family crisis essay

Family Stress and Crisis: We Got Through It Essay

Different external factors can be viewed as usual causes of family stress because they are often difficult to be prevented and addressed adequately (Horta & Fernandes, 2018). In this paper, I will describe the time of the most significant stress in my family that was triggered by outside factors, and that caused important changes in the life of my relatives. The purpose of this paper is to identify and describe the experienced family crisis with reference to the theoretical perspectives regarding the issue and reflect on the learned lessons.

It is important to start with identifying the stressor that led to the development of the family crisis and certain negative and positive changes in my family. When I was fifteen years old, my father was fired because of a new staff reduction policy adopted in his company. The problem was that human resources managers did not notify employees about coming changes and planned layoffs associated with a merger of two companies. As a result, many employees were fired without opportunities to find a job before a layoff. The father’s loss of a job was not a common stressor because this situation changed the life of my family significantly as my mother was a housewife, and the father’s salary was the only income source for us.

During the discussed period, my relatives overcame the course of a family crisis. Three stages of this crisis include the event provoking it, the disorganization period, and the recovery or reorganization period (Lamanna, Riedmann, & Stewart, 2014). At the first stage, my father faced the problem of losing a job without possibilities to find a new position within the shortest period of time. He was shocked and could not tell us about this situation for three days. During that period, my father was trying to find another job, resolving issues associated with receiving the compensation, and hoping that the situation could be overcome without disturbing my mother and me. When my mother learned about the problem, she was depressed, but I could not realize that the situation was really difficult for us.

At the second stage, the father spent all his time searching for a job, he was nervous and could not sleep at night because our savings were limited, and he often described the situation as a “catastrophe.” Still, my mother coped with her stress and started to communicate with her friends and former colleagues to find some freelance work for her. She also contacted my grandparents to learn about possibilities for me to move to them for a certain period of time, depending on the development of our situation. I noticed that we almost did not communicate with each other during that period, and everyone tried to find his own solution to the problem. For example, I became responsible for many activities or duties that previously had been performed by my mother.

We began to communicate freely only when my father and mother received the first feedbacks from employers and their friends. At this stage, they started to discuss options and chose the most appropriate ones. During the recovery period, the life in my family was reorganized because my mother started to work as a freelancer, and my father found a job of his dream, but he needed to work more hours per week. However, in spite of expanded responsibilities, we began to feel more protected and even happy.

My family coped with the crisis while focusing on individual and community resources. According to Lamanna et al. (2014), there are three types of resources: personal, family, and community. My mother and father chose to use their knowledge and skills to find new jobs and savings to cover expenses during the crisis. They also referred to the community in the form of asking for the support from friends and community members.

While focusing on the lessons learned from the situation, I should refer to the concepts of resilient and vulnerable families. Resilient families resolve issues relying on each other and demonstrating support and respect (Henry, Sheffield Morris, & Harrist, 2015). Vulnerable families feel less control over situations, and they cannot act efficiently (Lamanna et al., 2014). Although my family reacted to the crisis mostly as a resilient family, the situation had demonstrated that we needed to focus on addressing aspects of communication that could make us vulnerable. Thus, we needed to communicate with each other and demonstrate support when problems happened because this approach allows for resolving issues more effectively. My mother and father saw the opportunity in the problem and positively changed their life, but they could avoid anxiety and depression when focusing on respect, support, and assistance.

I can state that the critical situation that changed the life of my family was overcome effectively, and we demonstrated adaptability and the ability to rely on the support of an extended family and community. However, the first steps taken by my father and mother in coping with the crisis were less productive than it is typical for resilient families. I should note that we could analyze the situation later, and my mother began to demonstrate more support and motivation for my father in order to avoid his anxiety and unrest.

Henry, C. S., Sheffield Morris, A., & Harrist, A. W. (2015). Family resilience: Moving into the third wave. Family Relations , 64 (1), 22-43.

Horta, A. L. M., & Fernandes, H. (2018). Family and crisis: Contributions of systems thinking for family care. Revista Brasileira de Enfermagem, 71 (2), 234-235.

Lamanna, M. A., Riedmann, A., & Stewart, S. D. (2014). Marriages, families, and relationships: Making choices in a diverse society (12th ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

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The ABC-X Model of Family Crisis and Coping

Yet research shows that it’s not realistic, or possible, or even healthy to expect that our relationships will be harmonious all the time. Everything we know from developmental science and research on families suggests that rifts will happen—and what matters more is how you respond to them. With many families spending more time together than ever now, there are ample opportunities for tension and hurt feelings. These moments also offer ample invitations to reconnect.

Disconnections are a fact of life

Researcher Ed Tronick, together with colleague Andrew Gianino, calculated how often infants and caregivers are attuned to each other. (Attunement is a back-and-forth rhythm of interaction where partners share positive emotions.) They found that it’s surprisingly little. Even in healthy, securely attached relationships, caregivers and babies are in sync only 30% of the time. The other 70%, they’re mismatched, out of synch, or making repairs and coming back together. Cheeringly, even babies work toward repairs with their gazes, smiles, gestures, protests, and calls.

These mismatches and repairs are critical, Tronick explains. They’re important for growing children’s self-regulation, coping, and resilience. It is through these mismatches—in small, manageable doses—that babies, and later children, learn that the world does not track them perfectly. These small exposures to the micro-stress of unpleasant feelings, followed by the pleasant feelings that accompany repair, or coming back together, are what give them manageable practice in keeping their boat afloat when the waters are choppy. Put another way, if a caregiver met all of their child’s needs perfectly, it would actually get in the way of the child’s development. 
 “Repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting,” says UCLA neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel , director of the Mindsight Institute and author of several books on interpersonal neurobiology.

Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired, says Tronick , and then again become miscoordinated and stressful, and again are repaired. This occurs thousands of times in a day, and millions of times over a year.

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Other research shows that children have more conflicts and repairs with friends than non-friends. Sibling conflict is legendary; and adults’ conflicts escalate when they become parents. If interpersonal conflict is unavoidable—and even necessary—then the only way we can maintain important relationships is to get better at re-synchronizing them, and especially at tending to repairs when they rupture.

“Relationships shrink to the size of the field of repair,” says Rick Hanson , psychologist and author of several books on the neuroscience of well-being. “But a bid for a repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other,” he adds. “It says you value the relationship.”

Strengthening the family fabric

In a small Canadian study , researchers examined how parents of four- to seven-year-old children strengthened, harmed, or repaired their relationships with their children. Parents said their relationships with their children were strengthened by “horizontal” or egalitarian exchanges like playing together, negotiating, taking turns, compromising, having fun, or sharing psychological intimacy—in other words, respecting and enjoying one another. Their relationships were harmed by an over-reliance on power and authority, and especially by stonewalling tactics like the “silent treatment.” When missteps happened, parents repaired and restored intimacy by expressing warmth and affection, talking about what happened, and apologizing.

This model of strengthening, harming, and repairing can help you think about your own interactions. When a family relationship is already positive, there is a foundation of trust and a belief in the other’s good intentions, which helps everyone restore more easily from minor ruptures. For this reason, it helps to proactively tend the fabric of family relationships. 
 That can begin with simply building up an investment of positive interactions:

• Spend “special time” with each child individually to create more space to deepen your one-to-one relationship. Let them control the agenda and decide how long you spend together.
• Appreciate out loud, share gratitude reflections, and notice the good in your children intermittently throughout the day or week.

You also want to watch out for ways you might harm the relationship. If you’re ever unsure about a child’s motives, check their intentions behind their behaviors and don’t assume they were ill-intentioned. Language like, “I noticed that…” or “Tell me what happened…” or “And then what happened?” can help you begin to understand an experience from the child’s point of view.

A Loving Space for Kids’ Emotions

Show love to your children by helping them process emotions

When speaking to a child, consider how they might receive what you’re saying. Remember that words and silence have weight; children are “ emotional Geiger counters ” and read your feelings much more than they process your words. If you are working through feelings or traumas that have nothing to do with them, take care to be responsible for your own feelings and take a moment to calm yourself before speaking.

In this context of connection and understanding, you can then create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed:

• Watch for tiny bids for repairs . Sometimes we have so much on our minds that we miss the look, gesture, or expression in a child that shows that what they really want is to reconnect.
• Normalize requests like “I need a repair” or “Can we have a redo?” We need to be able to let others know when the relationship has been harmed.
• Likewise, if you think you might have stepped on someone’s toes, circle back to check. Catching a misstep early can help.

When you’re annoyed by a family member’s behavior, try to frame your request for change in positive language; that is, say what you want them to do rather than what you don’t. Language like, “I have a request…” or “Would you be willing to…?” keeps the exchange more neutral and helps the recipient stay engaged rather than getting defensive.

You can also model healthy repairs with people around you, so they are normalized and children see their usefulness in real time. Children benefit when they watch adults resolve conflict constructively.


Four steps to an authentic repair

There are infinite varieties of repairs, and they can vary in a number of ways, depending on your child’s age and temperament, and how serious the rift was.

Infants need physical contact and the restoration of love and security. Older children need affection and more words. Teenagers may need more complex conversations. Individual children vary in their styles—some need more words than others, and what is hurtful to one child may not faze another child. Also, your style might not match the child’s, requiring you to stretch further.

Some glitches are little and may just need a check-in, but deeper wounds need more attention. Keep the apology in proportion to the hurt. What’s important is not your judgment of how hurt someone should be, but the actual felt experience of the child’s hurt. A one-time apology may suffice, but some repairs need to be acknowledged frequently over time to really stitch that fabric back together. It’s often helpful to check in later to see if the amends are working.

While each repair is unique, authentic repairs typically involve the same steps.

1. Acknowledge the offense. First, try to understand the hurt you caused. It doesn’t matter if it was unintentional or what your reasons were. This is the time to turn off your own defense system and focus on understanding and naming the other person’s pain or anger.

Sometimes you need to check your understanding. Begin slowly: “Did I hurt you? Help me understand how.” This can be humbling and requires that we listen with an open heart as we take in the other person’s perspective.

Try not to undermine the apology by adding on any caveats, like blaming the child for being sensitive or ill-behaved or deserving of what happened. Any attempt to gloss over, minimize, or dilute the wound is not an authentic repair. Children have a keen sense for authenticity. Faking it or overwhelming them will not work.

A spiritual teacher reminded me of an old saying, “It is acknowledging the wound that gets the thorn out.” It’s what reconnects our humanity.

Making an Effective Apology

A good apology involves more than saying "sorry"

2. Express remorse. Here, a sincere “I’m sorry” is sufficient.

Don’t add anything to it. One of the mistakes adults often make, according to therapist and author Harriet Lerner , is to tack on a discipline component: “Don’t let it happen again,” or “Next time, you’re really going to get it.” This, says Lerner, is what prevents children from learning to use apologies themselves. 
 Apologizing can be tricky for adults. It might feel beneath us, or we may fear that we’re giving away our power. We shouldn’t have to apologize to a child, because as adults we are always right, right? Of course not. But it’s easy to get stuck in a vertical power relationship to our child that makes backtracking hard.

On the other hand, some adults—especially women, says Rick Hanson —can go overboard and be too effusive, too obsequious, or even too quick in their efforts to apologize. This can make the apology more about yourself than the person who was hurt. Or it could be a symptom of a need for one’s own boundary work.   

