qualities of a good parent essay

• Trying to Conceive
• Signs & Symptoms
• Pregnancy Tests
• Fertility Testing
• Fertility Treatment
• Weeks & Trimesters
• Staying Healthy
• Preparing for Baby
• Complications & Concerns
• Pregnancy Loss
• Breastfeeding
• School-Aged Kids
• Raising Kids
• Personal Stories
• Everyday Wellness
• Safety & First Aid
• Immunizations
• Food & Nutrition
• Active Play
• Pregnancy Products
• Nursery & Sleep Products
• Nursing & Feeding Products
• Clothing & Accessories
• Toys & Gifts
• Ovulation Calculator
• Pregnancy Due Date Calculator
• How to Talk About Postpartum Depression
• Editorial Process
• Meet Our Review Board

12 Traits Good Parents Have in Common

Granger Wootz / Blend Images / Getty Images

Guide and Support Your Child

Encourage independence, be mindful that they are watching, avoid being mean, spiteful, or unkind, show your kids you love them, apologize for your mistakes, discipline your child effectively, see your child for who they are, keep track of your child, teach your child to be a good person, connect with your child, listen to your child.

What traits do good parents have in common? Are there certain things that some people do that make them good parents (or not good parents)?

Of course, the characteristics of a good parent aren't fixed or absolute. What may seem like good parenting to one person may not fit that definition for someone else. But generally speaking, these traits and habits can be found in parents who are practicing good parenting skills.

Every child is different and so is every parent, and every family has unique needs and circumstances. But most kids will benefit from parents who strive to provide care, attention, and unconditional love—but set expectations for behavior too.

Parents naturally want their kids to succeed and may push, prod, bribe, demand, or even threaten kids with punishment to get them to practice an instrument, excel at a sport, achieve top grades and so on. The fact is, being a strict " Tiger Mom " (or dad) isn't likely to get your child further than giving kids lots of support, and gently nudging if and when they need it.

Good parents know that it's important for kids to do things for themselves. Whether it's homework or chores or making friends , the best thing we can do as parents is get kids to a place where they can handle things on their own. However, it can be hard to tell how much we should help and how much we should let kids figure something out on their own.

As a general rule, helping your child with something is fine when you do it with the end goal of teaching them to eventually do it by themselves.

For example, it's not a good idea for parents to, say, do a child's homework for them or hover over a play date and dictate exactly what the kids will play and how. Those are definite examples of helicoptering , not helping. But if you show a child how to work out a homework problem or settle a problem with a friend in a respectful way, you're giving your child good tools for the future.

Got a piece of juicy gossip you're dying to share? Want to tell off a neighbor who did something rude or yell at a driver who cut you off? While we can't always be perfect, good parents know that kids are always learning from the examples we set. If we want our children to be kind , empathetic , and  well-mannered as they grow up, we must try to be on our own best behavior and be respectful of others.

Can a parent occasionally lose their temper or yell ? Absolutely—we are human, after all. But insulting or humiliating or belittling a child are never, ever a good way to teach anything. Would you want to be treated that way?

We can all get so busy, it's easy to forget to take the time to show our kids how we feel about them. Small gestures, like writing a note for their lunchbox or sharing things about yourself with them can strengthen your connection and show your child how much you love them every day.

You probably teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong by apologizing and trying to make up for what they did. This is just as, if not more, important for parents to do themselves.

Good parents know that all parents can sometimes make mistakes, and they learn from them and show their kids how to take responsibility for their actions.

Discipline (not punishment) is not only one of the best things you can teach your kids but also a way to ensure that you are raising a child who will be happier as they grow. Why is it so important to discipline children ? Kids who are not disciplined are much more likely to be spoiled , ungrateful, greedy, and, not surprisingly, have trouble making friends and being happy later in life.

Aim to see your child for who they are, not who you're hoping they'll become. Your child may be more of a quiet reader than someone who wants to be a star on the stage or a soccer field.

It's great to encourage kids to try things that may push them out of their comfort zones. "You won't know if you like it till you really give it a try" can sometimes apply, especially to kids who are still figuring out who they are and what they want.

But it's important for parents to do a quick check and make sure they're pushing kids for the right reasons (to try it, and not because the parent wants the child to be something they're not).

Know what your child is doing and with whom. Who are your child's friends? What are the parents of the child like? Who will your child encounter when they play at the friend's house and are there guns in the home?

These and other  questions to ask before a play date are not only crucial for your child's safety but also an important way for you to keep track of what your child is experiencing and encountering when they are away from you.

Teach kids to be kind, respectful toward others, be charitable, grateful for what they have, and have empathy for others. Of course, we all want our kids to strive to get good grades, win awards and accolades for music, sports, and other activities, and be successful later in life. However, who they are as a person is more important than which awards they get.

If you forget to teach them how to be good children and good people, they will be less likely to be happy and fulfilled, no matter what they achieve and how much they succeed.

Laugh together, spend time together, and connect positively every day. Whether it's playing a board game, going for a bike ride, cooking, watching a movie, or reading a book together (or reading different books side-by-side, if your child is older), good parents consciously spend time having fun and connecting with their kids in small and large ways.

Parents often spend a lot of their time with their kids talking to them rather than with them. Practice listening to your kids and really giving them your full attention (away from a computer or phone screen). You'll be surprised by how much more you feel connected to your child, and you'll likely learn about lots of things your child is thinking and feeling.

The best part: You'll be also showing your child how they can give you their undivided attention when you want to discuss something with them.

Alizadeh S, Abu Talib MB, Abdullah R, Mansor M. Relationship between parenting style and children's behavior problems . As Soc Sci . 2011;7(12):195-200. doi:10.5539/ass.v7n12p195 

Moe A, Katz I, Alesi M. Scaffolding for motivation by parents, and child homework motivations and emotions: Effects of a training programme . Br J Edu Psychol . 2018;88(2):323-344. doi:10.1111/bjep.12216

Richaud MC, Mesurado B, Lemos V. Links between perception of parental actions and prosocial behavior in early adolescence . J Child Fam Stud. 2013;22(5):637-646. doi:10.1007/s10826-012-9617-x

Layous K, Nelson SK, Oberle E, Schonert-Reichl KA, Lyubomirsky S. Kindness counts: Prompting prosocial behavior in preadolescents boosts peer acceptance and well-being . PLoS ONE. 2012;7(12):e513380. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0051380

By Katherine Lee Katherine Lee is a parenting writer and a former editor at Parenting and Working Mother magazines.

What is Positive Parenting? 33 Examples and Benefits

And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood.

As both parents of toddlers and teenagers can attest, such challenges are evident across all developmental stages.

But there is good news— numerous research-supported tools and strategies are now available for parents. These resources provide a wealth of information for common parenting challenges (i.e., bedtime issues, picky eating, tantrums, behavior problems, risk-taking, etc.); as well as the various learning lessons that are simply part of growing up (i.e., starting school, being respectful, making friends, being responsible, making good choices, etc.).

With its focus on happiness, resilience and positive youth development ; the field of positive psychology is particularly pertinent to discussions of effective parenting. Thus, whether you are a parent who’s trying to dodge potential problems; or you are already pulling your hair out— you’ve come to the right place.

This article provides a highly comprehensive compilation of evidence-based positive parenting techniques. These ideas and strategies will cover a range of developmental periods, challenges, and situations. More specifically, drawing from a rich and robust collection of research, we will address exactly what positive parenting means; its many benefits; when and how to use it; and its usefulness for specific issues and age-groups.

This article also contains many useful examples, positive parenting tips, activities, programs, videos, books , podcasts – and so much more. By learning from and applying these positive parenting resources; parents will become the kind of parents they’ve always wanted to be: Confident, Optimistic, and even Joyful.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

This Article Contains:

What is positive parenting, a look at the research, how can it encourage personal development and self growth in a child, how old must the child be, what are the benefits, 12 examples of positive parenting in action, positive parenting styles, a look at positive discipline, positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers, how to best address sibling rivalry, positive parenting with teenagers, positive parenting through divorce, a take-home message.

Before providing a definition of positive parenting, let’s take a step back and consider what we mean by “parents.” While a great deal of parenting research has focused on the role of mothers; children’s psychosocial well-being is influenced by all individuals involved in their upbringing.

Such caregivers might include biological and adoptive parents, foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other relatives and non-relatives who play a meaningful role in a child’s life. In other words, the term “parent” applies to an array of individuals whose presence impacts the health and well-being of children (Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

Thus, any time the terms “parent” or “caregiver” are used herein; they apply to any individuals who share a consistent relationship with a child, as well as an interest in his/her well-being (Seay, Freysteinson & McFarlane, 2014).

Fortunately, parenting research has moved away from a deficit or risk factor model towards a more positive focus on predictors of positive outcomes (e.g., protective factors ). Positive parenting exemplifies this approach by seeking to promote the parenting behaviors that are most essential for fostering positive youth development (Rodrigo, Almeida, Spiel, & Koops, 2012).

Several researchers have proposed definitions of positive parenting, such as Seay and colleagues (2014), who reviewed 120 pertinent articles. They came up with the following universal definition:

Positive parenting is the continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.

(Seay et al., 2014, p. 207).

The Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006) similarly defined positive parenting as “ … nurturing, empowering, nonviolent… ” and which “ provides recognition and guidance which involves setting of boundaries to enable the full development of the child ’’ (in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). These definitions, combined with the positive parenting literature, suggest the following about positive parenting:

• It involves Guiding
• It involves Leading
• It involves Teaching
• It is Caring
• It is Empowering
• It is Nurturing
• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs
• It is Consistent
• It is Always Non-violent
• It provides Regular Open Communication
• It provides Affection
• It provides Emotional Security
• It provides Emotional Warmth
• It provides Unconditional Love
• It recognizes the Positive
• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage
• It rewards Accomplishments
• It sets Boundaries
• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings
• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Along with these qualities, Godfrey (2019) proposes that the underlying assumption of positive parenting is that “… all children are born good, are altruistic and desire to do the right thing …” (positiveparenting.com).

Godfrey further adds that the objective of positive parenting is to teach discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit (2019). These authors reveal an overall picture of positive parenting as warm, thoughtful and loving— but not permissive.

There is plenty of research supporting the short- and long-term effects of positive parenting on adaptive child outcomes. To begin with, work by the Positive Parenting Research Team ( PPRT ) from the University of Southern Mississippi (Nicholson, 2019) is involved in various studies aimed at examining the impact of positive parenting.

• The following are included among the team’s research topics:
• Relationships between positive parenting and academic success;
• Positive parenting as a predictor of protective behavioral strategies;
• Parenting style and emotional health; maternal hardiness, coping and social support in parents of chronically ill children, etc.

The PPRT ultimately seeks to promote positive parenting behaviors within families.

In their seven-year longitudinal study; Pettit, Bates and Dodge (1997) examined the influence of supportive parenting among parents of pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as involving mother‐to‐child warmth, proactive teaching, inductive discipline, and positive involvement. Researchers contrasted this parenting approach with a less supportive, more harsh parenting style.

Supportive parenting was associated with more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems when the children were in sixth grade. Moreover, supportive parenting actually mitigated the negative impact of familial risk factors (i.e., socioeconomic disadvantage, family stress, and single parenthood) on children’s subsequent behavioral problems (Pettit et al., 2006).

Researchers at the Gottman Institute also investigated the impact of positive parenting by developing a 5-step ‘emotion coaching’ program designed to build children’s confidence and to promote healthy intellectual and psychosocial growth.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include:

• awareness of emotions;
• connecting with your child;
• listening to your child;
• naming emotions; and
• finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Gottman has reported that children of “emotional coaches” benefit from a more a positive developmental trajectory relative to kids without emotional coaches. Moreover, an evaluation of emotional coaching by Bath Spa University found several positive outcomes for families trained in emotional coachings, such as parental reports of a 79% improvement in children’s positive behaviors and well-being (Bath Spa University, 2016).

Overall, research has indicated that positive parenting is related to various aspects of healthy child development (many more examples of evidence supporting the benefits are positive parenting are described further in this article). Such outcomes are neither fleeting nor temporary; and will continue well beyond childhood.

Another way of thinking about the role of positive parenting is in terms of resilience. When children—including those who begin life with significant disadvantages— experience positive and supportive parenting, they are far more likely to thrive.

It is in this way that positive parenting minimizes health and opportunity disparities by armoring children with large stores of emotional resilience (Brooks, 2005; Brooks & Goldstein, 2001). And since we know positive parenting works; what parent wouldn’t want to learn how to use it and thereby give his/her child the best shot at a healthy and happy life?

Download 3 Free Positive Relationships Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients to build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

Download 3 Positive Relationships Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

• Email Address *
• Your Expertise * Your expertise Therapy Coaching Education Counseling Business Healthcare Other
• Email This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

There are various mechanisms through which positive parenting promotes a child’s prosocial development.

For example, Eisenberg, Zhou, and Spinrad et al. (2005) suggest that positive parenting impacts children’s temperament by enhancing emotion regulation (e.g., “effortful control” enabling children to focus attention in a way that promotes emotion modulation and expression).

The authors reported a significant link between parental warmth and positive expressivity on children’s long-term emotion regulation. This ability to use effortful control was found to predict reduced externalizing problems years later when children were adolescents (Eisenbert et al., 2005).

Along with emotion regulation, there are many other ways in which positive parenting encourages a child’s positive development and self-growth.

Here are some examples:

• Teaching and leading promote children’s confidence and provides them with the tools needed to make good choices.
• Positive communication promotes children’s social and problem-solving skills while enhancing relationship quality with caregivers and peers.
• Warm and democratic parenting enhances children’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Parental supervision promotes prosocial peer bonding and positive youth outcomes.
• Autonomy-promoting parenting supports creativity, empowerment, and self-determination.
• Supportive and optimistic parenting fosters children’s belief in themselves and the future.
• Providing recognition for desirable behaviors increases children’s self-efficacy and the likelihood of engaging in prosocial, healthy behaviors.
• Providing boundaries and consequences teaches children accountability and responsibility.

Generally speaking, there are many aspects of positive parenting that nurture children’s self-esteem; creativity; belief in the future; ability to get along with others; and sense of mastery over their environment.

Warm, loving and supportive parents feed a child’s inner spirit while empowering him/her with the knowledge and tools necessary to approach life as a fully capable individual.

5 Expert tips no parent should miss – Goalcast

The need for positive parenting begins – well, at the beginning. The attachment literature has consistently indicated that babies under one year of age benefit from positive parenting. More specifically, a secure attachment between infants and mothers is related to numerous positive developmental outcomes (i.e., self-esteem, trust, social competence, etc.; Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

The quality of the mother-child attachment is believed to be a function of parental sensitivity (e.g., mothers who accurately perceive and quickly respond to their babies’ needs; Juffer et al., 2008)— which is certainly a key indicator of positive parenting practices in their earliest form.

Not only is a secure mother-child attachment related to early positive developmental outcomes, but more recent attachment research also indicates long-term increases in social self-efficacy among girls with secure attachments to their fathers (Coleman, 2003).

