement:.

• identifies—or PREVIEWS —for what you plan to argue or inform, and it “telegraphs” how you plan to do so; that is, it communicates what particular support for your claim or idea is going where in your essay
• the subject, or topic, of an essay might be World War II or Moby Dick; a thesis must then offer a way to understand the war or the novel
• not only grabs the interest of your reader, who now wants to see you support your unique interpretation, but also provides a focus for your argument or idea, one to which every part of your paper refers in the development of your position
• keeps the writer centered on the matter at hand and reduces the risk of intellectual wandering
• is a complete statement

A simple equation for what a thesis might look like this:

What you plan to discuss/argue + How you plan to discuss/argue it = Thesis + Preview

Steps To Write Effective Thesis Statement

• Choose a prompt or, if appropriate, select a topic: television violence and children
• What are the effects of television violence on children?
• Violence on television increases aggressive behavior in children.
• Avoid general phrasing and/or sweeping words such as “all” or “none” or “every”.
• Lead the reader toward the topic sentences (the subtopics needed to prove the thesis).
• While poor parenting and easy access to weapons may act as contributory factors, in fact when children are exposed to television violence they become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, are more fearful of the world around them, and are more likely to behave in aggressive or harmful ways toward others.

The Components of an Effective Thesis Statement

• You can’t just pluck a thesis out of thin air. Even if you have a terrific insight concerning a topic, it won’t be worth much unless you can logically and persuasively support it in the body of your essay. A thesis is the evolutionary result of a thinking process, not a miraculous creation. Formulating a thesis is not the first thing you do after reading an essay assignment .
• Substantial – Your thesis should be a claim  or idea for which it is easy to answer every reader’s question: “So what?”
• Supportable – A thesis must be a claim that you can prove with the evidence at hand (e.g., evidence from your texts or from your research). Your claim should not be outlandish, nor should it be mere personal opinion or preference (e.g., “Frederick Douglass is my favorite historical figure.”) It tackles a subject that could be adequately covered in the format of the project assigned.
• Precise – It is focused and specific. A strong thesis proves a point without discussing everything. It clearly asserts your own conclusion based on evidence. Note: Be flexible. It is perfectly okay to change your thesis!
• Arguable  – It should be contestable for persuasive essays, proposing an arguable point with which people could reasonably disagree.
• Relevant – If you are responding to an assignment, the thesis should answer the question your teacher has posed. In order to stay focused, pay attention to the task words in the assignment: summarize, argue, compare/contrast, etc.
• Aware of Counters or Confusions – It anticipates and refutes the counter-arguments or possible ambiguities..

The best thesis statement is a balance of specific details and concise language. Your goal is to articulate an argument in detail without burdening the reader with too much information.

How do I know if my thesis is strong?

If there’s time, run it by your instructor or make an appointment at the Writing Center to get some feedback. Even if you do not have time to get advice elsewhere, you can do some thesis evaluation of your own. When reviewing your first draft and its working thesis, ask yourself the following:

• Do I answer a question ? This might seem obvious, but it’s worth asking. No matter how intriguing or dazzling, a thesis that doesn’t answer a question is not a good thesis! Re-reading the question prompt after constructing a working thesis can help you fix an argument that misses the focus of the question.
• If your thesis contains vague words like “good” or “successful,” see if you could be more specific: why is something “good”; what makes something “successful”?
• If your thesis simply states facts that no one would, or even could, disagree with, it’s possible that you are simply providing a summary, rather than making an argument.
• Is there a clear preview of main points to develop/argue the thesis ? You want the preview to indicate the organization of the essay (be it informative, argumentative, analytical, or a combination of these tacts) to provide a roadmap for the reader and a plan for you are accountable. This is as important as the thesis statement itself!
• Can my essay support my thesis specifically and without wandering ? If your thesis and the body of your essay do not seem to go together, one of them has to change. It’s o.k. to change your working thesis to reflect things you have figured out in the course of writing your paper. Remember, always reassess and revise your writing as necessary.
• Does my thesis statement adequately address the direction words of the prompt: summarize, argue, compare/contrast, analyze, discuss, etc. ?

