narrative essay about losing a loved one

Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grief — Loss of a Beloved

Loss of a Beloved

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Published: Mar 25, 2024

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Personal Grief and Loss Essay

Introduction.

The complicated nature of life explains why grieving is a necessary process. The loss of a beloved person can trigger numerous emotions such as guilt, anger, disbelief, and sadness. Coping with sudden death can result in a major challenge. It is agreeable that most of these reactions and emotional responses to loss are natural. That being the case, people should help one another throughout the mourning process in order to find new meaning and move on with life. Those who are in emotional pain should also be allowed to cry in order to support the healing process. The death of my favorite aunt affected me significantly. After the event, it took me five days to accept the fact that my aunt was gone. The purpose of this paper, therefore, is to give a personal experience of loss, grief, and mourning following my aunt’s untimely demise.

The most memorable loss occurred when I was 21 years of age. This was after the death of my maternal aunt. She was only 10 years older. Her untimely death occurred when I was in the United States. Our age gap explains why we used to be close to one another. We could do many things together and support each other. She was shot four times while in Colombia and died instantly.

Although it was hard to explain the circumstances that led to her death, forensic investigations revealed that she had been murdered by robbers for an unknown reason. The victim was a mother-figure to me. As an aunt, she guided, empowered, and encouraged me to pursue most of my dreams. This analysis shows that I was emotionally close to her.

After the loss, I experienced numerous emotional, spiritual, and psychological challenges. Such feelings occurred for several weeks after my aunt’s death. Several reasons can be presented to support this argument. The first one is that I was unable to pursue my goals. This development made it hard for me to meet the needs of my underage daughter. The second example is that I become stressed and troubled. This emotional response occurred after I received the news of her death. The third example is that I was unable to interact with other people. This means that my social competencies were affected greatly. After the death, it took me five days to accept the fact that she was gone. Throughout this period, I could dial her cell-phone number to confirm that she was not with us anymore. This was the case because I felt stressed and discontented with everything in life. The pain in my body was also unbearable.

I was unable to focus on my spiritual goals and mental status. However, I managed to cope with the loss after several months due to the support received from different family members. For instance, my husband was helpful throughout this troubling period. It should also be observed that my failure to attend her funeral might have affected my healing process. This is the reason why individuals who have lost their beloved ones should be advised, guided, and supported accordingly.

My mourning process affected the people around me in a number of ways. For instance, I was not able to support or raise up my young daughter. I was also unable to interact freely with my husband and relatives. I also found it hard to interact with my colleagues, relatives, and friends. The good news was that most of my family members were helpful during this emotional period. This was the case because they empowered me to deal with my grief and be in a position to pursue my aims. They were also keen to console and encourage me to remain strong. It is also worth noting that none of the persons around me was hurtful during the time.

The major rituals considered during the time of loss were prayers and fasting. These practices are known to support the mourning process (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). I also began to smoke as a way of getting rid of stress. I used different links to feel connected to the deceased person. For instance, my grandmother managed to send my aunt’s graduation ring to me. I always wear the ring as a grim reminder of my beloved aunt. I also possess the clothes she was wearing at the time of the murder. I have never washed them and they are bloodstains.

Holdsworth (2015) asserts that human beings use various techniques to manage their lamentation processes. The first technique that can be used to describe my mourning process is that of writing (Eyetsemitan, 2017). It is evident that my aunt had written a letter to me. Due to the nature of her death, I had not responded to her letter. This is something that has been haunting me over the years. I also have many things in my heart that I was never given the opportunity to say to my aunt. For instance, I did not tell her how she was loved and missed. I have many photographs that remind me of our experiences together.

I strongly believed that a number of rituals can still help with the loss today. For instance, I would be happy to be given a chance to visit her grave. I would mourn and pray on her grave in order to complete my mourning process. Personally, I think that the intensity of my loss could not be sensationalized by the media. This is the reason why I decided to engage in smoking. These aspects show conclusively that my mourning process was complicated (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). This argument can be supported by the fact that it is several years after the loss and I am yet to heal completely. I also experienced intense rumination, pain, and sorrow during the period. The decision to hold on to her belongings also explains why the process was complicated.

It is agreeable that this loss occurred at a time when I was not aware of the nature of suffering (Hordan & Litz, 2014). With more knowledge, I would have kept myself busy, interacted with more people, and read different materials to support the mourning process. I would have also attended her funeral in order to stop feeling guilty.

There are various complicated mourning issues that have kept me stuck in my mourning process. The first one is that it has taken me many years to be in a position to talk about my aunt. It has been hard for me to accept the fact that she is no longer around us. The second issue is that minor events or memories can trigger intense or painful reactions (Worden, 2008). Sometimes I can start to cry after remembering her.

This course has made it easier for me to learn a number of things about myself. The first observation is that the loss of a close relative or friend can affect me negatively. Such an occurrence can make it hard for me to achieve my goals or interact with others. The second lesson is that I can address most of my emotional and psychological challenges. This is the case because I managed to deal with this loss successfully. It is also clear that I have gained numerous ideas and concepts about mourning from this course. For instance, I have known that individuals should be guided and empowered throughout the period (Eyetsemitan, 2017). People should also be allowed to cry and mourn throughout their lamentation periods.