There is no perfect formula for an apology except that it be delivered in a way that acknowledges the wound and makes amends. And there can be different paths to that. Our family sometimes uses a jokey, “You were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong,” to playfully acknowledge light transgressions. Some apologies are nonverbal: My father atoned for missing all of my childhood birthdays when he traveled 2,000 miles to surprise me at my doorstep for an adult birthday. Words are not his strong suit, but his planning, effort, and showing up was the repair. Apologies can take on all kinds of tones and qualities.

3. Consider offering a brief explanation. If you sense that the other person is open to listening, you can provide a brief explanation of your point of view, but use caution, as this can be a slippery slope. Feel into how much is enough. The focus of the apology is on the wounded person’s experience. If an explanation helps, fine, but it shouldn’t derail the intent. This is not the time to add in your own grievances—that’s a conversation for a different time.

4. Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and to prevent it from happening again. With a child, especially, try to be concrete and actionable about how the same mistake can be prevented in the future. “I’m going to try really hard to…” and “Let’s check back in to see how it’s feeling…” can be a start.

Remember to forgive yourself, too. This is a tender process, we are all works in progress, and adults are still developing. I know I am.

Prior to our visit, my daughter and I had a phone conversation. We shared our excitement about the rare chance to spend so much time together. Then we gingerly expressed our concerns.

 “I’m afraid we’ll get on each other’s nerves,” I said.

“I’m afraid I’ll be cooking and cleaning the whole time,” she replied.

So we strategized about preventing these foibles. She made a spreadsheet of chores where everyone signed up for a turn cooking and cleaning, and we discussed the space needs that people would have for working and making phone calls.

Then I drew a breath and took a page from the science. “I think we have to expect that conflicts are going to happen,” I said. “It’s how we work through them that will matter. The love is in the repair.”

This article is excerpted from a longer article on Diana Divecha’s blog, developmentalscience.com.

About the Author

Diana Divecha

Diana Divecha, Ph.D. , is a developmental psychologist, an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and on the advisory board of the Greater Good Science Center. Her blog is developmentalscience.com .

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Family in Crisis, Essay Example

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Juanita is facing numerous physical environmental, psychological, biological, sociocultural, behavioural and health system factors that are influencing her situation and driving her to the conclusion that she does not need to live anymore.

Her physical environment, the rural setting within which she is currently residing, has hindered her ability to find work even without any marketable skills. If the setting was urban, she would probably find it much easier to find employment at minimum wage without any marketable skills.

She is psychologically under strain with all the dependents that live under her. She is taking care of many people without any job and any marketable skills. Notably, she is taking care of her 72-year old mother who is diabetic and has hypertension (Rusell, 2002). This creates for an environment that is full of strain as the mother would require a lot of her attention, not mentioning a special diet. The 13 year old daughter would only seem to cause further strain with common teenage delinquent behaviour. The 18-year-old son is an adult and as such may be expected to help in the family finances. However, there is no indication of this. The 9-year-old step daughter would also need constant care and her undivided attention. All these factors work to psychologically strain her.

The one socio-cultural problem factor that works against Juanita is the fact that is a single-mother. Since there is no mention of her husband or boyfriend, and owing to the fact that she is African-American, it can only be safe to presume that the husband or boyfriend abandoned her, neglecting his fatherly duties. One-parent families are common in the African-American culture and this has worked against Juanita as she is left to cater for all the aforementioned family needs on her own. (Barker, 2007)

The health system factors have worked against Juanita in the form of the lack of health insurance cover for any of her family members. This can only be attributed to the fact that health insurance is an expensive asset to acquire owing to the fact that she has no job and/or no marketable skills.

Her mother’s age is a biological factor that cannot be ignored. She is 72 years old is currently experiencing problems with hypertension (high blood pressure) and diabetes. These are common with a failing health of an aging individual.

This is indeed a crisis situation. This is a socio-cultural and psychological family crisis. This is because the socio-cultural facets of the community greatly undermine the functionality of the family and the wellbeing of Juanita, causing great psychological pressure on her and resulting in her developing suicidal thoughts and her contemplation of there being no need for her to live.

The best interventions for tis family would be for the 72 year old mother to be placed on an affordable diet that is well within the reach of the family’s finances.

Another intervention would be to direct Juanita to a psychiatrist to help her with her suicidal thoughts.

In the case where many families in the area are experiencing similar problems, the most advisable nursing intervention technique would be to seek out any social or economic facilities and create an awareness program to aid the community in understanding the biological, psychological, physical environmental, sociocultural, behavioural, and health system factors are influencing the current condition and situation of the community. (Niven, 2006)

Barker, S. (2007). Psychology. Oxford: Blackwell Pub.

Niven, N. (2006). The Psychology of Nursing Care. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Rusell, G. (2002). Essential psychology for nurses and other health professionals. London: Routledge.

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Surviving a Family Crisis

A family crisis occurs when a family has to change. It is a turning point: things will either get better, or they will get worse. Sometimes, day-to-day hassles can pile up and cause a stress overload.

Other events can cause a family crisis:

A "bolt from the blue" — something unexpected—can suddenly hit your family. Someone may die, your home burns, you lose your job, you win the lottery.

• These changes can be difficult for families because they require the family to deal with many changes. If someone dies, others may have to “fill their shoes” while also dealing with the loss. If you win the lottery you have to deal with how to spend the money and this can cause family conflict.
• Families can adapt well to these crises by supporting one another and being flexible enough to make needed changes.

A developmental crisis occurs when people get married, have children, have a child start school, have a teen going through puberty, have a child leaving home, have parents retiring, aging, and/or dying. Some of these changes are subtle and gradual; others are abrupt and dramatic.

• These crises are often viewed as “normal events”—and thus you may not be aware of the stress on your family. Adapting to the leaving or adding of a family member or the changes that occur as children and adults grow and age can be very difficult for families.
• These “normal” developments can cause stress because they challenge us to rearrange ourfamilies.
• To adjust to a developmental crisis, families often need to adjust family rules and roles to meet the new abilities of family members.
• Every family must change as their youngster approaches puberty. To become mature adults, teens must gradually get more practice in making decisions.

A structural crisis occurs when the family resists changing to meet the demands of a developmental or “out of the blue” crisis.

• Being unable to change can aggravate existing conflict and can lead to many actions that harm you or other family members. Examples include cheating on one’s partner, feeling suicidal, drinking too much (alcoholism), physical and  sexual abuse, drug use and divorce.
• These behaviors are often symptoms of the family’s inability to adapt to change and to solve problems.
• The family may become so disorganized it is unable to overcome the crisis. When behaviors such as these occur, families often benefit from outside professional help.

A family crisis is naturally stressful. A crisis demands some sort of change in the family, and this change is stressful. Families immobilized by stress often:

• lack cohesiveness and closeness among members.
• lack positive conflict-management skills.
• fight over "who is right."
• lack time and positive interaction between the parents.
• lack family activities and quality time together.
• experience stressed-out symptoms—including sleeplessness, lack of appetite, disorientation, memory lapses, depression and anxiety.
• Talk openly and honestly. Poorly functioning families may not talk, may keep secrets, or have many topics they cannot or will not discuss with each other.
• Develop a strong social network by participating in community organizations, accepting help and supporting others.

If you can't get "unstuck," seek professional help. Do you want to live the rest of your life this way? If not, can you develop a workable plan to "make things better?" If not, get help from a reputable family service agency in your area.

Kids Feel Stress Too

When a family is experiencing a crisis, all its members are affected—including the children. Sometimes adults believe that kids do not really feel stress, but they do. Some signs that your child may be stressed are:

• misbehaving more than usual
• more quiet than usual
• school problems, such as fighting or not paying attention
• having trouble sleeping
• worry and concern about the family problem

Children need help to deal with the stress they feel.

• Talk with your child about the family problem, in words she can understand.
• Let your child know he does not need to worry about “adult problems,” such as money. Be clear that some problems are not his to worry about.
• Teach your child to relax when she is feeling stressed. Have her listen to some music, breathe deeply, perhaps release her tensions physically through playing outside or just laughing with you.
• Give words to your child’s feelings. Sometimes children do not know they are stressed. “I heard you had another fight in school today. I am wondering if you are worried about my losing my job?”
• Listen when your child talks about his concerns. Give him your full attention and listen for what he is feeling as well as disagree about family goals and how to reach them.
• Spend some fun time with your child. This will help reduce her stress as well as yours.

Researchers suggest these guidelines for families adapting to change:

Accept the hardship. Well-functioning families quickly accept the hardship and use their energy and resources to meet the challenge. Recognize that tears can be good medicine for many people. Recognize and mourn your loss. Then, figure out your options for moving ahead.

Don't blame each other.

Poorly functioning families try to attach the blame to someone inside or outside the family. Healthy families see the crisis as a family-centered problem. They work together to correct or change the problem.

Be patient.

Well-functioning families recognize the need for peace-making, patience and consideration. Poorly functioning families quickly respond with anger.

Be good stress managers.

Practice a healthy lifestyle and plan well deserved relaxation times.

• Try to gain control over whatever part of life you can. Flood victims are encouraged to seek this control, even if it means putting their remaining possessions in storage, or buying a hot-plate on which to cook.
• Remain optimistic, striving to see the brighter side, without denying reality.
• Help each family member have high self-esteem and help them be self -reliant. Praise each other often and encourage the strengths of each person.
• Give daily reminders of your love and appreciation. Healthy families are clear and direct about feelings, particularly expressions of commitment, affection and praise.
• Do things together as a family. Go on family outings, plan fun time at home, hold family meetings, play together and go to church together.

I hope this information will be helpful.

Have a good month!

Pat Tanner Nelson, Ed.D. Extension Family & Human Development Specialist [email protected] http://bit.ly/DEjitp

Adapted from information prepared for Oregon State University Extension by Dr. Jan Hare, and from articles by Lawrence Altman, Eleanor Macklin, Karen Pittman and from a national PTA pamphlet.

Dr. Elizabeth Park, graduate of the Department of Individual and Family Studies, University of Delaware, also contributed to this newsletter.

Suggested citation: Park, E. Surviving A Family Crisis. In Nelson, P.T. (2012) (Ed) Families Matter! A Newsletter Series for Parents of School-Age Youth. Newark, DE: Cooperative Extension, University of Delaware.

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Conceptualizing Family Stress: A Trend Toward Greater Context

• First Online: 08 November 2022

Cite this chapter

• Chalandra M. Bryant 5 &
• Christiana I. Awosan 6  

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Recent events in the United States (particularly those occurring during the latter part of 2020 and early part of 2021), evoked stress: a pandemic killing millions; racially motivated assaults, in addition to other hate crimes; and social unrest, sparked by heinous injustices. Many events occurred earlier. We cannot say that these events evoked feelings of stress in everyone, lest we forget that stress is about perceptions. One must perceive an event (or circumstance) as being a stressor. While these events left some families traumatized and immobile, those same events energized and mobilized others (in both positive and negative ways). Thus, it is a fitting time in our history to focus on stress. In this chapter, we (1) provide a historical overview of stress theories and models; (2) underscore challenges and shifts in family science that led to variations in those models; (3) highlight the revisioning of core assumptions; and (4) discuss future directions. Throughout the chapter we draw attention to emerging areas of research.

