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5 Evidence-Based Ways to Practice Positive Parenting

What is positive parenting and can it really improve your child's behavior.

Posted August 7, 2021 | Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

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• Positive parenting is a parenting practice that focuses on building a positive relationship with your child.
• Research finds that positive parenting is associated with lower levels of challenging behavior in children.
• There are several evidence-based ways to practice positive parenting that may also be associated with improved behavior.

“Positive parenting ” is currently a buzzword that is commonly used to describe parenting practices. Yet, what exactly does this term mean? Does research find positive parenting to be effective? And how do you actually practice positive parenting?

What is positive parenting?

There is a need for a more consistent definition of positive parenting. Yet, a recent review article generated the following definition of positive parenting based on 120 articles on the topic: “a continual relationship of parents and children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally” (Seay & Freysteinson, 2014). Other researchers have defined positive parenting as a parent-child relationship that is “responsive to child’s needs and feelings and combines warmth and thoughtful, firm limit setting consistently over time” (Schor, 2003).

Is positive parenting effective? Will it really improve your child’s behavior?

Research finds that positive parenting is associated with lower levels of aggression and other forms of challenging behavior in children. In particular, mothers who use more positive parenting practices with their toddlers are less likely to have children who show challenging behavior later in childhood .

How do you practice positive parenting in a way associated with less challenging behavior in children (according to the research)?

1) Respect your child’s autonomy and independence. Allow them to make choices and to make their own mistakes. When possible, let them choose the clothes they wear, their play activities, and the order of tasks in their daily routines.

2) Provide developmentally appropriate opportunities for play and learning for your children. Teach them new words and skills but also teach them about emotions. Set limits and correct their behavior when necessary.

3) Be sensitive to cues from your child. Be aware and responsive to their emotions. Respond consistently to their communication (or attempts at communication, if they are not yet communicating using words),

4) Be warm and loving with your child. Regularly show them affection and love. Praise their efforts and hard work whenever you notice it.

5) Be present and interact with your child as often as possible. Practice special time with your child daily (that is, spend about 15 minutes per day one-on-one with your child with minimal distractions and following their lead in play)

Does positive parenting mean you never correct your child or provide limits?

No, positive parenting, as it is defined in the research, involves consistent and firm limit setting.

Can you practice “positive parenting” and still use consequences and time-outs?

Yes, most evidence-based parenting positive parenting programs involve natural and logical consequences, and many programs include some version of time out.

Does positive parenting mean staying close to your child during all tantrums and meltdowns?

No, positive parenting means being sensitive to your child’s cues. If they need space when they are upset, give them time and space to calm down. And if you, as the parent, need some time and space to calm down, allow yourself to do so as well!

Boeldt, D. L., Rhee, S. H., DiLalla, L. F., Mullineaux, P. Y., Schulz‐Heik, R. J., Corley, R. P., ... & Hewitt, J. K. (2012). The association between positive parenting and externalizing behaviour. Infant and Child Development, 21(1), 85-106.

Seay, A., Freysteinson, W. M., & McFarlane, J. (2014, July). Positive parenting. In Nursing Forum (Vol. 49, No. 3, pp. 200-208).

Schor, E. (2003). Family pediatrics: Report of the task force on the family. Pediatrics, 111(6), 1541–1571.

Cara Goodwin, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in translating scientific research into information that is useful, accurate, and relevant for parents.

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May 1, 2016

11 min read

Research Reveals Key Steps to Successful Parenting

A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly, some don't even involve the kids

By Robert Epstein

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If you search the book section of Amazon.com for “dieting,” you will find more than 76,000 listings. But “parenting” yields a much bigger number: more than 180,000 , including books such as Jane Rankin's Parenting Experts , which do nothing but evaluate the often conflicting advice the experts offer. People, it seems, are even more nervous about their parenting than they are about their waistlines.

Why is there such chaos and doubt when it comes to parenting? Why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did—or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way? Shouldn't we all just find out what the studies say and parent accordingly?

A growing body of research conducted over the past 50 years shows fairly clearly that some parenting practices produce better outcomes than others—that is, better relationships between parent and child and happier, healthier, better functioning children. And just as we use medical science cautiously and strategically to make everyday health decisions, we can also make wise use of research to become better parents.

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A recent study I conducted with Shannon L. Fox, then a student at the University of California, San Diego, which we presented at a meeting of the American Psychological Association, compared the effectiveness of 10 kinds of parenting practices that have gotten the thumbs-up in various scientific studies. It also showed how parenting experts rate those practices and looked at just how many parents actually use those practices. In other words, we compared three things: what experts advise, what really seems to work and what parents actually do.

Our study confirmed some widely held beliefs about parenting—for example, that showing your kids that you love them is essential—and it also yielded some surprises, especially regarding the importance of a parent's ability to manage stress in his or her own life.

Ten Important Competencies

To figure out which parenting skills were most important, we looked at data from about 2,000 parents who had recently taken an online test of parenting skills I developed (which is accessible at http://MyParentingSkills.com ) and who also answered questions about their children. Parents did not know this when they took the test, but the skills were organized into 10 categories, all of which derive from published studies that show that such skills are associated with good outcomes with children. The 10 skill areas measured by the test were also evaluated by 11 parenting experts unknown to Fox and me, and we in turn were unknown to them (in other words, using a double-blind evaluation procedure).

On the test, parents indicated for 100 items how much they agreed with statements such as “I generally encourage my child to make his or her own choices,” “I try to involve my child in healthful outdoor activities” and “No matter how busy I am, I try to spend quality time with my child.” Test takers clicked their level of agreement on a five-point scale from “agree” to “disagree.” Because all the items were derived from published studies, the answers allowed us to compute an overall skill level for each test taker, as well as separate skill levels in each of the 10 competency areas. Agreement with statements that described sound parenting practices (again, according to those studies) yielded higher scores.

The 10 kinds of parenting competencies, which we call “The Parents' Ten,” include obvious ones such as managing problem behavior and expressing love and affection, as well as practices that affect children indirectly, such as maintaining a good relationship with one's co-parent and having practical life skills [ see the full list below ].

In addition to asking test takers basic demographic questions about their age, education, marital status, parenting experience, and so on, we also asked them questions about the outcomes of their parenting, such as “How happy have your children been (on average)?”; “How successful have your children been in school or work settings (on average)?”; and “How good has your relationship been with your children (on average)?” For questions such as these, test takers clicked on a 10-point scale from low to high.

With scores in hand for each parent on all “The Parents' Ten,” along with their general assessments regarding the outcomes of their parenting, we could now use a statistical technique called regression analysis to determine which competencies best predict good parenting outcomes. For an outcome such as the child's happiness, this kind of analysis allows us to say which parenting skills are associated with the most happiness in children.

Love, Autonomy and Surprises

Our most important finding confirmed what most parents already believe, namely, that the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection. Our experts agreed, and our data showed that this skill set is an excellent predictor of good outcomes with children: of the quality of the relationship we have with our children, of their happiness, and even of their health. What's more, parents are better at this skill than they are at any of the others. We also confirmed what many other studies have shown: that encouraging children to become independent and autonomous helps them to function at a high level.

But our study also yielded a number of surprises. The most surprising finding was that two of the best predictors of good outcomes with children are in fact indirect : maintaining a good relationship with the other parent and managing your own stress level. In other words, your children benefit not just from how you treat them but also from how you treat your partner and yourself.

Getting along with the other parent is necessary because children inherently want their parents to get along. Many years ago, when my first marriage was failing, my six-year-old son once led me by the hand into the kitchen where his mom was standing and tried to tape our hands together. It was a desperate act that conveyed the message: “Please love each other. Please get along.” Children do not like conflict, especially when it involves the two people in the world they love most. Even in co-parenting situations where parents live apart, it is crucial to adhere to practices that do not hurt children: to resolve conflicts out of sight of the children, to apologize to one another and forgive each other (both can be done in front of the kids), to speak kindly about the other parent, and so on.

Stress management is also important for good parenting, just as it is vital in all aspects of life. In our study, parents' ability to manage stress was a good predictor of the quality of their relationship with their kids and of how happy their children were. Perhaps more telling, people who rated themselves as great parents scored more highly on stress management than on any of the other nine parenting competencies. There is, possibly, a simple lesson here: parents who lose their temper around their kids know it is bad parenting. Keeping calm is probably step one in good parenting. Fortunately, stress-management practices such as meditation, imagery techniques and breathing exercises can be learned, no matter what one's natural tendencies. People can also learn better organizational skills and even ways of managing stressful thinking.

Keeping children safe—a matter of almost obsessive concern among American parents these days—seems to have both positive and negative outcomes. On the bright side, in our study safety skills did contribute to good health outcomes. But being overly concerned with safety appears to produce poorer relationships with children and appears to make children less happy. A study by Barbara Morrongiello and her colleagues at the University of Guelph in Ontario shows how complex the safety issue can be. In their study, young people between the ages of seven and 12 said that even though they were generally conforming to the safety rules of their parents, they planned to behave like their parents when they grew up, even where their parents were, by their own standards, behaving unsafely. Had they detected their parents' hypocrisy?

Another surprise involves the use of behavior-management techniques. Although my own training in psychology (under the pioneering behavioral psychologist B. F. Skinner) suggests that sound behavior management—providing lots of reinforcement for good behavior, for example—is essential for good parenting, our study casts doubt on this idea. Behavior management ranked low across the board: it was a poor predictor of good outcomes with children; parents scored relatively poorly in this skill area; and our experts ranked it ninth in our list of 10 competencies.

In general, we found that parents are far better at educating their children and keeping them safe than they are at managing stress or maintaining a good relationship with the other parent, even though the latter practices appear to have more influence on children. Getting along with one's co-parent is the third most important practice, but it ranked eighth on the parents' list of actual abilities. Even more discouraging, stress management (number two in importance) ranked 10th.

Who Make Good Parents?

Setting aside “The Parents' Ten” for the moment, our study also shed some interesting light on what characteristics a good parent has.

A general parenting ability appears to exist—something like the “g” factor that exists for intelligence (also known as general intelligence). The g factor for parenting emerged very strongly in our study using a statistical technique called factor analysis, which organizes large amounts of test data by clustering test items into a small number of highly predictive variables. Some people just seem to have a knack for parenting, which cannot be easily described in terms of specific skills.

We also found that a number of characteristics that people often associate with good parenting are probably not very significant. For example, women appear to be only a hair better than men at parenting these days—a huge change in our culture. Women scored 79.7 percent on our test, compared with 78.5 percent for men—a difference that was only marginally significant. Parents who were older or who had more children also did not produce significantly better parenting outcomes in our study. Parents seem to perform just as well whether or not they have ever been married, and divorced parents appear to be every bit as competent as those who are still married, although their children are somewhat less happy than the children of parents who were never divorced.

Neither race nor ethnicity seems to contribute much to parenting competence, and gays and straights are just about equal in parenting ability. In fact, gays actually outscored straights by about 1 percentage point in our test.

One characteristic that does seem to make a difference is education: generally speaking, the more the education, the better the parenting. This might be because better educated people also work harder to improve their parenting skills through parent education programs (confirmed by our data). It is also possible that good parents—those with a high parenting g—are also generally competent people who are better educated. In other words, the g for parenting might be the same as the g for intelligence, a matter to be explored in future research.

The bottom line on such findings is that if you really want to know about an individual's competence as a parent, you should measure that competence directly rather than default to commonly held stereotypes. In the U.S., after all, women did not get the vote until 1920 because of faulty assumptions about female limitations. I believe this is one of the main lessons of our study: there is simply no substitute for the direct measure of competence.

Perhaps the best news is that parents are trainable. Our data confirm that parents who have taken parenting classes produce better outcomes with their children than parents who lack such training and that more training leads to better outcomes. Training programs, such as the evidence-based Parenting Wisely program developed by Donald A. Gordon, of Ohio University, can indeed improve parenting practices. Programs are available in major cities around the country, sometimes sponsored by local therapists or state or county agencies. The National Effective Parenting Initiative, which I have been associated with since its inception in 2007, is working to make quality parent training more widely available (see http://EffectiveParentingUSA.org for additional information).

Where Experts Fail

Although parenting experts do indeed offer conflicting advice at times (perhaps because they don't keep up with the studies!), our experts generally did a good job of identifying competencies that predict positive outcomes with children. There were two notable exceptions: First, they ranked stress management eighth in our list of 10 competencies, even though it appears to be one of the most important competencies. Second, our experts seemed to be biased against the religion and spirituality competency. They ranked it rock bottom in the list of 10, and several even volunteered negative comments about this competency area, even though studies suggest that religious or spiritual training is good for children.

Historically, clinicians and behavioral scientists have shied away from religious issues, at least in their professional lives; that could explain the discomfort our experts expressed about religious or spiritual training for children. Why they were so far off on stress management is truly a mystery, however, given psychology's long interest in both the study and treatment of stress. I can only speculate that stress management is not widely taught in graduate programs in psychology-related fields as an essential component of good parenting. It should be.

Bringing It Home

Tempering one's parenting with relevant scientific knowledge can truly have great benefits for one's family. It can reduce or eliminate conflict with one's children, for one thing, which in turn can improve a marriage or co-parenting relationship. It can also help produce happier, more capable children.

I have seen how this works in my own parenting. I am a much better parent with my younger children (who range in age from nine to 17) than I was with my older two (now 34 and 36). The more I have learned about parenting over the years, the more loving and skillful I have become, with obvious benefits. These days I really do hug my children and tell them I love them several times a day, every day, without exception. When love is never in question, children are much more understanding and tolerant when a parent needs to set limits, which I do regularly. I have also learned to stay calm—to improve the way I react to things. When I am calm, my children are, too, and we avoid that deadly cycle of emotional escalation that can ruin relationships.

Most important, I am much more a facilitator now than a controller. While building my own competence as a parent, I have also put more effort into recognizing and strengthening the competence of my children, helping them to become strong and independent in many ways. My 17-year-old son is now a calm, helpful role model to his siblings, and by the time she was 10, even before I had gotten out of bed, my daughter had often made scrambled eggs for all of us—and cleaned up, too.

The Parents’ Ten

Here are 10 competencies that predict good parenting outcomes, listed roughly in order from most to least important. The skills—all derived from published studies—were ranked based on how well they predict a strong parent-child bond and children’s happiness, health and success. —R.E.

1. Love and affection You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate and spend quality one-on-one time together.

2. Stress management You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.

3. Relationship skills You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.

4. Autonomy and independence You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.

5. Education and learning You promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child.

6. Life skills You provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future.

7. Behavior management You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing behavior have failed.

8. Health You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition, for your child.

9. Religion You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.

10. Safety You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child’s activities and friends.

Robert Epstein , senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., is a contributing editor for Scientific American Mind and former editor in chief of Psychology Today . His latest book is Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence (Linden Publishing, 2010).

ORIGINAL RESEARCH article

Impact of “intensive parenting attitude” on children’s social competence via maternal parenting behavior.

