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How to End a College Admissions Essay | 4 Winning Strategies

Published on October 16, 2021 by Meredith Testa . Revised on May 31, 2023.

The ending of your college essay should leave your reader with a sense of closure and a strong final impression.

Table of contents

Endings to avoid, option 1: return to the beginning, option 2: look forward, option 3: reveal your main point, option 4: end on an action, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

A bad conclusion can bring your whole essay down, so make sure to avoid these common mistakes.

Summarizing

Unlike an academic essay, an admissions essay shouldn’t restate your points. Avoid ending with a summary; there’s no need to repeat what you’ve already written.

Phrases like “in conclusion,” “overall,” or “to sum it up” signal that you have nothing to add to what you’ve already written, so an admissions officer may stop reading.

Stating the obvious

Instead of stating the obvious, let your work speak for itself and allow readers to draw their own conclusions. If your essay details various times that you worked tirelessly to go above and beyond, don’t finish it by stating “I’m hardworking.” Admissions officers are smart enough to figure that out on their own.

You should also avoid talking about how you hope to be accepted. Admissions officers know you want to be accepted—that’s why you applied! It’s okay to connect what you discuss in the essay to your potential future career or college experience, but don’t beg for admission. Stay focused on your essay’s core topic.

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Many successful essays follow a “sandwich,” or full-circle, structure , meaning that they start with some image or idea, veer away from it in the middle, and then return to it at the end.

This structure is clean, self-contained, and satisfying for readers, so it’s a great choice if it works with the topic you’ve chosen.

In the “sandwich” essay outlined below, a student discusses his passion for musical theater. Instead of simply stating that interest, his essay starts with a funny anecdote about a minor fire that erupted on set. At the end, it returns to this anecdote, creating a sense of closure.

• Intro: I may be the world’s worst firefighter.
• Flashback to working on the school musical
• Demonstrate my passion for theatre
• Detail the story of the theater set catching fire
• Show how I made the most of the situation
• Conclusion: I proved my value as a director, an actor, and a writer that week一even if I was a terrible firefighter.

Many successful essays end by looking forward to the future. These endings are generally hopeful and positive—always great qualities in an admissions essay—and often connect the student to the college or their academic goals.

Although these endings can be highly effective, it can be challenging to keep them from sounding cliché. Keep your ending specific to you, and don’t default to generalities, which can make your essay seem bland and unoriginal.

Below are a good and a bad example of how you could write a “looking forward” ending for the musical theater “firefighter” essay.

Sometimes, holding back your main point can be a good strategy. If your essay recounts several experiences, you could save your main message for the conclusion, only explaining what ties all the stories together at the very end.

When done well, this ending leaves the reader thinking about the main point you want them to take from your essay. It’s also a memorable structure that can stand out.

However, if you choose this approach, it can be challenging to keep the essay interesting enough that the reader pays attention throughout.

In the essay outlined below, a student gives us snapshots of her experience of gymnastics at different stages in her life. In the conclusion, she ties the stories together and shares the insight that they taught her about different aspects of her character and values.

• Passionate, excited
• Sister born that day—began to consider people beyond myself
• Realizing that no matter how much I love gymnastics, there are more important things
• I’d been working especially hard to qualify for that level
• It came after many setbacks and failures
• I had to give up time with friends, first homecoming dance of high school, and other activities, and I considered quitting
• Conclusion: I’m still all of those selves: the passionate 7-year-old, the caring 11-year-old, and the determined 15-year-old. Gymnastics has been a constant throughout my life, but beyond the balance beam, it has also shown me how to change and grow.

Ending on an action can be a strong way to wrap up your essay. That might mean including a literal action, dialogue, or continuation of the story.

These endings leave the reader wanting more rather than wishing the essay had ended sooner. They’re interesting and can help you avoid boring your reader.

Here’s an example of how this ending could work for the gymnastics essay.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

There are a few strategies you can use for a memorable ending to your college essay :

• Return to the beginning with a “full circle” structure
• Reveal the main point or insight in your story
• Look to the future
• End on an action

The best technique will depend on your topic choice, essay outline, and writing style. You can write several endings using different techniques to see which works best.

Unlike a five-paragraph essay, your admissions essay should not end by summarizing the points you’ve already made. It’s better to be creative and aim for a strong final impression.

You should also avoid stating the obvious (for example, saying that you hope to be accepted).

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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How to Write a Conclusion for an Essay

A well-structured conclusion is considered an important element of a strong essay and is often a part of the grading criteria.

Some instructors or grading rubrics might be more lenient on this aspect, while others might place a higher emphasis on it. To avoid potential point deductions, it's generally a good practice to include a well-structured conclusion, which usually takes 10-15% of your work (e.g., a 2,000-word essay should have a 250-word conclusion). In this article, you will find out how to write a concluding paragraph, what are the elements of an A-grade conclusion, as well as a couple of great examples.

How to Write a Conclusion Step by Step

Writing an effective conclusion paragraph involves several steps. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to write a conclusion for your essay:

Restate the Thesis Statement

Begin your conclusion by restating the thesis statement. This reminds the reader of the overall argument or point of your essay. However, don't simply repeat things word for word; rephrase them to add a sense of closure.

