narrative essay about friend betrayal

Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend

Essay example on narrative about friend betrayal.

As a child growing up friends are everything. Your best friend is the one you share all your secrets with and trust them not to tell anyone. They are the one who knows everything about you and stands by your side through everything. For some, best friends may change frequently, but that wasn’t the case of Michelle and l. That was the type of friend Michelle was. We had been friends since the first grade and shared everything.

We never kept secrets from one another and more importantly, we never shared those secrets with anyone else. Well at least I didn’t. One fall I learned many important lessons in life.

The most important one was not to trust people. Sounds cynical I know, but I don’t know any other way to put it. I was 12 years old and trust had never been an issue for me, but that year brought on many changes.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon my whole outlook on life changed. On a day that seemed like so many before, my brother-in-law raped me. Dealing with that was more than I knew how to handle. The betrayal of the one person I thought I could trust only added to the pain. A few weeks passed before I could even bring myself to tell Michelle. He had made me feel like it was my fault, that I had done something to deserve it.

Proficient in: Behavior

“ This writer never make an mistake for me always deliver long before due date. Am telling you man this writer is absolutely the best. ”

He has also convinced me that if my sister found out it would cause her to lose the baby she was carrying. At that time I really didn’t know any better so I believed him. Finally I realized I had to tell someone and of course Michelle was who I turned to. I explained what happened, how it made me feel, how it made me view things. Never in my life did I think she would tell anyone. Once again I was wrong, within three days it seemed the whole school knew. To make matters worse Michelle told people that it had been my fault. That it wasn’t rape at all, that I had agreed to it. Even worse she told them I was pregnant by him.

I couldn’t understand how she could do something like that to me. Here I was trying to cope with what had been done to me physically and she betrayed me in a way that I couldn’t even begin to understand. Granted, in time the talk moved on to something else as it always does in schools, and they all realized that I wasn’t pregnant. Still, the damage to me was already done. I learned the hard way the need to be careful who you trust. It is something that was remained with me to this day. After being betrayed by my best friend, it became nearly impossible to trust anyone. Betrayed by my best friend By eschewing 123

Cite this page

Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend. (2019, Nov 27). Retrieved from https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/

"Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend." PaperAp.com , 27 Nov 2019, https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/

PaperAp.com. (2019). Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend . [Online]. Available at: https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/ [Accessed: 15 May. 2024]

"Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend." PaperAp.com, Nov 27, 2019. Accessed May 15, 2024. https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/

"Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend," PaperAp.com , 27-Nov-2019. [Online]. Available: https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/. [Accessed: 15-May-2024]

PaperAp.com. (2019). Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend . [Online]. Available at: https://paperap.com/paper-on-betrayed-by-my-best-friend/ [Accessed: 15-May-2024]

• Code Words For Very Trusted Persons MK-Ultra Pages: 3 (608 words)
• In God We Trusted Pages: 9 (2581 words)
• Hip Hops Betrayal Of Black Women Pages: 4 (1104 words)
• Betrayal Themes Pages: 5 (1241 words)
• Adultery, Betrayal, And Deception In The Scarlet Letter By Nathaniel Hawthorne Pages: 10 (2867 words)
• The Theme of Betrayal in The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner Pages: 2 (583 words)
• A Concept Of Betrayal in the Novel The Kite Runner Pages: 4 (1071 words)
• Exploring Betrayal and Loyalty Through Play Structure Pages: 3 (640 words)
• A Dog Is A Man's Best Friend Essay Pages: 3 (873 words)
• No one knows what time it is by René friend Review Pages: 4 (1010 words)

Friendship Betrayal: Emotional Impacts by People We Trust

Here are examples of friendship betrayals and how they affect us..

Posted December 5, 2023 | Reviewed by Ray Parker

• People have expectations of friendship, including support, respect, loyalty, reciprocity, or connection.
• A sense of betrayal exists because the expectations of friendship are violated.
• When a friend betrays us, it can cause a range of negative emotions, including shock, loss, and grief.

At their best, friendships can be wonderful bonds, staving off feelings of loneliness and boredom and fostering a sense of belonging, care, and trust. At their worst, however, betrayal, exploitation, and manipulation by friends form constant threats to not only one's self-esteem but one's worldview, too.

Feeling betrayed, defined as "harmed by intentional actions of people we trust" (Rachman, 2010), can include a host of friendship behaviors. These actions can be wide and varied so long as they include an emotional impact. This might include:

• A friend is sharing your private conversation with others. This might create a deep fissure in what we may choose to continue saying to that friend and a sense that our trust has been broken. If the friend offers an explanation for why they've shared private information with others, it may offer some reprieve, but the sense that they may not be trustworthy may still linger. If they do not explain, this only furthers a sense of unease.
• A friend is not supporting an important milestone. Achieving important milestones, like work promotions, weddings, or reaching a specific goal, requires effort and dedication. A friend who does not show support can suggest that either they don't care enough about the person or the friendship or that they may not actually want the best for us, causing emotional distancing.
• A friend is refusing to recognize or apologize for an action that may have hurt you. When we have clarified to a friend that their words or actions have hurt us and they dismiss, deny, or refuse to recognize the impact of their actions, feeling invalidated, disregarded, and questioning the friendship are normal responses.
• A friend who only fosters your friendship when it's convenient for them. For instance, a friend who only wants to get together at a place close to them or requires you to pick them up might make you feel like your goodwill or generosity is being taken advantage of. While a friendship based on one-sided convenience may not be "intentional," the refusal of reciprocity can certainly cause the giving friend a sense of frustration and a perceived imbalance in actions or gestures of the friendship, in essence, asking themselves: "If they wanted to [fill in the blank], they would."
• A friend who refuses a reasonable request for support. A friend refusing a reasonable request for support may cause a sense of betraying expectations of friendship, particularly of reciprocity, if we may have helped a friend in similar ways.

There are four ways of showing social support, which may all bring about a similar sense of betrayal:

• Emotional: Showing care and empathy, like offering a shoulder to cry on, for instance.
• Instrumental: Offering tangible support, like giving a friend's resume for an open position at work or bringing groceries to a friend with a broken leg.
• Informational: Giving helpful advice when needed, like talking a friend through a problem they may be facing.
• Appraisal: Offering information that might help a friend positively self-evaluate, like encouraging them to apply for a job, even if they may not have all the qualifications.

Among all of these examples, a sense of betrayal exists because the expectations of friendship—support, respect, loyalty, shared moral standards, honesty, reciprocity, or genuine connection—are violated. The resulting feelings may be feelings of exploitation, manipulation, or worse yet, a sense of self-doubt (asking "why me"). In fact, betrayal trauma can also cause negative beliefs about our own sense of safety and trust on a wider scale.

According to Rachman's research, being betrayed can cause considerable distress, with wide-ranging effects including shock, loss and grief , morbid preoccupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, and anger .

In effect, betrayal in friendships drains one's mental, emotional, and physical energy by searching for ways to navigate the newly arisen complexities of maintaining bonds with people who have not upheld the same definition of what it means to be a friend. Thus, we may not fundamentally trust if we want to maintain the friendship.

If, upon reading this, you find yourself evaluating a friendship, consider taking some space .

Rachman, S. (2010). Betrayal: A psychological analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy , 48 (4), 304-311.

Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., is a researcher at the University of Toronto.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Therapy Center NEW
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

• Share on Facebook
• Share on Twitter
• Share on Pinterest
• Share on Email
• Subscribe to our Newsletter

18 Of The Most Brutal, Real Stories About Being Betrayed By A Friend

These "friends" are the worst..

Written on Apr 03, 2019

By Team SheSaid

We don’t get to choose our families, but we do get to choose who we’re friends with. Which is why a friendship betrayal hurts so much. 

Those chosen, special few typically earn a position in our lives thanks to their ability to always have our back, even when we’re not necessarily being the best version of ourselves. 

It’s a good friend’s very ability to overlook our flaws and support us through tough times whilst also being our biggest cheerleader in our happiest moments that really cements their place in our hearts.

RELATED:  The One Thing You Should Do If You Were Ghosted By Your Best Friend

Unfortunately though, not all the friends we make throughout the course of our lives have our best intentions at heart.

