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The College Essay Guy Podcast: A Practical Guide to College Admissions

214: resources for lgbtq+ students from campus pride.

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Oct 7, 2019

Campus Pride is THE go-to resource for LGBTQ students and their families and my guest on this episode, civil rights champion Shane Windmeyer, is the one to thank for its very existence. On this episode we discuss: 

• How Shane get involved in this work in the first place
• How is the college search process for LGBTQ+ students?
• What are some great questions to ask when visiting campuses?
• Common mistakes students make in the process
• How can LGBTQ students find scholarships?
• Should students come out in their essays? If so, how?

The Campus Pride Index

The Advocate College Guide for Lgbt Students

Brotherhood: Gay Life for College Fraternities

Inspiration for LGBT students and allies

Out on Fraternity Row

Secret Sisters

The Campus Visit Scorecard

The Campus Pride LGBTQ College Fair Program

The P’s and Q’s to choosing the perfect campus  

Campus Pride Trans Policy Clearinghouse

CSS Profile

Gamma Mu Foundation

About the Podcast

Practical, up-to-date interviews with experts in college admissions, financial aid, personal statements, test prep and more. Ethan Sawyer (aka College Essay Guy), interviews deans of admission, financial aid experts, and veterans of the admissions field to extract, then distill their advice into practical steps for students and those guiding them through the process. From creating an awesome college list to appealing a financial aid letter, Ethan skips the general advice and gets right to the action items, all in an effort to bring more ease, joy and purpose into the college admissions process.

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Building Future Leaders & Safer, More LGBTQ-Friendly Colleges and Universities Since 2001

The Campus Pride Ultimate Queer College Guide

Everything you need to know about finding the best lgbtq college for you..

The college application process can be stressful no matter who you are, let alone if you identify as an LGBTQIA student. Follow this guide for helpful hints, tools, and resources to make this process as easy and stress free as possible.

Your LGBTQ Introduction

Understanding yourself or your student is the first stepping-stone for searching for the best LGBTQ College. Below are a list of terms that are a basic understanding of the acronyms and language that could be used by your student or by college officials through the LGBTQIA Resource center.

The College Search

When starting the search, it can be difficult to identify where you should apply and what colleges are out there. There are databases, college fairs, and websites that are at your disposal. Below are some specific resources for LGBTQ colleges.

Don’t know where to start? Consider what you are looking for. Below is the Campus Pride Personal Inventory Quiz that could aid in the narrowing of your college search.

There are many different types and classifications of institutions in the United States. Four-year institutions are not always the best place to start. Many students start at a two-year institution and transfer to a four-year institution to save money and get General Education requirements done. Below are some different institution classification you can look at on the Campus Pride website.

Personal Inventory Quiz

• What do you identify as your passion or academic pursuits? What would be your dream job after college? Please describe.
• Describe your ideal campus environment. What academic disciplines are offered? What is the campus community like? How does the campus look and feel? What does the visible commitment to LGBTQ students look like? Be as specific as possible.
• What extracurricular activities interest you? Which of these involvement opportunities relate to or could relate to being LGBTQ? List all examples.
• How much money do you want to spend per year going to a college or university? What’s your overall budget for living expenses, books, and tuition?
• In what region of the country do you want to go to college? Do you have limitations imposed by costs that are keeping you close to home?
• What about the type of institution, the campus size, and the diversity? Do you prefer a private or a public institution? How large or small do you want the campus population to be?

Institution Classification:

[ ] Military Institution

[ ] Single Sex Institution

[ ] Community College

[ ] Religious Institution

[ ] Tribal Institution

[ ] Historically Black College/University

[ ] Hispanic Serving Institution

[ ] Asian American & Pacific Islander Serving Institution

[ ] Other Minority Serving Institution

[ ] Liberal Arts College

[ ] Tech Institute

[ ] Residential Campus

[ ] Nonresidential Campus

[ ] Doctoral/Research University

[ ] Master’s College/University

[ ] Baccalaureate College/University

[ ] Public/State

[ ] Private Institution

Things to consider when looking at institutions:

[ ] Financial Stability

[ ] In-state or Out-of-state Schools

[ ] Religious affiliation

[ ] Intercollegiate Athletics

After you consider the things above, it is time to check the Campus Pride Index and college fairs . Also refer to the recent Campus Pride Top list of LGBTQ Colleges in the U.S. Reminder:  Just because these colleges score high on the Campus Pride Index, does not mean these are the best fit for you. So ask questions and try them all on for size.

(IMPORTANT: Don’t be fooled by copycat commercial websites that are in this for the money like College Choice and who utilize the Campus Pride data and resources without permission profiting off LGBTQ work — or — be careful of relying on the flawed commercial rankings like Princeton Review that ask one subjective question to determine if a campus is LGBTQ-friendly.)

Check the Campus Pride’s Top List:

• LGBTQ Colleges –  Campus Pride’s Best of the Best LGBTQ-Friendly Colleges & Universities
• LGBTQIA Student Group
• Pro-LGBTQIA Policies
• LGBTQIA Academic Support
• LGBTQIA Student Support
• LGBTQIA Campus Safety
• LGBTQIA Resources
• LGBTQIA Counseling
• LGBTQIA Retention and Recruitment
• Filter by Region
• Filter by State
• Index Rating (1 Star – 5 Stars)
• Institution Type
• Locale (Population of College Location)

Extra Tip: If you are into sports, check out the Campus Pride Sports Index too – CampusPrideSportsIndex.org

Before you apply:

Before you apply to any college, it would be best to do some pre-research into the culture and atmosphere of the college you are looking for. Campus pride offers many resources that describe the perfect campus for you. As you are doing your pre-research, don’t forget to fill out the Individual Action Plan for LGBTQ College Seeker

Action Plan:

• Overall Approach

Describe your overall approach to choosing a college or university based on the responses from your Personal Campus Inventory Quiz. What are your needs and priorities? These can be LGBTQ-specific or more broadly oriented to your self-identity.

• Identify Your Top Five LGBTQ Campus Choices

Name of College/University: Particular Reason(s) for Selecting This Campus: Application Deadline: Application Requirements: Testing Requirements: Possible Dates for Campus Visit:

Determine the most significant LGBTQ-inclusive factors that you want to learn more about in order to compare your top campus choices. These can be from the Personal Campus Inventory Quiz or other factors you have determined. e.g., high number of LGBTQ students, LGBTQ sensitive health services, LGBTQ social events, etc.

Describe any challenge(s) that you might face in researching the LGBTQ-friendliness of these selected campuses. Create a list of these concerns.

List resources, people, and/or organizations that can help you overcome any challenges or assist in learning more about your final LGBTQ campus choice.

3. List of things your LGBTQ-friendly college needs:

• Campus LGBTQ organizations offer a sense of community. Such groups are critical to the well-being of LGBTQ students, as they provide social networks, educational and emotional support systems, leadership opportunities, and outlets for activism. Some students may look for LGBTQ groups specific to gender identity/expression, students of color, religious affiliations, or special interests/activities.
• “Where are people like me?” That is how one LGBTQ high schooler put it. Students should look for other visible and active LGBTQ students on campus. The LGBTQ community encompasses many individual backgrounds and identities, and it’s important that prospective students find a campus where they can feel at home.
• Out LGBTQ faculty and staff members signal an inclusive environment. They can also serve as advisors and bases of support throughout the college years. Keep in mind that if a school’s faculty and staff members are not comfortable being out, then it is unlikely that LGBTQ students will want to attend that college.
• Campus policies demonstrate a commitment to inclusion. Find ratings on LGBTQ benchmarks for policy inclusion at CampusPrideIndex.org, a valuable resource for students searching for LGBTQ-friendly colleges.
• Visible symbols of pride–such as rainbow flags and pink triangles–in the student union, campus offices, and social venues create a sense of openness, safety, and inclusion. Their prominent presence also sends a clear signal that the campus is LGBTQ-welcoming. Other visible signs of openness include Ally or Safe Space/Safe Zone program stickers and buttons.
• Allies are essential to LGBTQ students, especially when they are active in LGBTQ-friendly college administrations. LGBTQ students should look for examples of allies standing up for LGBTQ students on campus. In particular, take note of top-level administrators, such as the president, vice president, or deans, who include LGBTQ issues in the campus dialogue. Visible allies are also important in the classroom and in student life.
• LGBTQ-themed housing and gender-inclusive bathrooms contribute to positive living and learning communities. Learn more about fostering safety for trans students through housing and bathroom policies at CampusPride.org/TPC .
• Many LGBTQ students seek committed campus resources, such as an established LGBTQ center where students can find support and learn about services. If a dedicated center is lacking, students might look for paid LGBTQ staff members within the Women’s Center or Multicultural Office. Devoting resources in these areas demonstrates an institutional commitment to LGBTQ students similar to that shown for other diverse populations.
• Some high school students are looking for a college where they will have opportunities to study LGBTQ issues–by taking classes on LGBTQ/queer identity, politics, and history. Some may even graduate with an academic major or minor in LGBTQ/queer studies.
• These are two separate yet interrelated issues. Prospective students should seek an environment where they’ll be accepted fully for all their intersectional identities (race, faith, gender, sexual identity, gender identity, and so on). For some LGBTQ students, living on a campus that offers queer or queer-friendly entertainment choices is paramount; other students may prefer to venture off-campus for these and other social activities.

