meaning of good father essay

23 Qualities of a Good Father – Traits & Characteristics

By: Author Jeff Campbell

Posted on Last updated: December 26, 2023

Categories Parenting

When I first became a Dad, I was clueless. So I decided to look into the characteristics, traits, and qualities of a good father.

The qualities of a good father include:

• Spending time actively involved with your kids
• Modeling the behavior you expect in them
• Taking ownership when you make mistakes
• Limiting their time on technology
• Treating their mother with dignity
• He practices being a good listener
• Understanding that our kids may have different opinions

But that’s only a quick snapshot. Being a dad is not an easy job. In fact, learning the qualities of a good father is a very challenging task.

Luckily, you aren’t the first dad on the block. There are a lot of great fathers out there and we can learn the description of a good father from all of them.

The trick isn’t to be perfect. But the trick is to learn from others as well as from our mistakes.

In this post, we’re diving deep into fatherhood, and specifically what the qualities of a good father are. More importantly, we’re looking at some simple ways you can implement these in your life today to be a better parent tomorrow.

So let’s review the . . .

23 Qualities of a Good Father You Probably Didn’t Know

1. be present and involved.

Just because we may be the ones providing for our family doesn’t mean that we should leave this duty exclusively to the moms. I get involved by communicating with my children.

I talk to my kids and know who their friends are, what troubles them, what are they afraid of, what they like to do, so on and so forth.

• Connect with them , talk to them and listen to them
• Have clear work/life boundaries – If you work from home, need time to yourself or have other projects needing to be done, just communicate your needs, set times for those that everyone is clear on and reconnect when you’re done
• Put the technology down and just talk with them

2. Say you’re sorry

When we take ownership of our mistakes, we’re teaching our kids to take responsibility for theirs.

Whether with our kids, or maybe with a subordinate at work there is nothing quite so powerful as apologizing for our mistakes. We all make mistakes and they know that.

But when we try and pretend we didn’t, or act like it never happened, that actually makes us look weaker in their eyes

3. Spend quality time with your family

You may be busy at work, but it’s important that you make time for your family.

When they’re older your wife and kids won’t remember you worked hard to provide for them; they’ll remember you weren’t there.

In the description of a good father, prioritizing your family and work/life balance are crucial .

Make them a priority. Create memories with your wife and children. Book a cruise, a beach holiday or simply watch a movie together at the theatre.

On a budget?  Board games, sports, hiking or other simple family activities work great.  Your kids just want to be with you. 

What you do almost doesn’t matter.

4. Take an active interest in their interests

Guess what?  I’m not a huge Katie Perry fan.  But you know how many times I’ve heard her music?  It’s well into the hundreds.

I also took my oldest daughter to see Panic! at the Disco in concert with one of her BFFs. Not exactly my scene (but I actually was impressed).

When you take an interest in your kid’s interests, you’re taking an interest in them.  You’re telling them you care about them as a person.

Nothing feels better to a kid than that!

5. Let kids develop their own interests

When I was 10 guess what?  I liked a lot of different stuff than what my Mom liked. And that’s OK.

It’s OK to influence our kid’s taste (that’s why I kept playing Star Wars movies until they clicked).

But we have to accept that our kids are going to not like everything we like.

They will like some stuff we don’t and that’s OK (as long as what they like is age-appropriate)

6. Don’t have a different set of rules for your kids than you do for yourself

No one likes a hypocrite, so why should our kids be any different?

Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Example: In our house, Sunday is “technology-free day”, so my wife and I do our best to avoid technology for personal use as well.

7. Model the behavior you expect from them

Don’t want them swearing at school?  Guess what you shouldn’t do in front of them?

Want to teach your sons to be respectful to women ?  They will model how you treat their mother. Lose your cool every time someone cuts you off in traffic?  You’re teaching them to be impatient and hot-headed.

The qualities of a good father have to include you leading by example.

8. Explain to them the “why” behind the rule

How many times have parents said “because I said so” or “because I’m your father”.

Guess what?  Those aren’t reasons (at least not good ones).

It’s crucial that kids understand why they are being grounded. Why a privilege is being taken away or even why they can’t watch Saw III.

As Dave Ramsey is fond of saying, “ to be clear is to be kind ”.

When they understand, they will be more apt to accept it. They’ll be less apt to do it again (if they were doing something wrong). And (perhaps most importantly) they will respect you more for taking the time to explain yourself and not just pull rank.

9. Give yourself a timeout when needed

When we talk to our kids in the heat of the moment we aren’t always in the best frame of mind to deal with them.

There’s NOTHING wrong with waiting to have a conversation until you are in the frame of mind to communicate effectively .

Talking to them when we are angry at best makes them yell back.

Then it escalates the whole thing.

Neither is actually listening to the other and instead just waiting their turn to talk (or yell).  At worst, it teaches our kids to be scared of us and being scared of our parents is one of the worst feelings we can have.

Being a “do as I say, not as I do” parent has no place in your description of a good father.

Want to know the 2 Best Selling Parenting Books available on Amazon Prime?

There is How Children Succeed : Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character (CLICK HERE to check current prices on Amazon) by Paul Tough.

This book has almost 5 stars and 900 reviews.

This book covers “Drawing on groundbreaking research in neuroscience, economics, and psychology, Tough shows that the qualities that matter most have less to do with IQ and more to do with character: skills like grit, curiosity, conscientiousness, and optimism.”

Then there is also The Whole-Brain Child : 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind (CLICK HERE to check current prices on Amazon) by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson.

“In this pioneering, practical book, Daniel J. Siegel, neuropsychiatrist and author of the best-selling Mindsight, and parenting expert Tina Payne Bryson demystify the meltdowns and aggravation, explaining the new science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures.”

This book also features upwards of 5 stars and over 800 reviews so you know both of these are excellent books.

Enjoy either one of them for free as an audiobook when you sign up for a free 14 day trial with Audible (click to learn more on Amazon) !

10. Set clear boundaries

We are their parents, not their friends.

That doesn’t mean we don’t love them unconditionally. And it doesn’t mean we don’t take an interest in their interests.

But at the end of the day, our most important job is to keep them safe and educate them so they can go on to be productive people in society.

Kids WANT structure.

They want guidelines and they crave the safety and security of knowing the boundaries.

Sure as they enter their teen years (or heck, sometimes their 3’s) they may test those boundaries but don’t ever doubt the need to set clear rules and boundaries.

11. Set clear expectations

As with #10, it’s important that kids clearly know what’s expected of them.  No one likes living with vague.

When we are clear (as in, “when you come home from school today I want you to clean your room before you go play and I want to see it when you’re done”) our kids know EXACTLY what they need to do .

Nothing feels better than knowing exactly what I need to do.

But within reason, give our kids the end goal and maybe a time frame but allow them the freedom to map out how they get there.

You won’t be there to micromanage their whole life, so letting them explore now sets them up for success later.

12. Protect your kids

Dads are traditionally known for their role as a protector of the family.

There are many ways to protect your kids beyond the physical;

• Having life insurance (click to read my best tips)  for yourself
• Saving for kid’s college   (click to read my guide)
• Making sure you have an emergency fund (click to read my article) in place for unexpected large expenses

13. Loving your kids doesn’t mean you have to love everything they do

I love my daughters, but if they spit, are mean to each other or otherwise do something I don’t like, I correct the behavior.

I do it because I love them.

The description of a good father has to include the strength to say no, correct inappropriate behavior and ensure their safety and well-being.

As you navigate what it means to be a parent, you may wonder at some point if there’s one “right way” to parent.

In truth, there are a lot of ways to parent , some better than others. But the Parenting Styles Preferred by Child Psychologists (click to read my article which reveals that), might surprise you!

14. Set consequences for poor choices

As with the above passages, kids have to learn that there are consequences for poor choices.

When we fail to set consequences we are setting them up for failure in life . After all, what country out there allows people to do whatever they want, whenever they want no matter who else it effects.

It’s not about beating them (figuratively) into submission, or suppressing their creativity; this is about teaching them physics.

For EVERY action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

That’s just the way the world works and failing to set consequences is not only setting them up for failure and disappointment, but it’s also just downright cruel.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting you spank kids, threaten kids, scare kids, etc.

Consequences don’t need to be scary ; they just need to be clear and they need to be the temporary loss of a privilege the child places value on.

The qualities of a good father must include sometimes laying down the law.

15. Don’t make others suffer for the sake of a “teachable moment”

We have all seen those parents. 

The ones whose kids go crazy, make a scene, yell and scream in an indoor public place. They otherwise disrupt everyone else’s day while the parent pretends not to notice and does nothing.

Guess what? 

In those situations:

• Remove your child from the situation (so they aren’t a danger to themselves or a disruption to others)
• Take them somewhere private
• Let them calm down
• Give clear instructions on what is needed before they can resume normal activities

Our decisions with our kids should not be a burden to others. And it’s not cute to let your 3-year-old run around the place yelling at top volume.

Most importantly, this teaches our kids to be respectful to others and to understand that our rights end where the next person’s begins.

16. Follow through on your promises (and if you fall short every now and then, see #2)

Kids count on us for all kinds of things from homework to coming to ballet recitals.

Is there anything more torturous than suffering through watching all the other kids do ballet while waiting for that 3-minute glimpse of yours?

When we promise our kid we will be there for something, we need to make that the top priority for the day.

Missing that school play or soccer game because something came up at work or your buddies decided to go out for a beer can ruin your kid’s experience.

It teaches them that they aren’t important to us.  Nothing feels worse than that .

So one of the most important qualities of a good father is to do what you say you will do; honor your commitments.

Ultimately being a good dad or parent just means understanding your Role of Parents in a Child’s Life (click to read my article). That role will change over time, and you won’t always get it right. But it’s crucial that we keep moving forward.

If you aren’t sure what your role is, make sure to check out my linked post above which walks you through the stuff that really matters.

17. Tell & show your kids you love them every day

Sometimes, dads are not as affectionate with their children (as Moms).

Maybe it’s a dad’s nature to show kids that they are the authority? However, dads should never fail to show their love to their kids. Hug them, they need it.

That way when life gets tough they’ll never doubt your love for them.

• I say “I love you” to my kids at least twice every day (and have since they were born) It may seem simple or obvious or redundant, but it matters.
• I don’t ever want them to doubt my love and I hope that if they are ever in trouble or maybe make some poor decisions in high school (been there, done that) that they will remember that and not be afraid to ask for help.

18. Treat your spouse (or ex) with dignity

Again, it seems obvious but it’s worth repeating.

