personal essay about my mom

Descriptive Essay

Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Descriptive Essay About My Mother - A Guide to Writing

Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know

A descriptive essay is a type of essay that uses words to describe an object, person, experience, or place. The purpose of writing this type of essay is to provide the reader with a vivid and clear description of something. The writer must use sensory details, such as sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste to make the reader experience the topic.

When writing about a person such as your mother, you need to describe the characteristics that make her unique. It can include personality traits or experiences that make her special.

Reading a few essay samples will help you out! So read on to find good examples and tips.

How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps

Writing a heartfelt and vivid descriptive essay about your mother requires careful consideration.

Here, we'll guide you through the process step by step, helping you express your feelings and admiration effectively:

Step 1: Choose a Focus

Decide on a specific aspect or trait of your mother that you want to describe. It could be her appearance, personality, nurturing qualities, or a particular event that showcases her character.

Step 2: Brainstorm Descriptive Words

Make a list of adjectives and descriptive words that come to mind when you think about your mother. Try to capture the essence of her being.

Step 3: Create an Outline

Organize your thoughts by creating a descriptive essay outline . Decide on the structure, such as the introduction, body, and conclusion, and what aspects you'll cover in each section.

Step 4: Start with a Hook

Begin your essay with an engaging hook or an anecdote that draws the reader in. It can be a personal memory or a captivating description of your mother.

Step 5: Descriptive Details

In the body of your essay, use sensory details to paint a vivid picture. Describe her appearance, mannerisms, and the emotions she evokes. Incorporate the descriptive words from your brainstorming list.

Step 6: Emotions and Memories

Share your personal emotions and memories associated with your mother. How does she make you feel, and what experiences have shaped your relationship with her?

Step 7: Use Metaphors and Similes

Employ metaphors and similes to enhance your descriptions. Compare her to elements from nature, objects, or anything that can add depth to your portrayal.

Step 8: Show, Don't Tell

Instead of simply stating qualities, show them through actions, interactions, and specific examples. Let the reader experience her through your words.

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Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Exploring essay examples can provide valuable insights for crafting an essay that deeply connects with your readers.

Below, you'll find both a descriptive essay about my mother and an analysis of its content.

Why This Descriptive Essay Works

Here are several reasons why this descriptive essay is effective:

Emotional Connection

The essay immediately establishes an emotional connection with the reader through its theme of a mother's love. The use of descriptive language and personal anecdotes invites the reader to empathize and relate to the feelings and experiences described.

Vivid Imagery

The essay employs vivid imagery to paint a clear picture of the mother and her attributes. The descriptions of her eyes, hands, voice, and smile create a sensory experience for the reader, making them feel as if they are present with the author.

The essay uses symbolism effectively to convey the depth of the mother's love. The mother's eyes, for example, symbolize her wisdom and the shared experiences with the author. The use of the mother's hands as a source of healing symbolizes her nurturing and caring nature.

Structure and Flow

The essay is well-structured and flows seamlessly from one descriptive element to another.

It begins with a general introduction, moves into specific descriptions, and ends with a strong, heartfelt conclusion. This organization keeps the reader engaged and ensures a logical progression of ideas.

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Emotional Impact

The essay's emotional impact is profound. It not only describes the mother's physical attributes but also delves into the intangible qualities that make her special. The reader is left with a deep sense of appreciation for the role of a mother and the love she provides.

Relatability

The essay's theme of maternal love is universal, making it relatable to a broad audience. Most readers can connect with the feelings of love, protection, and guidance that the author describes.

If you still find it challenging to write a descriptive essay, consider these additional examples for guidance.

Descriptive Essay About My Mother PDF

Descriptive Essay About My Mother My Hero

Descriptive Essay Example About Mother

Descriptive Essay About My Mother 200 Words

Descriptive Essay On My Mother's Kitchen

Sample Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Here is a video of another short essay example about mother:

Want to read descriptive essays on other topics as well? Here are more descriptive essay examples that will help you out!

Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

Now that you’ve read the examples, let’s look at some tips that will lead you to essay writing success.

Start with the Basics

Begin by brainstorming ideas of what makes your mother special and why she is important to you. Think about her personality traits, accomplishments, quirks, and unique qualities. In addition, consider the ways that your mother has influenced you and shaped your life.

You can also practice your writing skills with other descriptive essay topics . So write away!

Create an Outline

Once you have all of your ideas written down, create an descriptive essay outline that will guide the structure of your essay. This should include sections for your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Capture Her Essence

Use vivid language to capture the essence of who your mother is. Utilize descriptive words and phrases that will help your reader understand who your mother is and what she means to you.

Show, Don’t Tell

Instead of simply telling the reader about your mother’s traits or accomplishments, use stories and examples to illustrate them. This will make your essay more interesting to readers.

Keep Your Tone Consistent

Maintaining a consistent tone throughout ensures a cohesive narrative without feeling disjointed or scattered. This keeps readers interested until they reach their conclusion!

Don’t Forget the Conclusion

Summarize the main points of your essay in your conclusion and provide a call to action for readers. Maybe you’ll leave them feeling inspired or motivated to do something special for their own mother.

Revise & Edit Diligently

Revision is key when putting together any written piece. Read over your work multiple times and fix any errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. Also improve any awkward phrasing or unclear ideas that might not be conveyed effectively enough.

To sum it up,

Writing a descriptive essay about your mother doesn't have to be difficult. With our guide and examples, you can easily write an effective essay that will make your mother proud! So get started today, and create the perfect essay for her!

By following these tips and examples, you will find it easier to write a meaningful descriptive essay about your mother. Good luck!

Looking for a professional descriptive essay writer to write it for you? We're right here for you!

You can trust our custom essay writing online for all your essay needs. We offer top-notch essay writing help to you get the best grade possible. Our essay writers are experienced and qualified to handle any essay topic with ease.

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Essay on My Mother for Schools Students and Children

500+ words essay on my mother.

My mother is an ordinary woman she is my superhero. In every step of my, she supported and encouraged me. Whether day or night she was always there for me no matter what the condition is. Furthermore, her every work, persistence, devotion, dedication, conduct is an inspiration for me. In this essay on my mother, I am going to talk about my mother and why she is so special to me.

Why I Love My Mother So Much?

I love her not because she is my mother and we should respect our elders. I respect her because she has taken care of me when I was not able to speak. At that time, she has taken care of all my needs when I wasn’t able to speak.

Additionally, she taught me how to walk, speak, and take care of myself. Similarly, every bigger step that I have taken in my life is all because of my mother. Because, if she hasn’t taught me how to take small steps then I won’t be able to take these bigger step.

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She is an essence of truthfulness, love, and sincerity. Another reason is that she showers her family with her blessing and live. Furthermore, she gives us everything but never demand anything in return. The way she cares for everyone in the family inspires me to the same in my future.

Also, her love is not just for the family she treats every stranger and animals the same way she did to me. Due to, this she is very kind and sensible towards the environment and animals.

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Her Strengths

Although she is not physically very strong she faces every hurdle of her life and of the family too. She motivates me to be like her and never submit in difficult times. Above all, my mother encourages me to improve my all-round skills and studies. She motivates me to try again and again till I get success in it.

A Companion of Trouble

Whenever I was in trouble or scolded by dad I run towards my mother as she is the only one that can save me from them. Whether a small homework problem or a bigger problem she was always there for me.

When I was afraid of the dark she would become my light and guide me in that darkness. Also, if I can’t sleep at night she would hold my head on her lap until I fell asleep. Above all, she never leaves my side even in the hardest of times.

Every mother is special for her children. She is a great teacher, a lovely friend, a strict parent. Also, she takes cares of the need of the whole family. If there is anyone out there who loves us more than our mother is only God. Not just for my mother but for every mother out there who lives her life for her family deserves praiseworthy applause.

Frequently Asked Questions for You

Q.1 When did the Mother’s Day be celebrated in India and why?

A.1 Mother’s Day is celebrated on the Second Sunday in the month of May. It’s celebrated to appreciate the hard work that our mother’s do in their life. And the sacrifices that they make to keep their family happy.

Q.2 Why mother is so special?

A.2 They are special because they are mothers. They are the superwomen that do all the housework, teach and take care of their children, looks after her husband, do her job and at the end of the day if you ask for her help she says ‘yes’ with a smile on her face.

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Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Mother Influenced My Life in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

Introduction.

My mother has been the greatest influence in my life. Her love, care, and teachings have shaped me into the person I am today. She has always been my guiding star, leading me on the right path.

