emotional essays on life

Essays About Emotions: Top 6 Examples and Prompts

We all experience a vast range of emotions; read on to see our top examples of essays about emotions, and thought-provoking writing prompts.

Human beings use their emotions as an internal compass. They guide us through tough challenges and help create memorable moments that build relationships and communities. They give us strength that’s incomparable to intellect. They are powerful enough to drive our survival, bring down invincible-seeming tyrants, and even shape the future.

If you want to express your emotions through writing, creating an essay is a perfect way to materialize your thoughts and feelings. Read on for the best essay examples and help with your next essay about emotions.

1. Managing Emotions by Charlotte Nelson

2. how to deal with your emotions effectively by jayaram v, 3. music affects mood by delores goodwin, 4. emotions, stress, and ways to cope with them by anonymous on ivypanda, 5. essay on emotions: definition, characteristics, and importance by reshma s, 6. the most powerful emotion in marketing may surprise you by oliver yonchev, 9 writing prompts on essays about emotions to write about, 1. what are positive and negative emotions, 2. how to control and manage emotions for emotional people, 3. why it can benefit you to hide your emotions, 4. the power of emotional connection between siblings, 5. emotions make music, and music drives emotions, 6. psychopathic individuals and their emotions, 7. emotions expressed in art, 8. dance: physical expression of emotion, 9. lessons to learn from highly emotional scenes on screen.

“Emotions. They not just leave an impact on the organizations but on the organizational structure as well, and it is vital for leaders in the organization to deal with it.”

Nelson’s essay focuses on how emotions can be harmful if not managed properly. She also differentiates moods from emotions and the proper and improper emotional management methods.

“They are essential for your survival and serve a definite purpose in your life by giving you advance warning signals and alerting you to different situations.”  

Our feelings are important, and this essay points out that negative emotions aren’t always a bad thing. The important thing is we learn how to cope with them appropriately.

“So we just listen and close our eyes, and it is our song for three minutes because the singers understand.”

Goodwin’s essay explores how we feel various moods or emotions from listening to different genres of music. For example, she writes about how rock masks pain and releases daily tensions, how classical music encourages babies’ development, etc.

“Emotions play a unique role in the experiences and health outcomes of all people. A proper understanding of how to cope with emotions and stress can empower more individuals to record positive health outcomes.”

This essay incorporates stress into the topic of emotions and how to manage it. It’s no surprise that people can feel stress as a strong emotion. The essay explores the various methods of managing the two things and promoting health.

“Emotions can be understood as some sort of feelings or affective experiences which are characterized by some physiological changes that generally lead them to perform some of the other types of behavioral acts.”

Reshma uses a scientific approach to define emotion, the types of emotions, and how it works. The essay provides the characteristics of emotions, like being feeling being the core of emotion. It also included the importance of emotions and theories around them.

“The emotional part of the brain processes information five times more quickly than the rational part, which is why tapping into people’s emotions is so powerful.”

Instead of discussing emotions only, Yonchev uses his essay to write about the emotions used in marketing tactics. He focuses on how brands use powerful emotions like happiness and fear in their marketing strategies. A great example is Coca-Cola’s iconic use of marketing happiness, giving the brand a positive emotional connection to consumers.

You’ve read various essays about emotions. Now, it’s your turn to write about them. Here are essay ideas and prompts to help you find a specific track to write about.

Work out the definition of positive and negative emotions. Use this essay to provide examples of both types of emotions. For example, joy is a positive emotion, while irritation is negative. Read about emotions to back up your writing.

Depending on the scenario, many people are very open with their emotions and are quite emotional. The workplace is an example of a place where it’s better to put your emotions aside. Write an essay if you want to explore the best ways to handle your emotions during stressful moments.

You need to know when to hide your emotions, like in a poker game. Even if you don’t play poker, controlling or hiding your emotions provides some advantages. Keeping emotional reactions to yourself can help you remain professional in certain situations. Emotional reactions can also overwhelm you and keep you from thinking of a solution on the fly.

Close-knit families have powerful emotional connections to one another. Siblings have an incredibly unique relationship. You can think back to your experiences with your siblings and discuss how your relationship has driven you to be more emotionally open or distant from them.

Create a narrative essay to share your best memory with your siblings.

There’s a reason so many songs revolve around the “love at first sight” idea. A powerful emotion is something like giddiness from meeting someone for the first time and feeling love-struck by their behavior. Grief, anger, and betrayal are emotions that drive artists to create emotionally charged songs.

Some people have a misbelief that psychopaths don’t have emotions. If you’re diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) , the true definition of a psychopath in psychiatry, this is a perfect essay prompt. You can also use this if you’re studying psychology or have a keen interest in psychopathic behaviors or people around you.

Like music, art also has a deep link to emotions. People who see art have subjective reactions to it. If you’ve been given a piece of art to react to, consider writing an essay to express how you perceive and understand the piece, whether it’s a 2D abstract painting or a 3D wire sculpture.

A widely appreciated branch of art is dance. Contemporary dance is a popular way of expressing emotion today, but other types of dance are also great options. Whether classical ballroom, group hip hop, or ballet, your choice will depend on the type of dance you enjoy watching or doing. If you’re more physical or prefer watching dance, you may enjoy writing about emotional expression through dance instead of writing about art.

Do you have a favorite scene from a film or TV show? Use this essay topic to discuss your favorite scene and explain why you loved the emotional reactions of its characters. You can also compare them to a more realistic reaction.

Write a descriptive essay to describe your favorite scene before discussing the emotions involved.  

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Eight brilliant student essays on what matters most in life.

Read winning essays from our spring 2019 student writing contest.

For the spring 2019 student writing contest, we invited students to read the YES! article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill. Like the author, students interviewed someone significantly older than them about the three things that matter most in life. Students then wrote about what they learned, and about how their interviewees’ answers compare to their own top priorities.

The Winners

From the hundreds of essays written, these eight were chosen as winners. Be sure to read the author’s response to the essay winners and the literary gems that caught our eye. Plus, we share an essay from teacher Charles Sanderson, who also responded to the writing prompt.

Middle School Winner: Rory Leyva

High School Winner:  Praethong Klomsum

University Winner:  Emily Greenbaum

Powerful Voice Winner: Amanda Schwaben

Powerful Voice Winner: Antonia Mills

Powerful Voice Winner:  Isaac Ziemba

Powerful Voice Winner: Lily Hersch

“Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner: Jonas Buckner

From the Author: Response to Student Winners

Literary Gems

From A Teacher: Charles Sanderson

From the Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Middle School Winner

Village Home Education Resource Center, Portland, Ore.

The Lessons Of Mortality 

“As I’ve aged, things that are more personal to me have become somewhat less important. Perhaps I’ve become less self-centered with the awareness of mortality, how short one person’s life is.” This is how my 72-year-old grandma believes her values have changed over the course of her life. Even though I am only 12 years old, I know my life won’t last forever, and someday I, too, will reflect on my past decisions. We were all born to exist and eventually die, so we have evolved to value things in the context of mortality.

One of the ways I feel most alive is when I play roller derby. I started playing for the Rose City Rollers Juniors two years ago, and this year, I made the Rosebud All-Stars travel team. Roller derby is a fast-paced, full-contact sport. The physicality and intense training make me feel in control of and present in my body.

My roller derby team is like a second family to me. Adolescence is complicated. We understand each other in ways no one else can. I love my friends more than I love almost anything else. My family would have been higher on my list a few years ago, but as I’ve aged it has been important to make my own social connections.

Music led me to roller derby.  I started out jam skating at the roller rink. Jam skating is all about feeling the music. It integrates gymnastics, breakdancing, figure skating, and modern dance with R & B and hip hop music. When I was younger, I once lay down in the DJ booth at the roller rink and was lulled to sleep by the drawl of wheels rolling in rhythm and people talking about the things they came there to escape. Sometimes, I go up on the roof of my house at night to listen to music and feel the wind rustle my hair. These unique sensations make me feel safe like nothing else ever has.

My grandma tells me, “Being close with family and friends is the most important thing because I haven’t

always had that.” When my grandma was two years old, her father died. Her mother became depressed and moved around a lot, which made it hard for my grandma to make friends. Once my grandma went to college, she made lots of friends. She met my grandfather, Joaquin Leyva when she was working as a park ranger and he was a surfer. They bought two acres of land on the edge of a redwood forest and had a son and a daughter. My grandma created a stable family that was missing throughout her early life.

My grandma is motivated to maintain good health so she can be there for her family. I can relate because I have to be fit and strong for my team. Since she lost my grandfather to cancer, she realizes how lucky she is to have a functional body and no life-threatening illnesses. My grandma tries to eat well and exercise, but she still struggles with depression. Over time, she has learned that reaching out to others is essential to her emotional wellbeing.  

Caring for the earth is also a priority for my grandma I’ve been lucky to learn from my grandma. She’s taught me how to hunt for fossils in the desert and find shells on the beach. Although my grandma grew up with no access to the wilderness, she admired the green open areas of urban cemeteries. In college, she studied geology and hiked in the High Sierras. For years, she’s been an advocate for conserving wildlife habitat and open spaces.

Our priorities may seem different, but it all comes down to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and need to be loved. Like Nancy Hill says in the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” it can be hard to decipher what is important in life. I believe that the constant search for satisfaction and meaning is the only thing everyone has in common. We all want to know what matters, and we walk around this confusing world trying to find it. The lessons I’ve learned from my grandma about forging connections, caring for my body, and getting out in the world inspire me to live my life my way before it’s gone.

Rory Leyva is a seventh-grader from Portland, Oregon. Rory skates for the Rosebuds All-Stars roller derby team. She loves listening to music and hanging out with her friends.

High School Winner

Praethong Klomsum

  Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

Time Only Moves Forward

Sandra Hernandez gazed at the tiny house while her mother’s gentle hands caressed her shoulders. It wasn’t much, especially for a family of five. This was 1960, she was 17, and her family had just moved to Culver City.

Flash forward to 2019. Sandra sits in a rocking chair, knitting a blanket for her latest grandchild, in the same living room. Sandra remembers working hard to feed her eight children. She took many different jobs before settling behind the cash register at a Japanese restaurant called Magos. “It was a struggle, and my husband Augustine, was planning to join the military at that time, too.”

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author Nancy Hill states that one of the most important things is “…connecting with others in general, but in particular with those who have lived long lives.” Sandra feels similarly. It’s been hard for Sandra to keep in contact with her family, which leaves her downhearted some days. “It’s important to maintain that connection you have with your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

Despite her age, Sandra is a daring woman. Taking risks is important to her, and she’ll try anything—from skydiving to hiking. Sandra has some regrets from the past, but nowadays, she doesn’t wonder about the “would have, could have, should haves.” She just goes for it with a smile.

Sandra thought harder about her last important thing, the blue and green blanket now finished and covering

her lap. “I’ve definitely lived a longer life than most, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I hope I can see the day my great-grandchildren are born.” She’s laughing, but her eyes look beyond what’s in front of her. Maybe she is reminiscing about the day she held her son for the first time or thinking of her grandchildren becoming parents. I thank her for her time and she waves it off, offering me a styrofoam cup of lemonade before I head for the bus station.

The bus is sparsely filled. A voice in my head reminds me to finish my 10-page history research paper before spring break. I take a window seat and pull out my phone and earbuds. My playlist is already on shuffle, and I push away thoughts of that dreaded paper. Music has been a constant in my life—from singing my lungs out in kindergarten to Barbie’s “I Need To Know,” to jamming out to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” in sixth grade, to BTS’s “Intro: Never Mind” comforting me when I’m at my lowest. Music is my magic shop, a place where I can trade away my fears for calm.

I’ve always been afraid of doing something wrong—not finishing my homework or getting a C when I can do better. When I was 8, I wanted to be like the big kids. As I got older, I realized that I had exchanged my childhood longing for the 48 pack of crayons for bigger problems, balancing grades, a social life, and mental stability—all at once. I’m going to get older whether I like it or not, so there’s no point forcing myself to grow up faster.  I’m learning to live in the moment.

The bus is approaching my apartment, where I know my comfy bed and a home-cooked meal from my mom are waiting. My mom is hard-working, confident, and very stubborn. I admire her strength of character. She always keeps me in line, even through my rebellious phases.

My best friend sends me a text—an update on how broken her laptop is. She is annoying. She says the stupidest things and loves to state the obvious. Despite this, she never fails to make me laugh until my cheeks feel numb. The rest of my friends are like that too—loud, talkative, and always brightening my day. Even friends I stopped talking to have a place in my heart. Recently, I’ve tried to reconnect with some of them. This interview was possible because a close friend from sixth grade offered to introduce me to Sandra, her grandmother.  

I’m decades younger than Sandra, so my view of what’s important isn’t as broad as hers, but we share similar values, with friends and family at the top. I have a feeling that when Sandra was my age, she used to love music, too. Maybe in a few decades, when I’m sitting in my rocking chair, drawing in my sketchbook, I’ll remember this article and think back fondly to the days when life was simple.

Praethong Klomsum is a tenth-grader at Santa Monica High School in Santa Monica, California.  Praethong has a strange affinity for rhyme games and is involved in her school’s dance team. She enjoys drawing and writing, hoping to impact people willing to listen to her thoughts and ideas.

University Winner

Emily Greenbaum

Kent State University, Kent, Ohio 

The Life-Long War

Every morning we open our eyes, ready for a new day. Some immediately turn to their phones and social media. Others work out or do yoga. For a certain person, a deep breath and the morning sun ground him. He hears the clink-clank of his wife cooking low sodium meat for breakfast—doctor’s orders! He sees that the other side of the bed is already made, the dogs are no longer in the room, and his clothes are set out nicely on the loveseat.

Today, though, this man wakes up to something different: faded cream walls and jello. This person, my hero, is Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James.

I pulled up my chair close to Roger’s vinyl recliner so I could hear him above the noise of the beeping dialysis machine. I noticed Roger would occasionally glance at his wife Susan with sparkly eyes when he would recall memories of the war or their grandkids. He looked at Susan like she walked on water.

Roger James served his country for thirty years. Now, he has enlisted in another type of war. He suffers from a rare blood cancer—the result of the wars he fought in. Roger has good and bad days. He says, “The good outweighs the bad, so I have to be grateful for what I have on those good days.”

When Roger retired, he never thought the effects of the war would reach him. The once shallow wrinkles upon his face become deeper, as he tells me, “It’s just cancer. Others are suffering from far worse. I know I’ll make it.”

Like Nancy Hill did in her article “Three Things that Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I asked Roger, “What are the three most important things to you?” James answered, “My wife Susan, my grandkids, and church.”

Roger and Susan served together in the Vietnam war. She was a nurse who treated his cuts and scrapes one day. I asked Roger why he chose Susan. He said, “Susan told me to look at her while she cleaned me up. ‘This may sting, but don’t be a baby.’ When I looked into her eyes, I felt like she was looking into my soul, and I didn’t want her to leave. She gave me this sense of home. Every day I wake up, she makes me feel the same way, and I fall in love with her all over again.”

Roger and Susan have two kids and four grandkids, with great-grandchildren on the way. He claims that his grandkids give him the youth that he feels slowly escaping from his body. This adoring grandfather is energized by coaching t-ball and playing evening card games with the grandkids.

The last thing on his list was church. His oldest daughter married a pastor. Together they founded a church. Roger said that the connection between his faith and family is important to him because it gave him a reason to want to live again. I learned from Roger that when you’re across the ocean, you tend to lose sight of why you are fighting. When Roger returned, he didn’t have the will to live. Most days were a struggle, adapting back into a society that lacked empathy for the injuries, pain, and psychological trauma carried by returning soldiers. Church changed that for Roger and gave him a sense of purpose.

When I began this project, my attitude was to just get the assignment done. I never thought I could view Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James as more than a role model, but he definitely changed my mind. It’s as if Roger magically lit a fire inside of me and showed me where one’s true passions should lie. I see our similarities and embrace our differences. We both value family and our own connections to home—his home being church and mine being where I can breathe the easiest.

Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me and that every once in a while, I should step back and stop to smell the roses. As we concluded the interview, amidst squeaky clogs and the stale smell of bleach and bedpans, I looked to Roger, his kind, tired eyes, and weathered skin, with a deeper sense of admiration, knowing that his values still run true, no matter what he faces.

Emily Greenbaum is a senior at Kent State University, graduating with a major in Conflict Management and minor in Geography. Emily hopes to use her major to facilitate better conversations, while she works in the Washington, D.C. area.  

Powerful Voice Winner

Amanda Schwaben

Wise Words From Winnie the Pooh

As I read through Nancy Hill’s article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I was comforted by the similar responses given by both children and older adults. The emphasis participants placed on family, social connections, and love was not only heartwarming but hopeful. While the messages in the article filled me with warmth, I felt a twinge of guilt building within me. As a twenty-one-year-old college student weeks from graduation, I honestly don’t think much about the most important things in life. But if I was asked, I would most likely say family, friendship, and love. As much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself obsessing over achieving a successful career and finding a way to “save the world.”

A few weeks ago, I was at my family home watching the new Winnie the Pooh movie Christopher Robin with my mom and younger sister. Well, I wasn’t really watching. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was aggressively typing up an assignment. Halfway through the movie, I realized I left my laptop charger in my car. I walked outside into the brisk March air. Instinctively, I looked up. The sky was perfectly clear, revealing a beautiful array of stars. When my twin sister and I were in high school, we would always take a moment to look up at the sparkling night sky before we came into the house after soccer practice.

I think that was the last time I stood in my driveway and gazed at the stars. I did not get the laptop charger from

my car; instead, I turned around and went back inside. I shut my laptop and watched the rest of the movie. My twin sister loves Winnie the Pooh. So much so that my parents got her a stuffed animal version of him for Christmas. While I thought he was adorable and a token of my childhood, I did not really understand her obsession. However, it was clear to me after watching the movie. Winnie the Pooh certainly had it figured out. He believed that the simple things in life were the most important: love, friendship, and having fun.

I thought about asking my mom right then what the three most important things were to her, but I decided not to. I just wanted to be in the moment. I didn’t want to be doing homework. It was a beautiful thing to just sit there and be present with my mom and sister.