In fact, some so-called ‘friends’ go to horrifying lengths to cut us down to size and sabotage our lives in the most soul-destroying of ways.

Something these unfortunate Reddit commenters who’ve come face-to-face with some of the ultimate friendship betrayals, know all too well…

1. The other woman

“She started having an affair with my then husband and then lied about it. When my marriage was falling apart, I confided in her. She turned around and told him everything I had said. I’m glad to be rid of them both.”

“[My] roommate broke our lease and gave me a one-week notice to move out because she ‘didn’t like having a dog.’ Next week on Snapchat her and her new roommates got a dog.”

3. Backstabber

“In sixth grade my best friend came up to me and literally stabbed me in the back with a pencil.”

4. Bye, Felicia

“My friend stole $50,000 from a business we started together and took off to Costa Rica.”

5. The mean girl

“They day of my birthday my “best friend” went to a party of a girl she didn’t even know because it was full of girls, I went to a restaurant alone because I didn’t want my father to worry.”

6. Absolutely heartbreaking betrayal

“I raised 11k for a friend who had two types of breast cancer, I raised this money in 4 hours, handed it all over to her and then she went round telling everyone I stole 5k from her. I still get hate mail now.”

7. Straight up disgusting

“I had one friend hook me up with a guy (I lived in a different state and I was visiting her area for a while) she knew. Turns out the reason why she set me up with him is because he was known for having STI’s and she wanted me to get chlamydia, since she couldn’t have kids and I was fertile but childfree.”

8. Breaking every friend code

“I had a “friend” who I thought was pretty awesome. Right up until she developed a habit of getting super drunk and then sleeping with whoever I was dating at the time. And, yes, I say “habit” because it happened more than once, although I can’t say we stayed friends after the first two.”

RELATED:  5 Ways To Tell If The People You Surround Yourself With Are Toxic

9. Going through medical scares can show you who your true friends really are

“My doctors thought I had a tumor and I was undergoing tests and said “friend” said that they were tired of me always being sick. The irony was that I kept the whole situation very private, only this friend knew about it, as did two doctor friends of mine. Needless to say I’m not friends with this person anymore.”

10. So cray cray

“I had a friend who broke into my house, slashed my couch and stabbed me with a fork. She was convinced that I was sleeping with her boyfriend. He was one of my good high school friends, I had introduced them.”

11. Ugh, seriously?!

“I let my “best friend” stay with me while I was house sitting for my grandmother one summer so she could save up money and get a real apartment. The first weekend she arrived I had a short camping trip planned so I left her there alone for two days. When I returned I found out that she and another “friend” of mine invited two shady guys over (one was a drug dealer and the other brought a camera to film). They proceeded to trash the house and then had sex with them in my grandmother's bed leaving a condom on the floor for me to clean. One of the guys stole my $400 iPod.”

12. She won't be winning any BFF Of The Year awards anytime soon

“My “best friend” slept with my boyfriend, the guy I lost my virginity to not even a week earlier, while I was out of town for a funeral.”

13. Real friends don't back out when life gets serious

“She comes on holidays with my family, joined at the hip etc etc. My mother dies suddenly, she doesn’t come see me, leaves the funeral early and a week later texts me calling me bad names because she didn’t get invited to some imaginary party she thought I was having.”

RELATED:  3 Signs Your Insecure Friend Is Sabotaging

14. Do people know what the word "friend" even means anymore?

“A friend asked me to call out a guy. I did, and she defended him.”

15. A true friend always honors her girls' privacy

“When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, my sister had just lost her baby. To give her time to heal, and so my family wouldn’t worry about me, I was going to wait until I was 12 weeks to tell my family. I told a few of my friends, and told them to keep quiet and why. One of them thought it wasn’t right to keep it from my family, so she told my parents behind my back.”

16. Some people just refuse to grow up

“I paid her rent for several months while she hopped from job to job, always quitting what jobs she got with some lame excuses. Then she only gave me a one week notice about her moving out of state. She had to leave a lot of her stuff here, and when she ran out of money out of state, started selling her stuff. She emailed me asking me ship out the items she’d sold on ebay. When I mentioned the burden of the shipping cost, even though she was collecting the shipping, she accused me of only being concerned with money.”

17. Hello, you're supposed to be my friend?

“My friend ignored all major life developments for me. Getting married, buying a house, having a baby. No congratulations or anything.”

18. It's time to agree that friend betrayals are the worst

“[I] helped her get a job where I work. She then cozies up to the boss. Gets me fired. “Hope we can still be friends?” I don’t even bother opening her emails anymore.”

RELATED:  6 Signs You're Being Emotionally Manipulated By A Toxic Person

SheSaid is a website dedicated to covering topics about women, their relationships, and their lives. For more content from SheSaid, visit their website .

This article was originally published at SheSaid . Reprinted with permission from the author.

More content from SheSaid:

• Why I Broke Up With My Best Friend Of 12 Years
• I Broke Up With One Of My Best Friends And I’ve Never Felt Better
• 13 Ways To Know If Your Friends Are Actually Real Friends

Our Newsletters

Get the best of YourTango delivered straight to your inbox — the biggest stories, actionable advice & horoscope predictions!

• International edition
• Australia edition
• Europe edition

‘Some things can’t be repaired’: how do you recover when a friend betrays you?

With the ‘Wagatha Christie’ trial poring over the destruction of a celebrity friendship, four people share their experiences of treachery and trauma

A s the libel suit between Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney rumbles on in the high court, the public has heard weeks of claims and counterclaims about Instagram stings, paparazzi ambushes and phones lost in the sea . But one thing has been clear from the outset: one of the two women has been betrayed. Either, as Rooney claims, Vardy sold stories about her fellow Wag to the Sun, or, as Vardy maintains, Rooney’s baseless accusation has dragged her good name through the mud.

It is a messy and sordid tale from which no one – except possibly the lawyers – emerges the better. Rooney has described Vardy’s WhatsApp exchanges about her as “evil” ; Vardy has said that the threats and abuse she received after Rooney’s accusations made her feel suicidal . What is driving the former friends to spend millions airing their most intimate details?

Betrayal by a friend is not something you can just laugh off, says Dr Jennifer Freyd, a psychology professor at the University of Oregon. “The very place where you should be able to get help and protection from the harms of life becomes the source of harm.” She coined the term “betrayal trauma” to describe the pain such treachery can cause. “We are a social species; when someone betrays us, it’s a real threat to our wellbeing.”

There are degrees of betrayal, of course. Most of us will have experienced a friend gossiping uncharitably behind our backs, for example – or perhaps we have been that friend. This is hardly Judas kissing Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. “But what we find overall is that betrayal is toxic,” Freyd says. “People who are betrayed are likely to have physical and mental health challenges.”

A nnabel, who is in her 50s and lives in Wales, was betrayed by her former friend Jane. They met in the early 2000s. Annabel ran a specialist business at a food market; Jane visited her stand often and befriended her at a marketing event. “We just clicked,” says Annabel. “She was really friendly. We’d go to each other’s houses for meals.”

Annabel introduced Jane to her friends and gave her work on her stall, teaching her all about her business. Jane then announced that she planned to set up a rival stand, selling the same products at the same market. Annabel was horrified. “I told her that I was hurt and I thought it would be awkward and strange for other people,” says Annabel. “It didn’t work personally and from a business point of view we were going to be sharing customers.”

Jane was unmoved, even suggesting that, if Annabel was unhappy, she might like to consider moving markets. Just like that, their friendship was over.

At first, Jane’s stand didn’t affect Annabel’s sales too greatly, but over time her income declined. “The market could not sustain two similar businesses,” she says. Eventually, Annabel left. The experience made her feel “very lonely – like I couldn’t trust anyone. I felt that people might just be after what I had got.” She was, she says, “upset for a very long time”.

This is a common response to feelings of betrayal, says Holly Roberts, a psychotherapist with the relationship charity Relate . “When you open up to a friend, you make yourself vulnerable to that person,” she says. “That’s what makes it hard. Because you’ve bared yourself emotionally to that person and been hurt by them.” Roberts says these feelings “can sit with you for a long time”. Annabel has moved on with her life. “I can be philosophical about it now,” she says. “But it ranks pretty highly in my history of painful personal experiences.”