Suppose you are taking a course on 19th-century America, and the instructor hands out the following essay assignment: Compare and contrast the reasons why the North and South fought the Civil War. You turn on the computer and type out the following:

The North and South fought the Civil War for many reasons, some of which were the same and some different.

This weak thesis restates the question without providing any additional information. You will expand on this new information in the body of the essay, but it is important that the reader know where you are heading. A reader of this weak thesis might think, “What reasons? How are they the same? How are they different?” Ask yourself these same questions and begin to compare Northern and Southern attitudes (perhaps you first think, “The South believed slavery was right, and the North thought slavery was wrong”). Now, push your comparison toward an interpretation—why did one side think slavery was right and the other side think it was wrong? You look again at the evidence, and you decide that you are going to argue that the North believed slavery was immoral while the South believed it upheld the Southern way of life. You write:

While both sides fought the Civil War over the issue of slavery, the North fought for moral reasons while the South fought to preserve its own institutions.

Now you have a working thesis! Included in this working thesis is a reason for the war and some idea of how the two sides disagreed over this reason. As you write the essay, you will probably begin to characterize these differences more precisely, and your working thesis may start to seem too vague. Maybe you decide that both sides fought for moral reasons, and that they just focused on different moral issues. You end up revising the working thesis into a final thesis that really captures the argument in your paper:

While both Northerners and Southerners believed they fought against tyranny and oppression, Northerners focused on the oppression of slaves while Southerners defended their own right to self-government.

Compare this to the original weak thesis. This final thesis presents a way of interpreting evidence that illuminates the significance of the question. Keep in mind that this is one of many possible interpretations of the Civil War—it is not the one and only right answer to the question . There isn’t one right answer; there are only strong and weak thesis statements and strong and weak uses of evidence.

Let’s look at another example. Suppose your literature professor hands out the following  assignment in a class on the American novel: Write an analysis of some aspect of Mark Twain’s novel Huckleberry Finn. “This will be easy,” you think. “I loved Huckleberry Finn!” You grab a pad of paper and write:

Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn is a great American novel.

Why is this thesis weak? Think about what the reader would expect from the essay that follows: you will most likely provide a general, appreciative summary of Twain’s novel. The question did not ask you to summarize; it asked you to analyze. Your professor is probably not interested in your opinion of the novel; instead, she wants you to think about why it’s such a great novel— what do Huck’s adventures tell us about life, about America, about coming of age, about race relations, etc.? First, the question asks you to pick an aspect of the novel that you think is important to its structure or meaning—for example, the role of storytelling, the contrasting scenes between the shore and the river, or the relationships between adults and children. Now you write:

In Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain develops a contrast between life on the river and life on the shore.

Here’s a working thesis with potential: you have highlighted an important aspect of the novel for investigation; however, it’s still not clear what your analysis will reveal. Your reader is intrigued, but is still thinking, “So what? What’s the point of this contrast? What does it signify?” Perhaps you are not sure yet, either. That’s fine—begin to work on comparing scenes from the book and see what you discover. Free write, make lists, jot down Huck’s actions and reactions. Eventually you will be able to clarify for yourself, and then for the reader, why this contrast matters. After examining the evidence and considering your own insights, you write:

Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain’s Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave “civilized” society and go back to nature.

This final thesis statement presents an interpretation of a literary work based on an analysis of its content. Of course, for the essay itself to be successful, you must now present evidence from the novel that will convince the reader of your interpretation.

