what is a successful college experience essay

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College Essays

Carnegie Mellon is ranked among the top 25 universities in the nation , so you'll need to have an impressive application—with stand-out essays, of course!—in order to get admitted. Applicants must submit a total of four Carnegie Mellon essays, three of which comprise the Carnegie Mellon supplement.

Keep reading to learn what the current Carnegie Mellon essay prompts are, what topics you could write about, and what qualities make for a great Carnegie Mellon essay.

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What Are the Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompts?

In addition to the personal statement you must write for the Common App (for which you get to select one out of seven possible prompts), Carnegie Mellon requires all applicants to submit three supplemental essays; these essays make up the Carnegie Mellon Supplement.

Applicants are not allowed to submit other supplemental materials with their applications, such as websites, artwork, or resumes. (Note that the only exception to this is if you're applying to a school that requires additional materials , such as the School of Architecture.)

Each essay may be up to 300 words long, making them a little shorter than your typical personal statement for college, which is usually around 500-600 words.

So what are the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts? Let's take a look:

Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that's developed over time—what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study?

Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience?

Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee's consideration? Highlight something that's important to you or something you haven't had a chance to share. Tell us, don't show us (no websites please).

As you can see, each Carnegie Mellon essay you must write will focus on something different about yourself. Specifically, you must explain the following in your essays:

• For Essay 1, what you plan to major in and why
• For Essay 2, what you hope to get out of attending college
• For Essay 3, something you want to emphasize about yourself

How should you write each Carnegie Mellon essay? We give you specific tips next.

All Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompts, Analyzed

In this section, we'll go over the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts in detail, giving you key tips so you can ensure your essays stand out from the rest of the crowd.

Carnegie Mellon Essay 1: Your Intended Major

Though it might look a little wordy, all this Carnegie Mellon essay prompt is really asking is, "Why this major?" More specifically, this prompt wants you to relate the intellectual path you've taken by explaining the experiences, people, and/or events that have led you to want to major in this particular field.

By far the most effective way to answer this prompt is to tell a compelling story about how you came to be interested in your intended major. Think about the most important moments from your life that showcase your love of what you want to study, and then write about those.

For example, say you plan to major in musical composition. You could start off by recounting the first time you tried to write a piece of music on your family's piano and how hard it was. However, you really enjoyed the process of creating something new. This prompted you to enroll in weekly piano lessons; you also continued to compose piano pieces in your spare time. As a sophomore, you decided to enter your school's talent show and ended up winning with a musical piece you'd composed.

While you don't need to stick to chronological order, using this organization ensures your essay is easy to follow and clearly illustrates how you progressed from someone who knew nothing about the field to someone now highly devoted to it.

In addition, be sure to focus on not only how you became interested in your major but also how this journey of discovering your passion has affected you and your goals. For example, perhaps you want to major in architecture because you hope to use your skills to encourage eco-friendly living and therefore combat the effects of climate change.

It's also a good idea to mention, explicitly or implicitly, how Carnegie Mellon will help you accomplish your goals in your intended field. You could talk briefly about a particular faculty member in your field whom you hope to work with, an expensive piece of equipment offered at Carnegie Mellon, or specific professional opportunities available to students.

Finally, be careful not to exaggerate. Don't say you suddenly developed an interest in literature after reading The Great Gatsby for English class if you actually loathed the book or had a passion for literature well before then.

It's OK if there wasn't one single moment in your life that made you realize this major was the right one for you. Instead of acting as though some particular incident was more significant than it actually was, just focus on the overall journey you took to get to the point you're at now—that is, the major you've chosen to pursue.

Carnegie Mellon Essay 2: Why You're Going to College

Going to college isn't just about getting your degree. That's part of it, of course—you'd feel pretty cheated if you got all the way through college only to find out that you weren't getting your degree—but learning new things and growing as a person are also really important.

In this essay, Carnegie Mellon wants to see you discuss how learning, not just having a degree, will represent your growth in college. That might feel a little intimidating since you haven't actually left for college yet, but you have two important things to draw on: experience in your prior education, and your hopes for the future.

When responding to this prompt, think less about the individual classes you'll take, what grades you'll get in them, or what essays you'll write. Think about the learning process, all the little things that go into your education beyond the grades and assignments. How do you learn? And beyond that, what did you learn?

Think about what having a "successful college experience" would look like for you. When you graduate, what knowledge and experience do you hope to have? What unique experiences will you have at Carnegie Mellon that will shape the person you ultimately want to become?

This is a time to be specific. Maybe you see yourself as belonging to a thriving intellectual community, and thought-provoking discussion is one of the ways that you learn best. You can look at what groups there are on campus, for example, and see which ones you'd like to join.

Joining re:verb might be a way that you connect with other people who love having thought-provoking discussions, or maybe you're drawn more toward MOSIAC to learn about concepts like intersectionality. You can identify groups that appeal to you in your specific niche, and mention them in your essay as places where you hope to find your intellectual community.

Of course, that's not the only way to go about it. The important thing you need to convey is that you have an interest not just in attaining your diploma, but in the experience of learning. How you do that is up to you—you can describe how you learn and how Carnegie Mellon will help enrich you as a person through their teaching methods, through being around other accomplished and intellectual individuals, or by naming specific clubs, groups, or classes you want to be part of.

Show Carnegie Mellon how you learn and how they'll contribute to your specific goals, and you'll be on the right track!

Carnegie Mellon Essay 3: Something Important About You

This essay prompt is the most open-ended of the three and a great opportunity to really dig into any important attributes of yourself that you feel you didn't get to write enough about or at all in other parts of your application.

Did you write about something in another essay, such as the one you wrote for the Common App, that you wish to talk about more here? Do you want to write about something that's important to you and that you haven't had a chance to elaborate on yet?

Your topics are pretty endless here —just make sure whatever you write about for this essay is revealing something important that you think the admissions committee should know about you.

This could be a specific personality trait —maybe you want to emphasize your leadership skills by talking about your role as team leader at the local youth club—or something about your life that's had a major impact on how you see yourself and your future.

Here are some topics you could write about (but don't feel limited by these suggestions!):

• A specific incident that holds importance for you, and what it taught you about your academic and/or professional interests, your goals, your personality, etc.
• Someone you know who has impacted you in a significant way, and how that person has specifically influenced your interests and/or goals
• An explanation for something that negatively impacted your grades or another part of your application —for example, perhaps you spent a lot of time taking care of a sick relative during your sophomore year of high school, which caused your grades to dip slightly
• A particular interest, passion, hobby, or skill you have, and what you've gained, either intellectually or emotionally, from it

Once again, don't try to write about what you think the CMU admissions committee wants to read—be honest about what's important to you and why. If you volunteered somewhere a few times but didn't enjoy it or gain anything valuable from it, do not write about it here!

Similarly, don't be afraid to focus on something seemingly mundane. Just be sure you're using the topic you choose—even if it's pretty commonplace—to ultimately reveal something important about you. So, no, it's probably not a good idea to write about how you spend hours on Instagram every day, since this hobby isn't really revealing anything significant about you, your goals, or your personal growth.

