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Rent Drive Hard on Fandango at Home, Prime Video, Apple TV, or buy it on Fandango at Home, Prime Video, Apple TV.

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Hitting the pavement with an empty tank of inspiration, Drive Hard goes through its action beats in fits and starts before puttering out completely.

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Brian Trenchard-Smith

John Cusack

Simon Keller

Thomas Jane

Peter Roberts

Zoe Ventoura

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Damien Garvey

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Christopher Morris

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‘drive hard’: film review.

John Cusack and Thomas Jane star in this buddy comedy about a bank robber and the driving instructor he forces to be his getaway driver

By THR Staff

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If the old 42 nd Street grindhouses still existed, John Cusack would be its reigning star. The once A-list actor has seemingly become relegated to the sorts of exploitative B-movies that once ruled the now demolished strip of double-feature showing theaters where his latest effort, Drive Hard , would have been a strong attraction.

The simple plot of Brian Tenchard-Smith ’s comic actioner, which took no less than four screenwriters to concoct, concerns the forced collaboration between Peter (an unflatteringly shaggy-haired Thomas Jane ), a former race car driver now relegated to eking out a meager living as a driving instructor, and Simon (Cusack), his new pupil. Despite the film’s Australian setting, both characters are American, eliminating the need for those pesky forced accents.

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Peter, who was forced to give up his former occupation by his successful lawyer wife (Tessa Roberts), is hardly enthused to be teaching the squirrely Simon who wants to learn how to drive on the other side of the road. But his true intentions soon become clear when he forces Peter at gunpoint to become his getaway driver in a bank heist that nets him a smooth $9 million in bearer bonds.

The two men are soon pursued by squabbling state and federal law enforcement authorities, as well as the shady bank’s private security forces who display no preference for capturing them alive. Despite his lack of a criminal background, Peter is assumed to be Simon’s willing accomplice, with even his own wife not believing his fervent denials.

Essentially a chase movie infused with buddy comedy elements, the film is a fast-paced, mildly entertaining lark that’s chiefly enlivened by Cusack’s droll performance as the wisecracking criminal who’s quick to offer marital advice to his henpecked driver. The dialogue is frequently fast and funny—“What, is there no shortage of criminals?” protests Peter at his forced collaboration—with the pair bickering like an old married couple.

In the process of evading their multitude of pursuers, they have colorful encounters with a pistol-packing grannie; a shotgun-toting convenience store clerk whose maladroit way with his weapon results in an accident that would surely please Quentin Tarantino; and a gang of shitkicker bikers at a bar.

By the time the picaresque tale has reached its conclusion, the experience has so changed the hangdog Peter that when he’s reunited with his wife their sex life is miraculously restored to its former glory. There’s a message there somewhere, but probably not one that should be taken too seriously, an attitude that can be similarly applied to this divertingly trivial B-movie.

Production: Odyssey Media

Cast: John Cusack, Thomas Jane, Zoe Ventoura, Christopher Morris, Yesse Spence, Jerome Ehlers

Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith

Screenwriters: Brigitte Jean Allen, Brian Trenchard-Smith, Chad Law, Evan Law

Producers: Pam Collis, Paul O’Kane, Kirk Shaw

Executive producers: Kirk Shaw, Dan Grodnik, James M. Vernon, Dominic Rustram, Babacar Diene

Director of photography: Tony O’Louglan

Editor: Peter Carrodus

Production designer: Jon Dowding

Costume designer: Monica O’Brien

Composer: Bryce Jacobs

Casting: Dean E. Fronk, Donald Paul Pemrick

No rating, 92 min.

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Summary American thief, Simon Keller (John Cusack), arrives in a foreign country in need of a getaway driver. Rather than recruit one from the underworld, he takes a driving lesson from ex F-1 champion, Peter Roberts (Thomas Jane), now working as a driving instructor. After Keller robs a bank during the lesson, Roberts has no choice but to use h ... Read More

Directed By : Brian Trenchard-Smith

Written By : Chad Law, Evan Law, Brigitte Jean Allen, Brian Trenchard-Smith

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Drive Hard (2014) – A Review

A review of the 2014 action movie Drive Hard starring John Cusack and Thomas Jane

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Thomas Jane is Peter Roberts a former race car driver that is now a lowly driving instructor in Australia. Then one day Simon Keller (John Cusack) is his morning driving student and robs a bank during their lesson. Peter is suddenly forced to be a getaway driver trying to avoid police and an army of bank assassins who really are anxious to make the two roadkill.

But there’s an upside to his kidnapped predicament, Keller promises Peter that if he can manage the driving needed and get him where he needs to be he’ll give him a hefty payment of $3 million dollars. Hey, maybe Keller is not all that bad.

Directed by sclockmesister Brian Trenchard- Smith  Drive Hard is a really lousy, shabby looking actioner. The entire time I watched it I kept thinking ‘is this really the best that Cusack and Jane can do nowadays?’ Have they really been forced to goto Australia and star in cheap, badly made productions? It’s a pretty agonizing experience.

Through the course of this adventure, Jane gets his driving mojo back after being neutered by his wife who forced him to quit his stellar racing career. He doesn’t win any sympathy for being a kidnapped victim or for his wife forcing him to give up race car driving. The only thing I felt bad for him about was Jane having to wear a horrible looking wig for the entire movie. Cusack offers him up marriage advice and Jane embraces this exciting predicament to get back to feeling all manly or something.

But he ends up acting as more of the screen Cusack I think of and shows glimpses of his unique onscreen charisma than him just looking bored and going through the motions as he has in so many of his recent movies. Once again I see Cusack and I’m rooting for him, but a few oddball lines can’t hold up the rest of the movie which comes crumbling down extremely fast.

Of course there needs to be more other than our main characters talking and driving, so the film has a crop of inconsequential supporting characters that you forget about as soon as their scenes end and don’t care about anything that’s transpiring. Cusack has his reasons for stealing from the big evil gangsters. It’s pointless and just muddies things up for no reason. This is the same boring presentation we’ve seen since the creation of cinema – big boardrooms, nasty guys in expensive suits who make phone calls to subordinates with orders to ‘find and kill our heroes’.

This is where the actors have nothing more to do than stroll up to crime scenes, fold their arms, look serious, listen to what’s happened and move onto the next crime scene.

Along with Jane’s concerned wife and amused daughter they throw in some tired subplot about a corrupt cop. That takes about three brief scenes to be introduced and wrapped up. It’s incredibly pointless and should never have even been included.

This is all by-the-numbers action crap that we’ve seen thousands of times before and is presented here with no style and nothing worth mentioning. If they were smart they would have skipped all these petty details that further drag the movie out. They should have just put all the energy and attention into the the robber and race car driver driving.

Most of the driving takes place on empty country roads at a leisure pace with no threat anywhere to be seen allowing Cusack and Jane to trade extended dialogue. You would think a movie entitled  Drive Hard (not a good title by the way, it sounds like the next John McClane adventure and is it me or are a lot of movies suddenly using the word ‘drive’ in their titles) about an extended getaway from police and killers would have some decent action.

