being an older sister essay

Drops of Ink

The Role of Being an Older Sister

Ellie George , Editor in Chief | December 3, 2021

Sadie Parvis

One of the last things my grandpa ever told me, as I was standing with my younger sister, was to “take care of each other.” 

Of course, this statement left me with a plethora of unanswered questions.

Why did he choose this to be the last thing he told me? My grandpa was a man of very few words, so when he spoke, people listened. That is why these five words meant the world to me, and because of his words, my perception of what it meant to be an older sister changed as I entered high school.  

Originally, I didn’t want to be an older sister. I was the star of the family- not only am I my parents’ first child, I was the first grandchild for both of my grandparents, and first niece for all of my aunts and uncles. The wall of pressure to maintain a marker of success was slowly built, brick by brick, after each birth of my two siblings, and eventually nine cousins.

Was this pressure pushed upon me by my adult family members, or by myself? Being the eldest sibling holds enough responsibility on its own, but being the eldest daughter carries a level of duty and dependability that being an eldest son does not. I am the built-in babysitter of my family and the example in school for my siblings to follow. 

Why is being an eldest daughter so different from being an eldest son? Why was my experience of growing up with younger siblings so different from my male classmates with younger siblings? 

It is scientifically proven that a child’s personality directly corelates with the birth order and gender of the children in their family. In the novel “The Eldest Daughter Effect,” Lisette Schuitemaker and Wies Enthoven explore birth order, and the effects of being the oldest sibling in a family, specifically targeting the journey and challenges of being an older sister.

After interviews and surveying eldest daughters, they had compelling results. Eldest daughters commonly grow up to be ‘people pleasers’ and perfectionists. Consequently, this phenomena affects all relationships an eldest daughter will have, even past their life of living at home with their parents and siblings.  

Societally, matriarchs or older women are usually tagged as caregivers, or the heart of the familial center. Therefore, consciously or unconsciously, parents push a version of this pressure onto their eldest daughters. 

Furthermore, older siblings are the easiest family members for a younger sibling to follow. They are old enough to set a good example, but young enough to be respected as one would respect a friend. 

That is a BIG responsibility. Especially for older sisters. Not only do you have to set a good example academically, you have to be a good role model in a society of extreme body expectations and standards. 

I have a younger sister, and as I have gotten older, being a body positive role model for her has slowly become important to me. I had to navigate middle school drama, self esteem issues, and social media influence without an older sister’s example to follow. So I wanted to give the support to my younger sister that I never had.

This isn’t to say that young boys don’t experience a similar phenomenon, but girls experience an extreme amount of expectations that boys do not. 

Being a ‘good’ older sibling is different for every family dynamic. Being a good older sister, to me, is promoting a healthy mind and body and highlighting the importance of good mental health and self esteem. 

As I grow older, and bloom into my older sister role, I have begun to understand, and almost appreciate the responsibilities that come with it. I am proud to have been given this opportunity to help my younger siblings grow into beautiful people. I love being an older sister, and all of the responsibilities that come with it. 

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Terrie Jeschke • Mar 21, 2022 at 5:16 pm

What a wonderful article! I am the grandmother of a young lady who just became stepsister to two boys and half sister to another boy. She is the oldest by a year. I already see these characteristics developing – she is a people pleaser; she watches out for the 3 year old; she’s caring. It is nice to know this is a role she will come to enjoy.

Janet George • Dec 8, 2021 at 8:04 am

Great article!

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Why Your Older Sister Is One of the Most Important People in Your Life

If you have an older sister, you can hide behind her when you get into trouble, make her do your chores, and even borrow her clothes (without telling her, obviously), but there’s more you need to thank her for. According to  psychologists , having a sister improves your mental stability and overall development. Children who grow up with sisters around them are happier and become better-adjusted adults.

Bright Side believes that having an older sister is truly a blessing which helps you in many ways and in every part of your life. Here’s how:

1. She lowers your chance of getting a divorce in the future.

this is a good article, but it's not very diverse. where are the brown people? only whyte folks have sisters? here are my big sister's thoughts on the matter: "Much of what is written about in this article is true. Too bad that Bright Side didn’t show a more diverse sampling of sisters. A big sister’s cultural background and experience of racism and white supremacy can also help her little sister prepare for and deal with the society that awaits her as she steps into adulthood in a racist, sexist society. I’m jus’ sayin’..."

She’s tough and makes you see how great you are through out life. Big sisters blood or not are the best you could ever have asked for I love mine Cheri Eather and Cynthia ❤️

Completely agree ???

This article is only correct in certain situations, not everyone’s oler sister/sisters are good influences. Also, the influence only works if they younger siblings actually listen and interact with an open mind.

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What being an older sister really means, being an older sister, has brought so much joy to my life. even if it doesn't seem like it, i'm so proud to have a crazy, funny younger brother..

Being an older sister can come with challenges, but overall is a gift. It’s a lifelong journey of being a role model. You have this lifetime of being there for a younger sibling and sometimes it can be difficult to always be there for them. Being an older sister has many different responsibilities, but it’s nothing but fun. You have a pal for life and a friend that is there until the end. It’s a great feeling when you have siblings that look up to you for guidance and friendship. There’s a lot of great memories while growing up as the older sibling, but I think the joy is actually being there for my younger sibling. It is common for siblings to go through struggles. If there’s anything I have learned by being an older sibling, it’s being there for them. You have someone who is a few years younger and looks up to you more than you will know.

Since coming to college, it’s been difficult to be there for my younger sibling. However, I have found time to make sure I reach out to him. I think I have appreciated the gift of having a younger sibling. I would do pretty much anything for him. I wouldn't trade being the first born for anything, because having a younger brother is something great. I've learned so much about myself from him and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. We might not have the best relationship some of the time, but I look forward to the coming years. We are now older and I am excited to see how our friendship will change over the next years.

Even though we're both getting older, I miss the days when you followed me around everywhere. We have had our ups and downs, but I look forward to (maybe) actually getting along. I promise, no matter how I am during the day, I will always be there for you and as a friend and role model for you. I hope that you learn from all the things that life has to offer and I hope you'll be successful in the coming years.

I am incredibly proud to be your sister and all of the fun it has brought. Being an older sister can bring so much joy to life. Being an older sister has taught me patience. I have found that to be kind to others is always important, even when you don't want to be to a group of 17 year olds. Being patient with younger siblings, has taught me a lot about growing up. I hope my younger brother has learned a lot from me. I look forward to where our friendship and family will go in a few years. Being an older sister has brought a friend for life, even if we fight every other day.

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25 beatles lyrics: your go-to guide for every situation, the best lines from the fab four.

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The End- Abbey Road, 1969

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Dear Prudence- The White Album, 1968

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

Because- Abbey Road, 1969

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

All You Need Is Love, 1967

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

We Can Work It Out- Rubber Soul, 1965

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Come Together- Abbey Road, 1969

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

I Wanna Hold Your Hand- Meet The Beatles!, 1964

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band-1967

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Strawberry Fields Forever- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Rain- Paperback Writer "B" side, 1966

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

Here Comes The Sun- Abbey Road, 1969

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

Saw Her Standing There- Please Please Me, 1963

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

Michelle- Rubber Soul, 1965

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

Revolution- The Beatles, 1968

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Eleanor Rigby- Revolver, 1966

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

With A Little Help From My Friends- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Hey Jude, 1968

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

Yesterday- Help!, 1965

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

Let It Be- Let It Be, 1970

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all i got to give if you say you'll love me too. i may not have a lot to give but what i got i'll give to you. i don't care too much for money. money can't buy me love.

Can't Buy Me Love- A Hard Day's Night, 1964

All you need is love, love is all you need

All You Need Is Love- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird- The White Album, 1968

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

In My Life- Rubber Soul, 1965

While these are my 25 favorites, there are quite literally 1000s that could have been included. The Beatles' body of work is massive and there is something for everyone. If you have been living under a rock and haven't discovered the Fab Four, you have to get musically educated. Stream them on Spotify, find them on iTunes or even buy a CD or record (Yes, those still exist!). I would suggest starting with 1, which is a collection of most of their #1 songs, or the 1968 White Album. Give them chance and you'll never look back.

14 Invisible Activities: Unleash Your Inner Ghost!

Obviously the best superpower..

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

1. "Haunt" your friends.

Follow them into their house and cause a ruckus.

2. Sneak into movie theaters.

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Considering that the monthly cost of subscribing to a media-streaming service like Netflix is oft...

Free movies...what else to I have to say?

3. Sneak into the pantry and grab a snack without judgment.

Late night snacks all you want? Duh.

4. Reenact "Hollow Man" and play Kevin Bacon.

America's favorite son? And feel what it's like to be in a MTV Movie Award nominated film? Sign me up.

5. Wear a mask and pretend to be a floating head.

Just another way to spook your friends in case you wanted to.

6. Hold objects so they'll "float."

"Oh no! A floating jar of peanut butter."

7. Win every game of hide-and-seek.

Just stand out in the open and you'll win.

8. Eat some food as people will watch it disappear.

Even everyday activities can be funny.

9. Go around pantsing your friends.

Even pranks can be done; not everything can be good.

10. Not have perfect attendance.

You'll say here, but they won't see you...

11. Avoid anyone you don't want to see.

Whether it's an ex or someone you hate, just use your invisibility to slip out of the situation.

12. Avoid responsibilities.

Chores? Invisible. People asking about social life? Invisible. Family being rude? Boom, invisible.

13. Be an expert on ding-dong-ditch.

Never get caught and have the adrenaline rush? I'm down.

14. Brag about being invisible.

Be the envy of the town.

But don't, I repeat, don't go in a locker room. Don't be a pervert with your power. No one likes a Peeping Tom.

Good luck, folks.

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned..

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

1. The importance of traditions.

Sometimes traditions seem like a silly thing, but the fact of it is that it's part of who you are. You grew up this way and, more than likely, so did your parents. It is something that is part of your family history and that is more important than anything.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

No matter how many times they get on your nerves or make you mad, they are the ones who will always be there and you should never take that for granted.

3. How to give back.

When tragedy strikes in a small town, everyone feels obligated to help out because, whether directly or indirectly, it affects you too. It is easy in a bigger city to be able to disconnect from certain problems. But in a small town those problems affect everyone.