There are even ways in which positive parenting benefits a child or family as soon as the parents learn of a pregnancy or adoption (i.e., see the subsequent ‘sibling rivalry’ section). Therefore, it cannot be stressed enough: Positive parenting begins as early as possible.

There is empirical evidence for numerous benefits of positive parenting, which cover all developmental stages from infancy to late adolescence. The following table provides a list of many such examples:

The evidence clearly supports a relationship between positive parenting approaches and a large variety of prosocial parent and child outcomes. Therefore, practitioners have developed and implemented a range of programs aimed at promoting positive parenting practices.

Here are some noteworthy examples; including those which target specific risk factors, as well as those with a more preventative focus:

• Parent’s Circle program (Pearson & Anderson, 2001): Recognizing that positive parenting begins EARLY, this program helped parents of infants in the neonatal intensive care unit to enhance their parenting skills in order to better parent their fragile newborns.
• The Home Visiting Program (Ammaniti, Speranza, & Tambelli, et al., 2006): Also focused on babies, this program aimed to increase parental sensitivity in order to improve secure mother-infant attachments. In doing so, psychologists visited high-risk mothers at their homes in order to improve parental sensitivity to their infants’ signals.
• The Early Head Start Home-based Program (Roggman, Boyce, & Cook, 2009): This home-based program also focused on promoting parent-child attachment. Parents in semirural areas received weekly home-based visits from a family educator who taught them positive strategies aimed at promoting healthy parent-child interactions and engagement in children’s activities.
• American Psychological Association’s ACT Raising Safe Kids (RSK) program (Knox, Burkhard, & Cromly, 2013): The goal of this program was to improve parents’ positive parenting knowledge and skills by teaching nonviolent discipline, anger management, social problem‐solving skills, and other techniques intended to protect children from aggression and violence.
• New Beginnings Program (Wolchik, Sandler, Weiss, & Winslow, 2007): This empirically-based 10-session program was designed to teach positive parenting skills to families experiencing divorce or separation. Parents learned how to nurture positive and warm relationships with kids, use effective discipline, and protect their children from divorce-related conflict. The underlying goal of the New Beginnings Program was to promote child resilience during this difficult time.
• Family Bereavement Program (Sandler, Wolchik, Ayers, Tein, & Luecken, 2013): This intervention was aimed at promoting resilience in parents and children experiencing extreme adversity: The death of a parent. This 10-meeting supportive group environment helped bereaved parents learn a number of resilience-promoting parenting skills (i.e., active listening, using effective rules, supporting children’s coping, strengthening family bonds, and using adequate self-care).
• The Positive Parent (Suárez, Rodríguez, & López, 2016): This Spanish online program was aimed at enhancing positive parenting by helping parents to learn about child development and alternative child-rearing techniques; to become more aware, creative and independent in terms of parenting practices; to establish supportive connections with other parents; and to feel more competent and satisfied with their parenting.
• Healthy Families Alaska Programs (Calderaa, Burrellb, & Rodriguez, 2007): The objective of this home visiting program was to promote positive parenting and healthy child development outcomes in Alaska. Paraprofessionals worked with parents to improve positive parenting attitudes, parent-child interactions, child development knowledge, and home environment quality.
• The Strengthening Families Program (Kumpfer & Alvarado, 1998): This primary prevention program has been widely used to teach parents a large array of positive parenting practices. Following family systems and cognitive-behavioral philosophies, the program has taught parenting skills such as engagement in positive interactions with children, positive communication, effective discipline, rewarding positive behaviors, and the use of family meetings to promote organization. The program’s overall goal was to enhance child and family protective factors; to promote children’s resilience, and to improve children’s social and life skills.
• Incredible Years Program (Webster-Stratton& Reid, 2013): This program refers to a widely implemented and evaluated group-based intervention designed to reduce emotional problems and aggression among children, and to improve their social and emotional competence. Parent groups received 12-20 weekly group sessions focused on nurturing relationships, using positive discipline, promoting school readiness and academic skills, reducing conduct problems, and increasing other aspects of children’s healthy psychosocial development. This program has also been used for children with ADHD.
• Evidence-based Positive Parenting Programs Implemented in Spain (Ministers of the Council of Europe, in Rodrigo et al., 2012): In a special issue of Psychosocial Intervention, multiple evaluation studies of positive parenting programs delivered across Spain are presented. Among the programs included are those delivered in groups, at home, and online; each of which is aimed at positive parenting support services. This issue provides an informative resource for understanding which parents most benefited from various types of evidence-based programs aimed at promoting positive parenting among parents attending family support services.
• Triple P Positive Parenting Program (Sanders, 2008): This program, which will be described in more detail in a subsequent post, is a highly comprehensive parenting program with the objective of providing parents of high-risk children with the knowledge, confidence, and skills needed to promote healthy psychological health and adjustment in their children. While these programs are multifaceted, an overarching focus of the Triple P programs is to improve children’s self-regulation.

A reoccurring theme in the positive parenting literature is that a warm, yet firm parenting style is linked to numerous positive youth outcomes. This style is termed ‘authoritative’ and it is conceptualized as a parenting approach that includes a good balance of the following parenting qualities: assertive, but not intrusive; demanding, but responsive; supportive in terms of discipline, but not punitive (Baumrind, 1991).

Along with an authoritative parenting style, a developmental parenting style is also believed to support positive child outcomes (Roggman et al., 2008).

Developmental parenting is a positive parenting style that promotes positive child development by providing affection (i.e., through positive expressions of warmth toward the child); responsiveness (i.e., by attending to a child’s cues); encouragement (i.e., by supporting a child’s capabilities and interests); and teaching (i.e., by using play and conversation to support a child’s cognitive development (Roggman & Innocenti, 2009).

Developmental parenting clearly shares several commonalities with authoritative parenting, and both represent positive parenting approaches.

Overall, by taking a good look at positive parenting strategies that work for raising healthy, happy kids; it is evident that positive parenting styles encourage a child’s autonomy by:

• Supporting exploration and involvement in decision-making
• Paying attention and responding to a child’s needs
• Using effective communication
• Attending to a child’s emotional expression and control
• Rewarding and encouraging positive behaviors
• Providing clear rules and expectations
• Applying consistent consequences for behaviors
• Providing adequate supervision and monitoring
• Acting as a positive role model
• Making positive family experiences a priority

In a nutshell, positive parents support a child’s healthy growth and inner spirit by being loving, supportive, firm, consistent, and involved. Such parents go beyond communicating their expectations, but practice what they preach by being positive role models for their children to emulate.

4 Things you must say to your kids daily – Live on Purpose TV

The term ‘discipline’ often has a negative, purely punitive connotation. However, ‘discipline’ is actually defined as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character” (Merriam-Webster, 2019).

This definition is instructive, as it reminds us that as parents, we are not disciplinarians, but rather teachers. And as our children’s teachers, our goal is to respectfully show them choices for behaviors and to positively reinforce adaptive behaviors.

Positive discipline again harkens back to authoritative parenting because it should be administered in a way that is firm and loving at the same time. Importantly, positive discipline is never violent, aggressive or critical; it is not punitive.

Relevant: Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement

Physical punishment (i.e., spanking) is ineffective for changing behaviors in the long-term and has a number of detrimental consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013). Indeed, the objective of positive discipline is to “teach and train. Punishment (inflicting pain/purposeful injury) is unnecessary and counter-productive” (Kersey, 2006, p. 1).

Nelsen (2006) describes a sense of belonging as a primary goal of all people; a goal that is not achieved through punishment. In fact, she describes the four negative consequences of punishment on children (e.g., “the four R’s”) as resentment toward parents; revenge that may be plotted in order to get back at parents; rebellion against parents, such as through even more excessive behaviors; and retreat, that may involve becoming sneaky and/or experiencing a loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

She provides the following five criteria for positive discipline (which are available on her positive discipline website ):

• Is both kind and firm
• Promotes a child’s sense of belonging and significance
• Works long-term (note: punishment may have an immediate impact, but this is short-lived)
• Teaches valuable social and life skills (i.e., problem-solving, social skills, self-soothing, etc.)
• Helps children develop a sense that they are capable individuals

In her comprehensive and helpful book for parents: Positive Discipline , Nelsen (2006) also describes a number of key aspects of positive discipline, such as being non-violent, respectful, and grounded in developmental principles; teaching children self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy; and promoting a positive relationship between parent and child.

Stated another way, “ respecting children teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person deserves respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn ” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Since we know that positive discipline does not involve the use of punishment; the next obvious questions become “Just what exactly does it involve?”

This question is undoubtedly urgent for parents who feel like their child is working diligently toward driving them mad. While we will discuss some of the more typical frustrations that parents regularly encounter later in the article, Kersey (2006) provides parents with a wonderful and comprehensive resource in her publication entitled “101 positive principles of discipline.”

Here are her top ten principles:

• Demonstrate Respect Principle : Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.
• Make a Big Deal Principle : Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.
• Incompatible Alternative Principle : Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.
• Choice Principle : Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”
• When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle : Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)
• Connect Before You Correct Principle : Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.
• Validation Principle : Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.
• Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle : Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.
• Belonging and Significance Principle : Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.
• Timer Says it’s Time Principle : Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

The reader is encouraged to check-out Kersey’s 101 positive discipline principles, as they contain an enormous amount of useful and effective approaches for parents; along with principles that reflect many everyday examples (e.g., Babysitter Principle; Apology Principle; Have Fun Together Principle; Talk About Them Positively to Others Principle; Whisper Principle; Write a Contract Principle; and so much more).

This section has provided many helpful positive discipline ideas for a myriad of parenting situations and challenges. Positive discipline (which will be expounded on later sections of in the article: i.e., ‘positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers,’ ‘temper tantrums,’ ‘techniques to use at bedtime,’ etc.) is an effective discipline approach that promotes loving parent-child relationships, as well as producing productive, respectful, and happy children.

The notion of parenting a toddler can frighten even the most tough-minded among us. This probably isn’t helped by terms such as ‘terrible two’s,’ and jokes like “ Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it ” (Jerry Seinfeld, goodreads.com).

Sure, toddlers and preschoolers get a bad rap; but they do sometimes seem like tiny drunken creatures who topple everything in their path. Not to mention their tremendous noise and energy, mood swings, and growing need for independence.

While their lack of coordination and communication skills can be endearing and often hilarious; they are also quite capable of leaving their parents in a frenzied state of frustration. For example, let’s consider the situation below.

The Grocery Store Blow-out

In this relatable example, a dad and his cranky 3-year-old find themselves in a long line at a grocery store. The child decides she’s had enough shopping and proceeds to throw each item out of the cart while emitting a blood-curdling scream.

The father, who may really need to get the shopping done, is likely to shrivel and turn crimson as his fellow shoppers glare and whisper about his “obnoxious child” or “bad parenting.” He, of course, tells her to stop; perhaps by asking her nicely, or trying to reason with her.

When this doesn’t’ work, he might switch his method to commanding, pleading, threatening, negotiating, or anything else he can think of in his desperation. But she is out of control and beyond reason. The father wants an immediate end to the humiliation; but he may not realize that some quick fixes intended to placate his child, will only make his life worse in the long run.

So, what is he to do?

Before going into specific solutions for this situation, it is essential that parents understand this developmental stage. There are reasons for the child’s aggravating behaviors; reasons that are biologically programmed to ensure survival.

For example, kids aged two-to-three are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things that seem scary in the world. As such, they may become anxious about a variety of situations; like strangers, bad dreams, extreme weather, creepy images, doctor and dentist offices, monsters, certain animals, slivers or other minor medical issues, etc.

While these childhood fears make life more difficult for parents (i.e., when a child won’t stay in his/her room at night due to monsters and darkness, or when a child makes an enormous fuss when left with a babysitter), they are actually an indicator of maturity (Durant, 2016).

The child is reacting in a way that supports positive development by fearing and avoiding perceived dangers. While fear of monsters does not reflect a truly dangerous situation, avoidance of individuals who appear mean or aggressive is certainly in the child’s best interest.

Similarly, fear of strangers is an innate protective mechanism that prompts children to stay close to those adults who keep them healthy and safe. And some strangers indeed should be feared. Although a challenge for parents, young children who overestimate dangers with consistent false-positives are employing their survival instincts.

In her book  Positive Discipline (which is free online and includes worksheets for parents), Durant (2016) notes the importance of respecting a child’s fears and not punishing her/him for them, as well as talking to the child in a way that shows empathy and helps him/her to verbalize feelings. Durant proposes that one of the keys of effective discipline is “… to see short-term challenges as opportunities to work toward your long-term goals” (2016, p. 21).

With this objective in mind, any steps a parent takes when dealing with a frightened or misbehaving child should always be taken with consideration of their potential long-term impact. Long-term goals, which Durant describes as “the heart of parenting” may be hard to think about when a child is challenging and a frustrated parent simply wants the behavior to stop.

However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as:

• Maintaining a quality relationship with the parent
• Taking responsibility for actions
• Being respectful of others
• Knowing right from wrong
• Making wise decisions
• Being honest, loyal and trustworthy

Related: Examples of Positive Reinforcement in the Classroom

Grocery Store Blow-out Solutions

Long-term parenting goals are highly relevant to the maddening grocery store example. If the dad only thinks about the short-term goal of making his daughter’s behavior stop embarrassing him at the store, he might decide to tell her she can have a candy bar if she is quiet and stops throwing items from the cart.

This way, he might reason, he can finish his shopping quickly and without humiliation. Sure, this might work as far as getting the child to behave on that day— at that moment; BUT here are some likely consequences:

• Next time they go shopping, she will do this again in order to receive the candy reward.
• Pretty much every time they go shopping, she will do the same thing; and the value of the reward is likely to escalate as she gets tired of the candy.
• She will learn that this behavior can get her rewards in all sorts of places beyond the grocery store, thus making her exhausted parents afraid to take her anywhere.

Moreover, the message she receives from the candy tactic will not reinforce the qualities the father likely wants to see in his daughter over time, such as:

• Being respectful of her parents
• Being respectful of others around her
• Being respectful of others’ property
• Being responsible for her behavior
• Being courteous and considerate
• Being helpful
• Having good manners
• Having good social skills

Therefore, the father might instead deal with this situation by calmly telling her that she needs to stop or she will get a time-out. The time-out can take place somewhere in the store that is not reinforcing for her, such as a quiet corner with no people around (e.g., no audience). Or they can go sit in the car.

If the store is especially crowded, the dad might also ask the clerk to place his cart in a safe place and/or save his place in line until he returns (which he/she will likely be inclined to do if it will get the child to be quiet). After a brief time-out, he should give his daughter a hug and let her know the rules for the remainder of the shopping trip, as well as the consequences of not following them.

In some cases, it might be better for the parent to simply leave the store without the groceries and go home. He won’t have completed his shopping, but that will be a small price for having a child who learns a good lesson on how to behave.

Very importantly, however; if he does take her home, this absolutely cannot be done in a way that is rewarding (i.e., she gets to go home and play, watch tv, or anything else she enjoys). She will need a time-out immediately upon arriving home, as well as perhaps the message that dinner won’t be her favorite tonight since the shopping was not done.