I did ask her, though, a couple of weeks later. Her response was simple.  All she said was family, health, and happiness. When she told me this, I imagined Winnie the Pooh smiling. I think he would be proud of that answer.

I was not surprised by my mom’s reply. It suited her perfectly. I wonder if we relearn what is most important when we grow older—that the pressure to be successful subsides. Could it be that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world?

Amanda Schwaben is a graduating senior from Kent State University with a major in Applied Conflict Management. Amanda also has minors in Psychology and Interpersonal Communication. She hopes to further her education and focus on how museums not only preserve history but also promote peace.

Antonia Mills

Rachel Carson High School, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

Decoding The Butterfly

For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it must first digest itself. The caterpillar, overwhelmed by accumulating tissue, splits its skin open to form its protective shell, the chrysalis, and later becomes the pretty butterfly we all know and love. There are approximately 20,000 species of butterflies, and just as every species is different, so is the life of every butterfly. No matter how long and hard a caterpillar has strived to become the colorful and vibrant butterfly that we marvel at on a warm spring day, it does not live a long life. A butterfly can live for a year, six months, two weeks, and even as little as twenty-four hours.

I have often wondered if butterflies live long enough to be blissful of blue skies. Do they take time to feast upon the sweet nectar they crave, midst their hustling life of pollinating pretty flowers? Do they ever take a lull in their itineraries, or are they always rushing towards completing their four-stage metamorphosis? Has anyone asked the butterfly, “Who are you?” instead of “What are you”? Or, How did you get here, on my windowsill?  How did you become ‘you’?

Humans are similar to butterflies. As a caterpillar

Suzanna Ruby/Getty Images

becomes a butterfly, a baby becomes an elder. As a butterfly soars through summer skies, an elder watches summer skies turn into cold winter nights and back toward summer skies yet again.  And as a butterfly flits slowly by the porch light, a passerby makes assumptions about the wrinkled, slow-moving elder, who is sturdier than he appears. These creatures are not seen for who they are—who they were—because people have “better things to do” or they are too busy to ask, “How are you”?

Our world can be a lonely place. Pressured by expectations, haunted by dreams, overpowered by weakness, and drowned out by lofty goals, we tend to forget ourselves—and others. Rather than hang onto the strands of our diminishing sanity, we might benefit from listening to our elders. Many elders have experienced setbacks in their young lives. Overcoming hardship and surviving to old age is wisdom that they carry.  We can learn from them—and can even make their day by taking the time to hear their stories.  

Nancy Hill, who wrote the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” was right: “We live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” I know a lot about my grandmother’s life, and it isn’t as serene as my own. My grandmother, Liza, who cooks every day, bakes bread on holidays for our neighbors, brings gifts to her doctor out of the kindness of her heart, and makes conversation with neighbors even though she is isn’t fluent in English—Russian is her first language—has struggled all her life. Her mother, Anna, a single parent, had tuberculosis, and even though she had an inviolable spirit, she was too frail to care for four children. She passed away when my grandmother was sixteen, so my grandmother and her siblings spent most of their childhood in an orphanage. My grandmother got married at nineteen to my grandfather, Pinhas. He was a man who loved her more than he loved himself and was a godsend to every person he met. Liza was—and still is—always quick to do what was best for others, even if that person treated her poorly. My grandmother has lived with physical pain all her life, yet she pushed herself to climb heights that she wasn’t ready for. Against all odds, she has lived to tell her story to people who are willing to listen. And I always am.

I asked my grandmother, “What are three things most important to you?” Her answer was one that I already expected: One, for everyone to live long healthy lives. Two, for you to graduate from college. Three, for you to always remember that I love you.

What may be basic to you means the world to my grandmother. She just wants what she never had the chance to experience: a healthy life, an education, and the chance to express love to the people she values. The three things that matter most to her may be so simple and ordinary to outsiders, but to her, it is so much more. And who could take that away?

Antonia Mills was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and attends Rachel Carson High School.  Antonia enjoys creative activities, including writing, painting, reading, and baking. She hopes to pursue culinary arts professionally in the future. One of her favorite quotes is, “When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” -Emily S.P.  

  Powerful Voice Winner

   Isaac Ziemba

Odyssey Multiage Program, Bainbridge Island, Wash. 

This Former State Trooper Has His Priorities Straight: Family, Climate Change, and Integrity

I have a personal connection to people who served in the military and first responders. My uncle is a first responder on the island I live on, and my dad retired from the Navy. That was what made a man named Glen Tyrell, a state trooper for 25 years, 2 months and 9 days, my first choice to interview about what three things matter in life. In the YES! Magazine article “The Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I learned that old and young people have a great deal in common. I know that’s true because Glen and I care about a lot of the same things.

For Glen, family is at the top of his list of important things. “My wife was, and is, always there for me. My daughters mean the world to me, too, but Penny is my partner,” Glen said. I can understand why Glen’s wife is so important to him. She’s family. Family will always be there for you.

Glen loves his family, and so do I with all my heart. My dad especially means the world to me. He is my top supporter and tells me that if I need help, just “say the word.” When we are fishing or crabbing, sometimes I

think, what if these times were erased from my memory? I wouldn’t be able to describe the horrible feeling that would rush through my mind, and I’m sure that Glen would feel the same about his wife.

My uncle once told me that the world is always going to change over time. It’s what the world has turned out to be that worries me. Both Glen and I are extremely concerned about climate change and the effect that rising temperatures have on animals and their habitats. We’re driving them to extinction. Some people might say, “So what? Animals don’t pay taxes or do any of the things we do.” What we are doing to them is like the Black Death times 100.

Glen is also frustrated by how much plastic we use and where it ends up. He would be shocked that an explorer recently dived to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean—seven miles!— and discovered a plastic bag and candy wrappers. Glen told me that, unfortunately, his generation did the damage and my generation is here to fix it. We need to take better care of Earth because if we don’t, we, as a species, will have failed.

Both Glen and I care deeply for our families and the earth, but for our third important value, I chose education and Glen chose integrity. My education is super important to me because without it, I would be a blank slate. I wouldn’t know how to figure out problems. I wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. I wouldn’t understand the Bill of Rights. I would be stuck. Everyone should be able to go to school, no matter where they’re from or who they are.  It makes me angry and sad to think that some people, especially girls, get shot because they are trying to go to school. I understand how lucky I am.

Integrity is sacred to Glen—I could tell by the serious tone of Glen’s voice when he told me that integrity was the code he lived by as a former state trooper. He knew that he had the power to change a person’s life, and he was committed to not abusing that power.  When Glen put someone under arrest—and my uncle says the same—his judgment and integrity were paramount. “Either you’re right or you’re wrong.” You can’t judge a person by what you think, you can only judge a person from what you know.”

I learned many things about Glen and what’s important in life, but there is one thing that stands out—something Glen always does and does well. Glen helps people. He did it as a state trooper, and he does it in our school, where he works on construction projects. Glen told me that he believes that our most powerful tools are writing and listening to others. I think those tools are important, too, but I also believe there are other tools to help solve many of our problems and create a better future: to be compassionate, to create caring relationships, and to help others. Just like Glen Tyrell does each and every day.

Isaac Ziemba is in seventh grade at the Odyssey Multiage Program on a small island called Bainbridge near Seattle, Washington. Isaac’s favorite subject in school is history because he has always been interested in how the past affects the future. In his spare time, you can find Isaac hunting for crab with his Dad, looking for artifacts around his house with his metal detector, and having fun with his younger cousin, Conner.     

Lily Hersch

 The Crest Academy, Salida, Colo.

The Phone Call

Dear Grandpa,

In my short span of life—12 years so far—you’ve taught me a lot of important life lessons that I’ll always have with me. Some of the values I talk about in this writing I’ve learned from you.

Dedicated to my Gramps.

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author and photographer Nancy Hill asked people to name the three things that mattered most to them. After reading the essay prompt for the article, I immediately knew who I wanted to interview: my grandpa Gil.      

My grandpa was born on January 25, 1942. He lived in a minuscule tenement in The Bronx with his mother,

father, and brother. His father wasn’t around much, and, when he was, he was reticent and would snap occasionally, revealing his constrained mental pain. My grandpa says this happened because my great grandfather did not have a father figure in his life. His mother was a classy, sharp lady who was the head secretary at a local police district station. My grandpa and his brother Larry did not care for each other. Gramps said he was very close to his mother, and Larry wasn’t. Perhaps Larry was envious for what he didn’t have.

Decades after little to no communication with his brother, my grandpa decided to spontaneously visit him in Florida, where he resided with his wife. Larry was taken aback at the sudden reappearance of his brother and told him to leave. Since then, the two brothers have not been in contact. My grandpa doesn’t even know if Larry is alive.         

My grandpa is now a retired lawyer, married to my wonderful grandma, and living in a pretty house with an ugly dog named BoBo.

So, what’s important to you, Gramps?

He paused a second, then replied, “Family, kindness, and empathy.”

“Family, because it’s my family. It’s important to stay connected with your family. My brother, father, and I never connected in the way I wished, and sometimes I contemplated what could’ve happened.  But you can’t change the past. So, that’s why family’s important to me.”

Family will always be on my “Top Three Most Important Things” list, too. I can’t imagine not having my older brother, Zeke, or my grandma in my life. I wonder how other kids feel about their families? How do kids trapped and separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border feel?  What about orphans? Too many questions, too few answers.

“Kindness, because growing up and not seeing a lot of kindness made me realize how important it is to have that in the world. Kindness makes the world go round.”

What is kindness? Helping my brother, Eli, who has Down syndrome, get ready in the morning? Telling people what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear? Maybe, for now, I’ll put wisdom, not kindness, on my list.

“Empathy, because of all the killings and shootings [in this country.] We also need to care for people—people who are not living in as good circumstances as I have. Donald Trump and other people I’ve met have no empathy. Empathy is very important.”

Empathy is something I’ve felt my whole life. It’ll always be important to me like it is important to my grandpa. My grandpa shows his empathy when he works with disabled children. Once he took a disabled child to a Christina Aguilera concert because that child was too young to go by himself. The moments I feel the most empathy are when Eli gets those looks from people. Seeing Eli wonder why people stare at him like he’s a freak makes me sad, and annoyed that they have the audacity to stare.

After this 2 minute and 36-second phone call, my grandpa has helped me define what’s most important to me at this time in my life: family, wisdom, and empathy. Although these things are important now, I realize they can change and most likely will.

When I’m an old woman, I envision myself scrambling through a stack of storage boxes and finding this paper. Perhaps after reading words from my 12-year-old self, I’ll ask myself “What’s important to me?”

Lily Hersch is a sixth-grader at Crest Academy in Salida, Colorado. Lily is an avid indoorsman, finding joy in competitive spelling, art, and of course, writing. She does not like Swiss cheese.

  “Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner

Jonas Buckner

KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory, Gaston, N.C.

Lessons My Nana Taught Me

I walked into the house. In the other room, I heard my cousin screaming at his game. There were a lot of Pioneer Woman dishes everywhere. The room had the television on max volume. The fan in the other room was on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to learn something powerful.

I was in my Nana’s house, and when I walked in, she said, “Hey Monkey Butt.”

I said, “Hey Nana.”

Before the interview, I was talking to her about what I was gonna interview her on. Also, I had asked her why I might have wanted to interview her, and she responded with, “Because you love me, and I love you too.”

Now, it was time to start the interview. The first

question I asked was the main and most important question ever: “What three things matter most to you and you only?”

She thought of it very thoughtfully and responded with, “My grandchildren, my children, and my health.”

Then, I said, “OK, can you please tell me more about your health?”

She responded with, “My health is bad right now. I have heart problems, blood sugar, and that’s about it.” When she said it, she looked at me and smiled because she loved me and was happy I chose her to interview.

I replied with, “K um, why is it important to you?”

She smiled and said, “Why is it…Why is my health important? Well, because I want to live a long time and see my grandchildren grow up.”

I was scared when she said that, but she still smiled. I was so happy, and then I said, “Has your health always been important to you.”

She responded with “Nah.”

Then, I asked, “Do you happen to have a story to help me understand your reasoning?”

She said, “No, not really.”

Now we were getting into the next set of questions. I said, “Remember how you said that your grandchildren matter to you? Can you please tell me why they matter to you?”

Then, she responded with, “So I can spend time with them, play with them, and everything.”

Next, I asked the same question I did before: “Have you always loved your grandchildren?” 

She responded with, “Yes, they have always been important to me.”

Then, the next two questions I asked she had no response to at all. She was very happy until I asked, “Why do your children matter most to you?”

She had a frown on and responded, “My daughter Tammy died a long time ago.”

Then, at this point, the other questions were answered the same as the other ones. When I left to go home I was thinking about how her answers were similar to mine. She said health, and I care about my health a lot, and I didn’t say, but I wanted to. She also didn’t have answers for the last two questions on each thing, and I was like that too.

The lesson I learned was that no matter what, always keep pushing because even though my aunt or my Nana’s daughter died, she kept on pushing and loving everyone. I also learned that everything should matter to us. Once again, I chose to interview my Nana because she matters to me, and I know when she was younger she had a lot of things happen to her, so I wanted to know what she would say. The point I’m trying to make is that be grateful for what you have and what you have done in life.

Jonas Buckner is a sixth-grader at KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory in Gaston, North Carolina. Jonas’ favorite activities are drawing, writing, math, piano, and playing AltSpace VR. He found his passion for writing in fourth grade when he wrote a quick autobiography. Jonas hopes to become a horror writer someday.

From The Author: Responses to Student Winners

Dear Emily, Isaac, Antonia, Rory, Praethong, Amanda, Lily, and Jonas,

Your thought-provoking essays sent my head spinning. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the depth of thought, beauty of expression, and originality. It left me wondering just how to capture all of my reactions in a single letter. After multiple false starts, I’ve landed on this: I will stick to the theme of three most important things.

The three things I found most inspirational about your essays:

You listened.

You connected.

We live in troubled times. Tensions mount between countries, cultures, genders, religious beliefs, and generations. If we fail to find a way to understand each other, to see similarities between us, the future will be fraught with increased hostility.

You all took critical steps toward connecting with someone who might not value the same things you do by asking a person who is generations older than you what matters to them. Then, you listened to their answers. You saw connections between what is important to them and what is important to you. Many of you noted similarities, others wondered if your own list of the three most important things would change as you go through life. You all saw the validity of the responses you received and looked for reasons why your interviewees have come to value what they have.

It is through these things—asking, listening, and connecting—that we can begin to bridge the differences in experiences and beliefs that are currently dividing us.

Individual observations

Each one of you made observations that all of us, regardless of age or experience, would do well to keep in mind. I chose one quote from each person and trust those reading your essays will discover more valuable insights.

“Our priorities may seem different, but they come back to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and work to make a positive impact.” 

“You can’t judge a person by what you think , you can only judge a person by what you know .”

Emily (referencing your interviewee, who is battling cancer):

“Master Chief Petty Officer James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me.”

Lily (quoting your grandfather):

“Kindness makes the world go round.”

“Everything should matter to us.”

Praethong (quoting your interviewee, Sandra, on the importance of family):

“It’s important to always maintain that connection you have with each other, your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

“I wonder if maybe we relearn what is most important when we grow older. That the pressure to be successful subsides and that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world.”

“Listen to what others have to say. Listen to the people who have already experienced hardship. You will learn from them and you can even make their day by giving them a chance to voice their thoughts.”

I end this letter to you with the hope that you never stop asking others what is most important to them and that you to continue to take time to reflect on what matters most to you…and why. May you never stop asking, listening, and connecting with others, especially those who may seem to be unlike you. Keep writing, and keep sharing your thoughts and observations with others, for your ideas are awe-inspiring.

I also want to thank the more than 1,000 students who submitted essays. Together, by sharing what’s important to us with others, especially those who may believe or act differently, we can fill the world with joy, peace, beauty, and love.

We received many outstanding essays for the Winter 2019 Student Writing Competition. Though not every participant can win the contest, we’d like to share some excerpts that caught our eye:

Whether it is a painting on a milky canvas with watercolors or pasting photos onto a scrapbook with her granddaughters, it is always a piece of artwork to her. She values the things in life that keep her in the moment, while still exploring things she may not have initially thought would bring her joy.

—Ondine Grant-Krasno, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif.

“Ganas”… It means “desire” in Spanish. My ganas is fueled by my family’s belief in me. I cannot and will not fail them. 

—Adan Rios, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I hope when I grow up I can have the love for my kids like my grandma has for her kids. She makes being a mother even more of a beautiful thing than it already is.

—Ashley Shaw, Columbus City Prep School for Girls, Grove City, Ohio

You become a collage of little pieces of your friends and family. They also encourage you to be the best you can be. They lift you up onto the seat of your bike, they give you the first push, and they don’t hesitate to remind you that everything will be alright when you fall off and scrape your knee.

— Cecilia Stanton, Bellafonte Area Middle School, Bellafonte, Pa.

Without good friends, I wouldn’t know what I would do to endure the brutal machine of public education.

—Kenneth Jenkins, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.

My dog, as ridiculous as it may seem, is a beautiful example of what we all should aspire to be. We should live in the moment, not stress, and make it our goal to lift someone’s spirits, even just a little.

—Kate Garland, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif. 

I strongly hope that every child can spare more time to accompany their elderly parents when they are struggling, and moving forward, and give them more care and patience. so as to truly achieve the goal of “you accompany me to grow up, and I will accompany you to grow old.”

—Taiyi Li, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I have three cats, and they are my brothers and sisters. We share a special bond that I think would not be possible if they were human. Since they do not speak English, we have to find other ways to connect, and I think that those other ways can be more powerful than language.

—Maya Dombroskie, Delta Program Middle School, Boulsburg, Pa.

We are made to love and be loved. To have joy and be relational. As a member of the loneliest generation in possibly all of history, I feel keenly aware of the need for relationships and authentic connection. That is why I decided to talk to my grandmother.

—Luke Steinkamp, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

After interviewing my grandma and writing my paper, I realized that as we grow older, the things that are important to us don’t change, what changes is why those things are important to us.

—Emily Giffer, Our Lady Star of the Sea, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.

