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Funny Graduation Speeches

There is nothing like a hilarious commencement speech. It might seem easy to pull off since, after all, graduation is one big party celebration. However, when you tally them, in the past ten years, there are really only a few funny graduation speeches. Here below is the list of some of the funniest commencement addresses I know of. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Funny Graduation Speeches

Michele is a writer who has been published both locally and internationally.

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Graduation speeches infused with humor bring life to these traditional celebrations and speak to the nature of the youth in attendance. If you're not a natural comedian, these funny graduation speech ideas provide a great starting point to customize your speech.

Funny High School Graduation Speech #1 - Finding Out Who You Are

Who are we? That is a great question. We've spent the last 13 years of our lives trying to prepare for that, but it isn't something that you can Google. Well, you can Google it, but make sure that you turn on the safe search first. There is no telling what your results might be.

It's Okay to Not Know

However, Google won't tell us where our passion lies. It won't tell us who we are. And while some of us know, (your parents are breathing a deep sigh of relief right now), others of us don't, (sorry Mom and Dad). We don't know what we want to be when we grow up yet, and that is okay. Well, your parents might not think so when you are on your fourth major and they're paying your tuition, but it is still okay.

A New Chapter and Finding Your Passion

High school was fun, but we have turned a page in our life. We have moved from childhood into adulthood and now is the time to find our passion. It's time to learn what we want to be if we haven't figured it out, or follow our dream if we have. So parents, open up your wallets because studying philosophy isn't cheap.

Thank You All

Teachers, your passion and dedication has helped us to realize that being first in line isn't a life or death situation. And thank you for understanding that dogs can eat anything from homework to gym shorts. True story. Faculty, thank you for putting up with us from our nose picking days to raging hormonal breakdowns. Through it all, you have been our rocks. So as we take this final walk out of this school, we thank you all for helping us to answer the question of who we are.

Humorous Sample Speech #2 - Learn From Your Mistakes

We all make mistakes. I know that I have. Stealing Shelly's boyfriend in 3rd grade was definitely a mistake, but I think I did her a favor. Staying up the night before ACTs was a mistake, but I'm standing up here so it wasn't that bad. I have made mistakes. Hundreds, no thousands, okay maybe millions, of mistakes within my short 18 years, including that funny student council speech I made sophmore year that turned out more stupid than funny.

Mistakes Help You Grow

Have I learned from all of them? Probably not. But more often than not mistakes helped me to grow. I mean I learned that volunteering to give a graduation speech was probably not my best choice 13 hours and four speeches later. But then again, I'm killing it right now, so time well spent. I also learned that I'll probably never volunteer for this again. So as you can see, mistakes are all about learning.

New Adventure - New Mistakes

As we bust through this new adventure in our lives, some call being a grown up, I call the end of freeloading, we will make mistakes. We will choose the wrong major and have to pay thousands extra in student loans, but we will learn to be more frugal. Honestly, we will probably just learn how to live on Ramen, but who knows. We will miss deadlines and be late, but all these things will make us grow and change. Our mistakes will become as important as our successes because they will define us.

So, don't aim for perfect, instead, it is better to be flawed. So, thank you, parents and teachers, for letting us make mistakes. Thank you for molding us into the imperfect creatures we are today. And most of all thank you for allowing us to learn from our mistakes as we move forward.

Customization Options for the Funniest Graduation Speech

Each sample speech is general enough to be used for most school graduations. If you want to create an original speech, you can modify both samples by:

• Changing out terminology with words like high school or senior class
• Adding in personal stories or examples
• Including funny sound effects and facial expressions where they make sense
• Changing the greeting or closing statements

Tips for a Great Speech

Giving a speech in front of a large crowd, especially in front of people you know well, can be a challenge if you plan to give an unexpected surprise like a funny speech. These suggestions and ideas will help you prepare so your speech gets the positive reaction you hope for.

Bits of Humor

You don't have to be known for your humor to add it into a speech, but there is a right way and a wrong way to give a humorous speech. Funny graduation speeches command an audience's attention and involve them in the ceremony. However, adding humor that is well-timed, appropriate, and funny can be tricky. Keep the following points in mind as you plan your speech.

• Timing is everything. Take a look at your speech ahead of time and decide where humor will be most appropriate.
• Stories of classmates and faculty members are your best sources for funny stories. Think about funny moments that included others at the school.
• Search for funny quotes , jokes , sayings , poems , song lyrics or even newspaper headlines that could be related to the ceremony. Be sure they complement the moment.
• Don't be afraid to talk about yourself, especially any embarrassing moments you might have experienced during your academic years.
• Tell stories. Even without trying to inject humor, you might find that your stories about your graduating class, the faculty, and the administration are funny.
• Refer to subjects that everyone is familiar with, such as politics or especially pop culture. Think about popular TV shows, bands, movie stars, etc. Remind the audience about fads that have been popular while your graduating class has been in school. If you know a funny story relating to this theme, tell it.

Practice Pointers

Before the actual ceremony, you'll want to practice your speech several times. You'll also want to:

• Give a copy of your speech to the principal and any other faculty members involved in the ceremony. Be sure you get their approval before you give your speech.
• Practice your speech in front of several friends and ask for their honest feedback.
• When adding humor to a speech, it is important that you stress certain words to add emphasis to the funny parts of the speech.
• Don't just focus on stories that relate to you and your friends. It's important to include as many of the groups in your school as possible. You want to reach all of your audience, not just some of them.
• Funny graduation speeches should not be rude or cruel. Do not use this time to ridicule a teacher or principal who is disliked by you or your friends. Be sure your speech material is appropriate.
• Sometimes, there is a fine line between poking fun at something or someone and being offensive. Use tact and consideration in your speech.

A Fun Way to Say Goodbye

Your graduation speech is the perfect time to sum up your experiences over the past years and close this chapter of life. Infuse the speech with a youthful spirit, ingenuity, and humor to make it an experience others will never forget. Now all you have to do is figure out your graduation thank you speech to give to your loved ones at your party.

21 Best Graduation Speeches That Everyone Should Hear

Read life advice from Ree Drummond, Bill Gates, Oprah, and more!

Included in this list is the Pioneer Woman herself—Ree Drummond has witnessed her fair share of milestones with the Drummond kids and to top it off, she delivered an iconic keynote address at Oklahoma State University . Of course, who could forget Oprah Winfrey's speech to the class of 2020? In this heartfelt and emotional address, Winfrey encourages graduates to find their purpose in life and make a difference in the world. Those two are just a taste of what's to come. So, turn on the graduation songs , grab your tissues, and get ready for some solid life advice. Whether you're a recent graduate or just in need of a little pick-me-up, these speeches are sure to leave you feeling inspired and ready to take on whatever life throws your way.

Bill Gates: Northern Arizona University, 2023

Despite famously dropping out of Harvard after two years of study, Bill Gates shared a few pieces of advice he says he could have used at his hypothetical graduation. The Microsoft founder emphasized the importance of being open to career changes and learning to take a break.

"You are not a slacker if you cut yourself some slack. When I was your age, I didn’t believe in vacations. I didn’t believe in weekends. I pushed everyone around me to work very long hours. In the early days of Microsoft, my office overlooked the parking lot—and I would keep track of who was leaving early and staying late. But as I got older—and especially once I became a father—I realized there is more to life than work. Don’t wait as long as I did to learn this lesson. Take time to nurture your relationships, to celebrate your successes, and to recover from your losses."

Ree Drummond: Oklahoma State University, 2022

Ree hardly needs an introduction, but she knows a thing or two about life as a published author, Food Network host, and most importantly, mother of five.

"Buckle up, you have good times and rough seas ahead. It is just part of life, but enjoy the ride and laugh a lot... Life is about to unfold for you in all its forms. Love, heartache, accomplishments, disappointment, testing of faith... life is beautiful, so I repeat, buckle up and laugh along the way. It makes life fun."

Hamdi Ulukaya: Northeastern University, 2022

You may not know his name, but you might just love Chobani, the hugely successful yogurt brand Hamdi started. He reminded graduates why we are here on earth.

"As we started to grow, we hired everyone that we could. I realized an hour away there was a community of refugees who were having a hard time finding jobs. I said, 'Let's hire them.' I promise you that there is nothing more rewarding than showing up in the world for other people, no matter how hard it may be."

Dr. Marie Lynn Miranda: University of Notre Dame, 2021

As obvious as it sounds, you don't know what you don't know. That's the lesson from this acclaimed Notre Dame professor and environmental researcher.

