essay introduction about grief

Personal Grief and Loss Essay

Introduction.

The complicated nature of life explains why grieving is a necessary process. The loss of a beloved person can trigger numerous emotions such as guilt, anger, disbelief, and sadness. Coping with sudden death can result in a major challenge. It is agreeable that most of these reactions and emotional responses to loss are natural. That being the case, people should help one another throughout the mourning process in order to find new meaning and move on with life. Those who are in emotional pain should also be allowed to cry in order to support the healing process. The death of my favorite aunt affected me significantly. After the event, it took me five days to accept the fact that my aunt was gone. The purpose of this paper, therefore, is to give a personal experience of loss, grief, and mourning following my aunt’s untimely demise.

The most memorable loss occurred when I was 21 years of age. This was after the death of my maternal aunt. She was only 10 years older. Her untimely death occurred when I was in the United States. Our age gap explains why we used to be close to one another. We could do many things together and support each other. She was shot four times while in Colombia and died instantly.

Although it was hard to explain the circumstances that led to her death, forensic investigations revealed that she had been murdered by robbers for an unknown reason. The victim was a mother-figure to me. As an aunt, she guided, empowered, and encouraged me to pursue most of my dreams. This analysis shows that I was emotionally close to her.

After the loss, I experienced numerous emotional, spiritual, and psychological challenges. Such feelings occurred for several weeks after my aunt’s death. Several reasons can be presented to support this argument. The first one is that I was unable to pursue my goals. This development made it hard for me to meet the needs of my underage daughter. The second example is that I become stressed and troubled. This emotional response occurred after I received the news of her death. The third example is that I was unable to interact with other people. This means that my social competencies were affected greatly. After the death, it took me five days to accept the fact that she was gone. Throughout this period, I could dial her cell-phone number to confirm that she was not with us anymore. This was the case because I felt stressed and discontented with everything in life. The pain in my body was also unbearable.

I was unable to focus on my spiritual goals and mental status. However, I managed to cope with the loss after several months due to the support received from different family members. For instance, my husband was helpful throughout this troubling period. It should also be observed that my failure to attend her funeral might have affected my healing process. This is the reason why individuals who have lost their beloved ones should be advised, guided, and supported accordingly.

My mourning process affected the people around me in a number of ways. For instance, I was not able to support or raise up my young daughter. I was also unable to interact freely with my husband and relatives. I also found it hard to interact with my colleagues, relatives, and friends. The good news was that most of my family members were helpful during this emotional period. This was the case because they empowered me to deal with my grief and be in a position to pursue my aims. They were also keen to console and encourage me to remain strong. It is also worth noting that none of the persons around me was hurtful during the time.

The major rituals considered during the time of loss were prayers and fasting. These practices are known to support the mourning process (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). I also began to smoke as a way of getting rid of stress. I used different links to feel connected to the deceased person. For instance, my grandmother managed to send my aunt’s graduation ring to me. I always wear the ring as a grim reminder of my beloved aunt. I also possess the clothes she was wearing at the time of the murder. I have never washed them and they are bloodstains.

Holdsworth (2015) asserts that human beings use various techniques to manage their lamentation processes. The first technique that can be used to describe my mourning process is that of writing (Eyetsemitan, 2017). It is evident that my aunt had written a letter to me. Due to the nature of her death, I had not responded to her letter. This is something that has been haunting me over the years. I also have many things in my heart that I was never given the opportunity to say to my aunt. For instance, I did not tell her how she was loved and missed. I have many photographs that remind me of our experiences together.

I strongly believed that a number of rituals can still help with the loss today. For instance, I would be happy to be given a chance to visit her grave. I would mourn and pray on her grave in order to complete my mourning process. Personally, I think that the intensity of my loss could not be sensationalized by the media. This is the reason why I decided to engage in smoking. These aspects show conclusively that my mourning process was complicated (Burke & Neimeyer, 2014). This argument can be supported by the fact that it is several years after the loss and I am yet to heal completely. I also experienced intense rumination, pain, and sorrow during the period. The decision to hold on to her belongings also explains why the process was complicated.

It is agreeable that this loss occurred at a time when I was not aware of the nature of suffering (Hordan & Litz, 2014). With more knowledge, I would have kept myself busy, interacted with more people, and read different materials to support the mourning process. I would have also attended her funeral in order to stop feeling guilty.

There are various complicated mourning issues that have kept me stuck in my mourning process. The first one is that it has taken me many years to be in a position to talk about my aunt. It has been hard for me to accept the fact that she is no longer around us. The second issue is that minor events or memories can trigger intense or painful reactions (Worden, 2008). Sometimes I can start to cry after remembering her.

This course has made it easier for me to learn a number of things about myself. The first observation is that the loss of a close relative or friend can affect me negatively. Such an occurrence can make it hard for me to achieve my goals or interact with others. The second lesson is that I can address most of my emotional and psychological challenges. This is the case because I managed to deal with this loss successfully. It is also clear that I have gained numerous ideas and concepts about mourning from this course. For instance, I have known that individuals should be guided and empowered throughout the period (Eyetsemitan, 2017). People should also be allowed to cry and mourn throughout their lamentation periods.

My discussion shows clearly that my aunt was like a sister to me and a big confidant who supported everything I was doing. This means that she was always close to me. Since she was young, we used to share ideas and live like sisters. Despite these feelings of pain and anguish, it should be observed that the mourning process empowered me to develop better concepts that can be used to support others. The ideas gained from this course can also meet the needs of persons who have lost their friends or relatives. My experience after the loss of my aunt echoes most of the challenges faced by many mourning persons. It is, therefore, necessary for those who are in grief to keep themselves busy and interact with others to prevent any suicidal thoughts. Mourners should also never be avoided. Consequently, these lessons will empower me to guide others in the future.

Burke, L. A., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2014). Spiritual distress in bereavement: Evolution of a research program. Religions, 5, 1087-1115. Web.

Eyetsemitan, F. (2017). Employee grief, workplace culture, and implications for worker productivity and psychopathology. Acta Psychopathologica, 3 (4), 1-3. Web.

Holdsworth, M. (2015). Bereaved carers’ accounts of the end of life and the role of care providers in a ‘good death’: A qualitative study. Palliative Medicine, 29 (9), 834-841.

Hordan, A. H., & Litz, B. T. (2014). Prolonged grief disorder: Diagnostic, assessment, and treatment considerations. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 45 (3), 180-187. Web.

Worden, J. W. (2008). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). New York, NY: Springer Publishing.

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Essays About Grief: Top 5 Examples Plus 7 Prompts

Discover our guide with helpful examples of essays about grief and inspiring writing prompts to help you begin writing about this sensitive and emotional topic.

Grief is a human being’s normal but intense and overwhelming emotional response to painful events like the death of a family or friend, disasters, and other traumatic incidents. To cope, we go through five stages of grief : denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

Writing about grief can trigger strong emotions. However, many also find acknowledging the subject helpful in processing their feelings. Grief is a sensitive topic that covers morals and beliefs. It requires empathy and awareness. 

5 Essay Examples

• 1. Death And Stages Of Grief  by Anonymous on IvyPanda.Com

2. Loss And Grief by Anonymous on GradesFixer.Com

3. coping with grief by writer faith, 4. the main stages of overcoming grief by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 5. stages of grief and people’s perception of grief based on age by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 1. what is grief, 2. the best way to handle grief, 3. grief and depression, 4. when grief becomes dangerous, 5. books about grief, 6. a personal experience with grief, 7. art inspired by grief, 1. death and stages of grief   by anonymous on ivypanda.com.