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Bryant, C.M., Awosan, C.I. (2022). Conceptualizing Family Stress: A Trend Toward Greater Context. In: Adamsons, K., Few-Demo, A.L., Proulx, C., Roy, K. (eds) Sourcebook of Family Theories and Methodologies. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-92002-9_6

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Healing the Whole Family

My parents wanted a better life for me, but they didn’t know that the scars of their own childhood traumas could still cause pain.

By Grace Chiang

The night I submitted my college applications, I lay in bed and stared out my window for hours. I prayed to the moon that I would die soon. On paper, I looked perfect (at least to the adults who told me so): a perfect SAT score in one try, three perfect SAT II subject tests, 10 perfect AP tests, recipient of national awards, president of various clubs, avid volunteer, and founder of an education nonprofit. But I would rather have died than learn that “perfect” was still not enough to get into the colleges I’d set my sights on.

I didn’t know there were illnesses called depression and anxiety, and the adults around me never suspected, because I looked like I was on top of my life. When I would burst into tears, my father would shout at me to stop crying because, “No one is dead — save your tears for when I die.” And when I told my mom of my suicidal thoughts her first response was, “How can you be so selfish?” I felt unworthy of their love until I was perfect beyond reproach.

I attended Yale as a first-generation student supported through financial aid, worked at McKinsey in New York and London, and received two master’s degrees from Stanford. My fears of not being good enough for college seem unfounded now, but perhaps understandable given my upbringing.

Contrary to the stereotype of Asian Ivy League students, I did not have wealthy tiger nor snowplow parents. My extended family in Taiwan barely received an education, so in high school I was already among the most educated in my family.

What I did have are parents who, like many others, came into parenthood with their own wounds — and no knowledge of how to deal with them.

According to the team that developed the Adverse Childhood Experiences score (ACE), an instrument to measure childhood trauma, high ACE scores often correlate to challenges later in life, “because of the toxic stress it creates.”

[ Take the ACE quiz . ]

Studies conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente found that people with an ACE score of 4 or higher (about 12.5 percent of the population) increase their likelihood of chronic disease by 390 percent, depression by 460 percent, and attempted suicide by 1,220 percent.

My parents both score above 4; my mother has a score of 7. Raised by neglectful, physically and emotionally abusive parents, my parents had scars they dared not uncover even for themselves to see. No one had taught them to address those traumas and avoid repeating them through anxiety-filled parenting.

I cannot remember a time when my home was worry-free. I learned early that a moment without worry was a moment wasted in idleness. Research shows that depression and anxiety can be passed from parent to child when children observe their parents’ incessant worries and adopt similar thought patterns for themselves.

Most parents — including mine — are trying their best, but few have been taught much about how to raise kids beyond their own experience, with their own parents.

My family had to learn the hard way that what we don’t heal, we repeat. When my grandmother, the woman who single-handedly raised my mother and her three sisters, died in my freshman year of college, my mother chose to “get on with” her life, focusing on raising my brother. For years after, my brother struggled with his weight and academics to the point of near expulsion from school.

In my mother’s search for ways to help my brother, she was exposed to the work of Virginia Satir , a pioneer in family therapy. Ms. Satir saw each family as a system, so if you change one node, the whole system changes. My mother began to process her own grief and trauma.

During college, I sought counseling and studied wellness. I began to meditate and journal to untangle my past from the present. In my last year of college, I finally told my family that I had seen a therapist. And that it had helped.

My family was surprised (to say the least) when they learned my mental health challenges were “bad enough” to lead me to seek help. It was hard on my parents, who are part of a generation focused on survival rather than wellness, to hear how their parenting impacted me. They reacted first with ridicule, then fear at the realization that their own wounds were deep enough to hurt me as well.

It took much time and effort for my parents to shift away from the mentality they had grown up with.

Years into the journey, my mother now runs a nonprofit teaching thousands of Mandarin-speaking parents about conscious communication and mindfulness.

Recently, at a workshop my mom was hosting, I heard my dad tell a participating parent, “I didn’t believe in therapy until Grace told me it’s like going to the dentist for a cavity, which makes a lot of sense to me now. Watching my family learn helped me see that I have some growing to do too.”

Advocating for parents to understand mental health, both theirs and their children’s, feels more relevant now than ever.

Lately, I’ve heard from many parents who worry about how this pandemic season of uncertainty will impact their child’s school year and college applications. These are important questions, of course.

Yet, as I watch my brother apply for college this fall, I can’t help but imagine how many students are lying by their windows, praying to the moon. And I wish, if parents realized how heavily their worries and old wounds weighed on their children, they would pause and tend first to their anxieties.

Grace Chiang is the founder of Cherish , a social venture that aims to help parents build healthy relationships with their teens.

An earlier version of this article misstated which institution conducted the original research on adverse childhood experiences. It was Kaiser Permanente, not Harvard.

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Learning Objectives

At the end of this chapter you will be able to do the following.

• Define crisis
• Define life stressor
• Differentiate between the types of abuse
• Differentiate normative and acute stressors

Family Functions and Dysfunctions

Families are functional at some levels and simultaneously dysfunctional at others. No two families are exactly alike, and very few families experience blissful ideal family experiences. Family functions are the tasks and goals that support and sustain the family. Dysfunctions are failures in the family to accomplish these tasks and goals. Functions are intended; dysfunctions are typically unintended. For example, family members do not intend to establish poor communication patterns, invisible sexual boundaries (incest), or economic hardships. The basic family functions which are intended include economic cooperation, control of sexuality, socializing children, identity and social status, and social and emotional need fulfillment. Families that meet family members’ needs well are referred to as high resource families . Low resource families might meet some needs well and other needs poorly or not meet many of the needs. Resources can include an inherent resiliency, money, extended family, strong friend network, or strong religious community.

Family dysfunctions can be handed down from generation to generation, with few family members aware that something is wrong in the family system. A dysfunction is a breakdown or disruption in the family (the individuals or the family as a whole) which threatens its stability. Drug or alcohol abuse, pregnancy, or loss of a job are some common dysfunctions. A pregnancy can be planned or unplanned; in either case it is a dysfunction since it causes a disruption in the family.

Family Stressors

There are a variety of crises events that families must deal with over the life course. A crisis is a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person’s or family’s life course .1 The life course of the family refers to the culturally defined sequence of stages in human life, rather than to precise periods of years or to biological development and is measured in relation to their time together, presence of children, ages, and work experiences. In young families the adults tend to be in their 20s and 30s; they have young children, are establishing their careers and buying assets, and have less than a decade together. These families have many stressors that accompany the process of establishing their family. Normative stressors are expected life events and processes that bring stress by virtue of their nature. Having a baby, getting a new job, and buying a home are all normative stressors at this stage of the life course.

Many married couples experience a noticeable decline in marital satisfaction which accompanies the birth of their first child. Judith Wallerstein is quoted as having said, “Each couple must embrace the daunting roles of parents and absorb the impact of her majesty the baby’s dramatic entrance while protecting the couples’ own privacy.”2 Many researchers have established a decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of a child, especially the first child. The better the couple are as friends, the less the impact the first child has on their marriage. To transition to the role of parents, it was found that couples who planned to have the baby and who work closely and in a mutually supportive manner make the best adjustments.2

Middle families are in their 30s to 50s, their children are teens or young adults, they are in midcareer, and are financially established with a home and cars. Middle families launch children into college, military, and jobs while maintaining steady earnings. They typically have some retirement investments and are paying off mortgages and other loans. As they age into their 50s they find that some of their married children return home for a short season because of marital or financial hardships. Parents begin to witness the death of their own parents and siblings and are much more aware of their pending move into the ranks of the elderly. These families have fewer normative stressors than younger families.

Elderly families have more freedoms from childrearing than the younger families have. They are 60 plus and are often grandparents, have their homes paid off, and are looking forward to retirement . Their grandchildren graduate college and become parents in their own right. They have experienced the passing of their grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and sometimes siblings. They also have begun to face the sober realities of their biological health declines. These families have far fewer normative stressors than younger families.

Acute stressors are typically unexpected, sudden, and demand tremendous resources to cope with them. Bankruptcies, illnesses, crime victimization, loss, and natural hazards are just a few of the acute stressors that could impact a family. Wallerstein and Blakesly (1995) also reported that happily married couples had “confronted and mastered the inevitable crises of life, maintaining the strength of the bond in the face of adversity.”

Life Stressors

In the 1970s, two psychiatrists named Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe developed a scale that measured life stressors that could have impacted an individual or his or her family over the last three years.3 For families in the young family stage, getting married, having a baby, buying a home, or having a parent die ranked as the most stressful events. For middle and older families, having your spouse die, divorce or separating, moving, and getting married were among the most stressful events. In this paradigm one of these events can be coped with fairly well if the family members can gather enough resources to meet the challenge. Two or more acute stressors can pile up into your normative stressors and overwhelm you to the point of illness.

How families respond to stressors makes a huge difference in their quality of life. Researchers have established that stress can strengthen you or destroy you, depending on how you cope with stressors as individuals or families. When a series of normal and less significant stressors accumulate, it can have the same effect as a major acute stressor. If both happen together, stress can pile up. Stressor pile up occurs when stressful events accumulate in such a manner that resolution has not happened with existing stressors before new stressors are added. Stressor pile up can be detrimental if adequate resources are not obtained to meet the demands of the stressors.4 This generation of families does not share the same conservative financial tendencies as did the generation of our grandparents. In the U.S. many desire to have what they desire now, even if debt has to be incurred to get it. Now-time gratification (also called present time) is the individual perspective that seeks immediate satisfaction of their needs, wants, and desires. Delayed gratification is the ability to invest time and effort now in hopes of a payoff down the road . Delayed gratification is very common among college students who are willing to put in 4-6 years of higher education for the promise of a life-long career of better earnings and life experiences.

Family Violence and Abuse

Family abuse is the physical, sexual, or emotional maltreatment or harm of another family member. Abuse is perpetrated by powerful people on less powerful people. You may have heard that there is a chain of abuse passed from parent to child to grandchild. Some estimates are that 1 in 3 sexually abused children grow up to be abusers. Many abuse survivors are meticulous about marrying non-abusers and about over-protecting their children from potential abusers.

Child Abuse

Sexual abuse is one form of child abuse. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reported that 80,000 cases of child sexual abuse are reported each year in the U.S. with many more cases unreported.5 Symptoms of sexual abuse in children include the following: avoiding or showing an unusual interest in things of a sexual nature, problems sleeping or having nightmares, signs of depression or becoming withdrawn from friends or family, seductive behavior, talking about their bodies as dirty, being concerned that there is something wrong with their genitals, refusing to go to school, delinquent behaviors, conduct problems, being secretive, being unusually aggressive, exhibiting suicidal behavior, and illustrating sexual molestation in drawings, games, or fantasies.

Recent U.S. data indicate that there were 3,300,000 alleged cases of child abuse and neglect in 2010.6 It was reported that 78% were neglected, eight percent suffered emotional abuse, nine percent suffered sexual abuse, and 18% suffered physical abuse. They also reported that girls (9.7 per 1,000 children) were slightly more abused than boys (8.7 per 1,000 children).