This is not meant to be punitive or sarcastic, more of a natural consequence for her to learn from (e.g., “If I act-out at the store, we won’t have my favorite foods in the house”). In fact, even though he may not feel like it, the father needs to speak to his daughter in a kind and loving way.

Regardless of whether the consequence is in the store or at home, the dad absolutely must follow-through consistently. If he doesn’t, he will teach her that sometimes she can misbehave and still get what she wants; this is a pattern of reinforcement that is really difficult to break.

Of course, the father cannot leave the store each time she misbehaves, as he won’t get anything done and he’s also giving her too much control. Thus, he should prepare in advance for future shopping trips by making her aware of the shopping rules, expectations for her behavior, and the consequences if she breaks them.

The father should be specific about such things, as “I expect you to be good at the store” is not clear. Saying something more like “The rules for shopping are that you need to talk in your quiet voice, listen to daddy, sit still in the cart, help daddy give the items to the clerk, etc.” The dad is also encouraged to only take her shopping when she is most likely to behave (i.e., when well-rested, well-fed, not upset about something else, etc.).

He might also give her something to do while shopping, such as by bringing her favorite book or helping to put items in the cart. Giving his daughter choices will also help her feel a sense of control (i.e., “You can either help put the items in the cart or you can help give them to the clerk”).

And, finally, the little girl should be rewarded for her polite shopping behavior with a great deal of praise (i.e., “You were a very good girl at the store today. You really helped Daddy and I enjoyed spending time with you”).

He might also reward her with a special experience (i.e., “You were so helpful at the store, that we saved enough time to go the park later” or “You were such a great helper today; can you also help daddy make dinner?”). Of course, the reward should not consist of food, since that can lead to various other problems.

There are many more positive parenting tips for this and other difficult parenting scenarios throughout this article, as well as numerous helpful learning resources. In the meantime, it is always wise to remember that your toddler or preschooler does not act the way he/she does in order to torture you— it’s not personal.

There are always underlying reasons for these behaviors. Just keep your cool, plan-ahead, think about your long-term goals, and remember that your adorable little monster will only be this age for a brief time.

Related:  Parenting Children with Positive Reinforcement (Examples + Charts)

Siblings, whether biological; adopted; full or half stepsiblings; often pick at each other endlessly. Arguments between siblings are a normal part of life. However, sometimes the degree of animosity between siblings (e.g., sibling rivalry) can get out of control and interfere with the quality of the relationship. Not to mention creating misery for parents. Plus, there are negative long-term consequences of problematic sibling relationships, such as deviant behavior among older children and teens (Moser & Jacob, 2002).

Sibling rivalry is often complicated, as it is affected by a range of family variables, such as family size, parent-child interactions, parental relationships, children’s genders, birth order, and personality—among others. And it starts really early. Sometimes, as soon as a child realizes a baby brother or sister is on the way, emotions begin to run high. Fortunately, parents have a great opportunity to prepare their children from the start.

For example, the parent can foster a healthy sibling relationship by engaging in open communication about becoming a big brother or sister early on. This should be done in a way that is exciting and supports the child’s new role as the older sibling. Parents can support bonding by allowing the child to feel the baby kick or view ultrasound pictures. They can solicit their child’s help in decorating the baby’s room.

For some families, their newborn baby may be premature or have other medical problems that require time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). In this situation, which can be quite stressful for siblings, parents should talk to the older child about what’s happening. Parents might also provide the child with updates on the baby’s progress, prepare the child for visits to the NICU, have the child draw a picture to leave with the baby, make a scrapbook for the baby, and set aside plenty of time with the older child (Beavis, 2007).

If the new child is going to be adopted, it is also important to encourage a connection. For example, along with explaining how the adoption will work, the child can be involved in the exciting aspects of the process once it is confirmed. In the case of an older child or international adoption, there are special things parents can do as well.

For example, if a child is in an orphanage, the sibling can help pick-out little gifts to send ahead of time (i.e., a stuffed animal, soft blanket or clothing). Having the child draw a picture and/or write a letter to the new sibling is another way to enhance the relationship. Adopting an older child will require particular preparation; as the new sibling will arrive with his/her own fears, traits, memories, and experiences that will certainly come into play.

There are a number of children’s books designed to help parents prepare their children for a new sibling, such as You Were the First (MacLachlan, 2013), My Sister Is a Monster : Funny Story on Big Brother and New Baby Sister How He Sees Her (Green, 2018), and Look-Look : The New Baby (Mayer, 2001).

There are also children’s books that help prepare children for adopted siblings, with some that are even more focused on the type of adoption. Here are a few examples: Seeds of Love : For Brothers and Sisters of International Adoption (Ebejer Petertyl & Chambers, 1997), A Sister for Matthew : A Story About Adoption (Kennedy, 2006), and Emma’s Yucky Brother (Little, 2002).

Along with the above tips, Amy McCready (2019) provides some excellent suggestions for ending sibling rivalry, these include:

• Avoid Labeling Children: by labeling children in ways such as “the social one,” “the great student,” “the athlete,” “the baby” etc., parents intensify comparisons, as well as one child’s belief that he/she does not possess the same positive qualities as the other one (i.e., “if he’s the ‘brainy one,’ I must be the ‘dumb one,’”).
• Arrange for Attention: Make sure each child has plenty of regular intentional attention so that they will be less inclined to fight for it.
• Prepare for Peace: McCready describes several ways to teach conflict resolution skills that help to avoid further issues between siblings.
• Stay out of Squabbles: Unless absolutely necessary (i.e., during a physical fight), it is best to stay out of squabbles. In doing so, the parent is not reinforcing the disagreement, while also enabling the children to work out solutions together.
• Calm the Conflict: If you must intervene, it is best to help the children problem-solve the situation without judgment or taking sides.
• Put them All in the Same Boat: McCready suggests that all children involved in the conflict receive the same consequence, which teaches them that they each will benefit from getting along.

These and other useful tips and resources are available on McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions website . Luckily, by being thoughtful and preparing ahead of time, parents can avoid excessive competition between children and promote meaningful lifelong sibling bonds.

Before discussing positive parenting with teenagers, it is important to remember one key fact: Teens still need and want their parents’ support, affection, and guidance— even if it doesn’t seem like it. Just as with younger kids, parental figures are essential for helping adolescents overcome difficult struggles (Wolin, Desetta & Hefner, 2016).

Indeed, by fostering a sense of mastery and internal locus of control, adults help to empower a teen’s sense of personal responsibility and control over the future (Blaustein & Kinniburgh, 2018). In fact, the presence of nurturing adults who truly listen has been reported among emotionally resilient teens (Wolin et al., 2016).

Positive parenting practices such as quality communication, parental monitoring, and authoritative parenting style also have been found to predict fewer risky behaviors among adolescents (DeVore & Ginsburg, 2005).

As parents of teens know, there are many challenges involved in parenting during this developmental period. Adolescents often find themselves confused about where they fit in the area between adulthood and childhood. They may desire independence, yet lack the maturity and knowledge to execute it safely. They are often frustrated by their bodily changes, acne and mood swings.

Teens may be overwhelmed by school, as well as pressures from parents and peers. Teens may feel bad about themselves and even become anxious or depressed as they try to navigate the various stressors they face.

Many of these difficulties, which certainly need attention from parents, may also make conversations difficult. Parents may feel confused as to how much freedom versus protectiveness is appropriate. The Love and Logic approach (Cline & Faye, 2006) provides some terrific ways for parents to raise responsible, well-adjusted teens.

The authors’ approach for parents involves two fundamental concepts: “Love [which] means giving your teens opportunities to be responsible and empowering them to make their own decisions.” And “Logic [which] means allowing them to live with the natural consequences of their mistakes-and showing empathy for the pain, disappointment, and frustration they’ll experience” (Foster, Cline, & Faye, 2019, hopelbc.com, p. 1).

Just as with young children, the Love and Logic method is a warm and loving way to prepare teens for the future while maintaining a quality relationship with parents.

Another positive parenting approach that is particularly applicable to adolescents is the Teen Triple P Program (Ralph & Sanders, 2004). Triple P (which will be described in a subsequent post) is tailored toward teens and involves teaching parents a variety of skills aimed at increasing their own knowledge and confidence.

The program also promotes various prosocial qualities in teens such as social competence, health, and resourcefulness; such that they will be able to avoid engaging in problem behaviors (e.g., substance use, risky sex, delinquency, Bulimia, etc.). This approach enables parents to replace harsh discipline styles for those that are more nurturing, without being permissive. It aims to minimize parent-teen conflict while providing teens with the tools and ability to make healthy choices (Ralph & Sanders, 2004).

Parents of teens (or future teens) often shudder when considering the dangers and temptations to which their children may be exposed. With a focus specifically on substance use, the Partnership for Drug-free Kids website offers a great deal of information for parents who are either dealing with teen drug use or are doing their best to prevent it.

For example, several suggestions for lowering the probability that a teen will use substances include:

• knowing your teen’s friends;
• being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication;
• being aware of your child’s level of risk for substance use;
• providing your teen with substance use information;
• supervising and monitoring your teen;
• setting boundaries;
• communicating openly about substance use; and
• building a supportive and warm relationship with your teen (Partnership for Drug-free Kids; PDK, 2014).

These suggestions are discussed in more detail on the following PDF : Parenting Practices: Help Reduce the Chances Your Child will Develop a Drug or Alcohol Problem (PDK, 2014). By employing these and other positive parenting techniques, you are helping your teenager to become a respectful, well-adjusted and productive member of society.

Divorce has become so common that dealing with it in the best possible way for kids is of vital importance to parents everywhere.

Parental divorce/separation represents a highly stressful experience for children that can have both immediate and long-term negative consequences.

Children of divorce are at increased risk for mental health, emotional, behavioral, and relationship problems (Department of Justice, Government of Canada, 2015).

There is, however, variability in how divorce affects children; with some adverse consequences being temporary, and others continuing well into adulthood. Since we know that divorce does not impact all children equally, the key question becomes: What are the qualities that are most effective for helping children to cope with parental divorce?

There are differences in children’s temperament and other aspects of personality, as well as family demographics, that affect their ability to cope with divorce. But, for present purposes, let’s focus on the aspects of the divorce itself since this is the area parents have the most power to change.

Importantly, the detrimental impact of divorce on kids typically begins well before the actual divorce (Amato, 2000). Thus, it may not be the divorce per se that represents the child risk factor; but rather, the parents’ relationship conflicts and how they are handled. For divorced/divorcing parents, this information is encouraging—as there are things you can do to help your children (and you) remain resilient despite this difficult experience.

Parental Conflict and Alienation

There are several divorce-related qualities that make it more difficult for children to adapt to divorce, such as parental hostility and poor cooperation between parents (Amato, 2000); and interpersonal conflict between parents along with continued litigation (Goodman, Bonds, & Sandler, et al., 2005).

Parents dealing with divorce need to make a special effort not to expose their children to conflicts between parents, legal and money related issues, and general animosity. The latter point merits further discussion, as parents often have a difficult time not badmouthing each other in front of (or even directly to) their kids. It is this act of turning a child against a parent that ultimately serves to turn a child against himself (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Badmouthing the other divorced parent is an alienation strategy, given its aim to alienate the other parent from the child. Such alienation involves any number of criticisms of the other parent in front of the child. This may even include qualities that aren’t necessarily negative, but which can be depicted as such for the sake of enhancing alienation (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Baker and Ben-Ami (2011) note that parental alienation tactics hurt children by sending the message that the badmouthed parent does not love the child. Also, the child may feel that, because their badmouthed parent is flawed; that he/she is similarly damaged. When a child receives a message of being unlovable or flawed, this negatively affects his/her self-esteem, mood, relationships, and other areas of life ( Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011 ).

An excellent resource for preventing parental alienation is Divorce Poison : How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing (Warshak, 2010).

Warshak describes how one parent’s criticism of the other may have a highly detrimental impact on the targeted parent’s relationship with his/her child. And such badmouthing absolutely hurts the child. Badmouthed parents who fail to deal with the situation appropriately are at risk of losing the respect of their kids and even contact altogether. Warshak provides effective solutions for bad-mouthed parents to use during difficult situations, such as:

• How to react when you find out about the badmouthing
• What to do if your kids refuse to see you
• How to respond to false accusations
• How to insulate kids from bad-mouthing effects

Reasons that parents attempt to manipulate children, as well as behaviors often exhibited by children who have become alienated from one parent,  are also described (Warshak, 2010). This book, as well as additional resources subsequently listed, provides hope and solutions for parents who are dealing with the pain of divorce.

Importantly, there are ways to support children in emerging from divorce without long-term negative consequences (i.e., by protecting them from parental animosity). It is in this way that parents can “enable their children to maintain love and respect for two parents who no longer love, and may not respect, each other” (Warshak, 2004-2013, warshak.com).

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

Positive parenting is an effective style of raising kids that is suitable for pretty much all types of parents and children. This article contains a rich and extensive collection of positive parenting research and resources; with the goal of arming caregivers with the tools to prevent or tackle a multitude of potential challenges. And, of course, to foster wellness and healthy development in children.

Here are the article’s key takeaways:

• Parents are never alone. Whatever the problem or degree of frustration, there is a whole community of parents who have faced the same issues. Not to mention a ton of positive parenting experts with effective solutions.
• Positive parenting begins early. Positive parenting truly starts the moment a person realizes he/she is going to become a parent since even the planning that goes into preparing for a child’s arrival will have an impact.
• Positive parenting applies to all developmental periods. With a positive parenting approach, raising toddlers and teenagers need not be terrible nor terrifying. Positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages.
• Positive parents raise their children in a way that empowers them to reach their full potential as resilient and fulfilled individuals. Positive parents are warm, caring, loving and nurturing— and so much more: They are teachers, leaders, and positive role models. They are consistent and clear about expectations. They know what their kids and teens are doing. They encourage and reinforce positive behaviors. They make family experiences a priority. They support their children’s autonomy and individuality. They love their children unconditionally. They engage in regular, open dialogues with their children. They are affectionate, empathetic, and supportive. They understand that their teenagers still need them.
• Positive discipline is an effective, evidence-based approach that is neither punitive nor permissive. Positive discipline is performed in a loving way without anger, threats, yelling, or punishment. It involves clear rules, expectations, and consequences for behavior; and consistent follow-through. It is in alignment with parents’ long-term parenting goals.
• Positive parenting is backed by empirical evidence supporting its many benefits. Positive parenting promotes children’s self-esteem, emotional expression, self-efficacy, sense of belonging, social and decision-making skills, and belief in themselves. Positive parenting fosters secure attachments and quality relationships with parents; school adjustment and achievement; reduced behavior problems, depressive symptoms, and risk behaviors; and positive youth development in general. The outcomes associated with positive parenting are long-term and often permanent.
• Positive parenting is applicable to a vast array of challenges. Positive parenting applies to everyday challenges, as well as more frustrating and even severe issues. Positive parenting has been effectively used for dealing with temper tantrums, bedtime and eating issues, and sibling rivalry; as well as difficulties associated with divorce, ADHD, family stressors, teen pressures, and risk-taking—and much more.
• Positive parenting solutions are both abundant and accessible. Because positive parenting experts have tackled so many parenting issues, available resources are plentiful. Along with the many tips and suggestions contained in this article; there is a whole online library of positive parenting-related activities, workbooks, books, videos, courses, articles, and podcasts that cover a broad range of parenting topics.

