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How to Deal With the Death of a Mother

Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master's degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness. Theodora has been published on sites including Women's Health, Bustle, Healthline, and more and quoted in sites including the New York Times, Shape, and Marie Claire.

Daniel B. Block, MD, is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania.

EMS-FORSTER-PRODUCTIONS / Getty Images

The death of one's mother is one of the hardest things most people will go through in life. Whether you two had a great relationship, a strained relationship, or something in between, this event will likely have a significant impact on your life.

In one survey, between 20% to 30% of participants stated that losing a loved one was the most traumatic event in their lives—even among those who had reported 11 or more traumatic events over the course of their life. For that group, 22% still ranked the loss of a loved one as their most traumatic event.

Why the Death of One's Mother Is So Hard

Whether you are grieving the death of a mother who birthed you or a mother (or mother figure) who raised you, you are either grieving the bond you had or the bond you wish you had.

John Bowlby , a British psychologist, believed that children are born with a drive to seek attachment with their caregivers. While others before him believed that attachment was food-motivated, he believed that attachment formed based on nurturing and responsiveness.

Therefore, it makes sense that grieving that attachment—or lack thereof—would be incredibly difficult.

A mother is such an integral part of our lives in our society, in part because we are not raised in communities with a variety of caretakers,” says Liz Schmitz-Binnall, PsyD, who has done research on mother loss and resilience.

Her research specifically focused on adult women who had lost their mothers as children and found that they scored lower on resilience than those who had not lost mothers as children.

She says she sees many people who didn’t have a good relationship with their mother but are surprised at the strength of their grief reaction following their mother’s death.

How a Mother's Death Can Affect Someone

While mother loss differs from other losses in some key ways, some of the same effects that come from any kind of loss or bereavement are present. Some thoughts and feelings typical of grief:

• Difficulty concentrating

Less known is that grief can show up physically , in addition to the more-known mental or spiritual indications. In your body, grief may look like:

• Digestive problems
• Energy loss
• Nervousness
• Sleep disturbances
• Weight changes 

Risk of Psychiatric Disorders

In others, however, a loss of a loved one may activate mental health disorders even in those with no history of mental illness. One study found an increased risk for the following disorders, in addition to discovering a new link between mania and loss:

• Major depressive disorder
• Panic disorder
• Posttraumatic disorder

Specifically in adults over the age of 70: 

• Manic episodes
• Alcohol use disorders
• Generalized anxiety disorder 

What Is Complex Bereavement?

All grief is complex, but upon losing someone, many people are able to slowly readjust to their daily routines (or create new routines). Mental health professionals may call it complicated or complex bereavement if it has been at least a year and your daily function is still significantly impacted. 

(Note: the current clinical name is Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder, but the American Psychiatric Association recently approved a change of name to Prolonged Grief Disorder. )

Some of the signs of prolonged grief are the following symptoms still significantly impacting your daily functioning after 12 months:

• Difficulty moving on with life 
• Emotional numbness 
• Thoughts that life is meaningless
• A marked sense of disbelief about the death

In one study, 65% of participants with complicated grief had thought about wanting to die themselves after losing a loved one. So if you, or someone you know who is grieving, is having suicidal thoughts, know that you aren’t alone and this is not uncommon for what you are going through.

If you are having suicidal thoughts but feel you can keep yourself safe, you should talk to a mental health professional. If the thoughts become unbearable and you are in imminent danger of hurting yourself, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support from a counselor who is trained in this.

How to Heal from the Death of a Mother

When loss is fresh, it feels like you will feel that way forever—but you won’t.

“If you allow yourself to grieve, and if others allow you to grieve,” says Schmitz-Binnall, “you will probably notice that the really intense feelings will lessen during the first few months after the death of your mother.”

She says that while most people intuitively realize it can be hard to lose a mother, they don’t realize quite how hard it can be—or how long it can take. “People in our society often think we can move through grief in a month and be done with it.”

And even if we don’t acknowledge those feelings, that doesn’t mean they aren’t existing and impacting our lives anyway.

Liz Schmitz-Binnall

Too many people push us to ‘get on with life’ too soon after a significant loss. We need to be able to grieve, but...we also need to adjust our expectations of ourselves.

Some of her tips:

• Feel the feelings
• Or let yourself feel nothing
• Talk about your feelings
• Spend time by yourself
• Spend time with others
• Talk to her (in whatever way that means for you and your beliefs—it may also include writing letters to her.)

Talk to a Professional

Therapy can be helpful after a major loss like this. While most therapists will have worked with grief, as it's one of the most universal life experiences, there are also therapists who specialize in working with clients with grief. To find one, search for grief therapist or grief counselor in your area.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Find a Community

Since grief can feel like such an isolating experience, many find comfort in support groups, whether they be in-person or an online support group. If you are a woman who has lost a mother, you may be interested in the Motherless Daughters community , which is both virtual and has offline meetups.

A Word From Verywell

The death of a mother is one of the most traumatic things someone can experience. If you are currently grieving your mother, give yourself grace. Whether you had a good relationship or not with her, there will always be grief associated with either the actual relationship you had or the one you wish you had.

Hasin DS, Grant BF. The national epidemiologic survey on alcohol and related conditions (Nesarc) waves 1 and 2: review and summary of findings .  Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol . 2015;50(11):1609-1640. doi:10.1007/s00127-015-1088-0

Schmitz-Binnall E. Resilience in adult women who experienced early mother loss .  All Antioch University Dissertations & Theses .

• Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK. The burden of loss: unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study .  AJP . 2014;171(8):864-871. doi:10.4088/jcp.v67n0209
• Szanto K, Shear MK, Houck PR, et al. Indirect self-destructive behavior and overt suicidality in patients with complicated grief.   J Clin Psychiatry . 2006;67(2):233-239. doi:10.4088/jcp.v67n0209

By Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master's degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness. Theodora has been published on sites including Women's Health, Bustle, Healthline, and more and quoted in sites including the New York Times, Shape, and Marie Claire.

Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection Essay

Terminal illness, end of life issue.

While dying is part of human life that surrounds each person, some encounters with death are more influential than others. My mother’s passing was an experience that impacted my view of life and end of life care the most. She died before her 60th birthday – her terminal illness was discovered very late, and she passed away less than a year after receiving the diagnosis. Such a rapid change in my life left a mark on my memory and reshaped my view of life and death.

It was difficult for me to come to terms with her death – the period between the diagnosis and her passing was too short. I was in denial for a long time and had trouble accepting what had happened. Looking back at this time, I see how the end of life is not always expected, and why the children of terminally ill loved ones require the attention of medical professionals as well.

End of life care for my mother took a toll on me, and I had to reevaluate my aspirations to see whether I treated life as an endless path. Now, I reflect on the feelings I had in order to remind myself that the end of life cannot be fully preplanned and that each case is unique in its own way. Moreover, I try to remember that one’s existence is finite. In some cases, the best solution is to provide as much comfort to someone and make sure they are making choices to the best of their ability and knowledge to have a happy and dignified time.

I also considered how my mother might have felt at the moment of diagnosis and during her last year. It is incredibly challenging for one to understand what knowing that you will die soon means. Such clarity is not always desired, but I believe that it is vital for people to know about their current condition because it affects their decision-making in healthcare and life, in general. Death is a part of each human’s life, but every step toward it does not feel final because it can come at any moment.

Knowing one’s diagnosis changes the way people and their loved ones think. Although I can only imagine what my mother felt, I understand what the families of terminally ill persons are going through.

If I were diagnosed with a terminal illness and were given a prognosis of six months or less to live, I would try to accept it in good faith before making decisions. Death is inevitable, but it is impossible to be fully prepared for it, even when you think that you are. So, I would look into myself to search for peace with this news in order to take advantage of the time that I have left.

I would feel sad because I would not see my loved ones and miss them dearly. Thus, my priorities for what should be done would change. I would try to see my family and friends as much as I could and spend time with them, making memories for them and myself. I would like to leave some mementoes behind and focus on the good times that we would have together. Planning for several months ahead is difficult when the exact date of death is unknown, so I would do my best to make the most of each day.

However, it is also vital to think about one’s inner comfort and peace. Coming to terms with my passing would be critical to me – it provides some type of closure and allows me to let go of worries related to everyday life. People may cover their fear of dying with activities and concentration on planning and socialization. In doing so, they may overlook their own satisfaction with life, denying themselves a chance to reflect. As such, I would spend some time searching for some last unanswered questions and unachieved goals that could be completed in the short span of time that I would have.

Finally, I would concentrate on my present and my loved ones’ future. I always strive to remember that life is endless in a way that it continues for other people. Although I will eventually die, some of my friends and my family members will continue living long after I am gone, facing problems and challenges that are inherent to humanity.

Thus, I would try to make plans to alleviate some of these issues. Most importantly, I would organize the provision for my child to finance the education – one of the most necessary, but expensive, parts of one’s coming to adulthood. If possible, I would review our housing options, savings, family and friends support network, and address other household and healthcare concerns.

Doctors and nurses in end-of-life care carry a significant burden in working with patients and families dealing with ethical and moral dilemmas. Some of these issues are also regulated legally, although the lines of what is legal or not are much less clear than in other cases. For me, one of the moral dilemmas that I had struggled with was the patients’ and relatives’ differing views on treatment planning. In some situations, the client’s family members may not pursue the same goals as the person under care. These aims can be guided by religious or personal views on health and death. Others can be motivated by financial problems, strained relationships, emotional health, and a multitude of other reasons.

For example, in a hospital, a family may not want the patient to know the diagnosis as it could scare or sadden them. In this scenario, I turn to the some of the medical principles as the basis for my value system. I would highlight the importance of fidelity – people have the right to known about their prognosis and diagnosis (Karnik & Kanekar, 2016). I think that truthfulness is a necessary part of end-of-life care and support, even though telling someone their diagnosis is difficult.

In some situations, children want to keep their parent alive as long as possible and request all possible procedures, while the client denies care and seeks comfort to spend the last days with dignity. Here, the principle of autonomy would guide my practice – people reserve the right to make decisions to the extent of their capacity (De Panfilis et al., 2019).

Moreover, it is vital to remember that rigorous treatment does not equal beneficence in all scenarios. I try to approach each case individually and acknowledge that every person has the right to control a part of their destiny through healthcare or outreach for support, and the duty of caring professionals is to inform our clients of all the choices they can make and what outcomes they can expect. In the end, medical science advances continuously, but death remains an unchanging aspect that requires person-centered thinking.

De Panfilis, L., Di Leo, S., Peruselli, C., Ghirotto, L., & Tanzi, S. (2019). “I go into crisis when…”: Ethics of care and moral dilemmas in palliative care. BMC Palliative Care , 18 (70), 1-8. Web.

Karnik, S., & Kanekar, A. (2016). Ethical issues surrounding end-of-life care: A narrative review . Healthcare, 4 (24), 1-6. Web.

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IvyPanda. (2022, September 19). Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/

"Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." IvyPanda , 19 Sept. 2022, ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

IvyPanda . (2022) 'Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection'. 19 September.

IvyPanda . 2022. "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

1. IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

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“Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be.” ~Joan Didion

This spring marked ten years since I lost my mother . One ordinary Thursday, she didn’t show up to work, and my family spent a blur of days frantically hanging missing person fliers, driving all over New England, and hoping against reason for a happy outcome.