4. What the word "community" really means.

Along the same lines as #3, everyone is always ready and willing to lend a helping hand when you need one in a small town and to me that is the true meaning of community. It's working together to build a better atmosphere, being there to raise each other up, build each other up, and pick each other up when someone is in need. A small town community is full of endless support whether it be after a tragedy or at a hometown sports game. Everyone shows up to show their support.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

People say this to others all the time, but it takes on a whole new meaning in a small town. It is true that life is about the journey, but when you're from a small town, you know it's about the journey because the journey probably takes longer than you spend at the destination. Everything is so far away that it is totally normal to spend a couple hours in the car on your way to some form of entertainment. And most of the time, you're gonna have as many, if not more, memories and laughs on the journey than at the destination.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

Word travels fast in a small town, so don't think you're gonna get away with anything. In fact, your parents probably know what you did before you even have a chance to get home and tell them. And forget about being scared of what your teacher, principle, or other authority figure is going to do, you're more afraid of what your parents are gonna do when you get home.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

Everyone deserves a chance. Most people don't have ill-intentions and you can't live your life guarding against every one else just because a few people in your life have betrayed your trust.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

While small towns are not always extremely diverse, they do contain people with a lot of different stories, struggle, and backgrounds. In a small town, it is pretty hard to exclude anyone because of who they are or what they come from because there aren't many people to choose from. A small town teaches you that just because someone isn't the same as you, doesn't mean you can't be great friends.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

In a small town, you learn that it's okay to be who you are and do your own thing. You learn that confidence isn't how beautiful you are or how much money you have, it's who you are on the inside.

10. How to work for what I want.

Nothing comes easy in life. They always say "gardens don't grow overnight" and if you're from a small town you know this both figuratively and literally. You certainly know gardens don't grow overnight because you've worked in a garden or two. But you also know that to get to the place you want to be in life it takes work and effort. It doesn't just happen because you want it to.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

If you're from a small town, you know that you will probably only meet a handful of people in your life who ACTUALLY know where your town is. And forget about the people who accidentally enter into your town because of google maps. You've gotten really good at giving them directions right back to the interstate.

12. How to be humble.

My small town has definitely taught me how to be humble. It isn't always about you, and anyone who grows up in a small town knows that. Everyone gets their moment in the spotlight, and since there's so few of us, we're probably best friends with everyone so we are as excited when they get their moment of fame as we are when we get ours.

13. To be well-rounded.

Going to a small town high school definitely made me well-rounded. There isn't enough kids in the school to fill up all the clubs and sports teams individually so be ready to be a part of them all.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

In a small town, good luck holding a grudge. In a bigger city you can just avoid a person you don't like or who you've had problems with. But not in a small town. You better resolve the issue fast because you're bound to see them at least 5 times a week.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

One of my favorite things about growing up in a rural area was being able to go outside and go exploring and not have to worry about being in danger. There is nothing more exciting then finding a new place somewhere in town or in the woods and just spending time there enjoying the natural beauty around you.

16. To be prepared for anything.

You never know what may happen. If you get a flat tire, you better know how to change it yourself because you never know if you will be able to get ahold of someone else to come fix it. Mechanics might be too busy , or more than likely you won't even have enough cell service to call one.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

It's okay to ask for help. One thing I realized when I moved away from my town for college, was how much my town has taught me that I could ask for help is I needed it. I got into a couple situations outside of my town where I couldn't find anyone to help me and found myself thinking, if I was in my town there would be tons of people ready to help me. And even though I couldn't find anyone to help, you better believe I wasn't afraid to ask.

18. How to be creative.

When you're at least an hour away from normal forms of entertainment such as movie theaters and malls, you learn to get real creative in entertaining yourself. Whether it be a night looking at the stars in the bed of a pickup truck or having a movie marathon in a blanket fort at home, you know how to make your own good time.

19. To brush off gossip.

It's all about knowing the person you are and not letting others influence your opinion of yourself. In small towns, there is plenty of gossip. But as long as you know who you really are, it will always blow over.

Grateful Beyond Words: A Letter to My Inspiration

I have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

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My Sister Essay

500 words essay on my sister.

Sisters are a blessing for everyone in this world. Many of us have sisters whom we love unconditionally. Some have elder sisters while others have younger sisters. Nonetheless, we all are lucky to have been blessed with sisters. Through my sister essay, I will tell more about my sister and my unconditional love for her.

My Younger Sister

I have a younger sister who is five years younger than me. She is my whole world and I cannot live without her. When I first found out that I’m a big sister, I couldn’t contain my happiness . I remember playing with her all day when she was an infant.

My sister used to stop crying whenever I came back from school. As she started to grow up, we became even closer. Somehow, the age gap between us started to lessen and she turned into a friend of mine.

I can share all my secrets with my younger sister. Even though she is younger than me, she does not act like it. She is a very mature girl who handles all my moods and whims accordingly.

Moreover, she is the one who makes me understand things sometimes when I cannot see them clearly. Moreover, she also makes everyone in our family laughs with her cute little antics. Everyone in my family adores her as she is the youngest member of our family.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

My Sister’s Personality

My sister has a very unique personality which is not seen commonly in today’s world. She never judges anyone for their deeds. She is a religious person who believes we humans must not judge someone else as God will take care of it.

She has a bubbly personality and can brighten up the room wherever she goes. My sister is a sweet person who always tries to help out others. I have seen her help her friends all the time, even if they are acquaintances, she helps them equally.

Moreover, she is very lively. You will always find her playing around or goofing around with someone. She does not like sitting in one place, thus she is always all over the place. Further, she is very creative.

She has a solution to almost anything and everything. My sister has the special talent to find easy ways to do a difficult job. All of us always ask for her advice to simplify any kind of work.

I respect my sister for standing out of the crowd and always doing her own thing. Even if no one is doing it, she does not back off from doing the unique thing. She is my support system and inspiration.

Conclusion of My Sister Essay

All in all, I adore my sister a lot. She inspires me to become a better person and not judge anyone. As she is always empathetic towards animals , I also try my best to feed them and take care of them whenever possible. I hope to be a good sister to her and bring all the joy in her life.

FAQ of My Sister Essay

Question 1: Why are sisters so important?

Answer 1: Sisters are an essential part of everyone’s lives. When we have sisters, we tend to not feel lonely and fearful. Moreover, they love us unconditionally and accept us without any judgement. Thus, we feel someone is always there for us.

Question 2: What is the role of a sister?

Answer 2: A sister acts as a role model and teacher who help the younger siblings to learn about many things. Just like parents, older sisters have a positive influence on their siblings. Similarly, younger sisters bring joy and help us never lose our childish side.

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Being an older sibling

I am the older sister. Being an older sister has it’s pluses and minuses. One of the pluses is that you will always be older an more mature than your younger sibling. Some other good things is that your parents don’t have to be there to chaperone you from place to place. Another good thing is that you are smarter and know more. Some of the bad things is that you have more chores and responsibilities BECAUSE you are older. Also little siblings tend to tag along when you don’t want them to. And the want to play with you when you are busy doing something else. A lot of older siblings say they hate there younger siblings but in the end I do love my little brother <3. Being older and more mature is good. One time when I was gelling my little brothers mohawk I wet my hands and put a little water on his hair and he started freaking out because I wet his hair. Not having a chaperone, or your mom biking or driving you around places is good because you can just say, “Mom I’m going to Joey’s*” and just walk out of the door to your bike, instead of getting mom to bring you all the way to your friends house. Being smarter than your little sibling is good because if s/he asks you a Question you are more likely to actually know the answer, rather then if you are the younger sibling and an older sibling asks you a Question you probably aren't going to know what clothes look better on her or what to do when she likes a boy. But being an older sister does come with its minuses. Compared to my brother I have a lot more chores . I have to empty the bottom of the dishwasher and he only has to do the top (which is much smaller). I have to care for all of the animals and he does what? NOTHING! Little siblings like to tag along with you because they look up to you and because you are older and cooler. But it is annoying when the want to tag along with you to your friends house. I usually just try to shake him off, but that defiantly is a minus. My brother always wants me to play card games with me when I am doing my math or something. It is very annoying because one, I can’t concentrate on my math and two, I always feel bad rejecting him because he is younger. After all of those things like fighting, making up, and fighting, and making up. I still love my little brother. After all it was destinies choice. Or was it?

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It’s Time We Acknowledge That Older Sisters Are The Backbone Of Society

Senior Lifestyle Reporter, HuffPost

Younger children everywhere, you’ve been put on notice: Your oldest sister is tired of doing it all.

On Reductress, a jokey headline declared, “‘Eldest Daughter’ Finally Added as Official Diagnosis in DSM-V” because of all the mental duress oldest sisters are under. (Though not an actual psychological diagnosis, the pop psychology phrase “oldest daughter syndrome” has hit a nerve with many oldest daughters.)

On TikTok, youngest brothers ― those diametrically opposed to oldest daughters in responsibilities ― jokingly apologize for doing the bare minimum in life and skirting the emotional labor that’s second nature to women.

Elsewhere on social media, big sisters joke about how it’s time we acknowledge that older sisters are the backbone of society. (It’s true: Big sisters tend to be overrepresented in powerful women lists. What do Eleanor Roosevelt, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton and Beyoncé all have in common? They’re all high-performing older sisters.)

Eldest daughters see what needs to be done and do it ― but it comes at a cost, said Lisette Schuitemaker, the author of “The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Firstborn Women Harness Their Strengths.”

“Our particular life path makes us into responsible, dutiful, hands-on, thoughtful and caring women,” she said. “You will often find us in positions of leadership because we have been trained to take the lead from a young age.”

The flip side of that “is we can get bogged down by the many tasks on our to-do lists because we feel responsible for all and need to save the planet,” she said.

Just a pitch, but we could fix pretty much every problem in two weeks if we put a committee of oldest daughters in charge — Lauren Ashley Smith (@msLAS) March 22, 2021

Oldest brothers deal with a lot, no doubt, but it’s different for girls; a 2016 UNICEF study found that girls between ages 5 and 14 spend 40% more time on domestic work than boys.

“There are usually different gender expectations placed on boys vs. girls,” said Leeor Gal , a marriage and family therapist in Pennsylvania. “Girls are oftentimes raised to be ‘caring,’ and boys are raised to be ‘tough.’”

“Caring” entails a lot: “What you sometimes see is oldest daughters developing people-pleasing tendencies or feeling responsible for other’s well-being,” Gal said. “A younger girl might learn to put her needs last for the sake of someone else.”