Figure 1 shows child abuse data from 2000 to 2007 for males, females and total. The number of substantiated cases declined between 2006 and 2007, but this drop still represents hundreds of thousands of cases. The actual number of cases may be two or three times that high since many cases go unreported. Figure 2 shows the specific types of abuse that have occurred. These, too, are declining, yet consistent, in their relationship to one another. Neglect cases are by far the most common with over ½ million each year. Medical neglect is the least common abuse. Other national studies of child abuse report similar findings.7

Figure 1. Numbers of U.S. Child Abuse Cases Substantiated, 2000-2007.8

Figure 2. Numbers of U.S. Child Abuse Cases Substantiated between 2000-2007.9

The U.S. now has a national Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) which is designed to gather more accurate data on child maltreatment.10 Figure 3 shows the numbers of child abuse victims by their ages. The highest numbers of abuse cases were found among the two- to five-year olds with rates declining as children age. One website reported that 12% of high school girls and five percent of high school boys had been sexually abused.11

SPOUSAL ABUSE

Abuse may also be perpetrated by adults against adults in families. When violence occurs between adult spouses or partners, it is often called intimate partner violence or IPV. The CDC provides a useful definition. “ intimate partner violence (IPV) is defined as actual or threatened physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, or stalking abuse by an intimate partner . An intimate partner can be a current or former spouse or non-marital partner, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or dating partner ….”14 The guidelines from the CDC focus on frequency of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) tracks this type of crime. In 2007 there were 186,560 crimes perpetrated by spouses and 79,860 perpetrated by ex-spouses.15 These included 153,790 assaults by spouses and another 63,650 assaults by ex-spouses. These also included 20,670 rapes and sexual assaults by spouses and another 6,200 by ex-spouses. Quite disheartening was the report that almost 60% of victims did NOT report their crime to police. The BJS estimates for 2008 state that about 22% of murders in 2002 were family murders. Of the nearly 500,000 men and women in state prisons for a violent crime in 1997, 15% were there for a violent crime against a family member. Intimate partners were responsible for three percent of all violence against males and 23% of all violence against females in 2008. Family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002.16

Another BJS report for the year 2008 showed how many cases of family violence were perpetrated on males and females and who the perpetrator was (see Figure 4). Females were over five times more likely to be attacked by their intimate partner than were males. They were also about twice as likely to be attacked by a relative as males. Males were more likely to be attacked by a friend or acquaintance. The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network reported that three percent of men had been victims of attempted rape or rape in their lifetimes and about 1 in every 10 rape victims is male.17

Figure 4. Numbers of Violent Crimes against Males and Females, 2008.18

Figure 5 presents family maltreatment on a continuum of violence and control. In families, normal disagreements occur. These are typically not at the degree of violence or control that authorities would become involved. Many parents have spanked their children. A spanking can be a simple swat used rarely and with low levels of violence and control; this would not concern authorities. However some parents use spanking at high levels of violence and control. They may emotionally, physically, and or sexually abuse their children in the name of spanking. All abuse is emotional or has emotional underpinnings because in families we are emotionally connected to each other and we all filter experience through our emotions.

Figure 5. Family Maltreatment Considering Degree of Violence and Conflict.

The sexual assault, stalking, and homicide categories of maltreatment are typically considered to be between adults and other adults, but parents do injure children to the point of death. Family violence is common and mostly perpetrated by males on others, but males are also victims of family violence. Even though violent crime has been declining since 1994, males are far more likely to be victimized than females (except in sexual violence). In less common circumstances, women perpetrate violence on men.19 There are networks of shelters for men abused by women and or by other men. The easiest way for a man to get help is to call 911.

Spousal/intimate partner abuse is particularly important to those who try to intervene in family violence. One study using a sample of 16,000 adults in the U.S. reported that 25% of women and 7.5% of men had been assaulted by their spouse, cohabiting partner, or date; these data yield estimates of over two million intimate partner assaults per year in the U.S.20 Scientists at the CDC estimate that there were over $8 billion in medical costs for spousal violence in 1995 and eight million lost work days.21

Intimate partner violence used to be called domestic violence. It can be physical, emotional, sexual, threats of violence, or stalking. Stalking is when someone harasses or threatens another repeatedly; even knowing their pursuit is unwanted. Various studies indicate that intimate partner violence is more common among the poor, unemployed, younger parents, and substance abusing partners.22 CDC’s goal is to prevent Intimate partner violence before it begins.23

It is very important to understand how violence and abuse transpire in intimate relationships. A 2006 study identified the nature of control and violence between the two people involved. Four types of relationships emerged based on violence and control. The main person is violent. His or her controlling behavior and partner’s violent and controlling behavior determines what type the relationship is. The first type is when the individual is violent and controlling, but the partner is not ; this is called intimate terrorism . The next type is called violent resistance ; this is when the individual is violent but not controlling and the partner is the violent and controlling one . In situational couple violence , the individual is violent, but not controlling and the partner is neither violent nor controlling . In mutual violent control , the individual and the partner are both violent and controlling .24

In the 1970s, new models emerged which helped professionals understand and intervene in abusive situations. These models focused on the cyclical nature of abuse.25 That means abusers typically cycle in and out of violence with their intimate partners. For example, after the relationship becomes established abusers go through a stage of tension and frustration buildup. These times are filled with perceived offenses by the perpetrator who begins to define him/herself as being victimized. Eventually the perpetrator attacks and releases this pent-up anger and hostility. Shortly thereafter, the perpetrator feels remorse and apologizes to the victim.

Sometimes there is a phase of calm that lasts until the perpetrator recycles back into the tension and frustration build up stage again, repeating the violent cycle over and over.26 Why some women and men stay with their abuser is difficult to explain, but is a major component of successful efforts to intervene. Some have learned that this is part of an intimate relationship-to suffer and forgive. Others stay because they see no economic possibilities if they did leave. Others stay to minimize the relationship break up and the impact the harm of that breakup may cause to their children.

Communities have responded to this ongoing problem in multiple ways and at multiple levels. Coordinated efforts have been designed to get police, medical personnel, courts, and other social agencies working in the same direction for the best outcomes. The most common model used today to intervene in domestic violence is called the Duluth Model.

The Duluth Model came in the 1980s from Duluth, Minnesota where an experiment was attempted that united 11 community agencies to reduce violence against women.27 This model claims that it is the community that controls abusers (not the spouse), that there are differing types of abuse and each must be responded to in appropriate ways, that socio-economic and historical factors of persons involved must be considered, and that intervention must include perpetrators and victims.28

Critics of the Duluth model point out the absence of counseling and therapeutic efforts. Other critics argue that it is the court and legal avenues that ultimately protect the victims. Intervention models often include Duluth and cognitive behavioral therapy plus community intervention strategies. One study found that when considering the most common intervention models, there was really no strong indication that one might be better than the other.29 One website is designed to encourage abused people to leave the relationship.30

Elder Abuse

There is also a concern about the large numbers of elderly abused by younger family members. Family elder abuse is the maltreatment of older family members in emotional, sexual, physical, financial, neglect, and other ways, especially where trust was expected and violated .31 Cooper and others (2008) estimated that 1 in 4 elderly persons may be at risk for abuse in Western Nations.32

The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) estimates that $2.6 billion dollars is lost each year from younger persons abusing the finances of the elderly.33 The National Center on Elder Abuse reports that care facilities also work diligently to prevent sexual, emotional, physical, and other forms of abuse by employees and family members. This Center estimates about two million elderly who’ve been abused, even though it admits that there is no uniform system in place to track the abuses.34

• http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/crisis
• The Good Marriage By Wallerstein, J. S. & Blakeslee, S. 1995, Houghton Mifflin: NY
• retrieved 26 April, 2010 from http://www.apa.org/monitor/jan01/parenthood.aspx
• Holmes, T.H. and Rahe, R.H.: The social readjustments rating scales, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11:213-218, 1967, also see another approach from Brown,  G.W. and Harris, T.O.: Social origins of depression: A study of psychiatric disorder in women. London: Tavistock, 1978
• search Hill and McCubbin’s ABCX Models
• retrieved 23 April, 2010 from Child Sexual Abuse, “Facts for Families,” No. 9 (5/08) http://www.aacap.org/galleries/FactsForFamilies/09_child_sexual_abuse.pdf
• http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cm_datasheet2012-a.pdf
• see U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration on Children Youth and Families. Child Maltreatment 2007 [Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2009] available at: http://www.childwelfare.gov.2.Finkelhor, Ormrod, H, Turner, H, Hamby, S. The Victimization of Children and Youth: A Comprehensive National Survey. Child Maltreatment 2005; 10:5-25.3.Theodore, AD, Chang, JJ, Runyan, DK, Hunter, WM, Bangdewala, SI, Agans,R. Epidemiologic Features of the Physical and Sexual Maltreatment of Children in the Carolinas. Pediatrics 2005; 115: e330-e337
• Retrieved 23 April 2010. www.census.gov
• www.ndacan.cornell.edu ; retrieved 23 April,2010 from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm07/cm07.pdf
• retrieved 23 April, 2010 from http://www.rainn.org/getinformation/statistics/sexual-assault-victims
• retrieved 16 April, 2013 from
• retrieved 18 April, 2013 from http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv_factsheet2012-a.pdf
• Retrieved 23 April, 2010 from Criminal Victimization in the United States, 2007 Statistical Tables
• retrieved 23 April, 2010 from http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=94
• see Carney M, Buttell F, Dutton D. 2007. “Women who perpetrate intimate partner violence: A review of the literature with recommendations for treatment”. Aggression and Violent Behavior 12 (1): 108-15
• Retrieved 23 April, 2010 from Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep’t of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, at iii (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm
• Retrieved 23 April, 2010 from Intimate Partner Violence: Consequences http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/c onsequences.html
• retrieved 23 April, 2010 from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/topics/crime/intimate-partner-violence/causes.htm
• retrieved 18 April, 2013 from http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/IPVFactSheet.pdf
• retrieved 26 April, 2010 from http://vaw.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/12/11/1003; Michael P. Johnson. Violence Against Women, Vol. 12, No. 11, 1003-1018 (2006):Conflict and Control
• Walker, Lenore E. (1979) The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row
• Mills, Linda G. Violent Partners: A Breakthrough Plan for Ending the Cycle of Abuse (2008
• see http://www.theduluthmodel.org
• Retrieved 18 April, 2013 from The Duluth Model home page at
• http://www.theduluthmodel.org/about/index.html
• Retrieved 23 April, 2010 from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/topics/crime/violence- againstwomen/workshops/batterer-intervention.htm#bips
• http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/get-help/
• http://helpguide.org/mental/elder_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
• Cooper C, Selwood A, Livingston G (March 2008). “The prevalence of elder abuse and neglect: a systematic review”. Age Ageing 37 (2): 151-60. doi:10.1093/ageing/afm194. PMID 18349012. http://ageing.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/pmidlookup?view=long&pmid=18349012
• retrieved 18 April, 2013 from
• http://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-03-2011/are-you-being-financially- abusedby-a-family-member.html
• retrieved 15 April, 2013 from
• http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/about/index.aspx

Sociology of Family Copyright © by donnagiuliani is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Family Relationships — Importance of Family Relationships

Importance of Family Relationships

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Emotional support and security, healthy development and identity formation, nurturing communication skills, shared traditions and cultural heritage, crisis support and resilience, socialization and moral development, interpersonal skills and conflict resolution, elderly care and generational exchange, building strong communities and societal cohesion, conclusion: the enduring significance of family bonds.

