essay on advantages of living together

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Living Together Before Marriage

Here's what to consider before moving in together

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Verywell / Theresa Chiechi

• Reasons Couples Live Together
• Factors to Consider
• Potential Effects
• Pros and Cons

Living together before marriage was once considered taboo; however, it has become more common and accepted over time. If you’ve been seeing your partner and things are going well, moving in together may cross your mind.

Moving in with your partner is a significant step because it marks a major progression in the relationship, says Sabrina Romanoff , PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City.

At a Glance

Living together before marriage is common for many couples, but there are important pros and cons to consider. Cohabitating can help you get to know one another more and figure out if you are truly compatible, but moving in together for the wrong reasons can lead to bigger problems down the road. Keep reading to learn more about some factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage and some potential advantages and disadvantages of this arrangement.

Reasons for Living Together Before Marriage

There are a variety of reasons why people opt to live together before they decide to make a long-term commitment. Research has found that the primary reasons couples choose to live together are to spend more time together, to share expenses, and to evaluate their compatibility.

For many couples, it's a great way to see if they are truly compatible before deciding if marriage is the right choice for them. Co-habitating offers many insights into a person's habits, personality, and behavior. Sharing a space allows couples to truly get to know one another in a way that they might not if they lived separately.

But cohabitation isn't just about playing house or deepening the relationship—it's an economic necessity for many people. High living expenses mean that many adults must have one or more roommates to split expenses. For many, it makes sense to take that step with the person they are dating.

Research has found that around half of cohabitating couples end up separating. Economic factors appear to play a deciding role in whether couples who live together end up walking down the aisle. Simply put, wealthier couples are more like to wed.  

Living together before marriage may help you save money as a couple, offering greater financial stability and increasing your shared resources. While it might not be particularly romantic, research suggests that this factor alone may increase the likelihood of marriage.

However, moving in together because of economic pressure might mean that neither of you is as committed to the relationship as you might be if you take this step based on desire.

Factors to Consider Before Living Together

Below, Romanoff lists some of the factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage.

Your Reasons for Wanting to Live Together

The first factor to consider is your motivation for moving in with your partner. Partners who move in out of financial convenience or to test their relationship may be less satisfied with their decision in the long run and in turn, may not end up getting married.

This is in contrast to couples who decide to move in together out of their genuine desire to spend more time together and deliberately fuse their lives. You should want to learn more about your partner and progress your relationship.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Remember the importance of choosing your partner because you want to be with them, and don’t let your decisions be made out of fear or convenience.

Your Age and Stage of Life

Age and stage of life are other important considerations. It can be helpful to give each other space to live alone or with friends before taking this step, so that each partner is able to experience a range of independent and peer living situations before committing to living with each other.

Once people have experienced these varied living arrangements, they tend to appreciate their partners and don’t feel as if they are missing out on experiences their peers are having.

Your Conversations With Your Partner

It’s important to make the deliberate decision to move in together instead of casually easing into cohabitation. Sliding into cohabitation can be risky because it bypasses important decisions and conversations that will cause more problems down the road.

For instance, you may slowly start to spend more time at one of your homes and think it makes sense to move in together out of convenience or financial incentive. You may then consider marriage because you’ve lived together for so long, already invested so much time into your partner, and think you might not be able to find someone else at this point in your life.

Instead, it is important to consciously decide to move in together and have conversations with your partner about financial arrangements, who will be responsible for maintaining what, and how space will be allocated to incorporate both people’s values and beliefs.

Implications of Living Together Before Marriage

Moving in with your partner can have significant implications for your relationship. Romanoff outlines some of these below.

Increased Commitment

Before you move in, there are more opportunities for refuge. If you have a fight, are annoyed, or are frustrated with each other, you can always return to your own space .

Moving in means committing to the good and bad in each other and in your relationship. You each are committing to show up and stay together on the good as well as the bad days.

Increased Investment

Moving in together means that you are investing in the relationship in a more substantial way. The next progressive step after moving in is usually a more formal commitment like marriage or alternatively, if things do not work out, a breakup.

