being in love essay

• Relationships

What Does It Feel Like to Be in Love?

I’ve come to accept i may never know..

Posted October 17, 2021 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Do I regret having never been married? What I regret more is never having the experience of being in love.

One of the most famous quotes about love is by Alfred Lloyd Tennyson:

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I love my brother, other family members, and my close friends; but what eludes me is romantic love . In my last several years of working with my psychiatrist, Dr. Lev, I came to the conclusion that I’m asexual . As defined by AVEN , the Asexuality Visibility & Education Network, “An asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction .” Nowhere does it say asexual people are incapable of love. The site goes on to explain “Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships.”

I grew up frightened of men, my first exposure to a man being my father. Drunk much of the time, he used his intelligence to throw acerbic barbs at me while I was growing up, terrorizing me into a subdued silence. I cowered in his presence, afraid of invoking his wrath and his sarcastic comments, which I can recall to this day. He never laid a hand on me or my brother, but words do run deep.

I was acutely aware I was different from the friends I’d had since childhood , who started pairing off with boys in high school. I withdrew into sports and as many of my teammates and several of my close friends were gay, I remained confused about my sexuality . I had no one to talk to about my feelings. We didn’t speak about feelings in my family; I’m not sure I even knew what a feeling was. My father had stopped drinking by the time I entered high school but had retreated into a deep depression and withdrew from the world. My mother was busy working and financially supporting our family.

I started smoking pot in high school and was getting high nearly every day after practice. I numbed my confusion and feelings of inadequacy, though at the time I wasn’t aware that was what I was doing. I just knew I liked the high. When I walked in the door of my apartment around dinnertime, eyes red and stoned, no one noticed. In one respect, I was relieved, but on another level, I thought if anyone cared.

In college, I was acutely aware I was still a virgin. It was the late seventies into the early eighties. Losing my virginity should have been as easy as finding a chicken wing in Buffalo because that’s where I was, SUNY Buffalo. Again, I withdrew into sports and questioned my sexuality. I used pot to escape. At that time, we could still smoke in the dorms and those in charge looked the other way.

After college, I fell into a job at an advertising agency. It’s funny how one repeats patterns. The New York City advertising industry had a robust softball scene in The New York Advertising Co-Ed Softball League, a well-organized league of about 30 or so teams from many of the top advertising agencies in Manhattan. Having played in high school and college, I stood out among the women for my skills. We went to a bar on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to party after the games. The league spawned many couples and even a few marriages. I remained self-conscious of my inability to flirt and be at ease around the plethora of available men. I was ashamed of still being a virgin and kept that fact a well-hidden secret.

I was introduced to cocaine and loved it. I quickly became hooked. Coke imbued me with powers I lacked, such as the ability to flit among the men and flirt. I soon went from only snorting coke at the bar during the summer to doing larger quantities at home, alone in my apartment throughout the year.

My coke addiction was rudely interrupted by anorexia when I was hospitalized at 27, though it was not the cause of it. I wasn’t doing enough coke to lose that much weight in that short of a time. In quick succession, I was diagnosed with anorexia, major depressive disorder, and borderline personality disorder . Severe and persistent mental illness consumed my life for decades and it wasn’t until I was well into transference -focused psychotherapy , an evidence-based treatment for BPD with Dr. Lev that I felt safe enough to begin to deeply explore sex and my sexuality.

My sexual coming of age began in my late forties and I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 51. But it was on a first date and I was not in love with him. We had several more dates and decided we’d be better off as friends and have remained so.

When with Dr. Lev’s assistance I came to the conclusion I was asexual. It felt right and I didn’t feel the need to continue to try to date. Dr. Lev urged me to pursue a non-sexual relationship, but I resisted. I enjoy my solitude too much. I have the best brother in the world who is my greatest cheerleader and staunchest supporter and has always been there for me unconditionally. I am grateful and I do realize how fortunate I am to have him by my side. I have good friends and value their support and our relationships. I value my alone time immensely and would resent what I perceived as demands and or an intrusion.

Thanks for reading, Andrea

Andrea Rosenhaft, LCSW-R is a licensed clinical social worker.

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Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

• Definition of love
• What is love?
• Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case,  feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

• Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
• Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
• Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
• Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
• Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
• Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
• How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
• The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
• The science behind attraction and attachment.
• How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
• Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
• Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
• Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
• Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
• The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
• Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
• Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
• Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
• The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
• Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

• One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
• Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
• One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This  emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

• Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
• Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
• Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

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Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love.

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times  published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love. These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers, and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay.

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay, you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay, you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your essay, you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay.

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay. You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay, you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay, and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay.

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay.

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay. However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay.

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay. Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Bryan Collins is the owner of Become a Writer Today. He's an author from Ireland who helps writers build authority and earn a living from their creative work. He's also a former Forbes columnist and his work has appeared in publications like Lifehacker and Fast Company.

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Being In Love College Essays Samples For Students

6 samples of this type

Regardless of how high you rate your writing abilities, it's always a worthy idea to check out an expertly written College Essay example, especially when you're dealing with a sophisticated Being In Love topic. This is exactly the case when WowEssays.com catalog of sample College Essays on Being In Love will come in useful. Whether you need to think up a fresh and meaningful Being In Love College Essay topic or examine the paper's structure or formatting peculiarities, our samples will provide you with the necessary material.

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Is Romantic Love A Moral Issue Essay Examples

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Essay on Love

Students are often asked to write an essay on Love in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Love

Understanding love.

Love is a powerful emotion, felt by all creatures. It’s a bond that connects us, making us care deeply for others. From family to friends, we experience love in different forms.

Types of Love

There are many types of love. We love our family unconditionally, our friends deeply, and our pets loyally. This shows love’s versatility.

The Power of Love

Love can bring happiness, comfort, and warmth. It can heal wounds and bring peace. The power of love is truly magical.

Love’s Challenges

Love isn’t always easy. It can bring pain and heartache. But overcoming these challenges strengthens love.

Love is a beautiful journey, filled with joy and challenges. It’s a fundamental part of life.

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250 Words Essay on Love

The essence of love.

Love, a universal sentiment, is a complex and multidimensional concept that has been the subject of countless discourses and studies. It is a powerful emotion, a binding force that transcends physicality and enters the realm of the spiritual.

The Multifaceted Nature of Love

Love is not monolithic; it is multifaceted and varies in intensity and expression. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, or self-love. Each type is vital and contributes to our overall well-being. Romantic love, for instance, is often characterized by passion and intimacy. Platonic love, on the other hand, is grounded in intellectual connection and shared interests.

The Transformative Power of Love

Love has the power to transform individuals and societies. It fosters empathy, kindness, and understanding, breaking down barriers and promoting unity. Love can heal wounds, mend broken hearts, and inspire acts of selflessness and sacrifice. It is the catalyst for human growth and the foundation of our humanity.

Despite its beauty, love is not without challenges. It can lead to heartbreak, disappointment, and despair. However, these trials are part of the journey of love, teaching us resilience and the value of vulnerability.

The Enduring Mystery of Love

Despite our attempts to understand and define love, it remains a profound mystery. It is an experience that is deeply personal yet universally shared, a paradox that adds to its allure. Love, in its essence, is an exploration of the depths of the human heart, a journey into the soul’s innermost chambers.

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted, transformative, and enduring emotion that shapes our lives in profound and intricate ways. It is the essence of our humanity, a testament to our capacity for empathy, compassion, and connection.

500 Words Essay on Love

The concept of love.

Love, a four-letter word that encapsulates a plethora of emotions, is a universal concept that transcends all barriers. It is a deeply personal and subjective experience, yet it also serves as a communal bond that ties societies together. The complexity of love is such that it can be viewed from various perspectives, including biological, psychological, and philosophical.