My discussion shows clearly that my aunt was like a sister to me and a big confidant who supported everything I was doing. This means that she was always close to me. Since she was young, we used to share ideas and live like sisters. Despite these feelings of pain and anguish, it should be observed that the mourning process empowered me to develop better concepts that can be used to support others. The ideas gained from this course can also meet the needs of persons who have lost their friends or relatives. My experience after the loss of my aunt echoes most of the challenges faced by many mourning persons. It is, therefore, necessary for those who are in grief to keep themselves busy and interact with others to prevent any suicidal thoughts. Mourners should also never be avoided. Consequently, these lessons will empower me to guide others in the future.

Burke, L. A., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2014). Spiritual distress in bereavement: Evolution of a research program. Religions, 5, 1087-1115. Web.

Eyetsemitan, F. (2017). Employee grief, workplace culture, and implications for worker productivity and psychopathology. Acta Psychopathologica, 3 (4), 1-3. Web.

Holdsworth, M. (2015). Bereaved carers’ accounts of the end of life and the role of care providers in a ‘good death’: A qualitative study. Palliative Medicine, 29 (9), 834-841.

Hordan, A. H., & Litz, B. T. (2014). Prolonged grief disorder: Diagnostic, assessment, and treatment considerations. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 45 (3), 180-187. Web.

Worden, J. W. (2008). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). New York, NY: Springer Publishing.

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• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

Categories:

• Coping With Grief

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These books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me to laugh and cry through my grief. I hope they will help you, too.

When my partner died of cancer, a fellow widower brought me a book that helped him through his acute grief. He offered it in the hopes that it might help me, and it did help. Very much.

It is important to note that every person grieves differently. While these books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me, they may not help you or your loved one who is experiencing grief.

RELATED POST

10 Books to Change Your Life

I am listing these books in the chronological order of how I read them and providing a bit of context into my own grieving process. I hope this will help you choose which book to read and, most importantly, when to read it.

When “Option A” is not an option

The book that thoughtful widower handed to me was “ Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, And Finding Joy .” I read the book one month after my partner died while on a plane ride across the Atlantic. I was leaving one life and starting a new one.

In this book (which is only part memoir) Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, shares how she grieved after her husband died suddenly while on a family vacation.

A data person through and through, Sandberg teams up with psychologist and academic Adam Grant to share the stories of people who found joy again after experiencing grief, and to analyze the grief process itself.

The title of the book comes from a moment when Sandberg cried to a friend about wanting comfort from her husband. The friend replied, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B.”

Read my post on finally accepting Option B and seeking joy

“Option B” helped me because, at the time, I needed permission to experience joy again. I also needed the validation that changing my life entirely was my way of finding some meaning in Jeff’s death. Option B gave me that permission and that validation.

A memoir about losing a loved one and examining the process of mourning

The process of grief was my focus for a while. So the next book I picked up was “ The Year of Magical Thinking ” by award-winning writer Joan Didion who relives the year after her husband’s sudden death. It’s a year in which she is also caring for a seriously ill daughter.

In the book, Didion attempts to make sense of the nonsensical. She is clinical in her examination of the mourning process, and that was fascinating for me as I prodded and poked at my own grief like a tongue exploring a chipped tooth.

A memoir about losing a loved one that will make you belly laugh

This book is purposefully irreverent because that is the way that author and comedian Laurie Kilmartin grieved. We all grieve differently, and the irreverence here might be uncomfortable for you.

But of all the memoirs about losing a loved one that I read, this one made me belly laugh when I needed it most.

In fact, as I read “ Dead People Suck: A Guide for Survivors of the Newly Departed ” two months after my partner died, the sound of my own laughter startled me. It had been that long since I had heard it. Also, there is dark humor surrounding death, and Kilmartin is simply brave enough to say it out loud.

She wisely notes, though, that while she can joke about her dead dad…nobody else can.

What to Say When Someone Dies

A memoir about losing a loved one from the perspective of the dying

I read “ When Breath Becomes Air ” while holed up in a tiny bungalow in northern Thailand. It was a remote place where I could meditate, read, and cry without interruption. It was eight months after Jeff’s death, and, for me, it was the perfect time to pick up this book written by a doctor dying of lung cancer.

A loving husband and brilliant neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi writes with heartbreaking honesty while his pragmatic, scientific brain wrestles with his hopeful heart. He brings us along as he and his wife choose to bring a child into a world that they know he may soon be departing.

This book gave me a look into how my partner may have felt as he looked around the room in those final days. As he assessed his life, did he consider it a life well lived?

I read this memoir about losing a loved one as I surfaced from my loss and started to reflect on my partner and his legacy. And it helped me make a decision about my own family plans – although I opted to take a different route than that of the Kalanithis.

“When Breath Becomes Air” was published posthumously with the moving ending written by the author’s wife and fellow doctor, Lucy Kalanithi.

A Memoir of living and dying

I was so moved by the perspective of facing death from the person doing the dying that I searched for a similar book.

The reviews of “ Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying ” read like a sequel of sorts to “When Breath Becomes Air,” and I found it to be another painfully honest account of extracting every bit of joy from a life that is limited by terminal illness.

This perspective is so honest because author Nina Riggs, like doctor Paul Kalanithi, doesn’t have time to sugarcoat her writing. She cannot hide from the truth. She is writing against time and with an urgent desire to explore the depths of herself before she dies.

In a seriously beautiful continuation of the conversation about life and death started by both Paul Kalanithi (“When Breath Becomes Air”) and Nina Riggs, the two memoirs brought their spouses together. For a time Lucy Kalanithi (widow of Paul) and John Duberstein (widower of Nina) were a couple weathering their grief together. Here are Duberstein’s thoughts on finding love after loss .