• Department of Developmental and Clinical Psychology, Shiraume Gakuen University, Kodaira, Japan

“Intensive parenting” is a tendency to invest parents’ time, money, and energy in their child. This also includes some gender bias concerning a mother being the best person to primarily raise her children. Some psychology scholars have pointed out that this attitude causes much stress, anxiety, depression, and a sense of guilt among mothers. However, its effects on children have yet to be revealed using an extensive survey, and this indicates the need to investigate any possible impact of an intensive parenting attitude on children. The aim of this study was to elucidate a link between a maternal intensive parenting attitude and their children’s social competence through maternal parenting behavior. This was based on collecting data from 675 Japanese women who were mothers of preschoolers using the Japanese version of the Intensive Parenting Attitude Questionnaire, the Positive and Negative Parenting Scale, and the Strength and Difficulties Questionnaire. The results showed that the “Essentialism,” “Fulfillment,” and “Child-centered” components of intensive parenting attitude influenced the “involvement and monitoring” and “positive responsivity” of parenting behavior. Furthermore, these two parenting behaviors affected children’s prosocial behavior and hyperactivity/inattention. These findings suggest that an intensive parenting attitude has some impact on children as well as mothers, both positively and negatively, pointing to a serious effect on society.

1 Introduction

Motherhood brings numerous changes to women’s lives, including their appearance, inner hormonal balance, mental health, and perceptions ( Hrdy, 2000 ). However, what may make a decisive difference is the people around and the society to which the mother belongs. Many scholars have suggested that the “myth of motherhood” has a considerable impact on people in some developed countries (e.g., United States, United Kingdom, and Japan)—the mother herself often embraces an ideal image of the “good mother.”

Intensive parenting is an ideology that mothers’ emotion, energy, time, and money should be focused on their children ( Hays, 1996 ). It is suggested that this has been a major strategy of parenting in many developed countries. Furthermore, as the study of “intensive parenting” garnered increased attention, Liss et al. (2013) developed and validated a corresponding “intensive parenting attitude” scale. This questionnaire has five factors: Essentialism, the notion that women are inherently better at parenting than men and are exclusively given the role of child-rearing; Fulfillment, the belief that parenting should be fulfilling and a delight; Stimulation, the idea that children should be cognitively and intellectually stimulated by parents; Challenging, the belief that parenting is difficult and the most demanding job; and Child-centered, the notion that parents should prioritize the needs of the child above all else. Both mothers’ and fathers’ time spent with children has increased since the 1960s ( Sayer et al., 2004 ). However, while both parents have shown changes in their attitudes, it is especially evident in mothers due to the influence of a separate ideological sphere ( Cha, 2010 ). While social scientists have attributed these differences in parenting attitudes to factors such as parental financial status ( Elliott et al., 2015 ), working status ( Christopher, 2012 ), or educational background ( Walls et al., 2014 ), there is also a notable prevalence of a strong belief in intensive parenting in developed countries ( Bennet et al., 2012 ; Ishizuka, 2019 ). For instance, intensive parenting has been studied extensively in countries like the United States ( Gunderson and Barrett, 2015 ), the United Kingdom ( Cappellini et al., 2019 ), Canada ( Wall, 2010 ), France ( Loyal et al., 2017 ), Australia ( Craig et al., 2014 ), and Japan ( Egami, 2020 ).

In Japan, a high degree of intensive parenting attitude was found among mothers with preschool children, and especially they strongly embraced Essentialism ( Egami, 2020 ). A great deal of research has been conducted on mother–child ties and maternal devotion to children in Japan ( Kashiwagi, 1998 ). While recently Japanese women have changed to being more individualistic and working outside after childbearing, there is a strong belief in the myth of motherhood and ideal images of good mothers ( Aono and Kashiwagi, 2011 ). What or whom could this affect? Egami (2005 , 2007 , 2013) showed the influence of the belief in “maternal love,” defined as unconditional maternal love for children, on mothers’ behavior toward children. In particular, the influence of this belief had a double-sided effect on maternal behaviors. Despite a background of gender disparity—for example, see the Global Gender Gap Index 2023 ( World Economic Forum, 2023 )— Egami (2017) stated that adherence to maternal love and devotion to their children is much stronger than endorsement of the gender division of labor. Since intensive parenting attitude encompasses five key factors, central to which is the belief that parents should prioritize their children above all and remain devoted to them, such attitudes could be the driving force behind Japanese mothers’ strong sense of child-rearing responsibility. Thus, it is crucial to investigate the impact of these attitudes on mothers in Japan where a high degree of intensive parenting attitude is prevalent among mothers of preschool children. In summary, since Japanese mothers might embrace the belief in maternal love and devotion to children regardless of socioeconomic status, educational background, and social support, it is invaluable to determine how strong such an intensive parenting attitude is for Japanese mothers generally, using a measure commonly used around the world.

1.1 Intensive parenting and its impact on mothers

Many scholars suggest that intensive parenting attitude harm maternal mental health and well-being ( Wall, 2010 ; Liss et al., 2013 ; Rizzo et al., 2013 ; Meeussen and Van Laar, 2018 ; Prikhidko and Swank, 2018 ). Specifically, all factors of the intensive parenting attitude were positively correlated with separation anxiety in the Parental Investment in the Child Questionnaire (PIC) but Fulfillment was positively correlated with “delight” in the PIC and “satisfaction” in the Parenting Sense of Competence scale ( Liss et al., 2013 ). Rizzo et al. (2013) found that Essentialism was negatively correlated with life satisfaction, and Challenging was positively correlated with depression and stress. Meeussen and Van Laar (2018) reported that mothers’ intensive mothering beliefs affected parental burnout via maternal gatekeeping behaviors. Based on in-depth interviews, Wall (2010) indicated that intensive parenting could increase maternal stress, exhaustion, anxiety, and guilt. Similarly, qualitative methods showed that unrealistic expectation derived from intensive mothering led mothers to struggle with meeting that demand, as a result, they felt a sense of guilt and self-blame when they could not achieve being an ideal mother ( Prikhidko and Swank, 2018 ). In short, an intensive parenting attitude partly had a positive effect on the maternal psychological state (i.e., parental efficacy and delight); however, mostly it could damage maternal mental health and well-being.

Moreover, an intensive parenting attitude can affect maternal behavior, especially to preschoolers. Schiffrin et al. (2015) found that maternal intensive parenting attitude—especially those rooted in Essentialism, Stimulation, and Child-centered—were related to anticipatory problem-solving behavior indicative of overparenting as described by Segrin et al. (2012) . This overparenting behavior was, in turn, associated with a higher likelihood of enrolling children in structured activities, including creative and physical ones. Fischer (2022) reported that five-year-olds’ parents who had a high degree of intensive parenting attitude showed higher probability of reading to their children more frequently. Also, Essentialism and Challenging of intensive parenting attitude were positively correlated with maternal “parent anger experience” and “parent anger expression” ( Prikhidko and Swank, 2019 ). This study indicated that mothers who rated high on Essentialism and Challenging may be exhausted but have insufficient self-care because of a high degree of the responsibility for children. Then, they might become angry and finally blame their children. Furthermore, Egami (2020) conducted a comprehensive analysis of the intricate relationship between intensive parenting attitude and a spectrum of parenting behaviors ( Ito et al., 2014 ), encompassing practices such as “positive responsivity,” fostering a “respect for will” (the child’s autonomy), active and diligent “involvement and monitoring,” alongside tendencies toward “overprotection,” the application of “harsh discipline,” and behavioral “inconsistency.” Consequently, every factor of intensive parenting attitude affected various maternal behaviors after controlling for social support. Apparently, Essentialism had a negative effect on positive responsivity. In contrast, Fulfillment had positive effects on both involvement and monitoring and positive responsivity. This result is consistent with some previous research ( Liss et al., 2013 ). Interestingly, Stimulation positively affected positive responsivity, respect for will, and overprotection. According to the items related to Stimulation, mothers who embraced these beliefs tend to be education-minded parents. Although they may monitor their parenting behavior to ensure positive outcomes for their children, it is possible that they engage deeply in intensive parenting practices. As might be expected, Challenging was positively correlated with inconsistency and harsh discipline. This is because mothers being in a state of exhaustion will not have mild, stable, and consistent behavior toward their children. Surprisingly, being Child-centered affected more kinds of child-rearing behavior than any other factor. In particular, mothers who rated high on Child-centered had lower involvement and monitoring, overprotection, and harsh discipline, but higher respect for will. These results suggested that those who rated high on Child-centered might have tried to respect their children’s thought, seeking not to be intrusive toward their children’s feelings, and to have a warm attitude toward them.

In addition, there is some research on the effect of intensive parenting attitude, which suggested a relationship between intensive parenting attitude and maternal career ambitions ( Meeussen and Van Laar, 2018 ) or partner relationships ( Williamson et al., 2023 ). However, its effects on children have yet to be revealed using both extensive questionnaires and in-depth interviews. Intensive parenting attitude is less likely to directly relate to children’s outcomes since it is only the idea or belief of mothers. Still, there is a possibility of affecting children via the parenting behavior toward children. Since it is suggested that parenting behavior affects outcomes of child development, intensive parenting attitude could affect outcomes for children via maternal parenting behavior.

1.2 Parenting and child development

Many scholars and researchers have shown that parenting behavior can affect children’s behavior and developmental outcome. For example, Baumrind (1966 , 1967 , 1978 , 1996 , 2012) suggested that authoritative parenting could develop children’s self-control, positiveness, and friendly attitude. Authoritative parenting consists of inductive discipline, positive responsivity, respects for children’s will, and clear communication with children. Since then, there have been a growing number of studies in this field. Recently, Eti (2023) found that the authoritative parenting style and supportive beliefs about children’s emotions predicted children’s social skills.

Related to intensive parenting attitude, studies on overparenting and “concerted cultivation” have increased. Some scholars have pointed out that overparenting has the potential to lead to developmentally inappropriate parenting through excessive advice, problem-solving behavior, and provision of unnecessary assistance, combined with risk aversion ( Segrin et al., 2012 ). This could manifest as a problem when a child reaches emerging or young adulthood, since individuals at that age need to develop autonomy and a sense of control themselves ( Winner and Nicholson, 2018 ; Segrin and Flora, 2019 ; Hong and Cui, 2023 ). The effects of overparenting on young children, e.g., preschoolers or school-aged, are not yet clear except for studies by Bayer et al. (2006) and Gar and Hudson (2008) . Although there is a paucity of research specifically focusing on the effects of overparenting in young children, the practice of concerted cultivation has been more thoroughly examined and is commonly studied within this age group.

Concerted cultivation is to actively foster children’s talents and skills through organized leisure activities and extensive reasoning behavior ( Lareau, 2002 ). Concerted cultivation has been contrasted with “natural growth” (defined as providing the conditions under which children can grow but leaving leisure activities to children themselves and giving them clear directives) in some studies. Lareau (2002) stated that the predominant parenting style among middle- or upper-class families in the US is concerted cultivation, and that this style of parenting leads to an emerging sense of entitlement in the child. Although some scholars suggested that this type of parenting brought their children academic success ( Carolan and Wasserman, 2015 ), others indicated that it may harm children’s mental health in particular during adolescence ( Leung, 2020 ). However, the effects on a young child’s development have yet to be revealed.

There has been much research on the relationship between parenting (behavior or type) and child development in Japan. For example, Sugawara et al. (2002) found that a maternal warm attitude toward children predicted lower depression in school-aged children. In addition, in the study of Matsuoka et al. (2011) , mothers’ positive rearing was negatively correlated with tendency for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), a neurobiological condition characterized by core symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity ( Chen et al., 2022 ), in preschool, elementary, and middle school children. As described, Japanese scholars implied that mothers’ positive parenting behaviors rather than a particular parenting behavior (i.e., overparenting) had a strong influence on their children. In their comprehensive meta-analysis, Ito et al. (2014) explored the multifaceted nature of parenting, initially categorizing behaviors into six distinct factors: involvement and monitoring, positive responsivity, respect for will, overprotection, inconsistency, and harsh discipline. Crucially, their study further distilled these factors into two overarching dimensions of parenting styles. The first three factors—involvement and monitoring, positive responsivity, and respect for will—were collectively identified as indicators of positive parenting behavior. In contrast, the latter three elements—overprotection, inconsistency, and harsh discipline—were found to typify negative parenting behavior. This bifurcation into positive and negative parenting behaviors offers a nuanced framework for understanding the complex dynamics inherent in parent–child interactions. In addition, they found that positive parenting behavior was correlated with school-aged children’s prosocial behavior, but negative parenting behavior was correlated with conduct problems of children. Moreover, Murayama et al. (2018) indicated that negative parenting behaviors were related to school-aged children’s experiences of bullying, including being the bully, the victim, and the bully-victim. Since the idea of second-order factors of parenting behavior is convincing evidence of parenting behavior in Japan, I used these scales and items applied to parenting behavior toward preschool children.

1.3 Research aims and hypotheses

This study examines the impact of intensive parenting attitude on child developmental outcomes through maternal parenting. First, the relationships of five factors of intensive parenting attitude, six factors of maternal parenting behavior, and five components of children’s outcomes were tested using correlational analysis to understand the overall relationship. Then structural equation modeling (SEM) was used to clarify the impact of intensive parenting attitude on both mothers and children. However, as stated before, intensive parenting attitude would not directly relate to children’s outcomes because the attitude is only the idea or belief of mothers. Therefore, I speculated that intensive parenting attitude indirectly influenced children’s outcome via maternal parenting behavior because Egami (2020) showed that intensive parenting attitude affected both positive and negative maternal parenting behaviors. In addition, a growing body of previous research, such as that by Eti (2023) , suggested that maternal parenting behaviors had a strong effect on children.

As mentioned above, many previous studies suggested that Essentialism and Challenging of intensive parenting attitude have negative effects on maternal mental health and parenting behavior. In the study of Egami (2020) , Essentialism was related to a low level of positive parenting behavior (e.g., positive responsivity), and Challenging had a relationship with high level of negative parenting behaviors (e.g., inconsistency and harsh discipline). In contrast, Fulfillment might increase maternal positive parenting behaviors (e.g., positive responsivity and involvement and monitoring). Finally, this implied that Child-centered and Stimulation were both positively and negatively correlated with maternal parenting behaviors. While Child-centered could decrease negative parenting behaviors (e.g., overprotection and harsh discipline), its high rating was also related to a low level of positive parenting behavior (e.g., involvement and monitoring). Stimulation might enhance maternal positive parenting behaviors (e.g., positive responsivity and respect for will); however, it could also increase negative parenting behavior (e.g., overprotection). Additionally, a number of scholars have stated that maternal parenting behavior does affect children, particularly their socioemotional development (e.g., Baumrind, 2012 ). Baumrind’s (1966 , 1967 , 1978 , 1996 , 2012) concept of authoritative parenting, often equated with positive parenting, is linked to children’s self-control, positiveness, and a friendly attitude. By contrast, maternal negative parenting behavior (i.e., harsh parenting) was correlated with the inability of children to regulate their emotions, as indicated by Chang et al. (2003) .

Therefore, I constructed the process model such that the impact of intensive parenting attitude would appear in maternal parenting behaviors, and these parenting behaviors might be related to children’s social outcomes. Specifically, the goal of this study was to test four hypotheses (see Figure 1 ):

H1 : Intensive parenting attitude will affect children’s social development only via parenting behavior. H2 : Essentialism and Challenging will increase negative parenting behavior and decrease positive parenting behavior. Then, these will lead to poor social development in children. H3 : Fulfillment will increase positive parenting behavior and decrease negative parenting behavior. Then, these will be positively related to social development in children. H4 : Child-centered and Stimulation will affect both positive and negative parenting behavior, so having double-sided effects on children.