Summarize Key Points

Summarize the main argument and the paper's main points. You don't need to go into great detail - simply repeat the main idea. Briefly touch upon the most important ideas discussed in the body of your essay.

Connect to the Introduction

Link your last sentence back to the introductory paragraph. Refer to something mentioned in the introduction or use similar language to create a sense of unity and closure in your essay.

Offer a Final Insight or Perspective

Provide a final perspective related to your topic. This can be a thought-provoking comment, a recommendation, a call to action, a broader implication of your argument, or even a provocative insight. Consider the "So What?" question – why should the reader care about your essay's topic?

Avoid Introducing New Information

Your final sentence is not the place to introduce new information or arguments. Stick to summarizing and tying up what you've already presented in the essay without any new ideas.

Keep It Concise

Essay conclusions should be concise and to the point. Maintain control by avoiding extensive detail or rehashing the entire essay. Aim for clarity and brevity.

Avoid Clichés

Avoid overused phrases and clichés. Instead, find more creative and engaging ways to write good conclusion sentences.

Consider the Tone

The tone of your conclusion should match the tone of your essay. If your essay is formal, keep the conclusion formal. If it's more casual or personal, maintain that tone. Always conclude essays on a positive note.

After writing your conclusion, take the time to proofread and edit it. Ensure there are no grammatical or spelling errors and that the language is clear and concise. This will leave a good final impression.

Think About the Reader

Put yourself in the reader's shoes. Consider what you would want to take away from the essay and what kind of conclusion would be most satisfying and impactful for them.

Remember that knowing how to start a conclusion paragraph can significantly impact the reader's overall impression of your essay. A well-crafted conclusion not only provides closure but also reinforces your main points and leaves a lasting impact.

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Why Conclusion Writing Is Important

Writing a conclusion is important because it provides closure and completeness to the essay, reinforcing the main points and giving the reader a final perspective on the topic.

Many students wonder if it's possible to turn in an essay without a closing sentence. Some see it as a creative choice; others - because they don't understand how to write a good conclusion.

Basically, the absence of a conclusion in an essay can affect the overall quality and coherence, so we always recommend finishing any academic article with a strong concluding paragraph.

Here are several reasons why a conclusion is a must-have in any essay:

• Summarizes key points: A conclusion provides an opportunity to recap the main points and arguments made in the essay. It serves as a summary of the entire essay, reminding the reader of the most important information and ideas presented.
• Reinforces the thesis statement: The conclusion should reiterate the thesis statement or the central argument of the essay. This reinforces the main message and helps the reader remember the purpose and focus of the essay.
• Provides closure: A well-written conclusion gives the essay a sense of closure. It signals to the reader that the essay is ending and provides a satisfying wrap-up to the discussion.
• Offers a final perspective: In the conclusion, you can provide your final thoughts and insights on the topic. This is an opportunity to express your perspective or offer suggestions for further research or action related to the subject matter.
• Leaves a lasting impression: The conclusion is your last chance to leave a strong impression on the reader. A well-crafted conclusion can make your essay more memorable and impactful.
• Connects to the introduction: A good conclusion should link back to the introduction, creating a sense of unity and coherence in the essay. It reminds the reader of the journey they've taken from the beginning to the end of the essay.
• Encourages reflection: The conclusion invites the reader to reflect on the content of the essay and its significance. It can stimulate critical thinking and leave the reader with something to ponder.
• Guides the reader: A conclusion can guide the reader on what to take away from the essay. It can suggest implications, applications, or further considerations related to the topic.

Knowing how to make a conclusion is important because it helps tie together the various elements of an essay, reinforces the main points, provides closure, and leaves a lasting impression on the reader. It is a critical component of effective essay writing that can enhance the overall impact and understanding of your work.

If you'd like to know more about how to write an essay , we've prepared some useful tips for you. In the meantime, we'd like to demonstrate a couple of great conclusion examples essay authors shared for your reference needs.

Three Essentials of a Perfect Final Paragraph

We want to share some practical tips regarding how to write a conclusion for an essay. First and foremost, a concluding passage should start with restating a thesis statement.

It involves rephrasing or summarizing the key arguments of your essay while maintaining the original intent and meaning.

Don't forget to use different wording, parallel structure, and link back to the introduction. E.g.:

Original: "The advancement of technology has had both positive and negative effects on society."

Restated: "Society has experienced a range of consequences, both beneficial and detrimental, due to technological progress."

Secondly, summarize key points and prioritize the main ideas. Focus on the most significant and relevant key points that support your thesis.

You don't need to mention every detail, only the most crucial elements. Be concise and to the point in your summaries. Avoid using lengthy sentences or providing too much context.

Get straight to the core of each key point. Present the key points in a logical order that follows the structure of your essay.

This helps the reader follow your thought process. If your key points in the body of your essay were related to the benefits and drawbacks of technology, this is how you summarize them:

"In summary, this essay has explored the multifaceted impact of technology on society. We have discussed its positive contributions, such as increased efficiency and connectivity, but also examined the negative aspects, including privacy concerns and overreliance on screens. These key points underscore the complexity of our relationship with technology and the need for balanced, informed decision-making."

Thirdly, it's hard to imagine how to conclude an essay without connecting the conclusion to the introduction. Try to use similar or parallel language in your conclusion that was used in the introduction.

