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How to Write a SAP Appeal Letter (With an Example)

Gabriel Jimenez-Ekman is a content editor and writer at Scholarships360. He has managed communications and written content for a diverse array of organizations, including a farmer’s market, a concert venue, a student farm, an environmental NGO, and a PR agency. Gabriel graduated from Kenyon College with a degree in sociology.

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Caitlyn Cole is a college access professional with a decade of experience in non-profit program and project management for college readiness and access organizations.

Maria Geiger is Director of Content at Scholarships360. She is a former online educational technology instructor and adjunct writing instructor. In addition to education reform, Maria’s interests include viewpoint diversity, blended/flipped learning, digital communication, and integrating media/web tools into the curriculum to better facilitate student engagement. Maria earned both a B.A. and an M.A. in English Literature from Monmouth University, an M. Ed. in Education from Monmouth University, and a Virtual Online Teaching Certificate (VOLT) from the University of Pennsylvania.

If your college suspends your financial aid, it’s important to learn how to write an effective SAP appeal letter. In this article we’ll answer some of your common questions concerning this topic and include an example of what your letter should look like!

What is a SAP appeal letter? 

SAP, or Satisfactory Academic Progress, is a set of criteria that a student must meet to continue receiving financial aid. These criteria include grades, credit enrollment, and progress towards a degree. If a student does not meet the standards, the school may suspend their aid and place the student on academic probation . 

Luckily, schools have a system in place to account for students with extenuating circumstances. If a student faced extracurricular difficulties that prevented them from making SAP, they may be able to keep their aid. Students must write a SAP appeal letter to appeal to continue receiving aid. 

Related: All about Satisfactory Academic Progress and how to appeal

Where to file your SAP appeal letter

First things first — you should learn who you’ll file your SAP letter with. You’ll typically be dealing with your student financial services office. It will probably be the same people who contacted you to warn you about your upcoming aid suspension.

Some schools may have length or formatting requirements for SAP appeals. In some cases, you’ll be responding to prompts on a form rather than writing a letter. So before you begin writing, learn if there are any restrictions or guidelines set by your school. 

Also see: How does withdrawing from a class affect financial aid?

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What circumstances justify an sap appeal.

Only students with approved circumstances can have their financial aid reinstated after failing to make SAP. Each school has a different set of standards, and ultimately it is up to the committee that reads your letter. However, the general set of circumstances that justify an SAP appeal are:

• Serious health problems that inhibited their ability to complete coursework
• Serious illness or injury in the student’s immediate family
• A death in the student’s family
• Struggles with mental illness
• Domestic issues in the student’s home or in their immediate family

Related: How many credit hours do you need for financial aid?

What is the goal of my letter?

The principal goal of your letter is to convince your reader that your lapse in performance was due to one of the reasons listed above. 

Explain your situation

Walk your reader through your situation, and explain how it affected your performance. Make sure to emphasize how your circumstance falls into one of the above categories.

Show the steps you’ve taken and what you have learned

Show that you have been proactive in correcting the situation. If you reached out to professors during the semester to communicate your issues, mention those correspondences. Point out your mistakes during the last semester and how you learned from them.

Outline your plan 

After you discuss some of the steps you’ve already taken, your goal is to outline your plan to improve. Emphasize that the situation is over or that there is an end in sight. Outline a plan to prevent the same lapse in performance from happening again. Even if you cannot prevent the extenuating circumstances, show that you will be able to balance them more effectively.

Also see:  Do I have to pay back scholarships if I drop out of college?

Should I include any other materials in my SAP appeal letter?

If you have official documentation that helps prove your story, you should enclose it with your letter. The list below is not exhaustive, but does contain many of the main documents you may want to include. 

• Notes from your doctor or psychologist
• Police reports
• Notes from a professors
• Eviction notices  

Additionally, if you reached out for help from school officials during the semester, you can include those correspondences. Just make sure to obtain permission from the participants before including them.

What tone should I use?

When you write your letter, try to be clear and concise. Even though you will likely be discussing personal matters, try to remain professional. Discuss what happened in a straightforward matter. Although you should be honest about how the circumstance affected you, you shouldn’t sidetrack your argument by discussing emotions.

Also read: How to email your professor

Example SAP Letter

Dear Dr. Smith and Esteemed Committee Members, My name is Leon Melville and I am writing to appeal the suspension of my financial aid package. I failed to make academic satisfactory progress this semester, primarily due to my poor performance in Calculus II and Statistics. I take full responsibility for the decline in my academic performance this semester. However, I am confident in my ability to meet the College’s academic standards in the future. I was impacted by extenuating circumstances this semester that impacted my ability to keep up with my studies. I broke my leg halfway through the semester, which resulted in my missing class for two weeks. When I returned to school, I had fallen behind in my courses. Additionally, I was forced to attend physical therapy four times per week. I have enclosed a note from my doctor and my physical therapist that confirm these events. Before my accident, I had been attending tutoring hours for my statistics and calculus classes. These are subjects that I have always required extra help in. However, once I began physical therapy, I was no longer able to attend these sessions. As a result of my two weeks out of class and my lack of tutoring, I fell behind in class. I’ve included notes from my mathematics tutors to confirm my attendance at the beginning of the semester. I take full responsibility for my poor performance this semester. I’ve learned that I need to be more proactive and communicate with my professors more if I fall behind. I’ve also learned how important those tutoring sessions are to my performance. I will be sure to attend them in future semesters. My leg has now healed fully and I do not anticipate any future physical therapy next semester. I believe that I have the tools to succeed in the future. However, I need my financial aid package in order to continue my studies. Without the Pell Grant and my institutional aid, I will be unable to enroll next semester. Thank you for your time and consideration.  Sincerely, Leon Melville

• If you are reading this before your aid has been suspended, reach out to your professors now! Even if you won’t make SAP this semester, you should establish a paper trail that you have sought help from. This will make your SAP appeal letter more effective
• If you have already received notice that your aid is being suspended, take your first steps towards writing your letter. Reach out to the office that suspended your aid and ask about their guidelines for an appeal letter
• Once you write your letter, don’t forget to proofread. Ask a friend or family member to proofread the letter to make sure it is clear and concise

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Frequently asked questions about writing a SAP letter

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How to Write an Appeal Letter (With Examples)

What to Include in an Appeal Letter

Tips for writing an appeal letter, appeal letter format, template for an appeal letter.

• Sample Appeal Letter

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can you appeal an unemployment claim denial, how do i appeal a wrongful demotion.

Maddy Price / The Balance

What is an appeal letter and how do you write one? An appeal letter is something you write if you feel you’ve been treated unfairly, and you want someone to reconsider a decision they have made about you. There are various times you might need to write an appeal letter, many of which can be in the workplace.

Perhaps you believe you’ve been unfairly warned, demoted, laid off, or fired. Maybe you’ve been denied a raise when you believe you deserve one. Regardless of the circumstances, you may be able to appeal the decision. If this is the case, a well-crafted appeal letter may help in redressing the situation.

Key Takeaways

• Check with your manager or human resources department to learn how to appeal a decision you believe is unfair.
• When you write an appeal letter, include facts and documentation that support your case.
• Your letter should be clear about what you want to have happen and what outcome you are seeking.
• If you don't get a timely response, follow up with a second message or a phone call to check on the status of your appeal.

In an appeal letter, you state the situation or event, explain why you think it was wrong or unjust, and state what you hope the new outcome will be.

Your appeal letter is your chance to share your side of the situation.

The goal of an appeal letter is to have a decision reconsidered and hopefully overturned. If your letter is courteous and clear, this is possible.

Here are some tips on how to write an effective appeal letter:

Check company policy. Before you write your letter, check company policy for information on how grievances and employee issues are handled.

Know where to send your letter.  Think carefully about whom to send your letter to. If you are trying to appeal a wrongful termination , for example, send the letter directly to your employer. You don’t want your letter to have to pass through a number of hands—this will only delay a resolution to your issue.

Use business letter format.  It is an official letter, so be sure to use proper business letter format . If you send your appeal via email, the format is slightly different.

Use a polite tone.  Try to avoid any anger or judgment in your writing. While you might be very upset about the issue, you don’t want to convey this feeling in your letter. Be confident and persuasive, but not aggressive. Consider asking a friend to read through the letter to make sure the tone is appropriate.

Admit any mistakes.  If you did something wrong, acknowledge it. State specifically what you did wrong and what you have learned from that experience.

State what you would like to happen.  In your letter, explicitly state what you hope will happen. Do you want the reader to reverse a decision they made? Do you want your employer to review a particular issue before making a decision? Be clear about what you want.

Stick to the facts.  Include any facts that help support your case. If there are policies that have been overlooked, state those policies. If you have documents that help your case, include them. Avoid emotional pleas, and stick to actualities.

Keep it brief.  Keep your letter short. Focus on the facts, stating what the situation is, why you think it is wrong, and what next steps you request.

Carefully edit your letter.  Because this is a professional letter, thoroughly proofread your letter before submitting it.

Follow up. ​ If you do not hear anything back within a week or so, follow up with the letter recipient with an email, second letter, or phone call. If time is of the essence, follow up sooner.

Your Contact Information Your Name Your Address Your City, State Zip Code Your Phone Number Your Email Address

Employer Contact Information Name Title Company Address City, State Zip Code

Salutation Dear Mr./Ms. Last Name,

First Paragraph Introduce yourself, and explain that you are writing an appeal letter. State the particular decision or situation you are appealing.

Second Paragraph State your side of the story. Were facts overlooked? If so, provide those facts. State whether or not you have attached any relevant documents.

Third Paragraph State the outcome you want (Do you want your employer to overturn a decision? Do you want something to be added to a decision?). Also state when you need an answer by, if there is a deadline.

Final Paragraph Conclude with a courteous “thank you” for the person’s time. Include the necessary contact information so they can follow up with you. If you are going to follow up, state how you will do so, and when.

Complimentary Close Respectfully yours,

Handwritten Signature  (for a hard copy letter)

Typed Signature

Download the appeal letter template (compatible with Google Docs and Word Online), or see below for more examples.

Sample Appeal Letter (Denied a Raise)

Below is a sample appeal letter that follows the format above and is for an employee who has been denied a raise. Use this sample to help you write your appeal letter. Be sure to revise the sample to fit your particular situation.

Sample Appeal Letter (Text Version)

Franklin Rodriguez 123 Main Street Anytown, CA 12345 555-555-5555 franklin.rodriguez@email.com

March 7, 2024

Leslie Lee Manager Acme Retail 123 Business Rd. Business City, NY 54321

Dear Ms. Lee,

I hope you are doing well. I am writing to appeal your decision not to grant my annual pay raise, which we discussed last Tuesday at our annual review meeting.

As you stated in our meeting, you believed I had been late to work too many times this year to warrant a pay raise. According to my records (which I received from Human Resources), I have not been late more than two times this year. I have attached the Human Resources document marking my status.

In light of these facts, I request that you reconsider your decision about my pay raise.

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this and the attached document. I am happy to meet with you anytime to discuss this further.

Respectfully,

Signature (hard copy letter)

Franklin Rodriguez

If your claim for unemployment benefits was denied, you have the right to appeal . How to appeal depends on your state, so check with your state's labor department for guidelines on what to do when your unemployment claim is denied.