Figure 1 . Hypothesized model of relations among intensive parenting attitude (excluding stimulation and child-centered), parenting behavior, and child development.

To effectively test the four hypotheses, controlling for the age of the children was essential, as this can influence maternal parenting behaviors and the outcomes for these children. For instance, within the preschool age group, parents may differentiate their behaviors between 2- and 6-year-olds, especially for monitoring, protecting, controlling, and discipline ( Peterson et al., 1993 ). In addition, the score of children’s outcomes can vary just due to their age ( Croft et al., 2015 ). In sum, this study aims to clarify the impact of intensive parenting attitude on not only mothers but also children through verification of the four hypotheses. Egami (2020) stated that Japanese mothers’ tendency of intensive parenting attitude affected their parenting behavior toward their children. So, could the impact of intensive parenting attitude spill over to the children? If so, how does it relate to them? To what extent does it correlate with them? Which part of intensive parenting attitudes could influence them? Revealing these could show that the impact of intensive parenting attitude is significant in society.

2 Materials and methods

2.1 procedure.

Respondents were asked to answer the questionnaire anonymously via an Internet research company (Macromill Inc.), who ensured its compliance with the privacy policy established by the Japan Marketing Research Association. To measure the impact of intensive parenting attitude on parenting behavior over time, the survey was divided over two time periods: November 2017 and April 2018. Background variables and the Japanese version of the Intensive Parenting Attitude Questionnaire (J-IPAQ) were collected during the first time period, November 2017. The Positive and Negative Parenting Scale (PNPS) and the Strength and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ) were measured at the second period.

2.2 Participants

Participants were 675 Japanese mothers aged 22–48 years (mean 34.7, standard deviation 5.0). They had at least one preschool-age child (aged 1 years 6 months to 6 years 10 months), thereby holding relatively intense child-rearing responsibility. Most of them were housewives (59.1%), and the rest were full-time workers (13.8%), part-time workers (20.0%), or freelancers (7.1%). The majority were married (97.3%). Household annual income level was classed from 1 (less than ¥2 million) to 9 (more than ¥20 million). Class 3 (¥4 million to less than ¥6 million) was the majority (29.5%), followed by class 2 (¥2 million to less than ¥4 million; 18.7%) and class 4 (¥6 million to less than ¥8 million; 13.3%). Average household annual income was about ¥5.7 million in Japan at that time, so most of them fitted into the average income category. About one-quarter of them (23.4%) had at least a high school education, 35.7% graduated professional training college or junior college, and 36.9% of them had a bachelor’s degree. The length of education was 9–21 years (mean 14.2, standard deviation 1.77).

2.3 Measures

2.3.1 j-ipaq.

Egami (2020) constructed a Japanese version of the intensive parenting attitude questionnaire, and both validity and reliability were confirmed. The original IPAQ of Liss et al. (2013) included five categories: Essentialism, Fulfillment, Stimulation, Challenging, and Child-centered. Essentialism, in the context of motherhood, posits that mothers have a natural and exclusive role in raising their children. Fulfillment is the notion that child-rearing always brings joy and rewards for parents. Stimulation is the idea that parents must develop their children’s intellectual ability. Challenging refers to the difficulty, exhaustion, and tiredness accompanying parenting. Child-centered is the belief that children must be the center of parents’ lives and children’s needs should be prioritized before anything else. The IPAQ includes 25 items; however, J-IPAQ consists of 20 items ( Egami, 2020 ). The J-IPAQ is rated from 1 (strongly disagree) to 6 (strongly agree), the higher the score, the greater the degree of each dimension of intensive parenting attitude. Cronbach alpha in this study was 0.73 for Essentialism (six items), 0.75 for Fulfillment (three items), 0.57 for Stimulation (four items), 0.63 for Challenging (four items), and 0.68 for Child-centered (three items).

Ito et al. (2014) constructed the PNPS, which consists of 35 items, divided into involvement and monitoring, positive responsivity, respect for will, overprotection, inconsistency, and harsh discipline. The PNPS is rated from 1 (not at all) to 5 (extremely). Positive parenting behavior includes involvement and monitoring, positive responsivity, and respect for will. Negative parenting behavior contains overprotection, inconsistency, and harsh discipline. The higher the score, the greater the degree of each group of parenting behavior. This study changed PNPS item expression “school” to “preschool, nursery, or kindergarten” because of the children’s age (the creator of this scale gave permission). The original scale has 35 items, eight items were eliminated from this study after confirmatory factor analysis ( Egami, 2020 ). Cronbach alpha was 0.84 for involvement and monitoring (six items), 0.82 for positive responsivity (five items), 0.61 for respect for will (four items), 0.62 for overprotection (three items), 0.81 for inconsistency (three items), and 0.85 for harsh discipline (six items) in this study.

The SDQ is well-known scale measuring psychological attributes of children ( Goodman, 1997 ). This study used the Japanese version of SDQ (for the parents of 2–4-year-olds) based on Matsuishi et al. (2008) . It contains 25 items divided into five categories: “emotional symptoms,” “conduct problems,” “hyperactivity/inattention,” “peer relationship problems,” and “prosocial behavior.” The SDQ is rated from 0 (not true) to 2 (certainly true). The higher the score, the greater the degree of each dimension of psychological attributes. Cronbach alpha in this study was 0.80 for prosocial behavior (five items), 0.67 for hyperactivity/inattention (five items), 0.62 for emotional symptoms (five items), 0.49 for conduct problems (five items), and 0.49 for peer relationship problems (five items).

Descriptive statistics are shown in Table 1 . Stimulation, Challenging, respect for will, overprotection, emotional symptoms, conduct problems, and peer relationship problems were not used in the following analysis because of low internal consistency (Cronbach α  < 0.65). The factors’ scores for J-IPAQ and PNPS were averaged by the number of items, but were summed up for the contained items in SDQ. Descriptive statistics and correlation analysis were performed using IBM SPSS Statistics (ver. 27.0) and structural equation modeling (SEM) analysis using Amos (ver. 28.0).

Table 1 . Descriptive statistics of the main variables ( N  = 675).

3.1 Correlation analysis

Correlations between all measures are shown in Table 2 . Some correlation relationships appeared but correlation coefficients were relatively low. Most factors of intensive parenting attitude were correlated with parenting behavior. While Essentialism was positively correlated with the negative parenting behavior, both Fulfillment and Child-centered were negatively correlated with such behavior and positively correlated with positive parenting behavior. As expected, the factors concerning intensive parenting attitude were rarely related with children’s outcomes. Still, Essentialism was positively correlated with hyperactivity/inattention, and Fulfillment was positively correlated with prosocial behavior of children. Then, most maternal parenting behaviors had a connection with children’s outcomes. My research indicates a distinct relationship between parenting behaviors and child outcomes. Positive parenting, marked by involvement and monitoring or positive responsivity, correlates with beneficial outcomes in children, such as improved social skills and lower behavioral problems. This suggests that positive parenting actively fosters a nurturing environment crucial for children’s healthy development. On the other hand, negative parenting behaviors, including harsh discipline or inconsistency, are linked to adverse child outcomes, such as behavioral problems and lower prosocial behavior. Importantly, this study’s findings highlight that negative parenting does not inversely contribute (i.e., by its absence) to positive child outcomes. This distinction underscores that positive child development is more directly a result of positive parenting practices, rather than merely the absence of negative ones. These insights affirm the critical role of positive parenting in promoting not just the avoidance of harm, but in actively supporting comprehensive child development.

Table 2 . Correlations between the measures ( N  = 675).

3.2 SEM analysis

The theoretical model proposed in this study, accounting for the influence of children’s age on both parenting behaviors and children’s outcomes, was rigorously tested using SEM ( Tables 3 , 4 and Figure 2 ). However, the analysis yielded an implausible score, indicating that the model did not accurately reflect the data (Model 1). This outcome suggests that the theoretical framework, as constructed, may not adequately capture the complexities of the relationships between intensive parenting attitude, maternal parenting behaviors, and children’s developmental outcomes. Further refinement and testing of the model are necessary to develop a more accurate representation of these dynamics. Therefore, inconsistency and harsh discipline were eliminated since their standardized coefficients yielded 1 (Model 2). Next, the non-significant paths were deleted (Model 3). Then, for fixed parameters, some covariances were added (Model 4). After confirming validity and reliability of all factors ( Table 4 ), some items were removed because they caused the score of AVE and CR to decrease. Finally, the proposed model (as shown in Figure 2 ) fitted the data reasonably well: χ 2 (409) = 653.14 ( p  < 0.001), GFI = 0.94, AGFI = 0.93, CFI = 0.96, RMSEA = 0.03, AIC = 827.14, CAIC = 1306.92. Due to the large sample size of the study, the chi-square score was significant. Based on correlation coefficients in Table 2 , multicollinearity was not found among scales. All items’ coefficients and the score of AVE (average variance extracted; validity score) and CR (composite reliability; reliability score) are shown in Table 4 . Fornell and Larcker (1981) suggest that the criteria (AVE ≧ 0.4, CR ≧ 0.6) are desirable; however, when AVE is near 0.4, the scale has validity and reliability, if CR is over 0.6. Thus, most scales confirmed both validity and reliability except for Child-centered. Still, the proposed model including Child-centered was accepted since the factor’s Cronbach α was relatively high ( α  = 0.68) despite including only three items. Additionally, Child-centered in J-IPAQ was confirmed in Egami (2020) , which used a similar sample to that for this study and the coefficient scores in these data were all significant.

Table 3 . The goodness-of-fit score in all models ( N  = 675).

Table 4 . List of all item’s coefficients and the score of AVE and CR ( N  = 675).

Figure 2 . Graphical overview of significant paths in the final model ( *** p  < 0.001, ** p  < 0.01, * p  < 0.05).

Figure 2 presents relationships between intensive parenting attitude and children’s outcomes through parenting behaviors as well the standardized coefficient of each path. As mentioned above, Hypothesis 1 is that intensive parenting attitude has no direct effect on children’s outcomes; nonetheless, the analysis confirmed an indirect effect of parenting behavior on children’s outcomes, thereby substantiating the hypothesis. Hypotheses 2 and 3 that Essentialism and Challenging have negative impacts on children’s outcomes through parenting behavior, and that Fulfillment has positive impacts, were both partially supported. Moreover, Hypothesis 4 that Stimulation and Child-centered would have both positive and negative effects on children’s outcomes via parenting behavior was partly supported.

The more Essentialism mothers had, the less positive responsivity they exhibited ( β  = −0.23) ( Figure 2 ). Consequently, less positive responsivity was associated with reduced prosocial behavior in children ( β  = 0.15). The more Fulfillment mothers experienced, the greater their involvement and monitoring ( β  = 0.48). Then parenting behavior could increase prosocial behavior ( β  = 0.62) and decrease hyperactivity/inattention ( β  = −0.54) of children. Finally, the more Child-centered they were, the less involvement and monitoring they exhibited ( β  = −0.33) yet they displayed more positive responsivity ( β  = 0.46). Through these path lines, being Child-centered had double-edged impacts on children’s outcomes.

4 Discussion

This study examined the impact of intensive parenting attitude on children’s social developmental outcomes via maternal parenting behavior. In summary, most of the hypotheses were supported to some degree. Schiffrin et al. (2015) found that intensive parenting attitude was related to anticipatory problem-solving behavior and children’s gross motor skills through enrollment in structured activities including creative and physical activities. However, their study was limited to only one parenting behavior and its effect was seen only in the outcomes of gross motor skill of children. In contrast, Egami (2020) suggested that intensive parenting attitude affected maternal parenting behavior; however, its influence on children was not examined. Therefore, the results of this study, including correlations, are worthy of a closer look.

First, Japanese mothers embraced Essentialism at a high rate ( Egami, 2020 ). Given that Essentialism was positively correlated with negative parenting behaviors (i.e., inconsistency and harsh discipline), there is a need to investigate the risk of this belief to both mothers and children in Japan. As suggested by Rizzo et al. (2013) and others, Essentialism could harm not only mothers but also their children. Second, Fulfillment was positively related with positive parenting behaviors (i.e., involvement and monitoring, and positive responsivity) and negatively with negative parenting behaviors. Because this result seems consistent with that of Liss et al. (2013) , mothers’ parental efficacy and delight in parenting could lead to their positive parenting behavior. Finally, being Child-centered was related to parenting behaviors (positive responsivity and harsh discipline). Correlation analysis revealed the positiveness of Child-centered attitude; however, SEM analysis showed that this belief had double-sided effects. Although Schiffrin et al. (2015) indicated that Child-centered attitude might affect anticipatory problem-solving behavior, Egami (2020) found that it had a negative relationship with overprotection which was closely related to anticipatory problem-solving behavior. Moreover, while being Child-centered was correlated with low life satisfaction of mothers in the study of Rizzo et al. (2013) , it was correlated with parental delight and efficacy for Liss et al. (2013) . Probably, Child-centered belief can have both positive and negative aspects for mothers, and might depend on the culture and situation surrounding them.

As mentioned above, there were many patterns of correlations between intensive parenting attitude and maternal parenting behavior, however, correlations between intensive parenting attitude and child outcomes were rarely seen. While measurements of intensive parenting attitude were conducted in April 2018, social development of children was obtained in November 2017. Given this timeline, “intensive parenting attitude” can be considered a potential predictor of the perception of social development in children. This may indicate that the positive view of child-rearing leads to a positive bias on child development. Conversely, Essentialism tends to have a negative effect on child development and to indicate mothers’ tiredness ( Meeussen and Van Laar, 2018 ). The correlation pattern of maternal parenting behavior and child outcomes was the same as found by Ito et al. (2014) , other than the relationship between negative parenting behavior and children’s positive outcomes. Since these data were collected at the same time, children’s outcomes might affect maternal behavior, and vice versa.

Although the correlational analysis revealed numerous relationships among variables, only a subset of these correlations was substantiated by the SEM analysis. The results indicated that Essentialism diminished the capacity of mothers to engage warmly with their children, which negatively impacted maternal positive responsivity and consequently reduced children’s prosocial behavior. This aligns with research suggesting that Essentialism can foster a negative mindset in mothers ( Liss et al., 2013 ; Rizzo et al., 2013 ; Meeussen and Van Laar, 2018 ), thereby impairing their ability to interact positively with their children. In Japan, Egami (2005 , 2007) showed that belief in maternal love negatively influenced mothers’ emotional regulation and expression toward children according to the situation surrounding mothers. Therefore, Essentialism damaged not only mothers’ mental health but also that of young children. Next, as expected, Fulfillment increased involvement and monitoring and positively influenced children’s prosocial behavior and negatively affected hyperactivity/inattention. According to Liss et al. (2013) , Fulfillment can lead to maternal parenting efficacy and delight. Thus, mothers who embrace Fulfillment pour their energy into parenting behavior and engage positively with their children. Lastly, this study showed that Child-centered attitude had a double-sided effect on positive parenting behavior—it increased positive responsivity but decreased involvement and monitoring. This indicated that Child-centered attitude had both positive and negative impacts on children’s social development outcomes. As mentioned above, being Child-centered had a double-sided effect in some previous studies. Interestingly, Egami (2020) noted that Child-centered was negatively related to involvement and monitoring and overprotection; however, Schiffrin et al. (2015) showed that it had a positive relationship with anticipated problem-solving behavior. Similarly, while Child-centered attitude was negatively correlated with maternal life satisfaction ( Rizzo et al., 2013 ), it was positively related to delight and efficacy as a parent ( Liss et al., 2013 ). The belief of “for the sake of children” (i.e., a child centered approach) might make parents think from a child’s point of view. This idea can work differently under a wide variety of circumstances and cultures. In Japan, this may lead to more lenient parenting behavior (e.g., a natural growth strategy) as well as positive attitudes toward children. The findings suggest that an intensive parenting attitude has both positive and negative effects on mothers and children alike, pointing to potentially far-reaching implications for our society at large.