"As much as I want to highlight the importance of the expertise you have developed, I also want to make the point that you will face situations in the years ahead where you will have no relevant expertise; you will have no evidence base to rely upon; your intellect will not be able to supply a needed answer. In those situations, I would like to suggest that you respond with love."

Oprah Winfrey: Class of 2020 Virtual Speech

Oprah had one of the hardest commencement speeches to give: it was for the class that graduated during the pandemic. She found a profound lesson in the chaos of those early months.

"Look who turns out to be essential! Teachers—your teachers!—healthcare workers of course, the people stocking grocery shelves, the cashiers, those who are caring for your grandparents, those who clean the places where we work and shop and carry out our daily lives. We are all here because they, at great and profound risk, are still providing their essential service. What will your essential service be? What really matters to you? How will you use what matters in service to yourself, your community, and the world?"

Tim Cook: Tulane University, 2019

Tim Cook took a similar approach to his late co-worker Steve Jobs when it came to the theme of his graduation speech.

"There's a saying that if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. At Apple, I learned that's a total crock. You'll work harder than you ever thought possible, but the tools will feel light in your hands. As you go out into the world, don't waste time on problems that have been solved... Look for the rough spots, the problems that seem too big, the complexities that other people are content to work around. It's in those places that you will find your purpose. It's there that you can make your greatest contribution."

Ken Burns: Stanford University, 2016

In his 2016 Stanford speech, America's most famous documentary filmmaker asked listeners not to forget the lessons found in our history.

"Be for something. Be curious, not cool. Feed your soul, too. Every day. Remember, insecurity makes liars of us all. Don't confuse success with excellence. Educate all of your parts. You will be healthier. Seek out—and have—mentors. Listen to them. Bite off more than you can chew. Do not get stuck in one place. Visit our national parks. Their sheer majesty may remind you of your own 'atomic insignificance,' as one observer noted, but in the inscrutable ways of nature, you will feel larger, inspirited, just as the egotist in our midst is diminished by his or her self-regard. Insist on heroes. And be one."

Sheryl Sandberg: UC Berkeley, 2016

The former COO of Facebook offered graduates a realistic look at the life ahead and how to move through the hard times. "Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve but by how you survive."

Admiral William H. McRaven: University of Texas at Austin, 2014

During Admiral McRaven's speech at his alma mater, he looked to the lessons he learned serving his country. One of which was so simple, yet profoundly impactful.

"If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter... And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better."

George Saunders: Syracuse University, 2013

Bestselling author and professor George Saunders offered grads a guiding principle to move through life with, no matter what they pursue.

"Travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop)—but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality—your soul, if you will—is as bright and shining as any that has ever been."

Kerry Washington: George Washington University, 2013

Actress Kerry Washington told graduates to think of this achievement during the difficult or uncomfortable parts of life.

"The lesson is that you're here because you too learned how to answer the call. You don't earn a degree by doing and being and existing in the comfort zone of what you already know. Look back on the journey that brought you here. What moments challenged you most? When were you asked to step outside of your familiar territory in order to rise to the occasion of your potential? I want you to remember those moments, because they will embolden you."

Neil Gaiman: University of the Arts, 2012

Neil wasn't always an acclaimed author of fiction, comic books, graphic novels, nonfiction, and films. His speech may have been given to a group of young artists, but the advice applies to anyone starting out in a turbulent career.

"People who know what they are doing know the rules, and they know what is possible and what is impossible. You do not. And you should not. The rules on what is possible and impossible in the arts were made by people who had not tested the bounds of the possible by going beyond them. And you can. If you don't know it's impossible, it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that particular thing again."

Aaron Sorkin: Syracuse University, 2012

Aaron has carved an incredible career writing plays, movies, and television shows, but success clearly hasn't impacted his sense of humility.

"Decisions are made by those who show up. Don't ever forget that you're a citizen of this world. Don't ever forget that you're a citizen of this world, and there are things you can do to lift the human spirit, things that are easy, things that are free, things that you can do every day: civility, respect, kindness, character."

Atul Gawande: Williams College, 2012

Being a surgeon means you have to think on your feet when things go wrong, and for Dr. Gawande, that holds an immense life lesson.

"A failure often does not have to be a failure at all. However, you have to be ready for it. Will you admit when things go wrong? Will you take steps to set them right? Because the difference between triumph and defeat, you'll find, isn't about willingness to take risks. It's about mastery of rescue."

Conan O'Brien: Dartmouth College, 2011

This famous late-night host delivered a hilarious graduation speech riddled with stories, each with their own lesson.

"David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson and was not, and as a result, my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are—my peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this: It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound re-invention."

Steve Jobs: Stanford University, 2005

The entrepreneur, inventor, and pioneer of the personal computer revolution had his fair share of ups and downs in life. But one of the things that made him so persistent was his love of technology.

"You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."

Toni Morrison: Wellesley College, 2004

Toni Morrison disputed the usual platitude that youth is the best time of your life. Instead, she told students that there is nothing more satisfying or gratifying than the true adulthood which stretches out before them. "What is now known is not all that you are capable of knowing. You are your own stories and therefore free to imagine and experience what it means to be human without wealth. What it feels like to be human without domination over others, without reckless arrogance, without fear of others unlike you, without rotating, rehearsing and reinventing the hatreds you learned in the sandbox. And although you don't have complete control over the narrative (no author does, I can tell you), you could nevertheless create it."

Bill Gates: Harvard University, 2007

Who wouldn't take the Microsoft founder's advice?

"In line with the promise of this age, I want to exhort each of the graduates here to take on an issue—a complex problem, a deep inequity, and become a specialist on it. If you make it the focus of your career, that would be phenomenal. But you don't have to do that to make an impact... don't let complexity stop you. Be activists. Take on big inequities. I feel sure it will be one of the great experiences of your lives."

Nora Ephron: Wellesley College, 1996

When Nora Ephron wasn't reporting, she was writing some of our most beloved romantic comedies. She reassured grads that they will always continue to change and grow.

"What are you going to do? Everything is my guess. It will be a little messy but embrace the mess. It will be complicated but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it's going to be like, but surprises are good for you. And don't be frightened. You can always change your mind. I know. I've had four careers and three husbands. And this is something else I want to tell you, one of the hundreds of things I didn't know when I was sitting here so many years ago: you are not going to be you, fixed and immutable you, forever."

Barbara Kingsolver: DePauw University, 1994

The sentiment of Barbara Kingsolver's speech resonates today just as much as it did in 1994.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and give you one little piece of advice and that is like the idea of a future. Believe you have it in you to make the world look better rather than worse seven generations from now. Figure out what that could look like. And then if you're lucky, you'll find a way to live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides."

Micaela Bahn is a freelance editorial assistant and recent graduate from Carleton College, where she majored in English literature. She loves running, photography, and cooking the best new recipes.

Nitya Rao is the editorial assistant at The Pioneer Woman, covering stories ranging from food, fashion, beauty, lifestyle, news, and more.

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Top Funny Graduation Speeches to Brighten Up Your Day

Graduation day is a significant milestone in one’s life. It marks the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter, which can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. But who says graduation speeches should be all serious and boring?

Injecting humor into speeches is a great way to lighten the mood and make the occasion even more memorable. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

In this article, I will share some of the funniest graduation speeches that will tickle your funny bone. Whether you are a graduate, family member, or attendee, these hilarious commencement addresses are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

Table of Contents

Key Takeaways:

• Funny graduation speeches can bring laughter and joy to an otherwise serious occasion.
• Injecting humor into speeches is a great way to lighten the mood and make the occasion even more memorable.
• Laughter is the best medicine, and funny graduation speeches will tickle your funny bone.

The Power of Humor in Graduation Speeches

As a journalist and professional copywriter, I’ve attended numerous graduation ceremonies over the years. Most of them are filled with serious speeches that aim to motivate and inspire the graduates. However, I’ve found that the most memorable and engaging speeches are those that incorporate humor.

Humorous commencement speeches can captivate an audience and make an otherwise dull occasion come alive. They can entertain and create a lighthearted atmosphere that makes the graduates and attendees feel more relaxed and connected.

The Impact of Humor

Research has shown that humor has numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving mood, and increasing social bonding. When used in the context of a graduation speech, humor can help engage the audience and make the speech more memorable.