Finding an LGBTQ College for Queer People of Color

• Much of this can be found on the campus website or discovered on your campus visit. Look for and ask about everything: student group(s) for LGBTQ people of color; multicultural center(s); ethnic studies programs; multicultural living-learning program(s); organization(s) for alumni/ae of color; diversity advisers in various departments; training programs or organizations for white allies; and a campus wide diversity council, task force or presidential advisory group.
• Since names vary widely among LGBTQ of color student groups and often don’t explain the groups purpose, finding an organization may be challenging. Examples of LGBTQ student of color groups are Queer Students of Color Alliance (Q-SOCA), Young Queers United for Empowerment ( Y Que), LLEGO, Mosaic, Colors of Pride and Shades. Many campuses in this guidebook are indicated as having groups specifically for LGBTQ students of color. In addition, communities of color may use terms other than lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and transgender to describe themselves. For example, Same Gender Loving (SGL) is a term originating in the African American community that describes individuals who are attracted to individuals of the same gender. Some people who prefer this term may feel that terms such as gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer and transgender are Eurocentric terms that do not historically represent communities of color. Two Spirit is an American Indian/First Nation term for people who blend traditionally polar gender identities. It was used historically to describe individuals who crossed gender boundaries and were accepted by American Indian/First Nation cultures. It is used today by some transgender and sometimes gay, lesbian and bisexual American Indians to describe themselves. If a school doesn’t have a group for LGBTQ students of color, check to see if another local institution has an LGBTQ student of color group. Some campuses allow other nonaffiliated students and community members to attend group meetings or events. Once you find a group in your community, ask if you can participate.
• Look at how the campus envisions “diversity” and what aspects of diversity are included in the statement. Typically, this information is located on the campus admissions website along with a list of resources available that relate to diversity.
• When you’ve determined which resources are available at a given campus, e-mail or telephone to ask some of the following questions:  What kind of resources and programs are there for LGBTQ students of color; for educating white students about antiracism; and for educating straight students of color about anti-heterosexism? What is your understanding of the needs of LGBTQ students of color and the campus climate for LGBTQ students of color? How does the LGBTQ center/adviser/group collaborate with the multicultural center(s)/adviser(s)/group(s) and vice versa? Are there local resources for LGBTQ people of color? Are there LGBTQ students of color I could contact to discuss these issues?
• Some LGBTQ students of color feel strongly that if a campus has a healthy LGBTQ person of color community, then a prospective student should be able to get in contact with an LGBT student of color. If you have an opportunity to discuss campus climate with one or more current LGBTQ students of color, this will be your best source of information about what you can expect at that particular campus. Crucial questions include: What have your personal experiences been as an LGBTQ person of color? Do you think your experience is representative of others? How do you meet LGBTQ students of color? If an LGBTQ student of color group exists, ask about the group’s membership, activities, goals and mission. If an LGBTQ of color group doesn’t exist, ask why not and if there has been any effort to form one.

Finding the best College for Trans and Non-binary Students

• Colleges and Universities that include Non-Discrimination Policies that Include Gender/Gender Expression
• Colleges and Universities that cover Transition-Related Medical Expenses Under Student Health Insurance
• Colleges and Universities that cover Transition-Related Medical Expenses Under Employee Health Insurance
• Colleges and Universities that provide Gender Inclusive Housing
• Colleges and Universities that Allow Students to Change the Name and Gender on Campus Records and Have Their Pronouns on Course Rosters
• Colleges and Universities with a Trans-Inclusive Intramural Athletic Policy
• Colleges and Universities with LGBTQ Identify Questions as an Option on Admissions Applications and Enrollment Forms
• Women’s Colleges with Trans-Inclusive Admissions Policies  

Applying as an Out LGBTQ individual

The application process can be difficult to navigate but hopefully by the time you are ready to apply to the institutions that you have found good fit with, it will seem a little easier. When it comes time to apply, there are a few things you will need to keep in mind.

• Example: CFNC – College Foundation of North Carolina offers a system where you fill out the base information that applies to each admission application for Undergraduate admissions in the state of North Carolina. Once you are ready to apply to individual schools, through this website, it will auto-fill all of the base information for you. Some of this information includes name, address, high school information, etc.
• These state foundations also hold a lot of great resources for applying to different institutions.
• Answer: This is all up to you and your comfort. If you are comfortable with that being on your applications where potential institution stakeholders, potentially parents/guardians, if they are helping with your applications, and college admissions officers, then go for it! Just make sure it fits with what the questions is asking.
• Answer: This is all up to you as well. Just because a university ask you this doesn’t mean they are more LGBTQ-friendly and vice versa. Some universities use this information for data collection, alumni groups, and specific resource reach out. If you are comfortable enough to answer yes or specify, then go for it. If you are not comfortable, then keep it to yourself until you are ready.
• Speak with a high school counselor about the college application process. They can provide great feedback on schools you could potentially look at.
• Still confused and need some more guidance but don’t feel comfortable talking to them about the admissions process? Ask the LGBTQIA coordinator or Multicultural Coordinator at the institution you are looking into for more help. These professional can be found on the institution’s webpage usually on their resource center’s webpage.
• The admissions counselors of the institutions are also willing to help in any ways. The admission counselors can be found on the institution’s admission webpage.

Paying for College

Paying for college is the most difficult part about the college process. College can be expensive especially for those who identify as LGBTQ and may not have guardian support. Below describes how to navigate the FAFSA application and the scholarship database.

• Are you considered a dependent: https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/sites/default/files/dependency-status.png
• Want to request an independent status? Read the dear colleague later from the College of education here: https://ifap.ed.gov/dpcletters/GEN1115.html
• Apply to College – Remember application deadlines vary, so it is important to stay in touch with the admissions offices at your selected school.
• File your  Free Application for Federal State Aid (FAFSA)  after October 1. Your eligibility for state and federal need-based aid is determined when you complete the FAFSA.
• Start by filing your  Free Application for Federal State Aid (FAFSA)!  This is the best way to ensure you will be considered for all available aid.
• Merit-based and other scholarships often require separate applications, so it is never too early to start looking for these funding opportunities. You can:
• Talk to your high school counselor to learn about possible scholarships from foundations or other organizations in your community.
• Contact the college or university you are considering to see if you are eligible to apply for their merit scholarships.
• Specific Campus
• National Scholarship
• Regional Scholarship
• State Scholarship
• Point Foundation Scholarships : Point Foundation empowers promising lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) students to achieve their full academic and leadership potential – despite the obstacle often put before them – to make a significant impact on society through scholarships.

Campus Visit

Your campus visit is a crucial part to the college journey. This allows you to see the campus for the first time and take in the culture and atmosphere of the campus. Visiting a lot of campuses can get expensive so make sure you are aware of your finances. Campus Pride provides some great resources on how to make your campus visit the best it can be.

• Southeast – Charlotte, NC
• Midwest – St. Louis, Missouri
• South – Atlanta, Georgia
• Mid-Atlantic – Boston, Massachusetts
• West – Los Angeles, California
• West – Vancouver, Washington
• Northeast – New York City, New York
• Fill out the campus visit checklist – (https://www.campuspride.org/campusvisitscorecard/)
• Try to visit the LGBTQ center, resource center, or inclusion and multicultural office to ask about the campus and meet other LGBTQ students.
• Campus Pride’s Factors to Consider in Choosing a University? – Majority of the time, a campus tour will not cover LGBTQ needs unless you ask. This articles shows some great questions to ask other officials on campus and your tour guides on the campus tour. These factors could make or break a campus for you.

Need some last minute advice? Check out “ Minding your P’s and Q’s to choose your Perfect LGBTQ Campus !”

• PICTURE: Envision Yourself on Campus
• PASSION: Find Your Passion
• QUESTIONS: Ask Plenty of Questions
• PATIENCE: Be Patient
• PREPARE: Be Prepared
• PROBE: Learn about the Environment
• QUIRKY and FUN: Have a Sense of Humor
• PRIORITIES: Don’t Forget the Reason for College
• PRIDE: Celebrate Who You Are

This is the conclusion to the Campus Pride Ultimate LGBTQ College Guide. Just remember this journey is all about you and finding the best fit for yourself. If you are having a hard time with a certain aspect of the college search process or if the college guide doesn’t answer a question you have, reach out to reliable, trustworthy organization like Campus Pride, a college administrator, or college counselor for aid and support. This guide cannot answer every question but hopefully offers direction and an overview to your college search.  Get started now.