This could be in the form of specific words, phrases, or even sentence structures. Such a linguistic connection will reinforce the relationship between the two sections.

If your introduction posed a question, hypothesis, or series of questions, use the conclusion to provide an answer, reflect on the evolution of thought, or address how these questions have been explored and answered in the essay.

Discuss the significance of the introduction's ideas or themes in light of the discussion that has unfolded in the body of the essay. E.g.:

Introduction: "In a world driven by technological advancements, the impact of our digital age on interpersonal relationships remains a topic of great interest."

Conclusion: "As we navigate the ever-changing landscape of the digital age, the significance of maintaining authentic and meaningful connections in our interpersonal relationships becomes even more apparent. The insights gained in this essay reaffirm the importance of striking a balance between the virtual and the real, ensuring that technology enhances rather than hinders our connections."

Ten Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Conclusion

Writing essay conclusions can be challenging, so students should know how to write a conclusion correctly. Here are ten hints to help you prepare excellent concluding paragraphs:

• Repetition of introduction.
• Introducing new information.
• Being too vague.
• Lack of clarity.
• Overlength.
• Failure to address the "So What?" question.
• Inconsistency with the essay's tone.
• Lack of connection to the introduction.
• Neglecting to revisit the thesis.
• Not leaving a lasting impression. ‍

Don't repeat these mistakes, and you'll know how to make a conclusion in an essay perfectly well. It's essential to plan your conclusion carefully, review your essay thoroughly, and consider the reader's perspective.

Practice and feedback from instructors can also help. However, if it isn't sufficient, buy essay online in a few clicks to get the upper hand.

How Much Time Does It Take to Start Writing Proper Essay Conclusions

Practice makes perfect. To master the art of writing conclusions, you'll have to demonstrate patience, skill, and experience.

The time it takes to learn to write great conclusions for essays varies from person to person and depends on several factors, including your starting point, your dedication to improvement, and the quality of feedback and guidance you receive.

There is no fixed timeline for writing great essay conclusions. It doesn't happen overnight.

However, with consistent effort and a willingness to learn from your experiences, you can steadily improve your ability to craft effective concluding paragraphs.

It's also worth noting that writing is a continuous learning process, and even experienced writers continue to refine their skills over time.

How an Effective Conclusion Paragraph Should End

Good conclusions should always end with concluding phrases that can provide a strong, memorable finish to your essay. Remember that the effectiveness of these phrases depends on the context and the specific message you want to convey in your conclusion.

Choose the one that best suits the tone and content of your essay while providing a clear and impactful ending:

• In conclusion.
• In summary.
• To wrap it up.
• In a nutshell.
• To put it simply.
• Ultimately.
• In the final analysis.
• As a result.
• To conclude.
• In essence.
• For these reasons.
• In light of this.
• With all factors considered.
• Taking everything into account.
• Given these points.
• In the grand scheme of things.
• To bring it all together.

Knowing how to end a conclusion will help you convey the overall purpose and message of your essay to readers.

It will provide closure and give the reader a sense of completeness while reinforcing the main points and leaving them with a final thought.

Since we speak a lot about conclusions and connecting them to introductions, you might also like to brush up on how to write an outline for an essay .

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Conclusion Paragraph Examples

"In essence, mastering the craft of how to write conclusion of essay is essential for creating impactful and well-structured essays. By reiterating the thesis, summarizing key points, and leaving a lasting impression, we are writing conclusions that not only provide closure but also reinforce the central message of our essays. As we continue to hone this skill, our ability to communicate effectively through our writing will undoubtedly improve, making our essays more persuasive and memorable."

"In summary, learning how to write a conclusion paragraph requires careful consideration and practice. By reiterating the main point, summarizing key arguments, leaving the reader with a thought-provoking final message, and keeping the conclusion format in mind, we can create conclusions that not only provide closure to our essays but also leave a lasting impact on our readers. As we continue to refine this skill, our ability to write compelling conclusions will enhance the overall quality of our essays and make our writing more engaging and persuasive. As writers, we should continually refine our knowledge of how to end a conclusion paragraph to make our essays more memorable and impactful."

"To sum up, producing an effective conclusion is vital for any writer. Understanding how to write a good conclusion ensures that our essays have the power to resonate with readers, leaving a lasting impression and reinforcing the central message of our work. By following these principles, we can elevate our experience with how to make a good conclusion and engage our audience effectively. It's a skill that, once honed, can distinguish our essays and make them truly memorable, leaving a lasting impact on those who read them."

In this article, we've demonstrated how to write a conclusion - a vital skill for crafting effective college articles.

This knowledge will prove highly beneficial to your educational progress.

By guiding you in restating the thesis, summarizing key points, offering closure, reflecting on significance, and avoiding introducing new information in conclusions, we've equipped you with the tools to leave a lasting impression on your academic work.

This newfound expertise regarding how to end a conclusion in an essay will undoubtedly enhance your college success and contribute to your overall academic achievement.

Why Writing a Conclusion Is Important?

