argumentative essay about single mothers

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Being a single mom is the hardest, most empowering thing I’ve ever done

It isn’t easy—but it does teach you how strong you are.

By Sydney Hutt Updated April 27, 2022

When I told my own mother that my husband and I were splitting up , the first thing she asked me was, “Are you sure?” She’d raised my three siblings and I almost single-handedly and insisted that it was “the hardest thing she’s ever done.”

However, I didn’t take her worries too seriously. At the time, I was so jazzed on the idea of independence, too busy scream-singing The Pussycat Dolls’ “I Don’t Need a Man” in the shower that I regarded my mom’s advice about being a single mom as a bridge for Future Sydney to cross.

Related: To the mama just starting the co-parenting journey: The handoffs were the hardest part for me

Well, that future came soon enough. Once I was on my own, I realized that even if I’d already felt like I was doing 90 percent of the parenting and cleaning and general household running many of us moms take upon ourselves, that 10 percent made a huge difference.

1. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be

My husband and I had a routine where he would do the kids’ bath and put them to bed so I could get a break after he got home from work. After he moved out, suddenly that was completely on me, no matter how burned-out I felt .

And not only was I doing all the work during the day, but then once they were asleep there was no one there to help me clean up the hurricane-house, or fold the endless baskets of laundry or to remember to turn the dishwasher on before bed. There was no one to get up with the kids in the middle of the night either, to help soothe their tears, or put them on the toilet , or give out Tylenol for sudden fevers or scrub puke out of the carpet. No one to pick up the prescriptions or forgotten groceries, to catch the things I’d dropped or missed. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t overwhelmed at first.

2. It’s empowering

Last week, after I killed the second spider I’d found in my house in a matter of days, I sent my mom a triumphant text bragging about my courage. After all, I’d always been able to shriek and have a man rush to crush whatever creepy-crawly had sent me fleeing onto the furniture. In response, my mom texted me back: “Living alone is empowering because it’s not easy.”

And that’s the truth: Being forced to rely entirely on myself for the first time since I was 20 has caused me take on a level of responsibility that’s ultimately made me much, much happier (though also more wrinkly).

3. It’s lonely

One thing I really didn’t expect was the intense isolation that comes with being a single mom. When you’re married, you’re often so used to your partner’s constant presence that you can crave having the house to yourself—an evening alone seems like bliss from a distance.

But quickly I discovered that aaaall that quiet was a huge adjustment. After I put the kids down each night, I was forced to face the long, empty hours before bed that seemed impossible to fill without a companion. The silence was unnerving, and I fantasized about moving into my mom’s house where I could be sure of conversation. But I resisted, and recently, amazingly, I’ve noticed that for the first time ever I’m actually learning how to be alone—and loving it too! But, the odd time I do want to go out…

Related: Motherhood can be lonely, but I want my child to understand the importance of community

4. It’s really tough to get a night away

When I was still married, after my husband got home I’d often take off to the grocery store solo. I’d take my time and stroll down the aisles, pushing my cart like I was a celebrity and they’d closed the store just for me. Sometimes I’d stop by a friends’ house for wine and child-free conversation or go for a drive just to enjoy not reaching backwards groping blindly for a toy as nursery rhymes blare through the speakers. Now that I live alone, I’ve lost that free child-minding a marriage partner offers, and I spend more evenings on the couch yelling at MasterChef Canada than I’d like to admit.

5. The time off isn’t really “off”

Most Friday nights, my ex will swing by and pick up our kids so they can spend the weekend with him. He brings them back on Sundays, meaning I have about one full day without them. Initially, I had ALL the feelings about this arrangement. (What would I do with so much free time?!)

But it turns out, that day off is usually just me catching up on the things I didn’t get a chance to do during the week−a list that is now much longer than it used to be.

Related: What do moms do on their days off? Work

6. You compromise more

There is one fewer parent to go around now and my kids definitely feel it. They act out more than they used to and it seems they’re very aware of the fact that they outnumber me. I’m also unable now to give them each as much of that all-important individual time they enjoyed before my husband and I split. The guilt about this can weigh pretty heavy at times, but I’m learning to recognize that while I’m not giving my girls everything, I really am doing the best I can—and that has to be good enough.

