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How to write the tmdsas personal characteristics essay.

Reviewed by:

Jonathan Preminger

Former Admissions Committee Member, Hofstra-Northwell School of Medicine

Reviewed: 6/23/23

Applying through the TMDSAS? Read on to learn more about personal characteristics essays for TMDSAS schools! 

If you’re preparing to apply to medical school, you’re probably familiar with AMCAS . However, if you’re planning to apply to medical, dental, or veterinary school in Texas, you’ll need to apply using the Texas Medical & Dental Schools Application Service (TMDSAS) .

On top of your personal statement, you’ll need to write a personal characteristics essay. We’ll highlight everything you need to know about the TMDSAS personal characteristics essay and how to craft a narrative that maximizes your chances of getting accepted into your dream Texas medical school .

Get The Ultimate Guide on Writing an Unforgettable Personal Statement

Purpose of the TMDSAS ‍

Texas is a large and populous state; the purpose of the TMDSAS is to provide a centralized application service for Texas-only medical, dental, and veterinary schools. 

In fact, the TMDSAS pre-dates the AMCAS! The following medical schools participate in the TMDSAS network:

• The Baylor College of Medicine
• The Long School of Medicine at UT Health San Antonio
• The McGovern Medical School at UT Health Houston
• The Sam Houston State University College of Osteopathic Medicine
• The Texas A&M College of Medicine
• The Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Paul L. Foster School of Medicine at El Paso
• The Texas Tech University Health Science Center School of Medicine at Lubbock
• The University of Houston College of Medicine
• The University of North Texas Health Science Center Texas College of Osteopathic Medicine
• The University of Texas at Austin Dell Medical School
• The University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston
• The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley School of Medicine
• The University of Texas Southwestern Medical School

Two Texas medical schools don’t participate in the TMDSAS:

• The TCU and UNTHSC School of Medicine requires applicants to use the AMCAS .
• The University of the Incarnate Word School of Osteopathic Medicine requires applicants to use AACOMAS . 

Be sure to stay up-to-date with Texas medical school application procedures and visit the school websites to use the correct application portal.

TMDSAS Essay Overview ‍

Like AMCAS , the TMDSAS also requires a personal statement. The TMDSAS requires a personal characteristics essay and allows candidates to write an additional optional essay. 

The personal characteristics essay is unique to TMDSAS, so let’s highlight some key information, such as its purpose, tips on how to write a compelling narrative, and sample personal characteristics essays that thoroughly answer the prompt.

Purpose of the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay

The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay must be 2,500 characters or fewer (including spaces). Applicants must respond to the following prompt:

“Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.”

The way this prompt is worded might sound confusing and challenging, but we can simplify it – you can think of this as a diversity essay . Diversity has different contexts for this prompt. These may include your: 

• Unique background (ethnic, racial, socioeconomic, etc.) 
• Perspectives
• Ideas, talents, or skills
• Experiences
• Critical thinking

A strong personal characteristics essay connects your diverse background to medical school and illustrates how your peers, program, and the medical school can benefit from your diversity. 

Every entering class consists of diverse students with differing cultures, upbringings, socioeconomic statuses, birthplaces, educational experiences, and more. A diverse student body can expose students to new perspectives, insights, and information. 

This student body can challenge one another to grow, empathize with others, and foster a global mindset that is open, accepting, and critical in medicine. This is the heart of the personal characteristics essay, and what medical schools are looking for in future leaders – how will you add diversity and value to the class? 

How to Write the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay

The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay is only 2,500 characters, including spaces, so every word must count. Here are tips for writing a strong and compelling personal characteristics essay:

1. Brainstorm Ideas That Demonstrate Your Diversity

Brainstorming is an effective technique to recall memories and experiences you can write about. You aren’t editing or revising your thoughts; don’t worry about grammar, structure, or spelling at this stage. 

You simply want to write down every idea that comes to you that may be relevant to your narrative. Here’s a list of questions to get started with thinking about diversity:

• Who are you at your core, and what experience(s) defined you?
• How do you identify yourself?
• Where did you grow up, and what was it like to live there?
• What was your family like?
• What have you done or experienced that shaped who you are today?
• Have you traveled abroad?
• Have you learned another language?
• Did you serve in the military?
• Have you volunteered in your community?
• Are you a part of any teams, groups, or organizations?
• Have you suffered or had to overcome disability, injury, or illness?
• Have you been a caregiver for someone with a disability or illness?
• Have you had to face and overcome rejection?
• Have you been bullied? How did you overcome it?

2. Pick Your Most Meaningful Anecdotes

After brainstorming, pick one to three stories that fulfill the prompt and are meaningful in your pursuit of medicine. Remember, you don’t want to choose similar experiences to those outlined in your personal statement! 

3. Outline the Structure of Your Essay

Create an outline to structure and organize your essay. Although the personal characteristics essay is relatively short, you want your narrative to flow. 

The essay should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion:

4. Write Your First Draft 

After completing your outline, begin writing your first draft. Your tone should be professional yet conversational – you don’t want to be too stiff or casual.

It’s important to show rather than tell; instead of writing “I am compassionate,” tell a story that conveys your compassion. Remember, your first draft doesn’t have to be perfect, and it may even exceed the word limit the first time – changes can be made in the next step. 

5. Edit Your Work 

Review your first draft for spelling, grammar, clarity, and sentence structure errors. If there are weak sentences, cross them out and rewrite them. You can also check for concision – does every word serve a purpose? Eliminate wordy phrases to leave more room for rich descriptions. 

The introduction should flow seamlessly to the body and the body to the conclusion. Another pair of eyes can help provide a fresh perspective on your work – consider an admissions counselor’s help to ensure your writing aligns with what Texan med schools seek! 

TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay Examples

Here are some personal characteristics essay samples to help inspire you as you write your own drafts:

TMDSAS Essay Example #1 

Here’s the first TMDSAS essay example: 

“Being South Asian, I have firsthand knowledge of what it means not to access basic healthcare. As a child, my mother took me to Pakistan every year, where I spent summers with my grandfather, a top pediatrician in the nation. He had a free clinic attached to his home in Faisalabad, and his practice was so renowned and respected that people from all over the country would travel great distances to have my grandfather treat their children.  Pakistan is a developing country where a significant part of the population remains illiterate and uneducated due to the lack of resources and opportunities. This population is the most vulnerable, with extremely high numbers of infectious disease and mortality rates. Yet, it is entirely underserved. With the lack of hospitals, clinics, and doctor’s offices in rural Pakistan, parents of ailing children must travel great distances and wait in long lines to receive proper healthcare.  Every summer at my grandfather’s clinic, from ages five to seventeen, my job was to open the doors to long lines of tired, hungry, and thirsty parents with their sick children. I would pass out bottled water and pieces of fruit. I would record names, where the patients came from, and reasons for their visit. I would scurry back inside with the information for my grandfather to assess, and then he’d send me running back out again to let the next family inside. I learned in my formative years how to communicate with diverse patient populations with special needs and lack of basic necessities. I learned to listen to every family’s unique reasons for their visit, and some of their desperation and pleading for the lives of their children will stay with me forever. When I get into medical school, I hope to share the story of how Gulzarah carried her dehydrated daughter for twelve miles in the Pakistani summer heat without rest (thanks to my grandfather, she later made a full recovery). I want to tell my peers that doctors like my grandfather are not only healers in biology but healers in spirit when he made up heroic songs for the children and sang the fear out of their hearts. I want to show my peers that patients are unique individuals who have suffered and sacrificed to trust us with their healthcare, so we must honor their trust by providing quality treatment and empathy. My formative experiences in pediatrics contributed to my globally conscious mindset, and I look forward to sharing these diverse insights in my medical career.”  This essay connects the writer’s ethnic background and experiences interacting with underserved patients.  The communication skills they learned, their experiences with diverse individuals, and the stories patients shared with them will allow them to add diversity to the incoming class while sharing new insights and perspectives with their peers.  

TMDSAS Essay Example #2

This diversity essay example was adapted from a personal statement but still checks the boxes to showcase the author’s experiences and interests:

“Hatha yoga emphasizes the ability to sculpt the human form into a fit, healthy, balanced vehicle for self-awareness and discovery…My instructor, John, encouraged me to push myself further until full splits and headstands could be achieved with ease. Yoga therapy and instruction became a way for me to connect to people in many aspects of my life…  I cherish the diversity I encounter. It is what excites and motivates me. My study of yoga grew from my interest in exploring the philosophies of Eastern cultures. Traveling, mostly independently, to over 20 countries and living in Germany challenged me to continuously learn more about the diverse world around me. Ordinary tasks such as getting water and preparing food can become unique challenges as different modes of operation and cultural differences come into play. Incorporating “sanuk,” the Thai description for playful contentment, became a key tool for overcoming the obstacles of traveling alone in Asia.  Living abroad afforded me the opportunity to learn a language in a shorter time than studying in an English-speaking environment. Having studied Spanish and German encouraged me to be precise in the messages I want to convey. As I continue to travel, I am touched by the sincere desire and efforts of people to improve their English speaking skills. This invigorated my desire, and I find myself jumping at the opportunity to practice my language skills. These experiences will be valuable resources in establishing trust and building thoughtful communication with patients… Since college, I have been committed to volunteer work as a means of improving social conditions and quality of life. As a therapist, I offered massages and yoga instruction to low-income individuals in exchange for donations to Habit for Humanity and Doctors Without Borders. I was able to raise hundreds of dollars for these organizations while providing massages to people who would ordinarily not be able to afford such services. …Observing work done in hospitals in India provided an insight into the ways in which I can incorporate a desire to work in underserved communities into my career as a physician… Though the path I have chosen may be arduous at times, my practice of yoga, meditation, and mindfulness will help keep my own physical and emotional health in balance. It is this integrated balance, along with a sincere desire to help people, that I have to share with my community and the medical profession.”  This diversity essay showcases the writer’s passion for yoga and how their pursuit of new experiences in new places invigorates them. While they connect their travels and other experiences to how it will help them become a better doctor, they could have been more direct about what they could teach their peers. 

TMDSAS Essay Example #3  

Here’s another TMDSAS personal characteristics essay sample : 

“I grew up in a household of six, and I am the youngest of four siblings, with two older brothers and one older sister. I spent the first eighteen years of my life living in Cedar Hill, a suburb of Dallas with a population of 50,000 and around 50% of that being Black. All of my siblings played sports, and everyone was very competitive, but in a good way…It was more about doing better than your previous best than being the other person. This was especially true after I became a swimmer in higher school. Before every race, my swim coaches always made sure to tell me that it was me against the clock, not against the people who were swimming around me. It instilled in me a very internally motivated hard work ethic. I want to improve myself because I know that my full potential has not been reached, not because other people are doing better. As a medical student, this will only make me a better doctor, as I will always be striving to become a better caregiver than I was before, whether that means learning more about the body and disease or learning how to become more compassionate so that I can serve my patients to the best of my ability. But hard work is not all that is necessary for success.  My life has been heavily affected by my Blackness. My dad used to give me lessons on what to do if I were stopped by the police. He said that because of the color of my skin, I would have to be as subservient as possible that there was less of a chance of my name becoming another hashtag. When I walked to school, I saw confederate flags flying on people’s houses. I was told, “You’re so lucky you’re black,” referring the the advantage in college admissions people thought I received because of my race, disregarding the struggles that come with growing up black, including the criminalization of Black people. The same criminalization that has a very negative impact on Black people, causing us to see things such as the color of our skin as negative…But because I had such a strong support system and grew up in a family full of Black role models, I did not see my Blackness as a detriment, but something to be celebrated.  It is important and uplifting to see people who look like you as successful. It is even more important that you have a connection with these people, and my Blackness taught me the value of mentorship. If I had not had powerful Black people pouring into me, things would be a lot different. Because mentorship influenced me so much, I became a mentor while at Vanderbilt, leading mentorship organizations such as Project I Am and After School Program. I want to continue to be a mentor and role model as I pursue my career as a doctor, being a positive example for aspiring Black doctors and communities of color in general. Yes, hard work is necessary to succeed, and you will accomplish much by being hard-working, but you need mentors and role models. Everyone needs someone to look up to who will guide, encourage and care for them.”  This essay showcases various aspects of the writer’s background, interests, and insights. They’ve seamlessly tied their home upbringing, racial identity, perspectives on competition, and appreciation for mentorship.  They clearly reference how they want to be a mentor and role model for other doctors who are Black or POC. 

Still have questions about the TMDSAS’ personal characteristics essay? Then check out these FAQs! 

1. What Does Diversity Mean in the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay? 

For the TMDSAS essay, diversity doesn’t only mean racial, ethnic, socioeconomic, or gender diversity. You can broaden the definition and think of any unique event or experience that’s meaningful and shows how your acceptance would benefit your peers.

2. What’s the Difference Between the TMDSAS Personal Statement and Personal Characteristics Essay?

The personal statement addresses why you’re the right candidate for med school. The personal characteristics essay focuses on your diversity and the insights you can bring to the class to educate your peers and add value to the program.

3. What Do I Write About In My Personal Characteristics Essay? 

Ideally, one to three events or experiences are sufficient to answer the prompt. It’s better to have quality over quantity. The essay should be clear, well-organized, and professional. It’s easier to achieve a compelling, coherent essay by focusing on a couple of key ideas.

4. What Should I Avoid in My Personal Characteristics Essay?

Some things to avoid in your TMDSAS essay include rehashing your resume, writing controversial or alienating statements, being overly negative or critical, not editing, using filler words, and lying or embellishing. 

5. What Is the Character Limit of the TMDSAS Essays?

The TMDSAS personal statement is 5,000 characters (including spaces). The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay is 2,500 characters (including spaces). 

Final Thoughts 

The personal characteristics essay is a required TMDSAS component that shares your diversity and how it would enhance the entering class. With our guide, you’re well on your way to crafting a successful TMDSAS personal characteristics essay that showcases your diversity, fit, background, and experiences! 