Writing a conclusion paragraph is important because it provides closure, summarizes key points, reinforces the thesis, and leaves a lasting impression on the reader, ensuring that your message is effectively communicated and your work is well-rounded and impactful. Knowing how to write a conclusion sentence allows you to tie together the main ideas presented in your writing. It offers an opportunity to reflect on the broader implications of your work. It allows your audience to leave with a clear understanding of the significance of your argument or findings. Moreover, a strong conclusion can leave a memorable mark on your reader, making it a critical element in effective communication and achieving the desired impact with your writing. That's why every student should know how to write a good conclusion for an essay.

What Is an Essay Conclusions Outline?

A conclusion paragraph outline is a structured plan that helps writers summarize key points, restate the thesis, provide closure, and reflect on the broader significance of their essay. It serves as a roadmap for crafting a well-organized and impactful conclusion. This outline typically includes a section summarizing the main arguments or findings, followed by a restatement of the thesis to reinforce the central message. It also guides writers in discussing the broader implications or significance of their topic. Writing a conclusion for an essay ensures that you effectively encapsulate the essay's core ideas and leave a strong and lasting impression on the reader.

How to Write a Good Conclusion?

Demonstrate that you know how to write a conclusion by restating your thesis, summarizing key points, providing closure, and reflecting on the broader significance of your work. Avoid introducing new information, and aim to leave a strong and memorable final impression on the reader. A good conclusion should tie back to the introduction and the main body of your work, creating a sense of completeness. While learning how to end a essay, it's essential to maintain a consistent tone and style with the rest of the piece, ensuring a harmonious flow. Engage the reader by highlighting the relevance and real-world implications of your topic, leaving them with a clear understanding of why your argument or findings matter. According to MBA essay writing service experts, a good conclusion is an integral part of grading criteria and should be featured in the article.

Any Tips on How to Write a Concluding Paragraph?

The concluding paragraph is a critical component of effective writing, serving as the last opportunity to make a compelling impression on your audience. If you'd like to learn how to write a good conclusion paragraph, start by reiterating your thesis or central argument, reinforcing the core message. Summarize the key points and arguments presented in the body of your work, providing a concise overview of your main ideas. Next, offer closure by crafting a conclusion that brings your narrative or argument to a logical and satisfying end. Lastly, refrain from introducing new information, as this can disrupt the flow and purpose of your conclusion. When practicing how to write conclusion in essay, focus on reinforcing the existing content and leaving a memorable final impression on your readers.

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• Writing Tips

5 Examples of Concluding Words for Essays

4-minute read

• 19th September 2022

If you’re a student writing an essay or research paper, it’s important to make sure your points flow together well. You’ll want to use connecting words (known formally as transition signals) to do this. Transition signals like thus , also , and furthermore link different ideas, and when you get to the end of your work, you need to use these to mark your conclusion. Read on to learn more about transition signals and how to use them to conclude your essays.

Transition Signals

Transition signals link sentences together cohesively, enabling easy reading and comprehension. They are usually placed at the beginning of a sentence and separated from the remaining words with a comma. There are several types of transition signals, including those to:

●  show the order of a sequence of events (e.g., first, then, next)

●  introduce an example (e.g., specifically, for instance)

●  indicate a contrasting idea (e.g., but, however, although)

●  present an additional idea (e.g., also, in addition, plus)

●  indicate time (e.g., beforehand, meanwhile, later)

●  compare (e.g., likewise, similarly)

●  show cause and effect (e.g., thus, as a result)

●  mark the conclusion – which we’ll focus on in this guide.

When you reach the end of an essay, you should start the concluding paragraph with a transition signal that acts as a bridge to the summary of your key points. Check out some concluding transition signals below and learn how you can use them in your writing.

To Conclude…

This is a particularly versatile closing statement that can be used for almost any kind of essay, including both formal and informal academic writing. It signals to the reader that you will briefly restate the main idea. As an alternative, you can begin the summary with “to close” or “in conclusion.” In an argumentative piece, you can use this phrase to indicate a call to action or opinion:

To conclude, Abraham Lincoln was the best president because he abolished slavery.

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As Has Been Demonstrated…

To describe how the evidence presented in your essay supports your argument or main idea, begin the concluding paragraph with “as has been demonstrated.” This phrase is best used for research papers or articles with heavy empirical or statistical evidence.

As has been demonstrated by the study presented above, human activities are negatively altering the climate system.

The Above Points Illustrate…

As another transitional phrase for formal or academic work, “the above points illustrate” indicates that you are reiterating your argument and that the conclusion will include an assessment of the evidence you’ve presented.

The above points illustrate that children prefer chocolate over broccoli.

In a Nutshell…

A simple and informal metaphor to begin a conclusion, “in a nutshell” prepares the reader for a summary of your paper. It can work in narratives and speeches but should be avoided in formal situations.

In a nutshell, the Beatles had an impact on musicians for generations to come.

Overall, It Can Be Said…

To recap an idea at the end of a critical or descriptive essay, you can use this phrase at the beginning of the concluding paragraph. “Overall” means “taking everything into account,” and it sums up your essay in a formal way. You can use “overall” on its own as a transition signal, or you can use it as part of a phrase.

Overall, it can be said that art has had a positive impact on humanity.