Related: 10 ways to get past conflict with your co-parent

7. You compromise less

Marriage is all about compromise, whether it’s agreeing on paint colors, or household chores or how to spend your money. Since I’ve moved out on my own, I’ve discovered that there is absolute liberation in not having to consider anyone else’s opinion.

My bedroom is the girliest it’s been since I was a teenager, I have books stacked in every corner of my house and if I don’t want to wash the dishes at the end of the night I really don’t have to. My home is entirely mine and it’s a freedom I plan on savoring, along with sleeping smack-dab in the center of the bed and hogging every last pillow.

8. You begin extreme vetting of potential partners

With all this independence and empowerment, I’ve become very unwilling to give up or even share my new life with anyone. I’m being cautious. I’m wary of needing someone too much, of leaning on them instead of myself—it would probably be an easy habit to slide back into. And even now that I am seeing someone, I’ve set serious limits, most of which equal moving about as fast as frozen molasses in terms of how much time and space I’ll devote to our relationship.

I’m not looking for someone to take back that 10 percent and make my life easier—after all, it’s the tough stuff that reminds me what I’m made of.

A version of this story was published July 16, 2017. It has been updated

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Are Children Raised With Absent Fathers Worse Off?

Subscribe to the center for economic security and opportunity newsletter, isabel v. sawhill isabel v. sawhill senior fellow emeritus - economic studies , center for economic security and opportunity @isawhill.

July 15, 2014

Children raised by single mothers are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school achievement, their social and emotional development, their health and their success in the labor market. They are at greater risk of parental abuse and neglect (especially from live-in boyfriends who are not their biological fathers), more likely to become teen parents and less likely to graduate from high school or college. [i]   Not all children raised in single parent families suffer these adverse outcomes; it is simply that the risks are greater for them.

Why are the children of divorced or unwed parents at greater risk of experiencing poor outcomes? There are a number of possibilities.

One possibility is that children in two parent families do better because of the increased resources available to them. Single parents only have one income coming into the house. On top of that, single parents often have to spend a greater proportion of their income on child care because they do not have a co-parent to stay home with the child while they work. Even beyond having more income, two parents also have more time to spend with the child. A recent  study  by Richard Reeves and Kimberly Howard finds that parenting skills vary across demographic groups and that forty-four percent of single mothers fall into the weakest category and only 3 percent in the strongest category.

The weak parenting skills found among single parents in the study may be related not only to the lack of a second parent, but to a lack of income and education as well. Education, in particular, stands out as the most critical factor in explaining poor parenting. But it is not clear that we should look at these variables in isolation from one another. In real life, compared to married parents, single parents tend to be poorer (because there is not a second earner in the family) and less well-educated (in part because early childbearing interrupts or discourages education), and this is what matters for their children. 

Another possibility is that children born to unmarried mothers face more instability in family structure and that this instability results in worse outcomes for the child. In recent years, the focus of social science research has been less on the absence of a father and more on how family instability affects children. In fact, stable single-parent families in which a child does not experience the constant comings and goings of new boyfriends (or girlfriends) or the addition of new half siblings have begun to look like a better environment than “musical” parenthood. [ii]

Lastly, any discussion of the impacts of single parenthood must take into account selection effects. Single parents may be more likely to have other traits (unrelated to their marital status) that cause their children to have worse outcomes than children raised in two-parent homes. It may not be the divorce or unwed birth that causes the problem but instead the underlying personal attributes, mental health or competencies that produce both a broken family and worse outcomes for the child.

Children who end up in a single parent family as the result of the death of one parent do not have the same poor outcomes as children raised by single parents due to a divorce or out of wedlock birth. This may be because death, unlike divorce or out-of-wedlock childbearing, is more likely to be a random event, not connected to the attributes or temperaments of the parents. The lesser disadvantages for children ending up in a single parent family as the result of the death of one parent may reflect this fact and point to the importance of taking unobserved attributes, temperaments or behaviors into account when talking about the consequences of single parenthood for children.