2 Real Carnegie Mellon Essay Examples + Analysis

In order to write a great Carnegie Mellon essay, it helps to see what kinds of essays actually got applicants accepted to this prestigious university. Here, we give you two real Carnegie Mellon essay examples we found online and explain what makes them successful.

Carnegie Mellon Essay Example 1

This first of the two Carnegie Mellon essay examples comes from the college essays website Essays That Worked . The essay is quite long— more than 650 words! —and was written in response to the following (old) supplemental Carnegie Mellon essay prompt:

And now here's the essay:

When I was younger, I faced a lot of negative emotions including anxiety and low self-esteem. For a long time, I felt alone and as if no one understood how I felt. My self confidence was at an all-time low when I started taking psychology. All of a sudden the negative emotions I was feeling started making sense. I was suddenly able to understand how people were wired and why others treated me a certain way. I in fact was able to feel empathy for my aggressors after understanding that those who treated me negatively often faced struggles of their own.

Most importantly, I felt as though something out there finally understood me. Because psychology offered insight into my own behavior and helped me to understand others, I was eventually able to overcome my insecurities. In the future, I would like to help others do the same. No matter where I end up, understanding why people behave a certain way and being more considerate and empathetic for others will only help me thrive. Mental health is a growing issue in our society. The world we live in is a confusing place filled with pain, but psychology provides a way to determine the cause of this suffering and how to change it. I never want anyone to feel the isolation and sorrow I felt when I was younger.

I want to help others become compassionate and unconditionally loving not just toward others, but to themselves. Even if I only make a small change in the world and affect just one person’s life, I would like to pursue that.

Here's why this Carnegie Mellon essay works so well:

• It has an honest, compelling narrative that flows well. This applicant begins by explaining how their feelings and experiences allowed them to form a connection to the field of psychology from a young age. This story is raw and honest, and it highlights the applicant's reasons for wanting to pursue psychology in an appropriate and relevant manner.
• It's extremely specific. The applicant uses concrete details to explain their background and why the psychology major is a perfect fit for their goals and interests. In addition, the essay connects the applicant’s present interest in psychology to how they hope to help others in the future, giving us a clear indication of why the applicant is so interested in psychology.

Carnegie Mellon Essay Example 2

This second Carnegie Mellon essay example also comes from the website Essays That Worked and, like the essay above, responds to a current Carnegie Mellon essay prompt .

It was written in response to Carnegie Mellon essay prompt number three:

Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words max)

Here is the essay:

I recall entering the intimidating world of high school as an exorbitantly introverted, stereotypical Asian girl. My father urged me to assert myself and attempt new activities I wouldn’t have typically participated in. I didn’t want to be disappointed in twenty years by the things I didn’t attempt in high school, so I decided to pursue my long-time dream of becoming a cheerleader. I had always admired the optimism that cheerleaders had, and I was at a point in my life where I needed more positivity.

I faced obstacles trying to join the team. An Asian cheerleader? But Asians were supposed to be smart and cheerleaders were dumb! I broke racial stereotypes by becoming the first Asian cheerleader in my high school. When I made the squad, I was exposed to individuals which whom I did not ordinarily traverse paths. I stepped outside of my bubble and met girls who were extremely extroverted and seemed to be in a constant state of elation. They taught me how to spread positivity throughout my daily interactions and taught me to use optimism as a strength in facing the hurdles of life. These were qualities I would have never learned from a textbook.

My parents had possessed strong reservations about me joining and feared I would meet girls who weren’t motivated in academics. This was false. Many of the girls were brilliant and creative in ways my regular friend group wasn’t. All avenues of life met there on that team.

Cheerleading was the rain and sun that helped a small seed like me bloom into a flower. It delights me knowing that I gained social skills and made friends I never thought I could gain. Cheerleading has changed my perspective on life and joining that family is one of my greatest treasures.

• It's tightly focused. This essay centers on a struggle the applicant overcame, a topic that is made clear quickly and acts as the focal point throughout the essay. We learn that the applicant made a decision in high school--to become a cheerleader--that defied racial stereotypes and helped her grow as a person. The role that cheerleading played in the applicant’s personal growth remains the focus through the end of the essay.
• It goes into significant detail about a specific incident. In order to showcase the uniqueness of their experience and the impact it had on their identity, this applicant wrote a detailed description of what being a cheerleader was really like, beyond the stereotypes, and what they learned from that experience. This provides information about who the applicant is that can’t be conveyed through the other parts of their application.

4 Tips for a Great Carnegie Mellon Essay

As you now know, you'll need to write three essays for the Carnegie Mellon supplement. Here are some general tips to keep in mind as you begin to work on each Carnegie Mellon essay.

#1: Use Highly Specific Details

Don't rely on catch-all phrases to get your points across in your essays. Instead, try to think of real, concrete examples you can use.

Specific details will make each Carnegie Mellon essay you write (and your application as a whole!) stand apart from others; it also proves to the admissions committee that you know what kinds of opportunities are available to you at Carnegie Mellon.

#2: Avoid Exaggeration—Be Yourself!

Many students think they need to write about topics that sound "impressive," but this isn't actually what admissions committees want. What they really want is to learn more about who you are, what you sound like naturally (on paper, of course), and what you value in life.

This is why it's so important for you to clearly channel your voice in your writing. For example, it's OK to tell a joke or focus on a lighthearted topic if you would describe yourself as a comedian.

Just make sure that, no matter what kind of topic you choose or how you write, you're ultimately making a bigger, important point about yourself —one that ideally emphasizes essential facets of your personality, your experiences, and/or your ambitions.

#3: Don't Repeat Anything You've Written for Your Common App Essay

Carnegie Mellon requires all applicants to submit the Common App essay in addition to the three essays described above, so you'll want to ensure there's not too much overlap between them. While it's OK to elaborate on a specific topic or point that you briefly mentioned in another essay, don't end up writing about the same experience more than once.

The point of these essays is to showcase various aspects of your personality and life, and you won't succeed if all you're doing is repeating yourself in each Carnegie Mellon essay!

#4: Edit, Polish, and Proofread

Our final tip is to take a lot of time to edit, polish, and proofread each Carnegie Mellon essay you write. Look over each essay multiple times to catch typos and other technical errors, such as grammatical problems, and spelling mistakes.

You should also be on the lookout for the following problems:

• Any inconsistencies in style, tone, voice, tense, etc.
• Any areas that are unclear, vague, or awkwardly worded or placed
• Any irrelevant details or descriptions that don't add anything important

Once you've edited and changed your essays a few times, give them to someone you trust, such as a teacher, mentor, or parent, and have that person offer feedback on how you could improve your writing.

Here are some key questions to ask this person to think about as they edit your essay:

• Is the topic/theme effective and appropriate for a college essay?
• Does the essay sound as though you wrote it (and not someone else)? Does the voice sound like your authentic voice?
• Does the overall organization make sense? Is there a story, and does it flow well? Does the structure successfully get the main point across?
• Are the details specific and relevant?

With all these tips in mind, you should definitely be able to write a great Carnegie Mellon essay!

What's Next?

You'll need to use the Common App if you're applying to Carnegie Mellon. Get tips on how to write a great Common App essay with our expert guide.

