argumentative essay broken family

I Grew Up In A Broken Home, But It Shaped Me And I’m Blessed For It

• https://thoughtcatalog.com/?p=330956

People always ask me if it was hard coming from a broken family. By broken they’re referring to the fact that my parents divorced earlier than I can remember, both went through multiple relationships, and my siblings didn’t always have the same last name as me. From as early as I can remember, my parents didn’t get along, I was passed back and forth on a strict schedule as if the custody papers were actually a child rental agreement. I didn’t understand why my parents didn’t get along but even more confusing, I didn’t understand how they ever got along with each other. Honestly, it’s a miracle I was conceived. My friends would always ask if I wished they were still married but I couldn’t picture them together so that was always a quick and easy, no.

The hardest part about coming from a broken home isn’t that your parents aren’t in love anymore. The hardest part is that it’s not about you. When I say not about you, I mean nothing, nada. Even things you would think should be about you like your schedule, your school lunch money, your clothes, your extracurricular activities – they’re not about you, they’re all about the other parent. I felt like my parents spent more time trying to get back at one another, or jab each other, than actually tend to my needs. Being an only child only amplified the situation. I think with a few more biological siblings, they might have been too distracted but as an only child, my mom definitely had way too much time on her hands.

Whenever someone reacts to my childhood with sympathy I am always a little perplexed. If anything I feel fortunate to have come from a ‘broken home’. While people like to scoff at the fact that my dad has been married two times since my mom, I feel like I am the one who should be laughing because I’m rolling five deep when it comes to parental support after you count my mom’s beau who has been in my life since I was five. I might have been born an only child but I have been blessed with six siblings as a result of divorce (thank God, let’s face it I probably would have gone crazy by myself). I have one half brother and if my dad and his mom had never split I would not be here. What used to be a battle between attending 2 Christmas’s became a battle between 4 Christmas’s since I still visit my ex-step-mom’s house on the holidays. I can’t help but smile and feel loved. It’s hard not to feel the support of that many people.

I’ve gone through things I’d rather not relive. There were times that weren’t great and times that were downright awful, but whose family doesn’t have those times? I’d say the true meaning of family is having those rough edges that can make things uncomfortable with them but yet still make them your first choice above all else. Without my mom’s boyfriend, who would I go to when she has one of her moods? Heck, who would she go to when I have one of mine? Having a broken home teaches you that blood isn’t always thicker than water (sometimes it’s just as thick), forgiveness is possible, and although we were both grown adults, it was possible for my dad to find someone who would love me and my brother like we were her own.

Avolyn Fisher

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How to Grow Beyond the Pain of a Broken Family

Unresolved conflict with family members will affect all your other relationships. but there is a way to overcome your past..

• Family , Anger , Healing , Relationships

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My parents, both drunk, were having a fight.

I was sleeping on the couch, or so they thought.

My father pushed my mother with enough force to break her pelvis. She ended up in the hospital.

I remember another time when they called my two brothers and my sister and I from our beds in the middle of the night. They were drunk again as they announced they were getting divorced.

We were asked to choose which parent we wanted to stay with.

These are just two among many crazy memories I have of my family. Some of the carnage of that time remains untold.

As a child, despair and sadness moved into my life like a fog. Thoughts of suicide sometimes lingered within that fog.

And the experiences of my closest relationships defined my life in ways I wasn’t sure I could overcome.

What about you? Do you struggle with memories of family relationships that feel like scars, maybe even open wounds?

Your primary relationships shape all the others

I am a survivor. Some might even describe me as a success as I graduated from high school and university with honors, despite my home life. But my survival carries with it the baggage of my childhood.

I’ve experienced deep-seated anger and bitterness toward my father. That anger infected other relationships.

I have no scientific proof but I believe that when you have significant, unresolved issues in your family, it affects all other relationships.

I call this “the theory of primary relationships”.

Forgiveness is easier said than done

I will never forget a conversation I had with a roommate at Colorado State University. He asked lots of questions, and the topic of my relationship with my father came up.

My friend said, “Mike, you need to love your dad.”

I knew that I didn’t, and wasn’t even sure I could. At best, my anger was mixed with pity.

I’m not sure my father ever understood how his actions affected me, but I know how mine affected him. So I chose to give him love as a gift.

A few months later, I looked my dad in the eyes and told him, “I love you.”

Then, on Father’s Day, I wrote him a letter, telling him the good things he’d done as a parent.

I never heard back from him, but my mother told me, “Your dad got your letter. He sat in his chair, read it and cried.”

Dealing with my relationship with my dad taught me lessons that improved other relationships.

How to move from bitter anger to love and forgiveness

Only by experiencing love and forgiveness myself, could I discover how to love and forgive the people who hurt me.

My sister, who shared my painful memories, helped me understand that God loved me even when I chose to reject Him. She told me that Jesus died to demonstrate God’s love for me, and then came back from the dead to offer me forgiveness.   

As I experienced God’s forgiveness day-by-day, I developed a greater capacity to love and forgive others. My relationship with my father became the ultimate test of this ability to forgive. If God chose to love and forgive me, how could I not do the same for my father?

Pain and hurt from our “primary relationships” can be carried for a lifetime. The result is multiplied misery. Or it can be laid down as we choose to take hold of the forgiveness God offers us.

How do you take hold of what God is offering you?

This will sound too simple. But basically you ask Him for it.

Christians refer to this as praying, but that just means talking with God .

God already knows what you’re thinking and feeling. So He’s less concerned with your words than the attitude of your heart.

If you feel ready to receive the forgiveness God wants you to experience, you could pray something like this:  

Lord Jesus, I want to know you. Thank you for dying on the cross so that I could know forgiveness for the ways I turned my back on you. I now invite you into my life and choose to hand over control to you. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.  

Were you able to pray those words?

If you have, you have taken a huge step of faith. God will meet you as you come to Him each day with your hopes, dreams, fears and the pain of your past.

All relationships need time and intentionality in order to grow. It’s no different with God. We want to help you to go deeper with God using these resources which help you take the next step and the ones after that.

If you don’t feel ready to say that prayer yet, we can help you continue exploring what it means to know God and experience the life He wants for you.