Biological Perspective of Love

From a biological standpoint, love is a potent cocktail of chemicals. Neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and dopamine are primarily responsible for the feelings of attachment and pleasure associated with love. The release of these chemicals in the brain creates a sense of euphoria, leading to the emotional highs that are often associated with romantic love. This biochemical perspective, however, only scratches the surface of the profound complexity of love.

Psychological Perspective of Love

Psychologically, love is a dynamic process that evolves over time. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, it consists of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness and connectedness, passion involves intense feelings and sexual attraction, while commitment refers to the decision to remain with another. The balance between these components determines the type of love one experiences, ranging from infatuation (passion alone) to consummate love (a balance of all three).

Philosophical Perspective of Love

Philosophically, love is often viewed as an existential need. It is seen as a path to self-discovery and personal growth. The philosopher Plato suggested that love is the pursuit of the whole, a quest for completeness. This idea is echoed in the concept of ‘soulmates’ prevalent in popular culture. Yet, love is not solely about finding the ‘missing piece’; it is also about selflessly caring for another, seeking their happiness, and accepting them unconditionally.

Love as a Social Construct

Beyond individual experience, love is a social construct that shapes societal norms and values. It is a driving force behind many cultural practices and traditions. Love is celebrated through literature, music, and art, reflecting its deep-rooted significance in human society. It is a catalyst for social cohesion, fostering empathy and mutual understanding among individuals.

Conclusion: The Complexity and Importance of Love

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted concept that cannot be confined to a single definition. It is a biological process, a psychological state, a philosophical pursuit, and a societal bond. It is a complex interplay of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that profoundly influences our lives. Despite its complexity, or perhaps because of it, love remains one of the most enduring and universal aspects of the human experience. It is a testament to the depth and breadth of our capacity for connection, compassion, and growth.

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Feb 20, 2023

250-500 Word Example Essays About Love and Romance

Got an Essay assignment about Love and Romance? Let us help you out with these inspiring Examples!

Love, an emotion that has captivated the hearts and minds of poets, authors, and artists throughout history, remains a profound and multi-faceted subject. While the depth and complexity of this emotion can make it a daunting topic to explore in an essay, the right resources can turn this challenge into a rewarding endeavor. For those looking to capture the essence of love and romance in their writing, our essay writer can be a beacon of inspiration and assistance. This tool, powered by Jenni.ai, offers a seamless journey through the essay-writing process, from brainstorming ideas to refining the final draft. 

Whether you're delving into argumentative, persuasive , or reflective essays about love, Jenni.ai ensures clarity, coherence, and a touch of elegance in your prose. It's a trusted companion for students, educators, and seasoned writers alike, simplifying the writing journey every step of the way.

1. The Evolution of Love: A Study of the Changing Nature of Romance throughout History

Introduction.

Love is one of humanity's most complicated and mysterious emotions. People have strived to comprehend and define Love throughout history, resulting in many works of literature, art, and music dedicated to the subject. Despite its universal appeal, the nature of Love has evolved significantly throughout time, reflecting evolving cultural, social, and economic situations. In this essay, we will look at the evolution of Love, from ancient times to the present.

Ancient Love

A. Greek and Roman Love

Love was viewed as a complex and varied feeling in ancient Greece and Rome, comprising characteristics of desire, friendship, and awe. Love was frequently represented as a tremendous force in ancient civilizations, capable of both propelling individuals to high heights of success and bringing them down into the depths of sorrow. This was especially true of romantic Love, which was glorified in epic poems like the Iliad and Odyssey , as well as works of art and literature depicting the hardships and sufferings of star-crossed lovers.

B. Medieval Love

A chivalric code known as courtly Love emerged in medieval Europe. Its core tenants were the importance of Love, honour, and devotion. During this time, romantic Love was typically portrayed as an unrequited emotion, with the lover pining for the affections of a faraway and unreachable beloved. Medieval poets and troubadours mirrored this romanticised picture of Love in their works by singing and writing about the highs and lows of passionate Love.

Modern Love

A. The Renaissance

The idealized picture of Love that had ruled for centuries was called into question by artists and intellectuals during the Renaissance, marking a turning point in the development of romantic relationships. During this time, romantic Love was portrayed as more tactile and visceral. Shakespeare, for instance, reflected the shifting beliefs of his day by exploring the nuanced and often tragic nature of Love in his works.

B. The Enlightenment

The concepts of reason and individuality began to gain root during the Enlightenment, and with that came a shift in how people saw Love. Political marriages and alliances were often formed based on Love, which was now considered a more sensible and practical feeling. Thinkers from the Enlightenment period, including Voltaire and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, shared this perspective on Love as a tool for bettering society and the individual.

C. The Modern Era

Today, the word "love" is most often used to describe a feeling one has when they are in a committed relationship or when one has achieved their own goals. Love has become a consumable good thanks to the spread of consumerism and the worship of the individual. The media and arts reflect this conception of Love by depicting it as a means to one's fulfillment and contentment.

The changing cultural, social, and economic conditions of each historical epoch are reflected in the history of Love. The essence of Love has changed dramatically throughout the years, from its idealised image in ancient Greece and Rome to its depiction as a spiritual tie in mediaeval Europe to its current identification with romantic relationships and personal fulfilment. Despite these changes, Love remains a strong and enduring force in human existence, inspiring numerous works of art, literature, and music and affecting how we live and interact with one another.

2. The Power of Love: Examining the Impact of Love on Our Lives and Relationships

Love is a strong feeling that may dramatically alter our life and the bonds we form with others. love, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, can unite us and improve our lives in countless ways., the benefits of love.

A. Improved Physical Health

Love has been demonstrated to improve physical health by decreasing stress, lowering blood pressure, and increasing immunity. The hormone oxytocin, which is released in response to social bonding and has been demonstrated to reduce physiological responses to stress, is thought to be at play here.

B. Enhanced Mental Health

In addition to its physical benefits, Love has been shown to have a beneficial effect on our mental health, lowering stress and anxiety levels and boosting our general sense of happiness. The protective powers of Love against the negative consequences of stress and other difficulties in life are well accepted.

C. Strengthened Relationships

A stronger tie may be formed between two people via the power of Love. Relationships of all kinds, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, may benefit from the strengthening effects of Love by increasing their levels of closeness, trust, and mutual understanding.

The Challenges of Love

A. Love can be painful

Sometimes Love hurts, as when a relationship ends or when we can't find the one we're looking for. One of life's most trying events is losing someone we care about, which may leave us feeling isolated, discouraged, and empty.

The Power of Love to Overcome Challenges

Despite these difficulties, Love may help us overcome them and grow closer to one another. The strength of Love is that it may help us learn and grow, both as people and as a community, via its many forms, such as forgiveness, compromise, and the willingness to persevere through adversity.

Finally, Love is a strong and transformational force that may profoundly influence our lives and relationships. Love may provide us joy, comfort, and a feeling of purpose, whether between friends, family, or romantic partners. Despite its numerous advantages, Love may also bring with it difficulties such as heartbreak and strife. Nonetheless, never underestimate the power of Love. 

It has the potential to draw people together and form deep, long-lasting bonds. Love has the power to make the world a better place, whether through acts of kindness, selflessness, or simply being there for one another. So, let us embrace Love in all of its manifestations and harness its potential to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.

3. The Science of Love: Understanding the Biology and Psychology Behind Love and Attraction

For millennia, people have been drawn and intrigued by the intricate and intriguing feeling of Love. Despite its enormous global significance, the science of Love is now being thoroughly investigated. This paper will investigate the biology and psychology of Love and attraction, delving into the different elements that impact these powerful emotions and how they form our relationships.

The Biology of Love

A. Hormone Function

Love is a biological process controlled by chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These hormones influence our sensations of attraction, enthusiasm, and enjoyment and boost sentiments of trust and closeness.

B. The Influence of Genetics

Genetics also has an impact on Love and attraction, with some personality qualities and physical characteristics that are considered to be appealing to potential spouses being handed down from generation to generation. This suggests that particular preferences for specific sorts of people are hardwired into our genetics, influencing our romantic and sexual attraction patterns.