[i]  McLanahan and Sandefur,  Growing up with a Single Parent ; Jane Waldfogel, Terry-Ann Craigie, and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn. “Fragile families and child wellbeing.” The Future of children  (2010), p. 87.

[ii]  Waldfogel, Craigie, and Brooks-Gunn, “Fragile families and child wellbeing.”

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95 Motherhood Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best motherhood topic ideas & essay examples, 📌 simple & easy motherhood essay titles, 🔎 most interesting motherhood topics to write about, ❓ research questions about motherhood.

• Racism and Motherhood Themes in Grimke’s “Rachel” In addition, her mother kept the cause of the deaths of Rachel’s father and brother secret. In essence, the play Rachel is educative and addresses some of the challenges people face in society.
• Shifting the Centre: Race, Class, and Feminist Theorizing About Motherhood The author is very categorical in that it is necessary to put the role of the woman of color in the same position as that of the white one since this ensures that cultural identity […] We will write a custom essay specifically for you by our professional experts 808 writers online Learn More
• Motherhood is the completion of a woman’s life Since a woman can become a mother even at teenage, there is need for a change in the stereotypical ideas held by people that motherhood is the completion of a woman’s life.
• Motherhood and Maternity: Gwen Harwood’s Poetry The language used in many of her poems lacks a clear rhyme and at times is borderline prose, and yet still it manages to pluck at the strings located in a reader’s heart, painting vivid […]
• Ethical Argument for Surrogate Motherhood If couples do not consider themselves in a position that allows them to bear children themselves, a surrogate arrangement can be the only way of creating a full family.
• Society’s View on Single Motherhood The society’s view on single motherhood might be subjective without the understanding of social dynamics and evaluation of the institution’s capacity to address single parenthood.
• The Motherhood Penalty vs. the Fatherhood Bonus In the article “The Motherhood Penalty vs.the Fatherhood Bonus,” Claire Cain Miller discusses differences in compensation between mothers and fathers. One sentence that stood out to me from the article is that “Mothers were offered […]
• Theme of Motherhood in Poem “Daystar” The text of this work demonstrates a short episode from the life of a mother, clearly showing the massive number of worries that women have to deal with every day.
• Racial Inequality in the National Health Service Maternity Care The purpose of this paper is to analyze the available research on the issues of racism within the National Health Service of the United Kingdom.
• UAE Maternity Law Drive Women Out From Work The insufficient maternity leaves and the discrimination against women employees are responsible for keeping qualified women out of work.
• Motherhood and Death Themes in World Literature This is the place she unwinds and gives her the courage of raising the children and facing the task of raising a family.
• The UK Maternity Care in Black Women Experiences The aspect of maternity care in the context of racial and ethnic disparities has now become one of the most challenging social issues in the UK.
• Maternity Care for Asylum Seekers and Refugees In the process of the study, Judith Nabb focuses on a set of particular issues representing interest to her personally and being relevant in the course of general medical care studies, such as the level […]
• The Motherhood Myth in the W. E. Film The movie wants the audience to realize that motherhood is not culturally compulsory, and there are no reasons for a woman to desire becoming a mother only because of her community imposing the ideas of […]
• The Concept of Motherhood Penalties The issue of the motherhood penalty is important in modern society because apart from being bizarre and retrogressive, it compounds the problem of the gender pay gap and other inequalities that women have been experiencing […]