A Story About Finding Love After Loss

A memoir about friendship in the darkest of times

I wrote a post recently about how to comfort someone who has lost a loved one . In it, I wrote that there is only one single piece of universal advice to give here, and that is to show up for that person.

It may be the memoir “ My Glory Was I Had Such Friends ” by Amy Silverstein, that first gave me that idea. In “My Glory,” we witness what it means to show up in the most beautiful of ways. In fact, the fact that these friends show up in such a strong way may just be the reason why this book doesn’t cleanly fit into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Because this group of friends may just save Silverstein’s life.

The premise of this book is that of a family facing the possibility of death as Silverstein waits for a heart transplant that may never come. But the meat of this book is about friendship.

Silverstein’s friends rally around her, putting their own lives on hold and holding her up with single-minded sheer will.

I read this about a year and a half after my loss, and it helped me remember some of the support that I received when I needed it most. In doing so, I was forced to revisit memories that I avoided – changing feeding tubes or taking breaks from a hospital vigil for instance – but I was ready to see the beauty in those memories – something that I just couldn’t take in previously.

I’m lucky, like Silverstein, to have glorious friends, and I’m grateful to this book for reminding me of that.

A memoir about transformation

This memoir by Glennon Doyle does not fit cleanly into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Rather Untamed is about a woman allowing herself to be truly herself. Doyle writes about how she uncages herself from the expectations of society and of her readers and, in doing so, finds her soulmate.

I read this two years into my grieving process and two years after I left my own conventional life for a nontraditional nomadic life of travel . It spoke to me for many different reasons, but I especially liked how Doyle speaks of grief as a transformation.

I hope these books will help you if you are grieving, or if you are looking to give the gift of a book as a way to comfort your loved one who is experiencing grief.

Independent booksellers are hurting due to the pandemic and due to competition from behemoth online stores like Amazon. Please consider supporting local bookstores by using Bookshop, a B-Corp that gives away 75 percent of profits to independent stores, publications, authors, bloggers, and others in the book-loving community.

About the Author

Hi! I’m Jen!

I’m a freelance writer and travel blogger who quit my nine-to-five after my fiancé, Jeff, died of cancer at the age of 40. When he died, I realized that life is just too short to delay our dreams. Since my dream was to travel and write, I now travel and write full-time. Today I wear hiking boots instead of heels and collect experiences instead of things.

related posts

Resources on grieving beyond these memoirs about losing a loved one:, resources for grieving.

Grief Works : An app to guide you through your grief

Hot Young Widows Club : Stories of love & loss on Instagram; also a book

Modern Loss: Essays & resources to navigate life after death

Good Mourning Podcast : Authentic conversations about loss

Soaring Spirits : Peer-based support programs for widowed men & women

Subscribe to my newsletter for tips on grief & post-traumatic growth

What books have you read that helped you while grieving? Comment below!

Hello Jen… I came upon your writings by chance, well not really as my wife has lung cancer. These past 5 years has been a gift but god and science has not prevailed the way we hoped. She has 6 mo to a year, her spirit is stoic, me- I fall apart a lot. I know that living will go on but for now I tend to live in the present. It’s soo hard grieving for so long. Love you all…

Sending so much love your way, Jeff. So much love.

Thank. Going through recommended book has help. I need these books. Thank you again.

You are most welcome!

Getting past your breakbup —- Susan J. Elliott How to heal your heart —- Louis Hay

Thank you! I will check them out!

One of the best and my favorite blog ever. Aala stuff and best quality.

Thank you so much, Mendy!

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Home Essay Samples Health Death

Reflections on the Death of a Loved One

Table of contents, introduction, the shock and sorrow: initial reactions to the death of a loved one, the process of grief: navigating life after loss, life lessons from death: a new perspective, works cited.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, writing a college essay about losing a loved one.

Hi everyone, I've dealt with the loss of a very important person in my life and I'm considering writing my college essay about it. However, I don't want to come off as using sympathy for an advantage. Any suggestions on how to approach this topic in a genuine and respectful way?

It's important to approach this topic with sincerity and focus on growth rather than simply evoking sympathy from the readers. Here's a structure that can help you portray your experience genuinely:

1. Introduction: Begin by briefly introducing your relationship with the loved one and the impact they had on your life. You don't have to go into details about their passing at this point, as this isn't the focus of the essay.

2. The turning point: Describe the moment you realized things had changed permanently. This could be the moment you received the news or attended their funeral. Focus on conveying your initial emotions and thoughts at this point in time.

3. Learning and growth: This is the most crucial part of your essay. Reflect on how the loss of your loved one has shaped you as a person. What lessons have you learned? How has it inspired you to grow, change, or take action? Share specific examples of actions you've taken or changes in your perspective that are tied to this experience.

4. Connection to your future: Tie this growth and realization to your goals for college and beyond. Explain how your experiences and newfound understanding will help you contribute to the college community and excel in your future endeavors.

5. Conclusion: Sum up the impact your loved one had on your life and the lasting legacy they leave within you. Emphasize the growth you've experienced and the positive change that's resulted from this challenging experience.

Throughout the essay, maintain a tone of honesty and introspection. Avoid exaggerating or presenting your experience as more tragic than it was. Focus on your personal growth and avoid dwelling on the loss itself. This approach will help you convey a genuine and respectful reflection of your experience without seeming like you're leveraging sympathy for your benefit.