Breakups after moving in together are significantly more complicated because you must separate your lives, which tend to become blended in elaborate ways.

Increased Trust

Living together also means that you’re pledging to show each other the parts of yourself that may have remained hidden up until this part of your relationship. You risk vulnerability and exposing all of your little rituals or quirky habits.

You have to trust your partner and make this commitment with the confidence that your relationship will not only survive but will become stronger after knowing these parts of each other.

Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage

Romanoff shares some of the advantages and disadvantages that people commonly experience when they decide to live together before marriage.

You get to know each other better

It can deepen your relationship

It can be a sign of commitment

Feel more confident in your decision to get married

May decrease commitment to marriage

Can lead to staying together even if you're not compatible

You might feel you wasted your time if you break up

It may be harder to move on after a break up

Advantages of Living Together Before Marriage

The advantage of living together before marriage is the opportunity to learn how you would navigate a life together without the internal and external pressure that comes with marriage.

For many, marriage signifies a commitment that cannot be easily undone. The weight of that commitment, especially from family members or friends, can skew problems or conflicts that may arise in a relationship.

Living together may also help boost health and well-being. Research has long shown that marriage provides many health benefits, and evidence also suggests that living together can confer many of these same benefits.

The benefit of living together pre-marriage is that you can learn more about each other, strengthen your joint ability to problem-solve , and reinforce your relationship and ability to navigate stressors , which can instill more confidence in your decision to get married .

Disadvantages of Living Together Before Marriage

The downside of living together before marriage relates to the tendency for some couples to make less of a commitment to each other or feel less content with their arrangement.

Individuals who decide to cohabitate may have different expectations than their partners about the move. It can lead to challenges if one partner has more unconventional ideas about marriage and might grow complacent in this arrangement, whereas the other partner might expect marriage to follow this step.

It is important to consider the meaning of the move to each partner, especially if this move is motivated as a way to postpone making a commitment for one partner. And that meaning should be communicated to and by each partner as well.

Additionally, standards for cohabitating with a partner are usually lower than standards people have for marriage, which could cause some people to regret the time and energy spent on cohabitating if it does not ultimately lead to marriage.

Keep in Mind

If you and your partner have been going steady and you’re starting to think about living together before marriage, you should be sure of your motivations before you move in. You should genuinely want to spend more time with your partner and learn more about them while being open to exposing yourself to them.

It’s also important to discuss finances , responsibilities, expectations for the future, and other important aspects of your relationship with your partner before you move in so you’re both on the same page before you make this commitment.

Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends Project. Views on marriage and cohabitation in the U.S .

Huang PM, Smock PJ, Manning WD, Bergstrom-Lynch CA. He says, she says: Gender and cohabitation .  J Fam Issues . 2011;32(7):876-905. doi:10.1177/0192513X10397601

Ishizuka P. The economic foundations of cohabiting couples’ union transitions . Demography . 2018;55(2):535-557. doi:10.1007/s13524-018-0651-1

Perelli-Harris B, Hoherz S, Addo F, et al. Do marriage and cohabitation provide benefits to health in mid-life? The role of childhood selection mechanisms and partnership characteristics across countries .  Popul Res Policy Rev . 2018;37(5):703-728. doi:10.1007/s11113-018-9467-3

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Marriage Vs. Living Together: Pros and Cons Essay

There was a very long period of time in the history of human relationships when marriage was the preferred method of indicating a permanent coupling between a man and a woman. Since marriage had a huge historical significance in society, pairs who chose to live together or co-habit were shunned by society at large. However, the way soceity views the two partnerships has, like everything else in the world, evolved and co-habitation has since gained a degree of acceptance in the modern world.

The question posed before a couple who wish to share their lives in an intimately physical and emotional relationship has become, “Do we marry or live together?” With that thought in mind, I present to you a series of comparisons and contrasts regarding a marriage of co-habitation relationship. I have to point out that although both relationships have the potential to become lifetime partnerships, each have their own drawbacks and benefits.