“… Ignoring various philosophical and religious views, death can practically be interpreted as a complete cessation of the body’s vital functions. When faced with the death of loved ones, as well as with other traumatic events, a person usually experiences grief.”

This essay expounds on the five stages of grief defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and what people go through in each phase. The author uses the story of the philosopher Nicholas Wolterstorff who lost his son Eric in an accident. The piece further discusses how Nicholas went through each stage, including believing in God’s promise that his son would have eternal life in heaven. The writer believes that grief doesn’t usually follow an order and sometimes appears random. Such as in Wolterstorff’s situation, where he experienced depression before the bargaining phase.

Looking for more? Check out these essays about losing a loved one .

“The loss of a loved one will always be a painful personal journey, and a coping experience that no one is ready for or can prepare for till it happens. The after effect or grief is always personal for everyone that loses a loved one.”

The author presents different poems that reflect her loss and sadness for her mother’s passing. She connects to the poem “ The Courage That My Mother Had ” and values the things her mother left behind. There are times when grieving individuals think they are healed, but one event can bring back the pain in an instant. The writer believes that grief doesn’t end after the acceptance phase. It’s because whenever we think of our loved ones who have already passed away and relive the memories we had of them, we always wish they were still with us.

“Grief is an emotion that unfortunately, we all come to experience at some time or another. However, that terrible feeling can open the door to acceptance and appreciation. Mourning and reflecting upon a tragic event can cause one to look at an issue through a different perspective, and maybe even help them to accept it.”

Faith’s essay demonstrates how tragedies can cause people to unite and support each other. Processing grief teaches the bereaved to be stronger and appreciate the people who offer comfort and encouragement. It also teaches us not to take anything for granted by cherishing even the simple things in life. Faith sees grief and terrible events as negative experiences, but they can lead to positive results that steer people to be grateful.

“Grief is one of the most complicated processes which is to be combated. Some people are able to cope with grief individually, others need assistance. There are even cases when people need professional help to cope with grief.”

The essay contains various passages that discuss the five stages of grief. The author believes denial is the root of grief in all phases. The author supposes that people can overcome grief through several methods, such as reading the bible, getting support from family and relatives, accepting the loss, and learning to live with it.

“The intensity and duration of grief may depend on many factors, such as the personality of the individual, the relationship to the deceased, and the circumstances of the death. Unexpected, sudden, or accidental death can be extremely shocking. Death of one’s child at any age is difficult to accept.”

The essay discusses how various factors, such as relationship, age, and cause of death, affect grief’s intensity and duration. It mentions that grief can last years and that losing a child at any age is the most challenging case to accept. 

The author presents various scenarios showing how these elements influence the state of grieving. For example, a person grieving the loss of their spouse may hear their voice and feel their presence in the room. 

7 Prompts for Essays About Grief

Simply defining grief in your essay won’t make it stand out among the rest. To make your piece enjoyable, describe grief in a way that probes your readers’ feelings and imagination. You can personify grief or compare it to another familiar feeling to give you an idea. For example, you can say grief is a stranger persistently reaching out to you to make you remember hurtful memories.  

We deal with grief in our own way; some take it in their stride, while some become a wreck. Use this prompt to enumerate excellent ways to deal with this heavy emotion. Ask yourself what you’ll do if you can’t get over grief and research thoroughly. Pick the most effective methods of overcoming grief and support your findings with relevant data.

There are many effects of grief, and depression is one of the most significant. Loneliness can negatively affect how a person thinks and acts, but grief makes depression worse. Write an essay with a series of situations that show how grief can lead to depression and ways to prevent it.

Here are some essays about depression to give you an idea of how to write this topic.

Grieving is a normal reaction to losing a loved one but it can turn dangerous when the individual grieving stops normally functioning for at least a year after the death. For this prompt, include reasons people break and let grief consume them, such as extreme depression and fatigue. Add signs and symptoms that can help others detect when someone’s grief becomes unsafe for the individual and the people around them.

In your essay, recommend books, documentaries, or movies detailing grief. These books can be accounts of those who already went through the grieving process and are sharing their experiences. For example, Every Word You Cannot Say by Iain S. Thomas is a delicate book that guides readers into acknowledging their feelings. Detail why these books are helpful for people grieving and recommend at least three books or other forms of media that the reader can use to cope.

Share an encounter you had with grief. Describe what you felt and narrate how you grappled with the situation. For instance, if you have ever helped someone suffering from grief, explain the step-by-step method you used and why you decided to help that person. Even if you don’t have any personal experience with grief, you can interview someone who has gone through it. Remember that it’s a delicate subject, so your questions should be diplomatic.

There are many mediums people use to process their strong feelings. One is through creating art. When writing your essay, list arts made by grief or inspired by grief. Add comments on how the artist managed to relay the loss and grief through the art. You can also share your favorite art you think best depicts grief. Like Vincent Van Gogh’s 1890 painting called “ Sorrowing Old Man .”Learn about transition words for essays to improve your work.

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Essay on Grief

Students are often asked to write an essay on Grief in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Grief

Understanding grief.

Grief is a deep sadness we feel when we lose something or someone important to us. It’s a natural response to loss.

Types of Grief

There are different types of grief. Anticipatory grief happens before a loss, while normal grief comes after a loss. Complicated grief lasts a long time and makes it hard to live normally.

Dealing with Grief

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some people cry, some people get angry, and some people feel numb. It’s okay to feel these emotions. It’s important to talk about your feelings and ask for help if you need it.

250 Words Essay on Grief

Grief is a complex, multifaceted emotional response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. It is a universal experience that transcends culture and society, yet it is intensely personal and unique to each individual.

The Five Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – is widely recognized in the field of psychology. This model, however, doesn’t necessarily depict a linear progression. Individuals may experience these stages in varying orders or even revisit certain stages multiple times.

The Complexity of Grief

Grief is not merely a series of emotional states but also involves cognitive, physical, and social disruptions. It often leads to questioning one’s beliefs, physical symptoms like fatigue or insomnia, and changes in social dynamics.

Grief as a Process of Healing

Despite the pain, grief is a necessary process of healing and adaptation. It allows individuals to reconcile their loss, adjust to a new reality, and eventually find a way to move forward. It’s important to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and each person’s journey through grief is unique.

In conclusion, grief is a complex and deeply personal process that involves more than just emotional pain. It’s a universal yet unique experience, a series of stages that don’t always follow a linear path, and a necessary process of healing and adaptation. Understanding the nature of grief can help us better navigate our own experiences of loss and provide empathetic support to others in their times of sorrow.

500 Words Essay on Grief

Introduction to grief.

Grief is a universal human experience, a natural response to loss that transcends culture and language. It is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. It is an emotional, physical, and social reaction that varies from person to person and reflects one’s personal loss experience.

The complexity of grief is often underestimated. It is not a linear process with a defined endpoint but rather a cyclical journey of highs and lows. The Five Stages of Grief model proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — while widely accepted, is not exhaustive nor does it necessarily follow a sequential order.

Grief is a deeply personal and subjective experience. It is influenced by a myriad of factors, including the nature of the loss, the grieving individual’s personal characteristics, their coping mechanisms, and their social support network. It is not solely a psychological process but also involves physiological responses such as changes in appetite and sleep patterns, fatigue, and somatic complaints.

Grief in the Light of Culture and Society

Cultural and societal norms play a significant role in shaping the grieving process. Societies have prescribed rituals and customs related to mourning that provide a framework to express grief and offer communal support. However, these cultural scripts can also limit the expression of grief, especially when they demand a quick return to normalcy or discourage the expression of certain emotions.