4.1 Conclusion

Hypothesis 1 was supported and Hypotheses 2, 3, and 4 were partially supported. Therefore, intensive parenting attitude had some effects on children as well as mothers. At the same time, this had a double-sided impact. Some factors of intensive parenting attitude might be related to parenting efficacy and positive maternal feelings related to child-rearing ( Liss et al., 2013 ; Egami, 2020 ), and others could be connected to less positive responses toward children through maternal stress and tiredness. The “parenthood paradox,” as mentioned in Rizzo et al. (2013) , reflects a unique dilemma in which maternal efforts to achieve perfection in parenting can ironically lead to increased stress and negative attitudes toward their children. This phenomenon underscores the unintended consequences of intensive parenting, potentially impacting a child’s social and emotional development. It highlights the need for a balance between high parental aspirations and realistic expectations, suggesting a shift in societal attitudes toward a more compassionate and feasible approach to parenting.

4.2 Limitations and future directions

This study revealed the impact of intensive parenting attitude on child development via maternal parenting behavior. However, the study has some limitations. First, the data of maternal parenting behavior and children’s developmental outcomes were collected at the same time. Therefore, it is impossible to establish a clear causal relationship between maternal parenting behavior and outcomes for children. This underscores the need for a longitudinal research approach. Second, the data for this study were derived from mothers’ self-reports only; however, mixed methods are required to produce more solid data. For example, in-depth interviews of mothers or observations of mother–child interactions are needed for research on intensive parenting attitude and maternal parenting behaviors. Third, this study utilized the parent-rated version of the SDQ to assess child behavior. While this version effectively captures the child’s behavior at home, it is important to note that it may not fully represent their behavior in other environments, such as in the educational settings. Typically, the SDQ is also available in a teacher-rated version, which can provide complementary insights into the child’s behavior across different settings. The absence of the teacher-rated SDQ in this study could be considered a limitation, as it restricts the scope of behavioral assessment in the home. Therefore, the results should be interpreted with caution, especially when generalizing about the child’s overall behavior or the impact of intensive parenting attitude. Fourth, this study’s analysis on intensive parenting attitude is limited to three factors because of the low reliability of the other two factors (Stimulation and Challenging). In addition, the low AVE and CR scores of Child-centered require further consideration and careful interpretation. Child-centered in this study might be labeled as a provisional factor, and there is a need for further replication. Future research on intensive parenting attitude should examine how all five factors of intensive parenting attitude affect maternal mental parenting behavior, especially negative parenting behaviors and children’s social outcomes. Through these research plans, the impact of intensive parenting attitude would give strong messages to our society, which includes mothers and children. Furthermore, there has been little research on intensive parenting attitude in Asia. Convincing research findings are needed to offer extensive and effective support for child-rearing, especially in Asian countries, including Japan.

Data availability statement

The raw data supporting the conclusions of this article will be made available by the author, without undue reservation.

Ethics statement

The studies involving humans were approved by the Ethics Committee in the Faculty of Education, Ehime University. The studies were conducted in accordance with the local legislation and institutional requirements. The participants provided their written informed consent to participate in this study.

Author contributions

SE: Writing – original draft.

The author declares financial support was received for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article. This research was partially supported by JSPS KAKENHI Grant Number 23730616 and a grant from the Center of Developmental Education and Research.

Acknowledgments

My heartfelt thanks go out to each mother who shared her precious time to contribute to my survey. Your insights are not only appreciated but are also fundamental to the success of my study.

Conflict of interest

The author declares that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Publisher’s note

All claims expressed in this article are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of their affiliated organizations, or those of the publisher, the editors and the reviewers. Any product that may be evaluated in this article, or claim that may be made by its manufacturer, is not guaranteed or endorsed by the publisher.

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Keywords: intensive parenting attitude, intensive mothering, positive responsivity, involvement and monitoring, prosocial behavior, hyperactivity/inattention

Citation: Egami S (2024) Impact of “intensive parenting attitude” on children’s social competence via maternal parenting behavior. Front. Psychol . 15:1337531. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1337531

Received: 13 November 2023; Accepted: 04 April 2024; Published: 03 May 2024.

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Copyright © 2024 Egami. This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (CC BY) . The use, distribution or reproduction in other forums is permitted, provided the original author(s) and the copyright owner(s) are credited and that the original publication in this journal is cited, in accordance with accepted academic practice. No use, distribution or reproduction is permitted which does not comply with these terms.

*Correspondence: Sonoko Egami, [email protected]

† Present Address: Sonoko Egami,School of International Liberal Arts, Yokohama City University, Yokohama, Japan

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What is Positive Parenting? 33 Examples and Benefits

And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood.

As both parents of toddlers and teenagers can attest, such challenges are evident across all developmental stages.

But there is good news— numerous research-supported tools and strategies are now available for parents. These resources provide a wealth of information for common parenting challenges (i.e., bedtime issues, picky eating, tantrums, behavior problems, risk-taking, etc.); as well as the various learning lessons that are simply part of growing up (i.e., starting school, being respectful, making friends, being responsible, making good choices, etc.).

With its focus on happiness, resilience and positive youth development ; the field of positive psychology is particularly pertinent to discussions of effective parenting. Thus, whether you are a parent who’s trying to dodge potential problems; or you are already pulling your hair out— you’ve come to the right place.

This article provides a highly comprehensive compilation of evidence-based positive parenting techniques. These ideas and strategies will cover a range of developmental periods, challenges, and situations. More specifically, drawing from a rich and robust collection of research, we will address exactly what positive parenting means; its many benefits; when and how to use it; and its usefulness for specific issues and age-groups.

This article also contains many useful examples, positive parenting tips, activities, programs, videos, books , podcasts – and so much more. By learning from and applying these positive parenting resources; parents will become the kind of parents they’ve always wanted to be: Confident, Optimistic, and even Joyful.

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This Article Contains:

What is positive parenting, a look at the research, how can it encourage personal development and self growth in a child, how old must the child be, what are the benefits, 12 examples of positive parenting in action, positive parenting styles, a look at positive discipline, positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers, how to best address sibling rivalry, positive parenting with teenagers, positive parenting through divorce, a take-home message.

Before providing a definition of positive parenting, let’s take a step back and consider what we mean by “parents.” While a great deal of parenting research has focused on the role of mothers; children’s psychosocial well-being is influenced by all individuals involved in their upbringing.

Such caregivers might include biological and adoptive parents, foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other relatives and non-relatives who play a meaningful role in a child’s life. In other words, the term “parent” applies to an array of individuals whose presence impacts the health and well-being of children (Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

Thus, any time the terms “parent” or “caregiver” are used herein; they apply to any individuals who share a consistent relationship with a child, as well as an interest in his/her well-being (Seay, Freysteinson & McFarlane, 2014).

Fortunately, parenting research has moved away from a deficit or risk factor model towards a more positive focus on predictors of positive outcomes (e.g., protective factors ). Positive parenting exemplifies this approach by seeking to promote the parenting behaviors that are most essential for fostering positive youth development (Rodrigo, Almeida, Spiel, & Koops, 2012).

Several researchers have proposed definitions of positive parenting, such as Seay and colleagues (2014), who reviewed 120 pertinent articles. They came up with the following universal definition:

Positive parenting is the continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.

(Seay et al., 2014, p. 207).

The Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006) similarly defined positive parenting as “ … nurturing, empowering, nonviolent… ” and which “ provides recognition and guidance which involves setting of boundaries to enable the full development of the child ’’ (in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). These definitions, combined with the positive parenting literature, suggest the following about positive parenting:

• It involves Guiding
• It involves Leading
• It involves Teaching
• It is Caring
• It is Empowering
• It is Nurturing
• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs
• It is Consistent
• It is Always Non-violent
• It provides Regular Open Communication
• It provides Affection
• It provides Emotional Security
• It provides Emotional Warmth
• It provides Unconditional Love
• It recognizes the Positive
• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage
• It rewards Accomplishments
• It sets Boundaries
• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings
• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Along with these qualities, Godfrey (2019) proposes that the underlying assumption of positive parenting is that “… all children are born good, are altruistic and desire to do the right thing …” (positiveparenting.com).

Godfrey further adds that the objective of positive parenting is to teach discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit (2019). These authors reveal an overall picture of positive parenting as warm, thoughtful and loving— but not permissive.

There is plenty of research supporting the short- and long-term effects of positive parenting on adaptive child outcomes. To begin with, work by the Positive Parenting Research Team ( PPRT ) from the University of Southern Mississippi (Nicholson, 2019) is involved in various studies aimed at examining the impact of positive parenting.

• The following are included among the team’s research topics:
• Relationships between positive parenting and academic success;
• Positive parenting as a predictor of protective behavioral strategies;
• Parenting style and emotional health; maternal hardiness, coping and social support in parents of chronically ill children, etc.

The PPRT ultimately seeks to promote positive parenting behaviors within families.

In their seven-year longitudinal study; Pettit, Bates and Dodge (1997) examined the influence of supportive parenting among parents of pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as involving mother‐to‐child warmth, proactive teaching, inductive discipline, and positive involvement. Researchers contrasted this parenting approach with a less supportive, more harsh parenting style.

Supportive parenting was associated with more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems when the children were in sixth grade. Moreover, supportive parenting actually mitigated the negative impact of familial risk factors (i.e., socioeconomic disadvantage, family stress, and single parenthood) on children’s subsequent behavioral problems (Pettit et al., 2006).

Researchers at the Gottman Institute also investigated the impact of positive parenting by developing a 5-step ‘emotion coaching’ program designed to build children’s confidence and to promote healthy intellectual and psychosocial growth.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include:

• awareness of emotions;
• connecting with your child;
• listening to your child;
• naming emotions; and
• finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Gottman has reported that children of “emotional coaches” benefit from a more a positive developmental trajectory relative to kids without emotional coaches. Moreover, an evaluation of emotional coaching by Bath Spa University found several positive outcomes for families trained in emotional coachings, such as parental reports of a 79% improvement in children’s positive behaviors and well-being (Bath Spa University, 2016).

Overall, research has indicated that positive parenting is related to various aspects of healthy child development (many more examples of evidence supporting the benefits are positive parenting are described further in this article). Such outcomes are neither fleeting nor temporary; and will continue well beyond childhood.

Another way of thinking about the role of positive parenting is in terms of resilience. When children—including those who begin life with significant disadvantages— experience positive and supportive parenting, they are far more likely to thrive.

It is in this way that positive parenting minimizes health and opportunity disparities by armoring children with large stores of emotional resilience (Brooks, 2005; Brooks & Goldstein, 2001). And since we know positive parenting works; what parent wouldn’t want to learn how to use it and thereby give his/her child the best shot at a healthy and happy life?

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There are various mechanisms through which positive parenting promotes a child’s prosocial development.

For example, Eisenberg, Zhou, and Spinrad et al. (2005) suggest that positive parenting impacts children’s temperament by enhancing emotion regulation (e.g., “effortful control” enabling children to focus attention in a way that promotes emotion modulation and expression).

The authors reported a significant link between parental warmth and positive expressivity on children’s long-term emotion regulation. This ability to use effortful control was found to predict reduced externalizing problems years later when children were adolescents (Eisenbert et al., 2005).

Along with emotion regulation, there are many other ways in which positive parenting encourages a child’s positive development and self-growth.

Here are some examples:

• Teaching and leading promote children’s confidence and provides them with the tools needed to make good choices.
• Positive communication promotes children’s social and problem-solving skills while enhancing relationship quality with caregivers and peers.
• Warm and democratic parenting enhances children’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Parental supervision promotes prosocial peer bonding and positive youth outcomes.
• Autonomy-promoting parenting supports creativity, empowerment, and self-determination.
• Supportive and optimistic parenting fosters children’s belief in themselves and the future.
• Providing recognition for desirable behaviors increases children’s self-efficacy and the likelihood of engaging in prosocial, healthy behaviors.
• Providing boundaries and consequences teaches children accountability and responsibility.

Generally speaking, there are many aspects of positive parenting that nurture children’s self-esteem; creativity; belief in the future; ability to get along with others; and sense of mastery over their environment.

Warm, loving and supportive parents feed a child’s inner spirit while empowering him/her with the knowledge and tools necessary to approach life as a fully capable individual.

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The need for positive parenting begins – well, at the beginning. The attachment literature has consistently indicated that babies under one year of age benefit from positive parenting. More specifically, a secure attachment between infants and mothers is related to numerous positive developmental outcomes (i.e., self-esteem, trust, social competence, etc.; Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

The quality of the mother-child attachment is believed to be a function of parental sensitivity (e.g., mothers who accurately perceive and quickly respond to their babies’ needs; Juffer et al., 2008)— which is certainly a key indicator of positive parenting practices in their earliest form.

Not only is a secure mother-child attachment related to early positive developmental outcomes, but more recent attachment research also indicates long-term increases in social self-efficacy among girls with secure attachments to their fathers (Coleman, 2003).

There are even ways in which positive parenting benefits a child or family as soon as the parents learn of a pregnancy or adoption (i.e., see the subsequent ‘sibling rivalry’ section). Therefore, it cannot be stressed enough: Positive parenting begins as early as possible.

There is empirical evidence for numerous benefits of positive parenting, which cover all developmental stages from infancy to late adolescence. The following table provides a list of many such examples:

The evidence clearly supports a relationship between positive parenting approaches and a large variety of prosocial parent and child outcomes. Therefore, practitioners have developed and implemented a range of programs aimed at promoting positive parenting practices.

