premarital counseling homework assignments

Marriage Counseling Toolkit: 30 Couples Therapy Worksheets

Indeed, according to the American Psychological Association (2020), between 40 and 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce.

Nevertheless, there are many approaches, often relatively straightforward, that have been shown to improve relationships. Research has identified that even increasing the number of positive interactions over negative ones can improve marriage stability (Budiharto, Meliana, & Rumondor, 2017).

Whether facilitated through one-to-one therapy, books, or mobile apps, the marriage counseling tools and approaches discussed in this article can strengthen marriage’s emotional bonds and improve overall relationship satisfaction.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

This Article Contains:

20 helpful questions for your sessions, 4 couples therapy worksheets for your clients, 3 activities and exercises, assessment methods and questionnaires, extra marriage counseling tips, a look at useful apps, our useful resources, a take-home message.

In Gottman and Silver’s excellent book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), John Gottman describes how, after observing a couple’s interaction for only 15 minutes, he can predict the likelihood that they will remain together.

And, surprisingly, he is almost always right. When researchers tested his predictions, he was 91% accurate.

So, based on decades of research and interviewing thousands of couples, what did he conclude was the secret behind a happy marriage?

“ Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer or more psychologically astute than others ,” he says. It is simpler than that. In successful marriages , partners are more positive than negative about one another. And this emotional intelligence can be seen, even in relatively short interactions. After all, a positive attitude radiates through all areas of the relationship: play, romance, learning, and adventure.

With that in mind, marriage counseling provides a vital opportunity to observe couples’ interactions, assess where conflict arises, and agree on the steps required to meet both partners’ needs.

Key questions

The couple should put together a list of questions they have for each other to make the best use of time in each marriage counseling session.

The following questions can be shared during couples therapy, but they should be encouraged to come up with a personalized list in advance of the session:

• What are the biggest problems in our marriage?
• Do we want to stay together?
• Is this a temporary phase (or is it something more permanent)?
• When did these problems start?
• Do you believe we can save our marriage?
• Do you love me, and if so, in what way?
• What do you love most about me?
• Do you trust me?
• Is there anything you don’t trust about me?
• Are you satisfied with our degree of intimacy?
• Are you seeing anyone else? Do you want to?
• Do you feel you can talk to me about anything?
• Is there anything from our past that still bothers you?
• Why do you want this to work out?
• What do you expect from our counseling sessions?
• Do you see a future?
• What can I do to make our marriage better?
• Where do you see our marriage in one/five/ten years?
• Do you know how much I love/respect/admire you?
• Are you/we willing to make the changes needed?

Asking questions can help uncover important underlying issues and benefit from the relationship therapy environment’s safety  to help the couple discuss, move forward, and overcome their difficulties.

Emotionally intelligent marriages are more likely to succeed. But what do they look like?

While Gottman’s research identified that happy marriages were rarely a perfect union, they all shared several crucial factors.

A happy marriage builds upon (Gottman & Silver, 1999):

• Friendship rather than fighting Deep friendship is at the heart of the marriage.
• Sound relationship High levels of trust and total commitment maintain the relationship.
• Capacity to repair A healthy companionship supports repair following disagreements and conflict.
• Marriage purpose A partnership has a purpose, where each supports the other’s hopes and dreams.

On the other hand, when a quarrelsome couple in a less emotionally intelligent marriage is arguing over who should take the trash out, it most likely signifies deeper issues.

According to Gottman, “ most marital arguments cannot be resolved. ” After all, how can you change another’s fundamental values or personality? Still, learning to understand what underpins disagreements and how to live with them can  lead to a happier marriage with shared meaning and a sense of purpose.

So how do we do this?

Working together – completing questionnaires, reading books, or attending counseling sessions – can strengthen marriages, overcome difficulties, and reduce negative attitudes (Gottman & Silver, 1999; Babcock, Gottman, Ryan, & Gottman, 2013).

And yet, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to couples therapy, so try out the following worksheets with your clients and see what works well. Their success may vary depending on personalities and the state of the marriage.

Seeing the good in a partner

When things are difficult in a relationship and resentments build up, it is easy to forget the qualities we first saw in a partner.

Share the Valuing My Partner Worksheet to remind the client what first attracted them to their partner.

Getting to know your partner

Learning more about your partner early in a relationship (or as part of a building exercise in a long-term relationship) can be fun and rewarding:

• The About Your Partner Worksheet can either be completed during a conversation between partners or independently and used in a subsequent counseling session.
• The Relationship Qualities Worksheet captures what each partner enjoys, what they would like to do in the future, and their longer term goals. Use the questions during couples’ therapy to build a bank of positive feelings and a list of activities to revisit as a couple.

Changing the sentence’s subject

The overuse of “you” during an argument or sensitive conversation can lead to escalation or withdrawal by the other person.

The Turning “You” into “I” spreadsheet helps each partner practice changing the subject of statements from “You” to “I” to avoid blame and facilitate a more reasoned discussion.

Once practiced, the couple can use such statements in the future when discussing sensitive issues with a partner.

10 Habits couples therapists say always end a marriage – Check Facts 360

To provide optimal assistance to your clients, guide them through the following activities and exerices.

Characteristics of successful clients

Marriage counselor Marina Williams has spent countless hours with couples in couple’s therapy seeking help for their marriages. Based on her experience, she provides each with a list of characteristics she has identified in her most successful clients.

Share the following list (modified from Williams, 2012) with your clients. Ask them to review each point and consider whether they can commit to the task:

• Make your appointments a priority. The most successful clients attend every appointment.
• Be willing to take risks and try new things. You are going to learn new skills, some of which may seem unfamiliar at first. Commit to trying them out.
• Prepare for each session. This is a vital opportunity for your marriage; take it. Come prepared with a list of what you want to discuss and any changes since the last session.
• Provide direct and honest feedback. Be open and honest about what is and is not working.

History and philosophy of your relationship

Couples sometimes need to reconnect with why they are fond of each other; looking back at their shared history can help.

Ask the couple to complete the  Relationship History and Philosophy Questionnaire . Use it to remind the couple why they first got together and how they view marriage (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Coping with your partner’s pain

Gottman’s extensive work with couples led him to an important conclusion. Happy couples live by the maxim “ When you are in pain, the world stops, and I listen .”

The  10 Tips for Coping With Your Partner’s Upset (modified from Gottman & Silver, 1999) can help partners be there and yet maintain their mental wellbeing, whether the negativity is directed at them or someone else.

Couple compatibility and areas of conflict

The Gottman Relationship Checkup questionnaire provides valuable insight into couple compatibility and areas of conflict that require attention.

It compares partners’ scores on several different elements of their relationship, including romance, emotional connection, commitment, values, and goals.

Once both partners have taken the questionnaire (usually it takes about two hours to complete), the therapist reviews the results before offering actionable recommendations.

Assessing marital conflict

Marriage requires balance and understanding between partners; when lost, conflicts arise and needs are forgotten.

As Gottman explains, each person in a marriage brings their own quirks, personalities, opinions, and values. It is, therefore, no surprise that conflicts arise. However, once recognized, it is possible to focus on and adjust coping strategies and regain marital balance.

Most couples are subsequently satisfied with their marriages and are no longer overwhelmed by points of contention (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The following questionnaires drill down and capture the concerns and issues of each partner for discussion within counseling:

• The Marital Conflicts Questionnaire identifies conflict points and their triggers before exploring potential resolutions and how each partner is left feeling.
• The Resolving Marital Conflicts Questionnaire goes deeper, recognizing successful and unsuccessful coping strategies. Use it during couplea therapy to promote discussion regarding the best approach to resolving conflict  in the future.

For example, allow time to think before responding and reduce statements that blame and criticize.

Think of your relationship as the infrastructure of a house. There are certain foundational pillars that support your home. In the case of relationships, these are trust, commitment, and friendship. Without these pillars, the house (i.e., your relationship) can collapse (Gottman, 1999).

To visualize this, The Sound Relationship House Theory was developed. This theory distinguishes nine elements of a healthy and nurturing relationship, two of which represent the walls of the house, and seven of them are different levels of the house. These nine elements are:

• You believe your partner has your best interests at heart and that they value you as much as themselves.
• You believe your relationship is a lifelong journey, for better or for worse.
• You are interested in what goes on in your partner’s life, and you know about their current worries, stresses, joys, and dreams.
• You are generally fond of each other and accept and celebrate your differences. You enjoy each other’s interests and points of view.
• You make an effort to turn towards your partner when they try to connect with you.
• Your relationship has a generally positive feeling/vibe. Problems are approached with a sense of positivity and friendliness.
• You and your partner deal with arguments gently, maintaining respect for one another, and use humor at times to keep things light.
• You and your partner support each other’s life goals and dreams.
• Your relationship is a blend of both your values, culture, and beliefs. You are on the same page and navigate life with a sense of unity.

Using these, examine the soundness and stability of your relationship. Ask yourself: Is the foundation of trust and commitment strong enough to hold up the rest of the house levels in your relationship?

Need more? Have a look at the following valuable tips.

The important first session

While marriage counseling is important to you as a professional, it may also be the difference between building a happy marriage or losing your clients’ relationship.

The first session is, therefore, likely to be difficult for a couple. They will be nervous and uncertain about how marriage counseling will affect them.

The following four steps can be built upon or modified as required but offer a useful starting point for your initial meeting with clients (modified from Williams, 2012):

• Form a connection with the clients. A warm smile and initial small talk can help subsequent engagement in the session. Subtle mimicking of the clients’ body language (so long as it is not inappropriate or aggressive) can make them feel a sense of rapport and similarity.
• Gather information. Ask each partner what has brought them to counseling, their professions, medical history, and backgrounds. Inquire about the history of their relationship difficulties, specific behaviors, and feelings involved.
• Educate the clients about the process of marriage counseling. Explain that each session is structured with assignments given out weekly. Allay fears by confirming that you will not be taking sides or judging. It is not about who is right or wrong, but instead is about forgiveness and growing as a couple.
• Offer hope  by expressing confidence that the marriage can be saved. Do not provide guarantees; there are many factors involved, most of which are outside your control. If the couple leaves the first session feeling that things are likely to get better, they will begin to fix what is broken.

Avoid becoming overwhelmed

Whether discussing conflict within the relationship (or outside), it can be enormously beneficial to reach a state of calm. However, using phrases such as “ calm down ” will have the opposite effect and should be avoided.

Instead, it can be useful to discuss the feelings openly regarding being ‘overwhelmed’ or ‘flooded’:

• What makes us feel overwhelmed? When does it happen?
• Can we change how we bring up issues?
• Do we store up conflict, rather than discuss it?
• What can I do to soothe you?
• What can you do to comfort me?
• Can we develop signals to let each other know when we are feeling flooded?
• Can we agree on an action when flooding happens? For example, take a break.