The media works to marginalize elders, often isolating them and their stories, and the wealth of knowledge that comes with their additional years of lived experiences. It also undermines the depth of children’s curiosity and capacity to learn and understand. When the worlds of elders and children collide, a classroom opens.

—Cristina Reitano, City College of San Francisco, San Francisco, Calif.

My values, although similar to my dad, only looked the same in the sense that a shadow is similar to the object it was cast on.

—Timofey Lisenskiy, Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

I can release my anger through writing without having to take it out on someone. I can escape and be a different person; it feels good not to be myself for a while. I can make up my own characters, so I can be someone different every day, and I think that’s pretty cool.

—Jasua Carillo, Wellness, Business, and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

Notice how all the important things in his life are people: the people who he loves and who love him back. This is because “people are more important than things like money or possessions, and families are treasures,” says grandpa Pat. And I couldn’t agree more.

—Brody Hartley, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.  

Curiosity for other people’s stories could be what is needed to save the world.

—Noah Smith, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

Peace to me is a calm lake without a ripple in sight. It’s a starry night with a gentle breeze that pillows upon your face. It’s the absence of arguments, fighting, or war. It’s when egos stop working against each other and finally begin working with each other. Peace is free from fear, anxiety, and depression. To me, peace is an important ingredient in the recipe of life.

—JP Bogan, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

From A Teacher

Charles Sanderson

Wellness, Business and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

The Birthday Gift

I’ve known Jodelle for years, watching her grow from a quiet and timid twelve-year-old to a young woman who just returned from India, where she played Kabaddi, a kind of rugby meets Red Rover.

One of my core beliefs as an educator is to show up for the things that matter to kids, so I go to their games, watch their plays, and eat the strawberry jam they make for the county fair. On this occasion, I met Jodelle at a robotics competition to watch her little sister Abby compete. Think Nerd Paradise: more hats made from traffic cones than Golden State Warrior ball caps, more unicorn capes than Nike swooshes, more fanny packs with Legos than clutches with eyeliner.

We started chatting as the crowd chanted and waved six-foot flags for teams like Mystic Biscuits, Shrek, and everyone’s nemesis The Mean Machine. Apparently, when it’s time for lunch at a robotics competition, they don’t mess around. The once-packed gym was left to Jodelle and me, and we kept talking and talking. I eventually asked her about the three things that matter to her most.

She told me about her mom, her sister, and her addiction—to horses. I’ve read enough of her writing to know that horses were her drug of choice and her mom and sister were her support network.

I learned about her desire to become a teacher and how hours at the barn with her horse, Heart, recharge her when she’s exhausted. At one point, our rambling conversation turned to a topic I’ve known far too well—her father.

Later that evening, I received an email from Jodelle, and she had a lot to say. One line really struck me: “In so many movies, I have seen a dad wanting to protect his daughter from the world, but I’ve only understood the scene cognitively. Yesterday, I felt it.”

Long ago, I decided that I would never be a dad. I had seen movies with fathers and daughters, and for me, those movies might as well have been Star Wars, ET, or Alien—worlds filled with creatures I’d never know. However, over the years, I’ve attended Jodelle’s parent-teacher conferences, gone to her graduation, and driven hours to watch her ride Heart at horse shows. Simply, I showed up. I listened. I supported.

Jodelle shared a series of dad poems, as well. I had read the first two poems in their original form when Jodelle was my student. The revised versions revealed new graphic details of her past. The third poem, however, was something entirely different.

She called the poems my early birthday present. When I read the lines “You are my father figure/Who I look up to/Without being looked down on,” I froze for an instant and had to reread the lines. After fifty years of consciously deciding not to be a dad, I was seen as one—and it felt incredible. Jodelle’s poem and recognition were two of the best presents I’ve ever received.

I  know that I was the language arts teacher that Jodelle needed at the time, but her poem revealed things I never knew I taught her: “My father figure/ Who taught me/ That listening is for observing the world/ That listening is for learning/Not obeying/Writing is for connecting/Healing with others.”

Teaching is often a thankless job, one that frequently brings more stress and anxiety than joy and hope. Stress erodes my patience. Anxiety curtails my ability to enter each interaction with every student with the grace they deserve. However, my time with Jodelle reminds me of the importance of leaning in and listening.

In the article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill, she illuminates how we “live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” For the last twenty years, I’ve had the privilege to work with countless of these “remarkable people,” and I’ve done my best to listen, and, in so doing, I hope my students will realize what I’ve known for a long time; their voices matter and deserve to be heard, but the voices of their tias and abuelitos and babushkas are equally important. When we take the time to listen, I believe we do more than affirm the humanity of others; we affirm our own as well.

Charles Sanderson has grounded his nineteen-year teaching career in a philosophy he describes as “Mirror, Window, Bridge.” Charles seeks to ensure all students see themselves, see others, and begin to learn the skills to build bridges of empathy, affinity, and understanding between communities and cultures that may seem vastly different. He proudly teaches at the Wellness, Business and Sports School in Woodburn, Oregon, a school and community that brings him joy and hope on a daily basis.

From   The Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Dear Charles Sanderson,

Thank you for submitting an essay of your own in addition to encouraging your students to participate in YES! Magazine’s essay contest.

Your essay focused not on what is important to you, but rather on what is important to one of your students. You took what mattered to her to heart, acting upon it by going beyond the school day and creating a connection that has helped fill a huge gap in her life. Your efforts will affect her far beyond her years in school. It is clear that your involvement with this student is far from the only time you have gone beyond the classroom, and while you are not seeking personal acknowledgment, I cannot help but applaud you.

In an ideal world, every teacher, every adult, would show the same interest in our children and adolescents that you do. By taking the time to listen to what is important to our youth, we can help them grow into compassionate, caring adults, capable of making our world a better place.

Your concerted efforts to guide our youth to success not only as students but also as human beings is commendable. May others be inspired by your insights, concerns, and actions. You define excellence in teaching.

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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence (Incl. Quotes)

Can you manage those feelings without allowing them to swamp you?

Can you motivate yourself to get jobs done? Do you sense the emotions of others and respond effectively?

If you answered yes to these questions, it is likely that you have developed some or all of the skills that form the basis of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence ( EI ) forms the juncture at which cognition and emotion meet, it facilitates our capacity for resilience, motivation, empathy, reasoning, stress management, communication, and our ability to read and navigate a plethora of social situations and conflicts. EI matters and if cultivated affords one the opportunity to realize a more fulfilled and happy life.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free . These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions but will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students or employees.

This Article Contains:

What is the importance of emotional intelligence, five categories of emotional intelligence (ei/eq), value and benefits of emotional intelligence.

• Self Management, Self Regulation, and EQ

Resilience and EQ

Does emotional intelligence matter more than iq, is there a link between ei and job performance, how about emotional intelligence and motivation, using emotional intelligence to deal with stress, linking ei and decision-making, can emotional intelligence and success be related, goals and ei, how eq affects communication, why emotional intelligence matters for happiness.

• 6 Youtube Videos and TED Talks on Emotional Intelligence

21 Quotes on the Value of Emotional Intelligence

A take-home message.

The term ‘ Emotional Intelligence ’, first coined by psychologists Mayer and Salovey (1990), refers to one’s capacity to perceive, process and regulate emotional information accurately and effectively, both within oneself and in others and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions and to influence those of others.

Emotional intelligence can lead us on the path to a fulfilled and happy life by providing a framework through which to apply standards of intelligence to emotional responses and understand that these responses may be logically consistent or inconsistent with particular beliefs about emotion.

As the workplace evolves, so too does the body of research supporting that individuals (from interns to managers) with higher EI are better equipped to work cohesively within teams, deal with change more effectively, and manage stress – thus enabling them to more efficiently pursue business objectives.

Goleman (1995) recognized five distinct categories of skills which form the key characteristics of EI and proposed that, unlike one’s intelligence quotient (IQ), these categorical skills can be learned where absent and improved upon where present.

Thus, EI, unlike its relatively fixed cousin, IQ, is instead a dynamic aspect of one’s psyche and includes behavioral traits that, when worked upon, can yield significant benefits, from personal happiness and wellbeing to elevated success in a professional context.

Self-awareness is the first step toward introspective self-evaluation and enables one to identify behavioral and emotional aspects of our psychological makeup which we can then target for change.

Emotional self-awareness is also about recognizing what motivates you and, in turn, what brings you fulfillment.

• Self-regulation: the ability to manage one’s negative or disruptive emotions, and to adapt to changes in circumstance. Those who are skilled in self-regulation excel in managing conflict, adapt well to change and are more likely to take responsibility.
• Motivation: the ability to self-motivate, with a focus on achieving internal or self-gratification as opposed to external praise or reward. Individuals who are able to motivate themselves in this way have a tendency to be more committed and goal focused.
• Empathy: the ability to recognize and understand how others are feeling and consider those feelings before responding in social situations. Empathy also allows an individual to understand the dynamics that influence relationships, both personal and in the workplace.
• Social skills: the ability to manage the emotions of others through emotional understanding and using this to build rapport and connect with people through skills such as active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication.
• Self-awareness: the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions and their impact on others.

Emotional intelligence has been shown to play a meaningful role in academic success, mental and physical health, as well as attainment in professional domains; the findings of Bar-On (1997) suggested that people with higher EI performed better than those with lower EI in life.

In the modern, agile workplace, there is an ever-increasing emphasis from employers on the importance of EI over academic qualifications.

The importance of EI should not go unappreciated; the ability to understand and manage your emotions is the first step in realizing your true potential. How can we achieve meaningful progress if we don’t recognize and acknowledge the point from where we’re starting? When checking directions on your sat-nav, a destination is useless unless we know the origin.

Whether it be connecting with others and improving interpersonal communication, achieving success in the workplace or social relationships, dealing with stress and improving motivation or refining decision-making skills – emotional intelligence plays a central role in realizing success in both personal and professional life.

The value and benefits of emotional intelligence are vast in terms of personal and professional success. It is a core competency in many vocations, can support the advancement towards academic and professional success, improve relationships, and boost communication skills, the list goes on.

Bar-On (1997) goes so far as to suggest that people with higher EI tend to perform better than those with lower EI in life overall, regardless of IQ. There has been much discussion regarding the benefits of teaching EI in schools , with an emphasis on the idea that emotionally intelligent children grow up to become emotionally intelligent adults.

Proficiency in EI is becoming a vital prerequisite in prolonged or intense areas of ‘emotional work’ such as nursing, social work, the service industry, and management roles. High EI improves the physical and psychological health of people and encourages academic and business performance (Bar-On & Parker, 2000).

Emotional intelligence is an integral part of forming and developing meaningful human relationships. Schutte et al (2001) found that, over a series of studies, there were significant links between high EI and more successful interpersonal relations.

Those participants who exhibited higher levels of EI also showed a greater propensity for empathic perspective taking, cooperation with others, developing affectionate and more satisfying relationships as well as greater social skills in general.

So far, we have focused on the social and psychological benefits of EI, it is important to note that self-awareness – the ability to manage emotions and stress – and the ability to solve personal, as well as interpersonal problems, are also significantly related to physical health.

Chronic stress and the prolonged negative effects which accompany it such as anger, depression, and anxiety can precipitate the onset and progression of hypertension, heart problems, and diabetes; increase susceptibility to viruses, and infections; delay healing of wounds and injuries; and exacerbate conditions such as arthritis and atherosclerosis (Bar-On, 2006, Black & Garbutt, 2002).

The value of EI is immense; developing emotional intelligence encourages many positive traits, from resilience to communication, motivation to stress management, all of which can be seen as conducive to effectively achieving personal, physical and occupational health, and success.

Undoubtedly you know how valuable it is to develop your emotional intelligence abilities, but have you ever wondered exactly why?

Research shows there are many benefits for those with high levels of emotional intelligence, including greater resilience, social skills and connection.

But how do you reach a stage where you can reap these benefits? What barriers stand in your way? How can you help your clients, friends, colleagues, students and even your children develop excellent EI skills?

For answers to all these questions and more, check out our Emotional Intelligence Masterclass© .

Self-Management, Self-Regulation, and EQ

While it’s commonly accepted that our emotions are driven by impulses over which we have little-to-no control, we do have the capacity for self-management and  self-regulation ; the ability to manage – if not control – the resultant emotions and our reactions thereto.

Consider the calm and rational pilot despite the aircraft’s landing gear being jammed or the surgeon who carries on with their duties despite losing a patient.

This form of self-regulation builds on the basis of self-awareness and is an integral part of becoming emotionally intelligent by exercising the capacity to liberate ourselves from impulse-driven reaction (Goleman, 1995).

Self-management builds on this further and allows an individual to use knowledge about their emotions to better manage them in order to self-motivate and to create positive social interactions.

Leaders with an aptitude for self-regulation are far less likely to be aggressively confrontational and make snap decisions. Self-regulation and self-management do not pertain to the absence of anger; rather it’s about remaining in control of your emotions and not allowing your actions to be emotion-driven.

In instances of negative emotions such as anger, EI can help identify what you are feeling and determine the cause of the emotion through reflection and self-analysis allowing one to respond in a rational manner.

Self-regulation is critical in relation to other facets of EI and can be developed from early childhood, adolescence and throughout adulthood. Mastering self-management allows us the opportunity to open the door to the other beneficial aspects of EI while in the absence of self-regulation other competencies, such as effective communication and conflict management, are challenging.

The good news is that it’s never too late to embark on self-management and regulation training; the potential benefits are numerous and should not be underestimated.

The skills enabled through the development of self-regulation can aid success for (but by no means limited to) counselors, psychotherapists, small business owners, managers, and executives.

Those with stronger skills in this area are less likely to become angry or exhibit stress while being more likely to respond calmly to negative environments, harness personal needs in order to achieve goals and remain motivated.

Emotional intelligence is undoubtedly a valuable tool to utilize in the face of adversity; it has the potential to enhance not only leadership abilities and teamwork effectiveness but also personal resilience.

Focusing on the impact of EI on one’s resilience, that is, one’s ability to cope with stressful conditions, research suggests that those who display higher levels of emotional intelligence are less likely to succumb to the negative impacts of stressors.

In the context of a leadership role, one might expect increased responsibility to coincide with elevated potential stressors, highlighting the importance of strong EI for those in leadership or management positions.

An investigation into the relationship between emotional intelligence and the stress process found that participants who displayed higher levels of EI were less likely to be negatively impacted by the presence of stressors.

Participants completed an ability-based test of EI before rating the subjectively perceived threat level posed by two stressors, they then self-reported their emotional reaction to said stressors and were also subjected to physiological stress-response tests in order to assess their response.

In summary, the findings suggested that “ EI facets were related to lower threat appraisals, more modest declines in positive affect, less negative affect and challenge physiological responses to stress… This study provides predictive validity that EI facilitates stress resilience, ” (Schneider, Lyons & Khazon, 2013, pp 909).

Further research suggested a link between higher emotional intelligence, resilience and the propensity for depressive behaviors. In an examination of medical professionals – an occupation with a relatively high ‘burnout’ rate – Olson & Matan (2015) found a positive correlation between EI and resilience as well as a negative correlation between resilience, mindfulness, and self-compassion with the ‘burnout’ rate.

In a nutshell, those with higher levels of emotional intelligence also displayed greater resilience and were less likely to ‘burnout’ or succumb to depression.

These results build on previous research which found EI scores were positively correlated with psychological wellbeing while being negatively correlated with depression and burnout. Given the dynamic nature of EI, the study highlighted the potential ability to reduce one’s susceptibility to depression by way of interventions to increase EI (Lin, Liebert, Tran, Lau, & Salles 2016).

Interestingly, EI is strongly correlated with individual advancement and performance, with evidence suggesting a significant link between one’s resilience and one’s motivation to achieve (Magnano, Craparo & Paolillo, 2016).

Furthermore, it is suggested that resilience plays a mediational role between EI and self-motivated achievement. In other words, emotional intelligence is a prerequisite for resilience, and resilience can lead to greater motivation. Resilience has an underlying perseverance component that motivates endurance in the face of obstacles (Luthans, Avey & Avolio, 2010).

When psychologists began to discuss intelligence, the focus was very much on cognitive aspects relating to memory and problem-solving.

While there had been references to intelligence as having “non-intellective”, as well as “intellective” elements such as affective, personal, and social factors (Wechsler, 1943), historically, the concepts of emotion and intelligence, have been regarded as being mutually exclusive. How can one be intelligent about the emotional aspects of life when emotions can hinder individuals from achieving their goals? (Lloyd, 1979).

In reality, high IQ is no guarantee of success. How successful we are in life is determined by both emotional intelligence and by IQ, though intellect works best when it’s accompanied by high emotional intelligence.

Goleman (1995, 2011) suggests that it is not simply a case of IQ versus EI, instead, both have considerable value. Where IQ tells us the level of cognitive complexity a person can achieve and may to some degree predetermine levels of academic achievement, EI tells us which individuals will make the best leaders within top management positions, for example.

IQ has limited connections to both work and life success. Snarey & Vaillant (1985) suggested it is actually less of a predictor of how well we will do in life than our ability to handle frustration, control emotions, and get along with other people – characteristics not only accounted for but also learnable under current EI theory .

Today, standards of intelligence are still commonly applied to cognitive performance. The misconception that IQ alone is the predictor of success is still very real.

In reality, IQ contributes to around 20% of the factors that determine life success – we all know someone (or perhaps are that person) who has a high IQ yet struggles to do ‘well’. So what accounts for the other 80%? Outwith factors such as social class and plain old luck, Goleman (1995) argued that life success is influenced more by an individual’s ability to engage the 5 aspects of EI detailed above.

While there is much discussion regarding the capability of individuals to improve IQ scores, EI can be developed and refined over time with the condition – just like any skill – that it is given the necessary focus and effort to do so. Many would argue that the ability to connect with and understand others is a more powerful skill to possess than cognitive intellect alone.

In the words of American civil rights activist, Maya Angelou:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The increasing awareness of emotional intelligence in management-focused literature and leadership training suggests the link between emotional intelligence and job performance not only exists but has value in myriad areas.

The workplace represents a distinct social community, separate from our personal lives, in which there is a growing appreciation that higher EI allows a person to understand themselves and others better, communicate more effectively, and cope with challenging situations.