If you believe that you were wrongfully demoted , the first step is to contact the human resources department at your organization. There may be a process in place to file an appeal. If you believe your demotion might be illegal, you can contact an employment attorney or your state's labor department for assistance.

U.S. Department of Labor. " Benefit Denials ."

• How to Write the Perfect Financial Aid Suspension Appeal Letter (and a Sample)
• Financial Aid

Your financial aid can be suspended while you attend school for several reasons: You switch schools or change majors; your family makes too much money, which changes the information on your Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA); or you do not make satisfactory academic progress (SAP) as determined by your school.

If your school suspends your financial aid, and private student loans are not an option, it makes sense to worry about completing your degree. Depending on the reasons your aid was suspended , you can likely file an appeal.

If you do not meet the minimum course or hour requirements, you may lose financial aid with no ability to appeal. However, if you have personal reasons for struggling academically during the school year, you can file an appeal.

As part of your financial aid suspension appeal, include a letter explaining what happened. This letter can help the committee determine whether to reinstate this help.

• How to Understand the Appeals Process During Financial Aid Suspension

Filing a financial aid suspension appeal starts when you go to your school’s student financial services office. Ask them about the appeals process and what forms you need. Be diligent about gathering correct information and file your appeal by the deadline. Schools generally only allow you to file an appeal when your financial aid is suspended due to an SAP problem. To have financial aid reinstated, you must: 

• Understand your school’s SAP auditing process and the specific causes for your financial aid’s suspension.
• Show that you have corrected the SAP problem.
• Submit the appeal.
• Have your appeal accepted by the SAP committee.

When your appeal is accepted, you will be placed on financial aid probation. This provides you another semester, trimester, or quarter of financial aid. The committee will then reconvene to determine whether you addressed your SAP problem in a satisfactory way. A successful SAP appeal will include information about why your academic status changed, you dropped courses or failed to sign up for enough courses, or otherwise did not meet your school’s standards. There are many reasons students struggle, but some common causes include:

• Personal struggles with physical or mental health
• Family struggles, including illness or death
• Financial catastrophe, making your living situation unstable

As you complete your SAP appeal , gather information like health records, financial records, family statements, and correspondence with professors, employers, and peers that may be relevant. You should also write a personal letter to the SAP committee, which acknowledges that you did not meet SAP standards, that you understand what happened, and that you will take steps to correct this problem. Components of a successful SAP appeal letter are : 

• Formal heading, including your name, student identification, the date, and the committee’s information
• Formal address, including names of committee members you have corresponded with
• Introductory and concluding paragraphs
• One or two paragraphs explaining events that caused your academic struggles
• Information in these middle paragraphs about how you will improve your performance in the coming semester, trimester, quarter, or year
• Formal signoff
• Information about relevant attachments, like doctors’ notes or personal statements from family members

You may also be required to create a plan, in a separate document, to improve your academic performance. If you have a good academic record from previous years, you can show that this is a temporary problem and you understand how to solve it. If you are a newer student, you may need to provide references from other school years or classes that show you are able to improve your performance.

• Financial Aid Suspension Appeal Letter Sample

To understand how all the components of a financial aid suspension appeal letter work together, here is a sample: Dear Dr. Smythe and Esteemed Members of the Committee, My name is Joan Doe, and I am writing this letter as part of my appeal to reinstate my financial aid. Because I struggled to complete classes during this past semester, it was determined that I did not make satisfactory academic progress per the institution’s guidelines. Consequently, my financial aid was revoked. While I respect the school’s decision regarding my grades, I need this financial support to continue completing my bachelor’s degree. My poor academic progress occurred because of struggles within my family this year. My father was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. While his prognosis is good and we now know that treatment is going well, it was a devastating emotional blow. I spent more time with my family, helping to take care of the household and my two younger siblings while my mother was with my father during his treatment. This included a hospital stay of about one week, during which time I was unable to return to class. I worked hard on my studies during this time, but because my time was much more limited, I was unable to focus on writing papers, studying for midterms and finals, and meeting some deadlines. My professors, including my adviser Dr. Smythe, have been as understanding as possible. I did not communicate as clearly as I should have, and I understand that my negligence has translated into lower grades. I even failed some courses, which is a first for me, if you look at my previous years at this college. I regret such poor performance, and I want to improve in the coming academic year. The school has accepted me as a student again for the upcoming semester, but without the financial aid provided through the Pell Grant and student loan programs, I cannot afford to attend. My academic record prior to this has been exceptional, and I believe I can return to this level of scholastic performance. Please consider reinstating my financial aid with my regret, my apologies, and my history as a good student in mind. Thank you for your consideration. I appreciate attending this school and look forward to graduation. Respectfully, Joan Doe

• Other Sources of Funding if Your Financial Aid Is Suspended

The SAP committee may not accept your appeal or your financial aid suspension could stem from other causes, like changing majors and no longer meeting scholarship requirements. Other sources of financial aid, like private student loans, can help you complete your semester or year if you are unable to get your financial aid reinstated.

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Writing a successful SAP appeal

What happened - what has changed.

Your satisfactory academic progress (SAP) appeal explanation must include the following:

If this not your first appeal:

• Your explanation statement must include information about what has changed since your last appeal.
• You must also attach a Student Improvement Plan signed by your advisor.

Tips for writing your appeal explanation statement

Admit the problem.

Take a hard look at your situation to determine what has kept you from making satisfactory academic progress. Perhaps you need help with time management or study skills. Admit the problem and explain how will you get that help.

Note:  Lack of awareness of withdrawal policies, requirements for satisfactory academic progress or unpreparedness for college coursework will not be accepted as reasons for the purpose of an appeal.

Attach any relevant supporting documentation

• This may include a doctor's statement, copy of hospital/urgent care/physician's bill, obituary, funeral notice or death certificate.

Valid reasons for an SAP appeal

Valid reasons for an appeal include:

• medical emergencies 
• severe health issues
• severe personal or family problems 
• financial or personal catastrophe
• return for a second degree or certificate

Example of a valid explanation statement:

Important notes.

• Your appeal must be backed up by a degree worksheet or degree audit and an academic plan of work.
• You must also be able to show through your GPA calculation results that meeting SAP standards and graduating from your program is an attainable goal.

For instructions and information about formulating a plan of work, degree audit or utilizing the GPA calculator, visit the Degree Works website. 

Please note:  The Office of Student Financial Aid is required to report incidents of sexual violence or sexual harassment disclosed through this form to the Title IX Coordinator for follow-up and possible investigation. If you have experienced any form of sexual violence and would like to speak confidentially to a counselor for support, please contact Counseling and Psychological Services .

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How to Write an Appeal Letter: Tips, Guidelines, and Appeal Letters Examples

Knowing how to write an appeal letter, especially an effective one, isn’t easy. Many people struggle with knowing where to start, what to say, and how to make their case effectively. However, there are a few things that might help ease the appeal process. An effective appeal letter should be brief and to the point and should outline the facts about why you think the decision should be reconsidered.

In this article, we’ll prove you with appeal letter examples and tips that can help you with writing one. Students or visa applicants who take the time to write a well-crafted appeal letter tend to have a better chance of success. Your interpersonal skills will play a big part into making compelling arguments to turn your appeal case a successful one.

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What is an appeal letter.

An appeal letter is a formal letter sent to a higher authority asking for a change in a decision such as human resources, a financial aid office, or a higher-ranked officer. For example, you can write an appeal letter to request readmission to a school or college, or a visa appeal you think you’ve been wrongly denied or have new information that should be considered.

Some people also have reasons to write emotional appeals to plead their case based on special circumstances. This type of letter tends to be more personal and often includes information about why they feel the decision should be appealed. Unfortunately, appealing a decision can be a frustrating and challenging process.

What Are the 6 Elements of an Appeal Letter?

• A Demonstrated Understanding of the Company’s Appeal Policy. An appeal letter is more likely to succeed if well-written and tailored to the specific appeal policy. You cannot properly appeal something if you do not know how the process works. If you don’t know the specifics of the appeal policy, make sure you do your research.
• An Acknowledgement of the Recipient. You need to know to who you are specifically sending the letter. Not only will it simply be more professional, knowing who the recipient is will allow you to personalize it to them. This is also a good way of making sure you are sending it to the correct mailing address.
• A List of Arguments in Favor of the Appeal. In your letter of appeal, you need to explain to the original authority or the appeal processing body why you believe your case should be appealed. You can also provide new information that supports your case if you have any.
• A Request for the Review of the Decision. Now that you’ve given your arguments, you should ask the reviewer to reconsider their decision. You should make it abundantly clear that an appeal of their decision will be a positive thing for you and them.
• A Description of the Desired Outcome. In your appeal letter, you should specify your desired outcomes and explain why you feel this result is appropriate. Your appeal letter should be written politely and respectfully, while still being straightforward.
• A Follow-Up . Consider following up with the individual or company to whom the letter was addressed. Not only will this let you show them that you’re concerned about the appeals process, it’ll also help them keep your case in mind if their schedule is busy. In your follow-up, you can offer to clarify any questions or concerns they may have about your letter. Make sure to wait an appropriate amount of time before sending a follow-up.

How to Write an Appeal Letter: Beginning and Ending

When writing an appeal letter, there are a few common mistakes that can decrease your chances of success that you should keep in mind. Don’t forget that there is always a chance that the person who made the decision won’t change their mind. For a successful appeal, you want to provide a brief, evidence-based case. Here’s how to begin and end an appeal letter.

How to Begin an Appeal Letter

Begin your appeal letter by introducing yourself and providing your contact information, including your phone number, email address, and location. Following that, indicate the date of the rejection and the reasons behind it, then make your case using appropriate rhetorical devices .

Be careful with how your phrase your letter. Stick to concrete arguments and facts. The strength of your arguments along with the strength of your writing skills will determine your appeal’s outcome.

How to End an Appeal Letter

At the end of your appeal, acknowledge that this issue might take time to resolve and thank them for their time, but respectfully remind them that this matter is of great importance to you. At the end of the appeal letter, you indicate your availability for further conversation, then sign your name and include your printed name.

How to Write an Appeal Letter: 5 More Useful Tips

Be Prepared to Defend Your Case

An appeal letter is a written explanation of why you believe an unfavorable decision made by a higher authority should be overturned. You need to be prepared to explain in detail why you feel the judgment was unjust and offer strong evidence to back up your arguments. In addition, you should be ready to explain the impact that a successful appeal would have on you.

Be Prepared for Questions

There are a wide variety of reasons you may be writing an appeal letter. Whether it’s because you feel you’ve been treated unjustly or that your rights have been infringed in certain circumstances, or whether you’re requesting an exception to a policy or rule, you need to be prepared to answer any questions the reviewing committee may have.

By being direct, you are demonstrating that you take the problem seriously and understand the gravity of the situation. It’ll also allow the reader to quickly and easily understand your arguments while helping prevent any misunderstandings. Keep in mind that being direct does not mean being rude or impolite.