Download 3 Free Positive Relationships Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients to build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

Download 3 Positive Relationships Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

• Email Address *
• Your Expertise * Your expertise Therapy Coaching Education Counseling Business Healthcare Other
• Comments This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

There are many relationship apps available. They include questionnaires, daily challenges, and even provide the opportunity to connect with an online counselor.

We have included four of the best options below. Try them out with your clients and find one that motivates them in a fun way to grow in their relationship:

1. Love Nudge

The app is based on the New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. (Available on Amazon .)

Find it in the Apple App Store or Google Play store .

2. Lasting: Marriage Health

Find it in the Apple App Store .

3. ReGain – Couples Therapy and Counseling

The ReGain app enables couples to get on-demand help from relationship counselors. Your client can talk with the counselor on their own or invite their partner through the app.

We have many tools and exercises available to help clients grow as an emotionally intelligent couple.

As well as being enjoyable and entertaining, they offer deep insight into both the relationship and the individuals involved, leading to the formation of stronger relationship bonds and a more resilient and happy marriage.

Try out the following with clients:

• A valuable skill in any relationship, is being able to manage anger. Use the Anger Exit and Re-Entry Routines worksheet to help couples move from conflict to constructive communication.
• How to Improve Communication in Relationships – 7 Essential Skills is an excellent resource for couples therapy to improve their communication.

In any relationship, healthy communication is a cornerstone of success. To work on improving communication, have a look at these recommended articles:

• Your Complete Nonviolent Communication Guide
• What Is Assertive Communication?
• 49 Communication Activities, Exercises, and Games

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others build healthy relationships, this collection contains 17 validated positive relationships tools for practitioners. Use them to help others form healthier, more nurturing, and life-enriching relationships.

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

Not only are married people more likely to have higher life satisfaction, but they also have lower levels of stress and an increased life expectancy.

However, as with all areas of life, it is easy to become overwhelmed by stress and conflict and lose the ability to see the positives.

And yet, this is where marriage counseling can be of most help. Indeed, there is a wealth of tools and approaches available to strengthen marriage bonds through increased emotional intelligence, communication , coping, and conflict resolution.

However, the challenge as Gottman sees it – based on his wealth of experience – is for therapists to get deep into the heart of what makes a relationship lasting and happy (Gottman & Silver, 1999). While it is crucial to keep communication lines open and improve problem-solving skills in marriage, emotional intelligence must also be fostered.

Use the tools provided with clients to increase the positive interactions, grow closer as a new couple, and recover some of the misplaced love, affection, kindness, and empathy in a longer lasting marriage.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

• American Psychological Association. (2020). Marriage & divorce. Retrieved September 28, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce.
• Babcock, J. C., Gottman, J. M., Ryan, K. D., & Gottman, J. S. (2013). A component analysis of a brief psycho-educational couples’ workshop: One-year follow-up results. Journal of Family Therapy, 35(3) , 252–280.
• Boyce, C. J., Wood, A. M., & Ferguson, E. (2016). For better or for worse: The moderating effects of personality on the marriage–life satisfaction link. Personality and Individual Differences, 97 , 61–66.
• Budiharto, W., Meliana, M., & Rumondor, P. C. (2017). Counselove: Marital counseling Android-based application to promote marital satisfaction. International Journal of Electrical and Computer Engineering , 7(1) , 542.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work . London: Seven Dials an imprint of Orion Publishing Group.
• Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy . W.W. Norton & Company.
• Williams, M (2012). Couples counseling – A step by step guide for therapists . Viale Publishing.

Share this article:

Article feedback

What our readers think.

The passage provides a balanced view of marriage, highlighting both its advantages and challenges. It also offers practical solutions to improve relationships, such as increasing positive interactions and utilizing counseling tools. The inclusion of free Positive Relationships Exercises as a resource is a helpful addition for those looking to strengthen their relationships.

I think this article is fantastic! As someone who works as a relationship coach, I have been searching for questionnaires and I am delighted to have stumbled upon this article. The information and references provided are excellent!

It’s amazing all the resources and knowledge that you share in this article. Thank you so much.

Thanks for marriage advices that brings me from negative attitudes in marriage to positive attitude of marriage, thank you so much.

This article is amazing! I am a relationship coach and have been looking for questionnaires, I’m so glad I came across this article. Great info and references!

Let us know your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Related articles

Youth Counseling: 17 Courses & Activities for Helping Teens

From a maturing body and brain to developing life skills and values, the teen years can be challenging, and mental health concerns may arise. Teens [...]

How To Plan Your Counseling Session: 6 Examples

Planning is crucial in a counseling session to ensure that time inside–and outside–therapy sessions is well spent, with the client achieving a successful outcome within [...]

Applied Positive Psychology in Therapy: Your Ultimate Guide

Without a doubt, this is an exciting time for positive psychology in therapy. Many academics and therapists now recognize the value of this fascinating, evolving [...]

Read other articles by their category

• Body & Brain (49)
• Coaching & Application (57)
• Compassion (26)
• Counseling (51)
• Emotional Intelligence (24)
• Gratitude (18)
• Grief & Bereavement (21)
• Happiness & SWB (40)
• Meaning & Values (26)
• Meditation (20)
• Mindfulness (45)
• Motivation & Goals (45)
• Optimism & Mindset (34)
• Positive CBT (28)
• Positive Communication (20)
• Positive Education (47)
• Positive Emotions (32)
• Positive Leadership (17)
• Positive Parenting (3)
• Positive Psychology (33)
• Positive Workplace (37)
• Productivity (16)
• Relationships (46)
• Resilience & Coping (36)
• Self Awareness (21)
• Self Esteem (37)
• Strengths & Virtues (31)
• Stress & Burnout Prevention (34)
• Theory & Books (46)
• Therapy Exercises (37)
• Types of Therapy (64)

• Parenting & Family Parenting Family Pregnancy
• Courses Marriage Save My Marriage Pre Marriage
• Quizzes Relationship Quizzes Love Quizzes Couples Quiz
• Find a Therapist

25 Couples Therapy Worksheets, Questions & Activities

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

If you’re having a high level of conflict in your relationship or want to learn healthy communication strategies to prevent problems from cropping up between you and your partner, couple therapy may be a worthwhile investment. 

If you go to therapy with your spouse or significant other, you will likely be given some couples therapy worksheets to identify strengths and concerns in the relationship. These might help you learn more about each other’s needs. 

These worksheets will supplement the work you do with your therapist. 

What is couples therapy and what is couples counseling?

Before learning about couples therapy activities and worksheets, it is helpful to understand what couples therapy is. People may even use the terms counseling and therapy interchangeably, but there can be differences between the two. 

For example, counseling tends to be shorter-term and less clinical. A couple’s counselor may offer guidance and help couples to find solutions to their problems.

On the other hand, couples therapy sessions are more clinical. A therapist may help you and your partner to evaluate underlying issues, subconscious thoughts, or issues from your past that are creeping into the relationship and causing problems in the present. 

Regardless of whether you choose therapy or counseling, you will likely be asked to complete specific couples therapy worksheets or bonding exercises for couples to help you meet your goals for the relationship. 

What type of therapy is best for married couples?

There are multiple therapeutic techniques available, but there is not one single couple therapy worksheet that is best or that works for everyone. 

A couples therapist can help you and your partner select a program that best fits your preferences and situation. You might consider some of the techniques below.

1. Psychodynamic couples therapy 

One common couple therapy technique is psychodynamic couples therapy. This therapeutic approach assumes that relationship problems arise from unaddressed childhood problems and subconscious thoughts and motivations. 

For instance, people in a relationship may be reliving issues with their parents in the context of a relationship. If a woman has an unresolved conflict with her father, she may be unknowingly trying to resolve that conflict by projecting it onto her partner.

Psychodynamic therapy also addresses our subconscious beliefs and motivations. We all learn what marriages and relationships should look like by watching our parents. We then carry our expectations into our adult relationships . 

If these relationships look different from what we learned growing up, we may think there is something wrong, when in reality, our partner has different expectations than we do. Fortunately, these differences can be worked out using couples therapy worksheets. 

2. Gottman’s couples counseling

Another one of the common couple therapy techniques is Gottman’s couples counseling. Gottman is a pioneer in marital therapy, and his principles teach couples to change their behaviors to resolve problems and improve their relationship. 

Research has shown that Gottman’s approaches are beneficial for improving intimacy in relationships , and this effect is long-lasting. 

3. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

CBT is a common therapeutic approach, and you can apply it to therapy with couples. This approach states that unpleasant emotions and undesired behaviors result from distorted thinking patterns. 

Couples learn to change their thinking patterns in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions, improving the relationship. 

4. Emotionally-focused couples therapy

Some couples may benefit from working with a counselor who practices emotionally-focused couples therapy. Couples therapy exercises utilized in this approach focus on helping couples to discontinue negative interaction patterns and strengthen their bond. 

Couples also become more skilled in sharing their emotions, showing compassion for each other, and changing how they communicate. Studies of couple therapy techniques have found that emotionally-focused couples therapy improves marital satisfaction. 

Relationship evaluation checklist

A relationship evaluation checklist is one of the relationship activities you might perform before even going to counseling. This checklist allows you to answer “yes” or “no” to a series of questions that evaluate the relationship’s health. 

Areas where you answer “no” may indicate a problem that may need to be addressed in therapy.

Some common questions that may be included on a relationship evaluation checklist are as follows:

• Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?
• If you are upset about something, do you feel safe sharing this with your partner?
• Can you enjoy your hobbies and separate friendships while still maintaining your relationship?
• Does your partner make you feel good about yourself most of the time?
• Are you confident that they will listen if you share your feelings with your partner?
• Is your significant other willing to compromise with you to ensure that both of you are happy?
• Do you feel that your needs are met within your relationship?
• Can you and your partner discuss areas of disagreement without yelling or name-calling? 

25 couple therapy worksheets and activities 

So, what relationship worksheets or activities are used in couples therapy? The ones below are common. 

1. Extended cuddle time

Physical touch can be critical for helping couples to connect. 

A couples therapist may recommend that you and your partner spend extra time cuddling whenever you can fit it into your day. This might mean first thing in the morning or while you’re on the couch watching TV at night. 

2. Using the miracle question 

With this couple therapy activity, the therapist asks the couple, “If you woke up tomorrow and solved all your problems, what would be different?” This gives the couple an idea of important issues they’d like to work on and what they want to see change. 

3. Weekly meetings

One of the top activities for couples therapy is scheduling a weekly meeting between partners. 

Your therapist may ask you and your spouse or significant other to sit down at a specified time each week and discuss the “state of the union.” 

You will talk about how each of you is feeling, if there is any unfinished business you need to address, and what each of you needs from the other in the coming week. 

4. The five things exercise

During therapy sessions or in daily life, your couples therapist may suggest you engage in the “five things” exercise. When you do this couples therapy worksheet, you’ll tell your partner five things you like about them or five things you’re grateful they’ve done for you lately. 