Here are some noteworthy examples; including those which target specific risk factors, as well as those with a more preventative focus:

• Parent’s Circle program (Pearson & Anderson, 2001): Recognizing that positive parenting begins EARLY, this program helped parents of infants in the neonatal intensive care unit to enhance their parenting skills in order to better parent their fragile newborns.
• The Home Visiting Program (Ammaniti, Speranza, & Tambelli, et al., 2006): Also focused on babies, this program aimed to increase parental sensitivity in order to improve secure mother-infant attachments. In doing so, psychologists visited high-risk mothers at their homes in order to improve parental sensitivity to their infants’ signals.
• The Early Head Start Home-based Program (Roggman, Boyce, & Cook, 2009): This home-based program also focused on promoting parent-child attachment. Parents in semirural areas received weekly home-based visits from a family educator who taught them positive strategies aimed at promoting healthy parent-child interactions and engagement in children’s activities.
• American Psychological Association’s ACT Raising Safe Kids (RSK) program (Knox, Burkhard, & Cromly, 2013): The goal of this program was to improve parents’ positive parenting knowledge and skills by teaching nonviolent discipline, anger management, social problem‐solving skills, and other techniques intended to protect children from aggression and violence.
• New Beginnings Program (Wolchik, Sandler, Weiss, & Winslow, 2007): This empirically-based 10-session program was designed to teach positive parenting skills to families experiencing divorce or separation. Parents learned how to nurture positive and warm relationships with kids, use effective discipline, and protect their children from divorce-related conflict. The underlying goal of the New Beginnings Program was to promote child resilience during this difficult time.
• Family Bereavement Program (Sandler, Wolchik, Ayers, Tein, & Luecken, 2013): This intervention was aimed at promoting resilience in parents and children experiencing extreme adversity: The death of a parent. This 10-meeting supportive group environment helped bereaved parents learn a number of resilience-promoting parenting skills (i.e., active listening, using effective rules, supporting children’s coping, strengthening family bonds, and using adequate self-care).
• The Positive Parent (Suárez, Rodríguez, & López, 2016): This Spanish online program was aimed at enhancing positive parenting by helping parents to learn about child development and alternative child-rearing techniques; to become more aware, creative and independent in terms of parenting practices; to establish supportive connections with other parents; and to feel more competent and satisfied with their parenting.
• Healthy Families Alaska Programs (Calderaa, Burrellb, & Rodriguez, 2007): The objective of this home visiting program was to promote positive parenting and healthy child development outcomes in Alaska. Paraprofessionals worked with parents to improve positive parenting attitudes, parent-child interactions, child development knowledge, and home environment quality.
• The Strengthening Families Program (Kumpfer & Alvarado, 1998): This primary prevention program has been widely used to teach parents a large array of positive parenting practices. Following family systems and cognitive-behavioral philosophies, the program has taught parenting skills such as engagement in positive interactions with children, positive communication, effective discipline, rewarding positive behaviors, and the use of family meetings to promote organization. The program’s overall goal was to enhance child and family protective factors; to promote children’s resilience, and to improve children’s social and life skills.
• Incredible Years Program (Webster-Stratton& Reid, 2013): This program refers to a widely implemented and evaluated group-based intervention designed to reduce emotional problems and aggression among children, and to improve their social and emotional competence. Parent groups received 12-20 weekly group sessions focused on nurturing relationships, using positive discipline, promoting school readiness and academic skills, reducing conduct problems, and increasing other aspects of children’s healthy psychosocial development. This program has also been used for children with ADHD.
• Evidence-based Positive Parenting Programs Implemented in Spain (Ministers of the Council of Europe, in Rodrigo et al., 2012): In a special issue of Psychosocial Intervention, multiple evaluation studies of positive parenting programs delivered across Spain are presented. Among the programs included are those delivered in groups, at home, and online; each of which is aimed at positive parenting support services. This issue provides an informative resource for understanding which parents most benefited from various types of evidence-based programs aimed at promoting positive parenting among parents attending family support services.
• Triple P Positive Parenting Program (Sanders, 2008): This program, which will be described in more detail in a subsequent post, is a highly comprehensive parenting program with the objective of providing parents of high-risk children with the knowledge, confidence, and skills needed to promote healthy psychological health and adjustment in their children. While these programs are multifaceted, an overarching focus of the Triple P programs is to improve children’s self-regulation.

A reoccurring theme in the positive parenting literature is that a warm, yet firm parenting style is linked to numerous positive youth outcomes. This style is termed ‘authoritative’ and it is conceptualized as a parenting approach that includes a good balance of the following parenting qualities: assertive, but not intrusive; demanding, but responsive; supportive in terms of discipline, but not punitive (Baumrind, 1991).

Along with an authoritative parenting style, a developmental parenting style is also believed to support positive child outcomes (Roggman et al., 2008).

Developmental parenting is a positive parenting style that promotes positive child development by providing affection (i.e., through positive expressions of warmth toward the child); responsiveness (i.e., by attending to a child’s cues); encouragement (i.e., by supporting a child’s capabilities and interests); and teaching (i.e., by using play and conversation to support a child’s cognitive development (Roggman & Innocenti, 2009).

Developmental parenting clearly shares several commonalities with authoritative parenting, and both represent positive parenting approaches.

Overall, by taking a good look at positive parenting strategies that work for raising healthy, happy kids; it is evident that positive parenting styles encourage a child’s autonomy by:

• Supporting exploration and involvement in decision-making
• Paying attention and responding to a child’s needs
• Using effective communication
• Attending to a child’s emotional expression and control
• Rewarding and encouraging positive behaviors
• Providing clear rules and expectations
• Applying consistent consequences for behaviors
• Providing adequate supervision and monitoring
• Acting as a positive role model
• Making positive family experiences a priority

In a nutshell, positive parents support a child’s healthy growth and inner spirit by being loving, supportive, firm, consistent, and involved. Such parents go beyond communicating their expectations, but practice what they preach by being positive role models for their children to emulate.

4 Things you must say to your kids daily – Live on Purpose TV

The term ‘discipline’ often has a negative, purely punitive connotation. However, ‘discipline’ is actually defined as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character” (Merriam-Webster, 2019).

This definition is instructive, as it reminds us that as parents, we are not disciplinarians, but rather teachers. And as our children’s teachers, our goal is to respectfully show them choices for behaviors and to positively reinforce adaptive behaviors.

Positive discipline again harkens back to authoritative parenting because it should be administered in a way that is firm and loving at the same time. Importantly, positive discipline is never violent, aggressive or critical; it is not punitive.

Relevant: Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement

Physical punishment (i.e., spanking) is ineffective for changing behaviors in the long-term and has a number of detrimental consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013). Indeed, the objective of positive discipline is to “teach and train. Punishment (inflicting pain/purposeful injury) is unnecessary and counter-productive” (Kersey, 2006, p. 1).

Nelsen (2006) describes a sense of belonging as a primary goal of all people; a goal that is not achieved through punishment. In fact, she describes the four negative consequences of punishment on children (e.g., “the four R’s”) as resentment toward parents; revenge that may be plotted in order to get back at parents; rebellion against parents, such as through even more excessive behaviors; and retreat, that may involve becoming sneaky and/or experiencing a loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

She provides the following five criteria for positive discipline (which are available on her positive discipline website ):

• Is both kind and firm
• Promotes a child’s sense of belonging and significance
• Works long-term (note: punishment may have an immediate impact, but this is short-lived)
• Teaches valuable social and life skills (i.e., problem-solving, social skills, self-soothing, etc.)
• Helps children develop a sense that they are capable individuals

In her comprehensive and helpful book for parents: Positive Discipline , Nelsen (2006) also describes a number of key aspects of positive discipline, such as being non-violent, respectful, and grounded in developmental principles; teaching children self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy; and promoting a positive relationship between parent and child.

Stated another way, “ respecting children teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person deserves respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn ” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Since we know that positive discipline does not involve the use of punishment; the next obvious questions become “Just what exactly does it involve?”

This question is undoubtedly urgent for parents who feel like their child is working diligently toward driving them mad. While we will discuss some of the more typical frustrations that parents regularly encounter later in the article, Kersey (2006) provides parents with a wonderful and comprehensive resource in her publication entitled “101 positive principles of discipline.”

Here are her top ten principles:

• Demonstrate Respect Principle : Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.
• Make a Big Deal Principle : Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.
• Incompatible Alternative Principle : Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.
• Choice Principle : Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”
• When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle : Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)
• Connect Before You Correct Principle : Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.
• Validation Principle : Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.
• Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle : Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.
• Belonging and Significance Principle : Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.
• Timer Says it’s Time Principle : Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

The reader is encouraged to check-out Kersey’s 101 positive discipline principles, as they contain an enormous amount of useful and effective approaches for parents; along with principles that reflect many everyday examples (e.g., Babysitter Principle; Apology Principle; Have Fun Together Principle; Talk About Them Positively to Others Principle; Whisper Principle; Write a Contract Principle; and so much more).

This section has provided many helpful positive discipline ideas for a myriad of parenting situations and challenges. Positive discipline (which will be expounded on later sections of in the article: i.e., ‘positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers,’ ‘temper tantrums,’ ‘techniques to use at bedtime,’ etc.) is an effective discipline approach that promotes loving parent-child relationships, as well as producing productive, respectful, and happy children.

The notion of parenting a toddler can frighten even the most tough-minded among us. This probably isn’t helped by terms such as ‘terrible two’s,’ and jokes like “ Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it ” (Jerry Seinfeld, goodreads.com).

Sure, toddlers and preschoolers get a bad rap; but they do sometimes seem like tiny drunken creatures who topple everything in their path. Not to mention their tremendous noise and energy, mood swings, and growing need for independence.

While their lack of coordination and communication skills can be endearing and often hilarious; they are also quite capable of leaving their parents in a frenzied state of frustration. For example, let’s consider the situation below.

The Grocery Store Blow-out

In this relatable example, a dad and his cranky 3-year-old find themselves in a long line at a grocery store. The child decides she’s had enough shopping and proceeds to throw each item out of the cart while emitting a blood-curdling scream.

The father, who may really need to get the shopping done, is likely to shrivel and turn crimson as his fellow shoppers glare and whisper about his “obnoxious child” or “bad parenting.” He, of course, tells her to stop; perhaps by asking her nicely, or trying to reason with her.

When this doesn’t’ work, he might switch his method to commanding, pleading, threatening, negotiating, or anything else he can think of in his desperation. But she is out of control and beyond reason. The father wants an immediate end to the humiliation; but he may not realize that some quick fixes intended to placate his child, will only make his life worse in the long run.

So, what is he to do?

Before going into specific solutions for this situation, it is essential that parents understand this developmental stage. There are reasons for the child’s aggravating behaviors; reasons that are biologically programmed to ensure survival.

For example, kids aged two-to-three are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things that seem scary in the world. As such, they may become anxious about a variety of situations; like strangers, bad dreams, extreme weather, creepy images, doctor and dentist offices, monsters, certain animals, slivers or other minor medical issues, etc.

While these childhood fears make life more difficult for parents (i.e., when a child won’t stay in his/her room at night due to monsters and darkness, or when a child makes an enormous fuss when left with a babysitter), they are actually an indicator of maturity (Durant, 2016).

The child is reacting in a way that supports positive development by fearing and avoiding perceived dangers. While fear of monsters does not reflect a truly dangerous situation, avoidance of individuals who appear mean or aggressive is certainly in the child’s best interest.

Similarly, fear of strangers is an innate protective mechanism that prompts children to stay close to those adults who keep them healthy and safe. And some strangers indeed should be feared. Although a challenge for parents, young children who overestimate dangers with consistent false-positives are employing their survival instincts.

In her book  Positive Discipline (which is free online and includes worksheets for parents), Durant (2016) notes the importance of respecting a child’s fears and not punishing her/him for them, as well as talking to the child in a way that shows empathy and helps him/her to verbalize feelings. Durant proposes that one of the keys of effective discipline is “… to see short-term challenges as opportunities to work toward your long-term goals” (2016, p. 21).

With this objective in mind, any steps a parent takes when dealing with a frightened or misbehaving child should always be taken with consideration of their potential long-term impact. Long-term goals, which Durant describes as “the heart of parenting” may be hard to think about when a child is challenging and a frustrated parent simply wants the behavior to stop.

However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as:

• Maintaining a quality relationship with the parent
• Taking responsibility for actions
• Being respectful of others
• Knowing right from wrong
• Making wise decisions
• Being honest, loyal and trustworthy

Related: Examples of Positive Reinforcement in the Classroom

Grocery Store Blow-out Solutions

Long-term parenting goals are highly relevant to the maddening grocery store example. If the dad only thinks about the short-term goal of making his daughter’s behavior stop embarrassing him at the store, he might decide to tell her she can have a candy bar if she is quiet and stops throwing items from the cart.

This way, he might reason, he can finish his shopping quickly and without humiliation. Sure, this might work as far as getting the child to behave on that day— at that moment; BUT here are some likely consequences:

• Next time they go shopping, she will do this again in order to receive the candy reward.
• Pretty much every time they go shopping, she will do the same thing; and the value of the reward is likely to escalate as she gets tired of the candy.
• She will learn that this behavior can get her rewards in all sorts of places beyond the grocery store, thus making her exhausted parents afraid to take her anywhere.

Moreover, the message she receives from the candy tactic will not reinforce the qualities the father likely wants to see in his daughter over time, such as:

• Being respectful of her parents
• Being respectful of others around her
• Being respectful of others’ property
• Being responsible for her behavior
• Being courteous and considerate
• Being helpful
• Having good manners
• Having good social skills

Therefore, the father might instead deal with this situation by calmly telling her that she needs to stop or she will get a time-out. The time-out can take place somewhere in the store that is not reinforcing for her, such as a quiet corner with no people around (e.g., no audience). Or they can go sit in the car.

If the store is especially crowded, the dad might also ask the clerk to place his cart in a safe place and/or save his place in line until he returns (which he/she will likely be inclined to do if it will get the child to be quiet). After a brief time-out, he should give his daughter a hug and let her know the rules for the remainder of the shopping trip, as well as the consequences of not following them.

In some cases, it might be better for the parent to simply leave the store without the groceries and go home. He won’t have completed his shopping, but that will be a small price for having a child who learns a good lesson on how to behave.

Very importantly, however; if he does take her home, this absolutely cannot be done in a way that is rewarding (i.e., she gets to go home and play, watch tv, or anything else she enjoys). She will need a time-out immediately upon arriving home, as well as perhaps the message that dinner won’t be her favorite tonight since the shopping was not done.

This is not meant to be punitive or sarcastic, more of a natural consequence for her to learn from (e.g., “If I act-out at the store, we won’t have my favorite foods in the house”). In fact, even though he may not feel like it, the father needs to speak to his daughter in a kind and loving way.

Regardless of whether the consequence is in the store or at home, the dad absolutely must follow-through consistently. If he doesn’t, he will teach her that sometimes she can misbehave and still get what she wants; this is a pattern of reinforcement that is really difficult to break.

Of course, the father cannot leave the store each time she misbehaves, as he won’t get anything done and he’s also giving her too much control. Thus, he should prepare in advance for future shopping trips by making her aware of the shopping rules, expectations for her behavior, and the consequences if she breaks them.

The father should be specific about such things, as “I expect you to be good at the store” is not clear. Saying something more like “The rules for shopping are that you need to talk in your quiet voice, listen to daddy, sit still in the cart, help daddy give the items to the clerk, etc.” The dad is also encouraged to only take her shopping when she is most likely to behave (i.e., when well-rested, well-fed, not upset about something else, etc.).

He might also give her something to do while shopping, such as by bringing her favorite book or helping to put items in the cart. Giving his daughter choices will also help her feel a sense of control (i.e., “You can either help put the items in the cart or you can help give them to the clerk”).

And, finally, the little girl should be rewarded for her polite shopping behavior with a great deal of praise (i.e., “You were a very good girl at the store today. You really helped Daddy and I enjoyed spending time with you”).

He might also reward her with a special experience (i.e., “You were so helpful at the store, that we saved enough time to go the park later” or “You were such a great helper today; can you also help daddy make dinner?”). Of course, the reward should not consist of food, since that can lead to various other problems.

