after the affair book review

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After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful Audio CD – Abridged, December 26, 2007

“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.” —Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an affair.” —Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. 

A staggering number of couples in America—about 70 percent—have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship. Written by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally known therapist and acknowledged expert on infidelity, this revised and updated version brings the groundbreaking classic into the 21st century, with a new section dealing with online affairs in cyberspace. For women who are struggling in their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology academics and readers fascinated by of popular psychology—this newly revised and updated edition of After the Affair is essential reading.

• Print length 656 pages
• Language English
• Publisher HarperAudio
• Publication date December 26, 2007
• Dimensions 5.25 x 1 x 5.75 inches
• ISBN-10 006144183X
• ISBN-13 978-0061441837
• See all details

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Editorial Reviews

From the back cover.

After the Affair teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from theshattering crisis of an infidelity. Drawing on thirty-five years as a clinicalpsychologist, Dr. Spring offers a series of original and proven strategies thataddress such questions as: * Why did it happen? * Once love and trust aregone, can we ever get them back? * Can I—should I—recommit when I feelso ambivalent? * How do we become sexually intimate again? * Is forgivenesspossible? * What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?

About the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent.

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ HarperAudio; Abridged edition (December 26, 2007)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Audio CD ‏ : ‎ 656 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 006144183X
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0061441837
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.36 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 1 x 5.75 inches

About the authors

Janis abrahms spring.

JANIS ABRAHMS SPRING, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. She is the bestselling author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You? After the Affair was published in thirteen countries around the world and both books were finalists for the Books for a Better Life Award. Dr. Spring is a diplomat in clinical psychology and has served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University. In private practice for more than 3 decades, she lives with her husband in Westport, CT, and they have four sons.

Michael Spring

MICHAEL SPRING is the former publisher of Frommer's travel guides at John Wiley and Sons, and the coauthor of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You? He has a B.A. from Haverford College and an M.A. in English literature from Columbia University.

Customer reviews

• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 5 star 66% 14% 9% 3% 8% 66%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 4 star 66% 14% 9% 3% 8% 14%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 3 star 66% 14% 9% 3% 8% 9%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 2 star 66% 14% 9% 3% 8% 3%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 1 star 66% 14% 9% 3% 8% 8%

Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.

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Customers say

Customers find the book to be a good read for both partners. They say it provides helpful insights into both the hurt partners. Readers also mention the book helps them understand and address their specific issues. Overall, they describe the information quality as excellent and thorough.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

Customers find the book readable. They say it's a good read for both parties, great for a difficult time, and a lifesaver. Readers also mention the author does a good job of summing up how the betrayed feels and reacts.

"...I do recommend this book. It's a serious book that can help you both." Read more

"...This book is one of the best out there , and was recommended to me by our marriage counselor...." Read more

" This book is a lifesaver . The first half deals with whether or not to stay with your partner, be prepared!..." Read more

"... This is a good book , but be prepared to do some self-evaluation...." Read more

Customers find the information in the book helpful. They say it provides insights into both the hurt partners and helps them understand and address their specific issues. Readers also mention the book is a useful and valuable tool during their healing process.

"...It doesn't provide absolutes, 'must do' things, but it does provide very helpful insights into both the hurt partners point of view as well as the..." Read more

"...But I feel this book has done a great job of helping me understand and address my specific situation." Read more

"...I find it to be excellent for helping couples understand healing is possible along with forgiveness...." Read more

"...But overall both my husband and I found it a useful and valuable tool during our healing process." Read more

Customers find the book simple and down-to-earth. They say it provides comfort, hope, and step-by-step solutions for talking about the affair.

"...feedback from my clients that the book provides comfort, hope, step by step solutions for talking about the affair, rebuilding trust, rebuilding..." Read more

"...It is a very balanced perspective - neither too simplistic nor full of psycho babble...." Read more

"...I recommend the book because it is simple down to earth and you don't have a lot of psychological babble." Read more

"i am very happy with this purchase. it was quick and easy and i found a used book that was cheaper." Read more

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After the Affair Summary & Study Guide

After the Affair Summary & Study Guide Description

The text explores the methodology used to rebuild the trust and heal the pain within a post-affair relationship. A basic assumption of the book is that a relationship exists where a known and significant breach of trust has occurred and yet both partners desire to rebuild and rehabilitate the relationship. The text does not deliberately limit the affair or the relationship but does assume that the affair probably involved extramarital sexual intercourse, remained secret for some period, and was subsequently discovered by the hurt partner. The text addresses the various stages of recovery and therefore infers that the discovery of the affair was at least some few weeks in the past and that the affair is probably not ongoing.

The text is organized in an intuitive and straightforward manner, which aids materially in comprehension and informs the overall recovery and rebuilding process. The first major segment of the text deals with the emotional firestorm which surrounds the discovery of an affair. It is presented in two chapters—one describing the effects upon the hurt partner, and one describing the effects upon the unfaithful partner. The development of this section is remarkably unbiased and presents one of the strongest aspects of the text.

The second major segment of the text deals with the interaction between the hurt partner and the unfaithful partner in the immediate aftermath of discovery. In essence, the second segment attempts to assist the reader to determine whether they should remain in the relationship; even so, a basic premise of the text is that the reader has likely already determined to attempt to retain the relationship. The segment is divided into two chapters—one describing common ideas about love and relationships, and one offering advise and tools to those who must confront their personal doubts and fears about remaining in the damaged relationship.