5. Naikan reflection

The Naikan reflection is one of the top couples therapy worksheets. This worksheet is completed individually and asks you to answer questions such as, “What have I received out of this relationship this week?” 

The point of the Naikan exercise is for you to reflect upon the relationship and develop gratitude for your partner. 

6. The game of truth

Designed to help you and your partner connect and learn more about each other, the game of truth is typically a deck of cards that includes personal questions such as, “What is your biggest fear?” or, “What is your favorite childhood memory?” 

Exploring the answers to certain questions together can strengthen your bond, making this one of the top bonding exercises for couples. 

7. Sharing songs

Bonding over music is a favorite couples therapy activity. 

You might be asked to share your favorite songs with your partner, including what they mean to you, why you like them, and what feelings you have in response to them. This allows you to learn more about each other. 

8. The four horsemen worksheet

The “four horsemen” are concepts from Gottman’s couples therapy. These are four behaviors, including criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness, that Gottman says are damaging to relationships. 

Worksheets for couples may use concepts from the four horsemen. They provide examples of the four horsemen in action and ask you to think about better ways to communicate with your partner .

Learn more about Gottman’s four horsemen here:

9. Relationship journaling

We’ve all probably kept some sort of journal, but the relationship journal is slightly different. 

As you might guess, with relationship journaling, you and your partner will write about your thoughts, feelings, and wishes related to the relationship. You might journal about things going well, what you’d like to see in the future, or perhaps your reactions to a disagreement. 

During therapy sessions, you can share your journals in the presence of your therapist to begin working through issues.

10. Strengths exercises

A marriage counseling worksheet may ask you to think about strengths to remember the good parts of the relationship and build upon what is going well. These worksheets may ask, “What are three strengths your partner would say you bring to the relationship?” 

11. Soul gazing

It may sound silly, but soul gazing can help you to connect with your partner, and it’s one of the recommended bonding activities for couples . 

You must get close to your partner and spend about five minutes maintaining eye contact. Some people prefer to listen to calming music while they do this exercise. 

12. Uninterrupted listening

Your therapist may use this couples therapy exercise during sessions. Each partner will take a turn speaking for three to five minutes, while the other has to listen without interrupting. This allows both of you to feel heard. 

13. Soft startups worksheets

One of the top worksheets for couples communication worksheets is the soft startups’ worksheet. This worksheet is based upon principles from Gottman’s couples counseling. 

Using these worksheets can teach you to communicate more respectfully and lovingly during times of conflict rather than being harsh or confrontational when approaching your partner. 

14. Love map exercise

Another helpful couples therapy activity is the love maps exercise, which also comes from Gottman. 

A “love map” is simply your understanding of your partner’s world and who they are. 

You can complete a love map by answering questions about your partner, such as who their best friend is, what their biggest fear is, and how they most enjoy spending their free time. You can review your answers with your partner to give you an idea of how accurate you were.

15. Goals worksheets

Another one of the couples therapy worksheets that you may use is a goals worksheet. These worksheets allow you and your significant other to set goals together, improving your bond, as you’ll be working toward the same things and creating a shared life.

16. Assertive communication worksheets

Communication worksheets for couples may teach assertive communication skills. 

Learning these skills helps you communicate more clearly with your partner and increases your confidence, so you are not communicating passively or without having your needs met within the relationship.

17. Love LanguageⓇ quizzes

Theoretically, we each have our Love LanguageⓇ , which describes how we like to be loved. Some of us like to receive gifts; others enjoy physical touch, whereas others may prefer quality time together. 

When you and your partner take a Love LanguageⓇ quiz, you’ll be better able to meet each other’s needs because you’ll know how each other prefers to be loved.

18. Boundaries worksheets

Couples therapy activities may teach you how to set boundaries. You and your partner may work through a boundaries worksheet to strengthen your ability to set healthy boundaries. 

Even marriages and long-term romantic relationships require boundaries so that each of you still retains your own identities, interests, and friendships. 

19. Conflict resolution activities

Your couples therapist may give you a worksheet or activity that reveals your typical conflict resolution style. 

If you are engaging in unhealthy conflict management styles, such as name-calling, withdrawing, or deflecting blame, these activities can identify these problems and provide a starting point for intervention. 

20. Conversation starters couples therapy worksheets

Your couples therapist may give you a conversation starters worksheet to take home. This worksheet will give examples of questions you can ask to start a conversation during weekly check-ins. These worksheets may also be used during therapy sessions to spark conversation about potential issues to be addressed. 

Worksheet questions might include topics such as, “Who do we know that can serve as a role model for conflict resolution in relationships?”

21. Rules for fair fighting worksheets

It is not unusual for couples counselors and therapists to give clients worksheets to take home. These worksheets can be used for additional learning, or they can be displayed as reminders. 

One example of a couples therapy worksheet is the fair fighting worksheet. You might hang this in the office or on the refrigerator for reminders of what healthy arguments look like. These worksheets may include advice such as, “Don’t be defensive,” or “No name-calling.” 

22. Learning to turn toward your partner

Relationships are better when we respond to our partner’s requests for affection. 

Couples therapy activities may include demonstrations of what it looks like when your partner tries to connect with you and request affection. 

When you complete these activities in therapy, you’re better prepared to respond positively and turn toward your partner rather than turning away when they ask for affection or connection. 

23. Active listening worksheets

One of the more common communication worksheets for couples is the active listening worksheet. These worksheets teach you how to listen to and hear your partner, which improves your communication. You’ll learn skills such as summarizing your partner’s words and being attentive and supportive when talking.

24. Repair checklists

An important couples therapy activity is learning to de-escalate and manage conflict without damaging the relationship. 

Repair checklists are introduced in couple therapy to teach people healthy ways of managing disagreements. These checklists include appropriate conflict management responses, such as apologizing, negotiating, or acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint. 

25. The “my partner’s qualities worksheet”

A therapist may assign this couples therapy worksheet as homework and ask the two of you to bring back your worksheets to share at the next session. 

This worksheet asks you to list your favorite memories with your significant other, things that attracted you to them at the beginning of the relationship , and reasons you value them. 

Couple therapy questions 

Couples therapy worksheets and activities can be fun and interesting, but remember that during the initial stages of couples therapy , your therapist will need to assess you, your partner, and the relationship to determine your needs and goals before jumping into therapeutic activities. 

Your couples therapist may ask some of the following questions to get to know the two of you:

• How long have the two of you been in a relationship?
• What brought you to couples counseling?
• What other things have you tried to help improve the relationship?
• What do you expect from couples therapy?
• What is the biggest problem in your relationship right now?
• What is going well in the relationship?
• How did the two of you meet and fall in love ? 
• Do you feel loved?
• What do you usually fight about?

Conclusion 

The couple therapy techniques and activities discussed here are just a few available options. If you work with a couples therapist or counselor, they will help you determine the best approach and bonding exercises for couples to meet your specific needs. 

If you’re having conflict with your spouse or significant other and cannot seem to resolve it, or you’d simply like to improve your intimacy and communication, it may be time to reach out to a couples therapist. They can help you begin working toward your goals for the relationship.

Share this article on

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?

If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

Take Course

Learn More On This Topic

Relationship

By marriage.com editorial team, relationship & marriage advice.

Forgiveness

Approved By Mert Şeker, Psychologist

Marriage Preparation

By shellie r. warren.

Pre Marriage

You may also like.

Approved By Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Save Your Marriage

Approved by angela welch, marriage & family therapist.

Approved By Jeannie Sytsma, Marriage & Family Therapist Associate

Approved By Shannon McHugh, Psychologist

Recent Articles

By Kaida Hollister

By Sylvia Smith

Popular topics on marriage help.

Boston Couples Therapy

• Adam Goodman

5 Thoughtful Homework Assignments for Couples in Therapy

Write a letter.

The first homework exercise to try is to write a letter about your partner’s best qualities. Write what you love most about them and why they are so special to you. After writing the letter, write the response from their perspective on their best qualities that they notice in themselves and how being with you makes them feel. This exercise will help you to see the best qualities in your partner and allow you to understand more about what they love about themselves.

Identify Things They Do That Makes You Happy

Another exercise is to think of one thing that your partner has done or said recently that made you really happy. Ask yourself if there are patterns in those moments: when do these things tend to happen? What activities seem to lead up to this positive interaction?” Ask your partner if they have noticed the same patterns or if they see things differently. This is also a wonderful way to create more empathy and understanding for one another.

Every day, for at least two weeks (depending on how quickly you catch on), take five minutes and write down three things that went well today or what made your partner happy. This can be as simple as going out for ice cream with friends when it’s not their turn for childcare. The idea is that there should always be more positive than negative in the world; so by taking even just a few moments every day to check in, you can make sure that your partner knows what made them happy and reinforce those positive interactions.

Reflecting on your current or recent feelings is a great way to get more in touch with what you’re feeling and it can help your partner do the same. With your partner, start by trying to reflect on how you are feeling right now, and what things in the current moment bring up those feelings. This is a good time to ask your partner if they are feeling anything similar.

While giving gratitude may sound cliche, it does actually matter; there are studies showing that people who do this have lower levels of depression and anxiety than those who don’t. Being mindful about what is good in our lives leads to us appreciating other aspects as well – even if we might not be feeling so great overall right now.

Create a Memory Book

One fun homework assignment for couples in therapy is to create a book of memories that span over your time together. This means going back through photographs, letters, notes, etc. Anything meaningful! There are no rules other than both partners taking part- provide some context by writing about what happened at the moment these things occurred when possible (this may take more effort from one person).

Use "I Feel" Statements

A fourth homework exercise is to try and have a conversation about your feelings, in which you start with the sentence “I feel…”

For example:

“I feel really sad. I think that’s because my mom ____.”

This specific homework assignment may be too difficult for some couples as it deals with strong emotions, but if this one fits you well then it can be very helpful. It also helps the person who feels more hurt or vulnerable to know their partner cares enough to listen. And, even when they don’t understand what has caused the pain, just saying “I’m here,” validates those raw feelings of anger or sadness.

You could also practice “alternative empathy.” Alternative empathy is a type of empathy that is not just feeling for someone else. It’s more about understanding and being able to see through their perspective with nonjudgmental kindness. This means you help them feel better by trying to understand what has gone on in their life, where they are coming from, and then offering your support.

The hardest part of practicing alternative empathy is the fact that we don’t always know what our partners are going through. We can only imagine, and sometimes it’s hard to do this because if you’re not careful, you might assume things about them based on your own life experience which could be limiting.

The best way I have found to practice empathy is by not expecting anything in return; just being there with a person who may or may not even want your help at the time will benefit them later. This means offering without expectation but understanding where they come from while also honoring their boundaries. It helps us see ourselves as someone else would and how our intentions might make others feel.