My mother was prone to frequent mood swings, but she also talked to my two older brothers and me multiple times a day, and going off the grid was completely out of character. How does someone just vanish? And why?

Forty days is a long time to brood over worst-case scenarios: murder, kidnap, dissociative fugue cycled through my addled mind. I gave in to despair but always managed to buoy myself up with hope . My mom was my best friend, and at twenty years old, I needed her too much to lose her. She simply had to come home.

Six weeks later, my brother called. Right up front he said he loved me—a sure sign bad news was coming. There was no way to say what he had to say next, so he just spat it out like sour milk: our mother’s body had been found.

A diver checking moorings in a cold New England harbor had spotted something white on the ocean floor. That white whale was our mom’s station wagon. She had driven off the end of a pier. We didn’t say the word suicide, but we both thought it, failed to comprehend it.

It’s been ten years since that terrible spring. Much of it still doesn’t make sense to me, but a decade has softened the rawness of my grief and allowed moments of lightness to find their way back into my life, the way sunrise creeps around the edges of a drawn window shade.

Losing someone to suicide makes you certain you’ll never see another sunrise, much less appreciate one. It isn’t true. I’m thirty years old now and my life is bigger, scarier, and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined. Grief helped get me here.

Grief is not something you can hack. There is no listicle that can reassemble your busted heart. But I have found that grieving can make your life richer in unexpected ways. Here are ten truths the biggest loss of my life has taught me:

1. Dying is really about living.

At my mother’s memorial, I resented everyone who said some version of that old platitude, “Time heals all wounds.” Experience has taught me that time doesn’t offer a linear healing process so much as a slowly shifting perspective.

In the first raw months and years of grieving, I pushed away family and friends, afraid that they would leave too. With time, though, I’ve forged close relationships and learned to trust again. Grief wants you to go it alone, but we need others to light the way through that dark tunnel.

2. No one will fill that void.

I have a mom-shaped hole in my heart. Turns out it’s not a fatal condition, but it is a primal spot that no one will ever fill. For a long time, I worried that with the closest relationship in my life suddenly severed, I would never feel whole again. Who would ever understand me in all the ways my mother did?

These days I have strong female role models in my life, but I harbor no illusions that any of them will take my mom’s place. I’ve slowly been able to let go of the guilt that I was replacing or dishonoring her by making room for others. Healing is not an act of substituting, but of expanding, despite the holes we carry.

3. Be easy on yourself.  

In the months after losing my mother, I was clumsy, forgetful and foggy. I can’t recall any of the college classes I took during that time. Part of my grieving process entailed beating myself up for what I could not control, and my brain fog felt like yet another failure.

In time, the fog lifted and my memories returned. I’ve come to see this as my mind going into survival mode with its own coping mechanisms.

Being kind to myself has never been my strong suit, and grief likes to make guilt its sidekick. Meditation, yoga , and journaling are three practices that help remind me that kindness is more powerful than listening to my inner saboteur.

4. Use whatever works.  

I’m not a Buddhist, but I find the concept of letting go and not clinging to anything too tightly to be powerful.

I don’t read self-help, but I found solace in Joan Didion’s memoir The Year of Magical Thinking .

I’m not religious, but I found my voice in a campus support group run by a chaplain.

I hadn’t played soccer since I was a kid, but I joined an adult recreational league and found that I could live completely in the moment while chasing a ball around a field.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all grieving method. Much of it comes down to flailing around until you find what works. Death is always unexpected; so too are the ways we heal.

5. Gratitude wins.

We always feel that we lost a loved one too soon. My mom gave me twenty good years. Of course I would’ve liked more time, but self-pity and gratitude are flipsides of the same coin; choosing the latter will serve you in positive ways, while the former gives you absolutely nothing.

6. Choose to thrive.

My mom and I share similar temperaments. After her death, I worried I was also destined for an unhappy outcome. This is one of the many tricks that grief plays: it makes you think you don’t deserve happiness.

It’s easier to self-destruct than it is to practice self-care . I initially coped through alcohol and other destructive methods, but I knew this was only clouding my grieving process. I had to face the pain directly, and write my way through it. So I wrote a book.

Everyone has their own constructive coping mechanisms, and choosing those, even when it’s hard, is worth it in the long run. My mother may not have been able to find happiness in her own life, but I know she would want that for me. No one is going to water you like a plant—you have to choose to thrive.

7. Time heals, but on its own timeline.

“Time heals all wounds” is something I heard a lot at my mother’s memorial service. Here’s what I wish I had known: grief time does not operate like normal time. In the first year, the present was obscured entirely by the past. Grieving demanded that I revisit every detail leading up to losing my mom.

As I slowly started to find effective coping mechanisms, I began to feel more rooted in the present. My mood did not have to be determined by the hurts of the past.

There will always be good days and bad. This is the bargain we sign on for as humans. Once we make it through the worst days, we gain a heightened sense of appreciation for the small moments of joy to be found in normal days. Healing comes over time, but only if we’re willing to do the work of grieving.

8. Let your loss highlight your gains.

I’ve lived in New York City for eight years now, but it still shocks me that I’ve built a life that I love here. It’s a gift I attribute to my mom. She was always supportive of my stubborn desire to pursue a career as a writer. After she died, the only thing that made sense to me was to write about the experience.

This led me to grad school in New York, a place I had never even considered living before. It feels like home now. I wish I could share it with my mom, but it was her belief in me that got me here. I lost my mom, but I found a home, good friends, a career I love and the perspective to appreciate it all.

9. Heartbreak is a sign of progress.

In the first years after the big loss, I assumed romance was dead to me. Why would I allow someone else to break my heart? Luckily I got past this fear to the point where I was able to experience a long and loving relationship .

That relationship eventually imploded, but I did not, which strikes me as a sign of progress. Grief makes us better equipped to weather the other life losses that are sure to come. This is not pessimism. This is optimism that the rewards of love always trump its risks.

10. Grief makes us beginners.

Death is the only universal, and grieving makes beginners out of all of us. Yet grief affects us all in different ways. There is no instruction manual on how best to cope.

There is only time, day by day and sometimes minute by minute, to feel what works, and to cast aside what does not. In the ten years I’ve learned to live without my mother, I’ve tried to see my grieving process as an evolutionary one. Loss has enriched my life in challenging, unexpected, and maybe even beautiful ways.

About Lindsay Harrison

Lindsay Harrison is a New York based writer and editor. Her first book, Missing , was published by Simon & Schuster. When she's not writing, she's most likely playing soccer or walking her dog, who looks like a fox.

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Mothers’ Day grief: What this day means when you’ve lost your own mom

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To all the mamas who have lost their mamas.

By Darnise C. Martin May 3, 2022

The Mother’s Day season always greets me with angst and bits of unresolved grief. Some years are better than others. If you are dealing with grief from the loss of a mother and this is a difficult time for you, I have a word to share.

My mother died in the winter of 1988. I was a 20-year-old college student, and I had just returned to school following our Christmas holiday break. My mother had recently had a hysterectomy and was having complications, none of which seemed serious. But when I got that phone call on a February morning at 5 a.m., I knew it was bad. My stepfather called and told me to get home as quickly as possible. In a frenzy, I got myself back to Dallas, TX where we had been living for the past few years. I was too late though. She had already passed away by the time I landed in the airport.

The following week threw me into a state of shock and grief from which I would never fully recover. I have shared many of these details in a memoir called, “ Mother Loss: Reflections On Grief ,” which I began writing as a way to process my own heartbreak and confusion. In that book, I talk about the reverberations of my mother’s sudden death on my whole family. For a good while, we were all broken. 

Related: Mother’s Day is complicated

For me, each Mother’s Day season brings up varying degrees of grief and nostalgia. Each Mother’s Day, I am reminded that I don’t have a mother , and with that realization I find gritty bits of grief mixed with a flood of memories and emotions that I’m not sure I want to revisit. 

For those of us who are motherless daughters, you may recognize this experience as a slice of your life too. Some of us don’t know what to do with ourselves on Mother’s Day. We see our friends and strangers going through the rituals of buying gifts for their mothers, making reservations for brunch or dinner. We hear our friends lamenting how their relationship with their mother is complicated or they express gratitude that they have a close and loving relationship, and how they don’t know what they would do without her. 

Some of them ask us, “How do you cope on Mother’s Day when your own mother has passed away?” Sometimes I reply, “Oh, is it Mother’s Day? I forgot.”  Sometimes it’s that kind of year where I have ignored all the cues and marketing campaigns and busied myself with my work or personal projects, and so the day slipped into the back of my mind. Other times, I respond with, “It’s always hard and surreal not to have a mother, but especially so at this time. I just keep going.” Every Mother’s Day brings its own realizations, memories, melancholia and sometimes a surprising contentment.  

From the time my mother died, I have had a recurring dream/nightmare in which I would unexpectedly see her out in a public place, and I would chase after her, calling for her to turn around and tell me where she had been. I could never catch up to her and I never got an answer. After several years of this randomly occurring dream, I finally had one where I found her sitting on a couch in someone’s house, and I was able to talk to her. She answered my questions. She had not in fact left me, she said, she was always there. When I woke up, I knew that I had turned a corner in the grief of losing my mom. My intense longing had been quenched. I began to feel that I could make room for peace around her death, and maybe even let my emotional guard down.

The grief from losing your mom is unique. The umbilical cord that we once shared with our biological mothers gave us more than nutrients, it also connected us to her heartbeat, her life’s blood, the marrow from her bones. She provides life from the moment of conception. Mothers who foster, adopt or otherwise care for children pour into them as well from their inner resources. 

Related: The hard lessons I’ve learned about grief

After my mother’s funeral, I remember wondering how I could physically remain alive without her. I was in full-on grief mode, feeling the anguish of her absence, and I floundered. Part of the grief of losing your mother is the realization that we are not just without a mother in the physical sense, but also the feeling that we are unmothered as a state of being, bereft without ongoing maternal nurturance and support in a world where being mothered is the norm. My attempted remedy to that longing was to collect other people’s mothers. 

I felt fortunate that I had close friends who invited me to share their mothers, especially during holidays. Now, that doesn’t feel as necessary. Now, I am comforted by the presence of my own mother when I see our resemblance reflected in the mirror and by the similarities in our mannerisms. In this way, my grief from losing my mother feels less acute and more like a tender spot that marks the natural bumps, bruises and heartbreaks of life. My spirituality enables me to connect with her as an ancestor. By reconnecting in this way, I realize that I am not actually unmothered. I am the embodiment of her. I quite literally embody her existence and keep her in the present. 

I bring her with me into any space I enter. I find myself using her words and inflections when I speak to the college students I teach. I had always imagined that if I ever had a daughter, I would somehow download her maternal presence into the ways that I mother. My daughter’s name would have been Catherine, named after her grandmother.

Being a mother without a mother must take on challenges when she is not here helping with the routine, mundane and joyful things of raising a child. I don’t have children of my own, and it seems to me that it offers a unique bittersweet opportunity to be able to pour into your own child what you received from your mother, grandmother and great-grandmothers. Mother’s Day provides an opportunity to intentionally share your mother with your child. Mother’s Day can become the day that you serve as a bridge between your child and your mother. 