The film uses a lot of quick close-up shots of keys turning, guns being loaded, gear feet hitting the gas and wheels spinning as prelude to the action. This should make you anticipate that now we’re going to watch some real kickass stuff – don’t hold your breath.

The action is abysmal. It’s badly choreographed and not exciting at all. At times the high speed chases look like they’re reaching speeds of 30 MPH! Oh I’m sorry, we’re in Australia here – 48 KPH.

You would think the setup of kidnapping a race car driver to outmanuever carloads of pursuers would pay off with some decent car action, but the ‘stunts’ are yawn inducing.

At one point near the beginning there’s a blatant flopped shot of Jane driving on the opposite side of the car during one of the first car chases. Once I saw that I knew the action wasn’t going to save this flick. By the time a motorcycle gang roll up to our heroes – in any other movie this would result in an exhilarating explosion of action that would warrant the movies title – I already knew full well not to expect anything and that’s exactly what I got.

The best I could say about  Drive Hard would be some of the cars are pretty sweet looking. I don’t think even junky action fans will enjoy this at all. At best this could be something you put on in the background while exercising or doing some ironing. It would be something you occasionally look up at, but don’t have to worry about getting interested in. Then as soon as you’re done with your chore you immediately turn it off. There’s nothing here that’s going to make you want to keep watching until the end.

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Even the trailer made me angry and disappointed.

Enjoyed the blog though. Could feel the anger coming off it.

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2014 Directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith

This heist is about to go into overdrive.

A former race car driver is abducted by a mysterious thief and forced to be the wheel-man for a crime that puts them both in the sights of the cops and the mob.

John Cusack Thomas Jane Zoe Ventoura Christopher Morris Yesse Spence Damien Garvey Jerome Ehlers Carol Burns Christopher Sommers Robert Newman Andrew Buchanan Jason Wilder Adrian Auld Sam Cotton Francesca Bianchi Anthony Standish Matthew Scully Janine Matthews Adrian Pudlyk Lloyd Johnson Kellyn Morris Ron Kelly Caroline Dunphy Meg Lucas Michelle McNamee Adam Lochowicz Timothy McDonald Jason Lucas Avril Maas Show All… Julie Brandt-Richards Nyawuda Chuol Caitlin Duff Lachlan Halliwell Victoria Liu Brooke Melling Mary O'Neill Yasca Sinigaglia Aaron M Watson

Director Director

Brian Trenchard-Smith

Producers Producers

Kristy Vernon Kirk Shaw Pam Collis Keith Shaw Amanda Dow Devi Singh Paul O'Kane Mic Collis

Writers Writers

Brian Trenchard-Smith Brigitte Jean Allen

Original Writers Original Writers

Chad Law Evan Law

Casting Casting

Donald Paul Pemrick Dean E. Fronk Tom McSweeney

Editor Editor

Peter Carrodus

Cinematography Cinematography

Tony O'Loughlan

Executive Producers Exec. Producers

James M. Vernon Kirk Shaw Daniel Grodnik Dominic Rustam Mark Ward Babacar Diene Bill Bromiley Al Hayes Michael Bayer

Camera Operator Camera Operator

Andrew Conder

Production Design Production Design

Jon Dowding

Art Direction Art Direction

Jonathon Hannon

Set Decoration Set Decoration

Chrissy Feld

Stunts Stunts

John Walton

Composer Composer

Bryce Jacobs

Sound Sound

Michael Newton Craig Butters Stuart Welch

Costume Design Costume Design

Monica O'Brien

Makeup Makeup

Anita Howell Lowe

Voltage Pictures Odyssey Film Studios Australia Odyssey Media

Australia Canada

Releases by Date

Theatrical limited, 03 oct 2014, 27 nov 2014, 26 may 2014, 24 jun 2014, 11 nov 2014, 21 nov 2014, 17 dec 2014, 13 mar 2015, releases by country.

• Physical MA15+
• Physical 14A
• Physical 16
• Theatrical Κ-12
• Physical DVD
• Physical 15
• Theatrical limited NR

96 mins   More at IMDb TMDb Report this page

Popular reviews

Review by Matt ★½ 2

This movie has the heart of an 80s drive-in classic...and the soul of a broken Game Boy. This really should have been a fun, cheesy, grindhouse-inspired flick, but it's just too damn dull and slow, and tries too hard to be funny, to be of any entertainment. Not terrible, just.....exists.

Review by megan ★½

he sure drove hard

Review by maneleeo ★★

I wouldn't call it so bad it is good, but it is not very good but there is so much chemistry between Thomas Jane and John Cusack that I can't really call it bad. It was fun, despite some of the endless car driving scenes.

Review by Connor Carey ★★

Thomas Jane and John Cusack have solid chemistry and actually make for a fun pair to watch, but sadly the movie their in is full of cliches and just really generic. The action sequences don’t leave an impact and almost all of the comedy falls flat. The supporting performances outside of our two leads all range from bad to atrocious as well.

Review by I.V. ★★½

Objectively shoddy, but also innately endearing. Jane and Cusack both appear to be channelling post-brain-injury Gary Busey. The proper medium for this is a worn-out VHS rental.

Review by matt lynch ★★

depends on chemistry between Cusack and Jane to pull you through endless greenscreen driving and (pun trigger warning) narrative wheel-spinning until you get to the big chase at the end, which shouldn't too much of a stretch but apparently is. also there isn't much of a big chase.

Review by Warren Gilbert ★★★ 2

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith has given us several underappreciated gems over the years such as BMX Bandits and Turkey Shoot, but in recent years he has either lost the passion, lost the opportunities or both as he's made nothing noteworthy since the 90's. At this time it looks like Drive Hard might be his last movie and based on what's here that's probably for the best.

Speaking of washed up John Cusack is a criminal who forces Thomas Jane to be his wheelman after a theft that leaves the cops constantly on their trail. The script is lazy and despite some nice cars and Australian locales it's shot in the most boring and unappealing manner imaginable. Nothing really shows off the…

Review by Crawlspace Dweller Matt [♥] ½

" You suck as an actor. You know that? "

I'm pretty sure John Cusack meant it when he said that line to Thomas Jane...

So this film really only got to my attention because it stars John Cusack, someone I like a lot. The plot sounded interesting and I put it on my watchlist. I didn't check on any ratings, reviews or whatever. So when I decided to watch it on Netflix I had an open mind.

This film is about a criminal played by Cusack who tricks former race car driver and current driving teacher played by Jane into being his getaway driver. Cusack has everything figured out and promises Jane he'd be fine because as far as the police…

Review by Mark Hanson

Ozploitation legend Brian Trenchard-Smith's final film to this day is unfortunately one of the cheaper-looking DTV action efforts I've seen in the last little while. Seriously, why does this thing look so shoddily-composed and drastically overlit for the majority of the runtime? John Cusack, who looks pasty at the best of times, is certainly done no favours by this aesthetic, although his ridiculous outfit (baseball cap, baggy suit, black gloves) also doesn't help.

Nevertheless, it's no secret that I have a soft spot for Cusack and Thomas Jane (rocking some great hair) and they manage to generate somewhat of a pleasing odd-couple action-comedy chemistry, despite the pitiful attempts at "jokes" strewn throughout the script. I will say that this at…

Review by Kat ★★

Australia's straight to DVD version of the fast and the furious. My favorite part was when Thomas Jane fights an old lady.