The late Steve Jobs at Stanford University delivered one of the most famous humorous graduation speeches in 2005. His speech was filled with jokes, personal anecdotes, and witty remarks that made it both entertaining and inspiring.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.”

Creating a Comedic Speech

If you’re tasked with delivering a graduation speech, consider incorporating humor into your speech. The key to creating a comedic speech is to strike a balance between humor and sincerity. You want to make the audience laugh, but you also want to deliver a meaningful message.

Start by brainstorming funny graduation speech ideas . You can draw inspiration from your own experiences, pop culture, or even current events. Use humor to tell a story that relates to the graduates and the occasion, and be sure to practice your delivery to ensure the timing and pacing of your jokes are on point.

Examples of Comedic Graduation Speeches

Famous comedians, politicians, and actors have delivered some of the best comedic graduation speeches. For example, Will Ferrell’s 2017 commencement speech at the University of Southern California was filled with hilarious jokes and comments.

“I’ve already instructed my wife and children that, upon my death, I am to be buried in a giant shoebox with all my other precious belongings.”

Ellen DeGeneres’ 2009 speech at Tulane University was also a hit, with her trademark humor and wit shining through.

“I learned a lot in college, but the most important thing I learned is that if you don’t wear underwear, you’ll ruin your pants.”

By studying the best comedic graduation speeches , you can learn from the masters and incorporate similar techniques into your own speech.

Funny Graduation Speech Ideas

Are you tasked with delivering a graduation speech and want to make it funny? Look no further! Here are a few hilarious graduation speech ideas:

• Start with a joke: Beginning your speech with a lighthearted joke can instantly grab your audience’s attention and set the tone for a funny speech.
• Incorporate pop culture references: Whether it’s referencing a popular TV show or a viral meme, incorporating current pop culture references in your speech can add a comedic touch.
• Share a funny personal story: Everyone loves a good laugh, and sharing a funny personal story can make your speech relatable and entertaining.
• Use witty one-liners: One-liners are a great way to sprinkle quick laughs throughout your speech and keep your audience engaged.
• Poke fun at yourself: Making fun of yourself in a self-deprecating way can endear you to your audience and make them laugh.

Remember, the key to delivering a funny graduation speech is to keep it light-hearted and entertaining while still delivering a meaningful message.

“I didn’t graduate with honors. I was honored just to graduate.” – Lou Holtz

Use these ideas to craft a hilarious graduation speech that will make your audience laugh and leave a lasting impression.

Examples of Funny Graduation Speeches

Looking for inspiration on how to deliver a humorous graduation speech? Look no further than these hilarious examples from some of the most notable speakers in recent years.

These speeches prove that a little humor can go a long way in making graduation day a memorable and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

How to Deliver a Funny Graduation Speech

Delivering a humorous graduation speech can be a daunting task, but with the right approach, it can be a memorable and entertaining experience for graduates and attendees. Here are some tips to ensure your speech is a hit:

• Timing is everything. Make sure your jokes are well-timed and don’t drag on. Keep them short and sweet, and don’t let them overshadow the main message of your speech.
• Engage with your audience. Don’t just deliver your speech robotically; interact with your audience, make eye contact, and use body language to emphasize your points. This will help to keep the audience engaged and entertained.
• Use personal anecdotes and experiences. Incorporating personal stories into your speech can add a touch of humor and relatability. Just make sure they are appropriate and don’t offend anyone.
• Mix in some quotes. Including funny quotes from famous people or popular movies can add some humor to your speech and show that you are well-read and witty.
• Practice, practice, practice. Rehearsing your speech beforehand will help you to refine your delivery and make sure you don’t stumble over your words. Plus, the more comfortable you are with your material, the more confident you’ll be on the day.

With these tips in mind, you’ll be able to deliver a humorous graduation speech that will have your audience in stitches. And remember, the most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the moment!

The Impact of Laughter on Graduation Day

As a copywriting journalist who has attended numerous graduation ceremonies and speeches, I can confidently say that funny graduation speeches have the power to transform the entire occasion. The impact of laughter on graduation day cannot be overstated!

Entertaining graduation speeches can help to break the ice, reduce tension, and create a lighthearted atmosphere that puts everyone at ease. When done properly, funny speeches can also foster a sense of camaraderie among the graduates and their families, making the experience more enjoyable for all involved.

But the benefits of humor in graduation speeches go beyond simply making people laugh. Research has shown that laughter has numerous health benefits, including reducing stress, boosting the immune system, and releasing endorphins that create feelings of happiness and well-being. In short, a good laugh can do wonders for our physical and mental health!

So whether you’re a graduate preparing to give a speech, or an attendee looking forward to hearing some funny commencement addresses, don’t underestimate the power of humor on graduation day. It just might be the key to creating a truly unforgettable experience!

As a professional copywriting journalist, I understand the importance of humor in delivering a memorable and entertaining graduation speech. Funny graduation speeches can bring laughter and joy to an otherwise serious occasion, creating a lighthearted atmosphere that can make the event more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Throughout this article, we’ve explored the power of humor in graduation speeches and provided creative and unique ideas for crafting a funny speech. We’ve also highlighted some of the best examples of funny graduation speeches delivered by notable speakers, and offered practical tips on how to effectively deliver a funny graduation speech.

As we’ve seen, the impact of laughter on graduation day can be significant, alleviating stress and fostering a sense of camaraderie among graduates and attendees. So, the next time you’re tasked with delivering a graduation speech, consider incorporating humor into your address. You might just create a moment that will be remembered for years to come.

Remember, a funny graduation speech is not just about making people laugh, but also about making a lasting impression. Commencement addresses that combine humor with insight and inspiration are the ones that truly stand out. So go forth and craft your own hilarious commencement address, one that will be remembered as one of the best funny graduation speeches ever delivered.

Q: How can funny graduation speeches make the occasion more enjoyable?

A: Funny graduation speeches have the power to bring laughter and joy to a typically serious event. They can lighten the atmosphere and create a memorable and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Q: How can humor engage the audience during a graduation speech?

A: Humor in graduation speeches can captivate the audience by grabbing their attention and keeping them engaged. It can make the speech more relatable and entertaining, ensuring that the audience remains attentive and interested.

Q: What are some ideas for crafting a funny graduation speech?

A: To create a funny graduation speech, you can incorporate humor through storytelling, personal anecdotes, and clever wordplay. This will entertain and captivate the audience, leaving a lasting impression on everyone present.

Q: Can you provide examples of funny graduation speeches?

A: Sure! Some examples of funny graduation speeches include Conan O’Brien’s commencement address at Dartmouth College, Ellen DeGeneres’ speech at Tulane University, and Stephen Colbert’s speech at Northwestern University. These speeches are full of humorous quotes and anecdotes that showcase the power of humor in graduation speeches.

Q: What tips can you offer for delivering a funny graduation speech?

A: When delivering a funny graduation speech, timing and delivery are key. Practice your speech to ensure you hit the comedic moments just right. Additionally, engage with the audience, use gestures and facial expressions to enhance your humor, and incorporate funny quotes or one-liners to keep the crowd entertained.

Q: How does laughter impact graduation day?

A: Laughter has a positive impact on graduation day by alleviating stress, creating a lighthearted atmosphere, and fostering a sense of camaraderie among graduates and attendees. Funny graduation speeches contribute to this atmosphere, making the day more enjoyable and memorable for everyone.

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16 Best Graduation Speeches That Leave a Lasting Impression

By Kristi Kellogg and Noor Brara

Some of the most impactful and inspiring sentiments are shared during graduation speeches delivered by the leaders we look up to. Graduation speeches from celebrities , entrepreneurs, authors and other influential thinkers are motivational, inspiring, thought-provoking and just might make you reach for the nearest tissue. After four years of hard work, stress, and exhausting self-discovery, lucky graduates are privy to a life-changing speech to top it all off.

Here, we rounded up up 16 of the best graduation speeches of all time, including words of wisdom from Natalie Portman, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, and more.

1. Steve Jobs: Stanford, 2005

"You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."

2. Michelle Obama: Tuskegee University, 2015

"I've found that this journey has been incredibly freeing. Because no matter what happened, I had the piece of mind knowing that all of the chatter, the name-calling, the doubting...all of it was just noise. It did not define me, it didn't change who I was, and most importantly, it couldn't hold me back."