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Narrative Essay on Losing a Loved One

Losing a loved one is an experience that touches the deepest parts of our souls. It is a journey filled with sorrow, but also with memories that illuminate the path forward. In this narrative, I will share my own journey of loss, reflecting on the moments of pain, love, and healing that have shaped my understanding of grief.

The Moment of Loss

The day I received the news of my loved one’s passing is etched into my memory with painful clarity. It felt as though the world had stopped turning, and I was left suspended in a state of disbelief. The initial shock gave way to waves of grief that threatened to overwhelm me. In that moment of loss, I felt as though a piece of my heart had been torn away, leaving behind a void that seemed impossible to fill.

Navigating the Abyss of Grief 

In the days and weeks that followed, I found myself navigating the abyss of grief with faltering steps. Each day felt like an uphill battle, filled with moments of intense sadness and longing. I struggled to make sense of the overwhelming emotions that consumed me, grappling with the reality of life without my loved one by my side. It was a journey through darkness, where even the simplest tasks felt like monumental challenges.

Embracing the Memories 

Amidst the pain and sorrow, there were moments of solace to be found in the memories we shared. I found comfort in flipping through old photographs, tracing the lines of familiar faces and reliving moments of laughter and joy. Each memory served as a beacon of light in the darkness, reminding me of the love that had once filled my life. Though they may no longer be physically present, their spirit lives on in the cherished moments we shared.

Finding Meaning in Loss 

As time passed, I began to realize that grief is not a burden to be carried, but a testament to the depth of love we hold for those we have lost. In the midst of my pain, I found moments of clarity and understanding. I came to see that loss is an inevitable part of the human experience, a reminder of the preciousness of life and the importance of cherishing every moment we have with those we hold dear.

Healing and Moving Forward 

Healing from loss is a journey that unfolds slowly, one step at a time. It is a process of learning to live with the pain, finding ways to honor the memory of our loved ones, and eventually finding peace in our hearts. Through the support of friends and family, and the passage of time, I began to find moments of light amidst the darkness. Though the pain of loss will always be a part of me, I have learned to carry it with grace, knowing that it is a testament to the love that once filled my life.

Losing a loved one is a journey that forever changes us. It is a journey of pain and sorrow, but also of love, resilience, and healing. Though the road may be long and arduous, it is a journey that ultimately leads us to a place of acceptance and peace. And though our loved ones may be gone, their memory lives on in the love we carry in our hearts.

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Narrative Essay Example on Facing Death of a Loved One

Introduction.

Everything that happens in people’s lives, especially in the childhood, has a huge impact on the future development of personality. Every event goes with the certain type of denotation: neutral, positive, or negative. Unfortunately, almost all negative events have the most forceful impact on every human being. Indeed, different events imply different levels of emotions. For example, a broken toy (even if it is the most loved one) will never cause such emotional damage as a death of a close family member. In fact, the death of a beloved person is one of the worst things that could happen in the whole life. This issue has already been researched by experts in psychology, but since it leads to numerous significant mental damages, new researches and programs should be implemented for finding new ways of solution.

Such a serious issue as a death of a close person took place in my life. When I was younger, I had a very good friend, and, in fact, we spent almost all childhood and adolescence together. My friend had a brother, even though his brother was two years older, they were best friends. One day, the brother of my friend drowned in a river, and it was a huge loss for his family and friends. Their parents were crushed with it, but did everything possible to stay strong for their younger son. Unfortunately, it was really hard for my friend to cope with such a huge loss.

Obviously, when hard time comes, every person needs an emotional support. I also had one almost identical loss in my life, and I knew better than everybody else how hard to live with it emotionally. Talking about me and my friend, I should say that my feelings were rather contradictory, because I wanted to help him to get through this hard period, but, on the other hand, I did not even want to be near him, because, unintentionally, he was a constant reminder of my own loss. However, I did everything I could to cope with my pain to support my close friend.

While I spent time with him, I could also vividly see him passing through all stages of death acceptance. At first, he had a shock and obviously showed disbelief in what had happened. The shock resulted in his abnormal behavior as he did not say a word for almost a month. His whole appearance and actions showed that his conscious created an alternative reality to protect the mind from irreversible damage. In addition, he had problems with nutrition, as in the vast majority of cases, he refused to eat. As a result, poor nutrition negatively affected his physical health and resulted in serious problems with heart, liver, and digestion. Those diseases are successfully cured already, but back to those days his health was in a really bad condition.

In a month, he went forward to the denial stage. All of a sudden, he started talking, but he also acted like nothing happened. Such behavior is considered to be rather normal in psychology, but in the real life, the severity of mental state may vary. In fact, disbelief and denial are the parts of the defensive mechanism, which protected my friend from the dreadful reality. The mind of my friend created the scenario, where his brother was alive, but temporary moved to another place nearby. When he was, on this stage, it was easier for us all on the emotional level, because he did not suffer as much as earlier and later. The denial lasted for few weeks, and his behavior turned into violent. When I had such a situation in life, I do not remember if I was in denial, but I surely remembered that I became a lot more irritable and aggressive.

My friend showed almost identical behavior, and became rather violent and offensive towards other people. In addition, he even was rude to his own parents, which is absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately, there were no good psychologist in the city to treat him properly, but with our constant help and support he was on the anger stage not for long. I did my best to help him on this stage, because I remembered how important the support of the people one care about.