Betrayal stories “are as old as time”, notes Dr Lucy CMM Jackson, an assistant classics professor at Durham University. Tales such as Euripides’ Medea, about a woman’s bloody quest for vengeance after her husband abandons her, “are so fascinating because they articulate a fear”, she says. “We tell stories about betrayal to make sense of it, in the hope that maybe we can avoid it or, if not, be better prepared for it. Ultimately, we come back to the idea of betrayal so often because we do have to trust each other.”

Medea “takes vengeance because her name has been dragged through the dust”, says Jackson. Does she see parallels with Vardy’s attempt to restore her reputation? “It’s all quite petty,” she says. “I don’t get the sense that so much honour has been given up in this modern parallel.”

L ike Medea, Stacy Thunes’ story of betrayal revolves around a duplicitous lover. Thunes, a 61-year-old actor and screenwriter from London, was betrayed by her close friend Billie in the early 80s. When Thunes fell in love with a handsome musician, she arranged for the three of them to go for breakfast. At breakfast, to Thunes’ horror, “his foot was actually touching hers under the table”, she says.

That evening, Thunes went to Billie’s apartment. The lights were off and Billie wasn’t answering the doorbell. Thunes climbed in through an open window. Billie emerged from her bedroom. “I knew by the look on her face that he was there,” Thunes says.

Being betrayed by Billie, she says, was more painful than being betrayed by her boyfriend. “It made me feel like we were never really friends,” says Thunes. “Like the friendship meant nothing. All those years of feeling that she had my back were gone in an instant.”

Those who are betrayed often feel shame, says Roberts. “People feel embarrassed. They think: how could I have opened myself up to this person and let them do this to me? How could I have been so naive?”

Lisa, a disability support worker, knows this feeling well. “I couldn’t believe how stupid we’d been,” she sighs. Lisa met Anna in the 1990s when they worked in adjacent shops in Edinburgh. “She was funny and kind and generous,” says Lisa. “You knew where you stood with her. I liked that.”

When Lisa and her then-husband moved to a small village on the east coast of Scotland, Anna soon followed with her young son. Lisa helped out with childcare and even acted as a guarantor on her rental property. “She was my family and I was hers,” says Lisa. But everything fell apart when Anna’s landlord got in touch. Anna had fallen behind on the rent.

Lisa offered to lend her £1,500, the last of a small legacy her grandfather had left her. “She initially said no, but eventually agreed,” says Lisa. “I gave her the money in cash. And that was the last time I ever saw her.” Eventually, Lisa pieced together the story: Anna had used her money to run away with a boyfriend. “I felt more angry at myself than at her, for being so naive,” Lisa says.

Anna later wrote a letter to Lisa, apologising for hurting her – but not for taking the money. “She said it was my fault, because I forced her to do it,” says Lisa.

N ot everyone will get the closure that comes with an apology, however half-hearted. Cormac and Duncan met a decade ago as teachers at the same school. They became friends quickly and Cormac introduced Duncan to his social and professional circles. When a management post became available, Cormac asked Duncan if he planned to apply for it. “He said no,” Cormac says. “I would have had no problem if he’d said yes.”

Cormac spent weeks going over his interview strategy with Duncan. At his interview, he was stunned to see Duncan there, in a suit and tie. “He’d gleaned all the information from me and he’d used me to lay the groundwork for getting to know everyone on the panel,” says Cormac. Duncan got the job. “I was in tears, because I knew I’d been dealing with someone very clever and manipulative and careful, and it was devastating.”

To make matters more maddening, Duncan not only never apologised, but also spread false rumours about Cormac around the school. “I had to find my own resolution,” says Cormac. “I can’t let him live in my head rent-free. I told myself: ‘That is in the past and everything from here on out will be good.’” Cormac ended up moving to a different school. “I wanted to draw a line under it,” he says.

Betrayal usually means the end of a friendship. “That urge to withdraw is a protective response,” says Freyd. “You don’t want to continue to be betrayed. It’s analogous to a fight-or-flight response.” After Billie wrote to beg for forgiveness, Thunes let her back into her life, but she never trusted her again. “Every time I was with someone, I knew she might have her eye on them,” says Thunes.

It is possible to rebuild the relationship “if you’re both invested in it”, says Roberts. “Check in with each other: how does this feel? But the trust may never come back. Accepting that can be a good step.” If you feel unable to trust your friend, walk away. “You don’t have to put yourself through it,” she says. “Some things can’t be repaired, and it’s OK to acknowledge that.”

Surprisingly few of the betrayed wish harm upon their betrayers. They would rather let go of the hurt and move on. “I couldn’t let it drive me mad,” says Annabel. “I had to carry on doing my thing.” But all of them are more careful now; more tentative about who they let in, more thoughtful about what they do with the trust that others place in them. “I am reminded of it daily, not because I want to make myself feel bad, but because I don’t want to be that person to hurt other people,” says Thunes.

But the act of continuing to trust after being hurt so badly is a form of resistance in itself. They will not stop connecting with others, because to close off from the world is to let their betrayers win. Lisa says she would lend Anna the money again in a heartbeat, even knowing everything she does now. “I’ve had so much kindness shown to me over the years, too,” she says. “That’s what makes life beautiful.”

Some names have been changed

• Coleen Rooney
• Rebekah Vardy

Most viewed

Friday essay: on the ending of a friendship

Emeritus Professor of Creative writing, The University of Melbourne

Disclosure statement

Kevin John Brophy does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

University of Melbourne provides funding as a founding partner of The Conversation AU.

View all partners

Friendship is an incomparable, immeasurable boon to me, and a source of life — not metaphorically but literally.

• Simone Weil

About eight years ago, I went to dinner with a dear friend I had known for more than 40 years. It would be the last time we would see each other and by the end of that evening I was deeply shaken. But more lasting and more unsettling than this has been the feeling of loss without his friendship. It was a sudden ending but it was also an ending that lasted for me well beyond that evening. I have worried since then at what kind of friend I am to my friends, and why a friendship can suddenly self-destruct while others can so unexpectedly bloom.

My friend and I were used to going to dinner together, though it had become an increasingly tricky matter for us. We had been seeing each other more infrequently, and our conversations had been tending towards repetition. I still enjoyed his passion for talk, his willingness to be puzzled by life’s events, our comically growing list of minor ailments as we entered our sixties, and the old stories he fell back on — usually stories of his minor triumphs, such as the time his car burst into fire, was declared a write-off by insurance, and ended in an auction house where he bought it back with part of the insurance payout and only minor repairs to be made. There were stories of his time as a barman in one of Melbourne’s roughest pubs. I suppose in a lot of long-lasting friendships it is these repeated stories of the past that can fill the present so richly.

Nevertheless, both his opinions and mine seemed to have become too predictable. Even his desire to come up with the most unpredictable viewpoint on any problem was a routine I expected from him. Each of us knew the weaknesses in the other’s thinking, and we had learned not to go too far with some topics, which were of course the most interesting and important ones.

He knew how politically correct I could be, and shrewdly enough he had no time for my self-righteousness, the predictability of my views on gender, race and climate. I understood this. He knew too that his fiercely independent thinking was often just the usual rant against greenies or lefties. Something had begun to fail in our friendship, but I could not properly perceive this or speak of it.

We were a contrasting pair. He was a big man with an aggressive edge to his gregarious nature, while I was lean, short and physically slight next to him, a much more reserved person altogether. I liked his size because big men have been protective figures in my life. At times when I felt threatened I would ask him to come with me to a meeting or a transaction, and just stand next to me in his big way. During one long period of trouble with our neighbours he would visit when the tension was high to show his formidable presence and his solidarity with us.

I was always reading and knew how to talk books, while he was too restless to read much. He knew how to sing, bursting into song occasionally when we were together. He had been unable to work professionally since a breakdown that was both physical and mental. By contrast, I was working steadily, never quite as free with my time as he was.