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Personal Characteristics Essay: Top Examples and Tips for Successful Writing

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When it comes to writing a personal characteristics essay, there are several important factors to consider to ensure that your essay stands out from the rest. This type of essay requires you to talk about your personal traits and characteristics and how they have shaped your life experiences and decisions. Writing a personal characteristics essay can be daunting, but with the right strategies and techniques, you can craft an impressive essay that leaves a lasting impression.

Understanding the Purpose of a Personal Characteristics Essay

Before diving into the writing process, it's essential to understand the purpose of a personal characteristics essay. The purpose of this type of essay is to showcase your unique qualities and characteristics, which makes you stand out from the rest. It's an opportunity for the reader to gain insight into your personality and the way you think. Your essay should not only provide a description of your traits but also demonstrate how they influence your actions and decisions.

Additionally, a personal characteristics essay can also serve as a tool for self-reflection and personal growth. Through the process of writing about your traits and how they have impacted your life, you may gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your values. This type of essay can also help you identify areas for improvement and set goals for personal development.

How to Choose a Topic for Your Personal Characteristics Essay

Choosing the right topic for your personal characteristics essay is crucial. You want to select a topic that not only reflects your personality but also allows you to showcase your writing skills. Start by brainstorming a list of traits and characteristics that define you. From there, select a topic that highlights one or two of these traits. Think about a situation that showcases these traits and how you overcame a challenge or learned a valuable lesson.

Another important factor to consider when choosing a topic for your personal characteristics essay is your audience. Think about who will be reading your essay and what they might be interested in learning about you. Consider selecting a topic that is relatable and relevant to your audience, while still highlighting your unique qualities.

It's also important to remember that your personal characteristics essay should not just be a list of traits or accomplishments. Instead, focus on telling a story that illustrates your personality and how it has shaped your experiences and perspectives. Choose a topic that allows you to delve deeper into your personal journey and share insights that will resonate with your readers.

Brainstorming Techniques for Your Personal Characteristics Essay

Brainstorming is an essential step in the writing process. It allows you to generate ideas and make connections between them. Try using mind maps or free-writing to get your ideas down on paper. You might also consider asking friends or family members what they think your most prominent traits are to get an outside perspective.

Another effective technique for brainstorming your personal characteristics essay is to reflect on your past experiences and how they have shaped you. Think about challenges you have faced and how you overcame them, or moments of success and how they have contributed to your personal growth. These experiences can provide valuable insight into your character and help you identify key traits to highlight in your essay.

The Importance of Organizing Your Thoughts and Ideas

Once you've generated your ideas, it's time to organize them. Start by creating an outline that includes the main points you want to make in your essay. Your outline should also include the introduction, body, and conclusion sections of your essay. Organizing your thoughts and ideas will help you stay on track and ensure that you cover all the necessary points in your essay.

Moreover, organizing your thoughts and ideas can also help you identify any gaps in your argument or areas where you need to do more research. By creating an outline, you can see where you need to add more information or examples to support your points. This can help you create a more well-rounded and convincing essay.

Additionally, organizing your thoughts and ideas can also help you save time in the long run. When you have a clear outline to follow, you can write your essay more efficiently and effectively. You won't waste time trying to figure out what to write next or how to structure your essay. Instead, you can focus on writing high-quality content that supports your thesis statement and engages your readers.

Tips for Writing a Strong Introduction to Your Essay

The introduction to your essay is crucial as it sets the tone for the rest of your essay. Your introduction should grab the reader's attention and entice them to keep reading. Consider starting with a hook, such as a quote, an anecdote, or a question. Your introduction should also include your thesis statement, which outlines the main point of your essay.

In addition to a hook and thesis statement, your introduction should also provide some background information on the topic you are writing about. This can help to contextualize your essay and give the reader a better understanding of the subject matter. However, be careful not to include too much information in your introduction, as it can become overwhelming and detract from the main point of your essay.

The Art of Developing a Compelling Thesis Statement

Your thesis statement should be concise and clear. It should provide a roadmap for the rest of your essay. Think about the main point you want to make and how you plan on supporting it throughout your essay. Make sure your thesis statement is arguable and specific.

Supporting Your Claims with Relevant Examples and Evidence

To make your essay more compelling, you should back up your claims and arguments with relevant examples and evidence. This will help your reader understand the extent of your personal qualities and how they have impacted your life experiences. Make sure to include specific examples from your life that illustrate the qualities you're discussing in your essay.

One effective way to provide evidence for your claims is to use statistics or data that support your argument. For example, if you're writing an essay about the benefits of exercise, you could include statistics about the number of people who have improved their health through regular exercise. This will add credibility to your argument and make it more convincing.

Another way to support your claims is to use expert opinions or quotes from reputable sources. This can help to strengthen your argument and show that you have done your research on the topic. Be sure to properly cite any sources you use in your essay.

The Power of Descriptive Writing: Painting a Vivid Picture with Words

Descriptive writing is a powerful tool that can be used to paint a vivid picture of your experiences and personality in your essay. Use sensory details to help your reader visualize your experiences. Consider incorporating metaphors or similes to make your writing more interesting and engaging.

Adding Depth and Complexity to Your Essay through Analysis and Reflection

Analysis and reflection are essential elements of an outstanding personal characteristics essay. Once you have described your traits and experiences, you should analyze how they have contributed to your personal growth and development. Reflection is also important as it allows you to consider how you might apply your characteristics to future situations.

The Benefits of Peer Review and Collaboration in Essay Writing

Collaborating with others can be immensely helpful in refining your essay. You might consider having a friend or family member review your essay and provide feedback. Peer review can help you identify areas where your essay needs improvement and provide suggestions for how to improve it.

Strategies for Effective Editing and Proofreading

Editing and proofreading are crucial steps in the writing process. Once you have completed your essay, take a break and come back to it with fresh eyes. Look for errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Make sure to also check that your essay flows logically and that your arguments are well-supported.

Addressing Common Pitfalls in Personal Characteristics Essays

One common pitfall in personal characteristics essays is focusing too much on describing your traits instead of analyzing how they have impacted your life experiences. Another common pitfall is using cliches or generic language instead of making your essay unique and interesting. Be sure to avoid these pitfalls to ensure your essay stands out.

Using Keywords and Meta Tags to Optimize Your Essay for Search Engines

If you plan on publishing your essay online, you might consider optimizing it for search engines such as Google. This involves using keywords and meta tags in your essay that will help it appear higher in search results. Be sure to research the most popular keywords related to your topic and include them strategically in your essay.

Crafting an Impressive Conclusion that Leaves a Lasting Impression

Finally, your conclusion should leave a lasting impression on the reader. Summarize your main points and reiterate your thesis statement. Think about what you want your reader to take away from your essay. Consider ending with a call to action or a memorable quote.

Writing a personal characteristics essay can be a challenging task, but with the right strategies and techniques, you can craft an impressive essay that showcases your unique qualities and characteristics. By following the tips outlined above, you'll be well on your way to writing a successful personal characteristics essay that leaves a lasting impression.

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September 14, 2023

Writing Your Essays for the TMDSAS (Texas Medical and Dental Schools Application Service)

The Texas Medical and Dental Schools Application Service (TMDSAS) has its own application process. You can begin filling out the organization’s electronic application on May 1, similar to the AMCAS application . On the TMDSAS application, there are two required essays and one optional essay. 

Ready to get to work on your TMDSAS application? Read on. 

TMDSAS application essay tips

Tmdsas medical application deadlines and important dates, personal characteristics essay (required of all applicants).

Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.

The personal characteristics essay is limited to 2500 characters, including spaces.

The Accepted consultants recently had a productive discussion about the Personal Characteristics Essay from this year’s TMDSAS application.

Is this primarily a diversity question ? A question about one’s unique educational experiences? A combination?

Here’s what Dr. Herman (Flash) Gordon , one of our expert med school consultants, had to say:

“As a med school educator and former chair of admissions, I see this as a purposeful question. Medical education is changing from the old didactic style to peer-peer education (a subset of “interactive learning”). Typical models are case-based instruction, team learning, and [think-]pair-share. For this to be most effective, there needs to be something to learn from your peers. In general, the more diverse your peers, the more you will learn.

“So I see this prompt as trying to elicit how well the candidate will fit into the new model of med ed. It would be good for applicants to describe experience with such educational models and to reflect on what they got out of the experience, as well as what they were able to contribute to others.”

In other words, this is both a diversity essay and something more than that. The prompt is asking you to think through the ways that your unique background and experiences will help you contribute to an evolving peer-to-peer education model. Being able to discuss previous experiences in a meaningful way will help you here.

A diversity essay, like any personal essay, can be anxiety producing for applicants: some people get caught up in telling the stories they think the committee wants to hear (without putting their own unique imprint on them) or block their writing process by convincing themselves they don’t have an experience worth sharing .

The best essays will also reveal the outcomes of each activity. Because this essay is only a half page in length, be strategic in selecting your characteristics – the best examples will show how well you work with others . Be honest! Have fun with this one.

Medical applicant personal statement

Explain your motivation to seek a career in medicine. Be sure to include the value of your experiences that prepare you to be a physician. (max 5000 characters)

The length of this essay equals roughly one page. If you have already written a personal statement for the AMCAS application, you can adapt that essay to this purpose. If not, we recommend creating a timeline of your life that includes all the important events that have encouraged you to become a doctor. You can begin with your childhood, if relevant. This might be the only place in your application that you can discuss your activities or volunteer work from middle and/or high school. Make sure you cover the most important details of your preparation for a career in medicine.

Optional essay (all applicants)

There is one optional essay available for all applicants. This essay is an opportunity to provide the admissions committee(s) with a broader picture of who you are as an applicant. The essay is optional; however, you are strongly encouraged to take advantage of this opportunity.

Briefly discuss any unique circumstances or life experiences that are relevant to your application, which have not previously been presented. Optional Essay is limited to 2500 characters, including spaces.

Even though this is labeled an “optional” essay, it’s not really optional . It will hurt your application if you do not write it. Looking through what you have already covered in your other essays, are there any challenges or unique circumstances that you have overcome? If you struggled academically or with the MCAT, this section would be the most appropriate place to address any concerns that the selection committee might have about your application. Do you speak any other languages? Have you completed a medical mission in another country? Or do you have a unique approach to leadership that you would like to discuss in more depth? This section will allow you to go into detail about anything you feel would be important for the selection committee to know about you.

**Disclaimer: Information is subject to change. Please check with TMDSAS directly to verify its essay questions, instructions, and deadlines.***

Source: The TMDSAS website

If you get stuck on any of these essays, it can be helpful to have the guidance of an expert. We recommend that you start your essays early to avoid the stress of an impending deadline. Most students do their best work when they are not under the pressure of a deadline.

You need to work hard if you want to submit a winning TMDSAS application – and we can help! Check out , which provide complete application guidance, from conceptualization to final review. Your experienced consultant will guide you through your entire application, ensuring that you make the best use of your time to create a compelling portrait of yourself as a future leader in the medical field.

For 25 years, Accepted has helped applicants gain acceptance to their dream healthcare programs. Our outstanding team of admissions consultants features former admissions directors, admissions committee members, pre-health advisors, postbac program directors, and doctors. Our staff has guided applicants to acceptance at allopathic (MD) and osteopathic (DO) medical schools, residencies and fellowships, dental schools, veterinarian schools, and physician assistant programs at top schools, including Harvard, Stanford, Penn, UCSF, Johns Hopkins, and Columbia. Want an admissions expert to help you get Accepted? Click here to get in touch!

Related Resources:

• The Quick Guide to Acing Your TMDSAS Application , a free guide
• Do’s and Don’ts of Medical School Recommendation Letters
• Teamwork in Medical School Admissions: How to Show You’ve Got It

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• After Submitting

Essays CANNOT be changed after submitting under any circumstances.

This is your opportunity to shine in a way that is less driven by data and more driven by your personal experiences and your unique perspective.

4 Things to Remember About Essays

• Timing - The application can time out on you, especially when completing this lengthy portion. Avoid losing your essays or other data by saving frequently!
• Spacing - Watch your spacing! Remember that the character count includes spaces.
• Abbreviations - Spell out all words. Do not use shorthand or abbreviations.
• Formatting - Avoid formatting issues by typing your essay directly into the TMDSAS application, rather than copying and pasting your essay from word processor programs. Copying formatted text into the application may result in issues that cannot be edited once your application has been submitted.

Dental Applicant Personal Statement  

The personal essay asks you to explain your motivation to seek a career in dentistry. You are asked to discuss your philosophy of the dental profession and indicate your goals relevant to the profession.

The essay is limited to 5000 characters, including spaces.

Medical Applicant Personal Statement  

The personal essay asks you to explain your motivation to seek a career in medicine. You are asked to include the value of your experiences that prepare you to be a physician.

Podiatry Applicant Personal Statement 

The personal essay asks you to explain your motivation to seek a career in podiatry. You are asked to include the value of your experiences that prepare you to be a physician.

Veterinary Applicant Personal Statement 

The personal essay asks you to describe opportunities and challenges (veterinary-related and non-veterinary-related) you have experienced and how these have helped to prepare you to enter the veterinary profession.

Personal Characteristics 

Required of all applicants - new prompt for ey 2025.

A key aspect of holistic review includes the consideration of applicants' attributes within the context of their experiences and academic metrics. 

Describe any personal qualities, characteristics, and/or lived experiences that could enrich the educational experience of others. (5000 Characters)

Optional Essay 

There is one optional essay available for all applicants. This essay is an opportunity to provide the admissions committee(s) with a broader picture of who you are as an applicant. The essay is optional; however, you are strongly encouraged to take advantage of this opportunity.

Optional Essay:

Briefly discuss any unique circumstances or life experiences that are relevant to your application, which have not previously been presented. Optional Essay is limited to 2500 characters, including spaces.

• Additional Essays

DO/PhD & MD/PhD Program Essays

• Explain your motivation to seek a MD/PhD or DO/PhD dual Discuss your research interests and career goals as an applicant to a dual degree program.
• Describe your significant research Include the name and title of your research mentor as well as your contributions to the project. List any publications that have resulted from your work.