In addition to the abovementioned, I can say that he was on the bargaining stage as well. My friend prayed every day to God with only one asking, to bring the brother back and take him instead. This stage lasted not for a long time, because there was nothing he could do about. Bargaining had brought a serious depression and my friend had lost the interest to everything surrounded him. It was hard for his parents to see him in such condition. However, we all tried to talk to him, and I remembered what I wanted to hear in terms of my depression. It was a real pleasure for me to know that my words helped him to end depression. Every person, who had faced death of a loved one, needs to know that he or she moved to a better place and even though this person is not near physically, he or she had never left spiritually. Realizing this idea always help people to move forward from depression to acceptance.

In the end, my friend had finally come to acceptance of his brother being dead. His grief never left him completely; however, my friend learned that he can live with this loss, and his brother never left him and would stay in the heart and memories forever.

Symptoms and Ways to Cope with Death of a Loved One

Taking into account the abovementioned story, one can say that death of a loved person is one of the most stressful events that may result in serious mental and physical damages. Even though all major aspects of consequences caused by death of a loved person have already been researched numerous times, this issue remains being topical.

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In fact, the death of a loved one causes the common state named grief. Since different people have different coping mechanism and life perception, every individual may show numerous kinds of reaction (Eshbaugh & Henninger, 2013). These kinds of reaction may vary from serious, but temporary depression to chronic depression that leads to the common death or suicide. In general, death of a close person causes significant issues in psychological, physical, and social aspects.

Every individual with a psychological trauma caused by the death of a loved one starts to show certain symptoms, which indicate the severity of his or her condition. Psychological symptoms imply mood swings, sadness, anger, anxiety, irritability, denial, concentration difficulties, etc. Accordingly, the abovementioned symptoms may also be presented on different levels of seriousness. While some individuals may have temporary and hidden behavioral manifestation, others show the reaction symptoms more vividly. In addition, some individuals may perform rather controversial reaction on the death of a loved one. This can be caused by the serious damage of the connection between left and right parts of the brain. Therefore, logical and emotional sides can be reduced with their normal activity, which may result in significant and even irreversible mental damages.

The physical aspect of the issue should also be taken into consideration, because the abnormal emotional state reflects on the physical health condition of every individual. The most common physical symptoms are heart problems, high or low blood pressure, pains, muscle tension, constant fatigue, sleep disorders (nightmares or insomnia), etc. (Shear, 2012). Since both psychological and physical states are closely connected, the death of a loved one leads to negative physical changes in the body. In fact, some of the symptoms may be performed only on the emotional level (for example, pain), and the lab results may not show any biological changes. Therefore, some physical symptoms may be only the result of self-induced hypnotism and cause minor physical damage. On the other hand, in such cases, individuals with the abovementioned issues need help of professional doctors. Even if the physical damage is not significant at the beginning, without proper treatment it may worsen and result in serious disability, coma, or even death.

Death of a loved one also brings changes in terms of the social area. Such serious psychological trauma makes individuals aggressive or reserved towards other people. As stated above, different people may have different reactions on the same negative event. On one hand, people with psychological trauma gain the tendency to more violent and offensive behavior in order to bring other people on the same emotional level intentionally or unintentionally. On the other hand, psychological trauma may change normal behavior of the person to unsocial, which leads to withdrawing from other people. Both states of mind, aggressive and reversed require help of a professional psychologist since without treatment it will lead to irreversible mental damages. In the cases, if a person shows social signs of his or her trauma, without professional help and support from family members and friends, the changes in behavior may become permanent.

In the cases of death of a loved one, people pass through five stages of acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This classification mostly refers to people who are dying themselves, but in many cases, individuals who had faced death of a loved one pass these stages as well. In general, denial is a rather normal reaction on a psychological trauma and is considered to be one of the defense mechanism manifestations. Denial reflects in refusal to accept reality or information with negative background. The anger stage of acceptance can be performed in different ways. Thus, individuals with psychological trauma can be angry with themselves, close people, or strangers. Therefore, this stage is very important to control because a person in the state of anger may commit violent actions, which result in serious physical damages. In fact, individuals on this stage require support and treatment more than ever because it is a critical point in coping with death of a loved one.

The third stage of acceptance is bargaining, and it is less mentally severe than the previous one. Bargaining involves some alternative scenarios created by the mind of the individual coping with death of a loved one. Also, this stage implies bargaining with God or other higher forces in different religions. Furthermore, the depression stage of coping with death of a loved one is the first indication of acceptance. On this stage, people began to accept the real facts and events but remain being in a constant depressed state. However, moving to this stage is a rather good sign, because it shows the progression in the mental condition of emotionally damaged person. The final stage is the acceptance itself, and it can be presented in different ways, for example, suicide or coping with the loss.

Therefore, when the first signs of abnormal behavior appear, the treatment should be started immediately. The treatment of physical damages can be drug-induced and imply various medical procedures (Furer, Walker, & Stein, 2007). Unfortunately, if psychological treatment fails, the treatment of physical symptoms and damages may not have a good result in the end or turn into recurrence. As a matter of fact, professional treatment is the key element in solving the health problem caused by death of a loved one. Moreover, the main aspect of the treatment grounds on the psychological therapy that may take a period from few weeks to more than a year.

Taking into account all abovementioned, one can say that death of a loved one negatively affects every individual and is reflected in serious or irreversible damages in mental, physical and social aspects. Individuals coping with the loss tend to pass certain stages of acceptance and require professional help in order to return to the normal physical, mental, and social condition. Lastly, the individual differences in life perception determine the results of treatment and further psychological recovering.