Consider Your Senses Together

A final homework assignment for couples in therapy to try is to spend time each day considering the five senses. It’s so easy in our busy lives to just go through life on autopilot and not really be present for anything we’re doing, but this exercise will help you experience the world around you as if it were new again while also creating a space where your partner can share their thoughts without any pressure or expectations.

If you like working on your relationship outside of the therapy office or tele-meeting, try one of these exercises. Let me know how it goes. If you are considering starting couples therapy, get in touch with me today !

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

26 Must-Try Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

Discover the best couples therapy exercises and activities in this article. It is written for therapists and counselors but will also benefit couples who want to improve their relationship with some tools they can even use at home.

The powerful exercises will help to improve communication and listening skills while also helping to develop and (re)build trust.

The exercises include the know-how from different treatment approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy ( CBT ), Positive Psychology, and Mindfulness-based interventions. All these different approaches work wonderfully together and complement each other.

We included exercises for trust-building, deepening the connection, resolving roadblocks, promoting awareness, and improving communication. Some of them can be used during therapy sessions while others work great as homework in couples therapy.

26 Couples Therapy Exercises and Activities

1.) the icebreaker.

Icebreakers can be a great opportunity to te an interesting conversation going and to learn something new about each other. It’s a great exercise for the early stage of any couples therapy or relationship coaching.

Some icebreaker questions are:

• What is a funny story you’ve never told me about?
• What is a childhood or your anecdote you could tell me?
• What did you want to become when you were a child?
• What is an embarrassing moment of your life you’d like to share with me?

Powerful Couples Therapy Exercises For Trust

2.) let’s be honest.

The rules of this exercise are easy. Both partners should answer each other’s questions honestly. This will enhance the connection between each other. You can vary between general and easy to answer questions and end up with philosophical and thought-provoking questions:

• What is your favorite memory of dating me?
• What is your favorite thing that I do for you?
• What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
• Which memory comes up when you think about your childhood?
• If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?
• What is one behavior that you never tolerate?
• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• What about me made you fall in love?

3.) Try the Trust Fall

The trust fall is an exercise in which one person stands straight, closes their eyes, and lets him- or herself fall without trying to stop it, relying on the partner to catch them. As the name says it’s a trust-building exercise that needs some courage at first.

4.) Share your favorite songs

Each partner is asked to share three of their favorite songs. They should also try to explain the meaning of the songs. Listen to the songs together.

• What does it remind you about?
• Which feelings come up while listening?
• In which mood are you usually listening to it?

Music is very personal and this exercise is a great way to open up and connect with the partner and also express some vulnerability with each other. Maybe the couple even has „their“ song. In this case, both can describe the feelings and emotions that come up while listening.

5.)  What do you know about me?

Make a small challenge and find out what the couple knows about each other. After answering one question it’s the other partner’s turn. Some example questions:

• What is the one thing that makes me feel alive?
• What makes me smile?
• What scares me?
• How would my dream holiday look like?

Click the image to read more

6.)  The favorite book exercise

Ask the couple to swap their favorite books. They should tell each other what they like about this book in particular. How did it influence their life?

Reading the partner’s favorite book can be an opportunity to get a look into the partner’s mind and understand each other better. Discussing the book and the impact it has on one is a great way to deepen the connection of the couple. This is a great homework exercise. Discuss the results together in the next session.

Best Homework For Couples Therapy

7.)  the relationship assessment.

The Relationship Assessment is a couples therapy exercise for the early stage. Each partner is asked to answer some basic questions about the relationship. It’s a questionnaire that helps explore the challenges and problems.

It gives you some fundamental background information about the couple. You’ll find out how long the clients know each other, get information about previous relationships or marriages. You’ll also get information about children, the family background, and also stress-factors that may have caused the relationship problem.

This questionnaire should be part of the inventory of any couples therapist or consultant. You can create your own or get the one that’s included here in the couples therapy toolkit.

8.)  Identify Relationship Problems

This is another great exercise for the early stage of any relationship coaching or couples therapy. The exercise allows you to identify specific areas to work on with the couple. It’s a set of questions that each partner should answer individually.

You will find out that each partner might identify different problems in their relationship. It’s a homework assignment before or after the first session.

Note the major problems each partner identifies in this questionnaire and specify with them what needs changing.

Possible areas of relationship problems are: Financial, Child-rearing, Communication, Decision-making, Jobs, Controlling each other…

The full exercise is included here

9.) Identify Relationship Goals

Couples therapy is not only about problems, but also about goals. It’s important to find common goals within a relationship. Something both partners are ready to work for. Keep in mind that a goal should always be SMART.

SMART goal means:

• Specific (Is your goal too generic? Specify it!
• Measurable (How can we measure the outcome?)
• Attainable (Is our goal attainable?)
• Realistic (Is our goal realistic?)
• Time-Bound (We want to achieve our goal until…)

The goals or priorities can be different for everyone. Help your clients create and shape a vision for their ideal relationship. The Toolkit includes a ready-to-use worksheet for your sessions. Ask clients to create their goals separately and then try to find a common goal together in one of the first sessions.

10.) The Problem-Solving Blueprint

After the relationship problems have been identified it’s time to solve them one by one. The first step is to connect the individual problem with real-life situations. This will increase the understanding of the origin and the problem itself. Once this is done it’s time to attack the problem and find strategic ways to solve it.

This exercise prompts the couple to come up with creative solutions. The problem-solving blueprint is best used after the exercise where your clients identified the biggest problems that need solving.

It’s also a great tool that comes in handy whenever new problems come up during the coaching/therapy. Assign the tool to each client individually and discuss their answers together.

Each partner defines the problem, describes it in a real-life situation, and is prompted to come up with a creative solution to that problem. The results can be discussed together with the partner and the therapist. The full exercise is included here .

11.) The Pre-Session Check-In – Prepare for each Couples Therapy Session

This is a vital exercise for any marriage or couples therapy. Each partner should sit down individually the day before a session. They should write down what went well since the last session, which change they saw, and what they want to talk about in the next session. It’s a quick progress report that allows each therapist to make their session preparation a matter of a few minutes.

The clients get prompted to focus on the upcoming session to get the most out of it. CleverMemo allows you to assign these kinds of exercises and questionnaires with two single clicks s an action item. You pick a due date, an optional reminder and clients can fill everything out in the stream they share with their therapist.

12.) Therapy Session Gold Nuggets Exercise

This is the perfect addition to the pre-session check-in exercise. Prompt your clients to write down their key insights of each session and share them with you. This should be done individually.

The notes are super helpful as clients reflect on their session while memory is still fresh. They become aware of what they’ve learned, and you get invaluable insights and feedback about what was most valuable to them. Assign this exercise as an action item within CleverMemo. This allows clients to share their answers right in their private stream. Over time you both have a running record about the entire couple therapy with each partner.

• Possible questions are:
• What did you learn in this session?
• The most valuable insight was…
• What do you want to accomplish until our next session?

The complete exercise is part of the C ouples Therapy Toolkit

13.) The Relationship Journal

Keeping a regular relationship journal (daily/weekly) is the perfect exercise to get to know the different perspectives of each partner.

It takes two for a successful relationship. If both parties start journaling about their thoughts, feelings, experiences, mistakes, successes, and wishes, a lot of invaluable insights will be uncovered.

It’s also a great way to call out and keep track of things and habits they don’t like about each other.

The therapist could discuss the journal entries individually with each partner and afterward try to solve and work on them together.

The CleverMemo automation allows you to assign the journal entry as a homework item. Just define how often (e.g. weekly) an entry should be done and the system will send reminders and nudge your clients not to forget their daily or weekly entry.

Rereading past entries is a great way to reflect and uncover recurring patterns, habits, and thoughts. Two journaling templates are included here .

14.) Don’t Overlook Your Qualities And Strengths! – Couples Therapy Exercise

Too often we focus on the bad things and what doesn’t work. This exercise prompts each partner to take a closer look at the strengths. Both their own and their strengths as a couple – as a team Awareness and understanding one’s strengths can be a huge confidence booster.

The couple should make this exercise individually. Sometimes we are sure that we possess certain strengths but our partner may not notice them or take them for granted. It’s also possible that something we consider our strong side (e.g. “I’m a very organized person”) is seen completely different by our partner without us even knowing it (e.g. He/She is a control freak“).

Two great questions to start are:

• Which three big strengths do I think my partner would say I possess?
• What are the strengths we should develop together as a couple?
• The complete exercise is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

15.) The CleverMemo PIT-STOP (R) – Quickly de-escalate any argument with your partner

Even the best couples fight sometimes — that’s just what happens when two people who care about each other spend a lot of time together. But unfortunately, in some cases, arguments can escalate quickly, turning a little disagreement into a big issue.

The CleverMemo PIT-Stop exercise will help your clients to de-escalate any argument or upcoming fight. It’s a simple technique that helps them to step back and become aware of the situation and their feelings. Once the emotions cooled down it’s time to address the topic calmly.

Each time an argument comes up the couple should say some keyword like Pause, Stop, or PIT-Stop and then leave the situation. Each partner takes a seat and writes down their thoughts and feelings. You’ll find the entire exercise including all the questions for clients here .

Effective Couples Therapy Exercises For Communication

Communication and the ability to listen to each other are vital skills for any relationship to be successful. There are several exercises to assess communication issues:

16.) Let’s Improve our Communication

Good communication is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, we all have bad days, but a healthy way of communicating with our partner makes it easier to deal with conflicts and building a stronger relationship.

We cannot read our partner’s mind. That’s why is crucial to tell our significant other how we are feeling, what we want and need and what we are feeling.

Every person has different communication ways and needs of communication. That’s why it’s so important that the couple becomes aware of their current communication patterns. How would they rate their current communication? Are they able to talk about everything with their partner?

This is the first step to improve communication. The whole worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

17.) The Miracle Question

The miracle question is a great thought experiment in coaching and counseling. The question has its origin in the solution-focused therapy and its name is credited to Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. The focus is on the future, on the goal the client wants to achieve.

This question helps our couple to become aware of their own dreams and desires and learn about their partner’s dreams and desires. It can be very helpful in understanding what both they and their significant other needs to be happy with the relationship.

Ask them to answer the following miracle question:

Imagine while sleeping tonight a miracle occurred: All your current problems disappeared. What would you notice that would tell you life suddenly gotten better? How would life look like?

Tip: Couples Therapy Questions

The miracle question is just one example that shows how great the impact of the right questions can be in couples therapy. Questions can be a great resource for any couples therapist, and relationship counselor, or coach. We created a collection that will help to identify problematic areas within the relationship.

But even when you’re not a therapist, you can use some of them as an icebreaker exercise to get communication with your spouse going. Check out the list of couples therapy questions for your next session here.

18.) Listening Without Interruption

This famous couples therapy exercise focuses on both verbal and nonverbal communication.