‘It’s an eldest daughter revolution:’ Oldest daughters share their experience.

Y.L. Wolfe is the oldest of everything: oldest daughter, oldest child out of four siblings, oldest grandchild and oldest niece.

“I always saw myself as my mother’s assistant throughout my life ― even when I was very young,” she told HuffPost. “I have memories going back to the age of 3 in which I was worrying about my younger sister’s welfare when she was 1.”

Parentification, where a child feels compelled to take on responsibility for their family’s emotional, physical and/or mental well-being, was a huge part of Wolfe’s childhood. Psychologists say emotional parentification can lead to difficulty in self-regulating, setting boundaries and building relationships.

Being the eldest daughter really feels like being an unpaid intern version of young mother sometimes you know — Bolu Babalola is technically on leave 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) June 27, 2017

Growing up, Wolfe would watch her baby brother before school when she was 11 (he even started calling her “second mom”), go grocery shopping for the family and handle any emergencies that cropped up.

“When I was in high school, and my mother had a health crisis, my father called me from the hospital, crying, telling me they didn’t know if my mother was going to make it and that he needed me to take care of the kids until the doctors could figure out what was wrong,” Wolfe said.

She did what she always did and stepped up, taking care of everything until her mother could come home. She recalls her dad insisting she didn’t tell the other kids how bad it was.

“He wanted to protect them, but that same thought wasn’t extended to me,” she said. “I am sometimes haunted by that memory because no one thought about how young I still was and how much I needed protection, too.”

In adulthood, she became the peacemaker of the family, the go-between when family members were in conflict.

When her sisters had kids, she often felt like an executive assistant to them.

“I’ve been there through so much, helped with doctor’s appointments, moving into new houses, helping take care of the kids when they were sick,” she said.

Wolfe admits she sometimes wonders if her family would continue to ask for favors if she’d had a family of her own.

“If you’re single and don’t have children, the expectation is that we don’t have any obligations or stressors in life and so we owe our families extra labor,” she said.

Wolfe said it took her until her 40s to recognize how much of her identity was tied up in big sister-ness and how much it took out of her. Now, she’s heartened to see younger generations put their feet down.

“To suddenly see women collectively stepping into an ‘eldest daughter revolution,’ as I call it, has brought me to my knees in gratitude,” she said. “I felt like I was always trying to extract myself from this dynamic in a vacuum. It’s about time we are talking about this!”

As the oldest of four in an immigrant family, Parween Mander , a financial coach from Vancouver, Canada, also felt like a makeshift third parent growing up.

“I was always keenly aware of specific financial challenges my parents were going through ― translating bank statements and tax papers for them and talking with bank representatives,” she said.

The biggest hurdle happened when she was 16 years old, and the family almost lost their home. Mander recalls sitting in on meetings with mortgage representatives and trying her best to help her parents secure a new mortgage.

“That taught me that not having money means a lack of power, safety and control,” she said. “It defined my relationship with money.”

New financial challenges crop up with aging parents: retirement planning and medical bills. As an older daughter, Mander said she still picks up the slack. She notices the same tendencies among her clients who are older siblings: They’ll overextend themselves with younger siblings, too ― lending money they may not have, grabbing the bill when out for dinners and overspending on gifts.

“As the oldest, typically we don’t want our siblings to witness or go through financial hardship and money scarcity like we did, so I find that a lot of those clients spend money each month to buy their siblings things,” she said.

Mander has started to use the phrase “good daughter trauma” to describe the innate desire to use money as a tool to people please and ensure others around you are taken care of financially.

After a while, your family comes to expect that. When older siblings act differently, saying no or prioritizing their own needs, it shocks the family system.

“If we spend money on ourselves or prioritize ourselves first, we are labeled selfish or ‘cheap,’” she said.

Vidhusha Thirugnanam is another exhausted big sister from a first-generation immigrant family. Growing up in Toronto, Canada, she helped her parents understand documents and Canadian life while setting an example for her two younger sisters. The burden of being perfect was heavy.

“I sought validation from my parents and did whatever it took to maintain peace in the household,” Thirugnanam told HuffPost. “That was always too much pressure for a child.”

As she got older, she realized it wasn’t her responsibility to fix her family. There are jokes online about how cataclysmic it would be if the oldest daughters went on strike , and to some extent, that’s exactly what Thirugnanam did. Her family is faring fine, and her life has been a lot calmer since.

“I decided to take a step back in family duties and focus more on myself. I established boundaries and no longer seek validation,” she said. “I found peace of mind doing this. I recommend it to all oldest daughters who feel they are being emotionally and physically drained by their family’s expectations of them.”

Learning to establish healthy boundaries and recognizing when your mental health is at stake are huge milestones, said Thirugnanam, who’s made a number of TikToks about the oldest daughter experience.

Today, she leans into the saying, “You cannot pour into the cups of others if you yourself are empty. Learn to fill your own cup first.”

“A lot of oldest daughters will run themselves dry, putting their family’s needs ahead of their own,” she said. “I am here to normalize oldest daughters taking a step back for the sake of their own well-being.”

How to deal with oldest daughter stress as an adult.

Want to take on less as the oldest? Below are some tips on taking a step back while still being an integral, important part of your family.

Delegate responsibilities when you can.

The goal is to feel responsible but not take responsibility all the time, Schuitemaker said. Practice letting others take the lead, even if it would be easier to address yourself rather than wait for them to do it. At 69, Schuitemaker said she still has to remind herself that her siblings and younger family members can care for themselves.

“Let others organize the family outing, or don’t automatically take all the care of your elderly parents on your shoulders,” she said. “It’s not easy, but you will also be pleasantly surprised by what others are able to handle.”

Set boundaries with yourself before you voice them to your family.

Setting boundaries is a great place to start, but it’s not just boundaries with others that we need to work on, Gal said; it’s boundaries with ourselves, too.

“It’s not easy to change years of habits and actions, so we must first start with getting comfortable with saying no to ourselves before we do so with others,” she said.

Try to identify your needs within the family: Do you care whether or not you’re hosting the holidays or cooking a three-course dinner for someone’s birthday? If you don’t want to, practice identifying that within yourself first.

“Once that has been set, you are ready to suggest someone else’s house for this year’s gathering,” Gal said. “You don’t have to make huge leaps; simply start with something small and make your way towards the bigger boundaries.”

If you feel financially responsible for your family, know it’s OK to pull back some.

If you’ve shouldered financial responsibilities in the past, recognize that it’s OK to ask for help and be vulnerable yourself, Mander said.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” she said. “Depending on your situation and how old your siblings are, find a way to split and even out the financial responsibilities you carry with them.”

Always make sure to put money aside into your own savings account(s) first or debt repayment before lending or spending money on others, she added.

“What I find is with my clients because they don’t have financial clarity, they spend and give money away because they ‘go with the flow’ and don’t know if they can truly afford to support others,” she said.

“Once we get them on a budget and system, they’re able to make better decisions and stick up for themselves because now they can see the impact of helping someone else before themselves,” she said.

Remember: Your identity is so much more than “big sister.”

It wasn’t until her 40s that Wolfe started to look at her family dynamic with clear eyes and realize the support she received from her family pale in comparison to what she’d given them through the years.

“These days, I’m not interested in allowing people to burden me with non-reciprocal expectations, and frankly, despite how much I love them, I’m tired of being my family’s concierge,” she said.

Hoping to turn a new page, she started doing boundary work with her therapist.

“I won’t lie: It’s hard work,” she admitted. “It’s hard to break free from this dynamic because many of us are proud of what we do and have done for our families. We know this makes us valuable to them.”

But as Wolfe has learned, that belief can derail your life path and make you forget who you are separate from your loved ones.

“I often feel that part of the reason I never had kids was because I knew it would shift my attention away from my family, and I was terrified to let them down,” she said. “Today, though I still wrestle with that fear, I’m more terrified of letting myself down than them.”

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What Makes Sisterhood So Special

New research shows what makes sister relationships so unique..

Posted May 7, 2024 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

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Of all possible family relationships, those with siblings have the potential to be not only the longest but the strongest. You are united with your brother or sister in a union that can persist for decades, far longer than any with a friend or romantic partner. If you have a sibling , think for a moment about the early experiences that shaped who each of you are today. If you don’t have a sibling, ponder the relationship that you have or had with close cousins or family friends.

Because siblings first “meet” when they are young, their developmental trajectories become interlaced with other key early milestones. Siblings are together throughout all the major life events of childhood and adolescence , from losing a first tooth to having a first romantic partner. They also can form an alliance to protect each other from a variety of other key figures including parents, teachers, or the other neighborhood children.

Despite the obvious importance that siblings have and can have for each other, research in this area is virtually nonexistent. Fortunately, a new study taking a longitudinal (long-term) approach provides valuable new insights into this fascinating area of family dynamics.

Defining the Key Factors in Sibling Relationships

According to Pennsylvania State University’s Susan McHale and colleagues (2024), even with some growing interest in this field, there are few that follow sibling patterns into adulthood. The Penn State researchers took advantage of an existing study of 201 families begun in 1995-96 which continued for 18 years across nine times of testing. At the study’s outset, the average age of the firstborns was 12 years, about 18 months older than the secondborns. The sibling pairs were divided almost equally by pairing of the sex of the child. By the end of the study, there were 61 families left, and the firstborns averaged 28.7 years, and the secondborns 26. At each test point, their parents participated as well.

If you’ve been a sibling yourself, you can probably guess what the key variables of interest were, namely intimacy and conflict. In general, prior research supports the commonsense idea that conflict tends to decrease and intimacy to increase as siblings move beyond their direct involvement with each other in the nuclear family and out into the world. The research question guiding the study was whether these patterns could be predicted by sibling sex pairings and family position. The authors also chose to include measures of expressivity to find out how this factor, typically stronger in women, might influence the unfolding of relationship patterns over time.

The Trajectory of Sibling Relationships into Adulthood

McHale and her coauthor team tackled these complex issues by using statistical methods that allowed them to chart changes within family constellations on the variables of conflict and intimacy. They also were able to stack the data so that they could construct an “accelerated longitudinal design,” meaning that instead of only having nine years at their disposal, they could statistically construct a nearly 25-year time span (from ages 7 to 31).