In Western societies, grief is often privatized and pathologized, creating a culture of silence around it. This can lead to disenfranchised grief, a term coined by Kenneth Doka, where a person’s grief is not acknowledged or validated by society. This can occur in instances of non-normative losses, such as the loss of a pet, or when the grieving individual does not conform to societal expectations, such as men expressing grief openly.

The Healing Process

Healing from grief is not about forgetting the loss or returning to a pre-loss state, but rather about finding ways to live with the loss. It involves creating a new normal where the loss is integrated into the individual’s life. Grief counseling and support groups can facilitate this process by providing a safe space to express grief, validate the individual’s loss experience, and develop coping strategies.

In conclusion, grief is a complex, multifaceted response to loss that is deeply personal and influenced by a myriad of factors. It is a testament to our capacity for love and attachment, and thus, an integral part of the human experience. Understanding grief in all its dimensions can foster empathy and compassion, ultimately creating more supportive and understanding environments for those who are grieving.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Emotions & Feelings — Grief

Essays on Grief

What makes a good grief essay topic.

When it comes to writing a grief essay, choosing the right topic is crucial. A good grief essay topic should be thought-provoking, emotionally engaging, and able to evoke empathy in the reader. It should also be relevant and relatable to the writer's personal experiences or the experiences of others. Here are some recommendations on how to brainstorm and choose a grief essay topic:

Brainstorming: When brainstorming for grief essay topics, it's important to reflect on personal experiences, emotions, and thoughts related to grief. Consider significant events or people in your life that have impacted you emotionally. Think about the emotions and challenges associated with grief and how they have influenced your perspective.

What to consider: When choosing a grief essay topic, consider the emotional impact and depth of the topic. Reflect on the significance of the topic and its relevance to your life or the lives of others. Consider the potential for empathy and connection with the reader.

What Makes a Good essay topic: A good grief essay topic should be emotionally compelling, thought-provoking, and able to evoke empathy in the reader. It should also be deeply personal and reflective of the writer's experiences and emotions. Additionally, a good grief essay topic should be relevant and relatable to a wide audience.

Best Grief Essay Topics

• The impact of grief on mental health
• Coping with the loss of a loved one
• Finding meaning in grief
• The journey of healing after loss
• Grief and the search for closure
• The role of support in grieving
• Expressing grief through art and creativity
• The connection between grief and spirituality
• Grief and the passage of time
• Coping with unexpected loss
• The impact of grief on relationships
• Finding hope in the midst of grief
• Grief in the digital age
• The intersection of grief and identity
• The experience of anticipatory grief
• Grieving for a pet
• The role of rituals in the grieving process
• Grief and the cycle of emotions
• The impact of grief on personal growth
• Grief and the search for meaning

Grief essay topics Prompts

• Write about a specific memory or experience that has shaped your understanding of grief.
• Explore the role of music or art in helping you process grief and emotions.
• Reflect on a personal journey of healing and growth after experiencing loss.
• Consider the impact of cultural or religious beliefs on the grieving process.
• Imagine a conversation with a loved one who has passed away and write about what you would say.

Choosing the right grief essay topic is essential for creating a compelling and impactful piece of writing. By considering personal experiences, emotions, and the potential for empathy, writers can select a topic that resonates deeply with themselves and their readers. Whether exploring the impact of grief on mental health, coping with unexpected loss, or finding hope in the midst of grief, there are countless meaningful and thought-provoking topics to explore in the realm of grief essays.

The Journey of Grief: Coping, Memories, and Personal Growth

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Analysis of C.s. Lewis' Book "A Grief Observed"

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Stages of Grief and People’s Perception of Grief Based on Age

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Grief is universal, but the individual's experience with grief is unique and unpredictable. The materials selected for inclusion in this section attempt to cover a wide range of accounts while de-emphasizing the theoretical models of grief (aside from Kubler-Ross). With that in mind, this section provides less academic material and instead welcomes those seeking to understand & explore grief through the human experience.

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Sheryl Sandberg’s essay on grief is one of the best things I’ve read about marriage

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When my closest friend got married a few years ago, I asked her if anything felt different after the ceremony. "Yes," she said. "Realizing that my best-case scenario is now that I die first." Her tone was flip, and we both laughed. But there was truth to what she said.

I love my husband so much that I hesitate to write about him — it feels unseemly, like bragging. It is impossibly painful to even imagine life without him: his presence is the source of my greatest joy in life, just as the idea of losing him is one of my worst fears. The best-case scenario is that I die first.

Sheryl Sandberg lost her beloved husband, Dave Goldberg, 30 days ago. To mark that occasion, she has written one of the best essays I have ever read about what it feels like to confront that terrible fear, and to deal with the profound grief that comes from losing someone you love. Her description of her grief since Goldberg's death feels true not just as a statement of what it is like to lose someone you love, but also what it means to deeply love someone, and the value that our loved ones hold in our lives.

A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: "Let me not die while I am still alive." I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave . Now I do. I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well. But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

Strangely enough, the perfect companion piece to Sandberg's essay is not about loss, but about the joy of having children. Michelle Goldberg (no relation to Dave Goldberg) wrote in New York Magazine last week about what inspired her and her husband to grow their family.

"Not long ago," she writes , "I learned the Arabic word Ya'aburnee . Literally, 'you bury me,' it means wanting to die before a loved one so as not to have to face the world without him or her in it."

Goldberg realized that those words captured her feelings for her husband, and that having a child would be a way to bring more of him into the world — and a way to hold on to part of him if someday she lost him.

Goldberg and her husband now have two children, and they have enriched her life, she writes, in ways she would never have believed possible. "Before there was one person in the world for whom I would use the word Ya'aburnee , and now there are three."

Reading Sandberg's essay with Goldberg's is a reminder that the pain of loss is a worthwhile price to pay for the joy of love and marriage. Although Sandberg's husband has died, the life they built together still remains. Her essay closes with a moving promise to support what they built, and the children they had together, even as she mourns him:

I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds. I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, "But I want Dave. I want option A." He put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B." Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, "There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love." I love you, Dave.

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An Introduction to Grieving

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Self-Portrait (1924), lithograph by Käthe Kollwitz. Courtesy the British Museum

When grief doesn’t end

Suffering the sudden death of a loved person leaves some survivors stuck in grief. can they win their lives back – and how.

by Martin W Angler   + BIO

On a January evening in 1992, I was sitting in our kitchen, reading a comic book. My older sister Claudia went out to run an errand at a nearby minimart, just before it closed. Her keys jingled as she said goodbye and pulled the door shut. Her footsteps rushed down the stairs. A minute later, I heard her slam the garage door after she had pulled out her bicycle. Moments later, I heard a loud thud from down the street. I also thought I heard a muffled scream. I was 10. I couldn’t connect the dots.

A speeding car had hit Claudia while she was crossing the street. She didn’t die on the spot. Her boyfriend rushed my mom to the hospital. They spent the night at the ICU, while I spent the night in my best friend’s apartment. We set up camp on mattresses on his living room floor. He said: ‘I’m sure it’s just a broken leg.’ I said: ‘You’re right, she’ll be fine.’ We prayed. The next day, my mom stood in the doorframe, sobbing. ‘Claudia is dead,’ she said. I hugged her. I knew I had to be strong for her. What I did not know is that my sister’s death would, in some way, end my mom’s life as well.

We cried at the funeral. We cried at the cemetery. We cried at home. After a few months, I stopped crying. My mom never stopped crying. She became obsessed with Claudia’s grave. She would visit it every day, clean the white marble and bring fresh flowers. At the same time, she became frustrated and angry with the world. I spent my entire youth listening to her angry words, but her grief wouldn’t recede the tiniest bit.