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7 Books on Navigating Grief

Psychologists, counselors and other experts share the titles they recommend most.

By Hope Reese

Joanna Luttrell is well acquainted with grief. The bereavement coordinator supports families that are navigating a child’s terminal illness at St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital in Memphis.

From the moment they receive a diagnosis until a year after the loss, “I send letters, resources, emails,” Ms. Luttrell said, so that families know they have support. A big part of the process, she added, involves sharing books.

If there’s a “challenging relationship or situation, I might send out a book right away,” she said. “If they’re looking to process their experience, and their emotional response to their experience, I will send one a bit later.”

While grief is universal, it’s complicated and highly individualized, Ms. Luttrell said. Reading books can provide perspective and help mourners feel less alone, she has found.

We asked Ms. Luttrell, as well as counselors, psychologists and other experts on loss, to recommend the most helpful books about grief.

1. Understanding Your Grief , Alan D. Wolfelt

Among the experts we spoke to, nearly all cited Alan Wolfelt, the founder of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, as their No. 1 author on grief.

In this book, first published in 1992, Dr. Wolfelt offers concrete steps toward healing. He helps people who have just lost someone and are having trouble thinking straight understand that “there’s nothing wrong with them,” said Audri Beugelsdijk, vice president of survivor services at the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors.

Dr. Wolfelt’s presentation of the material is “comprehensive, easy to read, and accessible to the general audience,” Ms. Luttrell said. “It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you are already emotionally challenged. So reading a little bit at a time can be very helpful as you work through your grief.”

2. It’s OK That You’re Not OK , by Megan Devine

In this accessible book, published in 2018, Megan Devine, a therapist and bereaved partner, offers stories, research and advice to people who are navigating grief, as well as those who support them.

She also unpacks the myth that we need to “fix” grief, said Andy McNiel, senior adviser of youth programs at Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. “In our society, we’re very one-dimensional in the way we talk about our experiences,” he said. “You’re either OK or you’re not OK. And the reality is, you can be OK and not OK at the same time.”

3. Man’s Search for Meaning , by Viktor E. Frankl

When the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl was imprisoned in Nazi death camps during World War II, he made a conscious effort to survive by observing, taking notes and reflecting on his higher purpose. In 1946, he published these reflections on survival in “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

This book is “truly a classic,” said Dr. David Spiegel, a medical director at the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. “Frankl reminds us that when we cannot change our situation, our choices still matter.”

4. A Heart That Works , by Rob Delaney

Rob Delaney’s son was diagnosed with a brain tumor as a 1-year-old and died two and a half years later. In this 2022 title, Mr. Delaney, a comedian known for his role on the Amazon Prime series “Catastrophe,” explores the full range of his emotional journey during these years and in the aftermath of the loss.

Ms. Luttrell recommends the book often to grieving families because “it’s hard to find good books from a father’s perspective,” she said. “If you’re working with a profoundly grieving father, or a man who just lost his wife, or just wants to talk to another man, having that male perspective is really, really helpful,” she said.

5. Notes on Grief , by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

In the summer of 2020, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s father died. Less than a year later, the acclaimed novelist published this memoir, sharing her personal experience of grief.

“This book is relatable to readers who are in the depths of grief, who are trying to process their own feelings and their embodied experiences around the loss of a loved one,” said Michelle Peterie, a sociologist and researcher at the University of Sydney.

Ms. Adichie conveys that “grief is a physical experience as much as it is just an emotional experience,” Dr. Peterie said. “Adichie talks about pounding the floor with her fists and about her heart beating so fast and seeming like it’s going to run away from her. ”

“We experience grief in our bodies,” she said, “and Adichie does a really good job of capturing that.”

6. The Year of Magical Thinking , by Joan Didion

This 2005 title, from one of America’s most renowned writers is “a window into what living with grief day in, day out, is really like,” said Amber Jeffrey, host of “The Grief Gang” podcast.

“It’s really hard to quantify that first year — couple of years — after a loss, to explain the kind of delusional thoughts you have without sounding completely mad,” she said. “This book does that.”

“The Year of Magical Thinking” also helped Ms. Beugelsdijk, who now works with the families of veterans, through her own personal loss. “My version of magical thinking is that my husband is still on deployment. He’s going to come back and I’m going to be OK.”

The book also challenges the notion that the first year after a death is the hardest, Mr. McNiel said. “In reality, in the first year, there’s a lot of unknowns and sometimes just denial and struggle,” he said. “The second year sets in, and many people say that that’s when their grief is the most intense.”

7. Sad Book , by Michael Rosen, illustrated by Quentin Blake

When Michael Rosen’s 18-year-old son, Eddie, died of meningitis, he teamed up with Quentin Blake, an illustrator most known for his work with Roald Dahl, to create a picture book called the “Sad Book.” The book, published in 2004, can be illuminating for both children and adults who are grieving a loved one.

“There’s something about grief that’s really hard to articulate,” Dr. Peterie said. This book “captures something really fundamental about grief as a lived and felt experience, because it’s not purely dependent on words.” The medium allows grieving people to “have part of their experience echoed back to them,” she said.

Coping With Grief and Loss

Living through the loss of a loved one is a universal experience. but the ways in which we experience and deal with the pain can largely differ..

What Experts Say:   Psychotherapists say that grief is not a problem to be solved , but a process to be lived through, in whatever form it may take.

How to Help: Experiencing a sudden loss can be particularly traumatic. Here are some ways to offer your support to someone grieving.