Review by Sofa Sinema ★½

Dismal DTV cheapie from one of Australia's exploitation legends.

Review by Schizopolis23 🦅🏋🏽‍♂️ ★★★

Drive Flaccid. If the great Brian Trenchard-Smith made this in the 70's, it would've been high octane B-movie fun starring no name actors. Made in 2013 in Oz, it's the opposite, which results in pure VOD trash. Trenchard-Smith lost his bite. The car chases were limp. The score and soundtrack sound like a low rent video game. The photography is cable tv commercial quality. 

But when all else fails, Thomas Jane saves the day. His sense of humor and acting style is delightful and perfect for this film. He practically breaks the fourth wall and winks at the camera in every scene, much like Robert Downey, Jr. in the Marvel films. Jane and Cusak actually have good chemistry and make this a fun buddy comedy. The rest of the actors were pure trash, except the old lady with the gun.

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Review: ‘Drive Hard’ stalls out

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“Drive Hard,” an Australian buddy-action-comedy about a driving instructor (Thomas Jane) turned getaway man, does a lot of revving in order to juice its jokey, violent bad-boy cred, but it never gets out of the driveway.

It doesn’t help that characters start as action male clichés and stay there. Jane’s Peter Roberts is the once-dangerous ex-racer reduced to henpecked, dim-bulb husband in a dead-end job until he meets taunting man-in-black Mr. Keller (John Cusack). Keller starts out as a customer before unwittingly including Peter on his heist of a criminal syndicate’s millions in bearer bonds.

By all intents and purposes this type of catch-us-if-you-can scenario should be grimy, backslapping fun in a “Thunderbolt and Lightfoot” fashion, but the whole thing reeks instead of testosterone past its use-by date: The stars’ banter is insipid and unfunny, the wacky shocks short out and, most unforgivably, the car chases are a snooze, filmed as a series of stationary close-ups and diced in the editing room until they suggest anything but movement.

“Drive Hard” is mostly just mean-spirited and empty, but director Brian Trenchard-Smith thinks you won’t notice if everything’s loud and chaotic, and guns are occasionally pointed and fired.

“Drive Hard.”

No MPAA rating.

Running time: 1 hour, 36 minutes.

Playing AMC Burbank Town Center 8.

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Drive Hard (2014) Stream and Watch Online

Watch 'Drive Hard' Online

Yearning to watch ' Drive Hard ' on your TV, phone, or tablet? Tracking down a streaming service to buy, rent, download, or view the Brian Trenchard-Smith-directed movie via subscription can be difficult, so we here at Moviefone want to take the pressure off. Below, you'll find a number of top-tier streaming and cable services - including rental, purchase, and subscription alternatives - along with the availability of 'Drive Hard' on each platform when they are available. Now, before we get into the various whats and wheres of how you can watch 'Drive Hard' right now, here are some particulars about the Voltage Pictures Odyssey Film Studios Australia Odyssey Media comedy flick. Released October 3rd, 2014, 'Drive Hard' stars John Cusack , Thomas Jane , Zoe Ventoura , Christopher Morris The NR movie has a runtime of about 1 hr 36 min, and received a user score of 43 (out of 100) on TMDb, which compiled reviews from 124 experienced users. Interested in knowing what the movie's about? Here's the plot: "A former race car driver is abducted by a mysterious thief and forced to be the wheelman for a crime that puts them both in the sights of the cops and the mob" 'Drive Hard' is currently available to rent, purchase, or stream via subscription on Hoopla, Apple iTunes, Google Play Movies, Vudu, Amazon Video, Microsoft Store, YouTube, Tubi TV, The Roku Channel, Pluto TV, and Plex .

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Review: Action Comedy ‘Drive Hard’ Starring John Cusack and Thomas Jane

Drew taylor.

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Australians, more than anyone, know about car chases. As Quentin Tarantino joked in “ Not Quite Hollywood ,” the terrific documentary on Australian genre cinema, there could be an Australian movie about young girls coming of age and it would probably have a totally kick-ass car chase. The almost cultural responsibility for truly outstanding car chases (as evidenced in everything from “ Mad Max ” to this year’s “ Wolf Creek 2 “) makes “ Drive Hard ,” a dopey, Aussie-set action comedy that stars, for reasons that are never sufficiently articulated, Thomas Jane and John Cusack , even more of a crushing disappointment. This one is all out of gas.

In “Drive Hard,” Jane plays Peter Roberts, a former racecar driver who, after knocking up his girlfriend, decides to get married and settle down (in Australia, of course). His glory days of spills, chills, and finishing line champagne showers are behind him. Now he teaches driving lessons in a car so small that it’s barely visible to the human eye. One day he shows up to work and has Cusack’s Simon Keller character as his student. Eventually this man, dressed mostly in black (including a black baseball cap and large sunglasses), hijacks the driving instructor car, forcing Roberts to become the wheelman for an ambitious theft.

If the plot sounds thin, that’s because it is. There seems to be the suggestion of a screenplay, rather than an actual written document with words and stage direction. This really comes across during endless sequences of dialogue where it seems like Jane and Cusack aren’t just improvising, but creating scenes out of whole cloth. They not only riff on the ludicrousness of the heist or their characters’ motivations, but they shape large sections of the movie through their goofy fumbling. Jane and Cusack are both talented performers and both can handle this kind of loose, free-form environment, but even the most gifted comedians have some guidelines when it comes to improvisation. It feels like these two were just put in a car and told to “go at it.”

Again, this would be all well and good if the action sequences actually brought an appropriate amount of excitement to the movie. Sadly, they do not. For the first part of the movie, Jane drives that rinky dink smart car, which makes the movie come across less like a major motion picture and more like some tourist’s footage of the Light, Motor, Action stunt show from their last vacation at Walt Disney World. (Seriously, the car might as well be a wind-up.) But even when the characters’ upgrade their getaway wheels halfway through the movie, the tempo doesn’t change. It’s the same bland car chase, over and over again. They all look like they take place in the same anonymous industrial park/boat yard/parking lot, with little variety in terms of staging or camerawork. These might be the least lively car chases in the history of Australian cinema.

What makes this even more depressing is that “Drive Hard” was directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith , an affable, wacky Australian filmmaker who, in his heyday, was responsible for low-budget, high-impact genre fare like “ Dead End Drive-In ,” “ Turkey Shoot ” (which was remade recently), and “ BMX Bandits ” (a film that starred a young, blank-faced Nicole Kidman ). Trenchard-Smith knows how to do this shit. Or at least knew how to do this shit. At some point, however (maybe it was around the time he made back-to-back “ Leprechaun ” installments), the filmmaker lost his mojo, and even when given the blank canvas to play with something like “Drive Hard,” he’s not able to turn it into anything even remotely special.

You can tell that nobody was very invested in making “Drive Hard.” Beyond the limp car chases, the fact that Cusack is so fully concealed, with his hat and glasses covering most of his face, shows you that he had no interest in anyone being able to read his emotions (something that is quite relevant when acting ). Jane, for his part, is just a frantic weirdo, with his hair a long, stringy tangle. This movie is made up of so few moving parts that it’s hard to pick out what’s good and bad about it. Instead, it’s just a bore, barely registering as a movie (visually, it looks more like an USA cable series), which is a shame, because with the oddball cast and somewhat notable director, it could have been fun and trashy. Instead, it’s just forgettable. [D]

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Drive hard (2014).