Considering the many positive parenting solutions and resources currently available, parents can approach their role as teachers, leaders, and positive role models with confidence and optimism. And, ultimately, by consistently applying positive parenting strategies; parents will experience a deep and meaningful connection with their children that will last a lifetime. ?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

• Alshugairi, N., & Lekovic Ezzeldine, M. (2017). Positive parenting in the Muslim home . Irvine, CA: Izza Publishing.
• Altiero, J. (2006). No more stinking thinking: A workbook for teaching children positive thinking . London, United Kingdome: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
• Amato, P. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62 (4), 1269-1287.
• Amit Ray. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Ammaniti M., Speranza A., Tambelli R., Muscetta, S., Lucarelli, L., Vismara, L., Odorisio, E., Cimino, S. (2006). A prevention and promotion intervention program in the field of mother-infant relationship. Infant Mental Health Journal, 27 :70-90.
• Asa Don Brown. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Author Unknown. The Quote Garden (1998-2019). Retrieved from http://quotegarden.com/
• Baker, A. & Ben-Ami, N. (2011). To turn a child against a parent is to turn a child against himself: The direct and indirect effects of exposure to parental alienation strategies on self-esteem and well-being. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 52 (7), 472–489.
• Bath Spa University (2016). Somerset Emotion Coaching Project. Retrieved from https://www.ehcap.co.uk/content/sites/ehcap/uploads/NewsDocuments/302/Emotion-Coaching-Full-Report-May-2016-FINAL.PDF
• Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11 (1), 56-95.
• Beavis, A. (2007). What about brothers and sisters? Helping siblings cope with a new baby brother or sister in the NICU. Infant, 3 (6), 239-242.
• Benjamin Spock. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Bill Ayers. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Bornstein, M. (2002). Emotion regulation: Handbook of parenting . Mahwah, New Jersey London: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers.
• Brooks R.B. (2005) The power of parenting. In: Goldstein S., Brooks R.B. (eds) Handbook of resilience in children . Springer, Boston, MA.
• Brooks, R., & Goldstein, S. (2001). Raising resilient children: Fostering strength, hope, and optimism in your child . New York: Contemporary Books.
• Bruni, O., Violani, C., Luchetti, A., Miano, S. Verrillo, E., Di Brina, O., Valente, D. (2004). The sleep knowledge of pediatricians and child neuropsychiatrists. Sleep and Hypnosis, 6 (3):130-138.
• Calderaa, D., Burrellb, L., Rodriguezb, K., Shea Crowneb, S., Rohdec, C., Dugganc, A. (2007). Impact of a statewide home visiting program on parenting and on child health and development. Child Abuse & Neglect, 31 (8), 829-852.
• Carter, C. (2017). Positive discipline: 2-in-1 guide on positive parenting and toddler discipline . North Charleston, SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
• Centers for Disease Control (2014). Positive parenting tips. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/
• Cline, F. & Fay, J. (2006). Parenting with love and logic: Teaching children responsibility . Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.
• Cline, F., Fay, J., & Cline, F. (2006). Parenting teens with love and logic: Preparing adolescents for responsible adulthood . Colorado Springs, CO: Piñon Press.
• Cline, F., Fay, J., & Cline, F. (2019). Parenting Teens with Love & Logic . Retrieved from http://hopelbc.com/parenting%20teens%20with%20love%20and%20logic.pdf
• Coleman, P. (2003). Perceptions of parent‐child attachment, social self‐efficacy, and peer relationships in middle childhood. Infant and Child Development, 12 (4), 351-356.
• David, O. & DiGiuseppe, R. (2016). The Rational Positive Parenting Program . Cham, Heidelberg, New York, Dordrecht, London: Springer.
• de Graaf, I., Speetjens, P., & Smit, F., de Wolff, M., & Tavecchio, L. (2008). Effectiveness of The Triple P Positive Parenting Program on behavioral problems in children: A meta-analysis. Behavior Modification, 32 (5), 714–735.
• Department of Justice, Government of Canada (2015). The effects of divorce on children: a selected literature review. Retrieved from https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/fl-lf/divorce/wd98_2-dt98_2/toc-tdm.html
• DeVore, E. & Ginsburg, K. (2005). The protective effects of good parenting on adolescents. Current Opinion in Pediatrics, 17 (4), 460-465.
• Duineveld, J., Parker, P., Ryan, R., Ciarrochi, J., & Salmela-Aro, K. (2017). The link between perceived maternal and paternal autonomy support and adolescent well-being across three major educational transitions. Developmental Psychology, 53 (10), 1978-1994.
• Durand, M. & Hieneman, M. (2008). Helping parents with challenging children: Positive family intervention parent workbook (programs that work). Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press.
• Durant, J. (2016). Positive discipline in everyday parenting. Retrieved from http://www.cheo.on.ca/uploads/advocacy/JS_Positive_Discipline_English_4th_edition.pdf
• Eanes, R. (2015). The newbie’s guide to positive parenting: Second edition. SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
• Eanes, R. (2016). Positive parenting: an essential guide (the positive parent series). New York, NY: Penguin Random House, LLC.
• Eanes, R. (2018). The positive parenting workbook: An interactive guide for strengthening emotional connection (The Positive Parent Series). New York, NY: Random House, LLC.
• Eanes, R. (2019). The gift of a happy mother: Letting go of perfection and embracing everyday joy. Los Angeles, CA: TarcherPerigee.
• Ebejer Petertyl, M., & Chambers, J. (1997). Seeds of love: For brothers and sisters of international adoption . Grand Rapids, MI: Folio One Pub.
• Eisenberg, N., Zhou, Q., Spinrad, T. L., Valiente, C., Fabes, R. A., & Liew, J. (2005). Relations among positive parenting, children’s effortful control, and externalizing problems: A three-wave longitudinal study. Child Development, 76 (5), 1055–1071.
• Engels, R., Dekovic, M., & Meeus, W. (2002). Parenting practices, social skills and peer relationships in adolescence. Social Behavior and Personality, 30 (1), 3-17.
• Fay, J. (2019). What Is Parenting with Love and Logic? Retrieved from http://www.hopelbc.com/parenting%20with%20love%20and%20logic.pdf
• Ferber, R. (2006). Solve your child’s sleep problems: New, revised, and expanded edition . New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, Inc.
• Forgatch, M., & DeGarmo, D. (1999). Parenting through change: An effective prevention program for single mothers. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67 (5), 711-724.
• Franklin D. Roosevelt. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Gary Smalley. Azquotes (2019). Retrieved from https://www.azquotes.com/
• Gershoff, E. (2013). Spanking and child development: We know enough now to stop hitting our children. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12038
• Godfrey, D. (2019). Retrieved from https://positiveparenting.com/
• Goodman, M., Bonds, D., Sandler, I., & Braver, S. (2005). Parent psychoeducational programs and reducing the negative effects of interparental conflict following divorce. Family Court Review, 42 (2), 263–279.
• Gottman, J. (2019). The Gottman Institute: A research-based approach to relationships. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/parents/
• Green, A. (2018). My sister is a monster: Funny story on big brother and new baby sister how he sees her; sibling book for children. New York, NY: Schwartz & Wade.
• Halloran, J. (2016). Coping skills for kids workbook: Over 75 coping strategies to help kids deal with stress, anxiety and anger workbook. Retrieved from https://copingskillsforkids.com/workbook
• Hasan, N., & Power, T. G. (2002). Optimism and pessimism in children: A study of parenting correlates. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 26 (2), 185–191.
• Janet Lansbury. Love Live Grow (2018). Retrieved from https://lovelivegrow.com/
• Jesse Jackson. The Quote Garden (1998-2019). Retrieved from http://quotegarden.com/
• Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Azquotes (2019). Retrieved from https://www.azquotes.com/
• Johnson, M. (2009). Positive parenting with a plan paperback . Anchorage, AK: Publications Consultants.
• Joseph, G. (2019). Nine guided mindfulness meditations to help children go to sleep. Mindfulness Habits Team. Retrieved from https://www.audible.com/pd/Bedtime-Meditations-for-Kids-Audiobook/B07MGKHPWP
• Joussemet, M., Landry, R., & Koestner, R. (2008). A self-determination theory perspective on parenting. Canadian Psychology, 49 (3),194-200.
• Juffer F., Bakermans-Kranenburg M. & Van IJzendoorn M. (2008). Promoting positive parenting: An attachment-based intervention . New York: U.S.A.: Lawrence Erlbaum/Taylor & Francis.
• Karapetian, M., & McGrath, A. (2017). Conquer negative thinking for teens: A workbook to break the nine thought habits that are holding you back . Oakland, CA: Instant Help Books.
• Kennedy, P. (2006). A Sister for Matthew: A story about adoption . Nashville, TN: Ideals Publications.
• Kersey, K. (2006). The 101 Positive Principles of Discipline . Retrieved from https://ww2.odu.edu/~kkersey/101s/101principles.shtml
• Knox, M., Burkhard, K., & Cromly, A. (2013). Supporting positive parenting in community health centers: The Act Raising Safe Kids Program. Journal of Community Psychology, 41 (4), 395-407.
• Kumpfer, K. L., and Alvarado, R. (1998). Effective family strengthening interventions . Juvenile Justice Bulletin. Washington, DC: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.strengtheningfamiliesprogram.org/about.html
• Liable, D., Gustavo, C., & Roesch, S. (2004). Pathways to self-esteem in late adolescence: The role of parent and peer attachment, empathy, and social behaviors. Retrieved from http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1314&context=psychfacpub
• Little J. (2002). Emma’s yucky brother. New York, NY: Harper Trophy.
• LR Knost. Love Live Grow (2018). Retrieved from https://lovelivegrow.com/
• MacLachlan, P. (2013). You were the first. Boston. MA: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers.
• Markham, L. (2018). Peaceful parent, happy kids workbook: Using mindfulness and connection to raise resilient, joyful children and rediscover your love of parenting . Eau Claire, WI: PESI, Inc.
• Mathew L Jacobson. Love Live Grow (2018). Retrieved from https://lovelivegrow.com/
• Maya Angelou. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Mayer, M. (2001). Look-look: The new baby. New York, NY: Random House Books for Young Readers.
• McCready, 2016). The me, me, me epidemic: A step-by-step guide to raising capable, grateful kids in an over-entitled world . Los Angeles, CA: TarcherPerigee.
• McCready, A. (2012). If I have to tell you one more time…: The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling. Los Angeles, CA: TarcherPerigee.
• McCready, A. (2019). Get your kids to listen without yelling, nagging, or losing control. Retrieved from https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/
• Merriam-Webster (2019). Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discipline
• Mignon McLaughlin. The Quote Garden (1998-2019). Retrieved from http://quotegarden.com/
• Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006). In Rodrigo, J., Almeida, A., Spiel, C., & Koops, W., (2012). Introduction: Evidence-based parent education programs to promote positive parenting. Retrieved from file:///C:/Users/hszak/AppData/Local/Packages/Microsoft.MicrosoftEdge_ 8wekyb3d8bbwe/TempState/Downloads/introductionevidence-baseprograms%20(1).pdf
• Moser, R., & Jacob, T. (2002). Parental and sibling effects in adolescent outcomes. Psychological Reports, 91 (2), 463-479.
• Nelsen, J. (2006). Positive discipline. Retrieved from www.positivediscipline.com/
• Nelsen, J., & Tamborski, M., & Ainge, B. (2016). Positive discipline parenting tools: The 49 most effective methods to stop power struggles, build communication, and raise empowered, capable kids. New York, NY: Harmony Books.
• Newman, T., & Blackburn, S. (2002). Transitions in the lives of children and young people: Resilience factors. Interchange 78. Retrieved from https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED472541
• Nicholson, B. (2019). Retrieved from https://bonnienicholson.weebly.com/about-me.html
• Partnership for Drug-free Kids (2014). Parenting practices: Help reduce the chances your child will develop a drug or alcohol problem. Retrieved from https://drugfree.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/6-Parenting-Practices.pdf
• Pearson, J., & Anderson, K. (2001). Evaluation of a program to promote positive parenting in the neonatal intensive care unit. Neonatal Network, 20 (4), 43-8.
• Pettit, G., Bates, J., & Dodge, K. (1997). Supportive parenting, ecological context, and children’s adjustment: A seven‐year longitudinal study. Child Development, 68 (5), 908-923.
• Phelan, T., & Webb, C. (2018). 1-2-3 magic workbook: Effective discipline for children. Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks.
• Phifer, L., Sibbald, L., & Roden, J. (2018). Parenting toolbox: 125 activities therapists use to reduce meltdowns, increase positive behaviors & manage emotions. Eau Claire, WI: PESI Publishing & Media.
• Plato. Azquotes (2019). Retrieved from https://www.azquotes.com/
• Rachel Carson. Azquotes (2019). Retrieved from https://www.azquotes.com/
• Ralph, A., & Sanders, R. (2004). The ‘Teen Triple P’ Positive Parenting Program: A preliminary evaluation. https://www.questia.com/read/1P3-1653850011/the-teen-triple-p-positive-parenting-program-a
• Ranjan, A. (2015). Children: What percentage of people become parents? Retrieved from https://www.quora.com/Children-What-percentage-of-people-become-parents
• Rebecca Eanes. Love Live Grow (2018). Retrieved from https://lovelivegrow.com/
• Richard L. Evans. Azquotes (2019). Retrieved from https://www.azquotes.com/
• Roggman, L., & Boyce, L., & Innocenti, M. (2008). Developmental parenting: A guide for early childhood practitioners Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing.
• Roggman, L., Boyce, L., & Cook, G. (2009). Keeping kids on track: Impacts of a parenting-focused early head start program on attachment security and cognitive development. Early Education Development, 20 , 920-941.
• Sanders, M. (2008). Triple P-Positive Parenting Program as a public health approach to strengthening parenting. Journal of Family Psychology, 22 (4), 506-517.
• Sanders, M., & Markie-Dadds, C. (1996). Triple P: A multi-level family intervention program for children with disruptive behaviour disorders. Early intervention and prevention in mental health. Retrieved from https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/15030279.pdf
• Sandler, I., Ingram, A., Wolchik, S., Tein, J., & Winslow, E. (2015). Long-term effects of parenting-focused preventive interventions to promote resilience of children and adolescents. Child Development Perspectives, 9 (3), 164–171.
• Seay, A., Freysteinson, W. M., & McFarlane, J. (2014). Positive parenting. Nursing Forum, 49 (3), 200–208.
• Sheryl Sandberg. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child
• Siegel, D. & Payne Bryson, T. (2016). No-drama discipline workbook: Exercises, activities, and practical strategies to calm the chaos and nurture developing minds. Eue Claire, WI: PESI, Inc.
• Steinberg, L., Elmen, J. D., & Mounts, N. S. (1989). Authoritative parenting, psychosocial maturity, and academic success among adolescents. Child Development, 60 , 1425-1436.
• Suárez, A., Rodríguez, J., & López, M. (2016): The Spanish online program “Educar en Positivo” (“The Positive Parent”): Whom does it benefit the most? Psychosocial Intervention, 25 (2), 119-26.
• The Quote Garden (1998-2019). Retrieved from http://quotegarden.com/
• van de Korput, J. (2012). The Brighter Futures Programme in Birmingham – An inspiring initiative with good results and failures. Retrieved from https://bernardvanleer.org/blog/brighter-futures-programme-birmingham-inspiring-initiative-good-results-failures/
• Warshak, R. (2004-2013). Retrieved from http://warshak.com/divorce-poison/index.html
• Warshak, R. (2010). Divorce poison: How to protect your family from bad-mouthing and brainwashing. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
• Webster-Stratton, C., & Reid, R., (2013): Long-term outcomes of incredible years parenting program: predictors of adolescent adjustment. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 16 (1), 38–46.
• Wolchik, S., Sandler, I., Weiss, L., & Winslow, E. (2007). New Beginnings: An empirically-based program to help divorced mothers promote resilience in their children. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232468945_ New_Beginnings_An_empirically-based_program_to_help_divorced_mothers_ promote_resilience_in_their_children
• Wolin, S., Desetta, A., & Hefner, K. (2000). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.