The Psychology of Love

A. The Role of Attachment Styles

Our attachment types, which we acquire from our early connections with our caretakers, also affect our Love. These attachment types can significantly influence our later relationships, influencing how we build and keep deep attachments with others.

B. The Impact of Social Norms and Values

Cultural Values

Social conventions and cultural ideas also impact Love and attraction, with societal expectations and values impacting our romantic and sexual impulses. These social conventions and cultural ideas influence everything from who we are attracted to and how we approach and pursue relationships.

The Meeting of Biology and

Love Psychology

The biology and psychology of Love are inextricably linked and interdependent, with one having a complicated and subtle impact on the other. This suggests that, while biology influences our sentiments of attraction and Love, our psychological experiences and beliefs may equally shape these emotions.

To summarise, love science is a complicated and intriguing discipline that encompasses the biology and psychology of this strong and transformational emotion. By investigating the elements that impact Love and attraction, we may gain a deeper understanding of the systems that underpin these feelings and how they shape our lives and relationships. The study of Love is a vital and beneficial effort, whether we seek Love, attempt to preserve Love, or wonder about the science underlying this feeling.

4. The Fine Line Between Love and Obsession: Exploring the Dark Side of Love

Love is a powerful and transformative emotion that can bring immense joy and fulfilment to our lives. But Love can also turn dark and dangerous when it crosses the line into obsession. This essay will examine the fine line between Love and obsession, exploring how Love can become unhealthy and dangerous.

The Characteristics of Obsessive Love

A. Unhealthy Attachment

Obsessive Love is characterized by an unhealthy attachment to another person, with the obsessed person becoming overly dependent on their partner for emotional fulfilment. This can lead to feelings of possessiveness and jealousy, as well as a need for constant attention and validation.

B. Control and Manipulation

Obsessive Love can also involve control and manipulation, with the obsessed person trying to control every aspect of their partner's life and behaviour. This can range from minor acts of manipulation, such as trying to dictate what their partner wears or who they spend time with, to more serious forms of control, such as physical abuse or stalking.

The Dark Side of Love

A. Stalking and Harassment

The dark side of Love can take many forms, with stalking and harassment being among the most extreme and dangerous forms of obsessive behaviour. Stalking and harassment can have serious and long-lasting consequences for the victim, causing fear, stress, and trauma that can impact their mental and physical well-being.

B. Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is another form of the dark side of Love, with physical, sexual, and psychological abuse being used as a means of control and domination. Domestic violence can have devastating consequences for the victim, often leading to serious injury or even death.

The Roots of Obsessive Love

A. Psychological Issues

Obsessive Love can have its roots in psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. These conditions can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, making it difficult for individuals to form healthy relationships.

B. Cultural and Social Factors

Cultural and social factors can also play a role in the development of obsessive Love, with certain societal beliefs and norms promoting possessiveness and control in relationships. This can include gender roles, expectations, and cultural beliefs about Love and relationships.

In conclusion, the fine line between Love and obsession is delicate and dangerous, with Love crossing over into unhealthy and dangerous territory when it becomes obsessive. By understanding the characteristics of obsessive Love and how it can take dark and dangerous forms, we can better protect ourselves and our loved ones from the negative consequences of this powerful emotion.

5. The Concept of Unconditional Love: An Analysis of the Ideal of Selfless Love

All kinds of different things count as Love since it's such a complicated and diverse feeling. Unconditional Love is frequently depicted as altruistic, all-encompassing, and unshakable, making it one of the most romanticized types. In this essay, I'd discuss the idea of unconditional Love, defining it and contrasting it with other types of affection.

An Explanation of Selfless Love

A. Selfless Love

The term "unconditional love" is commonly used to describe a type of Love that puts the other person's needs before its own. In this kind of Love, one person cares for another without any thought of return or compensation.

B. Love that encompasses everything

Many people use the term "all-encompassing" to express how unconditional Love embraces a person regardless of who they are or what they've done in their lives. A love like this doesn't depend on the other person changing or improving in any way; rather, it's an unconditional embrace of the person as they are.

The Ideal of Unconditional Love

A. Love Without Conditions

Unconditional Love is a romantic ideal in which the lover places no restrictions on the object of his affection. Since it involves so much giving of oneself, this kind of Love is typically held up as the pinnacle of romantic relationships.

B. Putting the Feeling into Action

However, since we are all flawed human beings, practising unconditional Love can be challenging in daily life. Although this may be the case, the ideal of unconditional Love is still significant since it motivates us to improve our Love and compassion towards others.

The Advantages of Unconditional Love

A. Stronger Connections

Unconditional Love has the potential to improve our connections with others, leading to deeper and more meaningful bonds. This kind of Love creates a non-judgmental and welcoming attitude towards people, which can assist to lessen conflict and improve understanding.

B. More Joy and Satisfaction

As a result of the more profound relationships it fosters, unconditional Love may also increase a person's sense of well-being and contentment. Finding Love like this may give our life new meaning and make us feel whole.

In conclusion, many of us hold unconditional Love as a relationship goal. Even if it's not always possible, the ideal of unconditional Love is worthwhile since it motivates us to increase our Love and compassion. The concept of unconditional Love may lead us to a more meaningful and happy lifestyle, whether our goal is to better our relationships or to find more pleasure and contentment in general.

6. The Importance of Communication in Love Relationships: A Study of the Role of Communication in Maintaining Love

Love relationships, like all others, benefit greatly from open lines of communication between partners. Connecting with one another on a regular basis, whether it's to chat about the day, express emotions, or problem-solve, is crucial to keeping the Love alive between you. This essay will discuss the significance of communication in romantic relationships, specifically how it helps couples stay together and grow closer over time.

Advantages of good communication

Increased Compatibility and Mutual Understanding

Love partnerships benefit significantly from open lines of communication that facilitate mutual understanding and closeness. Sharing our innermost ideas, emotions, and experiences with our partners via direct and honest communication strengthens our bonds with them.

Reduced Conflict

As we can better address difficulties and find positive solutions to differences when communicating effectively, we experience less conflict in our relationships. Relationships may be stronger and more loving by talking through differences and finding common ground.

The Difficulties in Expressing Your Feelings in a Romantic Relationship

A. Confusing Messages and Confused Intents

Good communication can sometimes be difficult, especially in romantic partnerships, despite its many advantages. Conflict, anger and a lack of trust may all result from poor communication and misunderstandings in relationships.

B. Vulnerability and Emotional Safety

Likewise, it takes courage and trust to open up and talk about your feelings with the person you love. It may be nerve-wracking to communicate our innermost thoughts and feelings with a partner because of the risk of being judged harshly or rejected.

The Importance of Active Listening

What is Active Listening?

Maintaining positive connections with others requires not just good talkers but also good listeners. Paying close attention to the other person as they speak and making an effort to get their viewpoint and requirements is an essential component of active listening.

The Benefits of Active Listening

The ability to listen attentively and process information can have a significant influence on interpersonal bonds. You may show your spouse how much you value their opinion and the commitment you have to the relationship by listening attentively to what they have to say.

Finally, it's important to note that communication is a cornerstone of successful, loving partnerships. Communication is crucial for developing and maintaining healthy relationships , whether it is via problem-solving, venting, or just listening. Your relationship may grow stronger and become more rewarding and loving if you put an emphasis on communicating well with one another.

Final Words

Love is a complicated and varied theme that has inspired numerous works of art, literature, and music. Whether it is the science of Love, the power of Love, or the development of Love, there is a great deal to learn and comprehend about this universal feeling. 

Students now have access to a potent tool that may assist them in writing essays about Love with ease and assurance thanks to Jenni.ai. From giving ideas and recommendations to leading you through the writing process, Jenni.ai is the ideal option for anyone who wants to write about Love and relationships. Why then wait? Sign up for a free trial of Jenni.ai today and explore its numerous writing perks!