Utilizing and developing emotional intelligence in the workplace can significantly improve the personal and social capabilities of individuals within that workplace.

EI is about managing emotions in order to improve job performance and, in turn, helping people stay calm and to think logically in order to establish good relationships and achieve goals. There is an undeniable relationship between EI and the way senior executives manage their employees – managers with higher emotional intelligence have the tools at their disposal to not only manage stress but to also recognize and address stress in others.

If we think of emotional intelligence in terms of managing stress and building relationships, the link between emotional intelligence skills and job performance is clear, with stress management positively impacting job commitment and satisfaction.

It is also important to mention that EI does not only apply at management level, likewise, employees lower down the business hierarchy with sophisticated emotional intelligence skills have the desire and ability to establish and maintain high-quality relationships in the workplace (Lopes, Salovey, & Straus, 2003).

Additionally, individuals with high EI are better equipped to effectively manage conflicts and, in turn, sustain relationships within the workplace when compared to those with low to moderate levels of EI.

Increasingly, organizations are recognizing the value of employees who exhibit the skills to cope with change and respond accordingly. EI is an important factor in job performance both on an individual level and a group level. In fact, as an individual moves up an organizational hierarchy, the positive effect of emotional intelligence on coping with situations and doing tasks in effective ways increases (Moghadam, Tehrani & Amin, 2011).

Emotional intelligence matters for motivation, and motivation matters for success. Whether it’s in relation to work, personal goals or health, the emotionally intelligent individual understands the deeper meaning of their aspirations and the self-motivation skills required to achieve them.

Goleman (1995) identified four elements that make up motivation: our personal drive to improve, our commitment to the goals we set for ourselves, our readiness to act on opportunities that present themselves to us and our resilience.

Magnano et al (2016) assert that motivation is the basic psychological process we use to stimulate ourselves into action to achieve a desired outcome. Whether it’s picking up the remote to change the TV channel or dedicating hundreds of hours to delivering a project, without motivation we’d be unable to act.

Motivation arouses, energizes, directs and sustains behavior and performance. Intrinsic motivation, that is, motivation that comes from within, pushes us to achieve our full potential. An Emotionally Intelligent individual not only possesses the skills for self-motivation but also the skills required to motivate others, a useful talent to have especially in management positions.

While self-motivation is central to achieving one’s goals, emotionally intelligent leaders within a business can also impact employee motivation. The capacity to recognize the emotions and, in turn, the concerns of others is an invaluable skill to have at your disposal in terms of realizing the most effective ways to motivate teams and individuals.

In a recent study, the EI levels of first-year medical undergraduates were found to be positively related to self-motivation to study medicine and satisfaction with choosing to study medicine (Edussuriya, Marambe, Tennakoon, Rathnayake, Premaratne, Ubhayasiri, & Wickramasinghe, 2018).

A study of senior managers with high EI employed in public sector organizations found that EI augments positive work attitudes, altruistic behavior, and work outcomes. It seems, unsurprisingly, that happy employees are motivated employees.

The ability to better cope with stress and anxiety, for example, is also a useful EI tool in terms of motivation – if one can recognize the emotions that may have a negative impact on motivation, they can be addressed and managed effectively (Carmeli, 2003).

We all endure stressful days, it’s completely normal and completely manageable if you have the right skills at your disposal. An individual with high Emotional Intelligence has sufficient self-awareness to recognize negative feelings and respond accordingly to prevent escalation. Uncontrolled and misunderstood emotions can exacerbate our vulnerability to other mental health issues, like stress, anxiety, and depression.

The skills associated with emotional intelligence can effectively help individuals deal with negative emotional states like stress and promote more positive emotions in its place. Failure to address and manage stress can lead to a further deterioration of one’s mental state and impact our physical health in turn.

Research into the social, psychological and medical components of stress emphasizes the importance of dealing with negative emotions to effectively cope with stress and in turn, reduce the potential for negative psychological and physical health outcomes.

Ganster & Schaubroeck (1991) consider our working and professional environment as the primary source of the stress, going on to suggest the ability to effectively recognize and deal with emotions and emotional information in the workplace is a vital tool in preventing negative stress and coping with occupational stress.

Emotional intelligence allows us to effectively cope with stress. Furthermore, emotionally intelligent people also have the ability to initially evaluate situations as less stressful.

While this has the obvious effect of lessening the adverse impact thereof, it also results in greater life satisfaction and happiness. Conversely, a deficit in EI and self‐regulation can lead to lower subjective wellbeing and a relatively exaggerated response to stressors.

The intelligent use of emotions is a fundamental mechanism in psychological adaptation and wellbeing. Individuals with higher EI have been found to report lower levels of stress and higher levels of happiness, indicating that the ability to regulate perceived stress directly impacts satisfaction (Ruiz‐Aranda, Extremera & Pineda‐Galán, 2014).

The role of emotional intelligence in perceiving occupational stress and preventing employees of human services from negative health outcomes is essential (Oginska-Bulk, 2005).

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Emotional Intelligence is closely related to personal and professional development, it impacts on more than how we manage our behavior and navigate social complexities, it also affects how we make decisions.

Having an authentic understanding of the emotions we feel and why we are feeling them can have a huge impact on our decision-making abilities, if we can’t look at our emotions objectively how can we avoid making misguided decisions based on them?

Superior emotional intelligence is an important element in the prevention of decision making based on emotional biases, whereas lower EI can create anxiety and lead to poor decisions. It’s not about removing emotions completely from the decision-making process, rather it’s about recognizing the emotions that are unrelated to the problem and not allowing them to be influential to the final result.

Negative emotions can impede problem-solving and decision making both in the workplace and personal circumstances. The ability to recognize emotions that are superfluous to forming a rational decision and having the capacity to effectively disregard said emotions, negating their impact on the final outcome, holds obvious benefits for decision-making processes.

Through a series of questions and observations with a focus on improving EI awareness and using EI skills to enhance the decision-making process, Hess & Bacigalupo (2011) found that organizations and individuals benefitted from the practical application of EI in decision-making scenarios.

The observations suggest EI training is an effective strategy to introduce when developing decision-making skills and aids in understanding the potential consequences of bad decision making.

Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions allows an individual to both manage the feeling and make an objective decision. Imagine you have a disagreement with your partner and go to work angry and a little stressed out, later that day you dismiss a proposal from a colleague without really paying attention to what they’re suggesting – you’re just not in the mood.

This form of emotional interference can be detrimental to the decision-making process, those with more developed EI can identify and manage this kind of emotional interference and avoid emotionally-driven decisions.

Much like happiness, ask someone to define success and you will probably get more than one answer. Does your career make you successful? Your intelligence? How much money you have? Finding contentment and happiness? Depending on who you ask, it can be anything!

What is clear is that no matter your definition of success, emotional intelligence can play a vital role in achieving it.

As addressed, it isn’t always the most intelligent people who achieve the greatest success. IQ alone is not enough to excel in life. You can be the most intelligent person in the room, but if you don’t have EI do you have the skills to quieten negative thoughts or the mental fortitude to manage stress? Goleman (1995) described EI as being powerful and, at times, more powerful than IQ in predicting success in life.

It’s your Emotional Intelligence that really helps you achieve your goals and attain greater levels of success, developing EI can greatly influence our success by contributing to increased morale, motivation and greater co-operation (Strickland, 2000).

In the workplace, managers who consistently outperform their peers not only have technical knowledge and experience, but more importantly, they utilize the strategies associated with EI to manage conflict, reduce stress and as a result, improve their success.

There is growing evidence that the range of abilities that constitute what is now commonly known as ’emotional intelligence’ play a key role in determining success – both in one’s personal life and in the workplace – with real-life applications extending to parenting, relationships, businesses, medical professionals, service workers and so many more.

Emotional intelligence enables one to manage emotions in anxiety-provoking situations, such as taking exams at school or university and also has positive associations with success in personal relationships and social functioning.

Success within social relationships can be achieved by using EI competencies to detect others’ emotional states, adopt others’ perspectives, enhance communication, and regulate behavior.

If we think of goals as an aim or desired result, we can see how emotional intelligence skills can help one to achieve personal goals and when exercised correctly by leaders and managers, can also help to drive change and progress in the workplace.

The facets of EI are interwoven, to achieve self-actualization, we must first achieve motivation, in order to achieve motivation we must also be happy in what we are doing. Without happiness, it is a challenge to reach the levels of motivation required to achieve our goals. In essence, if we are not motivated how can we expect to achieve our goals?

There is a wealth of management literature emphasizing the importance of utilizing EI in relation to success and performance, with a focus on how individuals with high EI perform better in all aspects of a management role.

The average level of Emotional Intelligence of team members is reflected by the team process effectiveness and in team goal focus, conversely teams with lower EI skills performed at a lower level of goal achievement. (Jordana, Ashkanasyb, Härtelb, & Hooperb, 2007)

In order to produce our best and achieve our goals, we need positive self-regard, heightened emotional self-awareness, effective problem solving and decision-making skills. We must understand clearly what our goals are, and be motivated to accomplish all we can.

Our ability to be aware of and understand our own emotions can aid our awareness and understanding of the feelings of others.

This sensitivity, or lack thereof, impacts our communication capabilities in both personal and work life.

If we consider communication in the workplace, and more specifically, conflict resolution in the workplace, individuals with higher emotional intelligence are more likely to approach conflict resolution in a collaborative manner, working together with others in order to effectively reach a mutually acceptable outcome.

Relationships in the workplace are affected by how we manage our own emotions and our understanding of the emotions of those around us.

The ability to identify, manage, and understand emotions help us communicate without resorting to confrontation. A person with high EI is better equipped to manage conflict and build meaningful relationships given their elevated capacity to understand, and therefore address, the needs of those with whom they engage. (Lopez, 2005).

Emotional intelligence has unquestionably received greater attention in recent years as a driver of effective communication within teams, including the growing area of virtual teams (also known as remote or geographically dispersed teams). If we examine EQ as a predictor of virtual team success, the results support that not only is EQ a driver of team viability, but also positively impacts the quality of communication (De Mio, 2002).

The process of successful communication and, in terms of conflict, successful negotiation are closely linked to high levels of EQ. Where those with low levels of EQ may react defensively in stressful situations and escalate conflict, individuals with higher emotional intelligence have the skills available at their disposal to communicate effectively without resorting to confrontation or escalating tension.

Happiness seems like a simple enough concept, but have you ever tried to define it? Try now – what is happiness? It is more difficult than it seems because it means something different to each of us. While it is true that happiness means distinctly different things to different people, what is clear is that emotional intelligence really does matter for happiness irrespective of your interpretation.

EI facilitators such as happiness contribute to our self-actualization and self-actualization, in turn, contributes to our happiness in a positive feedback loop. Happiness, according to Wechsler (1943), is the key factor that has a positive impact on intelligent behavior.

Studies examining the link between EI and a range of interpersonal relations found that participants with higher EQ scores had higher scores for empathic perspective taking, self-monitoring and social skills, cooperation with partners, relationship satisfaction, and more affectionate relationships. (Schutte, Malouff, Bobik, Coston, Greeson, Jedlicka, Rhodes, & Wendorf, 2001).

By developing the skills for EI one can reduce stress, which consequently has a positive impact on wellbeing and happiness. In addition to its motivational value, happiness monitors one’s immediate wellbeing and interjects positive mood in the way individuals cope with daily demands, challenges, and pressures.

It is this positivity that encourages the emotional energy required to increase one’s motivational level to get things done, in short, it helps individuals to achieve what they want to achieve and tells them how well they are doing (Bar-On, 2001).

Research conducted by Furnham (2003) indicated that a large amount of the variance found in happiness and wellbeing to be determined by people’s emotion-related self-perceptions and dispositions such as the ability to regulate emotions, relationship skills, and social competence.

While these EI skills are not the sole contributor to levels of happiness, it is important to recognize their impact, with over 50% of the total variances in happiness being attributed to emotional intelligence competencies.

From Aristotle to Freud, the emphasis on the optimization of happiness has been thoroughly discussed. To augment happiness one is often required to use more sophisticated behavioral patterns such as self-regulation to subdue instant pleasure motivations.

Contemporary psychological research continues to recognize the need for this form of optimization. Mischel (1974) explicitly taught children how to delay immediate pleasures for greater long-term gain. The ability to delay gratification is important in many aspects of cognitive development given the capacity for such delays encourages an increase in cognitive competence and social maturity.

17 Exercises To Develop Emotional Intelligence

These 17 Emotional Intelligence Exercises [PDF] will help others strengthen their relationships, lower stress, and enhance their wellbeing through improved EQ.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

6 YouTube Videos and TED Talks on Emotional Intelligence

We recommend watching the following videos for more insight into Emotional Intelligence.

The Power of Emotional Intelligence – Travis Bradberry

You aren’t at the mercy of your emotions – your brain creates them – Lisa Feldman Barrett

6 Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence – Ramona Hacker

Learning Human Values Via Emotional Intelligence – Ruby Bakshi Khurdi

Your Forensic Mirror: Applying Emotional Intelligence To Achieve Success – Paula Clarke

The People Currency: Practicing Emotional Intelligence – Jason Bridges

See also: 15 Most Valuable Emotional Intelligence TED Talks on YouTube .

“Emotional intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as much as 80 percent of the “success” in our lives.”

Joshua Freedman

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

Daniel Goleman

Maya Angelou

“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.”

“Emotional intelligent people use self-awareness to their advantage to assess a situation, get perspective, listen without judgment, process, and hold back from reacting head on. At times, it means the decision to sit on your decision. By thinking over your situation rationally, without drama, you’ll eventually arrive at other, more sane conclusions.”

Marcel Schwantes

“Never stop because you are afraid – you are never so likely to be wrong.”

Fridtjof Nansen

“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg

“What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

“Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.”

Benjamin Franklin

“If you are interested in emotions, learning about them will satisfy your curiosity. If you depend upon emotional knowledge in your job, learning more about emotions would likely help.”

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

Nelson Mandela

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.”

Dale Carnegie

“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head – it is the unique intersection of both.”

David Caruso

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

“It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently.”

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the making of a leader. You just can’t ignore it.”

“Emotional intelligence is what humans are good at and that’s not a sideshow. That’s the cutting edge of human intelligence.”

Ray Kurzweil

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence.”

Robert K. Cooper

“The strength of character and emotional intelligence to face your failures and learn from them are at the core of success.”

Robert Kiyosaki

“Surround yourself with amazingly intelligent men and women. The people I work with not only are smarter than I am, possessing both intellectual and emotional intelligence, but also share my determination to succeed. I will not make an important decision without them.”

George Steinbrenner

“What I’ve come to realize is that emotional intelligence was the only way I knew how to lead, and is, in my option, the only way to inspire real change.”

Kevin Allen

Find more emotional intelligence quotes here .

Emotional Intelligence is important, the value and benefits of developing your EQ are extensive and in many areas massively under-utilised. Emotional intelligence is the gateway to living a more fulfilled and happy life, and here’s why:

• Emotional intelligence allows you to understand and manage your emotions in order to self-motivate and to create positive social interactions; it’s the first step in realizing your true potential.
• The value and benefits of EI are vast in terms of personal, academic, and professional success.
• Individuals with higher levels of emotional intelligence are less likely to succumb to the negative impacts of stressors, while effectively help individuals deal with negative emotions and promote more positive emotions in its place.
• Intellect works best when it’s accompanied by high emotional intelligence.
• Utilizing and developing emotional intelligence in the workplace can greatly improve both job performance and the social capabilities of individuals within that workplace.
• Emotional Intelligence is a useful skill to prevent making decisions based on emotional biases.
• The process of successful communication and negotiation are closely linked to high levels of EQ.
• Key EI facilitators such as happiness contribute to our self-actualization.

Thanks for reading! I hope you have enjoyed this journey into the world of emotional intelligence and the important role it plays in achieving personal, physical and occupational success.

For further reading:

• 13 Emotional Intelligence Activities & Exercises
• 26 Best Emotional Intelligence Books (Reviews + Summaries)
• The Emotion Wheel: What is It and How to Use it? [+PDF]

We hope you found this article useful. Don’t forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free .

• Bar-On, R. (1997). Bar-on Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i): Technical manual . Multi-health systems. Toronto, Canada: Multi-Health Systems, Inc.
• Bar-On, R. E., & Parker, J. D. (2000). The Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory: Youth Version Technical Manual . Toronto, Canada: Multi-Health Systems, Inc.
• Bar-On, R. (2006). The Bar-On Model of Emotional-Social Intelligence. Psicothema . 18 Suppl. 13-25.
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• De Mio, R. R. (2002). On Defining Virtual Emotion Intelligence. ECIS 2002 Proceedings . 149. http://aisel.aisnet.org/ecis2002/149
• Edussuriya, D., Marambe, K. N., Tennakoon, S. U. B., Rathnayake, R. M. I. S. D., Premaratne, B. G., Ubhayasiri, S. K. & Wickramasinghe, C. U., (2018). Emotional intelligence in first year medical students and its correlates. The Sri Lanka Journal of Medicine, 27 (2), pp.4–13.
• Furnham, A., & V. Petrides, K. (2003). Emotional Intelligence and Happiness. Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal. 31 . 815-823.
• Ganster, D., & Schaubroeck, J. (1991). Work Stress and Employee Health. The Journal of Management, 17 (2), 235-271.
• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence . New York, NY: Bantam Books, Inc
• Hess, J. D., & Bacigalupo, A. (2011) Enhancing decisions and decision‐making processes through the application of emotional intelligence skills. Journal of Management History , Vol. 49 Issue: 5, pp.710-721
• Jordana, P. J., Ashkanasyb, N. M., Härtelb, C. E., & Hooperb, G. S. (2007). Workgroup emotional intelligence: Scale development and relationship to team process effectiveness and goal focus. Human Resource Management Review, 12 , 195-214.
• Lin, D. T., Liebert, C., Tran, J., Lau, J., & Salles, A. (2016) Emotional Intelligence as a Predictor of Resident Well-Being. The Journal of the American College of Surgeons .
• Lopes, P. N., Salovey, P., & Straus, R. (2003). Emotional Intelligence, Personality and the Perceived Quality of Social Relationships. The Journal of Personality and Individual Differences, 35(3), 641–658.
• Lopes, P. N., Salovey, P., Cote, S. & Beers, M. (2005), Emotion regulation ability and the quality of social interaction. Emotion, 5 (1), 112-121.
• Luthans, F., Avey, J. B., Avolio, B. J., & Peterson, S. J. (2010). The development and resulting performance impact of positive psychological capital. Human Resource Development Quarterly , 21(1), 41–67.
• Magnano, P., & Craparo, G., & Paolillo, A. (2016). Resilience and Emotional Intelligence: which role in achievement motivation. International Journal of Psychological Research . 9. 9-20.
• Mischel, W., & Underwood, B. (1974) Instrumental Ideation in Delay of Gratification. The Journal of Child Development, 45 (4) pp. 1083-1088.
• Ogińska-Bulik, N. (2005). Emotional intelligence in the workplace: Exploring its effects on occupational stress and health outcomes in human service workers. International journal of occupational medicine and environmental health. 18 . 167-75..
• Olson, K., Kemper, K. J., & Mahan, J. D. (2015) What Factors Promote Resilience and Protect Against Burnout in Firstyear Pediatric and Medicine-Pediatrics Residents? The Journal of Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine .
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• Ruiz, D., Extremera, N., & Galán, C. (2014). Emotional intelligence, life satisfaction and subjective happiness in female student health professionals: The mediating effect of perceived stress. Journal of psychiatric and mental health nursing .
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• Wechsler, D. (1943). Non-Intellective Factors in General Intelligence. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 38 . 101-103.