If you would like to see how you would score on their main sibling variables, try rating your relationship with your own sibling or another close family member if you’re an only child. An example of an intimacy question was “How much do you share your inner feelings or secrets with (sibling)?” For conflict, ask yourself, “How often do you feel mad or angry at your sister/brother?” Each of these would be rated on a scale of 1 (not at all) to 5 (very much). Participants also rated the warmth and conflict with their children with statements such as “I understand my child’s problems and worries” (warmth) and, for conflict, in areas including appearance, social life , health, money, behavior/ personality , and sibling relationships. Finally, items measuring expressivity asked participants to rate such qualities as sensitivity and kindness.

Given the many possible combinations of sibling dyads along with parental measures, the analyses required a considerable degree of honing. Eventually, using sophisticated longitudinal analytical methods, the authors were able to chart not only patterns of change, but the family structural variables that influenced those patterns.

Overall, the findings showed, as the authors predicted, increases in intimacy and decreases in conflict, but not in a straight linear fashion. Intimacy declined slightly up through early adolescence and then continued to increase until it leveled off in early adulthood. Conflict showed precisely the opposite pattern. The adolescence-early adulthood period, then, presented a critical turning point.

Influencing the nature of these changes over time, however, was the sex of the sibling dyad. There was a “curvier” pattern for sisters than brothers, especially in the mid-20s. Additionally, sister-sister pairings were more positive, supporting prior findings that “sisters may serve as the glue that holds a sibling dyad together, at least until young adulthood." After that, a pattern of “selective optimization” sets in as even the closest of sisters find that they have to divide their emotional attention among their own families as well as toward their work.

With respect to emotional expressivity, the findings further accentuated the role of sister-siter pairings, who generally had more positive relationships. In the words of the authors, the findings are consistent with previous research showing that “ happiness is a feminine partner."

The warmth that parents expressed toward their siblings further influenced the dynamics of conflict and intimacy. When parents showed greater warmth toward their children, the siblings got along better, too, supporting “the enduring importance of close relationships with mothers." The role of the father was somewhat different, in that having a less warm father seemed related to greater intimacy between siblings, as if they need to form stronger bonds when the family relationship climate becomes strained.

Getting the Most Out of Your Sibling Relationships

As you can see from the findings, time may erode some of the closeness between even the closest of siblings, but not due to lack of love or warmth. Life can get in the way of even the best sister-sister pairing. You may not be the best of friends with your sister now (if you are a sister) but chances are that, over time, the bottom line will not erode.

Regarding the “feminine partner” effect of warmth, the authors turn to socialization as an explanation rather than anything intrinsic about biological sex. “ Gender roles and ideologies” appear to be just as likely a possibility as inheritance.

The obvious question you may be asking is whether, if you have no sister, your life is fated to lack a key emotional dimension. The findings suggest that the unique quality of sister-sister pairing may be worth trying to achieve with other people in your life. You may be too busy now, but as some of those obligations that preoccupy young adults lessen, it is possible that sisters can return to their previous levels of intimacy.

What if you have a sibling from whom you’ve become estranged? Looking at these results may help you understand how this situation evolved, and maybe why it may be worth giving intimacy another try.

To sum up, having a sister if you’re a sister seems to offer unique emotional rewards beyond the years of childhood. Finding intimacy with people who are not your romantic partner may provide you with these rewards as your life trajectory unfolds.

McHale, S. M., Sun, X., Updegraff, K. A., & Whiteman, S. D. (2024). Patterns and correlates of changes in sibling intimacy and conflict from middle childhood through young adulthood. Developmental Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001750

Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. , is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment.

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At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

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What are the benefits of being an older or younger sibling?

The Older the Better

While my three-year-old sister is learning the alphabet, my seven-year-old sister is memorizing the multiplication table and my 15-year-old sister is just beginning to explore the world on a social scale, I have already experienced many of my exciting milestones.  Being the elder sister to my three siblings has its perks.  Whether I am taking on the role as a leader or gaining more privileges and responsibilities, being the oldest sibling far outweighs the advantages of being the younger.

As role models to their younger siblings, older siblings are more likely to become natural leaders.  Because younger siblings constantly look up to and idolize their older brothers or sisters, the oldest child already possesses leader-like qualities.  Whether I am helping one of my sisters write an essay or teaching another sister how to perfect cursive writing, my siblings look up to me in times of need.  I lead them through multiple rites of passage and therefore take on the role as a guide.

Generally, parents are more excited about their first child because the process is an entirely new experience.  When this child says his or her first word or takes his or her first step, it is very special.  As their first child grows up and matures, the “firsts” become more sentimental with memorable moments like prom and graduation.  Out of all four children, my baby book is the only one that is fully complete.

Being an older child comes with a greater sense of responsibility.  Because older siblings care for the younger, they have more opportunities for freedom and success in return.  Most parents want all their children to be the best people possible, so they give them more opportunities to grow and develop into well-mannered adults.  In doing so, many parents hire their oldest child to babysit his or her younger siblings, allowing the older child to make money and feel a sense of authority and accomplishment.

Older siblings generally benefit more than their younger counterparts.  Because they act as role models, they have the skills to succeed in leadership positions in the future, gain more attention from their parents and earn responsibility skills.  Whether you are the older of two or the oldest of four siblings, like me, the role as the oldest child is beneficial throughout both childhood and adulthood.

Written by   Peyton Herzog –  Features Editor

The Perks of Being a Younger Sibling

While many of my friends only have the opportunity to be a younger or older sibling, I have the best of both worlds.  With one younger sister and two older sisters, I can confidently say that being the younger sibling is the prime spot in the family.  Since I was a little girl, I have always enjoyed basking in the glory of compliments and being the center of attention at every family function.  Before my younger sister was born, I was the apple of my parents’ eyes.  Whether I was constantly being coddled or asked to showcase my talent and knowledge of the alphabet, I was very comfortable in the limelight.

My older sisters have guided me through many life experiences.  At the age of ten, my biggest fear was talking in front of my fifth grade class.  With a pit in my stomach and sweaty palms, both my older sisters gave me a preparation talk before the big day that I will always remember.  Their words of wisdom not only calmed me down in that moment but also provided me with confidence to share my writing with an audience.

Having two older sisters taught me some of the most important life skills that every girl should acquire.  My siblings never walked out of the door without applying the makeup essentials including eyeliner, blush and lip gloss.  From ages 3 to 12 I was seen as their personal dress up doll as opposed to just their younger sister.  Although I used to hate the clown-like mess on my face, watching them beautify me later on provided me with the makeup techniques that otherwise I would have never known.

While both of my parents have always supported me in all aspects of my life, my older sisters have voluntarily taken on the role as my two back-up parents.  When my parents are busy at work or unable to tend to my infinite demands and desires, my sisters step in to rescue me from my possible mental breakdowns.  From a ride to the mall to a needed sleepover after an emotional crisis, my older sisters never disappoint me.

As our lives have progressed and we are consumed by our busy schedules, I have come to realize the significant role my older sisters have played throughout my childhood.  Although we no longer live under the same roof, I find comfort knowing that they are both just a phone call away.

Written by  Gabi Weiss –  Entertainment Editor

• oldervsyounger

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sandrakissbull • Jul 29, 2015 at 6:37 pm

being younger in sibling is good

Taylor • Mar 21, 2016 at 5:33 pm

Well i agree with you because i have 1 older brother to learn rights and wrongs from but i am the 2nd oldest out of 6 siblings and it takes alot to control them!! 😉 But sometimes your influenced your self to join the fun, no doubt you might get in trouble sometimes. 😉

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When Older Siblings Step Into Parents' Shoes

When parents pass away, fall ill or become overwhelmed, older siblings may adjust and fill the role of the guardian. Kathy Borkowski shares her experience with raising her three siblings after her parents died, and child psychologist Vicki Panaccione discusses how this relationship works on both sides.

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The Plight of the Eldest Daughter

Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Being both is exhausting.

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Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence.

At least, that’s what a contingent of oldest sisters has been saying online. Across social-media platforms, they’ve described the stress of feeling accountable for their family’s happiness , the pressure to succeed, and the impression that they aren’t being cared for in the way they care for others . Some are still teens; others have grown up and left home but still feel over-involved and overextended. As one viral tweet put it, “are u happy or are u the oldest sibling and also a girl”? People have even coined a term for this: “eldest-daughter syndrome.”

That “syndrome” does speak to a real social phenomenon, Yang Hu, a professor of global sociology at Lancaster University, in England, told me. In many cultures, oldest siblings as well as daughters of all ages tend to face high expectations from family members—so people playing both parts are especially likely to take on a large share of household responsibilities, and might deal with more stress as a result. But that caregiving tendency isn’t an inevitable quality of eldest daughters; rather, researchers told me, it tends to be imposed by family members who are part of a society that presumes eldest daughters should act a certain way. And the online outpour of grievances reveals how frustratingly inflexible assumptions about family roles can be.

Research suggests some striking differences in the experiences of first- and secondborns. Susan McHale, a family-studies professor emeritus at Penn State University, told me that parents tend to be “focused on getting it right with the first one,” leading them to fixate on their firstborn’s development growing up—their grades, their health, the friends they choose. With their subsequent children, they might be less anxious and feel less need to micromanage, and that can lead to less tension in the parent-child dynamic. On average, American parents experience less conflict with their secondborn than with their first. McHale has found that when firstborns leave home, their relationship with their family tends to improve —and conflict then commonly increases between parents and their younger children, because the spotlight is on them. Birth order can also create a hierarchy: Older siblings are often asked to serve as babysitters, role models , and advice-givers for their younger siblings.

Read: The longest relationships of our lives

To be clear, birth order doesn’t influence personality itself—but it can influence how your family sees you, Brent Roberts, a psychology professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, told me. Eldest kids, for example, aren’t necessarily more responsible than their siblings; instead, they tend to be given more responsibilities because they are older. That role can affect how you understand yourself. Corinna Tucker, a professor emerita at the University of New Hampshire who studies sibling relationships, told me that parents frequently compare their children—“‘This is my athlete’; ‘this is my bookworm’; … ‘so-and-so is going to take care of me when I’m old’”—and kids internalize those statements. But your assigned part might not align with your disposition, Roberts said. People can grow frustrated with the traits expected of them—or of their siblings. When Roberts asks his students what qualities they associate with firstborns, students who are themselves firstborns tend to list off positives like “responsible” and “leadership”; those who aren’t firstborns, he told me, call out “bossy” and “overcontrolling.”