Each essay is limited to 5000 characters, including spaces.

DDS/PhD Program Essays

• Explain your motivation to seek a DDS/PhD dual
• Describe your significant research experiences, research interests and career goals as appropriate for an applicant to the DDS/PhD dual degree program.

Table of Contents

• Dental - Personal Statement
• Medical - Personal Statement
• Podiatry - Personal Statement
• Veterinary - Personal Statement
• Personal Characteristics
• Optional Essay

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• Knowledge Base
• College essay

How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples

Published on September 21, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on May 31, 2023.

An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability. Your essay shouldn’t just be a resume of your experiences; colleges are looking for a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

To write about your achievements and qualities without sounding arrogant, use specific stories to illustrate them. You can also write about challenges you’ve faced or mistakes you’ve made to show vulnerability and personal growth.

Table of contents

Start with self-reflection, how to write about challenges and mistakes, how to write about your achievements and qualities, how to write about a cliché experience, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

Before you start writing, spend some time reflecting to identify your values and qualities. You should do a comprehensive brainstorming session, but here are a few questions to get you started:

• What are three words your friends or family would use to describe you, and why would they choose them?
• Whom do you admire most and why?
• What are the top five things you are thankful for?
• What has inspired your hobbies or future goals?
• What are you most proud of? Ashamed of?

As you self-reflect, consider how your values and goals reflect your prospective university’s program and culture, and brainstorm stories that demonstrate the fit between the two.

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Writing about difficult experiences can be an effective way to show authenticity and create an emotional connection to the reader, but choose carefully which details to share, and aim to demonstrate how the experience helped you learn and grow.

Be vulnerable

It’s not necessary to have a tragic story or a huge confession. But you should openly share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to evoke an emotional response from the reader. Even a cliché or mundane topic can be made interesting with honest reflection. This honesty is a preface to self-reflection and insight in the essay’s conclusion.

Don’t overshare

With difficult topics, you shouldn’t focus too much on negative aspects. Instead, use your challenging circumstances as a brief introduction to how you responded positively.

Share what you have learned

It’s okay to include your failure or mistakes in your essay if you include a lesson learned. After telling a descriptive, honest story, you should explain what you learned and how you applied it to your life.

While it’s good to sell your strengths, you also don’t want to come across as arrogant. Instead of just stating your extracurricular activities, achievements, or personal qualities, aim to discreetly incorporate them into your story.

Brag indirectly

Mention your extracurricular activities or awards in passing, not outright, to avoid sounding like you’re bragging from a resume.

Use stories to prove your qualities

Even if you don’t have any impressive academic achievements or extracurriculars, you can still demonstrate your academic or personal character. But you should use personal examples to provide proof. In other words, show evidence of your character instead of just telling.

Many high school students write about common topics such as sports, volunteer work, or their family. Your essay topic doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, but do try to include unexpected personal details and your authentic voice to make your essay stand out .

To find an original angle, try these techniques:

• Focus on a specific moment, and describe the scene using your five senses.
• Mention objects that have special significance to you.
• Instead of following a common story arc, include a surprising twist or insight.

Your unique voice can shed new perspective on a common human experience while also revealing your personality. When read out loud, the essay should sound like you are talking.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

First, spend time reflecting on your core values and character . You can start with these questions:

However, you should do a comprehensive brainstorming session to fully understand your values. Also consider how your values and goals match your prospective university’s program and culture. Then, brainstorm stories that illustrate the fit between the two.

When writing about yourself , including difficult experiences or failures can be a great way to show vulnerability and authenticity, but be careful not to overshare, and focus on showing how you matured from the experience.

Through specific stories, you can weave your achievements and qualities into your essay so that it doesn’t seem like you’re bragging from a resume.

Include specific, personal details and use your authentic voice to shed a new perspective on a common human experience.

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Courault, K. (2023, May 31). How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples. Scribbr. Retrieved September 9, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/college-essay/write-about-yourself/

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• Medical School Application

TMDSAS Personal Statement Examples

If you are applying to medical schools in Texas, you must learn how to write an outstanding TMDSAS personal statement. In this blog, we will go over three TMDSAS personal statement examples and examine what makes them successful. Our analysis and tips will help you craft a winning personal statement for your TMDSAS application.

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Article Contents 17 min read

If you're applying to dental, veterinary or medical schools in Texas, you'll have to apply through the Texas Medical and Dental School Application Service, known as TMDSAS. Check out our ultimate guide to TMDSAS to find out everything you need to know about applying to schools using this system, including your primary application essays.

TMDSAS application page:

(885 words)

I’ll never forget the day I met Sun Li. Our backgrounds could not have been more different. She was an illegal immigrant fleeing poverty and persecution in her homeland, forced to sometimes seek help at the North York Women’s Shelter – mostly, when she couldn’t pay her rent from her measly earnings as a waitress at a local restaurant. And I was the rich, privileged girl, venturing outside my comfort zone to volunteer at the shelter in an idealistic attempt to make a difference in the world. And yet, Sun Li changed my life in a way that I can never forget.

It was 6 am on a Thursday morning and I was 30 minutes away from the end of my shift as volunteer at the shelter. At that moment, Sun Li staggered in, clutching in front of her something bright and red and ugly – her arm, covered in terrible burns. Though shaken, I was prepared. Assessing her injury, I knew based on my first-aid training that she needed professional help. I reached out to call for help – and with her good arm, she grabbed my hand and stopped me. Her next words are etched in my memory: “Don’t call doctor. I don’t have my papers. They will send me back.” For this woman, our health system wasn’t a safe haven in case of an emergency, it was the menacing villain of her story. I’ll never forget her desperation and how helpless I felt in that moment. It took me an hour of frantic calls to find a free clinic in the area that would treat a patient without papers. And in that hour, Sun Li’s injuries got worse. Her arm was permanently disfigured due to scars that could have been easily avoided with quick treatment. It was my job to help Sun Li, and all I could think was how we, as a society, had failed her.

It was this incident that sparked my passion for health care reform. While I had always had an interest in medicine, I knew then that it wasn’t enough for me just to be a doctor – I had to be a doctor who helped people like Sun Li, the ones who needed our help the most, and who often never got it.

• This essay starts out strong, with an emotionally resonant opening that ties in logically with her passion for medicine. She follows it up with a meaningful personal experience that had a direct impact on her decision to pursue medicine as a career, and also showcases her leadership qualities and commitment to teamwork.
• The essay has a memorable central theme of the writer’s desire to help vulnerable populations and the importance of teamwork. Every example ties into this central theme while also illustrating the range and breadth of the writer’s skills and achievements. Through both medical and non-medical experiences and timely reflections, the writer is able to highlight their suitability for medicine.
• This essay also demonstrates the writer’s ability to self-reflect, and clearly documents their personal growth and changing mindset that has led them to apply for medical school. This shows the admissions committees her commitment to medicine and her ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

Why TMDSAS?

A lot of students applying to medical, dental or veterinary school in Texas are surprised to find out that Texas uses its own application service, TMDSAS. So why TMDSAS instead of AMCAS? TMDSAS was actually created first, in 1968, as the UT System Medical and Dental Application Center, two years prior to the creation of AMCAS in 1970. It was designed to be a central application service that would benefit both applicants and participating schools.

Did you know that non-residents cannot make up more than 10% of matriculants at medical schools in Texas?

Medical Schools

Baylor College of Medicine

The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center

The University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston

Long School of Medicine, UT Health San Antonio

McGovern Medical School at UT Health at Houston

The University of Texas at Austin, Dell Medical School

The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley School of Medicine 

Texas A&M Health Science Center, College of Medicine

Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Paul L. Foster School of Medicine at El Paso

University of North Texas HSC - Texas College of Osteopathic Medicine

Texas Tech University Health Science Center School of Medicine at Lubbock

Sam Houston State University College of Osteopathic Medicine  

University of Houston College of Medicine  

Texas A&M University College of Dentistry

Texas Tech University Woody L. Hunt School of Dental Medicine

The University of Texas Health San Antonio School of Dentistry

The University of Texas Health School of Dentistry at Houston 

Veterinary Schools

Texas A&M University College of Veterinary Medicine

Texas Tech University School of Veterinary Medicine

Our TMDSAS personal statement examples video covers everything you need to know:

TMDSAS Personal Statement Example #2

(864 words).

48° 35’ 20” N, 115° 29’ 28” W – The GPS flashed the coordinates of my workplace for the day, Ross Creek, situated in the heart of Kootenai National Forest. I was in the middle of a summer long project to assess stream health based on the macroinvertebrate population. I dropped my backpack overflowing with bug nets, water filters and granola bars, and basked in the shade of the ancient cedars. When was the last time anyone had ventured this far? I considered myself lucky to see this hidden world suspended in time. This experience ignited my passion for discovery and interest in the unknown.

My curiosity drove me to apply to graduate school. This time; however, the path to success couldn’t be found on a GPS. My first semester challenged me academically. I struggled to balance the amount of reading in my classes with the time required to complete my experiments. I spent endless nights analyzing my flow cytometry results while trying to comprehend the difference in subpopulations of CD8+ T-cells. However, in Dr. Leslie's lab I found my stride. He reignited my desire to seek out the questions without answers. I studied a genetic mutation in CovR/S, a two-component regulatory system, which controls expression of virulence factors involved in Group A Streptococcus (GAS) pathogenesis. By the end of my thesis, my work determined a distinct effect of covS mutation on GAS disease presentation. Although my contribution to science may be, well, microscopic, the impact on my intellectual and personal growth was anything but. I left MSU an independent thinker, a confident and skilled communicator, and hungry for another adventure.

• This statement example is great because it checks off all of the critical points a personal statement should include such as a creative opening, personal experiences, and a great flow. The opening paragraph is quite unique, starting with GPS coordinates, as a reader you're instantly intrigued to find out where the location is and where the story is going. It's very descriptive and interesting, allowing for full submersion. 
• Personal experiences are well demonstrated as the applicant does a great job of using specific examples, such as working in Dr. Leslie's lab, as a digital analyst, and as a paramedic to showcase different qualities and skills. The fact that the applicant chose to discuss experiences that are completely different and unique, both in their roles and responsibilities, is an excellent approach for showing flexibility and adaptability.
• The essay flows extremely well and takes the reader on a chronological journey through the applicant's life. Additionally, the connection the applicant makes to the opening in the end really brings the paper together. It is clear that the applicant has strong motivations for pursuing medicine. This is shown through the applicant's continual drive to learn more, explore, and find the path to doing something they are truly passionate about. 

Check out some tips that will help you write your TMDSAS personal statement:

(845 words)

When I was 16 years old, Dr. Shelby informed me that I was very lucky to be alive. In the same moment, he was telling me that I would never run any marathons, sprints, or obstacle runs again. My athletic career was interrupted by anorexia, an eating disorder that has plagued my body and mind from the ages of 14 to 16. At 16, when I finally started my eating disorder recovery program, Dr. Shelby informed me that I had developed osteoporosis that would take years to fully heal, so running track was out of the question. I thought then that my life was over, but in fact, a new life was just beginning.

Through my recovery, when I could barely move around, filled with both frustration and curiosity, I sought out all the reading materials I could to understand how and why I had landed in this position. I read a lot of books about anorexia nervosa, it’s diagnosis and treatment, its outlook and prognosis, and long-term health effects including osteoporosis. This period of recovery coincided with a wonderful discovery of my interest in the field of medicine, and one of the earliest long-term goals I defined for myself as part of my recovery was that I would one day become a doctor and turn this interest into my profession.

After my recovery, I went on to complete my high school career as salutatorian, determined to make up for lost time and opportunities by making academics my priority. In college, I chose to major in biology with a minor in psychology. The resultant combination of coursework perfectly prepared me to explore my burgeoning interest in the neurobiological underpinnings of maladaptive eating behaviors. To my satisfaction, I found that every course I took confirmed my passion for this area of research.

• This essay follows a more traditional, linear structure by walking through the key incidents leading up to medical school in the applicant’s life. It distinguishes itself by sustaining a logical flow punctuated with self-reflective remarks and personal experiences that help to create an interesting narrative that holds the attention of the reader.
• While this essay talks about the applicant’s personal motivations for medical school, the emotional background is balanced with a clear summary of the applicant’s technical skills, achievements, and relevant medical experiences. This communicates a cohesive, sincere statement about why the applicant is interested in medical school and well-suited for it.
• The essay wraps up nicely by tying the conclusion back to the introduction and showing how the applicant’s core motivation and value system have developed with the experiences they’ve gained.

Click here to view this example

What's great about this tmdsas personal statement example.

• This essay has a great flow with excellent transitional sentences to the following paragraphs. Each paragraph serves its purpose and allows the reader to follow along on the applicant’s journey in chronological order. The student does a great job of describing their initial interest in medicine, and throughout the essay, we see how this interest grows and evolves to become passion and dedication. Most importantly, this essay does what it promises. In the opening paragraph, the applicant states that they have had the opportunity to experience healthcare from multiple different perspectives, throughout the essay, we see each of these perspectives discussed.
• Through examples, the applicant demonstrates their ability to self-reflect, a desirable skill the admissions committee will be interested in. For example, although the applicant discusses an unfortunate event that they witnessed, they don't play the victim. Instead, the applicant immediately discusses what they appreciated and learned from the situation.
• Another great aspect of this personal statement is that the applicant demonstrates their ability to look ahead to set and achieve future goals, an important quality the admissions committee will be assessing. 

TMDSAS Personal Statement Example #5

• This essay does a wonderful job of showcasing the students unique skill-set through concrete examples. The student discusses their shadowing experience, medical volunteering abroad and lab research which makes the reader value their varied experiences in the medical field. 
• It's nice to see family importance, values and the applicant's desire to heal throughout the essay. The opening paragraph is general, and as the essay progresses, we learn of the applicant's specific experiences and how they are deeply connected to a career in medicine. 
• The conclusion, in particular, is very strong. Instead of just altering the introduction, the applicant provides an in-depth summary that ties together all the aspects we already saw demonstrated in earlier paragraphs. The applicant also does a good job of demonstrating self-reflection, in particular, what they have learned from each experience previously discussed. They leave the reader with a lasting feeling that they are truly motivated to be the best version of themselves and provide the best care possible.