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This heist is about to go into overdrive.

A former race car driver is abducted by a mysterious thief and forced to be the wheel-man for a crime that puts them both in the sights of the cops and the mob.

Brian Trenchard-Smith

Director, Screenplay

Brigitte Jean Allen

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John Cusack

Simon Keller

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Yesse Spence

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A review by casinoslotguy

Written by casinoslotguy on october 4, 2014.

This movie is so terrible...What happened to the John Cusack from Better off dead and Grosse Point Blank? and Thomas Jane, he isn't the greatest actor that but he was pretty good in Deep blue sea, The Punisher...Don't bother wasting your time unless you like watching horrible acting, wrapped up with horrible effects and a horrible story line...

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Status Released

Original Language English

Budget $12,000,000.00

• getaway driver
• heist gone wrong
• professional thief

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Drive Hard - watch online: streaming, buy or rent

Currently you are able to watch "Drive Hard" streaming on Amazon Prime Video, Icon Film Amazon Channel or for free with ads on Pluto TV, Amazon Prime Video with Ads. It is also possible to rent "Drive Hard" on Apple TV, Amazon Video, Sky Store online and to download it on Apple TV, Amazon Video, Sky Store.

Where does Drive Hard rank today? The JustWatch Daily Streaming Charts are calculated by user activity within the last 24 hours. This includes clicking on a streaming offer, adding a title to a watchlist, and marking a title as 'seen'. This includes data from ~1.3 million movie & TV show fans per day.

Streaming charts last updated: 17:21:03, 23/04/2024

Drive Hard is 6622 on the JustWatch Daily Streaming Charts today. The movie has moved up the charts by 5196 places since yesterday. In the United Kingdom, it is currently more popular than The Shrine but less popular than Once Upon a Studio.

A former race car driver is abducted by a mysterious thief and forced to be the wheel-man for a crime that puts them both in the sights of the cops and the mob.

Streaming Charts The JustWatch Daily Streaming Charts are calculated by user activity within the last 24 hours. This includes clicking on a streaming offer, adding a title to a watchlist, and marking a title as 'seen'. This includes data from ~1.3 million movie & TV show fans per day.

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Drive Hard movie review: end of the road

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I’m “biast” (con): nothing

I ’m actually astonished that it has taken this long for someone to come up with a movie entitled Drive Hard . So perhaps it’s fitting, then, that this deeply terrible would-be action comedy looks (with its cheap FX and bad editing), sounds (with its cheesy, overbearing score), and feels (with its dumb story and slumming movie stars) like an 80s made-for-cable movie. Former race car driver Thomas Jane ( The Mist ), now working as a driving school instructor, is kidnapped by generic bad guy John Cusack ( Grand Piano ) to drive him around Australia’s Gold Coast region while he engages in some generic bad-guy business (pissing off other, more powerful bad guys, etc), leading to poorly shot and embarrassingly padded-out car chases, idiotic shenanigans such as an encounter with a foul-mouthed old lady, and some random homophobia. It’s never clear why Cusack can’t be driving himself around, and indeed, this would have saved us from the palpable lack of chemistry between the two stars and their cringe-worthy discussions about such profound topics as How Awful Women Are. The movie purports to have a script — by four credited writers including the director, Australian cult filmmaker Brian Trenchard-Smith ( DC 9/11: Time of Crisis ) — but it all sounds like Jane and (mostly) Cusack are improv’ing the most ridiculous bullshit they can think of on the fly. None of it is in the least bit humorous. The only remotely interesting aspect of this piece of junk — and it’s a depressing one — is in how it serves as yet another exhibit in the argument that cinema is dying fast: John Cusack and Thomas Jane are each really good, really charismatic actors who are (theoretically) in the prime of their careers. They should be getting bombarded with so many great scripts that they couldn’t possibly accept all of them. If even they are reduced to this, the art form is in big, big trouble.

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Has John Cusack’s career really fallen this far?

He’s also in the new Cronenberg movie, *Maps to the Stars* (which I finally saw today), so there’s that. But… yes. Sad.

And while I’m not particularly a fan of Trenchard-Smith’s work, he seems to be reasonably respected as a horror and action director. Even if he did make Leprechaun 4: In Space .

I’ve just started reading Save the Cat …

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Spy x Family Code: White

After receiving an order to be replaced in Operation Strix, Loid decides to help Anya win a cooking competition at Eden Academy, by making the director's favorite meal in order to prevent hi... Read all After receiving an order to be replaced in Operation Strix, Loid decides to help Anya win a cooking competition at Eden Academy, by making the director's favorite meal in order to prevent his replacement. After receiving an order to be replaced in Operation Strix, Loid decides to help Anya win a cooking competition at Eden Academy, by making the director's favorite meal in order to prevent his replacement.

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The fact-based “Hard Miles” begins with a failure. Social worker Greg Townsend ( Matthew Modine ) urges a judge to allow the resident of a facility for teenage boys who have been in trouble to allow him to stay there, even though he pushed another boy. Townsend explains that he was protecting someone else, not instigating violence. But the judge rules that the boy must be transferred to a higher-security facility, one with “juvenile penitentiary” in its name. 

It is not Townsend’s failure; it is a failure of a system that wants to treat these teenagers as criminals instead of opportunities for redirection. And that means showing them that they have other strengths and other choices. “If they see the bigger world, they can want to be a part of it,” Townsend says, and his idea of how to make that happen is to take them on a 762-mile bike ride from Colorado to the Grand Canyon. “Hard Miles” is inspired by the real Greg Townsend, who has taken thousands of young men on these bike trips. It is a compelling story, and the film is a combination of spectacular scenery, arduous exertion, inspiring pep talks, adolescent rebellion, emotional confrontations, and lessons learned by both the teenagers and their leader. 

The small facility where Townsend works is at risk of being shut down. The director, Skip ( Leslie David Baker of “The Office”), thinks some good publicity from a hike might help them, with a story about “urban delinquents rehabilitated by tall trees and sunlight.” It’s hard to run away from a hike. But Greg insists it must be a bike trip. 

There are a few problems. First, they do not have bicycles. Second, with no experience and a group of known troublemakers, getting in trouble, getting hurt, or escaping seems inevitable. And third, no one wants to go, and the boys do not like or trust each other. But Townsend happens to be the teacher with the blowtorch who can teach them how to make their own bicycle frames and he has a friend who owns a bicycle shop to provide the gears and wheels. He persuades his colleague, Haddie ( Cynthia Kaye McWilliams ) to come along to drive the van that carries their gear. She is willing to provide support but understandably not willing to do the laundry. Synthetic bike shorts and tops worn over hundreds of miles through the desert should not be inflicted on anyone but the people who wear them.