Adapted from an article first published on familylifecanada.com

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How To Turn Down The Heat On Fiery Family Arguments

Patti Neighmond

Parents can minimize the negative impact of their arguments on their children using a few simple techniques to calm down. iStockphoto.com hide caption

All parents are bound to disagree, argue or even raise their voices with each other.

But psychologists say parents can minimize the negative impact of their arguments on their children. It's just a matter of using a few simple techniques to turn down the heat and repair the damage after it's over.

Psychologist Suzanne Phillips at Long Island University says one of the most important things for parents to remember when they're on the verge of a big argument is not to involve the child.

"Remember, the child in some ways identifies with both of those parents," Phillips says. "So if the mother is really asking the child to be her sounding board, advocate or collaborator against the other parent, the child loses the opportunity to feel good about the other parent and is put in a very conflicted situation."

Even little swipes and criticisms can be harmful. Because kids identify with their parents, they interpret negative characterizations as also aimed at them. Phillips says this is why we often see "shame and low self-esteem in children who are caught in these battles."

"Remember who it is you're arguing with before you open your mouth," says clinical psychologist Alan E. Fruzzetti at the University of Nevada, Reno. "When we get negatively charged, our cognitive performance goes down, and we often miss the larger context and start arguing as though our loved one is our enemy."

Even in the heat of discourse, it's important for parents to remember why they're there in the first place. "You have to remember, 'This is someone I love,' " he says.

For parents who feel they just can't stop arguing when they get angry, University of Washington psychologist Laura Kastner has written extensively about what she calls "getting to calm."

"The default position should be to say nothing," she says. "A good mantra is: 'Don't just do something, stand there.' "

While standing there, you can begin to regroup, she says. Breathing exercises can help parents "get to calm."

This is how it works: Breathe in deeply over five seconds, exhale over five seconds, and repeat this focused breathing for about three minutes. Move away from the area of conflict to do this. Get up from the dinner table and go to a corner of the room.

If you're in the car, Kastner says, "stop talking, grip the steering wheel, and engage in the breathing exercises" before returning to the conflict.

This should bring down your heart rate, reduce the release of adrenalin and stress hormones, and put you back in a "zone for rational and even optimal thinking," she says. The best part, says Kastner, is the more you do it, the more automatic "getting to calm" becomes.

For parents who have the time, Kastner suggests a course in mindfulness. "It's the gold standard," she says. "It trains your brain for full relaxation with the capacity to focus your attention on the present moment without judgment." It takes a lot of practice, but the benefits are big .

What happens if you still fail to slow down the dispute? Do damage control when it's over, Phillips says.

There are things parents can say to repair the sad or hurt feelings children might have. "It's really important for them to know that 'Daddy and I are going to be OK,' " Phillips says. "[Tell them,] 'Daddy and I love each other, but sometimes we don't agree and we have to figure out how to disagree without yelling so much.' "

It's even a good idea to apologize to children for fighting in front of them. That helps kids regain a sense of security. "Nonverbal cues — holding the child, putting an arm around Daddy again — these things help re-establish a child's major place of safety, which is the parent and the parents' connection," Phillips says.

And, ultimately, there is the so-called " halo effect ." In a family where things are mostly positive, even a bad argument can be well-tolerated. Phillips says that means affirming all the good things in life, such as "the cake you baked, Daddy's raise, getting on the soccer team or doing homework in a timely manner."

And remember, not all arguments are equal. A good, constructive argument where a decision is reached or a problem is solved can actually teach children how to handle their own disagreements.

"When children learn emotional regulation and coping skills from the parents," Kastner says, "it builds resiliency and a sense of mastery that they can handle their own feelings in a competent way."

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Family Relationships — Importance of Family Relationships

Importance of Family Relationships

• Categories: Family Relationships Parent-Child Relationship

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Words: 515 |

Published: Aug 31, 2023

Words: 515 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

Emotional support and security, healthy development and identity formation, nurturing communication skills, shared traditions and cultural heritage, crisis support and resilience, socialization and moral development, interpersonal skills and conflict resolution, elderly care and generational exchange, building strong communities and societal cohesion, conclusion: the enduring significance of family bonds.

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Broken Family Argumentative Essay Example

• Pages: 2 (324 words)
• Published: May 23, 2017
• Type: Essay

Statement of the problem The researchers want broken families to be prevented and to provide children/youth the chance to live a normal stress free life, explore and gain knowledge about the situations that should not be taken for granted and contribute to one of the problems of the country. Unfortunately, the population today in the country is increasing because of premarital sex, which leads youth to marry early and work at a very young age to earn money.

This kind of setting does not work out for most and just further increase the number of children affected by broken families. Those children will then seek love outside their home and repeat the same mistake and turns it into a cycle. Specific Questions 1. What are causes and effects of broken families? 2. How can broken families be prevented? 3. How are agencies or

government help children from broken families? Significance of the Study

This study is conducted to benefit the children/youth affected by broken families and everyone that would have a family in the future. This study will help everyone to understand the value of family a how a bad childhood could affect the growth of the children. For Social Workers in the future, this study will broaden your understanding about your clients; their emotions and how to handle different situations they are currently in and help them cope with their problems. Scopes and Limitations

This research focuses on family; the factors that caused the family to fall apart and the effects there is to the children involved. The researchers want to determine the chances of children/youth from broken families to have a better future in spite of

a terrible childhood as they grow. To know how much children from broken homes and children from complete family differ and how each of their families affects their health, life in school, how they interact with others and how they see their lives ahead of them.

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Trauma and families

Actions for this page.

• When a family is affected by a crisis, everyone in the family will react in a different way.
• Understanding distress reactions and their effect on family dynamics can help the family to cope.
• Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you think your family is struggling to recover.

On this page

Reactions to trauma, family life following the event, disruption to family relationships, people react differently to trauma, family life – weeks or months later, family life – years later, helpful strategies for recovery from trauma, seeking help from a health professional, information in your language, where to get help.

It is normal to have strong emotional or physical reactions following a distressing event. On most occasions though, these reactions subside as part of the body’s natural healing and recovery process. Family members who experience a shared distressing event often become closer and appreciate each other more.

A traumatic experience is any event in life that causes a threat to our safety and potentially places our own life or the lives of others at risk. As a result, a person experiences high levels of emotional, psychological, and physical distress that temporarily disrupts their ability to function normally in day-to-day life.