Ask Someone to Review Your Letter

Appeal letter are formal documents. It’s essential that you format and word it correctly. Getting a second opinion on your appeal letter can give you a fresh perspective on what you’ve written and increase your chances of having your request granted. Make sure to double-check your spelling, grammar, and syntax. Not only will this make your letter look more professional, it’ll also prevent any confusion on the part of the reader.

Make Sure You Can Prove Your Arguments

An appeal letter must contain facts and strong reasoning to back up your request for a review. Because an appeal letter is used to prove that a decision was unfair or incorrect, facts will help strengthen your case for a review and increase your chances of having your appeal approved.

Appeal Letter Examples to Help You Succeed

An appeal letter needs to be well-written and concise. It is essential to lay out the case’s facts to help you achieve your desired outcome. The sample appeal letters below will hopefully help you better understand the tone and content that is required in an appeal letter.

Appeal Letter Example 1: Financial Aid Appeal Letter/Emotional Appeals

Dear Financial Aid Representative,

I’m writing to appeal the decision not to grant me financial aid. I understand that your office is limited in the amount of financial aid it can award, but I believe that my situation deserves reconsideration.

I’m a hardworking student, and I come from a low-income family. My parents are both unemployed, and I’m the only one in my family currently enrolled in college. I have been working part-time to help support my family and have also been taking out a private student loan to pay for my education. As proof, I have attached my bank account statement in regards to my loan, a letter of employment for my part-time job, and proof of my parent’s unemployment.

Despite my best efforts, I’m struggling to pay for my tuition. Although I have been accepted to several colleges, I cannot afford to attend any of them without additional financial aid. Consequently, I ask you to reconsider your decision and help me continue my education. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Appeal Letter Example 2: Visa Appeal

Dear Visa Officer,

I’m writing to appeal the visa application refusal that my family and I recently received. We are very disappointed in the decision and have strong reasons to believe that you should reconsider your decision.

First, my family has strong ties to the United States. We have lived in the country for many years because my past work and have close family members who are American citizens. We have always complied with the laws and regulations of the United States and have no criminal record here nor anywhere else.

Second, we have a demonstrated need to travel to the US. My father is very ill, and we would like to visit him in the US. Most importantly, we believe that we meet all of the requirements for a visa and should be granted approval to travel to the US.

We would be happy to provide additional information or documentation to support the case, including social security and marriage certificate. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

We look forward to hearing from you soon,

"Career Karma entered my life when I needed it most and quickly helped me match with a bootcamp. Two months after graduating, I found my dream job that aligned with my values and goals in life!"

Venus, Software Engineer at Rockbot

Appeal Letter Examples to Write Your Own

You can use the above appeal letter examples to help you write your own. Avoid making personal attacks against the person who made the original decision as this will only hinder your chances of success. If the appeal is unsuccessful, their decision letter should explain the next steps you can take, if any.

How to Write an Appeal Letter FAQ

According to Purdue, the three types of effective appeals are logos, ethos and pathos. Logos are most effective when the argument is based on reason and evidence. Ethos is most effective when the idea is based on the credibility or character of the writer, and pathos is most effective when the argument is based on any emotional appeals.

The grounds of appeal are the arguments given by an appellant as to why a decision made by a court or other decision-making authority should be reversed. There are several grounds for appeal including incorrect, unfair, or careless judgments.

No, there is no formal process for appealing a US visa refusal. However, you may be able to reapply for a visa if you have new information or documentation that addresses the reasons for the denial. There are reasons for ineligibility to appeal for a visa, such as having a criminal record.

Yes, you may appeal for an unemployment benefits hearing. This is usually done when a person was denied unemployment benefits but believes they are entitled to them.

About us: Career Karma is a platform designed to help job seekers find, research, and connect with job training programs to advance their careers. Learn about the CK publication .

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How to Write a Personal Statement (with Tips and Examples)

Hannah Yang

Table of Contents

What is a personal statement, 6 tips on how to write a personal statement, personal statement examples (for college and university), faqs about writing personal statements, conclusion on how to write a personal statement.

How do you tell someone who you are in just a few hundred words?

It’s certainly no easy task, but it’s one almost every college applicant must do. The personal statement is a crucial part of any college or university application.

So, how do you write a compelling personal statement?

In this article, we’ll give you all the tools, tips, and examples you need to write an effective personal statement.

A personal statement is a short essay that reveals something important about who you are. It can talk about your background, your interests, your values, your goals in life, or all of the above.

Personal statements are required by many college admission offices and scholarship selection committees. They’re a key part of your application, alongside your academic transcript, standardized test scores, and extracurricular activities.

The reason application committees ask you to write a personal statement is so they can get to know who you are. 

Some personal statements have specific prompts, such as “Discuss a period of personal growth in your life” or “Tell us about a challenge or failure you’ve faced.” Others are more open-ended with prompts that essentially boil down to “Tell us about yourself.”

No matter what the prompt is, your goal is the same: to make yourself stand out to the selection committee as a strong candidate for their program.

Here are some things a personal statement can be:

It can be funny. If you have a great sense of humor, your personal statement is a great place to let that shine.  

It can be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to open up about hardships in your life or failures you’ve experienced. Showing vulnerability can make you sound more like a real person rather than just a collection of application materials.  

It can be creative. Candidates have got into top schools with personal statements that take the form of “a day in the life” descriptions, third-person short stories, and even cooking recipes.

Now we’ve talked about what a personal statement is, let’s quickly look at what a personal statement isn’t:

It isn’t a formal academic paper. You should write the personal statement in your natural voice, using first-person pronouns like “I” and “me,” not in the formal, objective language you would use to write an academic paper.

It isn’t a five-paragraph essay. You should use as many paragraphs as you need to tell your story instead of sticking to the essay structure you learned in school.

It isn’t a resumé. You should try to describe yourself by telling a clear and cohesive story rather than providing a jumbled list of all of your accomplishments and ambitions.

Here are our top six tips for writing a strong personal statement.

Tip 1: Do Some Serious Self-Reflection

The hardest part of writing a personal statement isn’t the actual process of writing it.

Before you start typing, you have to figure out what to write about. And that means taking some time to reflect on who you are and what’s important in your life.

Here are some useful questions you can use to start your self-reflection. You can either answer these on your own by writing down your answers, or you can ask a trusted friend to listen as you talk about them together.

What were the key moments that shaped your life? (e.g. an important friendship, a travel experience, an illness or injury)

What are you proud of? (e.g. you’re a good listener, you always keep your promises, you’re a talented musician)

How do you choose to spend your time? (e.g. reading, practicing soccer, spending time with your friends)

What inspires you? (e.g. your grandmother, a celebrity, your favorite song)

Doing this self-reflection is crucial for figuring out the perfect topics and anecdotes you can use to describe who you are.

Tip 2: Try to Avoid Cliché Topics

College application committees read thousands of personal statements a year. That means there are some personal statement topics they see over and over again.

Here are a few examples of common personal statement topics that have become cliché:

Winning a tournament or sports game

Volunteering in a foreign country

Moving to a new home

Becoming an older sibling

Being an immigrant or having immigrant parents

If you want to make a strong impression in the application process, you need to make your personal statement stand out from the crowd.

But if your chosen personal statement topic falls into one of these categories, that doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t use it. Just make sure to put a unique spin on it so it still delivers something the committee hasn’t seen before.

Good writing = better grades

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Tip 3: Show, Don’t Tell

One common mistake you might make in your personal statement is to simply tell the reader what you want them to know about you, such as by stating “I have a fear of public speaking” or “I love to cook.”

Instead of simply stating these facts, you should show the committee what you’re talking about through a story or scene, which will make your essay much more immersive and memorable.

For example, let’s say you want the committee to know you overcame your fear of public speaking. Instead of writing “I overcame my fear of public speaking,” show them what it was like to be onstage in front of a microphone. Did your palms get clammy? Did you feel light-headed? Did you forget your words?

Or let’s say you want the committee to know you love to cook. Instead of writing “I love to cook,” show them why you love to cook. What’s your favorite dish to cook? What does the air smell like when you’re cooking it? What kitchen appliances do you use to make it?

Tip 4: Connect the Story to Why You’re Applying

Don’t forget that the purpose of your personal statement isn’t simply to tell the admissions committee who you are. That’s an important part of it, of course, but your ultimate goal is to convince them to choose you as a candidate.

That means it’s important to tie your personal story to your reasons for applying to this specific school or scholarship. Finish your essay with a strong thesis.

For example, if your story is about overcoming your fear of public speaking, you might connect that story to your ambition of becoming a politician. You can then tie that to your application by saying, “I want to apply to this school because of its fantastic politics program, which will give me a perfect opportunity to use my voice.”

Tip 5: Write in Your Own Voice

The personal statement isn’t supposed to be written in a formal tone. That’s why they’re called “personal” statements because you have to shape it to fit your own voice and style.

Don’t use complicated or overwrought language. You don’t need to fill your essay with semicolons and big words, unless that’s how you sound in real life.

One way to write in your own voice is by speaking your personal statement out loud. If it doesn’t feel natural, it may need changing. 

Tip 6: Edit, Edit, Edit!

It’s important to revise your personal statement multiple times in order to make sure it’s as close to perfect as possible.

A single typo won’t kill your application, but if your personal statement contains multiple spelling errors or egregious grammar mistakes, you won’t be putting your best foot forward.

ProWritingAid can help you make sure your personal statement is as clean as possible. In addition to catching your grammar errors, typos, and punctuation mistakes, it will also help you improve weaknesses in your writing, such as passive voice, unnecessary repetition, and more.

Let’s look at some of the best personal statements that have worked for successful candidates in the real world. 

Harvard Personal Statement Example

Love. For a word describing such a powerful emotion, it is always in the air. The word “love” has become so pervasive in everyday conversation that it hardly retains its roots in blazing passion and deep adoration. In fact, the word is thrown about so much that it becomes difficult to believe society isn’t just one huge, smitten party, with everyone holding hands and singing “Kumbaya.” In films, it’s the teenage boy’s grudging response to a doting mother. At school, it’s a habitual farewell between friends. But in my Chinese home, it’s never uttered. Watching my grandmother lie unconscious on the hospital bed, waiting for her body to shut down, was excruciatingly painful. Her final quavering breaths formed a discordant rhythm with the steady beep of hospital equipment and the unsympathetic tapping hands of the clock. That evening, I whispered—into unhearing ears—the first, and only, “I love you” I ever said to her, my rankling guilt haunting me relentlessly for weeks after her passing. My warm confession seemed anticlimactic, met with only the coldness of my surroundings—the blank room, impassive doctors, and empty silence. I struggled to understand why the “love” that so easily rolled off my tongue when bantering with friends dissipated from my vocabulary when I spoke to my family. Do Chinese people simply love less than Americans do?

This is an excerpt from a personal statement that got the applicant admitted to Harvard University. The applicant discusses her background as a Chinese-American by musing on the word “love” and what that means within her family.

The writer uses vulnerable details about her relationship with her grandmother to give the reader an understanding of where she comes from and how her family has shaped her.  

You can read the full personal statement on the Harvard Crimson website.

Tufts Personal Statement Example

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry’s “Cars and Trucks and Things That Go,” and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon. Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration. Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear. I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

This is the beginning of a personal statement by Renner Kwittken, who was admitted into Tufts University as a pre-medical student.