Somewhere in my teens, I concluded that she must be suffering from depression. But I was wrong.

I t’s no surprise I had it wrong. Back in the day, even professional psychologists lacked an official diagnosis for persisting grief. That changed in March 2022, when the condition my mom most likely suffered from was added as ‘prolonged grief disorder’ to the latest revision of the psychologists’ diagnostic manual, the DSM - 5-TR . The diagnosis hinges on two factors. The first is denial: mourners cannot accept the death of the person they lost. This, in turn, causes symptoms like sadness, anger or guilt that last for more than 12 months.

That persistence separates normal from prolonged grief. While the former is like a wave that occasionally flares up and then ebbs away, the latter runs like a horizontal line. Prolonged grief traps its sufferers in continuous rumination. This causes the second diagnostic factor: impairment. Some sufferers quit their jobs; others avoid people and places that remind them of their loss. Avoidance is just one of many hallmarks of this disorder. While guilt, self-blame and anger rank high, one of the most prominent symptoms of pathological grief is the loss of meaning in life. People who get stuck in prolonged grief often see no point in living without the person they lost.

This matches what my mom said. Twenty years after Claudia’s death, she would still say: ‘When your sister died, a piece of me died with her. I will never be alright again.’ She would stay alive as long as she had to. The only thing she looked forward to was being reunited with Claudia. If she got cancer, she’d refuse treatment. I offered to help her find a therapist, but she scoffed.

It is how people die that determines whether the survivors will develop the disorder

Caring for me became her duty, but not a pleasure. I didn’t understand why. But now, a study by researchers in Japan and Italy shows how prolonged grief lowers empathy. The scientists showed bereaved people photos of their deceased loved one and other photos of a living relative or stranger. They then measured those individuals’ empathic response in an fMRI scanner. The result: the more patients were grieving, the less empathic they were with living relatives. Their empathy to the dead person was enhanced.

My mom wasn’t an isolated case. Between 7 and 10 per cent of all bereaved people develop pathological grief, a large study from 2021 shows. When the number of deaths went up during COVID-19, the number of pathological grievers, naturally, went up, too. The uptick was not just caused by the numerical increase of pandemic-related deaths. Rather, it is how people die that determines whether the survivors will develop the disorder. ‘If you unexpectedly lose a close person, you are much more likely to develop prolonged grief,’ says the clinical psychiatrist Katherine Shear who heads the Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia University in New York.

Sudden loss includes death by murder, suicide, accident or an unexpected illness, like COVID-19. A loss may become more traumatic when you don’t have a chance to say goodbye. What ensues is often a feeling of powerlessness. Personal factors, like female gender, low education and an existing mental illness, further increase the risk of developing prolonged grief later on, as the psychiatrist Andreas Maercker writes in his clinical handbook Trauma Sequelae (2022). Being part of a tight-knit family and curating a circle of close friends, on the other hand, can mitigate risk.

B ut even a tight-knit family couldn’t protect Amy Cuzzola-Kern when she got stuck in prolonged grief. On a December morning in 2016, this social worker from Erie in Pennsylvania received a call from her father. ‘Something is wrong with your brother Chris. I can’t wake him up,’ he said. ‘I think he might be dead.’ She jumped into the car and rushed to her parents’ house, but it was too late. Chris, a sporty man who had just turned 50 that same year, had died in his sleep. The autopsy would later show that he had suffered a coronary artery blockage. Nobody had known, as Chris had been asymptomatic. His death struck the family out of the blue.

‘I knew he was dead, but I didn’t want to accept it,’ Amy told me during a Zoom call. ‘I was in major denial.’ Chris was her only sibling and her best friend. She had seen him every day since they were babies. With him gone, she ruminated about her role as a sister. Over the next two and a half years, Amy’s social life turned upside down. Before Chris’s death, she had been an energetic, sociable go-getter. After his death, she isolated herself and stopped spending time with her family and friends. When her husband asked her to accompany him to charity events, she refused.

‘I became a hermit,’ Amy says. ‘I rarely left the house. And when I did, I went for long walks. Alone.’ She chose routes that didn’t remind her of Chris. Out of fear she could meet common friends who would talk about Chris, she avoided going to bars or the movies. ‘In the grocery store, I’d pop in my earbuds, so I didn’t have to talk to anyone,’ she says. Both her denial and avoidance pattern are telltale signs of prolonged grief disorder. But she did not notice those signs at first.

It is true that bereaved mothers never recover from the loss of a child

What Amy did notice was her ongoing and overwhelming sadness, and she decided that two and a half years of suffering were enough. She told her general physician she was in a low mood all the time and asked for help. The doctor suspected a depression and prescribed her an antidepressant. ‘Six months into the treatment, you could have lit my hair on fire, I wouldn’t have cared. But it didn’t help at all with my grief,’ she explains. Because almost every psychotherapist ‘does grief’, Amy also added talk therapy to the mix. However, even combined with antidepressants, the treatment failed. That’s because, while depression is a mood disorder, prolonged grief is a stress disorder, akin to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and rooted in a different region of the brain.

Studies back up this experience. One, from 2016, found that the commonly prescribed antidepressant citalopram performed no better than a placebo. Some of the trial’s patients had simultaneously undergone a therapy specially tailored to prolonged grief disorder. The medication did, however, have a small positive effect on those patients who also suffered from classic depression. It improved only the depressive symptoms, not the grief-specific ones.

This might indeed explain why my mom felt a little better for a while when she, too, finally tried an antidepressant; she found that some depression lifted for a while, but her prolonged grief-specific symptoms didn’t subside at all. So, after trying several antidepressants, she gave up.

We often fought about her not wanting to try psychotherapy. I had moved out and started a job in a nearby city, but I kept offering to visit a psychotherapist with her. She turned me down with a barrage of rhetorical questions. ‘What good is a psychotherapist going to do? Does he know what it feels like to lose a daughter?’ There was no arguing with her. In her mind, this was her cross to bear, and she would die with it. There’d be no cure for ever healing a grieving mother, she said.

That latter part was right. It is true that bereaved mothers never recover from the loss of a child. A 2022 study shows that the experience changes their brain activity. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine showed grieving mothers photographs of their deceased children while observing their brains’ blood flow in an fMRI scanner. They found a particularly strong connection between two brain regions: the first, the amygdala, decides what’s important and manages anxiety. The second, the paraventricular thalamic nucleus, influences how we respond to long-term emotional memories. A feedback loop between the regions is especially triggering, sometimes even provoking the fight-or-flight response. The authors also found that severe grieving permanently lowered the mothers’ capability to learn, use language and manage their thoughts.

N euroscientists have known for decades that grief affects the brain. Back in 2003, the clinical psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor of the University of Arizona detected these changes using an fMRI scanner. She and her team interviewed eight participants to gather details of how the death had occurred. They also asked them for a photo of the deceased. The scientists then provoked grief reactions by showing the participants combinations of photos of the deceased and words like ‘funeral’ that reminded them of the death. The resulting fMRI scans show that a whole network of brain areas lit up, including the regions for processing, visualising and retrieving emotion-laden memories. A comparison with neutral words and photos showed no such activity.

Grief also alters the brain’s size. O’Connor pointed me to a Chinese study that found grieving people had a smaller left hippocampus. The seahorse-shaped brain area plays a crucial role in forming memories. Strikingly, one of its functions is verbal memory – which was impaired in the grieving mothers in the Californian study. Grief shrinks the brain area indirectly, as a result of too much stress. ‘What causes the hippocampus to shrink is an excess of the stress hormone cortisol,’ O’Connor says.