• Marketing Plan About Maternity and Children Hospital in Saudi Arabia Depending on the magnitude of the distortion, the impact will vary, and this may injure the image of the firm in the corporate world.
• Lesbian Motherhood: Identity Issues In the studies of Moore and Hequembourg, the problems of lesbian and black lesbian mothers are explored, while it is pointed out that women of color and those belonging to lower classes appear to be […]
• Abigail Adams’ Views on Republican Motherhood At a time when the word “tyranny” was in regular use by the revolutionaries to describe the British king, she was applying that odious term to the habitual tendencies of men to abuse their power […]
• Motherhood in “The Bean Trees” by Barbara Kingsolver There are special difficulties that stand in the way of a woman who wants to have independent, fulfilling life, which is the child care, that in some cases remain only woman shoulders, obtaining the desired […]
• Motherhood From Biological and Moral Perspectives In Containing Women: Reproductive Discourse in the 1980s by Valerie Hartouni’s the idea of importance of metaphorical link between the heart of the would-be mother and her child is the leading one: “Situated in opposition […]
• “The Joys of Motherhood” by Buchi Emecheta The ‘Theme of this book could be suitably applied in the modern days, where there is a serious drift/immigration to The West and European countries in the quest for a greener pasture.
• Marianismo and Maternity in the Film “Baby Shower” The author initially explains the concepts of marianismo and mariana identity by stating that they originated in the legacy of the Catholic Church, in which women are seen as “subservient and docile”; the reason for […]
• The Concept of “Motherhood Penalty” in Workplaces The technological revolution of the 21st century and the financial meltdown that occurred in 2008 have created an environment that increased the size of the lumpen bourgeoisie, which precipitated the tragedy of the commons associated […]
• Motherhood Penalty as a Sociological Concept This paper describes the importance of the concept of “motherhood penalty” for sociological theory, relates this issue to the feminist theory, and analyses the results of a laboratory experiment dedicated to motherhood penalty consequences for […]
• Mary’s Divine Motherhood and Perpetual Virginity Therefore, one can probably notice that Christ is considered to be a God on the basis of Mary’s virginity; while, on the other hand, Christ is recognised to be a man according to Mary’s role […]
• The UAE Maternity Law and Women’s Employment Behaviour The working women in the UAE have the right to avail a hundred days extended leave on the completion of their maternity leave if they are not physically fit.
• “Motherhood” in American Families The social construct of motherhood as being in the confines of a heterosexual marriage context has over the time been challenged with increasing cases of single parenthood, more so single mothers.
• Prenatal and Post Natal Motherhood The statistical procedures mentioned in the study included data collection techniques, sampling methods, the null and alternative hypotheses, probability distributions, the level and type of test done, and the rejection criteria on the significance of […]
• Assessing the Impact of Single Motherhood on Public Health Due to the impending health problem facing single mothers, this study seeks to assess the impact of single motherhood on the UK public health system.
• The Theme of Motherhood in John Irving’s Works John Irving, the author of the novels the Cider House Rule and A Widow for One Year focuses on the theme of motherhood through the description of the main characters.
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• Regulating Lesbian Motherhood: Gender, Sexuality and Medically Assisted Reproduction
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• Should the Surrogate Motherhood Arrangement Be Legalized
• The Impact of School Starting Age on Teenage Marriage and Motherhood
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Being Raised by a Single Mother: Personal Experience