Renner uses a humorous anecdote about being a pickle truck driver to describe his love for nanomedicine and how he got involved in his field. You can feel his passion for medicine throughout his personal statement.

You can find Renner’s full essay on the Tufts Admissions page.

Law School Personal Statement Essay Example

For most people, the slap on the face that turns their life around is figurative. Mine was literal. Actually, it was a punch delivered by a drill sergeant at Fort Dix, New Jersey, while I was in basic training. That day’s activity, just a few weeks into the program, included instruction in “low-crawling,” a sensible method of moving from one place to another on a battlefield. I felt rather clever for having discovered that, by looking right rather than down, I eliminated my helmet’s unfortunate tendency to dig into the ground and slow my progress. I could thus advance more easily, but I also exposed my unprotected face to hostile fire. Drill sergeants are typically very good at detecting this type of laziness, and mine was an excellent drill sergeant. So, after his repeated suggestions that I correct my performance went unheeded, he drove home his point with a fist to my face. We were both stunned. This was, after all, the New Army, and striking a trainee was a career-ending move for a drill sergeant, as we were both aware. I could have reported him; arguably, I should have. I didn’t. It didn’t seem right for this good sergeant, who had not slept for almost four days, to lose his career for losing his temper with my laziness. Choosing not to report him was the first decision I remember making that made me proud.

These are the first three paragraphs of an anonymous personal statement by a Wheaton College graduate, who used this personal statement to get into a top-25 law school.

This statement describes a time the applicant faced a challenging decision while in the army. He ended up making a decision he was proud of, and as a result, the personal statement gives us a sense of his character.

You can find the full essay on the Wheaton Academics website.

Here are some common questions about how to write a personal statement.

How Long Should a Personal Statement Be?

The length of your personal statement depends on the specific program you’re applying to. The application guidelines usually specify a maximum word count or an ideal word count.  

Most personal statements are between 500–800 words. That’s a good general range to aim for if you don’t have more specific guidelines.  

Should Personal Statements Be Different for Scholarships?

Many scholarship applications will ask for personal statements with similar prompts to those of college applications.

However, the purpose of a personal statement you’d write for a scholarship application is different from the purpose of one you’d write for a college application.

For a scholarship application, your goal is to showcase why you deserve the scholarship. To do that, you need to understand the mission of the organization offering that scholarship.

For example, some scholarships are meant to help first-generation college students get their degree, while others are meant to help women break into STEM.

Consider the following questions:

Why is this organization offering scholarships?

What would their ideal scholarship candidate look like?

How do your experiences and goals overlap with those of their ideal scholarship candidate?

You can use the same personal anecdotes you’d use for any other personal statement, but you’ll have a better chance of winning the scholarship if you tailor your essay to match their specific mission.

How to Start a Personal Statement

You should start your personal statement with a “hook” that pulls the reader in. The sooner you catch the reader’s attention, the more likely they’ll want to read the entire essay.

Here are some examples of hooks you can use:

A story (e.g. When the spotlight hit my face, I tried to remind myself to breathe. )

A setting description (e.g. My bedroom floor is covered with dirty laundry, candy wrappers, and crumpled sheet music. )

A funny anecdote (e.g. When I was a little kid, my friends nicknamed me Mowgli because of my haircut. )

A surprising fact (e.g. I've lived in 37 countries .)

There you have it—our complete guide to writing a personal statement that will make you stand out to the application committee.

Here’s a quick recap: 

A personal statement is a short essay that shows an application committee who you are

Start with a strong hook that pulls the reader in

Tell a story to engage the reader 

Write in your own voice, not in a formal tone

Good luck, and happy writing!

Hannah is a speculative fiction writer who loves all things strange and surreal. She holds a BA from Yale University and lives in Colorado. When she’s not busy writing, you can find her painting watercolors, playing her ukulele, or hiking in the Rockies. Follow her work on hannahyang.com or on Twitter at @hannahxyang.

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College Personal Statement Examples and Writing Tips

So, you have started your college application process and are hitting a wall. You got your high school transcripts and letters of recommendation in order. Your SAT scores are on the way. But your college personal statement is sitting there unfinished, and the deadline is coming fast!

But have no fear!

Because Wordvice edits thousands of essays every admissions season, we have seen some of the best (and worst) college application essays out there. This guide will tell you how to write the best personal statement for college possible for your college application. Included are examples of successful college personal statements and analyses.

What we will learn here about writing a personal statement for college:

• What is a college personal statement?
• How important is the personal statement for college admissions?
• Why do colleges require a personal statement?
• Read examples of successful personal statements
• Successful personal statement example & analysis
• Essay editing services can improve your personal statement

Personal Statements and Other College Admissions Essays

Even knowing what specific terms regarding college admissions documents means can be a bit confusing. To clear up any questions, here is a brief rundown of some main college application terms that are often used:

• Personal statement for college — an essay you write to show a college admissions committee who you are and why you deserve to be admitted to their school. It’s worth noting that, unlike “college essay,” this term is used for application essays for graduate school as well.
• College admissions essay— this is essentially the same as a college personal statement. (I’ll be using the terms interchangeably.) It can also include supplemental essays or widely-used essays such as the Common App Essay . 
• Essay prompt— a question or statement that your college essay is meant to respond to.
• Supplemental essay— an additional school or program-specific essay beyond the basic personal statement. Some schools require both a supplemental essay and a personal statement. Check your college’s application guidelines to determine which specific admissions essays are necessary for submission.

What is the personal statement for college?

The college personal statement is a key part of the college application and a key factor among admissions committees. It is the one opportunity for high school students applying to college to sell themselves on their own terms and using their own words.

Personal statements for college differ from SAT scores and academic transcripts, which are more standardized. Further, while letters of recommendation touch on many of the same issues as personal statements, they are not written by you but by a recommender.

A focused and effective personal statement for college serves three major functions:

1. Personal statements give broad, comprehensive insights into your personal and academic background.

Ultimately, your academic, personal, and even professional background can be the determining factor in your admission to any college program. But there’s a big  difference between a personal statement and resume or CV.

2. It provides college admissions counselors with an accurate overview of your academic goals.

A good college personal statement must explain how your background relates to your university’s program and your goals. It must put in context the tools, resources, and background you bring to the table and how they are aligned with your school’s profile. In the business world, this is called “ vertical alignment .”

In other words, how you write about your background should make you stand out from other college applicants as well as connect with what you want to accomplish. Your background empowers you to succeed!

In admissions essays, small steps can yield big results.

3. Personal statements answer very specific questions.

Often, your college application will require you to apply to a specific program and will ask very specific questions. For example, applying to your university’s business college will require answering different application essay questions than applying to a performing arts program.

So be sure to research not only your target university’s profile but also your specific college major and professors in that department.

We illustrate this exact idea in the two successful personal statement examples below!

How Important is the personal statement for college to admissions officials?

Covid-19 has made the sat/act less important.

Common App announced that it will include a dedicated essay prompt on COVID-19 for the 2020-2021 admissions cycle. As a result, students are scrambling to figure out how to write about COVID-19 in their college admissions essays .

There’s even more evidence that the college personal essay is becoming the most important part of the application process. As CBS News reports :

A growing number of U.S. colleges and universities are abandoning ACT and SAT scores as part of their admissions process. The so-called test-blind movement has gathered steam this year amid widespread cancellations of standardized tests because of COVID-19.

Moreover, a court recently ruled that the University of California public school system can no longer consider SAT/ACT scores in the admissions process . The days of the standardized test may be numbered.

This means that the application essay just got a lot more important.

How to Write a Personal Statement for College to Impress Admissions Officers

Why do college admissions committees rely on college application essays so much? The answer is that a college personal statement sets you apart from your high school peers by explaining three ideas:

Show your personality in your personal statement

College admissions committees rely on your transcripts and GPA as a measure of your academic prowess. Letters of recommendation focus more on how others view you and how you interact.

On the other hand, your college personal statement application essay gives admissions counselors a sense of your personality. It demonstrates how you will fit in as well as contribute to the university community.

Are you hyper-focused and ambitious with a lot of professional experience and projects to back it up? Or are you more curious, with a wide range of interests? Are your motivations related to achieving concrete objectives, or are they more personal or emotional in nature? The lens through which you interact with the world is exactly what your personal statement essay should show.

On paper, your SAT score, GPA, and extracurricular activities may be the same as other applicants. You may end up in the same college classes. College counselors know no two applicants are the same. What matters is that both fit in with what the university wants for its students.

Describe any extenuating circumstances

Are your grades a bit below average? Did you fail a class in high school? Those things jump out when it comes to numbers on paper. Universities want to know the context for abnormal records, and most importantly, how you view them.

As the world continues to become more global and aware of social disparities, the definition of “traditional success” is becoming increasingly irrelevant. It has become standard for U.S. universities to have action plans for the diversity and inclusion of underprivileged students.

Most importantly, colleges want to understand how you struggled and overcame a difficult situation. Those are the exact students they want!

Explain why you are applying to this school

Besides selling your personality and explaining any drawbacks or holes in your record, a great college personal statement should provide insights into why you are applying to university. This may seem obvious, but unfortunately, many students get caught up in proving themselves like a job application. They totally forget to explain why they are applying to college.

How to write about reasons for applying to college:

• Define what part(s) of the university appeal to you. Explain how they align with your personal goals and personality.
• Pick out a couple of unique characteristics of the school. These can be professors, programs of study, or facilities.

Successful College Personal Statement Examples

Now that we know how important a college personal statement is and what it does, what’s the first step?

Success imitates success

At Wordvice, we encourage college applicants to look at successful personal statement examples to really absorb and gain insights into what an engaging personal college essay is. Read as many as you can, as no two students are the same. But you will see many of the themes discussed above again and again in successful college personal statements.

College Personal Statement Examples and Sample Essays

To start, Wordvice is including a couple of successful personal statement essay examples, including comments and feedback provided by our editors to the students. Both of these essays were edited by Wordvice’s professional editors , with both students gaining admission!