3. Natalie Portman: Harvard, 2015

"I just directed my first film. I was completely unprepared, but my own ignorance to my own limitations looked like confidence and got me into the director's chair. Once there, I had to figure it all out, and my belief that I could handle these things, contrary to all evidence of my ability to do so was half the battle. The other half was very hard work. The experience was the deepest and most meaningful one of my career."

4. Amy Poehler: Harvard University, 2011

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By Lisa Stardust

"What I have discovered is this: You can't do it alone … Listen. Say 'yes.' Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often."

5. Meryl Streep: Barnard College, 2010

"This is your time and it feels normal to you but really there is no normal. There's only change, and resistance to it and then more change."

6. David Foster Wallace: Kenyon College, 2005

"Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master."

7. Barack Obama: Howard University, 2016

"You have to go through life with more than just passion for change; you need a strategy. I’ll repeat that. I want you to have passion, but you have to have a strategy. Not just awareness, but action. Not just hashtags, but votes."

8. Kerry Washington: George Washington University, 2013

"You and you alone are the only person who can live the life that can write the story that you were meant to tell."

9. Conan O'Brien: Dartmouth College, 2011

"There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. Today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality … Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen."

10. J.K. Rowling: Harvard, 2008

"I stopped pretending to be anything than what I was. My greatest fear had been realized. I had an old typewriter and a big idea. Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

11. Oprah Winfrey: Harvard University, 2013

"Learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes are there to teach you and force you into being more who you are. And then figure out what is the next right move. And the key to life is to develop an internal moral, emotional G.P.S. that can tell you which way to go."

12. Joss Whedon: Wesleyan University, 2013

"You have, which is a rare thing, that ability and the responsibility to listen to the dissent in yourself, to at least give it the floor, because it is the key—not only to consciousness–but to real growth. To accept duality is to earn identity. And identity is something that you are constantly earning. It is not just who you are. It is a process that you must be active in. It's not just parroting your parents or the thoughts of your learned teachers. It is now more than ever about understanding yourself so you can become yourself."

13. George Saunders: Syracuse University, 2013

"Do all the other things, the ambitious things … Travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop)—but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness."

14. Nora Ephron: Wellesley College, 1996

"Be the heroine of your life, not the victim."

15. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Wellesley College, 2015

"As you graduate, as you deal with your excitement and your doubts today, I urge you to try and create the world you want to live in. Minister to the world in a way that can change it. Minister radically in a real, active, practical, get your hands dirty way."

16. Admiral William H. McRaven: University of Texas at Austin, 2014

"If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can't do the little things right, you will never do the big things right."

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The 21 greatest graduation speeches of the last 60 years

By german lopez on may 11, 2016.

Graduation speeches are the last opportunity for a high school or college to educate its students. It's unsurprising, then, that these institutions often pull in some of the world's most powerful people to leave an equally powerful impression on their students. Here are the best of those speeches and some of the sections that resonate the most.

David Foster Wallace at Kenyon College, 2005

Jamie Sullivan

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, 'Morning, boys. How's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, 'What the hell is water?' This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches: the deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories. The story thing turns out to be one of the better, less bulshitty conventions of the genre, but if you're worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don't be. I am not the wise old fish.”

Steve Jobs at Stanford University, 2005

Stanford University

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Ellen Degeneres at Tulane University, 2009

Tulane University

“I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there’s no need to worry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It’s gonna be great. You’ve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask for your first job interview — like, ‘Is it above sea level?’ So to conclude my conclusion that I’ve previously concluded in the common cement speech, I guess what I’m trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain. And if they like what they see, you’ll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you’ll be drunk most of the time.”

Conan O'Brien at Dartmouth College, 2011

“Way back in the 1940s there was a very, very funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star and easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn’t. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are — my peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this: it is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound reinvention.”

Carol Bartz at University of Wisconsin-Madison, 2012

University of Wisconsin-Madison

“Accept failure and learn from it. Failure is part of life, it’s part of every career, and you have to know how to take advantage of it. The single greatest strength that this country has via Silicon Valley is that failure is seen as a sign of experience. Failure is part of work, it’s part of life. People are willing to take risks on the way to innovation. One of my fondest sayings is fail, fast, forward. Recognize you’ve failed, try to do it fast, learn from it, build on it, and move forward. Embrace failure, have it be part of your persona. You’re going to have long careers, as I’ve already told you, you’re going to have many failures — personal, business, professional. I’ve had my share. But just use this as a building block to your next success.”

President John F. Kennedy at American University, 1963

“Genuine peace must be the product of many nations, the sum of many acts. It must be dynamic, not static, changing to meet the challenge of each new generation. For peace is a process — a way of solving problems. With such a peace, there will still be quarrels and conflicting interests, as there are within families and nations. World peace, like community peace, does not require that each man love his neighbor — it requires only that they live together in mutual tolerance, submitting their disputes to a just and peaceful settlement.”

David McCullough Jr. at Wellesley High School, 2012

Wellesley High School

“Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence — a gratifying byproduct. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things. Climb the mountain not to plant your flag but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air, and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you. Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly. Exercise free will and creative independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you but for the good they will do others — the rest of the 6.8 billion and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special, because everyone is.”

Stephen Colbert at Northwestern University, 2011

Joshua Sherman

“You have been told to follow your dreams, but what if it’s a stupid dream? For instance, Stephen Colbert of 25 years ago lived at 2015 North Ridge with two men and three women in what I now know was a brothel. He dreamed of living alone — well, alone with his beard in a large, barren loft apartment, lots of blonde wood, wearing a kimono, with a futon on the floor and a Samovar of tea constantly bubbling in the background, doing Shakespeare in the street for homeless people. Today, I am a beardless, suburban dad who lives in a house, wears no iron khakis, and makes Anthony Weiner jokes for a living. And I love it, because thankfully dreams can change. If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don’t achieve it, you haven’t failed, and you’re not some loser. But just as importantly — and this is the part I may not get right and you may not listen to — if you do get your dream, you are not a winner.”

Sheryl Sandberg at Harvard Business School, 2012

Harvard Business School

“I sat down with Eric Schmidt, who had just become the CEO [of Google], and I showed him the spreadsheet and I said, this job meets none of my criteria. He put his hand on my sheet and he looked at me and said, ‘Don’t be an idiot.’ Excellent career advice. And then he said, ‘Get on a rocketship. When companies are growing quickly and having a lot of impact, careers take care of themselves. And when companies aren’t growing quickly or their missions don’t matter as much, that’s when stagnation and politics come in. If you’re offered a seat on a rocketship, don’t ask what seat. Just get on.’”

Michael Lewis at Princeton University, 2012

Princeton University

“In a general sort of way you’ve been appointed leader of the group. Your appointment may not be entirely arbitrary. But you must sense right now its arbitrary aspect: you are the lucky few. Lucky in your parents, lucky in your country, lucky that a place like Princeton exists that can take in lucky people, introduce them to other lucky people, and increase their chances of becoming even luckier. Lucky that you live in the richest society the world has ever seen, in a time when no one actually expects you to sacrifice your interest to anything. All of you have been faced with the extra cookie. All of you will be faced with many more of them. In time you will find it easy to assume that you deserve the extra cookie. For all I know, you may deserve the extra cookie. But you will be happier, and you will be better off, if you at least pretend that you don't.”

Jon Stewart at the College of William & Mary, 2004

College of William & Mary

“Lets talk about the real world for a moment. ... I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt: we broke it. Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry. I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize. But here’s the good news: you fix this thing, you’re the next greatest generation, people.”

Oprah Winfrey at Spelman College, 2012

Spelman College

“You must have some kind of vision for your life, even if you don’t know the plan. You have to have a direction in which you choose to go. I never was the kind of woman who liked to get in a car and just go for a ride. I had a boyfriend that would say, ‘Let’s just go for a ride.’ I want to know where are we going. Do we have a destination? Is there a plan? Are we just riding? What I’ve learned is that’s a great metaphor for life. You want to be in the driver’s seat of your own life, because if you’re not, life will drive you.”

Neil Gaiman at the University of the Arts, 2012

Lennie Alzate

“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that’s the moment you may be starting to get it right. The things I’ve done that worked the best were the things I was the least certain about, the stories where I was sure they would either work or more likely be the kinds of embarrassing failures that people would gather together and discuss until the end of time. They always had that in common. Looking back at them, people explain why they were inevitable successes. And while I was doing them, I had no idea. I still don’t. And where would be the fun in making something you knew was going to work? And sometimes the things I did really didn’t work. There are stories of mine that have never been reprinted. Some of them never even left the house. But I learned as much from them as I did from the things that worked.”