Gender introduces its own influence on family dynamics. Women are usually the “kin keepers,” meaning they perform the often invisible labor of “making sure everybody is happy, conflicts are resolved, and everybody feels paid attention to,” McHale told me. On top of that emotional aid, her research shows, young daughters spend more time, on average, than sons doing chores; the jobs commonly given to boys, such as shoveling snow and mowing the lawn, are irregular and not as urgent.

Daughtering is the term that Allison Alford, a Baylor University communication professor who researches adult daughters, uses to describe the family work that girls and women tend to take on. That can look like picking up prescriptions, planning a retirement party, or setting aside money for a parent’s future; it can also involve subtler actions, like holding one’s tongue to avoid an argument or listening to a parent's worries. Daughtering can be satisfying, even joyful. But it can also mean caring for siblings and sometimes for parents in a way that goes above and beyond what children, especially young ones, should need to do, Alford told me.

Read: When kids have to act like parents, it affects them for life

Research on eldest daughters specifically is limited, but experts told me that considering the pressures foisted on older siblings and on girls and women, occupying both roles isn’t likely to be easy. Tucker put it this way: Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Trying to be everything for everyone is likely to lead to guilt when some obligations are inevitably unfulfilled.

Of course, these conclusions don’t apply to all families. But so it is with eldest daughters: Although not all of them are naturally conscientious or eager to kin-keep, our cultural understanding of family roles ends up shaping the expectations many feel the need to rise to. The people describing “eldest-daughter syndrome” are probably all deeply different, but talking about what they share might make their burdens feel a little lighter. And the best-case scenario, Alford told me, is that families can start renegotiating what daughtering looks like—which should also take into account what eldest daughters want for themselves.

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Sibling Relationships in Older Adulthood: Links with Loneliness and Well-being

Clare m. stocker.

Department of Psychology, University of Denver

Megan Gilligan

Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University

Eric T. Klopack

Department of Sociology, University of Georgia

Katherine J. Conger

Department of Human Ecology, University of California, Davis

Richard P. Lanthier

Graduate School of Human Development and Education, The George Washington University

Tricia K. Neppl

Catherine walker o’neal.

Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia

K.A.S. Wickrama

Associated data.

Researchers have documented associations between family relationships and a variety of well-being outcomes. Yet, sibling relationships, the longest lasting relationships in most people’s lives, have received very little research attention beyond young adulthood. The goals of the current study were to: provide descriptive information about sibling relationships in later adulthood, investigate predictors of individual differences in sibling relationship quality, and examine associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness, and well-being in later adulthood. The sample included 608 older adults (329 men, 279 women) who were 64.6 years old (SD = 4.58) on average. Participants provided self-report data about their relationships and well-being. Results showed that older adults reported high levels of sibling warmth and low levels of sibling conflict and parental favoritism. Sister-sister pairs had warmer sibling relationships than other gender-compositions. Sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, hostility and loneliness. Sibling warmth was negatively associated with loneliness. Loneliness partially mediated the associations between sibling relationship quality and well-being. Results from this study highlight the importance of sibling relationships in older adults’ health and well-being.

Researchers working from life course ( Elder, 2001 ), family systems ( Cox & Paley, 1997 ; Fingerman & Bermann, 2000 ) and attachment ( Bowlby, 1980 ; Cicirelli, 1989 ) perspectives have documented associations between family relationships and a variety of well-being outcomes. Yet, sibling relationships, the longest lasting relationship in most people’s lives, have received less research attention than other family relationships. Recent demographic changes indicate that Americans are living longer, having fewer children, divorcing later in life, and spending more of their lives as widows or widowers ( Brown & Lin, 2012 ; Furstenberg, Hartnett, Kohli & Zissimopoulos, 2015 ; Suitor, Gilligan & Pillemer, 2016 ). Given that about 85% of Americans have at least one sibling, these demographic shifts suggest that relationships with brothers and sisters may become increasingly important as Americans age. However, sibling relationships in older adulthood have been understudied compared to other life stages. The goals of this study were: first, to provide descriptive information about the nature of sibling relationships in older adulthood, second, to examine predictors of individual differences in older adults’ sibling relationships, and finally, to investigate associations among the quality of sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being in later life.

In childhood and adolescence, most siblings live together and have emotionally intense relationships characterized by high levels of both warmth and conflict ( Dunn, 1985 ; McHale, Updegraff & Whiteman, 2012 ). In young adulthood, levels of sibling conflict and rivalry are lower and sibling warmth is comparable or higher than in adolescence ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Jensen, Whiteman & Fingerman, 2018 ; Milevsky, Smoot, Leh & Ruppe, 2005 ; Scharf, Shulman & Avigad-Spitz, 2005 ). Young adult siblings also spend less time together and have less contact than earlier in development ( Jensen et al., 2018 ; Lindell, Campione-Barr, & Killoren, 2015 ; White, 2001 ). In midlife, adults may become increasingly involved with their procreative families and careers. The little research available on this developmental period suggests that sibling relationships in midlife are emotionally meaningful although less intense than sibling relationships earlier in the lifespan ( Suitor et al., 2016 ). As individuals move into older adulthood, they may no longer have spouses to rely on, and their adult children may be busy with their own families. Thus, in later adulthood, do sibling relationships fill a role that other family relationships may no longer play? Do warm and supportive sibling relationships help ameliorate stress and loneliness and contribute to improved adjustment? Is sibling conflict in older age linked to adjustment difficulties? Or do brothers and sisters grow apart in later life and have little impact on each other’s well-being?

The little research to date on sibling relationships in later adulthood suggests that, in general, older adults report having positive relationships with their siblings ( Bedford & Avioli, 2012 ; Cicirelli, 1995 ; Connidis, 2010 ; White, 2001 ), and brothers and sisters often maintain contact with each other ( Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; Paul, 1997 ; Spitze & Trent, 2006 ). In a large national panel sample of adults aged 16 – 95, contact between siblings declined during early adulthood and remained stable in midlife and later life ( White, 2001 ). In later adulthood, siblings report exchanging both emotional and instrumental support ( Campbell, Connidis, & Davies, 1999 ; Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; White, 2001 ; White & Reidmann, 1992 ). Giving and receiving help from siblings declined in early adulthood, stabilized in midlife, and increased slightly after age 70 for those with siblings living nearby ( White, 2001 ). In addition, research has shown that older adults often avoid negative interactions and focus on maintaining positive contact with the people they are closest to ( Carstensen, Issacowitz & Charles, 1999 ; Gold, 1987 ; 1989 ; Lang & Carstensen; 1994 ) and tend to have positive global views of family relationships ( Winkeler, Filipp & Boil, 2000 ). Given these findings, we anticipated that the older adults in the current study would report that their relationships with siblings were generally positive and that they would be in regular contact with each other.

Predictors of Individual Differences in Older Adults’ Sibling Relationships

A variety of factors including structural features of families may be associated with individual differences in older adults’ sibling relationships. In numerous studies, and in fact across the life course, sister-sister sibling pairs had closer relationships than brother-brother or brother-sister pairs ( Connidis, 1989 ; Milevsky et al., 2005 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). In a sample aged 16–95, siblings who were married had lower levels of contact, support, and exchange than siblings who were not married ( White, 2001 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). In contrast, in a sample of young adults assessed at age 25, and again at age 30, there were no effects of marital status on sibling relationship quality ( Jensen et al., 2018 ). Many older adults’ parents are deceased. One large panel study of Dutch families found that sibling contact increased after the death of a parent and both contact and conflict increased after the death of a second parent. However, these increases were short lived and over time, siblings whose parents were deceased had lower levels of contact and conflict than siblings whose parents were alive ( Kalmjn & Leopold, 2019 ). In studies of American families, scholars have found that adult siblings had warmer relationships, more contact, and supported one another more when one or both parents were alive compared to siblings whose parents were dead ( Khodyakov & Carr, 2009 ; Spitze & Trent, 2018 ; White & Reidmann, 1992 ). In the current study, we tested whether individual differences in sibling relationship quality were predicted by: gender, sibling gender composition, age spacing between siblings, marital status and whether participants’ parents were alive or deceased.

In older adulthood when siblings typically live apart from each other, the amount of contact they have may be related to individual differences in their relationships ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Volkom, 2006 ). In young adulthood, sibling contact was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with rivalry ( Stocker et al., 1997 ). And, in the age of increasing options for connection through technology and social media, siblings have multiple opportunities for maintaining contact regardless of proximity ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Lindell et al., 2015 ). In the current study, we examined associations between several types of contact and sibling relationship quality.

Life course ( Antonucci, Akiyama & Takahasi, 2004 ; Elder, 2001 ), family systems ( Cox & Paley, 1997 ; Fingerman & Berman, 2000 ) and adult attachment ( Cicirelli, 1989 , 1995 ) theories suggest that sibling relationships are likely to be associated with well-being across the life-span. A central tenet of life course theory is that individual development needs to be considered in the context of socio-historical events and close social relationships that can affect the individual and family. In a complementary fashion, family systems and adult attachment theories examine the links among family interactions and individual well-being. Family systems theory posits that family relationship dynamics are linked across various family subsystems (e.g., there is spillover between the parent-child subsystem and sibling subsystem). Attachment theory, which focuses on the nature of emotional bonds between parent and child ( Bowlby, 1980 ) or between siblings (e.g., Bank & Kahn, 1982 ; Stewart, 1983 ), suggests that siblings can provide emotional support and mitigate feelings of loneliness in adulthood and later life ( Cicirelli, 1989 ).

Numerous studies have documented associations between sibling relationship quality and psychological adjustment in childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. Hostility and conflict between siblings has been linked with internalizing problems such as anxiety and depression as well as with externalizing problems such as risky and antisocial behavior (see Feinberg, Solmeyer & McHale, 2012 & McHale et al., 2012 for reviews). Some research has shown that siblings can act as positive influences and sources of support for one another ( Davies, Parry, Boscoe, Martin & Cummings, 2018 ; Hollifield & Conger, 2014; Jenkins & Smith, 1990 ). Finally, a large body of work has demonstrated that feelings of rivalry and perceptions of parental favoritism are negatively associated with psychological well-being in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood ( Jensen, Whiteman, Fingerman & Birditt., 2013 ; Richmond, Stocker, & Rienks, 2005 ; Young & Ehrenberg, 2007 ).