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Being in Love

by   Claire Jarvis

For most of its short generic life, the novel has depended on marriage and childbirth as signs of sexual relationship, and has had a difficulty representing sexual life beyond marriage and childbirth without the assistance of figurative language. In this paper, I want to discuss a few ways that novels can represent sex. I’ll then turn to some novels by D. H. Lawrence and argue for the peculiarity of his particular representational strategies in the history of the novel.

One way Lawrence shifts the novel’s terms comes from the adjustments he makes to what I see as the capitalist regime of the marriage plot. Under Lawrence’s hand, the rationale for marriage is no longer economic, nor does romantic love have to work to accommodate economic compatibility. For instance, Ursula Brangwen’s flirtation with Anton Skrebensky in The Rainbow resolves with her simultaneous realization that they are not sexually compatible and that their relationship must, therefore, end. Lawrence’s work is full of women who believe there is a significant connection between sexual compatibility and relationship’s continuance. What’s more, Lawrence gives these characters access to many kinds of sexual knowledge: no longer must decisions be made on attraction’s pull. Instead, sexual action gives knowledge that mere desire cannot reveal.

The marriage plot’s dominant mode implies that what makes you marriageable is your access to and accumulation of stuff. And while they seem to offer a respite from a marriage economy of exchange, attributes like good humor or quickness belong to the same system as things like really nice landscaping or £10,000 a year. For most of the respectable novel’s history, if sex offers a plausible route out of the capitalist logic of the marriage plot by virtue of its discombobulating effects on the body and the mind, sex’s description demands respectable cover. Symbol and metaphor covered the tracks of a narrative eye not quite able to perceive what it also wanted to show. And characters that bucked the novel’s insistence on organizing lives into marriageable, sociable worlds were, more often than not, jettisoned from the plot, or at least pushed to a novel’s periphery. I want to make a slightly different point: that the respectable novel’s insistence on both the centrality of the marriage plot and on the worthwhileness of acquisitiveness of all kinds necessarily enforces the mystifying puzzle of metaphorical sex. More, that it is not until metaphor releases its hold on sexual description that the novel makes good on sex’s self-shattering power.

In Mimesis , Erich Auerbach makes a series of connected points about the novel’s “atmospheric realism” (473). In Auerbach’s account, the novel’s ability to absorb multiple points of view, and to include within its framework multiple discourses, offers a major key to understanding its representative capacities. The novel exploits discourse’s referential fluidity, drawing together, via metaphor and allusion, divergent concepts, divergent ways of thinking about and categorizing the world. Auerbach explains how the thickness of historicized life can find full flesh within the representational system of the novel: "...in another passage from Pére Goriot  he says of Rastignac that he had give himself up to the lessons and the temptations of luxury "with the ardor which seizes [grasps] the calix of a female date-palm for the fecundating dusts of its nuptials. [1] It is needless to cite historical motifs, for the spirit of Historicism with its emphasis upon ambient and individual atmospheres is the spirit of his entire work" (Auerbach).

For Auerbach, Balzac’s mode depends on embedding multiple discourses in one novelistic moment. In this particular instance, the novelist uses scientific language drawn from botany to explain a feature of Rastignac’s commodity fetishism. Auerbach’s observation is true. But, one stunning thing about this is that Balzac here uses what can only be called plant sex as a metaphor for luxurious taste. While Balzac has to close the door on and cast his narrative eye away from the action of human sex acts, he has no difficulty saying that the desire to acquire is like a graphically rendered scene of rapacious date-palm sex. [2] The anthropomorphic “nuptials” evoke a bawdy desire, the kind of desire that might be hard for Balzac to represent in a character’s life, but which adds a comic flourish when used to describe a character’s insatiable need for luxury. This is not to say sex is absent from the novel. Not at all. But the kinds of things referred to in this passage, the “calix,” the “fecundating dusts,” describe exactly the sexual organs of the date-palm. The most euphemistic move in this passage lies in the implication that this vegetable love is a wedding of sorts—it is not mistake that this is also the most humanizing impulse in this description.

There are, I would argue, two main kinds of sexual description in novels. The first—hermeneutic description—relies on interpretation to understand that what we are really talking about is sex. This is by far the most dominant in literary fiction, especially in literary fiction before modernism. The second—relational description—relies on describing the physical relationships among various body parts. This might be most familiar from pornographic fiction, or the quasi-pornographic description that binds together both contemporary literary fiction and the romance novel. And both methods of description can be used to produce explicit sex scenes, scenes that are unmistakably scenes of sexual act.

For instance, when Emma Bovary’s blood turns into milk, when she hears a call from somewhere in the forest, we are meant to read that her encounter with Rodolphe produces sexual climax. Hermeneutic description depends on a limited array of images or concepts to work as sexual description, and this is primarily how novelists, until very recently, evoke sex in their texts. Waves, oceans, blooms, and illuminations mark sexual act within the respectable novel, and allow a writer to refer to sexual action without realistically describing the act itself. Descriptive haze lets a reader experience sex’s capacity to dislocate both personal experience and the social fabric in which one is embedded, and alerts one to the fact of sex’s occurrence, but it also absolves the writer of a particular kind of obscenity, one that comes of naming things as they are [3] .

A hermeneutic mode can also undergird moments of desirous delight, an effect familiar to readers of Middlemarch : “After sitting two long moments while he moved his whip and could say nothing, Lydgate rose to go, and Rosamond, made nervous by her struggle between mortification and the wish not to betray it, dropped her chain as if startled, and rose too, mechanically. Lydgate instantaneously stooped to pick up the chain.” But, Eliot does not stop there with the chain that Rosamond drops being picked up by Lydgate. She extends its reach into the figurative space of the novel: “The moment of [Rosamond’s] naturalness was the crystallizing feather-touch: it shook flirtation into love. Remember that the ambitious man who was looking at those Forget-me-nots under the water was very warm-hearted and rash. He did not know where the chain went; an idea had thrilled through the recesses within him which had a miraculous effect in raising the power of passionate love lying buried there in no sealed sepulchre, but under the lightest, easily pierced mould” (301).

This is and is not a sex scene. It is certainly a model of hermeneutic description. Within the frame of the novel, we are not supposed to read that Rosamond and Lydgate engage in any illicit sexual act before their marriage a bit later in the novel. But we are supposed to perceive the sexual attraction that undergirds that eventual marriage. The referential seams that bind Rosamond’s chain to the narrator’s figurative chain are the same seams that bind the Forget-me-nots that stand in in Lydgate’s vision and the narrator’s metaphor for Rosamond’s eyes. But, more, we vividly see the proximity between this particular novel’s description of a scene that is happening to its characters and the novel (as a genre’s) language for sex’s occurrence (note the whip, the chain and the moving bodies in close proximity). In Eliot’s scene, the scene’s subject becomes vivified—becomes vital—only after we register that it is locked into a system of signs that refracts outwards from this diegetic moment. Eliot’s narrative voice “picks up” an image that registers an insistent change between two of her characters and then turns it into a figurative device to offer narrative comment on the rapidly developing affair.

Hermeneutic description’s flexibility, its dependence on other registers, on other modes of framing, allows for its use in both scenes of sexual act and scenes that use sexual desire to imply attraction, connection, and the potential of sexual disruption. In his evocative use of the hermeneutic, D.H. Lawrence might be more Victorian than many of his modernist brethren. For Lawrence’s pen, the bewildering tangle of hermeneutic description might as easily apply to using a microscope as it would to sexual intercourse. But there are problems with that application, as we can see if we turn to Women in Love .