Townsend wanted the young men to experience the grandeur of the Arizona and Colorado landscapes. He wanted them to learn what they could accomplish, and he wanted them to learn to be a part of something outside themselves. The best part of the movie is the insightful way it shows us that the young characters’ constant attacks on everyone around them are fueled by anger, fear, a loss of control, and a distorted idea of masculinity. They are so determined to insulate themselves from any hint of engagement with others that they jeer at everything, attacking before they can be attacked. We see that they hold on to anger, mistaking it, as young people do so often, for strength. But as individuals they are thinly characterized. We get a much better sense of the adults.

The film is even less effective in tying this to Townsend’s awkwardly inserted backstory. We see in flashbacks that his father attacked and beat him for having muscular and heart-related disabilities. Townsend gets repeated collect calls from prison. It is his brother begging him to see their father in hospice. It is possible that one reason he is so insistent on the trip is to have an excuse for refusing. When he finally gets on the phone, his father is so ill he cannot respond. Will Townsend leave the trip? Will the team be able to finish? Will they be willing to finish? 

This is not the kind of movie that surprises you with the answers to those questions, even though it tries to ramp up the suspense toward the end. But like the young men on the trip, we cannot help but be moved by the scope and beauty of the landscape and the dedication of the adults who see possibilities for teenagers after the rest of the world has given up.

Nell Minow is the Contributing Editor at RogerEbert.com.

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Hard Miles (2024)

Rated PG-13

108 minutes

Matthew Modine as Greg Townsend

Cynthia Kaye McWilliams as Haddie

Sean Astin as Speedy

Leslie David Baker as Skip Bowman

Jahking Guillory as Woolbright

• R.J. Daniel Hanna
• Christian Sander

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Motivational sports drama has teen swearing, drinking.

A Lot or a Little?

What you will—and won't—find in this movie.

Hard work overcomes hard luck. If you set a goal,

Greg Townsend is a social worker in a Colorado cor

Main character Greg Townsend (Matthew Modine) is a

Teens brawl in school, injuring a teacher. Flashba

"That's what she said" and a few other suggestive

Strong language throughout, especially from the te

A couple of references to products that aren't see

Underage drinking. Flash of bottles of alcohol sho

Parents need to know that Hard Miles is a fact-based sports drama about one man's mission to help incarcerated teens through cycling. Much of it takes place at a medium-security correctional high school, and through verbal references and quick flashbacks, viewers understand what led to the teens ending up…

Positive Messages

Hard work overcomes hard luck. If you set a goal, no matter how impossible, you can achieve it through hard work and determination. You decide who you can and can't be, you decide what you can and can't do. Strong themes of the benefits of perseverance, teamwork, resilience, and forgiveness.

Positive Role Models

Greg Townsend is a social worker in a Colorado correctional high school who creates a cycling team of incarcerated teens. He demonstrates the rewards of hard work, teamwork, and perseverance, and encourages interest in/curiosity about the wider world. Co-worker Hattie is a child psychologist who serves as a voice of reason and brings balance to Greg's stubborn, sometimes harsh methods, supporting the teens and the team. The boys' stories include a range of individual struggles; they grow both as individuals and a team.

Diverse Representations

Main character Greg Townsend (Matthew Modine) is a White man; other school staff members include principal/head adminstrator Skip, who's Black, and counselor Haddie, an Afro-Latino woman. Haddie is the only female character with more than five lines and she says what she thinks, but she's also fulfilling a stereotype in her role as a nurturing, caring Black woman (she literally drives what's referred to as the "support wagon"). Incarcerated teens have White and Brown skin and are played by actors who identify as AAPI and Latino. Smink, one of the students, has an eating disorder, but it doesn't define him. He's played by Jackson Kelly, who's open with his own struggles with this diagnosis. It's rare to see a male character in mainstream media with anorexia or bulimia, and conversations between the counselors revolve around how to interact with someone with this diagnosis without creating a bigger issue. Boys talk about girls in a generally derogatory way, as in "get me some bitches."

Did we miss something on diversity? Suggest an update.

Violence & Scariness

Teens brawl in school, injuring a teacher. Flashbacks to show why the boys are incarcerated, some including a gun. Domestic abuse indicated through a memory in which a child is smacked across the face. Verbal references to stabbing and murder. Suicidal ideation. Yelling. Vomiting.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Sex, Romance & Nudity

"That's what she said" and a few other suggestive jokes.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Sex, Romance & Nudity in your kid's entertainment guide.

Strong language throughout, especially from the teens, who are quick to insult each other. Words include "ass," "balls," "bulls--t," "a--hole," "bitch," "damn," "s--t," "f--k," "son of a bitch," "oh my God," and "what the hell". There's some admonishment for using profanity. Boys talk about girls in a generally derogatory way, as in "get me some bitches." Humorous conversation about the pain in the groin that comes with long-distance cycling includes terms referring to the area, like "squee," "gooch," "grundle," and "taint." Greg insults students a couple of times ("stupid crybabies") and then realizes the negative impact of his words.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Language in your kid's entertainment guide.

Products & Purchases

A couple of references to products that aren't seen, including Butt Butter and Slim Jims.

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Underage drinking. Flash of bottles of alcohol shown to suggest why one of the teens is in the juvenile correctional facility. Drawing of a cigarette. Jokes about smoking marijuana.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Drinking, Drugs & Smoking in your kid's entertainment guide.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Hard Miles is a fact-based sports drama about one man's mission to help incarcerated teens through cycling. Much of it takes place at a medium-security correctional high school, and through verbal references and quick flashbacks, viewers understand what led to the teens ending up there -- including gang activity, drinking, stabbing, stealing, gun possession, and domestic abuse (a child is shown being hit). The kids are pushed pretty hard physically (be ready for vomiting), and there's suicidal ideation, but little violence is shown on camera, and what there is mostly indicates how quick the teens are to fight. Underage characters drink, and there are a couple of jokes about smoking marijuana. Expect frequent use of profanity and insults, including "a--hole," "bitches," "s--t," and a few uses of "f--k." Characters represent a range of races and socioeconomic status, and one character has an eating disorder (he's played by Jackson Kelly, who has made public his own struggles in this area). The movie boasts many positive themes and motivational messages about hard work, setting goals, and the benefits of teamwork, resilience, and forgiveness. To stay in the loop on more movies like this, you can sign up for weekly Family Movie Night emails .

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What's the Story?

HARD MILES tells the true story of Greg Townsend ( Matthew Modine ), a social worker at a correctional high school who forms the "Rite of Passage" cycling team with four incarcerated teens. In an effort to show them their potential -- and life's wide range of possibilities -- he takes his new recruits on a 762-mile ride from Denver to the Grand Canyon.

Is It Any Good?

With counselor Greg rolling through mountains of metaphors and aphorisms, this drama about the real-life Rite of Passage cycling program is a vehicle made for families with teens to view together. The bump in the road, though, is that Hard Miles feels kind of like something parents make their kids watch. Greg is the central character, and when they see that he works in a juvenile correctional school, teens may brace themselves for the inevitable preaching and "learning" on the horizon.