Examples of potentially traumatic experiences include natural disasters such as a bushfire or flood , experiencing violence in the community, having a serious car accident, or being assaulted.

In a family, each member will react to the traumatic event in their own way, depending on role, age, and personality style. If family members don’t understand each other’s experience, then misunderstandings, communication breakdowns and other problems can result.

Even if you cannot understand exactly what another member is going through, being aware of common reactions and their effect on family life can help everyone cope better in the long run.

Examples of common reactions to trauma are:

• feeling as if you are in a state of ‘high alert’ and are ‘on watch’ for anything else that might happen
• feeling emotionally numb, as if in a state of ‘shock’
• feeling detached and disconnected from everyone
• becoming emotional and upset
• feeling extremely fatigued and tired
• feeling very stressed and/or anxious
• being very protective of others including family and friends
• not wanting to leave a particular place for fear of ‘what might happen’.

Also, it is important to remember that despite the above traumatic reactions, many families look back and see that crises have actually helped them to become closer and stronger. However, don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you are uncertain or think your family is struggling to recover.

Every family is different but, generally speaking, common changes to family life soon after the event include:

• Parents may fear for each other’s safety and the safety of their children away from home.
• Family members may experience nightmares or upsetting dreams about the event.
• Fear of another distressing experience happening may affect family life.
• Anger at whoever is believed to have caused the event can often flow on to the affected loved one or the family in general.
• Family members may feel overwhelmed by insecurity or lack of control, or at the thought of having so much to do.
• Family members may not know how to talk to each other. Each person is struggling to understand what has happened and how they feel about it. If talking makes people upset, they will often avoid it.
• Impatience, misunderstandings, arguments over small things and withdrawal from each other can all impact on family life and relationships.
• Family relationships can also be affected by a traumatic event – for example, parents may feel unsure about how to help their children after the crisis.
• Communication breaks down as each family member struggles in their own way to come to terms with what has happened.
• Children don’t want to go to school.
• Parents don’t want to go to work.
• Household schedules tend to lapse – for example, chores are missed, regular mealtimes are disrupted or recreation is neglected.
• The usual arrangements for household responsibilities change. Children may cook meals for a time, parents may feel unable to do tasks, or children may not want to be alone.

It is important to remember that it is normal for people to respond in different ways to distressing events. However, sometimes people’s responses can clash. One person may withdraw and need time to themselves, while the other needs company and wants to talk about it. Although this can seem quite confusing at times, giving a person the necessary space to work through their own reaction can be extremely helpful.

With families, common reactions may include:

• Strong feelings – include anxiety , fear , sadness, guilt, anger, vulnerability, helplessness or hopelessness. These feelings will not just apply to the event, but to many other previously normal areas of life as well.
• Physical symptoms – include headache , nausea, stomach ache, insomnia , broken sleep , bad dreams , changed appetite, sweating and trembling, aches and pains, or a worsening of pre-existing medical conditions.
• Thinking is affected – include difficulties with concentrating or thinking clearly, short-term memory problems, difficulty planning or making decisions, inability to absorb information, recurring thoughts of the traumatic event, thinking about other past tragedies, pessimistic thoughts or an inability to make decisions.
• Behaviour changes – include a drop in work or school performance, turning to changed eating patterns, using drugs or alcohol , being unable to rest or keep still, lack of motivation to do anything, increased aggressiveness or engaging in self-destructive or self-harming activities.

Family relationships may change weeks or even months after the event. Because time has passed, family members sometimes don’t realise how changes are directly linked to the event.

Every family is different but, generally speaking, common changes in the weeks or months after the event include:

• Family members may become short-tempered or irritable with each other, which can lead to arguments and friction.
• They may lose interest in activities or perform less well at work or school.
• Children may be clingy, grizzly, demanding or naughty.
• Teenagers may become argumentative, demanding or rebellious.
• Individuals may feel neglected and misunderstood.
• Some family members may work so hard to help loved ones, they neglect to look after themselves.
• Individual family members may feel less attached or involved with one another.
• Parents may experience emotional or sexual problems in their relationship.
• Everyone feels exhausted and wants support, but cannot give much in return.

Sometimes, the response to a distressing or frightening event may take a long time to show. In some cases, it may take years for problems to surface. This can happen if the person is very busy helping others or dealing with related issues, such as insurance, rebuilding, relocation, legal processes or financial problems. When things have returned to normal, their reactions may show up.

Every family is different but, generally speaking, changes to family dynamics can include:

• The experience may be relived when faced with a new crisis.
• Problems may seem worse than they are and be more difficult to handle.
• Changes to family life that occurred in the days, weeks or months after the event may become permanent habits.
• Family members may cope differently with reminders of the event. Some may want to commemorate the anniversary or revisit the scene of the event, while others may want to forget about it.
• Conflict in coping styles can lead to arguments and misunderstandings if the family members aren’t sensitive to each other’s needs.

Some things you can do to reduce complications and support family recovery include:

• Remember that recovery takes time. Prepare the family members to go through a period of stress and cut back on unnecessary demands to conserve everyone’s energy.
• Don’t just focus on the problems. Make free time to be together and relax, or else the stress will not subside.
• Keep communicating. Make sure each family member lets the others know what is going on for them and how to help them.
• Plan regular time out and maintain activities you enjoyed before – even if you don’t much feel like it. You probably will enjoy yourself if you make the effort. Enjoyment and relaxation rebuild emotional energy.
• Keep track of your family’s progress in recovery and what has been achieved. Don’t just keep thinking about what is still to be done.
• Stay positive and encouraging, even if at times, everyone needs to talk about their fears and worries. Remind yourself that families get through the hard times and are often stronger.

Traumatic stress can cause very strong reactions in some people and may become chronic (ongoing).

You should seek professional help if you:

• are unable to handle the intense feelings or physical sensations
• don’t have normal feelings, but continue to feel numb and empty
• feel that you are not beginning to return to normal after three or four weeks
• continue to have physical stress symptoms
• continue to have disturbed sleep or nightmares
• deliberately try to avoid anything that reminds you of the traumatic experience
• have no one you can share your feelings with
• notice the communication in the family is changed and not recovering
• continue to feel left out or detached
• find that relationships with family and friends are suffering
• are becoming accident-prone and using more alcohol or drugs
• cannot return to work or manage responsibilities
• keep reliving the traumatic experience
• feel very much on edge and can be easily startled.