Thinking of applying to other great schools like Princeton , Brown , or Columbia ? Then be sure to check out our guides to learn how you can write amazing essays for these schools' supplements.

Learn more about Carnegie Mellon's admission requirements by visiting its school page in our extensive database.

Hannah received her MA in Japanese Studies from the University of Michigan and holds a bachelor's degree from the University of Southern California. From 2013 to 2015, she taught English in Japan via the JET Program. She is passionate about education, writing, and travel.

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5 Carnegie Mellon Essay Examples

What’s covered:, essay example #1 – computer science, essay example #2 – healthy self-definition, essay example #3 – future business major, essay example #4 – future international relations major.

• Essay Example # 5 – Politics
• Where to Get Your Carnegie Mellon Essay Edited

Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) is a school with both impressive technical programs and outstanding creative programs. Because of the university’s multifaceted academic success and the tremendous opportunities students have after graduation, CMU is highly renowned and boasts a low acceptance rate.

In this post, we will go over essays real students have submitted to Carnegie Mellon. We will also share what each essay did well and where they could be improved to inspire your writing.   Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Carnegie Mellon essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts. 

Prompt: Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity, or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieving your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 words)

7:30 am… As I open my eyes, I look at the pinboard in front of my bed. Written in red block letters are two of the many goals of my life: “Make life better and more independent for the Visually impaired; Inspire kids to explore the field of STEM, making them the future problem solvers.”

9:00 am… Keeping these goals afresh in mind, I freshen up and get ready for the first class of the day, 16-385 Computer Vision, with Professor Ioannis Gkioulekas. As he explains the Applications of Neural Networks in Object identification, a light bulb sparks in my mind: I can modify the head contraption of SPECULUR to identify objects in peripheral vision and alert the wearer via an earpiece using Text to Speech (TTS). 

1:00 pm… After class, I find myself at the CI2CV Lab for Computer Vision, where I brainstorm ways to implement my idea successfully. Frustrated after repeatedly getting bugs in my algorithm, I am surrounded by problem-hungry tartans ready to collaborate with me in no time.

3:00 pm… After lunch, I head off to the Gates and Hillman complex to meet up with Gavin Deiss, an executive board member at Teknowledge, as we discuss ways to open teacher positions for high school students. I propose, “We can include students from AiGoLearning India and teach them a global coding curriculum.”

For me, a successful college learning experience at CMU comprises many things like exploring the unparalleled curriculum, innovative labs, and facilities. However, above all is the resource of people, including my fellow tartans and scholarly professors. The diverse experiences and unique backgrounds they bring cannot be found anywhere else; hence I want to assimilate all the insights I can gather from them, during my time at CMU.

What the Essay Did Well

If you are looking for a way to play with the structure of your essay, this is a great way to go! By describing their ideal day at CMU, we get to see this student’s interests, motivations, aspirations, and drive. Not only that, the essay flows nicely and effortlessly transitions to new ideas by jumping ahead in the schedule.

When students try to employ this schedule-style of an essay they often just discuss their class schedule and maybe an extracurricular activity. This is good, but this student goes above by starting the essay in their dorm and clearly showing us what motivates them with their sticky notes: “ Make life better and more independent for the Visually impaired; Inspire kids to explore the field of STEM, making them the future problem solvers.”  They also include them working at a lab outside of class, which is a nice bridge between their academic and extracurricular interests.

Although they only highlight three opportunities at CMU, the level of detail and elaboration for each one is infinitely more important than a long list of classes and clubs. When they discuss the class, the student incorporates key topics from the class and explains an original idea they develop as a result of being in class. Notice how that’s a bit different than simply name-dropping the course and professor? We also get told about them finding bugs in the algorithm (a common experience that humanizes the student) and we get snippets of a conversation they have at their meeting.

The structure this student chose serves this essay very well until the final paragraph. Breaking from the established pattern of following a daily schedule abruptly disturbs the flow of the essay and makes the ending more mundane than the preceding paragraphs. To fix this, the student should have kept the same style throughout their response.

They don’t need to tell us “ a successful college learning experience at CMU comprises many things like exploring the unparalleled curriculum, innovative labs, and facilities, ” because we saw that in each paragraph. The important aspect of their conclusion is the “ resource of people ,” as they say. This could have been highlighted in a paragraph like this:

“ 8:00pm… Squished between friends from my Biomedical Engineering class and my badminton club on the couch in the common room, I take in the diverse perspectives all coming together to settle the argument of East Coast versus West Coast once and for all. Where else but here would I be a part of such a colorful community?

11:30pm… I drift off to sleep, excited to do it all again tomorrow. “

Prompt: Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words)

I will never forget the feeling I had in Kindergarten when I received a failing grade because I couldn’t answer the question “where do you live?” It was a simple question, one that my classmates answered with ease. I was, however, struck by the recounting of my private home life. The 2009 recession left my family homeless and broke, living in the basement of a close friend. While we were fortunate to have somewhere to sleep, my family, especially me, internalized the negative sentiments from everyone we knew at the time. While my Kindergarten teacher didn’t mean any harm, the question reinforced my feeling of inferiority. No matter what I said, there were serious diminutions to my character: being honest about my homelessness or being dishonest about my own circumstances. I ultimately responded with the latter, saying “I don’t know.”

That day, I accepted the failing grade, and this moment became a stepping stone to a now valuable trait: healthy self-definition. Healthy self-definition relies on improving the objective truths of myself and fixing lacking characteristics into better ones. Lying to my Kindergarten teacher wasn’t healthy nor ethical to do, but the action of choosing who I wanted to be sparked the desire for healthy self-definition throughout high school. For example, I redefined myself from a dispassionate pianist to an authentic music producer. I used track and field to redefine my lack of athleticism growing up and eventually became a top-three sophomore 400-meter hurdler at my school. I had extreme social anxiety, so I used the Tech in Music Club to redefine my social ability and practice leadership and public speaking skills. In all weak aspects of my character and identity, I improved and continue to improve through these healthy redefinitions. Like Kindergarten me, I refuse to be defined by my circumstances.

This essay’s main strength is its content. At its core, this essay tells a beautiful story where a student transformed tragic circumstances into tremendous self-growth. That is exactly the kind of student that a university wants to admit!

The prompt here is very open-ended. From the point of view of admissions, it asks “what else do you want to tell us?” To a student, this can be read as “what additional information will help us get to know you and want you ?” This student identified their ability to see weaknesses as opportunities for improvement—which they label “healthy self-definition”—as something CMU would want, then used a specific anecdote to show that ability.

In addition to the content, this student followed a tried-and-true essay structure that allowed for an engaging, yet reflective essay. Opening with an anecdote, looking back on the experience, explaining the broader implications, and then tying the conclusion back to the anecdote is a simple, but effective, structure to use for your essay.

What Could Be Improved 

While the anecdote/reflection structure can facilitate an engaging essay, this student falls flat with their static writing. Essentially, the story is engaging, but the way the student writes it doesn’t do it justice. It’s repetitive, confusing, and a bit boring at times.