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This is great because it is a skill that can be developed over time and the results is towards success and more meaningful personal awareness of oneself life in general and the life of an entrepreneur especially

Now i know that helping others develop their own EI is part of my own EI growth as well. i plan to put this into action more intentionally to increase overall productivity.

I think it’s important to remember that emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved over time. By practicing mindfulness, improving communication skills, and working on self-awareness, individuals can become more emotionally intelligent and ultimately, more successful in all aspects of their lives. Thank You!

The article is powerful, it offers 360 degree of EQ with practical examples.

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The world is grappling with an invisible, deadly enemy, trying to understand how to live with the threat posed by a virus . For some writers, the only way forward is to put pen to paper, trying to conceptualize and document what it feels like to continue living as countries are under lockdown and regular life seems to have ground to a halt.

So as the coronavirus pandemic has stretched around the world, it’s sparked a crop of diary entries and essays that describe how life has changed. Novelists, critics, artists, and journalists have put words to the feelings many are experiencing. The result is a first draft of how we’ll someday remember this time, filled with uncertainty and pain and fear as well as small moments of hope and humanity.

At the New York Review of Books, Ali Bhutto writes that in Karachi, Pakistan, the government-imposed curfew due to the virus is “eerily reminiscent of past military clampdowns”:

Beneath the quiet calm lies a sense that society has been unhinged and that the usual rules no longer apply. Small groups of pedestrians look on from the shadows, like an audience watching a spectacle slowly unfolding. People pause on street corners and in the shade of trees, under the watchful gaze of the paramilitary forces and the police.

His essay concludes with the sobering note that “in the minds of many, Covid-19 is just another life-threatening hazard in a city that stumbles from one crisis to another.”

Writing from Chattanooga, novelist Jamie Quatro documents the mixed ways her neighbors have been responding to the threat, and the frustration of conflicting direction, or no direction at all, from local, state, and federal leaders:

Whiplash, trying to keep up with who’s ordering what. We’re already experiencing enough chaos without this back-and-forth. Why didn’t the federal government issue a nationwide shelter-in-place at the get-go, the way other countries did? What happens when one state’s shelter-in-place ends, while others continue? Do states still under quarantine close their borders? We are still one nation, not fifty individual countries. Right?

Award-winning photojournalist Alessio Mamo, quarantined with his partner Marta in Sicily after she tested positive for the virus, accompanies his photographs in the Guardian of their confinement with a reflection on being confined :

The doctors asked me to take a second test, but again I tested negative. Perhaps I’m immune? The days dragged on in my apartment, in black and white, like my photos. Sometimes we tried to smile, imagining that I was asymptomatic, because I was the virus. Our smiles seemed to bring good news. My mother left hospital, but I won’t be able to see her for weeks. Marta started breathing well again, and so did I. I would have liked to photograph my country in the midst of this emergency, the battles that the doctors wage on the frontline, the hospitals pushed to their limits, Italy on its knees fighting an invisible enemy. That enemy, a day in March, knocked on my door instead.

In the New York Times Magazine, deputy editor Jessica Lustig writes with devastating clarity about her family’s life in Brooklyn while her husband battled the virus, weeks before most people began taking the threat seriously:

At the door of the clinic, we stand looking out at two older women chatting outside the doorway, oblivious. Do I wave them away? Call out that they should get far away, go home, wash their hands, stay inside? Instead we just stand there, awkwardly, until they move on. Only then do we step outside to begin the long three-block walk home. I point out the early magnolia, the forsythia. T says he is cold. The untrimmed hairs on his neck, under his beard, are white. The few people walking past us on the sidewalk don’t know that we are visitors from the future. A vision, a premonition, a walking visitation. This will be them: Either T, in the mask, or — if they’re lucky — me, tending to him.

Essayist Leslie Jamison writes in the New York Review of Books about being shut away alone in her New York City apartment with her 2-year-old daughter since she became sick:

The virus. Its sinewy, intimate name. What does it feel like in my body today? Shivering under blankets. A hot itch behind the eyes. Three sweatshirts in the middle of the day. My daughter trying to pull another blanket over my body with her tiny arms. An ache in the muscles that somehow makes it hard to lie still. This loss of taste has become a kind of sensory quarantine. It’s as if the quarantine keeps inching closer and closer to my insides. First I lost the touch of other bodies; then I lost the air; now I’ve lost the taste of bananas. Nothing about any of these losses is particularly unique. I’ve made a schedule so I won’t go insane with the toddler. Five days ago, I wrote Walk/Adventure! on it, next to a cut-out illustration of a tiger—as if we’d see tigers on our walks. It was good to keep possibility alive.

At Literary Hub, novelist Heidi Pitlor writes about the elastic nature of time during her family’s quarantine in Massachusetts:

During a shutdown, the things that mark our days—commuting to work, sending our kids to school, having a drink with friends—vanish and time takes on a flat, seamless quality. Without some self-imposed structure, it’s easy to feel a little untethered. A friend recently posted on Facebook: “For those who have lost track, today is Blursday the fortyteenth of Maprilay.” ... Giving shape to time is especially important now, when the future is so shapeless. We do not know whether the virus will continue to rage for weeks or months or, lord help us, on and off for years. We do not know when we will feel safe again. And so many of us, minus those who are gifted at compartmentalization or denial, remain largely captive to fear. We may stay this way if we do not create at least the illusion of movement in our lives, our long days spent with ourselves or partners or families.

Novelist Lauren Groff writes at the New York Review of Books about trying to escape the prison of her fears while sequestered at home in Gainesville, Florida:

Some people have imaginations sparked only by what they can see; I blame this blinkered empiricism for the parks overwhelmed with people, the bars, until a few nights ago, thickly thronged. My imagination is the opposite. I fear everything invisible to me. From the enclosure of my house, I am afraid of the suffering that isn’t present before me, the people running out of money and food or drowning in the fluid in their lungs, the deaths of health-care workers now growing ill while performing their duties. I fear the federal government, which the right wing has so—intentionally—weakened that not only is it insufficient to help its people, it is actively standing in help’s way. I fear we won’t sufficiently punish the right. I fear leaving the house and spreading the disease. I fear what this time of fear is doing to my children, their imaginations, and their souls.

At ArtForum , Berlin-based critic and writer Kristian Vistrup Madsen reflects on martinis, melancholia, and Finnish artist Jaakko Pallasvuo’s 2018 graphic novel Retreat , in which three young people exile themselves in the woods:

In melancholia, the shape of what is ending, and its temporality, is sprawling and incomprehensible. The ambivalence makes it hard to bear. The world of Retreat is rendered in lush pink and purple watercolors, which dissolve into wild and messy abstractions. In apocalypse, the divisions established in genesis bleed back out. My own Corona-retreat is similarly soft, color-field like, each day a blurred succession of quarantinis, YouTube–yoga, and televized press conferences. As restrictions mount, so does abstraction. For now, I’m still rooting for love to save the world.

At the Paris Review , Matt Levin writes about reading Virginia Woolf’s novel The Waves during quarantine:

A retreat, a quarantine, a sickness—they simultaneously distort and clarify, curtail and expand. It is an ideal state in which to read literature with a reputation for difficulty and inaccessibility, those hermetic books shorn of the handholds of conventional plot or characterization or description. A novel like Virginia Woolf’s The Waves is perfect for the state of interiority induced by quarantine—a story of three men and three women, meeting after the death of a mutual friend, told entirely in the overlapping internal monologues of the six, interspersed only with sections of pure, achingly beautiful descriptions of the natural world, a day’s procession and recession of light and waves. The novel is, in my mind’s eye, a perfectly spherical object. It is translucent and shimmering and infinitely fragile, prone to shatter at the slightest disturbance. It is not a book that can be read in snatches on the subway—it demands total absorption. Though it revels in a stark emotional nakedness, the book remains aloof, remote in its own deep self-absorption.

In an essay for the Financial Times, novelist Arundhati Roy writes with anger about Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s anemic response to the threat, but also offers a glimmer of hope for the future:

Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it.

From Boston, Nora Caplan-Bricker writes in The Point about the strange contraction of space under quarantine, in which a friend in Beirut is as close as the one around the corner in the same city:

It’s a nice illusion—nice to feel like we’re in it together, even if my real world has shrunk to one person, my husband, who sits with his laptop in the other room. It’s nice in the same way as reading those essays that reframe social distancing as solidarity. “We must begin to see the negative space as clearly as the positive, to know what we don’t do is also brilliant and full of love,” the poet Anne Boyer wrote on March 10th, the day that Massachusetts declared a state of emergency. If you squint, you could almost make sense of this quarantine as an effort to flatten, along with the curve, the distinctions we make between our bonds with others. Right now, I care for my neighbor in the same way I demonstrate love for my mother: in all instances, I stay away. And in moments this month, I have loved strangers with an intensity that is new to me. On March 14th, the Saturday night after the end of life as we knew it, I went out with my dog and found the street silent: no lines for restaurants, no children on bicycles, no couples strolling with little cups of ice cream. It had taken the combined will of thousands of people to deliver such a sudden and complete emptiness. I felt so grateful, and so bereft.

And on his own website, musician and artist David Byrne writes about rediscovering the value of working for collective good , saying that “what is happening now is an opportunity to learn how to change our behavior”:

In emergencies, citizens can suddenly cooperate and collaborate. Change can happen. We’re going to need to work together as the effects of climate change ramp up. In order for capitalism to survive in any form, we will have to be a little more socialist. Here is an opportunity for us to see things differently — to see that we really are all connected — and adjust our behavior accordingly. Are we willing to do this? Is this moment an opportunity to see how truly interdependent we all are? To live in a world that is different and better than the one we live in now? We might be too far down the road to test every asymptomatic person, but a change in our mindsets, in how we view our neighbors, could lay the groundwork for the collective action we’ll need to deal with other global crises. The time to see how connected we all are is now.

The portrait these writers paint of a world under quarantine is multifaceted. Our worlds have contracted to the confines of our homes, and yet in some ways we’re more connected than ever to one another. We feel fear and boredom, anger and gratitude, frustration and strange peace. Uncertainty drives us to find metaphors and images that will let us wrap our minds around what is happening.

Yet there’s no single “what” that is happening. Everyone is contending with the pandemic and its effects from different places and in different ways. Reading others’ experiences — even the most frightening ones — can help alleviate the loneliness and dread, a little, and remind us that what we’re going through is both unique and shared by all.

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Essay on Emotions

Students are often asked to write an essay on Emotions in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Emotions

Understanding emotions.

Emotions are feelings that we experience daily. They can be happy, sad, angry, or scared. Emotions are important because they help us understand our world.

Types of Emotions

There are many types of emotions. Some common ones are joy, sadness, fear, and anger. Each emotion has a different effect on us.

Expressing Emotions

Expressing emotions is a part of being human. It’s okay to show how you feel. It’s also important to understand others’ emotions.

Managing Emotions

Managing emotions can be hard. But, with practice, we can learn to control our feelings. This can make us happier and healthier.

Also check:

• Paragraph on Emotions
• Speech on Emotions

250 Words Essay on Emotions

Introduction to emotions.

Emotions, complex psychological states involving three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response, are fundamental to human experience. They serve as a universal language, transcending cultural and linguistic barriers.

The Role of Emotions

Emotions play a crucial role in our lives. They not only influence our mental state but also impact our physical well-being. They guide our actions, shape our relationships, and provide the lens through which we perceive the world. They can act as motivators, driving us towards specific goals or deterring us from potential hazards.

Emotions and Decision Making

In decision-making processes, emotions act as a compass, guiding us towards choices that feel right. They are intertwined with our cognitive processes, challenging the traditional dichotomy between emotion and reason. Recent research in neuroscience reveals that emotions are not just byproducts of cognition but play a central role in rational decision-making.

Emotional Intelligence

The concept of Emotional Intelligence (EI) has gained prominence in recent years. EI refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and those of others. It is a vital skill in navigating social interactions and maintaining mental health, highlighting the importance of emotional literacy in contemporary society.

In conclusion, emotions are an integral part of our existence, influencing our thoughts, actions, and interactions. Understanding and managing emotions are crucial for our personal growth and well-being. As we continue to explore the realm of emotions, we deepen our understanding of what it means to be human.

500 Words Essay on Emotions

The complexity of emotions.

Emotions, an integral part of human existence, are complex and multifaceted. They are powerful forces that can shape our actions, mold our perceptions, and influence our decisions. The study of emotions is an interdisciplinary endeavor, encompassing psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and sociology, among other fields.

Emotions can be understood as subjective, conscious experiences characterized primarily by psychophysiological expressions, biological reactions, and mental states. They are often associated with mood, temperament, personality, and motivation. Emotions are not just mere feelings; they are a sophisticated system that helps us interact with the world.

A pivotal theory in understanding emotions is the James-Lange theory, which postulates that our emotional responses are largely a result of our bodily reactions to stimuli. This theory suggests that we do not tremble because we are afraid; rather, we are afraid because we tremble. Conversely, the Cannon-Bard theory argues that physiological arousal and emotional experience occur simultaneously, yet independently.

Emotions and the Brain

Neuroscientific studies have identified specific brain regions associated with emotions. The amygdala, for instance, plays a crucial role in fear and aggression, while the hippocampus is linked with memory formation, which can evoke emotional responses. The prefrontal cortex is involved in the regulation of emotions, helping us to react appropriately to emotional stimuli.

Emotions serve several key functions. First, they prepare us for action by triggering physiological responses such as increased heart rate or adrenaline flow. Second, emotions can shape our learning and memory processes. We tend to remember emotionally charged events better than neutral ones, a phenomenon known as the emotion-enhanced memory effect.

Third, emotions facilitate our social interactions. They help us understand others’ feelings and intentions, enabling empathy and social bonding. Emotions also communicate information to others about our internal state. For example, a smile signals happiness and friendliness, while a frown indicates displeasure or concern.

Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation is a vital aspect of emotional health and well-being. It refers to our ability to manage and modify our emotional reactions in order to achieve our goals or adapt to different situations. Techniques for emotion regulation can range from cognitive reappraisal (changing how we think about a situation) to mindfulness and meditation.

In conclusion, emotions are complex phenomena that play a crucial role in our lives. They influence our actions, shape our social interactions, and even affect our memory and learning. Understanding emotions and how to regulate them effectively is vital for our overall well-being. As research in this field continues to evolve, we are likely to gain even more insights into the intricate world of emotions, enhancing our understanding of human behavior and the human mind.

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Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Mia Belle Frothingham

Author, Researcher, Science Communicator

BA with minors in Psychology and Biology, MRes University of Edinburgh

Mia Belle Frothingham is a Harvard University graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Sciences with minors in biology and psychology

Learn about our Editorial Process

Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and relationships. It involves being aware of emotions in oneself and others and using this awareness to guide thinking and behavior. Emotionally intelligent individuals can motivate themselves, read social cues, and build strong relationships

Some researchers propose that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others argue it is an inborn characteristic.

The ability to express and manage emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, diagnose, and react to the emotions of others. Imagine a world in which one could not understand when a friend felt sad or a classmate was angry.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Critical?

Emotional Intelligence is the “ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).

Having a higher level of emotional intelligence allows one to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and be both self and socially aware. How people respond to themselves and others impacts all types of environments.

Living in this world signifies interacting with many diverse kinds of individuals and constant change with life-changing surprises.

Being emotionally intelligent is key to how one reacts to what life throws. It is furthermore a fundamental element of compassion and comprehending the deeper reasons behind other people’s actions.

It is not the most intelligent people who are the most prosperous or the most fulfilled in life. Many people are academically genius and yet are socially incompetent and unsuccessful in their careers or their intimate relationships.

Intellectual ability or intelligence quotient (IQ) is not enough on its own to achieve success in life. Undoubtedly, IQ can help one get into university, but your Emotional Intelligence (EI) will help one manage stress and emotions when facing final exams.

IQ and EI exist in tandem and are most influential when they build off one another.

Emotional intelligence is also valuable for leaders who set the tone of their organization. If leaders lack emotional intelligence , it could have more far-reaching consequences, resulting in lower worker engagement and a higher turnover rate.

While one might excel at one’s job technically, if one cannot effectively communicate with one’s team or collaborate with others, those specialized skills will get neglected.

By mastering emotional intelligence, one can positively impact anywhere and continue to advance one’s position and career in life. EI is vital when dealing with stressful situations like confrontation, change, and obstacles.

Emotional intelligence helps one build stronger relationships, succeed at work or school, and achieve one’s career and personal goals, as well as reduce group stress, defuse conflict, and enhance job satisfaction.

It can also help connect with one’s inner feelings, turn purpose into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to oneself.

During these times, it is essential to remember to practice kindness, and being in touch with our emotions can help us do just that.