Lawrence criticism marks out the heiress Hermione Roddice, a tightly wound "New Woman,” as a sign of Lawrence’s dismissal of certain kinds of womanly self-development. In Leo Bersani’s influential essay on “Lawrentian Stillness,” he makes the point that frictional, self-gratifying sex works, throughout Lawrence’s body of work, to signal psychological (and perhaps cultural) complacency or contagion. Hermione has been romantically involved with the novel’s Lawrentian avatar, Rupert Birkin, and the intimation is that, like Mellors’s Bertha Coutts, Hermione’s sexual expression revolts Birkin. For Lawrence, both the rapacious frottage of a Bertha and icy disinterest (or, an interest that is purely political, in the case of the intellectually aspirational Hermione) produce diminished, miserable sexual lives. But in the Lapis Lazuli episode in “Breadlby,” Hermione responds violently to Birkin’s disdain. And, in her response, we get the most explicit (and explicitly sexualized) account of her character’s stunning perversity:

Then swiftly, in a flame that drenched down her body like fluid lightening, and gave her a perfect, unutterable consummation, unutterable satisfaction, she brought down the ball of jewel stone with all her force, crash on his head. But her fingers were in the way, and deadened the blow. Nevertheless down went his head on the table on which his book lay, the stone slid aside and over his ear, it was one convulsion of pure bliss for her, lit up by the crushed pain of her fingers. ( Women in Love 105)

Hermione feels compelled to continue her attack, “A thousand lives, a thousand deaths mattered nothing now, only the fulfillment of this perfect ecstasy.” But, of course, Birkin stops her hand: “No you don’t, Hermione,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t let you” (105-6). Crucially, Lawrence draws the metaphors mobilizing this scene’s violence from hermeneutic, novelistic descriptions of sex act. Hermione is “like fluid lightening,” she experiences “unutterable consummation,” and, in her final attempt, Hermione experiences a “convulsion of pure bliss.” Now, in most literary scenes, a “convulsion of pure bliss” can only mean one thing. But here the violence underscores the perversity of Hermione’s character. Her sexual life is so closely connected to her desire for power and domination that in this moment the two become hopelessly entangled.

There are lots of ways that what Lawrence proscribes for sexual life is limiting and strange. Kate Millet and Christopher Craft are just two of the many critics whose observations about what is and is not allowed in Lawrentian sexual life offer corrections to his admittedly masculinist and heterosexist vision. But, what I am marking out here is his interest in divesting sexual life from social and political frames as a way of salvaging sexual life’s dislocating, unequivocal weirdness. In other words, Lawrence anticipates a disarticulation of sex (acts) from the organizing concept of sexuality. What this moment shows us, once and for all, how the language the novel uses for sexual life, words like “lightning,” “bliss,” “consummation,” are always already metaphorical. And Lawrence begins to realize he has to name names if he's going to dislocate sexual life from disciplinary bounds. The problem, of course, is that metaphor itself has an alternative capacity to dislocate, one that generates some of the most evocative scenes of sexual description in Lawrence.

It is this realization that spurs him on, in Lady Chatterley , to use intimate, some might say obscene, words to name the actions and body parts of his characters. “What is cunt,” Connie asks. To which Mellors replies: “An’ doesn’t ter know? Cunt! It’s thee down theer; an’ what I get when I’m i’side thee—an’ what tha gets when I’m i’side thee—it’s a’ as it is—all on’t!” ( Lady Chatterley 178). Connie’s ungrammatical question highlights the strangeness of Mellors’ response. The capaciousness of the term is impressive—in Mellors’ view, cunt’s meaning can include reference to both his and Connie’s genitals, to the experience of sex itself, as well as the particular kind of achievement one partner gets from sex with the other: “what I get when I’m i’side thee.” Mellors’ explanation highlights the political power expletive has in Lady Chatterley , but it also draws attention to how conceptually fungible explicit language is for the characters that use it. The Lawrentian sexual revolution hinges on naming parts and actions but not exactly acts (things enter other things, body parts get named, and, through all of this, obscenity gains traction. But Lawrence never says, "This scene is a scene of anal sex”). Instead, the scenes themselves emphasize bodily interaction, while characters’ discussion of events allows a different kind of explicitness to reign. Here is Lawrence’s most widely discussed sex scene:

It was a night of sensual passion, in which she was a little startled, and almost unwilling: yet pierced again with piercing thrills of sensuality, different, sharper, more terrible than the thrills of tenderness, but, at the moment, more desirable. Though a little frightened, she let him have his way, and the reckless, shameless sensuality shook her to her foundations, stripped her to the very last, and made a different woman of her. It was not really love. It was not voluptuousness. It was sensuality sharp and searing as fire, burning the soul to timber. (246)

This passage slightly blends two kinds of explicit description. The dominant mode is hermeneutic (“thrills of tenderness,” “her last,” “foundations,” “burning the soul to timber”). And Lawrence limits the relational language to verbs: Connie is “pierced again.” The imbalance between the descriptive strategies here demonstrates the difficulty in incorporating relational description into scenes, even though the language that makes up relational description relies on verbs and prepositions, words that mark out the actual placement and movement of bodies in an act. “Pierce” is itself a tricky word: it describes the act evoked here, Mellors anally penetrates Connie, but it has a metaphoric tinge to it, reminding the reader, perhaps, of cupid’s arrow, of penetrations of all kinds, of Middlemarch ’s mould.

            A bit before this central scene, Mellors explains his marriage to Bertha Coutts to Connie:

“Well, I married her, and she wasn’t bad. Those other 'pure' women had nearly taken all the balls out of me, but she was all right that way. She wanted me, and made no bones about it. And I was as pleased as punch. That was what I wanted: a woman who wanted me to fuck her. So I fucked her a good un” ( Lady Chatterley 201).

What’s striking here is the scene’s relational method. Mellors relies on an explicit verb, “fuck,” to explain his married actions. And this conversational transparency becomes central to the functional power of Connie’s relationship with the gamekeeper. Other characters don’t fare as well under this new, transparent regime. In a letter to Connie, Ivy Bolton, Clifford’s nurse, writes about Mellors’ former treatment of Bertha: “[She] goes about saying the most awful things about him, how he has women at the cottage, and how he behaved to her when they were married, the low, beastly things he did to her, and I don’t know what all” (263). “Low” and “Beastly” are more euphemistic than hermeneutic, though they share some resemblance to the vague dazzlement of Connie’s sexual awakening. Mellors’ interest in anality is, in Ivy’s eyes, something that connects him to animals. The logic of this observation isn’t surprising, but in a novel where characters like Mellors and Connie can talk about penises, cunts and fucks, Ivy’s euphemism stands out as conceptually impoverished. As old fashioned.

But, the mistake would be to see any of these scenes as “coded,” or unclear, or to see one as “open,” made more legible than another. Speaking of another Balzacian code, Barthes says: “Euphemism is a language” ( S/Z 120). And euphemism is also explicit. The hermeneutic quality of the anal sex scene rests on a need for readerly interpretation: unless we read “foundation” as a short hand for “fundament,” or “anus,” we might miss the detail that defines this sex act against others in the book. But this is not to say the scene is obscure at its, excuse the pun, root. Undeniably, sex happens in this described moment. Lawrence’s achievement is his simultaneous use of two oppositional representational strategies within one novel. More, that his most loved characters, the features of the text wherein Lawrentian value might be said to reside, use both modes to explain sex’s importance to themselves, and to describe the same kind of act performed at different times with different partners; that is to say, performed differently. It’s true that there is a strange lag between the kind of description that can describe an act as it unfolds and the description used to describe an act that has passed, but what’s striking, and what I want to linger on as I end, is that in Lady Chatterley , both regimes can be used fluidly by the same character. By showcasing Connie’s and Mellors’ descriptive capacities, Lawrence presents an implicit criticism of characters like Ivy Bolton, characters whose dependence on euphemism cannot expand to include expletive. Not because expletive is necessary, but because the tension between the descriptive systems is. It is only by using both systems that a space can open within description to evaluate each act on its own terms instead of organizing it into a hierarchy of activity or a categorical list. But, the characters the novel most values, Mellors and Connie, use both kinds of description in order that they might have sexual conversations. [4]