Proofreading and Editing

Transition signals are crucial to crafting a well-written and cohesive essay. For your next writing assignment, make sure you include plenty of transition signals, and check out this post for more tips on how to improve your writing. And before you turn in your paper, don’t forget to have someone proofread your work. Our expert editors will make sure your essay includes all the transition signals necessary for your writing to flow seamlessly. Send in a free 500-word sample today!

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > How NOT to End a College Essay (and What You Can Do Instead)

How NOT to End a College Essay (and What You Can Do Instead)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

If you’ve ever read the last page of a book, gasped, and slammed it shut, then you know the effect a good or bad conclusion can have on a reader.

Conclusions are one of the most challenging but critical parts of a college essay. Getting it right can be tricky.

College essay conclusions require special attention because of the high stakes. Write one wrong, and you’ll leave a bad taste in your admissions officer’s mouth. But write a great one, and you’ll leave them awe-struck and ready to admit you.

So let’s dive into what a conclusion is and go over the best (and worst) ways you can write one.

What’s the point of a conclusion?

A conclusion, well, concludes.

Before discussing the point of a conclusion, we should briefly revisit story structure basics.

Most story arcs you’re familiar with look like this:

• A beginning that lays out the scene and characters.
• A “rising action” that moves the story forward and develops the central conflict.
• A climax where a pivotal moment occurs.
• A “falling action” where the central conflict is resolved following the climax.
• A conclusion where all remaining questions are answered and the author reflects on the meaning of the story.

Similarly, in a college essay, a conclusion serves an especially important role. Your conclusion will be the last part of your essay that admissions officers read before moving on. You want it to pack a punch and leave them with a great impression of you.

When conclusions go awry, it’s usually because they’re focused too much on summary. Instead of summarizing, your conclusion should gently bring your story to a close. It’s an opportunity for you to wrap up any leftover conflict and do intentional reflection and meaning-making.

So what does that actually mean? Think of it as the “so what” paragraph. While you’re not likely to say “my essay matters because of x, y, and z,” your conclusion will drive home your theme.

Let’s take a brief example. If your essay is about what a problem-solver you are, then you might picture admissions officers saying, “That’s great. So what?”

While that would be a rude question, it’s a helpful thought exercise. In response, you might say something like, “My problem-solving matters because I want to use my engineering degree to address real-world problems.” Ah ha! You’ve found meaning.

Now you can write a conclusion that drives home the idea that you’re a problem-solver who wants to help your community. An admissions officer will leave your essay with a clear and positive sense of your strengths.

That’s why conclusions are important.

How long should your conclusion be?

You have some flexibility when it comes to the length of your college essay conclusion. Some conclusions are only a sentence long. Others take up a 3-5 sentence paragraph.

The length of your conclusion will be determined by the amount of detail or reflection you’ll need to wrap up your essay and reflect on its meaning.

There are two main errors students make when deciding how long their conclusion should be.

They write a short conclusion simply because they’re cutting it close to the word count.

They write a long conclusion because they’re trying to jam-pack it with information that actually belongs in the body of their essay.

Most conclusions are fairly short and sweet, but they need to be long enough for you to meaningfully reflect. Too short, and you risk not saying enough. Too long, and your conclusion loses its punch. Finding the balance is key.

How NOT to end a college essay

Before we jump into some good ways to end your college essay, let’s briefly go through some bad ways. The following four approaches are common ways students choose to end their college essays, but they don’t work very effectively because they don’t serve the ultimate purpose of a conclusion. Instead, they’re quick-fix conclusions that actually end up detracting from the essay.

Your conclusion should not…

1. start w ith a literal conclusion.

“In conclusion, I found that…”

Please don’t write “In conclusion….” Transitional phrases can be very helpful, and the phrase might work in other kinds of writing. But in college essay writing, “In conclusion…” usually signals that you aren’t actually sure how to transition your essay to your conclusion. It also shows a lack of maturity in your writing style because the phrase is often (though not always) used by beginning writers early on in their craft.

Instead of literally writing “In conclusion,” just begin your conclusion. Make sure you have a logical transition from the previous paragraph, and get right to it.

2. restate what yo u’ve already said.

“This essay has explained why I…”

The reader has already read your essay. They don’t need a play-by-play at the end. If an admissions officer notices that your conclusion is restating what they’ve already read, then there’s a good chance that they’ll quickly skim through it and move on. They probably won’t get anything new from it, and it’ll be like you didn’t write anything at all.

If you feel compelled to restate what you’ve already said, it may be because you want to drive home your theme or main point. That is a perfectly reasonable thing to do in a college essay. Instead of restating every single point, focus in on the most significant and go deeper in your reflection.

3. go meta.

“Now that you’ve read this essay, you understand…”

There’s a time and a place to reference your reader, but a college essay conclusion generally isn’t it. Doing so draws the attention away from your own story and points it outward to the reader. You want admissions officers to be thinking about you, not themselves.

The easiest way to fix this issue is probably to just eliminate it. Going meta likely serves no true purpose in your essay, so try getting rid of it and returning instead to the point you were originally trying to convey.

4. lack a conclusion at all.

You’d be surprised how many college essays trail off into the Common Application void without truly wrapping things up.

Reading an essay without a conclusion is like having the power go out mid-binge watch. Admissions officers are left wondering what happened and why. They wonder what you wanted them to get from your essay, what you see as your most important takeaways, and why they should admit you.