Ultimately, how we as motherless daughters navigate the Mother’s Day season is as individual as we each are, but my experience says that we can transform our grief into an empowering way of being. I offer these suggestions for the season:

• Recall and celebrate her traits that give you strength, courage, determination and compassion.
• Continue learning from her life experiences—Gather stories about who she was as a girl. How did she navigate early obstacles? Where are the similarities you share with her?
• What can you do in her honor? Do it on Mother’s Day.
• Create a home altar and place some of her favorite things there with a candle, glass of water and a picture. Recall fond memories there.

I keep an altar with a couple of pieces of jewelry on it that reflect not only her love of jewelry, but also a way that we connect via the sharing of the pieces. Some days, I wear the rings that usually remain on the altar, taking her with me out into the world. 

From one motherless daughter to another, I encourage you to find ways to keep your best mama memories alive.

You can find out more about my journey in my book “ Mother Loss: Reflections On Grief .”

Darnise C. Martin, Ph.D. is a Professor, Author, and Life Transformation Coach with 15 years of training and experience in helping people create Whole Life Abundance. Dr. Darnise has a life-long passion for helping people tap into their spiritual connections for authentic transformation in the areas of Relationships, Spirituality, Life Purpose and Career, Self-Worth, and Well-Being. She is the author of multiple books, including Mother Loss: Reflections on Grief. You can join Dr. Darnise’s community at www.reflectionsonloss.com

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I couldn't write about my mother's death, so I wrote a story for young people instead

Watching a loved one die is the most heart-wrenching experience. Yet writing fiction has a mysterious way of soothing grief

T he last night of my mother’s life she asked repeatedly if she should go left or right. We only wanted her to wriggle up the bed. “Left, or right?” she asked. We wanted her to lift her bottom so we could change the wet sheets beneath her. “Left, or right?” she questioned. We wanted her to take the medicine to settle her. “Left, or right?” We wanted her to stop flinging her legs with super-human strength over the bed rails.

“Mum,” we pleaded, exhausted.

“Do I go left or right?” she pleaded back.

My mother had terminal leukaemia and she was agitated and confused. We were in her sixties hardy-plank home with its pink retaining wall and a budding mango tree. It was November but I can’t recall if it was hot outside or raining or if the jacarandas had finished flowering. We were in that house and it was as though we were in a ship at sea. We didn’t know if outside the seas were calm or raging, because we had been all hands on duty beneath the deck for days.

There were oxygen concentrators and cytotoxic bins and sponges to be given. There was a jumble of medication on the bedside table that we solved each day like a puzzle. Visiting palliative care nurses, teaspoons of calmative, syringes of morphine. There was a little ceramic bell that my mother rang when she needed us, and she rang it often; panicked, unable to get comfortable, unable to breathe. There was the last walk; a five-metre grand procession with a train of oxygen tubing and concentrator, that took close to 20 minutes to complete. It was my mother’s final time to sit out on her beloved front patio. She sat in her chair in the sunshine and closed her eyes. Peewees called. Across the road a lawn was mowed. The highway rumbled with never-ending traffic.

In that house, that ship, those last days, we slept in beds and on sofas and slumped in chairs. That last night my sister and I took turns sleeping on the floor beside her bed. She was restlessly messy, the way people are in the grip of terminal delirium. She was tangled in her sheets. She clawed at her nightie. She slid down the bed. “Left, or right?” she asked, frustrated. “Shhhh,” we said. “It’s the middle of the night.” “The middle of the night?” she shouted, incredulous.

I don’t think there’s a word to describe the feeling when someone is dying. Of course, there are many feelings, but the feeling that pervades the ending. The feeling of the last days. It’s an emotion born out of a strange mix of opposing desires. Of waiting and not wishing to wait. Of wanting time slowed and wanting time quickened. Of wanting an end to what is happening but never wanting the end at the very same time.

It’s a feeling of being submerged. Of deep sea diving into moments. In those last hours we rested with her. We stroked her hair. We cried and told her we loved her. We moved in and out of her room but she was never alone. I saw my five-year-old daughter kneel and kiss her hands.

The feelings of those last days was of a retreat from the world, a seclusion. Love came home. That’s how it felt. Below the decks on that ship that sailed on and on toward the end, love came home. My brother kissed her forehead again and again. Grandchildren crowded beside her bed. Love came home and there should be a name for that type of love. It’s the opposite of birthing love, all joy and anticipation. Maybe its name is goodbye love. Or maybe it’s just love. That last morning as the sun came up and my mother asked, “Left, or right?” we whispered and held her. “Straight ahead Mum. You just have to go straight ahead.”

I wanted to write about these things after my mother died but I couldn’t. These thoughts sat, a big solidified lump, in my chest. I lay, mostly in a fog, playing Jelly Splash on my phone, staving off sorrow. But writing for me is as much about making something beautiful and entertaining as it is about working things out in my head and soon the story of Lenny’s Book of Everything began calling me. I played Pet Rescue and tried to ignore it. It was insistent. I developed a raging Words with Friends addiction. The story refused to go away. Write me and things will be ok, it whispered, then hollered in my ear.

The story of Lenny’s Book of Everything was not about my mother. When I sat down to write I found it was about a brother and sister who live in an apartment overlooking a Greyhound bus station. At night they like to watch arrivals and departures. Their mum works two jobs to support them. They spend hours in their wonderfully crazy neighbour Mrs Gaspar’s apartment across the hall while their mother works shifts. Lenny adores beetles while Davey loves log cabins and eagles.

It was the tale of a Build-it-at-Home encyclopaedia set Lenny and Davey have won in a competition. It arrives week by week, issue by issue, in the mail. All the wonders of the world are opened up to them, letter by letter, from albatrosses to quartz, the abominable snowman to quicksand. Together they dream of running away to a place called Great Bear Lake and having endless adventures. Problem is Davey can’t stop growing. He grows and grows and grows because of a one-of-a-kind tumour in his brain and by the time he’s seven he’s as tall as a man and his health is deteriorating.

It wasn’t the story of my mother but, as I wrote, I realised I was writing about the joy of new knowledge, of our wonderful world and what a cracker of a miracle it is to be alive. I found I was counting loves: motherly love, sibling love, neighbourly love, the love between friends. And goodbye love too. I was writing about what it means to love someone and lose them but to feel so infinitely blessed to have known them.

So, in this mysterious way that writing fiction works, the story of Lenny and Davey soothed my raw grief at the death of my mother. Each day I dragged myself up and faced those pages that filled, draft after draft, with Davey growing and with big dreams, big friendships and big love, and I was slowly filled with a new hope for having written them.

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The Day My Mother Died

The importance of last words..

Posted August 13, 2019

My mother died on June 18, 2019. She was 96. It was a mere 23 days from her diagnosis of colon cancer to when I got a call early on a Tuesday morning. The physician’s assistant said she had died peacefully, but she had been alone. My first thought as I sat on the edge of my bed was, “I should have been there.” I was there when my father died in 1998. Why not my mother, as well.

During those 23 days, I had made the trip back and forth to Pennsylvania, where my mother was hospitalized, several times. She may have been 96, but she had lost none of her cognitive abilities, so we talked, as we often did, about everything, including politics , church, and what was coming. She refused treatment. In her own words, she was “ready to go,” and had been for several years. Sometimes she even grew angry at God for dawdling, but she never abandoned her faith.

Twice she suddenly asked me to hold her hand because she was afraid. Soon after she would be fine. She made additions to her memorial service plans, and insisted that it not be sad; she didn’t want anyone to think she wasn’t happy to die. (I announced this at the beginning of my eulogy.) We talked about when to hold the service, and she said with a glint in her eye, “It doesn’t matter because I won’t be there.” Ever my mother’s son, I replied, “That’s too bad because I already have you penciled in to do a reading.”

She speculated about the afterlife. She said she didn’t “know if it was allowed,” but if it was, she’d come back to “tap me on the shoulder.” I smiled and said, “That would be great.” I thanked her for being my mother and told her I loved her.

Her prognosis changed from "days" to "weeks," so I felt comfortable going home for the weekend. I planned on coming back Wednesday of the following week, what turned out to be the day after she died. While home, I talked multiple times with my brother who lived in PA and with staff at the hospital. When the phone rang at such an odd time that Tuesday morning I knew exactly what it was about.

I did not feel a tap on my shoulder, at least not one that I noticed. About a week later, though, I couldn’t sleep and came downstairs to sit on our enclosed porch. Eventually, I lay on the swing and fell asleep. Sometime during the night, I sat up to turn over. When I did, I heard a female voice say, “It was time.” The voice was so loud that I was frightened and called out, “Who is it?” Then it was quiet again and I lay back, wondering if it had been a dream.

The next morning, I sat on the porch thinking about what had happened during the night. Was it possible that the words I heard were meant as a response to what I thought when I learned my mother had died---“I should have been there”? That somehow I was being told she had wanted to die alone. That she didn’t want either of her sons to be there, to suffer that. This was a comforting, if fanciful, notion.

In the coming days, though, I learned from my brother that my mother had suggested he “take a day off” from visiting her that Tuesday. And my cousin told me that my mother had always said she wanted to die in her sleep by herself.

Who knows about these things? Who understands the final acts of the dying? Is there anything more painful than for a parent to leave their child for any reason, particularly by dying? Perhaps I was awakened by a mother trying to comfort a grieving son.

In her final months, my mother often told me she missed my father. I asked her what she missed most about her husband. She thought for a moment and said, “Dancing with him.” And in her final days, she told me she wished he would be there to help her “cross over.”

I have reason to believe that when she died, the music she heard wasn’t a choir of angels, but rather it was Glenn Miller, and the arms that were outstretched for her were my father’s, and that she nestled into his arms and they did what they loved, which was to dance.

I am reminded that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

David B. Seaburn is a novelist. His latest novel is Gavin Goode. Seaburn is also a retired marriage and family therapist and minister.

David B. Seaburn, Ph.D. , L.M.F.T. , is a writer, marriage and family therapist, psychologist, and minister who has written four novels and two professional books.

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What I wish my friends had said to me after my mom died

It’s hard to know what to say to a friend who is grieving. Here’s what you should keep in mind.

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“How are you doing?”

This is the question I heard relentlessly from friends, co-workers, and acquaintances after my mom died. Most of the time, I wanted to respond with “I have zero fucking clue.”

Some moments, I felt surprisingly okay. Some moments, I worried that this overwhelming feeling of grief would never go away. Some moments I was worried it would. Some moments I didn’t want to talk about it, others I wanted to talk about nothing else. Explaining all that felt impossible — it still does.

My mom passed away two years ago. The grief was unimaginable. Nothing can prepare you for what it will feel like, but one aspect I was particularly surprised by was just how many uncomfortable, awkward, and sometimes straight up offensive conversations I would have with the people in my life after it happened. These were people who wanted to be there for me or say the right thing, but didn’t know how to do it.

I don’t blame them. Our culture doesn’t do a great job with processing death. It’s one of the most jarring experiences to go through whether you’re experiencing loss yourself or watching someone you love go through the grieving process. None of it is easy. But we can’t avoid it.

After my mom died, it seemed like my friends had no idea what to say to me

When I found out my mom was dying, I tried to scrape up any vision of what grief might look like. I watched movies, read about grief, tried to prepare myself, as if grief was some kind of final I could cram for the night before. It didn’t work, of course. Right after my Mom died, I was sad, angry, frustrated, nostalgic, strangely thankful, then sad, then angry again, you name it — I felt it all, usually all within one day.