A New Diagnosis: Prolonged grief disorder, a new entry in the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual, applies to those who continue to struggle long after a loss .

The Biology of Grief: Grief isn’t only a psychological experience. It can affect the body too, but much about the effects remains a mystery .

Comforting Memories:  After a person dies, their digital scraps — text messages, emails, playlists and voicemails — are left behind. They can offer solace to their grieving families .

Grieving the Loss of a Pet:   Counseling. Grief-group sessions. The number of resources for coping with a pet’s death  has grown in recent years.

When Children Lose a Loved One

Understand loss from a child's point of view..

Updated May 2, 2024 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

• Understanding Grief
• Find counselling to heal from grief
• Children of different ages understand death differently.
• Children of all ages will pop in and out of grief.
• Children of all ages need a great deal of support after a loss — whether they ask for it or not.

Previously in this series, I discussed the little losses of everyday life, ambiguous loss and how to talk to children about death. This time I am going to talk about how to understand your child's reactions when she actually loses a loved one.

Losing a loved one is just so painful — both for the child and for the adults who love the child and want to understand what she is feeling.

And there is so much to understand.

Behind childhood grief is a world of feelings and beliefs, shaped and colored by the child’s age and her stage of development — but also by her personality , the degree of closeness she had with the person who died, by the circumstances of the death, by your family culture and by the way you feel about this loss and about loss in general.

You child's age will affect how she understands — or doesn't understand — what death really is.

Her personality will affect how readily she shows her feelings and also to what degree she is able to actually feel and acknowledge her own feelings.

The degree of closeness your child had with the person who died will affect how strongly she feels about the loss... most of the time. But sometimes, the death of a beloved public figure (such as a performer) or an important person at school may result in what you consider an exaggerated response (but which may feel to your child like a normal response to the loss of someone who meant a great deal to her).

Your family culture may affect how your child does or does not show her feelings — and how you feel about the loss and show your own feelings may be one way your child determines how to show her own.

But it is often difficult to know exactly how your child is feeling and responding to a loss because some children and teens — and most very young children — will find it difficult to put their feelings into words.

And lacking an explanation, adults who try to help a grieving child often look at the child’s behavior and form ideas of what the child is feeling and how they are affected based just on external impressions.

And in doing so, they can miss a lot .

They can miss what is going on in the child’s inner world; they can miss what the child truly feels about the loss; they can miss what the child understands about the loss; they can miss the child’s misconceptions about death and loss in general; they can miss the child’s fantasies about this loss in particular and what role the child believes she played in causing the loss to happen.

And it is important not to miss these things.

For example, Chloe was four years old when her grandmother died. She had been close to her grandmother, seeing her at least once almost every week of her life. After being told that her grandmother had died, Chloe went off to the family room. Her parents observed her playing quietly with her dolls, and they were relieved. They felt that she had taken the news very well and saw her as returning to her normal activities.

Several weeks later, when Chloe began to have trouble at bedtime, refusing to go to sleep without one parent or the other lying down with her, they did not link this to her experience of her grandmother’s death. They felt that she was being “clingy” without good reason.

What the parents missed was that her behavior at bedtime was a communication to them.

The truth was that Chloe was very frightened. She had been told that her Nana had “gone to sleep forever and was now with God in Heaven,” so she was afraid to go to sleep, fearing that she would never wake up and that she would go to be with God in Heaven.

When Chloe went to play with her dolls after being told the news of her grandmother’s death, she had played a game of putting her dolls to bed and having them go to sleep and then go to Heaven. She played this over and over, trying to work out both how someone could sleep forever and where Heaven was.

In addition to becoming frightened to go to sleep for fear that she too would sleep forever, Chloe was feeling more fearful of separations in general. She began to have tantrums each morning when it was time to go to preschool and when either her mother or her father left the house. She also had powerful feelings of missing her Nana and didn’t understand why she couldn’t still go to Nana’s house to visit. And she was also worried that others in her life might go away and not come back. Of course, her solution to this was to not let anyone she loved out of her sight!

Chloe’s parents had not thought to wonder how Chloe would understand the words they said to her about her grandmother’s death. They had four children altogether, and Chloe was the third. They were happy with Chloe’s adaptation to the news of her grandmother’s death and very caught up with their own grief, the reactions of their other three children and the funeral arrangements.

Chloe’s story is just one example of how a child might react to loss.

Following a loss, adults sometimes forget that young children who have never lost a loved one before may not know what death really is. For example, one little boy I saw in therapy lost his father when he was three. His grandfather told him that his daddy had gone “up there” and the grandfather pointed to the sky.

This little boy, who I will call Teddy, accepted this explanation — but then he started to regress . He became fearful of separations, he would not take a bath and his speech became babyish.

His grandmother brought him in to see me and in the first session, Teddy sat down in front of my doll house, took the daddy doll out and threw him behind the house. When I asked, “What happened to the daddy?”, he retrieved the doll and said, “The daddy’s on the roof”.

This is what he had understood when his grandfather had told him that “Daddy’s up there”.

He thought Daddy now lived on the roof of their house.

Young children know so little about the world. Everything is new — and this includes the concept of death. It is common for them to believe that when someone dies, they have just gone to live somewhere else and that they can come back.

Older children may understand that death is permanent, but they often believe that if a death occurs, it is someone’s fault. This can lead them to blame others — or themselves — if someone they love dies or leaves permanently.