For example, in the first paragraph, the following phrases and sentences are all getting at the same idea and could be condensed into one concise sentence:

• “I was, however, struck by the recounting of my private home life.”
• “…my family, especially me, internalized the negative sentiments from everyone we knew at the time…”
• “…the question reinforced my feeling of inferiority…”

With regards to the second paragraph, the student introduces a value that they call “ healthy self-definition. ” When describing “ healthy self-definition, ” the student is simultaneously repetitive and unclear. The current writing requires too much energy on the part of the reader to parse through what is being said. If the student provided a concise definition of “healthy self-definition” before giving the examples from their life, this paragraph would work better. 

With some simple reorganization and more dynamic writing, the paragraph could be as follows:

“That’s when I established a personal value that I now call “healthy self-definition”—of course, it took about a decade for five-year-old me to figure out the name for my value. Healthy self-definition, at its core, means that I take time to identify my weaknesses, then redefine them as strengths. I acknowledge who I am, then find opportunities for improvement. 

I’m a dispassionate pianist, turned authentic music producer. I’m a struggling athlete, turned “top-three Cedar High hurdler.” I used to nervously linger at the back of club meetings, but now I run the very same meetings. No one could dare call me weak when I’m constantly redefining my weaknesses as strengths. Just like Kindergarten me, I will not be defined by my circumstances.”

Prompt: Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study? (300 words)

In fifth grade, my mother arranged a business for me and some friends. We must support a local business and donate our profits towards a good cause. Three ten-year-old kids, with money borrowed from our parents, purchased handmade crafts and ornaments made by disabled workers to resell. I led the operation. Scheduled for several weekends at a public market square, the commerce commenced. Despite my excitement running my first ever business, as the night arrived and the market awoke from its peaceful slumber, surging stranger anxiety stumped me. With adults swamping the space, my body unconsciously cowered. Embarrassment overwhelmed me, and I stood only able to stare at passing customers with my lips sewn shut. After the first night, three kids on the verge of tears sold two knitted dolls. My mother, sensing a crumbling business as its workers became paralyzed by fear, advised me, “As a leader, your job is to accomplish your goals not by yourself, but with your team.” Though not the typical cheers, my mother’s words roused the leader from within me. Wiping away my tears, I reconvened the team and restrategized. We assigned responsibilities: attracting customers, advertising, and collecting payments. Writing out our sales pitches and practicing with each other, we reunited with the sight of profits. The second weekend started: to every corner of the streets, we asked every possible customer. Our efforts paid off. At the end of that night, we sold out. Next weekend, us businessmen along with our parents went shopping using our profits. Looking at the Barbie dolls, stuffed animals, and model cars neatly wrapped, I proudly dropped the Christmas gifts at the local children’s cancer hospital. My first business endeavor taught me a crucial purpose of entrepreneurship: the ability to strengthen networks of people and make positive social changes.

This essay prompt is the classic “Why This Major?” essay,   which asks you to detail your interest in the field and your professional goals. The writer elaborates on their motivation to pursue entrepreneurship through a fitting anecdote about their first time leading a business.

The author shares genuine reasons that make entrepreneurship exciting to them, such as developing leadership skills and making positive social change. These are authentic reasons for pursuing their major that stay away from the superficial motives for pursuing a major such as money or prestige.

Additionally, throughout this entire essay the writer keeps their audience captivated by employing strong use of imagery. It almost feels as if one is right in the middle of the market with the writer as they struggle to navigate the chaos of the market. The line “Embarrassment overwhelmed me, and I stood only able to stare at passing customers with my lips sewn shut” makes the reader feel just as anxious as the author is in the moment. And it feels even better to the reader when the author sells out the entire stock of crafts and ornaments the following night and donates the money to charity. 

As the essay progresses, it’s hard not to wonder what is going to happen next, and the story strings together very nicely, despite having a limited word count. By the end of the essay, the reader has a better understanding of why this student has chosen to pursue entrepreneurship, because they have shared an exciting lived experience that captures the ups and downs of a fast-paced, turbulent major.

All in all, this essay was well written and the author’s point came across well. However, a few items could be slightly improved, including a few syntax errors, poor transition statements and slight thematic inconsistency. 

The second sentence of this essay “We must support a local business and donate our profits towards a good cause” appears a bit out of place and may be better suited in quotes as the mother appears to be speaking these lines. Alternatively, the writer could have rephrased to something like “We were tasked with supporting a local business…”

Similarly, in the last sentence, the author says their motivation for pursuing entrepreneurship is the “ability to strengthen networks of people,” when it may have been more succinct and less clunky to say something along the lines of “the ability to bring people together.”

Another area of improvement for the essay comes in the middle, when the author’s mother “roused the leader” within them. The author could have expanded on why their mother’s words roused them to overcome the daunting obstacle, but instead missed the opportunity to explain why they felt inspired to continue selling ornaments at the marketplace. The author may have even suggested that by overcoming their challenges at the market, they would accomplish their ultimate goal of donating their profits to charity, highlighting their sense of altruism.

The final sentence even states that the author intends to pursue entrepreneurship to make a positive social impact. However, in a thematic sense, this idea is not consistently present throughout the essay. If the author were to include more details about their desire and motivation to donate their profits to charity throughout the essay, this point would have been much more understandable.

Finally, the essay is hard to follow because it’s only one paragraph. The flow would’ve been improved if the author broke the essay up into a few shorter paragraphs.

At 8 years old, I learned that Democrats were donkeys and Republicans were elephants. By 11, I had decided which one I wanted to be. By 14, I discovered I didn’t have to be an elephant or a donkey—the political world was not black and white, but instead multifaceted with many moving parts. As I explored programming through high school, I learned how politics and computer science could be intertwined to enact change exponentially. For the Congressional App Challenge, I developed the winning app, which allows parents to sustainably trade outgrown children’s clothing. Everything in this process, from surveying real families with this need to perfecting the front end design, showed me how coding could easily be geared toward social progress. 

Beyond programming, interning for a state non-profit encouraging Muslims to participate in politics showed me the real potential of computational politics. Big data analysis was a common skill I utilized when encouraging people to vote in the 2022 general election. What furthered my interest was attending a Kode With Klossy event in New York City: I not only spent the day workshopping with Swift and iOS app development, but also heard the stories of activist Sofia Ongele, a pioneer for young women in STEM. 

Discussing sanctions and China’s Uyghur Muslim crisis with U.S. Representative Jim McGovern was my first look into the workings of international conflict resolution. The power systems behind diplomacy became a point of fascination for me. Whether it was marching miles chanting “No Justice, No Peace” in June 2020 or debating as Elizabeth Warren in my ninth grade mock democratic primary, I have taken every stride to involve myself politically. Majoring in international relations and politics and minoring in science, technology and society at Carnegie Mellon is the next step in furthering my involvement.

This essay is another great example of the “Why This Major?” archetype. The author shares why the intersection of technology and politics is the perfect fit for her, through her unique experiences and background.

The introduction is a captivating one, which follows her evolving understanding of politics. Starting with a simplistic view of “Democrats as donkeys and Republicans as elephants” at a young age, the writer matures and recognizes the complexity of the political landscape as she enters high school. This progression implicitly showcases her thoughtfulness and willingness to challenge existing beliefs which are critical to any career in politics and international relations.