There is some sort of maturity expected of a married couple. It connotes a higher level of expectations between a man and a woman because marriage seems to be some sort of business contract wherein each party is expected to conduct themselves in a certain way. Call me shallow but when a relationship which is supposed to be based upon love, trust, and a deep understanding of each other is formalized by a piece of paper called a marriage contract, it becomes a business arrangement and puts undue pressure on both parties. Whereas in a live-in relationship, the informal set up removes the pressure of undue and unrealistice expectations between the two parties involved. Such a set up allows them to instead enjoy each other’s company without having to think about any formal duties that each is expected to perform.

Marriage is only a state of mind in my opinion. It is something the denotes what happens in the relationship of two people who are living together legally, that means in the eyes of the law or God, if you are the religious type. Comparing it to a live-in couple’s relationship does not show any difference. Why? It all boils down to duties and responsibilities. In both scenarios, the couple act as a united party. Each with duties outlined in order to make the relationship work.

However, in a married scenario, there is no out clause for if and when the union does not work out. One either gets stuck in what slowly becomes a loveless, angry marriage or ends up spending an insane amount of money trying to get the marriage annulled or divorced. On the other hand, in a co-habiting relationship, if the partnership ceases to work, a mere discussion of the situation and an agreement to end the relationship will suffice. No pain, no hassle, but, just like marriage, still with the heartache that comes with the end of any relationship.

Actually, there is very little difference between marriage and the live-in relationships. Both require a serious commitment from both parties to make the union work. But in a married set-up, each spouse, by default, has all the rights as provided and protected by law. In the case of a co-habitation set-up, the parties will have to be involved in complicated legal document processing in order to insure that their rights as partners are covered by law in the same way that married couples do.

If we look back on the history of man, dating back to the dawn of mankind, one can deduce that co-habitation has a longer standing history in relationships when comapared to marriage. Marriage is simply a ceremony that was imagined and enacted by man in order to signify the decision of a man and a woman to live together in a forever sense of the word. Read the bible, The Book of Genesis to be specific and one will see that there was no formal marriage ceremony performed in order to unite Adam and Eve. Nowhere in the bible did it say that an intricate ceremony was performed when God gave Eve to Adam. All he said was go forth and multiply. So it is quite possible that Adam and Eve were the first couple to co-habit in the history or mankind. They were each other’s helpers and partners in life. This is a description that most often clearly defines a co-habiting relationship.

In today’s modern world, a co-habitation relationship is celebrated the same way as a marriage. While marriage requires a hugely expensive religious or legal ceremony that takes place over a series of days, a co-habitation relationship merely requires the choosing of a residence and the throwing of a party or the performance of an indicative ceremony that acknowledges the desire of both parties to live together. Isn’t that all that a marriage ceremony boils down to? The significant intention to share a life together?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a live-in relationship. Neither am I endorsing marriage as the only way for a couple to share their lives together. The choice is actually one that the couple have to make for themselves. While not all co-habitation relationships end up in marriage, not all marriages end up as a forever partnership either. Therefore, in comparing and contrasting the two union types, I have come to discover that for all the perceived differences between the two, the relationships are actually cut from the same material, but in different styles.

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Band 8+: Some people prefer to live in an extended family where a number of different generations live together. Others prefer to live in a small, nuclear family. List some of the advantages and disadvantages of living in a large, extended family.

The structure of family life has seen significant transformations over recent decades, leading to an ongoing debate about the merits and drawbacks of living in an extended family. This type of family includes multiple generations—such as grandparents, parents, and children—residing under one roof. This essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of this living arrangement.

There are several advantages to living with an extended family. One of the biggest benefits is the trustworthy support system it offers. When parents, grandparents, and children live together, there is always someone available to lend support. This is especially helpful for parents who find it difficult to balance their childcare and employment duties. For instance, grandparents can assist with school runs, babysitting, and giving children more love and care. Moreover, living with an extended family has major benefits in terms of companionship and emotional support. It may alleviate feelings of loneliness and create a sense of protection. Elderly family members, in particular, gain from the company and attention that their children and grandchildren bring. This emotional support system can enhance the mental health and general well-being of all family members, fostering a caring and loving atmosphere.