Nearly two years before our last dinner together his wife had suddenly left him. As it turned out, she had been planning her departure for some time, but when she went he was taken by surprise. I saw a more confused and fragile side of him during those months when we would meet and talk through how he was dealing with their counselling sessions, and then how the negotiations were proceeding over belongings and finally the family house. He was learning to live alone for the first time since he had been a young man, and was exploring what it might be like to seek out new relationships.

Read more: Research Check: is it true only half your friends actually like you?

A safe haven

We had met when I was a first-year university student boarding at my grandmother’s home in an inner Melbourne suburb. I was studying for a Bachelor of Arts, staying up through the nights, discovering literature, music, history, cask wine, dope, girls and ideas.

He lived in a flat a few doors away in a street behind my grandmother’s place, and I remember it was the local parish youth group, or the remnants of one, that used to meet in his flat. In my friend’s flat we would lie around the floor, half a dozen of us, drinking, flirting, arguing about religion or politics until the night was strung out in our heads, tight and thin and vibrating with possibilities. I loved that sudden intimate and intellectually rich contact with people my own age.

My friend and I started up a coffee lounge in an old disused shopfront as a meeting place for youth who would otherwise be on the street. I was the one who became immersed in the chaotic life of the place as students, musicians, misfits, hopeful poets and petty criminals floated through the shop, while my friend kept his eye on the broader picture that involved real estate agents, local councils, supplies of coffee, income and expenditure.

Perhaps the experience helped delay my own adulthood, allowing me time to try out a bohemian, communal alternative lifestyle that was so important to some of us in the early 1970s. My friend, though, was soon married. It was as if he had been living a parallel life outside our friendship, outside the youth group, coffee shop, jug band, drugs and misadventures of our project.

This did not break us up, and in fact after his marriage he became another kind of friend. I was at times struggling to find some steady sense of myself. Sometimes in those years I would not be able to talk or even be near others, and I remember once when I felt like this I went to my newly married friend’s home, and asked if I could lie on the floor in the corner of their lounge room for a few days until I felt better.

They indulged me. I felt it was this haven that saved me then, giving me the time to recoup and giving me a sense that there was somewhere I could go where the world was safe and neutral.

In time, and more bumpily and uncertainly than my friend, I was with a partner raising a family. He was often involved in our children’s birthdays, other celebrations, our house-moving, and just dropping in on family meals. It worked for us. I remember him lifting our cast iron wood-burning stove into its place in our first renovated Brunswick cottage. He lived in a more sprawling home near bushland on the edge of Melbourne, so one of my pleasures became the long cycling trips out to see him.

My partner and I were embraced by a local community thanks to the childcare centre, kinders, schools and sport. Lasting friendships (for us and for our children) grew in the tentative, open-ended, slightly blindly feeling way of friendships. Through this decade and a half though, the particular friendship with my songful friend held, perhaps to the surprise of both of us.

‘Tolerating much, for the sake of best intentions’

In his thoroughly likeable 1993 book on friendship , the political scientist Graham Little wrote under the bright light of writings by Aristotle and Freud, that the purest kind of friendship “welcomes the different ways people are alive to life and tolerates much in a friend for the sake of best intentions”.

Here perhaps is the closest I have seen to a definition of friendship at its best: a stance imbued with sympathy, interest and excitement directed at another despite all that otherwise shows we are flawed and dangerous creatures.

On that evening, the evening of the last time we went out to dinner together, I did push my friend towards one of the topics we usually avoided. I had been wanting him to acknowledge and even apologise for his behaviour towards some young women he had spoken to, I thought, lewdly and insultingly nearly a year before in my home at a party. The women and those of us who had witnessed his behaviour felt continuing tension over his refusal to discuss the fact that he had wanted to speak so insultingly to them and then had done it in our home in front of us. For me, there was some element of betrayal, not only in the way he had behaved but in his continued refusal to discuss what had happened.

The women were drunk, he said, just as he had said the last time I tried to talk to him about this. They were wearing almost nothing, he said, and what he’d said to them was no more than they were expecting. My friend and I were sitting in a popular Thai restaurant on Sydney Road: metal chairs, plastic tables, concrete floor. It was noisy, packed with students, young couples and groups out for a cheap and tasty meal. A waitress had put menus, water and beer on our table while she waited for us to decide on our meals. Wanting to push finally past this impasse, I pointed out to him that the women had not insulted him, he had insulted them.

If that’s the way you want it, he replied, and placed his hands on each side of the table, hurling it into the air and walking out of the restaurant as table, bottles, glasses, water and beer came clattering and smashing down around me. The whole restaurant fell silent. I could not move for some time. The waitress began mopping up the floor around me. Someone called out, “Hey, are you all right?”

This was the last time I saw or heard from him. For many months, I thought of him every day, then slowly I thought of him less often, until now I can think of him more or less at will, and not find myself ashamed of the way I went for him in a conversation where I should have been perhaps more alive to whatever was troubling him.

Improvised, tentative

For some years after this, I felt I had to learn how to be myself without him. I have read articles and essays since then about how pitiful men can be at friendship. We are apparently too competitive, we base our friendships on common activities, which means we can avoid talking openly about our feelings and thoughts. I don’t know about this “male deficit model”, as some sociologists call it, but I do know that the loss of this friendship took with it a big part of my shared personal history at that time. It dented my confidence in ever having properly known this man or understood our friendship — or in knowing how secure any friendship might be.

I was drawn to read and re-read Michel de Montaigne’s gentle and strangely extreme essay on friendship where he was so certain that he knew with perfection what his friend would think and say and value. He wrote of his friend, Etienne de Boëtie, “Not only did I know his mind as well as I knew my own but I would have entrusted myself to him with greater assurance than to myself.”

Against this perfection of understanding between friends, there is George Eliot’s odd excursion into science fiction in her 1859 novel, The Lifted Veil . Her narrator, Latimer, finds he can perceive perfectly clearly the thoughts of all the people around him. He becomes disgusted and deeply disturbed by the petty self-interest he apparently discovers within everyone.

After 40 years of shared history, there was not the disgust Eliot writes of, nor Montaigne’s perfect union of mind and trust between me and my burly friend, but there was, I had thought, a foundation of knowledge whereby we took each other’s differences into ourselves, as well as our common histories of the cafe we had run, and as it happened our common serving of time in semi-monastic seminaries before we’d met — differences and similarities that had given us, I thought, ways of being in sympathy with each other while allowing for each other.

Read more: Guide to the classics: Michel de Montaigne's Essays

Montaigne’s dearest friend, Etienne, had died, and his essay was as much about the meaning of this loss as about friendship. His big idea was loyalty, and I think I understand that, though not in the absolute way Montaigne wrote of it.

Loyalty is only real if it is constantly renewed. I worry that I have not worked enough at some friendships that have come into my life, but have let them happen more passively than the women I know who spend such time, and such complicated time, exploring and testing friendships. The sudden disappearance of my friend left me with an awareness of how patched-together, how improvised, clumsy and tentative even the most secure-seeming friendship can be.

When the philosopher and brilliant essayist, Simone Weil wrote shortly before she died in 1943,

I may lose, at any moment, through the play of circumstances over which I have no control, anything whatsoever that I possess, including things that are so intimately mine that I consider them as myself. There is nothing that I might not lose. It could happen at any moment ….

she seemed to be touching on the difficult truth that we run on luck and hope and chance much of the time. Why haven’t I worked harder at friendships, when I know that they provide the real meaning in my life?

Some years ago, when I was told by a medical specialist that I had a 30% chance of having cancer, as I waited for the results of a biopsy, I remember that in response to these dismal odds I had no desire to go back to work, no desire to even read — all I wanted to do was spend time with friends.

Inner worlds laid waste

To know what it is we care about, this is a gift. It should be straightforward to know this and keep it present in our lives, but it can prove to be difficult. Being the reader that I am, I have always turned to literature and fiction for answers or insights into those questions that seem to need answering.

I realised some time after the ending of my friendship that I had been reading novels dealing with friendship, and was not even sure how consciously I had chosen them.

For instance, I read The Book of Strange New Things by Michel Faber, a novel about a Christian preacher, Peter Leigh, sent to convert aliens in a galaxy ludicrously far from earth on a planet with an equally unlikely atmosphere benign to its human colonisers.