Additionally, the essay adeptly integrates the realms of computer science and politics. The author provides a unique combination of academic interests that most applicants would otherwise shy away from. The writer’s successful development of an app for the Congressional App Challenge exemplifies her ability to utilize coding for social progress. By mentioning the process of surveying real families and refining the front-end design, the writer illustrates her comprehensive approach and shows how coding can be harnessed as a tool for enacting positive social change.

Finally, the author provides more unique experiences that reveal her true passions for politics and technology. She references her experiences during the 2022 election and Kode With Klossy events which each relied on bringing together both her academic interests. In the final paragraph, the author provides even more evidence to her experience in the political realm which drive home the point about her interest in her major as well as show accomplishments in a specific area which are hard to come by for most students.

From initial impressions, this essay is great at providing sufficient evidence as to why this author is pursuing international relations and politics with a minor in technology. However, one suggestion for this author, and general advice for any applicant, is not to fall into the trap of simply recapitulating all of one’s resume in an essay. This author has unfortunately used most of the 300 word count to list out her experiences and qualifications, but misses out on key opportunities to expand upon how these experiences have shaped her perspective and developed her interests over time.

In general, there is a lack of reflection on the lessons learned from the various experiences mentioned. While the writer describes her involvement in protests, debates, and internships, there is limited discussion of the personal growth and insights gained from these activities. The author has experiences including “ winning the Congressional App Challenge, to marching miles chanting ‘No Justice, No Peace’ in June 2020 or debating as Elizabeth Warren in [her] ninth grade mock democratic primary,” which could all be powerful standalone experiences for a 300-word essay. Adding a reflective element to the essay would provide a deeper understanding of the writer’s development and demonstrate their ability to learn from their experiences.

For example, the author could remove a few activities from her essay and  expand upon the experience of winning the Congressional App Challenge, discussing her thought process and emotions during the development of the app, or the impact it had based on feedback from families.  Here’s an example of an excerpt that would’ve made this section stronger:

“I decided to use the app for myself to clear out the bags of my younger brother’s baby clothes in the basement. A young immigrant mother responded to my post, saying that she hadn’t been able to afford properly-fitting baby clothes for her toddler son. A week after she picked up the bags, the mother returned with her giggly son in his ‘new’ clothing. The mother was full of gratitude, and I was just as grateful for this experience as it showed me the direct impact coding could have on improving real lives and making social progress.”

By incorporating specific examples and adding reflective elements, the essay would become more compelling, allowing the reader to better understand the writer’s experiences and their personal growth. These adjustments would enhance the overall quality of the essay and provide a vivid and engaging narrative.

Essay Example #5 – Politics

At Carnegie Mellon, I see myself defining a college experience in which I can widen my career goals in politics and learn from real-world experiences. D.C. is where I hope to work following college, as there is no place better than our capitol to explore the inner workings of decision-making in government. Through CMU’s Washington Semester Program (WSP), I aim to intern with a member of Congress to expand my understanding of the legislative process and gain experience in the nation’s center of politics. This orientation into Washington and chance to meet leaders and alumni at top think tanks would allow me to connect with all the working parts of public policy, encapsulating everything I wish to take from college. 

Immersing myself in the relevant and multifaceted courses at the Institute of Politics and Strategy is how I plan to take my learning to the next step at CMU. Electives like “Implementing Public Policy: From Good Idea to Reality” and “In the News” intrigue me; they tie in law and journalism with politics, contextualizing it in a realistic and applicable sphere. 

I hope to conduct research to delve deeper into what I’m passionate about and ripen my goal of effecting change. Under esteemed criminologist and public policy expert Professor Daniel Nagin, I see an opportunity to conduct actionable research on race and incarceration. I want to discuss the disparities in Pennsylvania’s fast growing prison populations itself and develop my paper “Slavery is Flourishing Under the U.S. Prison System.”

Expanding my learning doesn’t end with academics, however. I am eager to explore the diverse community at CMU, and start a cultural literary magazine for all students to share their lived experiences about their heritage through art, writing, and overall self-expression.

This prompt is basically the “ Why This College? ” essay presented in a different way. The goals of the prompt are the same, however: it’s asking you what makes CMU the perfect school for you, and how you will make the most of its resources to have a successful education.

This student clearly has an interest in politics, detailing specifics such as their hopes to pursue an internship, undertake course work, and do research to further their education. They show that they’ve done their research on why CMU is a fit for them, by mentioning unique resources at the college.

Furthermore, the author does a great job of providing additional information as to why they would like to pursue the activities they’ve researched. They explain how CMU’s WSP will teach them about the legislative process, how their classes will tie in law and journalism, and how their research will deepen their understanding of race and incarceration. Providing this level of detail helps admissions officers understand what this student values and is hoping to learn through their education at CMU.

Writing-wise, the student also makes sure to use varied sentence structure and smooth transitions, making the essay easy to read.

The objective of this essay is two-fold: 1) what do you hope to accomplish in your undergraduate degree program, and 2) how CMU is uniquely equipped to help you realize your goals.

The essay does a great job in answering question #1, but could do more to address the latter. We know why the student is interested in the resources they mention, but we don’t know how those things will help them reach their overarching academic and career goals. 

In fact, we don’t even know what those overarching goals are: does this student want to become a political journalist, politician, or something else? It’s okay if you’re undecided, but you should at least share some potential options, rather than simply saying that you’re interested in a broad field (like “politics”), which feels unfocused.

The student should also move the section about CMU’s program in D.C. to later in the essay, as having it right at the beginning makes it seem like they’re more interested in spending time in D.C. than on CMU’s campus in Pittsburgh.

Additionally, the final paragraph, about the student’s hope to start a cultural literary magazine,  feels unrelated to the rest of the essay, which is focused on their political interests. If they wanted to include this detail, they should’ve introduced it earlier, to give themselves time to connect it to their other ideas.

Where to Get Your Carnegie Mellon Essays Edited

Do you want feedback on your Carnegie Mellon essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Carnegie Mellon University Supplemental Essays 2023-24

Carnegie mellon supplemental essays 2023-24.

Carnegie Mellon University is renowned for its unwavering commitment to academic excellence, especially in engineering and computer science . As one of the nation’s top universities, CMU demands rock-solid applications, which means well-crafted Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays. While a 4.0 GPA is impressive, CMU supplemental essays will truly differentiate the most competitive applicants. So, to maximize your admissions chances, you want highly refined Carnegie Mellon essays, and we’ll help you get started.

Here’s a quick rundown of Carnegie Mellon. CMU’s cutting-edge academic offerings and vibrant extracurricular opportunities draw many aspiring students every year for every discipline. Where is Carnegie Mellon? It’s in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania , and is among the top schools in the state. As one of America’s premier private research institutions, Carnegie Mellon annually attracts a diverse cohort of exceptional minds—including you. 