__________________________

Compiled by Taylor O. Bailey:  B.A. Dance Studies, Appalachian State University,  B.S. Sociology of Family Development, Appalachian State University,  M.Ed Counseling Student Affairs, Northern Arizona University

Bio: I started my college journey at Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina where I volunteered in the LGBT Center majority of my undergraduate career. I also served President, Vice President, and Secretary of the LGBT student organization (SAGA) and event planner for the LGBT Center. I was an Resident Assistant for University Housing for 3 years and served as President of the National Residence Hall Honorary. I just finished my Master in Education at Northern Arizona in May 2017 where I supervised a residence hall and the RAs in a suite style community. I worked alongside the Gender Inclusive Housing option and served on the LGBTQIA Commission. I did my internship with the Chief Diversity Office and Office of Equity and Access working on the Center for Inclusion and Universal Design. I served on the Commission for Disability Access and Design and the Commission of Ethnic Diversity. I am starting my professional career at Georgia Institute of Technology as a Residence Hall Director in Atlanta, Georgia. I wish you all luck on your journey and remember you are perfect just the way you are.

Campus Pride is the leading national educational organization for LGBTQ and ally college students and campus groups building future leaders and safer, more LGBTQ-friendly colleges and universities. The organization provides resources and services to thousands of college students and nearly 1400 campuses annually. Learn more online at CampusPride.org.

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College Admissions Secrets & Tips

College essay tips for lgbtq applicants: writing guide.

Key Takeaways

Identify what makes your story unique and use it to showcase your strengths and values.

Consider carefully whether and how to include your LGBTQ identity in your essay.

Use specific, vivid details to create an engaging and memorable narrative.

Structure your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion to make your story compelling.

Seek feedback and revise your essay to polish your voice and message.

Your Journey, Your Voice: Authentically Crafting Your College Essay as an LGBTQ Applicant

Finding the heart of your college essay is like searching for the perfect outfit for the first day of school. It should feel just right, express who you are, and make a statement. As an LGBTQ applicant, you have a unique perspective and experiences that can enrich your essay. Let’s dive into how you can authentically share your journey.

Finding Your Essay’s Heartbeat

One of the most crucial aspects of any college admission essay is finding the unique voice and perspective that you bring to the table. For LGBTQ applicants , this can involve sharing experiences and aspects of their identity that highlight resilience, community, and authenticity. It’s important to connect with your readers by being genuine and vulnerable, creating a narrative that only you can tell.

Before you start writing, take a moment to think about the moments that have shaped you. Maybe it’s the first time you attended a Pride event or the support you received from an LGBTQ youth group. These experiences are the heartbeat of your essay. They’re what make your story pulse with life and connect with readers.

Next, brainstorm a list of moments, people, or challenges that have been significant in your life. Ask yourself:

What have I learned from my experiences as an LGBTQ individual?

How have these experiences shaped my goals and values?

What do I want colleges to know about me that they can’t see from my grades and test scores?

Remember, you’re not just a statistic or a label; you’re a whole person with dreams, struggles, and triumphs. Making the college application process inclusive for diverse applicants .

Speaking Your Truth Safely and Proudly

For many LGBTQ applicants, the college essay is a great opportunity to speak your truth regarding your identity and experiences. It’s important to be authentic and honest while also considering how your narrative fits into the broader context of your application. You want to ensure that your essay is not only a declaration of your identity but also a reflection of your resilience, achievements, and the unique perspective you will bring to the campus community.

Deciding to share your LGBTQ identity in your college essay is a personal choice. It’s important to feel safe and comfortable with what you’re sharing. If you choose to include this aspect of your identity, make sure it serves a purpose in your essay. Maybe it’s to highlight your resilience, your advocacy work, or how you’ve helped others understand LGBTQ issues.

Starting with Self-Reflection

One of the most important aspects of writing a compelling college essay is to start with self-reflection . Understanding your own identity, experiences, and values can help you convey your story more effectively to admissions committees. For LGBTQ applicants, this may involve reflecting on the journey of exploring your identity, the challenges you’ve faced, and how your unique perspective will contribute to the campus community.

Self-reflection is like looking into a mirror and seeing more than just your reflection. You see your past, your growth, and the potential of who you can become . Begin by asking yourself what values and passions have steered you through life. This will help you identify the core themes of your essay.

Identifying Your Core Themes

One of the most important aspects of writing a compelling college essay is to identify and articulate your core themes. These themes should reflect your unique experiences, perspectives, and aspirations as an LGBTQ applicant. By focusing on these central ideas, you can ensure that your essay resonates with admissions officers and gives them a deeper understanding of who you are. For more guidance, consider reading about strategies to promote inclusion in your college essay .

Your core themes are the foundation of your essay. They are the big ideas that you’ll weave throughout your narrative. For example, if you’ve been an advocate for LGBTQ rights at your school, the theme of activism might be central to your story.

Once you’ve identified your themes, consider how they have manifested in your life. Maybe you’ve led a campaign for gender-neutral bathrooms , or you’ve supported peers through a GSA (Gender and Sexuality Alliance) club. These are the specifics that will bring your themes to life in your essay.

Understanding the Power of Your Story

For many LGBTQ applicants, the college essay is a great opportunity to convey unique perspectives and experiences. Crafting a narrative that reflects your identity can be empowering and can resonate with admissions officers. If you’re looking for guidance on how to approach this topic, the College Essay Guy offers specialized advice for LGBTQ students navigating the college application process.

Your story has the power to move, inspire, and connect. It’s not just about being LGBTQ; it’s about how your identity has shaped your worldview and actions . Your story can show colleges that you’re not only aware of your own identity but also of how you fit into a larger community and world.

Most importantly, your essay should reflect growth and introspection . Colleges are looking for students who are thoughtful and self-aware, and your essay is the perfect place to demonstrate these qualities.

Addressing the Elephant in the Room

When crafting your college essay , it’s important to address your LGBTQ identity in a way that is both honest and thoughtful. This can be a delicate balance to strike, but with the right approach, your essay can become a powerful tool for self-expression and advocacy. Consider how your identity has shaped your experiences and perspective, and how it will contribute to the campus community you’re hoping to join.

For some, being LGBTQ is the elephant in the room —it’s significant but not always easy to talk about. You might wonder if mentioning your LGBTQ identity will impact your college application. The truth is, it can, but mostly in positive ways. It can show that you’re a well-rounded individual with unique experiences that have contributed to your character.

Deciding If and When to Disclose Your LGBTQ Identity

Deciding to disclose your LGBTQ identity in your college essay is a big decision. You might worry about biases or wonder if it’s relevant. Here’s the thing: if it’s an important part of who you are and it’s shaped your experiences, it’s relevant. When deciding whether to include it, ask yourself:

Does it feel right for me to share this part of my identity?

How has my LGBTQ identity influenced my life and aspirations?

What do I hope to communicate by sharing this aspect of myself?

It’s okay if you choose not to disclose your LGBTQ identity in your essay. Your essay should be true to you and your comfort level.

Navigating Privacy vs. Authenticity

One of the most challenging aspects for LGBTQ applicants when writing their college essays is balancing the need for privacy with the desire to be authentic. It’s important to share your true self in your application, but you also need to consider how comfortable you are with disclosing your sexual orientation or gender identity to the admissions committee. This decision is deeply personal and there is no right or wrong answer; it’s about what feels right for you.

There’s a balance between privacy and authenticity. You don’t have to share everything, but what you do share should be genuine. If you talk about your LGBTQ identity , focus on how it’s influenced your journey rather than the identity itself. This way, you’re not just sharing a label—you’re sharing your life.

Remember, the most compelling essays are the ones that are honest and heartfelt. They don’t shy away from the truth but present it in a way that is respectful to both the writer and the reader.

For many LGBTQ applicants, the college essay can be a space to openly share aspects of their identities. It’s important to approach this personal topic with sensitivity and authenticity, ensuring that the narrative is true to your experiences and growth. When considering whether to disclose your LGBTQ identity in your essay, reflect on the significance it holds in your life and how it has shaped you. For guidance on how to navigate this aspect of the application, resources like College Essay Tips for LGBTQ Students can offer valuable insights and support.