However, there are disadvantages associated with living in an extended family. One primary disadvantage is the potential for domestic conflicts, which can create a stressful and uncomfortable living environment for all members involved. Different generations often have divergent opinions about lifestyles, which can lead to frequent disagreements and tension. Financially, supporting a larger household can strain resources, particularly if there are members who are not contributing financially. For instance, if there are only elderly and children in the family, the sole breadwinner may face significant economic pressure due to higher living expenses.

In conclusion, living in an extended family has both advantages and disadvantages. While it offers a strong support system and emotional support, it can also lead to conflicts and economic pressures. Ultimately, the suitability of this arrangement depends on the individual family’s dynamics and their ability to navigate these challenges effectively.

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Living Together: A Good Idea?

Another case where honesty is your best friend..

Posted May 9, 2012

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There has been a good deal of interest lately about the pro and cons of cohabitation—the living together as a couple before marriage . Studies from both Rutgers and University of Virginia have looked at this issue and had some conclusions:

Cohabitation is here to stay. The studies focused on just on US but a range a countries. It’s big overall, less big in Catholic, east European countries.

Cohab is the trial marriage. Surveys of high school seniors say that a majority see living together as a good way to test the relationship. Fine print: Women see this as a prelude to marriage, guys as a road test.

Divorce rate is higher among those who cohab. This is the interesting part. Statistically the rate is higher.

Why? Some theories:

• In surveys both men and women say that their standards for cohab mates are lower than those they would marry. Hmmmm…

• 40 percent wind up having a child which pushes even shaky couples together more…at least for a while.

• Slipping and sliding. The biggest factor is that once doing house, it’s hard to get out—you move in because it makes sense and you save on rent. Then you go in together on a bedroom set, then the puppy. And each time you call up your mother she is saying “When are you guys getting married?” And why not, you both think. It’s good enough, we’ve invested a lot into this relationship, I don’t want to start all over again, it isn’t that bad.

But hence the divorce rates. You accommodate, you go with the flow, you worry about the puppy, and breaking up would be like a mini divorce. Things, important things, get swept under the rug and down the road it all catches up to you.

So is living together a good idea or not?

It can be but only if you work around the dangers. This means doing your best not to have children (not only does it lock you in, but the divorce later can take a toll on them), think twice about the bedroom set, and double that for the puppy.

The most important thing, however, and often the hardest to do is to be honest. With yourself and then with your partner. The yourself part is being clear about how you feel, about why you are moving in together, about you need or expect from the relationship. The partner part is about taking the risk of speaking up and talking about even small problems when they are arise, rather than biting your tongue and being “nice.” Nice doesn't work over the long haul. Instead go for honest.

If you can openly and honestly deal with small things as you live together, you lay down a foundation of open communication and a solid problem-solving process that will enable you to successfully weather any changes that may come even after you get married.

So if this is the road test, go ahead and open the throttle and see how well the relationship handles.

Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., has 50 years of clinical experience. He is the author of 13 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally.

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9 Big Benefits Of Living Together Before Marriage

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When two people fall in love and are in a committed relationship, the topic of marriage may very well come up.

After all, what better way to prove your mutual adoration and devotion than to exchange vows promising to love, honor, and cherish each other forever?

Well, those vows are a lot easier to keep if you’ve sorted out beforehand whether you can cohabitate harmoniously.

I mean, what could be worse than marrying someone, moving in together, and then discovering that they get drunk and abusive when stressed out?

Or that they’re reckless with money, leaving mutual bills unpaid, and leaving the financial burden on your shoulders?

There are many benefits of living together before marriage – even if just for a little while. Below are the top nine reasons to consider doing so.

1. You get to determine whether you’re actually compatible.

It’s one thing to spend Friday nights together and attend events as a couple.