It is a novel about whether Leigh can be any kind of adequate friend to his wife left behind on Earth, and whether his new feelings for these aliens amounts to friendship. Though my suspension of disbelief was precarious, I found myself caring about these characters and their relationships, even the grotesquely shapeless aliens. Partly I cared about them because the book read like an essay testing ideas of friendship and loyalty that were important and urgent to the writer.

I also read at that time Haruki Murakami’s novel, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage , a book that came with a little game of coloured cards and stickers, and I found that I cared about Tsukuru Tazaki too, for I felt all along that Murakami’s character was a thin and endearing disguise for himself (what a beautiful word that is, “en-dearing”).

The novel centred on lost friendships. I heard a tone in its voice that was the oddly flat, persistent, vulnerable and sincere searching of a man for connection with others. If Murakami’s novel has a proposition it wishes to test it would be that we only know ourselves in what images of ourselves we receive back from our friends. Without our friends we become invisible, lost.

In both those novels, the friendships are crashing to pieces in slow motion in front of the reader’s helpless eyes. I wanted to shake those characters, tell them to stop and think about what they were doing, but at the same time I saw in them mirrors of myself and my experiences.

I read John Berger too , on the way a human looks across an abyss of incomprehension when looking at another animal. Though language seems to connect us, it might be that language also distracts us from the actual abyss of ignorance and fear between all of us as we look, across, at each other. In his book on the savage mind , Lévi-Strauss quotes a study of Canadian Carrier Indians living on the Bulkley River who were able to cross that abyss between species, believing they knew what animals did and what their needs were because their men had been married to the salmon, the beaver and the bear.

I have read essays by Robin Dunbar on the evolutionary limits to our circles of intimacy , where he suggests that for most of us there needs to be three or maybe five truly close friends. These are the ones we lean towards with tenderness and open ourselves to with endless curiosity — those in whom we seek only the good.

My partner can name quickly four friends who qualify for her as part of this necessary circle. I find I can name two (and she is one of them), then a constellation of individual friends whose closeness to me I can’t easily measure. It is this constellation that sustains me.

Recently I was away from home for three months. After two weeks away I wrote a list in the back of my diary of the friends I was missing. A little more than a dozen of these were the friends, men and women, with whom I need contact, and with whom conversations are always open-ended, surprising, intellectually stimulating, sometimes intimate, and often fun. With each of them I explore a slightly different but always essential version of myself. Graham Little wrote that “ideal soulmates are friends who are fully aware that each has himself as his main life project”.

To live this takes some effort of imagination, and with my friend at dinner that night I might in myself have been refusing to make this effort.

There are also, it occurs to me, the friends who came as couples, with whom my partner and I share time as couples. This is itself another manifestation of friendship, one that crosses over into community, tribe and family — and no less precious than the individual intimacy of a personal friendship. For reasons I can’t properly fathom, the importance of this kind of time with coupled friends has deepened as I have grown through the decades of my fifties and sixties.

Perhaps it is that the dance of conversation and ideas is so much more complex and pleasurable when there are four or more contributing. It could be too that I am absolved from the responsibility of really working at these friendships in the way one must when there are two of us. Or it might be the pang and stimulus of the knowledge that opportunities to be together are brutally diminishing as we grow older.

But to lose an individual friend from one’s closest circle is to have large tracts of one’s inner world laid waste for a time. My feelings over the end of this particular friendship were a kind of grief mixed with bewilderment.

It was not that the friendship was necessary to my existence, but that perhaps through habit and sympathy it had become a fixed part of my identity. Robin Dunbar would say that by stepping away from this friendship I had made room for someone else to slip in to my circle of most intimate friends, but isn’t it the point of such close friends that they are in some important sense irreplaceable? This is the source of much of our distress when such friendships end.

Still learning

When I told people about what had happened in the restaurant that night, they would say, reasonably, “Why don’t you patch things up and resume your friendship?”

As I imagined how a conversation might go if I did meet my friend again, I came to understand that I had been a provocation to him. I had ceased to be the friend he needed, wanted or imagined.

What he did was dramatic. He might have called it merely dramatic. I felt it as threatening. Though I cannot help but think I provoked him. And if we had “patched” a friendship back together, on whose terms would this have been conducted? Would it always be that I would have to agree not to press him on questions that might lead him to throw over some table between us again?

Or worse, would I have to witness his apology, forgive him myself, and put him on his best behaviour for the rest of our friendship?

Neither of those outcomes would have patched much together. I had been hurting too over what I saw as his lack of willingness or interest to understand the situation from my point of view. And so it went inside me as the table and the water and the beer and the glasses came crashing down around me. I had been, in a way, married to my friend, even if he was a salmon or a bear — a creature across an abyss from me. Perhaps this was the only way out of that marriage. Perhaps he had been preparing for (moving towards?) this moment more consciously than I had been.

The ending of this friendship, it is clear, left me looking for its story. It was as if all along there must have been a narrative with a trajectory carrying us in this direction. A story is of course a way of testing whether an experience can take on a shape. Murakami’s and Faber’s novels are not themselves full-blown stories, for there is almost no plot, no shape, to their stumbling episodic structures, and oddly enough in both books the self-doubting lovers might or might not find that close communion with another somewhere well beyond the last page of each novel.

These novels cohere round a series of questions rather than events: what do we know and what can we know about others, what is the nature of the distance that separates one person from another, how provisional is it to know someone anyway, and what does it mean to care about someone, even someone who is a character in a novel?

When an Indian says he is married to a salmon, this can be no stranger than me saying I spent a couple of weeks on a humid planet in another galaxy with an astronaut who is a Christian preacher and an inept husband, or I spent last night in Tokyo with an engineer who builds railway stations and believes himself to be colourless, though at least two women have told him he is full of colour. But do I go to this story-making as a way of keeping my experiences less personal and more cerebral?

When I got home that night eight years ago, I sat at my kitchen table, shaking, hugging myself, talking to my grown-up children about what happened. It was the talking that helped — a narrative taking shape.

Dunbar, like me, like all of us, worries at the question of what makes life so richly present to us, and why friendships seem to be at the core of this meaningfulness. He has been surveying Americans with questions about friendship for several decades, and he concludes that for many of us the small circle of intimate friendships we experience is reducing.

We are apparently lucky now, on average, if there are two people in our lives we can approach with tenderness and curiosity, with that assumption that time will not matter as we talk in a low, murmuring, hive-warm way to a close friend.

My friend cannot be replaced, and it might be that we did not in the end imagine each other fully enough or accurately enough as we approached that last encounter. I don’t know precisely what our failure was. The shock of what happened and the shock of the friendship ending has over the time since that dinner become a part of my history in which I remember feeling grief but am no longer caught in confused anger or guilt over it. The story of it might not have ended but it has subsided.

Perhaps in all friendships we are not only, at our best, agreeing to encountering the unique and endlessly absorbing presence of another person, but unknown to us we’re learning something about how to approach the next friendship in our lives. There is something comically inept and endearing about the possibility that one might still be learning how to be a friend right up to the end of life.

• Friday essay
• Michel de Montaigne
• Peer relationships

Program Manager, Scholarly Development (Research)

Lecturer / Senior Lecturer - Marketing

Assistant Editor - 1 year cadetship

Executive Dean, Faculty of Health

Lecturer/Senior Lecturer, Earth System Science (School of Science)

Dealing with Friend Betrayal

Friendship is an essential part of life. Friends are people who we rely on for support, love, laughter, and companionship. They are the people who we share our triumphs and struggles with, and they are the ones who are always there to lend a listening ear. However, sometimes these very friends can betray us and cause us hurt and pain. Betrayal can come in different forms, like lying, spreading rumors, or breaking our trust. Whatever the form, it hurts deeply and can leave us feeling sad, angry, and confused. It can be hard to overcome such a betrayal, but it is essential to learn how to deal with it and move forward.

Recognize Your Feelings

The first step in dealing with friend betrayal is to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. You may feel hurt, angry, sad, or betrayed. It is okay to feel these emotions, and it is essential to allow yourself to feel them fully. Don’t suppress your emotions! This will only prolong the healing process. Instead, find healthy ways to express your feelings, like talking to a trusted friend, writing in a journal, or seeking professional help. It’s important to understand that you are not alone in your feelings of betrayal. Many people have gone through similar experiences and have come out stronger on the other side!