Myths about Thesis Statements

• Every paper requires one . Assignments that ask you to write personal responses or to explore a subject don’t want you to seem to pre-judge the issues. Essays of literary interpretation often want you to be aware of many effects rather than seeming to box yourself into one view of the text.
• A thesis statement must come at the end of the first paragraph . This is a natural position for a statement of focus, but it’s not the only one. Some theses can be stated in the opening sentences of an essay; others need a paragraph or two of introduction; others can’t be fully formulated until the end.
• A thesis statement must be one sentence in length , no matter how many clauses it contains. Clear writing is more important than rules like these. Use two or three sentences if you need them. A complex argument may require a whole tightly-knit paragraph to make its initial statement of position.
• You can’t start writing an essay until you have a perfect thesis statement . It may be advisable to draft a hypothesis or tentative thesis statement near the start of a big project, but changing and refining a thesis is a main task of thinking your way through your ideas as you write a paper. And some essay projects need to explore the question in depth without being locked in before they can provide even a tentative answer.
• A thesis statement must give three points of support . It should indicate that the essay will explain and give evidence for its assertion, but points don’t need to come in any specific number.

Progressively Complex Thesis Statements

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3 Steps to Writing an Awesome Thesis Statement

Krystal N. Craiker

One of the most important parts of any essay is the thesis statement. Unfortunately, this is also one of the biggest struggles for many students. But writing a great thesis statement doesn’t have to be scary. You can craft amazing statements with just a few easy steps.

What is a thesis statement, and why do I need one?

It starts with a question, step one: answer the question, step two: so what, step three: be specific, other tips for strong thesis statements, want to improve your essay writing skills.

A thesis statement is one or two sentences near the beginning of your essay. It quickly sums up what the essay is about and why it matters.

You might think you only need this because your teacher requires it. But the thesis statement is what helps keep your essay on track ! Think of it as a roadmap for your reader. If you write a good thesis statement, they'll know what they can expect, what your position is, and why they should care.

Every good essay starts with a question. It guides your entire essay. A thesis statement is just a one to two sentence answer to that question. Your instructor might provide the question for you or provide a prompt that you can reword into question format. But if the topic is up to you, you will create your research question, too.

How do you determine what question you are answering in your paper? Well, first you figure out your topic and what point you are trying to make. Let’s look at a few examples.

Topic : Compulsory voting Question: Should voting be compulsory in Canada?

Topic: Progressive Era Legislation Question: Which piece of legislation passed between 1890 and 1920 had the greatest impact on America?

Topic: Selective breeding of plants and animals Question: How has selective breeding been used by humans throughout history?

Now, let’s look at the steps for writing our thesis statements based on our research questions.

Remember, a thesis is just a short answer to your research question. So, the first thing you need to do is answer your question. Here are the most basic answers to our previous example.

Question: Should voting be compulsory in Canada? Answer: No, voting should not be compulsory in Canada.

Question: Which piece of legislation passed between 1890 and 1920 had the greatest impact on America? Answer: The Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 had the greatest impact on America.

Question: How has selective breeding been used by humans throughout history? Answer: Humans have used selective breeding of plants and animals for at least 10,000 years.

Technically, those sentences could be thesis statements, but they aren’t very good. A thesis statement needs to also answer the question, “So what?” In other words, why is this topic important? Let’s add that to our sentences.

Question: Should voting be compulsory in Canada? Answer: No, voting should not be compulsory in Canada because people might not be informed or care about who they vote for.

Question: Which piece of legislation passed between 1890 and 1920 had the greatest impact on America? Answer: The Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 had the greatest impact on America because it ensured food and medicines were manufactured safely and labeled properly.

Question: How has selective breeding been used by humans throughout history? Answer: Humans have used selective breeding of plants and animals for at least 10,000 years to improve their food supply.

Your thesis statement should be specific to what you are going to talk about. All of the above sentences answer the research question and tell why your audience should care. But they are vague. A great thesis statement is specific and relates to what the rest of your essay will include.

An easy way to do this is to list your main points. This is usually used in essays with only two or three main points. Here’s an example:

• Voting should not be compulsory in Canada because people who do not care about politics will make uninformed votes, candidates may bribe citizens for their votes, and campaigns will become more inflammatory and corrupt.