Share this article:

Article feedback

What our readers think.

I am currently a student in occupational therapy and I am in the process of completing my dissertation for my degree, focusing on positive parenting and its impact on children with ADHD. Recently, I purchased a book that contained a QR code leading me to your article. Would it be possible to receive the DOI and the PDF of this article via email, please?

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

Best regards, Anis

While we don’t currently have an option to download or convert our posts to pdf, you are very welcome to reference the article as follows (APA 7): [author last name], [author initial]. (year, month day). Title. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/URL/

Hope this helps!

Warm regards, Julia | Community Manager

Thank you for compiling this research. It was truly helpful in getting started on a positive path.

Hi there! I am writing a research paper on gentle parenting and the positive effects it has. Would you be able to send me your resource list for this article?

If you scroll to the very end of the article, you will find a button that you can click to reveal the reference list.

– Nicole | Community Manager

I am also writing a paper. When citing this article, should I use 2019 or 2023 as the date? Thank you!

You can reference this article in APA 7th as follows: Lonczak, H.S. (2019, May 08). Title. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-parenting/

Hope this helps! Kind regards, Julia | Community Manager

Great article. I really liked. I will share this article with my school.

I totally agree with many different points has written in this useful article, I spent several days to complete it,, but it was really worthy especially what you mentioned here about model of parenting. Thank your for all details and sources you wrote up there and waiting for your new things coming up.

i love your blog and always like new things coming up from it.

Positive parenting is key for a happy family! I totally agree that positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages. The most important things about such a model of parenting are to know your kid’s friends, being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication, and building a supportive and warm relationship with your child. We are responsible for the future generation, therefore raising happy and good person is a must!

Let us know your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Related articles

Setting Boundaries: Quotes & Books for Healthy Relationships

Rather than being a “hot topic,” setting boundaries is more of a “boomerang topic” in that we keep coming back to it. This is partly [...]

14 Worksheets for Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy, unapologetic boundaries offers peace and freedom where life was previously overwhelming and chaotic. When combined with practicing assertiveness and self-discipline, boundary setting can [...]

Victim Mentality: 10 Ways to Help Clients Conquer Victimhood

Life isn’t always fair, and injustice is everywhere. However, some people see themselves as victims whenever they face setbacks or don’t get their own way. [...]

Read other articles by their category

• Body & Brain (49)
• Coaching & Application (57)
• Compassion (26)
• Counseling (51)
• Emotional Intelligence (24)
• Gratitude (18)
• Grief & Bereavement (21)
• Happiness & SWB (40)
• Meaning & Values (26)
• Meditation (20)
• Mindfulness (45)
• Motivation & Goals (45)
• Optimism & Mindset (34)
• Positive CBT (29)
• Positive Communication (20)
• Positive Education (47)
• Positive Emotions (32)
• Positive Leadership (18)
• Positive Parenting (4)
• Positive Psychology (33)
• Positive Workplace (37)
• Productivity (17)
• Relationships (46)
• Resilience & Coping (37)
• Self Awareness (21)
• Self Esteem (38)
• Strengths & Virtues (32)
• Stress & Burnout Prevention (34)
• Theory & Books (46)
• Therapy Exercises (37)
• Types of Therapy (64)

• Comments This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

3 Positive Relationships Exercises Pack

A Good Parent: Definition and Traits

Qualities of a good parent: essay introduction, good parent: definition, what makes a good parent, qualities of a good parent: essay conclusion.

If you’re looking for the best “qualities of a good parent” essay example, look no further. This sample paper provides a good parent definition and explains what makes a good parent.

The debate around the definition of a good parent has been heated during the last few decades. In the 1960s, the approach to such family-related matters as upbringing children and parenting changed considerably. Psychologists and sociologists suggested that children need an open area for development, fewer restrictions, and less control.

This led to a crisis in the 1970s as children lost their natural respect to parents and became uncontrolled. Such a state of affairs caused further debate regarding the notion of being a good parent and successful parenting strategies. In the following paper, an attempt to give a definition of a good parent will be made.

Overall, a good parent is a parent who is able to offer one’s child love and affection which is important for his or her normal development as a dignified and contented person, and is also successful in teaching one’s child important social skills to help find his or her place in the world; this person is also a good example for the child.

Nowadays, the debate around the meaning of a good parent is heated. Psychologists, sociologists, and the other specialists are in constant research of new techniques that can be used by parents to raise a dignified citizen for society and a deserving person for the family.

The concepts of an ideal parent offered by them are very different, ranging from the person who allows one’s child everything he or she may want, and ending with a tyrant limiting one’s child in every area to raise a strong-willed person.

According to Epstein (2010, p. 46), “the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection.” Despite many differences in their approaches, the majority of specialists will agree that love and affection is a central criterion for becoming a good parent.

Similar comments will be made by children themselves, who will always say that the main thing they need from their parents is their love, attention, and support. As a result, a conclusion can be made that a good parent is a loving parent.

Next, each child should find one’s place in the Universe, which means that it is important for each person in this world to have work, or better, labor of love, which will help him or she provide for oneself and feel needed among the other people.

Parents should educate their children, share their experiences, and help children evaluate the examples of other people to assist them in making their choices in life (Petersen, 2010). Thus, a good parent is a parent who knows how to teach one’s children all the important things which will help them occupy their position in this world.

Finally, parents should be an example for their children in every area (Le Menestrel & Academy for Educational Development, 2003; Epstein, 2010). Of course, this is very difficult because a good parent should be successful in every field, including family life, the professional sphere, and being an exemplary citizen, but without that being a good parent is impossible. Hence, a good parent is a good example of one’s child.

In conclusion, a good parent can be defined as a loving person who surrounds one’s child with warmth and affection, trains the child to help find one’s place in the outer world, and is a good example of a dignified citizen by him- or herself.

Epstein, R. (2010). What Makes a Good Parent?. Scientific American Mind, 21 (5), 46.

Le Menestrel, S., & Academy for Educational Development, W. C. (2003). In the Good Old Summertime: What Do Parents Want for Their Kids? Washington: Academy for Educational Development.

Petersen, T. (2010). What makes a good parent? Nordic Journal Of Applied Ethics / Etikk I Praksis, 4 (1), 23-37.

Cite this paper

• Chicago (N-B)
• Chicago (A-D)

StudyCorgi. (2020, January 8). A Good Parent: Definition and Traits. https://studycorgi.com/a-good-parent-definition-and-traits/

"A Good Parent: Definition and Traits." StudyCorgi , 8 Jan. 2020, studycorgi.com/a-good-parent-definition-and-traits/.

StudyCorgi . (2020) 'A Good Parent: Definition and Traits'. 8 January.

1. StudyCorgi . "A Good Parent: Definition and Traits." January 8, 2020. https://studycorgi.com/a-good-parent-definition-and-traits/.

Bibliography

StudyCorgi . "A Good Parent: Definition and Traits." January 8, 2020. https://studycorgi.com/a-good-parent-definition-and-traits/.

StudyCorgi . 2020. "A Good Parent: Definition and Traits." January 8, 2020. https://studycorgi.com/a-good-parent-definition-and-traits/.

This paper, “A Good Parent: Definition and Traits”, was written and voluntary submitted to our free essay database by a straight-A student. Please ensure you properly reference the paper if you're using it to write your assignment.

Before publication, the StudyCorgi editorial team proofread and checked the paper to make sure it meets the highest standards in terms of grammar, punctuation, style, fact accuracy, copyright issues, and inclusive language. Last updated: November 11, 2023 .

If you are the author of this paper and no longer wish to have it published on StudyCorgi, request the removal . Please use the “ Donate your paper ” form to submit an essay.

November 1, 2010

10 min read

What Makes a Good Parent?

A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly, some don't even involve the kids

By Robert Epstein

Amazon.com lists an astounding number of dieting books—more than 16,000. But parenting guides far exceed that number: there are some 40,000 of them, including books such as Jane Rankin’s Parenting Experts , that do nothing but evaluate the often conflicting advice the experts offer. People, it seems, are even more nervous about their parenting than they are about their waistlines.

Why is there such chaos and doubt when it comes to parenting? Why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did—or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way? Shouldn’t we all just find out what the studies say and parent accordingly?

A growing body of research conducted over the past 50 years shows fairly clearly that some parenting practices produce better outcomes than others—that is, better relationships between parent and child and happier, healthier, better functioning children. And just as we use medical science cautiously and strategically to make everyday health decisions, we can also make wise use of research to become better parents.

On supporting science journalism

If you're enjoying this article, consider supporting our award-winning journalism by subscribing . By purchasing a subscription you are helping to ensure the future of impactful stories about the discoveries and ideas shaping our world today.

A new study I conducted with Shannon L. Fox, a student at the University of California, San Diego, which we presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association this past August, compared the effectiveness of 10 kinds of parenting practices that have gotten the thumbs-up in various scientific studies. It also showed how parenting experts rate those practices and looked at just how many parents actually use those practices. In other words, we compared three things: what experts advise, what really seems to work and what parents actually do.

Our study confirmed some widely held beliefs about parenting—for example, that showing your kids that you love them is essential—and it also yielded some surprises, especially regarding the importance of a parent’s ability to manage stress in his or her own life.

Ten Important Competencies To figure out which parenting skills were most important, we looked at data from about 2,000 parents who recently took an online test of parenting skills I developed several years ago (accessible at http://MyParentingSkills.com ) and who also answered questions about their children. Parents did not know this when they took the test, but the skills were organized into 10 categories, all of which derive from published studies that show that such skills are associated with good outcomes with children. The 10 skill areas measured by the test were also evaluated by 11 parenting experts unknown to Fox and me, and we in turn were unknown to them (in other words, using a double-blind evaluation procedure).

On the test, parents indicated for 100 items how much they agreed with statements such as “I generally encourage my child to make his or her own choices,” “I try to involve my child in healthful outdoor activities” and “No matter how busy I am, I try to spend quality time with my child.” Test takers clicked their level of agreement on a five-point scale from “agree” to “disagree.” Because all the items were derived from published studies, the answers allowed us to compute an overall skill level for each test taker, as well as separate skill levels in each of the 10 competency areas. Agreement with statements that described sound parenting practices (again, according to those studies) yielded higher scores.

The 10 kinds of parenting competencies, which we call “The Parents’ Ten,” include obvious ones such as managing problem behavior and expressing love and affection, as well as practices that affect children indirectly, such as maintaining a good relationship with one’s co-parent and having practical life skills.

In addition to asking test takers basic demographic questions about their age, education, marital status, parenting experience, and so on, we also asked them questions about the outcomes of their parenting, such as “How happy have your children been (on average)?,” “How successful have your children been in school or work settings (on average)?” and “How good has your relationship been with your children (on average)?” For questions such as these, test takers clicked on a 10-point scale from low to high.

With scores in hand for each parent on all “The Parents’ Ten,” along with their general assessments regarding the outcomes of their parenting, we could now use a statistical technique called regression analysis to determine which competencies best predict good parenting outcomes. For an outcome such as the child’s happiness, this kind of analysis allows us to say which parenting skills are associated with the most happiness in children.

Love, Autonomy and Surprises Our most important finding confirmed what most parents already believe, namely, that the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection. Our experts agreed, and our data showed that this skill set is an excellent predictor of good outcomes with children: of the quality of the relationship we have with our children, of their happiness, and even of their health. What’s more, parents are better at this skill than they are at any of the others. We also confirmed what many other studies have shown: that encouraging children to become independent and autonomous helps them to function at a high level.

But our study also yielded a number of surprises. The most surprising finding was that two of the best predictors of good outcomes with children are in fact indirect : maintaining a good relationship with the other parent and managing your own stress level. In other words, your children benefit not just from how you treat them but also from how you treat your partner and yourself.

Getting along with the other parent is necessary because children inherently want their parents to get along. Many years ago, when my first marriage was failing, my six-year-old son once led me by the hand into the kitchen where his mom was standing and tried to tape our hands together. It was a desperate act that conveyed the message: “Please love each other. Please get along.” Children do not like conflict, especially when it involves the two people in the world they love most. Even in co-parenting situations where parents live apart, it is crucial to adhere to practices that do not hurt children: to resolve conflicts out of sight of the children, to apologize to one another and forgive each other (both can be done in front of the kids), to speak kindly about the other parent, and so on.

Stress management is also important for good parenting, just as it is vital in all aspects of life. In our study, parents’ ability to manage stress was a good predictor of the quality of their relationship with their kids and also of how happy their children were. Perhaps more telling, people who rated themselves as great parents scored more highly on stress management than on any of the other nine parenting competencies. There is, possibly, a simple lesson here: parents who lose their temper around their kids know that that is bad parenting. Keeping calm is probably step one in good parenting. Fortunately, stress management practices such as meditation, imagery techniques and breathing exercises can be learned, no matter what one’s natural tendencies. People can also learn better organizational skills and even ways of managing stressful thinking.

Keeping children safe—a matter of almost obsessive concern among American parents these days—seems to have both positive and negative outcomes. On the bright side, in our new study safety skills did contribute to good health outcomes. But being overly concerned with safety appears to produce poorer relationships with children and also appears to make children less happy. A recent study by Barbara Morrongiello and her colleagues at the University of Guelph in Ontario shows how complex the safety issue can be. In their study, young people between the ages of seven and 12 said that even though they were generally conforming to the safety rules of their parents, they planned to behave like their parents when they grew up, even where their parents were, by their own standards, behaving unsafely. Had they detected their parents’ hypocrisy?