Set a timer for 3 minutes. One partner has the chance to speak about whatever they are thinking or feeling without being interrupted. The other partner is not allowed to say anything but could use nonverbal methods to show empathy and understanding.

After three minutes both can discuss their experience, feelings, and observations. Then it’s time to switch roles so that each partner can improve their listening skills.

19.) Repeat it – Exercise

This is a variation of the „Listening without interruption“ exercise.

One is asked to tell a short story (3-5 minutes) while the partner is just listening. Once the story is over the partner is asked to reflect on what they just heard. It’s great training to enhance listening skills.

Some additional Homework Exercises For Couples Therapy

20.) send me a letter.

Both partners are asked to write a letter to each other. In this letter, they can express their frustration, feelings, or desires. For many people, it’s easier to express their emotions and feelings in written form instead of telling it to another person’s face. Each partner is then asked to write a response to their partner’s letter.

Ask your clients to share their letters with you in their CleverMemo stream. You’ll gain invaluable insights that will be useful for the upcoming therapy sessions. Discuss the letters together with them.

21.) Becoming the Best Partner I can be

This exercise will help each partner to find out what they can do to improve their relationship skills and do their part in becoming the best partner they can be.

First, we must recognize our responsibility and not get caught up blaming it all on our partner, even when it appears our partner is the one with the problem.

Let’s take a look at ourselves and what we can do to become the best partner we can be. You’ll find the exercise here.

22.) Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationship

A happy relationship thrives on our understanding of our partner’s needs. Recognizing and communicating our own needs is also very important. If both partners don’t care about or ignore each other’s needs, the relationship will fail sooner or later.

The relationship will only have a future if the mutual and individual needs of both partners are met. Common needs in a relationship are the feeling of security, appreciation, shared experiences of love, tenderness, and affection.

Each partner should ask themselves „What do I need?“ and „What does my partner need?“ and both partners should make it a habit to clearly communicate their needs. It needs some training in the beginning but it can become a routine after some time. The worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

23.) Explore New Things Together

Prompt the couple to find something new they could learn or try together. This could be a skill, a hobby, or an adventure. It’s ideal if both have never done it before so that they share the experience of trying it the first time together. This could be some sport or going to dance class for example.

24.) Let’s Review Our Life Together

This is a great homework exercise for couples. Prompt them to have a glass of wine or cup of tea and review their life together. They could take a look at their first pictures as a couple and discuss all the things they’ve experienced together throughout their relationship. They can also think of things they still would like to do together. You can discuss the results in the next session.

25.)  The Gratitude List

A great couples therapy exercise is the Gratitude List or even a journal. It helps each partner to restructure how they think about their partner and to become aware of all the small positive details that made them once fall in love with each other.

Ask each partner to write down at least five things they appreciate/are grateful for about their partner. This could be followed by three things they could do to make their partner feel more loved and appreciated in the relationship. If the couple is ready for it you could take this exercise a step further and let them keep a daily gratitude journal over 2-4 weeks.

This will help them to focus on the good in their relationship and become aware of the daily little positive things they notice about their partner. A template for this journal is included here.

26.)  The Weekly Relationship Check-In

This couples therapy exercise is valuable for every relationship. It improves the communication between the partners and allows each of them to have their speak. Ask the couple to schedule 30-60 minutes per week where they talk about their latest experiences, their wishes, what they want and need from each other, and how they could improve their relationship.

There are not a lot of rules. But the listening partner agrees not to interrupt and take things personally. Both should take this time as a chance to talk honestly to each other without the fear of being judged or that the partner might overreact.

Ask your clients to share the experiences and key insights of this exercise in their CleverMemo stream with you.

Wrapping Up Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

These were 25 must-try couples therapy and counseling exercises you can use with your clients. Practicing communication, trust, and increasing empathy and awareness for each other are undoubtedly helpful for any relationship or marriage.

If you’re looking to support your couples therapy sessions with a professional software tool you can start a free CleverMemo trial here. And if you want to improve your couples therapy with some ready-to-use worksheets and questionnaires this Toolkit is for you: Check it out

Click the image to find out more

Teilen Sie diesen Beitrag mit Ihrem Netzwerk...

About the author: marcel schuy.

Related Posts

How To Develop Self-Discipline – 6 Expert Tips And Habits

IKIGAI – How to Find The Key to a Fulfilling Life

Systemic Coaching – What it is, Methods, Techniques And Questions

17 Questioning Types And Techniques You Should Know

Will Artificial Intelligence (AI) replace Coaches And Therapists?

33 Premarital Counseling Questions (From a Couples Therapist)

Laura Richer, Seattle Therapist

There will be premarital questions that will be unique to you, your relationship, and your expectations of a marriage. However, the premarital counseling questions listed below will help you and your partner facilitate conversations about the big topics that may cause problems later on in the relationship if you are not clear about where your partner stands.

33 marriage counseling questions every couple should discuss before getting married

Premarital counseling gives you a space to get know your significant other on a deeper level and address conflict in a productive way. Family is defined in many different ways and our perception of family is based on our own past experiences which may be different from what our partners have experienced.

Couples may make assumptions about what marriage will look like or not look like based on what was modeled to them by their own parents. The more conversation you can have around what you and your partner expect and find compromise where your beliefs aren’t completely aligned the easier it will be to move forward knowing that you are on the same page.

Good questions to ask are questions that lead to a deeper understanding of one another and what you value in a marriage. The point of asking these questions is to facilitate a deeper conversation.

• What do you appreciate most about your partner?
• What do you value about your relationship?
• Are you on the same page about children? How many children do you want to have?
• How do you relate to your family? How do you relate to your partner’s family?
• How do you imagine relating to your family of origin when you have your own family?
• How will you manage your money and household finances (joint or separate)?
• How do you feel about saving money and investing?
• How will you raise or educate your children?
• How important is your sexual relationship ? What are your expectations around intimacy and sex?
• How do you want your spouse to express love and affection ?
• What are your ideas around division of household chores?
• What is your relationship with money? What are your feelings about having or managing debt?
• How will you prioritize your careers in relation to about your family bonds and marriage?
• How do you deal with conflict that can not be resolved?
• What are your expectations or boundaries around relationships outside of the marriage such as friendships or co-worker relationships?
• What makes you compatible for marriage?
• Why is marriage important to you and your relationship?
• What does marriage and commitment mean to you?
• What does betrayal and infidelity mean to you?
• Where do you for see yourselves living and creating your life?
• How do you feel about religion? How important are your religious beliefs or spiritual beliefs to you?
• How will you practice your religion or spirituality? Will you raise your children in your religion or spiritual tradition?
• What are your deal breakers? What do you expect from your husband or wife?
• What type of support do you expect from your husband or wife in marriage? (personally, financially, and emotionally)
• How will you support your husband or wife? If you choose to have children how will you support them?
• How do expect to interact with your friends as a married couple?
• Do you agree with your partner’s lifestyle choices (health, diet, exercise, use of substances, sleeping habits, activities, hobbies, and professional drive/achievement)
• How will you include your spouse in making important or personal decisions?
• How will you maintain your personal identity within the marriage? How much time do you expect to spend with each other? How will you spend your free time together and apart?
• How do you feel about spending money? How compatible are your spending habits?
• What are your individual core values? How do your partners core values align with yours?
• How do you define a happy, loving, and fulfilling marriage?
• Who are your positive relationship role models for marriage? Whose marriage do you admire and why?

Importance of premarital counseling

Research shows that people who share the same values, communicate effectively, and have a good friendship are more likely to enjoy their romantic relationship and build a marriage that lasts. Premarital counseling could help you and your partner explore where you stand on important issues. A couple might already know that they want a family and children however, a counselor can help you discuss your vision of family and what you each expect from each other as partners and parents.

Another couple may wonder how to best manage a big career while still making their marriage a priority. Some clients are coming into the relationship with children and need discuss effective strategies for blended families. No matter what your unique situation is, premarital counseling is an opportunity to get to know your significant other even better.

Other big questions such as how you define fidelity and commitment, how will you engage with your own parents, your expectations around job and career, and how you spend money and manage finances are other topics couples will discuss in premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling questions are intended to facilitate must discuss topics related to marriage Sometimes people can make assumptions about where their partner stands on make or break issues, or that if they aren’t on the same page that their fiance may come around one day. Making assumptions is not helpful and could set you up for problems in the future. Addressing these must discuss issues in premarital marriage counseling prior to marriage will help reduce disagreements later or help you decide whether a legally binding long term commitment like marriage is in both of your best interest.

When you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone you want to know that you are compatible. You also want to have the skills to keep the marriage healthy even during the difficult times. Premarital counseling is a way to build that skill set and learn how to talk about the topics that can be challenging.

Schedule a Free Consultation

What is discussed during premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling questions can include anything and everything! It is an opportunity to talk about concerns and ask questions. Feel free to bring any topic to premarital counseling related to your future with your significant other.

When you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together it is important to be prepared to address challenges related to your life together. It is helpful and necessary to know where your partner stands on both the big and small issues. Often couples assume they are on the same page about marital issues but have not taken the time to discuss them, and may be surprised to find out their partner has a very different opinion than they had imagined. This doesn’t mean you have found the wrong person! Instead it is an opportunity for growth and a chance to discuss and resolve anything related to your relationship that has the potential to be problematic in the future.

Premarital counseling gives you the opportunity to learn even more about your future spouse and the skills to talk about topics where you may not be on the same page. Your therapist will ask you premarital counseling questions to help facilitate the honest conversations you may have been avoiding or not thought of quite yet. You will also gain insight into your significant other’s behavior as well as your own and learn tools for effectively resolving conflicts and improving communication.

Discussing premarital questions with your partner in counseling that you have not yet broached allows you the opportunity to explore difficult conversations or topics you may have not yet tackled. Premarital counseling is a helpful way to explore some of the more hard to talk about topics like religion, money, sex, health, career, children, division of household labor, debt, friends, and family. These conversations help to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page about marriage.

Your premarital counselor may even pose some premarital questions that you had not yet considered. Couples counseling can help you and your partner improve your communication prior to getting married and gain the tools you need to have these conversations in an effective way throughout your marriage.

How many sessions is premarital counseling?

On average most couples attend 5-10 sessions of premarital counseling and clients usually attend once per week or every other week. Therapy is an opportunity for growth and a space to address conflict in a healthy and productive way. Many married couples will engage in therapy after they are married as a way of maintaining the healthy habits and deepening their connection with their partner.

Couples who have been together for a long time or have a history of trauma with one another or individually, may have more past history to examine and conflicts to address or resolve. They may engage in therapy for a longer period of time.

Couples who are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship may not have a history of past conflicts that need resolution however, they can benefit from having a structured environment to talk about their future together. They may use therapy as an opportunity to discuss the important premarital counseling questions they have not yet explored.