This article will review the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays and their place among the Carnegie Mellon requirements. We’ll decode the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts and outline the Carnegie Mellon admissions requirements. We’ll also guide you through writing your CMU supplemental essays by offering strategies and tips for your Carnegie Mellon essays. Together, we will learn how to craft impactful Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays. Let’s get started. 

CMU Supplemental Essays: Quick Facts

Carnegie mellon supplemental essays: quick facts.

• Carnegie Mellon University Acceptance Rate: According to U.S. News , the acceptance rate is 14%, which classifies Carnegie Mellon University as most selective.
• 1 Personal Statement
• 3 essays  (< 300 words each)
• Carnegie Mellon University Admissions Application: Carnegie Mellon University only accepts Common Application . Therefore, students must complete their Carnegie Mellon application using the Common Application.
• Early Decision I: November 1st
• Regular Decision for Schools of Drama and Music: December 1st
• Early Decision II: January 3rd
• Regular Decision: January 3rd

Please note that essay requirements are subject to change each admissions cycle, and portions of this article may have been written before the final publication of the most recent guidelines. For the most up-to-date information on essay requirements, check the university’s admissions website.

Does Carnegie Mellon require supplemental essays?

Yes, the Carnegie Mellon requirements include supplemental essays. In addition to your Common Application personal statement, Carnegie Mellon University requires applicants to respond to three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts. These Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays should be under 300 words and will explore your academic interests, learning process, and personal interests.

It’s important to note that the Common Application personal statement is not covered further in this article. However, CollegeAdvisor.com has several resources for writing knockout Common Application and Coalition Application essays, including several successful examples . We also have an article that takes a deep dive into the 2023–2024 Common App essay prompts. Take a look around our site for more about personal statements and more.

With a word count of 300 words or less, these Carnegie Mellon essay prompts require a concise response. Therefore, applicants must craft brief, impactful CMU supplemental essays that positively impact the Carnegie Mellon admissions team . In the following sections, we’ll discuss the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts and how to approach the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays.

What are the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays?

As shared in the previous section, Carnegie Mellon University requires the Common Application personal statement and three CMU supplemental essays. Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays respond to three distinct Carnegie Mellon essay prompts. Each of these Carnegie Mellon essay prompts asks a different question, and each essay will also reveal more about you.

Here are the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts for 2023–2024:

As you can see, the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts all ask very different questions. The Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays should give the admissions committee insight into you as a future CMU student. So, why are you interested in CMU as a place to explore your passions and fulfill your goals? Moreover, will you uphold CMU’s legacy on campus and after graduation?

Next, we’ll look more closely at how to approach each of these Carnegie Mellon essay prompts. Remember that it’s advisable to brainstorm several ideas for each prompt, even if you already know what to write. You never know when you may come up with even better essay ideas for your CMU supplemental essays.

Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompts #1

As shared in the previous section, the first of the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts asks:

Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompt #1

Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity, or personal goal. whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. as you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience.

Among the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, this asks most directly about applicants’ interest in Carnegie Mellon. Strong CMU supplemental essays for this prompt should balance the applicant’s goals for college with the university’s offerings. The essay should also show the applicant has done their research and knows how CMU can uniquely support them in their college journey.

How to write this Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay

The first of the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts asks students to reflect on what they consider a successful college experience. In response to this Carnegie Mellon essay, it’s important to note that the college experience is multifaceted, so there are many different ways to define “success.” For this Carnegie Mellon essay, it is essential to understand what a successful college experience looks like for you.

Some types of success that you may want to consider in your response are: 

Academic Excellence

You may hope for close relationships with professors through office hours and small class sizes. What kind of academic environment can you thrive in, and how can CMU offer that?

Broadened Horizons

CMU has myriad opportunities to expand your learning beyond lectures, from extracurricular groups to study abroad programs. How do you envision these mind-opening experiences as part of your years at CMU?

Skill Development

Many students also hone skills relevant to your future career through internships, research projects, or extracurricular activities. Are there any offerings at Carnegie Mellon that will help you foster useful skills?

Personal Growth

For most, college is a time for self-discovery and personal development. This could mean joining groups relevant to your cultural identity or background, participating in mentorship, or even doing community service.

An illustrious school like CMU is an ideal place to build meaningful relationships with peers, professors, and mentors. Think of your future career and ways you may start building a network while still a student.

Of course, you don’t have to include every one of these points, and you can choose your own. The key is to think about what excites you about college—large lecture hall classes? Robotics research? Slacklining with the outdoors club? Jot down the most important or interesting prospects and research CMU to see if they can offer that.

Successful Carnegie Mellon essays for this prompt should be specific about what the applicant considers a “successful college experience.” In addition, they should clearly state ways that CMU is an ideal environment, mentioning offerings like specific programs and groups. Ultimately, your essay should leave the reader understanding what you want out of college and how CMU can provide it.

Carnegie Mellon Why Major Essay

Like many selective colleges, the second of the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts ask students to complete the “why major” essay as part of their application process. For this Carnegie Mellon essay, the prompt asks:

Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompt # 2

Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study.

Out of the three Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, this question may appear the simplest, but don’t be mistaken. Writing this essay can be challenging because you only have 300 words to convey your passion. Especially for students who are laser-focused on their intended major, this can be a sizable challenge to write.

It’s important to note that students actually enter Carnegie Mellon undecided. In fact, students can’t even declare a major until the end of their first year. Therefore, you aren’t bound by the topic you write about in this essay. Right now, you may already be planning the layout of your desk at NASA—and maybe you end up majoring in biology. This essay is about your academic passion right now; nobody will scrutinize it if you change disciplines in college. 

Some students face a different hurdle: they don’t know what area of study they’re most passionate about. You may even be applying undeclared to one of CMU’s schools—a wide range of fields are available. Again, these Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays play no role in the major you ultimately declare. In light of that, you can brainstorm several topics that interest you and why. Don’t hesitate to make outlines or even quick and dirty drafts to narrow down your topic.

Approaching this Why Major Essay

Among the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts, this asks most specifically about your intellectual interests. Therefore, a good Carnegie Mellon essay for this essay should accomplish three key things.

1. Identify Your Interest

Identify the academic area or major that genuinely resonates with you. You may state this directly, or it may be built in to the next section.

2. Share Your Background

Provide context to how you developed your passion for that particular interest, demonstrating enthusiasm for the field. This section should be the longest because you want to share as much information about yourself as possible. Therefore, share stories, anecdotes, or experiences illustrating your passion for the major. Furthermore, be sure to include any relevant experience that you already have in the field. Do you have internships, research projects, extracurricular activities, or coursework that have informed your decision? Be sure to mention them and explain how these experiences have shaped your understanding of the field.

3. Connect to Carnegie

Connect your passion and academic interest to Carnegie Mellon’s academic programs and opportunities. Share why the chance to study at Carnegie Mellon captivates you—whether it’s a unique curriculum, esteemed faculty, or research initiatives. Highlight how Carnegie’s programs align with your academic aspirations and why CMU is the ideal place to foster intellectual growth. 

Considering you only have 300 words to tackle this Carnegie Mellon essay, every word counts. So, avoid general statements and focus on specifics that showcase your deep interest and preparedness for the chosen academic areas. Be specific about your interest, your experience, and how CMU can meet your academic needs.