Another, equally prominent hormone sheds more light on how prolonged grief alters our brains. The ‘social hormone’ oxytocin is naturally released during breastfeeding and sexual intercourse, binding to receptors in the brain. ‘We believe that patients with prolonged grief disorder have less oxytocin receptors in their reward system,’ O’Connor says. In a recent study , she administered the hormone to patients via a nasal spray. It increased the activity in the same brain areas that are more active in grievers, so oxytocin is definitely somehow involved. But the hormone did not decrease the symptoms of grieving. So, a nasal spray curing prolonged grief won’t hit the market anytime soon.

However, another drug shows more promise. Researchers at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City, led by the medical sociologist Holly Prigerson, argue that prolonged grief disorder can be classified as an addiction, since it involves the same reward pathways as alcohol or opioid addiction. That is why they are administering naltrexone pills to the participants of an ongoing clinical trial. Naltrexone is an opioid antagonist used to treat addiction. Prigerson and her team say that naltrexone takes effect faster than most antidepressants and is cheaper than other opioid antagonists like methadone. This would also help curb grief-related suicides.

Depression and grief have different neural pathways; grief is essentially a stress response

While the trial is not yet complete, Prigerson said in an email that psychiatrists report benefit from the approach. ‘Naltrexone in those with PGD [prolonged grief disorder] led to them venturing outside and having opportunities for new social connections,’ she wrote. The principle behind the treatment is based on reducing the continuous focus on the deceased person. Loosening this bond would open treated patients to new relationships.

O’Connor, meanwhile, prefers specialised psychotherapy to alleviate prolonged grief symptoms; naltrexone, she complains, is so broad it may hinder new attachments to others even as it eases the old. And, increasingly, those therapies can be found.

Despite three failed psychotherapies, Amy Cuzzola-Kern refused to give up. She kept scouring the web and newspapers to understand what she was suffering from, and to find help. By chance, she stumbled on an article that mentioned the Center for Prolonged Grief. Shear, its director, had developed an evidence-based therapy called prolonged grief disorder therapy (PGDT).

I too found the diagnosis and treatment by mere chance. I hadn’t been actively looking for an explanation of my mom’s condition any more. I had given up. Then, one June morning last year, an email announcing Shear’s new book chapter on PGDT popped up in my mailbox. As a journalist, I filed it under ‘story ideas’ and returned to it later that afternoon. A few pages in, my eyes widened: my mom ticked all the boxes. Here was my chance to finally understand what she had gone through. I needed to talk with scientists, scour studies and explore this disorder through my writing. It felt like this was the one last thing I could do for her. So I called Shear to learn how she had come up with the treatment and what it entailed.

Shear ’s 16-week programme, tapping the decades of prior research , acknowledges that depression and grief have different neural pathways, and that antidepressants could not help. Starting from the premise that grief is essentially a stress response, she reached out to Edna Foa, her friend and colleague. Foa had shown that prolonged exposure to a trigger was an effective therapy for another stress disorder, PTSD, and had trained Shear’s team of therapists in her technique. Today, Shear’s grief therapy involves exposure through techniques like imagery, imagining conversations with the deceased loved one, and identifying meaningful life goals.

Shear has also proposed diagnostic criteria for prolonged grief disorder; after much debate within the psychiatric community, her work and others’ led to official inclusion of the diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR in 2022. The new diagnosis helps patients find proper treatment, and also enables them to get grief therapy reimbursed by their insurance plans.

O ne of those patients was Amy Cuzzola-Kern. She couldn’t just sign up for the therapy, of course. Before taking her on as a patient, Amy’s therapist (a colleague of Shear’s) had to ensure that she did indeed suffer from PGD. Amy completed a questionnaire based on the ‘Inventory of Complicated Grief’, which itself is based on years of research into the field, with questions like ‘Do you avoid reminders that the person who died is really gone?’ Amy scored high enough on measures of pathological grief to qualify for a pre-treatment interview and, soon after, her weekly sessions began.

Amy badly wanted to undergo therapy to stop her suffering, but she also felt a lot of resistance. ‘I was worried that I would forget Chris’s memory,’ she says. This ambivalence is typical of prolonged grief, which is why some researchers call it ‘bittersweet’. Recalling memories may be painful, but for many patients they are the only relationship they have left with their lost loved ones. As much as they want their symptoms gone, they cling on to their memories. Patients fear that therapy will erase those memories. That is the reason, Shear tells me, why many PGD sufferers put off seeking help for years.

But the opposite is true, she says: ‘PGDT does not extinguish patients’ memory of the deceased person, but rather, helps them accept the loss and restore their own wellbeing.’

Shear’s therapy uses a conglomerate of therapeutic techniques to tackle the different symptoms from which patients suffer. In the first session, every patient is asked to start writing a grief-monitoring diary. It is a five-minute at-home exercise, in which Amy had to record when her grief peaked and what had triggered it.

One exercise was to revisit his death in her mind, an exposure technique used by PTSD sufferers

Then, during the therapy sessions, they talked about her diary entries, the triggers, and about the ways she had coped with her grief. Shear calls some of these coping mechanisms ‘derailers’. They are often initially helpful to reduce the stress level, but eventually all of them turn against the patients. Common derailers include isolation, guilt and self-blame.

In fact, Amy was derailed by more than isolating at home and turning down all social events. She also tended to ponder ‘What if?’ scenarios. The night before Chris’s death, the family had gone through a tough day. Amy and her brother had accompanied their mom to Cleveland where she underwent chemotherapy. When they came back, Chris was very tired and went to bed early at his parents’ house, where he was staying to help with their mom’s frequent injections. Although Amy had talked to Chris before saying goodnight, counterfactual thoughts crept into her mind afterwards. Thoughts like: ‘He looked really tired, maybe there was something else going on with him. I should have asked him.’

All this reminded me of a thought that has been lingering at the back of my mind for the past 30 years. My mom and I never talked about it. Ever. It was taboo. On that January evening, my sister Claudia had not gone to the grocery store to buy something for herself. In fact, she had not wanted to leave the house at all. Instead, my mom had sent her out because she had run out of her favourite hairspray. Nobody could have foreseen what would happen, but nonetheless: hadn’t my mom been consumed by guilt?

‘Patients often experience thoughts like this. We call it caregiver’s self-blame,’ Shear says. ‘When a child dies, regardless how, they experience a feeling of failure as a caregiver. It is irrational, but people go through all sorts of hypothetical scenarios, like If I had sent her out 10 minutes later, nothing would have happened .’ The more counterfactual thoughts of this kind somebody experiences, the higher the severity of their prolonged grief, a study from 2021 shows.

The therapy does not have one specific technique to extinguish guilt. But Amy’s counterfactual thinking dissipated once she started accepting Chris’s death. One key exercise to achieve that was revisiting his death in her mind, an exposure technique that PTSD sufferers use to come to terms with trauma. Amy’s therapist asked her to tell him the story of how Chris died. She had to record it on her phone and listen back to it at home, every day. In the ensuing sessions, she had to re-tell the story and re-record it. With every new version, the narrative became slightly more detailed. This helped anchor the events in reality. Over time, it also dispelled her fear of losing her memories of Chris.

At the beginning, the task was tough, so her therapist asked her to reward herself with little pleasures. It could be anything, he said, a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine. Amy found none. But then she went on a family holiday in Florida. As she was floating in the pool, listening to podcasts, she learned again to carve out quality time for herself. Slowly, she began to practise more self-care. Her therapist also started working with her on her avoidance behaviour. Instead of popping in earbuds, Amy started having little conversations with the people she met at the supermarket. The closer her therapy came to its end, the more Amy came around.