Set Boundaries and Distance Yourself

Once you have acknowledged your feelings, the next step is to set boundaries and distance yourself from the friend who betrayed you. It is okay to take a break from the friendship and give yourself time to heal. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly. Let your friend know that you need space and time to process your feelings. It is important to remember that you do not owe them an explanation or forgiveness. It is also important to consider the severity of the betrayal and whether or not the friendship can be salvaged. If the betrayal was severe, it may be best to end the friendship altogether.

Forgiveness and Moving On

Forgiveness is a personal decision, and it is okay if you do not feel ready to forgive your friend. But holding onto anger and resentment can be harmful to your mental health and well-being. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or excusing the behavior. Instead, it means letting go of the negative emotions and moving forward. It may take time to reach this point, but it is possible. Focus on your healing process and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, engage in self-care activities, and practice self-compassion. Remember that forgiveness is a process, and it is okay to take your time.

Seek Support

Dealing with friend betrayal can be a challenging and emotional process. It is okay to seek support from others during this time. Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. If you do not feel comfortable speaking to someone you know, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide you with the tools and support you need to heal and move forward. It is essential to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Friend betrayal is painful and can be difficult to deal with. It can leave us feeling hurt, angry, and confused. However, it is essential to recognize and acknowledge our feelings, set boundaries, and distance ourselves from the friend who betrayed us. Forgiveness is a personal decision, and it is okay if we do not feel ready to forgive. Remember to focus on your healing process, take care of yourself, and seek support from others. With time, we will heal and move forward, and we may even come out stronger on the other side.

About The Author

Blossom Team

Related posts.

Am I Ready for Therapy? When the Answer is Yes!

Play therapy for teens, meet emmett’s friends.

Assertiveness Training and How It Can Help You

How to Describe Betrayal in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)

Betrayal plays a critical role in literature. It helps build tension, conflict, and can be used as a powerful narrative tool to catalyze change in your characters and plot.

Here’s how to describe betrayal in writing:

Describe betrayal in writing by conveying the element of surprise, motivations of the betrayer, emotional and mental impacts, reactions of the betrayed, and the role it plays in plot progression. Use literary tools such as foreshadowing, symbolism, and metaphors for enhanced portrayal.

If you’re looking to breathe life into the betrayals in your narratives, this article will walk you through 21 best tips and examples.

21 Elements to Accurately Describe Betrayal in Writing

Table of Contents

Here’s a peek at the different elements we’ll be breaking down in this guide:

• Element of Surprise : The unexpected nature of betrayal that amplifies its impact.
• Motivations : The reasons behind the betrayal, often revealing more about the betrayer’s character.
• Timing : The point in the narrative when the betrayal occurs, determining its influence on the story progression.
• Person/Role : The identity of the betrayer and their relationship with the betrayed, shaping the significance and implications of the betrayal.
• Mental Impact : The psychological consequences on the characters involved, reflecting their resilience, vulnerability, and growth.
• Emotional Impact : The emotional aftermath of betrayal, leading to feelings of hurt, anger, and possibly a desire for revenge.
• Foreshadowing : Hints or clues given prior to the betrayal that adds depth to the narrative.
• Reactions : The responses of the characters involved, showcasing their personality traits and character development.
• Plot Progression : The role of betrayal in moving the story forward or leading to crucial plot twists.
• Symbolism and Metaphors : Literary tools used to enhance the portrayal and understanding of betrayal.
• Trust Issues : The erosion or loss of trust as a consequence of betrayal, affecting future relationships and character interactions.
• Betrayer’s Perspective : Insight into the betrayer’s feelings, thoughts, and rationale, adding complexity to their character.
• Duality of Betrayal : The idea that betrayal can be viewed differently depending on the circumstances, challenging the conventional perception of right and wrong.
• Public vs. Private Betrayal : The differences in impact and implications depending on the betrayal’s visibility.
• Betrayal of Self : The concept of a character betraying their own principles or identity, adding depth to their internal conflict.
• Betrayal as a Theme : The recurring presence of betrayal in a narrative, highlighting broader themes such as loyalty, trust, and human nature.

Tip 1: Timing is Everything

Whether it’s a knife in the back or a soft whisper of deceit, timing is everything when it comes to betrayal.

It can make or break the narrative impact of your betrayal, and should be carefully considered.

Betrayal can strike when a character is at their highest point.

Or it can push an already desperate character further into despair.

While a well-timed betrayal can add a layer of shock to your narrative, an ill-timed betrayal can feel forced or unnecessary.

Your reader needs to believe in the betrayal.

A big part of that is ensuring it occurs at a point in the narrative that makes sense.

For instance, consider a loyal soldier who turns against his king in the heat of battle.

If this betrayal happens right after the king and the soldier have shared a moment of camaraderie, the shock and emotional impact are compounded.

Tip 2: Role-play the Betrayal

The person betraying and the one being betrayed play pivotal roles in your narrative.

The closer their relationship, the more potent the betrayal. Whether it’s best friends, lovers, siblings, or colleagues, the role of the betrayer can significantly influence how the betrayal impacts your story.

The person being betrayed is equally important.

The impact of the betrayal can be magnified if they are a sympathetic character.

Or if they’ve already suffered significantly in the narrative.

Their reaction to the betrayal can serve as a catalyst for character development or further plot complications.

Tip 3: Delve into the Mental Impact

The mental impact of a betrayal is a vital aspect that requires due attention.

It’s not just about the shock or the anger—it’s about the shattered trust, the feeling of being played, and the doubt that seeps into every crevice of their mind.

As a writer, it’s your job to make your readers feel that pain alongside your character.

You can achieve this by showing the mental struggles your character goes through in the aftermath of the betrayal.

Explore their confusion, the paranoia, the questions they ask themselves.

In The Great Gatsby , when Daisy Buchanan betrays Gatsby, he grapples with an immense mental impact.

Gatsby’s world, which was built around Daisy, crumbles down and his mental turmoil is evident in his subsequent actions.

Tip 4: Paint the Emotional Impact

After the mental impact, comes the emotional fallout.

It’s important to illustrate the emotional repercussions of betrayal in your narrative.

It’s not just about the shock or anger.

The sense of loss, feeling of abandonment, and the grief are equally significant.

Different characters will react differently to the same betrayal, and exploring these individual reactions can add depth to your characters.

Moreover, the emotional aftermath can serve as a catalyst for character growth and drive the plot forward.

In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban , when Sirius Black is thought to have betrayed Harry’s parents, the sense of hurt and betrayal is palpable.

Harry’s emotional turmoil helps to illustrate the gravity of Sirius’s supposed treachery.

Tip 5: The Shock Factor

The surprise or shock factor is a crucial component of betrayal.

Your readers may expect some plot twists and turns.

But the goal is to make the betrayal unexpected enough to deliver a jolt.

You can do this by carefully laying down misleading hints and diverting attention away from the impending betrayal.

Remember, the shock factor isn’t about blind-siding your readers.

It’s about setting up a situation where the betrayal, while surprising, still makes sense within the context of your story.

The shock factor should add depth to your narrative and enhance the reading experience.

Consider Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.

When the protagonist finds out that Tyler Durden is a part of his own personality, the shock factor is incredibly powerful.

This revelation adds a whole new layer to the narrative and sends readers reeling.

Tip 6: Highlight the Reaction

How your character reacts to betrayal is a vital aspect of your story.

It reveals a lot about their personality, their resilience, and their capacity for forgiveness or revenge.

Whether they fall apart, seek revenge, or decide to rise above it all, their reaction can open new paths for your narrative to take.

The reaction need not be immediate.

In fact, sometimes, it’s more realistic and powerful if your character needs time to process what’s happened.

Their reaction could even be a gradual transformation throughout the rest of your story.

A good examples is in The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas.

When Edmond Dantès is betrayed, his initial reaction is one of shock and despair.

However, as the story progresses, his reaction transforms into a calculated quest for revenge that makes up the crux of the story.

Tip 7: Understanding the Motive

The motivation behind the act of betrayal can add layers of complexity to your characters.