It’s another thing entirely to share a living space.

People tend to be on their best behavior when they’re dating, as they’re trying to make the best impression possible.

It’s easy to smile, and be charming, and wear certain personality masks for a few hours a week.

A person’s true colors, however, come out over time. This is especially true if there are stressful situations to contend with.

If you live with someone before making the commitment to marry them, you may discover some really unpalatable truths about their character, or their lifestyle choices.

Are they content to live off you without contributing financially? Are they unhygienic?

You may find out that they snore too loudly for you to be able to handle. Or your morning rituals may be too perky and annoying for them to deal with.

We all have habits that we’ve cultivated over the years; rituals that soothe and comfort us. But that doesn’t mean that two people’s habits are compatible.

If your Saturday morning habit is to leap out of bed to go out for a run, and your partner likes to rest in a pillow pile until noon, that can be negotiated so you’re both fulfilled.

In contrast, if your morning ritual involves blasting rap at 6am so you can do your crossfit routines, and all they want to do is rest, that’s going to cause a whole lot of conflict.

2. It may uncover potential deal breakers.

As mentioned above, people are on their best behavior when getting to know new people.

And even if you date for years, you may not fully know someone if you only ever see them a few times a week.

So, another advantage of living together before marriage even crosses your minds is that you may discover aspects of how they live that are just too awful to handle.

Let’s say your partner claims to like animals, but once you live together, you discover that they’re cruel to your pet.

Or you find out that their tendency to get inebriated at parties also manifests as drinking themselves to sleep night after night.

You may even find that they have anger issues that manifest as explosive, abusive rants or – heavens forbid it – physical violence.

There are countless different deal breakers that may only reveal themselves once you’ve been living together for a while.

It’s better to learn about these as early on as possible, so you don’t find yourself in an excruciating situation (such as dependent, with children) that will be far more difficult to leave.

3. You’ll discover whether your intimacy is a hearth fire or wildfire.

One of the most amazing things about a new relationship is the fire of intimacy that burns between two people.

Once you’re comfortable enough with one another that you can have real sexual openness, you’ll likely revel in each other’s bodies for hours at a time. Days even.

But is this passion sustainable?

An intimate connection can be as incendiary as a wildfire, consuming everything around it… but then fizzles out quickly.

In contrast, another flame may be slow, steady, and sustained. Basically, an ember that can glow in a hearth pretty much forever.

Yes, intimacy inevitably ebbs and flows over the course of a relationship. There will undoubtedly be times when you’re more platonic, and other times when you’re devouring one another.

But if you lose sexual interest in each other within a couple of months of cohabitation, you’ll need to ask yourselves whether you really want to stay in self-soothing platonic land for the next 50 years.

4. It will show naysayers that you are a united couple.

Not all relationships are supported by family and friends. In fact, you may have come across powerful resistance from your loved ones if you’re dating someone who is another race, religion, or gender than they approve of.

They may have even gone so far as to try to break you up so you could be with someone they would prefer.

Moving in together shows them that you have each other’s backs, and are a united front against whatever they’re slinging.

To say that you’re in a relationship is one thing: people can remain in denial about it all they want. But once you’re sharing a living space, that’s a big wake-up call for them about how serious you are.

5. Cohabitation allows positive and negative personality traits to shine forth.

Living together might make you fall in love with your partner even more, as you discover that they’re even more awesome than you first realized.

You may find that they do really sweet, thoughtful things at home, or their actions really bring out the best in you, in turn.

In contrast, many people who have to extricate themselves from marriages to narcissists kick themselves for not having seen their spouse’s horrible personality traits before they exchanged vows.

The truth is that it can take a year or more for a narcissist to show the darker aspects of their personality. They only allow their charming facade to slip under pressure, or if someone else comes along who captures their interest.

If you rush into marriage with a person who seems too good to be true, there’s a good chance they actually are.

So, another reason to give yourselves a good year or two of solid cohabitation is to determine how authentic the other person is being.