Capturing Your Unique Experiences

Each of us has a story that is as unique as our fingerprint. As an LGBTQ applicant , your experiences offer a rich tapestry of insights and perspectives. To capture these unique experiences in your essay, focus on moments that have had a significant impact on your life. These could be instances of advocacy, personal growth, or moments of connection with others who share your identity. The key is to choose experiences that resonate deeply with you and have contributed to the person you are today.

Utilizing Vibrant Detail and Emotional Resonance

To bring your essay to life, use vibrant details that paint a picture for the reader. Describe the sights, sounds, and emotions of the moments you’re sharing. This not only makes your essay more engaging but also helps the reader to empathize with your experiences. Emotional resonance is what will make your essay memorable. It’s the feeling that lingers with the reader long after they’ve finished reading.

Example: Instead of simply stating, “I attended a Pride parade,” you could describe the experience in more detail. “I still remember the cascade of rainbow flags, the pulse of the dance music reverberating through the streets, and the electric joy of being surrounded by a community united in celebration and defiance .”

By focusing on the specifics, you create an experience that the reader can visualize and feel, pulling them into the story you’re telling.

When using emotional resonance , be authentic. Your genuine feelings will come through in your writing and create a stronger connection with the reader.

Writing Tips That Elevate Your Essay

Your college essay is not just a retelling of events; it’s an opportunity to showcase your writing skills . Use active voice to make your sentences more powerful and direct. Instead of writing “The parade was led by us,” say “We led the parade,” which is more engaging and assertive. Also, vary your sentence structure to keep the reader interested. Mix short, impactful sentences with longer, descriptive ones to create a dynamic rhythm in your writing.

Another tip is to avoid clichés . They can make your essay feel generic and unoriginal. If you find yourself writing phrases that you’ve heard often, take a moment to think of a fresh way to express that idea.

Structuring Your Narrative

Good stories have a clear structure , and your essay should be no different. Start with an engaging opening that sets the stage for your narrative. The body of your essay should then unfold in a way that is easy to follow, with each paragraph transitioning smoothly to the next. Finally, end with a strong conclusion that ties all of your points together and leaves a lasting impression.

Remember to keep your narrative focused. It’s better to go deep into a few key experiences than to skim the surface of many. This focus will give your essay clarity and depth.

Engaging Openings and Strong Conclusions

An engaging opening can make the difference between an essay that’s immediately captivating and one that takes a while to get into. Start with a hook—a question, a quote, a striking image, or a bold statement. This will grab the reader’s attention and set the tone for the rest of your essay.

Similarly, your conclusion should be strong and satisfying. It should bring closure to your essay while also leaving the reader with something to think about. Reflect on how the experiences you’ve shared have shaped you and what you hope to bring to the college community .

Evaluation and Feedback: Polishing Your Essay

Once you’ve written your essay, it’s crucial to step back and look at it with fresh eyes. This is where evaluation and feedback come in. Share your essay with trusted teachers, mentors, or friends. Ask for their honest opinions on what works and what could be improved.

Seeking Constructive Criticism

Seeking feedback can be daunting, but it’s an essential part of the writing process. When you ask for feedback, be specific about what you’re looking for. Do you want to know if your narrative is clear ? If your voice is consistent? If the essay is engaging throughout? The more specific you are, the more helpful the feedback will be.

And remember, not all feedback will be easy to hear, but it’s all valuable. It’s an opportunity to see your essay from another perspective and to make it even stronger .

Making Your Writing Shine Through Revision

Revision is where the real magic happens. It’s your chance to take the feedback you’ve received and use it to refine your essay . Look for places where you can clarify your thoughts, add more detail, or tighten your prose. Don’t be afraid to make big changes if they’ll improve your essay. This might mean rewriting entire sections, but the end result will be worth it.

As you revise, keep your core themes and the message you want to convey in mind. Every sentence should serve a purpose and bring you closer to expressing what you want the college admissions team to understand about you.

Resources to Aid Your Writing Process

There are many resources available to help you craft a standout college essay. Look for writing centers, LGBTQ organizations , and college prep programs that offer essay workshops and writing support. These resources can provide guidance, feedback, and encouragement as you work on your essay.

Support Networks for LGBTQ Applicants

Support networks can be invaluable as you navigate the college application process. Organizations like Campus Pride and the Point Foundation offer resources and scholarships specifically for LGBTQ students. They can also connect you with LGBTQ-friendly colleges and provide a community of peers and mentors who understand the challenges and triumphs of being an LGBTQ applicant.

Example: Campus Pride’s “Campus Pride Index” rates universities on how inclusive they are of LGBTQ students, providing a helpful tool for applicants to assess a school’s climate and resources.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this process alone. Reach out to those who can help you present the best version of yourself in your college essay.

For LGBTQ students, the college essay can be an opportunity to speak openly about their identity and the unique perspectives they bring to a potential college’s student body. It’s important to be authentic and true to oneself in these essays, as admissions officers are looking for genuine insight into each applicant’s individual experience. For guidance on how to approach this, consider exploring resources like how to make your diversity statement unforgettable .

College Admission Professional Advice

When it comes to writing your college essay, it can be incredibly helpful to seek advice from those who’ve been through the process and understand what admissions officers are looking for. College admission professionals can offer insights into how to make your essay stand out. They can guide you on how to structure your narrative, make your writing engaging, and ensure that your essay authentically represents who you are.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to high school counselors , college admissions consultants, or even college students who can share their successful essay-writing strategies. They can provide valuable feedback and help you to avoid common pitfalls.

Should I Mention My LGBTQ Identity in My Essay?

Whether to mention your LGBTQ identity in your college essay is a personal decision. If it’s a significant part of your story and has shaped who you are or your worldview, it can be a powerful aspect of your essay. However, it’s not a requirement. You should only share what you’re comfortable with and what you feel adds meaningful context to your application.

How Can I Ensure My Essay Appeals to a Broad Audience?

To ensure your essay appeals to a broad audience, focus on universal themes such as growth, resilience, and community . While your experiences as an LGBTQ individual are unique, the emotions and lessons they’ve taught you can resonate with anyone. Aim to write about your experiences in a way that anyone can understand and empathize with, regardless of their background.

What Are Some Common Mistakes to Avoid in a College Essay?

Common mistakes to avoid in your college essay include overusing clichés , writing about a topic that doesn’t genuinely interest you, and failing to proofread. Also, avoid being too vague or trying to cover too many topics at once. Stay true to your voice and focus on a narrative that offers a deep dive into your experiences and perspectives.

Can I Address LGBTQ Adversity Without It Defining My Entire Essay?

Absolutely. You can address LGBTQ adversity by framing it as one part of your larger story. Discuss the challenges you’ve faced and how you’ve overcome them, but also highlight other aspects of your life, such as your interests, achievements, and dreams. This approach shows that while adversity has shaped you, it doesn’t solely define you.

How Do I Maintain Authenticity While Being Mindful of the Reader’s Bias?

Maintaining authenticity means being true to yourself and your story. To be mindful of potential reader bias, present your experiences in a way that is respectful and inclusive. Explain any LGBTQ-specific terms or concepts , and remember that your goal is to share your journey and how it’s made you a stronger, more empathetic person.

For LGBTQ students, the college essay can be a space to proudly share their identity and advocate for themselves. It’s an opportunity to discuss the challenges they’ve faced, how they’ve overcome them, and how their unique experiences have shaped their perspectives. Crafting an essay that is both authentic and compelling can help admissions officers understand their journey and the diversity they would bring to campus. For guidance on how to approach this topic, students can refer to resources like College Essay Tips for LGBTQ Applicants .

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 🏳️‍🌈 🌈 This Post Is For Our LGBTQ+ Friends 🌈 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ As we celebrate Pride Month 2023, I’m sharing these tips, links, resources, and scholarship info!

While this is a month to celebrate diversity in gender and sexuality with our rainbow apparel and flags – and in my case a huge inflatable rainbow in my front yard – it’s not all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns when thinking about applying to college as part of the queer community. In 2023 alone, in the US, there were a record number (around 500) of anti-LGBTQ+ bills filed — almost half of those anti-trans. These are scary times for many in the queer community, especially among our trans brothers and sisters and non-binary and genderqueer siblings.

If you’re queer, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, otherwise LGBTQ, or the parent or loved one of an LGBTQ+ student, I have no doubt you are more than aware of the anti-trans legislation sweeping across the US in record numbers this spring. This NBC news article highlights the worries, thoughts, and feelings so many LGBTQ+ students and their parents and loved ones are feeling about moving forward in their lives. Like everything college admissions, I encourage you to ask questions and learn as much as possible about admissions, campus safety, and the culture and vibe on campus. See, even in these dark days, by taking some time and learning more with intention, you can find a space where you can thrive. Many college campuses are overwhelmingly supportive spaces, and you can find places to grow and live the life you want to live. But your safety comes first.