Another surprise involves the use of behavior management techniques. Although my own training in psychology (under the pioneering behavioral psychologist B. F. Skinner) suggests that sound behavior management—providing lots of reinforcement for good behavior, for example—is essential for good parenting, our new study casts doubt on this idea. Behavior management ranked low across the board: it was a poor predictor of good outcomes with children; parents scored relatively poorly in this skill area; and our experts ranked it ninth in our list of 10 competencies.

In general, we found that parents are far better at educating their children and keeping them safe than they are at managing stress or maintaining a good relationship with the other parent, even though the latter practices appear to have more influence on children. Getting along with one’s co-parent is the third most important practice, but it ranked eighth on the parents’ list of actual abilities. Even more discouraging, stress management (number two in importance) ranked 10th.

Who Make Good Parents? Setting aside “The Parents’ Ten” for the moment, our study also shed some interesting light on what characteristics a good parent has.

A general parenting ability appears to exist—something like the “g” factor that exists for intelligence. The g factor for parenting emerged very strongly in our study using a statistical technique called factor analysis, which organizes large amounts of test data by clustering test items into a small number of highly predictive variables. Some people just seem to have a knack for parenting, which cannot be easily described in terms of specific skills.

We also found that a number of characteristics that people often associate with good parenting are probably not very significant. For example, women appear to be only a hair better than men at parenting these days—a huge change in our culture. Women scored 79.7 percent on our test, compared with 78.5 percent for men—a difference that was only marginally significant. Parents who were older or who had more children also did not produce significantly better parenting outcomes in our study. Parents seem to perform just as well whether or not they have ever been married, and divorced parents appear to be every bit as competent as those who are still married, although their children are somewhat less happy than the children of parents who were never divorced.

Neither race nor ethnicity seems to contribute much to parenting competence, and gays and straights are just about equal in parenting ability. In fact, gays actually outscored straights by about 1 percentage point in our test, but the difference was not statistically significant.

One characteristic that does seem to make a difference is education: generally speaking, the more the education, the better the parenting. This might be because better educated people also work harder to improve their parenting skills through parent education programs (confirmed by our data). It is also possible that good parents—those with a high parenting g—are also generally competent people who are better educated. In other words, the g for parenting might be the same as the g for intelligence, a matter to be explored in future research.

The bottom line on such findings is that if you really want to know about an individual’s competence as a parent, you should measure that competence directly rather than default to commonly held stereotypes. In the U.S., after all, women did not get the vote until 1920 because of faulty assumptions about female limitations. I believe this is one of the main lessons of our study: there is simply no substitute for the direct measure of competence.

Perhaps the best news is that parents are trainable. Our data confirm that parents who have taken parenting classes produce better outcomes with their children than parents who lack such training and that more training leads to b­etter outcomes. Training programs, such as the evidence-based Parenting Wisely program developed by Donald A. Gordon of Ohio University, can indeed improve parenting practices. Pro­grams are available in major cities around the country, sometimes sponsored by local therapists or state or county agencies. The National Effective Parenting Initiative, which I have been associated with since its inception in 2007, is working to make quality parent training more widely available (see http://EffectiveParentingUSA.org for additional information).

Where Experts Fail Although parenting experts do indeed offer conflicting advice at times (perhaps because they don’t keep up with the studies!), our experts generally did a good job of identifying competencies that predict positive outcomes with children. There were two notable exceptions: First, they ranked stress management eighth in our list of 10 competencies, even though it appears to be one of the most important competencies. Second, our experts seemed to be biased against the religion and spirituality competency. They ranked it rock bottom in the list of 10, and several even volunteered negative comments about this competency area, even though studies suggest that religious or spiritual training is good for children.

Historically, clinicians and behavioral scientists have shied away from religious issues, at least in their professional lives; that could explain the discomfort our experts expressed about religious or spiritual training for children. Why they were so far off on stress management is truly a mystery, however, given psychology’s long interest in both the study and treatment of stress. I can only speculate that stress management is not widely taught in graduate programs in psychology-related fields as an essential component of good parenting. It should be.

Bringing It Home Tempering one’s parenting with relevant scientific knowledge can truly have great benefits for one’s family. It can reduce or eliminate conflict with one’s children, for one thing, and that in turn can improve a marriage or co-parenting relationship. It can also help produce happier, more capable children.

I have seen how this works in my own parenting. I am a much better parent with my younger children (who range in age from four to 12) than I was with my older two (now 29 and 31). The more I have learned about parenting over the years, the more loving and skillful I have become, with obvious benefits. These days I really do hug my children and tell them I love them several times a day, every day, without exception. When love is never in question, children are much more understanding and tolerant when a parent needs to set limits, which I do regularly. I have also learned to stay calm—to improve the way I react to things. When I am calm, my children are, too, and we avoid that deadly cycle of emotional escalation that can ruin relationships.

Most important, I am much more a facilitator now than a controller. While building my own competence as a parent, I have also put more effort into recognizing and strengthening the competence of my children, helping them to become strong and independent in many ways. My 12-year-old son is now a calm, helpful role model to his three younger siblings, and before I get out of bed these days, my 10-year-old daughter has sometimes already made scrambled eggs for all of them—and cleaned up, too.

Robert Epstein , senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., is a contributing editor for Scientific American Mind and former editor in chief of Psychology Today . His latest book is Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence (Linden Publishing, 2010).

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Parenting — The Qualities of Good Parenting: Love, Communication, and Consistency

The Qualities of Good Parenting: Love, Communication, and Consistency

• Categories: Parenting

About this sample

Words: 472 |

Published: Mar 6, 2024

Words: 472 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Prof Ernest (PhD)

Verified writer

• Expert in: Life

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

6 pages / 2890 words

3 pages / 1408 words

2 pages / 874 words

7 pages / 3092 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Parenting

Kudinova, A. Y., Woody, M. L., James, K. M., & Burkhouse, K. L. (2019). Maternal Major Depression and Synchrony of Facial Affect During Mother-Child Interactions. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(4), 287-294.Effron, D. A., [...]

In today's world, diversity is a fact of life. We live among people of different races, ethnicities, religions, cultures, and beliefs. While this diversity can enrich our lives and broaden our perspectives, it can also create [...]

Cephalocaudal development refers to the pattern of growth and development that occurs from the head down to the feet. This sequence is observed in the development of motor skills and physical capabilities in infants and young [...]

Child bullying is a widespread issue that affects many young children and adolescents. It can manifest in physical or verbal forms, and can even take the form of cyberbullying through social networks (Kowalski & Limber, [...]

Is aggressive parenting a necessary form of discipline or a harmful practice that can have long-term negative effects on children? This argumentative essay will explore the controversial topic of aggressive parenting, examining [...]

All people who have children do not have the exact same parenting styles as each other. Every household raises their child differently from other households and has different expectations for them. In Amy Chua's novel “Battle [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

Qualities of a Good Parent Essay Example

Our parents are the individuals who have an effect on their children, and therefore they are the most important part of our development. There are several features that are important to being a successful parent. 

First of all, their children must be helped in every way. Parents, after all, are the ones who have the most faith. If they do not obtain any support, their inventions will be harmed. Take, for example, an extreme situation. Not all students are successful in the academic sector, but they can choose from different kinds of jobs. Parents play a vital role at this point in inspiring them to do something else. Nevertheless, whether they pay little attention to them or even neglect them, it seems like this universe has abandoned them. This is going to make them less optimistic and could ultimately go astray. 

Accountability is equally relevant. If the bad habits of their children are not changed at an early point, it can eventually lead to a serious outcome. I think a good example is my good friend. His parents abandoned him for so long that he started to be deviant and act out of character. He would steal, fight, and wouldn’t come to school. This led him to be in and out of jail on the regular. Having a good parent does affect a child in the long run.

Finally, the power of love is very necessary. Studies show that a well-sounded character would be created by being in a loved family. They tend to become more open-minded and sociable rather than children living in a careless household. Such features are often more likely to make them blend into a community or culture. Love is something that every child should get but unfortunately some won't experience it.

In my experience growing up, my mom was the most affectionate rather than my dad. Though I know my father loves me, he didn’t show it as much as I would have liked. It got harder as my parents grew apart and ultimately got a divorce. The love was and still is always there between me and my parents. Love is a certain thing that every child needs growing up, thankfully I had enough from my mom that I grew up to be an amazing human being.

To sum up, good parents need to be accountable, full of love and always on the side of children. Parents who have these features will ensure that their children are always the best. Though some parents won’t always be there for their child, I hope that when they get older it will be different for their children.

Related Samples

• Renaissance Clothing Research Paper Sample
• Famous Women Pilot: Harriet Quimby and Bessie Coleman
• The Modeling Industry and it's Controversies Essay Example
• Personal Narrative Essay: My First Funeral
• What Makes a Leader Essay Example
• Personal Essay Example: Tamyra Mensah-Stock Is My Idol
• Personal Essay Sample: A New Turn in My Life
• Essay On Asian Elephants
• Wounded Warrior Project Essay Example
• Reflective Essay Example about Cancer

Didn't find the perfect sample?

You can order a custom paper by our expert writers

How to Be a Good Parent

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

There is no one right way to be a good parent, although there are many proven ways to be a flawed one, such as abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. A key challenge is resisting the urge to manage, guide, or control kids at all times, but research suggests that parents who give their children room to explore, grow, and, importantly, fail, may be serving them better. No parent should allow kids to put their health or safety at risk, or to allow core house rules to be flouted, especially when it comes to daily home and school responsibilities. But beyond that, building a home life that provides caring, consistency, choices, and consequences should go a long way toward a child’s social, emotional, and intellectual development—which should also lead to a stronger parent-child bond and happier child-raising years for everyone involved.

On This Page

• Making a Happy Home
• Avoiding Pitfalls
• Providing Emotional Support

A paradox of parenting is that kids typically need less from their mothers and fathers than the adults realize. What they need, though, is essential: Love, emotional security, conversation, validation, responsibilities, time outside, and opportunities to play and learn. Parents who can focus their attention on these baseline goals and avoid getting caught up in the minutiae of measuring minutes on screens or dictating which shirt gets worn to preschool, will find that they and their children will enjoy each other more , and that their kids will more quickly become comfortable with their own selves.

Daily routines, and regular rituals, can be a powerful way to bond with children and help them feel emotionally secure. Time spent each day reading together, listening to music, going outside, performing a simple chore, and especially a positive interaction to start the day and open time at bedtime to review the day and say goodnight, research finds, helps kids establish a stable, positive emotional outlook.

Research on the casual chitchat also known as banter has found that it is essential for children’s emotional development, and for their vocabulary. Informal talks with parents expand kids’ knowledge and skills, and has positive emotional and social effects that last into adulthood. Weekend plans, neighborhood news, funny memories, seasonal changes, to-do lists, dream recollections, and things that excite you are all valid topics for banter during quiet portions of the day.

There are reasons why younger kids don’t always cooperate with a parent’s requests, even if the parent doesn’t immediately recognize them as good reasons. A child deeply engaged with play, for example, may resist being called away to get dressed or come to dinner. To avoid conflict, a parent should observe what a child is involved in before demanding that they move away from it. It’s often helpful to talk to a child about what they’re doing, and even join them for a time, before requesting that they move on to a necessary task. Just five minutes of such “sensitive caregiving” can not only avoid resistance but help a child become better able to develop social competence.

Research suggests that it will. Many studies have found that dog ownership helps younger kids learn responsibility and empathy, and potentially even develop language skills. Recent research has also found that kids who live with a pet become less likely to have conduct problems or peer conflicts, with behavioral improvement averaging around 30 percent. The effect emerged simply by having a dog present in the home, and the results were even more striking when children were actively involved in walking and caring for the pet—although having a pet did not necessarily diminish the symptoms of clinically diagnosed emotional conditions.

In many cities and states, local laws prohibit children under a certain age from either staying home alone or being outside without an adult present. Many parents have protested such rules, arguing that kids entering the tween years should be allowed to be on their own if mothers and fathers determine that they’re responsible. This movement, often called free-range parenting , makes the case for overturning such laws to bring families more freedom, independence, trust, and joy, but while some municipalities have moved to amend their laws, many others have resisted.

It’s impossible for a parent to be perfect. Fortunately, it’s not that hard to be the right parent for your own child. Listening, being supportive, encouraging activity and creativity, and establishing a secure family structure all go a long way toward providing the kind of childhood that help kids thrive. Unfortunately, even in the pursuit of these goals, parents can go too far by overscheduling kids, micromanaging them, refusing to recognize learning or emotional struggles for what they are, modeling unhealthy responses to stress, violating boundaries, or criticizing kids or comparing them to others—even siblings—out of frustration.

In a word, no, and no child can be perfect, either. But parents who believe perfection is attainable, in themselves or their kids, often struggle to take any joy in their role, or to provide joy to their children. It’s easy for a parent to become self-critical and beat themselves up over opportunities they didn’t offer their kids, or for not pushing them hard enough. But an intense, overscheduled childhood may not be the right one for your child. Being a “good enough” parent , many experts suggest, is sufficient to raise children who are decent and loving, confident enough to pursue their interests, and able to fail.

It shouldn’t be. Many parents believe they should control children at all times, directing them to fit their own vision of what type of person they should become. Such parents may be shocked and angered when children resist such pushing, leading to power struggles and potentially years of conflict. Parents who instead focus on baseline expectations and standards for responsibility and routines, and stick to them, while working to understand their children’s temperament and emotional needs, can form a connection with their kids and work with them to discover and pursue their own interests.

In many families, one parent emerges as the “fun one,” or the “good cop,” with the other wedged into the role of the serious one, or the “bad cop.” Not only does this generate a potentially unhealthy family dynamic, it can also strain a couple’s relationship. Partners who discuss their values, and each other’s priorities as parents, can face their children with more confidence, divide responsibilities more evenly, and approach children with consistency.

It can be tricky for parents of young children to recognize when a child is acting out and when there is a valid reason for what appears to be unwelcome behavior. For example, a child may become overstimulated or feel rushed during a busy day; become angry because they’re hungry; struggle to express “big feelings”; react to a long period of physical inactivity with high energy and a need to play; or become frustrated by a parent’s inconsistent limits. Taking a step back to evaluate whether a child’s behavior may be caused by a factor outside their direct control can go a long way toward keeping parents from punishing children who may not deserve it.

Ideally, a responsible one. Surveys suggest that well over 90 percent of children have an online presence by age 2—often their own Instagram or Facebook accounts (created and maintained by their parents). “ Sharenting ,” or sharing news or images of a child, can provide parents with social validation and the support of an online community. But as kids enter the tween and teen years they may push back and feel exposed or embarrassed by what their parents have posted, leading to family conflict. Parents should understand the privacy settings of all their social media platforms, consider whether a particular photo may eventually embarrass a child and as kids get older, ask for their approval before sharing anything online.

When a parent is anxious or worried, a child may become anxious as well. Parents who talk about adult worries with kids, fail to model or teach coping skills, or who are unreliable or fail to keep promises, can drive anxiety in their sons and daughters. But parents who swoop in to eliminate any source of anxiety, by, for example, taking over difficult tasks, can also inadvertently raise kids who may struggle to cope with challenges or stress. Parents who make time to listen, take children’s concerns seriously, provide consistent support, step back and let kids solve problems on their own (or not), and allow ample free time for play, can help children thrive.