My mother taught me the importance of hard work and determination. She always said, “Hard work is the key to success.” This teaching has helped me to strive for excellence in everything I do.

She instilled in me the values of honesty, kindness, and respect for others. These values have helped me to be a better person and to treat others with kindness and respect.

My mother has always been my biggest supporter. She believes in me and encourages me to follow my dreams. Her support gives me the strength to face any challenges that come my way.

In conclusion, my mother’s influence has been the most significant in my life. Her teachings, values, and support have shaped me into the person I am today. I am grateful for her love and guidance.

250 Words Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

My mother has been the most important person in my life. She has shaped me into the person I am today. Her love and guidance have been a constant source of strength and inspiration.

Teaching Values

My mother taught me the importance of honesty, kindness, and respect. She always said that these values are more important than any material possession. This teaching has helped me build strong relationships and earn respect from others.

Importance of Education

She always stressed the value of education. She would often say, “Knowledge is power.” Because of her, I have always worked hard in school and have developed a love for learning.

Strength and Resilience

My mother is a strong woman. She has faced many challenges in life but has never let them bring her down. Her resilience has taught me to be strong and never give up, no matter how hard things get.

Love for Others

My mother has a big heart. She always goes out of her way to help others. Her kindness has taught me to be compassionate and caring.

In conclusion, my mother’s influence has been instrumental in shaping my life. Her teachings, strength, and love have made me the person I am today. I am grateful for her and strive to make her proud every day.

500 Words Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

My mother is the most important person in my life. Her influence over my life is something I can’t express in words. She has shaped my personality, my beliefs, and my values. She is my hero, my inspiration, and my best friend. This essay is a tribute to her and the significant influence she has had on my life.

Teaching Me Values

My mother is the first teacher in my life. She taught me how to be kind, honest, and respectful to others. She always said that our actions speak louder than words. By watching her, I learned to treat everyone with kindness and respect. She always showed compassion, even to strangers. This quality of hers has influenced me greatly. I try to be kind and helpful to everyone I meet, just like her.

Guiding Me Through Life

My mother has always been my guide. She helped me navigate through the ups and downs of life. When I was upset or faced a problem, she was there to support me. She gave me advice, comforted me, and helped me find solutions. She taught me that every problem has a solution, and we should never give up. Her guidance has made me a strong and resilient person.

Instilling Confidence

Confidence is one of the most important traits that my mother instilled in me. She always believed in me and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. She said that with hard work and determination, I could achieve anything. Her faith in me boosted my self-confidence. It gave me the courage to face challenges and strive for success.

Teaching Me The Importance Of Education

My mother always emphasized the importance of education. She said that knowledge is power. She encouraged me to study hard and do well in school. She helped me with my homework, and always made sure I understood everything. Her support and encouragement have played a significant role in my academic success.

In conclusion, my mother’s influence on my life is immense. She has shaped me into the person I am today. Her teachings, guidance, and love have made me a better person. She is my role model and my biggest inspiration. I am grateful for her influence and hope to make her proud.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

Essay on My Mother My Mentor
Essay on My Most Memorable Learning Experience
Essay on My Most Memorable Birthday Celebration

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

One Comment

This has been very helpful in my project assignments. It also helped me see the role of my mom. Thanks a lot.

Essays About Motherhood: Top 6 Examples And Prompts

If you are writing essays about motherhood, see below our list of essay examples and prompts for inspiration.

Motherhood refers to the activities and experiences of a female parent in raising a child. It can be enjoyed not only through the biological process of giving birth but also through adoption or parenting the biological children of a spouse.

Mothers have a vital role in society as they are responsible for shaping and empowering individuals who can make or break the world. There is an abundance of stories on mothers’ joys, challenges, and sacrifices that are always riveting and heartwarming to any reader.

Here is our round-up of examples and writing prompts that can inspire you when writing your essay about motherhood:

1. Housewife Vs. Working Mom: Enough With the Arguing! by R.L.

2. “Mom Brain” Isn’t A Joke by Julie Bogen

3. Why Daughters Fight With Their Mothers by Eleanor Barkhorn

4. coming out to my mom: a letter to mothers of gay sons” by brandon baker, 5. why moms make better managers by all things talent team, 6. lessons from my mother by james wood, 1. sacrifices of mothers, 2. write about your mom, 3. mothers coping in the pandemic, 4. mothers as bosses, 5. mental health therapy for mothers, 6. workplace discrimination against mothers, 7. more support for single moms, 8. how to deal with toxic mothers, 9. feminism and motherhood, 10. motherhood in different cultures, top 6 essay examples.

“The point is there’s no one ultimate decision that fits all mothers… Enough with the ridicules and the sneering. If you are happy with your choice then enjoy it! You don’t need to make other people feel insufficient or even guilty for taking a different path.”

The essay urges working and stay-at-home moms to stop looking down on one another for having different life choices and perspectives on child-rearing. All mothers do all they can to nurture their families the best way they know. So instead of judging and attacking fellow moms, they should make peace with each other and have a group hug. You might also like these essays about your mom .

2. “ Mom Brain” Isn’t A Joke by Julie Bogen

“…[W]hat we think of as mom brain ‘is a product of the unequal burden that we have placed on women to do both the physical caregiving for children and also the logistical and mental work of caring for a whole household.’”

The author debunks the misconception of “mom brain” – forgetfulness of moms – caused by physiological changes from motherhood. Instead, she points the finger at chronic stress due to society’s unreasonable expectations for mothers to do all the heavy lifting at home and work. She then encourages society to step up its support for mothers through policy reforms and simple acts such as splitting chores.

“These conflicting desires — the mother’s desire to protect versus the daughter’s desire for approval — set the stage for painful misunderstandings and arguments.”

The author interviews a linguist who analyzes the reasons behind tense mother-daughter relationships and identifies the three most significant sources of friction in these bonds. The linguist also provides tips to mothers and daughters to ease tension and prevent future wars with one another. If you’re expecting, you might be interested in our guide on the best pregnancy books .

“… [T]here’s something inherently more weighty about a mother’s approval… So, if anyone’s going to love you unconditionally, it’s her. And if she’s not on board with you now, you muse in the moment, what does that say about you?”

Baker tells his story of coming out to his mother through email. The article also directly speaks to moms who have difficulty understanding the coming out of their children. At the very least, he encouraged confused mothers not to make their LGBT children feel less of a person as their opinions mean the world to their sons or daughters.

“Moms are the best managers because parenthood is one of the most basic forms of leadership. Tons of patience, empathy, planning, organising, innovation, and negotiation gets added to your personality with a child in your life.”

The article lists the top traits that make mothers the best managers. These qualities include their multitasking expertise, empathetic approach, comprehensive “Plan B” planning, excellent negotiation skills, and innovativeness, making them ideally suited to handle the pressures and demands in top positions.

“All sons adore their complicated mothers, in one way or another. But how powerful to encounter, from someone else, the beautifully uncomplicated statement ‘I adored her.'”

In the essay, the author reminisces the rich life of his mother, who recently passed away. But soon, he discovers the broader circle of his mother’s influence which makes him adore his mother more.

10 Prompts on Essays About Motherhood

Here are our most thought-provoking prompts on motherhood:

Essays About Motherhood: Sacrifices of mothers

While mothers find their true love and joy in being a mom, many gave up some luxuries and even ambitions, at least temporarily, to focus on raising their children. For instance, some women forego building their careers during their children’s critical years of development. For this prompt, list down and describe the common sacrifices of mothers. You can also write about what your mother had to give up to spend more time with you and let you live a happier life.

Describe your mom. Talk about her antics, her antics, and her ways. You may recount your most joyful memories with your mom. In addition, list the lessons you learned from her or talk about how she lived her life. Put in as much information about the memories while still keeping the focus on your mom.

The pandemic has flooded mothers with an overwhelming amount of challenges. For one, they were forced to balance professional life and homeschooling as daycare centers and schools were shut down. So, first, interview working mothers and write about their quarantine challenges and how they overcame that difficult phase. What lessons were learned? What kind of support would they like to have moving forward? Then, write their responses to these questions.

Several studies show how many mothers stand proud at the top of the corporate ladder. Interview mothers who are CEOs, founders, or have managerial positions. Learn how they gained their positions while dealing with responsibilities at home. Next, find out what women CEOs bring to the table that makes them the leaders their organizations need. Finally, ask what advice they would give to mothers aspiring to be bosses in their workplace.