George Saunders at Syracuse University's College of Arts and Sciences, 2013

Syracuse University's College of Arts and Sciences

“Seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines energetically for the rest of your life. And do all the other things of course, the ambitious things: travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in a wild jungle river — after first testing it for monkey poop. But as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality — your soul, if you will — is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.”

Nora Ephron at Wellesley College, 1996

Wellesley College

“So what are you going to do? This is the season when a clutch of successful women who have it all get up and give speeches to women like you and say, ‘To be perfectly honest, you can’t have it all.’ Well, maybe young women don’t wonder whether they can have it all any longer, but in case any of you are wondering, of course you can have it all. What are you going to do? Everything is my guess. It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it’s going to be like, but surprises are good for you. And don't be frightened. You can always change your mind. I know. I've had four careers and three husbands. And this is something else I want to tell you, one of the hundreds of things I didn’t know when I was sitting here so many years ago: you are not going to be you, fixed and immutable you, forever.”

Aaron Sorkin at Syracuse University, 2012

Syracuse University

“Decisions are made by those who show up. Don't ever forget that you're a citizen of this world. Don't ever forget that you’re a citizen of this world, and there are things you can do to lift the human spirit, things that are easy, things that are free, things that you can do every day: civility, respect, kindness, character. You’re too good for schadenfreude, you’re too good for gossip and snark, you’re too good for intolerance — and since you're walking into the middle of a presidential election, it’s worth mentioning that you’re too good to think people who disagree with you are your enemy. … Don’t ever forget that a small group of thoughtful people can change the world. It’s the only thing that ever has.”

Barbara Kingsolver at DePauw University, 1994

DePauw University

“It’s not up to you to save the world. That’s the job of every living person who likes the idea of a future. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and give you one little piece of advice, and that is, like the idea of a future. Believe you have it in you to make the world look better rather than worse seven generations from now. Figure out what that could look like. And then if you’re lucky, you’ll find a way to live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides.”

Jane Lynch at Smith College, 2012

Smith College

“My counsel to you, women of Smith College: let life surprise you. Don’t have a plan. Plans are for wusses. If my life went according to my plan, I would never ever have the life I have today. Now, you are obviously good planners, or you wouldn’t be here. So stop it! Stop it now! Don’t deprive yourself of the exciting journey your life can be when you relinquish the need to have goals and a blueprint.”

Bill Gates at Harvard University, 2007

Harvard University

“In line with the promise of this age, I want to exhort each of the graduates here to take on an issue — a complex problem, a deep inequity, and become a specialist on it. If you make it the focus of your career, that would be phenomenal. But you don’t have to do that to make an impact. For a few hours every week, you can use the growing power of the internet to get informed, find others with the same interests, see the barriers, and find ways to cut through them. Don’t let complexity stop you. Be activists. Take on big inequities. I feel sure it will be one of the great experiences of your lives.”

Eugene Mirman at Lexington High School, 2009

Eugene Mirman

“What’s the worst grade you’ve ever gotten? A D? An F? When I was in eighth grade in Diamond Middle School on a homework assignment — this is true — I once got a -8. Sadly very true. I did my assignment worse than not doing it. But did I let getting a grade lower than the lowest possible grade stop me? No. I was put into resource room in special education, and I turned my F into a D. So you see sometimes you can fail, then barely pass, and then become a comedian.”

Michelle Obama at Spelman College, 2011

“Some of you may have grown up like me, in neighborhoods where few had the chance to go to college, where being teased for doing well in school was a fact of life, where well-meaning but misguided folks questioned whether a girl with my background could get into a school like Princeton. Sometimes I’d save them the trouble and raised the questions myself, in my own head, lying awake at night, doubting whether I had what it took to succeed. And the truth is that there will always be folks out there who make assumptions about others. There will always be folks who try to raise themselves up by cutting other people down. That happens to everyone, including me, throughout their lives. But when that happens to you all, here’s what I want you to do: I want you to just stop a minute, take a deep breath — because it’s going to need to be deep — and I want you to think about all those women who came before you.”

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• Editor Eleanor Barkhorn
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• Special Thanks Chao Li

This writer analyzed 100 graduation speeches — here are the 4 tips they all share

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Steve Jobs has been credited over the years with popularizing any number of other people’s inventions, from the personal computer to the tablet to the mobile phone. But none of these gifts may be as enduring as one of his rarely credited contributions to contemporary life — popularizing the viral commencement address.

On June 12, 2005, Jobs stood before the graduating class of Stanford University and reminded them that he had never graduated from college. “Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation.” He then told three stories about his life. “That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.”

That speech , coinciding as it did with the rise of internet virality (the first TED Talk would be posted on TED.com exactly 12 months later; the iPhone was introduced exactly 12 months after that), launched a global obsession with pithy, inspirational talks. Jobs’s speech has since been viewed more than 40 million times on YouTube.

Graduation speeches, long viewed as the burdensome interruption before diplomas were granted and mortar boards were tossed, have since become big business. Kurt Vonnegut, Ann Patchett, Carl Hiaasen, J.K. Rowling, Mary Karr, David Foster Wallace and many others have all had their commencement speeches published as books.

I’ve been fortunate to give a handful of commencement addresses over the years, and I confess to a fascination with the genre. The internet has been a boon this hobby. There are thousands of commencement speeches on the web. Can we learn anything from their messages?

I’ve spent the last few years gathering and coding hundreds of life stories, looking for patterns and takeaways that could help all of us live with more meaning, purpose and joy. I decided to put some of my coding tools to work, analyzing 100 of the most popular recent commencement speeches.

Here are the four tips they all contain:

1. Dream big

“I think it is often easier to make progress on mega-ambitious dreams. I know that sounds completely nuts. But, since no one else is crazy enough to do it, you have little competition. There are so few people this crazy that I feel like I know them all by first name. They all travel as if they are pack dogs and stick to each other like glue. The best people want to work the big challenges.” — Larry Page at University of Michigan , 2009

“We don’t beat the reaper by living longer. We beat the reaper by living well and living fully. For the reaper is always going to come for all of us. The question is: What do we do between the time we are born, and the time he shows up? Because when he shows up, it’s too late to do all the things that you’re always gonna, kinda get around to.” — Randy Pausch at Carnegie Mellon University , 2009

“Graduates, we need you. We need you to run companies and make decisions about who has access to capital. We need you to serve at the highest levels of government and determine our country’s standing in the world. We need you to work in our hospitals and in our courtrooms and in our schools. We need you to shape the future of technology. We need you because your perspective — the sum total of your intellect and your lived experience — will make our country stronger.” — Kamala Harris at Tennessee State University , 2022

2. Work hard

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” — Steve Jobs at Stanford University , 2005

“I just directed my first film. I was completely unprepared, but my own ignorance to my own limitations looked like confidence and got me into the director’s chair. Once there, I had to figure it all out, and my belief that I could handle these things, contrary to all evidence of my ability to do so was half the battle. The other half was very hard work. The experience was the deepest and most meaningful one of my career.” — Natalie Portman at Harvard University , 2015

“When you’re doing the work you’re meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you’re getting paid … But make it your life’s work to remake the world because there is nothing more beautiful or more worthwhile than working to leave something better for humanity.” — Oprah Winfrey at Stanford University , 2008

3. Make mistakes

”Fail big. That’s right. Fail big … It’s a new world out there, and it’s a mean world out there, and you only live once. So do what you feel passionate about. Take chances, professionally. Don’t be afraid to fail. There’s an old IQ test with nine dots, and you had to draw five lines with a pencil within these nine dots without lifting the pencil, and the only way to do it was to go outside the box. So don’t be afraid to go outside the box.” — Denzel Washington at University of Pennsylvania , 2011

“The world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the number of times you get back up.” — Aaron Sorkin at Syracuse University , 2013

“My experience has been that my mistakes led to the best thing in my life. Being embarrassed when you mess up is part of the human experience of getting back up dusting yourself off and seeing who still wants to hang out with you afterward and laugh about it. That’s a gift. The times I was told no or wasn’t included wasn’t chosen, didn’t win, didn’t make the cut, looking back it really feels like those moments we’re as important if not more crucial than the moments I was told yes.” — Taylor Swift at NYU , 2022

“Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.” — Conan O’Brien at Dartmouth College , 2011

“Empathy and kindness are the true signs of emotional intelligence.” — Will Ferrell at the University of Southern California , 2017

“So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it: What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded … sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly. Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth? Those who were kindest to you, I bet. It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.” — George Saunders at Syracuse University , 2013

So what can we learn from these themes?