To date, few studies have examined the associations between sibling relationship quality and adjustment past young adulthood. However, one study found that for middle-aged women, conflict with siblings was linked to more negative self-concept and more symptoms of psychological distress ( Paul, 1997 ), and a recent study found that tension in sibling relationships was associated with depressive symptoms in middle aged adults ( Gilligan et al., 2017 ). Similarly, in a small sample of 61 to 91 year-olds, perceptions of closeness to a sister were associated with lower levels of depression ( Cicirelli, 1989 ). In addition, research has demonstrated the deleterious impact of parental differential treatment on psychological well-being in adulthood ( Davey, Tucker, Fingerman, & Savla, 2009 ; Peng, Suitor, & Gilligan, 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 ; Suitor, Gilligan, Peng, Jung, & Pillemer, 2015 ; Suitor et al., 2016 ).

Research has shown that loneliness and social isolation are common among older adults and are linked to both physical health problems and psychological difficulties ( Cacioppo, Hughes, Waite, Hawkley, & Thisted, 2006 ; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ; Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 ; Ong, Uchino, & Wethington, 2015 ). Loneliness is defined as, “a subjective feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one’s social relationships” ( Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 , pg. 1). Loneliness has been conceptualized as an emotional pathway that may connect social isolation, and poor quality relationships to health and well-being difficulties ( Ong et al., 2015 ; Steptoe, Ahankar, Demakakos, & Wardle, 2013 ). Thus, in the current study, we explored whether poor sibling relationship quality in older adults was associated with higher levels of loneliness, which in turn, would be linked to poor well-being outcomes.

These associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness and well-being could differ for various subgroups of siblings. For example, previous research has shown that sister-sister pairs have closer relationships than other gender compositions ( Connidis, 1989 ; Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ), so it is possible that the links between sibling relationships and well-being are stronger for them than for other sibling gender combinations. It is also possible that individuals’ gender, marital status and their parents’ alive or deceased status could influence these associations. Thus, we explored the roles of these variables as moderators of the associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness and well-being.

In summary, given that Americans are living longer than in previous generations and that sibling relationships may take on increased salience as we age ( Uhlenberg, 1996 ), coupled with the fact that loneliness is linked to poor health and well-being, it is important to learn more about associations between sibling relationships and adjustment in later life. The first aim of this study was to describe characteristics of sibling relationships in later life. We predicted that older adults would report high levels of warmth and low levels of hostility and parental favoritism. The second aim was to examine predictors of individual differences in sibling relationship quality in later life. We expected that sister-sister pairs would have the most positive sibling relationships. We tested the effects of age, age spacing between siblings, number of siblings in the family, marital status, and whether participants’ parents were living or deceased on sibling relationship quality, but we did not make a priori hypotheses about these associations. We predicted that contact between siblings would be associated with more positive and less negative sibling relationships. The final goal was to investigate associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness, and well-being. We predicted that warmth would be associated with fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility and with lower levels of loneliness, and that conflict and parental favoritism would be positively associated with depression, anxiety, and hostility and loneliness. Based on the idea that sibling relationships could provide support and ameliorate loneliness among older adults, we tested a structural equation model in which loneliness mediated the link between sibling relationship quality and well-being. Finally, we examined the moderating roles of gender, sibling dyad gender composition, marital status, and parents’ living status on the hypothesized paths in the SEM.

The sample included 608 older adults (329 men, 279 women) who participated in the Later Adulthood Study ( Wickrama, et al., 2017 ). These participants were initially recruited for a larger longitudinal study of families in rural Midwestern United States ( Conger & Conger, 2002 ). The subsample used in the current study were all participants in the LAS (N = 758) who completed questionnaires about their relationships with a living sibling. Participants were white, were 64.6 years old on average (SD = 4.58), had an average of 13.8 years of education ( SD = 2.06), and the mean household income was $96,000 (SD = 97,971). Five hundred and two participants were married (251 men, 251 women), 35 were widowed (30 men, 5 women), and 61 were divorced (41 men, 20 women). Of the 502 married participants, 406 were married to other participants (i.e., 203 couples). The gender composition of sibling pairs included: 166 brother-brother pairs, 148 older brother-younger sister pairs, 143 older sister-younger brother pairs, and 151 sister-sister pairs. The average age spacing between siblings was 2.97 years ( SD = 2.29). On average, participants had 3.74 siblings ( SD = 2.36), 1.41 of whom were still living. Four hundred and ninety participants (80.46%) had both parents deceased, 69 (11.33%) had both parents living, and 50 (8.21%) had one living parent and one deceased parent. Table 1 provides descriptive statistics of all study variables.

Descriptive Statistics of Study Variables

Note: N = 608.

Consistent with the data collection procedures established in the early years of the larger project ( Conger & Conger, 2002 ), participants were interviewed in their homes and completed questionnaires about their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them during a two-hour home visit. In cases in which married couples participated, each partner was interviewed and completed questionnaires in a separate room in order to maintain confidentiality. Participants were paid $110 on average for their participation. Data for this report were collected in 2015. This study received approval from the institutional review board of the University of Georgia.

Adult Sibling Relationship Questionnaire - very short form.

Participants completed the ASRQ-VSF ( Lanthier & Stocker, 2014 ) about their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them. The ASRQ-VSF is a shortened version of the 81-item ASRQ ( Stocker, Lanthier, & Furman, 1997 ). (See supplemental Table 1 for a list of ASRQ-VSF items). It consists of 18 items that loaded on three scales: warmth (6 items), conflict (6 items) and parental favoritism (6 items). Warmth and conflict items were rated on 5- point Likert scales that ranged from 1 = hardly at all to 5 = extremely much. Parental favoritism items were about perceptions of mothers’ and fathers’ favoritism toward the participant and his or her sibling. These items were rated on 5- point scales (1 = participant is usually favored, 2 = participant is sometimes favored, 3 = neither participant nor sibling are favored, 4 = sibling is sometimes favored, and 5 = sibling is usually favored). Parental favoritism items were recoded as absolute discrepancy scores (0 = neither sibling is favored, 1 = parent sometimes favors one sibling over the other, and 2 = parent usually favors one sibling over the other). Scale scores were created by taking the mean of the 6 items that made up that scale. If participants’ parents were deceased, they were asked to make their ratings based on their relationships with parents and siblings, “during your adult years.” If participants’ parents were alive, they based their ratings on their relationships, “during the last year.” (There were no mean differences on parental favoritism scores for participants whose parents were alive compared to those whose parent(s) were deceased.) Warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism scales had adequate variability and were internally consistent: Cronbach alphas were: .93 for Warmth, .88 for Conflict, and .86 for Parental favoritism. Correlations between warmth and conflict and parental favoritism were significant and negative ( r = −.12 and r = −.22 respectively). Conflict and parental favoritism were significantly positively correlated ( r = .23).

Because the ASRQ-VSF had not previously been used for older adults, we conducted a Confirmatory Factor Analysis to examine the factor structure. Results supported the predicted factor structure with three independent factors: warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism (see Supplemental materials, Figure S1 ). The model fit the data adequately (CFI = .90, SRMR = .06). Because many of the participants were married to each other, robust standard errors were calculated using a sandwich estimator to account for clustering effects using the “CLUSTERING IS” command in Mplus ( Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015 ). In this procedure, individual level variances are corrected for cluster level (here couple level) variances. This method has been used extensively throughout sample survey literature and has been shown to be unbiased for clustered data regardless of setting ( Williams, 2000 ). All factor loadings in both the first and second order factors were significant (p < .001). Second order indicators were relatively well balanced, with no standardized loading absolute value below .35 or above .64.

Contact between Siblings.

Contact between siblings was measured by two questions: “During the past 12 months, how often did you see this sister or brother in person?” and “During the past 12 months, how often have you had contact with this sister or brother by phone, email, text, Facebook / other social media, by video chat (like Skype or Facetime) or by writing letters?” Both items were answered using 6-point Likert scales that ranged from 1 = every day to 6 = never. The inter-item correlation for the two items was r = .62, p < .001. Each item was reverse scored so that high scores indicated more contact. The mean of the two items made up the contact score. The scale was internally consistent, Cronbach alpha = .76.

Loneliness.

Participants completed the 20 item UCLA Loneliness Scale, version 3 ( Russell, 1996 ). Sample items include: “How often do you feel that no one knows you well?” and “How often do you feel there are people you can turn to?” Items were reverse coded when necessary such that higher scores indicated greater loneliness. Responses range from 1 = (never) to 4 = (often). Items were summed and divided by 20 to create a total score. The scale was internally consistent, Cronbach alpha = .92.

Well-being.

Participants reported on symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility on the Symptom Checklist-90-Revised (SCL-90-R) ( Derogatis, 1983 ). Participants indicated their degree of discomfort regarding adjustment problems on a scale of 0 = (not at all) to 4 = (extremely) during the past week. Example items include: “feeling blue” and “low in energy or slowed down” (depression); “nervousness or shakiness inside” and “feeling tense or keyed up” (anxiety); and “temper outbursts you cannot control” and “having urges to beat, injure, or harm someone” (hostility). Items corresponding to each subscale were averaged together to create scale scores of depression, anxiety, and hostility. The 13-item depression subscale was internally consistent ( α = .89), as was the 10-item anxiety subscale ( α = .86), and the 6-item hostility subscale ( α = .65).

Family Structure and Control Variables.

Participants’ reported their gender, their sibling’s gender, their age and their sibling’s age, number of siblings in the family, marital status, whether their parents were alive or deceased, years of education, and household income. Sibling gender dyad composition was a 4- level categorical variable in which 1 = brother-brother dyad, 2 = older brother-younger sister dyad, 3 = older sister-younger brother dyad, and 4 = sister-sister dyad. Age spacing between siblings was represented by the absolute difference between the two siblings’ ages. Marital status was coded as: 1 = married, 2 = widowed or divorced. Parents’ alive / deceased status was coded as: 1 = both parents alive, 2 = one parent alive and one parent deceased, 3 = both parents deceased. Household income was calculated as (business income - business expenses) + (income from employment) + (farm income - farm losses) + (income from other sources). Therefore, some participants had negative incomes if they lost money in business or farming.