With most moms being the primary caregivers to their children, they need stable mental health in performing their responsibilities. So, explain why some mothers feel sad and hopeless after birth. Then, explore the different treatment strategies to fight depression or anxiety during and after pregnancy.

Denying women a job because of their motherhood is unconstitutional. Yet, this practice remains pervasive in several workplaces. Research on the standard employment challenges of mothers and existing laws that prohibit work discrimination against mothers, if any. Recommend some ways how the government and the corporate world can fight work biases against moms and help them prosper in their jobs.

Single moms face a myriad of prejudices. Some critics use existing data and studies showing that children of single moms tend to be school dropouts or even criminals. Write about how government and the whole of society can step in to stop the judgment on mothers. First, paint a vivid picture of the struggles of single moms to provide context. Then, suggest reforms that could best aid them in raising their children.

Write about the traits that make a mother toxic. Some examples could be their lack of boundaries, self-centeredness, and being overly critical. Then, write about the negative impact these traits have on daughters’ mental and emotional well-being. To conclude, you can discuss the treatment options to mend rifts between mother-daughter relationships.

Feminism and motherhood have often been at loggerheads with one another—research what radical feminists say about motherhood. Dive deep into why they find motherhood contradicting the sacrosanct feminist principles. But on the other hand, you can also explore how feminism devalued the role of mothers in society.

Explore different cultural standards on how mothers raise children. In addition, you can describe unique styles of motherhood across countries. It would also be interesting to tackle the different cultural practices in helping women have a baby or post-care traditions. Finally, you can also explore how hospitals and healthcare professionals tailor their services to accommodate these special cultural needs.

For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

Yna Lim is a communications specialist currently focused on policy advocacy. In her eight years of writing, she has been exposed to a variety of topics, including cryptocurrency, web hosting, agriculture, marketing, intellectual property, data privacy and international trade. A former journalist in one of the top business papers in the Philippines, Yna is currently pursuing her master's degree in economics and business.

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Why My Mom is My Role Model

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How To Write A Descriptive Essay On Mother?

Table of Contents

Got a bit lost by trying to find out how to write an essay “the person I admire is my mother”?

Let’s start off with an obvious setting. Your mom is the most important person in your life but writing a good descriptive paper, where you explain what kind of person she is and why she is special, may be more than challenging.

Although you have to talk about your personal experience and feelings, you should also appeal to your audience’s senses and evoke emotions.

That is not easy.

We are about to provide you with all the necessary information, that would help you create an interesting, thought-provoking essay on mother, impress your teacher and classmates, and get a high grade.

What is a descriptive essay?

Let’s start with a simple definition.

Descriptive essay is a piece of writing where you describe something in a highly detailed manner, using sensory information and colourful words.

It can be an object, place, thing, experience, situation, or a person. It’s an artistic writing form, often poetic in nature. The purpose of this type of writing is to reveal the meaning of a subject, using sensory observation.

Actually, you have to create a detailed picture for readers with specific vivid words and evoke a strong sense of familiarity and appreciation. Your task is to describe something in a way the audience could see, hear or feel whatever you are talking about.

You can do it, utilizing illustrative language and including a lot of sensory details. It’s not enough to provide readers with several random facts; you should express your own feelings and appeal to your audience’s senses and emotions.

There are certain useful techniques you should follow if you plan to achieve these goals. But before we start discussing how to write a descriptive essay about a person, let’s talk about specific features of descriptive writing when it comes to creating an impressive paper on mother.

Specifics of essay on mother

In a strong paper on mother, you actually need to describe a person you love and it’s important to ensure that this description is sensory-based.

You should utilize the most specific concepts to help readers see your mother and understand what feelings she invokes in you.

You should show rather than tell readers what your mom is like and what kind of person she is.

Remember: when you just tell something, your words can be interpreted in a variety of ways, as words are vague. But when showing the picture via describing specific details, you create a vivid, real picture.

What are the qualities of a good mother essay? Let’s see.

The text is clear and concise;
It presents colourful images and appeals to the readers’ imagination;
The key to a perfect descriptive essay about my mother is painting a picture in your readers’ mind by engaging all five senses – sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch.

How to write a descriptive essay about a person?

Descriptive writing has a unique power and appeal. Its main goal is to create a dominant impression.

If we analyze any good descriptive essay sample about a person, we will see that it’s a sensory description, that helps create a certain mood or atmosphere in a paper. Utilizing sensory details, you will be able to recreate the picture that you have in your mind for all readers.

Here are some effective techniques you should apply to make your descriptions more impressive. You can apply them to the other essay types and get an interesting and memorable result.

Use sensory-packed language instead of vague general words.
Figurative language such as similes, metaphors, comparison, contrasts, and analogies can help you make descriptions more lively and paint a picture in your reader’s mind.
Use precise language like strong action verbs, specific nouns, and adjectives to give life to this great picture. Appropriate nouns and verbs help deliver a strong emotional impact on any audience.
Keep thoughts organized . Use any order you think is appropriate, like due to importance, spatial order (location) or chronological order (time). Each would be good for a descriptive paper.

How to start a descriptive essay about a person?

You may begin with the description of the physical appearance. Proceed with the explanation of how the person feels, thinks, and acts. Don’t forget about the interests, hobbies, and talents.

Remember that clear, logical, and well-balanced structure is the key to success of high-school writing or a college paper.

Although a descriptive paper relies on emotional appeal and allows students to be more creative than other types of high-school projects, you should brainstorm a lot of different ideas and create a basic outline to put ideas in the logical order.

The outline should include an intro with a thesis statement, the main body, and a conclusion.

In the main body, you should focus on the specific qualities of the person you describe.

Think of several ideas to support the main topic idea and use at least 3 other ideas to support topic in each paragraph.

You should do your best to make the content as appealing as possible, and leave your audience (not acquainted with your mom) with a strong feeling that they have actually met her and have built an emotional connection.

General recommendations for an essay about mom

When writing an essay about mom, you need to describe a real person so you should think about your mother’s life and background.
Before you start writing, think about the purpose of the whole paper. Decide what overall impression you want to convey. Create your general point, your unique thesis statement. Organize the entire paper around it.
You can start with an interesting relevant quote or provide a short funny story about your mother in the introduction to grab readers’ attention. You can also present a variety of reasons, explaining why you want to describe your mother .
Another great way to make a descriptive paper more engaging is to include a short dialogue .
In conclusion, you should present the main ideas of your description and emphasize their significance.
When you describe your mom’s appearance, don’t use a list-like approach. The task is not to describe everything from the top of her head down to her toes. Speak of particular aspects of your mother’s appearance, instead. That can help reveal her unique personality.
Don’t describe the full picture. Create an engaging description that will encourage your readers’ imagination .
Don’t use the same subject-verb pattern in all sentences because it will make your tone rather monotonous. Embed descriptive details and combine different sentences, instead. Utilize subjective clauses and compound sentences to express thoughts .
Don’t use too many adjectives when describing your mother’s appearance or character. Include only the most powerful words .
Avoid using clichés because they signal a lack of imagination. Be creative and use a dictionary to find vivid descriptive words.
Don’t use too many adverbs, they make any writing weak. It’s better to use specific verbs to describe actions . They make writing more powerful.
Use different transition words to connect all ideas and make the description of your mother logical .
When you finish your first draft, focus on improving your descriptions . Add some sensory details to make your paper appeal to readers’ emotions.
When you are satisfied with the content, proofread the final draft . Fix minor grammar mistakes, punctuation, spelling errors, and typos.

Now you know the basics on how to compose a descriptive essay about a person you love.

But before you start writing your own paper, there is the last advice we got for you.

Try reading a well-written descriptive essay about a person you admire example. It would provide you with a better understanding of the effective techniques you can use.

No time for writing the essay about your mom? No worries. Leave the essay to the top-notch professionals and spend more time with your family!

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Personal Narrative Essay: My Hero Is My Mother

We all have someone that we admire and aspire to be when we grow old. There are many different opinions about what a true hero is. The person I consider my hero is my mother, Doretha Hill. My mom has been there for me through thick and thin and has never left my side. She has taught me many lessons throughout my life, but the one that stuck with me the most was being protective and compassionate to the ones you love. One experience in particular that taught me this lesson happened when I was in the fourth grade.