While the conceit is obvious, there's still some solid entertainment value here. The four kids who form Greg's peloton have issues, big ones. And while this is a drama, much of the story glides along as the boys build their relationship and their ride begins. Seeing their struggle and drafting behind the idea that it's all racked in truth -- that this amazing ride was accomplished (there are photos of the real Greg and his various teams through the years) -- allows for all of the movie's positive messages to freewheel home.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about the advice Greg gives the teens in Hard Miles : Set a goal, no matter how impossible, and then commit to achieving it. What is your goal? How might you achieve it?

The Rite of Passage cycling program is a type of therapy. What was the goal of the program, and how do you think it helped the boys? Is there an activity you enjoy that has therapeutic value?

How have coaching and parenting evolved over the decades? Why did it used to be acceptable to yell at and hit kids in the name of pushing them into becoming the best they could be? Do you think "it was a different time" is a valid excuse for behavior we no longer tolerate?

Is drinking glamorized here? Are there realistic consequences? Why does that matter?

What do bikes typically symbolize to kids? What do they mean to the movie's group of incarcerated teens? What other visual and verbal metaphors did you see in Hard Miles ?

Movie Details

• In theaters : April 19, 2024
• Cast : Matthew Modine , Cynthia Kaye McWilliams , Jahking Guillory , Leslie David Baker
• Director : RJ Daniel Hanna
• Inclusion Information : Black actors
• Studio : Blue Fox Entertainment
• Genre : Drama
• Topics : Sports and Martial Arts , Great Boy Role Models , High School
• Character Strengths : Perseverance , Teamwork
• Run time : 108 minutes
• MPAA rating : NR
• Last updated : April 16, 2024

Did we miss something on diversity?

Research shows a connection between kids' healthy self-esteem and positive portrayals in media. That's why we've added a new "Diverse Representations" section to our reviews that will be rolling out on an ongoing basis. You can help us help kids by suggesting a diversity update.

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A Rideshare Driver and Her Tiny Dog Battle a Stalker in ‘The Stranger’

KILLER INSTINCT

“The Killing” creator Veena Sud’s Quibi series turned Hulu horror movie pits scream queen Maika Monroe and a Yorkie against a very creepy Dane DeHaan.

Laura Bradley

Senior Entertainment Reporter

Veena Sud’s goal in making The Stranger might’ve been to tell a story about toxic masculinity, but this horror movie also doubles as a cautionary tale about the perils of a tech-driven gig economy. Played by the modern scream queen Maika Monroe , our poor protagonist, Clare, is a rideshare driver and L.A. transplant who is just trying to earn enough money to stay afloat while she reaches for her dreams of becoming a writer. Then, she picks up a pale little freak named Carl E.—played by the ever-creepy Dane DeHaan —and gets way more than she bargained for.

The Stranger first premiered in 2020 as a Quibi series. After the “quick-bite” platform imploded, Sud—best known as the creator of AMC’s The Killing adaptation—re-cut her original work into a feature film, which hits Hulu on Monday for its second act. Throughout the film, Carl E. uses his hacker skills to stalk Clare through the cloud, tracking her through devices and predicting her next moves using an algorithm he’s developed through previous “experiments” he’s run with other female victims. Things get even more serious when Carl E. starts targeting not only Clare and her human allies, but also her precious dog, Pebbles. Is nothing sacred to this troubled young man?!

In some moments, The Stranger feels like a Hitchcockian thriller for an increasingly algorithm-atized America. Its beautifully framed visuals and ominous, shadowy lighting are enough to make you forget that this movie was once a vertically oriented TV series meant to be consumed in 9-minute intervals while waiting in line for your Starbucks order or sitting on the toilet. In other scenes, however, the film veers into goofier territory, suddenly reminding us that this project was once developed to live beside Quibis like, say, “ The Golden Arm ” . (Remember that time The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel ’s Rachel Brosnahan starred in a horror short about a woman with a golden arm? Man, 2020 was a weird time!)

How did it play as a Quibi series? RogerEbert.com hated the format, saying , “It’s remarkably difficult to build tension and create suspense in ‘bite-sized’ segments,” while Film School Rejects praised , “The first three Quibis—roughly the opening 24 minutes—deliver thrills, suspense, and something more akin to The Hitcher (1986) than even that film’s remake managed.”

Maika Monroe

DeHaan’s performance is as menacing as ever. With each misogynistic comment and every brooding stare, he finds new ways to underscore his character’s basement-born, incel-adjacent isolation. Then again, it’s hard not to chuckle at some of the Reddit-coded drivel that spills out of Carl E.’s mouth.

Case in point: When Carl E. tells Clare a horror story in the car and she begins crying, he growls, “You are sitting next to a sociopath who has by definition zero human empathy, so how does caterwauling fit into your survival plan here?” ( Caterwauling ?) He continues: “If it’s male chivalry those puppy-dog eyes are meant to appeal to, newsflash, it’s 2020, Nancy Pelosi. Time to put your big-girl pants on. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t expect the men to open the door for you cunts and then whine that we don’t treat you like equals.” With each passing word from this MRA forum rant, you can practically hear the computer keys clacking.

Carl E. is obviously a villain with a capital “V,” but Sud complicates her story by planting seeds of doubt about Clare as well. Throughout the film, there are hints that she might have a history of making things up. Or was she telling the truth and simply not believed at the time? Regardless, she only recently moved to Los Angeles, so apart from her beloved pooch, it seems like Clare has basically no one in the city to help her. The one person who does believe her story is a 7-Eleven cashier named JJ (Avan Jogia) who heroically decides to stay by her side through a truly horrific night, even despite getting chased down by both a psychopath and, at one point, a pack of subway-dwelling coyotes.

As serious as its sources of inspiration may be—the rise of disaffected, woman-hating young men; technologies that encroach on our privacy while predicting our every move; crumbling, forgotten public transit infrastructures…— The Stranger is best approached as a light-hearted horror romp designed, above all, to entertain. Carl E.’s technologically based stalking techniques can feel almost supernatural, rather than grounded in reality, and the film’s finale can only be described as unforgettably bonkers in the best way possible. That said, it’ll definitely make Uber drivers think twice before letting Dane DeHaan (or anyone with weird vibes) into their cars.

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‘Man’s Castle’: Free Love, Hard Times

Restored to its original length and screening at the Museum of Modern Art, this 1933 movie starring Spencer Tracy feels at once surprisingly frank and disquietingly coy.

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By J. Hoberman

A celebrant of redemptive love, Frank Borzage (1893-1962) was the most romantic of classic Hollywood directors and, however unconventionally, perhaps the most religious as well. “Man’s Castle” (1933) conflates an economic crisis — namely the Great Depression — with a spiritual one. The movie also represents premarital pregnancy as salvation rather than sin, and scenes were consequently cut for its post-Production Code rerelease in the late 1930s.

Restored to its original length of 78 minutes, screening at the Museum of Modern Art (April 18-24), “Man’s Castle” feels unique — at once surprisingly frank and disquietingly coy.

A leading director of silent films, Borzage (Bor-ZAY-ghee) left the Fox studio and went independent in 1932. His first production was an adaptation of Hemingway’s World War I novel “A Farewell to Arms.” “Man’s Castle” also concerns love in extremis with the starving innocent Trina (20-year-old Loretta Young) falling for and shacking up with an older if equally indigent man of the world, Bill (Spencer Tracy).