Examples of Emotional Intelligence

How does one become emotionally intelligent? Below we will discuss what one can do to learn to improve the skills that are behind emotional intelligence (EI).

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize the meanings of emotions and to reason and problem-solve based on them (Mayer, Caruso, & Salovey, 1999).

By working on and improving these skills, one can become more emotionally intelligent and, therefore, more successful!

Emotional Awareness and Understanding

Self-awareness, or the ability to recognize and comprehend one’s own emotions, is a vital emotional intelligence skill. Beyond acknowledging one’s feelings, however, is being conscious of the effect of one’s actions, moods, and emotions on other people.

According to research by Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, 95% of individuals believe they are self-aware. Still, only 10 to 15 percent genuinely are, which can cause problems for the people one interacts with.

Being with people who are not self-aware can be frustrating and lead to increased stress and decreased encouragement.

To become self-aware, one must be capable of monitoring one’s emotions while recognizing different emotional reactions and correctly identifying each distinct emotion.

Self-aware individuals also can recognize the connections between the things they feel and how they act.

These individuals also acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, are open to new data and experiences, and learn from their exchanges with others.

Furthermore, people who maintain self-awareness have a fine sense of humor, are confident in themselves and their capabilities, and know how others perceive them.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-awareness:

Ask for constructive feedback from others.

Keep a journal of one’s thoughts and feelings.

Practice mindfulness – try meditating.

Pay careful attention to one’s thoughts and emotions.

Pursue one’s passions and do what makes one happy.

Learn new skills and set goals for oneself.

Reflect on one’s experiences and be grateful.

Use positive self-talk daily.

Work on building a growth mindset.

Emotional Self Regulation (Managing Emotions)

In addition to being aware of one’s own emotions and the impact one has on others, emotional intelligence requires one to regulate and manage one’s emotions .

This does not mean taking emotions out of sight and essentially “locking” them away, hence hiding one’s true feelings. It just means waiting for the right time and place to express them. Self-regulation is all about communicating one’s emotions appropriately in context. A reaction tends to be involuntary.

The more in tune one is with one’s emotional intelligence, the easier one can transition from an instant reaction to a well-thought-out response. It is crucial to remember to pause, breathe, compose oneself, and do what it takes to manage one’s emotions.

This could mean anything to oneself, like taking a walk or talking to a friend, so that one can more appropriately and intentionally respond to tension and adversity.

Those proficient in self-regulation tend to be flexible and acclimate well to change. They are also suitable for handling conflict and diffusing uncomfortable or difficult situations.

People with healthy self-regulation skills also tend to have heightened conscientiousness. They reflect on how they influence others and take accountability for their actions.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-regulation:

Look at challenges as opportunities.

Be mindful of thoughts and feelings.

Build distress and anxiety tolerance skills.

Work on accepting reflections and emotions.

Find ways to manage difficult emotions.

Practice communication and social skills.

Recognize that one has a choice in how one responds.

Use cognitive reframing to change emotional responses and thought patterns.

Social Empathy (Perceiving Emotions)

Empathy , or the capability to comprehend how other people are feeling, is crucial to perfecting emotional intelligence.

However, it involves more than just being able to identify the emotional states of others. It also affects one’s responses to people based on this knowledge.

How does one respond when one senses someone is feeling sad or hopeless? One might treat them with extra care and consideration, or one might make a push to lift their mood.

Being empathetic also allows one to understand the authority dynamics that frequently influence social relationships, especially in the workplace.

This is essential for guiding one’s daily interactions with various people. In fact, it is found that empathy ranks as the number one leadership skill.

Leaders proficient in empathy perform more than 40% higher in coaching, engaging others, and decision-making. In a different study, researchers found that leaders who show more empathy toward their co-workers and constructive criticism are viewed as better performers by their supervisors.

Those competent in this element can recognize who maintains power in different relationships. They also understand how these forces impact feelings and behaviors. Because of this, they can accurately analyze different situations that hinge on such power dynamics.

Here are some tips on improving social empathy:

Be willing to share emotions.

Listen to other people.

Practice meditation.

Engage in a purpose like a community project.

Meet and talk to new people.

Try to imagine yourself in someone else’s place.

Social Skills (Using Emotions)

The ability to interact well with others is another vital aspect of emotional intelligence. Solid social skills allow people to build meaningful relationships with others and develop a more robust understanding of themselves and others.

Proper emotional understanding involves more than just understanding one’s own emotions and those of others. One also needs to put this information to work in one’s daily interactions and communications.

In the workplace or professional settings, managers benefit by being able to build relationships and connections with employees.

Workers benefit from developing a solid rapport with leaders and co-workers. Some prefer to avoid conflict, but it is crucial to address issues as they arise correctly.

Research shows that every unaddressed conflict can waste almost eight hours of company time on unproductive activities, damaging resources and morale. Essential social skills include active listening , verbal communication, nonverbal communication, leadership , and persuasiveness.

Here are some tips on improving social skills:

Ask open-ended questions.

Find icebreakers that will help start conversations.

Practice good eye contact.

Practice active listening with the entire body.

Notice other people’s social skills.

Show interest in others and ask them personal questions.

Watch one’s body language and that of others.

In The Workplace

Emotional intelligence includes showing genuine compassion, empathizing with the needs of individuals, and encouraging the ongoing personal growth of individuals.

When a leader takes into account the emotions of their followers, they then learn how to best engage with them.

1. Lending a Compassionate Ear to a Frustrated Co-Worker

Employees will inevitably get upset, have bad moods, argue, and just generally have bad days. In practice, compassion, understanding, and awareness are definite signs of emotional intelligence.

Awareness of and reacting to other people’s emotional states shows an understanding that all humans experience intense emotions and says that a person’s feelings matter.

2. Listening to Others Respectfully

Ever been to a conference when it seems like everyone is speaking over each other, trying to get the last word?

This is not only an indication of egos taking over and a lack of consideration for others; these are also indications of there being a lack of emotional intelligence.

When individuals are allowed to speak, and others listen without persistent interruptions, it is a good sign of EI. It shows reciprocal respect between parties and is more likely to lead to a productive conclusion in meetings.

3. Being Flexible

Flexibility is a critical term in organizations today. Building flexibility into how people function can be the difference between keeping the best workers and drifting out the door.

Emotionally intelligent leaders comprehend the changing needs of others and are ready to work with them rather than attempting to impose rigid restrictions on how people go about their work.

They do not expect everyone to work the hours they do, hold the same priorities, or live by precisely the same values.

In Healthcare

1. being patient with hurting individuals.

When in healthcare, it is expected that doctors and nurses will have to manage people in pain. Emotional intelligence not only allows for better patient care but also for better self-care.

For instance, if a patient is lashing out, and one can see that they are in pain, one will be far less likely to take their combativeness personally and treat them better.

2. Acting as the Effective Leader

In healthcare, there is a necessity to have influential leaders, a trusting environment with a helpful team, critical thinking, and quality patient and family-centered care.

A higher emotional intelligence will allow healthcare professionals to respond and react better to patients. Studies have shown a correlation between emotional intelligence and positive patient outcomes.

3. Responding Better to Stressful Situations

Multiple occasions in healthcare involve an urgent situation involving a life or death scenario. Doctors and nurses must check their own emotions.

Being in healthcare is a highly emotional career, and being aware of your feelings when they come up is key to effective self-care.

Interacting with patients can cause overwhelming joy or deep sadness, and these fluctuations can be utterly exhausting.

The ability to deal with these feelings, take breaks, and ask for help when you need it is another example of good emotional intelligence that nurses should practice.

Tips for Improving EI

Be more self-aware.

Awareness of one’s emotions and emotional responses to others can significantly improve one’s emotional intelligence. Knowing when one is feeling anxious or angry can help process and communicate those feelings in a way that promotes healthy results.

Recognize how others feel

Emotional intelligence could start with self-reflection, but measuring how others perceive one’s behavior and communication is essential. Adjusting one’s message based on how one is being received is an integral part of being emotionally intelligent.

Practice active listening

People communicate verbally and nonverbally, so listening and monitoring for potentially positive and negative reactions is essential. Taking the time to hear others also demonstrates a level of respect that can form the basis for healthy relationships.

Communicate clearly

Solid communication skills are critical for emotional intelligence. Knowing what to express or write and when to offer information is crucial for building strong relationships.

For instance, as a manager in a work environment, communicating expectations and goals is required to keep everyone on the same page.

Stay positive

A positive attitude is incredibly infectious. Emotionally intelligent people comprehend the power of positive words, encouraging emails, and friendly gestures. When one can also remain positive in a stressful situation, one can help others stay calm. It can also encourage further problem-solving and collaboration.

Thinking about how others might be feeling is an essential quality of emotional intelligence. It means you can empathize with feelings that one may not be feeling oneself and respond in a way that is respectful and relaxing to others.

Be open-minded

Emotionally intelligent people are comfortable to approach because they are good listeners and can consider and understand other viewpoints. They are also receptive to learning new things and embracing novel ideas.

Listen to feedback

It is essential to be the type of person who can hear feedback, whether it is positive on a recent presentation or more critical advice on how you should commission tasks more efficiently.

Being receptive to feedback means taking responsibility for one’s actions and being willing to improve how one communicates with others.

Stay calm under pressure

It is essential to approach stressful situations with a calm and positive attitude. Pressures can quickly escalate, primarily when people are operating under deadlines, so keeping steady and concentrating on finding a solution will help everyone complete their goals.

History of Emotional Intelligence

In the 1930s, psychologist Edward Thorndike explained the concept of “social intelligence” as the ability to get along with other individuals.

During the 1940s, psychologist David Wechsler suggested that different practical elements of intelligence could play a critical role in how successful people are in life.

In the 1950s, the school of thought was known as humanistic psychology, and scholars such as Abraham Maslow concentrated attention on how people could build emotional strength.

Another critical concept to arise in the development of emotional intelligence was the concept of multiple intelligences . This idea was put forth in the mid-1970s by Howard Gardner, presenting the idea that intelligence was more than just a single, broad capacity.

Emotional intelligence did not come into our vernacular until around 1990. The term “emotional intelligence” was first utilized in 1985 as it was presented in a doctoral dissertation by Wayne Payne.

In 1987, there was an article written by Keith Beasley and published in Mensa Magazine that used the term emotional quotient or EQ.

Then in 1990, psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey published their milestone article, Emotional Intelligence , in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality .

They described emotional intelligence as the capability to monitor one’s and others’ feelings and emotions, discriminate among them, and use this knowledge to guide one’s thinking and actions.

Salovey and Mayer also initiated a research study to develop accurate measures of emotional intelligence and explore its significance. For example, they found in one investigation that when a group of people saw an upsetting film, those who ranked high on emotional clarity, or the ability to recognize and label a mood that is being experienced, recovered more quickly.

In a different study, people who scored higher in the ability to perceive accurately, understand and appraise others’ emotions were sufficiently capable of responding flexibly to changes in their social environments and building supportive social networks.

But despite it being a relatively new term, attraction to the concept has grown tremendously. In 1995, the concept of emotional intelligence was popularized after the publication of Daniel Goleman’s book  Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is emotional intelligence important in the workplace.

Researchers have indicated that emotional intelligence influences how excellently employees interact with their colleagues, and EI is also considered to play a role in how employees manage stress and conflict.

It also affects overall performance on the job. Other studies have connected emotional intelligence with job satisfaction.

Studies have shown that workers with higher scores on measures of EI also tend to be ranked higher on criteria of interpersonal functioning, leadership abilities, and stress management.

While standard intelligence was associated with leadership success, it alone was not enough. People who are prosperous at work are not just brilliant; they also have a high EI.

But emotional intelligence is not simply for CEOs and senior executives.

It is a quality that is essential at every level of a person’s career, from university students looking for internships to seasoned workers hoping to take on a leadership role.

Emotional intelligence is critical to success if one wants to succeed in the workplace and move up the career ladder.

Can emotional intelligence be taught?

As it turns out, the question whether emotional intelligence can be learned is not a straightforward one to answer.

Some psychologists and researchers claim that emotional intelligence is a skill that is not quickly learned or improved. Other psychologists and researchers, though, believe it can be improved with practice.

One key to improving EI is sustained practice – especially in high-stakes situations. Referring back to the above tips, one could read them and say those guidelines are pretty straightforward.

But, the challenging task is to do these practices in real-time and consistently. It takes practice to develop these skills. Then as you acquire them, you have to rehearse them under stress.

Can emotional intelligence be measured?

Several different assessments have arisen to gauge levels of emotional intelligence. These trials typically fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests.

Self-report tests are the most abundant because they are the quickest to administer and score. Respondents respond to questions or statements on such tests by rating their behaviors.

For example, on a comment such as “I sense that I understand how others are feeling,” a test-taker might describe the statement as strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or strongly disagree.

On the other hand, ability tests involve people responding to situations and assessing their skills. These tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which a third party rates.

If one is taking an emotional intelligence trial issued by a mental health professional, here are two measures that could be used: Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) and the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI).

What is the dark side of emotional intelligence?

The dark side of emotional intelligence is using one’s understanding of emotions manipulatively, to deceive, control, or exploit others.

High emotional intelligence can mask hidden agendas, enabling insincere charm or feigned empathy, potentially leading to deceitful or self-serving actions.

Boyatzis, R. E., & Goleman, D. (2011). Emotional and social competency inventory (ESCI): A user guide for accredited practitioners.  Retrieved December ,  17 , 2019.

Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it).  Harvard Business Review , 1-9.

Gardner, H. E. (2000). Intelligence reframed: Multiple intelligences for the 21st century . Hachette UK.

Goleman, D. (1996).  Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ . Bloomsbury Publishing.

Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D. R., & Salovey, P. (1999). Emotional intelligence meets traditional standards for an intelligence.  Intelligence, 27 (4), 267-298.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1993). The intelligence of emotional intelligence.  Intelligence, 17 (4), 433-442.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (2007).  Mayer-Salovery-Caruso emotional intelligence test . Toronto: Multi-Health Systems Incorporated.

Payne, W. L. (1985). A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire.

Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence .  Imagination, cognition and personality ,  9 (3), 185-211.

Thorndike, R. L., & Stein, S. (1937). An evaluation of the attempts to measure social intelligence.  Psychological Bulletin ,  34 (5), 275.

Wechsler, D., & Kodama, H. (1949).  Wechsler intelligence scale for children  (Vol. 1). New York: Psychological corporation.

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Emotional Intelligence: How We Perceive, Evaluate, Express, and Control Emotions

Is EQ more important than IQ?

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Shereen Lehman, MS, is a healthcare journalist and fact checker. She has co-authored two books for the popular Dummies Series (as Shereen Jegtvig).

Hinterhaus Productions / Getty Images 

• How Do I Know If I'm Emotionally Intelligent?
• How It's Measured

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Useful?

• Ways to Practice
• Tips for Improving

Emotional intelligence (AKA EI or EQ for "emotional quotient") is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. This ability to express and control  emotions  is essential, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others. Some experts suggest that emotional intelligence is  more important than IQ  for success in life.

While being book-smart might help you pass tests, emotional intelligence prepares you for the real world by being aware of the feelings of others as well as your own feelings.

How Do I Know If I'm Emotionally Intelligent?

Some key signs and examples of emotional intelligence include:

• An ability to identify and describe what people are feeling
• An awareness of personal strengths and limitations
• Self-confidence and self-acceptance
• The ability to let go of mistakes
• An ability to accept and embrace change
• A strong sense of curiosity, particularly about other people
• Feelings of empathy and concern for others
• Showing sensitivity to the feelings of other people
• Accepting responsibility for mistakes
• The ability to manage emotions in difficult situations

How Is Emotional Intelligence Measured?

A number of different assessments have emerged to measure levels of emotional intelligence. Such tests generally fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests.

Self-report tests are the most common because they are the easiest to administer and score. On such tests, respondents respond to questions or statements by rating their own behaviors. For example, on a statement such as "I often feel that I understand how others are feeling," a test-taker might describe the statement as disagree, somewhat disagree, agree, or strongly agree.

Ability tests, on the other hand, involve having people respond to situations and then assessing their skills. Such tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which are then rated by a third party.

If you are taking an emotional intelligence test administered by a mental health professional, here are two measures that might be used:

• Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) is an ability-based test that measures the four branches of Mayer and Salovey's EI model. Test-takers perform tasks designed to assess their ability to perceive, identify, understand, and manage emotions.
• Emotional and Social Competence Inventory (ESCI)   is based on an older instrument known as the Self-Assessment Questionnaire and involves having people who know the individual offer ratings of that person’s abilities in several different emotional competencies. The test is designed to evaluate the social and emotional abilities that help distinguish people as strong leaders.

There are also plenty of more informal online resources, many of them free, to investigate your emotional intelligence.

Try Our Free Emotional Intelligence Test

Our fast and free EQ test can help you determine whether or not your responses to certain situations in life indicate a high level of emotional intelligence:

What Are the 4 Components of Emotional Intelligence?

Researchers suggest that there are four different levels of emotional intelligence including emotional perception, the ability to reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotions, and the ability to manage emotions.  

• Perceiving emotions : The first step in understanding emotions is to perceive them accurately. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions.
• Reasoning with emotions : The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention.
• Understanding emotions :   The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of the person's anger and what it could mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that they are dissatisfied with your work, or it could be because they got a speeding ticket on their way to work that morning or that they've been fighting with their partner.
• Managing emotions : The ability to manage emotions effectively is a crucial part of emotional intelligence and the highest level. Regulating emotions and responding appropriately as well as responding to the emotions of others are all important aspects of emotional management.

Recognizing emotions - yours and theirs - can help you understand where others are coming from, the decisions they make, and how your own feelings can affect other people.

The four branches of this model are arranged by complexity with the more basic processes at the lower levels and the more advanced processes at the higher levels. For example, the lowest levels involve perceiving and expressing emotion, while higher levels require greater conscious involvement and involve regulating emotions.

Interest in teaching and learning social and emotional intelligence has grown in recent years. Social and emotional learning (SEL) programs have become a standard part of the curriculum for many schools.

The goal of these initiatives is not only to improve health and well-being but also to help students succeed academically and prevent bullying. There are many examples of how emotional intelligence can play a role in daily life.