To avoid leaving your admissions officers in the dust, try out the following strategies.

4 Effective Ways to End a College Essay

So now you know what not to do. You even have a few tips for correcting any mistakes you may have already made.

But we still need to discuss the right way to approach your conclusion. Let’s go over four effective strategies.

These strategies are good ways to end any personal essay, but they are especially good in college essays because they maintain sight of the purpose of a personal statement. They encourage you to write creatively, reflect meaningfully, and convey your strengths with purpose.

1. Callback

Many college essays are organized around specific themes. One fantastic way to end a college essay is by returning to an event, metaphor, or idea that appeared early on in the essay. This approach is effective because it brings the essay full circle. Often a callback will highlight the writer’s changed perspective: whereas they began the essay looking at something one way, they end the essay having gained a new outlook.

When I returned home from my trip, I raced to my flower pot. The flowers were in full bloom. Over the two months I was away, we both underwent significant transformation. Now, as I take on this new challenge, I’ve realized how much I’ve grown, too.

This conclusion contains a callback to a flower pot that presumably made up part of their introduction. It effectively uses the flower as a metaphor for growth and allows the writer to reflect back on how they have changed over the course of the essay’s story.

2. Looking to the future

Concluding an essay by looking forward is a great way to demonstrate how the strengths you write about in your essay will serve you in college and beyond. Admissions officers read college essays with an eye toward how a student will do in college. By ending your essay with a forward-looking perspective, you can make that job easy for them.

With all my effort, I raised over $10,000 for my local charity. Now that I’ve seen how much that money has helped my community, I can’t stop chasing that feeling of accomplishment as the donation amount ticks higher and higher. What will I fundraise next?

By emphasizing the student’s love for fundraising, we learn a few things from this conclusion. We see that the student is a very skilled fundraiser and that they want to use their skill to help their community. The final sentence also gives us a sense of forward movement, a kind of momentum that the student would be likely to bring to their college campus.

3. Return to a strength or value

Since college essays should be all about strengths and values, ending your essay by explicitly returning to them is also a good idea. By leaving your admissions officers with a discussion of your strength or value, you emphasize its importance. You communicate exactly what you want them to know about you before they move on to the next application.

People like to joke that only two things in life are certain: change and taxes. But I like to add a third. Change, taxes, and my art. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I’ll be making art. And it won’t be any old art. It’ll be art that means something, art that moves people. Like change or the IRS, I’ll be right here waiting and creating.

This conclusion is spunky and to-the-point. It returns to the student’s strength—their artistry—and emphasizes why their strength is important. By the end of the conclusion, we get a solid sense of the student’s personality, and we’re very clear on the fact that they interact with the world through their art.

4. Pointed reflection

Some conclusions are only about intentional meaning-making. This option is especially good for skilled writers who can make their reflections poetic. Concluding with a pointed reflection also ensures that you leave your admissions officers with the specific ideas you want them to take away from your essay. These kinds of conclusions show a maturity of thought and perspective—always good strengths to show in your college applications.

I’ll always remember that fishing trip with my grandpa. The creak of his old red pickup, the musty smell of my borrowed fishing vest, the sun reflecting off the water—all of it is seared in my memory as the best day of my life. Now that he’s gone, I go fishing alone. As I tie on my fly, I think about what he told me: walk slowly so you don’t startle the fish.

This conclusion reflects on the writer’s relationship with their grandpa. The imagery engages us in their reflection, and we also get a sense of what’s at stake. The last sentence boasts a good metaphor that presumably has something to do with the rest of the essay. It wraps things up and ends on a positive and creative note.

Key Takeaways

Your college essay conclusion is really important. It’s the final chance you have to make a lasting impression, so use it wisely.

It may take you several drafts to get it right, and that’s okay. Once you land on something you like, ask family, friends, teachers, or counselors their opinion on it. Crowdsourcing reactions to your conclusion can help you get a sense of how an admissions officer might react. You’ll be empowered to adjust your conclusion to evoke the exact response you want admissions officers to have.

Need more conclusion guidance? The Essay Academy has a step-by-step college essay writing curriculum awaiting you.

Liked that? Try this next.

How A Selective Admissions Office Reads 50k Applications In A Season

How to Write a College Essay (Exercises + Examples)

16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

9 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

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• Writing Paragraphs

How to Conclude a Paragraph

Last Updated: December 13, 2023 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Diane Stubbs and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA . Diane Stubbs is a Secondary English Teacher with over 22 years of experience teaching all high school grade levels and AP courses. She specializes in secondary education, classroom management, and educational technology. Diane earned a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Delaware and a Master of Education from Wesley College. There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 118,371 times.

If you want a body paragraph to be effective, you need to conclude it properly — a closing sentence is as imperative as a conclusion is to an essay or a research paper. Closing or concluding sentences act like a concluding paragraph in an essay and review the points you made in the paragraph. To effectively conclude a paragraph, restate your topic sentence and include what you taught the reader. Tailor the sentence to the type of essay you’re writing, whether it’s a persuasive or compare and contrast essay.

Reviewing Your Paragraph

• Focus on what you lay out in the topic sentence.
• Note your evidence and details.