Other couples may want to use the time with a premarital counselor to improve their communication and coping tools. The amount of time spent in premarital counseling depends on you and your specific relationship goals. You will get back what you invest in your relationship. Premarital counseling gives you the opportunity to invest in the success of your marriage right from the start.

How do you answer premarital counseling questions?

It is important to be honest when answering premarital counseling questions. This can be scary if you fear disagreements or difficult conversations with your significant other however, whatever you fear sharing will eventually be revealed in the long run when you plan on being together for life. The point of counseling is to put it all on the table. One hour per week can have a significant impact on your future outcomes.

Marriage is an opportunity to experience a deep and authentic life long connection with your spouse. It is important to reveal who you truly are and that you feel free to ask for what you need out of a relationship. Conflict can be uncomfortable however, it can also be an opportunity for growth and an avenue for facilitating a deeper connection. Establishing good habits related to how you interact and communicate with your spouse will reduce escalating conflict and the damage to the marriage that negative patterns can cause.

Counseling can help you start your marriage with mutual understanding and trust when you take steps to address the must discuss topics like your sexual relationship, family, concerns around career and work life balance, money, and children. A counselor can help you have structured conversations related to your future.

Counseling helps you stay married

Marriage counseling is not just for married couples in crisis. Many clients choose to engage in counseling through out their married lives as part of their personal self-care routine. You and the person you marry will grow and evolve throughout your lives together. All marriages will experience difficulties and tough times. The goal is not to avoid these challenges but instead develop the tools to face them and overcome obstacles without turning away from one another.

Premarital counseling can help get you started on the right foot and support you in maintaining the health of your relationship for the duration. Your counselor can teach you skills for addressing emotional conversations, create a safe environment where you can feel free to bring up difficult topics, and help you improve your communication. These skills will serve you throughout your married life.

Back to Blog

Related Posts

Exploring Bi-Curiosity

Mar 26, 2024

In the journey of self-discovery, understanding one's sexual orientation can be both a liberating and complex...

What is Friend Drama and How Should You Proceed?

Mar 18, 2024

What is friend drama? Friend drama encompasses the conflicts and misunderstandings that occur within a friendship or...

How to Build Mutual Respect in Your Relationship

Mar 12, 2024

A healthy relationship is built on a mutual respect. Respect means a mutual feeling of deep admiration for someone or...

• Vision/Values
• What We Believe
• Annual Report
• Upcoming Events
• Jobs and Internships
• Church Membership
• Discipleship Training
• Missions & Church Planting
• Mercy Ministries
• Ethnic Harmony
• Pre-Marital
• Recent Sermons
• Sermon Index

Pre-Marital Class Homework

This page contains all of the class materials and resources you will needed to work through and/or purchase before attending week #1 of the Building a Strong Marriage (Pre-Marital) class. If you haven’t yet registered for this class, you can do so here .

This class is largely discussion-based, so it is very dependent upon you having done your assignments beforehand. We recommend that you set aside a least a couple of evenings to complete these assignments prior to class.

Pre-Class Assignments 

• Complete The Marriage Preparation Inventory – To be completed individually We will use your inventories to help guide your premarital experience. You will need to give yourself some time to complete this. It is an online form that you are able to save as you go. Grab a date night and review each of your inventories together in preparation for week #1. The Marriage Preparation Inventory has to be completed by the Sunday before the first class starts.
• Read Should We Get Married? How to Evaluate Your Relationship  by William P. Smith. This little booklet (which is available at the church or online) is a helpful tool in assessing where you are at in the engagement process; asking the question: “Should we be getting married?”
• Purchase and read the first chapter (“Where it all begins”) of Love that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace . We also recommend walking through the chapter’s discussion questions together (located in the back of the book). This will be the primary book used to drive the discussions for your time together. It will be easiest if you both have your own copy.
• Other Assignments: There are some additional assignments that you will need to complete to prepare for week #1. Please reference the class workbook for specific reading and homework assignments related to week #1.

Class and Wedding Resources

• Marriage Packet – This document contains our wedding policies, an overview of the class content, sample wedding vows, and much more!  
• Pre-Marital Class Workbook – This document contains all of the lessons and assignments you will be walking through during the course of this class. 

Note: You will receive the printed Marriage Packet and Pre-Marital Class Workbook during week 1 of the class. 

15 Powerful Communication Exercises For Couples To Grow Closer

Communication exercises for couples help to build a stronger relationships. Effective communication in marriage can mean the difference between a long-lasting happy union with minimal stress and one that is tumultuous, toxic, and destined to end.

Luckily for you, mastering communication exercises is something anyone can do with enough practice. And the best part about these exercises? They can all be done from the comfort of your own home !

Read on to discover the best communication exercises and activities for couples that will help to improve your communication skills within your relationship or marriage while also helping to develop and build trust.

Table of Contents

Practical Communication Exercises for Couples

There are various communication exercises to choose from , all covered in this guide.

• Verbal activities teach partners to express themselves utilizing respectful tone and phrasing.
• Nonverbal exercises assist individuals in learning the importance and subsequent impact of body language, facial expressions, gestures, and eye contact.
• Written communication activities educate couples about expression through written composition.

Despite the targeted skill set, all exercises attempt to re-establish connection and trust within the relationship. Enclosed are examples of communication exercises that target verbal, nonverbal, or written communication.

Exercise #1: “Fireside Chats”

President Franklin D. Roosevelt utilized informal radio broadcasts to address the nation during his presidency.

The term “fireside chat” was said to invoke images of one chatting with the President in front of a cozy fireplace.

In this verbal communication exercise, couples are encouraged to schedule a “fireside chat” once weekly for a 15 to 30-minute duration.

This exercise teaches partners to utilize calm and respectful words to discuss issues involving their mothers-in-law.

All distractions are to be eliminated and ignored, with the focus squarely on each other.

“Fireside chats” can explore either surface or deeper content and usually depends on the magnitude of a couple’s issues.

If the magnitude is large, it is recommended that a couple begins with “safer” conversations, such as pop culture, world events, or entertainment, before moving on to more heated, controversial topics.

Exercise #2 “High-Low”

This verbal communication activity allows individuals to express themselves while their partner employs attentive listening techniques freely.

This activity should be utilized during the latter part of the evening (i.e., during dinner or bedtime) and allows a couple to check with each other about the most critical aspects of their day.

Each partner is asked to share the best part of their day, their “ high ,” and the most disappointing aspect of their day, their “ low .” As one partner shares, the other utilizes active listening techniques to convey empathy and understanding.

Exercise #3 “Listening Without Words”

This is an exercise that focuses on both verbal and nonverbal communication. A timer is set for 3-5 minutes; one partner can verbalize their thoughts and feelings without interruption.

Meanwhile, the other partner can only use nonverbal techniques to convey empathy, understanding, and encouragement. When the timer goes off, the couple processes the experience by discussing observations, feelings, and ideas.

Each partner will then switch roles to get an opportunity to practice both skills.

Exercise #4 “Eye See You”

This is a nonverbal communication exercise focusing solely on eye contact.

In this exercise, two chairs face each other in a quiet, relaxing environment.

Both parties are asked to maintain eye contact for five minutes without breaking or looking away. During this activity, individuals are encouraged to allow internal thoughts and feelings to surface.

After the activity, couples are encouraged to discuss their experience, levels of comfort or discomfort, and bodily sensations.

Each individual can guess their partner’s thinking to assess connection and whether nonverbal messages came across.

Exercise #5 “Send Me a Postcard”

This is a communication activity targeting written communication.

Both partners are given a blank postcard with directions to write a message depicting a frustration, a feeling, or a desire.

Each partner is then asked to “mail” their postcard by giving it to their partner without verbal interchange.

Each partner is then asked to utilize another postcard to write a response to their partner’s message.

Assertive Communication Exercises for Couples

Communication styles fall into three main categories, passive, aggressive, and assertive.

Passive Communication

This communication style occurs when one does not stand up for themself and instead acts as a “doormat.” People who are passive sacrifice their wants and needs for the wants and needs of someone else .

Aggressive Communication

This communication style utilizes intimidation tactics to bully others into getting what one wants.

Assertive Communication

Finally, assertive communication occurs when an individual respectfully and appropriately asserts their wants and needs openly and directly.

This communication style bolsters self-esteem, increases respect, and makes both partners feel valued and heard.

Assertiveness training allows individuals to become aware of their most used communication style and assists them in developing a more robust, assertive manner.

Assertiveness training empowers couples by stressing the importance of communicating one’s thoughts and desires while being respectful to the wants and needs of their partner.

Exercise #1 Using “I statements”  

A typical communication pitfall is when words like “you,” “should,” and “could” are used during self-expression.

These words result in a defensive reaction, while the individual feels attacked, blamed, and criticized.

This assertiveness training activity teaches couples how to eliminate these words by educating them on expressing themselves in an “I statement” format.

One partner states, “I feel ____ when you ___ because _____. I would like for you to _____.”

The other partner is then asked to respond to that statement with another “I statement.”

The other partner answers, “You sound ____ because ____. Next time, I will ______ and I _______.”

Exercise #2 “Say It Again”

This assertive communication activity asks couples to identify three critical statements used during a past disagreement or argument.

The couple then works together to reformat each statement of how the message could have been conveyed without criticism or attack .

Exercise #3 “Sticks and Stones”

This assertiveness training exercise addresses name-calling and self-esteem.

Each partner is asked to independently list disrespectful and hurtful names with which their partner has tagged them.

The couple then comes together , and each is allowed to read their list.

Each partner is given a chance to explain how each term impacted their feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Communication and Trust Building Exercises for Couples

Trust conveys feelings of emotional and physical security and builds over time from honest, reliable, and direct communication. One of the most famous scenes from “Titanic” depicts Jack holding his hand out to Rose while asking, “Do you trust me?”

Thankfully, trust activities can be accomplished in far less dramatic scenarios in everyday life, but the principle remains the same.

Exercise #1 “Copycat”

This activity is goal-directed, and its success is directly related to the level of communication and trust between partners. A couple is asked to sit back to back with the same building blocks.

One partner creates a structure and is then allowed to provide verbal directions so that their partner can build the same network. Individuals must trust that their partner gives them clear, concise, and accurate directions to reach their goals.

Exercise #2 “Minefield”

Each partner creates an obstacle course in this activity with various objects serving as “mines.”This partner then utilizes verbal communication to guide their blindfolded partner through the course while protecting them from the “mines.”

Exercise #3 “Give Me a Hand”

In this exercise, couples have to work together to achieve a common goal with an arm tied behind each of their backs. Both individuals must communicate directions and actions concisely so that each partner can use their free hand to meet the objective.

Any goal, such as buttoning a shirt, zipping a zipper, tying a shoe, or clasping a necklace, can be utilized.

Communication Exercises for Engaged Couples

Premarital counseling is becoming more common and sought-after with today’s exorbitant divorce rates. Couples seek to strengthen their relationships with guidance and practice before marriage to avoid being another statistic.