Thinking Before Reacting

Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions can be powerful, but also temporary. When a highly charged emotional event happens, such as becoming angry with a co-worker, the emotionally intelligent response would be to take some time before responding.

This allows everyone to calm their emotions and think more rationally about all the factors surrounding the argument.

Greater Self-Awareness

Emotionally intelligent people are not only good at thinking about how other people might feel but they are also adept at understanding their own feelings. Self-awareness allows people to consider the many different factors that contribute to their emotions.

Empathy for Others

A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathize with how other people are feeling. This often involves considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation.

People who have strong emotional intelligence are able to consider the perspectives, experiences, and emotions of other people and use this information to explain why people behave the way that they do.

How You Can Practice Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence can be used in many different ways in your daily life. Some different ways to practice emotional intelligence include:

• Being able to accept criticism and responsibility
• Being able to move on after making a mistake
• Being able to say no when you need to
• Being able to share your feelings with others
• Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone
• Having empathy for other people
• Having great listening skills
• Knowing why you do the things you do
• Not being judgemental of others

Emotional intelligence is essential for good interpersonal communication. Some experts believe that this ability is more important in determining life success than IQ alone. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to strengthen your own social and emotional intelligence.

Understanding emotions can be the key to better relationships, improved well-being, and stronger communication skills. 

Press Play for Advice On How to Be Less Judgmental

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast , shares how you can learn to be less judgmental. Click below to listen now.

Follow Now : Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

Are There Downsides to Emotional Intelligence?

Having lower emotional intelligence skills can lead to a number of potential pitfalls that can affect multiple areas of life including work and relationships. People who have fewer emotional skills tend to get in more arguments, have lower quality relationships, and have poor emotional coping skills.

Being low on emotional intelligence can have a number of drawbacks, but having a very high level of emotional skills can also come with challenges. For example:

• Research suggests that people with high emotional intelligence may actually be less creative and innovative.
• Highly emotionally intelligent people may have a hard time delivering negative feedback for fear of hurting other people's feelings.
• Research has found that high EQ can sometimes be used for manipulative and deceptive purposes.

Can I Boost My Emotional Intelligence?

While some people might come by their emotional skills naturally, some evidence suggests that this is an ability you can develop and improve. For example, a 2019 randomized controlled trial found that emotional intelligence training could improve emotional abilities in workplace settings.

Being emotionally intelligent is important, but what steps can you take to improve your own social and emotional skills? Here are some tips.

If you want to understand what other people are feeling, the first step is to pay attention. Take the time to listen to what people are trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. Body language can carry a great deal of meaning. When you sense that someone is feeling a certain way, consider the different factors that might be contributing to that emotion.

Picking up on emotions is critical, but we also need to be able to put ourselves into someone else's shoes in order to truly understand their point of view. Practice empathizing with other people. Imagine how you would feel in their situation. Such activities can help us build an emotional understanding of a specific situation as well as develop stronger emotional skills in the long-term.

The ability to reason with emotions is an important part of emotional intelligence. Consider how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviors. When you are thinking about how other people respond, assess the role that their emotions play.

Why is this person feeling this way? Are there any unseen factors that might be contributing to these feelings? How to your emotions differ from theirs? As you explore such questions, you may find that it becomes easier to understand the role that emotions play in how people think and behave.

Drigas AS, Papoutsi C. A new layered model on emotional intelligence . Behav Sci (Basel). 2018;8(5):45. doi:10.3390/bs8050045

Salovey P, Mayer J. Emotional Intelligence . Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.  1990;9(3):185-211.

Feist GJ. A meta-analysis of personality in scientific and artistic creativity . Pers Soc Psychol Rev . 1998;2(4):290-309. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr0204_5

Côté S, Decelles KA, Mccarthy JM, Van kleef GA, Hideg I. The Jekyll and Hyde of emotional intelligence: emotion-regulation knowledge facilitates both prosocial and interpersonally deviant behavior . Psychol Sci . 2011;22(8):1073-80. doi:10.1177/0956797611416251

Gilar-Corbi R, Pozo-Rico T, Sánchez B, Castejón JL. Can emotional intelligence be improved? A randomized experimental study of a business-oriented EI training program for senior managers . PLoS One . 2019;14(10):e0224254. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0224254

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Home — Essay Samples — Nursing & Health — Mental Health — Resilience In Your Life

Resilience in Your Life

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Published: Mar 13, 2024

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One aspect of resilience, another important aspect of resilience, personal experience, importance of resilience.

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These Are the Stories We Tell Ourselves

A personal perspective: how to shape our lives by creating the narrative..

Posted May 12, 2024 | Reviewed by Devon Frye

• Understanding Grief
• Find counselling to heal from grief
• Writing is power. We exercise our agency in the telling of our story.
• We can mine our writing to find meaning in adversity.
• Writing helps us name emotions, make connections, and find solutions to difficulties.
• Cultivating a writing practice takes time and care but the rewards are many.

When my mother was in her 80s, she had a devastating stroke. The doctors told us—my brother, sister, and I—that she had no hope of recovering a meaningful life.

For weeks, we sat vigil by her bedside in the ICU hoping for a miracle that never came. On the sad day that we decided to withdraw life support, we brought our children (six grandchildren in all) to the hospital to say goodbye.

The nurses removed her breathing tube and we waited. Only soft sniffles and the occasional stifled sob broke the heavy silence. But our mother’s heart beat on.

We began telling each other stories of Mom and Grammy. My older siblings related their memories of the flood our home had weathered—an event that happened before I was born. The grandchildren recalled being taught how to play gin rummy or crotchet an afghan square or how to drop a stream of bubbling hot fudge into a cup of cold water to check for the soft ball stage of doneness.

We ordered a takeout lunch. Then takeout dinner. By 11 pm and more than twelve hours off the ventilator, it was clear to us that our mother was not going to die that day. Our original plan had been for all of us to be with her when she passed. But as the children started to get cranky or nod off, we made a new plan. One of us adult children would stay with her at all times until she passed. I was elected (or volunteered; I can’t remember which) to stay since I was the one in the medical field and also lived closest.

But as we bundled kids into coats and hugged each other goodbye, our mother’s heartbeat suddenly started to fall. To the 70s at first. Then 50s. Then 30s. We instinctively moved closer. We touched her shoulder, her face, her hair. We held hands with her and with each other. The sobs and sniffles that had filled the room before were gone. Now it was filled with only love.

How Our Stories Shape Our Truths

The story we tell ourselves is this: My mother wanted us all to be together with her as she passed. She enjoyed listening to our stories. She relished our laughter . She even appreciated the crabbiness of the little ones.

We tell ourselves that when plans changed to having only one of us nearby to see her to the other side, she changed plans herself, opting to make that journey sooner rather than later. We tell ourselves she took control and went peacefully.

This story comforts us in our grief . But the truth is I don’t know the truth. I don’t know if my mother suffered. I don’t know if she was ready to die. I don’t think she suffered, but I can’t know. All I have is this story I tell myself.

Writing to Find Meaning in Adversity

But this is the power and the beauty of narrative. By telling our own stories in our own way, we can take ownership of our experience.

Writing gives us a way of processing events, contextualizing interactions. It is not just the fact that something stressful happened to us or the fact that we bore witness to great suffering that causes us to suffer. It is our emotional reaction to it that must be considered on the page.

In writing about it, we come to see the meaning of these happenings (or more accurately, we extract our own meaning from them). Writing lets us take lessons learned with us as we move on. It also gives us the opportunity to leave behind on the page aspects of that account that no longer serve us well.

We are not simply re-writing history or searching for a happier ending when we write our truths. We are divining meaning for ourselves from difficult circumstances. Maybe in revisiting a painful event, we are able to see some value in adversity. Searching for the positive in the negative when we write can allow us to not only disengage from that negative experience but also to grow from it. Our writing helps us to take a step back from what is causing us stress or confusion and learn something useful from it.

Writing to Exercise Our Agency

Writing also gives us agency in our circumstances. Writing about the event gives us a certain power, not over the event itself—we cannot change that—but we can control the narrative. We can understand our place within that larger story and learn and grow from the experience moving forward.

Some years ago, I presented a writing workshop for healthcare professionals at a symposium at the University of Iowa’s Carver School of Medicine called The Examined Life conference. Nellie Hermann, the creative director of Columbia University’s Narrative Medicine program, was a fellow presenter. She had just written a novel called The Cure for Grief which was based on a true experience in her life.

After her presentation, an audience member asked her why she wrote her story as a novel instead of a memoir and more broadly, why she wrote in general. Her answer resonated deeply with me at the time and has stuck with me to this day. She said, “We write to have power over something we can never control… the past.” This is another rationale for reflective writing. The practice gives us control of the narrative.

In an example from my own life, when I wrote my first memoir Crash: A Mother, a Son, and Journey from Grief to Gratitude , I chose not to name the drunk driver. I felt that to name him would only serve to give him a level of humanity that I did not feel he deserved. It was a tiny literary decision—not to name a character—but it gave me a sovereignty I would not have had, had I not been a writer. In this way, writing is power.

Proust said, “Ideas come to us as the successors to grief and griefs, at the moment when they change into ideas, lose some of their power to injure the heart; the transformation itself, even for an instant, releases suddenly a little joy.” Proust understood that processing our experiences with words releases some of the grief and loss we feel and, in some instances, brings its own solace to our hearts.

The story I tell myself about my mother’s death may be true. In fact, I think it is. But for me, the larger point is that writing about her death helped me to process the many feelings I had about it. Grief. Guilt . Regret.

The Nuts and Bolts of Cultivating a Daily Reflective Writing Practice

Cultivating a daily writing practice takes time. Give yourself about 30 minutes in a quiet place. Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and just write with no thought to spelling, grammar, or punctuation.

Write whatever comes to mind, even if it is just “nothing is coming to mind.” It’s enough to loosen the wiring, to untangle the knots of thoughts in our over-worked minds.

Then just wonder on the page. Ask yourself questions. Give yourself a prompt. “I wonder” is a good one. “I wonder what would have happened if I’d told my friend how I really felt.” “I wonder why I didn’t.” Then just write.

Sometimes insights come during the writing session. You understand what was holding you back. You may even find a way forward with a vexing issue in a relationship. Sometimes that understanding comes later, as you read over your words, or as they just bump up against each other in your brain.

Writing may feel forced or difficult at first. You may think “This is stupid.” Or “What am I doing?” But with practice, you will more quickly settle into the place where words flow. Where connections are made. Solutions found. Permissions granted. Where the story you tell yourself becomes the story you knew to be true all along.

1. Pennebaker JW and Seagal JD. Forming a Story: The Health Benefits of Narrative. J Clinical Psych . 1999;55(10): 1243-1254.

2. Kaminer D. Healing processes in trauma narratives: a review. South African Journal of Psychology . 2006;36(3):481-499.

3. Lepore SJ and Smyth JM. The Writing Cure: How Expressive Writing Promotes Health and Emotional Well-Being. Washington DC. American Psychological Associates. 2002.

4. Westrate NM and Gluck J. Hard-earned wisdom: exploratory processing of difficult life experiences is positively associated with wisdom. Dev Psychol . 2017 Apr;53(4):800-814.

5. Proust M. Du Cote de Chez Swann. First volume of In Search of Lost Time . 1913.

Carolyn Roy-Bornstein, MD, is a retired pediatrician and the Writer-in-Residence at a large family medicine residency program where she leads physicians in narrative medicine workshops.

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Confidence and Emotional Experience Essay

According to the test results, my dominant emotion is confidence. The famous American writer Mark Twain believed, “To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence” (Oudenhoven & Oudenhoven, 2018, p. 55). In my opinion, this feature helps me a lot in life. Thanks to this acquired trait, I am purposeful and responsible; I have a sense of dignity; I can control and manage my emotions, clearly understand my strengths and weaknesses, and continuously work to become better. The people around me feel this, treat me favourably, and trust me. Therefore, my dominant emotion is beneficial to me; thanks to it, I have many friends, and I feel great.

Confidence allows people to move towards their goals and achieve what they want, despite external obstacles and various life situations. It is the desire to reach success in life which motivates me to have this emotion as dominant. According to Harvard Business Review et al. (2019), the American motivational speaker Denis Waitley once said that “No one is born with confidence. It is learned and earned with experience” (p. 48). My parents and the environment have instilled this feeling in me, and the desire to achieve success in life constantly motivates me to develop it. Thus, I am convinced that confidence will help me to reach many peaks, which motivates me to develop this emotion.

In psychology, there are various theories of emotion which allow scientists to look at emotional experiences from different angles and understand their relationship with other phenomena. Cannon-Bard’s thalamic theory has drawn my particular attention because of its practical confirmation. Naar and Teroni (2018) assert that, according to this theory, the emotional response appears approximately simultaneously with the physiological one. In my opinion, this theory is easily confirmed by many life situations. For example, the appearance of tears, whether from happiness or sorrow. When people are happy to see someone, they often cry with happiness, or when a person is yelled at, they cannot hold back their tears. Therefore, it is this theory that resonates with me since it can be easily tested in practice.

Harvard Business Review, Chamorro-Premuzic, T., Moss Kanter, R., Jen Su, A., Bregman, P. (2019). Confidence (HBR emotional intelligence series). Harvard Business Review Press.

Naar, H., ‎& Teroni, F. (2018). The ontology of emotions . Cambridge University Press.

Oudenhoven, N., & Oudenhoven R. J. (2018) Navigating childish times. What roles for children and young people in a fragmented and polarized world ? Gompel&Svacina.

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1. IvyPanda . "Confidence and Emotional Experience." October 3, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/confidence-and-emotional-experience/.

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About Emotional Well-Being

• Positive emotional well-being is when people manage emotions well and have a sense of meaning, purpose, and supportive relationships.
• Positive emotional well-being can lower your risk of disease, sickness, and injury.
• There are ways you can improve your overall emotional well-being.

Why it's important

• Positive emotional well-being helps people manage their thoughts and feelings.
• People with positive emotional well-being have a sense of meaning and purpose.
• Without positive emotional well-being people may have difficulty connecting socially.

Adapting to challenges

People who experience positive emotional well-being have the skills to adapt to and deal with life challenges.

Skills that can create positive emotional well-being include:

• Identifying, processing, and expressing emotions in healthy ways.
• Knowing how to deal with uncertainty, stress, and change.
• Being able to work through disagreements.
• Looking for solutions to problems in useful ways.
• Asking others for help and support.

Health benefits

Improving emotional well-being can benefit your mental and physical health. It can also enhance your social connections to other people and your community.

Benefits of positive emotional well-being

• Lower risk of disease, sickness, and injury.
• Faster recovery after being sick or getting injured.
• Improved mental health.
• Being able to bounce back from negative experiences (resilience).
• Stronger relationships and higher self-esteem.
• Having a sense of contentment, meaning, and purpose in life.
• Better productivity and performance at work.

A buffer against stress

People with positive emotional well-being can still feel sad or stressed during tough times. But they can manage these challenges better.

Improving emotional well-being

How to boost your emotional well-being.

You can improve your emotional well-being by learning how to:

• Identify your emotions.
• Manage negative feelings.
• Deal with stress.
• Communicate better.
• Work through problems.
• Reach out to others for social support.
• Practice mindfulness.

Other steps to take

It is also important to take care of physical health to improve your emotional well-being. Things you can do include:

• Eat healthy .
• Get enough sleep . 
• Be active .
• Limit alcohol use.
• Avoid smoking , vaping, and using other tobacco products.

Find tips for managing your emotions at How Right Now and for improving your emotional health at Emotional Wellness Toolkit .

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Positive emotional well-being is when people manage emotions well and sense meaning, purpose and supportive relationships, which can lower sickness, injury risk

Frida Kahlo narrates her life: ‘I’ve had high praise from Kandinsky, Picasso and other big shits of surrealism’

A sundance-honored documentary by peru’s carla gutiérrez uses letters, essays and interviews to convey the artist’s unease and pain.

Director Carla Gutiérrez admits that for decades, she was obsessed with the persona of painter Frida Kahlo . She grew up with her story, and like millions of others, felt a closeness with Kahlo’s art. At 19 years old, Gutiérrez, who is from Peru but who has lived in the United States for years, felt challenged by the work of the Mexican artist when she first beheld Kahlo’s painting Self-Portrait on the Borderline Between Mexico and the United States , in which, as a recent arrival from Latin America, Gutiérrez saw herself reflected, missing her homeland “desperately” and “navigating” a new world.

She immersed herself in the writings that Kahlo had left in her diary, her numerous letters, essays and interviews that were published by her era’s print media. It was through these texts, which were available and accessible by the public, that Gutiérrez realized that there were enough fragments of Kahlo’s voice for her to tell the artist’s story. “She left us hundreds of documents, written pieces. They are really a very rich testimony with emotional reactions to what was happening to her at that time. The documentary doesn’t include every detail of her life, what we really wanted was for the public to get to know her spirit, above all,” explains Gutiérrez in a videocall.

And so was born Frida , a documentary that took around a year and a half to finish, and received the Jonathan Oppenheim Editing Award at the most recent Sundance Film Festival. Its intimate and unabashed narration takes on subjects that troubled the well-known painter, such as her art’s transcendence, her relationship with Mexico and her spouse Diego Rivera, her desire to be a mother, sexual pleasure and the lifelong bodily pain from the after-effects of a train accident in her youth.

“The exhibition will open at the Pierre Cole Gallery, which according to what they tell me is among the best here [in Paris]. There was a huge number of people on the day of the opening. Big congratulations from Joan Miró. High praise from Kandinsky, and congratulations from Picasso and other big shits of surrealism , but those rich bastards didn’t want to buy anything. I don’t have the honor of belonging to the elite among the famous artists. The men are kings. It is they who run the world,” says a fragment read by the actress Fernanda Echevarría, who gives voice to Frida in the documentary. The excerpt speaks to the Mexican artist’s exasperation with surrealism during her visit to the French capital, organized by the writer and poet André Breton.