If at any time you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 .

• Trauma dhe familjet (Trauma and families - Albanian)
• الصدمة والعائلات (Trauma and families - Arabic)
• 创伤和家庭 (Trauma and families - Chinese Simplified)
• 創傷經歷和家庭 (Trauma and families - Chinese Traditional)
• صدمه و فامیلی ها (Trauma and families - Dari)
• Τραύμα και οικογένειες (Trauma and families - Greek)
• अभिघात और परिवार (Trauma and families - Hindi)
• Trauma e famiglie (Trauma and families - Italian)
• ਸਦਮਾ ਅਤੇ ਪਰਿਵਾਰ (Trauma and families - Punjabi)
• Kiwewe na familia (Trauma and families - Swahili)
• Chấn thương và gia đình (Trauma and families - Vietnamese)
• Your GP (doctor) , mental health specialist, such as a psychiatrist , psychologist , counsellor or social worker
• Your local community health centre
• Australian Psychological Society Referral Service External Link Tel. 1800 333 497
• Phoenix Australia Centre for Post-traumatic Mental Health External Link Tel. (03) 9035 5599
• Centre for Grief and Bereavement External Link Tel. 1800 642 066

General telephone counselling services can provide advice:

• Lifeline External Link Tel. 13 11 14
• GriefLine External Link Tel. 1300 845 745
• beyondblue External Link Tel. 1300 22 4636
• Parentline External Link Tel. 13 22 89
• Kids Helpline External Link Tel. 1800 55 1800
• NURSE-ON-CALL Tel. 1300 60 60 24 – for expert health information and advice (24 hours, 7 days)

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

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More information, related information.

Adoption can give a secure family life to children who, for various reasons, can’t live with their birth family.

A person with agoraphobia is afraid to leave familiar environments, because they are afraid of having a panic attack.

Learn all about alcohol - includes standard drink size, health risks and effects, how to keep track of your drinking, binge drinking, how long it takes to leave the body, tips to lower intake.

Allergy occurs when the body overreacts to a 'trigger' that is harmless to most people.

Children should always be closely supervised near animals and taught how to behave safely around pets.

From other websites

• External Link Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies – ASTSS
• External Link Australian Psychological Society
• External Link Department of Families, Fairness and Housing, , Victoria - Emergency Management
• External Link Headspace

Content disclaimer

Content on this website is provided for information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not in any way endorse or support such therapy, service, product or treatment and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional. The information and materials contained on this website are not intended to constitute a comprehensive guide concerning all aspects of the therapy, product or treatment described on the website. All users are urged to always seek advice from a registered health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions and to ascertain whether the particular therapy, service, product or treatment described on the website is suitable in their circumstances. The State of Victoria and the Department of Health shall not bear any liability for reliance by any user on the materials contained on this website.

African American Family Cultural Background Essay (Critical Writing)

Introduction.

Cultural background is essential in determining how an individual interact with others. The United States comprises of many different cultures. These include Whites, Africans, Mexicans, and Latinos, among others. Cultural heritage has influenced each of the races in different ways. Consequently, the cultural mix has been met with suspicion as cultural conflict dominates. For a long time, mainstream whites have dominated cultures in the United States. Their culture has become a lifestyle. However, most communities have continued with essential aspects of their culture. In this paper, I will explore my family’s cultural background. I will also relate it to other cultures in the United States.

The African American heritage experience

Culture has different facets. It includes aspects such as language, morals, art, traditions, customs, and beliefs. These aspects are essential in shaping an individual’s habit (Hunter, 1992). Moreover, they differ from one place to another. It is essential to note that cultural background defines an individual. The behavioral pattern in individuals is a direct result of cultural aspects. African Americans have a rich culture. They derive their culture from a mixture of West African and American cultures. Notably, African Americans have a strong cultural foundation which is fostered from generation to generation. They form more than 14% of the United State’s population (US Census Bureau, 2011). They have a unique culture that is characterized by a unique parenting style, structure of the family, the role of gender in the family, and their views on marriage. Moreover, they utilize their unique cultures to manage adversities. However, it is also necessary to note that their experiences during slavery integrated foreign culture that greatly affected family structures in African American society (McGoldrick, 2005).

Moreover, slavery also brought with it poor economic status, inequality, and racism amongst other complications to African American society. Previously, these cultural norms were derived from West African families. West African cultures, just like other African cultures, valued strong family relations. Nuptials were also regarded highly in African societies. Marriage was considered special and specific to given individuals at a certain age (McLoyd, Hill &Dodge, 2005). Notably, children were associated with women which is in contrast to current views. Moreover, whenever a woman could not give birth, she was solely to blame. This trend has persisted in most West African societies even with the advent of technological advances in the health sector. In this regard, African Americans borrowed much of their heritage from West Africa. Besides, paternal parents were not responsible for their children. For instance, this happened in my family too. For instance, my family developed a rebellious attitude after he was deserted by his father and other members of his extended family. Nonetheless, it is important to note that most African American cultural norms have been deserted. For instance, paternal parents are increasingly concerned wt the well being of their children. Additionally, they have developed artistic lifestyles drawn from both African and American culture (Walker, 1996).

Childhood memories about identity development

My childhood memories of identity were influenced by evidence of racism, rebellion, and distrust among peoples of different colors. I noted that our family members had a black complexion while others were had brown and white complexion. I also listened to stories of how West Africans were stripped of their identities and made them their master’s properties. However, they kept their family relations despite hardships to overcome difficulties. They tried all they could to adapt to American life with the desire to hold on to their morals. Of great essence to them were their cultural norms which they valued and wanted to hold on to. Unfortunately, this was not possible on whole. In the past, I used to wonder why our generation was socially, economically, and physically considered inadequate. This was strengthened by the fact that whites saw themselves as superior and powerful (Gaines, 2002). Moreover, due to discrimination, I thought that were the lowest cast. However, this changed when I witnessed various gains with regards to equality, citizenship, and racism (Hattery & Smith, 2007).

Other incidences that shaped my memory of identity occurred during my stay with my father who narrated to me how he had been abandoned by his father. He also talked about the difficulties he faced during that period since he was a breadwinner at a tender age (McAdoo, 2007). I compared this to the lifestyles of whites and other cultures in American society like the Latinos. I realized that we were in a precarious situation given the challenges we faced. This developed the real challenges of our identity in America. Further references from historical boos also helped develop my identity as African American. I also realized that we had ditched some of our cultures and instead acquired those of our ‘masters’ (Abatso & Burchett, 1991).