The main difference between the essays is their length. While the AMCAS and AACOMAS personal statement is limited to 5300 characters, TMDSAS limits your personal statement to 5000 characters including spaces.

In terms of content, there is not much difference. Your personal statement must demonstrate why you want to be a doctor , whether you submit a DO school application , AMCAS application, or TMDSAS application. 

Yes, there is:

"The personal essay asks you to explain your motivation to seek a career in medicine. You are asked to include the value of your experiences that prepare you to be a physician."

As I already mentioned, your essay is essentially asking you to show, rather than simply tell, why you want to become a physician. 

Your personal statement should follow the structure of an academic essay, and therefore must be organized in the following way: introduction, body, and conclusion.

The key to a successful introduction is a gripping first sentence. The opening sentence can make or break your essay. Remember, admission committees review hundreds of applications and get tired from reading the same thing over and over, so your personal statement must catch their attention right away. Your introduction must lure them into reading your entire statement, rather than tossing it away after reading a couple of sentences. Additionally, your intro should serve as a roadmap for the rest of your essays.

Learn how to write a killer introduction to your medical school personal statement:

Your body paragraphs should be built around 2 or 3 experiences that motivated you to apply to medical school. Why so few? Your essay is not a CV, and therefore, should not simply list all the important experiences that led you to pursue a career in medicine. You must be very selective about which experiences you choose to cover in your personal statement, and it can certainly be difficult to narrow them down. Limiting your scope will give you more space to write about your experiences in detail. When it comes to personal statements, quality definitely trumps quantity. Instead of writing about many experiences in no detail, it is better to write about fewer experiences in vivid detail.

The conclusion should not be a dry summary of your personal statement. While you may reiterate some of your main points, your conclusion should also incite more interest in the reader. Remember, the main purpose of primary and secondary applications is to get that coveted interview invite. The conclusion of your personal statement should ignite the admission committee's interest to meet you!

Only you can choose which experiences formed your desire to become a physician. But I will give you one simple but very important rule to follow: show, rather simply tell. What do I mean by this? 

It is of vital importance that you use solid examples to support anything you write in your personal statement. For example, if you write that you want to become a doctor because you want to make a difference in underserved or isolated communities, make sure to include examples of personal experiences that demonstrate to the admission committee that you have taken the necessary steps to learn the challenges and needs of these communities. Include what skills you learned and how this experience shaped your motivation to become a physician. Such details show, rather than simply tell, that you are dedicated to pursuing your passion for medicine. 

If you have never worked in such environments and have no personal experience working with these populations, you must reconsider writing about this. You may genuinely want to work in these communities, but the admission committee will not take your application seriously. Instead, brainstorm what kind of vivid and strong experiences make you a unique candidate and write about them. Do not try to impress the admission committee by writing about what you think they want to hear – be true to your own motivations and experiences. 

It can be very difficult to choose what to write about in your personal statement, especially if you have many quality talking points that can be used in the essay. The best way to approach this dilemma is to research the school to which you are applying. Read its mission statement and research the website to learn its overall goals and objectives and reflect on which of your personal experiences speak to these goals. 

It would be wise to check out your school’s profile in the AAMC Medical School Admission Requirements portal to find out what their selection factors are and what kind of applicants they accept. Based on this information, you may choose to highlight your impactful clinical or shadowing experience or discuss a significant research project that got you interested in medicine. MSAR can help you narrow down and identify which personal and professional experiences you should include in the statement. 

MSAR portal homepage:

Another great source of inspiration for personal statements can be the AAMC’s pre-professional competencies that outline the qualities and skills expected of all incoming medical students. Review this list and brainstorm which of your experiences relate to these competencies.

Give yourself at least 8 weeks to write the statement. Writing a quality statement takes a lot of brainstorming, drafting, and editing. Some statements take months to complete. 

If you would like a second opinion on the quality of your essay, it might be a good idea to hire a medical school advisor . They can help you shape your essay into a solid, captivating narrative. Your personal statement is perhaps the most challenging component of your application, and therefore it must be the strongest. A med school advisor can point out the weak points of your essay and help you work out your challenges. 

Otherwise, you can ask someone you trust to read your statement. This individual should feel comfortable giving you feedback and have great attention to detail. Tip: do not give your essay for review to more than 2 people. Too much feedback can negatively affect the structure and content of your personal statement. Remember, your essay should represent you - too much external input may destroy that ineffable quality of the essay that makes it yours. 

I cannot overstate the importance of a personal statement for medical school acceptance rates. While your grades and scores may demonstrate your academic prowess, they do not reveal your personal qualities.

A personal statement is the first glimpse the admission committees get into your values, experiences, and events that led you to pursue the medical profession, as well as your goals and aspirations as a future physician. Not only does a personal statement reveal your character, but it also demonstrates your communication skills and your ability to self-reflect and articulate why you want to become a doctor. 

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, personal characteristics essay.

Hi everyone! I'm working on a personal characteristics essay for a college application and wondering if you could guide me on what to include. What kind of qualities and experiences would be most effective to write about? Thanks in advance!

Hello! Writing a personal characteristics essay is a great opportunity to showcase the unique qualities and experiences that make you stand out as an applicant. Here are a few tips to help you highlight these aspects effectively:

1. Self-awareness and self-reflection: Colleges appreciate students who can look inward and are aware of their strengths, weaknesses, and growth opportunities. Reflect on how you've grown over time, what challenges you've faced, and how you've overcome them. This demonstrates maturity and a willingness to learn from your experiences.

2. Genuine passion: Choose qualities that genuinely resonate with you rather than those you think the admissions officers want to hear. Be authentic about what excites you and how it has shaped your goals or aspirations. This will make your essay more engaging and relatable.

3. Show, don't tell: Instead of simply stating your qualities, use anecdotes or experiences to illustrate them. You could describe a specific project, extracurricular activity, or event where you demonstrated leadership, creativity, resilience, or another characteristic. This makes your essay more memorable and helps the reader better understand your personality.

4. Be specific: Avoid generic statements like "I'm a hard worker" or "I'm a good leader." Instead, focus on specific examples that showcase these qualities. For instance, you could discuss a time when you managed a team project under tight deadlines or when you took the initiative to start a new club at school.

5. Highlight your impact: Discuss the impact your personal characteristics have had on others, such as your friends, family, or community. This could include volunteer work, tutoring others, or participating in group activities where your qualities positively influenced the outcome.

6. Balance: While it's important to showcase your strengths, also recognize areas where you could improve. This shows humility and a commitment to personal growth, further enhancing your self-awareness.

7. Keep it concise and well-organized: Focus on a few key characteristics and experiences, rather than trying to cover too much ground. Make sure your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each quality or experience, and a conclusion that ties everything together.

In summary, when writing a personal characteristics essay, focus on being self-aware, genuine, specific, and impactful. Use anecdotes and experiences to illustrate your qualities, while remaining concise and well-organized. Good luck with your essay!

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How to Masterfully Describe Your Personality in an Essay: A Step-by-Step Guide

Gradesmiths

Introduction

Describing your personality in an essay is not simply an exercise in self-expression; it is a transformative process that allows you to artfully communicate and convey the intricate nuances of your character to the reader. By delving into the depths of your self-awareness, personal growth, and the values that serve as the compass guiding your actions and decisions, you embark on a journey of self-discovery and introspection. In this comprehensive step-by-step guide , we will navigate the intricacies of crafting a compelling personality description in your essay, providing you with the necessary tools to masterfully articulate your unique qualities, experiences, and perspectives.

At its core, the act of describing your personality in an essay is an opportunity to authentically showcase who you are. It is a platform to illuminate the multifaceted nature of your being, unveiling the layers that make you distinct and individual. Through self-reflection and introspection , you delve into the recesses of your soul, gaining a deeper understanding of your own personality traits and characteristics. This process of self-exploration allows you to unearth the strengths that define you and the weaknesses that provide opportunities for growth.

Identifying your core values and beliefs is another essential step in effectively describing your personality. By exploring your fundamental principles and ideals, you gain insight into the motivations behind your actions and the driving force behind your decisions . These values serve as the undercurrent that weaves together the fabric of your personality, giving coherence and purpose to your thoughts and behaviors. Understanding how your personality traits align with your core values enables you to articulate a more comprehensive and authentic depiction of yourself.

To breathe life into your personality description, it is crucial to gather evidence and examples that showcase your traits in action. Recall specific instances where your personality has manifested itself, and examine the behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that were present. By drawing on these concrete examples, you provide tangible proof of your personality claims, allowing the reader to envision your character in vivid detail.

However, it is not enough to simply tell the reader about your personality traits; you must show them through vivid and descriptive language. By employing sensory details and evocative storytelling, you paint a vibrant picture that engages the reader’s imagination. It is through this artful depiction that your personality comes to life on the page, leaving a lasting impression.

Crafting an effective structure for your essay is also paramount to conveying your personality in a coherent and engaging manner. A well-structured essay captivates the reader from the outset with an engaging introduction that sets the tone and grabs their attention. Organizing your essay around key personality traits or themes creates a logical progression of ideas, enabling a seamless flow from one aspect of your personality to the next. This careful structuring enhances the readability and impact of your essay, allowing the reader to follow your journey of self-expression with ease.

In describing your personality, it is essential to strike a delicate balance between self-awareness and humility. While it is important to acknowledge your strengths and accomplishments, it is equally crucial to avoid sounding arrogant. Honesty about your weaknesse s and areas for growth demonstrates humility and a willingness to learn from experiences, fostering personal growth and development.

Also, seeking feedback and diligently editing your essay play a vital role in refining your personality description. Sharing your work with trusted individuals allows for constructive criticism, providing valuable insights into how effectively your personality is being portrayed. By carefully incorporating this feedback and paying attention to grammar, punctuation, and clarity, you can ensure that your essay is polished and ready to make a lasting impression . Below are the step by step guide on how to masterfully describe your personality in an essay

Step 1: Self-reflection and introspection

Before diving into writing, take the time to deeply understand your own personality traits and characteristics. Reflect on your strengths and weaknesses , considering how they have influenced your actions and interactions with others. Additionally, contemplate significant life experiences that have shaped your personality, providing valuable insights into who you are today.

Step 2: Identifying core values and beliefs

Your core values and beliefs are the guiding principles that define your character. Explore what truly matters to you and the ideals that drive your decisions . By connecting your personality traits to these fundamental values, you create a more comprehensive understanding of yourself, providing a solid foundation for your essay.

Step 3: Gathering evidence and examples

To effectively describe your personality, draw upon specific instances where your traits were on display. Recall experiences that highlight your behavior, thoughts, and emotions. By utilizing concrete examples, you lend credibility to your claims about your personality, allowing the reader to envision your character in action.

Step 4: Show, don’t tell

Avoid falling into the trap of generic and vague descriptions. Instead, use vivid language and sensory details to bring your personality to life. Engage the reader’s imagination by painting a clear picture through storytelling. Let them experience your traits firsthand, making your essay more engaging and memorable.

Step 5: Structuring your essay effectively

Crafting a well-structured essay is crucial for conveying your personality in a coherent and engaging manner. Begin with an attention-grabbing introduction that captivates the reader’s interest. Organize your essay around key personality traits or themes, ensuring a logical progression of ideas. Maintain a smooth flow between paragraphs, enhancing the overall readability of your essay.

Step 6: Balancing self-awareness and humility

While it’s essential to highlight your strengths, be careful not to come across as arrogant. Emphasize your accomplishments and positive attributes without boasting. Simultaneously, be honest about your weaknesses and areas for growth , demonstrating humility and a willingness to learn from experiences. This balance showcases maturity and self-awareness.

Step 7: Seeking feedback and editing

Sharing your essay with trusted individuals can provide valuable perspectives and constructive criticism. Seek feedback from mentors, teachers, or friends who can offer insights into your essay’s strengths and areas that need improvement. Revise and refine your essay based on this feedback, paying close attention to grammar, punctuation, and clarity.

Incorporating these steps and techniques will allow you to masterfully describe your personality in an essay, capturing the essence of who you are in a compelling and authentic manner. Whether you are writing personality essays, an essay about personalities, or an essay on personality, the introduction of your personality essay should create a strong impression. It serves as a gateway for the reader to delve into your unique characteristics and perspectives. By effectively integrating these steps and maintaining a balanced approach, you can create a personality essay introduction that sets the stage for a captivating exploration of your individuality. So, how would you describe yourself? Use these guidelines and examples to express your personality with confidence and authenticity in your essay.

Mastering the art of describing your personality in an essay allows you to authentically express yourself and connect with readers on a deeper level. By embracing self-reflection and emphasizing personal growth, you create a c ompelling narrative that showcases your unique qualities. So, embark on this journey of self-expression and let your personality shine through your writing. Embrace authenticity, as it is through effective self-expression that personal growth and understanding can flourish.

If you’re looking for professional essay writing and editing services, GradeSmiths is here to help. With a team of experienced writers and editors, GradeSmiths offers reliable and high-quality assistance to students in need of essay support. Whether you need help with essay writing, editing, proofreading, or refining your content, GradeSmiths can provide the expertise you require. Their dedicated team is committed to delivering well-crafted essays that meet academic standards and showcase your unique ideas and voice. With GradeSmiths, you can trust that your essay will receive the attention and care it deserves.

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• Describe Your Personality Essay

How to Masterfully Describe Your Personality in an Essay

By: Tasha Kolesnikova

What's your personality type? Knowing your personality traits and the ability to describe them in written form will help you in all aspects of your life - from your first day in school until your last job. For instance, one practical application of such essays is to impress hiring managers with your cover letter and job interviews. Being able to answer the "tell me about yourself" query properly not only enables you to answer interview questions and explain why you fit the job description perfectly but also helps you navigate through your work-life and relationships with your co-workers.