Their meet-cute on a park bench, with Bill feeding the pigeons as ravenous Trina looks longingly on, proceeds to a nice restaurant (where Bill gets out of paying the check) and winds up back at his jerry-built hovel in a homeless encampment near the East River. A natural man, Bill amazes Trina (and possibly the viewer) by diving naked into the water. She more discreetly follows. Cut from Edenic skinny-dipping to radiant Trina at the washboard happily scrubbing Bill’s clothes.

A brash roughneck with a golden heart, Bill inspires Trina’s puppy-like devotion. In his New York Times review, Mordaunt Hall praised the stars’ “thoroughly efficient portrayals” — an odd choice of words to describe their evident mutual attraction. Indeed, the chemistry was real. Young’s daughter would later detail the pair’s guilt-ridden love affair. (Both were Catholic; Tracy was married.)

For Trina, Bill’s Hooverville home is “heaven,” with various down-and-out denizens adding to the allegorical flavor. Bragg (Arthur Hohl) is not only a lech and a thief but a leftist loudmouth. His alcoholic companion, Flossie (Marjorie Rambeau), is both a fallen woman and a salvation project tended to by a former minister (Walter Connolly). Dismissive of all three, the cynical Bill is tempted by the fun-loving cabaret star Fay La Rue (a reliably sassy Glenda Farrell, here mimicking Mae West).

Topical yet timeless, “Man’s Castle” sets its characters in the world of popular culture. A theater marquee glimpsed when Trina and Bill first meet advertises George Raft and Sylvia Sidney in the movie “Pick Up” (1933). Bill’s kiss-off missive to Faye is a word cut out from a piece of sheet music. Trina explains herself by citing a song from “Show Boat.” At the same time, the movie evokes scripture — the Song of Songs and tale of the Nativity — ending as Trina and Bill hit the road with intimations of a December birth, perhaps even in a manger.

MoMA is showing “Man’s Castle” in conjunction with four other Borzage restorations — the misleadingly titled “Bad Girl” (1931), the antiwar “No Greater Glory” (1934), the genre-mixing “History is Made at Night” (1937) and the late-career “Moonrise” (1949), a low-budget hillbilly noir later championed by auteurist critics. When this “glorious opportunity” to make a complex, guilt-shadowed redemptive love story presented itself, the critic Andrew Sarris would write, “Borzage was not stale or jaded.” Neither is “Man’s Castle.”

Man’s Castle

Through April 24 at the Museum of Modern Art, Manhattan; moma.org .

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Seinfeld’s upcoming Netflix movie about Pop-Tarts to be featured in IndyCar race at Long Beach

FILE - Jerry Seinfeld is shown before the men’s singles final of the U.S. Open tennis championships between Casper Ruud, of Norway, and Carlos Alcaraz, of Spain, Sunday, Sept. 11, 2022, in New York. Seinfeld’s upcoming Netflix comedy will be featured during this weekend’s IndyCar race at Long Beach as rookie Linus Lundqvist will drive a car painted to look like a Pop-Tart in recognition of the movie “Unfrosted.”(AP Photo/John Minchillo, File)

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Jerry Seinfeld’s upcoming Netflix comedy will be featured during this weekend’s IndyCar race at Long Beach as rookie Linus Lundqvist will drive a car painted to look like a Pop-Tart in recognition of the movie “Unfrosted.”

Chip Ganassi Racing’s No. 8 will be painted in the texture of an unfrosted Pop-Tart along with images of Seinfeld and some of the movie cast members. The partnership, which is in collaboration with Ganassi sponsor American Legion, is promoting the May 3 film release.

The movie marks the directorial debut for the comedian.

Seinfeld claimed all the way back in 2018 that he had been “thinking about an invention of the Pop-Tart movie. Imagine the drunk on sugar-power Kellogg’s cereal culture of the mid-60s in Battle Creek, (Michigan) That’s a vibe I could work with.”

The movie, co-written by Seinfeld, stars Seinfeld along with Jim Gaffigan, Melissa McCarthy, Amy Schumer, Hugh Grant, James Marsden, Bill Burr, Fred Armisen, Dan Levy and others. “Unfrosted” tells the tale of 1963 Michigan, the year before Pop-Tarts hit grocery store shelves.

“Making a movie about Pop-Tarts has led to so many wonderful, unexpected surprises, and as a car guy, I honestly cannot believe our film’s logo will be on an IndyCar entry this weekend,” Seinfeld said. “I am grateful to Chip Ganassi Racing for making this happen, and honored to be affiliated with The American Legion and the work they do to support American Veterans.”

The American Legion signed off on the promotion as part of its “Be the One” mission that aims to save the lives of veterans by raising awareness, destigmatizing mental-health treatment and educating veterans, service members and their loved ones about what to do when a person appears at risk of suicide. Comedy is often used as a way to alleviate the symptoms that can lead to thoughts of suicide.

“The ability for the American Legion to partner with Jerry Seinfeld, ‘Unfrosted’ and Netflix is an incredible opportunity to expose our organization and the work we do for veterans to an entirely new audience within the entertainment community — and — the general public that are fans of Jerry Seinfeld and his comedy,” said Dean Kessel, chief marketing officer of The American Legion.

“We know that humor can be therapeutic for those battling mental health issues. Partnering with the ‘Unfrosted’ project ties nicely into our ‘Be The One’ platform and our efforts to destigmatize veterans who are seeking help and our prevention of veteran suicide.”

AP auto racing: https://apnews.com/hub/auto-racing

Taylor Swift Renews Her Vows With Heartbreak in Audacious, Transfixing ‘Tortured Poets Department’: Album Review

By Chris Willman

Chris Willman

Senior Music Writer and Chief Music Critic

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For where it sits in her catalog musically, it feels like the synth-pop of “Midnights,” with most of the feel-good buzz stripped out; or like the less acoustic based moments of “Folklore” and “Evermore,” with her penchant for pure autobiography stripped back in. It feels bracing, and wounded, and cocky, and — not to be undervalued in this age — handmade, however many times she stacks her own vocals for an ironic or real choral effect. Occasionally the music gets stripped down all the way to a piano, but it has the effect of feeling naked even when she goes for a bop that feels big enough to join the setlist in her stadium tour resumption, like “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.”

The first time you listen to the album, you may be stricken by the “Wait, did she really just say that?” moments. (And no, we’re not referring to the already famous Charlie Puth shout-out, though that probably counts, too.) Whatever feeling you might have had hearing “Dear John” for the first time, if you’re old enough to go back that far with her, that may be the feeling you have here listening to the eviscerating “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived,” or a few other tracks that don’t take much in the way of prisoners. Going back to it, on second, fifth and tenth listens, it’s easier to keep track of the fact that the entire album is not that emotionally intense, and that there are romantic, fun and even silly numbers strewn throughout it, if those aren’t necessarily the most striking ones on first blush. Yes, it’s a pop album as much as a vein-opening album, although it may not produce the biggest number of Top 10 hits of anything in her catalog. It doesn’t seem designed not to produce those, either; returning co-producers Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner aren’t exactly looking to keep her off the radio. But it’s easily among her most lyrics-forward efforts, rife with a language lover’s wordplay, tumults of sequential similes and — her best weapon — moments of sheer bluntness.