This whirlwind of emotions made it so hard to interact with my friends as I normally would. I’m sure it was difficult for them, too. How were they supposed to help me if I wasn’t sure what kind of help I needed from them in the first place?

I often found myself giving them passive answers to pacify their questions: I felt like they didn’t really want to hear how I was really doing. I can recall multiple conversations generally starting like this:

“Actually, I’m having a hard time. I’m not sure how I’m feeling most of the time. I keep thinking about the moments leading up to what happened. It all feels very surreal. ”

And then generally, a lot of people in my life would response with variations of these answers:

“Oh … I’m sorry for your loss,” followed by uncomfortable bouts of silence. Or: “That is just so sad. I can’t imagine what that would be like for me,” followed by a quick change in subject.

These kinds of answers made me feel like they just wanted to hear that I was doing okay, and that anything else was too much for them to get into.

But as I moved farther away from the day my mom died, I found myself wanting to talk about my experience with grief, not to mention her , constantly. I also noticed that this candid conversation I craved also continued to make people around me uncomfortable. It felt like any time I’d voluntarily bring things up, people would change the subject. Or they’d shift the conversation to something less “depressing.”

I understood what they were doing, but it wasn’t what I wanted. What does it mean if the thing that helped me grieve my mother made the people closest to me uncomfortable? What did that mean for me and my process — and not to mention, my relationship with these people?

So for a while, I decided to remain frustrated and confused. It felt like I couldn’t be myself around some of my closest friends. The only thing I really wanted was to talk about my grief, but I felt that I had to censor myself. I started saying less about my mom. I started being less blunt about how I was feeling. It was just easier that way.

Then, my frustration turned into flat-out anger. I was the one in pain — why did I have to be the one to accommodate everyone else’s feelings? It felt selfish to think like this, but it was the truth. Then, in the midst of this less-than-admirable rage stage of my grieving process, something strange happened.

My close friends’ father died. I didn’t know how to act.

One of my closest friends’ father died about a year and a half after my mom. I thought for sure that I’d know exactly what to say, what to do, right off the bat. I knew not to ask how she was doing. I knew not to beat around the bush and pretend like everything was okay.

But I felt totally overwhelmed. I was scared I would say the wrong thing or that’d I’d cause her more pain. So I worried, I hesitated, and when I finally spoke up, I did just as my friends did — I beat around the bush.

I think I know the reason why people clam up when attempting to console a friend who is grieving: shame. We live in a world where people are consistently afraid of feeling shame — so many of us make life choices to avoid the feeling at all costs. Being told that you said the wrong thing — that you hurt someone or said something awkward — totally blows.

And when we’re trying to comfort a grieving loved one, we’re so worried about saying the wrong thing and feeling that dreaded shame that we sometimes decide it’s just easier not to say anything at all.

But we, as friends and loved ones, can do better. Far worse than shame is grieving a loved one and having a friend avoid speaking up for the sake of avoiding their own discomfort. I promise you that’s not what your grieving friend wants. If you aren’t sure what to say — hell, most of us who are grieving don’t know what we want you to say either — tell them that.

What to say when you’re at a loss for words

I decided to take my own advice when comforting my friend who lost her father. It felt so difficult at first, but once I broke past the initial hesitation, the conversation between us completely opened up and went something like this:

“This might be a weird thing to say, but when my mom died, for whatever reason I really wanted to talk about what happened in detail. It helped me process and made things feel less surreal. So, if there is ever a detail that you feel you can’t get out of your head and you want to share it, please share with me.”

That’s when my friend started to open up to me. She told me about how hard it was to talk to people about what she was feeling, and that she often felt she didn’t know how to respond when people checked in because she felt she had to sugarcoat her response. She discussed feeling so isolated in her grief — just as I had in mine. This conversation continued over time, both of us sharing our frustrations and feeling so relieved that we weren’t alone.

Everyone grieves differently, so it’s important to really tune into what your friend needs. If you’re completely unsure of where to even begin, here are a couple of ways to start the conversation with a grieving friend:

• I’m not going to pretend like I know what this must be like for you. But I want you to know I’m here and I’m all ears for anything you want to share. And if you don’t feel like sharing right now, I can happily talk your ear off with my own problems. Or my detailed breakdown of the latest episode of Insecure.
• Where are you at today with everything? Anything you feel like talking about specifically?
• I just wanted to throw out that I’m thinking about you and what you’re going through. I know there’s nothing I can say that will change how you’re feeling today, but if you need a sounding board to talk to or at — I’m here.
• Do you feel like grabbing dinner?

I promise you — having these conversations in person is infinitely easier than over a text. This, sometimes, is the easiest way to start the conversation. If you can’t meet in person, call them on the phone. I’m talking to you, fellow millennials.

The biggest piece of advice I can offer is to be honest. And be open-minded to the idea that your friend’s world has completely changed. Grief isn’t finite; you don’t “go through” grief. It’s a spectrum of experiences that continue throughout your life.

Your friend may be different to you forever, and that’s okay. This can be intimidating, but, after going through this both as someone who’s personally grieving and as a friend to someone who is grieving, don’t be afraid to be wrong. Just do your best, be present, and be prepared to get uncomfortable. You may be surprised what you learn in the process.

Chelsea Gray is a writer living in Los Angeles. Learn more about her here .

First Person is Vox’s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our submission guidelines , and pitch us at [email protected] .

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How to Write a Tribute for a Mother Who Passed Away (5 Examples)

Losing a mother is one of the most difficult experiences in life. But writing a tribute that honor’s your mothers memory can bring some real comfort and closure.

When I wrote a tribute for my mother after losing her I found the process of writing very cathartic. It helped me to remember what a wonderful person she was and the good times I had with her.

You can also use your tribute or sections of it in a eulogy or as part of the funeral or memorial service.

So if you want to write a tribute to your mom but aren’t sure how keep reading. The tips and examples here will help you to write your own meaningful tribute to your late mother and to say goodbye .

Table of Contents

How to Write a Tribute to a Mother

There are some easy steps you can take to get your tribute perfect. You don’t have to include all of the following but it will give you some good ideas and a starting point if you want to write your own.

If you want to see some sample tributes then click here to scroll down and past these steps .

Choose the Right Tone

The first thing you should do is decide the tone your tribute is going to take. This will depend on your relationship with your mother. These are a few examples of how you may want your tribute to sound.

• Warm and affectionate – if your mother was your best friend and close confidante then a warm and sentimental tone would be fitting. You might share your fondest memories of here you have and the ways she made you feel loved.
• Respectful and reverent – on the other hand if your relationship was more formal then you could go for a respectful and admiring tone. This would allow you to highlight your mother’s strengths and virtues and focus on her accomplishments.
• Honest and candid – often our relationships with our parents are complex. If that was the case then don’t gloss over those difficulties. An open and truthful tone that acknowledges both the highs and lows can be just as meaningful as one that is all positive.
• Hopeful and grateful – Even if your grief is raw then it might be good to try and at least end your tribute looking forward with some hope. Maybe showing appreciation for all your mom did.

Use Meaningful Anecdotes

An anecdote or story that gives some insight into your mothers personality or the relationship you had is always good to include. This can bring your tribute to life and really make others understand the type of person your mom was.

Some examples of anecdotes you could use:

• A time she gave you advice that you still live by today.
• Inside jokes or silly memories that show her humor and warmth.
• A favorite ritual or tradition you shared. Something like baking Christmas cookies together or a trip you always took.

Be as specific as you can and include lots of details. You want the memories to be as vivid as possible so describe everything you remember.

Highlight Her Accomplishments

What achievements made your mother proud? Think about the accomplishments that she was pleased with.

Things like educational degrees, career highlights, creative talents or any community service she did. Anything that you know she found fulfilling and showed pride in.

For example: “Mom was the first female engineer at her company and loved mentoring younger women entering the field.”

But also don’t overlook what might be considered more mundane. If she was proud of the family she raised then mention that – “Raising four children and managing a household was mom’s greatest accomplishment.”

Describe Her Positive Qualities

A tribute should focus on the positive aspects of the person, in this case your mother. So talk about her strengths and what made her special.

For instance you could say: “Mom faced every challenge with courage and determination. Even when diagnosed with cancer, she stayed positive.”

But it doesn’t have to be something sad or related to her death. Things like loyalty, kindness, patience, how fun loving she was etc. are all qualities you can mention in your tribute.

Here’s a few more examples of what else you could include:

• “Mom treated everyone with such kindness, no one had a bad word to say about her.”
• “No matter the situation mom managed to find the positives. She was so upbeat and enjoyed life to the fullest.”
• “I always knew I could turn to my mom whenever I was struggling. She had such wisdom and her advice helped me through some of the hardest times.”

Pick a Meaningful Quote

This isn’t a necessity, and some may prefer not to, but consider including an appropriate quote. One that reflects the love of a mother and child.

For example:

• “There is nothing as sincere as a mother’s kiss.” – Saleem Sharma
• “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.” – Princess Diana
• “Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” – George Eliot

Or alternatively choose a quote from literature, movies etc. your mother loved. Introduce it by saying why it reminds you of her or talk about why it meant so much to her – it was from her favorite film, writer etc.

These quotes about losing a loved one are a good starting point or see all our quotes for more ideas.

Close with a Tribute

Most tributes finish by directly addressing the person they are about. So speak to your mother and sum up her lasting impact.

These are a few closing tribute ideas:

• “You were the heart of our family, Mom, and that heart will never stop beating within us.”
• “I hope I can be as strong, caring and giving as you were. You set an amazing example for us all.”
• “Your guidance, wisdom and love made me who I am today. I hope to pass those gifts to my own children someday.”
• “While we may be grieving your loss your spirit lives on in your children and grandchildren.”
• “We miss you every day but your memory guides and comforts us.”

For more ideas see these tribute messages for loved one’s .

How to Write a Tribute if You had a Difficult Relationship

If you and your mom didn’t get on well or your relationship was complicated it can be hard to write a fitting tribute. You may have mixed feelings and be unsure of how to properly express them.

A good way to work around those concerns are to focus on the positive memories you do have, even if they are small moments. Or you could highlight her virtues, talking about things like her strength and resilience when faced with adversity.

For most of us the mother-child connection remains, even when fractured. You can honor what your mom meant to you by being honest and acknowledging your complex relationship while still reflecting on the impact she had one your life.

Remember that grief comes in many forms – a troubled relationship does not diminish your loss. So your tribute should reflect your truths.

Sample Tributes for Mother

If you’re still unsure of what to put in your mothers tribute these samples that take different approaches should help.

Sample 1 – Warm, Affectionate Tone

Our beloved matriarch, Helen Jones, passed away last month at the age of 87. Mom was the heart and soul of our family. A constant source of love, wisdom and encouragement. I can still feel the warmth of her hugs and her infectious laugh even now. And she had a smile that was so radiant and lit up every room she entered.

From childhood through adulthood Mom and I shared a bond that was special. She was my the person I knew I could turn to, confide in and look for help when I needed it. Basically she was my best friend. When I was scared, she soothed me. When I achieved success, she cheered louder than anyone. And when I struggled it was her who lifted me up with a faith in me that never wavered.

And family meant so much to her. She had a gift for making every family occasion magical, especially Christmas. Some of my most treasured memories are of baking cookies, decorating the tree and curling up in mom’s lap as she read “Twas the Night Before Christmas.”. The holidays will never be the same without her.