There are many more positive parenting tips for this and other difficult parenting scenarios throughout this article, as well as numerous helpful learning resources. In the meantime, it is always wise to remember that your toddler or preschooler does not act the way he/she does in order to torture you— it’s not personal.

There are always underlying reasons for these behaviors. Just keep your cool, plan-ahead, think about your long-term goals, and remember that your adorable little monster will only be this age for a brief time.

Related:  Parenting Children with Positive Reinforcement (Examples + Charts)

Siblings, whether biological; adopted; full or half stepsiblings; often pick at each other endlessly. Arguments between siblings are a normal part of life. However, sometimes the degree of animosity between siblings (e.g., sibling rivalry) can get out of control and interfere with the quality of the relationship. Not to mention creating misery for parents. Plus, there are negative long-term consequences of problematic sibling relationships, such as deviant behavior among older children and teens (Moser & Jacob, 2002).

Sibling rivalry is often complicated, as it is affected by a range of family variables, such as family size, parent-child interactions, parental relationships, children’s genders, birth order, and personality—among others. And it starts really early. Sometimes, as soon as a child realizes a baby brother or sister is on the way, emotions begin to run high. Fortunately, parents have a great opportunity to prepare their children from the start.

For example, the parent can foster a healthy sibling relationship by engaging in open communication about becoming a big brother or sister early on. This should be done in a way that is exciting and supports the child’s new role as the older sibling. Parents can support bonding by allowing the child to feel the baby kick or view ultrasound pictures. They can solicit their child’s help in decorating the baby’s room.

For some families, their newborn baby may be premature or have other medical problems that require time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). In this situation, which can be quite stressful for siblings, parents should talk to the older child about what’s happening. Parents might also provide the child with updates on the baby’s progress, prepare the child for visits to the NICU, have the child draw a picture to leave with the baby, make a scrapbook for the baby, and set aside plenty of time with the older child (Beavis, 2007).

If the new child is going to be adopted, it is also important to encourage a connection. For example, along with explaining how the adoption will work, the child can be involved in the exciting aspects of the process once it is confirmed. In the case of an older child or international adoption, there are special things parents can do as well.

For example, if a child is in an orphanage, the sibling can help pick-out little gifts to send ahead of time (i.e., a stuffed animal, soft blanket or clothing). Having the child draw a picture and/or write a letter to the new sibling is another way to enhance the relationship. Adopting an older child will require particular preparation; as the new sibling will arrive with his/her own fears, traits, memories, and experiences that will certainly come into play.

There are a number of children’s books designed to help parents prepare their children for a new sibling, such as You Were the First (MacLachlan, 2013), My Sister Is a Monster : Funny Story on Big Brother and New Baby Sister How He Sees Her (Green, 2018), and Look-Look : The New Baby (Mayer, 2001).

There are also children’s books that help prepare children for adopted siblings, with some that are even more focused on the type of adoption. Here are a few examples: Seeds of Love : For Brothers and Sisters of International Adoption (Ebejer Petertyl & Chambers, 1997), A Sister for Matthew : A Story About Adoption (Kennedy, 2006), and Emma’s Yucky Brother (Little, 2002).

Along with the above tips, Amy McCready (2019) provides some excellent suggestions for ending sibling rivalry, these include:

• Avoid Labeling Children: by labeling children in ways such as “the social one,” “the great student,” “the athlete,” “the baby” etc., parents intensify comparisons, as well as one child’s belief that he/she does not possess the same positive qualities as the other one (i.e., “if he’s the ‘brainy one,’ I must be the ‘dumb one,’”).
• Arrange for Attention: Make sure each child has plenty of regular intentional attention so that they will be less inclined to fight for it.
• Prepare for Peace: McCready describes several ways to teach conflict resolution skills that help to avoid further issues between siblings.
• Stay out of Squabbles: Unless absolutely necessary (i.e., during a physical fight), it is best to stay out of squabbles. In doing so, the parent is not reinforcing the disagreement, while also enabling the children to work out solutions together.
• Calm the Conflict: If you must intervene, it is best to help the children problem-solve the situation without judgment or taking sides.
• Put them All in the Same Boat: McCready suggests that all children involved in the conflict receive the same consequence, which teaches them that they each will benefit from getting along.

These and other useful tips and resources are available on McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions website . Luckily, by being thoughtful and preparing ahead of time, parents can avoid excessive competition between children and promote meaningful lifelong sibling bonds.

Before discussing positive parenting with teenagers, it is important to remember one key fact: Teens still need and want their parents’ support, affection, and guidance— even if it doesn’t seem like it. Just as with younger kids, parental figures are essential for helping adolescents overcome difficult struggles (Wolin, Desetta & Hefner, 2016).

Indeed, by fostering a sense of mastery and internal locus of control, adults help to empower a teen’s sense of personal responsibility and control over the future (Blaustein & Kinniburgh, 2018). In fact, the presence of nurturing adults who truly listen has been reported among emotionally resilient teens (Wolin et al., 2016).

Positive parenting practices such as quality communication, parental monitoring, and authoritative parenting style also have been found to predict fewer risky behaviors among adolescents (DeVore & Ginsburg, 2005).

As parents of teens know, there are many challenges involved in parenting during this developmental period. Adolescents often find themselves confused about where they fit in the area between adulthood and childhood. They may desire independence, yet lack the maturity and knowledge to execute it safely. They are often frustrated by their bodily changes, acne and mood swings.

Teens may be overwhelmed by school, as well as pressures from parents and peers. Teens may feel bad about themselves and even become anxious or depressed as they try to navigate the various stressors they face.

Many of these difficulties, which certainly need attention from parents, may also make conversations difficult. Parents may feel confused as to how much freedom versus protectiveness is appropriate. The Love and Logic approach (Cline & Faye, 2006) provides some terrific ways for parents to raise responsible, well-adjusted teens.

The authors’ approach for parents involves two fundamental concepts: “Love [which] means giving your teens opportunities to be responsible and empowering them to make their own decisions.” And “Logic [which] means allowing them to live with the natural consequences of their mistakes-and showing empathy for the pain, disappointment, and frustration they’ll experience” (Foster, Cline, & Faye, 2019, hopelbc.com, p. 1).

Just as with young children, the Love and Logic method is a warm and loving way to prepare teens for the future while maintaining a quality relationship with parents.

Another positive parenting approach that is particularly applicable to adolescents is the Teen Triple P Program (Ralph & Sanders, 2004). Triple P (which will be described in a subsequent post) is tailored toward teens and involves teaching parents a variety of skills aimed at increasing their own knowledge and confidence.

The program also promotes various prosocial qualities in teens such as social competence, health, and resourcefulness; such that they will be able to avoid engaging in problem behaviors (e.g., substance use, risky sex, delinquency, Bulimia, etc.). This approach enables parents to replace harsh discipline styles for those that are more nurturing, without being permissive. It aims to minimize parent-teen conflict while providing teens with the tools and ability to make healthy choices (Ralph & Sanders, 2004).

Parents of teens (or future teens) often shudder when considering the dangers and temptations to which their children may be exposed. With a focus specifically on substance use, the Partnership for Drug-free Kids website offers a great deal of information for parents who are either dealing with teen drug use or are doing their best to prevent it.

For example, several suggestions for lowering the probability that a teen will use substances include:

• knowing your teen’s friends;
• being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication;
• being aware of your child’s level of risk for substance use;
• providing your teen with substance use information;
• supervising and monitoring your teen;
• setting boundaries;
• communicating openly about substance use; and
• building a supportive and warm relationship with your teen (Partnership for Drug-free Kids; PDK, 2014).

These suggestions are discussed in more detail on the following PDF : Parenting Practices: Help Reduce the Chances Your Child will Develop a Drug or Alcohol Problem (PDK, 2014). By employing these and other positive parenting techniques, you are helping your teenager to become a respectful, well-adjusted and productive member of society.

Divorce has become so common that dealing with it in the best possible way for kids is of vital importance to parents everywhere.

Parental divorce/separation represents a highly stressful experience for children that can have both immediate and long-term negative consequences.

Children of divorce are at increased risk for mental health, emotional, behavioral, and relationship problems (Department of Justice, Government of Canada, 2015).

There is, however, variability in how divorce affects children; with some adverse consequences being temporary, and others continuing well into adulthood. Since we know that divorce does not impact all children equally, the key question becomes: What are the qualities that are most effective for helping children to cope with parental divorce?

There are differences in children’s temperament and other aspects of personality, as well as family demographics, that affect their ability to cope with divorce. But, for present purposes, let’s focus on the aspects of the divorce itself since this is the area parents have the most power to change.

Importantly, the detrimental impact of divorce on kids typically begins well before the actual divorce (Amato, 2000). Thus, it may not be the divorce per se that represents the child risk factor; but rather, the parents’ relationship conflicts and how they are handled. For divorced/divorcing parents, this information is encouraging—as there are things you can do to help your children (and you) remain resilient despite this difficult experience.

Parental Conflict and Alienation

There are several divorce-related qualities that make it more difficult for children to adapt to divorce, such as parental hostility and poor cooperation between parents (Amato, 2000); and interpersonal conflict between parents along with continued litigation (Goodman, Bonds, & Sandler, et al., 2005).

Parents dealing with divorce need to make a special effort not to expose their children to conflicts between parents, legal and money related issues, and general animosity. The latter point merits further discussion, as parents often have a difficult time not badmouthing each other in front of (or even directly to) their kids. It is this act of turning a child against a parent that ultimately serves to turn a child against himself (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Badmouthing the other divorced parent is an alienation strategy, given its aim to alienate the other parent from the child. Such alienation involves any number of criticisms of the other parent in front of the child. This may even include qualities that aren’t necessarily negative, but which can be depicted as such for the sake of enhancing alienation (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Baker and Ben-Ami (2011) note that parental alienation tactics hurt children by sending the message that the badmouthed parent does not love the child. Also, the child may feel that, because their badmouthed parent is flawed; that he/she is similarly damaged. When a child receives a message of being unlovable or flawed, this negatively affects his/her self-esteem, mood, relationships, and other areas of life ( Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011 ).

An excellent resource for preventing parental alienation is Divorce Poison : How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing (Warshak, 2010).

Warshak describes how one parent’s criticism of the other may have a highly detrimental impact on the targeted parent’s relationship with his/her child. And such badmouthing absolutely hurts the child. Badmouthed parents who fail to deal with the situation appropriately are at risk of losing the respect of their kids and even contact altogether. Warshak provides effective solutions for bad-mouthed parents to use during difficult situations, such as:

• How to react when you find out about the badmouthing
• What to do if your kids refuse to see you
• How to respond to false accusations
• How to insulate kids from bad-mouthing effects

Reasons that parents attempt to manipulate children, as well as behaviors often exhibited by children who have become alienated from one parent,  are also described (Warshak, 2010). This book, as well as additional resources subsequently listed, provides hope and solutions for parents who are dealing with the pain of divorce.

Importantly, there are ways to support children in emerging from divorce without long-term negative consequences (i.e., by protecting them from parental animosity). It is in this way that parents can “enable their children to maintain love and respect for two parents who no longer love, and may not respect, each other” (Warshak, 2004-2013, warshak.com).

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

Positive parenting is an effective style of raising kids that is suitable for pretty much all types of parents and children. This article contains a rich and extensive collection of positive parenting research and resources; with the goal of arming caregivers with the tools to prevent or tackle a multitude of potential challenges. And, of course, to foster wellness and healthy development in children.

Here are the article’s key takeaways:

• Parents are never alone. Whatever the problem or degree of frustration, there is a whole community of parents who have faced the same issues. Not to mention a ton of positive parenting experts with effective solutions.
• Positive parenting begins early. Positive parenting truly starts the moment a person realizes he/she is going to become a parent since even the planning that goes into preparing for a child’s arrival will have an impact.
• Positive parenting applies to all developmental periods. With a positive parenting approach, raising toddlers and teenagers need not be terrible nor terrifying. Positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages.
• Positive parents raise their children in a way that empowers them to reach their full potential as resilient and fulfilled individuals. Positive parents are warm, caring, loving and nurturing— and so much more: They are teachers, leaders, and positive role models. They are consistent and clear about expectations. They know what their kids and teens are doing. They encourage and reinforce positive behaviors. They make family experiences a priority. They support their children’s autonomy and individuality. They love their children unconditionally. They engage in regular, open dialogues with their children. They are affectionate, empathetic, and supportive. They understand that their teenagers still need them.
• Positive discipline is an effective, evidence-based approach that is neither punitive nor permissive. Positive discipline is performed in a loving way without anger, threats, yelling, or punishment. It involves clear rules, expectations, and consequences for behavior; and consistent follow-through. It is in alignment with parents’ long-term parenting goals.
• Positive parenting is backed by empirical evidence supporting its many benefits. Positive parenting promotes children’s self-esteem, emotional expression, self-efficacy, sense of belonging, social and decision-making skills, and belief in themselves. Positive parenting fosters secure attachments and quality relationships with parents; school adjustment and achievement; reduced behavior problems, depressive symptoms, and risk behaviors; and positive youth development in general. The outcomes associated with positive parenting are long-term and often permanent.
• Positive parenting is applicable to a vast array of challenges. Positive parenting applies to everyday challenges, as well as more frustrating and even severe issues. Positive parenting has been effectively used for dealing with temper tantrums, bedtime and eating issues, and sibling rivalry; as well as difficulties associated with divorce, ADHD, family stressors, teen pressures, and risk-taking—and much more.
• Positive parenting solutions are both abundant and accessible. Because positive parenting experts have tackled so many parenting issues, available resources are plentiful. Along with the many tips and suggestions contained in this article; there is a whole online library of positive parenting-related activities, workbooks, books, videos, courses, articles, and podcasts that cover a broad range of parenting topics.

Considering the many positive parenting solutions and resources currently available, parents can approach their role as teachers, leaders, and positive role models with confidence and optimism. And, ultimately, by consistently applying positive parenting strategies; parents will experience a deep and meaningful connection with their children that will last a lifetime. ?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

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I am currently a student in occupational therapy and I am in the process of completing my dissertation for my degree, focusing on positive parenting and its impact on children with ADHD. Recently, I purchased a book that contained a QR code leading me to your article. Would it be possible to receive the DOI and the PDF of this article via email, please?

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While we don’t currently have an option to download or convert our posts to pdf, you are very welcome to reference the article as follows (APA 7): [author last name], [author initial]. (year, month day). Title. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/URL/

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Thank you for compiling this research. It was truly helpful in getting started on a positive path.

Hi there! I am writing a research paper on gentle parenting and the positive effects it has. Would you be able to send me your resource list for this article?

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I am also writing a paper. When citing this article, should I use 2019 or 2023 as the date? Thank you!

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Great article. I really liked. I will share this article with my school.

I totally agree with many different points has written in this useful article, I spent several days to complete it,, but it was really worthy especially what you mentioned here about model of parenting. Thank your for all details and sources you wrote up there and waiting for your new things coming up.

i love your blog and always like new things coming up from it.

Positive parenting is key for a happy family! I totally agree that positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages. The most important things about such a model of parenting are to know your kid’s friends, being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication, and building a supportive and warm relationship with your child. We are responsible for the future generation, therefore raising happy and good person is a must!