This is a perfectly acceptable way to write a thesis. But if you have more than three points, it will become very wordy. It’s also not the strongest way to write a thesis. Let’s reword it to make it stronger.

• Because compulsory voting does not ensure that citizens cast informed votes, it sets the stage for more corrupt campaigns as candidates vie for votes, and is therefore detrimental to Canadian democracy.

It’s specific without reading like a laundry list. Now we’ll take a look at our next two thesis statements.

• The Food and Drug Act of 1906 allowed the federal government to regulate food and medication labeling, which demonstrated a prioritization of human life over profit and paved the way for later food safety laws that are still in effect today.
• From the ancient Sumerians to modern scientists in sterile labs, selective breeding is a powerful tool that humans have used to create hardier and more productive food supplies, as well as animals bred to improve human quality of life.
• Take a stand, don’t just state facts
• A good thesis statement should have a dependent (subordinate) clause
• Two sentences is the absolute maximum
• Place your thesis statement at either the beginning or end of your introduction , not buried in the middle

What’s the hardest part of writing an essay for you? Let us know in the comment section. You can find more great resources for essay writing on our blog .

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Krystal N. Craiker is the Writing Pirate, an indie romance author and blog manager at ProWritingAid. She sails the seven internet seas, breaking tropes and bending genres. She has a background in anthropology and education, which brings fresh perspectives to her romance novels. When she’s not daydreaming about her next book or article, you can find her cooking gourmet gluten-free cuisine, laughing at memes, and playing board games. Krystal lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, child, and basset hound.

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Writing Center: Thesis Statement

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Introduction

The Thesis Statement of the essay is a sentence or statement that presents the main idea and argument you are making to the reader. The Thesis Statement also lets the reader know the order in which your ideas will be expressed. In the Thesis Statement, you are not merely trying to describe the material. You are taking a specific position that you will need to defend in your essay. The Thesis Statement is a writer/reader tool. It keeps the writer on topic while it lets the reader know what to expect to find in the essay.

Things to Consider

• Make sure that your Thesis Statement is not too broad. A thesis is too broad when you cannot adequately argue your main idea in the length essay you have been assigned
• Example: "I like dogs." This would be an example of a broad thesis statement. From this statement, we know that I like dogs; however, no other reasons are presented. In this way, I could talk about a variety of points which makes the subject too broad.
• Make sure that you Thesis Statement is not too narrow. A Thesis is too narrow when the main idea is so specific that an argument cannot be well developed and formulated.
• Example: "I like dogs because they bark." This would be an example of a narrow thesis statement. From this statement, we know that I like dogs, and I do present a reason. However, the reason is so narrow it would be difficult to write many pages on that specific reason.
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6.4.5: Academic Writing Style, Wordiness and Concision

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Word Choice

Read this article about word choice.

What This Handout is About

This handout can help you revise your papers for word-level clarity, eliminate wordiness and avoid clichés, find the words that best express your ideas, and choose words that suit an academic audience.

Introduction

Writing is a series of choices. As you work on a paper, you choose your topic, your approach, your sources, and your thesis; when it is time to write, you have to choose the words you will use to express your ideas and decide how you will arrange those words into sentences and paragraphs. As you revise your draft, you make more choices.

You might ask yourself, "Is this really what I mean?" or "Will readers understand this?" or "Does this sound good?" Finding words that capture your meaning and convey that meaning to your readers is challenging. When your instructors write things like "awkward", vague", or "wordy" on your draft, they are letting you know that they want you to work on word choice. This handout will explain some common issues related to word choice and give you strategies for choosing the best words as you revise your drafts.

As you read further into the handout, keep in mind that it can sometimes take more time to "save" words from your original sentence than to write a brand new sentence to convey the same meaning or idea. Do not be too attached to what you have already written; if you are willing to start a sentence fresh, you may be able to choose words with greater clarity.