The reasons for betrayal can be as varied as your characters themselves – power, fear, jealousy, or even a misguided attempt to do the right thing.

Delving into the betrayer’s motives helps create a more nuanced character and gives readers a chance to empathize with them.

Even if their actions are wrong, their motivations might still be relatable.

In Othello , Iago’s betrayal of Othello stems from his bitterness at being passed over for a promotion and his suspicion that Othello might have been intimate with his wife.

His motivations, while not justifying his actions, make his character more complex and intriguing.

Tip 8: Reveal the Consequences

Betrayal is a powerful narrative tool because it sets off a domino effect of consequences.

The aftermath of a betrayal can lead to character growth, plot twists, and conflicts, which are integral parts of storytelling.

When dealing with the consequences of betrayal, think beyond the immediate.

Betrayal can have long-lasting effects that reverberate throughout your narrative. It’s also worth remembering that the consequences can be both negative and positive.

In The Kite Runner , Amir’s betrayal of Hassan has far-reaching consequences that stretch over years and impact both their lives.

The guilt that follows Amir leads to his eventual redemption.

Tip 9: The Complexity of Forgiveness

Handling the concept of forgiveness in the context of betrayal adds an emotional depth to your narrative.

It explores the capability of your characters to move beyond their past, grow, and perhaps, find some peace.

Remember, forgiveness doesn’t always mean forgetting.

It doesn’t even necessarily mean the relationship goes back to how it was. It could also mean accepting what happened and finding a way to live with it.

In Atonement by Ian McEwan, Briony’s betrayal has profound consequences.

The narrative explores the complex issue of forgiveness and the lengths Briony goes to seek atonement.

Tip 10: Show Betrayal through Actions, Not Words

In writing, it’s often more impactful to show rather than tell.

The same holds true when dealing with betrayal.

Showing the act of betrayal through the betrayer’s actions, rather than merely stating that they betrayed someone, can leave a much stronger impact on your readers.

This involves careful character development and narrative buildup, leading to the act of betrayal.

The aftermath should also be shown through the consequences, reactions, and the emotional and mental impact.

For instance, in Game of Thrones , Petyr Baelish’s betrayal of Ned Stark is shown rather than told.

We see Baelish’s actions leading up to the betrayal, the act itself, and the aftermath, leaving readers with a clear understanding of his deceit.

Tip 11: The Severity of Betrayal

Betrayal can range from a minor setback to a life-altering event.

It’s essential to gauge the severity of the betrayal in your narrative and to depict it accordingly.

The gravity of the betrayal can directly impact the character’s reaction and the narrative’s progression.

Remember, even a minor act of betrayal can feel monumental depending on the characters involved and their emotional investment.

Similarly, a severe betrayal might not have the anticipated impact.

Particularly, if the character being betrayed is resilient or emotionally detached.

In Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games , when Peeta teams up with the Careers to hunt Katniss, it feels like a severe betrayal to her.

The severity of this act shapes Katniss’s attitude towards Peeta and affects their relationship dynamic throughout the series.

Tip 12: The Subtlety of Betrayal

Not all betrayals need to be grand, dramatic reveals.

Sometimes, subtler betrayals can be just as impactful, if not more so.

This could be a friend sharing a secret they promised to keep, or a mentor subtly undermining their protégé.

Subtle betrayals can add depth to your characters, revealing their flaws and complexities.

These can also help to build tension in your narrative, leading up to bigger reveals or conflicts.

In Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Mr. Wickham subtly betrays Elizabeth Bennet by manipulating her prejudices against Mr. Darcy.

The subtlety of this betrayal contributes to Elizabeth’s misjudgment of both men.

Tip 13: The Role of Betrayal in Character Development

Betrayal can play a significant role in character development.

It can be a catalyst that propels your character into a new arc, shaping their personality, actions, and relationships.

How a character deals with betrayal—whether they choose revenge, forgiveness, or a path of self-discovery—can say a lot about them.

This makes betrayal a powerful tool for showing character growth and transformation.

In Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, Jane’s betrayal by Mr. Rochester—when she discovers he’s already married—pushes her to leave Thornfield.

This betrayal leads to Jane’s significant character development as she asserts her independence and moral values.

Tip 14: Betrayal as a Catalyst for Plot Progression

Betrayal can be a highly effective tool for driving your plot forward.

It can throw your characters into unexpected situations, force them to make difficult choices, and lead to consequences that change the direction of your story.

Betrayal can shake up the status quo, create conflict, and introduce new obstacles for your characters to overcome.

This makes it an excellent tool for maintaining suspense and keeping your readers engaged.

Tip 15: Symbolism and Metaphors in Betrayal

Utilizing symbolism and metaphors can add an extra layer of depth to the portrayal of betrayal in your narrative.

These literary devices can help convey the emotional and psychological impact of betrayal, making it more relatable and impactful for your readers.

Consider using symbols that signify trust, bond, or loyalty, and show how these are broken or corrupted.

Metaphors can help express the feelings of your characters in a more vivid and imaginative manner.

In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, Edmund’s betrayal is symbolized by his craving for the Turkish Delight offered by the White Witch.

It represents his willingness to betray his siblings for his own selfish desires.

Tip 16: The Aftermath: Trust Issues

One of the most significant repercussions of betrayal is the erosion of trust.

It can forever change the dynamics of the relationship between the betrayer and the betrayed.

Exploring this aspect can add realism to your story and help readers connect with your characters on a deeper level.

Portraying the struggle of the betrayed character to trust again.

Or the betrayer’s efforts to regain trust, can add emotional depth to your narrative.

It’s also a realistic depiction of the lingering effects of betrayal.

Tip 17: Betrayal from the Betrayer’s Perspective

While the perspective of the person being betrayed is important, considering the point of view of the betrayer can be equally intriguing.

This can provide insight into their motivations, guilt, or lack thereof, and add complexity to their character.

Does the betrayer feel justified in their actions, or do they wrestle with guilt? Are they cold and calculated, or are they torn by their choices?

Exploring these questions can create a well-rounded perspective.

In Breaking Bad , we often see Walter White’s perspective on his numerous betrayals.

Understanding his motives and witnessing his internal conflict makes the narrative more engaging and thought-provoking.

Tip 18: The Duality of Betrayal

Betrayal, despite its negative connotation, can sometimes be painted in shades of gray.

It might be necessary or even the “right” thing to do under certain circumstances.

Exploring this duality can make your narrative more intriguing and stimulate thought-provoking questions about morality.

This duality doesn’t make the act any less painful, but it does add layers of complexity to the situation.

It can challenge your readers to empathize with the betrayer, making your story more nuanced.

In Les Misérables by Victor Hugo, Javert betrays Jean Valjean, despite Valjean having saved his life. This betrayal, rooted in Javert’s unwavering belief in the law, emphasizes the duality of his actions.

Tip 19: Public vs. Private Betrayal

The impact of betrayal can be heightened or lessened depending on whether it’s a private affair or a public spectacle.

Public betrayals can lead to humiliation and damage the victim’s reputation, while private betrayals can result in silent suffering.

Public betrayals can be especially dramatic, offering a chance for heightened emotional responses and intense fallout.

On the other hand, private betrayals can allow for a more in-depth exploration of the victim’s emotions and thought process.

In The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, Hester Prynne’s betrayal of her husband is a public affair, leading to her public shaming and branding as an adulteress.

The public nature of this betrayal shapes Hester’s life in the Puritan society.

Tip 20: Betrayal of Self

Betrayal doesn’t always have to involve others.

Characters can betray themselves too—by going against their principles, ignoring their intuition, or not living up to their potential.

This internal conflict can be an interesting twist and adds depth to your character’s journey.

Betrayal of self can be a powerful way to highlight your character’s inner struggles and growth.

It can also lead to significant character development as they grapple with their choices and their consequences.

In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby , Gatsby betrays his humble origins in his pursuit of wealth and status.

This betrayal of self results in his ultimate downfall, serving as a critique of the American Dream.

Tip 21: Betrayal as a Theme

While betrayal works well as a plot device, it can also be used as an underlying theme in your narrative.