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Assessing Family Crisis

A crisis is a period of heightened family tension and imbalance that requires quick staff identification. Head Start staff who work with families will find this information useful in understanding what brings about crises for families. Just as a crisis is an opportunity for a family, it is also an opportunity for staff to make a real difference in the life of a Head Start family.

The following is an excerpt from  Training Guides for the Head Start Learning Community: Supporting Families in Crisis .

Key Concepts Elements Contributing to a Crisis Phases of a Crisis The Timing of Head Start Intervention The Psychological Effects of Crises Ideas to Extend Practice

Key Concepts

• A  crisis  may present an opportunity for positive change.  A crisis is a time for helping families discover and strengthen problem-solving skills. During a period of intense crisis, when usual methods of coping fail, families are often open to learning new problem-solving approaches. Once a crisis is resolved constructively, many families find themselves strengthened by the experience and better prepared for life's next challenge. On the other hand, some families, without the support and resources to resolve crises constructively, risk a downward spiral in their functioning and may never fully recover.  
• A crisis is identified by a family's reactions to a stress-producing situation or event.  A crisis is an upset in a steady state causing a disruption or breakdown in an individual's or family's usual pattern of functioning. Families in crisis find that their usual ways of coping or problem solving do not work; as a result they feel vulnerable, anxious, and overwhelmed.   
• A crisis has four interacting elements.  Generally a family is thrust into a crisis when two or more elements, contributing to a state of crisis, interact. These elements include: 1) experiencing a stress-producing situation; 2) having difficulty coping; 3) showing chronic difficulty meeting basic family responsibilities; and 4) having no apparent sources of support. Differences among the interacting elements make each crisis unique.   
• A crisis is usually characterized by five phases.  A state of crisis in a family is short-lived, usually lasting no longer than six weeks, and has five phases. The five phases may occur in order or overlap and intertwine: 1) the crisis is triggered, then the family 2) sees the crisis as threatening, 3) responds in a disorganized manner, 4) searches for a solution, and 5) adopts new coping strategies.  There are signs of distress .  
• People in crisis typically experience a variety of psychological effects.  Difficulty thinking clearly, dwelling on meaningless activities, expressions of hostility or numbness, impulsiveness, dependency, and feelings of incompetency are some effects of crises staff must anticipate and understand.

Background Information

Much of the work of Head Start staff involves crisis prevention. However, staff cannot always predict nor prevent crises in families.

A crisis is an upset in a steady state causing a disruption or breakdown in a family's usual pattern of functioning. Families in crisis find that their usual ways of coping or problem solving do not work; as a result they can feel threatened. This fact/tip sheet, Assessing Family Crisis, prepares staff for recognizing and assessing families that are thrust into a state of crisis.

Elements Contributing to a Crisis

A family moves into a state of crisis when two or more of the four elements that contribute to a crisis interact. These elements are: 1) experiencing a stress-producing situation, 2) having difficulty coping, 3) showing a chronic inability to meet basic family responsibilities, and 4) having no apparent sources of support. In order to identify and assess a crisis situation, it is important for staff to consider four questions that address these elements: What specific situation is producing the most stress for the family? What difficulties in coping are evident in the family? Is the family having difficulty meeting its responsibilities? What supports are available to the family?

• Experiencing a Stress-producing Situation.  Certain life situations or events may lead to mounting family tension and stress, which contribute to a state of crisis. For example, an unplanned pregnancy, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, unemployment, child protective services investigations, incarceration, addictions, or domestic violence are often crisis-producing.  
• Having Difficulty Coping.  Difficulty coping with stress may surface in many ways: breakdowns in family routines, family arguments, trouble with simple decision-making, disruptions in sleeping and eating patterns, overwhelming feelings of being alone, the depletion of personal energy, and signs of distress. Without supportive intervention to address the stress-producing situation and its effects on the family, coping difficulties are likely to escalate and thrust the family into a state of crisis.   
• Showing a Chronic Difficulty Meeting Basic Family Responsibilities.  Families that are unable to meet basic family responsibilities find themselves unprepared to deal with life's challenges. These families may be, for example, unable to provide their members with enough food, shelter, clothing, health care, nurturance, protection, education, and/or socialization.   
• Having No Apparent Sources of Support.  Families that go without support risk being thrust into a crisis. For example, socially or geographically isolated families lacking or not utilizing informal supports (e.g., friends, neighbors, relatives) and formal resources (e.g., food banks, Head Start, counseling programs) may be thrust into a crisis.

Phases of a Crisis

A crisis is usually characterized by five phases , which may occur in order, overlap, and/or intertwine. Awareness of the phases, as well as awareness of a family's responses to each phase, allows staff to examine a crisis. As described below, the phases of crisis that a family generally experiences include:

• Phase 1: The Family Crisis is Triggered.  A family is thrust into a crisis when two or more elements, contributing to a state of crisis, interact. When the crisis is triggered, it causes a change in the family's circumstances and an increase in stress and anxiety.  
• Phase 2: Seeing the Crisis as Threatening.  Family members see the crisis as a threat to the family's goals, security, or emotional ties. While all crises are stressful, some crises are universally threatening: the death of close family or friends, serious illness and personal injury, or environmental disasters.   
• Phase 3: Staging a Disorganized Response.  The crisis may spur a rush of memories about traumatic or highly stressful times in the family's past. The family becomes increasingly disorganized as the strategies and resources used before to solve family problems fail. Family members experience increasing feelings of vulnerability, helplessness, anxiety, and confusion. As a result, feelings of losing control and being unable to meet family responsibilities may become intensified and disabling to family members.  
• Phase 4: Searching for a Solution.  In an attempt to deal with mounting tension, the family begins to involve friends, relatives, neighbors, and others in the crisis. Typically, each family member looks for someone to validate his/her own views about the crisis and its resolution. Conflicting opinions and advice can add to the family's confusion and instability. When the family is unable to find appropriate solutions to the crisis, a chain of events is set off, creating yet another crisis for the family. Rapid intervention is necessary to stop the chain of events from causing a complete breakdown in family functioning.  
• Phase 5: Adopting New Coping Strategies.  When support for dealing with the crisis is available from a non-judgmental and skillful helper, this phase represents a turning point for the better for the family in crisis. It marks the beginning of the family's recovery. Family members are likely to welcome the sense of direction, security, and protection the helper brings to their situation.

The tension and struggles created by the crisis provide the motivation for the family to learn and apply new coping strategies, and use new resources. With supportive intervention, the family discovers it can master and overcome the crisis or, at least acknowledge, accept, and adapt to the loss surrounding the crisis.

The Timing of Head Start Intervention

The opportunity a crisis provides for enhancing the coping and problem-solving skills of families depends largely on the timing of the intervention. During the initial phases of a crisis, a family may be receptive to intervention. The anxiety produced by the crisis, coupled with the realization that no ready response works, motivates the family to try new coping strategies and resources. Families who receive support and assistance to help them deal with a crisis quickly are likely to stabilize within a few weeks.

While crisis intervention can not cure all the family's stressors, it does provide the opportunity for staff to teach the family how to focus on and resolve the current crisis. After gaining the skills and resources to resolve the crisis, the family realizes it has some control over its life and the capacity to fix other stressful problems.  In contrast, families who go without support and assistance during a crisis may get caught up in a chain of events or memories of past traumas that only lead to more stress. As a result, these families may experience increasingly severe breakdowns in family functioning. Violence, neglect, or other destructive behaviors may have the potential to put families in contact with the community's court and child protective services systems.

The Psychological Effects of Crisis

People in crisis typically experience a variety of  psychological effects . It is important for the psychological effects to be anticipated and interpreted correctly. These effects are temporary and not indicators of mental illness.

• Difficulty Thinking Clearly.  Some people in crisis may quickly skip from one idea to another in conversation, making communication with them confusing and difficult to follow. They may have trouble relating ideas, events, and activities to each other in a logical way. They may overlook or forget important details in their explanation of events. Fears and wishes may be confused with reality. Some people in crisis cling to responses or behaviors they used in the past to solve problems; they seem unable to move on to new ideas, actions, or behaviors necessary to resolve the current situation.  
• Dwelling on Meaningless Activities.  In an attempt to combat anxiety, people in crisis may become overly involved in activities that are not productive. For example, they may spend all day watching TV, sleeping, or just sitting. They are likely to benefit from support in focusing on activities to reduce the crisis.  
• Expressing Hostility or Numbness.  The feelings of loss of control and vulnerability, experienced by some people in crisis, may be expressed through hostile words and actions directed toward anyone who intervenes in the situation. Others may withdraw or experience depression; they seem not to care about the crisis or its outcome.   
• Impulsiveness.  Although some people become immobilized in crisis situations, there are others who react impulsively without any regard to the consequences of their behaviors. Impulsive behavior, such as verbally striking out at a child or a spouse, can trigger additional crises. In these instances, a complex situation becomes even more complex and difficult to resolve.  
• Dependence.  It is natural for some people in crisis to feel dependent upon a professional who offers help. The professional represents a source of power and authority: someone who knows what to do and how to get things done [and] someone who is the "answer" to all the family's difficulties. Such perceptions of the professional can have a stabilizing impact on a family at the height of a crisis. After a brief period of dependency, most families are able to "let go" and act independently. For some, however, dependency may linger and become extreme, making them quite vulnerable to negative influences. They may be unable to decide between what is beneficial for them and what could be harmful, or to decide to whom they should or should not listen.   
• Feeling Incompetent.  A crisis presents a threat to one's sense of personal competency and self-worth. To counter low self-esteem, people in crisis may assume a facade of adequacy or arrogance. They may claim no help is needed or withdraw from offers of help. It is important to remember that families in crisis are probably very frightened by their feelings of incompetency, rather than unmotivated or resistant.

Next Steps: Ideas to Extend Practice Improving Skills in Crisis Identification

Ask staff to meet with co-workers, who did not participate in the training, to share information from the training on the characteristics, dynamics, and impact of family crises. During the information-sharing process, instruct staff to present examples of family crises and to emphasize the importance of early intervention with families in crisis. Further, have staff ask co-workers whether they are aware of any Head Start families who may be in a state of crisis and, if so, to discuss and assess the indicators and make home visiting plans.

Enhancing Family Coping Strategies

Help staff to develop a mutual support group for Head Start families that are experiencing similar sources of stress, such as difficulty finding employment or child care, child behavioral problems, teenage pregnancy, neighborhood crime, budgeting money, etc. In line with the focus of the group, have staff arrange for community representatives (e.g., employment counselors, child development specialists, business leaders, law enforcement officers) to meet with the families to address their concerns. If families indicate an interest in continuing the group, have staff work with families to develop an agenda for subsequent family meetings. The agenda should include time for families to share their feelings, experiences, and strategies for coping.