Like everything in college admissions, I encourage you to ask questions and learn as much as you can about admissions, campus safety, and the culture and vibe on the campus. By taking some time and learning more with intention, you can find a space where you can thrive. College campuses are overwhelmingly supportive spaces and you can find places to grow and live the life you want to live.

I think, first and foremost, it’s essential you find schools that are safe and that openly accept queer students. And I think you should consider being open about it in your application — especially if you’re trans and planning to transition while in college — using the additional information section to explain your situation, whether you’ve already transitioned, for the most part, are in the process, or are planning to in the future. Trans students have to be aware of some practical concerns that could have an effect on their college experience, like the dorm and bathroom situation. Are you applying with the transcript of one gender, but know you plan to transition while in college? In that case, you might want to look for schools that have mixed-gender floors and bathrooms.

Many liberal arts colleges are particularly safe and welcoming to the queer community. You can find out by snooping around their website, going on a visit and asking students or the admissions office, or checking out their LGBTQ clubs and groups online and seeing how active they are. If you can visit, definitely stop by and check any services or LGBTQ+ centers they may have for you. Or reach out to them online or by phone. Ask if there is one; if there’s not, that might be a sign that the school wouldn’t be particularly welcoming.

So, I think, first and foremost, you must find schools that are in safe states and then look for colleges that openly accept queer students. Many liberal arts colleges are particularly safe and welcoming to the queer community, where you can fully embrace your queer and trans joy. You can find out by snooping around their website, going on a visit and asking students or the admissions office, or checking out their LGBTQ clubs and groups online and seeing how active they are. If you can visit, definitely stop by and check any services or LGBTQ+ centers they may have for you. Or reach out to them online or by phone. Ask if there is one; if there’s not, that might be a sign that the school wouldn’t be particularly welcoming.

🏳️‍🌈 Start Here – State Laws

Now – more than ever – it’s essential for you to not only look into how accommodating the college is for you as a LGBTQ+ student, but also it’s necessary to investigate the state laws. I’m using this list (last updated on May 20, 2023) from Erin Reed, who‘s on Instagram as ErinInTheMorning and TikTok and Twitter as Erininthemorn, to create my lists of “Safest and Safer States.” I subscribe to Erin’s substack email list, where she sends super helpful information. If you’re a parent, advocate, or loved one, I recommend subscribing to her email list. She gives amazing up-to-date news, insight, and info. A note: These are tumultuous times, and this list could easily – and quickly – change:

SAFEST STATES:

Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, Illinois, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, Washington DC, Minnesota, New Mexico, New Jersey, Maryland, Hawaii

SAFE STATES:

Nevada, Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maine, Rhode Island

WORST ACTIVE ANTI-LGBTQ LAWS or BILLS IN LEGISLATION:

Missouri, Tennessee, Florida, Texas, Louisiana, Montana, Idaho, Utah, South Dakota, Iowa, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Kentucky, Indiana – and I’d also steer clear of Nebraska (but keeping my fingers crossed for that one!) and Kansas

If you are interested in learning more about the anti-trans legislation that happened this spring, I have summaries of some of the legislation that happened in 15 states over the last several months and how it can affect our trans and other LGTQ+ students. I’ll be happy to share it with you. 

🏳️‍🌈 More info and resources about States

• LGBTMAP.org
• https://www.transformationsproject.org/legislation
• https://translegislation.com/
• https://transgenderlawcenter.org/equalitymap
• https://freedomforallamericans.org/legislative-tracker/anti-transgender-legislation/
• https://www.aclu.org/legislation-affecting-lgbtq-rights-across-country

🏳️‍🌈 Suggested LGBTQ+-Friendly Colleges:

I’ve either met with these college admissions folks to discuss LGBTQ+ issues, or I’ve heard from counselors who work with LGBTQ+ students, or trans students or parents of trans students that these colleges are LGBTQ+-Friendly in the states listed above (who do NOT have anti-trans legislation currently passed or pending (as always, you must do your own research here – things are changing quickly). I’m always looking for more suggestions, so please feel free to make suggestions based on your research or your experiences. Sadly, Louisiana, Virginia, Nebraska, and Ohio all have current anti-trans legislation pending or passed, eliminating some of my favorite colleges to suggest on this list:

Arizona: Northern Arizona U

California: Claremont McKenna, Pitzer, Scripps, Pomona, USC, UC Santa Barbara, Occidental, UCLA, Cal Berkeley, UC Santa Cruz, Cal Poly SLO, UC Riverside, UC Irvine, UC Davis, CSU Long Beach, Cal State San Francisco

Colorado: CU Boulder, Colorado State, Fort Lewis, U Denver

Connecticut: U Conn, Wesleyan, Yale, Connecticut College; Illinois: Knox, Augustana, UIUC, SIU Carbondale, Bradley University, Northwestern, Columbia College

Maine: Bowdoin

Maryland: Goucher

Massachusetts: Babson, Tufts, U Mass Amherst, Clark U, Hampshire College, Northeastern, Simmons, Smith, Wheaton College, MIT, Harvard, Brandeis, Babson, Boston U, Mount Holyoke, Brandeis, Salem State University, Emerson, Springfield College, Lesley U, Bridgewater State, Berklee School of Music

Michigan: CCS Detroit, Alma College; Minnesota: Macalester, Carleton

Nevada: UN Reno

New Jersey: Rutgers, Princeton, Drew, Montclair State

New York: Ithaca College, Vassar, SUNY New Paltz, SUNY Purchase, Bard, The New School, Sarah Lawrence, Skidmore, NYU, Columbia, Barnard, Cornell, Rochester Institute of Technology

Oregon: U Oregon, Pacific U Oregon, Oregon State, Lewis and Clark, Reed

Pennsylvania: Allegheny, Swarthmore, U Penn, Muhlenberg, Dickinson, Ursinus, Carnegie Mellon, Juniata

Rhode Island: Brown, RISD, Johnson and Wales; Vermont: UVM, Bennington, Champlain, Northern Vermont University

Washington: Washington State, U Washington, Evergreen, U Puget Sound, Western Washington U, Whitman, Seattle Pacific U, Pacific Lutheran U

Washington DC: American

Wisconsin: Lawrence, Beloit, UW Madison, UW Eau Claire, UW Milwaukee

🏳️‍🌈 SIX Tips for LGBTQ+, Trans, Nonbinary, and Genderqueer Applicants

• SELF–CARE: First and foremost, please take care of yourself. Here’s what I know: Trans people are magic. Embrace your joy, your sense of who you are, your ability to see beyond the 

binary, and the ways you understand the world around you. I know it feels awful and overwhelming and scary right now – I’m truly scared right now, but you are so much more than that fear. I have lots of posts about mindfulness and dealing with the stress of college admissions, and some of that will work for you for sure if you allow yourself to try it . But, my 

number one piece of advice to you to make it through these roughest of times is to hold on to you who you are, embrace your joy, share your magic, and know that there are people out there 

who love you and care about you even if you don’t know them – and you are not alone. Hug your loved ones –even if it’s just a teddy bear. Find someone to talk to in a safe space. Parents and caretakers, show your kids you are there for them. Talk to them. Hug them.

• Reach out to the School’s LGBTQ+/Campus Pride Organization: Ask questions. 

If possible, visit the school and meet with the LBGTQ+ groups and organizations. If you can’t get on campus, educate yourself about the environment on and around campus:

• Have they had instances of anti-trans, anti-queer, anti-gay violence or bullying?
• How do LGBTQ+ students mix with others?
• What kind of support do they provide for your community, especially during these tumultuous times?
• What kind of school participation is there in local pride events?
• Are there LGBTQ+ Campus Student Groups that are funded by the school
• Talk to Admissions. Ask Questions : Be sure to ask college admissions offices these kinds of questions when doing your research or reaching out on tours/visits/info sessions:
• Do they have sexual identity and gender-inclusive housing?
• Do they have a nondiscrimination policy for LGBTQ+ students?
• Do they allow students to change their names on campus records?
• What resources and opportunities do they have to support trans/queer students?
• Do the schools’ health clinics and health plans cover trans medical care if that’s something you are interested in? Here’s a list of colleges on the Pride Index of colleges that offer gender-affirming care: https://www.campuspride.org/tpc/student-health-insurance/
• Think about your Essays: To come out or not to come out? You don’t have to write about being trans or gay or queer, in your essays, but you certainly can if it’s a story you want to tell. If you’re worried it might hurt you in admissions, ask yourself this question: Do I want to

attend a college that would deny me because of who I am? Below, I’ve linked to College Essays Guy’s great posts that are based on a workshop he held that I attended.