Personal Statement Essay #1: The “Holistic Profile” Essay

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my interest in studying at the University of ________ as a Supply Chain Management student. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my letter. I am currently studying for a bachelor’s degree in Public Finance and Supply Chain Management at ________ University. I have decided to apply to your Supply Chain Management programme because I am sure it would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective career. Moreover, I consider this programme as a great opportunity to get to know ________ culture and its well-developed logistic background. I am also very curious about the different approaches taken in this field at a prominent university. I have chosen to apply to the University of________ because it examines all types of supply chain management perspectives, from production to services. During my previous studies, I discovered that simply working on procurement is far from enough. My fellow students and I had the opportunity to create an e-commerce project. At the time, the only thing in our control was the procurement decision, but I soon realized I had the capacity and drive to learn more about solutions and innovations. Another reason I am applying for this programme at ________ is its close relationship with relevant companies in my desired field. I learned on the university’s website that there is a specific resource that helps to connect students with these companies. Since I am interested in working in the Netherlands after I graduate, this resource will definitely be useful for my career. In addition, the fact that this programme offers an option to participate in an apprenticeship is very appealing to me. This could not only broaden my horizons through practical experience but also provide a chance for me to expand my connections in the industry. My current undergraduate studies make me highly suitable for this programme. I have learned the basic foundations of supply chain management through courses such as operations management, strategic purchasing, and inventory management. I have also taken mathematics and statistics to help me understand data problems. In addition to my academic interests, I have a full and interesting life off-campus. I was a member of our school volleyball team, which won several championships; this led to me graduating as an honour’s student. Those times spent on the court have strengthened my team spirit and my ability to work under pressure. During summer vacations, I spend time travelling around Europe and the United States. My first experience in Amsterdam was unforgettable, and it made me consider coming back in the future. Planning the trip carefully, and living alone in an unfamiliar area, have turned me into a more independent young woman. Professionally, I have done internships in international companies such as Red Bull and ASUS. These experiences gave me the chance to work in a global context with people from different countries, which has encouraged me to have a more flexible and adaptive mindset. Because of these wonderful experiences, I am certain I will conquer all future challenges and make the most out of them. In conclusion, I am very eager to study Supply Chain Management at the University of ________, as it would give me a chance to deepen my skills and knowledge in one of the field’s top universities. I am confident I excel in this programme due to my solid educational foundation in business and personality strengths. Thank you again for reading my personal statement. I look forward to hearing from you.

Why was this personal statement for college successful?

The essay is well-organized and directly answers key questions.

The applicant clearly lays out her educational and professional background as well as her skills. She also includes two solid paragraphs about why she has chosen her program of study and later explains why she is both qualified and a perfect fit.

This essay displays excellent organization and has a natural flow of ideas indicative of a native English speaker who can write exceptionally well.

The essay is personal and does not feel like a resume or CV

This college applicant came with a very strong academic and professional background. A solid handle on supply chain management (not the most exciting major) with internships to back it up. But notice how she doesn’t dwell on just that? She is able to connect things like her academic math experience with personal motivation. She even includes her extracurricular activities to show she’s more than a number cruncher.

First, she shows that she is a well-rounded person , not just a student that studies for grades. Second, she conveys her well-developed personal identity that has chosen this course of study at this particular college in this particular country. Make sure your college essay communicates this!

The essay specifically targets the school

Every major university has a business school, and every business school has a supply chain management program. How do the college admissions counselors reading her personal statement know she’s motivated to apply there?

This applicant clearly explains how she personally wants to attend this particular university in The Netherlands. She lists her personal travel experience and mentions a specific mentorship program.

Personal Statement Essay #2: The “Enthusiastic Achiever” Essay

I am passionate about computers because technology will continue to play a fundamental role in our lives. Based on this fact, I researched colleges that have both a strong computer science program and co-op program, and this is when I found Hofstra. I visited the campus for a tour and was really impressed with what I saw. Not only are the campus facilities top-notch, but the advanced computer science labs are world-class. This shows Hofstra’s focus to be able to provide the best intellectual and technical resources for students. I asked my tour guide about the class sizes and curriculum style. I was thrilled when he told me that average class sizes are in the 20s and that the curriculum emphasizes experiential learning.   I am looking for more than just academic excellence; extracurricular activities, including community service opportunities, are also very important to me. In researching schools that would provide students with the most well-rounded lifestyles, I was amazed to see the number of philanthropic events that the school hosts and supports. Philanthropy seems ingrained in the school’s culture. I also saw hundreds of clubs that can cater to everyone’s unique interests. Students are also welcome to start new clubs if no existing clubs can foster their interests. The energy on campus is something that I noticed right away. Both the students and staff show a lot of pride for Hofstra, and it’s truly memorable how enthusiastic the school spirit is among students. Leaving home to attend college is a big change for everyone, and I think school pride and a strong sense of community will help me make a smooth transition. I was very happy to hear that students get two tickets to events on campus. This is especially great because I am a sports fan and would love to experience the electric game-day atmosphere of a division one basketball game and cheer on the Lions!  Hofstra’s location is also ideal because it has the advantages of being in a smaller town but also being very close to New York City. I do not want to attend college in a big city, but the fact that New York City is so close opens up a lot of opportunities. First off, there are numerous internships at top companies in the city. In addition, it would be great to visit the city from time to time and see a show or sports game. Being able to do that with friends would give me great experiences and memories.   Hofstra is my top choice because it fulfills my most important criteria: esteemed faculty members, a strong computer science program, a strong sense of belonging, amazing internship and community service opportunities, and a diverse campus. I cannot wait to be a Hofstra Lion!

This personal statement is brief and under the word count

This essay is 461 words, which is perfectly under the 500-word limit on many college admissions essays. Although content is the main focus, your personal statement needs to abide by all rules laid out in the essay brief. That includes mundane but essential stipulations such as word count.

It is multi-faceted and hits major selling points

The student talks about Hofstra’s location, academics, sports, extracurriculars, and even philanthropy. The student doesn’t just list these as a marketing brochure would; each selling point is connected to the student personally and emotionally. Excitement is something that every student tries to portray in their admissions essay, so be sure you emulate something like this.

Improve Personal Statements with College Essay Editing Services

It’s an understatement that college is one of the most important factors, affecting your social and professional future. Unfortunately, college personal statements and admissions essays sometimes come a bit disorganized and unfocused, just like the students who write them. That’s where essay editing services like Wordvice come in. They are beneficial for a number of reasons.

Why Use an Admissions Essay Editing Service?

1. they help fix errors that you miss.

College admissions committees have to reject a certain number of applicants every year. You can be sure that your application essay will go straight into the reject pile if it has any grammar or spelling errors.

It definitely takes a bit of self-awareness and experience to realize when it’s best to let someone help you. No one person has a monopoly on knowledge or perspective, no matter how strong their background is. Ever played the “what’s the difference between these two pictures” game?

Our brains are hard-wired to lock in our own biases. That’s a major problem when it comes to writing a personal statement where the entire point is convincing someone else.

2. They save students time

College consulting services have stated that the average number of applications is about 5.9 per college applicant. Of course, students will try to maximize their chances of getting into a good college. The downside is lack of time, which no one can buy more of.

English editing services like Wordvice help free up time so you can do what you need to do: apply to college.

3. Editors help improve your ability to communicate

Whether you are an ESL student or a native English speaker, everyone can improve their writing. In the case of a college application essay, this can mean the difference between getting into your dream college and attending your second-choice school. In addition to fixing grammar and basic errors, editing services go above and beyond to match the flow and readability of your writing with your goal – academic or admissions.

If you are writing a personal statement or college essay, you want editors with first-hand college and university admissions experience reviewing and editing your essay.

Additional College Personal Statement Tips

We hope you learned a lot from these examples of successful college personal statements. So what’s next?

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Interested in learning more tips from experts about the college admissions process, personal statements, or letters of recommendation? Check out the  Wordvice Admissions Resources blog.

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• How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples

How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples

Published on February 12, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on July 3, 2023.

A personal statement is a short essay of around 500–1,000 words, in which you tell a compelling story about who you are, what drives you, and why you’re applying.

To write a successful personal statement for a graduate school application , don’t just summarize your experience; instead, craft a focused narrative in your own voice. Aim to demonstrate three things:

• Your personality: what are your interests, values, and motivations?
• Your talents: what can you bring to the program?
• Your goals: what do you hope the program will do for you?

This article guides you through some winning strategies to build a strong, well-structured personal statement for a master’s or PhD application. You can download the full examples below.

Urban Planning Psychology History

Table of contents

Getting started with your personal statement, the introduction: start with an attention-grabbing opening, the main body: craft your narrative, the conclusion: look ahead, revising, editing, and proofreading your personal statement, frequently asked questions, other interesting articles.

Before you start writing, the first step is to understand exactly what’s expected of you. If the application gives you a question or prompt for your personal statement, the most important thing is to respond to it directly.

For example, you might be asked to focus on the development of your personal identity; challenges you have faced in your life; or your career motivations. This will shape your focus and emphasis—but you still need to find your own unique approach to answering it.

There’s no universal template for a personal statement; it’s your chance to be creative and let your own voice shine through. But there are strategies you can use to build a compelling, well-structured story.

The first paragraph of your personal statement should set the tone and lead smoothly into the story you want to tell.

Strategy 1: Open with a concrete scene

An effective way to catch the reader’s attention is to set up a scene that illustrates something about your character and interests. If you’re stuck, try thinking about:

• A personal experience that changed your perspective
• A story from your family’s history
• A memorable teacher or learning experience
• An unusual or unexpected encounter

To write an effective scene, try to go beyond straightforward description; start with an intriguing sentence that pulls the reader in, and give concrete details to create a convincing atmosphere.

Strategy 2: Open with your motivations

To emphasize your enthusiasm and commitment, you can start by explaining your interest in the subject you want to study or the career path you want to follow.

Just stating that it interests you isn’t enough: first, you need to figure out why you’re interested in this field:

• Is it a longstanding passion or a recent discovery?
• Does it come naturally or have you had to work hard at it?
• How does it fit into the rest of your life?
• What do you think it contributes to society?

Tips for the introduction

• Don’t start on a cliche: avoid phrases like “Ever since I was a child…” or “For as long as I can remember…”
• Do save the introduction for last. If you’re struggling to come up with a strong opening, leave it aside, and note down any interesting ideas that occur to you as you write the rest of the personal statement.

Once you’ve set up the main themes of your personal statement, you’ll delve into more detail about your experiences and motivations.

To structure the body of your personal statement, there are various strategies you can use.

Strategy 1: Describe your development over time

One of the simplest strategies is to give a chronological overview of key experiences that have led you to apply for graduate school.

• What first sparked your interest in the field?
• Which classes, assignments, classmates, internships, or other activities helped you develop your knowledge and skills?
• Where do you want to go next? How does this program fit into your future plans?

Don’t try to include absolutely everything you’ve done—pick out highlights that are relevant to your application. Aim to craft a compelling narrative that shows how you’ve changed and actively developed yourself.

My interest in psychology was first sparked early in my high school career. Though somewhat scientifically inclined, I found that what interested me most was not the equations we learned about in physics and chemistry, but the motivations and perceptions of my fellow students, and the subtle social dynamics that I observed inside and outside the classroom. I wanted to learn how our identities, beliefs, and behaviours are shaped through our interactions with others, so I decided to major in Social Psychology. My undergraduate studies deepened my understanding of, and fascination with, the interplay between an individual mind and its social context.During my studies, I acquired a solid foundation of knowledge about concepts like social influence and group dynamics, but I also took classes on various topics not strictly related to my major. I was particularly interested in how other fields intersect with psychology—the classes I took on media studies, biology, and literature all enhanced my understanding of psychological concepts by providing different lenses through which to look at the issues involved.

Strategy 2: Own your challenges and obstacles

If your path to graduate school hasn’t been easy or straightforward, you can turn this into a strength, and structure your personal statement as a story of overcoming obstacles.

• Is your social, cultural or economic background underrepresented in the field? Show how your experiences will contribute a unique perspective.
• Do you have gaps in your resume or lower-than-ideal grades? Explain the challenges you faced and how you dealt with them.