As in this example, Gutiérrez constructs a series of themes that give shape to the documentary, among which we find the frustration that Frida had with her physical challenges, her search for pleasure and her sense of oppression from being a woman of the time. How she spoke “in a very beautiful way” with her lovers about sex and how, in another moment, her fragility comes through when she writes in another text about the spontaneous abortion she underwent. The United States’s reaction when she accompanied Diego Rivera to work on his commissions for Edsel Ford and the Rockefeller family in Detroit and New York, respectively, how colors evoked her different states of mind, and even the love she felt for Mexico during the sad moments of her life.

“She spoke very loudly in her writings and we have to listen to her. For us, it was important that she guide us when it came to the emotional side. We felt as if we had given her the microphone and she did not want to let it go,” says the director.

The research process for the documentary, which debuted on March 14 and played at the Sundance Festival CDMX, included an authorized “raid” on the attic of Hayden Herrera, an art historian and biographer whose work on Kahlo has been the basis of many academic texts about the artist, beginning back in the 1980s. It was there that the film’s team found materials that Herrera had used for her book Frida: A Biography of Frida Kahlo (1983), on which the film adaptation starring Salma Hayek was also based, and which has been stored away for more than four decades.

“That research helped us to uncover the primary sources of Frida’s written work and offered us an even more complete understanding of her life. We also found transcriptions of complete interviews with people who had been very close to her. Some of those voices are in our film,” adds the director.

But the documentary, which is now available on Prime Video, looks to not just bring back Frida’s voice through her texts, but also give life to her images, those postcards from her era, and even some of her most representative works, like The Two Fridas (1939), Diego and I (1949) and Henry Ford Hospital (1932), to name a few. Gutiérrez and her team made a “risky” decision and added an animation process that accompanies the film’s footage in certain sections. They colorized certain black-and-white photos to make Frida’s paintings come to life and tell her story, a process led by designers Sofía Cáceres and Renata Galindo, and a soundtrack was created for the film by Michoacán composer Víctor Hernández Stumpfhauser.

“How does one dare to touch Frida’s art? For me, it was important to bring it to a cinematic space. I wanted the art to take on life within the telling of the story and to be able to guide the viewers’ eyes to a specific emotional content in her paintings, to create connection between them and the lived experiences that had inspired these creations. I felt that the explosion of color in her paintings was an opportunity. They were like another narrative voice,” Gutiérrez says.

The experienced editor and debut filmmaker’s documentary provides context for Frida’s success and mythology. In an oracle-like fashion, the artist even predicted, in a manner both cheeky and irreverent, the recognition that she would receive after she passed in 1954. “I think that after my death I’m going to be the biggest piece of shit in the world,” said the painter in one of the letters cited in the film.

Insecure, happy, sad, doubting, jealous, far from the pop icon that the world perceives her to be — this is how Frida is portrayed, listened to, conceptualized. “From her own fragility, more humanely. It’s as if you were seated in front of a person and it was your friend, telling you their secrets,” sums up the filmmaker.

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The Influence of Music on Brain Function and Emotional Well-being

This essay about the influence of music on brain function and emotional well-being examines how music acts as a powerful auditory stimulus that engages various brain areas, enhances cognitive functions, and aids in emotional regulation. It details music’s therapeutic effects in clinical settings, its role in social bonding and education, and its ability to facilitate emotional processing. The text highlights music’s broad impact on enhancing personal, social, and clinical aspects of life, emphasizing its fundamental role in human experience.

How it works

Music transcends cultural and geographic boundaries, serving as a universal language that profoundly impacts human life. This essay delves into how music influences brain function and emotional well-being, incorporating findings from scientific research and theoretical frameworks.

Fundamentally, music is an intricate auditory stimulus processed in the brain’s temporal regions. When we listen to music, it activates a broad network within the brain, particularly stimulating the reward centers which release dopamine—a neurotransmitter linked with pleasure and motivation. This neurochemical response is akin to the pleasure derived from eating or engaging in social activities, explaining music’s widespread appeal and its capacity to uplift moods and alleviate stress.

The structural elements of music—its rhythm, melody, and harmony—engage the brain comprehensively. Listening to or performing music involves multiple brain regions, including those responsible for auditory processing, memory, attention, and even motor functions. This extensive brain engagement promotes neural plasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and reorganize itself. Musicians, for example, often exhibit greater neural connectivity and a larger corpus callosum, which connects the brain’s hemispheres. These structural enhancements suggest that sustained musical engagement can sharpen cognitive abilities, enhancing problem-solving skills and memory retention.

Beyond cognitive enhancement, music profoundly affects emotional regulation. It influences the limbic system, which governs emotions and memory. Music has the unique capability to evoke potent emotions and vivid memories, highlighting its impact on emotional processing. For many individuals, certain melodies can recall specific life moments, imbued with distinct emotions, showcasing music’s role as an emotional anchor.

Music also has therapeutic benefits, particularly in clinical settings. It is employed as a formal therapeutic intervention—known as music therapy—to manage stress, bolster coping mechanisms, and improve overall quality of life in conditions ranging from depression to dementia. For dementia sufferers, music can prompt memories and provide comfort, maintaining a connection to self and others even as cognitive abilities decline.

Socially, music fosters community and connection. Participating in group musical activities, like choir singing or ensemble playing, promotes social cohesion. These activities necessitate coordination and cooperation, strengthening social bonds and enhancing empathy. The social support derived from these communal experiences is essential for emotional and mental health.

Music’s educational benefits are also significant, particularly for children. Incorporating music into educational settings can make learning more engaging and reduce stress, enhancing students’ educational experience. Early musical training can even accelerate brain development in young children, particularly influencing areas related to language development and reading skills.

Furthermore, music offers a way to express and process negative emotions, providing a cathartic experience for some. Listening to music that resonates with one’s personal struggles can validate feelings and aid in emotional processing, which is vital for maintaining mental health.

In summary, music’s impact on brain function and emotional well-being is extensive and multifaceted. It enhances cognitive functions, provides therapeutic benefits, aids in emotional regulation, and strengthens social bonds. More than just entertainment, music is a fundamental human experience that enriches our mental and emotional landscapes. Its capacity to heal, connect, and inspire underscores the invaluable role music plays in enhancing human well-being across various personal, social, and clinical contexts.

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Filmmaker's Parents Choose Medical Aid in Dying, End Their Lives in Emotional Docuseries: Editing 'Was Hell' (Exclusive)

S erene Meshel-Dillman opens up to PEOPLE about her six-part docuseries, 'Take Me Out Feet First,' saying the decision to end your life "should be a human right"

• Serene Meshel-Dillman lost both of her ill parents after they chose their right to medical aid in dying
• She documented their decisions and their deaths in her new documentary, Take Me Out Feet First
• The filmmaker, 61, hopes that their stories and others will drive medical aid in dying into law in every state

Within five years, filmmaker Serene Meshel-Dillman witnessed both of her parents end their lives in the comfort of their home.

“I think once somebody's made up their mind that way, I don't think you can dissuade them,” the 61-year-old tells PEOPLE. “So we can have our opinions and we can say what we felt, but it really has no bearing on somebody else's or my parents' decision once they had made up their minds.” 

Speaking about her new documentary , Take Me Out Feet First , Meshel-Dillman — a New York City native — opens up about her parents, Miriam and Robert, choosing their right to medical aid in dying (MAID). It's different from euthanasia because the patients themselves administer prescribed drugs to end their lives, rather than a doctor.

In June 2017, Miriam was diagnosed with stage four spindle cell sarcoma, a rare form of cancer, after several months of back pain. She was told her disease was terminal and she had just months to live.

“She called me from the car on the way back from the doctor and she said, ‘I feel like I'm living in an alternative universe because I just got a three-month death diagnosis,’” Meshel-Dillman recalls.

Miriam — who spent decades working as a social worker for terminally ill cancer patients and witnessed her daughter-in-law’s “horrendous” six-year battle with cancer before her death — knew immediately after receiving her diagnosis that she wanted to choose MAID.

“She just didn't want to go through that and she didn't want us to go through that,” Meshel-Dillman says of her mom’s decision. “It was a no brainer. She said, ‘This is what I'm doing.’ She didn't even ask about it, she just said, ‘I'm doing it.’” 

Related: How Dan Diaz, Whose Wife Brittany Maynard Chose to End Her Life amid Cancer Battle, Keeps Her Memory Alive

Miriam had that option available to her under the End of Life Options Act , which went into effect in California on June 9, 2016. The law allows patients with terminal illnesses to end their lives with lethal medication under the supervision of their medical team. 

In addition to California, medical aid-in-dying laws have been authorized in Oregon, Washington, Montana, Vermont, Colorado, Washington D.C., Hawaii, New Jersey, Maine, and New Mexico.

For Meshel-Dillman, she “felt like it was the right thing” for her mother to do, leaving the world without suffering or being in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy that would only extend her life by a few months.

“I just sort of felt like I had to hold her hand and just be there,” she says. “It just felt right.” 

“I think that brought us closer in the end. It really helped us come to terms, express our love for each other, express our kind of regret of not having done it sooner. And it put me and her in a very good place,” she explains. “We both told each other we loved each other, and we kissed and hugged. It was very emotional and certainly would not have happened then had she not been about to die. So it kind of forced the issue, but in a good way.” 

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However, Miriam’s husband and Meshel-Dillman’s father Robert felt anger and hurt over not having a say or being a part of that decision of having to watch his wife die. 

“I’m not sure I could be strong enough to do that,” Robert said in the film, admitting that he was opposed to MAID for himself. But through tears, he accepted and supported her decision. 

Miriam died August 9, 2017, in her Marin County, California home at age 78.

Ultimately, Robert didn’t cope with Miriam’s death well.

“My dad was so lost. He would isolate himself, never go out, and he basically shattered any close friendships he had. Something in him died as well, and we couldn't find it again,” Meshel-Dillman says. “He felt unmoored, he felt at sea. He just didn't know what to do. He had no control and he was bereft.” 

“I think he just didn't have anyone to talk to about it,” she continues. “And I think if they had provided a social worker or somebody to talk to him about the decision and how to handle it or how to help or how to navigate those waters, he would've been better off.”

After five years of grieving, Robert’s health started to decline and like Miriam, he too was diagnosed with cancer, large b-cell lymphoma, in early 2022. 

“Within less than a week, he wanted out as well,” Meshel-Dillman says.

Related: Inside a Terminally Ill Man's Decision to Die and His Emotional 'Going Away' Parties with Friends and Family

Despite doctors saying his cancer could be treated with chemotherapy, Robert switched his previous stance and opted for medical aid in dying.

“I don't even think it was the diagnosis,” Meshel-Dillman admits. “I think the diagnosis was an excuse for him. ‘Oh, this is what I can use to now get the hell out of here.’ He just stopped living and I think he did it himself.” 

“He could have helped himself and lived longer, I believe,” she says. “I really feel like mentally, [my mom’s death] is what killed him. I think the brain probably has just as much to do with the body in terms of this kind of death.” 

So on March 30, 2022, Meshel-Dillman sat with her father as he chose to die.

Meshel-Dillman filmed the final moments of her parents’ lives — from their decisions to die to their last breaths. She says she was “just trying to help” them exit on their own terms and timelines.

But as a director, Meshel-Dillman says editing the episode "was hell."

"It was really rough. I can't watch the episode of my dad without crying and sobbing for a good couple hours,” she shares. “Even right now talking about it, it's upsetting. With my mom, I never cried. With my dad, it just creeps up on me and grabs me by the neck and shakes me and then lets me go.” 

Related: Woman, 28, Opts for Euthanasia Rather Than Living with Mental Illness: 'I’m a Little Afraid of Dying'

Related: Woman Chooses Euthanasia on 34th Birthday Due to Depression, Eating Disorder Struggles: 'I Want to Step Out of Life'

Miriam and Robert are just two of several terminally ill people who Meshel-Dillman profiled in Take Me Out Feet First . 

The six-part docuseries — made in partnership with the nonprofit advocacy organization Compassion & Choices — features those who also sought medical aid in dying, their friends and families, as well as medical experts who advocate for MAID laws across the country. 

Meshel-Dillman hopes the exposure from the series drives MAID into law in every state.

“It's so important that people have this option in many more states,” she tells PEOPLE. “It's in legislation now or being put into committee in 19 other states around the country.”

“In states where it wasn't legal, the angst in the family’s struggles and the sadness and literally the pain and suffering that it forces on people that don't have access… I have to show [that] so that people realize the extent that people have to go through to have this choice, which should be a human right,” she adds. 

Take Me Out Feet First is now streaming on Amazon Prime Video.

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Read the original article on People .

Riley Strain’s Family Accepts His College Diploma at Emotional Graduation

Two months after riley strain’s remains were found, his family accepted the 22-year-old’s diploma at the university of missouri’s graduation ceremony..

Riley Strain' s family is continuing to honor him.

Two months after the 22-year-old's death , his loved ones accepted his diploma at the University of Missouri's graduation ceremony.

As Riley's name was called during the May 11 ceremony, the graduating class gave a standing ovation when his mom Michelle Whiteid and stepdad Chris Whiteid walked to the stage for his posthumous degree in business and financial planning. With tears in her eyes, Michelle held up the diploma as applause thundered during the ceremony. 

It was the culmination of a heartbreaking few months for Riley's family as he disappeared during a night out in Nashville with his fraternity brothers in early March. 

After a two-week search, the Metro Nashville Police Department confirmed that Riley's remains were located eight miles from the area where he was last seen and that his death continues to be "accidental," with no foul play-related trauma.

"It's been an emotional roller coaster," Chris told reporters following the update. "We're quite thankful for everything that you've done for our family, the grace that you've given us, it means a lot, more than you'll ever know."

"We have learned through his ordeal that everybody has brought all the good to us," he continued. "We've had a little bad, you're gonna have that, but it has given us faith in people that sometimes gets clouded by what we're constantly hearing."

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At the memorial service for Riley in late March, his family—which also includes dad Ryan Gilbert and stepmom Milli Gilbert —requested attendees arrive in green to honor him as it was a color that Riley, per his obituary , would often say "makes you look good."

"Riley Strain's presence will be profoundly missed," his obituary continued. "But his joyous approach to life and the happiness he brought to those around him will forever be remembered."

 As Riley's family celebrates his graduation, keep reading to see more glimpses into his life.

Riley Strain Case

University of Missouri student Riley Strain was reported missing March 9 after being asked to leave country singer Luke Bryan 's Nashville bar during a night out with friends.

After a two-week search, police confirmed March 22 that the 22-year-old's body was recovered from the Cumberland River.

"No foul play-related trauma was observed," Metro Nashville PD wrote on X , formerly known as Twitter March 22. "An autopsy is pending."

"During Riley's visit to Luke's 32 Bridge, our records show he purchased and was served one alcoholic drink and two waters," the TC Restaurant Group, which oversees Luke's bar, said in a March 15 statement . "At 9:35 p.m., our security team made a decision based on our conduct standards to escort him from the venue through our Broadway exit at the front of our building. He was followed down the stairs with one member of his party. The individual with Riley did not exit and returned upstairs."

Riley's mom, Michelle Whiteid , said of her son in a March 19 press conference, "He's everything."

Michelle added that Riley's friends, who he was visiting Nashville with, are "heartbroken."

"He's their best friend," she said. "We love these boys like our own. It's just as hard on them as it is on us."

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Guest Essay

I Don’t Write Like Alice Munro, but I Want to Live Like Her

By Sheila Heti

Ms. Heti is the author of the novels “Pure Colour,” “How Should a Person Be?” and, most recently, “Alphabetical Diaries.”

It is common to say “I was heartbroken to hear” that so-and-so died, but I really do feel heartbroken having learned about Alice Munro, who died on Monday.

As a writer, she modeled, in her life and art, that one must work with emotional sincerity and precision and concentration and depth — not on every kind of writing but on only one kind, the kind closest to one’s heart.

She has long been a North Star for many writers and was someone I have always felt guided by. We are very different writers, but I have kept her in mind, daily and for decades, as an example to follow (but failed to follow to the extent that she demonstrated it): that a fiction writer isn’t someone for hire.

A fiction writer isn’t someone who can write anything — movies, articles, obits! She isn’t a person in service to the magazines, to the newspapers, to the publishers or even to her audience. She doesn’t have to speak on the political issues of the day or on matters of importance to the culture right now but ought first and most to attend seriously to her task, which is her only task, writing the particular thing she was most suited to write.

Ms. Munro only ever wrote short stories — not novels, though she must have been pressured to. She died in a small town not too far from where she was born, choosing to remain close to the sort of people she grew up with, whom she remained ever curious about. Depth is wherever one stands, she showed us, convincingly.

Fiction writers are people, supposedly, who have things to say; they must, because they are so good with words. So people are always asking them: Can you say something about this or about this? But the art of hearing the voice of a fictional person or sensing a fictional world or working for years on some unfathomable creation is, in fact, the opposite of saying something with the opinionated and knowledgeable part of one’s mind. It is rather the humble craft of putting your opinions and ego aside and letting something be said through you.

Ms. Munro held to this division and never let the vanity that can come with being good with words persuade her to put her words just everywhere, in every possible way. Here was the best example in the world — in Canada, my own land — of someone who seemed to abide by classical artistic values in her choices as a person and in her choices on the page. I felt quietly reassured knowing that a hundred kilometers down the road was Alice Munro.

She was also an example of how a writer should be in public: modest, unpretentious, funny, generous and kind. I learned the lesson of generosity from her early. When I was 20 and was just starting to publish short stories, I sent her a fan letter. I don’t remember what my letter said. After a few months, I received a handwritten thank-you note from her in the mail. The fact that she replied at all and did so with such care taught me a lot about grace and consideration and has remained as a warmth within me since that day.

She will always remain for me, and for many others, a model of that grave yet joyous dedication to art — a dedication that inevitably informs the most important choices the artist makes about how to support that life. Probably Ms. Munro would laugh at this; no one knows the compromises another makes, especially when that person is as private as she was and transforms her trials into fiction. Yet whatever the truth of her daily existence, she still shines as a symbol of artistic purity and care.

I am grateful for all she gave to the world and for all the sacrifices she must have made to give it. I’m sorry to be here defying her example, but she was just too loved, and these words just came. Thank you, Alice Munro.

Sheila Heti is the author of the novels “Pure Colour,” “How Should a Person Be?” and, most recently, “Alphabetical Diaries.”

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