Theory of Temperaments

• How to Describe Your Personality in a Paragraph Wi

Short Essay on My Personality

Sample essay on your personality, why is it not an a+ essay, what to consider when writing your analysis essay:.

• What Questions to Answer When Writing About Your P

What should be included in my personality essay?

• How can I intertwine society, understanding, and p
• How do I ensure the situations mentioned are refle

Your Portrait - Select the Key Characteristics

You don't necessarily need a personality test to know your personality. But how would you describe yourself? Talking about yourself may be hard. However, knowing yourself well is essential for profound communication skills and adaptability.

Every person has weaknesses in their personality as well. When writing your personality essay for your job application, for example, you can choose weaknesses that are unimportant to the position you're applying for, such as being shy or having limited experience. You can also include traits that you consider a weakness but can actually also be your strengths, like being self-critical or being competitive.

Theories on Personality

How does your personality develop over time? There are many explanations scattered around with different theories in various studies. One of them is the Theory of Temperaments.

This is the earliest known theory from Hippocrates. He divided personality based on four temperaments connected to bodily fluids he referred to as "humor."

Using Adjectives in Your Essay

Which descriptions fit you the best? Before you write your essay, remember that you should establish a bond between you and your reader. Using adjectives will help you in creating that connection. Adjectives are critical in expressing ourselves and how we relate with others. They help us explain and give specific information in our answers that will make others get to know us better.

Think of the words you associate with yourself the most or find synonyms you can use in your essay. You can take advantage of thesaurus sites online like WordHippo and Synonymy to properly convey your personality type. For example, you can talk about your conscientiousness or substitute it with simpler words like "dedicated" or "ethical" so your readers will easily understand what you mean.

How to Describe Your Personality in a Paragraph With Examples

When constructing a personality paragraph, it's imperative to identify and integrate aspects like values, knowledge, and behavior, to offer a rounded depiction of oneself.

Personality paragraph examples:

A well-rounded personality paragraph, brimming with real-life examples, not only describes traits but also the influences and motivations behind them, providing a more insightful glimpse into one’s character.

Crafting an authentic and introspective essay on my personality profile involves a meticulous exploration of self, allowing for a candid reflection on how I perceive and project myself.

To start, my personality essay introduction would offer a synopsis of my character, allowing a sneak peek into my temperament, beliefs, and capabilities.

Knowing how to describe your personality in an essay involves weaving a narrative that captures not only individual traits but also emotions, thoughts, abilities, and the influence of family and surroundings on one's personality.

A short personality essay should also depict my interactions with individuals, illustrating how relationships have shaped and continue to mold my character. Describing my personality essay entails delving into factual and nuanced reflections of my personal experiences and interactions, providing a multidimensional view of my individuality.

When considering how to write an essay about your personality, combining self-awareness with an honest and engaging narrative is crucial for creating a resonant and comprehensive portrayal.

Your peers may ask you to make an essay to prepare you for a situation when you will have to reply to the hiring managers' requests. An example of this essay is as follows:

Each individual has a personality that is unique to them, making them irreplaceable. This makes humans interesting because everyone has different experiences and reasons why they behave and feel the way they do. The three traits that describe me the most are as follows: honest, reliable, and ambitious.

I live by a strict code of honesty. Not only was I raised by my parents to always tell the truth but also because it became an integral part of my life that I can't imagine myself trying to lie. Being honest helped me keep my relationships with my family and friends strong. This is because, at any time that we have misunderstandings, we talk about it openly.

Me being honest contributes to my reliability. When I give someone my word, I always intend to keep it. I apply this philosophy at all times: from small routine tasks to critical projects on which many things depend.

I am an ambitious person, as I want to achieve all the goals that I set in life. New accomplishments make me extremely happy and help me to dream big!

The sample essay you have just read could be assessed with a B- grade. But how to make it an A+?

To be fair, the essay's introduction is rather good. It talks on the topic from a general perspective, narrowing it down to the essay's focus – the author's personality. However, to make this introductory paragraph a brilliant one, think of a more gradual transition, for instance:

"There are no two personalities that are the same, and that's the beauty of it! I always like seeing myself as a part of a shining galaxy, spreading my unique light among other fellow stars. If I think about what character traits make up my bright shine, the three major pillars that come to mind are honesty, reliability, and a great deal of ambition."

This introduction uses metaphors and will definitely be remembered by the reader!

The sample essay's main body also has parts that require improvement. While the paragraph about reliability has a connection with the previous one, the part where the author talks about ambition seems disconnected. Adding just one sentence could fix this issue:

"Speaking of grand projects, I have plenty – after all, I'm an ambitious person."

Also, it is highly advisable to elaborate on the topic. In this essay, for example, the author could share some plans or dreams with the reader, making the story more personal and relatable.

Finally, the sample essay is lacking a conclusion. Summarize what you've already said and make a memorable statement to end your essay, for example:

"As you can see, I am quite a mix. As challenging as being honest, reliable, and ambitious at the same time may be, I try to make the best of it!"

Tips on Creating a Brilliant Essay About Yourself

Writing an essay about your personality can be tough, especially if you're an introvert, as it's the same as showing your inner self to other people. In fact, you will need to brainstorm and explain why you have that personality trait - how you acquired it and why you're keeping it with you until now.

• Organization. Make a draft about what you want to talk about in your essay.
• Structure. Don't forget to write a great introduction, with the body supporting your points, and end it with a proper conclusion.
• Honesty. Talk about your real personality traits while highlighting the positive ones. Don't write traits you don't have.

What Questions to Answer When Writing About Your Personality:

1. What are the personality traits I have that I am most proud of?

Focus on traits that help make you an asset to anyone you work with. Play up your extraversion and downplay any neuroticism.

2. Why do I have these traits, and do I plan to keep them?

Expound on how you acquired these traits - were they because you were raised with these manners, or is it because of an experience you had where you realized these behaviors help? Make your readers relate to your encounters.

3. How will these traits help me in my daily life and at my workplace?

Elaborate on why you're proud of these traits and how they make your relationships flourish. Give emphasis to behaviors that assist you in having a better relationship with people. After all, teamwork is all about people's personalities working well together.

Find it difficult to describe your personality in an essay? You can rely on Studybay!

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Your personality essay should include a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Begin with a general introduction of yourself, delve deeper into specific traits, values, and experiences in the body, and summarize the main points in the conclusion. Integrate real-life examples and facts to add depth and authenticity to your essay.

How can I intertwine society, understanding, and problems in an essay about my personality?

When writing an essay on my personality, briefly discuss how societal issues and what you learn from them shape your character and actions. For instance, mention a specific societal problem that has influenced your views, values, or behavior, illustrating the interconnectedness of your personality and your environment in a concise manner.

How do I ensure the situations mentioned are reflective of my personality in an essay about my personality type?

In your paper, outline your personality type clearly and illustrate with a situation showing its impact and interaction with society. Use real-life examples to demonstrate how your personality perceives and responds to societal contexts, ensuring a cohesive and authentic representation in your essay.

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Nabila Abdulmalik

A well explained article here. I'm happy. Regards!

mathias porep

This article is very helpful, in my opinion. I was having trouble with "how do you know your personality?" essay and this helped me a lot. 🙌

What a great article! This gave me a lot of ideas for how to begin an essay about myself and my personality.

💭 To be honest, I always find it hard to write a personality paragraph. At school, it's tough for me to figure out which of my qualities to stress, and it's difficult to stay honest and fair.

Discussing how can I describe my personality in a paragraph examples made me reflect on my own experiences. School has always pushed me to explore this but it’s never been easy.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

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Essay on My Personality

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Personality Characteristics Essay

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Introduction

Definition of personality, theoretical approaches to studying personality, biological approach, environmental effect approach, psychoanalytic approach, humanistic approach, factors influencing personality development.

The study of personality is a complex field and many psychologists have taken different approaches to the study with an aim to understanding why people have different personalities. This paper seeks to shade more light on the issue of personalities.

Different psychologists differ in opinions in regard to the correct definition of personality. This may be attributed to the complex nature of the psychology of personality which demands different approaches resulting to different definitions. However, personality can generally be defined as those unique characteristics a person possesses that make the person different from others.

This encompasses all the mental characteristics and emotions which are the fundamentals of what we are. The personality comes out through the way we do the things, what we believe, our intellect, physical attribute, self control, energy and enthusiasm (Aurther, 2006).

The study of personality usually takes different perspectives depending on the person carrying out the study. Since there are very many considerations to be taken into account in the process of understanding personality, theories are developed that explain personality. Researchers often classify the study into narrow sections which they can then try to explain. This has brought about different theoretical approaches to studying personality.

The psychologists in this category take the biological concept whereby differences in the biological characteristics are often used to explain personality. Human anatomy is one of the biological tools used to explain personality. The psychologists investigate how different parts of the brain respond to different stimulations and make conclusion on the personality of the person.

An example is where studies using modern imaging technology have shown that the left and the right frontal lobes of the brain respond differently to emotions that may affect personality. Such results are said to have produced interesting correlation to personality traits.

Physiological changes have also been used to explain personality whereby psychologists investigate how different hormones affect personality for example high levels of testosterone are usually associated with absence of depression. Personality has also been associated to genetics whereby the psychologists argue that personality traits may be genetically transmitted from one offspring to another (Fiske et al., 2010).

Some psychologists focus on the environmental influence on personality. Such theories suggest that persons are more likely to develop personality due to the environmental factors around them. Children may grow to be violent if they are brought up in a violent society though this has been said to depend on other factors such as body size.

On any environment big boys might tend to be violent while small bodied boys might tend to be timid “other traits might have evolved to be frequency dependent, meaning that they appear depending of how prevalent the trait already is in the population” (Fiske et al., p. 671).

This branch of psychologists often view personality as a result of intrinsic traits entrenched in the human nature of a person. Their approach is based on how one is brought up in childhood. It is argued that the upbringing and the experiences we go through may shape our sub consciousness in terms of things that attract us likes and dislikes, self-esteem and other personality traits; one of the supporters of these approach was Freud.

This theoretical approach is said to be complicated since it mainly bases its fundamentals on things that affect the sub conscious mind. The theory postulates that subconscious is more prevalent than the conscious mind, several brain processes happen at the same time and adulthood traits are traceable to childhood (Fiske et al, 2010).

The psychologists who take this approach argue that human nature gives people uniqueness from other elements of life. It is argued that each individual person needs to be understood differently since everyone has different and unique personality.

This approach is based on the strengths of a person, development, and welfare instead of the negative side of life. Some psychologists use what has been termed as “positive psychology” where a person’s positive traits are analyzed and correlated to goodness of life which in turn may affect the personality (Fiske, 2010).

Psychologists have done a lot of research to try and understand the factors that affect personality. Heredity is one of the most important factors considered by psychologists. They argue that personality largely depends on the traits inherited from our parents. The psychologists suggest that the positive or negative characteristics such as physical attributes like physical strength, intelligence influence how the society thinks about us and also how we think about ourselves which in turn influence our personality.

Environmental influences such as how our parents brought us up is suggested as one of the influencing factors. Some families treat their children as grown ups and this may make them develop responsibility traits as compared to children in families where they are expected to obey rules set for them (Aurther, 2006).

The social status of the family may influence the personality of a person. Children from rich families tend to have more self esteem than those from middle or poor families. Other environmental factors include gender roles, how children relate, neighborhood and peer influence (Aurther, 2006).

Exposure is suggested as one of the factors influencing personality development. A person who is exposed to information may be more knowledgeable and enlightened and this may make the person develop certain personality. Media may also influence one to emulate their favorite heroes and this can influence their personality development (Lupu, 2006).

Many psychologists are observed to agree to the fact that all the factors that influence personality development are not independent but as a matter of fact they are all related. It is a combination of all these factors rather than a single element that affects personality development.

Genetically inherited factors, culture, environmental and personal experience may favor a person and make him successful and influential in life such as a president of a country. Another different combination of these factors may result to a person with a totally different personality such as violent and insensitive person (Lupu, 2006).

Psychologists have done much work in the study of personality. Many definitions of personality exist, the most generalized one being the unique characteristics possessed by a person. Different approaches are usually taken in the study of personality with theoretical approach taking different dimensions.

Biological approach reflecting how biological functions affect personality, psychoanalytic approach focusing on intrinsic traits related to the subconscious mind. The human nature deals with the positive aspects of an individual. Factors influencing personality development include a combination of genetic inheritance, environmental influences, exposure and cultural factors.

Aurther, J. ( 2006). Personality Development . New York, NY: Cengage Learning.

Fiske et al. (2010). Handbook of Social Psychology . New York, NY: John Willey.

Lupu, A. (2006). Our Personality . Soft Pedia . Web.

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Writing a Character Analysis Essay | Step-by-Step Guide

Chris Drew (PhD)

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

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I’m also going to give you a ton of examples.

This post is split into four parts for easy navigation:

• What is a Character Analysis Essay?
• What is the best Format to Use?
• 11 Character Analysis Example Ideas
• Template, Checklist and Outline for Your own Piece

In this post, I’m going to explain to you clearly and in a step-by-step way how to conduct a character analysis.

1. What is a Character Analysis Essay?

Let’s get you started with some really simple details about what a character analysis is:

• A Quick Definition: A character analysis essay zooms-in on a character in a book, movie or even real life. It provides what we sometimes call a ‘sketch’ of a character.
• The Purpose of a Character Analysis: The purpose of a character analysis is to reveal interesting details about the character that might contain a broader moral message about the human condition. For example, Atticus Finch is not just a lawyer in To Kill a Mockingbird. Rather, he provides us with a moral message about the importance of doing what you believe is right even though you know you will likely fail.

2. What is the best Character Analysis Essay Format?

Character analysis essays do not have just one format.