You and your spouse (or ex) WILL argue (it happens to the best of us), but don’t do it in front of the kids.

More importantly, don’t EVER let it get physical.

Focus on describing the behavior you object to and how it makes you feel. After all, it’s the behavior you disagree with and not the person as a whole.

Avoid name-calling and profanity at all costs.

Doing these negative things could damage your kid’s self-esteem and how they view you. It would also have an effect on their relationships with the women in their lives.

So one of the qualities of a good father and spouse is to treat them the way you want to be treated.

Treat them with kindness and empathy. Be open with them and be vulnerable. Take ownership of your marital mistakes and be forgiving with theirs.

Understand that the two of you are on the same team with the same goals and while you may occasionally differ on methods, never forget you both want the same things.

Related: Top Reasons for Divorce and How You Can Avoid Them (click to read on my site)

19. Don’t use profanity in front of the kids until they are in high school

Many of us in today’s world occasionally use profanity.

Some more than others, but in most segments of society, it’s still seen as crude or rude and at best it’s unnecessary.

I get this makes me old-fashioned , but I’m OK with that label and I still believe this approach is best for the kid.

That doesn’t mean I think you’re a terrible parent if you’ve dropped the occasional F-bomb around them, but one of the qualities of a good father is putting our needs second (at least some of the time) and that includes our wanting to talk like a Tarantino script when we’re around them.

Our kids will eventually hear and possibly use a lot of curse words, but they don’t need to start young and they don’t need to learn that behavior from us.

If we teach our kids at a young age to use profanity, we’re limiting their options for the future and set them up to get in trouble in school and to be judged at work and in life.

20. Let them be a kid

This ties in with the above, but between movies, video games, and technology in general, kids are inundated with all kinds of “adult” topics and amounts of violence that simply didn’t exist when I was a kid.

The world is conspiring to rob our kids of their innocence at a young age.  We need to put in the effort to slow that down, not speed it up.

Our kids will eventually grow up and trust me; it happens faster than most of us would like.

We don’t need to speed up that process by letting a 9-year-old watch Pulp Fiction just because we think it’s awesome (which it is!).

21. Teach them about finances

Your kids will appreciate you later in life if you teach them the value of money.

At an early age, you should not spoil your children by giving them anything they want. The world isn’t kind to people who feel entitled and curbing this at an early age is key.

Teach them how to save in order to buy something they want.

This is one thing that I taught my children. Now they know to work hard when they want something.  They learn to appreciate the value of hard work and they will spend less frivolously when they’re older.

Related: 7 Top Allowance Pros and Cons (click to read my article)

22. Understand the balance of smothering/helicoptering over them and keeping them safe

We have to let kids go and sometimes that means letting them fall.

As Alfred famously says to Bruce Wayne in the awesome Batman Begins, “Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

If you never let them fal l, they never learn how to get back up, and once you’re no longer there to help them, that leaves them in a dangerous place. Unfortunately, such a situation is commonly seen in families whose parents think  helicopter parenting  is the best way to raise their children.

Having said the above, the description of a good father has to have clear and age-appropriate boundaries to keep them safe and healthy (physically, mentally, and otherwise).

Learning to balance between these things, knowing that we sometimes will swing too far one direction or the other, is crucial in learning how to be a good father.

Learn about all the different parenting styles (click to read my article on the worst ones), the pros, and cons including the worst ones, in one of the top parenting posts on the Middle Class Dad site.

23. Limit their time on technology

Steve Jobs may not have been a perfect father, but despite the fact that he is responsible, more than any other 1 person in recent decades, for creating a lot of technology that drives our society, he strictly limited his kid’s time on technology.

See more on that story in a great piece by the New York Times. Technology limits our ability to connect with others on a human level.

It also Affects the Brain Negatively (click to read my article on how) in ways that can really impact grades, attitudes, and relationships.

It has a place in our world, to be sure, but it should not be something that goes unchecked

Have clear limits, clear times where it’s OK or not OK and stick to those, and have those limits for ourselves too!

Don’t let your kiddos pick up on these bad tech habits. https://t.co/dzDBgqDBqX #technology #habits #parenting pic.twitter.com/ipMUdW3GW6 — Gabb Wireless (@GabbWireless) October 1, 2020

Frequently Asked Questions

What defines a good father.

A good father is simply one who spends time with his kids and cultivates a good work-life balance. Providing financially for kids isn’t as important as actively being in their lives and helping mold and shape their personality, values, and character.

The old-school model of a great dad was that to be a great dad meant working a 9-5. The dad provided most, if not all of the financial support for the family.

The qualities of a good father in the 1950s were often limited to tucking the kids in at bedtime and playing ball with them on the weekends.

As much as that 50’s Dad scenario might sound appealing, that’s no longer the world most of us live in.

No; for many of us, it takes a 2 parent income to survive.

It takes 2 parents working in collaboration with each other on after-school activities, homework, morning routines and especially keeping up with the household chores.

It’s not just enough to put food on the table, kiss them goodnight and play with them an hour or 2 on the weekends. The qualities of a good father in this day and age go much further than in past decades.

Plus in the world we live in today, many dads work nights and weekends anyway.

I wrote a recent piece about the changing face of the Nuclear Family (click to read on my site), so take a moment and check that out.

1960 – The sitcom “My Three Sons” debuted on ABC-TV. pic.twitter.com/K3F58IR75Q — Today In TV History (@tvhistorytoday) September 29, 2020

How the qualities of a good father have changed

For previous generations, fathers were the breadwinner for the family, the disciplinarian, and often played the role of the strong, silent type. The qualities of a good father have morphed, however, into dads needing to be a lot more well-rounded, and more active day to day in their kid’s lives.

I still remember becoming a father for the 1st time.

How Life Changes When You Have A Baby @DadFuture @johnsonsbaby “My life and perspective on things has changed so much” #baby #parenthood pic.twitter.com/7GS7XpKsDz — BabyCentre UK (@babycentreuk) April 19, 2017

• I asked myself what are the qualities of a good father?
• Would I make a great father? I want to be the best father for my kids. But at the same time, I worry about measuring up.
• Would I be able to do it? What if I fail?

I discovered that the qualities of a good father aren’t complicated.

You simply have to prioritize your family’s needs ahead of your own, to try your best and the really be there for them. I gathered all the tips and advice on the qualities of a good father and picked out the very best ones.

What makes an effective father?

An effective father is one who instills values and character in their child, but also encourages and nurtures the child’s own personality to come out. Effective fathers know when to protect their kids and set boundaries, but also when to let them go and allow them to learn the lessons from the child’s mistakes.

All of us have doubts about how to be a good father (or husband for that matter); we do and that’s totally normal.

And unless you go out of your way to read up on fatherhood, becoming a dad doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

But of course, many of us dads don’t read manuals anyway, right?

The questions that came to my mind when I first became a Dad were:

• What is the description of a good father?
• How do we learn these skills?
• What do we do when we fall short of that goal?
• How do we pick up the pieces when we fail?

We lead busy lives so its crucial that we stay in communication.

We check egos at the door and ask for what we need in a clear, specific and loving way. And we work together in driving our household.  I won’t lie; sometimes we fall short of that!

In short, you can’t be the best parent you can be if your relationship is suffering.

While I have a number of posts on relationships, if your relationship isn’t all it could be, I highly recommend you take a moment and check out a post I have about Empathetic Listening Skills (click to read my article).

Most of us weren’t taught how to empathize with others or how to be a good listener . Those skills are crucial in life, but they especially important for the qualities of a good father.

Happy Daughters Day! Here’s to all the dads lucky enough to have daughters. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/P7VvOi7rhn — Brian Walsh (@NYCSoccer1) September 25, 2020

Why dads are important to daughters

Dads play a special role in the lives of their daughters and are hugely important for the daughter’s self-esteem, feelings of self-worth, and confidence. Daughters with active fathers are less likely to suffer depression, develop eating disorders, or experiment with drugs or alcohol.

Make no mistake, kids need two active, involved, and loving parents.

But life happens, and sometimes people get divorced. We also have gay and lesbian couples with kids, so while I do want to talk about why I think fathers are super important in raising daughters , I don’t want that to come across as derogatory towards other family models.

Ultimately if you and your spouse or ex put the needs of the kids first , take ownership of your behavior and strive to do the right thing, that makes you a great parent.

That being said, there’s just something special about the relationship between a father and daughter.

After all, I (to my daughters) am the first man they knew and loved and all their future relationships and friendships with men will be, in part, based on how they see and interact with me.

A recent study by the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect noted the following benefits of having a father consistently in a child’s life:

• Better cognitive, language, and social development
• Improved academic achievement
• Stronger sense of self-esteem
• Lower incidents of depression

But those are just the beginning of the Benefits of Father Involvement (click to read more on my site).

Rose McGowan is set to plead no contest to drug possession charge https://t.co/Uz6RKsTVxA pic.twitter.com/6BgQVdAfvq — Page Six (@PageSix) January 10, 2019

How absent fathers affect their daughters

Absent, neglectful, or abusive fathers often lead to daughters with eating disorders, depression, drug and alcohol addictions, and sexual experimentation and often they are unable to develop healthy relationships with men.

Ultimately if I am a terrible dad who isn’t involved, is lazy, treats their mother poorly, or is overly critical or abusive, I am literally setting them up for a series of failed relationships with horrible men.

It can also destroy their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.

They will also, according to a study published by OrgScience, stand a much higher chance of developing a dependency on drugs or alcohol.

That study goes on to say that women with the “worst relationships with their fathers” “are at higher risk for a wide range of behavioral and physical health problems, including sleep disturbances, obesity, high blood pressure, asthma, alcoholism, smoking, heart disease, chronic pain disorders, somatic symptoms, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and autoimmune diseases”.

On the other hand, if I am present, involved, loving while setting clear boundaries and expectations, taking ownership of my mistakes and doing my best to treat them and others with love and kindness, I set them up for success.

With sons, but especially daughters, fathers are critically important and the ultimate role model.

As parents, one of the things we rely on the most is recommendations from other trusted sources. That’s the reason I created a page on my website for Top Parenting Resources (click to see my page).

I have compiled what I believe to be the absolute best parenting resources out there on a wide variety of needs. So no matter what your parenting challenge, I bet you’ll find a solution there.

How does childhood affect parenting?

How we parent as an adult is directly influenced by our own childhood. While adult parents who had bad, absent, or neglectful parents of their own sometimes go 180 degrees in the opposite direction with their own kids, most often, we tend to parent in similar ways to our own parents, for better or for worse.