When someone dies, children under the age five or six need frequent reminders about what has really happened. They need to be told that the person who died cannot come back, even if they might have wanted to. Fantasy is so powerful at this age that it can quickly replace a reality that is poorly understood.

Children under the age of five or six need death to be explained to them in a concrete way, including the facts that when a person or animal dies, it cannot see or hear or breathe or feel anymore.

And when a child between the ages of six and 10 loses someone, they need a slightly more nuanced explanation of what has happened. They need to know the truth and they need to be told face to face, soon after the loss has occurred. They need to be told some details about the sort of illness or the event that caused the death. They also need to be reminded that the death was no one’s fault (if this is true).

Teenagers may seem like they don’t need much help following a loss. After all, they understand what death is, and they manage a great many feelings on their own already.

But whatever age a child is — from infancy through young adulthood, love and support are needed following a loss due to death.

When a teenager retreats to her room following a loss, when she looks at her phone when you try to talk to her about her feelings or about what is going on in the family, this is not an indication that she does not need your help.

Like kids of all ages, teenagers may feel uncomfortable talking about their feelings and they may feel awkward when feelings are talked about with them.

But don’t give up. Keep asking how your teen is doing, keep checking in on how they are feeling and keep letting them know how you are doing and feeling.

Part of this post is excerpted from my forthcoming book, How Children Grieve: What Adults Miss and What They Can Do to Help , published by Alcove Press.

Corinne Masur, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in private practice in Chester Springs, Pennsylvania.

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‘Journey To Hope’ To Explore Immigration Through Dance

“Journey to Hope,” a story of immigration through modern dance, will be performed by Dance Science students on May 4 in the courtyard and inside the Liberal Arts and Arts and Humanities Building.

Choreographed by  Carisa Armstrong , program director and associate professor, and  Christine Bergeron , associate dean for academic affairs and clinical professor for the program, “Journey to Hope” will have free showings at 6 and 8 p.m. Free tickets can be reserved in advance at the  ticketing website .

It will be presented in nine sections with original music by composer Richard Hall of Texas State University, with a question-and-answer portion to follow. Seventeen students are featured in the production.

Armstrong and Bergeron said their work will share the perspective of immigrants on their way to their future home. It begins with having to say goodbye to family and their home country, getting proper papers in order, and going where their new future leads them .  They wanted to showcase what that process is like and how difficult it can be, Bergeron said.

“The purpose of the piece is to really allow people a moment to contemplate what all that means,” Armstrong said, “and how that might feel for someone who is moving to a new place and embarking on a new journey.”

The idea was inspired by “ But Where There’s Hope There’s Life ,” a project choreographed by Armstrong and Bergeron that addresses stories of the Holocaust. As part of the research process, Bergeron said they learned more about the displacement of people, and they started to question the immigration process.

“When someone is immigrating to the U.S., there are a lot of ways they might get there,” Bergeron said. “They might get there overseas, they might get there through a truck, they might just get there traveling over desert. And they don’t ever get to stay in one place. This piece is about shifting from one place to the other.”

To showcase the constant motion, the “Journey to Hope” audience will see sections of the work in multiple locations: across the courtyard and inside classrooms and the Black Box Theater in the Liberal Arts and Arts and Humanities Building. Guests will meet at the Black Box Theater to check in. Blankets will be available for guests to sit on in the courtyard, and chairs will be available for anyone who needs them, Armstrong said.

At the courtyard, the dancers will perform in a pool that represents a large body of water that immigrants would have crossed during their travels, Armstrong said. The pool was built by  Jam Martinez , the school’s production manager, and  Jeff Watson , the school’s theatre facility coordinator. It is 16 feet by 30 feet and will hold about 4 inches of water, Armstrong said.

A section titled “Necessary Goodbyes” explores leaving family behind, Bergeron said. The music accompaniment will also help demonstrate immigrating by water, she said.

“For this section we took gestures of different ways different countries say hello and goodbye,” she said. “And in the music, we asked our composer to incorporate saying ‘goodbye’ in different languages. ‘Conquering the Sea’ incorporates music akin to the children’s rhyme ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat, to show traveling by water.”

Another section looks at the process of completing paperwork and how long the process can take. To showcase frustration about “drowning in bureaucracy,” Bergeron said students were asked to think about a time they were stressed and in a place that was overstimulating, so they could connect to those moments to help bring that frustration to the surface.

The section also examines “What is freedom?” she said.

“Because once you get that paperwork and you get to be here, what does that actually mean? Because you have probably made these huge sacrifices to be here, and people might have been lost along the way, or you might have to leave large parts of your family behind.

“So, freedom has this double-edge sword in a way — a sense of ‘We got through it, but at the same time we lost people along the way.’ Or, ‘We had to leave people behind, so my freedom is a sacrifice of those other people’s lives.’”

Many of the dancers have not been directly impacted by immigration, so during the creative process they worked on ways the dancers could “connect to the emotional aspect of the work,” Bergeron said.

“We spoke with the dancers about the feelings that come from the loss of a loved one,” she said. “Or how they feel when they are frustrated by something they don’t understand, or leaving someone they wouldn’t see in a long time.”

Armstrong said what makes all art accessible is a concept of universal understanding of each other as humans. With this piece, she said they hope to tell a story through dance in a way that brings people together.

“The human element of this storyline is what we really want people to connect with, because we know what that inner emotion is like. That is what connects us to pieces that don’t have words, or we don’t necessarily know the exact story of what is going on, but we can pick up on the emotion and the connection between people.”

Media contact: Rob Clark, [email protected]

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