It was the week of the fourth grade field trip. On Thursday, my classmates and I headed to Panama City to visit the amusement attraction, Wonderworks. I was so anxious that week that I remember being so excited for the fun to begin. The week of the field trip, I began to feel ill. I must have caught a bad cold from school. It wasn’t bothering me until the night before the field trip, and that’s where everything changed.

On the day of the field trip I woke up at 6:00 a.m feeling the worst I have ever felt. I was congested and could barely breathe because of my asthma. I told my mom that I didn't feel good the night before and she gave me some medicine to help. She came into my room making sure I had everything packed when she noticed I looked nauseous.

“Kayla, maybe you should stay home,”Mom said.

“I really want to go on the field trip though!,” I said with two major thoughts going through my head, “What do you want me to do?”

“Well I made an appointment for you at the doctor’s office since your asthma has started acting up.” mom said.

I really didn’t want to miss the field trip because I had been waiting for this a long time. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to go. My mother said I would regret going on this field trip since I was not feeling the best.

“Kayla, if you happen to end up in the hospital when you know you're not feeling well. I will not come down there and get you,” my mom said.

Feeling sad I shake my head replying with a, “ Yes ma'am.”

A couple of hours later I was on the southern coach bus sitting with my friend when I started sweating out of nowhere. It was uncomfortable and made me have a miserable bus ride. When we arrived the wind started to pick up and I was getting chill bumps all over my body. Once inside the building, one of the teachers Ms. Smith stopped me and asked if I felt alright. She saw me shivering and breathing a little loud. There were stairs we had to go up and she asked if I was fine doing them and I shook my head up and down. About halfway up the stairs I collapsed into the railing and the teacher called 911. The last thing I remember before I passed out completely was the medics arriving asking for my parents phone number.

The next day I remember waking inside a hospital room to my mother sitting beside my bed. I remember asking what happened to me and she said I collapsed and passed out. She told me that I had pneumonia and had to stay in the hospital for a while. She said I scared her and that she drove as fast as she could to come check up on me. At that moment I would never forget how protective and compassionate she was towards me.

Throughout my life, I have known that my mom will always be my hero. It is my mom who I will always admire and aspire to be like when I grow up. She is the most compassionate person I've ever met. She is a dedicated healthcare worker who is determined to help those in need. Ever since I was born she has been nothing but patient and loving towards me. Overall, I will never forget the feeling when she was there by my side throughout my hospital days. My mom had taught me many things but what I learned from her that day was to always be protective and compassionate to the ones you love.

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Have You Ever Felt Embarrassed by Your Parents?

In a winning essay for our 2019 Personal Narrative Contest, a teenager writes about a moment when she felt ashamed of her mother — and what she learned about herself from it. Have you ever had a similar experience?

By Nicole Daniels

This special Student Opinion question features one of the winning essays from our 2019 Personal Narrative Writing Contest. You can read all of the 2019 winning essays here , and learn more about participating in this year’s contest, open now until Nov. 17, 2020, here .

Do you ever feel embarrassed by the things that your parents say or do? By the stories they tell, the terms of endearment they call you or the way they treat you in public?

Have you ever felt a deeper sort of shame about who your parents are or how they act?

What might this embarrassment or shame tell you about yourself?

In “ Nothing Extraordinary ,” a winning essay from our 2019 Personal Narrative Contest for students, Jeniffer Kim writes about a moment when she felt ashamed of her mother — and what she learned about herself from it. Her narrative begins:

It was a Saturday. Whether it was sunny or cloudy, hot or cold, I cannot remember, but I do remember it was a Saturday because the mall was packed with people. I was with my mom. Mom is short. Skinny. It is easy to overlook her in a crowd simply because she is nothing extraordinary to see. On that day we strolled down the slippery-slick tiles with soft, inconspicuous steps, peeking at window boutiques in fleeting glances because we both knew we wouldn’t be buying much, like always. I remember I was looking up at the people we passed as we walked — at first apathetically, but then more attentively. Ladies wore five-inch heels that clicked importantly on the floor and bright, elaborate clothing. Men strode by smelling of sharp cologne, faces clear of wrinkles — wiped away with expensive creams. An uneasy feeling started to settle in my chest. I tried to push it out, but once it took root it refused to be yanked up and tossed away. It got more unbearable with every second until I could deny it no longer; I was ashamed of my mother. We were in a high-class neighborhood, I knew that. We lived in a small, overpriced apartment building that hung on to the edge of our county that Mom chose to move to because she knew the schools were good. We were in a high-class neighborhood, but as I scrutinized the passers-by and then turned accusing eyes on Mom, I realized for the first time that we didn’t belong there. I could see the heavy lines around Mom’s eyes and mouth, etched deep into her skin without luxurious lotions to ease them away. She wore cheap, ragged clothes with the seams torn, shoes with the soles worn down. Her eyes were tired from working long hours to make ends meet and her hair too gray for her age. I looked at her, and I was ashamed. My mom is nothing extraordinary, yet at that moment she stood out because she was just so plain.

Students, read the entire narrative, then tell us:

Do you connect with anything in Jeniffer’s story? Have you ever had a moment like this when you felt embarrassed, or even ashamed, of your parent? What happened? What thoughts were going through your head? How did that embarrassment or shame feel in your body?

Jeniffer’s personal narrative ends with self-reflection and a realization. Have you ever felt ashamed of something your parent or someone else did — only to realize something about yourself? What did you learn? How did this incident change your view of yourself, others or the world?

Which moment in this essay did you find most powerful or moving? Why? What message do you take away from Jeniffer’s story? How can you apply it to your own life?

Jeniffer describes her feeling of shame by writing, “I felt like I’d been dropped into a cold lake.” Does that description resonate with you? How could you use simile, metaphor, hyperbole or some other literary device to express what embarrassment feels like to you?

Which “writer’s moves” that Jeniffer used in her narrative do you admire most? Choose one and share why you thought it was effective. How did it pique your interest or help you connect to the story?

Students, if Jeniffer’s story inspired you, consider turning what you wrote into your own personal narrative and submit it to our contest , now through Nov. 17, 2020.

About Student Opinion

• Find all our Student Opinion questions in this column . • Have an idea for a Student Opinion question? Tell us about it . • Learn more about how to use our free daily writing prompts for remote learning .

Students 13 and older in the United States and the United Kingdom, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.

Nicole Daniels joined The Learning Network as a staff editor in 2019 after working in museum education, curriculum writing and bilingual education. More about Nicole Daniels

Personal Narrative Essay: Influence Of My Mom

In today’s life, each and every being lives by some type of influence experienced during their life, whether that influence be by a specific person or thing. If I were asked to name a significant influence in my life, my answer would be my mother. My mother has been the greatest influence in my life. My mother has been a figure of many, including my teacher, best friend, and role model my entire life. She taught me how to be independent, work hard, and persevere through everything that is thrown my way. Every lesson learned and quality acquired from my mother has helped shape me into the person I am today.

Growing up, my mother has always been a person who was quick to do everything herself, and an especially hard worker who never gave up regardless of any difficulties she may have been faced with. As mentioned, my mother has influenced me my entire life, but a specific time was during my high school years. Education is something that was very valuable to my mother, especially because she was unable to have one. She taught me the importance of working hard and getting an education. She always pushed me to be the best, no matter what difficulties I ran into. She was always next to me, making sure that I was the best in everything that I did. No matter what happened, she was always there to guide and aid me. Her influence helped me get through anything that was thrown my way. My mother is an amazing example of someone who is independent, hard working, and a perseverant. Seeing all that my mother was capable of doing despite any encounter, good or bad, has made a lasting impression on me, leaving me with some of the most valuable lessons in life and shaping me into who I am today.

Without the influence of my mom, I truly believe that I wouldn’t have learned some of the most important lessons that I did and would not know how to push myself to my true potential. Growing up and watching my mom be an independent and hard working person helped shape me to who I am today and I am forever grateful for her influence.

This question is not something that could always be easily answered because of the many influences we are surrounded by, whether that be just the people we are surrounded with or outside influences of the world. I myself would most likely not be able to answer it if asked a couple years ago, but as I am growing older myself, I have realized the power of my mother’s influence. My mother’s independence, hard work, and perseverance has left a lasting influence on me. Throughout my life, I have used every experience whether it be of my own or an experience I saw of my mother and every quality as an influence that has served me my entire life and made me into the person I am today.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

Essay 1: Summer Program
Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Essay 3: Why Medicine
Essay 4: Love of Writing
Essay 5: Starting a Fire
Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
Essay 9: Eritrea
Essay 10: Journaling
Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.” They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in.