Some of us weren’t taught the qualities of a good father by our dads. In my own life, my relationship with my Dad was complicated.

My folks split up when I was 6 months old and by the time I was 2 my Mom had remarried and we moved from Dallas to Philadelphia.

I grew up calling my step-father Dad, and my own Dad, who I only saw a handful of days a year until I was around 11, I called by his first name.

In all the most crucial ways, my birth father simply wasn’t there for me physically or emotionally.

It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I forced myself to start calling him Dad. My step-father had passed away decades earlier, and over time that became comfortable. Eventually, we grew closer.

We never really developed what I think of as a traditional father/son relationship.

But there was a lot of love and friendship . And I’ve missed him every day since he passed in 2014. I detailed my story with him in what has become my most popular blog post about Growing Up with a Gay Father (click to read my story).

My relationship with my step-father, the man I called Dad, was also complicated.

I loved him and he loved me. He also exhibited some of the qualities of a good father. But he had a problem with alcohol that led to a lot of drama & violence. Eventually (thankfully) my Mom left him as I approached my 11th birthday.

I’ve also written my story about Growing Up with an Alcoholic Father (click to read my story), so both those posts could be well worth reading if you have faced similar challenges in your life.

Final Thoughts

In this post, we took an in-depth look at the description of a good father and how to be the best dad possible.

Bear in mind the qualities of a good father are a subjective thing. There are, however, some basic principals for what a great dad is.  And also realize that just by taking the time to read a blog like this YOU ARE BEING A GOOD DAD !

You are taking the time to examine your own thoughts and behavior. You’re looking at how it applies to your kids. And you’re willing to make changes and recognize possibly destructive patterns of behavior.  You are open to change and improvement!

THAT MAKES YOU A GOOD DAD!

Looking for first fathers day gifts? Every father’s day is special, but there’s nothing quite like that very first one. Just click that link to check out some great options!

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What is your purpose as a father, new studies suggest that having a sense of purpose makes dads healthier, happier, and stronger in the face of challenges we're all facing..

Sooner or later, our kids will make us suffer. When they’re babies, their crying keeps us up at night. Later, their teenage shenanigans might rob us of more sleep. Some of us stay at jobs we hate so that our kids will never have to wonder where their next meal will come from. We can battle with our co-parents over issues like housework and discipline, testing love we might have once thought would last forever.

These stresses and sacrifices can be painful, but studies are finding one thing that can help us to weather them: a sense of purpose. That is to say, our long-term, meaningful goals as fathers.

A sense of purpose shapes day-to-day goals and behavior. Seeing a destination on the horizon helps us to lift our eyes over the dirty dishes and temper tantrums, to a future that is better than the present. Purpose makes that pile of dishes matter . It reminds us that we matter, if only to our kids. Purpose keeps us at home with them when we wish we were elsewhere.

While purposes can vary, recent studies suggest that just having one is good for you and your family. So, what does purpose look like in a father’s life? How can you find your purpose as a father? These are existential questions that every man must answer for himself. But research does provide some insights to help us understand ourselves better—and see the fathers we want to become.

The evolution of purpose

The chances are good that your purpose is different from the one held by your own father and grandfathers. Scholars say that fathers of previous generations saw their purpose as financially supporting their families and providing discipline to their children. Some saw themselves as leaders and role models for their families, especially when it came to religious instruction. Inherent in these missions is a sense of authority, which could sometimes become authoritarianism —“the enforcement of strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom,” as the dictionary says.

As a group, today’s fathers see their role somewhat differently.

For more than a century, the number of women in the workforce has steadily increased . Today, there are roughly as many women as men working for pay—though men still tend to make considerably more money than their female coworkers, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics .

More on Fatherhood

Discover how your body and brain change when you become a father.

Explore how nature helps fathers nurture .

Learn six obstacles to father involvement , and how to overcome them.

Find out how to be a happy working dad .

What does this have to do with purpose? As women made more money, men’s participation at home started climbing. Today’s dads are spending much more time with their children than did their fathers. Moreover, the United States has become increasingly diverse . Immigrants have brought new conceptions of fatherhood to America. Fathers of color face challenges that are shaping their sense of purpose.

As a result of these developments, many fathers today add “nurturing” to their purpose, along with “providing.” In a discussion I hosted on my Facebook wall , a number of dads said their purpose was to be better than their fathers—and to raise kids who would be better than them. What they meant by this, more often than not, was to be physically and emotionally present in the lives of their children.

“I lost my dad a few months ago,” said Jason Avant, a dad in California. “Nowadays I find myself looking through the lens of my childhood, and I do my best to be everything he was, and everything he wasn’t.” San Francisco writer Andrew O. Dugas , one of those who defines his purpose as “to be a better father than mine was,” says: “My son turned out better than I did. Stronger. Tougher. Kinder. Smarter. Wiser.”

For many men, raising kids means that they need to make self-improvement and self-care part of their purpose. After the birth, “It was no longer acceptable for me to simply go through the motions,” said Blake Overbay, a sergeant with the Massachusetts Army National Guard. “I had to outwardly demonstrate that I was working to better myself. Like deliberate and exaggerated movements to warm-up before a workout.”

In fact, a new study links a strong sense of purpose to healthier behaviors. Boston College psychologist James R. Mahalik and his colleagues surveyed over 200 men (“mostly white, employed, heterosexual, and married”) about their sense of purpose and health behaviors like eating right or exercising, and then analyzed how those factors interacted.

“Our results suggest that when men who are fathers experience greater purpose, they lead healthier lives,” write the authors. “It would be logical to presume that they do so to promote outcomes such as improving their health to make a difference in their children’s lives.”

This finding adds to a rising number of studies that show that more purposeful people are happier , have better health and cognitive functioning , and live longer .

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that purpose might lengthen life —and that the purpose that comes with fatherhood might drive healthier behaviors that could be taken up by our kids. After all, evolution involves passing on our genes. Our offspring have a better chance of growing old enough to have their own children if we stick by their side to make sure they stay healthy and strong. A sense of purpose is a tool evolution put into the hands of fathers, to remind us to do that.

The strength of our purpose

In the Facebook discussion I hosted, many fathers mentioned how a sense of crisis—the pandemic, police brutality, and economic turmoil—is affecting or clarifying their sense of purpose.

For Berkeley, California, writer Shawn Taylor and his daughter, “My primary purpose is to prepare her for the racist and sexist bullshit she’ll encounter, without robbing her of her sense of wonder and joy.”

As the author Ta-Nehisi Coates once told me, in an interview for my book, The Daddy Shift : “I just thought, it was the ultimate service to black people if I can be a great father. It was almost a nationalist, Afrocentric way of seeing it.” For San Francisco attorney David Pai, “watching younger generations rise up” has energized his sense of purpose:

Their inherent curiosity, empathy, and “general goodness” makes me believe that, while I may not see it in my lifetime, I can certainly help lay the foundation for my daughter’s generation to build a more sustainable and equitable world. So that means being very intentional and self-aware in my thoughts and actions (avoiding cynicism is my challenge), not just around her, but touching upon nearly everything I do. Or, in a nutshell, trying hard not to pass on negativity, even in the end times.

A sense of crisis hasn’t fundamentally changed the paternal purpose of Scott Behson, a professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University and author of The Working Dad’s Survival Guide . However, the #metoo and Black Lives Matter movements have led him to redouble his efforts “to make sure that he is a good man to women and a good ally to people of color.”

COVID-19 has powerfully affected how writer and Dads4Change founder Whit Honea sees his purpose. The global pandemic has provided “many more examples of right, wrong, empathy, kindness, ignorance, sacrifice, and all the isms. The lesson plan changes by the headline.” Right now, he said:

History isn’t only being told, but fought, lived, and written. It has made my boys realize that their previous, comfortable view of the world was framed in window treatments and could benefit from a brick or two. Granted, these are the lessons my wife and I have been teaching our boys all along, but the reality of the moment is that they are now paying more attention. They are finding their voice and amplifying others. Their masks can’t muffle the message and they don’t hide anything. We’ll yell again tomorrow.

John Anner has three grown daughters—and he has found that raising them has changed his sense of purpose in life. Today, he is the business development director for a nonprofit called Women for Women International .

I long ago landed on my two central values—generosity, and care for women. So, my purpose, as I age, is to focus intently on those two things, building off the things my daughters have taught me. Women in general, and Black women in particular, have labored for too long for no recognition and no pay. The world is built on their uncompensated and unacknowledged labor. So now is a great time for old white guys like me to do the work—for free—and make sure women get paid.

Oakland author and illustrator Innosanto Nagara sees his purpose as going beyond the self—a quality inherent in the scientific definition of purpose, which includes goals that are not just meaningful to us but make a difference in the world. Nagara sees his mission as creating the space for his son “to explore, challenge himself, and push his limits, take risks, fail, and succeed but not incur/cause irreparable damage/trauma in the process.”

For Nagara, this goes back “to the basic Khalil Gibran idea that our children are not ‘our’ children. They are the children of life’s longing for itself. They are with us but don’t belong to us. Their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which we cannot visit, not even in our dreams.”

How can dads find their purpose?

There are almost no recent scientific studies of how fathers develop a sense of purpose. However, researchers are starting to understand the factors that shape our purposes across our lifespans, providing insights that can help fathers to find their purpose. Here are some of the pathways you might take to explore your own purpose.

1. Read books and watch movies

There are countless novels, comic books, movies, and TV shows that thoughtfully portray fathers, as well as nonfiction books and articles on the history and meaning of fatherhood. When I was becoming a father, I found particular inspiration in Michael Chabon’s novels, the short stories of Alice Munro, the graphic-novel series Starman , movies like The Pursuit of Happyness , daddy blogs , and books by feminist scholars like Stephanie Coontz and Arlie Hochschild .

The stories that inspired me may not inspire you. Perhaps you’ll look more to religious texts, or even to the stories of sports stars. The important thing is the search for inspiration. Seeing the purposes of other fathers, both real and imagined, can help you to see your own.

2. Talk to your co-parents, friends, and family

More on Purpose

Learn how to find your purpose in life and in midlife .

Read how one millennial is finding purpose and connection in the COVID-19 pandemic.

Explore the five childhood experiences that lead to a more purposeful life.

While purpose is a very personal thing, it often emerges from our connections to other people .

It’s important to thoughtfully, intentionally sit down with your co-parent and talk explicitly about what shapes your idea of a good father and what your goals are—and to listen to what the other parent has to say. It was incredibly meaningful for me to interview my grandfather and father for my book, The Daddy Shift , because in my family, we never discussed fatherhood. You can talk to the fathers in your own family right now.