While we mourn mom’s passing we take comfort knowing her legacy lives on through her children and grandchildren. I will be forever grateful for the unconditional love she gave me. Her kindness and warmth touched everyone she met. Losing her leaves an ache in our hearts, but also inspiration to live up to her beautiful example.

Sample 2 – Respectful, Grateful Tone

Dr. Sophie Roberts, beloved mother, grandmother and groundbreaking scientist, passed away on January 5th at age 78. She lived a full and vibrant life defined by her intellectual curiosity, pioneering research and love for her family.

Dr. Roberts was a molecular biologist who made critical contributions to understanding RNA. She authored over 100 research papers and won numerous awards, including the National Medal of Science for her advances in genetics. She was especially proud when one of her discoveries led to a major breakthrough in treating leukemia.

While Dr. Roberts achieved so much professionally she always put family first. Whether it be a sporting every, play or graduation ceremony, she never missed a single one. She was always encouraging and helping her children to dream as big as they could. The scientific knowledge she passed on was so valuable but above all it is the love and support she gave that we will remember most.

Mom lived a life guided by determination and discipline. She was our role model and exemplified hard work, excellence and perseverance. While her absence is felt so deeply her principles and caring examples she set continue to guide us. We will always be grateful for the full, rich life she led and the time we had together. Your spirit lives on, Mom, through all you taught us.

Sample 3 – Honest and Candid Tone

Our relationship was complicated, but I always knew deep down that you loved me, mom. We clashed often as I was growing up. You had such high expectations for me and I felt like they were impossible to reach. It weighed heavy on me and I struggled to deal with that pressure. And we had our fair share of arguments over the years. But now you’re gone all I can think about is how much you sacrificed for me and that you only wanted me to have the best.

You worked three jobs to make sure I had everything I needed. I never went without, even when money was tight. And you always supported my interests, whether that was driving me to piano lessons or rehearsals for plays. It didn’t matter when they were or how exhausted you were from work, you made sure I got there. I know I didn’t say it enough, or at all, but I was so proud to call you my mother.

We had our differences, of that there’s no doubt, but your actions spoke louder than words. You may not have shown your love through words but you did instead through sacrifice. I admire you so much for the hardships you went through to raise me right. I wish we had more time together to mend fences. But I know you’re still watching over me and I am going to make sure I live a life that would make you proud.

Sample 4 – Hopeful and Grateful Tone

Losing you so suddenly Mom has left us all devastated. Not having you around and the pain of your passing is still raw. Our family will never be whole again with you gone. But even in such grief we can strive to find comfort in all the wonderful memories we shared over the years.

Like our yearly beach trips, where we built sandcastles, collected shells and watched the sunset over the ocean. And all those times you cheered so loud at my basketball games you drowned out every other parent. Or when you swallowed your fear of flying just to visit me in college.

Your love was like the ocean – vast, powerful and constant. You gave so much and asked for nothing in return. And while you may no longer be with us we feel your love still burning as strongly in our hearts and memories.

I miss you every single moment, mom. But I know you’ll always be with me, your spirit by my side and supporting me like you did in life. We will all honor your memory by following your generous and kind example and trying to do as much good as you did.

Sample 5 – Reverent and Respectful Tone

On February 19th we lost our beloved mother, Andrea Carter, at the blessed age of 94. She lived an extraordinary life defined by serving others and a wisdom we all benefited from. Her faith was an ever present throughout her life and so important to her.

Andrea set an example of what it means to walk with God. She volunteered tirelessly with the church and could always be counted on to provide meals and support to those in need. She could lift the spirits of everyone she met through an overflowing of compassion and kindness.

Andrea faced many of life’s challenges with grace, courage and humility. Even into her 90’s she maintained fierce independence, wit and lust for life that was inspiring to all who knew her. Her mind remained sharp as a tack and she took great joy in being with her many grandchildren and great grandchildren.

While we grieve her passing we can find solace in Andrea’s faith. She is in the arms of the Lord now. We will honor Andrea’s beautiful soul by following the example she set – loving with all her heart, selflessly serving others and walking faithfully with God.

Writing a tribute for a mother is never going to be easy. Emotions will be raw, you’ll still probably be grieving and will have to think of those most cherished memories you had with your mom.

But while it may take its toll you can take some comfort knowing your words will contribute to memorializing her memory. And being able to pay tribute to someone as special as your mom will be a big part of the grieving process.

So honor her life and all she meant to you with a fitting tribute.

Grief Support

For more help and support when dealing with losing a loved one and grief that follows these resources are worth checking out:

• Cruse Bereavement Support – this article the crude bereavement charity talks through how to cope with the death of a parent .
• The Motherless Podcast – writer and stand up comic Kelly Ford had a podcast that looks at the relationship and special grief we feel when we lose our mother.

Sally Collins is a writer and the founder and owner of Sympathy Message Ideas. Her passion is to help others deal with grief and provide assistance with talking to those grieving.  Learn more about Sally .

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‘I Put My Own Life on Hold’: The Pain and Joy of Caring for Parents

By Aidan Gardiner

Daughters said they s acrificed careers when their relatives wouldn’t. Others said hiring help sapped finances. And more than a few found treasured final moments with loved ones despite the overwhelming work of caring for them.

After The Times published a pair of articles on elder care — one about a Connecticut home health aide and another about women forgoing careers to care for older relatives — hundreds of our readers shared their own experiences with the hardships of trying to make the final years of a loved one’s life comfortable.

Many of the readers said they had parents and other relatives who fit squarely in a growing demographic in the United States of elder-boomers who want to spend their final years at home.

Below is a selection of the reader comments, which have been lightly edited.

Sacrificing prosperity for aging parents

What I thought might be a few weeks of caring for my mother turned into four years. A few months after she died, my father deteriorated rapidly.

When I was finally able to look for a job, nobody wanted me. I got a lot of nice words from potential employers, told that I was a hero and told that my reward would be in heaven, but nobody hires heroes and heaven doesn’t pay my bills on earth.

— Linda J. Marshall, Perry, Okla.

Choosing to care for my mom for 25 years influenced every job I took and had a negative effect on my career. I spent very little on myself and all of my extra earnings went toward her living expenses and care.

I handled (and mishandled) her mental illness and numerous physical injuries, which required long recovery times.

I sacrificed my personal life and general happiness in order to do this. I would do it again, too. It was the right thing to do.

— Eric Stein, Toledo, Ohio

I began caring for my mother full time just a few years after getting back into the work force when my children were in elementary school. I have a law degree and used to work in a big firm in New York City. Although my salary was relatively large, as a young attorney I couldn’t afford both child care and housing near enough to be home at the end of the day.

So I left N.Y.C. and my career. I started a new career, one which afforded me some flexibility as a parent.

Just when I was hitting my stride, about four or five years in, my mother could no longer live alone and moved in with me. Neither nursing homes nor assisted living were affordable, even if they were good options for her, which they were not.

I went back to a part-time schedule. At 62, I have not lived up to my earning potential nor have I been able to save enough for my own care when my time comes.

I have daughters, so I suppose the cycle will continue as they sideline their own careers to care for their children.

— Gloria Maphet, Fort Collins, Colo.

I moved back home and took care of my parents for four years until they died four months apart.

They were wonderful people and I don’t regret it. But I put my own life on hold, including professionally, and had to start over from nothing in my mid 30s.

— Suzanne Burke, Savannah, G a.

Joyous final moments

For nearly 20 years now, I have been the sole caregiver for my wife, who is totally and permanently disabled from a stroke she suffered in 2000.

I too am a virtual prisoner in my own home and now, at 66, certainly not living the life I imagined my retirement would be.

But my wife does not suffer from dementia or incontinence. She knows who I am, and most importantly knows what we mean to each other. That goes far in compensating for the losses.

— Dennis L. Smith, Des Moines

After my mom had a stroke, I cared for her 24/7 until she died in her own home two years later. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

But mom and I had many moments of enjoyment, being together. We laughed. We cried. We were closer than ever before.

— Mary McKim, St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador

The high cost of home aides

I went through Craigslist, figuring without an agency taking a percentage, the caregiver and I would come out ahead. This involved me vetting each caregiver using online tools. I was lucky enough to find one caregiver for weekdays. But for weekends? I must have gone through over 30 caregivers, each with a unique set of problems.

I found that one caregiver, for instance, had been smoking crack cocaine during her shift (a house cleaner found her pipe). Another was leaving mom alone for hours at a time (a neighbor noticed). Yet another had an unchecked temper, and punched the weekday caregiver in the mouth, knocking out some of her teeth.

My mother wanted to age in place, so I helped her to do this. But it was a horrific experience.

— Jackie Naiditch, Los Angeles

In the past six years, we’ve had four parents die. All required extensive caregiving. Three had a combination of care from us and eventually nursing homes.

For one, we were able to care for her in her home until the end by tag-teaming with my husband’s siblings and hospice. (She was also the only one who didn’t have dementia, which made her care much easier.)

None had in-home health care aides because we couldn’t afford them. That’s the irony here; even the low wage of $160 per day is way beyond most of us.

— Lauren Holmes lives near Detroit

Anguish and anxiety while caring for the dying

My father had a stroke and I took care of him for the next five years around the clock. The strange combination of tasks mixed with the constant uncertainty creates a level of anxiety that is impossible to describe. I have to applaud anyone who does this as a career.

When you’re related to the person involved, it just sort of happens and you never know for how long (and you do tell yourself, just one more day, week, month, year).

— John Pagan, Highland, Ill.

For only 10 months, I took care of my mother who had dementia. It was not like taking care of a baby.

Often it was a question of getting my mother up to go to the bathroom, or maybe getting five hours of sleep and doing three extra hours of laundry the next morning because she wet the bed. She went through an approximately two-month phase where she got up four times every night.

I thought I would lose my mind from exhaustion. It felt like I had two people in my head all the time, as I was thinking and acting for her every need.

I had quit my job to take care of her in the prime of my working life. I came close to being broke. I had no health insurance during this time. I barely got out of the house. Just getting out to grocery shop was such a relief that I would come close to crying in the store.

— Jessica Newman, Istanbul

I’m the caregiver to my 85-year-old mother. Lucky for me, she’s just come to a point that she needs someone there to cook, clean, mow the yard, etc.

Still, it’s hard work. You watch the person you’re caring for slowly weaken and become frail. That alone is excruciating — to watch someone you love very much slowly grow old and die.

Years ago, when I was 17, my aunt was dying of lung cancer. On her last day, I went into the hospital, with a pack of cigarettes and two bottles of beer.

My aunt was never a big drinker but she liked a cold beer and her L&M smokes.

I went in, sat down and opened her a beer, opened a pack of smokes, lit one for her, and me (I was a smoker then in the late 1970s. Who wasn’t?).

We sat there talking about life and loss over our cigarettes and beer. I told her how much I loved her and how I will always remember her and how much death sucked.

She said, “You will surely grow old and die,” but not for a long time.

She died with me holding her hand.

— James Young, Redmond, Wash.

We continued to work, to raise our two sons and to try to have our normal family routine while going through this difficult journey of seeing the best parents in the world slowly die.

I had to resign in 2016 to take care of mom. Lost income was hard, but losing yourself is worse.

I failed the depression screening in February of 2017 and was told by my doctor I needed to commit myself. I couldn’t because not one family member could commit to taking time off from their jobs to help my mom.