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite.

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic. “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.” Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Personal Essay: My Mom Beat Breast Cancer, and It Changed My Life

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I learned all about breast cancer after my mom, Bridget Bocchino Hochstuhl, was diagnosed with the disease in 2010. I was only three years old at the time, but over the years, as I became old enough to understand, I learned that breast cancer is the most common cancer found in women in the United States, second only to skin cancer. I learned that each year in the United States, there are an estimated 240,000 diagnosed cases of breast cancer in women and around 2,100 in men. And I learned that the disease occurs when the DNA in breast cells mutates, creating cancerous cells that destroy the normal ones.

I also learned that while Breast Cancer Awareness Month is October, breast cancer awareness should exist year-round. This is because early detection is key to beating the disease, so it’s critical that women get regular mammograms, X-rays of the breast, according to the guidelines set by their doctors and the American Cancer Society (ACS). Being diagnosed with cancer is not always a death sentence; my mom is living proof of that. And she wanted to share her own story of survival in the hopes of helping others do the same.

— Emily Hochstuhl

When my mom was first diagnosed in 2010, she was an otherwise healthy and fit 38-year-old. She had just lost 30 of the 50 pounds she had gained while pregnant with my younger brother, whom she was breastfeeding at the time.

When she first felt the lump in her breast, she thought it was a clogged milk duct. After all, she used to get them when she was breastfeeding her first child, me. At the urging of her coworkers, however, she got a mammogram just to be sure. Luckily, the health insurance company where she worked had a mobile mammogram machine on site to make it easier for employees to get the diagnostic test while at work.

She was officially diagnosed with breast cancer on Aug. 5, 2010, while throwing my brother’s first birthday party. She told my dad and her own mother, my grandmother, about the cancer, but she kept it a secret from most people in her life because she needed privacy and time to process the information.

After the diagnosis, things moved quickly, and my mother had a double mastectomy the following month, on Sept. 15, 2010. The pathology results showed that the cancer had spread to 28 lymph nodes in her armpit, thereby classifying it as a stage IV breast cancer diagnosis.

In the fight to save her life, my mother began the first of what she thought would be 12 rounds of a chemotherapy regimen, which was estimated would take six months to finish. However, the 12 rounds quickly turned into 30, and six months stretched to over one and a half years, due to the anaphylactic reaction she had to the treatment. After the chemotherapy treatments, she underwent 52 rounds of radiation. By the time she had finished all the chemo and radiation, she was in a severely weakened state.

The medical procedures didn’t end there, however. From 2010 to 2023, my mother underwent 18 breast reconstruction surgeries, which included adding and adjusting expanders, then adding and adjusting implants.

Other complications arose during her treatments. For one, the excessive radiation she’d undergone caused her to experience chronic cellulitis. She also suffered from multiple side effects due to staying on a chemo pill that had acted as an estrogen blocker for 10 years. At one point, an oncologist saved my mom’s life when she suffered a pulmonary embolism. At the time, she was estimated to only have about three weeks left to live, but she beat the odds and survived.

It has been 13 years since my mom’s diagnosis. She survived breast cancer, and she’s the strongest person I know. She says she fought to survive in order to raise her kids and be here for her family. I love my mom with my entire heart; she is the kindest, sweetest, most generous person who could ever exist. She puts everyone else above herself, no matter what she is going through.

Ever since I was old enough to do so, I have supported her on her 13-year-long journey toward becoming a survivor of the disease. Breast cancer is a serious issue that often goes unnoticed, which in turn, can cost people their lives. Screening tests in the form of mammograms are the best defense; they can detect cancer early, way before a person has symptoms. According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), women should consider starting annual mammograms at age 40, or even earlier if there is a family history of the disease. At age 45, the ACS recommends that all women start getting annual mammograms. People who have cancer in their family can also get genetic testing before this age to see if they carry genes for the disease.

During her breast cancer journey, my mother taught me life lessons that I’ll carry with me always. I learned about being strong, the healing power of love and the importance of protecting my health. I learned about breast cancer prevention strategies, and the importance of getting regular screenings for early detection of the disease. Who knows, from all I’ve learned, I might save my own life one day. All of this is thanks to what I learned from my beloved mom, breast cancer survivor Bridget Bocchino Hochstuhl.

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Cindy Burrini • Dec 7, 2023 at 4:51 pm

Emily, what a brave and courageous and heartfelt thing to do, sharing your Mom’s story of her battle with breast cancer. I remember that time well. Your Mom dealt with every complication imaginable as she also dealt with work and her family, especially two babies. Your Mom is a true warrior and an absolute inspiration to anyone going through or who will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer is not a death sentence, and as your Mom says, “Storms always lose to the sun.” YOU and your Mom are rays of sunshine that will always rise above the “storm” I love you guys!

Jeanine • Dec 6, 2023 at 7:54 pm

This is incredible Emily. I’m so proud of your courage. Your mom is the strongest woman I know, and let me tell you, she fought so hard because of you! Her beautiful family! Thanks for sharing this and acknowledging your mom is a true hero. Her words–storms always lose to the sun ☀️ XOXO Jeanine

Melissa Ferraro • Dec 6, 2023 at 11:30 am

Absolutely Beautiful Emily. The love you have for your mother and her strength is inspiring. Your mother is a gift.

Andrea Seiden • Dec 5, 2023 at 6:44 pm

Beautiful story, Emily. Your mom’s strength is an inspiration to all of us. Lovely and engaging writing. Thank you for sharing, Emily!

Emily • Dec 6, 2023 at 10:05 am

Thank you!!!!!

Denise O • Dec 5, 2023 at 6:34 pm

Beautifully written tribute to your mom, Emily. Great reminder to get your mammogram.

Erich Guy Hochstuhl • Dec 5, 2023 at 6:18 pm

Great writing, Emily. I’m proud to be your Dad. I love you.

Melinda Seger • Dec 5, 2023 at 5:21 pm

This is such a touching story of such a great love and admiration between a mother and daughter…absolutely priceless.

Jill • Dec 5, 2023 at 5:21 pm

Emily, your Mom is a strong woman. Your story is a tribute to her and your love for her.

Theresa Puljic • Dec 5, 2023 at 2:21 pm

Emily wrote a wonderful piece on her hero, and I’m overwhelmed with admiration and love for this piece. Love to you all, and thank God that Bridget was able to beat this!

Anna Hankin • Dec 5, 2023 at 11:34 am

What an amazing, loving daughter! This is absolutely a beautiful story! Mom is a true warrior; her story will encourage others to never give up!! Such a beautiful tribute to a wonderful Mom! Thank you for sharing this! Xo

Danee DeCarlo • Dec 5, 2023 at 10:54 am

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. As a mom with a young baby, it was very informational and thought provoking. Great job of taking the courage to share something so personal. I wish you and your family all the best in all the years to come

Martha Conte • Dec 5, 2023 at 10:27 am

A truly beautiful article Emily. How you articulate the entire journey is so impressive. Keep up the great work!

Bridget Bocchino Hochstuhl • Dec 5, 2023 at 10:13 am

My beautiful daughter, my precious gem, such a heartfelt article, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my rock, my strength and one of the rays in my sunshine. You’re a strong woman of substance. Don’t let anybody tell you differently. I love you. Great job on the article. Love, Mom.

Tina B • Dec 2, 2023 at 7:56 am

What an incredible article. The author’s writing created the perfect blend of education and adoration. I could feel the strength her mother had, and the love and gratitude she has for that courage. Well done! Thanks for sharing this very motivational story.

Dana Wallock • Dec 7, 2023 at 12:25 pm

Your mom is a true warrior – thank you for sharing her story with your beautiful words! Loved how your reflected on your journey as her daughter.

Linda Venturini • Dec 2, 2023 at 7:41 am

Thank you for allowing all of us to see what a strong and beautiful Mom you have. Your story of all she has been through is going to help many others to get checked out sooner rather than later. Your Mom is a true warrior but after reading this, so are you. Thank you for sharing this.