If your kids are young, think about joining a neighborhood group for moms and dads—and then, later, volunteering at school. All of these conversations will help inform and sustain your purpose as a father.

3. Look to your hurts—and turn them into healing

Many men have described to me feeling hurt by their own fathers. Sometimes, the pain came from physical punishment. More often, it’s emotional, arising from absence or verbal abuse. As we saw in my Facebook discussion, men do turn this pain into a purpose to be better than their own fathers. Other fathers described being hurt by racism or some other form of collective discrimination—and so are raising their children to fight back against injustice.

You’ll incur hurts as a parent, too, when you feel overwhelmed or heartbroken. Instead of beating up on yourself, you can ask yourself what that pain means and how you can do better next time. Your purpose as a father never stops evolving, because we learn something new (about ourselves and others) at every stage of our child’s life.

4. Move toward joy and meaning

There’s more to purpose than pain, of course. Many fathers describe their purpose as raising happy kids, and so they try to be happy themselves. “I want my kids to be happy and to put good into the world, to do the right thing rather than the easy one,” says Honea. “My purpose is to model that, sometimes (often) fail, and let them see me learn from it.”

In his book The Path to Purpose , Stanford psychologist William Damon argues that purpose happens when our skills meet the needs of the world. While that idea doesn’t precisely translate into parenting, it’s always the case that we’re better at some aspects of parenting than others. When you play with your kids, you shouldn’t always just do the things they enjoy; it’s important to do the things you like to do, too. If you’re good at baseball, see if they’ll play ball with you. If it’s Star Wars you love, watch the movies over and over with your kids, and talk about the messages the movies impart .

“We constantly inject joy into our lives,” said Taylor. “We dress up, we play, we talk about what make us happy and ask what makes each other happy.” He’s on the right track: There is a great deal of research suggesting that fostering positive emotions —like happiness and gratitude —can lead us to a sense of purpose.

That can be difficult to do in the face of disease and quarantine, violence and protest, unemployment and uncertainty. But making the pursuit of positive emotions a part of your purpose as a father can help your family to navigate the multiple, interlocking crises that we are facing. Confronting those crises provides us with a sense of purpose, too. That’s why I go with my son to Black Lives Matter protests, and why I talk with him about the work I’m doing at home, in quarantine, for the Greater Good Science Center. In this way, I teach my son to have a sense of purpose—and so open the door to its benefits for him.

The gift of having a sense of purpose is that it reminds us of the future we want for our children, and it shows us how we can work toward that future today.

This article is part of a GGSC initiative on “ Finding Purpose Across the Lifespan ,” supported by the John Templeton Foundation. In a series of articles, podcast episodes, and other resources, we’ll be exploring why and how to deepen your sense of purpose at different stages of life.

About the Author

Jeremy Adam Smith

Uc berkeley.

Jeremy Adam Smith edits the GGSC's online magazine, Greater Good . He is also the author or coeditor of five books, including The Daddy Shift , Are We Born Racist? , and (most recently) The Gratitude Project: How the Science of Thankfulness Can Rewire Our Brains for Resilience, Optimism, and the Greater Good . Before joining the GGSC, Jeremy was a John S. Knight Journalism Fellow at Stanford University.

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• Positive Psychology

What Good Are Fathers?

The best fathers are those who are actively involved..

Posted June 13, 2011

Those of you with access to a college or university library are familiar with PsycINFO, a wonderful on-line resource of the American Psychological Association that allows a computerized search by keywords of English-language studies published by psychologists, from 1872 to the present.

With Father's Day approaching, I just did separate searches for the terms "mother OR mothers OR maternal" and for the terms "father OR fathers OR paternal." I found what I expected: 97,957 studies on mothers and 35,236 studies on fathers, an almost 3 to 1 discrepancy. Similar discrepancies occur if we compare the number of Mother's Day cards and gifts sent each year to the number of Father's Day cards and gifts sent each year*. And the number of phone calls to Mom on her day versus Dad on his day is similarly out of balance**.

So, are Moms more important than Dads? Of course not. Besides what I can glean from my Internet searches, I cannot speak intelligently to the epidemiology of cards, gifts, or phone calls, but I can say something about psychology research studies. Although psychologists have long been more interested in mothers than in fathers, things have changed in recent years, with studies of fathers dramatically increasing. The focus of studies has also changed. In the past, the most typically studied topic was father absence, but many of the newer studies look at the benefits fathers afford their children. What we see is a trend consistent with the premise of positive psychology to look at what goes right in life, including in this case the benefits of fathers who are present in the lives of their children. If you look, you will find.

There are procedural challenges in studying the effects fathers have on their children. A researcher may want to tease out the separate effects of mothering and fathering, which are of course related. Some mothers may encourage some fathers to behave in certain ways, thereby creating an apparent association between fathering and child outcomes, but the real action may be in what the mothers do. (And the same caution applies when looking at the effects of mothering without taking into account what fathers do.)

Along these lines, the family's financial resources must be taken into account, because poverty - or wealth - can influence both how someone parents and child outcomes of interest, with no direct link between them.

So, per the research, what good are fathers? Carefully-done studies show that fathers have positive influences on their children throughout life, although the details differ depending on the age of the child and whether the child is a boy or a girl. And the degree of positive influence depends on whether someone is a "good" father, an obvious but important qualification. Fathers who are abusive of course do not benefit their children, and all would be better off if those sorts of fathers were not around. But most fathers are good ones, and research suggests that good fathers are those who are actively involved in the lives of their children. Active involvement is a deliberately general term, reflecting the point that there is no one way to be a good father.

Active involvement is often defined in terms of (a) engagement (directly interacting); (b) accessibility (being available); and (c) responsibility (providing resources). Actively-involved fathers have close and affectionate relationships with their children; they spend time with their children; they talk to them about things that matter; and they are the kind of person their children want to be as adults (e.g., Harris, Firstenburg, Jr., & Marmer, 1998).

In general, actively-involved fathers provide their daughters and sons with a life-long example of what it means to be a good man, a good husband, a good parent, and a good person, and their children make wiser choices in their own lives as a result of the lessons learned while growing up.

The important bottom-line from research is that actively-involved fathers have children who fare better, physically, psychologically, and socially.

A difficult issue is the one captured by the phrase quality time. The point of quality time is a good one - what one does with one's child is more important than one's mere physical presence, even if prolonged. But there are boundary conditions, and time is a quantity as well as a quality. One minute a week of active involvement with a child likely has no beneficial effects. That said, the exact parameters of quality time are not known.

Many fathers are actively involved with their children as the breadwinners for the family, meaning that the amount of direct time they spend with their children is limited. In the 1950s and 1960s, my own father fit this model of a good father. He was not often around to change diapers, to wipe away tears, or to attend PTA meetings. Instead, he was at work 10-12 hours a day, commuting 60+ minutes each way from our north suburban home to the south side of Chicago and back. But he put the bread on the table, and he paid the tuition to the colleges my brothers and I attended.

When he was around, he also provided some of the wonderful and still memorable occasions of my childhood : Easter Egg hunts featuring clues he wrote about where the eggs were hidden in our house, frequent visits to bookstores before there was a Border's on every corner, and countless shows and concerts ranging from classical ballet to raucous rock-and-roll.

Maybe as youngsters my brother and I did not fully understand what it meant to have a father who was primarily a breadwinner, but we do now. Because of our father, we are well-educated and have reaped the benefits. Because of our father, we work hard, and we treat others well. Because of him, our lives have been much more worth living.

Looking back, I see that my father was always present, psychologically if not literally, and he was always involved. Always. Thanks Dad. I love you.

*Per Wikipedia, Mother's Day is a wildly successful commercial occasion in the US. It is reportedly the most popular day of the year to dine out in a restaurant. Every Mother's Day sees Americans spend $2.6 billion on flowers, $1.5 billion on gifts (including 8% of all jewelry purchases), and $68 million on greeting cards. Comparable statistics for Father's Day are harder to obtain, which may reflect the point I am trying to make, but they seem to be lower in each and every case.

**Indeed, the highest volume of phone calls made every year in the US is on Mother's Day. Interestingly - really! - the largest volume of collect calls made every year in the US is on Father's Day.

Harris, K. M., Firstenburg, Jr., F. F., & Marmer, J. K. (1998). Paternal involvement with adolescents in intact families: The influence of fathers over the life course. Demography, 35, 201-216.

Christopher Peterson was professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.

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Essay on Qualities Of A Good Father

Students are often asked to write an essay on Qualities Of A Good Father in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Qualities Of A Good Father

Understanding and patience.

A good father has a deep understanding of his children. He knows their strengths, weaknesses, and interests. He is also patient. He knows that kids make mistakes. Instead of getting angry, he uses these moments to teach them important life lessons.

A supportive father always stands by his children. He encourages them to follow their dreams and helps them achieve their goals. He praises their achievements and motivates them to do better.

A good father is a role model for his children. He leads by example. He shows his kids how to respect others, be honest, and work hard. He teaches them the importance of good character.

Love and Care

A good father showers his children with love and care. He spends quality time with them, listens to their problems, and gives them advice. He makes sure they feel loved and cherished.

Consistency

Consistency is another quality of a good father. He is consistent in his actions and decisions. This helps children understand what is expected of them and builds a sense of security.

250 Words Essay on Qualities Of A Good Father

A good father is understanding and patient. He listens to his children’s worries and dreams. He gives them time to share their feelings. He does not get angry quickly. Even when his kids make mistakes, he stays calm and helps them learn.

A good father is also a role model. He shows his children how to behave by his actions, not just his words. He is honest, kind, and hard-working. He treats everyone with respect. This way, his children learn to do the same.

Support is another quality of a good father. He supports his children’s dreams and goals. He encourages them to work hard and do their best. He is there to cheer them up when they are sad and celebrate when they achieve something.

Teaches Life Skills

A good father also teaches his children important life skills. He shows them how to cook, clean, and manage money. He helps them become independent. He also teaches them how to solve problems and make good decisions.

Above all, a good father loves and cares for his children. He makes them feel safe and protected. He spends quality time with them. He shows them they are important and loved, no matter what.

In conclusion, a good father is patient, a role model, supportive, a teacher, and loving. These qualities help children grow into happy and successful adults.

500 Words Essay on Qualities Of A Good Father

Introduction.