Reflections about African American Oppression

African oppression was both painful and agonizing. It was a disgrace to our identity. Those who carried it out should be sorry for what happened. Our ancestors were denied the rights to be descent humans (Lee, 1991). This was terrible; it brought about groaning and rebellion. Sometimes I wondered if ignorance meant slavery. Africans who were enslaved were very essential to the establishment of the United States of America, yet they were discriminated against (Hornes, 2006). Our ancestors were enslaved against their wishes. This was characterized by tyrannical lordships over them. Against their will, they worked for their masters and they were separated from their loved ones. They faced discrimination from all corners of their surroundings. Fellow members, we used to hurt them. This was mean to destroy their strong bonds. In some instances, it succeeded. However, in general, it never succeeded. Many lessons were learned from these experiences. Moreover, a course of action was taken to gain human rights and citizenship.

African American oppression destroyed their hopes and family structures. Their norms were destroyed and greatly despised. This brought about poverty, unemployment, early age pregnancies, addiction to drugs, psychological issues, low literacy levels, and broken families. Effects of slavery and discrimination have brought about economic, social, and political difficulties. The realization of the American dream was increased when Barack Obama became president. However, this will be complete when other races and gender also take the helm of the State. For instance, women have not had enough representation in politics. Spirituality was essential in helping African Americans overcome these difficulties. Moreover, the gains of the American constitution helped them feel that they belonged to American society. This has helped them to cope with atrocities committed during slavery. They are working hard to improve their livelihoods (Lassiter, 1999).

Third generation African American with grandparents from the United States

Third generation Americans have had a unique experience. Despite experiencing some form of racism, they have been forefront in minimizing it. Also, they have maintained some of their heritage from West Africa. However, this has been eroded with an influx of different cultures from different parts of the world. US census 2010 statistics showed that over 73% of children lived with both of their parents. This stresses the fact that most African Americans value strong familial bonds (Johnson, 2005). This generation has also experienced unemployment, addiction, mental illness, and poor economic status. These are some of the problems that have worked to discourage marriage among the African American community. Moreover, women who have good earnings nowadays prefer to remain single. This was not possible in African societies. Marriage was compulsory for a woman. However, these have changed; third-generation African Americans enjoy unlimited freedom that has disjointed their once strong cultural norms (Lassiter, 1999).

Conclusions

The cultural mix has led to the reshaping of cultural norms amongst communities in the United States. However, it is important to note that African Americans have conveyed strong familial bonds ever since they were enslaved. Despite the challenges that have transpired besides the ever-changing cultural dynamics, my family has maintained a strong familial bond. This is a strong characterization of African American society. Besides, parents are involved in their children’s activities. Besides, they have continued to improve self-esteem and priced in their culture and race. My family has a strong orientation for success. Contemporary African Americans have ditched some of the heritage they once valued. For instance, children are nowadays born outside wedlock, parents are less involved in their children’s affairs and inclination to spirituality has been abandoned. However, my family’s inclination towards spirituality is strong; we also value marriage and children inside wedlock. Besides, we have strong kinship as well as strong involvement of parents in their children’s affairs. In essence, as much as we have acquired the American way of life, we still value our heritage and identity.

Abatso, Y., & Burchett, C. (1991). How to Equip African American Family: Issues and Guidelines for Building Strong Families (1 st ed.). Chicago: Urban Ministries.

Gaines, S. O. (2002). Discredited and Discreditable Identities: One Black American’s Experiences in the United States, Jamaica, and England. The Western Journal of Black Studies , 26(3), 159. Web.

Hattery, A., & Smith, E. (2007). African American Families . Missouri: Sage

Horne, G. (2006). Toward a Transnational Research Agenda for African American History in the 21st Century. The Journal of African American History , 91(3), 288. Web.

Hunter, J. (1992). Culture Wars: The Struggle to Define America- Making Sense of the Battles Over the Family, Art, Education, Law, and Politics . New York: Pursues Books

Johnson, L., & Staples, R. (2005). Black Families at the Cross Roads: Challenges and Prospects . New Jersey: John Wiley

Lassiter, E. (1999). African Culture and Personality: Bad Social Science, Effective Social Activism, or a Call to Reinvent Ethnology. African Studies Quarterly , 3(1). Web.

Lee, J., & Parker, M. (1991). The Black Family: Past, Present and Future . Michigan: Zondervan.

McAdoo, H. (2007). Black Families . New York: Sage

McGoldrick, M., Giordano, J., & Garcia-Preto, N. (2005). Ethnicity and family therapy (3 rd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

McLoyd, V., Hill, N., & Dodge, K. (2005). African American Family Life- Ecological and Cultural Diversity (2 nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press

US Census Bureau (2011). The Black Population 2010 . Web.

Walker, C. (1996). Breaking Strong Holds in African American Family: Strategies for Spiritual Warfare . Michigan: Zondervan.

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Broken Family Introduction Sample

The concept of family is a significant societal group consisting of parents and their offspring, with the primary function of providing for its members. However, modern society has seen an increase in the number of broken families, with half of all marriages ending in divorce. This research paper focuses on the impact of broken families, particularly on children and teenagers, who may struggle with the effects on their lives and studies. The study aims to help those who encounter this problem by finding solutions. The research was conducted through a survey, where students and teenagers with different backgrounds were asked about their family, academic performance, and influences, focusing on the impact of being part of a broken family. The study aims to establish whether being from a broken family influences a student’s behavior and performance in school. The potential solution is for parents to discuss the situation with their child and determine what will happen in the future.

Family is a primary societal group dwelling of parents and their progeny. the chief map of which is proviso for its members. This is any group of individuals closely related by blood. The being of a whole household is a hoarded wealth. and pleasance. And The Broken Families in Modern Society is the most recent statistics show that half of all matrimonies end in divorce. While this statistic has been extremely disputed. the simple fact that divorces have become common topographic point is true. This research paper relates particularly to those who encounter holding a Broken Family. Like children/teenager. pupils and besides the workers. But this research focused on pupils and children/teenager. Because holding this sort of state of affairs is a large trade to them. It can impact their life and surveies. it is besides difficult to them to hold this sort of job. Some people did the self-destruction or Rebel. because they think suicide merely is the reply on their job. This survey is of import. to assist those people who encounter this. And assist them to last.