Awkward, Vague and Unclear Word Choice

So: you write a paper that makes perfect sense to you, but it comes back with "awkward" scribbled throughout the margins. Why, you wonder, are instructors so fond of terms like "awkward"? Most instructors use terms like this to draw your attention to sentences they had trouble understanding and to encourage you to rewrite those sentences more clearly.

Difficulties with word choice are not the only cause of awkwardness, vagueness, or other problems with clarity. Sometimes a sentence is hard to follow because there is a grammatical problem with it or because of the syntax (the way the words and phrases are put together). Here is an example: "Having finished with studying, the pizza was quickly eaten."

This sentence is not hard to understand because of the words I chose – everybody knows what studying, pizza, and eating are. The problem here is that readers will naturally assume that first bit of the sentence "(Having finished with studying") goes with the next noun that follows it – which, in this case, is "the pizza"! It does not make a lot of sense to imply that the pizza was studying. What I was actually trying to express was something more like this: "Having finished with studying, the students quickly ate the pizza." If you have a sentence that has been marked "awkward", "vague", or "unclear", try to think about it from a reader's point of view – see if you can tell where it changes direction or leaves out important information.

Sometimes, though, problems with clarity are a matter of word choice. See if you recognize any of these issues:

• Misused words – the word does not actually mean what the writer thinks it does. Example : Cree Indians were a monotonous culture until French and British settlers arrived. Revision : Cree Indians were a homogenous culture.
• Words with unwanted connotations or meanings. Example : I sprayed the ants in their private places. Revision : I sprayed the ants in their hiding places.
• Using a pronoun when readers cannot tell whom/what it refers to. Example : My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though he did not like him very much. Revision : My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though Jake does not like Trey very much.
• Jargon or technical terms that make readers work unnecessarily hard. Maybe you need to use some of these words because they are important terms in your field, but do not throw them in just to "sound smart". Example : The dialectical interface between neo-Platonists and anti-disestablishment Catholics offers an algorithm for deontological thought. Revision : The dialogue between neo-Platonists and certain Catholic thinkers is a model for deontological thought.
• Loaded language. Sometimes we as writers know what we mean by a certain word, but we have not ever spelled that out for readers. We rely too heavily on that word, perhaps repeating it often, without clarifying what we are talking about. Example : Society teaches young girls that beauty is their most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change society. Revision : Contemporary American popular media, like magazines and movies, teach young girls that beauty is their most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change the images and role models girls are offered.

Sometimes the problem is not choosing exactly the right word to express an idea – it is being "wordy", or using words that your reader may regard as "extra" or inefficient. Take a look at the following list for some examples. On the left are some phrases that use three, four, or more words where fewer will do; on the right are some shorter substitutes:

Keep an eye out for wordy constructions in your writing and see if you can replace them with more concise words or phrases.

Clichés

In academic writing, it is a good idea to limit your use of clichés. Clichés are catchy little phrases so frequently used that they have become trite, corny, or annoying. They are problematic because their overuse has diminished their impact and because they require several words where just one would do.

The main way to avoid clichés is first to recognize them and then to create shorter, fresher equivalents. Ask yourself if there is one word that means the same thing as the cliché. If there is not, can you use two or three words to state the idea your own way? Below you will see five common clichés, with some alternatives to their right. As a challenge, see how many alternatives you can create for the final two examples.

Try these yourself:

Writing for an Academic Audience

When you choose words to express your ideas, you have to think not only about what makes sense and sounds best to you, but what will make sense and sound best to your readers. Thinking about your audience and their expectations will help you make decisions about word choice.

Some writers think that academic audiences expect them to "sound smart" by using big or technical words. But the most important goal of academic writing is not to sound smart – it is to communicate an argument or information clearly and convincingly. It is true that academic writing has a certain style of its own and that you, as a student, are beginning to learn to read and write in that style.