Before the therapy, Amy had lost her sense of her future and her life goals. Her therapist had to force her to write down an aspirational goal. ‘That was really, really hard,’ she recalls. But eventually, she found one. When the therapy ended, Amy pursued a masters in social work at Shear’s Center for Prolonged Grief. She finished it last year and now wants to help other bereaved people. ‘We’re not meant to grieve alone,’ she says. ‘When somebody close suddenly dies, you need a whole posse of people to help you. For those who have nobody, that is the therapist.’

I wish that I could end this piece writing that my mom came around, too. But she didn’t. Shortly before the pandemic hit, she received a diagnosis. Lung cancer, terminal. Had it not been hopeless, she would have made good on her promise and refused treatment. Despite pandemic rules, a nurse snuck me in to the ICU so I could say goodbye. My mom was unconscious. I cried because she was about to go. But I also cried knowing that she had spent more than half of her life grieving. I now know it didn’t have to be that way. Her condition has a name. It can be treated. It could have been treated. If only.

Psychiatry and psychotherapy

The therapist who hated me

Going to a child psychoanalyst four times a week for three years was bad enough. Reading what she wrote about me was worse

Michael Bacon

Consciousness and altered states

A reader’s guide to microdosing

How to use small doses of psychedelics to lift your mood, enhance your focus, and fire your creativity

Tunde Aideyan

Family life

A patchwork family

After my marriage failed, I strove to create a new family – one made beautiful by the loving way it’s stitched together

Public health

It’s dirty work

In caring for and bearing with human suffering, hospital staff perform extreme emotional labour. Is there a better way?

Susanna Crossman

Social psychology

The magic of the mundane

Pioneering sociologist Erving Goffman realised that every action is deeply revealing of the social norms by which we live

Lucy McDonald

Stories and literature

The real Miss Julie

Victoria Benedictsson assumed a male identity, achieved literary stardom, and took her own life. Then Strindberg stole it

Elisabeth Åsbrink

• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

Categories:

• Coping With Grief

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Bereavement

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing. Grief is not limited to the loss of people, but when it follows the loss of a loved one, it may be compounded by feelings of guilt and confusion, especially if the relationship was a difficult one.

• The Process of Grief
• Supporting a Griever
• What We Mourn

Because grief obeys its own trajectory, there is no timetable for feelings of pain after loss; nor is it possible to avoid suffering altogether. In fact, attempts to suppress or deny grief are just as likely to prolong the process, while also demanding additional emotional effort.

Similarly, the misperception that “more” grief is better or that there is a proper way to grieve can make the process more difficult.

For some people, grief is a short-term phenomenon, also known as acute grief, although the pain may return unexpectedly at a later time. But other individuals may experience prolonged grief, also known as complicated grief, lasting months or years. Without help and support, such grief can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness .

Many people expect to experience denial , anger , bargaining, depression , and acceptance, in that order, due to the continuing influence of On Death and Dying , the 1969 book by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. However, it has been demonstrated that many, if not most, people will not progress through these stages. While some people do experience the stages, and eventually reach acceptance after a loss, grief is now understood to be highly individualized and unpredictable.

Many of the symptoms of grief overlap with those of depression. There is sadness, and often the loss of capacity for pleasure; insomnia ; and loss of interest in eating or taking care of oneself. But symptoms of grief tend to lessen over time, although they may be temporarily reactivated on anniversaries or when other reminders of a loss arise. While negative thoughts such as “life is unfair” and “I’ll never get over this” are part of the normal grieving process , it is important to prevent them from guiding your actions. 

Because grief is experienced in many ways, experts suggest that those who would support a friend or loved one in a time of grieving follow that person’s lead, and resist judging whether they seem to be insufficiently sad or to be dwelling in grief for too long. And it is generally unhelpful to encourage the pursuit of “closure.”

Offering practical help and an acknowledgment of a loss are both positive actions. Many mourners want those around them to listen, ask questions, and share memories, thereby confirming the depth and validity of the griever’s feelings and helping them heal.

It is expected that someone will grieve after the loss of a parent, sibling , partner, child, or best friend. But those are not the only losses that lead to grief. People may grieve the loss of a treasured pet, a job or other important role in life, or a home or other emotionally significant possessions. And it often occurs after a divorce .

Unfortunately, many find that those around them do not acknowledge these forms of grief, which is why they are labeled disenfranchised: The pain is compounded by the feeling that one has not been given “permission” to experience it. But the framework of mourning can help an individual work through such moments of chaos, especially if those around them respond with compassion, and recognize that an individual is entitled to anger, numbness, and nonlinear healing.

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If we sit with our anger long enough, we discover it's grief, often built up over time, and made up of our small disappointments and larger losses.

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A Personal Perspective: I wasn’t broken or stupid because I couldn’t see what was going on. The flight-or-freeze response was my nervous system’s innate wisdom to keep me from harm.

What does a death doula provide, and how do they support the death and dying process? This new field offers invaluable services for patients and families navigating loss and grief.

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Despite our attempts at positive self-talk, its effectiveness is often short-lived. Discover the underlying elements of transforming self-criticism.

Suicide is often a taboo topic that parents don't want to talk about. Here's why they should anyway.

"We're all in this together" is perhaps one of the healthiest ways to cope with the loss of more and more people our age or younger.

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May 3, 2023

Contemplating Mortality: Powerful Essays on Death and Inspiring Perspectives

The prospect of death may be unsettling, but it also holds a deep fascination for many of us. If you're curious to explore the many facets of mortality, from the scientific to the spiritual, our article is the perfect place to start. With expert guidance and a wealth of inspiration, we'll help you write an essay that engages and enlightens readers on one of life's most enduring mysteries!

Death is a universal human experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. While it can be difficult to contemplate mortality, reflecting on death and loss can offer inspiring perspectives on the nature of life and the importance of living in the present moment. In this collection of powerful essays about death, we explore profound writings that delve into the human experience of coping with death, grief, acceptance, and philosophical reflections on mortality.

Through these essays, readers can gain insight into different perspectives on death and how we can cope with it. From personal accounts of loss to philosophical reflections on the meaning of life, these essays offer a diverse range of perspectives that will inspire and challenge readers to contemplate their mortality.

The Inevitable: Coping with Mortality and Grief

Mortality is a reality that we all have to face, and it is something that we cannot avoid. While we may all wish to live forever, the truth is that we will all eventually pass away. In this article, we will explore different aspects of coping with mortality and grief, including understanding the grieving process, dealing with the fear of death, finding meaning in life, and seeking support.

Understanding the Grieving Process

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is a process that we all go through when we lose someone or something important to us. The grieving process can be different for each person and can take different amounts of time. Some common stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that it is a personal process.

Denial is often the first stage of grief. It is a natural response to shock and disbelief. During this stage, we may refuse to believe that our loved one has passed away or that we are facing our mortality.

Anger is a common stage of grief. It can manifest as feelings of frustration, resentment, and even rage. It is important to allow yourself to feel angry and to express your emotions healthily.

Bargaining is often the stage of grief where we try to make deals with a higher power or the universe in an attempt to avoid our grief or loss. We may make promises or ask for help in exchange for something else.

Depression is a natural response to loss. It is important to allow yourself to feel sad and to seek support from others.

Acceptance is often the final stage of grief. It is when we come to terms with our loss and begin to move forward with our lives.

Dealing with the Fear of Death

The fear of death is a natural response to the realization of our mortality. It is important to acknowledge and accept our fear of death but also to not let it control our lives. Here are some ways to deal with the fear of death:

Accepting Mortality

Accepting our mortality is an important step in dealing with the fear of death. We must understand that death is a natural part of life and that it is something that we cannot avoid.