The possible solution is the female parent and father necessitate to speak about this state of affairs and what will go on in the hereafter to their kid. The range of this survey focused on issues and jobs environing children/teenager or a pupils. This research was bound and conducted merely for those who encounter this sort of survey. The respondents of this survey were the pupils and a adolescent who has a plenty experienced about it. The instruments used in this survey is inquiry and reply type of a study. wherein student/teenager with different position in life are asked to reply certain inquiries with respects to their household background. academic public presentation and their influences. Broken Family in peculiar as the chief issue of influence. his survey besides hopes to set up whether being Part of broken household influences makes pupil a leader. a trouble maker. or a nuisance to the school.

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Opinion Guest Essay

This Is Peak College Admissions Insanity

Credit... Illustrations by Pete Gamlen

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By Daniel Currell

Mr. Currell, a lawyer and consultant, was a deputy under secretary and senior adviser at the Department of Education from 2018 to 2021. He is a trustee of Gustavus Adolphus College.

• May 1, 2024

Selective college admissions have been a vortex of anxiety and stress for what seems like forever, inducing panic in more top high school seniors each year. But the 2023-24 admissions season was not just an incremental increase in the frantic posturing and high-pressure guesswork that make this annual ritual seem like academic Hunger Games. This year was different. A number of factors — some widely discussed, some little noticed — combined to push the process into a new realm in which the old rules didn’t apply and even the gatekeepers seemed not to know what the new rules were.

It happened, as these things often do, first gradually and then all at once.

It started with a precipitous rise in the number of people clamoring to get in. The so-called Ivy-Plus schools — the eight members of the Ivy League plus M.I.T., Duke, Chicago and Stanford — collectively received about 175,000 applications in 2002. In 2022, the most recent year for which totals are available, they got more than 590,000, with only a few thousand more available spots.

The quality of the applicants has risen also. In 2002, the nation produced 134 perfect ACT scores ; in 2023 there were 2,542 . Over the same period, the United States — and beyond it, the world — welcomed a great many more families into the ranks of the wealthy, who are by far the most likely to attend an elite college. Something had to give.

The first cracks appeared around the rules that had long governed the process and kept it civilized, obligating colleges to operate on the same calendar and to give students time to consider all offers before committing. A legal challenge swept the rules away, freeing the most powerful schools to do pretty much whatever they wanted.

One clear result was a drastic escalation in the formerly niche admissions practice known as early decision.

Then Covid swept through, forcing colleges to let students apply without standardized test scores — which, as the university consultant Ben Kennedy says, “tripled the number of kids who said to themselves, ‘Hey, I’ve got a shot at admission there.’” More applications, more market power for the schools and, for the students, an ever smaller chance of getting in.

Last year, the Supreme Court’s historic decision ending race-based affirmative action left colleges scrambling for new ways to preserve diversity and students groping in the dark to figure out what schools wanted.

Finally, this year the whole financial aid system exploded into spectacular disarray. Now, a month after most schools sent out the final round of acceptances, many students still don’t have the information they need to determine if they can afford college. Some will delay attending, and some will forgo it entirely, an outcome that will have lasting implications for them and, down the line, for the economy as a whole.

These disparate changes had one crucial thing in common: Almost all of them strengthened the hand of highly selective colleges, allowing them to push applicants into more constricted choices with less information and less leverage. The result is that elite admissions offices, which have always tried to reduce the uncertainty in each new year’s decisions, are now using their market power to all but eliminate it. This means taking no chances in pursuit of a high yield, the status-bestowing percentage of admitted students who enroll. But low uncertainty for elite colleges means the opposite for applicants — especially if they can’t pay the full tuition rate.

Canh Oxelson, the executive director of college counseling at the Horace Mann School in New York, says: “This is as much uncertainty as we’ve ever seen. Affirmative action, the FAFSA debacle, test-optionality — it has shown itself in this one particular year. Colleges want certainty, and they are getting more. Families want certainty and they are getting less.”

In 2024, the only applicants who could be certain of an advantage were those whose parents had taken the wise precaution of being rich.

The Early Bird Gets the Dorm

For Ivy Wydler, an elite college seemed like an obvious destination, and many of her classmates at Georgetown Visitation Preparatory School in Washington, D.C., were headed along the same trajectory. After her sophomore year of high school, she took the ACT and got a perfect score — on her first try, a true rarity. Her grades were stellar. So she set her sights high, favoring “medium to big schools, and not too cold.”

Touring campuses, she was dazzled by how great and exciting it all seemed. Then she visited Duke, and something clicked. She applied in the binding early decision round.

It’s a consequential choice. Students can do so at only one college, and they have to promise to attend if accepted, before knowing what the school’s financial aid offer will be. That means there is at least a chance an applicant will be on the hook for the full cost, which at Duke is $86,886 for the 2024-25 year. Students couldn’t be legally compelled to attend if they couldn’t afford it, but by the time they got the news, they would have already had to withdraw their other applications.

If full tuition isn’t a deal killer, as it wouldn’t be for Ivy’s family, the rewards are considerable. This year, just over 54,000 high school seniors vied to be one of only 1,750 members of Duke’s incoming class. The 6,000 who applied in the early decision round were three times as likely to get in as the 48,000 who applied later.

Until recently, early decision was a narrow pathway — an outlier governed, like the rest of this annual academic mating season, by a set of mandatory practices laid out by the National Association for College Admission Counseling, which is made up of college admissions officers and high school counselors. Those rules said, for example, that colleges couldn’t recruit a student who was already committed to another school or actively encourage someone to transfer. Crucially, the rules said that colleges needed to give students until May 1 to decide among offers (noting early decision, which begins and ends in the fall, as a “recognized exception”).

The Justice Department thought those rules ran afoul of the Sherman Antitrust Act, which bars powerful industries from colluding to restrain competition. At the end of 2019, NACAC agreed to a settlement mandating that the organization “promptly abolish” several of the rules and downgrade the rest to voluntary guidelines. Now, if they chose to, colleges had license to lure students with special offers or benefits, to aggressively poach students at other schools and to tear up the traditional admissions calendar.