For more, see Children and Anxiety

Children may feel anxious in a variety of situations—at the doctor’s office, at a birthday party, before a test, or in a storm—and look to parents for help. Unfortunately, simply telling them to “calm down” likely will not work. But encouraging them to calm themselves by taking slow, deep breaths, chewing gum or singing, talking openly about their worries and naming them, or finding humor in the situation can help them get through it and be better prepared to handle future stressors.

When kids are feeling stress, parents can easily become anxious as well, but mothers and fathers should aim to avoid displaying it, or “ mood matching ,” which may only amplify a child’s stress. Keeping calm and grounded, perhaps through the application of mindfulness techniques, can help parents remain a source of support even in difficult moments.

Younger children feel emotions deeply, but their emotions may also change quickly, sometimes shocking parents and making them feel helpless. A child may have a limited ability to control their emotions, but a parent can help them develop the competence they need to manage their feelings themselves, and gain confidence and self-esteem in the process. An important step is to help children identify and talk about negative emotions like sadness or anger and not deny or suppress them.

Highly sensitive children may struggle with their feelings more than other kids, become more easily overwhelmed, or take setbacks more personally. Parents who can successfully manage their own emotions can help a sensitive child by creating a calm environment at home, maybe in one specific place; focusing on the child’s strengths while accepting their struggles as part of the mix; and working with the child to recognize their triggers and the most effective ways to respond.

Too often, children who are depressed don’t tell their parents about it; two out of three parents admit that they worry they wouldn’t recognize depression in a child , and clinicians find that children often report having symptoms for two to three years before they get help. Many kids avoid talking about depression at home because they think a parent won’t listen, will just tell them it’s temporary, or try to fix it quickly like a boo-boo. Other kids keep quiet because they want to protect their parents’ feelings. Creating a home where difficult feelings can be talked about and respected is an important step toward children feeling comfortable enough to speak about anything, including depression.

The idea of bringing a child to a psychologist is scary for many parents, but they should not see it as a personal failure but an active and positive step toward helping their child get the help they need. And as the experts on their family, parents should work to find someone they believe their child (and themselves) will be comfortable with. Parents should ask potential providers about their typical approach, how closely they involve parents in therapy, how to talk about it with their child, and how soon they should expect improvement.

The kids are all right... as long as we give them the space and opportunity to flex their independence.

School-based teen sex education has declined 20 percent over the past 24 years. That sounds bad. But it reflects two good trends: fewer teen pregnancies and less HIV/AIDS.

Discover why resilience might not be the silver bullet we thought for nurturing strong, capable children.

Donor-conceived people can be empowered to explore and celebrate their origin story while embracing accurate language and accurately acknowledging genetic contributions.

Personal Perspective: Emerging adults are navigating problems like housing shortages and fewer opportunities, with parents feeling pressure to help.

In our parenting group the other day, one mother admitted that in the chaos of everyday life, she had never talked to her children about death.

Ambiguous losses are often unacknowledged and unspoken. They are often stressful and difficult to process.

No one knows depersonalization better than children of narcissists.

How do we help our children with the little losses of everyday life?

Children can be manipulated by one parent to ask for things that don't make sense, whether it is a new puppy or ice cream for breakfast. What should a targeted parent do?

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Therapy Center NEW
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

9 Qualities of a Good Parent: How Many Do You Have?

There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Please do your own research before making any online purchase.

If you’re reading this article, you’ve likely been tested as a parent at some point .  No matter what age your child is, they will challenge you… whether it is intentional or not.  This is particularly common with children ages 2 and older .

Maybe you’re wondering why your toddler is happy one minute and throwing tantrums the next? Or why does your 8-year-old suddenly hate school? Or what your teenager is not telling you when they suddenly lose interest in after school activities or family time?

Let’s face it… no matter how big or small the problem may be, if you’re raising a child you’ve questioned yourself from time to time as to whether or not you have the qualities of a good parent.

You are not alone.  As a mother of four children, now ages 7-12, I cycle through a gamut of emotions on a daily basis.  I’m happy, worried, angry, anxious, afraid, hurt, tired, disappointed and proud regularly… to name a few. And I have amazing kids!

Still, they are just kids… and we are only human .  Therefore, it is only natural to wonder what you could have done or said differently to change things and make yourself feel less guilty for responding poorly on occasion.

So in this article, we are going to target 9 qualities of a good parent. If you possess even a few of them, you’re on the right track! And the very fact that you’re reading this article means you want to be the best parent you can be … and are willing to try harder in the areas you may be lacking in, which puts you one step closer to a parenting win .

Table of Contents

Quality #1: Set boundaries, this is not a democracy.

From the minute your child can speak and understand you, boundaries need to be set . I get it. It’s incredibly hard to go from holding that sweet infant in your arms one minute – to staring into the eyes of a toddler who just threw a block at your head without remorse.

Your initial instincts are to ask yourself where this is coming from? Possibly even to yell at the child… but neither will solve the problem if the child feels there will be no consequences for their actions. And this rings even more true the older they get.

As much as you want to be the happy-go-lucky, smiling parent who exudes patience and believes their tantrums and acting out are“just a phase”, you've got to stand your ground . Do not give in or show your hand… meaning, if you’re going to lose it in front of them, walk away. That shows weakness and can also lead to you saying something you don’t mean .

Keep your composure and reiterate why their behavior is unacceptable.  Explain there will be consequences , whether it be a timeout or grounding.  And no matter what… don’t go back on your word. As hard as they push back, you must stick to the course of action or they will test you over and over.

Although you want to be fair and encourage open and honest communication with your child, this is not a democracy . They don’t make the rules, you do.  The best thing you can do is clearly state them so there is no confusion moving forward.  In time, they will simply learn to accept and respect your rules.

Quality #2: Keep your anxiety and problems in check, aka “hold your s*** together”.

We all have bad days. And some are worse than others. Whether it’s our professional or personal lives causing us angst , it really isn’t our child’s problem … or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Like it or not, one of the key roles we as parents are asked to play is Protector – she who shields their child from the evils and sadness in this world. Sounds like we should get a cape or something, no?

This isn’t to say that you should never talk to your child about things going on in your life, especially if it may affect them directly at some point… but there is a time and a place .

For instance, if you’re upset because your boss has overlooked you for a promotion yet again, that isn’t something you need to share with or project upon your child. Instead, try to be grateful that you have a family to come home to and a job that pays the bills.

Conversely, if a close family member suddenly passes away, you’ll need to find a way to explain this to your child in age-appropriate terms they can understand. And once you do, it’s perfectly ok to let them see you go through the stages of grief . It may even become a teachable moment.

Knowing the difference between what needs to be shared with your child and what doesn’t is one of the profoundly important qualities of a good parent . If you need to talk about something that doesn’t (or shouldn’t) affect them, look to a friend or family member instead.  There are also online therapists and apps for more serious issues, such as increased anxiety or depression. 

Your child looks up to you, whether you realize it or not. This means you have to be right with yourself in order to be the best example for them. If you are anxious in front of your child, chances are your child will eventually develop anxiety worrying about you.

Quality #3: Don’t be afraid to give them responsibilities at every age.

Once your child is old enough to tell you what they want, or don’t want, it’s time to teach them a thing or two about responsibility. There are age appropriate chores that children can do, which can benefit the both of you .

For starters, a child who learns to be responsible at an early age will likely appreciate you more and be less inclined to take you (or things) for granted. They will learn the value of working for what they want, and also develop feelings of self-pride for their accomplishments. 

These children are also more likely to grow up to be responsible adults. They will be prepared to take care of themselves when the time comes and know how to thrive in the workplace . 

As for you… perhaps you’ll gain more time to enjoy the simple pleasures, such as reading a book outdoors, because you have one less bedroom to clean or load of laundry to do that day. Or maybe you and your wife will finally have that much needed date night while your teenager babysits.

Teaching responsibility to your child is a win/win for the both of you. Just remember to be realistic in your expectations.

Quality #4: Don’t argue with your partner in front of them.

I cannot express the importance of this one enough. If you’re wondering if you have the qualities of a good parent, start by taking a good look at the relationship you have with your partner .  

Couples bicker, nitpick… even fight from time to time. It’s a part of life. That said, doing so in front of your children is never ok, especially when the child is old enough to pick up on it.

While you may be telling yourself that your child is too young to ever remember, science has shown that even infants can sense tension . Kids are incredibly attuned to our body language, which often speaks volumes when you’re arguing.  Think about it… nobody smiles when they are unhappy or hangs their head when they’re proud. Nobody flinches because of a handshake or a hug.

Like it or not, your kids are watching you every second and reading between the lines once they are able to. If you want them to one day be in a healthy, loving relationship… you need to set the tone.  Teach them early about respect for others and the importance of productive and cordial communication by being discreet with your marital hiccups.

Save the arguments for when you’re alone.  Or if you feel one brewing, step away and cool down so that you can possibly avoid the argument all together and engage in a meaningful and honest conversation later.

Quality #5: Know their friends.

If you have children ages 10 or younger, the word “playdate” is something you’re likely all too familiar with.  We do most of the work arranging these playdates when our children are small in an attempt to not only potentially make new friends for ourselves; but, to also make sure that our children are socializing with a variety of nice kids.

Playdates also teach valuable lessons to children – such as respecting other people’s homes and things, as well as sharing and being polite. Playdates are a vital part of childhood . 

But what happens when your child enters the double digit tween and teen years? For starters, the word playdate is no longer cool. It’s now referred to as “hanging out”. And the kids will often start arranging these “hangs” themselves via text or video chat… simply asking us for permission to go afterwards, which leads to questions.

Which friend is this? Do I know them?

Sadly, we don’t know all of our kid’s friends as well as we’d like. My 12-year-old son, for instance, has started playing video games online with other kids – some of whom I’ve never met.  I’ve only heard them chatting during the game, or occasionally they will come up in conversation at the dinner table. But I don’t know them the way I know his friends from elementary school. And I certainly don’t know their parents.

Even if it means you may come across as being “uncool” or a helicopter parent , you have a right to ask questions and be involved when it comes to who your child is spending their time with … especially as they get older and dangers and certain temptations become more real . Getting to know the other child’s parent is also key, whenever possible.

When our son wanted to hang out at his friend Jon’s house for the first time, my response was “Let me talk with his mom first. It shouldn’t be a problem.”  Now, I’d heard our boys chatting online playing Minecraft for over a month. They met in a class at school and became friends, but their relationship had never left the screen.

So, I texted Jon’s mom and we went back and forth for a while. I thanked her for the invite and told her I’d feel more comfortable if she’d bring Jon to our house for the first time and consider staying for a drink or snack while we chatted a bit more. She was fine with that and stayed for about 15 minutes, then left her son to play here.  They played well and, since then, the boys have had a number of “hang outs” at both houses… and our families have even become friends.  We’ve all spent time by the pool and firepit.

I refer to these families of my older children as my tribe and here’s why: if we as parents get along, everyone will be more inclined to look out for each other’s kids. And that is so important as they navigate the murky waters of middle and high school.

Your child may tell you to “chill” now… but they will appreciate your involvement later on in life.  Trust me on this.  No child ever grew up to say, “My parents cared way too much when I was a kid. They were the worst!”.  

Quality #6: Accept them for who they are and encourage independence.

Not all children are cut from the same mold , not even your own children.  You may have one that is super athletic and confident… and another that prefers to keep their nose in the books all day.

One of the best things you can do if you want to master the qualities of a good parent is let them be who they are .  Accept and love them for their strengths, weaknesses and quirkiness. Embrace it.

My youngest son is seven and used to love the color pink and wearing dress shoes. He would go to preschool in a pink plaid shirt, track pants and black dress shoes. While it wasn’t entirely practical for the playground, it made him happy and nobody teased him.  In fact, he made quite a few friends (many of them girls) just by being himself.

While his new favorite color is green, he still beats to his own drum. He’s always dancing and smiling. He’s comfortable in his own skin and it’s in large part because we let him be himself and taught him not to care what people think.

As your kids get older, they will come across all different types of kids. If you preach acceptance and independence at a young age, your child will grow to be a more tolerant and accepting adult . This is so vital to the future of our world.

Quality #7: Spend quality time with them.

Time is not something we can ever get back.  We all too often hear people say after their children are grown, or a loved one passes, “I wish…”.

I wish my daughter still cuddled with me the way she used to. 

I wish my father knew just how much I valued what he taught me. 

Don’t live a life with any regrets, or spend time looking backwards when you should be looking at the here and now.  Your children are only this age once, and you should take in as much quality time with them as you can before they’ve grown and left the house.

No matter their age, your child needs you… and spending quality time together will let him know that he is the most important thing in your life . Even if you work long hours, you can pencil in as little as 30 minutes per day to share a meal (or simply a snack) together.

You can also work him into your exercise routine and invite him along for your evening jog. Attend his baseball game one week, or simply spend a few minutes chatting at night before he falls asleep.

In fact, my 12-year-old’s favorite time to “open up” appears to be bedtime.  I sit at the foot of his bed and ask him how things are going – it’s that simple. I cherish these moments, in large part because I know they won’t last forever… but I can still hope.  

Quality #8: Never be afraid of showing them affection.

Showing affection doesn’t have to equate to you kissing your teen on the cheek in front of her friends. Affection can be subtle and discreet … it can be a wink, a pat on the shoulder or simply a look. No matter the method, if executed properly, your child will feel the love .

My elementary aged children still give me huge hugs and kisses before they get on the bus in the morning. My older two in grades five and seven prefer a whispered, “Iove you” and “see ya later, bud”.

But they still crave my affection at home, or always welcome a pat on the head or back… even in public. I strongly believe this is because they’ve been bathed in affection their entire lives.  So if you’ve been showing some love all along, keep it going! If you’ve been more of the “high five”, understated affectionate type, it’s not too late to amp it up a bit. 

As an added bonus, studies show that kids who are shown affection early in life typically turn out to be happier, smarter and well adjusted .  And to think… all it took were a few extra hugs.        

Quality #9: Teach them empathy.

As parents, our inclination is to shelter our children from the bad things going on in this world. We want them to believe that nothing bad will happen to them, as long as we are there to protect them. 

There is nothing wrong with that except….

Life isn’t always sunshine and roses.  People are suffering everyday… struggling to pay bills and put food on the table, dealing with domestic abuse or having to raise a child alone. 

These are just some of the problems families face, yet it doesn’t even scratch the surface. As much as you try to shield your kids from life’s misfortunes, they are bound to find their way into your home at some point, and questions will arise.

There is little doubt your child will one day make a friend whose parents are “absent” or maybe even abusive. Or a friend who can’t afford new clothes and is bullied daily. 

One of the critical things you can do for your child is teach them empathy early on. Teach them to be grateful and count their blessings . Tell them that each day is a gift and nothing is guaranteed tomorrow.  Preach kindness towards those less fortunate.

Volunteering as a family is a great way to teach empathy to your child.  You can work together to find a cause you care about and spend the day helping those less fortunate.