A good father plays a significant role in a child’s life. They guide, support, and love their children unconditionally. While every father is unique, there are common qualities that good fathers share. This essay will explore some of these qualities.

A good father needs to have patience. Children often make mistakes and can be challenging at times. A patient father understands this and doesn’t get angry easily. Instead, they calmly guide their child, helping them to learn from their mistakes.

Support is another key quality of a good father. They stand by their children in good times and bad. They cheer them on at their games, help with school work, and listen to their dreams and worries. This support helps children feel loved and valued.

Respect is a two-way street. A good father respects his children and teaches them to respect others. They show this by listening to their child’s thoughts and feelings, acknowledging their rights, and treating them with kindness and fairness.

A good father is a positive role model. They lead by example, showing their children the right way to behave through their actions. They are honest, hard-working, and kind. By being a good role model, they teach their children important life values.

Communicative

Good fathers communicate well with their children. They talk openly about different topics and listen to their child’s thoughts and ideas. This helps to build a strong bond of trust and understanding between them.

In conclusion, a good father is patient, supportive, respectful, a good role model, and communicative. They guide their children with love and understanding, helping them to grow into confident and capable adults. While no father is perfect, striving to possess these qualities can make a significant difference in a child’s life.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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What Does It Mean to Be a Good Dad? The Answer Is More Complex Than Ever

And this is a good thing.

In our research interviews, we ask expectant fathers a few questions intended to elicit their own theories of fatherhood, such as “What do you think a father should be like?” and “How do you picture yourself as a father?” These questions draw responses based on young men’s own experiences of having been fathered and on their culturally informed beliefs about fatherhood . And their responses suggest that what they expect from the selves as fathers and how they define a “good father” extends beyond being a good breadwinner. For example, when asked about their biggest priority as a father, “being there” for their children is the most common response among the fathers (and fathers-to-be) in our studies, which is consistent with what other father researchers are reporting.

When Robert, the young father from Chicago whom we introduced in Chapter 1, was asked “What should a father be like?” he responded with a calm certainty: “To be there. Whatever the baby… whatever the baby needs of you, the father has to be there. No matter what, I will be there if the baby needs me; I will be there no matter what it is. I won’t let nothing stop me from being there for my baby.”

Robert’s father was divorced from his mother, but he was still quite involved in Robert’s upbringing, and there isn’t a single note of bitterness in Robert’s description of the ideal father. By contrast, we often hear a young man’s emphasis on the importance of “being there” against the backdrop of a childhood marked by an absent or abusive father. Some of the young men in our studies are painfully explicit about how a father should not behave. Jed, the burly Salt Lake City father who had been abused by his father, was impressively reflective as he conveyed his views of fatherhood to Keith, who interviewed him.

Jed: “I don’t think the father should be the head of the household. It should be the mother and the father together. All the fathers that I’ve seen will not accept anything other than what they say is right. All the fathers I’ve seen either don’t care or they don’t love enough. If my father would have loved us enough, then he would have never abused us. He would not have felt the urge to hurt us if he loved us like he said he did. He always told us he loved us, and it was very confusing because, even when I was young, I realized if that was true, he would’ve never done what he did. It was very confusing. I think a father should love his children. He should be firm, and he should set an example, and he should provide for the family. You know, I think providing is nurturing not just the financial needs, but being there for the family to care for them. Even a simple thing… like, I would value more than anything, more than all the money in the world, I would like to be able to say, ‘Dad, come help me fix my car.’ A father should be loving with his family.”

Keith: “Any other specific qualities stick out in your mind as far as what a father should be like?”

Jed: “There’s an interesting country song that I really like, it’s, uh, ‘ You got to be strong enough to bend. ‘ Only the trees that are strong enough to bend survive. If you’re not strong enough to accept looking at the other person’s point of view, you’re just going to break, you won’t bend. You won’t survive the storm. I really believe that’s an important part of being a father.”

When it comes to traditional views of fatherhood, of course, two mainstays of the father’s role in the family have been that of provider as well as that of “moral compass” or role model. With regard to these two issues, our interviews with young fathers are interesting in that the responses are yet again consistent with a pattern of shifting and broadening standards of fatherhood. First, when describing what it means to be a good father, any mention of providing or being a role model (and/or the primary disciplinarian in the family ) is conspicuously absent from many of the young fathers’ responses. Second, when either or both of these characteristics are mentioned, which they were by several fathers in our studies, these roles were nearly always mentioned together with an emphasis on involvement or nurturing, in addition to providing or being a good role model.

For example, when we asked Darnel (the father who was an active co-parent with Cleo, despite no longer staying together) what he thought a father should be like, he said, “I basically think that [a father] should… try his best to provide for his family and give ’em a place to live, and food to eat… as well as spend time with his family — know what I’m sayin’? He can’t be basically about working, working, working, and not home with his family, with his kids.”

So, while some expectant fathers emphasize the “provider” role and/or the role of “moral compass,” many underscore that the “softer” aspects of fathering also matter, and many believe that those aspects matter most. Take Steve, for example, the Salt Lake City father we introduced in Chapter 5, who, like Darnel, speaks directly to the importance of paternal warmth without disregarding more “traditional” father roles.

Dave: “What should a father be like?”

Steve: “Nice, understanding, always there. Um, ready to deal with problems, help their wife any way they can, um, just loving.”

Dave: “How do you picture your role as a father?”

Steve: “I picture myself. . . . I’m going to have fun with my kids, but I also want to make sure they’re taught right. Make sure they don’t make the same mistakes I did. I’ll try to make them better than I am. That’s probably my goal right there, just to make them better than me in every way I can.”

There is still disagreement about how exactly to define fatherhood or what to expect from fathers. Yet, there is a general consensus that our notions of what it means to be a good father have become more complex, more varied, perhaps more flexible. Although most family researchers would probably agree that fathers and mothers still tend to occupy different roles, we can no longer think of these roles as distinctively feminine or masculine, emerging from some biologically innate skill or trait.

This article was adapted from From Lost and Found: Young Fathers in the Age of Unwed Parenthood by Paul Florsheim and David Moore. Copyright © 2019 by Paul Florsheim and David Moore and published by Oxford University Press. All rights reserved.

This article was originally published on Feb. 3, 2020

English that goes straight to the heart

Role of a Good Father Essay

The Father of today is educated and has a logical vision. The image of today’s father has broken all the social obstructions.

Today, he has transformed into a trendy dad. His thinking is new which suits the time.

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In our everyday understanding, a father is simply the male parent of a child, the person who heads and leads the family. However, the role of a father goes beyond these basic definitions. In reality, a father is the one who anticipates the needs of the family, assumes responsibility, and fulfills all the duties required to shape their lives. He earns the respect of his children through his selfless actions and remarkable deeds.

In modern times, fathers have embraced a new role as inspirations and promoters for their children. They actively participate in their children’s activities, ensuring they make the right choices and guiding them along the way. They attentively observe their children’s challenges and provide valuable advice to help them develop a strong sense of self. The father’s concern lies in securing a better future for his children, and he finds joy in their accomplishments.

The fathers of today are mature, knowledgeable, and very much aware of the cutting-edge needs of the world. They carefully assess their children’s inclinations and decisions, making dedicated efforts to nurture their talents and achieve their objectives. The children hold immense love and respect for their fathers, recognizing their role in their healthy growth, providing them with appropriate guidance, and helping them build a solid foundation for their lives.

Moreover, the modern father is educated and possesses a logical vision. He has shattered the societal barriers and transformed into a “trendy dad.” His progressive thinking aligns with the demands of the time, and he effectively utilizes his knowledge and modern approach in raising his children. He equips them with the necessary skills and confidence to navigate the competitive landscape of today’s world.

One of the father’s greatest realizations is the importance of giving space to his children, allowing quiet moments for understanding their thoughts, emotions, desires, dreams, aspirations, and challenges. He as an ideal father makes all efforts to meet the necessities of his children.

Even a father who faces financial constraints ensures that his children’s genuine requirements are met, preventing them from experiencing feelings of inadequacy. This devoted father is willing to work tirelessly, exerting himself to enhance his earnings for the sake of his children. He may make sacrifices and limit his own needs, but he never hesitates to prioritize the well-being of his children.

In today’s world, fathers no longer impose their own career choices on their children. They encourage their sons and daughters to follow their own paths based on their individual interests, suitability, and capabilities. The tradition of specific family professions is gradually fading away. A doctor may not insist that his son becomes a doctor, a professor may not pressure their children into academia, and an army officer may not enforce military service on his son. Instead, fathers aspire for their children to have a better future, guided by their own aspirations.

A father is a mature and compassionate individual who assists his children in making important decisions. Like most devoted fathers, he plays an essential role in their lives, helping shape their careers and resolving their everyday issues. When you are looking for help and guidance against the odds, you first of all approach your father who comes forward leaving all his personal priorities and doing the needful. Fathers work tirelessly, making numerous sacrifices to address their children’s concerns and find solutions.

It is very important that we should give deep respect and pay the highest regard to our fathers not just because they are fathers, but for their unmatched fatherhood and incredible sacrifices towards us. Their unwavering dedication to our well-being and their selfless acts deserve our utmost admiration. Let us honor and cherish our fathers for the remarkable role they play in our lives.

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The Importance of Being A Good Father

As a father, here are things to consider and do to help raise an emotionally and psychologically healthy child.

According to recent research, we know that children whose fathers are highly involved with them in a positive way do better in school, demonstrate better  psychological well-being and lower levels of delinquency, and ultimately attain higher levels of education and economic self-sufficiency. Given the importance of fathers spending time with their kids, why is it that while teenagers watch an average of 21 hours of television per week, they spend only 35 minutes per week talking with their fathers?

Unfortunately, many dads either don't or are afraid to spend one-on-one time with their children. Besides missing out on the fun, these dads miss out on bonding time and a chance to establish emotional intimacy with their children.

What Does Being A Good Father Really Mean?

You need to be able to put your child before yourself, be a positive role model, and protect your child from harm, but at the same time allow them to make their own mistakes, and learn from them. The key word here is 'nurture'. Children learn through a variety of ways, however, observing the behavior of others is probably the most influential.

As a role model, children learn from their fathers and mothers, and their actions. They emulate the desired behavior and then discard the undesirable. Therefore knowing yourself, and how others perceive you, is essential when your children are learning from you both directly and indirectly. Your children need to be taught right from wrong and see it demonstrated on a daily basis by their father.

When considering the responsibilities of fathers, it's important to remember that no one is perfect. We are all human and, at times, we do make mistakes. But the important thing to teach is: we can learn by our mistakes and try to avoid making the same mistakes over-and-over again.