Who is the worst man that she delights in writing about through the majority of the album? Perhaps not the one you were guessing, weeks ago. There are archetypal good guy and bad boy figures who have been part of her life, whom everyone will transpose onto this material. Coming into “Tortured Poets,” the joke was that someone should keep Joe Alwyn, publicly identified as her steady for six-plus years, under mental health watch when the album comes out. As it turns out, he will probably be able to sleep just fine. The other bloke, the one everyone assumed might be too inconsequential to trouble her or write about — let’s put another name to that archetype: Matty Healy of the 1975 — might lose a little sleep instead, if the fans decide that the cutting “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” and other lacerating songs are about him, instead. He might also have cause to feel flattered, because there are plenty of songs extolling him as an object of abject passion and the love of her life — in, literally, the song title “LOML” — before the figure who animated all this gets sliced down to size.

The older love, he gets all of one song, as far as can be ascertained: the not so subtly titled “So Long, London,” a dour sequel to 2019’s effusive “London Boy.” Well, he gets a bit more than that: The amusingly titled “Fresh Out the Slammer” devotes some verses to a man she paints as her longtime jailer (“Handcuffed to the spell I was under / For just one hour of sunshine / Years of labor, locks and ceilings / In the shade of how he was feeling.” But ultimately it’s really devoted to the “pretty baby” who’s her first phone call once she’s been sprung from the relationship she considered her prison.

It’s complicated, as they say. For most of the album, Swift seesaws between songs about being in thrall to never-before-experienced passion and personal compatibility with a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. She feels “Guilty as Sin?” for imagining a consummation that at first seems un-actionable, if far from unthinkable; she swears “But Daddy I Love Him” in the face of family disapproval; she thinks “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can),” before an epiphany slips out in the song’s hilariously anticlimactic final line: “Woah, maybe I can’t.” Then the most devastating songs about being ghosted pop up in the album’s later going.

Now, that, friends, is a righteous tirade. And it’s one of the most thrilling single moments in Swift’s recorded career. “But Daddy I Love Him” has a joke for a title (it’s a line borrowed from “The Little Mermaid”), but the song is an ecstatic companion piece to “That’s the Way I Loved You,” from her second album, now with Swift running off with the bad choice instead of just mourning him. It’s the rare song from her Antonoff/Dessner period that sounds like it could be out of the more “organic”-sounding, band-focused Nathan Chapman era, but with a much more matured writing now than then… even if the song is about embracing the immature.

The album gets off to a deceptively benign start with “Fortnight,” the collaboration with Post Malone that is its first single. Both he and the record’s other featured artist, Florence of Florence + the Machine , wrote the lyrics for their own sections, but Posty hangs back more, as opposed to the true duet with Florence; he echoes Swift’s leads before finally settling in with his own lines right at the end. Seemingly unconnected to the subject matter of the rest of the record, “Fortnight” seems a little like “Midnights” Lite. It rues a past quickie romance that the singer can’t quite move on from, even as she and her ex spend time with each other’s families. It’s breezy, and a good choice for pop radio, but not much of an indication of the more visceral, obsessive stuff to come.

The title track follows next and stays in the summer-breeze mode. It’s jangly-guitar-pop in the mode of “Mirrorball,” from “Folklore”… and it actually feels completely un-tortured, despite the ironic title. After the lovers bond over Charlie Puth being underrated (let’s watch those “One Call Away” streams soar), and over how “you’re not Dylan Thomas, I’m not Patti Smith,” an inter-artist romance seems firmly in place. “Who’s gonna hold you like me?” she asks aloud. (She later changes it to “troll you.”) She answers herself: “Nofuckinbody.” Sweet, and If you came to this album for any kind of idyll, enjoy this one while it lasts, which isn’t for long.

From here, the album is kind of all over the map, when it comes to whether she’s in the throes of passion or the throes of despair… with that epic poem in the album booklet to let you know how the pieces all fit together. (The album also includes a separate poem from Stevie Nicks, addressing the same love affair that is the main subject of the album, in a protective way.)

There are detours that don’t have to do with the romantic narrative, but not many. The collaboration with Florence + the Machine, “Florida!!!,” is the album’s funniest track, if maybe its least emotionally inconsequential. It’s literally about escape, and it provides some escapism right in the middle of the record, along with some BAM-BAM-BAM power-chord dynamics in an album that often otherwise trends soft. If you don’t laugh out loud the first time that Taylor’s and Florence’s voices come together in harmony to sing the line “Fuck me up, Florida,” this may not be the album for you.

When the album’s track list was first revealed, it almost seemed like one of those clever fakes that people delight in trolling the web with. Except, who would really believe that, instead of song titles like “Maroon,” Swift would suddenly be coming up with “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys,” “Fresh Out the Slammer,” “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” and “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”? This sounded like a Morrissey track list, not one of Swift’s. But she’s loosened up, in some tonal sense, even as she’s as serious as a heart attack on a lot of these songs. There is blood on the tracks, but also a wit in the way she’s employing language and being willing to make declarations that sound a little outlandish before they make you laugh.

Toward the end of the album, she presents three songs that aren’t “about” anybody else… just about, plainly, Taylor Swift. That’s true of “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?,” a song that almost sounds like an outtake from the “Reputation” album, or else a close cousin to “Folklore’s” “Mad Woman,” with Swift embracing the role of vengeful witch, in response to being treated as a circus freak — exact contemporary impetus unknown.

Whatever criticisms anyone will make of “The Tortured Poets Department,” though — not enough bangers? too personal? — “edge”-lessness shouldn’t be one of them. In this album’s most bracing songs, it’s like she brought a knife to a fistfight. There’s blood on the tracks, good blood.

Sure to be one of the most talked-about and replayed tracks, “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” has a touch of a Robyn-style dancing-through-tears ethos to it. But it’s clearly about the parts of the Eras Tour when she was at her lowest, and faking her way through it. “I’m so depressed I act like it’s my birthday — every day,” she sings, in the album’s peppiest number — one that recalls a more dance-oriented version of the previous album’s “Mastermind.” It’s not hard to imagine that when she resumes the tour in Paris next month, and has a new era to tag onto the end of the show, “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” might be the new climax, in place of “Karma.” “You know you’re good when you can do it with a broken heart,” she humble-brags, “and I’m good, ‘cause I’m miserable / And nobody even knows! / Try and come for my job.”

Not many superstars would devote an entire song to confessing that they’ve only pretended to be the super-happy figure fans thought they were seeing pass through their towns, and that they were seeing a illusion. (Presumably she doesn’t have to fake it in the present day, but that’s the story of the next album, maybe.) But that speaks to the dichotomy that has always been Taylor Swift: on record, as good and honest a confessional a singer-songwriter as any who ever passed through the ports of rock credibility; in concert, a great, fulsome entertainer like Cher squared. Fortunately, in Swift, we’ve never had to settle for just one or the other. No one else is coming for either job — our best heartbreak chronicler or our most uplifting popular entertainer. It’s like that woman in the movie theater says: Heartache feels good in a place like that. And it sure feels grand presented in its most distilled, least razzly-dazzly essence in “The Tortured Poets Department.”

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