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Published: Aug 14, 2023

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The journey to self-discovery: coping with father's absence, outcomes of being raised by a single mother, final thoughts.

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Argumentative Essay On Are Mothers Better Parents Than Fathers

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Topic: Youth , Parents , Women , Behavior , Children , Father , Teenagers , Family

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Published: 02/01/2020

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It is undeniable that mothers and fathers have different parenting styles within the family structure. Ideally, a family will have both a mother and a father present to raise a child, but this is not always possible in all sets of circumstances. Mothers and fathers often play different roles in a child’s life, and it is very difficult for one parent to raise a family on his or her own. Children require a great deal of attention, and it is therefore best for two parents to raise a child together. In the case where a single mother must raise a child, she will face unique challenges that a single father trying to raise a child will not face. Women in general will be paid less than men in most countries, and will therefore have to work longer hours to get the same salary as a man would. Children are expensive, particularly young children, and money problems can be very significant for single mothers (Venezaino, 2004). Single mothers may also face problems when it comes to finding a suitable partner, as it is more common for men to be unwilling to marry women with children than vice versa (Venezaino, 2004). When a single father is given the task of raising a child, he faces different challenges. Many men, for instance, are not used to the responsibilities that come with raising children, whereas women are more accustomed to all the tasks and problems that come along with childrearing and the responsibilities associated with childrearing (Venezaino, 2004). Single fathers do not often face the same level of economic challenge as single mothers, but their social challenges may be greater, and they may need to hire help to care for their child or children, if they have more than one. In addition, single-parent households often have to juggle custody arrangements, which, in the United States, heavily favor the mother (Venezaino, 2004). These custody arrangements can make it difficult for one of the parents to see the child frequently, causing issues with bonding between the child and the non-custodial parent. If the father is absent more frequently than the mother, then the child may experience certain effects; however, if the mother is absent more frequently than the father, the children will face different challenges. Deciding whether the mother or the father is the better parent can only be determined after looking at the differences in parenting styles between mothers and fathers. Regardless of whether mothers or fathers are better parents in general does not dictate whether or not a specific mother or father is a good parent, of course. However, when looking at the ideal candidate for a single-parent custodial arrangement, there are many different factors to look at. According to Martin et al.(2007), there are many ways to look at the differences between female and male parenting styles: Anadvantage to studying parents in combination is that it may be possible to identify interactions between the effects of mothers’ and fathers’ parenting that are not visible in studies of main effects. For example, based on the literature linking maternal and paternal supportiveness to early child cognition, it might be expected that the effects of a supportive mother and a supportive father are additive. However, there may be a synergistic dynamic between two supportive parents that produces a multiplicative effect (Martin et al., 2007). Mothers are certainly more nurturing than fathers for the most part, according to Martin et al (2007). For the most part, mothers have a bond that is formed with their children from the time they give birth to them; for fathers, this bond is acquired, not experienced as a biological imperative. Motherhood and pregnancy floods a woman’s body with hormones, causing her to feel elation and bond with her child (Martin et al., 2007). For babies, mothers are biologically better caretakers than fathers, because they can provide the child with milk and sustain them with important nutrients throughout the pregnancy. Research suggests that babies that are breastfed are often better adjusted and healthier throughout their lives; for this reason, mothers are imperative to the proper growth of the child throughout its infancy. As the child gets older, a caring and compassionate father can easily do the job of a mother, but during infancy, nothing can replace the mother biologically as far as the care and feeding of the infant is concerned. According to many sources, mothers have more patience with young children than fathers do. Mothers and fathers often have different parenting styles, with fathers acting as disciplinarians more often than not. This is an important role, to be sure, but during young childhood, a mother who cares and nurtures her child cannot be overstated. Another problem with fathers acting as the primary custodial figure in parental rights disputes is listed by Updegraff (2007): But how accurate are fathers' perceptions of their children's problem behaviors? Are fathers' perceptions and behaviors with their children also affected by personal adjustment problems? Very little research has been conducted with the fathers of conduct-problem children Their research indicated that fathers' ratings were not correlated with teachers' ratings of the children's externalizing behaviors, whereas mothers' ratings were significantly correlated with teachers' ratings (Updegraff, 2007). Mothers and fathers interpret their children’s behavior differently; mothers seem to be more in tune with their children’s behavior for the most part, particularly when the behavior is deviant and when they are young children. Mothers are better than fathers because mothers are also groomed from a young age to know how to look after children. Not all women know how to look after children, of course, but society does put more emphasis on learning how to take care of children for women than for men. For instance, when was the last time a sitcom made fun of a mother for not knowing how to change a diaper or make a bottle? It is always women who are expected to know how to care for children. Mothers are often more patient than men when it comes to children as well. This may be because they are biologically inclined to be more patient, but it may also be because they are taught to deal with children from a younger age than men. Men who grow up with young siblings can often have very good patience with young children. However, even though some of the characteristics that mothers have can be learned or acquired by men who are interested in being single fathers, there are some biological functions that women can perform that men simply cannot. For an infant, for instance, a man cannot ever learn to breastfeed; it is up to the mother to provide this vital service to her new infant or young child. Society is also more willing to help women who are raising children on their own, because sometimes circumstances happen where the father is no longer in the picture. During this time, single fathers are much less likely than single mothers to receive help from society as a whole. Overall, it is difficult to say whether mothers or fathers are better as parents, because it is a very individualized judgement call. However, when it comes to choosing a mother or a father for the custodial parent, the mother should be chosen when she is a fit parent who has no major social or emotional problems in her life. Mothers are not always superior to fathers, but for the most part, a mother will be more successful raising a child on her own than a father will be.