Characteristics of Sibling Relationships in Older Adulthood

Means, associations, and MANOVAs reported below were conducted using Stata 14.2 ( StataCorp, 2015 ). The mean level of warmth in the sibling relationship was 2.75 ( SD = 1.11) on a 5-point Likert scale. The average level of conflict was lower than the mean level of warmth, 1.32 ( SD = 0.56) on a 5-point Likert scale. Reports of conflict were highly skewed toward “no conflict.” The mean level of parental favoritism was also relatively low, 0.59 ( SD = 0.59) on a scale that ranged from 0 – 2. The average amount of contact between siblings was 2.72 ( SD = 1.07), which fell about mid-way between “once a week” and “more than once a week” but was less than “every day.”

We produced a MANOVA (not shown) to examine the associations between the independent variable, sibling gender composition, and three dependent variables, sibling warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism. (Sibling gender composition had four levels: 1 = brother-brother, 2 = older brother-younger sister, 3 = older sister-younger brother, and 4 = sister-sister). F -tests for conflict and parental favoritism were not significant. The global F -statistic for warmth was significant ( F = 16.55, df = 3, 632 ,p < .001). Post-hoc analysis showed that sister-sister sibling pairs had higher levels of warmth in their relationships than all other sibling gender combinations. No other sibling pair comparison was significant. Mean sibling warmth for brother-brother, older sister-younger brother, older brother-younger sister, and sister-sister dyads were 2.46 (1.05), 2.66 (1.05), 2.64 (1.08), and 3.26 (1.09) respectively (standard deviations in parentheses).

Participants’ age was negatively correlated with parental favoritism, and there was a positive correlation between age spacing between siblings and parental favoritism. Women reported warmer sibling relationships than men (see Table 2 ). There were no significant effects of marital status (married vs. widowed or divorced) or number of siblings in the family on sibling relationship quality. We produced another MANOVA (not shown) examining the association between the independent variable, parents’ living status (1 = both parents alive, 2 = one parent alive and one parent deceased, 3 = both parents deceased) and the dependent variables: sibling warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism. Parents’ living status was not linked to scores on conflict or parental favoritism. The global F -test for warmth was significant ( F = 5.57, df = 3, 602 , p < .01). Post-hoc tests indicated that participants with both parents living reported greater warmth in their sibling relationships than participants with one living parent and participants with both parents deceased. Mean sibling warmth for respondents with both parents living, one living parent, and both parents deceased were 3.07 (1.05), 2.42 (1.03), and 2.74 (1.11) respectively (standard deviations in parentheses).

Zero Order Correlations of Study Variables (N = 608)

Results from correlational analyses indicated that the amount of contact between siblings was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with parental favoritism (see Table 2 ).

Associations among Sibling Relationship Quality, Loneliness, and Well-being

As expected, sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively correlated with measures of loneliness and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility. Sibling warmth was negatively associated with loneliness and was not associated with measures of well-being. Loneliness was positively correlated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility. (See Table 2 ).

For the next step in the analyses, we tested a structural equation model (SEM) using Mplus 7.4 (Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015). Because many of the participants were married to each other, robust standard errors were calculated using a sandwich estimator to account for clustering effects (as described earlier). Results from the SEM analysis (shown in Figure 1 ) in which loneliness partially mediated the association between sibling relationship quality and wellbeing outcomes showed that the model provided an adequate fit to the data (χ 2 (37, N = 608) = 104.63, p < .001, CFI = .94, RMSEA = .06). Gender, age, marital status, years of education, and household income were entered as controls in this model. None of the control paths were significant with two exceptions; being married was associated with less loneliness (β = −.16, p < .001), and education was negatively associated with loneliness (β = −.11, p < .01). We also tested a model including a number of additional controls (not shown), including sibling dyad gender composition, age spacing between siblings, contact, and parental living status. This model with additional controls produced nearly identical results as the original model (no standardized estimate changed by more than .05 and pattern of significance was the same). Results from the trimmed model are presented below.

Structural Equation Model: Associations Among Sibling Relationship Quality, Loneliness and Well-being

Note: N = 608; χ 2 = 104.63(37)***; RMSEA= .06, CFI = .94; †p<.10, **p<01, ***p<.001, two-tailed p-tests; standardized estimates shown, all controls used for all endogenous variables.

Each of the three sibling relationship scales loaded significantly on the latent factor, sibling relationship quality (warmth = .33, conflict = −.37, and parental favoritism = −.63), and each of the three indicators of well-being loaded significantly on the latent factor, well-being (Depression = .93, anxiety = .78, and hostility = .67). Sibling relationship quality was significantly associated with loneliness (β = −.23 , p < .01), and loneliness was significantly associated with well-being (β = .58, p < .001). These associations represent medium and large effects respectively ( Cohen, 1988 ). The path between sibling relationship quality and well-being was significant (β = −.29 , p < .05) when associations with loneliness were held to zero (i.e., a direct model with no mediator). This unmediated association was a medium effect size ( Cohen, 1988 ). This path became nonsignificant (β = −.15, p = .053) when loneliness was included in the model as a mediator. These paths were near to Cohen’s medium effect size. Because we would not expect indirect effects to have a normal distribution, we used a bootstrapping procedure to estimate 95% confidence intervals for the indirect effect estimate without using normal theory ( Bollen & Stine, 1990 ). In this procedure, 1000 resamples were drawn to construct a bootstrap distribution. This distribution was corrected for bias, and the confidence interval was constructed using the quartiles from this distribution. The indirect path from sibling relationship quality to well-being mediated by loneliness was significant (β = −.14, p < .001; unstandardized 95% CI [−5.13 - −1.01]) and explained 47.06% (specific indirect effect / total effect) of the total association between sibling relationship quality and well-being.

To assess potential moderators of the associations described above, we conducted a series of group difference tests (not shown) in Mplus ( Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015 ). We estimated a model with parameters fixed to be the same for both groups and a model with parameters for hypothesized regression paths freed between groups for each moderator. If the χ 2 value was significantly lower in the second model, that is evidence that the models differed by group ( Dimitrov, 2010 ). We began by comparing men and women. The model with freed parameters did not significantly improve on the model with fixed parameters (Δ χ 2 = 107 (3), p > .05). Thus, there was no evidence that the associations above varied by gender. We also compared sister-sister dyads to all other gender compositions and found no significant differences between these groups (Δ χ 2 = 6.11 (3), p > .05). In addition, there were no significant differences between respondents with both parents living versus all other respondents (Δ χ 2 = 1.17 (3), p > .05). Finally, we compared married to unmarried respondents and found a significant difference between these groups (Δ χ 2 = 12.25 (3), p < .01). However, Wald tests comparing parameter estimates for married and unmarried participants showed no significant differences in individual paths at the .05 level ( Cohen, Cohen, West, & Aiken, 2003 ).

Americans are living longer than in previous generations ( Bedford & Avioli, 2012 ; Furstenberg et al., 2015 ). Thus, the sibling relationship, the longest lasting relationship for most people, may become increasingly relevant for older adults and may be linked to their well-being. Key findings from our study are as follows. Sibling relationships among older adults were characterized by high levels of warmth and low levels of conflict and parental favoritism. Some family structural variables (gender, sibling gender composition, age, age spacing between siblings, and parents’ living status) were associated with individual differences in dimensions of sibling relationship quality. Sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, hostility, and loneliness. Sibling warmth was negatively correlated with loneliness. Loneliness partially mediated the association between sibling relationship quality and older adults’ well-being. Implications of these findings as well as suggestions for future research are presented in the following sections.

Participants’ reports of warmth were about mid-level on the 5-point warmth scale, and they reported low levels of conflict in their relationships with brothers and sisters. These levels of conflict were lower than typically found in childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood ( Furman & Buhrmester, 1985 ; McHale et al, 2012 ; Stocker et al., 1997 ). Previous research has noted that older adults, compared to middle aged adults, tend to have a global positive bias toward family members ( Winkeler et al., 2000 ). Thus, they may rate their sibling relationships more favorably than during earlier stages of development. It may also be the case that in later adulthood, rather than simply having a ‘rose tinted’ view of family relationships, siblings no longer engage in much conflict, or they choose to avoid negative interactions. It should be noted that participants rated their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them, not with the sibling they felt closest to emotionally. Thus, one would expect a range in the quality of these relationships, yet these older adults rated their sibling relationships as more positive than negative.

Participants’ reports of parental favoritism were also quite low, although they were similar to levels reported by young adults ( Stocker et al., 1997 ). Many of the participants had one or both parents who were deceased, yet there were no significant differences between the amount of parental favoritism reported by those whose parents were alive or deceased. Research on sibling relationships in young adulthood and midlife has shown that it is common for adults in these developmental stages to perceive favoritism (or differential treatment) by their parents ( Jensen et al., 2013 ; Peng et al., 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 , Suitor et al., 2015 , 2016 ). Taken together, this pattern of findings suggests that even in later life, and regardless of whether parents are alive or deceased, adult children are sensitive to perceived differences in parental favoritism.

Participants were in contact with each other in a variety of ways such as in person, over the phone, or on social media between once a week and several times a week, on average. These findings align with previous research that indicates that older adult siblings often maintain regular contact with each other ( Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; Paul, 1997 ; Spitze & Trent, 2006 ). The current data were collected in 2015, and contact was greater than the once or twice a month that was reported by White (2001) and may be due in part to increases in social media and cell phone use since White’s data were collected.

Individual differences in sibling relationship quality were predicted by several family structure variables. Women reported more warmth than men, and similar to findings from other developmental periods, sister-sister pairs had warmer relationships than all other gender combinations ( Connidis, 1989 ; Milevsky et. al., 2005 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). These findings are consistent with previous research that suggests that women tend to be the “kin-keepers” of families and more relational than men ( Gilligan, 1982 ; Salari & Zhang, 2006 ). Age was negatively correlated with parental favoritism, indicating that with increasing age, older adults reported less parental favoritism. This finding is consistent with other research that has shown that perceptions of negative aspects of family relationships tend to decrease as adults age ( Charles & Carstensen, 2008 ). Interestingly, greater age spacing between siblings was associated with higher levels of parental favoritism. This finding is somewhat counterintuitive given that widely spaced siblings should have fewer similarities or issues that might promote sensitivity to parental favoritism. Participants were in the “young-old” age group; 90% were between ages 59 and 70 and most were married and still working. It will be important for future research to examine the impact of age and age-spacing across a wider range of later adulthood, particularly in later stages of older age when retirement and spousal illness or death are more common.