• Keep up with the forms: While many colleges ask for your preferred name, you may still need to use your birth name if it hasn’t been legally changed yet so that all your paperwork and files won’t get lost or disorganized. 
• A piece of advice from a parent: “If you choose to use your preferred name (on your application and/or at college), your college may use that name when contacting your parents. For instance, I’ve gotten emails from colleges my youngest child applied to that used their preferred name and had a student employee call from my eldest’s college during a fund drive who used their preferred name. If you aren’t out to your family, you may not want to officially use a preferred name at school. The method for asking for gender-neutral housing, signing up to use a preferred name, and getting support is different at each school. In most cases, the best point of contact seems to be the school’s LGBTQ+ organization.”
• Common App Updates for 2023 from commonapp.org : 
• Added “X or another legal sex” as an option for legal sex question 
• Expanded the account creation section to include a question asking if students would like to share a different first name that people call them 
• Added a question asking for students to indicate their communication preferences with Common App 
• Common App will not share a student’s answer to this question with colleges, recommenders, or third parties 
• Added “Which name should Common App use when addressing you in the app or via email?” question to the communication preference section 
• Selection will update the display name shown within the student’s Common App account and student-only Common App communications
•  Common App communications to other parties (e.g. parents and recommenders) will continue to use the student’s legal name
• Research Local Sources to Find LGBTQ + Friendly Colleges: In addition to websites like Campus Pride Index, make sure you research more local sources, and like I’m a broken record, I’m gonna say it again, make sure you’re researching state laws:
• Local LGBTQ+ Center  
• Local PFLAG chapter: Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
• Campus Centers  
• City Rankings — Municipal Equality Index 2020 – HRC

🏳️‍🌈 10 College Campus Red Flags for LGBTQ+ Students and Allies

Here’s the link to the doc. from ( collegetorch.com ).

• You don’t see yourself joining at least one LGBTQ or intersectional group on campus.
• There is almost no overlap between athletics and the LGBTQ+ Community
• Bathrooms are a huge campus topic. Bathrooms should be easy
• They don’t offer LGBTQ+ housing options
• You can’t find explicit LGBTQ+ language in mission statements and non-discrimination policies.
• You don’t find a lot of out-Trans/LGBTQ+ faculty and staff
• You don’t see pride symbols around campus except at the LGBTQ center
• You don’t feel much of a connection at the LGBTQ center
• The health center isn’t aware/can’t answer your questions about trans and nonbinary topics
• The school requested or received a Title IX exemption – Run away!

🏳️‍🌈 Should you write about being LGBTQ+ in your essay?

As far as writing about it, that will be up to you. My suggestion is to use the “Additional Info” section if you feel like there are issues you’ve had or any circumstances that have affected your application because of being gay, trans, nonbinary, or genderqueer. But I definitely don’t think there’s any harm in discussing who you are in your essay, either. To me, if a college didn’t want to accept me for an essential part of who I am, then I wouldn’t want to go there. So, I ask you, why would you want to go to a college that wouldn’t accept you simply because you’re trans, gender non-conforming, gay, or another gender or sexual minority?

More Resources:

• Should I come out in my college essay ? College Essay Guy has a three-part series that’s well worth reading!!!
• How to Come Out in Your College Essay (In a Way That Will Actually Help Get You Into College) Part 2 of CEG’s series
• 10 Great Example Essays by LGBTQ+ Students

🏳️‍🌈 More Helpful Resources for Finding Schools That Work for You!

• Top Ten Trans-Friendly Colleges L ists of schools with various trans-inclusive policies
• Colleges that provide gender-inclusive housing (meaning you can room with someone of any gender)
• Colleges that allow students to use a chosen first name and pronouns on records
• Colleges that cover transition-related medical costs under the student insurance plan
• If you’re considering women’s colleges, here are some with formal policies to admit trans applicants
• College Experience Guide for LGBTQ Students from BestColleges.com
• LGBTQ-Friendly Campuses from Princeton Review
• LGBTQ-Unfriendly Campuses from Princeton Review
• LGBTQ College Culture Guide — highlights LGBTQ learners’ rights, introduces resources for LGBTQ college students, and summarizes the key features of LGBTQ-friendly college cultures.
• MIT’s Blog: Applying While Transgender
• FAQ About Transgender Students at Colleges and Universities
• Campus Pride Trans Policy Clearinghouse ( https://www.campuspride.org/tpc/ )
• Where do I start? (College Search Resources for LGBTQ+ Students) – College Essay Guy Podcast with Shane Windmeyer, (Founder, Campus Price)
• Minding Your P’s and Q’s to Choose Your Perfect LGBTQ Campus
• Campus Visit Score Card
• Ask the Admission Office: Diversity on Campus
• Infographic for Trans Applicants in Texas

🏳️‍🌈 I love what u/collegesimp shared on a post asking for advice from one of our transgender friends:

“Campus Pride is a great resource, yeah! They measure by a bunch of stuff, including a general list of inclusive schools, but if you want to assess a school on your own, they also give lists of schools with various trans-inclusive policies that you can look at to check any places you’re considering. Here are a few of the ones that will likely be most useful to you:

• And here is a useful article detailing questions for trans students to ask when considering schools to get a sense of their policies.”

Thanks for sharing all your wisdom and experience, u/CollegeSimp !

🏳️‍🌈 Scholarship Opportunities for LGBTQ+ Applicants and Students:

• Top Scholarships for LGBTQ Students — blog post from NerdWallet with 9 scholarships for LGBTQ+ students
• HRC Student Scholarship Database — List of scholarships and grants created by Human Rights Campaign
• GAMMA MU Foundation — The Gamma Mu Foundation focuses on rural and other underserved LGBTQ+ populations across the US
• Point Foundation — “Point Foundation empowers promising lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer students to achieve their full academic and leadership potential – despite the obstacles often put before them – to make a significant impact on society.”
• Stonewall Community Foundation Scholarship — From their site “We take education seriously, knowing that it has the power to help LGBTQ people overcome complex social and economic barriers. For nearly 15 years, we have partnered with donors to create scholarships that provide unique opportunities and access to education, both in New York City and throughout the country.”
• College Data had a great post on Instagram listing some regionally specific scholarships.
• TSER Scholarships – Scholarships for Trans and Gender-Diverse Students
• Scholarships – (transstudent.org)
• Live Out Loud Scholarships: Scholarships – Live Out Loud
• Pride Foundation: Scholarship Opportunities – Pride Foundation
• Human Rights Campaign — Multiple LGBTQIA Scholarships
• Scholarship Database – Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org)

🏳️‍🌈 Follow on Instagram

HRC, PointFoundation, CampusPride, Glsen, HumanRightsCampaign, PinkMantaRay, PrideLiveOfficial, TransStudent, TransLawCenter, GLSEN, MegemikoArt, PFlag, TransEqualityNow, ParentsOfTransYouth, ErinInTheMorning

🏳️‍🌈 What can you do as a counselor, ally, advocate, parent, or loved one?

The best thing you can do is show your support. Acknowledge what’s happening in our country today, and don’t try to diminish your loved one’s concerns. The fear is real. The concerns are real. The danger is real. Educate yourself and learn as much as possible about locations that will be safe for your child, friend, or loved one. Send letters to your state and US Representatives and Senators, letting them know you support the LGBTQ+ community.

If you’re interested, here’s the copy I sent to my senators and representatives recently. I’m not expecting a response. I just want them (or whoever reads my letters) to hear my voice.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know much about applying to college as a gay, queer, trans, or non-binary student before the last five years or so. When my daughter came out as trans in 2018, I’d worked with a few kids on r/ApplyingToCollege on Reddit, helping them work through issues with applications, but I hadn’t spent a lot of time researching or learning. I try to attend as many NACAC, IECA, and HECA webinars as possible. And I’m trying to follow as many transgender supporting activists as possible to keep up with the barrage of legislation to share with you. However, there’s still so much to learn, and the circumstances are constantly changing – and growing more and more challenging literally by the day. If you’re a junior, ask questions, research, and be your own best advocate. 💖✨💖

“Trans people are extraordinary, strong, intelligent, persistent and resilient. We have to be. And we will not stand for the picking and choosing of rights. We still have hope.” 

~ Grace Dolan-Sandrino (quote from Washington Post Interview)

#MoreLoveLessHate     #TransRightsAreHuman Rights   #QueerStudentsMatter 

XOXO, AdmissionsMom

🏳️‍🌈 tl;dr:

• Check state laws and legislation
• Reach out to LGBTQ+ centers on campus
• Do your research
• Ask questions
• Be careful with your forms and using your name if you haven’t come out officially
• Embrace your trans joy
• If you feel like you’re in danger of self-harm or you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, and you’re in the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or call 988

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This is an extraordinary post. Thank you for sharing these resources! I am bookmarking for my kiddo’s college application season next year! Grateful for you!