Earlier, I implied that the marriage plot argues for a connection between your loveability and your stuff. But in the brief window I’ve been describing, the novel’s newfound explicitness can dislodge the security of that alignment, a security that is in some ways borne by the verve of hermeneutic description. But this isn’t to argue for a sea-change. The novel doesn’t jettison sex’s metaphorical description just because it learns to swear. Not entirely. Much has been said on the novel’s capacity to absorb the shock of the new. But I will end with two ways this dialectic has been resolved (there are others). In Alan Hollinghurst’s controlled hands, sex becomes explicitly political. His use of expletive scaffolds those scenes he finds politically generative, his gay sex scenes. Heterosexuality, while compulsory in the world he describes, happens almost entirely off stage. Consider this delicately, intimately described conversation early in The Line of Beauty : “Yeah…shave it…” said Leo, between grunted breaths as Nick got quicker and bolder, “get arse-knit…fucking murder…on the bike…” Nick kissed the back of his neck” (Hollinghurst 36). Alternately, we have the cynicism of Bret Easton Ellis. In Patrick Bateman, Ellis writes a character whose forays into the explicit all look the same. In this mode, the novel’s sensually evocative possibility is hampered by its applicability to gruesome depictions of violence. Fucking becomes killing becomes fucking.

I’ve been saying Lawrence’s descriptive technology borrows from two widely adopted representational regimes. This exposes what can only be called a descriptive dialectic. And, it is this dialectic that, if it allows kinds of sex experience to be untethered from kinds of act, also allows the space between marriage and sex to be made visible, exposing an important gap between the world of exchange and the world of sense. Lawrence’s simultaneous deployment of both strategies shows there are ways of understanding a marriage plot that don’t rely on evaluative assessments: Connie’s relationship with Mellors is neither good nor bad, it is only human, by which I mean animal. It might seem like this final point argues for the ascendency of relational description, but the force of expletive needs the seductive confusion of the hermeneutic to approach the strangeness of lived experience. [5] Sex, it turns out, always needs metaphor, always needs translation. And it needs it most when it’s called most clearly by its name.

[1] In French, the word is “hyménée,” which makes the connotation perhaps more explicit in English.

[2] Think of this description of the Countess’s entrance: “She was coquettishly dressed in a fine white woolen wrap with knots of rose-coloured ribbon. Her hair was carelessly done up as Parisian women wear it in the morning. Her perfume filled the air; she had probably just come from a bath and her beauty seemed, as it were, softer and more voluptuous; her eyes had a liquid brilliance. Young men’s eyes see everything; their spirit reacts to the charm a woman radiates just as plants breathe in the substance they need from the air” ( Old Goriot 81).

[3] Joss Marsh discusses the development of explicit language in Word Crimes (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1998).

[4] Although, in Lady Chatterley , Lawrence tends to use hermeneutic description to evoke a sensation of immediacy and ongoingness, and so uses it to describe a sex scene as it is happening. Alternately, he uses representational description to explain how something has happened in the past.

[5] Discussing another Balzacian euphemism, Roland Barthes says: “To read into this scene at the theater a solitary orgasm, to substitute an erotic story for the euphemistic version, this operation of reading is based not in a lexicon of symbols, but a systemic cohesion, a congruence of relationships. It follows that the meaning of a text lies not in this or that interpretation but in the diagrammatic totality of its reading, in their plural system” ( S/Z 120).

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How to Describe Love in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)

Love is a universal language, yet when it comes to putting it into words, many of us find ourselves tongue-tied.

Here is how to describe in writing :

Describe love in writing by capturing emotional depth, using vivid and sensory details, incorporating unique metaphors and comparisons, exploring the complexities and nuances of love, and expressing love through actions and dialogue. Connect love to the plot and theme of the story.

In this guide, you’ll learn 21 top-notch tips and examples that will help you write about love like a pro.

1. The Tip of the Iceberg Technique

Table of Contents

When expressing love in writing, you don’t have to spill all the beans at once.

In fact, it’s often more powerful to leave something to the reader’s imagination. This technique involves alluding to the depth of your character’s emotions without spelling everything out.

It creates an air of mystery and makes your readers want to delve deeper into your character’s feelings.

For instance, your character might not declare his love directly.

But his actions, the way he looks at the person he loves, or the things he sacrifices for her, all speak volumes about his feelings.

The best part is, your readers will feel like they’re discovering these emotions alongside your character.

Often, this makes the experience even more impactful.

Example: He didn’t say anything. But he held her hand, his thumb tracing her knuckles in a silent confession.

2. The Show-Don’t-Tell Rule

We’ve all heard it a thousand times – show, don’t tell.

When it comes to writing about love, this rule is especially crucial. Telling your readers that your characters are in love is like giving them a summary of a movie – it’s informative, but it doesn’t evoke any emotions.

Showing, on the other hand, involves your readers and makes them feel like they’re part of the story.

When you ‘show’ love, you’re painting a picture with your words.

You’re creating a scene that readers can visualize, pulling them into your character’s world.

This can involve showing your characters’ actions, their body language, the way they speak, and their reactions.

Example: Instead of saying, “John was in love with Sarah,” you could write, “John’s heart fluttered every time Sarah walked into the room. Her laugh was his favorite sound, and he found himself doing silly things just to hear it.”

3. The Heart-in-Mouth Technique

This tip is all about creating suspense in your love story.

When you keep your readers on the edge of their seats, they’re more likely to be engaged and invested in your characters’ love story.

The Heart-in-Mouth Technique involves building tension between your characters, creating conflicts and hurdles they have to overcome, and then finally giving them (and your readers) the relief of resolution.

This technique doesn’t just apply to romantic novels or stories.

It can be used in any genre where love plays a significant role.

Remember, the key is to build anticipation and suspense, so when the love is finally expressed or reciprocated, it feels like a big payoff for your readers.

Example: The room was filled with people, but all he could see was her. Their eyes met across the room, a silent conversation passing between them. But as he began to make his way towards her, a man stepped in, sweeping her onto the dance floor. His heart sank, but he couldn’t look away.

4. The Whisper-in-the-Ear Method

Instead of loud, grand gestures of love, this method focuses on the quiet, almost unnoticed expressions of love that often speak louder than words.

These could be little things your characters do for each other, their shared glances, or even their unspoken understanding.

The Whisper-in-the-Ear Method can make your love story feel more realistic and relatable.

In real life, love isn’t always about the big, dramatic moments.

It’s about the little things, the day-to-day acts of kindness and understanding that show someone you care about them.

Example: She woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. He was already up, like always. She found him in the kitchen, humming to himself as he made breakfast. “Morning,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. She didn’t need a “I love you” to know that he did.

5. The Behind-Closed-Doors Technique

Another effective technique for writing about love is to hint at what happens behind closed doors.

This doesn’t mean you have to get explicit or graphic (unless you want to, of course).

It simply means suggesting intimacy between your characters without revealing everything.

This allows your readers to fill in the blanks with their own imagination, which can make your love story even more engaging.

The Behind-Closed-Doors Technique adds a sense of realism to your love story, because in real life, not every moment of a relationship is visible to others.

It also adds depth to your characters and their relationship.

You want to show that their love goes beyond what’s visible on the surface.

Example: They disappeared into the room, his hand never leaving hers. The door closed behind them, leaving the rest of the world outside. When they emerged hours later, their eyes held a secret glow only they understood.

6. The Push-and-Pull Dynamic

Love isn’t always smooth sailing – it’s full of ups and downs, conflicts and resolutions.

The Push-and-Pull Method involves creating tension and release in your love story, which keeps your readers engaged and invested in your characters’ relationship.

It’s like a dance, where your characters move towards each other, then away, then back again, creating a dynamic, compelling love story.

Conflict is crucial to any story, and love stories are no exception.