You may find yourself using words and grammatical constructions that you did not use in your high school writing. The danger is that if you consciously set out to "sound smart" and use words or structures that are very unfamiliar to you, you may produce sentences that your readers cannot understand.

When writing for your professors, think simplicity. Using simple words does not indicate simple thoughts. In an academic argument paper, what makes the thesis and argument sophisticated are the connections presented in simple, clear language.

Keep in mind, though, that simple and clear does not necessarily mean casual. Most instructors will not be pleased if your paper looks like an instant message or an email to a friend. It is usually best to avoid slang and colloquialisms. Take a look at this example and ask yourself how a professor would probably respond to it if it were the thesis statement of a paper: " Moulin Rouge really bit because the singing sucked and the costume colors were nasty, KWIM?"

Selecting and Using Key Terms

When writing academic papers, it is often helpful to find key terms and use them within your paper as well as in your thesis. This section comments on the crucial difference between repetition and redundancy of terms and works through an example of using key terms in a thesis statement.

Repetition vs. Redundancy

These two phenomena are not necessarily the same. Repetition can be a good thing. Sometimes we have to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences. Sometimes there is simply no substitute for the key terms, and selecting a weaker term as a synonym can do more harm than good. Repeating key terms emphasizes important points and signals to the reader that the argument is still being supported. This kind of repetition can give your paper cohesion and is done by conscious choice.

In contrast, if you find yourself frustrated, tiredly repeating the same nouns, verbs, or adjectives, or making the same point over and over, you are probably being redundant. In this case, you are swimming aimlessly around the same points because you have not decided what your argument really is or because you are truly fatigued and clarity escapes you. Refer to the "Strategies" section below for ideas on revising for redundancy.

Building Clear Thesis Statements

Writing clear sentences is important throughout your writing. For the purposes of this handout, let's focus on the thesis statement – one of the most important sentences in academic argument papers. You can apply these ideas to other sentences in your papers.

A common problem with writing good thesis statements is finding the words that best capture both the important elements and the significance of the essay's argument. It is not always easy to condense several paragraphs or several pages into concise key terms that, when combined in one sentence, can effectively describe the argument.

However, taking the time to find the right words offers writers a significant edge. Concise and appropriate terms will help both the writer and the reader keep track of what the essay will show and how it will show it. Graders, in particular, like to see clearly stated thesis statements.

Example: You have been assigned to write an essay that contrasts the river and shore scenes in Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn . You work on it for several days, producing three versions of your thesis:

Version 1: There are many important river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn. Version 2: The contrasting river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature. Version 3: Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain's Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave "civilized" society and go back to nature.

Let's consider the word choice issues in these statements. In Version 1, the word "important" – like "interesting" – is both overused and vague; it suggests that the author has an opinion but gives very little indication about the framework of that opinion. As a result, your reader knows only that you are going to talk about river and shore scenes, but not what you are going to say. Version 2 is an improvement: the words "return to nature" give your reader a better idea where the paper is headed. On the other hand, she still does not know how this return to nature is crucial to your understanding of the novel.

Finally, you come up with Version 3, which is a stronger thesis because it offers a sophisticated argument and the key terms used to make this argument are clear. At least three key terms or concepts are evident: the contrast between river and shore scenes, a return to nature, and American democratic ideals.

By itself, a key term is merely a topic – an element of the argument but not the argument itself. The argument, then, becomes clear to the reader through the way in which you combine key terms.