However, let me offer some advice that might act as a character analysis essay outline or ‘checklist’ of possible things you could discuss:

1. Start with the Simple Details.

You can start a character analysis by providing a simple, clear description of who your character is. Look at some basic identity traits such as:

• Race (if relevant)
• Social class (if relevant)
• Protagonist or Antagonist? A protagonist is the character who is our central character in the plot; the antagonist is often the protagonist’s opponent or challenger.
• Major or minor character?

2. What are the character’s distinctive personality features?

Your character might have some really clearly identifiable character traits. It’s best to highlight in your character analysis the exact traits that this character possesses. Some common character traits include:

I recommend you take a moment to write down what you think the top 3 to 5 words are that you’d use to explain your character’s personality traits. These will be important to discuss throughout your character analysis.

Sometimes a character may start out with some personality traits, but change over the course of the text. This is quite common; and one clear example of this is Lady Macbeth she deteriorates from a cutthroat power player to a guilt ridden shell of a person roaming the halls of the castle. This dramatic character change is something that makes her very interesting, and is worthy of discussion!

3. What are the character’s key relationships?

Does your character have a close relationship with a certain person in the storyline?

You might want to discuss the character’s relationships as a part of your character analysis. These relationships may reveal some key personality traits of your character.

For example, in Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, Horatio is the loyal offsider to Hamlet. Through his actions in staying by Hamlet through thick and thin, we learn that he is a deeply loyal character.

Examining the character’s relationships with their friends and foes therefore is very useful for digging deeper into who this character actually is, and what personality traits they have when they are put to the test within the narrative.

4. What are the character’s motivations?

Another thing you might want to examine are the character’s motivations . What do they desire most in the world? Some common motivations for characters in stories are:

• A simple life
• To serve others

This list really could be endless, but I hope the above examples give you a bit of an idea of the sorts of traits to look out for. By mentioning and examining the motivations of the character, we will come closer and closer to learning exactly what moral message this character might be able to tell us.

5. What are the character’s key conflicts?

Stories tend to have a beginning, a complication, and a resolution.

The complication involves conflicts and challenges that need to be overcome. For Edmund in Narnia, it’s cowardice. For Romeo and Juliet, it’s the conflict between love and family loyalty. Here’s some other common conflicts for characters:

• Whether to stay loyal to a friend;
• To overcome obstacles to love;
• To seek a way out of a challenging situation;
• To escape war or poverty;
• To persevere through imprisonment;
• To overcome personal fear

Again, this list is endless.

Knowing the character’s core conflict gets us even closer to knowing the moral that the character is trying to teach us.

For example, in Romeo and Juliet, the challenge of Romeo and Juliet being together despite their families’ objections teaches us something. Personally, I believe it teaches us the importance of letting go of old grudges in order to let love bloom.

This moral lesson was taught to us through conflict: namely, the conflict that Romeo and Juliet were right in the center of.

6. What are the character’s epiphanies?

Sometimes a character has an epiphany. This often happens towards the end of the story and helps the character overcome the challenge or conflict that we discussed in the point above.

Here’s an example of an epiphany:

• In the Lion King, Simba runs away from his tribe to live in exile. After a chance encounter with his childhood friend Nala, he has an epiphany that he has a duty to his tribe. This leads him back home to fight Scar and return freedom to Pride Rock.

Not all characters have an epiphany. But, if they do, I strongly encourage you to write about it in your character analysis.

7. Examine the moral message the character teaches us.

Finally, conclude by examining the moral message behind the character. Nearly every character has something to teach the reader. Authors put a lot of thought into creating complex characters with whom we can relate. We relate to the character and say “wow, they taught me a lesson about something!”

The lesson might be something like:

• Money doesn’t buy happiness;
• Loyalty to family comes above all else;
• Love gives life meaning;
• Honesty is always the best policy

This is the core of your character analysis essay. If you can pick out exactly what moral message the character teaches you, you’ll be well on your way to writing a strong character analysis.

Below I’m going to give you some examples to help you out. I know it can be hard to really get your head around a character, so sometimes the best thing is to look at some samples!

3. Here’s 13 Example Character Analysis Essay Ideas.

Most times when we create a character analysis, we’re exploring the deeper moral stories / aspects of humanity. Here’s some example ideas. I’ve tried to outline in less than a paragraph exactly what your key point will be about each character:

• Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird: A character who teaches us a lesson about standing up for what’s right, even if you know you’re likely to lose.
• Huckleberry Finn from Huckleberry Finn: A character who reveals our inner desire for freedom from the elements of society that constrain us.
• Dudley from Harry Potter: A character whose personality tells us a cautionary tale of the perils of middle-class narcissism, parents’ desire to wrap their children in cotton wool, and the lack of discipline we perceive in contemporary childhoods.
• Jack from Lord of the Flies: A character who represents the innate desire for power that seems to lurk not too far from the surface of the human condition. When social structures are stripped away, he quickly reverts to violence and superstition to assert control over his peers.
• Lady Macbeth from Macbeth: Lady Macbeth teaches us a valuable lesson about the perils of contravening our own morality. She starts out a cutthroat killer but is increasingly consumed by the guilt of her own actions. While we may be able to escape full punishment from outside forces, it is the inner guilt that might eat us away to our last.
• The Boy who Cried Wolf: The boy who cried wolf is a character whose fatal flaw is his desire for attention and adulation. His repeated attempts at gaining the attention of others leads the townspeople to no longer take him seriously, which causes him harm when he actually needs the villagers to take him seriously to save his life. He teaches us the virtue of honest and humility.
• Nick Carraway from the Great Gatsby: Nick shows us all the inner conflict between the trappings of wealth, glamor and spectacle; and the desire for simplicity, honesty and community. He is drawn by the dazzling world of East Egg, New York, but by the end of the novel sees live in East Egg as shallow and lacking the moral depth of his former life in small town Minnesota.
• Alice from Alice in Wonderland: In many ways, Alice represents the child within all of us. She is a character of goodwill to all and who looks upon the world (or, rather, Wonderland) with awe. Travelling with a cadre of flawed characters, she learns with them the importance of seeking strength from within.
• The Nurse in Romeo and Juliet: Like many Shakespearian characters, the nurse’s role is both as loyal confidante to a central character and comic relief. Shakespeare uses minor characters to regale his crowd and sustain viewer interest between scenes.
• Lucy in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe: Lucy represents a surprising character whose youthfulness and small stature make her an underrated character by all around her. Nonetheless, she possesses within the bravery and loyalty necessary to carry out the quest for Aslan. Lucy represents the goodness in children and, by extension, all of mankind.
• Anne in Anne of Green Gables: Anne occupies the typical literary role of young girls in many classical novels: she represents innocence and wonder, and her contraventions of rules are seen through a prism of childhood innocence. This frames Anne not as a deviant but as a precious soul.
• Simba from The Lion King: Simba’s story follows his struggle with growing up, embracing his destiny and duty to his family, or fleeing towards freedom and a ‘no worries’ lifestyle. Simba flees Pride Rock and goes through an existential crisis with his existentialist friends Timon and Pumba. When he runs into an old childhood friend, he realizes how shallow his new carefree life has become and reflects upon his obligation to his community back home.
• Woody from Toy Story: Woody starts out Andy’s favorite toy, but when Andy gets a new flashier toy, Woody’s status amongst the toys falls apart. Woody’s key character challenge is to learn to be humble and inclusive living within the group. By the end of the movie, Woody realizes his duty to love and serve Andy is more important than his own status within the group.

4. Here’s an Example Template for your own Character Analysis Essay

Feel free to use this brainstorming template to get you started with your character analysis essay. I recommend filling out as many of these key points as you can, but remember sometimes you might have to skip some of these points if they’re not relevant to your character.

Once you’ve brainstormed the ideas in Table 1, follow the character analysis essay outline in Table 2 to stay on track for your character analysis essay. Do remember though that each assignment will be different and you should adjust it based on your teacher’s requirements.

Here’s Table 1, which is a brainstorming template for your character analysis essay:

And here’s Table 2, which is an example character analysis essay outline. This is for a 1500 word character analysis essay. Change the word count according to how long your essay should be:

Read Also: 39 Better Ways to Write ‘In Conclusion’ in an Essay

Character analyses can be really tough. You need to know your character really well. You might even need to re-read (or watch) your book or movie a few times over to get to know the character really well.

I recommend when you re-read or re-watch the text before you write your character analysis, have the checklist I provided above handy and take notes. Then, use the essay outline I provided above to put all of those notes together into a clear and thorough final character analysis essay.

• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 10 Reasons you’re Perpetually Single
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 20 Montessori Toddler Bedrooms (Design Inspiration)
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 21 Montessori Homeschool Setups
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 101 Hidden Talents Examples

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Essay Examples 20 Personal Statement Examples That Stand Out + Why They Work

This is your ultimate list of Personal Statement examples.

In this post, you'll learn:

• What makes a successful Personal Statement
• How to write an irresistible Personal Statement
• Ivy League personal essay examples

If you're looking to read and write Personal Statement essays, you've found the right place.

In this post, I'm going to share everything you need to go from zero to having a Personal Statement essay you can be proud of.

This guide will help you get started writing an engaging Personal Statement essay. Or if you already have one, how to make it even better.

What is a Personal Statement Essay?

A personal statement, also called a statement of purpose (SOP) or personal essay, is a piece of creative, personal writing.

The purpose of your personal statement is to express yourself and your ideas. Personal statements usually aren't piece of formal writing, but still should be thoughtful and planned out.

Many applications for colleges, graduate schools, and scholarships require you to write a personal statement.

How to Write a Personal Statement Essay

While there are no rules or guidelines for writing a personal statement, the best ones often have these in common:

Have Strong Ideas:

Having compelling and interesting ideas shows you are a strong thinker.

It isn't necessarily about having all the answers, but asking the right questions.

For personal statement essays, the quality of your ideas matters more than your writing level. Writing interestingly is more important than writing beautifully.

I’ve stopped tripping over my own feet, and it’s led to me not being afraid to connect and interact with patients and customers or present in front of large crowds. Life is just one long Carioca – you might stumble at first, but if you keep pushing, the right feet will find themselves in the right place. From an accepted essay to UNC at Chapel Hill →

Be Authentic

Writing authentic essays means writing from the heart.

The best personal statements tend to come naturally, because the writer is excited about the topic.

Choose an idea that makes you feel excited to write about and start writing.

As you begin drafting, ideas will naturally arise related to your original idea. Exploring these tangential ideas is what leads to even better reflections for your essay.

That's why it's so important to be genuinely passionate about your subject. You can't just have an interest "in the topic," but there has to be something deeper you're writing about that moves you.

Use Narratives and Story-Telling:

Humans are naturally drawn to stories.

And often the best insights and ideas come from real life experiences.

Telling a story, or many, is the basis for developing your analysis and ideas. Remember, all stories need conflict in order to work.

It can help to think about the different types of conflict.

• Character vs. Self
• Character vs. Character
• Character vs. Nature
• Character vs. Society

And so on...

Once you've written a meaningful story, getting insights is as simple as answering the question: What did your experiences teach you?

The sounds of my knife striking kale unnerves my cat asleep in the corner. He quickly runs over to examine the situation but becomes instantly uninterested when he sees green and smells bitterness. Unfortunately, my family has this same reaction every day of every week. From an accepted essay to University of Southern California →

Showcase Your Values and Identity:

The purpose of a personal statement is to tell about who you are.

Personal statements are your opportunity to showcase what your values are, and how you would contribute to the school, scholarship opportunity, etc.

Good writers are those who write authentically. Write about your unique ideas and ask interesting questions, even if you don't know the answers.

How Long Should a Personal Statement Be?

A typical personal statement can range in length from 500 to 650 words or more.

For applying to colleges, the Common Application essay personal statement has a word limit of 650 words.

For graduate school programs, the application essay will vary in length, but most schools require a personal statement essay of at least 500 words.

20 Personal Statement Essays That Worked

It can be difficult to understand what makes a great essay without seeing some for yourself.

Here's 20 of our favorite personal statement essays that we've chosen for being unique and high-quality.

There essays were all accepted into some of the most selective schools. And while it isn't the only factor in admissions that matters, having outstanding essays can help tip the scales in your favor.

Table of Contents

Prompt: Background, Identity, or Interest

• 1. Uncomfortable Truths
• 2. Romanian Heritage
• 3. Film and Theater
• 4. Person of the Woods
• 5. Beautiful Walks

Prompt: Lessons from Obstacles

• 6. My Father
• 7. Self-Determination
• 8. Game Design Music
• 9. Speech and Debate

Prompt: Questioned or Challenged a Belief

• 10. Finding Answers

Prompt: Accomplishment, Event, or Realization

• 11. Connecting with Others
• 12. Summer Confidence
• 13. First Impressions
• 14. Law Career
• 15. Growing Up Asian

Prompt: Engaging Topic, Idea, or Concept

• 16. Secrets of Riddles
• 17. Rubik's Cube
• 18. Narrative Diversity

Prompt: Any Topic of Your Choice

• 19. Search for Dreams
• 20. Recipe for Success

Personal Statement Example #1: Uncomfortable Truths

This is a personal statement that worked for Princeton . It is outstanding for many reasons, but most of all because of its ideas and the thoughtfulness put into organizing them.

Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)

Why This Essay Works:

Having a unifying idea is key to successful personal statements. Find your deepest idea or realization and focus your essay around that.

Find a way to showcase your achievements while connecting to broader, more universal ideas.

Connecting your ending to your beginning is a powerful way to bring your essay full circle. A great conclusion expands on your ideas introduced earlier, while leaving some room for more to be said.

Personal Statement Example #2: Film and Theater

This student's essay was accepted to USC , among other top schools. It's topic is seemingly simple—taking walks—but the author brilliantly shows how even in the mundane there can be meaningful reflections.

This essay has lots of moments where the author's character comes across vividly. By using conversational language and interjections like "I want to—no, need—to...", the author has a clear "voice" and you can easily imagine them as if they were speaking directly to you. This student also showcases self-awareness and a sense of humor, by using slightly self-deprecating phrases like "some chubby, nerdy girl" and by recognizing how the social approval of sitting with the "popular girls" was enthralling at the time. Self-awareness is a highly valuable trait to portray, because it shows that you're able to reflect on both your strengths and weaknesses, which is a skill needed to be able to grow and develop.