Recognizing Crisis-Surviving Families

Have staff visit with Head Start families who have survived very stressful situations or crises. These may be families who are raising grandchildren; have overcome/adapted to a serious illness, injury or disability; left an abusive relationship; or who have dealt effectively with alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. With staff, explore the options for recognizing the strengths and coping abilities of these "crisis-surviving" families, such as a certificate for their family storybook, a bouquet of flowers, or a special dessert. Help staff select and implement one of the options.

A family is thrust into a crisis when two or more elements, contributing to a state of crisis, interact. These elements include: 1) experiencing a stress-producing situation; 2) having difficulty coping; 3) showing chronic difficulty meeting basic responsibilities; and 4) having no apparent sources of support. Differences among the interacting elements make each crisis unique.

People in Crisis: Signs of Distress

Watch for these signs of distress in Head Start families. They may signal a state of crisis.

The Phases of a Crisis 1

A crisis is usually characterized by five phases, which may occur in order, overlap, and/or intertwine. Awareness of the phases and of the responses typical to each phase leads to correct identification and assessment of a family in crisis. As described below, the phases are:

The Family Crisis is Triggered

A family is thrust into a crisis when two or more elements contributing to a state of crisis interact. When the crisis is triggered, it causes a change in the family's circumstances and an increase in stress and anxiety.

Seeing the Crisis as Threatening

Family members see the crisis as a threat to the family's goals, security, or emotional ties. Some crises are universally threatening or stressful: the death of close family or friends, divorce, serious illness, personal injury, and environmental disasters.

Staging a Disorganized Response

The crisis may spur a rush of memories about traumatic or highly stressful times in the family's past. The family becomes increasingly disorganized as the strategies and resources used in the past to solve family problems fail. Family members experience increasing feelings of vulnerability, helplessness, anxiety, and confusion. As a result, feelings of losing control and being unable to meet family responsibilities may become intensified and disabling to family members.

Searching for a Solution

In an attempt to deal with mounting tension, the family begins to involve friends, relatives, neighbors, and others in the crisis. Typically, each family member looks for someone to validate his/her own views about the crisis and its resolution. Conflicting opinions and advice can add to the family's confusion and instability. When the family is unable to find appropriate solutions to the crisis, a chain of events is set off, creating yet another crisis for the family. Rapid intervention is necessary to stop the chain of events from causing a complete breakdown in family functioning and a perpetual state of crisis.

Adapting New Coping Strategies

When support for dealing with the crisis is available from a non-judgmental and skillful "helper," this phase represents a turning point for the better for the family in crisis. Family members are likely to welcome the sense of direction, security, and protection the helper brings to their situation. The tension and struggles created by the crisis provide the motivation for the family to learn and apply new coping strategies, and to use new resources. With supportive intervention, the family discovers it can master and overcome the crisis or, at least acknowledge, accept, and adapt to the real or tragic loss surrounding the crisis.

1 Adapted from C. Gentry, Crisis Intervention in Child Abuse and Neglect (Washington, D.C.; U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, 1994).

Possible Psychological Effects of Crises

People in crisis typically experience a variety of psychological effects. It is important for the psychological effects to be anticipated and interpreted correctly; they are temporary and not indicators of mental illness. As described below, the psychological effects fall into six broad categories.

Difficulty Thinking Clearly.  People in crisis may quickly skip from one idea to another in conversation, making communication with them confusing and difficult to follow. They may have trouble relating ideas, events, and activities to each other in a logical way. They may overlook or forget important details in their explanation of events. Fears and wishes may be confused with reality. Some people in crisis cling to responses or behaviors they used in the past to solve problems; they seem unable to move on to new ideas, actions, or behaviors necessary to resolve the current situation.

Dwelling on Meaningless Activities.  In an attempt to combat anxiety, people in crisis may become overly involved in activities that are not productive. For example, they may spend all day watching TV, sleeping, or just sitting. They are likely to need considerable help in focusing on activities to bring the crisis to an end.

Expressing Hostility or Numbness.  The feelings of loss of control and vulnerability, experienced by most people in crisis, may be expressed through hostile words and actions directed toward anyone who intervenes in the situation. Others may withdraw or experience depression; they seem not to care about the crisis or its outcome.

Impulsiveness.  Although some people become immobilized in crisis situations, there are others who react impulsively without any regard to the consequences of their behavior. Impulsive behaviors, such as verbally striking out at a child or a spouse, can trigger additional crises. In these instances, a complex situation becomes even more complex and difficult to resolve.

Dependence.  It is natural for people in crisis to feel dependent upon a professional who offers support and help. The professional represents a source of power and authority: someone who knows what to do and how to get things done and someone who is the answer to all the family's difficulties. Such views of the professional can have a stabilizing impact on a family at the height of a crisis. After a brief period of dependency, most families are able to let go and act independently. For some, however, dependency may linger and become extreme, making them quite vulnerable to negative influences. They may be unable to decide between what is beneficial for them and what could be harmful, or to decide to whom they should or should not listen.

Feeling Incompetent.  A crisis presents a threat to one's sense of personal competency and self-worth. To counter low self-esteem, people in crisis may assume a facade of adequacy or arrogance. They may claim no help is needed or withdraw from offers of help. It is important to remember that families in crisis are probably very frightened by their feelings of incompetency, rather than unmotivated or resistant.

Resource Type: Article

Audience: Family Service Workers

Last Updated: March 11, 2022

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Family Crises and How They Affect Individual Members

Introduction.

A family crisis can result from a happening of a situation that interrupts the normal family routine (Lamana and Riedman, 2008). This causes a moment of ineptitude within a family as well as emotional tension since family members have to come up with answers to the problems. This article will explain the various family crises that are usually experienced and how they affect individual members.

Divorce occurs when a couple decides to legally terminate their marriage. Divorce may be caused by lack of harmony between a man and his wife whereby one of them may not love the other. Similarly, it can occur in a situation where none of them loves the other. It may also come about when one partner is not able to fulfill the other’s needs. This leads to a bad relationship between them. This may eventually result in divorce (Singer and Zgonc, 1990).

Following a divorce, one may decide to get married again. Remarriage makes family relationships more complex because it results in the birth of stepchildren. The person who remarries gets new in-laws and other step relations. Children also get step-grandparents and step-siblings as well as step-parents. If a remarriage occurs especially when the children are old, it affects the relationship between grandchildren and adoptive or biological parents.

A stepfamily is formed when a spouse brings in children from a previous relationship into a new marriage. The spouse may or may not bear more children. In this kind of family, children try to adjust to living with stepparents. The spouses try to accommodate each other. The stepchildren also try to co-exist with each other (Singer and Zgonc, 1990).

Midlife crisis

A midlife crisis is a stage when one engages in self reassessment because of age. It comes about when an individual tries to explore new choices. It is often triggered by deep pessimism about the present and future expectations.

Types divorce

In legal divorce, a case is heard in a court where a judge grants a divorce (Lamana and Riedman, 2008). Family courts deal with divorce cases. The judges only adjudicate on family-related matters like divorce, child custody and adoption. In a community type of divorce, certain members of the community deliberate on the issues raised by a couple and grant a divorce. Emotional divorce on the other hand occurs in case of marital separation. It causes physical and psychological pains to the spouses and children. Psychic divorce is a form of divorce that occurs when a spouse tries to negate the influence of an ex-spouse. In a no-fault divorce, separation of spouses results from sexual incompatibility and jealousy. Partners can live apart for a certain period then have their marriage dissolved.

Following a divorce, one parent may decide to have the custody of the children of the two parents may decide to share the custody. Support should come from both parents in order to ease the children from experiencing stress as a result of their divorce.

Devastating issues to couples and children

Divorce has effect on both the couple and children. It leads to changes in lifestyle, parenting and living arrangements. Children, regardless of their age, are affected by stress and tension between their parents (Lamana and Riedman, 2008). They are affected by the change in living arrangements. On the other hand, children can benefit from divorce in that they no longer experience emotional abuse and anger from a belligerent parent. In addition to that, family crises have a direct effect on the adjustment of children in their early years. Increased exposure results in poor emotional regulation. They also experience problems when relating to their peers later in adolescence (Singer and Zgonc, 1990).

The family crisis could cause divorce, remarriage, stepparents, adoption among other issues. This article has outlined some of the issues resulting from family crises and how they can affect couples and children.

Lamana, M., & Riedman, A. (2008). Marriages and Families: Making Choices in a  Diverse Society . New York: Cengage Learning.

Singer, E., & Zgonc, Y. (1990). Family Crisis. Chicago: New Readers Press.

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Resources for gce advanced level, scottish higher and access to higher education courses. i hope also that some of the more detailed documents may be useful for beginning undergraduates., essay: is the family in crisis, russell haggar.

Please note that on 12/12/09 I have added an appendix to this document which provides a little information on social action theory, structuration theory, late modernity and postmodernism as they relate to the analysis of family forms.

For BBC coverage of UK and USA research on lone parent families –  Click Here

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For a more detailed assessment of the Programme.  NEW LINKS added November 2015

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For articles on Family Life from the Joseph Rowntree Foundation  [JRF]  – Click Here

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Introduction: The Nuclear Family and Family Diversity

The sociological analysis of “the” family from the 1950s to the 1970s tended to focus on the nuclear family but, as we shall see, in order to assess whether “the” family is in crisis it necessary first to assess whether the nuclear family itself is a cause for celebration or a cause for concern and then to assess whether  the growth of family diversity from the 1970s onwards signals crisis or progress in the nature of family life.

 Parsons, Fletcher, Young and Willmott and the Nuclear Family

Functionalist sociologists [such as, especially, Talcott Parsons] of the 1950s and 1960s focussed their attention on the nuclear family based upon the married heterosexual couple with their own biological children .They argued that adult role allocation within the nuclear family reflected the natural expressive and instrumental qualities of females and males respectively ; that the nuclear family was especially suited to the needs of industrial societies for high rates of social and geographical mobility and that although structural differentiation was causing the nuclear family to lose some of its functions it did continue to  fulfil the vital functions of the socialisation of the young and the stabilisation of adult personalities. Another functionalist sociologist, Ronald Fletcher, agreed with  Parsons’ claim that nuclear families were functioning efficiently but denied that the nuclear family had lost some of its functions due to structural differentiation such that, for example, even if children now received much of their education formally in schools, parents were now taking more rather than less interest in their children’s education.

Furthermore by the 1970s the sociologists Young and Willmott argued that, life in the nuclear family was becoming increasingly companionate, symmetrical and happy by comparison with the conditions of the asymmetrical and patriarchal family of the 19th and early 20th Centuries all of which suggested that far from being in crisis the nuclear family was “functional” both for its members and for societies as whole.

Leach, Laing, Cooper and the Nuclear Family

However this optimistic, evolutionary or “march of progress” view of the nuclear family was criticised even when it was first originated and these criticisms have retained their force in recent years. Thus it was argued by anthropologists such as Edmund Leach and radical psychiatrists R.D. Laing and David Cooper that life in the nuclear family might be far from harmonious.