Strategies for Successful Word Choice

• Be careful when using words you are unfamiliar with. Look at how they are used in context and check their dictionary definitions.
• Be careful when using the thesaurus. Each word listed as a synonym for the word you are looking up may have its own unique connotations or shades of meaning. Use a dictionary to be sure the synonym you are considering really fits what you are trying to say.
• Under the present conditions of our society, marriage practices generally demonstrate a high degree of homogeneity.
• In our culture, people tend to marry others who are like themselves. (Longman, p. 452)
• Before you revise for accurate and strong adjectives, make sure you are first using accurate and strong nouns and verbs. For example, if you were revising the sentence "This is a good book that tells about the Civil War", think about whether "book" and "tells" are as strong as they could be before you worry about "good". (A stronger sentence might read "The novel describes the experiences of a Confederate soldier during the Civil War." "Novel" tells us what kind of book it is, and "describes" tells us more about how the book communicates information.)
• Try the slash/option technique, which is like brainstorming as you write. When you get stuck, write out two or more choices for a questionable word or a confusing sentence, e.g., "questionable/inaccurate/vague/inappropriate". Pick the word that best indicates your meaning or combine different terms to say what you mean.
• Look for repetition. When you find it, decide if it is "good" repetition (using key terms that are crucial and helpful to meaning) or "bad" repetition (redundancy or laziness in reusing words).

Whenever we write a sentence we make choices. Some are less obvious than others, so that it can often feel like we have written the sentence the only way we know how. By writing out five different versions of your thesis, you can begin to see your range of choices. The final version may be a combination of phrasings and words from all five versions, or the one version that says it best. By literally spelling out some possibilities for yourself, you will be able to make better decisions.

• Read your paper out loud and at… a… slow… pace. You can do this alone or with a friend, roommate, TA, etc. When read out loud, your written words should make sense to both you and other listeners. If a sentence seems confusing, rewrite it to make the meaning clear.
• Instead of reading the paper itself, put it down and just talk through your argument as concisely as you can. If your listener quickly and easily comprehends your essay's main point and significance, you should then make sure that your written words are as clear as your oral presentation was. If, on the other hand, your listener keeps asking for clarification, you will need to work on finding the right terms for your essay. If you do this in exchange with a friend or classmate, rest assured that whether you are the talker or the listener, your articulation skills will develop.
• Have someone not familiar with the issue read the paper and point out words or sentences he/she finds confusing. Do not brush off this reader's confusion by assuming he or she simply does not know enough about the topic. Instead, rewrite the sentences so that your "outsider" reader can follow along at all times.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• Am I sure what each word I use really means? Am I positive, or should I look it up?
• Have I found the best word or just settled for the most obvious, or the easiest, one?
• Am I trying too hard to impress my reader?
• What is the easiest way to write this sentence? (Sometimes it helps to answer this question by trying it out loud. How would you say it to someone?)
• What are the key terms of my argument?
• Can I outline out my argument using only these key terms? What others do I need? Which do I not need?
• Have I created my own terms, or have I simply borrowed what looked like key ones from the assignment? If I have borrowed the terms, can I find better ones in my own vocabulary, the texts, my notes, the dictionary, or the thesaurus to make myself clearer?
• Are my key terms too specific? (Do they cover the entire range of my argument?) Can I think of specific examples from my sources that fall under the key term?
• Are my key terms too vague? (Do they cover more than the range of my argument?)

Works Consulted and Additional Resources

We consulted these works while writing the original version of this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout's topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find the latest publications on this topic. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using.

The American Heritage Book of English Usage: A Practical and Authoritative Guide to Contemporary English (Boston: Houghton, 1996).

Anson, Chris M. and Robert A. Schwegler. The Longman Handbook for Writers and Readers, 2nd ed. (New York: Addison, 2001).

Grossman, Ellie. The Grammatically Correct Handbook: A Lively and Unorthodox Review of Common English for the Linguistically Challenged (New York: Hyperion, 1997).

Cook, Claire Kehrwald. Line by Line: How to Improve Your Own Writing (Boston: Houghton, 1985).

O'Conner, Patricia C. Woe is I: The Grammar Phobe's Guide to Better English in Plain English (New York: Putnam, 1996).

Tarshis, Barry. How to be Your Own Best Editor The Toolkit for Everyone Who Writes (New York: Three Rivers P, 1998).

Williams, Joseph. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace, 6th ed. (New York, Addison, 2001).