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Table of contents.

• 1. The American family today
• 2. Satisfaction, time and support
• 3. Parenting approaches and concerns
• 4. Child care and education: quality, availability and parental involvement
• 5. Children’s extracurricular activities
• Acknowledgments
• Methodology

For the latest data on parenting in America, see “ Parenting in America Today ” (January 2023).

Contemporary debates about parenthood often focus on parenting philosophies: Are kids better off with helicopter parents or a free-range approach? What’s more beneficial in the long run, the high expectations of a tiger mom or the nurturing environment where every child is a winner? Is overscheduling going to damage a child or help the child get into a good college? While these debates may resonate with some parents, they often overlook the more basic, fundamental challenges many parents face – particularly those with lower incomes. A broad, demographically based look at the landscape of American families reveals stark parenting divides linked less to philosophies or values and more to economic circumstances and changing family structure.

A new Pew Research Center survey conducted Sept. 15-Oct. 13, 2015, among 1,807 U.S. parents with children younger than 18 finds that for lower-income parents, financial instability can limit their children’s access to a safe environment and to the kinds of enrichment activities that affluent parents may take for granted. For example, higher-income parents are nearly twice as likely as lower-income parents to rate their neighborhood as an “excellent” or “very good” place to raise kids (78% vs. 42%). On the flip side, a third of parents with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say that their neighborhood is only a “fair” or “poor” place to raise kids; just 7% of parents with incomes in excess of $75,000 give their neighborhood similarly low ratings.

Along with more negative ratings of their neighborhoods, lower-income parents are more likely than those with higher incomes to express concerns about their children being victims of violence. At least half of parents with family incomes less than $30,000 say they worry that their child or children might be kidnapped (59%) or get beat up or attacked (55%), shares that are at least 15 percentage points higher than among parents with incomes above $75,000. And about half (47%) of these lower-income parents worry that their children might be shot at some point, more than double the share among higher-income parents.

Concerns about teenage pregnancy and legal trouble are also more prevalent among lower-income parents. Half of lower-income parents worry that their child or one of their children will get pregnant or get a girl pregnant as a teenager, compared with 43% of higher-income parents. And, by a margin of 2-to-1, more lower-income than higher-income parents (40% vs. 21%) say they worry that their children will get in trouble with the law at some point.

There are some worries, though, that are shared across income groups. At least half of all parents, regardless of income, worry that their children might be bullied or struggle with anxiety or depression at some point. For parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher, these concerns trump all others tested in the survey.

The survey also finds that lower-income parents with school-age children face more challenges than those with higher incomes when it comes to finding affordable, high-quality after-school activities and programs. About half (52%) of those with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say these programs are hard to find in their community, compared with 29% of those with incomes of $75,000 or higher. And when it comes to the extracurricular activities in which their children participate after school or on weekends, far more higher-income parents than lower-income parents say their children are engaged in sports or organizations such as the scouts or take lessons in music, dance or art. For example, among high-income parents, 84% say their children have participated in sports in the 12 months prior to the survey; this compares with 59% among lower-income parents.

The link between family structure and financial circumstances

The dramatic changes that have taken place in family living arrangements have no doubt contributed to the growing share of children living at the economic margins. In 2014, 62% of children younger than 18 lived in a household with two married parents – a historic low, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau. The share of U.S. kids living with only one parent stood at 26% in 2014. And the share in households with two parents who are living together but not married (7%) has risen steadily in recent years. 1

These patterns differ sharply across racial and ethnic groups. Large majorities of white (72%) and Asian-American (82%) children are living with two married parents, as are 55% of Hispanic children. By contrast only 31% of black children are living with two married parents, while more than half (54%) are living in a single-parent household.

The economic outcomes for these different types of families vary dramatically. In 2014, 31% of children living in single-parent households were living below the poverty line, as were 21% of children living with two cohabiting parents. 2 By contrast, only one-in-ten children living with two married parents were in this circumstance. In fact, more than half (57%) of those living with married parents were in households with incomes at least 200% above the poverty line, compared with just 21% of those living in single-parent households.

Most parents say they’re doing a good job raising their kids

Across income groups, however, parents agree on one thing: They’re doing a fine job raising their children. Nearly identical shares of parents with incomes of $75,000 or higher (46%), $30,000 to $74,999 (44%) and less than $30,000 (46%) say they are doing a very good job as parents, and similar shares say they are doing a good job.

Though parental scorecards don’t differ by income, they do vary across other demographic divides, such as gender and generation. Among all parents, more mothers than fathers say they are doing a very good job raising their children (51% vs. 39%), and Millennial mothers are particularly inclined to rate themselves positively. Nearly six-in-ten (57%) moms ages 18 to 34 say they are doing a very good job as a parent, a higher share than Millennial dads (43%) or any other generational group.

Regardless of how they see themselves, parents care a lot about how others perceive their parenting skills. For married or cohabiting parents, the opinion of their spouse or partner matters the most: 93% of these parents say it matters a lot to them that their spouse or partner sees them as a good parent. But most single parents (56%) also say they care a lot that their child’s other parent sees them as a good parent.

About seven-in-ten (72%) parents want their own parents to think they are doing a good job raising their children, and smaller but substantive shares care a lot that their friends (52%) and people in their community (45%) see them as good parents.

Parents are nearly evenly divided about whether their children’s successes and failures are more a reflection of how they are doing as parents (46%) or of their children’s own strengths and weaknesses (42%). Parents of younger children feel more personally responsible for their children’s achievements or lack thereof, while parents of teenagers are much more likely to say that it’s their children who are mainly responsible for their own successes and failures.

There are significant differences along racial lines as well, with black and Hispanic parents much more likely than whites to say their children’s successes and failures are mainly a reflection of the job they are doing as parents.

Mothers are more overprotective than fathers

About six-in-ten parents (62%) say they can sometimes be overprotective, while just a quarter say they tend to give their children too much freedom. More also say they criticize their kids too much than say they offer too much praise (44% vs. 33%). American parents are more divided on whether they sometimes “stick to their guns” too much or give in too quickly (43% each).

In several key ways, mothers and fathers approach parenting differently. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say that they sometimes are overprotective of their children, give in too quickly and praise their children too much.

Mothers also have more extensive support networks that they rely on for advice about parenting. They’re much more likely than fathers to turn to family members and friends and to take advantage of parenting resources such as books, magazines and online sources. For example, while 43% of moms say they turn to parenting websites, books or magazines at least sometimes for parenting advice, about a quarter (23%) of dads do the same. And moms are more than twice as likely as dads to say they at least occasionally turn to online message boards, listservs or social media for advice on parenting (21% vs. 9%).

In at least one key area gender does not make a difference: mothers and fathers are equally likely to say that being a parent is extremely important to their overall identity. About six-in-ten moms (58%) and dads (57%) say this, and an additional 35% and 37%, respectively, say being a parent is very important to their overall identity.

Parental involvement – how much is too much?

The survey findings, which touch on different aspects of parenting and family life, paint a mixed portrait of American parents when it comes to their involvement in their children’s education. About half (53%) of those with school-age children say they are satisfied with their level of engagement, but a substantial share (46%) wish they could be doing more. And while parents generally don’t think children should feel badly about getting poor grades as long as they try hard, about half (52%) say they would be very disappointed if their children were average students.

A narrow majority of parents (54%) say parents can never be too involved in their children’s education. But about four-in-ten (43%) say too much parental involvement in a child’s education can be a bad thing, a view that is particularly common among parents with more education and higher incomes. For example, while majorities of parents with a post-graduate (65%) or a bachelor’s (57%) degree say too much involvement could have negative consequences, just 38% of those with some college and 28% with no college experience say the same.

Black and Hispanic parents have a much different reaction to this question than do white parents, even after controlling for differences in educational attainment. Fully 75% of black and 67% of Hispanic parents say a parent can never be too involved in a child’s education. About half of white parents (47%) agree.

Whether or not they feel too much involvement can be a bad thing, a majority of parents are involved – at least to some extent – in their children’s education. Among parents with school-age children, 85% say they have talked to a teacher about their children’s progress in school over the 12 months leading up to the survey. Roughly two-thirds (64%) say they have attended a PTA meeting or other special school meeting. And 60% have helped out with a special project or class trip at their children’s school. Parents’ level of engagement in these activities is fairly consistent across income groups.

Reading aloud is one way parents can get involved in their children’s education even before formal schooling begins. Among parents with children under the age of 6, about half (51%) say they read aloud to their children every day, and those who have graduated from college are far more likely than those who have not to say this is the case. About seven-in-ten (71%) parents with a bachelor’s degree say they read to their young children every day, compared with 47% of those with some college and 33% of those with a high school diploma or less.

Kids are busy, and so are their parents

American children – including preschoolers – participate in a variety of extracurricular activities. At least half of parents with school-age children say their kids have played sports (73%), participated in religious instruction or youth groups (60%), taken lessons in music, dance or art (54%) or done volunteer work (53%) after school or on the weekends in the 12 months preceding the survey.

Among those with children younger than 6, four-in-ten say their young children have participated in sports, and about as many say they have been part of an organized play group; one-third say their children have taken music, dance or art lessons.

Parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher are far more likely than those with lower incomes to say their children have participated in extracurricular activities. For parents with school-age children, the difference is particularly pronounced when it comes to doing volunteer work (a 27 percentage point difference between those with incomes of $75,000 or higher and those with incomes less than $30,000), participating in sports (25 points), and taking music, dance or art lessons (21 points). Similarly, by double-digit margins, higher-income parents with children younger than 6 are more likely than those with lower incomes to say their young children have participated in sports or taken dance, music or art lessons in the 12 months prior to the survey.

Parents with higher incomes are also more likely to say their children’s day-to-day schedules are too hectic with too many things to do. Overall, 15% of parents with children between ages 6 and 17 describe their kids’ schedules this way. Among those with incomes of $75,000 or higher, one-in-five say their children’s schedules are too hectic, compared with 8% of those who earn less than $30,000.

But if kids are busy, their parents are even busier. About three-in-ten (31%) parents say they always feel rushed, even to do the things they have to do, and an additional 53% say they sometimes feel rushed. Not surprisingly, parents who feel rushed at least sometimes are more likely than those who almost never feel rushed to see parenting as tiring and stressful and less likely to see it as enjoyable all of the time.

Spanking is an unpopular form of discipline, but one-in-six use it at least sometimes

Parents employ many methods to discipline their children. The most popular is explaining why a child’s behavior is inappropriate: three-quarters say they do this often. About four-in-ten (43%) say they frequently take away privileges, such as time with friends or use of TV or other electronic devices, and a roughly equal share say they give a “timeout” (41% of parents with children younger than 6) as a form of discipline, while about one-in-five (22%) say they often resort to raising their voice or yelling.

Spanking is the least commonly used method of discipline – just 4% of parents say they do it often. But one-in-six parents say they spank their children at least some of the time as a way to discipline them. Black parents (32%) are more likely than white (14%) and Hispanic (19%) parents to say they sometimes spank their children and are far less likely to say they never resort to spanking (31% vs. 55% and 58%, respectively).

Spanking is also correlated with educational attainment. About one-in-five (22%) parents with a high school diploma or less say they use spanking as a method of discipline at least some of the time, as do 18% of parents with some college and 15% of parents with a bachelor’s degree. In contrast, just 8% of parents with a post-graduate degree say they often or sometimes spank their children.

Parental worries differ sharply by race, ethnicity

In addition to the economic gaps that underlie parents’ worries about the safety and well-being of their children, wide racial gaps exist on a few key items. White parents are far more likely than black parents to worry that their kids might struggle with anxiety or depression (58% vs. 35%) or that they might have problems with drugs or alcohol (40% vs. 23%). Black parents, in turn, worry more than white parents do that their children might get shot at some point. About four-in-ten (39%) black parents say this is a concern, compared with about one-in-five (22%) white parents. And this difference persists even when looking at white and black parents who live in urban areas, where there is more concern about shootings.

On each of these items and others tested in the survey, Hispanic parents are more likely than white and black parents to express concern. These differences are driven, at least in part, by high levels of concern among foreign-born Hispanics, who tend to have lower household incomes and lower levels of educational attainment than native-born Hispanics.

The remainder of this report includes an examination of changing family structures in the U.S. as well as detailed analyses of findings from the new Pew Research Center survey. Chapter 1 looks at the changing circumstances in which children are raised, drawing on demographic data, largely from U.S. government sources. This analysis highlights the extent to which parents’ changing marital and relationship status affects overall family makeup, and it also includes detailed breakdowns by key demographic characteristics such as race, education and household income. Chapters 2 through 5 explore findings from the new survey, with Chapter 2 focusing on parents’ assessments of the job they are doing raising their children and their families’ living circumstances. Chapter 3 looks at parenting values and philosophies. Chapter 4 examines child care arrangements and parents’ involvement in their children’s education. And Chapter 5 looks at extracurricular activities.

Other key findings

• About six-in-ten (62%) parents with infants or preschool-age children say that it’s hard to find child care in their community that is both affordable and high quality, and this is true across income groups. Most working parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher (66%) say their young children are cared for in day care centers or preschools, while those earning less than $30,000 rely more heavily on care by family members (57%).
• On average, parents say children should be at least 10 years old before they should be allowed to play in front of their house unsupervised while an adult is inside. Parents say children should be even older before they are allowed to stay home alone for about an hour (12 years old) or to spend time at a public park unsupervised (14 years old).
• Roughly a third of parents (31%) with children ages 6 to 17 say they have helped coach their child in a sport or athletic activity in the past year. Fathers (37%) are more likely than mothers (27%) to say they have done this.
• Nine-in-ten parents with children ages 6 to 17 say their kids watch TV, movies or videos on a typical day, and 79% say they play video games. Parents whose children get daily screen time are split about whether their children spend too much time on these activities (47%) or about the right amount of time (50%).
• Eight-in-ten (81%) parents with children younger than 6 say that their young children watch videos or play games on an electronic device on a daily basis. Roughly a third (32%) of these parents say their kids spend too much time on these activities; 65% say the amount of time is about right.

Terminology

Throughout this report, references to college graduates or parents with a college degree comprise those with a bachelor’s degree or more. “Some college” refers to those with a two-year degree or those who attended college but did not obtain a degree. “High school” refers to those who have attained a high school diploma or its equivalent, such as a General Education Development (GED) certificate.

Mentions of “school-age” children refer to those ages 6 to 17. “Teenagers” include children ages 13 to 17.

References to white and black parents include only those who are non-Hispanic. Hispanics are of any race.

• For the analysis of census data, “parent” is used to mean an adult parental figure, which may be the biological or adoptive parent, or the spouse or partner of a biological or adoptive parent (i.e., a stepparent). For the survey of parents, biological and adoptive parents, as well as those who volunteer that they have a stepchild and consider themselves that child’s parent, are included in the sample. ↩
• Poverty is measured using the Supplemental Poverty Measure (SPM) and not the Official Poverty Measure. See here and here for more information about the differences between the two measures. ↩

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Improve these 12 parenting skills and watch your kids thrive

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12 parenting skills to improve

8 ways to improve parenting skills, be the best parent you can be.

Parenting is a whirlwind.