Your characters might argue, have misunderstandings, face external challenges, or deal with their own internal struggles.

The key is to resolve these conflicts in a satisfying way that strengthens their relationship.

Example: They argued, yes. There were days when they couldn’t stand each other. But every disagreement was followed by a reconciliation that brought them closer than before. It was like watching two magnets, pushing and pulling until they finally clicked into place.

7. The Subtext-is-Everything Technique

This technique is all about what’s unsaid, rather than what’s said.

It’s the hidden meanings, the secret messages, and the unspoken emotions that make your love story more engaging and realistic.

The Subtext-is-Everything Technique involves showing your characters’ feelings through their actions, their body language, and their dialogues.

Subtext adds depth and complexity to your characters and their relationship.

By using subtext, you allow your readers to dig deeper into your characters’ emotions and understand them on a deeper level.

Example: She looked away, but not before he caught the flicker of longing in her eyes. “You should go,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. But her hand lingered on his arm, a silent plea for him to stay.

8. The Less-is-More Method

Often when writing about love, the temptation is to over-explain and over-describe.

However, the beauty of the Less-is-More Method is that it relies on simplicity and understatement.

This can make your expressions of love more powerful because it doesn’t feel forced or overdone.

This approach requires precise language, carefully chosen details, and meaningful gestures.

This method is a bit like cooking a gourmet meal – you don’t need a ton of ingredients, just a few high-quality ones used well.

It’s about focusing on the essential aspects of your characters’ love and presenting them in a clear, effective way.

Example: He looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time. And in that moment, he knew.

9. The Echo Effect

Repetition, when used correctly, can add depth and resonance to your love story.

The Echo Effect involves repeating certain phrases, gestures, or scenes to emphasize your characters’ feelings.

This technique can help your readers remember and connect with your characters’ love story on a deeper level.

Just like in music, where a recurring melody or lyric can evoke strong emotions, in writing, the Echo Effect can create a powerful emotional impact.

It creates a pattern that your readers recognize and anticipate, adding a layer of depth to your love story.

Example: He noticed it the first time they met – the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous. He saw it again on their first date, and then again when he told her he loved her. It was a silent echo of their journey, a testament to their shared moments.

10. The Shared-Secret Technique

The Shared-Secret Technique is all about creating a bond between your characters that only they understand.

This could be an inside joke, a shared experience, or a secret they keep together.

This technique can make your characters’ relationship feel unique and special, adding depth and intimacy to your love story.

This technique works well because it not only strengthens the bond between your characters but also creates a connection between your characters and your readers.

Your readers feel like they’re part of the secret, which can make them more invested in your characters’ love story.

Example: Every year on their anniversary, they would go back to the same little coffee shop where they first met. It wasn’t fancy, but it was their place, their little secret corner of the world.

11. The Emotional-Rollercoaster Method

The Emotional-Rollercoaster Method is all about creating a wide range of emotions in your love story.

It’s not just about the happy moments, but also the sad, tense, and even frustrating ones.

This technique can make your love story more realistic and engaging, as it mirrors the ups and downs of real-life relationships.

By creating a mix of emotions, you can keep your readers on their toes and make them feel more involved in your characters’ love story.

Even negative emotions can create a strong impact and make the happy moments even more satisfying.

Example: Their love was a tumultuous symphony – full of passionate crescendos, heartbreaking solos, and soft, tender interludes. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and it was theirs.

12. The Love-Is-in-the-Details Approach

The Love-Is-in-the-Details Approach involves focusing on the small, seemingly insignificant details of your characters’ relationship.

This could be the way they look at each other, their little habits and quirks, or the small acts of kindness they do for each other.

This technique can make your love story feel more intimate and personal, showing your characters’ love in a subtle, nuanced way.

Remember, sometimes the smallest details can have the biggest impact.

By focusing on these details, you can show your characters’ love in a more nuanced and authentic way.

Example: He knew just how she liked her coffee – two sugars, a dash of milk, and exactly seven minutes to cool down. It was a small thing, but it was one of the many ways he showed her he cared.

13. The Soul-Gazing Technique

The Soul-Gazing Technique is all about creating a deep, emotional connection between your characters.

This involves showing your characters understanding each other on a deeper level, beyond surface-level attraction or compatibility.

This technique can make your love story more impactful, showing a love that goes beyond the physical.

Creating this kind of emotional depth can involve showing your characters’ vulnerability, their shared experiences, or their mutual understanding and empathy.

It’s about showing that they ‘get’ each other on a level that no one else does.

Example: They sat in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable, intimate. They didn’t need words to understand each other – a look, a touch, a shared smile was enough.

14. The Dance-of-Words Method

This method is all about using your words to create a sort of dance between your characters.

Like a well-choreographed dance, a well-written love scene involves rhythm, pacing, and a balance between tension and release.

It’s about creating a back-and-forth dialogue or interaction that mirrors a dance.

The Dance-of-Words Method can make your love story feel dynamic and engaging.

The key is to find the right rhythm for your characters and your story, to create a love scene that feels natural and fluid.

Example: They spoke in hushed whispers, their words intertwining like dancers in a ballet. A compliment here, a tease there, a shared laugh, a shared silence. It was their own private dance, a testament to their love.

15. The Love-Is-A-Journey Approach

Love, like a journey, is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and unexpected detours.

The Love-Is-A-Journey Approach involves treating your characters’ love story as a journey, with its own challenges, milestones, and transformations.

This approach can make your love story more engaging and relatable.

It mirrors the complexities and uncertainties of real-life love.

By treating love as a journey, you can show your characters growing and evolving together, strengthening their bond and deepening their love.

Example: Their love was not a destination, but a journey. A winding path with unexpected twists and turns, breathtaking views and steep climbs. But they walked it together, hand in hand, cherishing every step of the way.

16. The Love-Letters Technique

Sometimes, the most powerful expressions of love come in written form.

The Love-Letters Technique involves using letters, notes, or other written communication as a way to express your characters’ love.

This can add a touch of nostalgia and romance to your love story, as well as allow your characters to express their feelings in a more intimate, personal way.

This technique is versatile and can be adapted to fit your story.

Your characters could exchange love letters, leave each other sweet notes, or even write in a shared diary or journal.

Example: He found the note on the kitchen table, her neat handwriting bringing a smile to his face. “See you tonight, love. P.S. Don’t forget to water the plants!” It was a small thing, but it reminded him of the love they shared.

17. The Language-of-Love Method

This method is all about using language and dialogue to express your characters’ love.

This doesn’t necessarily mean using flowery or overly romantic language.

Instead, it’s about using language that feels authentic and natural to your characters, whether that’s sweet and tender, playful and teasing, or deep and philosophical.

The Language-of-Love Method can make your love story feel more authentic and relatable.

It shows your characters’ unique way of expressing their love.

Example: She didn’t say “I love you” in so many words. But when she said “Take care,” “Drive safe,” or “Did you eat?” he heard the unspoken words of love in every sentence.

18. The Love-Is-A-Battlefield Approach

Love can sometimes feel like a battlefield, full of conflicts, challenges, and triumphs.

The Love-Is-A-Battlefield Approach involves treating your characters’ love story as a battle, with its own victories, losses, and strategies.

This approach can add drama and tension to your love story, making it more engaging and exciting.

By treating love as a battlefield, you can show your characters fighting for their love, overcoming obstacles, and emerging victorious against all odds.

Example: Their love was not easy. It was a battle, a constant fight against distance, time, and their own fears. But they fought bravely, tirelessly, because they knew their love was worth every struggle.

19. The Magic-in-Mundane Technique

This technique is all about finding the magic in the mundane – showing your characters’ love in everyday, ordinary moments.

This could be a shared meal, a morning routine, or a quiet evening at home.

The Magic-in-Mundane Technique can make your love story feel more relatable and realistic, showing that love isn’t just about the big, dramatic moments.

But also the small, everyday ones.