— Martha White, Rogers, Ark .

Using facilities when home care overwhelms

While keeping mom at home would have been nice, in reality, as her dementia advanced, the benefits for her of being at home decreased as she became less able to recognize her own home and get out.

We placed her in a nursing facility after a fall, and she actually seems to be “living her best life” now, enjoying activities and interacting with the other staff and patients. There are limits to what even the most dedicated family members can do in a home setting.

— Amy Raffensperger, Elizabethtown, Pa.

I was unable to carry out their final wishes to live out their lives at home. After 18 months, the care team was burning out and I was having to rely on agencies, which charged $50 per hour.

I moved my parents from their home near Yosemite to a group home around the corner from my house.

Dad died seven days later, and mom eight months to the day after that.

I carry some guilt for moving them, but remind myself that for their last Christmas, my parents were surrounded by family.

— Doug van Aman, Reno, Nev.

A note to readers who are not subscribers: This article from the Reader Center does not count toward your monthly free article limit.

Follow the @ReaderCenter on Twitter for more coverage highlighting your perspectives and experiences and for insight into how we work.

Managing Anxiety and Stress

Stay balanced in the face of stress and anxiety with our collection of tools and advice..

How are you, really? This self-guided check-in will help you take stock of your emotional well-being — and learn how to make changes .

These simple and proven strategies will help you manage stress , support your mental health and find meaning in the new year.

First, bring calm and clarity into your life with these 10 tips . Next, identify what you are dealing with: Is it worry, anxiety or stress ?

Persistent depressive disorder is underdiagnosed, and many who suffer from it have never heard of it. Here is what to know .

If you notice drastic shifts in your mood during certain times of the year, you could have seasonal affective disorder. Here are answers to your top questions about the condition .

How much anxiety is too much? Here is how to establish whether you should see a professional about it .

death of mother essay?

<p>Hi, so pretty much my mom died two weeks before my junior year of high school last year. Her case is a bit unique because her doctors at Stanford actually told her she had a week to live right before my sophomore year, and then she lived for a year after that. Everyone I know is telling me that I should write my essay about it, but I have seen a lot of other sources that say not to write about a tragedy, or family death, because it is over done, cliched, etc. I really want my essay to kind of stick out, and not be too sad. Anyone help or advice would be hugely appreciated. </p>

<p>Difficult topics (depression, family death, and general tragedy) are just that: difficult. It’s so easy to end up with an essay that shows simply what you went through and not what you gained from it. I’d tread lightly if you write with that topic. </p>

<p>I think your instincts are right. If your grades slipped or you didn’t have time for ECs due to your mom’s illness and death, you should ask your guidance counselor to mention it in their recommendation. </p>

<p>Even if your grades didn’t slip, I would still write about it to show your strenght and determination to finish high school with high stats. </p>

<p>I am sorry for your lost.</p>

<p>Stories about dying family members can easily turn into “woe-is-me” narratives that the admissions can see through if you don’t convey your message well enough.</p>

<p>If you do decide to write about it, focus less on the death (maybe even not directly mention that she dies at all) and more of what you did with her, personal realization, etc. </p>

<p>Good luck</p>

<p>When I was in high school, my English teacher showed us some sample essays that she thought were well-done, and one of them was about the death of the writer’s father. Of course, just because an English teacher liked it doesn’t necessarily mean it was good, but it’s another data point, for what it’s worth.</p>

<p>I’ve edited application essays professionally, and two people wrote about the death of a parent. My stance on the matter is that the topic is not off-limits, you just have to write about it in a useful way and not fall into common pitfalls, which are pretty much the same common pitfalls for everyone regardless of topic. </p>

<p>For example, both of the aforementioned students’ early drafts said things like, “I was very sad when my father died. I missed him so much” and “The thought that I would never see my mother again was very heartbreaking.” To put it bluntly: Well, DUH. Did you think we thought you weren’t sad that your parent died? We already know that losing a parent is sad and heartbreaking, so tell us things we <em>don’t</em> already know or wouldn’t readily guess. Tell us how it changed you as a person in the long term. Show us that you are, perhaps, more mature or more responsible or more equipped to deal with other hardships or exist in the world in a different way because of your experiences. This is a profoundly life-changing event and you have every right to write about it in your essay (in fact, I bet this is one of the situations they had in mind when they wrote Common App prompt #1 , “story so central to their identity” etc.). Just don’t spend your precious word count on stuff like “I was sad that my mother died”; it’s like saying, “The sky is blue” or “I have one head.” We wouldn’t expect anything else to be the case.</p>

<p>^Lol "I have one head’ made me laugh so hard.</p>

<p>But I so agree with the above poster</p>

<p>OP, I am writing about the same topic. My best advice is to not make it a sob story essay. No one wants to read those and trying to make the adcoms feel sorry for you will not work. The best thing to do is briefly mention it (maybe a paragraph of writing) and then describe how you changed because of it. Avoid clichés at all costs! And try and tell a unique story, something no one else can tell. Best of luck!</p>

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Ask Amy: My abusive mother died years ago, but relatives keep badmouthing her

• Published: Apr. 25, 2024, 4:00 p.m.

The five stages of grief Dreamstime

• Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: Have I been gaslighted?

My mother was a difficult person. She was often not nice to my sister-in-law.

I admired my SIL for taking the high road and for being respectful toward my mother, and I told her so many times.

I bumped heads big time with my mother, too, but had a good last six years when she moved near me and dementia mellowed her out.

My mother died five years ago and my sister-in-law reminds me often of how awful she was (my brother has no fond memories of childhood, and lets his wife do the talking).

The last time my SIL brought this up, I stopped her and said that although her experiences are valid, this is my mother and she is dead now, and I find it offensive to keep hearing about it.

I validated her feelings and told her again how much I admired her.

Initially she apologized, but afterward apparently decided that I was wrong. She is now quite angry with me, and said she prefers to work through this in therapy. After I tried to reach out, she says she doesn’t want to talk about it.

I care for her and I like her, my brother and their children, but I’m upset about this.

I feel like making me the bad guy here is gaslighting.

What do you think?

Dear Gaslit?: I think this only qualifies as gaslighting if you actually believe that you’re the “bad guy.” You don’t believe this, because you aren’t.

The only thing I think you might have done differently would be if you had altered your own wording when responding.

Instead of saying that your sister-in-law’s remarks about your mother were “offensive,” you might have said how this made you feel: i.e. “Now that mom is gone, I feel so sad continuing to hear about how awful she was to you.”

I believe that speaking the truth about abuse or toxic behavior of family members (even after they have died) is valid and can be helpful – even if it brings up painful feelings. Doing so can help people resolve the sometimes impossible duality of being the child of an abusive person.

Your mother treated people badly. And yet, she was still your mother.

For your sister-in-law, talking this through in therapy (instead of with you) is exactly what she should be doing.

A skilled therapist will help her to figure out who the “bad guy” is and should lead her not to punish you for your mother’s sins.

You have been extremely kind and gracious to her in the past, and I hope you will continue. You also have every right to hold your own good memories of your mother; it sounds like you are lucky to have them.

Check out prior Ask Amy columns

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook .)

©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.

Essays About Death: Top 5 Examples and 9 Essay Prompts

Death includes mixed emotions and endless possibilities. If you are writing essays about death, see our examples and prompts in this article.

Over 50 million people die yearly from different causes worldwide. It’s a fact we must face when the time comes. Although the subject has plenty of dire connotations, many are still fascinated by death, enough so that literary pieces about it never cease. Every author has a reason why they want to talk about death. Most use it to put their grievances on paper to help them heal from losing a loved one. Some find writing and reading about death moving, transformative, or cathartic.

To help you write a compelling essay about death, we prepared five examples to spark your imagination:

1. Essay on Death Penalty by Aliva Manjari

2. coping with death essay by writer cameron, 3. long essay on death by prasanna, 4. because i could not stop for death argumentative essay by writer annie, 5. an unforgettable experience in my life by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 1. life after death, 2. death rituals and ceremonies, 3. smoking: just for fun or a shortcut to the grave, 4. the end is near, 5. how do people grieve, 6. mental disorders and death, 7. are you afraid of death, 8. death and incurable diseases, 9. if i can pick how i die.

“The death penalty is no doubt unconstitutional if imposed arbitrarily, capriciously, unreasonably, discriminatorily, freakishly or wantonly, but if it is administered rationally, objectively and judiciously, it will enhance people’s confidence in criminal justice system.”

Manjari’s essay considers the death penalty as against the modern process of treating lawbreakers, where offenders have the chance to reform or defend themselves. Although the author is against the death penalty, she explains it’s not the right time to abolish it. Doing so will jeopardize social security. The essay also incorporates other relevant information, such as the countries that still have the death penalty and how they are gradually revising and looking for alternatives.

You might also be interested in our list of the best war books .

“How a person copes with grief is affected by the person’s cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and the person’s social and financial status.”

Cameron defines coping and grief through sharing his personal experience. He remembers how their family and close friends went through various stages of coping when his Aunt Ann died during heart surgery. Later in his story, he mentions Ann’s last note, which she wrote before her surgery, in case something terrible happens. This note brought their family together again through shared tears and laughter. You can also check out these articles about cancer .

“Luckily or tragically, we are completely sentenced to death. But there is an interesting thing; we don’t have the knowledge of how the inevitable will strike to have a conversation.”

Prasanna states the obvious – all people die, but no one knows when. She also discusses the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Research also shows that when people die, the brain either shows a flashback of life or sees a ray of light.

Even if someone can predict the day of their death, it won’t change how the people who love them will react. Some will cry or be numb, but in the end, everyone will have to accept the inevitable. The essay ends with the philosophical belief that the soul never dies and is reborn in a new identity and body. You can also check out these elegy examples .

“People have busy lives, and don’t think of their own death, however, the speaker admits that she was willing to put aside her distractions and go with death. She seemed to find it pretty charming.”

The author focuses on how Emily Dickinson ’s “ Because I Could Not Stop for Death ” describes death. In the poem, the author portrays death as a gentle, handsome, and neat man who picks up a woman with a carriage to take her to the grave. The essay expounds on how Dickinson uses personification and imagery to illustrate death.

“The death of a loved one is one of the hardest things an individual can bring themselves to talk about; however, I will never forget that day in the chapter of my life, as while one story continued another’s ended.”

The essay delve’s into the author’s recollection of their grandmother’s passing. They recount the things engrained in their mind from that day –  their sister’s loud cries, the pounding and sinking of their heart, and the first time they saw their father cry. 

Looking for more? Check out these essays about losing a loved one .

9 Easy Writing Prompts on Essays About Death

Are you still struggling to choose a topic for your essay? Here are prompts you can use for your paper:

Your imagination is the limit when you pick this prompt for your essay. Because no one can confirm what happens to people after death, you can create an essay describing what kind of world exists after death. For instance, you can imagine yourself as a ghost that lingers on the Earth for a bit. Then, you can go to whichever place you desire and visit anyone you wish to say proper goodbyes to first before crossing to the afterlife.

Every country, religion, and culture has ways of honoring the dead. Choose a tribe, religion, or place, and discuss their death rituals and traditions regarding wakes and funerals. Include the reasons behind these activities. Conclude your essay with an opinion on these rituals and ceremonies but don’t forget to be respectful of everyone’s beliefs. 