No matter what kind of parent you are, raising kids is just as challenging as it is rewarding. Bringing up a child who’s kind, confident, and strong enough to face the world takes work — and much of that work comes from you. 

As a parent, you’re your child’s first role model. Kids observe everything and learn their first lessons about the world and how they should behave from you. Many parents recognize this and strive to use a parenting style that teaches their children without disrespecting them.

Investing in your parenting skills helps you and your children grow together. Here are a few qualities you can model to help your kids become the emotionally intelligent , well-rounded people you want them to be. 

Learning how to be a better parent is a top priority for moms, dads, and caregivers worldwide. But resources are lacking. Research from ZERO TO THREE, a non-profit studying early childhood, shows that 54% of parents want more information about raising kids . 

There’s also a growing push among parents to approach the process differently from their upbringing. According to a report from the Pew Research Center, nearly half of parents say they aim to raise their kids differently than their parents did . And the movement toward gentle or mindful parenting in recent years asks parents to notice how they interact with their children and always respond with respect and positivity. 

Needless to say, parenting is complex. But whether you’re a gentle parent or follow a different leadership style, you can work to become a better parent by honing the following skills. 

1. Communication

Being a parent involves constant communication. In the toddler days, that communication might look like, “Don’t touch that!” or “Don’t eat that!” And when your kids get older, those common phrases might become, “Be home by 9!” and “Make good choices!”

Regardless of how old your kids are, developing strong communication skills early on will make the parenthood road easier and more effective. Use age-appropriate language that approaches instruction with fairness and an open mind. It’s not always easy to respond to behavior with calm , clear language, but a positive relationship starts with communication.

2. Active listening

Many children love to talk. They want to tell you about their toys, the bug they saw at the park, and a million other thoughts that enter their growing minds. 

As a parent, these early years are a perfect time to practice active listening and show your kids you care about what they have to say. And the more you practice this skill, you’ll teach your kids they can come to you with anything — which is especially important as they get older and have bigger problems. 

As an adult, it’s easy to forget the challenges of being a child. And when they don’t listen to your instruction or start throwing a tantrum, frustration grows. 

But children’s brains continue to develop until their mid-to-late 20s , so they don’t always have the ability to do what you ask. Additionally, they don’t finish forming the part of their brain responsible for emotional regulation until they’re eight or nine . Approaching children with empathy and compassion allows their minds to develop without extra pressure or confusion. 

4. Education

As a parent, you’re likely your child’s first teacher. You teach them to eat, walk, and talk long before they enter formal education. And even when kids start school, you still teach them by helping with homework and encouraging positive behaviors . 

Studying different education and coaching skills can help you find the best method for teaching your kids and helping them start their academic careers. It’s also a good practice to research learning styles and discover which one suits your child. That way, you can give them the specific tools they need to succeed.

5. Giving praise

Research shows that parental praise builds resilience and self-esteem . In fact, vague praise like a thumbs-up is actually more beneficial than specific praise because it doesn’t link a child’s good work to a trait like intelligence. Ambiguous praise brings less pressure and gives kids more space to improve. 

As a parent, you should strive to be your child’s cheerleader, showering them with compliments and helping them develop self-love . But it’s also important to do so thoughtfully and intentionally so they have room to grow and don’t feel pressure to perform.

6. Conflict resolution

A child’s world has more conflict than you might think, from parental rules to playground spats. If you want your kid to navigate childhood — and adulthood — successfully, they should understand the basics of conflict resolution . 

Teach them this vital skill by talking them through disagreements with others, like you or their siblings, and by modeling effective conflict resolution in your own life. Kids are sponges, and showing them how to behave is often more effective than telling them.

Learning how to be a good parent usually starts with keeping your little one safe. You babyproof the house, learn how to hold them properly, and watch them like a hawk to make sure they’re doing well and out of harm’s way. This is a critical part of good parenting, but how can you be sure your child will stay safe when you’re not around? 

Brushing up on your safety basics and teaching them to your child can go a long way toward putting your mind at ease, especially if you’re a working parent . Show them how to communicate when they’re hurt and find a trusted adult in any situation. It’s difficult to think of worst-case scenarios, but prepping your child helps prevent them. 

8. Autonomy and independence

Effective parenting isn’t just about your role in your family’s happiness and health. Your children should also learn how to be independent and strong so they know how to navigate the “real world” when they become adults. 

Start by giving them responsibilities within your family. Young children can do simple tasks like picking up their toys or feeding family pets. And as you explore the world together, like taking the subway or going to the movies, explain the actions you’re taking so they understand what to do when they’re independent. 

9. Cooperation

Teamwork is a vital life skill that everyone needs to learn — especially if you want your child to work well with others at school and even in an office. One of the best ways for kids to learn teamwork skills is to start practicing them with you. 

Work together to complete household projects, schoolwork, and more to teach them what healthy collaboration and cooperation looks like. Couple your efforts with positive reinforcement, and you’ll watch your kids become expert team players in no time. 

10. Stress management

Children’s mental health has worsened since 2020, so much so that the American Academy of Pediatrics has deemed it a national crisis . With this in mind, some of the most important advice for parents is to teach kids how to healthily manage stress and communicate their feelings . 

Social media , bullying, and more significantly strain today’s children. They can handle it effectively, and become stronger, if they have some great stress management techniques in their emotional toolkits. And it sets the tone for their future emotional regulation skills.

11. Life skills

No list of tips on parenting would is complete without the obvious: teach your kids practical life skills . They’ll eventually leave home and live on their own, and when they do, they’ll need to know how to do their laundry, cook their meals, and do all the other tasks that are part of daily living.

It’s also essential to help your kids develop problem-solving strategies and other soft skills they’ll need for success in the adult world.

12. Patience

It’s nearly impossible to overstate the importance of patience in life . People need patience to get through everything from waiting at their local coffee shop to getting a test result from the doctor. Teach your children to be patient when they’re young, and show patience when you interact with them. It’s a skill that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

The skills above can help your kids live happy, healthy, and successful lives — but the learning has to start with you. By managing your emotions and behavior with conscious parenting , you’ll model healthy skill development and encourage your kids to be their best selves . 

Here’s some parental advice to help you (and your kids) gain these valuable skills:

1. Boost self-esteem 

Invest time in building your child’s self-esteem. Kids today have plenty of voices ready to tear them down, from societal beauty standards to bullies online. Make sure your children know that you’re their biggest fan and their constant supporter — and that, most importantly, they should stop comparing themselves to others . 

Model great self-esteem by boosting your own and avoiding negative self-talk . Before long, everyone in your home will feel better about themselves.

2. Recognize the good in your kids

Every kid misbehaves sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they intend to. Remember, a child’s brain doesn’t develop all at once. Emotional regulation takes time, as does understanding right and wrong. 

Giving your kids a time-out when they shout, hit, or throw toys might help change the child’s behavior at the moment, but take a moment to reflect and understand why they made that choice. In most cases, your child tries their best to be good.

3. Set limits

It’s natural to give kids limits to keep them safe. Parental guidelines keep them away from electrical outlets, foods they’re allergic to, and much more. But setting boundaries with your child doesn’t have to stop with telling them what not to do. 

Setting boundaries for yourself is also good practice. In fact, learning how to say no to your kids when you’re busy or tired teaches them patience and how to advocate for their needs.

4. Spend quality time with your kids

Spending quality time with your family with a game night, a weekend excursion, or a walk around the neighborhood helps kids practice social skills and build healthy relationships with their parents, siblings, and other relatives. If you and the rest of your family are tired, a quiet movie night does the trick too.

5. Communicate openly

Good parenting skills start with good communication. The more you talk to your children, the more likely they will be to talk to you. 

Keep an open dialogue with your kids about family dynamics, responsibilities, and their place in the world. When they ask questions , give them eye contact and answer as best you can, keeping their developmental level and your availability in mind. It sets the tone for communication in all parts of their lives.

6. Be flexible and open-minded

There’s one thing you can predict about raising kids: it’s unpredictable. Kids might get sick, feel overtired, or tell you they need help with a huge science project the night before it’s due. 

As a parent, your job is to remain flexible and ready to help your kids manage the situation as best they can. Sometimes, this means skipping a playdate to take a nap.

Other times, it means helping them learn effective project management and the consequences of procrastination . But as long as you approach the situation with a growth mindset and a willingness to help your child grow, you can handle anything.

7. Regulate your emotions

It’s important to teach your kids life skills, but it’s equally important to be a good role model and practice these skills in your life, too. Children watch everything, and if your parenting philosophy is “Do as I say, not as I do,” they will notice. 

Children mimic their parents from a young age , so show them how to behave. Practice using self-control and techniques like deep breathing or meditation to manage your emotions healthily, and your children will be more inclined to do the same. 

8. Offer unconditional love

Your child needs food, entertainment, and more on a day-to-day basis. But one thing your child needs most of all is your love. That’s why the most important parenting tip is to ensure your child knows that you love them all the time: bad or good behavior, happy or sad, winner or loser. If you’re a constant source of love and support, your kids will walk through the world a little bit bolder. 

Learning parenting skills isn’t easy, and there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. But trying is the best place to start. If you put in the effort to learn how to better yourself — through journaling, parent coaching , or any other technique — your whole family will see benefits that last for generations.

Build resilience for life's challenges

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Elizabeth Perry, ACC

Elizabeth Perry is a Coach Community Manager at BetterUp. She uses strategic engagement strategies to cultivate a learning community across a global network of Coaches through in-person and virtual experiences, technology-enabled platforms, and strategic coaching industry partnerships. With over 3 years of coaching experience and a certification in transformative leadership and life coaching from Sofia University, Elizabeth leverages transpersonal psychology expertise to help coaches and clients gain awareness of their behavioral and thought patterns, discover their purpose and passions, and elevate their potential. She is a lifelong student of psychology, personal growth, and human potential as well as an ICF-certified ACC transpersonal life and leadership Coach.

What’s positive parenting? 10 tips for navigating parenthood

Conscious parenting: raise your children by parenting yourself, slow down: how mindful parenting benefits both parents and kids, parenting styles: learn how you influence your children’s future, how to work from home with kids: 12 tips for remote and hybrid work, how to help working parents navigating back-to-school, what do working parents need a supportive manager is a good start, difficult to get and not widely available, paid parental leave eludes many working parents, for working parents, childcare is a heavy load. guess who shoulders most of it, similar articles, empty nest syndrome: how to cope when kids fly the coop, parent coaching: what it is and how it can help your family, what is heteronormativity, what is negative reinforcement definition and examples, stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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The Sims 4: All Skill Cheats

Skill cheats allow Sims 4 players to adjust their Skills without spending in-game hours working on them.

The possibilities are almost endless in The Sims 4 for how players want their Sims to live. They can experience unique jobs, life events, and relationships while building their Sims' lifestyles and personalities. Skills are essential for Sim hobbies, jobs, goals, and certain storytelling elements. While Skills can be increased through gameplay in The Sims 4 , players can also use cheats and mods to speed up the process. This guide has all the Skill cheats available in every Sims 4 DLC pack.

The Sims 4: Best Cheats To Use In Build Mode

Updated on May 6, 2024, by Taylor Pittman: Using cheats is a common practice for many Simmers. Cheats can be used for needs, aspirations, simoleons, and skills. Skill cheats come in handy to save time and for story purposes if players want Sims to excel in certain things. The Sims 4 has received new DLC, so this article has been updated to include the corresponding skill cheats that came in those packs.

All Sims 4 Skill Cheats

Increasing Skills is an important aspect of The Sims 4 for many reasons. Sims with high skills sometimes get unique social interactions and have more options for higher-paying jobs. Alternatively, some Skills are related to crafting , so they can make valuable paintings, songs, and books to sell.

Learning Skills takes time and practice if Sims want to max them out. While certain emotions, lot traits, or potions can boost their Skill progression, it can still take several days of nonstop work to increase Skills. Luckily, players have a complete set of cheats dedicated to setting their Skill level.

How to Enable Cheats in The Sims 4

Before inputting cheat codes in The Sims 4 , console and PC players must ensure cheats are enabled in their game save. First, open the cheat console by hitting CTRL + SHIFT + C on PC or L1 + L2 + R1 + R2 on consoles. Next, input testingcheats true to enable cheats. Players can then enter cheat codes to change their Skill settings.

Skills are put into a few categories: Major, Minor, Child, and Toddler. Major and Minor Skills can be learned by Teens, Young Adults, Adults, and Elders. Once Children max out their Child Skills , they gain access to certain Major and Minor ones.

Major Skills have ten levels, and Minor and Toddler Skills have five, except for the Potty Skill, which maxes out at level 3. Doing activities and using objects related to the Skills will build them up, but players don't have to grind it out if they don't want to with cheats.

Most of the Skill cheat codes follow a formula of stats.set_skill_level (Skill Type)_(Skill Name) X, with X being the desired level, but there are some variations. See below for a complete list of all the Skill cheat codes in Sims 4 :

Major Skills

Minor skills, child skills, toddler skills.

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Make Decisions with a VC Mindset

• Ilya A. Strebulaev

Venture capitalists’ unique approach to investment and innovation has played a pivotal role in launching one-fifth of the largest U.S. public companies. And three-quarters of the largest U.S. companies founded in the past 50 years would not have existed or achieved their current scale without VC support.

The question is, Why? What makes venture firms so good at finding start-ups that go on to achieve tremendous success? What skills do they have that experienced, networked, and powerful large corporations lack?

The authors’ research reveals that the venture mindset is characterized by several principles: the individual over the group, disagreement over consensus, exceptions over dogma, and agility over bureaucracy. This article offers guidance to traditional firms in using the VC mindset to spur innovation.

The key is to embrace risk, disagreement, and agility.

Idea in Brief

The opportunity.

Venture capitalists’ unique approach to investment and innovation has played a pivotal role in launching one-fifth of the largest U.S. public companies, demonstrating the power of the venture mindset.

The Challenge

Traditional companies often struggle to replicate the success of venture firms because of their aversion to risk and failure and their preference for consensus and stability.

The Solution

When faced with market changes or disruptive technology, big companies should adopt the venture mindset, prioritizing the individual over the group, disagreement over consensus, exceptions over dogma, and agility over bureaucracy.

Venture investors are the hidden hand behind the most innovative companies surrounding us. According to research conducted by one of us (Ilya), venture capitalists were causally responsible for the launch of one-fifth of the 300 largest U.S. public companies in existence today. They have played an essential role in unlocking the power of the internet, the mobile revolution, and now artificial intelligence in all its forms. Apple, Google, Moderna, Netflix, Airbnb, OpenAI, Salesforce, Tesla, Uber, and Zoom—these firms disrupted entire industries despite initially having fewer resources and less support and experience than their mature, successful, cash-rich competitors. All these businesses could theoretically have emerged from within an established company—but they didn’t. Instead, they were financed and shaped by VCs. Indeed, we estimate that three-quarters of the largest U.S. companies founded in the past 50 years would not have existed or achieved their current scale without VC support.

• IS Ilya A. Strebulaev is the David S. Lobel Professor of Private Equity and a professor of finance at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. He is also the founder of the Stanford GSB Venture Capital Initiative and a research associate at the National Bureau of Economic Research.
• AD Alex Dang is a venture builder and a digital strategy adviser. He was a partner at McKinsey and EY and launched numerous businesses at Amazon.

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