• If your topic sentence reads, “Cats may be small, but they’re mighty predators,” then your main idea is that cats are big hunters.
• Your concluding statement should show how your paragraph supported the idea that cats are big predators. For example, a closing statement might read, “Based on these statistics, cats are predators who hunt frequently and decrease the area bird population.”

• For example, the closing statement above, “Based on these statistics, cats are predators who hunt frequently and decrease the area bird population,” reminds the reader that the paragraph just provided statistics about how often cats hunt and how they impact the local bird population. These details support the main idea, and the writer has mentioned both.

Drafting a Closing Statement

• Consequently
• As a result

• An example topic sentence might read: “Cats are natural predators because they enjoy hunting and will even hunt for sport.”
• Your concluding statement for this paragraph might read: “As a result of their continued hunts even after they’re domesticated and provided cat food, cats are proven to be natural predators.”

• As an example, “The data shows that cats hunt even when they have steady meals, which proves that they are natural hunters.”

• For example, “As the data shows, feral cats hunt 140% more than domestic cats.”

• For example, “Consequently, homes that own cats have fewer birds living in their yards.”

• For example, “In the end, cats hunt out of instinct.”

• For example, “To conclude, feral cats are more dangerous to birds than house cats because they have more hunting opportunities and kill more birds each year on average.” This sentence supports the main idea that feral cats hunt more than house cats and shows how the two details provided in the sentence link back to the topic sentence.

• For example, your closing statement could read, “In summation, statistics show that cats who wear bell collars are less of a threat to birds because they kill fewer birds even if they have the same number of hunting opportunities.” This signals to the reader that the writer has finished with one main idea and is moving onto another in a new paragraph.

Avoiding Common Errors

• You also want to avoid the word “you.” For example, don’t say, “As you can see” in your concluding sentence.
• There are some exceptions, such as if you’re writing an introductory paragraph or an opinion essay.

• Reread your concluding statement, then compare it to your paragraph. Do you reference one detail but not another? If it does, rewrite the sentence to address the main points, not the subpoints.

• A poor closing statement might read: “As you can see, the evidence suggests that cats like to hunt."
• A better closing statement could read: “Based on the data, cats look for opportunities to hunt for sport, proving they are natural predators."

Expert Q&A

• In some cases, the concluding statements in introductions and conclusions may have a slightly different format. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Remember that your goal is to show the reader your ideas. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Focus on your main idea. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

• Try to avoid sounding redundant. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
• Don’t just restate your topic sentence. Show how the details you’ve provided contribute to the main idea. Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 1

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/editing-and-proofreading/
• ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/paragraphs/
• ↑ https://openoregon.pressbooks.pub/wrd/chapter/writing-summaries/
• ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/transitions/
• ↑ https://lsa.umich.edu/sweetland/undergraduates/writing-guides/how-do-i-write-an-intro--conclusion----body-paragraph.html
• ↑ https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/essay_writing/argumentative_essays.html
• ↑ https://owl.excelsior.edu/rhetorical-styles/compare-and-contrast-essay/
• ↑ https://owl.excelsior.edu/rhetorical-styles/cause-and-effect-essay/
• ↑ https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-an-informative-essay/
• ↑ https://wts.indiana.edu/writing-guides/paragraphs-and-topic-sentences.html
• ↑ https://libguides.usc.edu/writingguide/conclusion

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Bad College Essays: 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid

College Essays

Just as there are noteworthy examples of excellent college essays that admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples of terrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards.

While I won't guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won't end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays—and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident.

What Makes Bad College Essays Bad

What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matter with poor execution.

Problems With the Topic

The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flub what the essay is about or how you've decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily create an essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I'll discuss in the next section.

The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren't on your transcript. So if you start with a terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes.

Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don't have a good sense of judgment or maturity , which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have to be able to handle independent life on campus.

Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person , or someone who doesn't process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since colleges want to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students.

Still other bad topics indicate that you're unaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself , which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officers are looking for people who can do that.

Problems With the Execution

Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you've structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style.

One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics , like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that's expected from a high school graduate.

Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you're either someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them . Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already.

College Essay Topics To Avoid

Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories.

Too Personal

The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something very private can show that you don't really understand boundaries . And knowing where appropriate boundaries are will be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you.

Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level: if it's not something you'd tell a friendly stranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don't tell it to the admissions office.

• Describing losing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn't mean you can't write about your sexual orientation—just leave out the actual physical act.
• Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value.
• Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other. Your relationship is adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life.
• Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety. Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one.

Too Revealing of Bad Judgment

Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoral actions out of your essay . It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you.

Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you're in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you've turned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up.

• Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unless it's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay.
• Describing drug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine.
• Making up fictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar.
• Detailing your personality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement.

Too Overconfident

While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies.

• Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play.
• Having no awareness of the actual scope of your accomplishments. It's lovely that you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn't make you a saintly figure.

Too Clichéd or Boring

Remember your reader. In this case, you're trying to make yourself memorable to an admissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays . If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won't register in that person's mind as anything worth paying attention to.

• Transcribing your resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks you to write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about a facet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application.
• Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be.
• Being moved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed at how happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about this tends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don't do it.
• Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very common experience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you're going to write about death or divorce, make sure to focus on how you dealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic.
• Going meta. Don't write about the fact that you're writing the essay as we speak, and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader's hand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways.
• Offering your ideas on how to fix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me, there's just no way you are being realistically appreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing.
• Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive.
• Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality. "Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me."