Martin, A. et al. (2007). The Joint Influence of Mother and Father Parenting on Child Cognitive Outcomes at Age 5. National Center for Children and Families . Schaffer, C. et al. (2005). Predictors of Child Abuse Potential Among Military Parents: Comparing Mothers and Fathers. Journal of Family Violence, 20 (2). Unknown. (1986). Mothers' and Fathers' Perceptions of Child Deviance: Roles of Parent and Child Behaviors and Parent Adjustment. Journal of ConsuIting and Clinical Psychology, 56 (6). Updegraff, K. (2001). Parents' Involvement in Adolescents' Peer Relationships: A Comparison of Mothers' and Fathers' Roles. Journal of Marriage and Family, 10 (1). Veneziano, R. (2004). Parental Roles. Encyclopedia of Sex and Gender – Men and Women in the World’s Cultures: SpringerReference .

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I'm an only child who married the oldest of 7 kids. I'm grateful I didn't have to compete for my mom's attention growing up.

• Growing up I felt like I was missing out by being the only child of a single mother. 
• I married my husband, who is the oldest of seven siblings. 
• I love them, but I'm also glad that growing up I didn't have to compete for my mom's attention. 

"The Brady Bunch" became ingrained into pop culture when I started seventh grade and was anointed immediately as my fantasy family. As an only child of a single mother , who grew up in a Bronx neighborhood rife with large families, I was already obsessed with being part of a brood.

I envied the girls with older sisters who knew about the latest fashions before I did, the ones with younger siblings who seemed more mature than me because of their caregiving responsibilities, and the girls with older brothers who were wiser about guys.

I started dating a guy with 6 siblings

By the time I graduated college, I had accepted my place in the world as an "only" but still felt I'd missed out by not having brothers and sisters. So, a year into my professional life when I met my husband Neil who had many qualities I wanted in a partner and was also the oldest of seven children, I believed I'd hit the jackpot.

On our first date, I fixated on Neil's status as "Greg."

"We were never 'The Brady Bunch,'" he deadpanned. "The only show that  almost  came close to us was   'Eight Is Enough.' We all started to watch the first episode then my father said, 'This is about a family with lots of kids? It's been on for 30 minutes and nobody's broken anything or had one argument. Turn this off.' And that ended that."

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Neil's reality was not my fantasy, but I was falling in love , and the potential of having siblings loomed large, even without Brady-like hijinks.

I learned so much through my extended family

My four brothers-in-law and two sisters-in-law put the "party" in wedding party of which they all were members. My teen female sibs wanted me to introduce them to the downtown Manhattan scene, much to their mother's chagrin.

Life had become a celebration — literally, because it was always someone's birthday or graduation or something.

As a world-class grudge-holder , I marveled at how two of them could go at it, then put their beef aside long enough to share a meal at the dinner table. And I was entertained by how at that table they would all talk at once and call it conversation. I also found it fascinating that seven people could grow up in the same house under the same rules and guidance, yet be so different.

I now appreciate being an only child

But as much as over the years I have come to love them, watching them interact, from when they were teens well into adulthood, has made me glad — finally — that I grew up as an only child.

Even though being doted upon by my mother, uncles, aunts, and older cousins and having my every move discussed, dissected, and disputed often felt oppressive — especially in high school, it was preferable to the alternative.

As much as Neil and his siblings generally get along, I've now spent decades witnessing the lingering competition for parental recognition, accusations of who isn't doing whose share of whatever, relentless teasing, and never-ending gratuitous opinion-giving. It's shown me that as a sensitive, introverted girl , all the day-to-day bickering and bossing would have been too much for me to take. Their noisiness alone would have sent me into sensory overload.

I'm grateful to have become one of many after my formative years when I was lavished with attention and never had to share my mother, even though it denied me what my siblings by marriage have in spades: resilience, grit, and the ability to stand their ground.

They may have started out as my fantasy family but for the last 40 years (and counting) Neil's brothers and sisters have become my well-needed dose of reality.

Lorraine Duffy Merkl is the author of three novels, the most recent is "The Last Single Woman In New York City."

Watch: How the last artificial flower factory in New York City survived a century

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