This author manages to tie in their activity of producing films and reference them specifically ("Cardboard Castles") by connecting them to their main point. Instead of listing their activities or referencing them out-of-the-blue, they show how these accomplishments are perfect examples of a greater message. In this case, that message is how meaningful it is to connect with others through storytelling. To write about your activities and achievements without seeming arbitrary or boastful, make them have a specific purpose in your essay: connect to a value, idea, or use them as examples to show something.

In the intro of this essay, there are some descriptions that seem fiction-like and are ultimately unimportant to the main idea. Sentences that describe Mrs. Brewer's appearance or phrases describing how their teacher stood up after talking to them ultimately don't contribute to the story. Although these provide "context," the only context that admissions are interested in is context and details which have a purpose. Avoid writing like fiction books, which describe all the characters and settings, and instead only describe exactly what is needed to "go somewhere" in your essay.

What They Might Improve:

This essay has a strong hook which captivates the reader by making them ask a question: "What are these lunch-time horror stories?" By sparking the reader's imagination early on, you can draw them into your writing and be more engaged. However, ultimately this is somewhat of a letdown because these intriguing "lunch-time horror stories" are never described. Although it may not be completely necessary for the main point, describing one example or hinting at it more closely would be satisfying for the reader and still connect to the main idea of storytelling. One idea is to replace the conclusion with a reference to these "lunch-time horror stories" more vividly, which would be a satisfying ending that also could connect to filmmaking and storytelling. In general, anticipate what the reader will be looking for, and either use that expectation to your advantage by subverting it, or give them what they want as a satisfying, meaningful conclusion.

Although this conclusion could work as is, it could be stronger by seeming less arbitrary and less "fancy for fancy sake." Often, a good strategy is to connect your conclusion to something earlier in your essay such as your introduction or specific wording that you used throughout. In this essay, it could work much better to end by revealing one of those "lunch-time horror stories" in a way that also emphasizes their main point: how storytelling is a powerful tool to connect people.

Personal Statement Example #3: Romanian Heritage

This personal statement worked for UMichigan , among many other top schools like MIT, Rice, UNC at Chapel Hill , University of Pittsburgh, UW Madison, and more.

This author is able to vividly bring you into their world using cultural references and descriptive writing. You can practically taste and smell Buni's kitchen through her words.

This essay starts off by posing a challenge, which is typical of essays. But rather than showing how they overcame this particular challenge of speaking Romanian without an accent, this reader shows how something unexpected—baking—came to satisfy what was missing all along. By the end, this creates a conclusion that is both surprising, connected to the beginning, and makes perfect sense once you've read it. In other words, the conclusion is inevitable, but also surprising in content.

This student uses Romanian words to help exemplify the culture and language. If you're writing about a culture, using foreign language words can be a compelling way of adding depth to your essay. By including specific terms like "muni" and "cornulete," it shows a depth of knowledge which cannot be faked. Always use specific, tangible language where possible, because it is "evidence" that you know what you're talking about.

This student exhibits strong self-awareness by noting characteristics about themself, even some which may not be the most glamorous ("can be overbearing at times, stubborn in the face of offered help"). Rather than telling the reader flat out about these personal attributes, they are able to discuss them by connecting to another person—their grandmother Buni. Using another person to showcase your own character (through comparison or contrast) is a literary "foil," which can be an effective way of showing your character without stating it outright, which generally is boring and less convincing.

This student doesn't focus on surface-level ideas like "how they got better at speaking Romanian." Instead, they reflect in a creative way by connecting the Romanian language to baking. Revealing unseen connections between topics is a great way to show that you're a thoughtful and clever thinker. Ultimately, having unique ideas that are specific to you is what will create a compelling essay, and this essay is a perfect example of what that could look like.

Personal Statement Example #4: Person of the Woods

This essay was accepted into Dartmouth College . It is a brilliant example of showing how any experience, even those which originally may have been unpleasant, can be the topic of meaningful reflection.

Using visuals, like descriptions of scenarios and environments, can help bring the reader into your world. However, make sure that all of your descriptions are relevant to your main point, or else they could be distracting. For example, in this essay it would be unnecessary to describe what they're wearing or the appearance of canoes, but it makes sense to describe the nature as it relates to the main topic.

People are not isolated units. Instead, everyone depends on and is defined by those around them. By showing how you relate and connect with other people, you can provide insights into your character. In this essay, the student does a great job of delving into their strong friendships, particularly what they've learned from their friends.

Admissions officers love to see self-growth. Showing how your perspective on something has changed (in this case, how they went from disliking to loving an activity) conveys a development of your character. Ask yourself: what preconceived notions did I have before, and how did they change? This student reflects in a humble way, by first emphasizing what they've learned from others, before offering up what they might have contributed themselves. Always try to have a tone of gratitude in your essays because it makes you more likeable and shows strong character.

Personal Statement Example #5: Beautiful Walks

Personal Statement Example #6: My Father's Death

This personal statement was admitted to Michigan in recent years. It is an outstanding example of how you can write about topics that are often cliché if done poorly, such as the death of a family member.

But unlike other essays, this one works because it has a unique take and genuine approach to the topic that makes it come off as heartfelt.

Common App Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)

Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.

This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.

In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.

Personal Statement Example #7: Self-Determination

Some of the best essay topics are dealing with challenges you've faced, because difficulties make it easier to reflect upon what you've learned. Admissions officers ultimately are looking for self-growth, and showing how you've handled personal challenges can demonstrate your new understandings as a result. However, avoid talking about "tragedy" or difficulty without a clear purpose. Don't write about it because you think "you should," only write about challenges if they are true to yourself and you have something meaningful and unique to say about them. Otherwise, it can come off as trying to garner sympathy (i.e. "sob stories") which admissions officers generally dislike.

More convincing than telling admissions officers, is presenting them with "evidence" and allowing them to come to the conclusion themselves. If you want to show the idea "I couldn't learn due to this condition," it is far more effective to do what this student did and say, "I'd just finished learning complex trig identities, and I now couldn't even count to ten." When drafting, it is normal and okay to start off with more "telling" as you get your ideas on paper. But as your essay progresses, you should transform those moments of "telling" into more powerful and convincing moments of "showing."

Having meaningful reflections is a critical part of having compelling essays. But make sure your takeaways are not surface-level or generic. Each admissions officer has likely read thousands of essays, so they are well aware of the common ideas and tropes. Avoid cliché ideas at all costs, because it comes across as forgettable and unoriginal. Instead, it is okay to start with surface-level ideas, but keep asking yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" to push your ideas deeper.

This essay tells a nice story of overcoming their physical impediment, but ultimately lacks meaningful reflections in the conclusion. Too much time is spent on "the problem" and not enough on how they overcame it. Your conclusion should have your best, most compelling ideas in your entire essay. Try ending your essay by connecting to the beginning with a new perspective, expanding on your idea with a new takeaway, or connecting to broader, more universal themes. Avoid having a conclusion that "sounds nice," but ultimately is lacking in meaningful content.

Personal Statement Example #8: Game Design Music

This essay was admitted into Cornell University . It discusses a common conflict of ideology that comes with pursuing the arts. What the author does brilliantly is show how that conflict was reconciled, as well as how it changed their perspective.

My mom used to tell me this a lot. She’d always disapproved of my passion for the arts.

In this essay, the author does a fantastic job of showing how they are thoughtful in considering the perspectives of others, even though they may disagree. Showing that you can entertain ideas that you may disagree with is an admirable trait that admissions officers love to see, because intellectual discussion is all about trying to see other people's views. When writing about things that you may disagree with, try to play devil's advocate and see things from their point of view. Doing so will make you come off as thoughtful, understanding, and inquisitive, and it will strengthen your own viewpoint if you can identify arguments against it.

The best essays help admissions officers understand how you think about things. One strategy is to offer up questions to explore. These can be questions that arose during a particular moment or questions that you're reflecting upon right now. By using questions in your essay, you'll also present yourself as a thoughtful and curious thinker. Ultimately, you want to help the reader see things from your perspective by showing your thought process.

A good starting place for reflection can be in comparing and contrasting different topics. This could finding the similarities and differences in an extracurricular and an academic class, or any other number of things. By finding the similarities in things often thought of as "opposing," or finding the differences in things thought of as "similar," you can get to interesting ideas. Comparisons are useful because they force you to think from a different viewpoint. For example in this essay: How does "programming" relate to "song lyrics"?

This essay ends on a note that feels somewhat off-topic and not as interesting as their main idea. The conclusion leaves more to be wanted, as the reader ends up thinking: Are you simply seeking the approval of your parents? Or are you carving your own path in life? Or does the answer lie somewhere in between? Avoid ending your essay with a tangential idea. Instead, a strong conclusion is often closely related to the main point of your essay, but with a slight twist. By planning out your essay before writing, you can make sure that each point (from start to finish) connects the way you want it to and that your conclusion ends on a strong, well-connected note.

Personal Statement Example #9: Speech and Debate

I was still high off the competition, poring over ballots by the soft streetlights as we drove. “Are you sure you want to do this?” My Dad was worried about me. Worried about my world crashing down around me, losing friends, being crushed by hate. Scarred by controversy. I laughed it off, and we rode in silence.

Fast forward to my second or third year in the league. I wanted to have some fun. I emailed the regional coordinator, asking if there’s a rule against a speech advocating for same-sex marriage.

This essay has lots of interesting ideas about having discussions between people of different viewpoints. This student is able to reflect sincerely about what the benefit of that dialogue is ("iron sharpening iron") and able to draw meaningful conclusions ("hope lives in that laughter") that express deeper ideas. By focusing on these compelling reflections, this student shows themself as a brilliant and thoughtful thinker, while demonstrating what they value: discourse between opposing viewpoints. Rather than focusing on the literal happenings (i.e. giving a speech to their club), the student reflects on what that experience represents more broadly, which allows them to connect to deeper ideas.

This essay is full of details, without being wordy or drawn out. Even small details like naming the show "The Daily Show" or giving a number of "40,000+ theologies" makes their writing much more engaging and compelling. By avoiding broad and vague language, this student paints a fascinating picture that allows the reader to enter their world. It is always better to be specific than to be generic, but make sure that the specific details are always relevant to your point. This essay is a great example of how to do both.

This essay does a fantastic job of creating a "voice." That is, you can easily imagine the student as if they were speaking to you while reading it. To craft this voice, this student uses small moments of more informal language and interjecting remarks that show their thought process. Using parentheses can be a good way to show your voice by jumping in when you have a small remark to add. This student also demonstrates a sense of humor and lightheartedness while still discussing meaningful ideas. The sarcastic remark "because controversy has no place in a debate club!" demonstrates their values (of dialogue between differing viewpoints) as well as showing their sense of personality.

This essay's weakest point is its intro or "hook." In fact, it could work much better by excluding the introduction paragraph and starting off with the second paragraph: "Forgive the melodrama: this is a story..." That short phrase is much more captivating and immediately draws the reader in. The introduction paragraph in this essay is too much of a meandering and vague story: you don't know what they're talking about, and ultimately it doesn't matter. Rather than using a fancy story or descriptions to introduce your essay, try jumping into the "meat" of your essay immediately. Consider using a short, declarative sentence or phrase like "Forgive the melodrama" as a hook, which is more impactful and draws the reader immediately into your essay.

Personal Statement Example #10: Finding Answers

Common App Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? (250-650 words)

My grandmother’s concern faded rather quickly as sirens fell distant and time passed.

After about 30 minutes, my grandfather’s friend ran toward the beach. My grandfather was not next to him. He was not there at all. At that moment, my grandma knew.

“Burt...he was with me...he slipped...he fell...I ran down the side of the mountain, off the trail, but I couldn’t find him. The park rangers are looking...” She stopped listening. She could see his lips moving, yet she heard nothing.

This essay repeats a lot of the same ideas or information, just using different words. Rather than "getting to the point," this repetition makes the essay feel meandering and like it is going nowhere ultimately. When drafting your essay, it is okay to have repetition (your drafts shouldn't be perfect, after all). But when editing, ask yourself with each sentence: does this add something new? Is this necessary to my main point? If not, you should exclude those sentences.

This essay starts off with a drawn-out story of the tragedy involving the author's grandfather. Most of this story is unnecessary, because all that really matters for this student's main idea is the fact that their grandfather passed away from a tragic accident. Details about his grandmother or his grandfather's best friend are unnecessary and distracting.

An important "rule" in college essays is to only write from your perspective. That is, don't describe things that you couldn't have seen or experienced. In this essay, the author spends a lot of time describing their grandfather's incident as if they was there to witness it. But we later learn that the author was not even alive at this point, so how could they be describing these things? On a smaller level, don't describe yourself from an outside perspective. For example, instead of, "I grimaced when I heard the news" (how did you see yourself grimace?) you could say, "I felt my stomach pang when I heard the news."

Your ideas are most valuable in your essays. Admissions officers want to see how you think, and having interesting ideas that are unique to you is how you demonstrate that you're thoughtful and insightful. Avoid surface-level ideas at all costs, as it comes off cliché. It is okay to start with more generic ideas, but you should always delve deeper. To get at deeper and more unique ideas, the key is to ask yourself questions. For example: Why is this the case? Why don't things work differently? What does this mean for other people? What does this represent? How can I apply this to other areas of life?

Personal Statement Example #11: Connecting with Others

Common App Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. (250-650 words)

It's important to create a "voice" in your personal statement, so that admissions officers can imagine your character and personality. Try to write as you would speak, but refined and polished. In this essay, natural-sounding phrases like "...let me admit, I was awful..." humanizes the author and makes the reader feel like they're being spoken to.

This essay is a perfect example of how effective essays don't need to have a super unusual story to be compelling. What makes this essay's story compelling is not necessarily the topic itself (meeting distant relatives), but instead how the student reflects and makes interesting connections to broader ideas. Even seemingly mundane experiences can make for meaningful personal statements topics.