Every era in American life has its own standards of what it means to be a success. Shortly after America’s founding, success was all about character. Led by Benjamin Franklin, Americans embraced virtue, industry, and frugality. In the twentieth century, success was all about personality. Led by Dale Carnegie, Americans embraced salesmanship, reinvention and charisma. Today, led by Steve Jobs, Americans are embracing meaning, authenticity and bliss. Or, as Kermit the Frog put it in a 1996 commencement speech at Southampton College , “May success and a smile always be yours … even when you’re knee-deep in the sticky muck of life.”

Dream, work, fail and smile are as good a foursome of American identity today as I know. And if those ideas don’t inspire you, you can always embrace the far more practical advice erroneously attributed to Kurt Vonnegut in a commencement speech that he never gave at MIT, but was instead delivered by Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich in an imaginary speech to graduates she published in an old-fashioned newspaper, “Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen.”

This post was adapted from one published on his newsletter The Nonlinear Life; go here to subscribe.

Watch his TEDxIEMadrid Talk now:

About the author

Bruce Feiler is the author of seven New York Times bestsellers, including The Secrets of Happy Families and Council of Dads, both of which became the subject of TED Talks. His latest book, Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age, from which this post and TEDx Talk are adapted, describes his journey across America, collecting hundreds of life stories, exploring how we can navigate life’s growing number of transitions with more meaning, purpose and joy. To learn more, visit brucefeiler.com, follow him on Twitter (@brucefeiler), or sign up for his newsletter The Nonlinear Life. 

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• Sample Graduation Speech

This sample graduation speech will give you an idea of how to structure your presentation if you've been chosen to speak at your high school or college graduation ceremony.

It contains some humor, which may or may not be appropriate for your specific school. Use your wisdom and discretion to decide whether a funny - or serious - tone is most suitable.

It really is an honor to be chosen to speak at your graduation ceremony, so you need to do your best to give a memorable speech that you know your fellow graduates will enjoy.

I hope you find this sample graduation speech inspiring!

If you've written a speech that you would like to share with the visitors to this website, then please send it in using the form on this page . I will then review and publish it, so others can be inspired by your brilliance!

If you'd like to check out more speeches that have been sent in to me, you can read them here .

Beginning of Sample Graduation Speech

Thank you for that warm introduction. Let me first welcome the graduating class and our extended family. Let me acknowledge:

Parents, grandparents, and relatives - except for those who for some reason did not give us any graduation money. Loyal friends - except those to whom we owe money, and finally teachers and administrators who are constantly borrowing money. Please stop.

Certainly our parents have a lot to be proud of. Just think parents, in a few months many of us will be going off to college or getting a job, and you'll get what you've been waiting for a long time... to turn that now empty bedroom into a home office.

And we cannot forget the contribution of our teachers. So unheralded. It's a tough job to take a group of fresh minds and try to show them the life skills that they will need to be successful. Skills every teacher knows, such as:

• How to get to the teachers' lounge and have a cigarette and be back in class in less than 5 min.
• How to get home on time by having one of your kids grade all your papers.
• And how to explain to parents that their child is not slow - they are "creative".

Have four years flown by that fast!!?? Wow, it seems like yesterday that, as freshmen, we were being lovingly shoved into lockers face first by the seniors. But time went by. We grew up. We took positions of leadership. As seniors, we would never, ever, ever do something so immature to the freshman. We didn't shove them into lockers. We just filled their lockers with shaving foam!

I'm not saying that we did anything else immature during our four years. I'm certain we were all home on time, and respected all the laws of the City, County and State at all times. And if you believe that, you believe the Principal will be handing out $100 bills in the cafeteria later today.

But can't we expect that youths are going to be energetic, possibly rambunctious, and even at times a little insane? I think we can. Any group of people that listens to the music we do, or wears the clothes we wear, and doesn't get nabbed by the state asylum is a special group.

And as a group we've been through a lot. Educational institutions are facing a lot of budget cuts. So we've learned to live with some pain. Cut backs to the athletic budget were painful, reduced spending for the music department was painful, and watching the football team attempt synchronized swimming during “reverse day” was especially painful.

One of things I most admire is how we came together as a class. Before arriving here we came from very different schools. At first we formed predictable groups and cliques. But over time we grew together as we fought opposing schools on the football field, at band competitions and academic debates.

Perhaps more than anything else, the lesson we learned is that as separate individuals we are, at most, mildly effective. But together we are able to combine our talents into a powerful arsenal of educational excellence, athletic achievement and community spirit.

Over the coming years you may forget some science facts or calculus formulae you learned here. What you cannot forget is that when individuals work together, the whole group is raised up and the impossible become the possible. Achievement becomes your destiny.

End of Sample Graduation Speech

Now go on out and create a sample graduation speech of your own! If you speak from your heart and remember to honor the folks that got you through your school years, your speech will definitely be a big hit!

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Example of a Valedictorian Speech

Use this example of a valedictorian speech to inspire you to write one of your own.

Sample High School Graduation Speech to Inspire You

A sample high school graduation speech sent in by a visitor to Best Speech Topics. This speech honors all those who helped this student graduate and is an excellent example to follow when crafting a speech of your own.

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If you've been asked to speak at a high school or college graduation or celebration, you may be searching for the perfect icebreaker. But how do you get a group of serious-minded students and their parents to crack a smile? Fortunately, plenty of famous (and not-so-famous) writers and orators have been in the same situation before you, and have come up with some clever, witty quotes to borrow.

Funny Quotes About Education and Learning

High schools and colleges take academics very seriously, but there is a funny side to learning!

Unknown One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first time.

George Foreman I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a  college graduate  today.

Oscar Wilde Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.

Theodore Roosevelt  A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car. But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

Funny Quotes About Graduation

Graduation is a formal event with lots of pomp and circumstance. Seen through the right lens, though, it is pretty funny!

Robert Orben A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Gary Bolding Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.

Doug Larson The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

James D'arcy It was only when I finished the course and left my graduation diploma on the bus that I realized I'd become an actor.

Garry Trudeau Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

Robert Goheen If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.

Unknown The tassel’s worth the hassle!

Erma Bombeck  Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.   

Jon Stewart The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

Bill Watterson  So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.

Funny Quotes About Succeeding in Life

Most commencement speakers have something to say about success in life and the road ahead. Here are some quotes to add a little humor to your sage advice.

Proverb You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Ed Helms So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you're on the right track.

Frank A. Clark  If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

Unknown All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.    

Ellen DeGeneres  Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.   

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How to Add Humor to a Graduation Speech

Last Updated: March 11, 2024

This article was co-authored by Patrick Muñoz . Patrick is an internationally recognized Voice & Speech Coach, focusing on public speaking, vocal power, accent and dialects, accent reduction, voiceover, acting and speech therapy. He has worked with clients such as Penelope Cruz, Eva Longoria, and Roselyn Sanchez. He was voted LA's Favorite Voice and Dialect Coach by BACKSTAGE, is the voice and speech coach for Disney and Turner Classic Movies, and is a member of Voice and Speech Trainers Association. This article has been viewed 99,444 times.

Boring graduation speeches are an impending tragedy. If you've been tasked with giving one, you can learn to inject a little humor into the proceedings. Learn to pick appropriate jokes that will have your audience in stitches. Learn to nail the tone and deliver your speech to emphasize the humor, as well as the heart.

Picking Appropriate Jokes

• Will Rogers: "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
• Ben Franklin: "You will find the key to success under the alarm clock."
• Bill Watterson: "What's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it."
• Ray Magliozzi: "You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today."

• Pick a pearl from a favorite rap song: "As the venerable Lil Wayne taught us, 'Real G's move in silence, like lasagna.' And that's what I want to talk to you about today. No, not the questionable Italian casseroles lovingly served by the lunch ladies at our school, but moving forward. In silence. Like the real G's that Jefferson High School has made us."
• Reference some "low" culture: "Wondering these halls, we were like so many Mario Brothers in the sewers of our lives. Getting lost and finding our way. Reaching for stars. Thinking we were sparkling and invincible. Trampling strange mushrooms. Smashing turtles with hammers. Doing battles with princess-stealing dragon creatures who live in fiery realms. Well...we did some of that."