• Thus, in making comparisons between small scale , pre-industrial societies and large scale industrial ones, the anthropologist Edmund Leach claims that the decline of the extended family has isolated the nuclear family and placed emotional demands upon it which are unbearable. The inevitable result is conflict both within the nuclear family and within societies as a whole as the nuclear family creates barriers between it and the wider society breeding suspicion, fear and social conflict. Leach concludes, “Far from being the basis of the good society, the family with its narrow privacy and tawdry secrets is the source of all our discontents.”
• Rather similar arguments are advanced by radical psychiatrist R.D. Laing (based on his studies of families in which at least one member has been described as schizophrenic) claiming that the nuclear family grievously restricts the process of self-development and “generates both an unthinking respect for authority and an us-them mentality which contributes to harmful and dangerous distinctions between Gentile and Jew and Black and White.”
• David Cooper concludes (again from studies of families in which one member has been defined as schizophrenic) that the family inhibits the development of the self and conditions its members not to accept the shared norms and values of an harmonious society but to submit to the dictates of an authoritarian, repressive capitalist one. For Cooper, writing from a Marxist perspective, “The family prepares the individual for his/her induction into the role s/he is to play in an exploitative society: the role of endlessly obedient citizen.”

The studies of Leach, Laing and Cooper have, however, been criticised for several reasons which means that the conclusions of these studies should not be assumed to discredit the functionalist theories totally. Thus critics have argued that none of these theorists have conducted detailed fieldwork in industrial societies and Laing’s and Cooper’s research is based only on families where one member has been defined as schizophrenic. They do not attempt to relate the family to other aspects of the social structure such that for example there is no consideration of the relationship between class and family life . Also Laing may have underestimated the extent to which liberal attitudes also emerge in the family and illiberal attitudes derive from sources other than the family.

Feminism, Marxism and the Nuclear Family

Further criticisms of the organisation of nuclear families were raised by Feminists and Marxists. There are important divisions within Feminism , most notably as between Liberal, Radical and Marxist Feminism but all Feminists are critical in various respects of Parsons’, Fletcher’s and Young and Willmott’s theories of the nuclear family . Thus Feminists argue in general that:

• gender differences in socialisation within the family [and elsewhere] operate to the disadvantage of females;
• that the traditional allocation of roles within the family reflects not the instrumental and expressive characteristics of males and females respectively but the existence of patriarchal power within the family and in society more generally;
• that in any case there is nothing “expressive” about many household tasks such as , for example, washing , ironing and cleaning the house;
• that the traditional allocation of gender roles restricts female employment opportunities and prospects;
• that when women are employed outside the home this may been that they are obliged to undertake the so-called “triple shift” of employment, housework/childcare and emotion work;
• that patriarchal power ensures that major family decisions are taken by males rather than females;
• that the existence of “empty shell marriages”, high rates of divorce and considerable levels of domestic violence show that family relationships are often far less harmonious than is implied by functionalist theory. [Even though the annual number of divorces and the rate of divorce in the UK have fallen in 2005, 2006 and 2007 they remain high.]

Although Liberal Feminists argue that many female disadvantages can be alleviated by sensitive education and gradual economic and social reform, this is not a view that would be accepted by Radical and Marxist feminists. Radical Feminists argue that societies in general and families in particular are deeply patriarchal, that patriarchy is based sometimes on male physical violence and that women’s interests are best served by the rejection of family life and ,indeed, rejection of relationships with men although some radical feminists argue that motherhood can enable women to express sensitive, emotional qualities which men simply do not possess.

Marxist Feminists have accepted the general Marxist analysis of the family and then aimed to show how families support the continuation of the capitalist system via the exploitation of women. Marxist Feminists make the following key points about family life.

•  Housewives fulfil several important functions for the capitalist system. They bear and rear children at no cost to the capitalist system, and, along with their husbands, encourage their children to accept authority such that a new, suitably obedient generation of workers becomes available. Housewives also provide many domestic services at low or zero cost which reduces the wage levels which the capitalist system needs to pay its male workers . Women also form part of the reserve army of labour which is available for employment during times of economic boom but which can return to the traditional housewife- mother role during economic recession.
• According to Marxist feminists, women also provide emotional support for their husbands/partners without which they would be unable to face the oppression and alienation of the capitalist workplace. Without this emotional support it is also possible that workers would be more prepared to challenge the capitalist system. However, family responsibilities may also dissuade workers from strike activity and the existence of families with its demands for cars, washing machines and other consumer durables also helps to maintain spending and capitalist profits. Finally, the socialisation process which operates within the family both stabilises the capitalist system as a whole and also by discouraging female career aspirations, restricts female career opportunities .

Thus, for Marxist feminists the socialisation process, the management of dissatisfaction, the allocation of roles between males and females, the hidden services provided by the family for the capitalist economy all contribute to the maintenance of an unjust capitalist system and to particular disadvantages for women within that system.

In summary whereas Parsons and Fletcher argue that nuclear families fulfil functions which contribute to the individual happiness of their members and to the stability of advanced industrial societies which are essentially democratic, fair and meritocratic , more critical Feminist and Marxist analysts argue that nuclear families may operate to the disadvantage especially of their female members and help to sustain societies based upon the inequities of patriarchy and/or capitalism. From these critical perspectives nuclear families could be said to be in a state of crisis which reflects the wider crises of patriarchal/capitalist societies.

The New Right: Family Diversity and Family Crisis?

The  last 50 or so years have witnessed the growth of family diversity in the forms of the growth of cohabiting couples with or without children, reconstituted families arising from divorce, separation  or death of a partner, single lone parent families and single sex couples with or without children, while an increasing proportion of people choose to live singly. Given theses patterns  many sociologists have argued that it is more appropriate to analyse this variety of family forms  rather than “the” family and the current official definition of a “family” does encompass a wide variety of family forms. It is New Right theorists who have been especially critical of this growth of family diversity.

It has been argued, [most notably by the political theorist Andrew Gamble] that the ideology of the New Right contains two distinct elements: a market liberal element which supports the provision of goods and services by the private sector of the economy rather than by the state and a neo-Conservative element which focuses on the importance of traditional norms, values and institutions as bastions of necessary social stability.

The neo-conservatives’ general support for traditional values and institutions leads them to see the nuclear family as potentially an important source of social stability providing emotional security and effective socialisation of the young much as in the functionalist theories of Talcott Parsons. Many neo-conservatives would support also the traditional gender division of labour based upon Parsons’ distinction between the “instrumental male” and the “expressive female” whereby men are more suited to the world of work and females more suited to child care and other emotional tasks. However neo-conservatives would also argue that many nuclear families do not currently function as effectively as Parsons’ theory implies.

Also, of course, neo-conservatives are highly critical of the growth of what they describe as the liberal permissiveness of the 1960s and its influence on personal relationships leading to increased family diversity. According to neo-conservatives these trends have undermined traditional moral values [which, for neo-conservatives are often seen as deriving from Christian religious ethics] and resulted in the creation of unsuitable family forms which cannot fulfil the functions of “the family” which are necessary for the stability of society more generally.

Thus pre- marital heterosexual relationships, the legalisation of homosexuality, the growth of lone single parenthood, the increased rate of cohabitation rather than marriage, the growth of separation and divorce and the official recognition of single sex civil partnerships all signal for neo-conservatives a crisis of traditional values and a crisis of the nuclear family which threaten the foundations of society itself. Indiscipline in schools, educational underachievement, youth unemployment, social security fraud, vandalism, anti-social behaviour, drug and alcohol abuse and more serious criminal behaviour all derive at least to some extent from the decline of the traditional nuclear family. The solution, according to the neo-conservative New Right is “the remoralisation of society”: the reassertion of traditional moral values which will increase support for the traditional nuclear family based upon life-long marriage.

The American political scientist Charles Murray’s theory of the underclass does contain elements of neo-conservatism but, as we shall see, it is influenced also by neo-liberal aspects of New Right ideology. Murray  has  claimed in relation to the USA that an underclass of perhaps 5% of the USA population exists whose members are disproportionately Black or Hispanic and who prefer to rely on welfare benefits rather than to seek employment and are also disproportionately likely to be involved in [often drug related] crime and that similar trends are increasingly evident in the UK although in the case of the UK are much greater proportion of Underclass members are likely to be white.

According to Murray excessive welfare benefits encourage some young women to opt for lone single parenthood and these women are seen as responsible for socialising their children into a culture of dependency on welfare benefits  while the absence of fathers is seen as denying the children the example of a regularly employed male role model who might also be able to “discipline” growing teenage sons more effectively than can lone single mothers. Thus, in summary excessive welfare benefits result in the growth of lone singe parenthood and the absence of fathers from the household and these are the factors which lead to the intergenerational transmission of the culture of dependency in the USA and according to Murray all of these trends are increasingly evident in the UK.

Murray’s theory might be seen as in part influenced by neo-conservatism in its claims that the traditional heterosexual nuclear family with its positive male role model is best able to socialise children in preparation for their adult responsibilities but it also contains important elements of neo-liberalism in its conclusions about relationships between the family and the state. Thus Murray accepts much of the classical and neo-liberal analysis of the state in general and of the welfare state in particular as indicated in his argument above that it is over-generous welfare benefits for single parents which itself encourages the growth of single parenthood which in turn results in the intergenerational transmission of a culture of dependency leading to the perpetuation of poverty

Poverty in this view can be alleviated only by reducing the generosity of welfare state benefits and this view is linked to the neo-liberal view of the state in general which suggests that the overall scope of the state should be reduced so that more resources are made available for the dynamic private capitalist sector of the economy and rates of taxation can be reduced resulting in increased financial incentives, greater economic efficiency and rising living standards for all as the benefits of economic growth “trickle down” even to the poorest members of society. We see therefore that Murray’s theory contains elements of neo-conservatism but that it is also based, to a considerable extent  upon a broadly neo-liberal analysis of relationships between the state and society.

Murray’s theory does suggest that the growth of lone single parenthood results in crisis within lone single parent families but several sociologists have been critical of Murray on the grounds that he has neglected more structural explanations of poverty, that he has neglected research indicating that the culture of the poor is not significantly different from the culture of society in general. that he has neglected the fact that many people move in and out of poverty such that no permanent underclass exists and that the scaling down of welfare benefits as proposed by Murray would surely worsen the situation for the poor in the short term and in the long term despite Murray’s belief in “trickle down economics.”

Alternative Views of Family Diversity

Given their criticisms of the nuclear family it is unsurprising that feminists take a different view  of family diversity. Thus they would argue  that relationships based on cohabitation may be just as secure as those based on marriage and also that cohabitation gives couples the chance to assess compatibility before entering into a more “permanent” marriage. They would argue also that as increasing number of lone single mothers choose not to marry their child’s father [nor to cohabit with them] this may well be preferable to the formerly common entry into an unwanted and potentially unhappy marriage in order to avoid the once widespread stigmatisation as “unmarried mothers.”  Feminists believe also that, given the potential for conflict within the nuclear family, it was entirely to be expected that the liberalisation of the divorce laws combined with improved female employment opportunities would result  in increases in divorce but that divorce is preferable for both parents and children to the continuation of an unhappy marriage. Furthermore all liberals would support the rights and freedoms of individuals to enter into same sex relationships and to have their relationships recognised officially as civil partnerships

On these arguments the growth of family diversity  is seen as deriving from rational responses  to the potential and actual limitations of life within the traditional nuclear family although it would be recognised also that many lone single mothers and divorced mothers are especially likely to face financial hardship, that cohabiting relationships are even more likely to break up than are marriages and that divorced fathers may often have legitimate grievances resulting from limited access to their children so that the growth of family diversity does generate important problems for those concerned and may also impose increased financial costs on the taxpayer if those in need are to be given adequate financial help.