I’m so happy to hear you found it helpful! Reach out if you have questions. And be sure to check next year around this time for updates!!

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Resources for LGBTQ+ Students from Campus Pride The College Essay Guy Podcast: A Practical Guide to College Admissions

Campus Pride is THE go-to resource for LGBTQ students and their families and my guest on this episode, civil rights champion Shane Windmeyer, is the one to thank for its very existence. On this episode we discuss:  How Shane get involved in this work in the first place How is the college search process for LGBTQ+ students? What are some great questions to ask when visiting campuses? Common mistakes students make in the process How can LGBTQ students find scholarships? Should students come out in their essays? If so, how? Resources: The Campus Pride Index The Advocate College Guide for Lgbt Students Brotherhood: Gay Life for College Fraternities Inspiration for LGBT students and allies Out on Fraternity Row Secret Sisters The Campus Visit Scorecard The Campus Pride LGBTQ College Fair Program The P’s and Q’s to choosing the perfect campus  Campus Pride Trans Policy Clearinghouse FASFA CSS Profile Gamma Mu Foundation

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Good College Essays About Being Gay: A Deep Dive into Authenticity and Identity

Understanding the importance of college essays.

College essays are an essential aspect of the college application process, providing a platform for students to showcase their personality, experiences, and achievements. It is an opportunity for students to present themselves beyond their grades, test scores, and extracurricular activities. The college essay offers a glimpse into the student’s life, values, and aspirations. It is a chance to set oneself apart from the thousands of other applicants vying for admission.

The Stigma Surrounding LGBTQ+ Students

The LGBTQ+ community has faced social stigmas for centuries. While significant progress has been made towards acceptance, it remains a difficult topic to navigate. Despite the increasing visibility and acceptance of LGBTQ+ individuals, the process of coming out and being true to oneself can be challenging, particularly for young people. College essays provide an opportunity to share the LGBTQ+ experience with those who may not understand it, thus increasing awareness and promoting acceptance.

Authenticity is Key

The most important aspect of writing a college essay is being authentic. Authenticity is essential because it not only reflects the student’s true self, but it also helps the admissions committee get a sense of who the student is beyond their application. It is crucial to avoid presenting a false image of oneself in the essay, as it can lead to disappointment and rejection if the student does not live up to that image in real life. Students should focus on writing honestly and passionately about their experiences, values, and aspirations.

Tips for Authentic Writing

• Write from the heart and tell your story.
• Avoid trying to fit into a mold or writing what you think the admissions committee wants to hear.
• Be specific and detailed in your writing to help the reader visualize your experiences.
• Use vivid language to convey your emotions and feelings.
• Show, don’t tell. Use anecdotes to illustrate your points.

Writing about Being Gay

Writing a college essay about being gay can be a daunting task. It requires a delicate balance between authenticity, vulnerability, and advocacy. It can be challenging to navigate the complexities of being LGBTQ+ and the impact it has on one’s personal and social life. However, it is an opportunity to provide a unique perspective on the LGBTQ+ experience and to promote understanding and acceptance.

Dos and Don’ts

• Do write about your experiences and how they have shaped you.
• Do share your feelings and emotions about your sexuality.
• Do advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and promote acceptance.
• Don’t write about being gay as if it is a choice or a phase.
• Don’t focus solely on the negative aspects of being gay.
• Don’t use offensive language or make derogatory remarks about others.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Identity

In conclusion, writing a good college essay about being gay requires authenticity, vulnerability, and advocacy. It is an opportunity to showcase one’s true self and provide a unique perspective on the LGBTQ+ experience. Writing about being gay can be challenging, but it is also a chance to promote understanding and acceptance. Embracing one’s identity and sharing it with others can be a transformative experience for both the writer and the reader.

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Essay Samples on LGBTQ

Lgbtq rights: navigating equality and inclusivity.

LGBTQ rights have emerged as a significant social and legal issue, challenging societies worldwide to confront questions of equality, discrimination, and inclusivity. This essay delves into the multifaceted landscape of LGBTQ rights, examining the historical context, legal advancements, challenges, and the ongoing journey towards achieving...

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LGBTQ Rights: An Argumentative Landscape

The rights of the LGBTQ community have emerged as a crucial and contentious issue in today's society. This essay undertakes an in-depth analysis of the argumentative discourse surrounding LGBTQ rights, scrutinizing the diverse perspectives, presenting evidence, and providing critical commentary on this complex matter. By...

Persuading for Equality: Embracing LGBTQ Rights

LGBTQ rights have become a pivotal social issue, demanding our collective attention and action. This persuasive essay aims to advocate for the full acceptance and legal protection of LGBTQ individuals, emphasizing the importance of equality, the negative consequences of discrimination, and the societal benefits of...

The Complexity of LGBTQ Identities: A Personal Opinion

LGBTQ identities constitute a rich tapestry of human diversity that has gained significant visibility and recognition in recent times. This opinion essay aims to provide a personal perspective on the multifaceted nature of LGBTQ identities, acknowledging their significance, challenges, and the evolving societal attitudes that...

LGBTQ Discrimination: Overcoming Prejudice and Fostering Inclusion

LGBTQ discrimination has been a persistent issue, characterized by inequality, prejudice, and systemic biases. This essay delves into the multifaceted nature of LGBTQ discrimination, exploring its origins, manifestations, impact on individuals and society, as well as the efforts to combat it and foster a more...

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The Argumentative Discourse Surrounding LGBTQ

The discourse surrounding LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer) rights has been a prominent and contentious topic in contemporary society. This essay aims to delve into the argumentative nature of discussions about LGBTQ issues, examining the diverse perspectives and providing an analysis of the...

The Argument for LGBTQ Community Empowerment

The LGBTQ community has been at the forefront of a societal revolution, advocating for rights, recognition, and acceptance. This argumentative essay delves into the essential reasons behind supporting and empowering the LGBTQ community, exploring the quest for equality, the promotion of diversity, and the imperative...

Accepting the LGBTQ+ Community: Inclusivity and Equality

In today's global society, acceptance and understanding of diverse identities, particularly those of the LGBTQ+ community, are vital to fostering environments where every individual feels valued and safe. Historically, LGBTQ+ individuals have faced prejudice, discrimination, and significant challenges, but a shift towards inclusivity and equality...

Best topics on LGBTQ

1. LGBTQ Rights: Navigating Equality and Inclusivity

2. LGBTQ Rights: An Argumentative Landscape

3. Persuading for Equality: Embracing LGBTQ Rights

4. The Complexity of LGBTQ Identities: A Personal Opinion

5. LGBTQ Discrimination: Overcoming Prejudice and Fostering Inclusion

6. The Argumentative Discourse Surrounding LGBTQ

7. The Argument for LGBTQ Community Empowerment

8. Accepting the LGBTQ+ Community: Inclusivity and Equality

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, the most lgbtq+ friendly colleges in the country.

College Info

In general, colleges are consistently becoming more LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer/Questioning) friendly. Young people are more accepting of different sexual orientations and gender identities, and those attitudes are reflected at a growing number of U.S. colleges.

However, there are still many college campuses that have reputations for not being inclusive or safe for members of the LGBTQ+ community. If it's important to you to be at a school with a vibrant LGBTQ+ community, you should consider looking at specifically LGBTQ-friendly schools.

In this article, we'll do the following:

• Define an LGBTQ-friendly (or LGBTQ-accepting) school
• Explain why you should consider an LGBTQ-friendly college
• Provide lists of LGBTQ-friendly colleges and universities
• Give advice for how to use those lists and do effective research to determine if a school is LGBTQ-friendly

What Is an LGBTQ-Friendly College?

An LGBTQ-friendly college makes its LGBTQ+ students feel safe, accepted, and comfortable on campus . It offers plentiful resources to provide support and counsel for LGBTQ+ students. 

Furthermore, the students (and faculty) at LGBTQ-friendly colleges are accepting and supportive of members of the LGBTQ+ community . LGBTQ+ students feel at ease expressing themselves around non-LGBTQ+ students, and the student body treats LGBTQ+ students with tolerance and respect.

If you're looking for a specific orientation, like lesbian or trans-accepting colleges, the good news is that an LGBTQ-friendly campus will likely provide the environment you're looking for. When we say a school is LGBTQ+ accepting, it means they'll be welcoming of people who identify as lesbian, trans, or any part of the queer community as well.

Why Should You Consider an LGBTQ+ Friendly College? 

If you're an lgbtq+ student.

If you go to an LGBTQ-friendly college as an LGBTQ+ student, you'll be in a more accepting, supportive environment. Being in an inclusive place can have a positive impact on your quality of life and academic performance while you're in college .