The number of siblings in the family was not significantly associated with the quality of the sibling relationship. Also, marital status was not associated with the quality of the sibling relationship. This finding did not support previous results that older adults who are unmarried were closer to their siblings than married individuals ( Campbell et al., 1999 ; White, 2001 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). Whether participants’ parents were alive or deceased was not associated with reports of parental favoritism but was significantly associated with sibling warmth. Participants with both parents alive had warmer sibling relationships than those with one or both parents deceased. These results suggest that parents may play a kinkeeping role for their adult children that might contribute to higher levels of warmth among siblings with living parents than deceased parents ( Kalmijn & Leopold, 2019 ).

Consistent with results from an earlier study with young adult siblings ( Stocker et al., 1997 ), we found that frequency of contact between siblings was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with parental favoritism. As the role of technology and social media grows and as older Americans become more facile with these forms of communication, the opportunity to exchange information and support with siblings who do not live close by may increase. Moreover, recent research suggests that the type of technological communication (i.e., synchronous, in real time such as texting and talking vs. asynchronous, not in real time such as email and Facebook) may be differentially associated with sibling relationship quality ( Lindell et al, 2015 ). In addition, in older adulthood, one sibling may adopt new technology (e.g. texting) and another may not, thus creating the potential for less personal communication. These issues deserve further study.

As predicted, the quality of older adults’ sibling relationships was associated with their well-being. Conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with depression, anxiety, and hostility symptoms. However, sibling warmth was not significantly associated with adjustment outcomes. These results are similar to those found at younger developmental stages in that there tend to be stronger ties between the negative aspects than the positive features of sibling relationships and psychological adjustment ( Feinberg et al., 2012 ; McHale et al., 2012 ). The fact that older adults’ perceptions of parental favoritism was the highest loading scale on the sibling relationship factor and was associated with poorer adjustment is noteworthy because one might predict that at this late stage of development, adults would no longer be sensitive to perceived inequities in parental behavior, from either earlier in adulthood or currently. However, the associations between parental favoritism and adjustment were consistent with findings from studies that range across childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and midlife ( Jensen et al., 2013 ; McHale et al., 2012 ; Peng et al., 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 ; Suitor et al., 2015 ) and suggest that issues having to do with parental favoritism continue to be at play in older adulthood

Given that levels of loneliness are high in older adults and that numerous studies have found connections between loneliness and poor physical and mental health in older adults (see Cacioppo et al., 2018; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ; Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 ; Steptoe et al., 2013 ), we examined loneliness as a mediator between older adult sibling relationship quality and well-being. Results from a SEM analysis showed that loneliness partially mediated this association; thus, future research could investigate the role of loneliness as a mechanism that connects family relationships and well-being. For example, do poor quality relationships contribute to feelings of loneliness, which in turn contribute to low well-being, or is the direction of influence the reverse? In addition, it would be interesting to study older adults’ sibling relationships in conjunction with other close relationships. Do sibling relationships have a unique role in relation to older adults’ loneliness and well-being or could another relationship substitute for the sibling relationship?

Moderation analyses showed that there were no significant differences in results from the SEM between men and women, sister-sister dyads and all other sibling gender compositions, and respondents with both parents living vs. those with one or both parents deceased. There was a significant difference in the fit of the SEM for married and unmarried participants, but follow-up tests showed no significant differences in individual paths for married and unmarried participants. This deserves further study because the nature of associations among sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being may vary for those with and without spouses.

In addition to the contributions of this research, there are several limitations. The sample consisted of white adults from the Midwest; thus results may not generalize to other ethnic groups. However, previous findings from this sample have been replicated across other more diverse samples such as African American ( R. D. Conger et al., 2002 ), Mexican American ( Parke et al., 2005 ), and Finnish families ( Solantaus, Leinonen, & Punamaki, 2004 ), giving us greater confidence in the generalizability of our results. Specific to studies with siblings, previous research has shown that “familism” (one’s sense of family obligation) contributes to the nature of adolescent sibling relationships in Mexican Origin families ( Updegraff, McHale, Whiteman, Thayer & Delgado, 2005 ). Clearly, research is needed on older adult sibling relationships in a variety of ethnic groups and cultural settings. There were several measurement issues that could have affected our findings. First, data were based on one sibling’s self-reports. Future research should include both siblings’ perspectives and incorporate other methodologies, such as observations. Second, because the ASRQ-VSF was not designed for older adults, there could be other dimensions of the sibling relationship in later life that our measure did not capture. Third, the ASRQ-VSF assessed parental favoritism on an absolute scale, results could have differed if the direction of parental favoritism has been measured. Finally, these data were from one point in time; longitudinal research is needed to examine both the direction of associations among sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being, as well as how these associations change or remain stable across adult development.

Results from this study have several implications for policy and practice. As our population ages, policy makers should attend to the role that sibling relationships play in older adults’ health and well-being. Furthermore, professionals working with families in applied settings might design interventions that decrease sibling conflict and perceptions of parental favoritism as well as promote sibling relationships as sources of companionship and support for older adults. Moreover, the relationships between siblings in midlife should be considered as many adult siblings will need to cooperate in managing their aging parents’ health and well-being.

In conclusion, results from the current study increase our understanding of sibling relationships in later adulthood and provide directions for future research. Demographic changes in the United States indicate that Americans are living longer, having fewer children, divorcing later in life, and spending more time as widows and widowers than in previous generations ( Brown & Lin, 2012 ; Furstenberg et al., 2015 ; Suitor et al., 2016 ). Moreover, loneliness is high among aging Americans and is linked to poor mental and physical health ( Cacioppo et al., 2006 ; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ). In later life, sibling relationships may become increasingly important as sources of support and may mitigate feelings of loneliness and contribute to well-being.

Supplementary Material

Supplemental material, acknowledgments.

This research is currently supported by a grant from the National Institute on Aging (AG043599, Kandauda A. S. Wickrama, PI). The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the funding agencies. Support for earlier years of the study also came from multiple sources, including the National Institute of Mental Health (MH00567, MH19734, MH43270, MH59355, MH62989, MH48165, MH051361); the National Institute on Drug Abuse (DA05347); the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (HD027724, HD051746, HD047573, HD064687); the Bureau of Maternal and Child Health (MCJ-109572); and the MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Adolescent Development Among Youth in High-Risk. Some of these data and ideas were presented at the National Council on Family Relations annual conference in San Diego, CA, 11/8/2018.

Contributor Information

Clare M. Stocker, Department of Psychology, University of Denver.

Megan Gilligan, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University.

Eric T. Klopack, Department of Sociology, University of Georgia.

Katherine J. Conger, Department of Human Ecology, University of California, Davis.

Richard P. Lanthier, Graduate School of Human Development and Education, The George Washington University.

Tricia K. Neppl, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University.

Catherine Walker O’Neal, Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia.

K.A.S. Wickrama, Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia.

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Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

Students are often asked to write an essay on Being the Oldest Sibling in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

The role of an oldest sibling.

Being the oldest sibling is like being a mini-parent. You’re often expected to set an example for your younger siblings. You guide them, protect them, and help them navigate through life.

Responsibilities and Challenges

With this role comes responsibilities and challenges. You need to be mature and responsible, which can sometimes feel like a burden. Yet, it’s also an opportunity to grow and learn.

Benefits of Being the Oldest

Despite the challenges, being the oldest sibling has its perks. You get to experience things first and pave the way for your siblings, which can be rewarding.

250 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

The privilege and pressure of being the oldest sibling.

Being the oldest sibling in a family is a position that carries both privileges and pressures. The role is often characterized by leadership and responsibility, but also comes with unique challenges.

Leadership and Responsibility

As the oldest, you are your siblings’ first role model. Younger siblings look up to you, learning from your actions and decisions. You are often tasked with guiding them, providing support, and even mediating disputes. This responsibility can be rewarding, fostering a sense of maturity and leadership skills.

Pressure and Expectations

However, being the eldest also means facing high expectations from parents and society. You’re expected to set a good example, excel in academics, and often help with household chores. This can lead to additional stress and a feeling of constant scrutiny.

The Balancing Act

Balancing the privileges and pressures of being the oldest sibling is a delicate act. It requires understanding and empathy towards your younger siblings, patience with yourself, and effective communication with your parents.

In conclusion, being the oldest sibling is a unique position filled with both challenges and rewards. It shapes one’s personality, instills leadership skills, and teaches the art of balancing responsibilities. Despite the pressures, the bond formed with younger siblings and the growth experienced as the eldest is truly invaluable.

500 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

Being the oldest sibling in a family is an experience that is as rewarding as it is challenging. It is a role that can shape an individual’s personality, influence their relationships, and impact their future.

The Role of Leadership

The oldest sibling often assumes a leadership role within the family. This role is not just about being in control or having authority; it’s about responsibility, guidance, and protection. The oldest sibling is typically the first to navigate the trials and tribulations of growing up, from the first day of school to the first heartbreak. These experiences, while unique to each individual, provide a blueprint for younger siblings to follow. The oldest sibling is often seen as a role model, a figure of admiration, and a source of advice. However, this leadership role also comes with its own set of challenges.

The Burden of Expectations

Being the oldest often means bearing the weight of high expectations. Parents, consciously or unconsciously, may expect the oldest sibling to set an example, to be a beacon of success for their younger siblings. This can create a significant amount of pressure, leading to stress and anxiety. The oldest sibling might feel the need to suppress their own desires or ambitions to meet these expectations, which can lead to feelings of resentment or dissatisfaction.

The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships

Being the oldest sibling can also shape the dynamics of sibling relationships. The oldest often finds themselves in the role of a third parent, responsible for their siblings’ well-being. This can lead to a complex mix of feelings – love and protectiveness, but also frustration and a longing for personal space. This dynamic can also lead to conflicts, as the oldest sibling navigates the delicate balance between being a sibling and assuming parental responsibilities.

Personal Growth and Development

Despite the challenges, being the oldest sibling can significantly contribute to personal growth and development. The leadership role can foster qualities like responsibility, empathy, and patience. The pressure of expectations can drive ambition and resilience. The complexities of sibling relationships can enhance interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence.

In conclusion, being the oldest sibling is a multifaceted experience filled with privileges and pressures. It is a role that can shape an individual’s personality, influence their relationships, and impact their future. While it comes with its own set of challenges, it also offers unique opportunities for personal growth and development. It is a role that requires balance – between fulfilling expectations and pursuing personal ambitions, between being a sibling and being a leader. Ultimately, it is a role that can be as rewarding as it is challenging.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

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