At that point, nothing restrained colleges from going all in on early decision, a strategy that allows them to lock in students early without making any particular commitments about financial aid. Of the 735 first-year students that Middlebury College enrolled last year, for example, 516 were admitted via binding early decision. Some schools have a second round of early decision, and even what amounts to an unofficial third round — along with an array of other application pathways, each with its own terms and conditions.

With the rules now abandoned, colleges got a whole new bag of tricks. For example, a school might call — at any time in the process — with a one-time offer of admission if you can commit on the spot to attend and let go of all other prospects. Hesitate and it’s gone, along with your chances in subsequent rounds. “We hear about colleges that are putting pressure on high school seniors to send in a deposit sooner to get better courses or housing options,” says Sara Harberson, the founder of Application Nation, a college advising service.

To inform these maneuvers, colleges lean on consultants who analyze applicant demographics, qualifications, financial status and more, using econometric models. High school seniors think this is checkers, but the schools know it’s chess. This has all become terrifying for students, who are first-time players in a game their opponents invented.

Application season can be particularly intimidating for students who, unlike Ivy, did not grow up on the elite college conveyor belt. When Rania Khan, a senior in Gorton High School in Yonkers, N.Y., was in middle school, she and her mother spent two years in a shelter near Times Square. Since then she and her younger brother have been in the foster system. Despite these challenges, she has been a superb student. In ninth grade, Rania got an internship at Google and joined a research team at Regeneron, a biotechnology company. She won a national award for her study of how sewage treatment chemicals affect river ecosystems. Looking at colleges, she saw that her scores and credentials matched with those of students at the very top schools in the country.

One of the schools she was most drawn to was Barnard. “I like that it’s both a small college and” — because it’s part of Columbia — “a big university. There are a lot of resources, and it’s a positive environment for women,” she said. And it would keep her close to her little brother.

Barnard now fills around 60 percent of its incoming class in the early decision round, giving those students a massive admissions advantage. It would have been an obvious option for Rania, but she can’t take any chances financially. She applied via the general decision pool, when instead of having a one in three chance, her odds were one in 20.

Officially, anyone can apply for early decision. In practice it’s priority boarding for first-class passengers.

Unstandardized Testing

When selective colleges suspended the requirement for standardized testing, it didn’t really seem like a choice; because of the pandemic, a great many students simply couldn’t take the tests. The implications, however, went far beyond mere plague-year logistics.

The SAT was rolled out in 1926 as an objective measure of students’ ability, absent the cultural biases that had so strongly informed college admissions before then. It’s been the subject of debate almost ever since. In 1980, Ralph Nader published a study alleging that the standardized testing regimen actually reinforced racial and gender bias and favored people who could afford expensive test prep. Many educators have come back around to regarding the tests as a good predictor of academic success, but the matter is far from settled.

Remarkably, students still take the exams in the same numbers as before the pandemic, but far fewer disclose what they got. Cindy Zarzuela, an adviser with the nonprofit Yonkers Partners in Education who works with Rania and about 90 other students, said all her students took the SAT this year. None of them sent their scores to colleges.

These days, Cornell, for example, admits roughly 40 percent of its incoming class without a test score. At schools like the University of Wisconsin or the University of Connecticut , the percentage is even higher. In California, schools rarely accept scores at all, being in many cases not only test-optional, but also “test-blind.”

The high-water mark of test-optionality, however, was also its undoing.

Applicants tended to submit their scores only if they were above the school’s reported median, a pattern that causes that median to be recalibrated higher and higher each year. When Cornell went test-optional, its 25th percentile score on the math SAT jumped from 720 to 750. Then it went to 760. The ceiling is 800, so standardized tests had begun to morph from a system of gradients into a yes/no question: Did you get a perfect score? If not, don’t mention it.

The irony, however, was that in the search for a diverse student body, many elite colleges view strong-but-not-stellar test scores as proof that a student from an underprivileged background could do well despite lacking the advantages of the kids from big suburban high schools and fancy prep schools. Without those scores, it might be harder to make the case .

Multiply that across the board, and the result was that test-optional policies made admission to an elite school less likely for some diverse or disadvantaged applicants. Georgetown and M.I.T. were first to reinstate test score requirements, and so far this year Harvard, Yale, Brown, Caltech, Dartmouth and Cornell have announced that they will follow. There may be more to come.

The Power of No

On Dec. 14, Ivy got an answer from Duke: She was rejected.

She was in extremely good company. It’s been a while since top students could assume they’d get into top schools, but today they get rejected more often than not. It even happens at places like Northeastern, a school now ranked 53rd in the nation by U.S. News & World Report — and not long ago, more than 100 slots lower than that. It spends less per student on instruction than the Boston public schools .

“There’s no target school anymore and no safety school,” says Stef Mauler , a private admissions coach in Texas. “You have to have a strategy for every school you apply to.”

Northeastern was one of the 18 other schools Ivy applied to, carefully sifting through various deadlines and conditions, mapping out her strategy. With Duke out of the picture, her thoughts kept returning to one of them in particular: Dartmouth, her father’s alma mater. “My mom said, ‘Ivy, you love New Hampshire. Look at Dartmouth.’ She was right.” She had wanted to go someplace warm, but the idea of cold weather seemed to be bothering her less and less.

Meanwhile Rania watched as early decision day came and went, and thousands of high school seniors across the country got the best news of their lives. For Rania, it was just another Friday.

A Free Market in Financial Aid

In 2003, a consortium of about 20 elite colleges agreed to follow a shared formula for financial aid, to ensure that they were competing for students on the merits, not on mere dollars and cents. It sounds civilized, but pricing agreements are generally illegal for commercial ventures. (Imagine if car companies agreed not to underbid each other.) The colleges believed they were exempt from that prohibition, however, because they practiced “ need-blind ” admissions, meaning they don’t discriminate based on a student’s ability to pay.

In 2022, nine current and former students from an array of prestigious colleges filed a class-action antitrust lawsuit — later backed by the Justice Department — arguing that the consortium’s gentlemanly agreement was depriving applicants of the benefits of a free market. And to defang the defense, they produced a brilliant argument: No, these wealthy colleges didn’t discriminate against students who were poor, but they sure did discriminate in favor of students who were rich. They favored the children of alumni and devoted whole development offices to luring the kinds of ultrarich families that affix their names to shiny new buildings. It worked: Early this year, Brown, Columbia, Duke, Emory and Yale joined the University of Chicago in conceding , and paying out a nine-figure settlement. (They deny any wrongdoing.) Several other schools are playing on, but the consortium and its rules have evaporated.