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Mother — The Person I’m Admired – Is my Mom

The Person I'm Admired - is My Mom

Categories: Admired Person Family Relationships Mother

About this sample

Words: 449 |

Published: May 24, 2022

Words: 449 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Works Cited:

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Guiniven, J. (2014). Using event management to enhance corporate social responsibility : A case study of the 2012 London Olympic Games. Journal of Business Ethics, 125(4), 587-603.
Ledingham, J. A. (2016). The ethics of public relations. In Public relations theory (pp. 143-159). Routledge.
Marra, T. (2015). Psychology and public relations: Conceptual frameworks for practitioners. Journal of Public Relations Research, 27(5), 395-408.
Rubin, R. B., & Martin, M. M. (2016). Empathy and communication competence in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(6), 812-832.
Seitel, F. P. (2016). The practice of public relations. Pearson.
Watson, T. (2013). The evolution of public relations measurement and evaluation. Public Relations Journal, 7(3), 1-20.
Wheeler, M. (2014). The strategic use of emotion in crisis communication: The case of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Public Relations Review, 40(5), 826-834.

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This Mother's Day, share a heartfelt message with these 30 quotes about mothers

Celebrating mothers and motherhood has been a tradition for centuries, even before Mother's Day was officially created. It dates back to the ancient Greeks and Romans who held festivals for Rhea and Cybele, the mother goddesses, the History Channel reports. Today, the holiday continues to honor mothers and mother figures.

While you might think that you show your mother love for everything she does throughout the year, the second Sunday in May serves as another chance to do so. And how you display your gratitude could vary depending on your love language .

If you're a fan of words of affirmation, here are some quotes to share – or write on a card – this Mother's Day.

Making a bouquet? Here are what flowers are safe v. toxic for cats.

Mother's Day, motherhood quotes

"I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know." – Mitch Albom , "For One More Day"
"Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love." – Stevie Wonder
"A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend." – Amit Kalantri , "Wealth of Words"
"Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved." – Erich Fromm
"Mother is a verb. It's something you do. Not just who you are." – Cheryl Lacey Donovan , "The Ministry of Motherhood"
"Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me." – Lady Gaga
"A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking." – Helen Rice
"A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower." – Debasish Mridha
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway." – Erma Bombeck
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." – President Abraham Lincoln
"I wondered if my smile was as big as hers. Maybe as big. But not as beautiful." – Benjamin Alire Sáenz , "Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe"
"Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws." – Barbara Kingsolver , "Homeland and Other Stories"
"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." – Gaspard Mermillod
"I can imagine no heroism greater than motherhood." – Lance Conrad , "The Price of Creation"
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow." – Maya Angelou
"A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's." – Princess Diana
"My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed that I base my life on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve starts in your mind." – Michael Jordan
"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." – Jill Churchill
"Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation." – Robert A. Heinlein , "Have Space Suit—Will Travel"
"Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving." – Gail Tsukiyama , "Dreaming Water"
"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. You are connected to your child and to all those who touch your lives. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." – Sophia Loren
"Once you’re a mom, you’re always a mom. It’s like riding a bike, you never forget." – Taraji P. Henson
"The world, we'd discovered, doesn't love you like your family loves you." – Louis Zamperini
"The woman who is my best friend, my teacher, my everything: Mom." – Sandra Vischer , "Unliving the Dream"
"Mothers possess a power beyond that of a king on his throne." – Mabel Hale
"The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation." – James E. Faust
"But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins." – Mitch Albom , "For One More Day"
"My mother sacrificed her dreams so I could dream." – Rupi Kaur
"Mother's arms are made of tenderness, and sweet sleep blesses the child who lies within." – Victor Hugo
"No language can express the power and beauty and heroism of a mother’s love." – Edwin Hubbel Chapin

Looking for inspiration? 50 positive quotes for peak motivation

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USA TODAY is exploring the questions you and others ask every day. From " Who was the oldest Golden Girl? " to " What is the smallest country? " to " What's May's birthstone? " − we're striving to find answers to the most common questions you ask every day. Head to our Just Curious section to see what else we can answer.

My book is not my baby — but the two do have a lot in common

For me, publishing a book isn't the same as giving birth. it's more like sending my child to preschool, by noa silver.

I remember in my first year of motherhood the way I felt my world grow smaller and more intimate , the pace of my life grow slower and more focused. When my husband would come home from coaching and consulting meetings, networking events, and the workshops he facilitated, he would find me ensconced in the tiny world of our home, wrapped up in the milky sweetness of the baby. The private, domestic realm became my primary realm during those early months of motherhood, when I would walk around and around our small apartment with my baby wrapped to my chest, murmuring “shh, shh,” over and over again, like a mantra, or a prayer. Her heart beating against my heart, recreating womb-like conditions on the outside.

In the same sun-drenched week in August, that baby, my elder daughter, started preschool and I signed a publishing contract for my debut novel, "California Dreaming ." Two years after that, my younger daughter has started at that same preschool, and "California Dreaming" is mere days from being released.

Like those early months of motherhood, writing is an intensely private, solitary act. For me, to write necessitates going inward, it requires shutting out the outside world and external stimuli for the sake of being able to listen fully. My writing process takes inspiration from Anne Lamott’s practice of the one-inch picture frame. All through my daughters’ early years, I would carve out pockets of time — while they napped, or after bedtime, or when they were at the playground — to write. My pace of writing my novel was complementary to the pace of motherhood, the pace of attending to a baby and then a toddler. Each day I wrote just 250 words, filling my one-inch frame.

I am not the first to notice the connection between writing and parenting , but while many have compared publishing a book to giving birth, for me there is an even more apt comparison. Both child and book lived in and then with me for many years after their births. For me, publishing a book feels most parallel to sending my child to preschool for the first time, for it is in both these acts that that which once lived solely inside the private, domestic realm, and within only a few primary relationships, now enters the public sphere.

The distinction between the public and private realms, the separation between domestic and political spheres, has long been deeply intertwined with the preservation of a capitalistic society. Mothering so often happens outside of the public sphere, outside of the public gaze, and much has been written about the hidden, unpaid labor of caretaking. In our society, there is a hiddenness inherent in the domestic realm and a hiddenness to the lives and experiences of women.

Like those early months of motherhood, writing is an intensely private, solitary act.

Perhaps the novel form itself could be considered a kind of public square, a forum in which human relationships, motivations, self-discovery, and journeying gets played out again and again through different lenses, and under different gazes. Historically, even in the context of the novel, significant female life experiences — childbirth and abortion, breastfeeding and postpartum depression — have not been explored nearly as deeply as those life experiences of typical male self-development.

In my writing, I am drawn to exploring the inner lives of women, especially during moments of significant life transitions. In "California Dreaming," the main character is Elena, who, over the course of the novel, grows from a young, idealistic early 20-something, into a 30-year-old woman who reckons with the decisions she has made, the values she holds and the stories she has inherited. It is a bildungsroman, a story form that traces the general and spiritual coming-of-age process, and it is told in the first-person point of view, granting Elena herself the narrative voice to describe her journey. There is an intimacy in using the first-person, a way of drawing near to the narrator that allows for greater play and insight into the narrator’s own development, her way of viewing the world, her inner life.

In an interview with Terry Gross in 1985, the writer Grace Paley reflected, “When you write, you illuminate what’s hidden, and that’s a political act.” For many years, my primary world has been the private, domestic, intimate world of mothering little children and writing and rewriting and editing a novel. A hidden world. And now, gradually, there are bridges between the private and public realms, and that which has been hidden is becoming illuminated, revealed.

In the months after giving birth, I felt the deep truth of the fact that I was not fully separate from my children. And yet, as they have grown, we have each gone through periods of differentiation, of reasserting the boundaries of self. My children no longer exist primarily in a carrier or in my arms; they are no longer solely dyadic extensions of me. They go to school, they have thoughts and experiences and dreams and feelings and wishes that I am not witness to, and that they navigate with peers and teachers and the many other people who populate their life. They have relationships that are their own.

So, too, with my novel. For many years I worked in private tandem with the novel, with my own creative process. In the months since I signed my book deal, however, I have begun to experience the way my creative process—a process of unfolding, refining, listening, and responding—is being transmuted into an object, into something that will go out into the world, into the public sphere, and there take on a life of its own. We are differentiating, my book and I, and soon it will be in relationship with others, with readers who will encounter it as themselves, and form judgments, connections, and opinions about it that are distinct from my own.

Motherhood’s value has often been located in the fact that the children we are mothering will eventually become citizens of the larger society. Similarly, a book on its publishing journey—as I have newfound understanding and appreciation for—ultimately becomes a commodity. The publishing industry measures a book’s success in sales, and even my chance at publishing another book in the future may rest on the sales numbers of my first. In these months of preparing for my book’s launch, of asking bookstores and libraries to stock my book, and friends and family to pre-order, I have been struck by my own doubts of its inherent worth. To ask people to buy it , to spend money on it, has necessarily sent me diving into questions of its value : Will this book change your life? Must it be read? Will you like it? I don’t know.