Finding Meaning in Life

Finding meaning in life can help us cope with the fear of death. It is important to pursue activities and goals that are meaningful and fulfilling to us.

Seeking Support

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help us cope with the fear of death. Talking about our fears and feelings can help us process them and move forward.

Finding meaning in life is important in coping with mortality and grief. It can help us find purpose and fulfillment, even in difficult times. Here are some ways to find meaning in life:

Pursuing Passions

Pursuing our passions and interests can help us find meaning and purpose in life. It is important to do things that we enjoy and that give us a sense of accomplishment.

Helping Others

Helping others can give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It can also help us feel connected to others and make a positive impact on the world.

Making Connections

Making connections with others is important in finding meaning in life. It is important to build relationships and connections with people who share our values and interests.

Seeking support is crucial when coping with mortality and grief. Here are some ways to seek support:

Talking to Friends and Family

Talking to friends and family members can provide us with a sense of comfort and support. It is important to express our feelings and emotions to those we trust.

Joining a Support Group

Joining a support group can help us connect with others who are going through similar experiences. It can provide us with a safe space to share our feelings and find support.

Seeking Professional Help

Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can help cope with grief and mortality. A mental health professional can provide us with the tools and support we need to process our emotions and move forward.

Coping with mortality and grief is a natural part of life. It is important to understand that grief is a personal process that may take time to work through. Finding meaning in life, dealing with the fear of death, and seeking support are all important ways to cope with mortality and grief. Remember to take care of yourself, allow yourself to feel your emotions, and seek support when needed.

The Ethics of Death: A Philosophical Exploration

Death is an inevitable part of life, and it is something that we will all experience at some point. It is a topic that has fascinated philosophers for centuries, and it continues to be debated to this day. In this article, we will explore the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, considering questions such as what it means to die, the morality of assisted suicide, and the meaning of life in the face of death.

Death is a topic that elicits a wide range of emotions, from fear and sadness to acceptance and peace. Philosophers have long been interested in exploring the ethical implications of death, and in this article, we will delve into some of the most pressing questions in this field.

What does it mean to die?

The concept of death is a complex one, and there are many different ways to approach it from a philosophical perspective. One question that arises is what it means to die. Is death simply the cessation of bodily functions, or is there something more to it than that? Many philosophers argue that death represents the end of consciousness and the self, which raises questions about the nature of the soul and the afterlife.

The morality of assisted suicide

Assisted suicide is a controversial topic, and it raises several ethical concerns. On the one hand, some argue that individuals have the right to end their own lives if they are suffering from a terminal illness or unbearable pain. On the other hand, others argue that assisting someone in taking their own life is morally wrong and violates the sanctity of life. We will explore these arguments and consider the ethical implications of assisted suicide.

The meaning of life in the face of death

The inevitability of death raises important questions about the meaning of life. If our time on earth is finite, what is the purpose of our existence? Is there a higher meaning to life, or is it simply a product of biological processes? Many philosophers have grappled with these questions, and we will explore some of the most influential theories in this field.

The role of death in shaping our lives

While death is often seen as a negative force, it can also have a positive impact on our lives. The knowledge that our time on earth is limited can motivate us to live life to the fullest and to prioritize the things that truly matter. We will explore the role of death in shaping our values, goals, and priorities, and consider how we can use this knowledge to live more fulfilling lives.

The ethics of mourning

The process of mourning is an important part of the human experience, and it raises several ethical questions. How should we respond to the death of others, and what is our ethical responsibility to those who are grieving? We will explore these questions and consider how we can support those who are mourning while also respecting their autonomy and individual experiences.

The ethics of immortality

The idea of immortality has long been a fascination for humanity, but it raises important ethical questions. If we were able to live forever, what would be the implications for our sense of self, our relationships with others, and our moral responsibilities? We will explore the ethical implications of immortality and consider how it might challenge our understanding of what it means to be human.

The ethics of death in different cultural contexts

Death is a universal human experience, but how it is understood and experienced varies across different cultures. We will explore how different cultures approach death, mourning, and the afterlife, and consider the ethical implications of these differences.

Death is a complex and multifaceted topic, and it raises important questions about the nature of life, morality, and human experience. By exploring the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, we can gain a deeper understanding of these questions and how they shape our lives.

The Ripple Effect of Loss: How Death Impacts Relationships

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences one can go through in life. It is a universal experience that touches people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. The grief that follows the death of someone close can be overwhelming and can take a significant toll on an individual's mental and physical health. However, it is not only the individual who experiences the grief but also the people around them. In this article, we will discuss the ripple effect of loss and how death impacts relationships.

Understanding Grief and Loss

Grief is the natural response to loss, and it can manifest in many different ways. The process of grieving is unique to each individual and can be affected by many factors, such as culture, religion, and personal beliefs. Grief can be intense and can impact all areas of life, including relationships, work, and physical health.

The Impact of Loss on Relationships

Death can impact relationships in many ways, and the effects can be long-lasting. Below are some of how loss can affect relationships:

1. Changes in Roles and Responsibilities

When someone dies, the roles and responsibilities within a family or social circle can shift dramatically. For example, a spouse who has lost their partner may have to take on responsibilities they never had before, such as managing finances or taking care of children. This can be a difficult adjustment, and it can put a strain on the relationship.

2. Changes in Communication

Grief can make it challenging to communicate with others effectively. Some people may withdraw and isolate themselves, while others may become angry and lash out. It is essential to understand that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. However, these changes in communication can impact relationships, and it may take time to adjust to new ways of interacting with others.

3. Changes in Emotional Connection

When someone dies, the emotional connection between individuals can change. For example, a parent who has lost a child may find it challenging to connect with other parents who still have their children. This can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection, and it can strain relationships.

4. Changes in Social Support

Social support is critical when dealing with grief and loss. However, it is not uncommon for people to feel unsupported during this time. Friends and family may not know what to say or do, or they may simply be too overwhelmed with their grief to offer support. This lack of social support can impact relationships and make it challenging to cope with grief.

Coping with Loss and Its Impact on Relationships

Coping with grief and loss is a long and difficult process, but it is possible to find ways to manage the impact on relationships. Below are some strategies that can help:

1. Communication

Effective communication is essential when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to talk about how you feel and what you need from others. This can help to reduce misunderstandings and make it easier to navigate changes in relationships.

2. Seek Support

It is important to seek support from friends, family, or a professional if you are struggling to cope with grief and loss. Having someone to talk to can help to alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a safe space to process emotions.

3. Self-Care

Self-care is critical when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to take care of your physical and emotional well-being. This can include things like exercise, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

4. Allow for Flexibility

It is essential to allow for flexibility in relationships when dealing with grief and loss. People may not be able to provide the same level of support they once did or may need more support than they did before. Being open to changes in roles and responsibilities can help to reduce strain on relationships.

5. Find Meaning

Finding meaning in the loss can be a powerful way to cope with grief and loss. This can involve creating a memorial, participating in a support group, or volunteering for a cause that is meaningful to you.

The impact of loss is not limited to the individual who experiences it but extends to those around them as well. Relationships can be greatly impacted by the death of a loved one, and it is important to be aware of the changes that may occur. Coping with loss and its impact on relationships involves effective communication, seeking support, self-care, flexibility, and finding meaning.

What Lies Beyond Reflections on the Mystery of Death

Death is an inevitable part of life, and yet it remains one of the greatest mysteries that we face as humans. What happens when we die? Is there an afterlife? These are questions that have puzzled us for centuries, and they continue to do so today. In this article, we will explore the various perspectives on death and what lies beyond.