Additionally, be mindful of mentioning the same thing twice. If you mentioned a research initiative in the first Carnegie Mellon essay, do you need to bring it up here? That’s not to say your application will be automatically rejected if you name drop it again, but think carefully. Use your words wisely—if you could better use those words to talk about yourself and your passion, do so. The Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays don’t give any room for wasted words.

By following this advice, your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays will certainly captivate Carnegie’s admissions committee. 

CMU Supplemental Essay #3 – Highlight Something

The final Carnegie Mellon supplemental essay allows you to highlight something about yourself that wasn’t previously mentioned in your application materials. The last of the three Carnegie Mellon essay prompts asks:

Carnegie Mellon Essay Prompt #3

Consider your application as a whole. what do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. tell us, don’t show us (no websites, please)..

While possible Carnegie Mellon essays here are endless, it’s important to consider the overall impression of your CMU supplemental essays . That is to say, Carnegie Mellon essays for this prompt should contribute to the applicant’s personal narrative . How are you trying to present yourself to the admissions committee? Within that, what aspects are missing from your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays? Questions like these can help you choose your topic, but they can be difficult to answer.

Therefore, in the next section, we will help you decide what to showcase in this Carnegie Mellon supplemental essay.

Choosing what to showcase in this Carnegie Mellon essay

When approaching this Carnegie Mellon supplemental essay, think about it like this; your admissions decision may be riding on these 300 words. This might be the keystone that completes the admissions officer’s understanding of you as a potential CMU student. Ideally, these Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays provide critical information that rounds out a picture of their writers.

So think about who you are and how you want the admissions committee to understand you. Reread your other two CMU supplemental essays, personal statement, and extracurricular activities section. What is something you haven’t already shared that would take you over the top in the eyes of the admissions committee? 

Here are some things you may want to consider: 

Hobby or Extracurricular Activity Experience

While Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays allow you to highlight your academic interests, sometimes, your academic interests don’t align with your hobbies. Therefore, this could be a great space for a particular hobby or extracurricular experience you couldn’t highlight anywhere else. Common topics like sports or community service should be considered carefully, but most importantly, you should write with enthusiasm. 

Cultural or Diversity Perspectives

Considering the recent affirmative action ruling , some students from marginalized groups may not be able to state their ethnic background on the Common App. This includes how their ethnicity may have affected their livelihood. Therefore, you can use this Carnegie Mellon essay to discuss your cultural background, experiences, or perspectives. There are endless ways to approach this, like how your experiences will enrich your time as a community member at CMU.

Personal Challenges or Growth

Some successful Carnegie Mellon essays share a personal challenge and the growth that resulted from facing it. Instead of focusing solely on hardship, delve into the specific experiences and emotions you encountered during these challenges. What did you learn, and how did facing—not necessarily overcoming—this challenge shape you? Furthermore, maintain a positive and forward-looking tone, demonstrating resilience and a capacity for self-improvement. 

Is Carnegie Mellon hard to get into?

You’re probably aware that Carnegie Mellon University is renowned for its challenging admissions process. With an acceptance rate of approximately 14%, it can be quite difficult to secure a spot. While meeting the academic Carnegie Mellon requirements is important, your application is much more than a place to flaunt good grades.

Remember that your application’s strength lies within overall excellence, which includes well-crafted CMU supplemental essays. These Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays can be what puts you over the edge. Your CMU supplemental essays allow you to showcase your unique qualities, experiences and your fit with CMU’s values and academic programs. While it’s undeniably competitive, admissions at Carnegie Mellon is not insurmountable. Well-rounded and thoughtful Carnegie Mellon essays can be what sets you apart and ultimately tips the scales in your favor.

Does Carnegie Mellon care about essays?

Yes, yes, yes. Admissions officers greatly value Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays because they offer direct insight into an applicant’s capabilities. In Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, hopeful students speak directly to admissions staff about what they’ve done and what they’ll do at CMU. Essays are also a useful means to expand the admission criteria for prospective students, providing a more complete picture than scores alone.

As a test-optional institution for those applying for fall 2024, Carnegie Mellon University also acknowledges the limitations of standardized test scores. A student’s potential, abilities, and compatibility with the university’s community cannot be fully captured by a standardized test. Consequently, for students without test scores, other Carnegie Mellon admissions requirements like transcripts, recommendations , and, most notably, CMU supplemental essays are more heavily weighed. However, that’s not to say that applicants are forbidden from sending test scores—if your standardized test scores are competitive, submit them.

Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays empower applicants to illuminate their distinctive perspectives, life experiences, and personal attributes. Through the CMU supplemental essays, applicants can provide a deeper look into their character, intellectual curiosity, and alignment with Carnegie Mellon’s core values. Therefore, the university gains a more comprehensive and holistic understanding of each applicant by meticulously reviewing CMU supplemental essays.

How do I make my Carnegie Mellon essays stand out?

Considering the importance of the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, getting your CMU supplemental essays to stand out is incredibly important. So, here are some suggestions to help your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays stand out to the admissions team.

Using Authenticity and Personal Voice in Your Carnegie Mellon Essays

Ensure your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays reflect your true self. Use your Carnegie Mellon essays to share personal anecdotes and experiences that have influenced your values, passions, and goals. Avoid generic responses and instead focus on the unique aspects of your journey. Even if you feel that your experiences are common, make them yours.

Research and Understanding of Carnegie Mellon University

Take the time to research Carnegie Mellon University’s values, mission, and academic programs thoroughly. Anyone can answer, “Where is Carnegie Mellon?”, but you should be able to outline several CMU offerings that interest you. Gain a deep understanding of the university’s majors, academic offerings, campus culture, and initiatives. Incorporate this knowledge into your Carnegie Mellon essays to demonstrate your genuine interest and alignment with Carnegie Mellon.

Have an Engaging Writing Style in Your Carnegie Mellon Essays

Make your Carnegie Mellon essays engaging and captivating through strong storytelling . Capture the reader’s attention with powerful imagery and thoughtful language. Maintain a compelling narrative flow that keeps the reader hooked from the introduction to the conclusion. Avoid cliches and other common pitfalls —try to find your particular writing voice and let it shine through.

Proofread and Refine Your Carnegie Mellon Essays

Pay careful attention to proofreading and editing your CMU essays. Ensure correct grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. Verify the clarity and coherence of your ideas. Given the limited word count, you should also choose every word wisely and eliminate redundancy. You may ask a trusted friend or mentor to read your Carnegie Mellon essays and give you feedback.

By utilizing these strategies while writing your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, you can create standout Carnegie Mellon essays that showcase your unique qualities and potential. Remember, CMU supplemental essays are your opportunity to convince the admissions committee that you’re an ideal fit for Carnegie Mellon University.

CMU Supplemental Essays – Final Thoughts

Carnegie Mellon University boasts a reputation for academic excellence and a highly competitive admissions process. To secure admission to Carnegie Mellon, it’s crucial to recognize the paramount importance of the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays. Indeed, all aspects of the Carnegie Mellon application, from extracurriculars to recommendation letters , are important. However, in Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, you can directly tell admissions officers who you are and why CMU is the place for you.