Smoking is still one of the most prevalent bad habits since tobacco’s creation in 1531 . Discuss your thoughts on individuals who believe there’s nothing wrong with this habit and inadvertently pass secondhand smoke to others. Include how to avoid chain-smokers and if we should let people kill themselves through excessive smoking. Add statistics and research to support your claims.

Collate people’s comments when they find out their death is near. Do this through interviews, and let your respondents list down what they’ll do first after hearing the simulated news. Then, add their reactions to your essay.

There is no proper way of grieving. People grieve in their way. Briefly discuss death and grieving at the start of your essay. Then, narrate a personal experience you’ve had with grieving to make your essay more relatable. Or you can compare how different people grieve. To give you an idea, you can mention that your father’s way of grieving is drowning himself in work while your mom openly cries and talk about her memories of the loved one who just passed away. 

Explain how people suffering from mental illnesses view death. Then, measure it against how ordinary people see the end. Include research showing death rates caused by mental illnesses to prove your point. To make organizing information about the topic more manageable, you can also focus on one mental illness and relate it to death.

Check out our guide on  how to write essays about depression .

Sometimes, seriously ill people say they are no longer afraid of death. For others, losing a loved one is even more terrifying than death itself. Share what you think of death and include factors that affected your perception of it.

People with incurable diseases are often ready to face death. For this prompt, write about individuals who faced their terminal illnesses head-on and didn’t let it define how they lived their lives. You can also review literary pieces that show these brave souls’ struggle and triumph. A great series to watch is “ My Last Days .”

You might also be interested in these epitaph examples .

No one knows how they’ll leave this world, but if you have the chance to choose how you part with your loved ones, what will it be? Probe into this imagined situation. For example, you can write: “I want to die at an old age, surrounded by family and friends who love me. I hope it’ll be a peaceful death after I’ve done everything I wanted in life.”

To make your essay more intriguing, put unexpected events in it. Check out these plot twist ideas .

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Perspective: Scholar, author, wife and mother Melissa Inouye dies at age 44

Inouye leaves behind a husband and 4 children — and a world blessed with her love, her light, her wit and her grace.

By Holly Richardson

On Monday evening, I saw that Melissa Inouye had entered hospice care, and on Tuesday morning, I saw that she had died of colon cancer, at age 44. She leaves behind a husband and four children — and a world blessed with her love, her light, her wit and her grace.

I can’t exactly remember the first time I was introduced to Dr. Inouye’s work (she has a Ph.D. from Harvard), but I know I’ve been a fan from Day 1. She wrote and spoke on things that matter to me: peace building, racism, women’s roles (especially within a religious context) and democracy.

Inouye was also a historian for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helped create the Global Mormon Studies research network and was an advisory board member of the Neal A. Maxwell Institute for Religious Scholarship . With Kate Holbrook, she wrote the book “Every Needful Thing: Essays on the Life of the Mind and the Heart.” Her co-author, also a historian for the church, died from cancer in August 2022. I imagine they had quite the joyful reunion.

Inouye wrote and spoke in many places around the world. I listened to her speak at the “Proclaim Peace” conference held on the campus of BYU-Hawaii in June 2022, where she shared what happened at a school board meeting in Utah. Both she and a woman found themselves on opposite sides of a highly charged issue. Both felt a charge to “root out racism,” as President Russell M. Nelson charged people to do. Both wanted to make sure children felt like they belonged. And, she said, they both went about it in completely opposite directions. She asked, “How do we keep our covenants when ‘the enemy’ is a fellow covenant-maker?”

“Difference is not a symptom of brokenness or disease,” she said. “It is the eternal fact of difference and God’s ability to encompass and embrace difference ... it is a comfort in the midst of conflict when we find intractable difference in the world and society, in the church, in Sunday School, or our family, we need not panic that something is broken and God needs to fix it. Instead, we should feel this point of difference as a foothold and diverse humanity as a way to ... connect the world’s many differences.”

Her last book, released last year, is “Sacred Struggle: Seeking Christ on the Path of Most Resistance,” “a great-souled work by a great-souled woman,” said fellow author and scholar Terryl Givens. It’s a “treatise on trials,” said “Faith Matters” in its conversation with her last December. Inouye asserts that the struggle and the difficulties we face in this life are not possible to avoid. In fact, they are the reason we are here. How, then, do we make meaning of the struggle and use it to connect with others?

In an essay for Wayfare Magazine , published last November, she writes that sometimes, things are not just hard — they are too hard. What then? “Since the beginning of the human experience, humans have been trying to make sense of pain. But sometimes there is no sense. Sometimes, rich as they are, cultural practices, religious rites, and thoughtful theologies simply fall short of the realities of lived experience,” she writes.

And again, for Interpreter: A Journal of Latter-day Saint Faith and Scholarship , she writes: “Having experienced suffering, one develops power over it — not the power to stop it, or take it away from someone you love, but to know its sorrows fade. Having experienced suffering, one receives power from it — the power to share others’ burdens and be humble, to see one’s own burdens and be kind.

“On the other side of suffering is strength.”

As one who has felt suffering and who has also tried to learn compassion and empathy from my walks into the shadows, her words speak to me and sink deep into my soul.

When she was announced as the plenary speaker at the Mormon Women for Ethical Government annual conference last month, I knew I needed to hear her. Her voice raspy and with a cough she said came from “cancery things,” she spoke on, of all things, hope. She did not shy away from the difficulties of the past or the present, but she also drew on the strength of women and their voices, both past and present, to promote peace. She asked us to think kindly of our “political enemies,” to notice how intelligent and caring they are. She asked us to get involved, to be present with others, acknowledge that there are multiple perspectives and to remember that we were born for such a time as this.

As I sat at the back of the room, I was directly behind her family. I watched her husband and her children watch their wife and mother present to a packed room. I watched them as she made us laugh, cry and cheer, and as she got a standing ovation. Maybe they knew she was close to the end. I wonder if she knew this might be her last public speech. She must have had some inkling, because she asked us to link arms and work to bring about peace.

“What I cannot carry forward, my sisters will carry for me,” she said.

Yes. We will, dear sister Melissa. Yes, we will.

Descriptive Essay

Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Descriptive Essay About My Mother - A Guide to Writing

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Have you ever wanted to convey the depth of your feelings and appreciation for your mother through words, but felt unsure about how to do it effectively?

Crafting a descriptive essay about your mother can be a challenging task. You want to capture her essence, the love she's given you, and the incredible person she is. 

But how do you put all those emotions into words that truly do her justice?

In this blog, we'll provide you with a step-by-step guide on how to write a heartwarming and meaningful descriptive essay about your mother. 

We’ll also provide essay examples to assist you in crafting an enhanced paper, complemented by valuable tips and guidance.

Let’s get started.

• 1. Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know
• 2. How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps
• 3. Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother
• 4. Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know

A descriptive essay is a type of essay that uses words to describe an object, person, experience, or place. The purpose of writing this type of essay is to provide the reader with a vivid and clear description of something. The writer must use sensory details, such as sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste to make the reader experience the topic.

When writing about a person such as your mother, you need to describe the characteristics that make her unique. It can include personality traits or experiences that make her special.

Reading a few essay samples will help you out! So read on to find good examples and tips.

How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps

Writing a heartfelt and vivid descriptive essay about your mother requires careful consideration. 

Here, we'll guide you through the process step by step, helping you express your feelings and admiration effectively:

Step 1: Choose a Focus

Decide on a specific aspect or trait of your mother that you want to describe. It could be her appearance, personality, nurturing qualities, or a particular event that showcases her character.

Step 2: Brainstorm Descriptive Words

Make a list of adjectives and descriptive words that come to mind when you think about your mother. Try to capture the essence of her being.

Step 3: Create an Outline

Organize your thoughts by creating a descriptive essay outline . Decide on the structure, such as the introduction, body, and conclusion, and what aspects you'll cover in each section.

Step 4: Start with a Hook

Begin your essay with an engaging hook or an anecdote that draws the reader in. It can be a personal memory or a captivating description of your mother.

Step 5: Descriptive Details

In the body of your essay, use sensory details to paint a vivid picture. Describe her appearance, mannerisms, and the emotions she evokes. Incorporate the descriptive words from your brainstorming list.

Step 6: Emotions and Memories

Share your personal emotions and memories associated with your mother. How does she make you feel, and what experiences have shaped your relationship with her?

Step 7: Use Metaphors and Similes

Employ metaphors and similes to enhance your descriptions. Compare her to elements from nature, objects, or anything that can add depth to your portrayal.

Step 8: Show, Don't Tell

Instead of simply stating qualities, show them through actions, interactions, and specific examples. Let the reader experience her through your words.

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Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Exploring essay examples can provide valuable insights for crafting an essay that deeply connects with your readers. 

Below, you'll find both a descriptive essay about my mother and an analysis of its content.

Why This Descriptive Essay Works

Here are several reasons why this descriptive essay is effective:

• Emotional Connection

The essay immediately establishes an emotional connection with the reader through its theme of a mother's love. The use of descriptive language and personal anecdotes invites the reader to empathize and relate to the feelings and experiences described.

• Vivid Imagery

The essay employs vivid imagery to paint a clear picture of the mother and her attributes. The descriptions of her eyes, hands, voice, and smile create a sensory experience for the reader, making them feel as if they are present with the author.

The essay uses symbolism effectively to convey the depth of the mother's love. The mother's eyes, for example, symbolize her wisdom and the shared experiences with the author. The use of the mother's hands as a source of healing symbolizes her nurturing and caring nature.

• Structure and Flow

The essay is well-structured and flows seamlessly from one descriptive element to another. 

It begins with a general introduction, moves into specific descriptions, and ends with a strong, heartfelt conclusion. This organization keeps the reader engaged and ensures a logical progression of ideas.

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• Emotional Impact

The essay's emotional impact is profound. It not only describes the mother's physical attributes but also delves into the intangible qualities that make her special. The reader is left with a deep sense of appreciation for the role of a mother and the love she provides.

• Relatability

The essay's theme of maternal love is universal, making it relatable to a broad audience. Most readers can connect with the feelings of love, protection, and guidance that the author describes. 

If you still find it challenging to write a descriptive essay, consider these additional examples for guidance.

Descriptive Essay About My Mother PDF

Descriptive Essay About My Mother My Hero

Descriptive Essay Example About Mother

Descriptive Essay About My Mother 200 Words

Descriptive Essay On My Mother's Kitchen

Sample Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Here is a video of another short essay example about mother:

Want to read descriptive essays on other topics as well? Here are more descriptive essay examples that will help you out!

Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

Now that you’ve read the examples, let’s look at some tips that will lead you to essay writing success.

• Start with the Basics

Begin by brainstorming ideas of what makes your mother special and why she is important to you. Think about her personality traits, accomplishments, quirks, and unique qualities. In addition, consider the ways that your mother has influenced you and shaped your life.

You can also practice your writing skills with other descriptive essay topics . So write away!

• Create an Outline

Once you have all of your ideas written down, create an descriptive essay outline that will guide the structure of your essay. This should include sections for your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

• Capture Her Essence

Use vivid language to capture the essence of who your mother is. Utilize descriptive words and phrases that will help your reader understand who your mother is and what she means to you.

• Show, Don’t Tell

Instead of simply telling the reader about your mother’s traits or accomplishments, use stories and examples to illustrate them. This will make your essay more interesting to readers.