• If you're giving a speech because you're an exceptional student or an administrator, it could get a good opportunity to self-deprecate. Tell a story about a time you failed spectacularly.
• Try to think of something everyone will be able to recognize. If your school has been under construction all year, make jokes about "building the future one closed hallway at a time."
• Avoid telling "inside" jokes unless you're going to explain them. If something is funny to you and your swim-team friends, but nobody else knows what it means, it's not good for a graduation speech. Remember who your audience is.

• Attack the "hard-work" cliché: "Lots of people will tell you that success comes with hard work. And that the only way to climb that ladder of success is by keeping your hands out of your pockets. But it isn't true. Some people are just lucky. And that's what I want to talk about today..."
• Pick on the "I see the future innovators of the world" cliché: "I look out at you, my fellow graduates, and you know what I see? I see a future of loan debt. I see the students who will break their thumbs on the Xbox of life. The kids who will back-up the emergency rooms of the world, on Halloween, when the partying was too intense. Who will have 14 grandmothers die during finals week. And who will take control of their lives."
• It helps to not take yourself too seriously when you're adding humor to a more serious speech.

• Pick a common joke that you like and tell it. Knock-knock jokes, chicken crossing the road jokes, talking dog jokes, jokes about moths visiting podiatrists. You can use any joke if you put the work into it.
• "My dad used to love to tell a joke. It goes like this: A guy and a skeleton walk into a bar. The guy orders two beers and a mop. I think there are two kinds of people in this world. Skeletons, and the people who mop up after them when they drink too much."

Finding the Right Tone

• You probably won't make everyone laugh, even if your joke is great. Don't worry about broadcasting to everybody in the audience, but try to keep it clean for as many people as possible. Remember they are there.

• It's probably not necessary to name specific people at all in your speech. Even if you think they might laugh to be called out for something in the graduation speech, you never know who'll take offense. Don't tease anyone but yourself.

• Sometimes, it can be hard to think of a joke to go along with a specific theme, and it's a lot easier to find a specific theme from a joke you want to tell.

• Stephen Colbert at University of Virginia
• Neil Degrasse Tyson at Mount Holyoke College
• Evan Biberdorf's High School Graduation Speech
• Lance Jabr's High School Musical
• Conan O'Brien's Harvard Commencement

Delivering Your Funny Speech

• Lead in a general way, thanking everyone who has already spoken and brought you up to the stage. Even if your speech involves voices and costumes, don't forget the standard "thank you" stuff.
• It's hard to guess the mood of a particular audience. Some might be rowdy and ready to laugh, others might be kind of somber, or bored. Start normally and find the right tone for the day.

• You can always avoid emphasizing the jokes with your voice. Just read it as straight as possible, instead of pausing dramatically for emphasis and waiting for the laughter to die down.
• Mark all your jokes with one color, or with an underline, and then let all the straight stuff stay in regular font and text. If you need to, you can quickly see the jokes you can skip over. Just focus on the content.
• It helps to really live in the moment when you're giving a speech. Pay attention to how your audience responds and react to what you're getting from the them.

• If you're going to belt a Sinatra song dramatically, you've got to stay serious so people will laugh. If you're going to give a fake-academic talk, stay in professor mode all the way through.
• Don't laugh at your own jokes. Practice saying them so you won't be giving away your own punchlines.

• Slow down the speed that you're reading your words, as well as your pauses in between sentences. Give each sentence a full stop.
• If people are laughing, just stop talking for minute. Don't try to talk over the laughter.

• Practice your speech several times. Have it nearly memorized, without actually memorizing it. Nothing stops a joke dead in the water like bad timing.

• End on some positive note. People like to be moved at a graduation, as well.

Expert Q&A

• Think of a funny story that happened while you were in school, and add it to the speech. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Find a joke or two that relates to you, your classmates or your school. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Run jokes with friends. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

• Don't insult any teachers or administration with your jokes. Thanks Helpful 8 Not Helpful 1

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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about giving a graduation speech, check out our in-depth interview with Patrick Muñoz .

• ↑ http://www.graduationwisdom.com/quotes/funny-graduation-quotes-for-high-school-graduation-and-invitations.htm
• ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
• ↑ http://campusgrotto.com/funny-graduation-speeches.html

About This Article

To spice up your graduation speech with some humor, try using a funny but inspirational quote. For example, you could use Robert Orben’s famous line, “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.” Or make a funny reference, but treat it seriously, like referencing the Mario Brothers as a point of reaching for the stars. Keep your audience in mind while you’re coming up with the humor in your speech. You probably won’t be able to make everyone laugh, but if your fellow classmates are your target audience, you can use jokes and references that they’ll think are funny. For tips on how to connect the humor to something heartfelt, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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55 Best Funny Graduation Quotes for All of Your Instagram-Worthy Photos

Need some inspiration for a grad card or a caption for cap and gown pictures? Try one of these hilarious quotes.

If you're the one scoring the diploma this upcoming spring, you know that getting to the end included a lot of laughs, late nights in the library, expensive textbooks, and an endless list of assignments. How could you not poke fun at it all with one of these hilarious short messages? And if you're the proud family member or relative who wants to elicit a few giggles with their gift and card, then you also can't go wrong with a quip from this roundup. Take a look at our favorite funny graduation quotes below — and if you still need a few gift ideas, check out our recommended gifts for college kids and top presents for high schoolers .

Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.

RELATED : 140 Best Graduation Quotes Perfect for the Class of 2023

Patricia Akins

Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover!

Mark A. Cooper

Life has no remote....get up and change it yourself.

George Foreman

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.

Harry Banks

If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously — you will never get out of it alive.

Sarah Brown

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.

Muhammad Ali

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.

Thomas Dewar

Minds are like parachutes — they only function when open.

James E. Ryan

Each year at graduation, I am obliged to offer a few “brief remarks,” which are usually not as brief as they should be.

Erma Bombeck

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After 22 years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

Lily Tomlin

The road to success is always under construction.

George W. Bush

To those of you who are graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinctions, I say, "Well done." And as I like to tell the C students: You too, can be president.

Doug Larson

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

Bette Reese

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

Jon Stewart

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

Frank A. Clark

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.

Andy Sorkin

You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.

Neil Gaiman

Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.

@media(max-width: 64rem){.css-o9j0dn:before{margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-right:0.625rem;color:#ffffff;width:1.25rem;bottom:-0.2rem;height:1.25rem;content:'_';display:inline-block;position:relative;line-height:1;background-repeat:no-repeat;}.loaded .css-o9j0dn:before{background-image:url(/_assets/design-tokens/goodhousekeeping/static/images/Clover.5c7a1a0.svg);}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.loaded .css-o9j0dn:before{background-image:url(/_assets/design-tokens/goodhousekeeping/static/images/Clover.5c7a1a0.svg);}} 100+ Quotes For Any Occasion

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Five Tips for a Valedictorian Speech that Gets Laughs

Have you been elected valedictorian? Are you the one who will be called up on stage to speak in front of all your classmates, family, friends, and teachers at the graduation ceremony? Your audience expects a memorable speech that is both inspiring and funny. Perhaps your speech will will end up on Youtube where it will be preserved for years to come. The pressure is enormous. But don’t worry! Just follow these five tips and you will write a hilarious speech in no time.

Tip 1: Pick a Funny Opener

Alfred Hitchcock said about movies: “Start with an earthquake, then slowly increase the level of suspense.” The same is true for graduation speeches. Your first sentence should shake your listeners. Then you can go on and dazzle ‘em.

The best way to draw in the attention of your audience right from the start is humor. By the way, if you are graduating from high school this year, – even college students might not know! – you might not know who be familiar with Hitchcock, he was considered one of the best movie makers of all times. But let’s look at some funny openers.

Talk show host Conan O’Brien began in his graduation speech at the University of Dartmouth in 2011 like this: “Graduates, parents, relatives, teachers and old people that just come to these things: Good morning and congratulations…”

You could easily change this opener to fit your speech situation. For example, you could also welcome the bored siblings, tourists, who lost their bearings or people from the street who were hoping for free drinks.

The humor in the valedictorian speeches often plays with the fact that after passing their exams, student can now afford to speak up much more freely. Even small taunts to the teachers are allowed, as long as they don’t go too far. Like this example:

“At the beginning of my speech, I want to thank the teachers. They do not always have an easy time with their students. They are often incredibly loud, they cannot focus well and for long stretches of time they have absolutely no clue what the class is all about. That’s right, dear teachers, I’m talking about you. But the fact that all students who are sitting in front of me today have graduated from high school shows that despite these deficits, you have done well. I think, that deserves a big round of applause.”