The third major segment of the text is the largest portion of the book and deals with the actual recovery process. The section assumes the affair has been discovered and discontinued and that both partners have recommitted to the damaged relationship. The segment is developed through five chapters, each a topical treatment of issues likely to occur in a post-affair relationship. The first lengthy chapter explains how partners can learn from each other and their recent experiences. Other chapters offer suggestions for restoring trust, methods to discuss the affair, and, in the longest chapter of the book, strategies for approaching sex once again. The segment concludes with a small chapter offering suggestions about how to forgive the other partner. The text ends with a notable amount of supplementary material including, in some editions, an epilogue, extensive notes, a bibliography, and an index.

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After the Affair, Updated Second Edition: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful Paperback – Sept. 4 2012

There is a newer edition of this item:.

“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.” —Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an affair.” —Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. 

A staggering number of couples in America—about 70 percent—have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship. Written by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally known therapist and acknowledged expert on infidelity, this revised and updated version brings the groundbreaking classic into the 21st century, with a new section dealing with online affairs in cyberspace. For women who are struggling in their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology academics and readers fascinated by of popular psychology—this newly revised and updated edition of After the Affair is essential reading.

• Print length 352 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Harper Paperbacks
• Publication date Sept. 4 2012
• Dimensions 2.54 x 13.21 x 20.07 cm
• ISBN-10 0062122703
• ISBN-13 978-0062122704
• See all details

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From the Publisher

At HarperCollins, authors and their work are at the center of everything we do. We are proud to provide our authors with unprecedented editorial excellence, marketing reach, long-standing connections with booksellers, and insight into reader and consumer behavior. Consistently at the forefront of innovation and technological advancement, HarperCollins also uses digital technology to create unique reading experiences and expand the reach of our authors.

HarperCollins was founded by brothers James and John Harper in New York City in 1817 as J. and J. Harper, later Harper & Brothers. In 1987, as Harper & Row, it was acquired by News Corporation. The worldwide book group was formed following News Corporation's 1990 acquisition of the British publisher William Collins & Sons. Founded in 1819, William Collins & Sons published a range of Bibles, atlases, dictionaries, and reissued classics, expanding over the years to include legendary authors such as H. G. Wells, Agatha Christie, J. R. R. Tolkien, and C. S. Lewis.

The house of Mark Twain, the Brontë sisters, Thackeray, Dickens, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., Maurice Sendak, Shel Silverstein, and Margaret Wise Brown, HarperCollins has a long and rich history that reaches back to the early nineteenth century and offers our publishing team a depth of experience.

Product description

From the back cover.

After the Affair teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from the shattering crisis of an infidelity. Drawing on thirty-five years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Spring offers a series of original and proven strategies that address such questions as: * Why did it happen? * Once love and trust are gone, can we ever get them back? * Can I—should I—recommit when I feel so ambivalent? * How do we become sexually intimate again? * Is forgiveness possible? * What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?

About the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning H ow Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To , and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent .

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Paperbacks; Updated edition (Sept. 4 2012)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062122703
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062122704
• Item weight ‏ : ‎ 249 g
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 2.54 x 13.21 x 20.07 cm
• #115 in Couples & Family Therapy
• #420 in Marriage (Books)
• #1,223 in Parenting (Books)

About the author

Janis abrahms spring.

JANIS ABRAHMS SPRING, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. She is the bestselling author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You? After the Affair was published in thirteen countries around the world and both books were finalists for the Books for a Better Life Award. Dr. Spring is a diplomat in clinical psychology and has served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University. In private practice for more than 3 decades, she lives with her husband in Westport, CT, and they have four sons.

Customer reviews

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What do you do "After the Affair"?

Help for couples struggling after an infidelity..

Posted April 15, 2011

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Book Review :

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful

After the Affair is a ground-breaking book that walks partners through a healing process after the devastation of an infidelity . The first of its kind when it was published in 1996, the open, frank, and insightful thoughts contained in this book still very much hold true for couples today.

Rich with examples from her clinical practice, Dr. Spring has written a comprehensive guide for couples in the aftermath of infidelity - walking them through each stage of recovery . In the first stage, Reacting to the Affair , she empathizes with the likely feelings of the "hurt partner" and the "unfaithful partner" (her language), giving language to, and normalizing, their experiences. In the second stage, Deciding Whether or Recommit or Quit , she helps both members of the couple confront their ambivalence about the relationship and make a thoughtful decision about whether or not to stay. In the third stage, Rebuilding Your Relationship , she reviews strategies and tools to help the couple rebuild trust, intimacy , and get to forgiveness .

After the Affair was written primarily for any two people who want to rebuild their relationship after one of them has been unfaithful - regardless of the marital status or sexual orientation of the couple or the gender of the unfaithful partner - but it is useful for a variety of others, such as professionals helping couples after an affair, individuals who experienced an affair in the past and want to understand it better, or partners who are contemplating disclosing an affair but have not yet done so. And while she doesn't mention it specifically, this book can also be very useful for couples attempting to recover when one of them has been sexually acting-out due to a sexual addiction .

Rather than demonizing either person, After the Affair presents a compassionate and balanced perspective, holding both members accountable with deep empathy. Couples may find that therapy - both individual and as a couple - is necessary and helpful for their recovery and rebuilding process. However, After the Affair can certainly serve as a companion to that process - helping the couple to put words to their experience, and helping them learn to ask for what they need while building a new relationship together .

Samantha Stein , Psy.D., is a psychologist in private practice in San Francisco. She works with couples and individuals, specializing in intimacy, sexuality, and self-realization.

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