Conclusions

Functionalists argued in the 1950s and 1960s that the nuclear family  was especially suited to meet the needs of its family members and of industrial societies as a whole  while in the 1970s Young and Willmott argued that as nuclear family life became increasingly symmetrical married couples’ relationships would become increasingly egalitarian, companionate and harmonious. New Right theorists in turn accept the Functionalist argument that the nuclear family was vital to the stability of society as a whole but ague that increasing numbers of nuclear families does not function effectively and also that the growth of family diversity is in several respects a threat to social stability .

Marxists and Feminists, in rejecting  Functionalist and New Right theories, are much more critical of the nuclear family arguing that it often leads to the exploitation of women within the family and that it helps to perpetuate societies  which are economically unjust and patriarchal. According to Marxists and Feminists the kind of social stability that Functionalists and New Right theorists support  entrenches economic inequality and patriarchy which is exactly the kind of social stability which Marxists and Feminists wish to get rid of although Liberal Feminists do believe that  better education and gradual social and political reform can end female oppression within the family and in society more generally.

Marxists and Feminists would argue that the nuclear family is itself a site of crisis and that the growth of family diversity has arisen out of individuals’ rejection of the limitations of life within the nuclear family. However , lone single parent hood, divorce, the break- up cohabiting relationships may impose severe financial and social difficulties on many women and divorced fathers’ may well have legitimate concerns over access to their children  which means that family diversity also may result in personal crises of various kinds.

It may well be that Functionalists and New Right theorists overstate the extent to which the nuclear family as it currently operates can satisfy the needs and aspirations of both males and females and that Feminist and Marxist analyses of the actual operation of nuclear families are in may cases justified. However there is also evidence that attitudes, values and behaviour within the nuclear family are changing , not least as a result of acceptance of some  Feminist-based arguments so that many marriages , cohabiting relationships and civil partnerships may increasingly be more egalitarian, companionate and harmonious. Nevertheless the high rate of divorce, the even higher rate of break- up of cohabiting relationships, the widespread existence of “empty shell marriages” all suggest that many nuclear families are in difficulties while the growth of family diversity ,even if it may provide alternatives preferable to life in an unhappy nuclear family, may also generate problems of its own.

Appendix: Social Action Theory, Structuration, Late Modernity and Postmodernism.

• Post and Late Modernity and The Family   NEW [added October 2018]  –  Click Here

The above link takes you to a very useful podcast by the Sociology Guy. You should be able to incorporate some of this information into you analysis of “Family Crisis”

Further insights into the analysis of family diversity can be taken from other approaches to Sociology: that is : from social action theory, from structuration theory and the analysis of late modernity and from postmodernism. I shall consider here only the implications of these approaches for the analysis of family diversity rather than the highly technical theoretical issues related to the approaches in general.

Essentially whereas structural sociological perspectives imply that individuals’ behaviour is influenced heavily by powerful processes of socialisation  which limit their freedom of manouevre social action theories suggest that individuals have much greater individual freedom to determine their own behaviour and in so doing to change gradually the institutions and structures through which they live. This suggests in relation to the family that individuals do have some powers to modify personal relationships within the nuclear family and also to reject nuclear family life if it does not fulfil their expectations. In this view, therefore , family diversity suggests, at least in some cases, not the onset of a crisis of “the family” but the increasing freedom of individuals to live their lives as they see fit.

Similar arguments are made in structuration theories and analyses of late modernity. Structuration theorists seek to combine elements of structural and social action theories and conclude that individuals do indeed have some freedom of manouevre but that they are also constrained to some extent by the institutions and structures of their society. Nevertheless according to theorists such as Anthony Giddens in conditions of so-called late modernity individuals are increasingly self -reflexive: that is: they can evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of their personal relationships  and in many cases they have the freedom to end them if they are deemed unsatisfactory so that once again family diversity derives to a considerable extent from increasing individual freedom and does not reflect the onset of an overall crisis of “the family”. Individuals nowadays may be able to develop more fully because of the increased freedom to end unsatisfactory relationships although this does not mean that the ending of relationships will not sometimes create difficulties as well as opportunities for those concerned.

Postmodernists reject all modernist sociological theories as “meta-narratives” which reflect the values and prejudices of the theorists who have developed them rather than the objective discovery of sociological truths. Thus according to postmodernists nuclear families are not necessarily the most effective family form as suggested by Functionalists and New Right theorists but neither are they necessarily patriarchal as suggested by feminists nor supportive of the capitalist system as suggested by Marxists. In the postmodern world where the powers of the traditional socialisation processes is much reduced individuals are assumed to have much more freedom to respond flexibly to changing circumstances and so, according to postmodernists , it is entirely desirable that individuals should be able to enter into different types of family relationships [or none] and the existence of family diversity is seen as evidence of increased individual freedom in the postmodern era.

Unsurprisingly modernist sociologists argue that the postmodernists’ rejection of modernist sociological perspectives and methods means that they are unable to recognise the ongoing importance of patriarchy and/or capitalism for the analysis of family forms and, indeed, that they are unable to undertake systematic sociological research of any kind. Against this, however, the postmodernists argue that the acceptance of ongoing uncertainty is to be preferred to the dogmatic adherence to fundamentally flawed modernist meta-narratives. Controversy is ongoing.

I hope that this appendix helps to clarify these three approaches to the analysis of family diversity but as mentioned there are also tricky theoretical points which require further investigation.

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Strengthening Families During Times of Crisis

Working with children and families means that, at any given time, at least one, usually more, are experiencing a crisis situation. Whether families experience the unexpected loss of employment, a sudden sickness in the family, or have to shift into quarantine during an international pandemic, they are constantly needing to adapt to and navigate these life challenges. During these difficult times, some families might openly talk about their experience while others might be less than willing to let others know that they are in need due to fear of judgement, concern for their safety, or other factors that we may never know about.

Reminder: Because the families that you serve might be hesitant to let you know that they are experiencing challenges in life, it is important to be proactive rather than reactive. Have strength-based supports available at all times, not only when a crisis arises.

While you might not know what families are living through, we, as early learning professionals, have a responsibility to support families in our efforts to teach and nurture their children. This month, our FE Tip focuses on the Strengthening Families Framework and the 5 Protective Factors, a way of providing support and empowerment to the families that you serve. By developing a deeper understanding of the research-informed strategies that are a part of this framework, we can move towards a well-rounded and strength-based approach to supporting families through times of crisis.

Strengthening Families and the 5 Protective Factors

Strengthening Families is a framework, informed by research, which focuses on the development of 5 Protective Factors that are critical to:

• A family’s ability to cope with stressful situations
• A family’s knowledge of how to support their child’s development
• Protecting young children from child abuse, neglect, and maltreatment

Traditional support services focus on finding and fixing the problems that families face. The Strengthening Families Framework does the opposite. It supports the development of a strength-based approach. Rather than asking families what they need or what they are missing, Strengthening Families provides a framework for programs and educators to begin interactions by asking for and highlighting a family’s areas of strength. Such areas can include having a strong support system, knowledge of their community, access to educational opportunities, or a desire to identify the best educational opportunities available for their child. It is through the identification of those strengths that educators and families can work hand in hand to determine ways to use those existing strengths to address areas of need

What is a strength-based approach? A strength-based approach is a way of interacting with families that is grounded in understanding and developing the strengths and capabilities of the families you serve. It is a belief that “the problem is the problem; the person is not the problem”

Strengthening Families is not a curriculum that tells programs what to do and how to do it. Instead, it provides a foundation and approach to working with families that programs can build upon based on the unique families and communities that they serve

The Five Protective Factors

At the core of the Strengthening Families Framework are the 5 Protective Factors, which are “characteristics or strengths of individuals, families, communities or societies that act to mitigate risks and promote positive well-being and healthy development” (Center for the Study of Social Policy). These factors are the attributes, as identified in research, that help families successfully navigate challenging situations.

The 5 Protective Factors are:

• Concrete support in times of need
• Social connections
• Knowledge of parenting and child development
• Parental Resilience
• Social and emotional competence of children

These Protective Factors provide a structure for professionals and programs as they seek to identify ways to support and empower families. They also offer a framework for public policy and systems development at the local, state and national level.

Strategies for Strengthening Families during Times of Crisis

To support families in having access to concrete support in times of need, programs can:

• Create and distribute a virtual newsletter (using, e-mail, Mail Chimp or Google Docs, etc.) with general information about local resource organizations that support families of young children
• Invite a community resource organization (monthly or quarterly) to a virtual family meeting to share information so families can learn more about the services offered through that organization. If possible, record these meetings and send the recording out to all families so those who could not attend live, still have access to the information.
• Post relevant resources and support information on your program’s website or social media pages so families can access them as needed.

To support families in building social connections, programs can:

• Host virtual “Coffee Connect” sessions (weekly, biweekly, or monthly) via an e-communications platform (like Zoom, Google Hangouts, or Skype) where families can log in and have conversations with one another, check in, discuss a pressing topic, etc. (over a cup of coffee)
• Ask some of your parent leaders to connect virtually (through calling, Facetime, text message, or email) with families in your program to serve as a source of social support and connection

During times of stress, strong families: Are able to be resourceful Understand their rights in accessing eligible sources Continue to be nurturing and emotionally available to their child Continue to maintain a positive attitude Maintain a sense of connectedness that promotes security and confidence To learn more, visit: https://cssp.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Core-Meanings-of-the-SF-Protective-Factors-2015.pdf

To help families develop their knowledge of parenting and child development, programs can:

• Create a virtual list of activities and on-line resources, aligned to the different ages and developmental milestones of the children in your care,that families can do with their children at home. You can also share resources via social media, text, or other communication platform directly with families.
• Offer virtual family workshops on different topics that discuss the developmental milestones (physical, social, emotional, cognitive) of the children currently enrolled in the program

To build parental resilience among families, programs can:

• Partner with a local mental health organization that can provide support to families (through workshops, individual counseling, resource sharing, etc.)
• Provide (or host) virtual professional development opportunities for staff that focus on strength-based language, Strengthening Families, Trauma Informed Care, and supporting positive interactions with families
• Send words of encouragement and positivity to families (through social media posts, via text messages, through email, etc.)

To support families in developing the social and emotional competence of children, programs can:

• Host virtual social events for children and their families to provide an opportunity to engage in play together (ex: on-line play dates, literacy night, STEM night, Family Zumba)
• Provide families with on-line information, resources, and activities related to social/emotional development and building healthy familial relationships

There are a variety of different ways to support the families in your program during challenging times. Having a strong relationship with families is key to knowing what they need, what resources and opportunities would help them meet those needs, and how to support and empower them to successfully navigate future challenges.

Watch the Lunch & Learn Webinar on this Family Engagement Tip!

Strengthening Families During Times of Crisis May 26, 2020

This 1-hour “lunch & learn” session will explore how to use the Strengthening Families framework and the 5 Protective Factors to support families during times of crisis,

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