If the speaker was not his teacher’s favorite student, he or she could start their speech like this: “When Principal Rogers was considering which one of his students would be a good candidate to deliver a speech at our graduation ceremony, my name was at the top of his list. The title of this list? Worst Case Scenario.”

Hundreds of funny and inspiring ideas by America’s top graduation speeches can be found here .

Tip 2: Look Back at Your Time in High School

At graduation ceremonies there are usually several speakers, a teacher, a parent or a guest speaker. But only one speaker knows everything about what went on during the graduates’ high school years. Only one speaker has been there, at parties, behind the school building or in the backseats of parents’ cars. And that speaker is you.

Use your knowledge to make some jokes. You don’t have to give away secrets. Just let your audience know that you have them. How this can be done, was shown by J.K. Rowling in her speech at Harvard (even though she didn’t speak as a graduate, but as a world famous writer):

“The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.”

Or you can do it like this. “I had planned to talk extensively about the most embarrassing anecdotes that happened in recent years. I even wanted to present some funny pictures and videos. But since the offers for hush money have been generously increased by several of my classmates, I have decided to delete those passages from my speech.”

Tip 3: Give Some Tongue-in-Cheek Advice

Not only teachers and parents can make suggestions for the future of the graduates. Valedictorians can, too. But make sure you spice up your advice with a pinch of humor.

You can find inspiration in the speech delivered by talk show host Ellen DeGeneres in 2009 at Tulane University in New Orleans. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.”

Your audience should always feel that you don’t take yourself too seriously, for example like Tim Minchin did in his speech at the University of Western Australia in 2013: “You may find some of my tips inspiring, some you may find them boring. Surely, you will have forgotten all of them next week.”

Lots of witty phrases for graduation speeches can be found here .

Tip 4: Get to the Point and Come to the End

Speeches are like love affairs: It’s not difficult to start one. But only few people manage to end them gracefully. A pleasant exception was Jimmy Kimmel’s speech in Las Vegas in 2013: “With your degree you have not only proven that you are smart people. You have also shown something even more important. You have proven that you can finish something. That being said, I think this is a great opportunity to show that I can finish something as well and finish this speech.”

Denzel Washington concluded with his graduation speech at the University of Pennsylvania 2011 like this: “When you leave the friendly confines of West Philly: Never be discouraged. Never hold back. Give everything you’ve got. And when you fall throughout life—and maybe even tonight after a few too many glasses of champagne—fall forward. [Learn from your experiences] Congratulations, God bless you.”

Tip 5: Don’t Be Scared

A rousing graduation speech needs a hilarious opener, a humorously-packaged look back, some words of wisdom and a crisp conclusion. However, there is something even more important than all this: your enthusiasm. Your audience must feel that you are excited about your speech.

Unfortunately, this is something many speakers struggle with. The reason for this is usually stage fright. Some people are simply too scared of public speaking to ignite the spark in their audience.

However, there is a simple cure for your anxiety. Don’t take yourself too seriously – and let your listeners know that. Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling did a pretty good job at this in her graduation speech in Harvard in 2011: “The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honor, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight.”

Or you can say this: “Opera singer Enrico Caruso badly suffered from stage fright and is said to have thrown up many times shortly before his performances. My anxiety is usually not that bad, but for the case of an emergency, I would like to ask the people in the frond row to move their chairs backwards a little bit.”

More humorous phrases that will relax even the most terrified of speakers can be found here. Take these five tips to heart and you will give a graduation speech that will sweep your audience of their feet. Good luck to you!

The Best Commencement Speeches, Ever

Looking for some new words of wisdom? Check out our hand-picked selection of commencement addresses, going back to 1774. Search over 350 speeches by name, school, date or theme — and find out what they have in common with pop songs — on our blog: n.pr/ed .

By Jeremy Bowers, Emily Davis, Danny DeBelius, Christopher Groskopf, Anya Kamenetz, Meredith Rizzo, Sami Yenigun

Thanks to Cristina Negrut, the creator of http://graduationwisdom.com/ where many of these speeches were first collected.

May 19, 2014, Last updated: July 2, 2015

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50 Funny Graduation Quotes for the Class of 2022 (Because They Could Use a Laugh)

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Graduating is stressful as it is—you’re moving on to a completely new chapter in your life. Throw a seemingly never-ending pandemic into the mix, and all those feelings of angst and uncertainty are specifically amplified for 2022 graduates. But sometimes a little humor (and a special gift , wink wink) can help combat those, “ Oh my god what is happening everything is changing ahhhh!!” feelings. Check out these funny graduation quotes that are sure to lighten the mood. Write them in a card, read them at a graduation party or send them to that one friend who really needs it. Either way, you can’t go wrong with some sound yet amusing advice from Amy Poehler, Ellen DeGeneres and Cardi B.

RELATED: 59 College Graduation Gift Ideas for the Class of 2022

1. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” -Muhammad Ali

2. “you are graduating from college. that means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. no, that’s wrong. this is the last day of the first day of school. nope, that’s worse. this is a day.” -andy samberg, 3. “if at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” -william lyon phelps, 4. “follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.” -ellen degeneres, 5. “my dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.” -lin-manuel miranda, 6. “so long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” -ed helms, 7. “as you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. but don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” -will ferrell, 8.“a man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” -theodore roosevelt, 9. “every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. and if they can do it, so can you.” -john green, 10. “education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” – will durant, 11. “congrats and don’t let no coronavirus ... take a special moment from you…make sure you research careers that is around the money that you want to make in the future. and make sure you research a career that is like ok, ‘when i finish and i go get a job, is this job gonna help me pay my college debt is it gonna help me live the lifestyle that i want’” -cardi b, 12. “a graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” -robert orben, 13. “be wise, because the world needs wisdom. if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.”- neil gaiman, 14. “commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” -garry trudeau, 15. “big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.”-napoleon hill, 16. “when i was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. we didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. that’s how bad it was.” - richard costolo, 17. “the lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. success depends on which one we use the most.” -ann landers, 18. “i learned law so well, the day i graduated i sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.”-fred allen, 19. “try putting your iphones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces. people's faces will tell you amazing things.”- amy poehler, 20. “i have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” -mark twain, 21. "each year at graduation, i am obliged to offer a few 'brief remarks,' which are usually not as brief as they should be." - james e. ryan, 22. “just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets."- arnold schwarzenegger, 23. "if opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."-milton berle, 24. “remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover.”- patricia akins, 25. “to those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, i say well done. and to the c students, i say you too may one day be president of the united states.”-george w. bush, 26. “the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. the entire place is an elective.” -jon stewart, 27. “my school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.”– norm crosby, 28. “the road to success is always under construction.” -lily tomlin, 29. “of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.”-lawrence lowell, 30. “at graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.”- greg tamblyn, 31. “the only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.”-vidal sassoon, 32. “if you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.”- robert goheen, 33. "we don't stop going to school when we graduate." carol burnett, 34. “i think sleeping was my problem in school. if school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, i’d be a college graduate today.”-george foreman, 35. “so, what’s it like in the real world well, the food is better, but beyond that, i don’t recommend it.” -bill watterson, 36. "the trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate." doug larson, 37. “if you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.”- bette reese, 38. “you will find the key to success under the alarm clock.”-benjamin franklin, 39. “the best advice i can give anybody about going out into the world is this: don’t do it. i have been out there. it is a mess.”- russell baker, 40. "i mean we all fly. once you leave the ground, you fly. some people fly longer than others."-michael jordan, 41. “the only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” -sarah brown, 42. “life is an improvisation. you have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” -stephen colbert, 43. “graduation day is tough for adults. they go to the ceremony as parents. they come home as contemporaries. after twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” -erma bombeck, 44. “the road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” -will rogers, 45. “your families are extremely proud of you. you can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. this would be a most opportune time to ask for money.”- gary bolding, 46. "don't take life too seriously. no one makes it out alive.” —elbert hubbard, 47. "life has no remote. get up and change it yourself." —mark a. cooper, 48. “if at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.”—harry banks, 49. “i didn’t go to college, but if i did, i would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ‘cause the customer is always right.” —mitch hedberg, 50. “whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a harvard guy.” —seth mcfarlane.

RELATED: 50 Spring Quotes to Celebrate the Season On the Right Note

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