For many years, my primary world has been the private, domestic, intimate world of mothering little children and writing and rewriting and editing a novel. A hidden world.

Here’s what I do know: it had to be written. It called to me again and again during the writing process itself, that private, intimate birthing and caring for of this idea, these characters, this story, this particular viewpoint on the whole messy endeavor that we call life, and I couldn’t not write it.

In many ways, this is the same way I feel toward mothering my children. I don’t know who they will become, or what they will or will not contribute to society. I mother them in this moment, now, because they are here, in front of me, whole and perfect and messy and complete human beings just as they are. I attend to them because I must, because I am called to with my whole self.

It can seem at times that worth and value exist exclusively in the public sphere, in the shared collective, in the process of being witnessed and incorporated into the greater whole. But when this greater whole is one whose meaning rests in capital, then worth and value become markers for how much something contributes to capital: the book that sells well, or the child who grows up to be a “productive” member of society—a worker, a voter, a consumer.

It is not that I am against a shared, collective space, not that I wish for more individualized and individualistic paths toward meaning — far from it. However, in the context of a public sphere that primarily operates in terms of product, output and money, the private realm can sometimes seem a place of refuge, a place where creative process and attentive mothering can actually coexist in harmony, for the sake of attention itself, for the sake of love—and not future production or consumption.

Yet, I wonder whether that coexistence can only occur out of the public gaze, in a hidden domain, or if it would be possible for it to thrive in the public sphere. What kind of relationships could we have, the witnessers and the witnessed, in which we could write and mother from a place of intimate curiosity, where we could do so in a way that feels held by others, by community, where it is neither solely a solitary, lonely endeavor, nor one whose worth is measured in a balance sheet?

Perhaps it is only in a novel where we can fully explore that possibility.

personal stories from writers

What if I can't "savor every single moment" of their childhood?
The "groupie," the ghostwriter and me
My disapproving doctor father hated my work — but we had more in common than I thought

Noa Silver was born in Jerusalem and raised between Scotland and Maine. Her debut novel " California Dreaming " is due out in May.

My 3-Year-Old Began Saying These 3 Devastating Words To Strangers. I Wasn't Prepared For What Happened Next.

Guest Writer

"Ada and I on the train at the Santa Barbara Zoo a few months after Benjamin's stillbirth," the author writes. "Parenting my daughter helped me get out of bed in the morning as I mourned my son."

My husband and almost 3-year-old daughter came through the door to my hospital room with shining eyes.

“We just met a woman in the elevator who is here to visit her new grandchild, and Ada told her about Benjamin. She wants to come talk to you,” he told me.

My heart sank.

I was two days out from the stillbirth of our son. Less than 48 hours earlier, I’d been hustled into the operating room, sliding past my doctor talking with the NICU team before he scrubbed in to stop me from losing any more blood after a placental abruption.

Grief-stricken and lost, the last thing I wanted to deal with was another stranger. The revolving door of nurses was exhausting enough, despite their gentle hands and kind smiles.

They’d put me at the end of a hall to recover, far away from the cries of living babies and celebrating families. There was a sign on the door warning those about to enter that there was grief in this room instead of new life.

Since being wheeled in, I’d waited for my husband to fly in from across the country after waking him in the middle of the night to say, “Come home.”

We’d named our son, held his tiny body and let someone take him from our arms. I’d refused photos with him — one of my biggest regrets — not wanting to document the most excruciating moment of my life. I stood for the first time after surgery, almost fainting from the pain, and I held my daughter and cried with relief that I was still alive. I vacillated between numbness and wailing, exhausted to my core. I wasn’t ready to go home, but I wanted to be left alone.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door and an elegant woman in her early 60s stepped inside. Her hair was salon-curled, her brows penciled in and her lipstick impeccable. She smiled as my husband stood to greet her. Stopping at the end of my bed, she took a deep breath.

"This is Benjamin's baby hat and footprints from the hospital," the author writes. "After I refused photos with him, one of my nurses called the nonprofit, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and a photographer volunteer came to take pictures of him. The nurse also put together a memorial box with his hat, footprints, and the baby blanket he was wrapped in. I am forever grateful for their kindness."

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to tell you my story,” she said. “My son died too, 35 years ago. I wasn’t allowed to see him. I wasn’t allowed to mourn him. I’ve only ever told a few people about him, but I wanted to share him with you.”

She told us about mistakes made by doctors, and the disorienting grief of waking up expecting to hold a newborn and instead being given the news that her son was dead and already gone. She shared how surreal it was to never lay eyes on him, to not be allowed to speak of him, to be told to hurry up, get pregnant again, and move on. We cried together over our lost boys.

When she left, she patted my hand.

“Thank you for letting me talk about him,” she told me.

“Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone,” I said.

This happened often over the next few months. Having lunch at the local taco joint or standing in line at the grocery store, I would be wearing my brave face, pretending to be fine, and my cherubic child would lean forward and announce, “Our baby died.”

She hadn’t yet learned not to talk about grief in public or that stillbirth is a form of loss so painful, most folks would prefer to ignore it. She was too young to know when a stranger asks you how you are, you’re supposed to say, “I’m fine,” and move on. She wanted the world to understand she wasn’t going to be a big sister after all.

Sometimes the conversation would stutter and die, but often, it would crack wide open, and as strangers, we’d find ourselves in the quicksand of grief, holding each other up with watery eyes. I heard stories about miscarriages and dying mothers, about sudden accidents and prolonged illnesses. I heard pain and struggle, but mostly, I heard love.

The author, Steve and Ada on New Year's Day 2011, approximately six months after Ben's stillbirth. "We were glad to say goodbye to 2010," she writes.

I learned people wanted permission to talk about their losses, even for a moment in the checkout line. They wanted to be able to say, “I hurt too.” I learned that my grief was better served by saying, “I’m having a hard day,” than pretending I was fine. I had to learn to exist within my grief to survive. I needed to understand its shape and weight, its texture and timbre. And in being with myself in my hardest moments, I learned how to be with others in theirs.

It surprised me how those conversations helped to sustain and nourish me. Being out in the world still wasn’t easy, but if I could show up with honesty and tenderness, I was almost always met with those in return.

I didn’t have a black armband to let others know I was grieving, but I did have a 3-year-old whose willingness to tell the world, “Our baby died,” paved an unexpected way forward and helped me recognize I wasn’t alone.

My daughter is 16 now. She doesn’t lead with her little brother dying anymore, but grief continues to be a subject of conversation in our home. The other day she mentioned a friend who seems to be pushing people away as she gets closer to finishing high school. When this friend was little, her mom died in an accident that tore a hole in our community.

We talked about the lingering effects of grief and how it can make being vulnerable harder, how it can drive us to steel ourselves in unhelpful ways against future loss.

The author, Ada and Steve before Ada's first high school prom in 2023.

I want my daughter to be grief-informed. I want her to see loss as a possible reason for behavior she doesn’t understand — in herself or someone else — so she has compassion and can seek or offer support. My hope is she will continue to open doors to connection as a young adult the way she did so naturally as a child.

Recently I found myself standing in a sweltering parking lot, tears spilling over as I listened to a friend’s bewilderment, anger and disbelief over her brother’s sudden death. She had the look of the newly bereaved, wearing shock like a suffocating second skin — the look I’m sure that woman saw in me 14 years ago in my hospital room. For a few moments, my friend met me with honesty, whispering, “I’m not fine,” and in the quicksand of grief, I held her up so she could breathe.

Alana Sheeren is a writer, coach, TEDx speaker, and author of the mindfulness journal, 30 Days of Noticing . She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts in theater, and a Masters of Arts in clinical and community psychology, and has a passion for healthy grieving, raising empowered kids and posting sunset pictures on Facebook. She lives by the ocean in Southern California with her husband, daughter and snaggle-toothed rescue dog.