Don’t focus too heavily on negatives, but use them to highlight your positive qualities. Resilience, resourcefulness and perseverance make you a promising graduate school candidate.

Growing up working class, urban decay becomes depressingly familiar. The sight of a row of abandoned houses does not surprise me, but it continues to bother me. Since high school, I have been determined to pursue a career in urban planning. While people of my background experience the consequences of urban planning decisions first-hand, we are underrepresented in the field itself. Ironically, given my motivation, my economic background has made my studies challenging. I was fortunate enough to be awarded a scholarship for my undergraduate studies, but after graduation I took jobs in unrelated fields to help support my parents. In the three years since, I have not lost my ambition. Now I am keen to resume my studies, and I believe I can bring an invaluable perspective to the table: that of the people most impacted by the decisions of urban planners.

Strategy 3: Demonstrate your knowledge of the field

Especially if you’re applying for a PhD or another research-focused program, it’s a good idea to show your familiarity with the subject and the department. Your personal statement can focus on the area you want to specialize in and reflect on why it matters to you.

• Reflect on the topics or themes that you’ve focused on in your studies. What draws you to them?
• Discuss any academic achievements, influential teachers, or other highlights of your education.
• Talk about the questions you’d like to explore in your research and why you think they’re important.

The personal statement isn’t a research proposal , so don’t go overboard on detail—but it’s a great opportunity to show your enthusiasm for the field and your capacity for original thinking.

In applying for this research program, my intention is to build on the multidisciplinary approach I have taken in my studies so far, combining knowledge from disparate fields of study to better understand psychological concepts and issues. The Media Psychology program stands out to me as the perfect environment for this kind of research, given its researchers’ openness to collaboration across diverse fields. I am impressed by the department’s innovative interdisciplinary projects that focus on the shifting landscape of media and technology, and I hope that my own work can follow a similarly trailblazing approach. More specifically, I want to develop my understanding of the intersection of psychology and media studies, and explore how media psychology theories and methods might be applied to neurodivergent minds. I am interested not only in media psychology but also in psychological disorders, and how the two interact. This is something I touched on during my undergraduate studies and that I’m excited to delve into further.

Strategy 4: Discuss your professional ambitions

Especially if you’re applying for a more professionally-oriented program (such as an MBA), it’s a good idea to focus on concrete goals and how the program will help you achieve them.

• If your career is just getting started, show how your character is suited to the field, and explain how graduate school will help you develop your talents.
• If you have already worked in the profession, show what you’ve achieved so far, and explain how the program will allow you to take the next step.
• If you are planning a career change, explain what has driven this decision and how your existing experience will help you succeed.

Don’t just state the position you want to achieve. You should demonstrate that you’ve put plenty of thought into your career plans and show why you’re well-suited to this profession.

One thing that fascinated me about the field during my undergraduate studies was the sheer number of different elements whose interactions constitute a person’s experience of an urban environment. Any number of factors could transform the scene I described at the beginning: What if there were no bus route? Better community outreach in the neighborhood? Worse law enforcement? More or fewer jobs available in the area? Some of these factors are out of the hands of an urban planner, but without taking them all into consideration, the planner has an incomplete picture of their task. Through further study I hope to develop my understanding of how these disparate elements combine and interact to create the urban environment. I am interested in the social, psychological and political effects our surroundings have on our lives. My studies will allow me to work on projects directly affecting the kinds of working-class urban communities I know well. I believe I can bring my own experiences, as well as my education, to bear upon the problem of improving infrastructure and quality of life in these communities.

Tips for the main body

• Don’t rehash your resume by trying to summarize everything you’ve done so far; the personal statement isn’t about listing your academic or professional experience, but about reflecting, evaluating, and relating it to broader themes.
• Do make your statements into stories: Instead of saying you’re hard-working and self-motivated, write about your internship where you took the initiative to start a new project. Instead of saying you’ve always loved reading, reflect on a novel or poem that changed your perspective.

Your conclusion should bring the focus back to the program and what you hope to get out of it, whether that’s developing practical skills, exploring intellectual questions, or both.

Emphasize the fit with your specific interests, showing why this program would be the best way to achieve your aims.

Strategy 1: What do you want to know?

If you’re applying for a more academic or research-focused program, end on a note of curiosity: what do you hope to learn, and why do you think this is the best place to learn it?

If there are specific classes or faculty members that you’re excited to learn from, this is the place to express your enthusiasm.

Strategy 2: What do you want to do?

If you’re applying for a program that focuses more on professional training, your conclusion can look to your career aspirations: what role do you want to play in society, and why is this program the best choice to help you get there?

Tips for the conclusion

• Don’t summarize what you’ve already said. You have limited space in a personal statement, so use it wisely!
• Do think bigger than yourself: try to express how your individual aspirations relate to your local community, your academic field, or society more broadly. It’s not just about what you’ll get out of graduate school, but about what you’ll be able to give back.

You’ll be expected to do a lot of writing in graduate school, so make a good first impression: leave yourself plenty of time to revise and polish the text.

Your style doesn’t have to be as formal as other kinds of academic writing, but it should be clear, direct and coherent. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly from the last, using topic sentences and transitions to create clear connections between each part.

Don’t be afraid to rewrite and restructure as much as necessary. Since you have a lot of freedom in the structure of a personal statement, you can experiment and move information around to see what works best.

Finally, it’s essential to carefully proofread your personal statement and fix any language errors. Before you submit your application, consider investing in professional personal statement editing . For $150, you have the peace of mind that your personal statement is grammatically correct, strong in term of your arguments, and free of awkward mistakes.

A statement of purpose is usually more formal, focusing on your academic or professional goals. It shouldn’t include anything that isn’t directly relevant to the application.

A personal statement can often be more creative. It might tell a story that isn’t directly related to the application, but that shows something about your personality, values, and motivations.

However, both types of document have the same overall goal: to demonstrate your potential as a graduate student and s how why you’re a great match for the program.

The typical length of a personal statement for graduate school applications is between 500 and 1,000 words.

Different programs have different requirements, so always check if there’s a minimum or maximum length and stick to the guidelines. If there is no recommended word count, aim for no more than 1-2 pages.

If you’re applying to multiple graduate school programs, you should tailor your personal statement to each application.

Some applications provide a prompt or question. In this case, you might have to write a new personal statement from scratch: the most important task is to respond to what you have been asked.

If there’s no prompt or guidelines, you can re-use the same idea for your personal statement – but change the details wherever relevant, making sure to emphasize why you’re applying to this specific program.

If the application also includes other essays, such as a statement of purpose , you might have to revise your personal statement to avoid repeating the same information.

If you want to know more about college essays , academic writing , and AI tools , make sure to check out some of our other language articles with explanations, examples, and quizzes.

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Writing an Effective Appeal or Request Letter

When to write a letter.

Some university policies may require the writing of a letter.  A letter is sometimes the most effective way to send a particular message.  When talking to someone, using email or filling out a form haven’t worked or aren’t practical, try a letter.

Send the letter directly to the office, department or individuals involved in the situation. Simply sending the letter to the ombudsman is not appropriate.

The elements found in typical business letters are:

• full mailing address of the sender
• date on which letter is written
• address of person to whom letter is addressed
• subject line
• body (the main message)
• complimentary closing
• signature line (be sure to sign your letter)
• enclosure and copy notations

Model Letter:

The model below uses all the elements from the list.  The above layout is a matter of personal choice, as is the decision to include a phone number and email address.

Note: the text of the model letter is exceptionally brief.  Most appeal and request letters require a page or two.

• Samuel Student 123 ABC Street San Diego, CA 92120 [email protected] (619) 555-1234
• February 20, 2018 
• Dr. Jane Skool, Professor College of _____________ San Diego State University San Diego, CA 92182+mail code
• Subject: Request for Examination
• Dear Dr. Skool:
• I am writing to request a special examination in Course 101. On March 12, the date of the regularly scheduled exam, I have to appear in court as a witness. I have enclosed a copy of the court summons.  
• Thank you for taking the time to consider my request.  Please contact me by email or phone if you have any questions. 
• Respectfully, Sam Student
• Samuel Student Red ID*                
• Encl. Cc: John O. Smith

Content and Tone

While the appearance of a letter is important, the content and tone will determine whether the letter really does its job.  Review any relevant policy and pay particular attention to what the decision maker needs to know to consider an appeal or request.  That is the information which should be included in your letter.

Opening Statement The first sentence or two should state the purpose of the letter clearly.

I am writing to appeal my current disciplinary status, and to apologize for my involvement in the floor crawl which led to my being placed on notice. I realize that what seemed harmless fun to me was actually a danger to my health and the health of others.  I sincerely regret my actions that night…

I am writing to request a course overload for 2018-2019…

Be Factual Include factual detail but avoid dramatizing the situation.

In late October I was diagnosed with tonsillitis. I was sick for over a week, and missed most of my mid-term exams.

NOTIn late October after feeling really sick for a few days I finally dragged myself to Student Health Services…

Be Specific If an appeal or request depends on particular facts which the decision maker will want to verify, be specific.

I missed a test on January 23, because I flew to Vancouver on January 19 for my grandfather’s funeral and returned on January 26.  I enclose the airline receipt and can provide further corroboration if that would be helpful.

NOT I had to attend a funeral out of town so I missed the test on January 23.

Documentation Include any documentation required by policy or needed to substantiate your claims.  If documentation is being sent by a third party, state that with details.

Dr. Well, my father’s physician, has agreed to write to you about this matter…

Stick to the Point Don’t clutter your letter with information or requests that have no essential connection to the main message.

Do Not Try to Manipulate the Reader Threatening, cajoling, begging, pleading, flattery and making extravagant promises are manipulative and usually ineffective methods.

If you give me a chance to come back to residence next year, I promise to work really hard, get rich, and donate a million dollars to the University…

How to Talk About Feelings It is tempting to overstate the case when something is important to us.  When feelings are a legitimate part of a message own the feeling, and state it as a fact.

When I saw my grade, I was very disappointed.

Be Brief It is more work to write a good short letter than a long one.  Busy decision makers appreciate the extra effort.

Avoid errors A letter will make a better impression if it is typed; free of spelling and grammar mistakes; free of slang; and placed in the right sized envelope. BUT it is much more important to meet deadlines and state the purpose clearly than to submit a letter which is completely error-free.

Keep Copies Until a matter is settled, keep copies of all letters sent or received, as well as relevant documents and forms.

*Adapted from The University of Western Ontario Ombuds Office, Frances Bauer, Ombudsperson

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Looking for grad school personal statement examples? Look no further! In this total guide to graduate school personal statement examples, we’ll discuss why you need a personal statement for grad school and what makes a good one. Then we’ll provide three graduate school personal statement samples from our grad school experts. After that, we’ll do a deep dive on one of our personal statement for graduate school examples. Finally, we’ll wrap up with a list of other grad school personal statements you can find online.

Why Do You Need a Personal Statement?

A personal statement is a chance for admissions committees to get to know you: your goals and passions, what you’ll bring to the program, and what you’re hoping to get out of the program.  You need to sell the admissions committee on what makes you a worthwhile applicant. The personal statement is a good chance to highlight significant things about you that don’t appear elsewhere on your application.