• Keep Your Tone Consistent

Maintaining a consistent tone throughout ensures a cohesive narrative without feeling disjointed or scattered. This keeps readers interested until they reach their conclusion!

• Don’t Forget the Conclusion

Summarize the main points of your essay in your conclusion and provide a call to action for readers. Maybe you’ll leave them feeling inspired or motivated to do something special for their own mother.

• Revise & Edit Diligently

Revision is key when putting together any written piece. Read over your work multiple times and fix any errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. Also improve any awkward phrasing or unclear ideas that might not be conveyed effectively enough.

To sum it up,

Writing a descriptive essay about your mother doesn't have to be difficult. With our guide and examples, you can easily write an effective essay that will make your mother proud! So get started today, and create the perfect essay for her!

By following these tips and examples, you will find it easier to write a meaningful descriptive essay about your mother. Good luck!

Looking for a professional descriptive essay writer to write it for you? We're right here for you!

You can trust our custom essay writing online for all your essay needs. We offer top-notch essay writing help to you get the best grade possible. Our essay writers are experienced and qualified to handle any essay topic with ease.

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Premature baby girl rescued from her dead mother’s womb dies in Gaza after 5 days in an incubator

FILE - A Palestinian baby girl, Sabreen Jouda, who was delivered prematurely after her mother was killed in an Israeli strike along with her husband and daughter, lies in an incubator in the Emirati hospital in Rafah, southern Gaza Strip. Sunday, April 21, 2024. A premature Palestinian infant, rescued from her mother’s womb shortly after the woman was killed in an Israeli airstrike, has died, her uncle said Friday, April 26, 2024. (AP Photo/Mohammad Jahjouh, File)

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RAFAH, Gaza Strip (AP) — A premature Palestinian infant, rescued from her mother’s womb shortly after the woman was killed in an Israeli airstrike, has died, her uncle said Friday.

Sabreen Jouda died in a Gaza hospital on Thursday after her health deteriorated and medical teams were unable to save her, said her uncle, Rami al-Sheikh.

Sabreen’s home in the southern Gaza city of Rafah was hit by an Israeli airstrike shortly before midnight Saturday. Her parents and 4-year-old sister were killed.

First responders took the bodies to a nearby hospital, where medical workers performed an emergency cesarean section on her mother, Sabreen al-Sakani, who was 30 weeks’ pregnant. The infant was kept in an incubator in a neonatal intensive care unit at another hospital until she died five days later.

Al-Sheikh told The Associated Press that Sabreen was buried next to her father on Thursday.

“We were attached to this baby in a crazy way,” he said, speaking near Sabreen’s grave in a cemetery in Rafah.

“God had taken something from us but given us something in return” with the baby surviving after her family died, he said. “But (now) he has taken them all. My brother’s family is completely wiped out. It’s been deleted from the civil registry. There is no trace of him left behind.”

More than 34,000 Palestinians have been killed during the Israel-Hamas war, according to local health officials, who say about two-thirds of the dead are women and children. The health officials don’t differentiate among combatants and civilians in their count.

Israel declared war on Hamas and unleashed a pulverizing air and ground offensive in Gaza in response to the militants’ Oct. 7 attack on southern Israel. The militants killed about 1,200 people in Israel and took another 250 hostage.

More than half of Gaza’s 2.3 million people have sought refuge in Rafah, where Israel has conducted near-daily raids as it prepares for a possible offensive in the city.

Premature baby girl rescued from her dead mother’s womb dies in Gaza after 5 days in an incubator

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A premature Palestinian infant, rescued from her mother’s womb shortly after the woman was killed in an Israeli airstrike, has died, her uncle said Friday.

Sabreen Jouda died in a Gaza hospital Thursday after her health deteriorated and medical teams were unable to save her, said her uncle, Rami al Sheikh.

Sabreen’s home in the southern Gaza city of Rafah was hit by an Israeli airstrike shortly before midnight Saturday. Her parents and 4-year-old sister were killed.

First responders took the bodies to a nearby hospital, where medical workers performed an emergency cesarean section on her mother, Sabreen al Sakani, who was 30 weeks pregnant. The infant was kept in an incubator in a neonatal intensive care unit at another hospital until she died five days later.

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April 24, 2024

Al-Sheikh told the Associated Press that Sabreen was buried next to her father on Thursday.

“We were attached to this baby in a crazy way,” he said, speaking near Sabreen’s grave in a cemetery in Rafah.

“God had taken something from us but given us something in return” with the baby surviving after her family died, he said. “But [now] he has taken them all. My brother’s family is completely wiped out. It’s been deleted from the civil registry. There is no trace of him left behind.”

A Gazan baby is born an orphan in an urgent C-section after Israeli strike kills mother

Sabreen came into the world seconds after her mother left it. Their home was hit in an Israeli airstrike in the southern Gaza city of Rafah.

April 21, 2024

More than 34,000 Palestinians have been killed during the Israel-Hamas war, according to local health officials, who say about two-thirds of the dead are women and children . The health officials don’t differentiate among combatants and civilians in their count.

Israel declared war on Hamas and unleashed a pulverizing air and ground offensive in Gaza in response to the militants’ Oct. 7 attack on southern Israel. The militants killed about 1,200 people in Israel and took another 250 hostage.

More than half of Gaza’s 2.3 million people have sought refuge in Rafah, where Israel has conducted near-daily raids as it prepares for a possible offensive in the city.

Jahjouh and Shurafa write for the Associated Press.

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Israeli strikes on southern Gaza city of Rafah kill 22, mostly children, as U.S. advances aid package

Israeli airstrike in Gaza’s south kills at least 9 Palestinians, including 6 children

April 20, 2024

An Israeli airstrike in Gaza kills 3 sons and 4 grandchildren of top Hamas leader

April 10, 2024

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Deathbed confession leads to bodies of mother and daughter killed 24 years ago

A man on his deathbed confessed to killing a mother and daughter 24 years ago, leading to the recovery of their remains this week, officials announced Tuesday.

Susan Carter and her 10-year-old daughter, Natasha "Alex" Carter, vanished in August 2000, FBI Supervisory Special Agent Tony Rausa said at a news conference Tuesday.

Their bodies were recovered in suspect Larry Webb's West Virginia backyard Monday, the day he died in custody.

Rick Lafferty, Alex Carter’s father, said Tuesday that it was a "sad day but also a happy day," because he could finally "bring my baby home." He said that because the "case went cold so many times," he "almost lost hope several times."

"I can tell anyone that’s in my position, just never give up. Never give up hope on finding your child," Lafferty said.

Eighteen months ago, officials obtained a search warrant for Webb's home in Beckley, West Virginia.

The mother and daughter had been living there when they disappeared. Susan Carter had been in a contentious custody battle with Lafferty at the time, according to an FBI flyer from then.

While executing the warrant, authorities found a bullet embedded in the wall of a bedroom "known to have been occupied by 10-year-old Alex Carter," Rausa said at the news conference.

The bullet, covered in blood, went to an FBI lab for DNA testing, and it was confirmed the blood on the bullet was that of Alex Carter, Rausa said.

A grand jury indicted Webb in October 2023 on charges of first-degree murder. Ben Hatfield, the Raleigh County prosecuting attorney, said the “evidence they possessed was so overwhelmingly in favor of Larry Webb being the individual” believed to have committed the crimes.

But the case was held up because of delayed court proceedings related to Webb’s health, including medical clearance required incarcerate him.

In the first week of April, Hatfield said, he and other investigators went to Hilltop Nursing Home Center to speak with Webb, who confessed to the killings.

Rausa said Webb explained how he wrapped both bodies in bed linens and left them on his basement floor as he spent two days digging a shallow grave in his backyard. He buried the bodies together in the unmarked grave, where they remained until this week.

"It was a detailed, undeniable, unconflicted confession," Hatfield said, adding it "aligned with exactly the investigative efforts and the evidence collected."

Hatfield said Webb confessed to shooting Susan Carter after an argument about finances when he discovered some money was missing from the home.

Hatfield recalled Webb said that "at that moment, he knew he had ruined his life forever." Webb then said he believed he had to kill Alex Carter, too, to avoid detection in her mother's death, Hatfield said.

After the killings, Webb "cried himself to sleep that night" before he dug the grave, Hatfield said.

Webb also told investigators where they could find Susan and Alex Carter's remains.

With the help of a landscaper who lived in the neighborhood and his crew, officials uncovered the bodies Monday, on the third day of digging, Rausa said.

Based on the manner of the killings detailed by Webb and the conditions in which the bodies were found, Rausa said, they confirmed “with a high degree of certainty” that the two bodies were those of Susan and Alex Carter.

Rausa said Webb confessed because he “was on his deathbed, looking to come to Jesus at that point.”

He was transferred from the Southern Regional Jail to Mount Olive Correctional Complex on Friday, Hatfield said.

On Monday, Webb was transferred again to Montgomery General Hospital, where he was pronounced dead at around 10:30 a.m., hours before Susan and Alex Carter's remains were uncovered.

Hatfield called it "a bit of a poetic ending that not even I could write."

Rebecca Cohen is a breaking news reporter for NBC News.

Gaza baby girl saved from dead mother’s womb dies in incubator

Sabreen al-Rouh Jouda dies just days after her mother, father and sister were killed in Israel attack on Rafah.

A premature Palestinian baby, who was saved from her mother’s womb after she was killed in an Israeli attack in the Gaza Strip, has died after days in an incubator.

Sabreen al-Rouh Jouda died in a Gaza hospital on Thursday after her health deteriorated and medical teams were unable to save her, said her uncle, Rami al-Sheikh Jouda.

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Dr Mohammad Salama, head of the emergency neonatal unit at Emirati Hospital in the southern Gaza city of Rafah, who was caring for the baby girl, also confirmed her death on Friday.

“I and other doctors tried to save her, but she died. For me personally, it was a very difficult and painful day,” Salama told the Reuters news agency.

The girl’s mother, Sabreen al-Sakani, was rushed to hospital after an Israeli air strike hit the family’s home in Rafah on Saturday.

The girl, who was named Sabreen after her mother, was rescued through a Caesarean section after her mother succumbed to her injuries.

Al-Sakani, who was 30 weeks pregnant, was killed along with her husband and a young daughter.

The Israeli military said it was targeting Hamas fighters and infrastructure in the attack, which predominantly killed women and children.

Weighing just 1.4kg (3.1 pounds), the baby was in severe respiratory distress because she was born prematurely. She was being cared for in an incubator in a neonatal intensive care unit.

“She was born while her respiratory system wasn’t mature, and her immune system was very weak and that is what led to her death. She joined her family as a martyr,” said Salama, the doctor.

The baby girl’s uncle told The Associated Press that she was buried next to her father on Thursday.

“We were attached to this baby in a crazy way,” he said, speaking near her grave in a cemetery in Rafah.

“God had taken something from us but given us something in return”, said the uncle, with the baby surviving after her family died.

“But [now] he has taken them all. My brother’s family is completely wiped out. It’s been deleted from the civil registry. There is no trace of him left behind.”

The baby is among more than 14,000 children who have been killed in Israeli attacks on Gaza since the war began on October 7.

More than 34,300 Palestinians across the besieged Palestinian enclave have been killed.

Despite international calls to end the conflict, Israeli leaders have said they plan to move ahead with a ground assault on Rafah.

About 1.5 million Palestinians are sheltering in the southern city, which was previously designated as a “safe zone”.