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Descriptive Essay About My Mother
Begin your essay with an engaging hook or an anecdote that draws the reader in. It can be a personal memory or a captivating description of your mother. Step 5: Descriptive Details. In the body of your essay, use sensory details to paint a vivid picture. Describe her appearance, mannerisms, and the emotions she evokes.
Essays About Your Mom: Top 5 Examples And 5 Prompts
4. Leader of my life: my mother by Chelsea Gonzales. "She utilizes her wisdom by teaching me the ways of life. She rejoices as I apply her teachings in my life and she understands me. The abundance of knowledge my mother has supplied me with continuously fills my life with rare and beautiful treasures.".
The Profound Influence of My Mom on My Personal Growth
In conclusion, the influence of my mom on my life is profound and far-reaching. From instilling a strong work ethic and core values to providing unwavering support and nurturing resilience, her impact has been a driving force in my personal growth and development. While attempting to capture the entirety of her influence is a daunting task, the ...
My Mom is a Single Parent: Personal Experience
My mom is a single parent, and her journey has taught me valuable lessons about strength, determination, and the unbreakable bond that exists between a parent and a child. This essay explores the unique challenges and triumphs of being raised by a single parent, the impact it has on family dynamics, and the powerful role my mom plays in shaping ...
Essay on My Mother for School Students & Children
500+ Words Essay on My Mother. My mother is an ordinary woman she is my superhero. In every step of my, she supported and encouraged me. Whether day or night she was always there for me no matter what the condition is. Furthermore, her every work, persistence, devotion, dedication, conduct is an inspiration for me.
Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life
250 Words Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life Introduction. My mother has been the most important person in my life. She has shaped me into the person I am today. Her love and guidance have been a constant source of strength and inspiration. Teaching Values. My mother taught me the importance of honesty, kindness, and respect.
Essays About Motherhood: Top 6 Examples And Prompts
Top 6 Essay Examples. 1. Housewife Vs. Working Mom: Enough With the Arguing! by R.L. "The point is there's no one ultimate decision that fits all mothers…. Enough with the ridicules and the sneering. If you are happy with your choice then enjoy it!
My Mom is My Hero Essay
Conclusion. In conclusion, my mother is my hero not only for her selfless love and support but also for her resilience, courage, and unwavering dedication to our family. Through her guidance and example, she has instilled in me the values of compassion, perseverance, and empathy that continue to shape my character and actions.
Why My Mom is My Role Model [Free Essay Sample], 511 words
In conclusion, the phrase "my mom is my role model" encapsulates the profound impact my mother has had on shaping my. values, character, and outlook on life. Her strength, compassion, empathy, and unwavering commitment to leading. by example have made her an exceptional role model. Through her actions and guidance, she has instilled in me a.
My Mother: The Most Influential Person in My Life
5. Photo by J W on Unsplash. My mother is the most influential person in my life for three reasons: she inspires me, she has taught me many important life lessons, and she has always encouraged me ...
Essay about My Mother as One of the Most Important and Influential
The problems she experienced during her childhood, the difficulties she faced merely to receive an education, the obstacles she had while pursuing her degree, and even her present struggles. My mom didn't come from money, or power, or anything really. My mom grew up in the Dominican Republic, in a family with very little money.
How To Write A Descriptive Essay About My Mother
When writing an essay about mom, you need to describe a real person so you should think about your mother's life and background. Before you start writing, think about the purpose of the whole paper. Decide what overall impression you want to convey. Create your general point, your unique thesis statement.
Personal Narrative Essay: My Hero Is My Mother
3. 📌Published: 21 January 2022. We all have someone that we admire and aspire to be when we grow old. There are many different opinions about what a true hero is. The person I consider my hero is my mother, Doretha Hill. My mom has been there for me through thick and thin and has never left my side. She has taught me many lessons throughout ...
Essay Sample: My Mother Is
Essay on My Mother, Not on My Adjective Lessons. When it comes to the body part, the top one mistake you would find in examples of descriptive essay is literally describing the person they write about. " Describe your mother " does not mean precisely reporting her eyes, hair color, and height. This mistake is typical both for the structure and word choice.
Have You Ever Felt Embarrassed by Your Parents?
In a winning essay for our 2019 Personal Narrative Contest, a teenager writes about a moment when she felt ashamed of her mother — and what she learned about herself from it. ... I was with my ...
My Mom: Personal Essay: My Mother
Mom. AlGhalia AlShehab. 0013448. Engl112-11. Parents are one of the most beautiful things that could happen to anyone. They are always there by your side no matter what; they always want the best for their children. They can be strict and protective, its because they love their kids and they don't want them to get hurt.
Personal Narrative Essay: Influence Of My Mom
My mother has been the greatest influence in my life. My mother has been a figure of many, including my teacher, best friend, and role model my entire life. She taught me how to be independent, work hard, and persevere through everything that is thrown my way. Every lesson learned and quality acquired from my mother has helped shape me into the ...
10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked
Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.
Personal Essay: My Mom Beat Breast Cancer, and It Changed My Life
At one point, an oncologist saved my mom's life when she suffered a pulmonary embolism. At the time, she was estimated to only have about three weeks left to live, but she beat the odds and survived. It has been 13 years since my mom's diagnosis. She survived breast cancer, and she's the strongest person I know.
Personal Essay: How My Mom Changed My Life
Personal Essay: How My Mom Changed My Life. This may sound a little clique but my other has been through hell and back to get me to where I am today. My mother has been the backbone that gets me through everything I go through in life. She is the most inspiring person to me because she is my number one support system, she takes care of me, and ...
Lessons from Mother: Overcoming Adversity, Achieving Success Free Essay
An adult who inspired me is my mother, she believes in me, cares about me, and always helps me. Don't use plagiarized sources. Get your custom essay on. " Lessons from Mother: Overcoming Adversity, Achieving Success ". My mother believes in me, in everything I do, and is always positive about it. Every decision, task, and every level that I ...
The Person I'm Admired
I have met a lot of people throughout my life, yet people leave, and life still goes on. The person I admire and look up to the most is my mother. She is my number one role model. She has taught how to achieve my goals, and has positively influenced me in my life, she's someone I can always look up to for advice in a hard situation.
Personal Essay : Losing My Mother
Losing my mother was a defining moment in my life for it changed my life irrevocably. I was devastated, but I had to become strong, proactive and it spurred me to choose a new career path. Losing my mother was very traumatising. She was the only parent I knew since the age of three and the one person I knew I could depend on one hundred percent ...
My Mom's Advice Changed My Life
Mom was raised to believe a woman's role was to be the glue for her family. "Keep your figure to keep your husband," she'd tell me. "And always stay in control of your children.". She was already upset that I had a job while raising my children, rather than following her lead as a stay-at-home mother. It seemed I was always doing ...
I'm A Disabled Mom. This Is What It's Like To Parent.
The author, husband Tharrow, and their two sons are shown at the children's school during a K-8 disability workshop in 2014. This Mother's Day, I'll be hugging my sons a little tighter. Our family's path has been unexpected and unordinary, from me being at the top of my career to becoming a disabled mother.
30 Mother's Day quotes and greetings to celebrate a mom in your life
Mother's Day, motherhood quotes. "I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know." - Mitch Albom , "For One More Day". "Mama was my greatest ...
My book is not my baby
Here's what I do know: it had to be written. It called to me again and again during the writing process itself, that private, intimate birthing and caring for of this idea, these characters ...
My 3-Year-Old Helped Me Process My Stillbirth Grief
Courtesy of Alana Sheeren. My husband and almost 3-year-old daughter came through the door to my hospital room with shining eyes. "We just met a woman in the elevator who is here to visit her new grandchild, and Ada told her about Benjamin. She wants to come talk to you," he told me. My heart sank.

Descriptive Essay About My Mother - A Guide to Writing

Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know

How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps

Step 1: Choose a Focus

Step 2: Brainstorm Descriptive Words

Step 3: Create an Outline

Step 4: Start with a Hook

Step 5: Descriptive Details

Step 6: Emotions and Memories

Step 7: Use Metaphors and Similes

Step 8: Show, Don't Tell

Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Why This Descriptive Essay Works

Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

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Essay on My Mother for Schools Students and Children

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Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

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Teaching Values

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Love for Others

500 Words Essay on My Mother Influenced My Life

Teaching Me Values

Guiding Me Through Life

Instilling Confidence

Teaching Me The Importance Of Education

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Essays About Motherhood: Top 6 Examples And Prompts

1. Housewife Vs. Working Mom: Enough With the Arguing! by R.L.

3. Why Daughters Fight With Their Mothers by Eleanor Barkhorn

2. “ Mom Brain” Isn’t A Joke by Julie Bogen

10 Prompts on Essays About Motherhood

Why My Mom is My Role Model

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