This set schools free to undercut one another on price in order to get their preferred students. It also gave the schools a further incentive to push for early decision, when students don’t have the ability to compare offers.

For almost anyone seeking financial aid, from the most sought-after first-round pick to the kid who just slid under the wire, the first step remained the same: They had to fill out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid form, or FAFSA.

As anyone knows who’s been through it — or looked into the glassy eyes of someone else who has — applying for financial aid can be torture at the best of times. This year was the worst of times, because FAFSA was broken. The form, used by the government to determine who qualifies for federal grants or student loans, and by many colleges to determine their in-house financial aid, had gotten a much-needed overhaul. But the new version didn’t work , causing endless frustration for many families, and convincing many others not even to bother. At mid-April, finished FAFSA applications were down 29 percent compared with last year.

“The FAFSA catastrophe is bigger than people realize,” says Casey Sacks , a former U.S. Department of Education official and now the president of BridgeValley Community and Technical College in West Virginia, where 70 percent of students receive federal funds.

Abigail Garcia , Rania’s classmate and the 2024 valedictorian of their school, applied to in-state public colleges as well as Ivies. She couldn’t complete the FAFSA, however, because it rejected her parents’ information, the most common glitch. She has financial aid offers from elite schools, all of which use a private alternative to the government form, but she can’t weigh them against the public institutions, because they are so severely delayed.

For most students, 2024’s FAFSA crisis looks set to take the uncertainty that began last fall and drag it into the summer or beyond. “That’s going to reduce the work force in two to four years.” Ms. Sacks says. “FAFSA completions are a pretty good leading indicator of how many people will be able to start doing the kinds of jobs that are in highest demand — registered nurses, manufacturing engineers, those kinds of jobs.”

As the FAFSA problem rolls on, it could be that for the system as a whole, the worst is still to come.

Can Any of This Be Fixed?

On the numbers, elite college applicants’ problems are a footnote to the story of college access. The Ivy-Plus schools enroll less than 1 percent of America’s roughly 15 million undergraduates . If you expand the pool to include all colleges that are selective enough to accept less than a quarter of applicants, we’re still talking about only 6 percent of undergraduates. The easiest way to alleviate the traffic jam at the top is to shift our cultural focus toward the hundreds of schools that offer an excellent education but are not luxury brands.

Luxury brand schools, however, have real power. In 2023, 15 of 32 Rhodes scholars came from the Ivies, nine from Harvard alone. Twenty of this year’s 38 Supreme Court clerks came from Harvard or Yale. If elite colleges’ selection process is broken, what should we do to fix it?

Here’s what we can’t do: Let them go off and agree on their own solution. Antitrust law exists to prevent dominant players from setting their own rules to the detriment of consumers and competitors.

Here’s what we won’t do: Legislate national rules that govern admissions. Our systems are decentralized and it would take a miracle for Congress not to make things worse.

But here’s what we can do: Hold the schools accountable for their processes and their decisions.

Institutions that receive federal funds — which include all elite colleges — should be required to clearly state their admissions criteria. Admissions as currently practiced are designed to let schools whose budgets run on billions of taxpayers dollars do whatever they want. Consider Stanford’s guidance to applicants: “In a holistic review, we seek to understand how you, as a whole person, would grow, contribute and thrive at Stanford, and how Stanford would, in turn, be changed by you.” This perfectly encapsulates the current system, because it is meaningless.

Colleges should also not be allowed to make anyone decide whether to attend without knowing what it will actually cost, and they should not be allowed to offer better odds to those who forgo that information. They should not offer admissions pathways tilted to favor the rich, any more than they should offer pathways favoring people who are white.

It just shouldn’t be this hard. Really.

The Envelope Please …

Ivy has the highest academic qualifications available inside the conventional system, and her family can pay full tuition. Once upon a time, she would have had her pick of top colleges. Not this year.

Over the course of the whole crazy admissions season, the school she had come to care about most was Dartmouth.

Along with the other seven Ivies, Dartmouth released this year’s admissions decisions online on March 28, at 7 p.m. Eastern. Ivy was traveling that day, and as the moment approached, she said, “I was on the bed in my hotel room, just repeating, ‘People love me for who I am, not what I do. People love me for who I am, not what I do.’”

She was rejected by Duke, Vanderbilt, Stanford, Columbia and the University of Southern California, where Operation Varsity Blues shenanigans could once guarantee acceptance but, as Ivy discovered, a perfect score on the ACT will not. She landed on the wait list at Northeastern. She was accepted by Michigan and Johns Hopkins. And Ivy was accepted at both her parents’ alma maters: the University of Virginia and Dartmouth, where she will start in September.

For Rania, the star student with an extraordinary story of personal resilience, the news was not so good. At Barnard, she was remanded to the wait list. Last year only 4 percent of students in that position were eventually let in. N.Y.U. and the City University of New York’s medical college put her on the wait list, too.

A spot on a wait list tells applicants that they were good enough to get in. By the time Rania applied to these schools, there just wasn’t any room. “It was definitely a shock,” she said. “What was I missing? They just ran out of space — there are so many people trying to get into these places. It took two weeks to adjust to it.”

She did get lots of other good news, a sheaf of acceptances from schools like Fordham and the University at Albany. But then came the hardest question of all: How to pay for them? Some offered her a financial aid package that would leave her on the hook for more money than undergraduates are allowed to take out in federal student loans. Even now, some colleges haven’t been able to provide her with financial aid information at all.

Rania had all but settled on Hunter College, part of the City University system. It’s an excellent school, but a world away from the elite colleges she was thinking about when she started her search. Then at almost the last moment, Wesleyan came through with a full ride and even threw in some extra for expenses. Rania accepted, gratefully.

For Rania, the whole painful roller coaster of a year was over. For so many other high school seniors, the year of broken college admissions continues.

Daniel Currell, a lawyer and consultant, was a deputy under secretary and senior adviser at the Department of Education from 2018 to 2021. He is a trustee of Gustavus Adolphus College.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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