A personal statement is slightly different from a statement of purpose (also known as a letter of intent). A statement of purpose/letter of intent tends to be more tightly focused on your academic or professional credentials and your future research and/or professional interests.

While a personal statement also addresses your academic experiences and goals, you have more leeway to be a little more, well, personal. In a personal statement, it’s often appropriate to include information on significant life experiences or challenges that aren’t necessarily directly relevant to your field of interest.

Some programs ask for both a personal statement and a statement of purpose/letter of intent. In this case, the personal statement is likely to be much more tightly focused on your life experience and personality assets while the statement of purpose will focus in much more on your academic/research experiences and goals.

However, there’s not always a hard-and-fast demarcation between a personal statement and a statement of purpose. The two statement types should address a lot of the same themes, especially as relates to your future goals and the valuable assets you bring to the program. Some programs will ask for a personal statement but the prompt will be focused primarily on your research and professional experiences and interests. Some will ask for a statement of purpose but the prompt will be more focused on your general life experiences.

When in doubt, give the program what they are asking for in the prompt and don’t get too hung up on whether they call it a personal statement or statement of purpose. You can always call the admissions office to get more clarification on what they want you to address in your admissions essay.

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What Makes a Good Grad School Personal Statement?

A great graduate school personal statement can come in many forms and styles. However, strong grad school personal statement examples all share the same following elements:

A Clear Narrative

Above all, a good personal statement communicates clear messages about what makes you a strong applicant who is likely to have success in graduate school. So to that extent, think about a couple of key points that you want to communicate about yourself and then drill down on how you can best communicate those points. (Your key points should of course be related to what you can bring to the field and to the program specifically).

You can also decide whether to address things like setbacks or gaps in your application as part of your narrative. Have a low GPA for a couple semesters due to a health issue? Been out of a job for a while taking care of a family member? If you do decide to explain an issue like this, make sure that the overall arc is more about demonstrating positive qualities like resilience and diligence than about providing excuses.

Specific Examples

A great statement of purpose uses specific examples to illustrate its key messages. This can include anecdotes that demonstrate particular traits or even references to scholars and works that have influenced your academic trajectory to show that you are familiar and insightful about the relevant literature in your field.

Just saying “I love plants,” is pretty vague. Describing how you worked in a plant lab during undergrad and then went home and carefully cultivated your own greenhouse where you cross-bred new flower colors by hand is much more specific and vivid, which makes for better evidence.

A strong personal statement will describe why you are a good fit for the program, and why the program is a good fit for you. It’s important to identify specific things about the program that appeal to you, and how you’ll take advantage of those opportunities. It’s also a good idea to talk about specific professors you might be interested in working with. This shows that you are informed about and genuinely invested in the program.

Strong Writing

Even quantitative and science disciplines typically require some writing, so it’s important that your personal statement shows strong writing skills. Make sure that you are communicating clearly and that you don’t have any grammar and spelling errors. It’s helpful to get other people to read your statement and provide feedback. Plan on going through multiple drafts.

Another important thing here is to avoid cliches and gimmicks. Don’t deploy overused phrases and openings like “ever since I was a child.” Don’t structure your statement in a gimmicky way (i.e., writing a faux legal brief about yourself for a law school statement of purpose). The first will make your writing banal; the second is likely to make you stand out in a bad way.

Appropriate Boundaries

While you can be more personal in a personal statement than in a statement of purpose, it’s important to maintain appropriate boundaries in your writing. Don’t overshare anything too personal about relationships, bodily functions, or illegal activities. Similarly, don’t share anything that makes it seem like you may be out of control, unstable, or an otherwise risky investment. The personal statement is not a confessional booth. If you share inappropriately, you may seem like you have bad judgment, which is a huge red flag to admissions committees.

You should also be careful with how you deploy humor and jokes. Your statement doesn’t have to be totally joyless and serious, but bear in mind that the person reading the statement may not have the same sense of humor as you do. When in doubt, err towards the side of being as inoffensive as possible.

Just as being too intimate in your statement can hurt you, it’s also important not to be overly formal or staid. You should be professional, but conversational.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

Our graduate school experts have been kind enough to provide some successful grad school personal statement examples. We’ll provide three examples here, along with brief analysis of what makes each one successful.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 1

PDF of Sample Personal Statement 1 – Japanese Studies

For this Japanese Studies master’s degree, the applicant had to provide a statement of purpose outlining her academic goals and experience with Japanese and a separate personal statement describing her personal relationship with Japanese Studies and what led her to pursue a master’s degree.

Here’s what’s successful about this personal statement:

• An attention-grabbing beginning: The applicant begins with the statement that Japanese has never come easily to her and that it’s a brutal language to learn. Seeing as how this is an application for a Japanese Studies program, this is an intriguing beginning that makes the reader want to keep going.
• A compelling narrative: From this attention-grabbing beginning, the applicant builds a well-structured and dramatic narrative tracking her engagement with the Japanese language over time. The clear turning point is her experience studying abroad, leading to a resolution in which she has clarity about her plans. Seeing as how the applicant wants to be a translator of Japanese literature, the tight narrative structure here is a great way to show her writing skills.
• Specific examples that show important traits: The applicant clearly communicates both a deep passion for Japanese through examples of her continued engagement with Japanese and her determination and work ethic by highlighting the challenges she’s faced (and overcome) in her study of the language. This gives the impression that she is an engaged and dedicated student.

Overall, this is a very strong statement both in terms of style and content. It flows well, is memorable, and communicates that the applicant would make the most of the graduate school experience.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 2

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 2 – Musical Composition

This personal statement for a Music Composition master’s degree discusses the factors that motivate the applicant to pursue graduate study.

Here’s what works well in this statement:

• The applicant provides two clear reasons motivating the student to pursue graduate study: her experiences with music growing up, and her family’s musical history. She then supports those two reasons with examples and analysis.
• The description of her ancestors’ engagement with music is very compelling and memorable. The applicant paints her own involvement with music as almost inevitable based on her family’s long history with musical pursuits.
• The applicant gives thoughtful analysis of the advantages she has been afforded that have allowed her to study music so extensively. We get the sense that she is insightful and empathetic—qualities that would add greatly to any academic community.

This is a strong, serviceable personal statement. And in truth, given that this for a masters in music composition, other elements of the application (like work samples) are probably the most important.  However, here are two small changes I would make to improve it:

• I would probably to split the massive second paragraph into 2-3 separate paragraphs. I might use one paragraph to orient the reader to the family’s musical history, one paragraph to discuss Giacomo and Antonio, and one paragraph to discuss how the family has influenced the applicant. As it stands, it’s a little unwieldy and the second paragraph doesn’t have a super-clear focus even though it’s all loosely related to the applicant’s family history with music.
• I would also slightly shorten the anecdote about the applicant’s ancestors and expand more on how this family history has motivated the applicant’s interest in music. In what specific ways has her ancestors’ perseverance inspired her? Did she think about them during hard practice sessions? Is she interested in composing music in a style they might have played? More specific examples here would lend greater depth and clarity to the statement.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 3

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 3 – Public Health

This is my successful personal statement for Columbia’s Master’s program in Public Health. We’ll do a deep dive on this statement paragraph-by-paragraph in the next section, but I’ll highlight a couple of things that work in this statement here:

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• This statement is clearly organized. Almost every paragraph has a distinct focus and message, and when I move on to a new idea, I move on to a new paragraph with a logical transitions.
• This statement covers a lot of ground in a pretty short space. I discuss my family history, my goals, my educational background, and my professional background. But because the paragraphs are organized and I use specific examples, it doesn’t feel too vague or scattered.
• In addition to including information about my personal motivations, like my family, I also include some analysis about tailoring health interventions with my example of the Zande. This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background.

Grad School Personal Statement Example: Deep Dive

Now let’s do a deep dive, paragraph-by-paragraph, on one of these sample graduate school personal statements. We’ll use my personal statement that I used when I applied to Columbia’s public health program.

Paragraph One: For twenty-three years, my grandmother (a Veterinarian and an Epidemiologist) ran the Communicable Disease Department of a mid-sized urban public health department. The stories of Grandma Betty doggedly tracking down the named sexual partners of the infected are part of our family lore. Grandma Betty would persuade people to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, encourage safer sexual practices, document the spread of infection and strive to contain and prevent it. Indeed, due to the large gay population in the city where she worked, Grandma Betty was at the forefront of the AIDS crises, and her analysis contributed greatly towards understanding how the disease was contracted and spread. My grandmother has always been a huge inspiration to me, and the reason why a career in public health was always on my radar.

This is an attention-grabbing opening anecdote that avoids most of the usual cliches about childhood dreams and proclivities. This story also subtly shows that I have a sense of public health history, given the significance of the AIDs crisis for public health as a field.

It’s good that I connect this family history to my own interests. However, if I were to revise this paragraph again, I might cut down on some of the detail because when it comes down to it, this story isn’t really about me. It’s important that even (sparingly used) anecdotes about other people ultimately reveal something about you in a personal statement.

Paragraph Two: Recent years have cemented that interest. In January 2012, my parents adopted my little brother Fred from China. Doctors in America subsequently diagnosed Fred with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD). My parents were told that if Fred’s condition had been discovered in China, the (very poor) orphanage in which he spent the first 8+ years of his life would have recognized his DMD as a death sentence and denied him sustenance to hasten his demise.

Here’s another compelling anecdote to help explain my interest in public health. This is an appropriately personal detail for a personal statement—it’s a serious thing about my immediate family, but it doesn’t disclose anything that the admissions committee might find concerning or inappropriate.

If I were to take another pass through this paragraph, the main thing I would change is the last phrase. “Denied him sustenance to hasten his demise” is a little flowery. “Denied him food to hasten his death” is actually more powerful because it’s clearer and more direct.

Paragraph Three: It is not right that some people have access to the best doctors and treatment while others have no medical care. I want to pursue an MPH in Sociomedical Sciences at Columbia because studying social factors in health, with a particular focus on socio-health inequities, will prepare me to address these inequities. The interdisciplinary approach of the program appeals to me greatly as I believe interdisciplinary approaches are the most effective way to develop meaningful solutions to complex problems.

In this paragraph I make a neat and clear transition from discussing what sparked my interest in public health and health equity to what I am interested in about Columbia specifically: the interdisciplinary focus of the program, and how that focus will prepare me to solve complex health problems. This paragraph also serves as a good pivot point to start discussing my academic and professional background.

Paragraph Four: My undergraduate education has prepared me well for my chosen career. Understanding the underlying structure of a group’s culture is essential to successfully communicating with the group. In studying folklore and mythology, I’ve learned how to parse the unspoken structures of folk groups, and how those structures can be used to build bridges of understanding. For example, in a culture where most illnesses are believed to be caused by witchcraft, as is the case for the Zande people of central Africa, any successful health intervention or education program would of necessity take into account their very real belief in witchcraft.

In this paragraph, I link my undergraduate education and the skills I learned there to public health. The (very brief) analysis of tailoring health interventions to the Zande is a good way to show insight and show off the competencies I would bring to the program.