It can be a recurring element that continuously shapes the characters, their decisions, and the story’s outcome.

Using betrayal as a theme allows you to explore it from multiple angles and in varying degrees.

It can help illuminate human nature, relationships, society, and more.

In Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare, betrayal serves as a central theme.

From Brutus’s betrayal of Caesar to Antony’s betrayal of Brutus, the recurring acts of betrayal explore power dynamics, loyalty, and ambition.

Here is a good video about how to describe a betrayal in writing:

How to Describe Sudden Betrayal

Sudden betrayal can be one of the most shocking and impactful events in a narrative.

The key to describing it effectively is to build up a sense of normalcy or security before pulling the rug out from under your characters—and your readers.

First, ensure that the reader is invested in the relationship that’s about to be broken.

This could be a close friendship, a romantic relationship, or a trustworthy partnership. Make the reader believe in the strength and authenticity of this relationship.

Then, introduce subtle hints of what’s coming.

These can be slight changes in behavior, veiled words, or suspicious actions.

Make sure these hints are easy to overlook, adding to the surprise when the betrayal finally happens.

Finally, make the betrayal sudden and unequivocal.

Let the traitorous action be clear and impactful, leaving no room for doubt about what has happened.

The suddenness will amplify the sense of shock and betrayal.

Words to Describe Betrayal (30 Words)

• Backstabbing
• Double-cross
• Faithlessness
• Unfaithfulness
• Inconstancy
• Insidiousness
• Two-facedness
• Underhandedness
• Deviousness
• Skulduggery

Phrases to Describe Betrayal

• A stab in the back
• Broken trust
• Brutal betrayal
• Bitter deceit
• Betrayed confidence
• A double-cross to remember
• False-hearted friend
• Loyalty laid to waste
• A Judas kiss
• Treachery in the ranks
• A dagger of deceit
• The serpent’s bite
• Twisting the knife of betrayal
• Sold down the river
• A wolf in sheep’s clothing
• A snake in the grass
• Betrayal in the shadows
• Treason’s bitter taste
• The traitor’s guise
• The cut of betrayal
• A knife of duplicity
• Shattered loyalty
• A traitorous whisper
• An act of perfidy
• The poison of disloyalty
• A web of deceit
• Betrayal’s icy sting
• The breach of faith
• The mask of betrayal
• A veil of falsehood

How to Describe Betrayal (Full Descriptions)

I always find it helpful to see real examples.

Check out these full descriptions of betrayal in different genres.

Historical Fiction Betrayal

In the dimly lit tavern, Hiram felt a mix of nervousness and anticipation.

His loyalty to the king was unwavering, yet here he was, in the midst of conspirators plotting a coup.

When Sir Edmund, a man he’d known his whole life, stepped forward with the signed letter of treason, Hiram’s world crumbled. Edmund’s words, laced with betrayal, echoed around the room, “For the good of the realm, Hiram. For the future.”

His trusted mentor, now his traitor, had just plunged a dagger deep into the heart of his loyalty.

Fantasy Betrayal

In the enchanted forest, the young elf maiden Elara wept.

The locket, once warm with the magic of her beloved, was now cold and lifeless.

She remembered Xanthir’s charming smile, his promises of undying love, and how he’d left her, entranced by the allure of dark magic.

She had trusted him, had loved him, only for him to abandon her for power. Her heart was a frozen landscape, a silent testament to Xanthir’s icy betrayal.

Romance Betrayal

Lila, with a heavy heart, watched as her best friend kissed her boyfriend under the moonlight.

Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over and tracing down her cheeks.

She clutched her chest, the pain was unbearable. It was like she had swallowed a stone, and it was slowly sinking, pulling her into a dark abyss of heartbreak.

Betrayed by the two people she loved most, her heartbreak was twofold, each throb a cruel reminder of their deceit.

Science Fiction Betrayal

Aboard the starship Atlas, Captain Jaxon watched the surveillance feed in disbelief.

His trusted lieutenant, Orin, was secretly communicating with the enemy species, the Zarquin.

Jaxon felt as though he was in a vacuum, the silence around him almost deafening.

The images flickered, revealing Orin handing over the Atlas’s defense codes, the very lifeline of their crew. A sense of cold betrayal spread through him like an alien virus, infecting every part of his being.

Mystery Betrayal

Inspector Evans stared at the evidence before him – the unmistakable handwriting, the tell-tale signature, the damning proof.

His deputy, Bennett, was the mole who had been leaking information to the crime syndicate.

He felt a sickening churn in his stomach as every shared case, every joke, every moment of trust twisted into a gnarled tree of betrayal.

As he reached for his phone to call for Bennett’s arrest, he felt the weight of the betrayal heavy in his heart.

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Betrayal in Writing

Every description of betrayal will be as unique and special as your story.

If you like this guide, you’ll probably like our other guides about describing cold, food, dancing, and car accidents.

Related Posts:

• How to Describe Being Cold in Writing (21 Tips + Examples)
• How to Describe Good Food in Writing (21 Tips + Examples)
• How to Write a Dance Scene: 21 Best Tips + Examples
• How to Describe a Car Accident in Writing (21 Best Tips)

Home / Essay Samples / Life / Emotion / Betrayal

Betrayal Essay Examples

Analysis of macbeth: betrayal in shakespeare's play.

Betrayal: the disloyal action that results in the ultimate feeling of hurt. For there to be betrayal, there must be trust; the breaking of trust is the ultimate way of betrayal. It spurs upon the influence of others and is provoked by the ambitious mind....

Betrayal in William Shakespeare’s Plays and Nowadays

William Shakespeare embeds betrayal into most of his plays. Betrayal is a dramatic device that can lead to many horrible tragedies. Betrayal is one of the worse things a young teenager can experience. Loyalty and trust can be majorly torn upon betrayal. It can toy...

The Theme of Betrayal in William Shakespeare's Hamlet

William Shakespeare is one of the most influential writers of his time. His ability to make a connection to the real world through the themes of his plays, is what makes him a master of literature. Throughout many of William Shakespeare's plays there is a...

Review of the Book Betrayal of Faith by Mark M. Bello

Betrayal of Faith (Zachary Blake Legal Thriller Book 1) by Mark M. Bello is a crime/thriller book about justice, redemption and a mother’s love for her sons. This book is the first in a series about Zachary Blake, a struggling attorney trying to find his...

The Result of Betrayal in Lamb to the Slaughter by Roald Dahl

Betrayal is the act of disloyalty from a person to another, breaking their relation and replacing it with hatred. It can begin from jealousy, anger, or frustration which can lead to several consequences. In the short story 'Lamb to the Slaughter' written by Roald Dahl,...

Loyalty and Betrayal in a View from the Bridge by Arthur Miller

The 1940’s Red Hood an Italian of Italian immigrants who follow a common code of justice of silence. Eddie Carbone, a loving husband and uncle who gets swept by his feelings for his niece and betrays the loyalty of his whole community, family and friends...

Depiction of Betrayal and Conflict in Literature and Films

Betrayal is no less than a sin. Ranging from treachery to betraying a friend, the act is unacceptable as it violates moral values of the person itself and people around him/her. At some point in life, our vulnerable natures go through circumstances that no one...

Government Betrayal in the Forty Acres by Dwayne Alexander Smith

After one of the most shameful time periods in America’s history, slavery was officially abolished in 1865, with the 13th Amendment. During the reconstruction period, former slaves received the promise of “40 acres and a mule,” which would allow them to grasp a foothold in...

Betrayal in Khaled Hosseini’s the Kite Runner

Khaled Hosseini had an abnormal childhood. He grew up in Afghanistan in the pre-soviet war era. Both of his parents where college educated. His father was a diplomat for the Foreign ministry and his mother a high school history teacher at an all-girls Highschool. In...

Trying to find an excellent essay sample but no results?

Don’t waste your time and get a professional writer to help!

You may also like

• Responsibility
• Comfort Zone
• Compassion Essays
• Regret Essays
• Ambition Essays
• Forgiveness Essays
• Hope Essays
• Honesty Essays
• Nostalgia Essays
• Kindness Essays
• Happiness Essays
• Respect Essays

samplius.com uses cookies to offer you the best service possible.By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .--> -->