Too Off-Topic

Unlike the essays you've been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future . Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context.

• Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn't the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the ways you've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future.
• Documenting how well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantastic learning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements.
• Concentrating on a work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing an analytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you've been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexas application to get some advice on writing about someone else's work while making sure your essay still points back at you.

(Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Too Offensive

With this potential mistake, you run the risk of showing a lack of self-awareness or the ability to be open to new ideas . Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that's what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inability to communicate successfully with others.

Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that.

• Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay stands on any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person.
• Writing a one-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate.
• Mentioning anything negative about the school you're applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices.

College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid

Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you're writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic—the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list.

Tone-Deafness

Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life —these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness.

• Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off.
• Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn't know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommend the simplest and most straightforward version: being self-deprecating and low-key.
• Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone.
• Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life.

(Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Lack of Personality

One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay ? If the answer is yes, then you aren't doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It's very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student.

• Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible.
• Skipping over description and specific details in favor of writing only in vague generalities. Does your narrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, which could apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you're doing it wrong and need to refocus on your reaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation.

Off-Kilter Style

There's some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn't a free-for-all postmodern art class . True, there are prompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences.

• Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot of urban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time.
• Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form. Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different.
• Using as many "fancy" words as possible and getting very far away from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hear your not fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it.

Failure to Proofread

Most people have a hard time checking over their own work. This is why you have to make sure that someone else proofreads your writing . This is the one place where you can, should—and really must—get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft.

Otherwise, you look like you either don't know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don't care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?).

• Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand.
• Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant.
• Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read.

Bad College Essay Examples—And How to Fix Them

The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So if you think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can't bear being touched, you'll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up!

Now let's take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed.

Essay #1: The "I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak" Meta-Narrative

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishing the college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans for my October, November and December.

Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!" I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

I fell into a state of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senior year. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomore year, and performing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public. And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as the cherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trek and my enthusiasm for TREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays.

With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree.

What Essay #1 Does Well

Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is.

Killer First Sentence

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine.

• A strange fact. There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway?
• A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical. What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way?
• Direct engagement with the reader. Instead of asking "what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house" it asks "was your house ever destroyed."

Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well

I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

The author has his cake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trek mythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computer alone in his room. You know, just in case.

A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph

The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activism could capture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words.

(Image: fir0002 via Wikimedia Commons .)

Where Essay #1 Needs Revision

Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine.

Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative

I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal.

Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience.

In the rewrite, I'd advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get to the meat of the actual essay .

Letting Other People Do All the Doing

I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!"

Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there.

Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do. Not only that, but it sounds like both of the "incomplete" essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative.

In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Star Trek and the TREE versions of the essay as the author's own thoughts rather than someone else's suggestions . This way, the point of the essay—taking apart the idea that a college essay could summarize life experience—is earned by the author's two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay.

Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences

Both the Star Trek fandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author—important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates. But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life.

It's fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves.

In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests . How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today?

Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix

So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn't capture about the author . In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities.

For example, after the Star Trek paragraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discuss art forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who loves Star Trek .

Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting—is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist?

Essay #2: The "I Once Saw Poor People" Service Trip Essay

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on life changed after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn't have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got to the farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice asking me in Spanish, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I looked down to see a small boy, around nine years of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate ahead of themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all?

Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

What Essay #2 Does Well

Let's first point out what this draft has going for it.

Clear Chronology

This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out.

(Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons)

Where Essay #2 Needs Revision

Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster.

Condescending, Obnoxious Tone

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive.

This is a very broad generalization, which doesn't tend to be the best way to formulate an argument—or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population.

In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on "other teenagers," most of whom she doesn't know and will never meet.

I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

Coming from someone who hasn't earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word "compassion" sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it.

These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves.

Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boy the author was clearly not looking all that "fortunate"—instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting.

In the next draft, a better hook could be making the essay about the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip . A more meaningful essay would compare and contrast the points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child's point of view.

Vague, Unobservant Description

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness.

Phrases like "cries of the small children from not having enough to eat" and "dirt stained rags" seem like descriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyed generalizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid?

The same goes for "filthy rags," which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmers so their clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had "stains" on it.

The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether .

The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality.

If this is the "most vivid memory," then I would expect to read all the details that have been seared into the author's brain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did they get there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace?

There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass.

Lack of Insight or Maturity

But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water?

Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature . After all, this isn't a a solo wilderness trek—the author is there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips?

In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered.

Unearned, Clichéd "Deep Thoughts"

But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the author was shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence. But what does "there is more to life than just being alive" even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur.

In a rewrite, the essay should be completely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new version can end by on a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people's perspectives .

The Bottom Line

• Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution.
• The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence.
• The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don't know how to write, or don't care enough to do it well.
• The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness.
• The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations.

What's Next?

Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examples published by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic .

Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applications for advice.

Are you considering taking the SAT or ACT again before you submit your application? Read about our famous test prep guides for hints and strategies for a better score.

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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