Other Characteristics of A Good Father

The environment you grew up in definitely influences how you perceive your role as a father. Some parents try and "fix" problems from their own childhood or present-day lives. What can happen is they place unreasonable expectations on their child.

A child's life can be filled with pressures, from kids at school, teachers or coaches, and just day-to-day life. Help your child understand their desires and assess their capabilities and set achievable goals. Encourage them to meet their full potential but avoid living vicariously through them by expecting them to achieve what you had achieved or hoped to have achieved.

Some common perceptions of a father's role are:

• The father provides, financially and emotionally, for his children, and should care for them too.
• The father's role is to discipline along with the mother. Make parenting a partnership, be on the same page about how to discipline your child and be consistent.
• A father should give his children affection and warmth - Don't be afraid to tell your child "I love you, I'm proud of you."
• A father shows support and love through actions as well as words.

Consider your roles and responsibilities as a father. Ask yourself which are most meaningful and pursue them to the best of your ability.

Being a good father is one of the most important and challenging things you can do! Spend time listening and talking with your kids each day.

article references

APA Reference Staff, H. (2022, January 11). The Importance of Being A Good Father, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 16 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/dads/importance-of-being-a-good-father

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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15 Essential Qualities of a Good Father

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In this article we’re going to discuss the qualities of a good father all dads should strive to have.

* disclosure : some of these links might be affiliate links.

Introduction to the Attributes of a Good Father

There are many things needed for the success of the family.

Along with that for the successful development of kids.

Good fathers and good mothers are an essential piece in the equation.

Society at times tends to devalue the importance of fatherhood and how critical a father is in the home.

We know it’s not the case and research on fatherhood says otherwise.

I do know as a first-time dad it can be overwhelming.

You might not know which quality is essential to develop.

To make matters worse many times, the information you receive can be conflicting.

(the media doesn’t help, but more on that below)

We’ve come up with our own list of the best qualities of a father.

We hope you’ll find this list beneficial on your fatherhood journey.

What it Means to Be a Father

We’ve covered what being a father means . If you missed it, you should go check it out! Here are some highlights from that article.

For starters being a father can be very challenging.

The definition and even the expectations of fatherhood have changed considerably over the past 10 years.

Unfortunately, a lot of those changes and expectations have not been for the better.

The primary force pushing and defining fatherhood is the media.

According to media portrayals of dads we are:

• Not important to the family
• Dumb (Doofus is the term I used)
• Emotionally Unstable (not to mention emotionally uninvolved)

I want to encourage you to ignore these poor media portrayals.

• You’re important to the family
• You’re a role model
• You’re a gift giver
• You’re unconditional in your love
• You’re a disciplinarian
• You’re a provider
• Last and most certainly not the least you love your kid’s mother well.

What if I Don’t Have Those Qualities of a Good Father?

Many dads out there are going to look at this list and probably start feeling like they’re being judged or worse they’re not good enough.

I don’t want you to look at these as the measure of a good father.

What I mean by that is don’t look at this as, if you don’t have ALL these traits, you’re not a good dad.

First of all, there’s absolutely no judgment here.

Secondly, do not beat yourself over the head for not having ALL these qualities.

It would be pretty much impossible for one dad to excel at all these traits.

Also, many of the traits we’re going to mention will come easier to some fathers than others.

Your Goals by Looking at these Qualities of a Father

Instead, what you should do is look at these qualities or traits of a dad as something to work towards as you go through your fatherhood journey.

You’ll never be perfect in all of this.

Which is fine.

Perfection is not the point.

It’s all about trying to be better.

You see just because you’re not going to be perfect at it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for excellence.

What Are the Qualities of a Good Father?

1. a good dad loves and protects his kid’s mom.

This is first and foremost on the list because it’s the most important.

If you’re divorced or a single dad this is going to look a little different for you.

So many times, we want to put our kids first and foremost, and it’s not the best approach.

Your focus should be on your wife (their mom) and nurturing that relationship.

Let me clarify something.

I am not saying don’t take care of your kids.

I am not saying don’t love kids.

What I am saying is the best way to love your kids and take care of your kids is by making sure your marriage is nurtured and taken care of.

When your marriage is good and nurtured your kids, and your family is more likely to be taken care of as a result.

No matter how well you love your kids, it doesn’t matter if you’re not taking care of your marriage.

With divorce being as high as it is (some estimates say anywhere between a quarter to a third of all marriages ( source ).

We all know by now the havoc a divorce can have on a family and especially kids ( source ).

2. A Good Dad Provides for His Family

If you asked most guys what they felt their primary role as a father was, more likely than not they’re going to say it’s to provide.

This is the stereotypical role of a father.

While I should add being a provider is NOT the only role of a dad (as you’ll see by this article).

It’s an important role nonetheless and part of what we still use to define dads.

A good dad needs to help contribute to the household and make sure their family has the necessities.

(food, water, and shelter)

A good dad should be able to hold down a job.

By holding down a job, you’re demonstrating to your kids the value of a good work ethic.

For the dads that are stay-at-home fathers, you’re not off the hook for providing for your family.

The way you provide just looks a little different.

When a stay-at-home dad is providing it could be by making sure the kids are taken care of.

Or making sure the household is in order.

3. A Good Dad is a Disciplinarian

You never have to teach kids how to lie and be bad.

They just know how to do all of that. But you have to teach them how to be good.

That’s where discipline comes into play. Good dads know that they should discipline their kids.

They also know it’s important their discipline is coming from a place of love ( source ).

• You need to be consistent in your discipline.
• Firm in your teaching.
• Most importantly loving in your actions.

4. A Good Dad is Not Focused on Raising Good Kids but Good Adults

Your kid is going to spend more time as an adult than as a kid.

As a dad, your focus shouldn’t be on raising good kids but on raising good adults who are productive members of society.

This comes in many different forms.

One of the ways is by letting kids be kids.

Which are often not mentioned enough.

Let them enjoy the innocence of their youth, before having the weight of the world on top of them.

This is the challenge with parenting and raising kids.

You know the end game is to have a well-adjusted adult.

At the same time, you have to find a balance between letting them be a kid.

But also knowing when they do have to start bearing the weight of the world, you’ve trained them up well enough to handle it.

The other way is by disciplining and instilling morals and strong work ethics in your kids.

5. A Father Leads by Example

As a father, you’re called to be a leader in the home.

Nothing will diminish your leadership quicker than not leading by example.

Your child is watching you ( source ).

Even when it doesn’t seem like they are.

Let me tell you…they are!

Are you talking about the importance of being polite and respectful but disrespecting your waiter at a restaurant.

…or yelling at bad drivers in the car?

Are you trying to teach them the value of being honest, but they’ve seen you lie?

Your kids are a lot better at detecting B.S. and inconsistencies than many parents would like to believe.

Even when they cannot conceptually see it, instinctively they can feel something just doesn’t seem right.

Think about your childhood and what you noticed when you were a kid.

Do you see what I mean?

6. Dads are Servant Leader

The ability to serve is an important trait.

Leading is not just about telling the ones you’re leading what to do.

It’s also about serving them as well.

The same concept applies to fatherhood.

Some of the concepts that differentiate “servant leaders” from leaders is ( source ):

• ➫ Humility is an excellent characteristic of a dad who’s a servant leader. He’s not necessarily after the attention and is ok with others getting the praise.
• ➫ Hard work and the pursuit of excellence not just in your family but in yourself as well.
• ➫ Selflessness he’s always thinking about the family.

No matter how tired he is, he always seems to have the energy to play with his kids.

There are other characteristics of a father who is a servant leader.

I would like to dive into this a little bit later, but until then.

Dads need to be servant leaders.

Which means you’re leading with a servant’s heart.

7. Fathers are Supportive to their Kids

A dad should strive to be supportive of his kids even when it’s hard.

This is important both when your kids are young and as they get older.

When your children are young, you’re building the foundations they’re going to need down the road.

As they get older, your support can drive them to excel in their endeavors.

I should clarify.

Supporting your kids doesn’t mean you agree with them on everything they’re doing.

It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to change some of those behaviors.

What supporting your kids does mean is sometimes it’s just about loving them where they’re at.

8. Father’s are Slow to Anger

I’ve mentioned a couple times about the negative connotation men get when they display what has stereotypically been “feminine” emotions.

So, for example crying and to some lesser extent softer emotions like empathy.

Instead, the emotions dads get portrayed as having is anger.

When they get angry, they then act in a poor manner.

Unfortunately, we seem to be starting to normalize some of these poor behaviors.

Look at the media portrayals of dads for example.

The dads as portrayed by tv shows have the emotional equivalent of a toddler.

I’m not saying don’t get angry.

That would be silly.

You’re going to get angry.

It’s just going to happen.

What’s important is how you act.

The test of fatherhood is your ability to handle those emotions.

Your kids will be watching and learning how daddy handles situations when he gets angry.

In turn, they’ll be learning how they should handle situations when they get angry.

9. A Good Father Loves His Kids

Discipline without love breeds resentment.A good father loves his kids.Your kids should never wonder whether you love them.

Your children should be able to find peace, comfort, rest, and consistency in your love.

10. A Father Needs to be Patient

Patience is a virtue as the saying goes.As a father, your family is going to test your patience on a regular basis.

As challenging as it may be, each day you need to pass your test.

How you react in those circumstances could be what defines you in the eyes of your kids.

For example, the thought of teaching your child immediately comes to my mind. How do you handle it when you’re teaching your kids a skill?

What about when your tutoring them and they’re not learning it as fast as you would like?

Do you get angry?

Do you yell at them?

Or do you continue to be patient with them?

Do you continue to keep encouraging them?

11. Good dads are Dependable

Good dads should be a man of his words.

His family should be able to count on him.

But most importantly, when he says he’s going to do something his family and especially his kids know it’s going to happen.

If you tell your kids you’re going to be there for their soccer game or football game (or whatever it is) you need to be there.

If you get into a habit of breaking your word to your family, they’ll soon learn

“we can’t depend on dad.”

You don’t want that.

12. Kids Need a Dad that’s Compassionate

I think compassion doesn’t get brought up enough when it comes to dads. Compassion is sympathy or pity for someone else during their suffering.

With that being said can you not see how valuable that attribute is for a dad.

Your child for the next 10+ years is going to think the world is ending for every scrapes, bumps, and heartbreaks.

You don’t have to like it. You should coach them out of it. But remember the compassion. You might not think it’s a big deal. Honestly, most of it won’t be, but it doesn’t matter. You were a kid once.