Communication exercises can be utilized as a part of premarital counseling with a mental health professional or employed by the couple. These exercises attempt to make individuals aware of their communication styles while educating them about healthier and more valuable patterns.

Additionally, these activities seek to increase connection and trust within their relationships.

Exercise #1 “Mirror Mirror On the Wall”

This communication exercise helps couples to practice verbal communication and active listening skills. One partner is asked to tell a detailed story for five minutes, upon which their partner is asked to reflect on what they heard.

The partner reflecting is tested on their ability to employ active listening strategies, assess their level of understanding, and determine accuracy in mirroring what was said.

Exercise #2 “Future Goals”

This activity assists a couple in identifying and communicating future goals and desires with each other. Couples are encouraged to consider and discuss short-term and long-term goals to understand what each partner needs to be happy and satisfied.

Exercise #3 “Music Lyrics”

This activity utilizes music and song for self-expression. Each partner chooses three songs they can relate to and then shares the lyrics with their partner. This activity will prompt conversation about why songs are meaningful, the evoked feelings, and why a particular piece was selected.

Exercise #4 “It’s All in a Name”

This activity fosters connection, closeness, positive feelings, and gratitude among partners. Each individual is asked to choose a compliment or positive quality to describe their partner for each letter of their partner’s name.

Each individual is then asked to read their list while describing the impact on their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth.

The Importance of Communication Exercises for Couples

People have attempted to understand and decipher the padlock to a healthy relationship for decades. Over the years, theorists and professionals have hypothesized several theories to predict whether a relationship will make it down the aisle or whether it can persevere into old age.

Despite differing opinions, it is generally agreed that communication is vital to demystifying and opening the padlock. In the early 1990s, society learned that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,” as inherent gender characteristics were blamed for the miscommunication between couples.

Several years later, the “Five Love Languages” concept debuted, asserting that all individuals, regardless of gender, express and understand emotions differently.

To date, humanity isn’t sure if it should be booking an educational expedition to Mars or Venus or if it should be acquiring a well-versed translator.

Nevertheless, mental health professionals and relationship gurus agree that couples must communicate well to maintain happy and trusting relationships. Communication exercises can either renew a troubled relationship or strengthen the connection happily.

How Often to Practice Communication Exercises as a Couple

A person’s childhood, background, and upbringing significantly impact how one communicates as an adult.

During the first few years of life, children keep a watchful eye on their parents as they observe whether discussions between their role models end in heated confrontations or whether ideas are generated and perspectives shared.

Children can witness negative communication habits, such as blaming, name-calling, and criticism, or observe healthy techniques, such as listening, validation, and respectful tone.

Wrapping Up Communication Exercises for Couples

So there you have it! These are some of the best and most potent communication exercises for couples.

Whether you’re looking to save your marriage or grow closer together as a couple, practicing communication exercises in your relationship will undoubtedly save you a lot of grief and headache.

Which exercise are you going to try first? Let us know in the comment section below; we’d love to hear from you!

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

22 thoughts on “15 Powerful Communication Exercises For Couples To Grow Closer”

• Pingback: 24 Unforgettable Date Night Ideas For Married Couples
• Pingback: 49 Communication Activities, Exercises, and Games for Adults, Couples, and Families - Find Yourself Well
• Pingback: 49 Communication Activities, Exercises and Games for Adults, Couples and Families

Hello, I am preparing a retreat format to help couples improve their communication. I would like to know if I can use these exercises for that retreat . What is the process for permission from the authors or owners of these exercises? Thanks for your attention.

• Pingback: How to Fix a Broken Marriage and Save it From Divorce
• Pingback: Yin Yang Meaning for Love & Relationships You Shouldn't Overlook...
• Pingback: 17 Best Marriage Counseling Books That Every Couple Needs To Read
• Pingback: How To Quickly Win Your Wife Back From Another Man (For GOOD)
• Pingback: Quick! Here's What to do (and not do) When Your Wife Wants a Divorce!
• Pingback: 27 Ridiculously Fun Hobbies For Couples To Do Together
• Pingback: How To Easily Create a DIY Marriage Retreat At Home (Itinerary Included!)
• Pingback: 7 Proven Steps That Change Your Wife's Mind About Divorce (Must Read!)
• Pingback: 4 Steps Therapists Teach to Get Couples on the Same Page FAST!
• Pingback: 6 Healthy Ways to Deal with An Emotionally Immature Husband

Hello, I would love to use these exercises for our church’s marriage ministry retreat . What is the process for permission from the authors or owners of these exercises?

I loved this! Thank you, I will certainly use this in my sessions.

• Pingback: 16 Definitive Signs Your Marriage Is Over According to Experts

Very helpful for my pre-marriage counseling orientation to Marriage Counselors.

• Pingback: 5 Trust Building Exercises for Couples That Enhance Relationships
• Pingback: Cant Stand Your Husband? You're Not Alone! Here's What to Do NOW...
• Pingback: No Longer in Love With Your Husband? Read This… - Defeating Divorce

I loved both the Communication Exercises for Engaged Couples and also the Communication and Trust Building Exercises for Couples!! Excellent ideas that I’ve never heard before…great article.

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

What to Cover In Premarital Counseling

by Christian Standard | 27 August, 2015 | 0 comments

By Gary Zustiak

When I do premarital counseling, I require a five-session commitment from the couple. Here”s what I cover in those sessions:

I get to know the couple by asking how they met, how long they”ve dated, and how long their engagement is. I have them answer the five questions from H. Norman Wright”s book, Before You Say “I Do.” Then I ask them to list 10 ways their families are similar and 10 ways they”re different.

Family Systems Therapy has found a number of characteristics, behaviors, ideals, and other factors are passed down from generation to generation. These are not necessarily spoken out loud, but the old adage “More is caught than is taught” comes into play here. Our family of origin becomes our “default” on how to resolve conflict, communicate, and so forth.

Their first homework assignment is for each person to fill out a three-generation genogram and bring it to the next session.

Session 2: Generational Issues and How to Fight Fair

We look over generational issues revealed in the genogram, and then I give basic instruction on conflict resolution””how to have a fair fight. Their homework assignment is to take the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis (www.tjta.com). Each person will take it twice, once for themselves and then once for their future mate.

The T-JTA evaluates each person on a series of nine key personality traits and then looks for compatibility issues, conflict, and potential problems. It”s a wonderful tool, but to administer it, you must become qualified through a day of training by a certified instructor.

Session 3: Financial and Budgeting Issues

We look over the results of the Taylor Johnson Analysis, and I introduce basic financial and budgeting issues. I encourage them to sign up for a Dave Ramsey financial planning seminar in their area.

Their homework assignment is to take the Prepare/Enrich Assessment (www.prepare-enrich.com). This evaluation tool provides a 10-page summary of their personalities, beliefs about marriage, concerns, and so forth. Again, in order to offer this test, you must be certified through a one-day training seminar. But it”s worth it. The counselor receives a 20-page summary that points out possible problem areas and areas of strength.

Session 4: Relationship Assessment Review

We go over the results of the Prepare/Enrich Assessment and talk about any key areas that came up. Their homework assignment is to read selected chapters from either The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye or Sheet Music by Kevin Leman.

Session 5: Healthy Sexuality

I go over key issues of healthy sexuality from a biblical perspective.

Of all the great resources on premarital counseling, I like using H. Norman Wright”s book The Premarital Counseling Handbook . It gives a minister a good framework from which to do premarital counseling and provides lots of practical resources.

Gary Zustiak is professor of psychology and counseling at Ozark Christian College, Joplin, Missouri.

Christian Standard

Submit a comment.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Submit Comment

Latest Columns

Preaching changed my life.

by Christian Standard

A funeral sermon helped launch me on a path to ministry . . .

History and Hope

Christian Standard will be focusing on the Restoration Movement over the next several months . . .

Why the Restoration Movement Needs Saints and How to Become One

Recently, I made it a discipline to read a saint story every day for a year. . . .

Guardians of Truth

When I was a teen in the late 1960s, my church became a verbal battleground . . .

Marriage Happens Every Day!

The Significance of Happenings Leading to Happiness

Search For Articles

Your cart is currently empty!

Pre-Marital Counselling: More Than Just Words

The realm of marriage isn’t just about two people coming together to form a lifelong bond. It’s also about intertwining emotions, thoughts, dreams, and sometimes, even fears. Pre-marital psychological counseling aims to address these intricate facets, ensuring that couples are better prepared for their journey together. You’ve probably heard the idiom, “Better safe than sorry,” right? Well, pre-marital counselling is a step towards ensuring that safety. Especially in India, where marital dynamics are often complex, opting for pre-marital counselling India can be a game-changer.

What’s the Buzz about Pre-Marital Counselling?

• Helps address pre wedding depression and pre marriage anxiety.
• Assists in establishing expectations and open communication.
• Provides a space for premarital online counselling for those not able to visit in person.

Advantages:

• Improved Communication: The counseling sessions offer couples a platform to discuss topics they might not have broached otherwise.
• Conflict Resolution: Couples can learn effective ways to handle disagreements, preventing them from escalating into major conflicts.
• Setting Expectations: Helps in establishing clear and realistic expectations about the marriage, roles, responsibilities, and more.
• Strengthening Bonds: By addressing potential areas of concern, couples can reinforce their bond and build stronger foundations.
• Understanding Personal Histories: Delving into individual past experiences can provide insights, ensuring past traumas or issues don’t impact the future relationship.
• Enhanced Intimacy: Addressing psychological aspects can also lead to improved emotional and physical intimacy.

Don’t let infertility stand in your way. Consult with Our Infertility Specialist.

Who should go for it:.

• Engaged Couples: Those on the brink of marriage can benefit immensely from gaining insights into the psychological aspects of their relationship.
• Couples Considering Engagement: If you’re contemplating a lifelong commitment, it’s a wise step to understand the psychological dynamics beforehand.
• Couples with Past Traumas: If one or both partners have faced traumas or have deep-seated issues, counseling can be especially beneficial.
• Couples from Different Backgrounds: When individuals from different cultural, religious, or socio-economic backgrounds come together, counseling can help address potential challenges.

Components:

• Assessment: Initial sessions often involve assessments to understand individual personalities, relationship dynamics, and potential challenges.
• Skill Building: This could involve exercises and tools to improve communication, problem-solving, and other essential relationship skills.
• Discussion Forums: Providing a safe space for couples to discuss finances, family planning, roles, intimacy, and other crucial topics.
• Feedback: Regular feedback sessions to gauge the progress and effectiveness of the counseling.
• Homework: Assignments or tasks that couples need to undertake between sessions to implement their learnings.