Paragraph Five: I now work in the healthcare industry for one of the largest providers of health benefits in the world. In addition to reigniting my passion for data and quantitative analytics, working for this company has immersed me in the business side of healthcare, a critical component of public health.

This brief paragraph highlights my relevant work experience in the healthcare industry. It also allows me to mention my work with data and quantitative analytics, which isn’t necessarily obvious from my academic background, which was primarily based in the social sciences.

Paragraph Six: I intend to pursue a PhD in order to become an expert in how social factors affect health, particularly as related to gender and sexuality. I intend to pursue a certificate in Sexuality, Sexual Health, and Reproduction. Working together with other experts to create effective interventions across cultures and societies, I want to help transform health landscapes both in America and abroad.

This final paragraph is about my future plans and intentions. Unfortunately, it’s a little disjointed, primarily because I discuss goals of pursuing a PhD before I talk about what certificate I want to pursue within the MPH program! Switching those two sentences and discussing my certificate goals within the MPH and then mentioning my PhD plans would make a lot more sense.

I also start two sentences in a row with “I intend,” which is repetitive.

The final sentence is a little bit generic; I might tailor it to specifically discuss a gender and sexual health issue, since that is the primary area of interest I’ve identified.

This was a successful personal statement; I got into (and attended!) the program. It has strong examples, clear organization, and outlines what interests me about the program (its interdisciplinary focus) and what competencies I would bring (a background in cultural analysis and experience with the business side of healthcare). However, a few slight tweaks would elevate this statement to the next level.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples You Can Find Online

So you need more samples for your personal statement for graduate school? Examples are everywhere on the internet, but they aren’t all of equal quality.

Most of examples are posted as part of writing guides published online by educational institutions. We’ve rounded up some of the best ones here if you are looking for more personal statement examples for graduate school.

Penn State Personal Statement Examples for Graduate School

This selection of ten short personal statements for graduate school and fellowship programs offers an interesting mix of approaches. Some focus more on personal adversity while others focus more closely on professional work within the field.

The writing in some of these statements is a little dry, and most deploy at least a few cliches. However, these are generally strong, serviceable statements that communicate clearly why the student is interested in the field, their skills and competencies, and what about the specific program appeals to them.

Cal State Sample Graduate School Personal Statements

These are good examples of personal statements for graduate school where students deploy lots of very vivid imagery and illustrative anecdotes of life experiences. There are also helpful comments about what works in each of these essays.

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However, all of these statements are definitely pushing the boundaries of acceptable length, as all are above 1000 and one is almost 1500 words! Many programs limit you to 500 words; if you don’t have a limit, you should try to keep it to two single-spaced pages at most (which is about 1000 words).

University of Chicago Personal Statement for Graduate School Examples

These examples of successful essays to the University of Chicago law school cover a wide range of life experiences and topics. The writing in all is very vivid, and all communicate clear messages about the students’ strengths and competencies.

Note, however, that these are all essays that specifically worked for University of Chicago law school. That does not mean that they would work everywhere. In fact, one major thing to note is that many of these responses, while well-written and vivid, barely address the students’ interest in law school at all! This is something that might not work well for most graduate programs.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 10

This successful essay for law school from a Wheaton College undergraduate does a great job tracking the student’s interest in the law in a compelling and personal way. Wheaton offers other graduate school personal statement examples, but this one offers the most persuasive case for the students’ competencies. The student accomplishes this by using clear, well-elaborated examples, showing strong and vivid writing, and highlighting positive qualities like an interest in justice and empathy without seeming grandiose or out of touch.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 1

Based on the background information provided at the bottom of the essay, this essay was apparently successful for this applicant. However, I’ve actually included this essay because it demonstrates an extremely risky approach. While this personal statement is strikingly written and the story is very memorable, it could definitely communicate the wrong message to some admissions committees. The student’s decision not to report the drill sergeant may read incredibly poorly to some admissions committees. They may wonder if the student’s failure to report the sergeant’s violence will ultimately expose more soldiers-in-training to the same kinds of abuses. This incident perhaps reads especially poorly in light of the fact that the military has such a notable problem with violence against women being covered up and otherwise mishandled

It’s actually hard to get a complete picture of the student’s true motivations from this essay, and what we have might raise real questions about the student’s character to some admissions committees. This student took a risk and it paid off, but it could have just as easily backfired spectacularly.

Key Takeaways: Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

In this guide, we discussed why you need a personal statement and how it differs from a statement of purpose. (It’s more personal!)

We also discussed what you’ll find in a strong sample personal statement for graduate school:

• A clear narrative about the applicant and why they are qualified for graduate study.
• Specific examples to support that narrative.
• Compelling reasons why the applicant and the program are a good fit for each other.
• Strong writing, including clear organization and error-free, cliche-free language.
• Appropriate boundaries—sharing without over-sharing.

Then, we provided three strong graduate school personal statement examples for different fields, along with analysis. We did a deep-dive on the third statement.

Finally, we provided a list of other sample grad school personal statements online.

What’s Next?

Want more advice on writing a personal statement ? See our guide.

Writing a graduate school statement of purpose? See our statement of purpose samples  and a nine-step process for writing the best statement of purpose possible .

If you’re writing a graduate school CV or resume, see our how-to guide to writing a CV , a how-to guide to writing a resume , our list of sample resumes and CVs , resume and CV templates , and a special guide for writing resume objectives .

Need stellar graduate school recommendation letters ? See our guide.

See our 29 tips for successfully applying to graduate school .

Ready to improve your GRE score by 7 points?

Author: Ellen McCammon

Ellen is a public health graduate student and education expert. She has extensive experience mentoring students of all ages to reach their goals and in-depth knowledge on a variety of health topics. View all posts by Ellen McCammon

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Appeal Personal Statements Samples For Students

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Is Trump's $175 million civil fraud bond valid in New York?

By Katrina Kaufman

Updated on: April 4, 2024 / 4:18 PM EDT / CBS News

When former President Donald Trump posted a $175 million bond in New York on Monday, it appeared that he had evaded a financial crisis. He had paused enforcement of the more than $460 million judgment against him following a civil fraud trial , while his appeal is pending. 

But the surety bond was missing vital information typically included in those filings, experts say. These standard elements include documents related to power of attorney for the bond provider, Knight Specialty Insurance Company, a financial statement from the company and a certificate of qualification from the Department of Financial Services.  

New York Attorney General Letitia James indicated in a filing Thursday, after the original publication of this story, that she, too, has concerns about the bond.

James took "exception to the sufficiency of the surety" given by Trump and the other defendants. She objected to the fact that the bond was issued by a company that is not an admitted carrier in New York, and lacks the certificate of qualification required by New York Insurance Law Section 1111. 

Trump attorney Christopher Kise on Thursday alleged James' filing was  "another witch hunt" and accused her office of "hiding out in silence" after an appellate court reduced the defendants' bond from more than $464 million to $175 million.

"The Attorney General now seeks to stir up some equally baseless public quarrel in a desperate effort to regain relevance," Kise said.

Within 10 days, Trump or the company must file a motion to "justify" the bond, meaning Knight must prove that it is financially capable of paying the bond.

"There seem to be serious issues," said Bruce H. Lederman, an attorney who has filed many bonds in New York, including for a real estate developer challenging a judgment. Lederman said he was struck by "glaring errors" in the bond.

"In all the years I've been doing this, you always have to have a certificate from the Department of Financial Services saying that you're licensed to issue a surety bond," he said, referring to the missing certificate of qualification. 

Lederman also noticed that Knight Specialty is not listed on New York's Department of Financial Services website. 

The company refiled its posting, as directed by the New York Supreme Court clerk, after CBS News published its report on Thursday and before James' took exception to the bond.  

On Wednesday, the clerk's office had returned to Trump's attorneys the bond filing "for correction." There was no reason publicly specified in the request.

Adam Pollock, a former assistant attorney general in New York, said, "This bond is deficient for a number of reasons." 

"Including that the company doesn't appear to be licensed in New York and doesn't appear to have enough capital to make this undertaking," Pollock said.

Knight Specialty is not licensed in New York to issue surety bonds, and Lederman noted the company's absence from the Department of Financial Services database. But the company contends it is nevertheless authorized to issue the bond.

The company also does not appear to meet a restriction under New York insurance law barring companies from putting more than 10% of its capital at risk.

Amit Shah, the president of Knight Insurance, said the restriction does not apply. He said Knight has over $1 billion in equity.

"Knight Specialty Insurance Company is not a New York domestic insurer, and New York surplus lines insurance laws do not regulate the solvency of non-New York excess lines insurers," he said. "So we don't believe we need the 10% surplus." 

The billionaire behind Trump's bond is Don Hankey , the chairman of Knight Insurance, which owns the subsidiary that wrote the bond. 

Hankey said that Trump used "cash" as collateral for the bond, a total of $175 million. 

"First he furnished about $120 million worth of bonds that we OK'd, so we assumed it would be investment-grade bonds and cash. But as it turned out, it was all cash," he told CBS News in a brief phone call on Tuesday. 

But Trump retained that $175 million cash collateral, according to Shah. He said the money is in an account that is "pledged" to the company. He would not specify the type of account. Trump paid a premium to the company that Shah declined to disclose. 

"It seems to me that the underlying case is about the [New York] attorney general requiring strict compliance with the law," said Lederman. 

"The law requires an insurance company posting a surety bond to be authorized in New York," he said. "And there are serious questions about if this bond was properly posted."

Under a New York law known as CPLR 2502, an "insurance company [shall be] authorized to execute the undertaking within the state." 

When CBS News asked Hankey about Knight Specialty's authorization to issue bonds in New York, the company's net worth and potential deficiencies in the bond filing for Trump, he deferred to Knight's president: "I'm chairman of that company. I've got several other companies that I own. Amit Shah would be the person to talk to."

Shah explained that the company is authorized to issue a surety bond in New York through the Excess Line Association of New York (ELANY). He said the company is approved by ELANY to issue bonds from its home domicile state of Delaware, where it is allowed to write surety bonds. 

"Our position is we're compliant," said Shah. 

Knight's compliance officer, Mike Pepitone, said that there are a number of insurance companies that do not hold a license in every state, but a company is able to write a bond in other states where they are not licensed on what he said is called "an excess and surplus lines basis."

"For court bonds, as regulated by the CPLR, the law is clear about in-state license requirement," said Pollock, who noted that there are surety bonds used in other industries like construction that would not be subject to that rule.

Shah initially said that the company had in fact submitted a financial statement with the bond. In its initial bond filing, Pepitone said the financial statement was not supposed to be included, but later, in its updated bond filing Thursday, the company shared its financial statement.

If Knight Specialty does not have Trump's cash collateral for the bond in its possession, Lederman questioned whether the company "could or would pay immediately" if Trump loses his appeal. Lederman said James should investigate to determine if the company is in compliance with state law requirements.

"The attorney general would have ample grounds to push back here," said Pollock.

The New York Attorney General's office declined to comment. But Lederman said, "The attorney general is now requiring Trump to follow the law and have the court approve the bond because as filed, the bond is not acceptable."

Knight's updated filing included a financial statement showing that the company's surplus to policyholders is $1 billion and a joint limited power of attorney signed by Hankey and Shah.

• Donald Trump

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