To them it is, so try to meet them where they’re at and coach them out of it.

13. A Playful Dad is Important

Kids love having fun, and they’re good at it (sometimes at the expense of a furniture or wall).

Kids learn a lot through fun and play ( source ). Even when it’s not about learning, sometimes it’s just about the playing.Remember when I said above let kids be kids?

Along with that join them. Dads need to be able to play with his kids, have fun and just enjoy life with them.

14. A Good Dad is Present and Involved

The expectation for dads is to be present in the family.

We’ve already mentioned the consequences of an absent father .

Your fatherly role is not just about working and providing for the family.

Don’t get me wrong it’s one of your roles and an important one.

But it’s not the only role.

The interesting thing is to your kids being a provider will not be the most important role to them.

What will be, is your ability to be present in their life.

Both on a physical level but on an emotional and mental level.

It does no good if you’re physically there.

But your minds somewhere else.

15. A Good Father is Proactive

A good dad is proactive instead of being reactive.

What’s the difference you ask?

Being proactive means making changes when you see something that could go wrong.

Being reactive is making those changes only after things go wrong.

For a dad this can vary from time to time.

It could be your parenting style.

Maybe it’s your relationship with your children.

Or your wife.

Either way you want to resolve problems before they become problems.

Conclusions

There are many important attributes of a good father. Many of them we didn’t mention. What we did is hit on some of the qualities we believe to be very important.

A couple takeaways:

• This list is not a way to make you feel like you’re inferior
• It’s also not a way for you to feel like you’re being judged.
• Great dads will probably not excel in all these qualities and traits. But they are still trying.
• You’ll probably notice that many of these are both qualities of a good father and husband.

What qualities of a father did we miss?

Thank you for reading this article.

Please take a moment to share it so we can help other dads.

About the Author

ParentsPlusKids.com is the go-to resource for new moms and dads who are trying to survive motherhood and fatherhood.

I’d like to say this article is based purely on one’s opinion of a good father and is not written in stone like the 10 commandments. True it states you may not be good at all these things on the list, but this list fails to take into consideration everyone’s situation in a marriage or as a father varies a little. This is a self written list on what one person’s opinion of being a good father is. No one should take it to seriously.

there will always be someone who is negative and has to say negative to hints about everything and everyone

Qualities of a good father that will transform your family now (with video)

Fathers play an essential role in the development and well-being of their children. They can provide love, support, and guidance to their children. In addition, dads involved in their children’s lives can help them develop strong self-esteem and confidence. I will discuss the essential qualities of a good father that will transform your family relationship in no time if practised.

Table of Contents

I owe much of this post to Dermot Cotulli, whose good father sermon on Father’s Day was adopted.

A  good father  is  one  of the  most unsung ,  unpraised ,  unnoticed , and  yet one  of the  most valuable assets  in  our society . Billy Graham

Why is it essential to be a good father?

1. Good fathers are likelier to be involved in their children’s lives.

2. Good fathers help their children learn how to interact with others and develop social skills.

3. Good fathers provide emotional support for their children and help them deal with difficult situations.

4. Good fathers set a positive example for their children, which can lead to better academic performance and overall success in life.

5. Good fathers teach their children essential life lessons, such as the importance of hard work, responsibility, and respect.

What makes a good father?

1. a good father respects his spouse.

A good dad respects his children’s mother and continues to revisit and work on his relationship with her. However, he realizes the best thing he can do for his children is to have a loving and peaceful relationship with their mother. By so doing, he becomes an irresistible husband .

2. Provisioning is another quality of a good father

A good father provides for his children and shows through his example that hard work isn’t something to be afraid of. He instils into his children the belief that hard work brings rewards to the family, not just the individual.

3. Disciplinary action

A good dad is a disciplinarian. Your job is to teach your children how to do what is right regardless of how they feel at any given time. The Bible urges fathers to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” 

4. The father’s quality of raising great children

A good father focuses on raising good adults, not just good kids. He spends quality time with his children, engaging in activities, conversations, and bonding experiences.

Even when you start as a new parent , you must realize that one day your children will no longer be living with you. Life is very uncertain. Even though you can’t control what happens to your children, you can give them the tools they’ll need to navigate the significant issues they’ll face in the future. 

5. Exemplary leadership

A good dad leads by example, always! Your kids are watching you all the time. You’re setting a standard for them whether you realize it or not. Also, he provides much-needed emotional support to his children.

Would you feel happy if your kids were to emulate the traits they see in you today later in their lives? Also, will their mother agree with you?

6. The power of influence and negotiation

A good father teaches his children that servant leadership is a superpower and a sign of true strength. It would help if you did not try to always get your way with your children based on “being the boss”. Instead, it would help if you tried negotiating with them more often.

Unfortunately, our world is predisposed to power leadership right now.

You can either use your position to dictate to others or lead them by your relationships , even if you are a servant or have no title.

7. Belief in future dreams

A good dad supports his children and provides a sense of belief in them and their goals, giving them the confidence to reach their potential. Don’t stifle your children’s dreams, no matter how unrealistic they may sound to you now. The greatest gift you can give your children is to believe in their dreams to become whatever they want.

8. Control of anger

A good dad will manage his anger without letting it become the wedge that shatters his family. Poor anger management is the bane of most toxic relationships and domestic violence .

Anybody can become angry -that is easy. But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way- that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Aristotle

9. Dependability and trust

Trust is vital to a healthy relationship between a father and his children. So, a good dad is very dependable. When they say they’ll do something, they do it. When they say they’ll be somewhere, they keep to their words. Their word is their bond.

One of the most significant things our kids need to know is that they can trust us to have their back.

10. Communication and Active Listening

A good father is an effective communicator who actively listens to his children. He engages in open and honest communication with his children and partner. He encourages them to share their thoughts, concerns, and ideas.

11. Flexibility and Adaptability

Lastly, being a good father requires being flexible and adaptable to the changing needs of your children. You must adapt your parenting style as children grow and evolve. Please, it’s best to be open-minded and receptive to your children’s individuality.

What are some challenges of fatherhood?

1. Being a role model: As a father, you are a role model for your children. Therefore, you need to set a good example for them to follow. That can be challenging at times, but it is essential to remember that your children are watching you and learning from you.

2. Financial provisioning: It is essential to provide for your family, but this can be challenging if you are not earning enough money or have a lot of debt. Try to make wise financial decisions and create a budget that will help you meet your family’s needs.

3. Balancing work and family: Being a father is a full-time job, and balancing work and child-rearing responsibilities can be daunting. You may miss out on essential aspects of your child’s life when working full-time. 

Please, make time for your family and take advantage of flexible work arrangements. Also, talk to your partner about sharing parenting responsibilities.

4. Being patient: Children can sometimes be frustrating, so it is essential to be patient with them. Remember that they are still learning and growing, and they will make mistakes along the way

The Consequences of Lacking a Good Dad

A good father is not just an optional extra in a child’s life; he is a fundamental pillar that shapes their development and well-being. Unfortunately, the consequences of lacking a good dad can have a lasting impact on a child’s life.

Let’s take a closer look at some of these consequences.

• Emotional void : A father’s love and support are crucial for a child’s emotional well-being. Without a good dad, children may experience a significant emotional void. They may struggle with feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and low self-esteem, which can affect their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.
• Lack of guidance: A good father guides and directs his children. He helps them navigate challenges, make wise decisions, and develop a moral compass. With this guidance, children may feel safe and confident about their path in life, leading to better decision-making and a higher likelihood of getting involved in negative influences.
• Absence of role model : A father is a vital role model for his children, especially his sons. A good dad exemplifies integrity, responsibility, and respect, teaching his children valuable life lessons through his actions. When a father is absent or fails to exhibit these qualities, children may struggle to find positive role models and may be more susceptible to negative influences.
• Self-identity and gender Roles : A good father plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s self-identity and understanding of gender roles. A father provides a unique perspective on masculinity and teaches his children about healthy relationships, empathy, and emotional expression. Without a positive male role model, children may struggle to develop a healthy sense of self and face challenges in forming balanced relationships with others.
• Academic and professional challenges : Studies have shown that children with involved fathers perform better academically and have higher career aspirations. A good dad sets high expectations for his children’s education and instils a strong work ethic. Without this support, children may struggle academically and lack the motivation and ambition to succeed in their chosen paths.
• Increased risk-taking behaviours: The absence of a good father can leave a void that some children may try to fill through risky behaviours. Without the guidance, structure, and emotional support a good dad provides, children may seek validation and acceptance from negative influences such as peer groups or engage in risky behaviours as a cry for attention.

These consequences highlight fathers’ crucial role in their children’s lives. A good dad’s presence, love, and guidance provide a solid foundation for children to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.

But don’t worry if you did not have the blessing of a good and present dad. You can still develop good relationships with your kids or other young people.

My personal reflections on Being a good dad

I am blessed with four amazing children. I regularly pause in the chaos of my days to reflect on how I am tracking as a dad. On the health of my relationship with my children? Reflecting on the qualities of a good father keeps me in check.

I regularly contemplate the following questions:

• Am I actively involved in my children’s lives? Do I try to spend quality time with them, participate in their activities, and show genuine interest in their well-being?
• Do I prioritize open and honest communication with my children? Am I actively listening to their thoughts, feelings, and concerns and fostering an environment where they feel safe to express themselves?
• How do I handle challenges and discipline? Am I consistent, fair, and firm in teaching my children right from wrong? Do I provide guidance and support while instilling important values and life lessons?
• Do I lead by example? Am I mindful of the behaviours and attitudes I demonstrate in front of my children? Am I striving to be the role model they need, embodying respect, responsibility, and integrity?
• Am I supportive of my children’s dreams and aspirations? Do I encourage them to pursue their passions and believe in their potential? Do I provide a nurturing environment to empower them to explore their interests?
• How do I manage my emotions and handle conflicts? Am I practising healthy anger management and fostering a peaceful atmosphere within my family? Am I modelling effective problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills?
• Am I building trust with my children? Do I consistently follow my promises, prioritize honesty and openness, and respect their boundaries? Am I actively working to strengthen the trust they have in me?

Reflecting on these questions allows me to assess the quality of my relationship with my children. It helps me recognize areas where I can improve and further develop the qualities of a good father.

As a father, I am responsible for continually evaluating and nurturing my relationship with my children. By doing so, I can create a loving, supportive, and trusting environment that allows them to thrive and develop into responsible, confident individuals.

Now is your turn.