Final Thoughts on Qualities of a Good Parent

As I mentioned at the start of this article, if you’re asking whether or not you have the qualities of a good parent… you’re already ahead of the game .  You want to be the best parent you can and are determined to do so.

That being said, you need to know that nobody is perfect . We will all make mistakes on this rollercoaster ride we call parenting. The important thing is to learn from them. With older children, you may also want to admit from time to time that you don’t have all of the answers, but that you are doing your best to guide them down a righteous path.

Letting them know how much you love them on a daily basis , be it through words or actions, is the best thing you can do. It’s the foundation you need to build the rest of your relationship.  Incorporate a few of the building blocks discussed here and, chances are, your child will grow up having everything they need.

Nicole Krause has been writing both personally and professionally for over 20 years. She holds a dual B.A. in English and Film Studies. Her work has appeared in some of the country’s top publications, major news outlets, online publications and blogs. As a happily married (and extremely busy) mother of four… her articles primarily focus on parenting, marriage, family, finance, organization and product reviews.

Health & Safety

Development, postpartum recovery & tips, getting pregnant, am i pregnant, preconception health, stages of pregnancy, miscarriage, diet & fitness, labor & delivery, preparing for a baby, motherhood tools, due date calculator, zodiac center, baby name generator, what are the essential characteristics of a good parent.

By: Liza Blau

13 June, 2017

Being a successful parent helps develop qualities in children such as honesty, empathy, self-control, self-reliance, cooperation, cheerfulness and kindness, and instills in them the motivation to achieve, according to author and Temple University psychology professor Laurence Steinberg. The role of a good parent is also to protect their child from developing psychological problems, such as depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior, which increases the risk of substance abuse.

Loving and Affectionate

A study of 2,000 parents conducted by psychology professor and researcher Robert Epstein that was published in a 2010 issue of "Scientific American" found that being loving and affectionate while still providing parental guidance was most important in raising happy kids. Loving parents choose to respect, encourage and nurture their children rather than judging and blaming him. They constantly affirm their love and affection, both verbally and through their behavior. By using positive reinforcement, they build self-esteem rather than tearing it down with criticism. When their child makes an achievement, they're quick to offer enthusiastic praise. A loving parent might say, "It's great that you cleaned your room without being asked" or "I'm so proud that you made the basketball team."

Skillful Communicators

How to Teach Morals to Children

Parents who are skillful communicators show genuine interest in all areas of their child's life and are always available for him. They demonstrate respect for their child by explaining the reasons behind rules, rather than simply ordering him to "do as you're told." To become a skillful communicator, encourage your child to express his feelings and then listen with understanding. Being an interested listener shows him that his feelings and opinions are appreciated and valued. Instead of belittling his feelings by telling him he's "wrong" to feel a certain way, show empathy by saying, "I can understand why your little sister made you upset" or "I'm sorry your best friend made you so mad."

Ability to Manage Stress

Another essential characteristic of a good parent is the ability to manage their stress and temper, which leads to well-adjusted children, according to Epstein. Children often handle stress by mirroring how their parents manage emotions during stressful situations. If parents are unable to cope with stress, it also causes their kids to feel anxious and less secure. But if your child watches how you're able to manage your emotions even during heated circumstances, he'll follow your lead and learn how to handle stress himself.

Respectful of Autonomy

At What Age Are Children the Most Rebellious?

Rebellion on occasion is a healthy part of your child's attempt to develop his autonomy. Parents who value their kid's emerging independence choose to nurture it rather than attemp to tamp it down. Instead of dictating rules, they ask for their child's input and make setting rules a joint project. Children who are allowed to participate in making decisions become more motivated to carry them out, according to the KidsHealth website. If your child refuses to stop playing a video game and go to bed, you might agree to a compromise by saying, "You can play for an extra 15 minutes, but then it's bedtime." Remaining flexible shows you're honoring his needs, but still setting limits.

Positive Role Model

Being a positive role model for appropriate behavior is more effective than specific disciplinary measures or training in raising your children, according to a 2010 article at PsychologyToday.com. Children learn through observation and often mimic the behavior of their parents. When they watch their parents arguing and losing control, they feel less safe. They might try to resolve conflicts by fighting and arguing, just like their parents do. But parents who are able to work out their conflicts and disagreements through calm discussions rather than heated arguments become healthy role models. Be those traits you hope to develop in your child, such as:

• respectfulness
• unconditional love

Related Articles

How to Calm Down a Wild 3 Year Old

How To Not Lose Patience With Children

What Are Child Rearing Practices?

How to Get Toddler to Stop Hitting

The Pros and Cons of Child Discipline

The 3 Types of Parenting Styles

The Positive & Negative Influences of Parents on Their Children

The Definition of Parent Involvement

• Scientific American: What Makes a Good Parent?
• Scientific American Mind: What Makes a Good Parent?
• Psychology Today: How to be a Good Parent: It's All About You
• KidsHealth: Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting
• Healthychildren.org: How Can I Improve Communications in my Family?

Into astrology? Check out our Zodiac Center!

Essay: Being a good Parent

ESSAY SAMPLES , Essays on Social Issues

Sample Essay

Thank you for visiting Essaydemon.com and viewing our articles and sample papers. Kindly be informed that all these articles and sample papers are for marketing purposes only. The sole purpose of these articles and sample papers is just to provide our customers with an idea about our services before they place an order. Kindly visit our order/inquiry page for further assistance.

Kindly order custom made Essays, Term Papers, Research Papers, Thesis, Dissertation, Assignment, Book Reports, Reviews, Presentations, Projects, Case Studies, Coursework, Homework, Creative Writing, Critical Thinking, on the topic by clicking on the order page.

Related Posts

Sample Essay Learning and teaching activities involved in arts lessons promote growth and development of…

Sample Essay Social stratification is described as classification of people into groups characterized by set…

Sample Essay Another quality making a good parent is being able to provide for the…

Recent Posts

• Research Proposal Writing Service
• Scholarship Essay Writing Service
• College Admission Essay Help
• Essay Writing Help from Top Experts
• Law Assignment Writing Services For Any Topic

What are the some qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to your answer.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

• Paragraph 1 - Introduction
• Sentence 1 - Background statement
• Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
• Sentence 3 - Thesis
• Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
• Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
• Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
• Sentence 2 - Example
• Sentence 3 - Discussion
• Sentence 4 - Conclusion
• Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
• Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
• Sentence 1 - Summary
• Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
• Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ » — a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

• Check your IELTS essay »
• Find essays with the same topic
• View collections of IELTS Writing Samples
• Show IELTS Writing Task 2 Topics

Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. what problems does this cause what solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation, in the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (it), for example the world wide web and communication by email. however, these developments in it are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. to what extent do you agree or disagree give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. write at least 250 words., in some countries, people prefer to rent their home rather than buy one. what are some advantages and disadvantages renting a house, some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we do not longer pay attention to it. discuss both these views and give your opinion..

• Newsletters
• Account Activating this button will toggle the display of additional content Account Sign out

“Parenting Doesn’t Matter”? Tell Me Another One.

This emergent consensus makes no sense to me.

This essay was adapted from Melinda Wenner Moyer’s newsletter, Is My Kid the Asshole? Subscribe here .

The other day, a friend pointed me to Arthur C. Brooks’ new essay in the Atlantic, “ The One Big Thing You Can Do for Your Kids .” Brooks is a Harvard social scientist, an Atlantic columnist, a former president of the American Enterprise Institute, and the author of 13 books, including  one he co-wrote with Oprah Winfrey.

Brooks makes a lot of points in his essay that I support. Like the assertion that “the parenting technique that truly matters is warmth and affection” and the argument that “you will make a lot of mistakes, but mostly they won’t matter.”

In other words, Brooks says, we don’t have to be perfect parents. Our kids will be OK.

I totally agree, but I’m not at all convinced by the premise for his argument. Brooks argues that it’s OK for us to make mistakes as parents because how we parent doesn’t matter—our children’s characteristics are shaped far more by nature (genes) than nurture (environment). “A huge amount of personality is biological and inherited,” Brooks writes, citing a couple of studies.

I think he’s overreaching here—and also overlooking other important considerations.

First, Brooks cites a study suggesting that genes play a large role in shaping personality. He writes:

One 1996 study involving 123 pairs of identical twins (who share 100 percent of their genes) and 127 pairs of fraternal twins (who, like any other pair of siblings, share about 50 percent)  estimated  that 41 percent of neuroticism may be inherited, as well as 53 percent of extroversion, 61 percent of openness to experience, 41 percent of agreeableness, and 44 percent of conscientiousness.

Yet, when I think about who I want my kids to become, I’m not focused on broad personality traits like these. I mean, yes—I hope that my kids don’t end up neurotic, and I hope that they grow up to be conscientious, agreeable, and open to new experiences. (I couldn’t care less about extroversion.) But what I care about far more are their values and choices. Will my son treat girls and women with the respect they deserve? Will my kids be anti-racist? Will they stand up for—or at least show support and compassion for—peers who are being bullied?

These questions aren’t answered by that study. But they are addressed by others, which suggest that what we do as parents absolutely shapes kids’ values and behavior toward others. We know that the conversations parents have with kids about racism, sexism, sex, consent, and bullying make a difference in terms of what values kids hold and how they behave toward others; I cite plenty of this research in  my first book . Other studies have found  that broad parenting practices shape kids’ values and moral development. Some studies even suggest  that the quality of the parent-child relationship affects how strongly various traits are shaped by genes vs. the environment—suggesting that how we raise our kids doesn’t merely affect how our kids turn out; it also affects just how much of an influence we have.

I want to spend a second reflecting on the numbers in that personality trait study too. The study finds that “41 percent of neuroticism may be inherited, as well as 53 percent of extroversion, 61 percent of openness to experience, 41 percent of agreeableness, and 44 percent of conscientiousness.”

If 41 percent or 53 percent or 61 percent of a trait is inherited, that means that the rest—a substantial portion!—is not inherited. This again suggests that the environment in which kids are raised  does  matter.

A few years ago, for this newsletter , I interviewed  Danielle Dick , a psychologist at Virginia Commonwealth University who specifically studies genetic and environmental influences on human behavior. Dick explained to me that, yes, our kids’ genes absolutely shape who they will become. “The research unambiguously shows that our children’s genes play a large role in their behavior,” she told me.

But then she added: “I’m absolutely not saying that parents don’t matter.”

I was interviewing Dick because she wrote a (wonderful!) parenting book called  The Child Code: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting —and if genes were the only thing that mattered, I daresay she would not have penned a book full of parenting advice. In  The Child Code , Dick argues that when making parenting choices, parents should consider how their kids are wired, because aligning parenting strategies with kids’ temperaments can make them more effective.

Back to Brooks’ essay. To support his argument that parents don’t matter, Brooks also mentions a 2021 study  that investigated the link between specific parenting behaviors and personality. Brooks described this study as showing that “in most aspects, parenting mattered about as much as birth order—which is to say, its effect was little to none.”

Yet, in the very next paragraph, Brooks highlights two important exceptions: The personality traits of conscientiousness and agreeableness were shaped by parenting. Conscientiousness was found to be shaped by parent involvement in kids’ lives and how much cultural stimulation parents provided, and agreeableness was shaped by how much structure the parents provided—did they make their kids do their homework, etc.?—and parents’ goals.

Conscientiousness and agreeableness are among the personality traits I care about most because they most closely align with being a good human being—and this study, which Brooks cites as evidence that parenting doesn’t matter, suggests to me that parenting does matter for these traits. Other studies have reported that the environment plays an important role in shaping social values too.

It’s also worth highlighting that this 2021 study looked only at how personality traits were shaped by four specific parenting factors: parental goals, parental involvement in their kids’ school, parental structure, and parental cultural stimulation. The study didn’t investigate the impact of so many other things we as parents do, such as the conversations we have with our kids and how we engage with their emotions (which, research suggests,  do matter when it comes to the development of children’s moral values).

So, even if the study had found no relationship between those four parenting dimensions and child personality traits, it would still be inaccurate and misleading to conclude that parenting doesn’t matter. The study looked at just a very small slice of what parents do.

As an aside, I find it interesting that most of the recent essays   I’ve come across  that argue that parents don’t matter have been written by men, who are often less involved in parenting. Maybe there’s a bit of rationalization going on?  It’s fine that I’m not doing much at home—parenting doesn’t matter!  Or maybe it makes sense: If men aren’t all that involved in child-rearing, then of course they will not have that much of an influence on their children. Research does suggest that kids learn more values from their  mothers and grandmothers  than from their fathers and grandfathers.

Still, these essays rub me the wrong way, and not just because they overgeneralize and cherry-pick the science. They feel like yet another way to undermine the hard, important work that women typically do. (Brooks also wrote an essay  on marriage last year that argued that couples shouldn’t attempt to split domestic duties equally because doing so “militates against one of the most important elements of love: generosity—a willingness to give more than your share in a spirit of abundance, because giving to someone you care for is pleasurable in itself.” OK, dude.) I can’t help but point out that the “Nature matters more than nurture” argument has long been used to support racism too.

Let me circle back to Brooks’ overarching point. Brooks argues that it’s OK for us to make mistakes as parents because what we do doesn’t make much of a difference. I disagree: I think it’s OK for us to make mistakes because parenting does matter. Mistakes are opportunities for growth and education. When we screw up, we teach our kids many important things. We teach them that all humans are works in progress and that we should strive to learn and grow throughout our lives. We model for them how to apologize, be humble, and take responsibility for our actions. We teach them that life is often more complex and messy and beautiful than we expect it to be—and that, I believe, is a good thing.

Apr 30, 2024

​10 simple qualities of a good father

​​the best attributes of a father​.

Being a father is a life-changing experience that is characterized by love, support, and direction. Although every father is different, there are several characteristics that set apart the successful fathers in terms of guiding and molding their kids. Ten basic characteristics of a good parent are as follows:

​​Love without conditions​

Unconditional affection and a safe, caring environment where children feel appreciated and accepted are hallmarks of a good parent.

​​Patience​

One quality that every good father has is patience. They are aware that raising kids takes patience, empathy, and fortitude in the face of difficulties.

​​Encouragement​

Good fathers are consoling and upbeat, congratulating their kids on their accomplishments and providing direction and comfort when things go tough.

​​Reliability​

A good father is reliable and dependable, always there for his children when they need him, no matter the circumstances.

​​Role model​

A good father sets an example for his children by acting and speaking with honesty, compassion, and tenacity.

You may also like

​​listening skills​.

An essential ability for a good father is listening. He pays close attention to the ideas, feelings, and worries of his kids while providing them with support and direction without passing judgment.

​​Participation​

A good father engages with his kids on a regular basis, visiting events, taking part in activities, and making enduring memories with them.

​​Rules and regulations​

A good father must exercise discipline, but it must be applied with compassion and understanding, imparting wisdom and encouraging development into adulthood.

​​Interaction​

Open and honest communication between a father and his child builds trust, understanding, and a solid relationship.

​Existence​

A good father must be involved in his children's lives and be there for them. He makes a lasting, profound connection with his kids by spending quality time with them.

Thanks For Reading!

Next: Baby names inspired by Indian scientists