Example: It was an ordinary Tuesday evening. They sat on the couch, her feet in his lap, a movie playing in the background. He looked at her, her eyes sparkling with laughter, and he thought, this, this is love.

20. The Through-The-Eyes-Of-Love Technique

This technique involves showing your characters and their world through the eyes of love.

This means showing how your character sees the person they love.

Also, how they notice things that others don’t and how they cherish their shared moments and memories.

The Through-The-Eyes-Of-Love Technique can create a more intimate and personal perspective of your love story.

Example: To the world, she was just a girl. But to him, she was the world. He saw the beauty in her flaws, the strength in her vulnerability, the grace in her every move. Through his eyes, she was not just a girl, but a masterpiece of love.

21. The Love-in-Action Method

The Love-in-Action Method involves showing your characters’ love through their actions.

This means showing how your characters express their love, not just through words, but through their actions, decisions, and sacrifices.

The method can make your love story more powerful and impactful.

It shows that love is not just a feeling, but a choice, a commitment, a daily act of kindness and care.

Example: He didn’t say “I love you” often. But when he picked her up from work when it was raining, when he cooked her favorite meal after a long day, when he held her close during the thunderstorms, his actions spoke louder than any words.

How to Describe Love at First Sight

Describing love at first sight can be tricky, as it involves capturing a moment of instant attraction and connection.

To effectively portray this, focus on the details that made your characters fall for each other.

Describe the physical attributes, mannerisms, or other characteristics that caught their attention.

Try to depict the rush of emotions that accompany such a moment, from surprise and intrigue to excitement and longing.

Example: From across the crowded room, their eyes met. He was drawn in by her radiant smile, the way her eyes sparkled with joy, the effortless grace with which she moved. It was like a lightning strike, a sudden realization that shook him to his core. He didn’t know her, not yet, but he knew he wanted to.

How to Describe Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is a theme full of raw and intense emotions – longing, heartbreak, and sometimes even hope.

When describing unrequited love, delve into your character’s feelings and desires, exploring the depth of their affection for the person they can’t have.

Showcase the bittersweet nature of their love, the struggle between holding on and letting go.

Example: He loved her, but not in the way she loved him. Her love was like a blazing fire, burning brightly and fiercely. His love was more like a gentle breeze, comforting yet elusive. She yearned for him, dreamt of him, even as she knew that her feelings were unreciprocated.

Words to Describe Love

When learning how to describe love in writing, it’s helpful to have a list of words for reference.

Here are some of the best words to describe love:

• Unconditional
• Overwhelming
• Affectionate
• Irresistible
• Invigorating

Phrases to Describe Love

Consider the following phrases for describing love in writing:

• Head over heels
• Love is in the air
• Crazy in love
• Love against all odds
• Love at first sight
• The look of love
• Falling deeply in love
• A burning passion
• The language of love
• Lost in each other’s eyes
• Love knows no bounds
• The power of love
• A heart full of love
• A love that defies description
• A timeless love
• An unspoken bond
• Love that takes your breath away
• A love written in the stars
• A love that stands the test of time
• The depth of their love

Here is a great (and fun) video about how not to describe love in writing – which is just as important to know:

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Love in Writing

Ultimately, describing love in writing is about balancing all the narrative elements of a story.

It’s not easy but it is an incredible way to bring your characters and your story to life. I hope this guide helps you create an epic love that readers ship and swoon over for years.

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• How to Describe a Dog in Writing (100+ Examples)

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• Author [AvengingAngel]

Essay on Love.

Description of the Falling in Love

How would you describe falling in love for the first time? If you’re about to share your personal experience, check out our sample on falling in love essay! Get some inspiration for your paper with the help of our example essay about falling in love.

Falling in Love: Essay Introduction

Falling in love: essay main body, falling in love: essay conclusion.

The power of love is great. Falling in love changes so many things in a person. Falling in love is a hard experience to describe, one which can never be comprehensively described. Among the greatest experiences in my life, I rate falling in love as the best.

From my experience, I describe falling in love as an intense attraction to a person of the opposite sex. However, this may also occur between persons of the same sex, as is the case for gays or lesbians. When I fell in love, I felt being on top of the world. My life was instantly centered on the girl I had fallen in love with. I spent good time thinking about her. Every time I took a break from my studies, I only thought about her.

Thinking about her was sweet and better than watching a captivating soap opera; I had never known thoughts, too, could be sweet. Before she realized that I had fallen for her, I never wanted to be near her, and yet I greatly regretted the moments I was not close to her. I struggled hard to compose myself in her presence, sometimes I could sweat, and my heart could beat so fast and hard, just like a parade of soldiers on a matching spree.

The best of times came when she realized I had fallen in love with her. She somehow started drawing close to me. It came to my realization that she had accepted my feelings toward her. These were happy moments in my life. My world revolved around her; she was all that mattered to me. It was amazing because everything she said to me was worth listening to. She brought much joy to my life and put me in a state of mind that I had never been in before.

More than ever, I started being careful with the way I dressed and made my hair. I was generally careful with the way I carried myself around her and even the way I talked and walked. Before I knew it, I had withdrawn from my other friends to spend more time with my new wonder.

I was generally changing everything around me to accommodate her into my life. Not even family outings mattered. In most cases, I had to excuse myself to finish up my homework; yes, my new homework of creating more time to be with her. It was wonderful that even in my dreams, she was there. I vividly remember us walking on the beach, feeling the strong wind brushing against our shoulders. Walking hand in hand, slowly and uniformly, we left a trail of footprints behind us on the soft Caribbean sand, which, unfortunately, were quickly washed away by the ocean waves. The sun was setting, and its glare was not intense but soft enough to be watched.

The soft sunrays softly struck the water’s surface and made the area around us beautiful. To me, it was a small heaven crowned by the presence of the one I loved. Her laughter soothed my mind, and I have always regretted waking up from that dream.

The experience of falling in love is great. Falling in love turned my world around and changed the priorities of many things in my life. She became the top agendum and priority in my life. My thoughts and actions were always meant to impress her. No amount of sacrifice was enough for her; I found it exceedingly easy to sacrifice anything in my life for her. The great feeling I felt being with her was all I needed. Maybe I had become blind to other things in life, and probably this is a better reason to view love as being blind.

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Ethical leaders: An essay about being in love

• Behavioral Aspects Of Business Ethics
• Published: May 1992
• Volume 11 , pages 479–484, ( 1992 )

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• James M. Kouzes 1 , 2 &
• Barry Z. Posner 1 , 2  

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What it means to be an ethical leader is the focus of this paper. Leadership is more than an affair of the head, but fundamentally also one of the heart. Leaders are in love. Four essential and practical considerations are presented for discovering, developing, and using this perspective.

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James M. Kouzes & Barry Z. Posner

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James M. Kouzes is President of The Tom Peters Group/Learning Systems (Palo Alto, CA) and Barry Z. Posner is Associate Dean (Academic Programs) and Professor of Management, Santa Clara University (Santa Clara, CA). They have written The Leadership Challenge: How to Get Extraordinary Things Done in Organizations (Jossey-Bass, 1987) and are currently exploring what people look for in leaders and the essence of effective working relationships.

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Kouzes, J.M., Posner, B.Z. Ethical leaders: An essay about being in love. J Bus Ethics 11 , 479–484 (1992). https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00870559

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DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00870559

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Guest Essay

The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex

By Peggy Orenstein

Ms. Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”

For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.

As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.

I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens . As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.

Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him ?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.

I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom , Australia , Iceland , New Zealand and Italy .

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study , Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault . Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.

“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”

Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.

Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.

According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.

The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.

By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).

I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.

Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.

Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.

I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”

I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.

The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.

Peggy Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

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An earlier version of this article misstated the network on which “Californication” first appeared. It is Showtime, not HBO. The article also misspelled a book and film title. It is “Fifty Shades of Grey,” not “Fifty Shades of Gray.”

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