Understanding Death

Before we can delve into what lies beyond, we must first understand what death is. Death is defined as the permanent cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism. This can occur as a result of illness, injury, or simply old age. Death is a natural process that occurs to all living things, but it is also a process that is often accompanied by fear and uncertainty.

The Physical Process of Death

When a person dies, their body undergoes several physical changes. The heart stops beating, and the body begins to cool and stiffen. This is known as rigor mortis, and it typically sets in within 2-6 hours after death. The body also begins to break down, and this can lead to a release of gases that cause bloating and discoloration.

The Psychological Experience of Death

In addition to the physical changes that occur during and after death, there is also a psychological experience that accompanies it. Many people report feeling a sense of detachment from their physical body, as well as a sense of peace and calm. Others report seeing bright lights or visions of loved ones who have already passed on.

Perspectives on What Lies Beyond

There are many different perspectives on what lies beyond death. Some people believe in an afterlife, while others believe in reincarnation or simply that death is the end of consciousness. Let's explore some of these perspectives in more detail.

One of the most common beliefs about what lies beyond death is the idea of an afterlife. This can take many forms, depending on one's religious or spiritual beliefs. For example, many Christians believe in heaven and hell, where people go after they die depending on their actions during life. Muslims believe in paradise and hellfire, while Hindus believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation

Reincarnation is the belief that after we die, our consciousness is reborn into a new body. This can be based on karma, meaning that the quality of one's past actions will determine the quality of their next life. Some people believe that we can choose the circumstances of our next life based on our desires and attachments in this life.

End of Consciousness

The idea that death is simply the end of consciousness is a common belief among atheists and materialists. This view holds that the brain is responsible for creating consciousness, and when the brain dies, consciousness ceases to exist. While this view may be comforting to some, others find it unsettling.

Death is a complex and mysterious phenomenon that continues to fascinate us. While we may never fully understand what lies beyond death, it's important to remember that everyone has their own beliefs and perspectives on the matter. Whether you believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, or simply the end of consciousness, it's important to find ways to cope with the loss of a loved one and to find peace with your mortality.

Final Words

In conclusion, these powerful essays on death offer inspiring perspectives and deep insights into the human experience of coping with mortality, grief, and loss. From personal accounts to philosophical reflections, these essays provide a diverse range of perspectives that encourage readers to contemplate their mortality and the meaning of life.

By reading and reflecting on these essays, readers can gain a better understanding of how death shapes our lives and relationships, and how we can learn to accept and cope with this inevitable part of the human experience.

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Guest Essay

After I Lost My Son, I Realized I Needed to Stop Looking for Closure

By Liz Jensen

Ms. Jensen is a novelist in Copenhagen and the author of “Your Wild and Precious Life: On Grief, Hope and Rebellion.”

Four years ago, I got the news that every parent dreads.

Without warning, my healthy 25-year-old son, Raphaël — a wildlife biologist and an environmental activist — had collapsed and died, likely from a rare heart disorder nobody knew he had. The trauma catapulted me into a place of almost hallucinatory madness: a territory so tormenting, debilitating and bleak that I couldn’t imagine how I’d survive it, let alone find joy in the life that remained.

Catastrophes are radicalizing and transformative. You no longer see your life in the same way afterward. But must grief diminish you, or can it do the opposite?

The question was vital because my devastation as a newly bereaved mother felt mirrored by the pain and anxiety of millions of people struggling to process the consequences of global heating and the obliteration of precious ecosystems.

Both forms of grief were rooted in love. Both required courage, resilience and compassion. And the emotional arc of both, I came to believe, could create the strength and purpose needed to navigate an increasingly unstable future.

In the field of death and dying, one of the most enduring and influential figures is the Swiss American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who in the 1960s came up with the five stages of death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. She’d been studying the emotional arcs of terminally ill patients, but later she and her colleague David Kessler repurposed the stages to apply to the grief of the bereaved, and the five-stage model became deeply embedded in Western culture.

In a 2007 paper , the Nobel Prize-winning climate scientist Steven Running applied those stages to the climate crisis, characterizing denial as the belief that the climate emergency isn’t happening or that humans aren’t the root cause. The anger stage kicks in when you realize your worldview or lifestyle will have to change substantially. Then you bargain by downplaying the scale of the crisis, or by putting all your faith in technological fixes. The depression stage manifests when you feel overwhelmed by the extent of the crisis and realize that governments and corporations are not only spinning their wheels but also often actively exacerbating the damage. Acceptance entails recognizing that the scale of the challenge is irrefutable, and then looking actively for solutions, because “doing nothing given our present knowledge is unconscionable.”

After tragedy struck Mr. Kessler, he altered his own analysis of bereavement. As an author and public speaker who had spent his career supporting the bereaved, Mr. Kessler felt he knew grief well. But the unexpected death of his 21-year-old son changed everything. Suddenly, like countless other bereaved parents, he faced the existential question raised in the adage that the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. And he came to believe that acceptance isn’t the end of the grieving process; it’s only the beginning of a new, sixth stage of grief, defined not by finding closure but by finding meaning.

This stage made a lot more sense to me than any of the others did. There was no meaning in Raphaël’s death. But I could find purpose, meaning and fulfillment in what I did and made happen in its wake.

The year before Raphaël died, I’d co-founded the literary activist group Writers Rebel to put literature in the service of life on Earth. But when we lost him, I stepped back: I couldn’t face the video calls. Then, in those early months of grieving, I began to meet other bereaved parents, take daily swims in the freezing Danish winter sea, reconnect with the natural world and read books about consciousness which led me to abandon my rational, secular view of it. And one day, I remembered what Raphaël said when I belittled my ability to affect change: “Do what you can, where you are, with what you’ve got.”

What, I began to wonder, could be more meaningful than honoring my son’s memory and the world I love by being active rather than crying on the couch?

Seven months after Raphaël’s death, I stood on a podium in the freezing Copenhagen wind with a group of writers and made a speech about why literature must address the climate crisis with the urgency it deserves. I was raw and nervous, but I sensed his presence. When I quoted him — “I won’t stand aside and watch the world burn” — a huge cheer went up, and I felt an inner shift.

Yes, my son was dead. And yes, the planet’s life support systems were weakening. But it wasn’t too late for one of them.

I rejoined my weekly Zooms and helped organize a tribute to the planet’s most critically endangered species. Later, the notes I’d been writing to myself as therapy began morphing into a memoir. And yes, it all felt meaningful.

Mine was just one of many paths from grief to fulfillment. For those feeling paralyzed by climate grief, just doing something new, or doing something familiar more mindfully, can germinate what the eco-philosopher Joanna Macy calls active hope: not the amorphous hope of wishing on a star but the practical hope of rolling up your sleeves and getting to it. Intentions are fine, but the meaning lies in the doing — be it cheering up a friend, energizing voters, transforming a patch of urban scrub into a garden, joining a citizen’s movement, switching to a plant-based diet, ditching a bad habit or taking time to observe a creature in the wild.

Just a few months before the electrical signals in Raphaël’s heart were catastrophically disrupted, I found a passage in his notebook that showed he had a premonition that he would die young, but that his sense of purpose would stay vividly alive.

“I’ll not be dead until my dream is, I’ll not fade away until my vision does, I’ll not be gone until all my hopes are,” he wrote.

It took his death for me to understand why I was born. It can’t take a civilizational collapse for humanity to understand why we belong here.

And it needn’t.

Liz Jensen is the author of eight novels, including the ecological thrillers “The Rapture” and “The Uninvited.” Her most recent book is “Your Wild and Precious Life: On Grief, Hope and Rebellion.”

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