This conclusion works well by connecting to the main story of the essay. However, certain phrases like "As a global citizen" and "I am hoping to forge relationships" are potentially too generic. Instead, try taking your main idea (in this case forming connections with others) and broaden it or connect to more universal ideas.

Personal Statement Example #12: Summer Confidence

This essay has a heartfelt moment where the author connects deeply with a camper and feels a sense of genuine gratitude. By showing their newfound connection with a person they were mentoring, this creates a sense of humanity and also tells a lot about the author themself. By talking about other people in your life, you create a literary "foil" which in turn describes something about yourself. Showing how you interact with others can be telling into your character, such as showing your empathy, sense of humor, friendliness, or how you draw inspiration from others.

This essay does a good job of expressing vulnerability, specifically the author's fears about the future and "deteriorating friendships" after going to college. By being vulnerable, these moments feel more relatable to the reader. Showing your struggles (especially emotional ones) can also make your later "successes" feel more impactful when you show how you've overcame them or persist in face of those struggles. By recognizing your flaws or insecurities, you also show self-awareness, which is a positive trait because you need to be self-aware in order to improve the areas of yourself you want to fix.

Although this essay does reflect upon the lessons learned during their time at this camp, the takeaways are ultimately surface-level and not delved into. Rather than saying things like "I had more confidence," it would be more engaging to show how that confidence made an effect and what exactly that "confidence" meant. This essay touches upon some meaningful lessons, but ultimately they fall flat because the nuances of these lessons are glossed over. Phrases like "upon further consideration it no longer fills me with...apprehension" don't delve into the most interesting part: How and why did that fear go away? What changed about your perspective and why? Instead, these are explained away with "confidence and maturity," which are too broad of terms and feel meaningless because they are overused in essays.

In your personal statement, it is completely OK to reference people by their first name. Using names makes your essay more vivid and engaging, while showing a deeper connection that you have with others. Rather than saying "other people" or "one of the older campers," it would be more impactful to use their first name. There are some caveats, however. Don't use their name if you're showing them in a negative light (which you probably shouldn't do anyway) or if you're revealing something personal about them. If you are revealing something personal, you can substitute their name for another name, or ask them for their direct permission.

Personal Statement Example #13: First Impressions

It had a nice ring to it, but I wasn’t a fan. Unfortunately, that’s what I imagined everyone saw first, and first impressions stick.

A caveat of my surgery was that the hair would grow, then one-third would fall off. My scar will never be completely gone, but I no longer feel defined by it like I did in elementary school.

An effective hook doesn't need to be complicated. Often, the best hooks are simple, declarative sentences. By using a short sentence, you'll immediately draw the reader into your essay and create a point of emphasis. In general, avoid long and meandering sentences to start your essay, and save those for later in your essay. Clear and succinct phrasing is often the hallmark of a strong hook.

To convey your ideas more strongly, show them using concrete examples. In this essay, the author does a great job of that by not saying "classmates only saw me for my scar," but instead showing that idea through the memorable image of "I learned about my classmates through their lunchbox covers...they saw me as the boy with the scar." Using tangible imagery makes for a compelling way of expressing your ideas, as it allows the reader to come to the conclusions you want them to, without just "telling" them.

Avoid exaggerating or "fluffing up" experiences in your essays. Instead, be realistic and tell them for what they are. This essay does that perfectly by using phrases like "I didn't have a sudden epiphany about my scar." Avoid using phrases like "suddenly, I..." which are often overused and unrealistic. Most new understandings aren't acquired in one moment in particular, but are developed over time.

This essay touches on some compelling ideas, such as how people can distill down other people into their physical attributes or ailments. However, it would be even stronger to delve deeper into these reflections by asking further questions: Why do we gravitate towards "categorizing" people based on surface-level attributes? What is the impact of only be acknowledged for surface-level characteristics by others, but knowing that you have much more depth to your character? This essay has some meaningful ideas, but other ideas such as "I can be whatever I want to be" feel surface-level and somewhat generic.

Personal Statement Example #14: Law Career

One great way to have interesting ideas is to show things that you find fascinating that other people may find boring. This essay describes how a judge mandating "reprimands for speeding tickets might be dull for some," but how they find it interesting. Everything, even the seemingly mundane, has interesting aspects if you're willing to look closely enough. When brainstorming, ask yourself: what do I find fascinating that others find boring? What do I think is "fun" while others may think it is "hard" or boring? By following these threads, you can often find unique and compelling ideas that allow you to bring the reader into your world and show them how you see the world uniquely.

A common trap when writing a personal statement is to use a descriptive, fiction-like story to start your essay. Although this may sound like a good idea, it is often ineffective because it buries what is most interesting (your ideas and reflections) and can easily be long and drawn out. Short, concise stories with a focus can be effective introductions, but in general avoid overly descriptive storytelling to start your essay. Also, avoid describing things that aren't critical to your main point. There is little to no benefit in describing things like "I smoothed my skirt and rose slowly from the chair." Focus on why your stories matter, rather than telling stories in a descriptive manner.

This essay does have some reflections, particularly about how the author discovered their passion for law by joining the Youth Court. However, most of these ideas end there, and there aren't any deep, unique ideas. The closest the author comes to having a unique and compelling idea is the final sentence where they write "the value of prioritizing the common good above individual success." This could be a fascinating topic to explore, but ultimately is cut short because it is tagged onto the ending. Your focus when brainstorming and drafting should be to have specific and original ideas—ideas that are not generic, not cliché, and not surface-level. To get to those ideas, ask yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" over and over.

Personal Statement Example #15: My Asian Experience

Personal Statement Example #16: Secrets of Riddles

Common App Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? (250-650 words)

As I was going to St. Ives, Upon the road I met seven wives; Every wife had seven sacks, Every sack had seven cats: Cats, sacks, and wives, How many were going to St. Ives?

The riddles of life were not as straightforward as the puzzles in my books and websites. In fact, they were not straightforward at all, like winding mazes of philosophical quandary.

One of the most thought-provoking subjects that preoccupies my mind regards the existence of aliens. Initially, my mind was settled on the possibility of intelligent life. A universe so big could not possibly be lifeless.

As for the solution to the riddle at the start:

How many were going to St. Ives?

This essay does well by having a unique central topic—riddles—which allows the author to draw out interesting ideas related to this theme. Your topic doesn't necessarily need to be profound or hugely significant, because this author shows how you can take a seemingly unimportant topic and use it to make meaningful connections. In this essay, riddles grow to represent something greater than the activity itself, which is something you can do with almost any topic.

One of the most effective ways to "show, not tell" is to use specific and tangible examples. This essay does a great job of exemplifying their ideas. Rather than just saying "I enthralled my friends with questions," the author also shows this: "Over peanut butter and sliced ham, I assumed the role of story teller..." Examples are always more convincing because they are proof, and allow the reader to interpret for themselves. Don't tell the reader what you want them to think. Instead, set up moments that guide the reader to come to those conclusions themselves.

This conclusion connects back to the beginning, which is generally a good idea as it creates a cohesive structure. However, this ending doesn't quite make sense in the context of the riddle. Rather than creating new meaning, it comes off as arbitrary and contrived. Make sure your conclusion isn't creative just for creative-sake, and instead also has significant meaning attached to it.

Personal Statement Example #17: Rubik's Cube

Personal Statement Example #18: Narrative Diversity

If your cultural background or identity is an important part of who you are, then writing about it can make for a compelling essay. Often times in college admissions, Asian-Americans in particular are advised to "hide" their ethnic background, because it can be perceived to hurt their application. This student embraces their Asian heritage by recognizing ways in which they faced societal barriers. As this essay shows, regardless of your identity, there are unique aspects you can delve into that can make for compelling topics.

This essay does a great job of reflecting upon previously held beliefs, such as "I unconsciously succumbed to the 'reserve and quiet' Asian stereotype," and challenging them. Questioning your beliefs and where they came from can often be a good starting point for interesting reflection. Showing your new perspectives over time also conveys self-growth. Ask yourself: what did I once believe (in regards to myself, an activity, other people, etc.), what do I believe now, and how has this changed?

Rather than starting off with an activity and then reflecting upon it, this student takes a different approach. By introducing an interesting idea (the representation of underrepresented groups in media) and then later connecting to their activities, it makes the incorporation of those extracurriculars seem more appropriate and natural. The last thing you want to do is list your activities plainly, but it's still important to reference them. One strategy to naturally talk about your activities and accomplishments is to attach them to interesting ideas, as this essay shows.

Personal Statement Example #19: Search for Dreams

Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words)

The diamond leaves of gnarled oak trees throw spectrums of color onto mounds of frosty snow that gleam melancholily under the moonlight. The leaves chime as wind violently rustles them in a haunting melody. I splinter a leaf off its branch and inspect the shard of my illusion, eyes dancing with amusement.

As I dwell in my worries, a cold hand reaches from behind me and taps my shoulder.

I jerk away, fear bubbling in my amygdala as I look into the nonexistent eyes of my intruding visitor.

The moon illuminates a blob of pink squish as it draws back slowly, points its spindly hands towards my drink and asks: “Could I have some of that?”

The blob wipes its invisible mouth with its nonexistent sleeve. I ask: “What are you?”

The blob tells me to stop looking at it so suspiciously. “I can prove it,” It says. I tell it, please, go ahead.

Suddenly we are back in the glowing forest. “Diamonds? Pah!” The blob dismisses them. Instantly, the leaves turn solid gold, the snow melts, and the wintry world is thrown into a blistering summer.

The blob laughs heartlessly. “Your cortex is under my control,” it says smugly.

“I heard you had a question for me?” It taps its invisible ears knowingly.

The blob wriggles its invisible brows as it waits.

It smiles that wicked smile. It laughs that sinful laugh. Then that insufferable blob wakes me up.

As I sit up in the dark and rub my bleary eyes, I am vaguely aware of the deep­set unfulfillment settling itself inside me. I yawn and plop back into bed, the soft red glow of my alarm clock indicating that it is still before midnight.

One thing is for sure about this essay: it has a unique idea that has surely not been written before. Regardless of your topic, you want your essay to be unique in some way, even if it isn't as fantastical as this essay. You can use a unique structure, such as having central symbolism, metaphor, or being structured as a recipe, for example. But this can easily become "gimmicky" if it doesn't have a clear purpose. In general, the most effective way to have a unique essay is to focus on having deep and unique ideas and reflections. By focusing on interesting takeaways and connections that are ultra-specific to you and your experiences, your essay will standout regardless of the structure.

This essay uses a lot of fiction-like writing that is fantastical and "flowery." Although moments of this kind of writing can make your essay more vivid, it is quite easy to end up with dense storytelling and descriptions that ultimately don't share anything interesting about you. The purpose of your essay is ultimately to learn about you: your values, your ideas, your identity, etc. By using dense story-like writing, it can be easy to lose focus of what admissions officers are looking for. In general, avoid writing "fancy" stories like this essay, unless you have a clear and distinct purpose for doing so. Everything in your essay should have a purpose in "going somewhere" (i.e. reaching interesting ideas and takeaways).

This essay is definitely creative, but lacks meaningful takeaways and ideas. By the end of the essay, we don't know much about the author besides the fact that they have an affinity for creative writing and are "on a search." Although the content is unique, the end result comes off as quite generic and surface-level because no interesting thoughts are explored deeply. The most interesting part of this essay is "I open my mouth and ask it my most crucial question," but this is super unsatisfying because the question is never divulged. Instead, the reader is teased by this fantasy story and the essay goes nowhere meaningful, which comes off as gimmicky and "creative for creative's sake," rather than deeply personal and interesting.

This essay ends on the idea of "continuing my search," but for what exactly? It is never explained, elaborated, or even implied (besides one reference to painting earlier). That makes this conclusion comes off as somewhat surface-level and uninteresting. Admissions officers won't care about "your search" unless they have a reason to care. That is, unless it tells something specific about you. On it's own, this idea of "exploring" and "searching" is meaningless because it is too broad and unelaborated.

Personal Statement Example #20: Recipe for Success

Step 1: Collect the ingredients

Step 2: Marinate the meat

Step 3: Wrap the dumplings

Step 4: Boil or pan-fry?

Step 5: Share and enjoy!

This essay has a clearly unique format in that it is structured as a dumpling recipe. By walking the reader through each step of dumpling-making, the student is able to explore various ideas and use the dumpling process as a metaphor for their own self-discovery. Having a creative structure like this can be beneficial, so long as you also have compelling ideas and the structure isn't unique just for the sake of being unique.

This whole essay is one big metaphor: the student compares their self-growth to the process of making dumplings. In doing so, the student introduces their heritage, while also having a creative literary device that they can use to explore various topics. By having a "central theme" such as this essay does, it makes it easier to explore a variety of ideas and activities, without seeming like you're listing them.

Struggles are one of the most defining aspects of self-development, and admissions officers are interested to see how you have overcome challenges. These difficulties don't need to be extreme tragedies or insurmountable obstacles, but everyone has faced difficulties. By reflecting upon those difficulties, you can draw out interesting ideas, showcase vulnerability, and express your personality.

What You Can Learn From These Personal Statement Examples

With these 20 Personal Statement examples, you can get inspired and improve your own essays. If you want to get accepted into selective colleges this year, your essays need to make you stand out.

These 20 examples show how real students got into highly selective schools and teach us several lessons for writing your own successful Personal Statement essay:

• Write a compelling first sentence that grabs the reader
• Be specific and reference things by name
• Tell a meaningful story
• Reflect on your life and identity. Be self-aware.

If you enjoyed these personal statement examples, check out some of our top Common App Essays , which are also personal statements essays, but for the Common Application.

Which of these personal statement examples was your favorite?

Meet the Author

Ryan Chiang

I'm Ryan Chiang and I created EssaysThatWorked.com - a website dedicated to helping students and their families apply to college with confidence & ease. We publish the best college admissions essays from successful applicants every year to inspire and teach future students.

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