What To Expect:

• Open Conversations: Counseling sessions provide a safe environment for open and honest conversations. Guided Mediations: In case of disagreements or conflicts, counselors can mediate discussions ensuring they remain productive.
• Homework Assignments: From journaling to practicing communication exercises, expect some take-home tasks.
• Emotional Moments: Unraveling psychological layers can sometimes be emotional. It’s a part of the process.
• Duration and Frequency: Sessions could range from a few weeks to several months, depending on the couple’s needs and the counselor’s recommendations.
• Confidentiality: Whatever is discussed within the confines of the counseling room remains there, ensuring privacy and trust.

Pre-marital psychological counseling might not be a magic wand, but it certainly equips couples with tools, techniques, and insights to navigate the beautiful yet sometimes challenging journey of marriage. Like the old saying goes, “A stitch in time saves nine.” This could be that crucial stitch ensuring a harmonious marital tapestry.

Get a Quote

Please fill in the form and our expert will get back to you.

We are one of the Best IVF Clinic in India!

At India IVF Clinics we provide the most comprehensive range of services to cover all the requirements at a Fertility clinic including in-house lab, consultations & treatments.

—Please choose an option— Infertility Treatments Low/Nil Sperm Count Blocked Fallopian Tube Low Egg Reserve Multiple Failed IVF Recurrent Abortion Uterine Defects

Call Us Now

The Comprehensive Guide to Moscow Nightlife

• Posted on April 14, 2018 July 26, 2018
• by Kings of Russia
• 8 minute read

Moscow’s nightlife scene is thriving, and arguably one of the best the world has to offer – top-notch Russian women, coupled with a never-ending list of venues, Moscow has a little bit of something for everyone’s taste. Moscow nightlife is not for the faint of heart – and if you’re coming, you better be ready to go Friday and Saturday night into the early morning.

This comprehensive guide to Moscow nightlife will run you through the nuts and bolts of all you need to know about Moscow’s nightclubs and give you a solid blueprint to operate with during your time in Moscow.

What you need to know before hitting Moscow nightclubs

Prices in moscow nightlife.

Before you head out and start gaming all the sexy Moscow girls , we have to talk money first. Bring plenty because in Moscow you can never bring a big enough bankroll. Remember, you’re the man so making a fuzz of not paying a drink here or there will not go down well.

Luckily most Moscow clubs don’t do cover fees. Some electro clubs will charge 15-20$, depending on their lineup. There’s the odd club with a minimum spend of 20-30$, which you’ll drop on drinks easily. By and large, you can scope out the venues for free, which is a big plus.

Bottle service is a great deal in Moscow. At top-tier clubs, it starts at 1,000$. That’ll go a long way with premium vodka at 250$, especially if you have three or four guys chipping in. Not to mention that it’s a massive status boost for getting girls, especially at high-end clubs.

Without bottle service, you should estimate a budget of 100-150$ per night. That is if you drink a lot and hit the top clubs with the hottest girls. Scale down for less alcohol and more basic places.

Dress code & Face control

Door policy in Moscow is called “face control” and it’s always the guy behind the two gorillas that gives the green light if you’re in or out.

In Moscow nightlife there’s only one rule when it comes to dress codes:

You can never be underdressed.

People dress A LOT sharper than, say, in the US and that goes for both sexes. For high-end clubs, you definitely want to roll with a sharp blazer and a pocket square, not to mention dress shoes in tip-top condition. Those are the minimum requirements to level the playing field vis a vis with other sharply dressed guys that have a lot more money than you do. Unless you plan to hit explicit electro or underground clubs, which have their own dress code, you are always on the money with that style.

Getting in a Moscow club isn’t as hard as it seems: dress sharp, speak English at the door and look like you’re in the mood to spend all that money that you supposedly have (even if you don’t). That will open almost any door in Moscow’s nightlife for you.

Types of Moscow Nightclubs

In Moscow there are four types of clubs with the accompanying female clientele:

High-end clubs:

These are often crossovers between restaurants and clubs with lots of tables and very little space to dance. Heavy accent on bottle service most of the time but you can work the room from the bar as well. The hottest and most expensive girls in Moscow go there. Bring deep pockets and lots of self-confidence and you have a shot at swooping them.

Regular Mid-level clubs:

They probably resemble more what you’re used to in a nightclub: big dancefloors, stages and more space to roam around. Bottle service will make you stand out more but you can also do well without. You can find all types of girls but most will be in the 6-8 range. Your targets should always be the girls drinking and ideally in pairs. It’s impossible not to swoop if your game is at least half-decent.

Basic clubs/dive bars:

Usually spots with very cheap booze and lax face control. If you’re dressed too sharp and speak no Russian, you might attract the wrong type of attention so be vigilant. If you know the local scene you can swoop 6s and 7s almost at will. Usually students and girls from the suburbs.

Electro/underground clubs:

Home of the hipsters and creatives. Parties there don’t mean meeting girls and getting drunk but doing pills and spacing out to the music. Lots of attractive hipster girls if that is your niche. That is its own scene with a different dress code as well.

What time to go out in Moscow

Moscow nightlife starts late. Don’t show up at bars and preparty spots before 11pm because you’ll feel fairly alone. Peak time is between 1am and 3am. That is also the time of Moscow nightlife’s biggest nuisance: concerts by artists you won’t know and who only distract your girls from drinking and being gamed. From 4am to 6am the regular clubs are emptying out but plenty of people, women included, still hit up one of the many afterparty clubs. Those last till well past 10am.

As far as days go: Fridays and Saturdays are peak days. Thursday is an OK day, all other days are fairly weak and you have to know the right venues.

The Ultimate Moscow Nightclub List

Short disclaimer: I didn’t add basic and electro clubs since you’re coming for the girls, not for the music. This list will give you more options than you’ll be able to handle on a weekend.

Preparty – start here at 11PM

Classic restaurant club with lots of tables and a smallish bar and dancefloor. Come here between 11pm and 12am when the concert is over and they start with the actual party. Even early in the night tons of sexy women here, who lean slightly older (25 and up).

The second floor of the Ugolek restaurant is an extra bar with dim lights and house music tunes. Very small and cozy with a slight hipster vibe but generally draws plenty of attractive women too. A bit slower vibe than Valenok.

Very cool, spread-out venue that has a modern library theme. Not always full with people but when it is, it’s brimming with top-tier women. Slow vibe here and better for grabbing contacts and moving on.

High-end: err on the side of being too early rather than too late because of face control.

Secret Room

Probably the top venue at the moment in Moscow . Very small but wildly popular club, which is crammed with tables but always packed. They do parties on Thursdays and Sundays as well. This club has a hip-hop/high-end theme, meaning most girls are gold diggers, IG models, and tattooed hip hop chicks. Very unfavorable logistics because there is almost no room no move inside the club but the party vibe makes it worth it. Strict face control.

Close to Secret Room and with a much more favorable and spacious three-part layout. This place attracts very hot women but also lots of ball busters and fakes that will leave you blue-balled. Come early because after 4am it starts getting empty fast. Electronic music.

A slightly kitsch restaurant club that plays Russian pop and is full of gold diggers, semi-pros, and men from the Caucasus republics. Thursday is the strongest night but that dynamic might be changing since Secret Room opened its doors. You can swoop here but it will be a struggle.

Mid-level: your sweet spot in terms of ease and attractiveness of girls for an average budget.

Started going downwards in 2018 due to lax face control and this might get even worse with the World Cup. In terms of layout one of the best Moscow nightclubs because it’s very big and bottle service gives you a good edge here. Still attracts lots of cute girls with loose morals but plenty of provincial girls (and guys) as well. Swooping is fairly easy here.

I haven’t been at this place in over a year, ever since it started becoming ground zero for drunken teenagers. Similar clientele to Icon but less chic, younger and drunker. Decent mainstream music that attracts plenty of tourists. Girls are easy here as well.

Sort of a Coyote Ugly (the real one in Moscow sucks) with party music and lots of drunken people licking each others’ faces. Very entertaining with the right amount of alcohol and very easy to pull in there. Don’t think about staying sober in here, you’ll hate it.

Artel Bessonitsa/Shakti Terrace

Electronic music club that is sort of a high-end place with an underground clientele and located between the teenager clubs Icon and Gipsy. Very good music but a bit all over the place with their vibe and their branding. You can swoop almost any type of girl here from high-heeled beauty to coked-up hipsters, provided they’re not too sober.

Afterparty: if by 5AM  you haven’t pulled, it’s time to move here.

Best afterparty spot in terms of trying to get girls. Pretty much no one is sober in there and savage gorilla game goes a long way. Lots of very hot and slutty-looking girls but it can be hard to tell apart who is looking for dick and who is just on drugs but not interested. If by 9-10am you haven’t pulled, it is probably better to surrender.

The hipster alternative for afterparties, where even more drugs are in play. Plenty of attractive girls there but you have to know how to work this type of club. A nicer atmosphere and better music but if you’re desperate to pull, you’ll probably go to Miks.

Weekday jokers: if you’re on the hunt for some sexy Russian girls during the week, here are two tips to make your life easier.

Chesterfield

Ladies night on Wednesdays means this place gets pretty packed with smashed teenagers and 6s and 7s. Don’t pull out the three-piece suit in here because it’s a “simpler” crowd. Definitely your best shot on Wednesdays.

If you haven’t pulled at Chesterfield, you can throw a Hail Mary and hit up Garage’s Black Music Wednesdays. Fills up really late but there are some cute Black Music groupies in here. Very small club. Thursday through Saturday they do afterparties and you have an excellent shot and swooping girls that are probably high.

Shishas Sferum

This is pretty much your only shot on Mondays and Tuesdays because they offer free or almost free drinks for women. A fairly low-class club where you should watch your drinks. As always the case in Moscow, there will be cute girls here on any day of the week but it’s nowhere near as good as on the weekend.

In a nutshell, that is all you need to know about where to meet Moscow girls in nightlife. There are tons of options, and it all depends on what best fits your style, based on the type of girls that you’re looking for.

Related Topics

• moscow girls
• moscow nightlife

The Top 3 Cities in Ukraine for First Timers

• Posted on July 7, 2018 August 4, 2019

You May Also Like

• Uncategorized

The Best Expat Blogs for Moscow

• Posted on May 31, 2020 June 1, 2020

Finding a Russian Bride: How and Where to Meet Her

• Posted on August 9, 2019 August 9, 2019

Meeting Women in Moscow: Dating Perspectives on the World’s Most Beautiful Women

• Posted on August 5, 2019 August 9, 2019

Meeting Russian Women: Top 5 Locations

• Posted on August 3, 2019 June 1, 2020

Moscow vs St. Petersburg – Which One to Visit?

• Posted on July 31, 2019 August 3, 2019

Hot Russian Girls – Where to Find & Date Them

• Posted on March 30, 2019 March 30, 2019

A Guide to Teaching English in Russia

• Posted on August 11, 2018 October 9, 2019

How to Attract Russian Girls

• Posted on July 15, 2018 August 4, 2019

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Input your search keywords and press Enter.