Only once the honeymoon period has passed will you really understand whether you’ll be able to have a happy life together.

6. You’ll be able to establish good shared habits.

It can take a long time for a couple to get into a good working groove together, and it’s better to get that sorted well before you heave each other over the nuptial threshold.

Living together before marriage allows you to encourage one another’s best traits, and work together to create routines and habits that benefit you both.

People who live alone often get lazy about the foods they eat, opting for quick convenience rather than health. When you live together, you’ll be able to pool finances for higher-quality groceries, and explore different recipes together.

You’ll likely also encourage one another to get into healthier exercise and sleep routines, and also coordinate time with other friends, hobbies, etc.

That way, once you’re married, you’ve already gotten the bumps smoothed and have paved the way for a far more comfortable partnership.

7. It’s a trial run for long-term life together.

Actions speak a lot louder than words ever do, and the way a person behaves after you’ve been living together for about six months will give you a solid idea of what they’ll be like in several years.

You might have spent weekends together, or gone camping for a week, but that’s very different from regular, day-to-day life.

Living together allows you to see what this person is like long-term.

Do they step up and do their share of the cooking and cleaning, or do they abdicate those responsibilities and let you take care of it?

Are they diligent about picking up after themselves? What about paying bills on time?

When you live together before making a lifetime commitment to do so, you have an idea of whether you can, in fact, cohabitate harmoniously.

If you can negotiate problems early on and find solutions together, great!

In contrast, if every issue is met with hostility, then that’s a big red flag to consider.

8. Moving out is cheaper and easier than divorce.

Sure, everyone loves the energy and delight that bubbles up at a wedding. Of all the celebrations we can take part in over the course of our lives, weddings hold the most joy. After all, they’re celebrations of love, devotion, and potential.

They’re also usually quite expensive. And if you think marriage is costly, divorce can be even worse.

Depending on how long you’ve been married, you won’t only have to deal with legal fees to process your divorce: you may also contend with property division, shared childcare costs, spousal support, and a myriad other expenses.

If you cohabitate with your partner before getting tied up with all the legalities associated with marriage, and you two determine that you’re just incompatible long term, one of you can just move out.

9. You may decide that you prefer to live alone.

If you’ve never lived with a partner before, cohabitation before marriage may show you that you know what…? You really prefer to live by yourself!

That doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship has to end. There are many different ways to negotiate different living situations that can keep everyone happy.

I knew one couple who bought adjacent townhouses and lived next door to one another, very happily, for decades. Last I heard, they were still together, content with their own spaces, and completely committed to one another.

And hey, if you’re happier living alone, that’s absolutely okay. It’s better to be honest about it early on than break up a family dynamic several years down the road.

There are undoubtedly some people who will have a list of cons about living together before marriage. They would even say that some of the benefits listed above are actually cons because they might lead to the breakup of the relationship.

But if a relationship is going to fail upon cohabitation, it would end after marriage and the subsequent shared living arrangements anyway. Or worse, one or both partners might feel trapped in an unhappy marriage , unable to leave for a variety of reasons.

It seems naive and irresponsible for couples to expect that marriage will make cohabitation a stress-free, magical experience. It really won’t.

It takes time for all the facets of people’s personalities to reveal themselves, and only by living together for a solid period of time before exchanging vows will you be able to determine whether you can handle living together forever.

Still not sure whether it’s a good idea to live together before marriage? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat .

You may also like:

• Your Moving In Together Checklist – 8 Things to Consider Beforehand
• Why Do People Get Married? 15 Good And Bad Reasons For Marriage!
• What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Get Married, But You Do
• What Does Loyalty Mean In A Relationship?

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About The Author

Catherine Winter is an herbalist, INTJ empath, narcissistic abuse survivor, and PTSD warrior currently based in Quebec's Laurentian mountains. In an informal role as confidant and guide, Catherine has helped countless people work through difficult times in their lives and relationships, including divorce, ageing and death journeys, grief, abuse, and trauma recovery, as they navigate their individual paths towards healing and personal peace.