Also, you'll be around more LGBTQ+ students who are out. LGBTQ+ students at less accepting colleges may not feel comfortable coming out and expressing their sexual or gender identities . 

Perhaps most importantly, at an LGBTQ-friendly college you'll have more support services, organizations, and programs designed to help you as a queer student . You'll be able to befriend other LGBTQ+ students and have access to mentoring and counseling resources. Many LGBTQ+-friendly colleges even have orientation programs specifically for queer students to help them get acclimated to college life.

If You're Not an LGBTQ+ Student

Generally, people tend to be happier if they're in a community with others who share their political and social views. If you support LGBTQ+ rights, you're more likely to be around like-minded people at an LGBTQ-friendly college . Many college students believe it's important to support equality for and acceptance of LGBTQ+ people, regardless of how they personally identify.

Even if you're not an active ally of the LGBTQ+ community, you can benefit from attending an LGBTQ-friendly college. Ideally, the college experience should broaden your horizons and expose you to diverse people and communities. At an LGBTQ-accepting college, you're more likely to learn about issues that affect the queer community and interact with queer students,  which may give you some new perspectives on the world. 

Lists of LGBTQ+-Friendly Colleges

I'm providing you with two lists of LGBTQ+-friendly colleges from two different sources . Both have clearly defined criteria for their rankings, and they're both very reputable. 

The first list from Campus Pride  is more reflective of the available resources for LGBTQ+ students. The second list from Princeton Review is more reflective of on-campus attitudes and treatment of members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Campus Pride

Campus Pride is a non-profit dedicated to creating safer, more inclusive LGBTQ+-friendly colleges and universities. The Campus Pride Index includes over 400 colleges and universities, and allows students to search for a school by region and ranking.

The top 40 LGBTQ+-friendly colleges are based on scores from the Campus Pride Index. The Campus Pride Index includes more than 50 self-assessment questions sent to colleges that correspond to eight different LGBTQ+-friendly factors:

• LGBTQ+ Policy Inclusion
• LGBTQ+ Support and Institutional Commitment
• LGBTQ+ Academic Life
• LGBTQ+ Housing
• LGBTQ+ Campus Safety
• LGBTQ+ Counseling and Health
• LGBTQ+ Recruitment and Retention Efforts

The top 40 LGBTQ-friendly colleges as identified by Campus Pride are listed below. 

• Ithaca College (Ithaca, NY)
• Rutgers-New Brunswick (New Brunswick, NJ)
• University of Maryland-College Park (College Park, MD)
• Lehigh University (Bethlehem, PA)
• Montclair State University (Montclair, NJ)
• Penn State University (University Park, PA)
• University of Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, PA)
• Princeton University (Princeton, NJ)
• Kansas State University (Manhattan, KS)
• Southern Illinois University-Carbondale (Carbondale, IL)
• Indiana University-Bloomington (Bloomington, IN)
• University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire (Eau Claire, WI)
• University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee (Milwaukee, WI) 
• University of Wisconsin-Green Bay (Green Bay, WI)
• The Ohio State University (Columbus, OH)
• Kenyon College (Gambier, OH)
• Kent State University (Kent, OH)
• Augsburg University (Minneapolis, MN) 
• Macalester College (St. Paul, MN)
• Purdue University (West Lafayette, IN)
• University of Michigan-Ann Arbor (Ann Arbor, MI)
• Tufts University (Medford, MA)
• University of Massachusetts-Amherst (Amherst, MA)
• University of Vermont (Burlington, VT)
• MIT (Cambridge, MA)
• Guilford College (Greensboro, NC)
• Northern Kentucky University (Highland Heights, KY)
• Elon University (Elon, NC)
• University of Louisville (Louisville, KY)
• University of Kentucky (Lexington, KY)
• University of Texas at Dallas (Richardson, TX)
• Texas Tech University (Lubbock, TX)
• University of Washington (Seattle, WA)
• University of Oregon (Eugene, OR)
• Portland State University (Portland, OR)
• University of Colorado at Boulder (Boulder, CO)
• San Diego State University (San Diego, CA)
• Southern Oregon University (Ashland, OR)
• Washington State University (Pullman, WA)
• Harvey Mudd College (Claremont, CA)

  MIT is LGBTQ+-friendly.

Princeton Review

The Princeton Review rankings of the most LGBTQ-friendly colleges are based on students' answers to the survey question "Do students, faculty, and administrators at your college treat all persons equally regardless of their sexual orientations and gender identity/expression?" Schools are then ranked based on how students respond. 

Schools are ranked from 1-20 with #1 being the most LGBTQ-friendly school . But keep in mind that every school on this list will be welcoming to members of the queer community.

• Bryn Mawr College (Bryn Mawr, PA)
• Mount Holyoke College (South Hadley, MA)
• Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering (Needham, MA)
• Brown University (Providence, RI)
• Agnes Scott College (Decatur, GA)
• College of the Atlantic (Bar Harbor, ME)
• Reed College (Portland, OR)
• Wellesley College (Wellesley, MA)
• Rice University (Houston, TX)
• University of North Carolina at Asheville (Ashville, NC)
• Nazareth University (Rochester, NY)
• Scripps College (Claremont, CA)
• Pitzer College (Claremont, CA)
• Mills College (Oakland, CA)
• Columbia University (New York, NY)
• Emerson College (Boston, MA)
• William and Mary (Williamsburg, VA)
• Wesleyan University (Middletown, CT)
• State University of New York-Purchase College (Purchase, NY)

How Should You Use These Lists?

If you want to go to an LGBTQ-friendly college, you should research the schools that interest you on the Campus Pride or Princeton Review list to determine if you want to apply to them . Keep in mind that some of these colleges have a specific focus. Bryn Mawr, for instance, is a women's college. Also, Emerson is devoted to the study of communication and performing arts.

Besides the school being accepting, be sure to consider the other factors that are important to you when it comes to choosing a college , including cost, size, selectivity, location, and the majors offered.

Look at the school's website, and use guidebooks , college finders , search websites , and other ranking lists to help you in the college selection process. If possible, consult with teachers, counselors, parents, current students, and alumni.

Research colleges to find the right one for you!

What Should You Do if a School You're Considering Didn't Make the Cut?

Just because a school didn't make either list doesn't necessarily mean that it's LGBTQ-unfriendly . If there's a school you're interested in, you can look up its score on the Campus Pride Index. The Campus Pride Index scores schools from one to five stars. Schools that get a five-star rating are the most LGBTQ-friendly. While over 400 schools take part in the Campus Pride Index, many schools still don't. So be sure to check your school’s website for their LGBTQ+ resources as well.

If you're not sure where your school stacks up in terms of queer acceptance, c ontact a representative from the LGBTQ+ resource center or student group to get more information about the atmosphere on campus . Usually, you can find those contacts on college websites. (Pro tip: if you can't find queer-friendly resources to contact, then the school may not be very accepting.) 

Also, you can consult other sources that evaluate how LGBTQ+-friendly a college is . On Niche , you can search for a specific college. Under "diversity" for each school's guide, there is a category called "gay pride" that describes the atmosphere for LGBTQ+ students on campus.

Similarly, on the College View finder, you can search for schools that are LGBTQ+-friendly. Additionally, if you look at a specific college's profile, you can see whether the school has gay and lesbian organizations. 

What's Next?

Keep in mind that the U.S. has more than 5,300 colleges and universities, so there will be more LGBTQ-friendly schools than are on this list. Another good place to find schools that are queer accepting is this list of the 28 best liberal arts colleges in the country . Many, if not all, of them will support their queer student population. 

Another good resource is this list of the most (politically) liberal universities in the U.S . These schools will have more LGBTQ+ friendly policies than a conservative school will. 

Like we mentioned earlier, it's important to choose a safe and accepting college environment for you. But costs can be a concern when picking a college, too. If you're hoping to go to a school that will offer you financial assistance, check out this list of colleges that meet 100% of students' financial need .

Finally, to make sure you get into the college of your dreams , read this post on the important college application deadlines you can't miss .

Justin has extensive experience teaching SAT prep and guiding high school students through the college admissions and selection process. He is firmly committed to improving equity in education and helping students to reach their educational goals. Justin received an athletic scholarship for gymnastics at Stanford University and graduated with a BA in American Studies.

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The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex

By Peggy Orenstein

Ms. Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”

For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.

As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.

I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens . As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.

Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him ?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.

I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom , Australia , Iceland , New Zealand and Italy .

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study , Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault . Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.

“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”

Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.

Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.

According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.

The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.

By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).

I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.

Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.

Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.

I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”

I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.

The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.

Peggy Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

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An earlier version of this article misstated the network on which “Californication” first appeared. It is Showtime, not HBO. The article also misspelled a book and film title. It is “Fifty Shades of Grey,” not “Fifty Shades of Gray.”

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