So, take the time to evaluate your relationship with your children and consider how you can further develop the qualities of a good father. Your efforts will impact their lives and bring immense joy, fulfilment, and a deep connection that will last a lifetime.

Being a good father goes beyond providing for your children’s physical needs. It involves being present, engaged, and committed to their emotional, social, and psychological development. Lacking a good dad can profoundly impact children’s self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being.

Being a father is a full-time job, as dads play a vital role in their children’s lives.

By embodying the qualities of a good father, such as respect, provision, discipline, leadership, and emotional support, you can make a positive difference in your children’s lives. Take the time to nurture your relationship with your children, build trust, and create a safe and loving environment where they can flourish.

Fathers can make a difference in their children’s lives by being involved in their upbringing.

How good is your relationship with your children?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Please comment below, or let’s continue the discussion on  Twitter ,  Facebook ,  Instagram , or  Linkedin .

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Five Characteristics Of A Good Father

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There are a number of things that children expect from their parents, fathers in particular. We look to them to be a role model, we look to them for help and advice, a hand to pull you up, or just to hold if that’s what you need. These characteristics of a good father are the most important qualities that every dad should embody.

A good father protects his children

One of the most important characteristics of a good father is that he protects his children from anything that might stand in the way of their happiness or hurt them. He puts his children’s needs first.

A good father will provide for his family

Providing for your family does not mean just  financially.

One of the characteristics of a good father is his ability to make sure he gives his children the emotional support they need with no strings attached, as well as a safety net to fall back on.

This doesn’t mean coddling them or allowing them to get away with mischief.

A good father knows what his family needs from him: love, unconditional and irrevocable; support; protection; trust; and a shoulder.

A good father is firm, but just

The hardest thing for a father to do is discipline his children . Every parent likes to believe that their child is a veritable angel and might gloss over issues that need to be addressed and dealt with.

The strongest characteristic of a good father is his ability to be an effective parent by being firm and consistent with his children.

It’s so important to teach kids the difference between right and wrong by being an effective disciplinarian and a moral compass. 

Children should be able to go to their parents when they’re in trouble, need help, or have done something wrong and don’t know what to do, without having to worry that parents will yell or punish them unfairly.

Children should know that their father will be just and fair, but at the same time help them to overcome their hurdles.

Disciplining children effectively and staying consistent is a hard trait to master, but if you’re struggling in this area, I HIGHLY recommend Parenting Manual 101 . It’s an eCourse designed to help you improve in all areas of parenting.

A good dad raises good adults

A father’s job doesn’t end when his kids turn 18. He, as their parent, is responsible for instilling in them a set of fundamental rules and moral codes by embodying those principles and following those same rules himself in life.

A good father leads by example. 

He isn’t just raising children, he’s raising a child to be a good adult.

“If you spoil your child, you will have to raise your grandchild.” Unknown

A good father raises his kids so he can spoil his grandchildren. 

A good father is kind

Parents often forget to be kind in their quest to raise their children and giving them all they need and deserve. A child with a good father knows that even when he is being disciplined, there is kindness and love behind his father’s words and actions. 

A good father never lets his child believe that he is anything but loved. How? By being kind and consistent in his actions and behavior, even when he is being firm and strict. 

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Every man has the potential to be a great dad, but it’s essential to hone these five characteristics of a good father first!

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What makes a good father?

Families come in all shapes and sizes, and not all families include fathers. But when there’s a father or someone in the fathering role, we all have our own ideas about what makes a good dad. What does a man have to do to earn this title, and have our standards changed over time? Explore our interactive to learn more.

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What does it mean, to be a man?

Beliefs about what makes a ‘real’ man have changed enormously over time. So what does it mean to be a man in the twenty-first century? Do traditional ideas about masculinity still apply, and if not, what kinds of new ideas have replaced them? Explore our interactive below to learn more.

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Being a boy

What is life like for boys today? In what follows, we explore aspects of contemporary boyhood, drawing on research conducted at The Open University and elsewhere.

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The Heart of Fathering

by George R. Williams, Ph.D.

Turning Hearts to the Children

Being a father is more of an art rather than a science. Science involves facts of the mind but the art of fathering involves feelings of the heart. And at the core of these feelings is the love of God expressed through being a godly father. Science is about what you know, but art is about what you do.

In Malachi 4:5-6 it is written, “See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” As we study the book of Luke we see that John the Baptist came to fulfill this scripture. Luke 1:17 reads, “And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous– to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” (NIV)

Our primary mission for our role as fathers is to introduce our children to a personal relationship with the Heavenly Father through the sacrificial gift of His Son our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Heart of a Child

Every year the National Center for Fathering receives thousands of essays from it’s Father of the Year Essay Contest. Throughout February and March teachers from across the country participate in this powerful classroom activity by having their students grades (1-12) submit an essay, 300 words or less on the theme “What My Father Means to Me.”

Here we share two essays taken, “from the lips of children…” The names have been change to protect their privacy. The first is about a positive experience with at father and the second is a negative experience with a father. The theme that runs through both is a child’s love despite imperfect fathers.

Mary in the fourth grade

When I think about what my father means to me, I realize that most of my special memories and feelings towards him come from the little things he does every day.

My father has never saved me from a burning castle or an avalanche, but he does hug me an tell me to have a good day.

My father doesn’t buy me expensive or fancy toys, but he does whisper to me that I’m his special treasure.

My father has never fought off dragons for me, but he has taught me how to play the guitar and we dance to the radio when on one is looking.

My father has never scared off evil monsters with a scream, but the sound of his voice reading to me at night lets me drift to sleep.

My father is not a super hero in a comic book, but when I watch him and my mother smile at each other, I know he is her hero.

He is to me what the sun is to a flower. He shines down on me every day and keeps me warm, No one notices the light but the flower. To the flower the light is the world… it is everything. I would like to see nothing more from my relationship with my father ten what he gives me now because he is all that I could ask for in a father.

George in the 5th grade

My father is like a pepper that burns my tongue. My dad is not consistent with his parenting. At the time the way he treated me really hurt, but I have to say I learned from it.

When I would question my dad about why he wouldn’t call, he’d say he lost my number, as if I were a baby and could not understand that he was trouble. Although he is so absent in my life, I wish he would tell me that he thinks about me and loves me.

Some things about my dad I can put behind me. For instance, when he calls every blue moon, or when he doesn’t pay child support. I find it hard to understand how a parent could totally abandon a child. “What have I done wrong?”

Everyday I grow and understand more. He doesn’t come around because he is conflicted about the nurturing that he has not provided. What he doesn’t understand is that I love him despite his faults.

These two emotionally moving essays show that many children have their hearts already turned to their fathers even if they are absent. The change that must be made is the father’s heart turned to the child.

Turning the Heart of the Father

Where are the hearts of fathers today? There are many reasons why a father’s heart may be turned away from his child. The number one reason is a spiritual reason and that is the curse of sin. The result of sin is diametric to God’s plan and purpose. God told man to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28) and sin caused man to be barren and divided. The father of sin is referred to as diabolos in the Greek, whose root word means to divide. It divided man from God, from woman and from his children.

There are two main reasons a man would chose to be apart from his child. He might run away from his responsibility because of influences within himself. Examples are because of immaturity, fear, lack of resources and plain selfishness a father will run away.

He might be pushed away from the responsibilities because outside influences. Examples are because of the courts, the child’s mother, the military and incarceration a father allows himself to be pushed away. Even though the reasons are different the results are similar for the child. These fathers open the door of the curses (Exodus 20:5) of infant mortality, poverty, illiteracy, abuse, health risks and incarceration becoming likely to be played out in that child’s life.

We need fathers who are determined to fulfill their biblical leadership roles. These fathers whose hearts are turned to their children will be here to stay fathers. The type of fathers that regardless of what is going on in his life or around his life he is a loving involved father. These fathers lead to blessing our children (Exodus 20:6).

For many who do not know another way than running away or being pushed away they cannot go another way. They must be trained from the word of God about the role of the father in order to change. For still others it is not a matter of knowing but having someone show them. Philip said to Jesus, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” (John 8:14) These fathers are like Phillip and need to see a model of a “real” father before they can change.

For you there may be a difference between the type of father you think you are and the type your child says you are. Your child wants you, needs you and loves you. My prayer is that you will determine to be to your children the type of father your Heavenly Father is toward you. Let your heart be turn to your child!

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Essay on My Father for Students and Children

500+ words essay on my father.

Essay on My Father: Usually, people talk about a mother’s love and affection, in which a father’s love often gets ignored. A mother’s love is talked about repeatedly everywhere, in movies, in shows and more. Yet, what we fail to acknowledge is the strength of a father which often goes unnoticed. Father’s a blessing which not many people have in their lives. It would also be wrong to say that every father is the ideal hero for their kids because that is not the case. However, I can vouch for my father without any second thoughts when it comes to being an ideal person.

My Father is Different!

As everyone likes to believe that their father is different, so do I. Nonetheless, this conviction is not merely based on the love I have for him, but also because of his personality. My father owns a business and is quite disciplined in all aspects of life. He is the one who taught me to always practice discipline no matter what work I do.

Most importantly, he has a jovial nature and always makes my mother laugh with his silly antics even after 27 years of marriage. I completely adore this silly side of him when he is with his loved ones. He tries his best to fulfill all our wishes but also maintains the strictness when the need arises.

One of the best things I love about my father is that he has always kept a very safe and open home environment. For instance, my siblings and I can talk about anything with him without the fear of being scolded or judged. This has helped us not to lie, which I have often noticed with my friends.

In addition, my father has an undying love for animals which makes him very sympathetic towards them. He practices his religion devotedly and is very charitable too. I have never seen my father misbehave with his elders in my entire life which makes me want to be like him even more.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

My Father is My Source of Inspiration

I can proudly say that it is my father who has been my source of inspiration from day one. In other words, his perspective and personality together have shaped me as a person. Similarly, he has a great impact on the world as well in his own little ways. He devotes his free time in taking care of stray animals which inspires me to do the same.

My father has taught me the meaning of love in the form of a rose he gifts to my mother daily without fail. This consistency and affection encourage all of us to treat them the same way. All my knowledge of sports and cars, I have derived from my father. It is one of the sole reasons why I aspire to be a cricket player in the future.

To sum it up, I believe that my father has it all what it takes to be called a real-life superhero. The way he manages things professionally and personally leaves me mesmerized every time. No matter how tough the times got, I watched my father become tougher. I certainly aspire to become like my father. If I could just inherit ten percent of what he is, I believe my life will be sorted.

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