CMU supplemental essays are your chance to stand out and capture the admissions committee’s attention. Your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays are a crucial component of your application and will significantly impact your admission chances. Therefore, it’s essential to approach your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays strategically. Craft your CMU supplemental essays thoughtfully and use them to convey your unique qualities and potential contributions to the Carnegie Mellon community.

Ultimately, your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays allow you to shine and convince the admissions committee that you’re an ideal fit. Use these tips to write impressive CMU supplemental essays and put your Carnegie Mellon application over the top. Are you now ready to apply ? We hope so. Good luck!

This article was written by senior advisor Ashley Hollins . Still looking for additional information, check out this CollegeAdvisor article on Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays from 2021-2022 . Are you looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. Our team will discuss your profile during your meeting and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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How to Write the Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays

Reviewed by:

Former Admissions Committee Member, Columbia University

Reviewed: 4/26/24

Find out how to write stellar CMU essays in this complete guide, including tips, FAQs, and examples!

Carnegie Mellon University is an internationally recognized educational institution in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Since CMU is competitive, many applicants look for ways to stand out in their application. That’s where the CMU supplemental essays can come in handy.

The Carnegie Mellon supplementals are crucial to your application and provide an opportunity to showcase your personality, interests, and experiences. However, writing these essays can be daunting, especially if you're unsure what the university is looking for. 

We’ll walk you through the process of writing the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays. We’ve included expert tips, examples, and FAQs to help get you started on your CMU supplemental essays and help you write something unforgettable. Let’s get started!

Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay Prompts 2023-2024

So, what are the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts? Let’s discuss! First of all, let’s talk about volume. In total, there are four CMU essay prompts. However, only three are required, while the fourth is optional. 

Although writing multiple essays can be intimidating, think of the positives. For one, you have many more chances to stand out as a candidate . Writing multiple essays also allows you to demonstrate various facets of your personality and experiences you may not have been able to share in your application. 

Here are the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essay prompts : 

“ Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study? (300 words)”

“Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 words)”

“ Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words)”

Prompt #4 (Optional)

“ When it comes to deciding whether to submit standardized test scores, occasionally applicants want us to better understand the individual context of their decision. If you’d like to take advantage of this opportunity, please share any information about your decision here. This is an optional question for those who may want to provide additional context for consideration. (150 words)”

Have any of these prompts sparked your inspiration? If not, no problem! Read on to learn how to answer the Carnegie Mellon essay prompts with examples. 

How to Write Each Essay Prompt for Carnegie Mellon

Here’s how to write each of the Carnegie Mellon essays. For each prompt, we’ve included an analysis of what the prompt is asking and tips on how to answer. 

How to Write Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay #1 + Analysis and Tips

Analysis of prompt #1 : The first Carnegie Mellon essay prompt asks you to explain your choice of major in three hundred words or less. In other words, this is considered a “why this major” essay, a common question in the college application process. 

Let’s go over some tips on how to handle this prompt.

• Choose One Anecdote : It’s not uncommon for students to have many reasons for choosing a major. “My parents did this, I like the subject, I want to learn more,” etc. However, you should choose to narrow in on your strongest anecdote before writing this essay to formulate one strong story around a timeline of events. 
• Create a Timeline : Before you start writing, create a timeline of events to help guide you. In the beginning, share when you first became interested in your major. The middle should tell the story of how your interest became a serious commitment, and you can end your essay by sharing your goals. 
• Write Now, Trim Later : Shorter essays may seem easier. However, it may be more challenging to get your point across in fewer words. So, focus on the writing first, then trim the fat. Ensure each sentence helps to tell your story and that every word serves a purpose. 

How to Write Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay #2 + Analysis and Tips

Analysis of prompt #2 : With this essay prompt, CMU is trying to understand what you hope to take with you from your education. A successful college experience is subjective, so there’s no correct answer. Ultimately, this is the place to outline what you intend to achieve during your college years and after. 

Here are some tips to help you get started:

• Speak From the Heart : Answer this earnest question honestly. Talk about your future goals, your passions, and how you intend to contribute to your chosen field. Consider what goes through your mind when you picture your graduation day. What are you proud of? What will you do next? 
• Tie In Your Past, If Applicable : Opening this essay with an anecdote about your past that ties into what a successful college experience means to you can be impactful. You should only do this if it applies to your situation and ties into why you’re applying to college and your future goals.
• Talk About the School : This shouldn’t be the main focus of your essay, but in general, colleges love it when you’ve done your research and know about the clubs and programs they offer. To answer this prompt well, you should get familiar with what you’d like to participate in. 

How to Write Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay #3 + Analysis and Tips

Analysis of prompt #3 : The third CMU essay prompt is an excellent place to pop in one more achievement you’re really proud of or haven’t been able to share yet. Consider what you’ve shared so far and if there’s anything else you’d like to tell the admissions committee. Many applicants use this space to write about an extracurricular interest.

Use these tips to help you approach your essay: 

• Find Your Subject : There are various directions you could take here. You may choose to frame this as an adversity essay, where you tell the story of a challenge you overcame to achieve something. If you want to highlight a particular skill, you can write an extracurricular essay to delve into your passions . 
• Make Sure Your Topic Is Relevant : With a broad prompt like this one, it can be easy to get lost. It’s important to stay on track and add value to your application. If you write about something you’ve briefly touched on in your application, ensure your story isn’t repetitive . 
• Be Authentic : It’s important that you write about something you genuinely care about. Don’t tailor your responses according to what you think the school wants to hear. 

How to Write Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay #4 + Analysis and Tips

For the optional fourth prompt, you need to first figure out if you should write this optional essay at all. This prompt targets students who have chosen not to submit SAT or ACT scores. If you have chosen not to submit scores, you should absolutely explain your decision through this essay. If not, there’s no need to write the essay.

Examples of Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays That Worked

If you still have no idea where to start with your Carnegie Mellon essays, don’t worry. Take a look at some of these examples, written by real, admitted students, to give you inspiration! 

Sample Essay #1

Prompt : “Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 words)”

Read through this sample essay for some inspiration: 

“When I was younger, I faced a lot of negative emotions including anxiety and low self-esteem. For a long time, I felt alone and as if no one understood how I felt. My self confidence was at an all-time low when I started taking psychology. All of a sudden the negative emotions I was feeling started making sense. I was suddenly able to understand how people were wired and why others treated me a certain way. I was able to feel empathy for my aggressors after understanding that those who treated me negatively often faced struggles of their own. Most importantly, I felt as though something out there finally understood me. Because psychology offered insight into my own behavior and helped me to understand others, I was eventually able to overcome my insecurities.

In the future, I would like to help others do the same. No matter where I end up, understanding why people behave a certain way and being more considerate and empathetic for others will only help me thrive. Mental health is a growing issue in our society. The world we live in is a confusing place filled with pain, but psychology provides a way to determine the cause of this suffering and how to change it. I never want anyone to feel the isolation and sorrow I felt when I was younger. I want to help others become compassionate and unconditionally loving not just toward others, but to themselves. Even if I only make a small change in the world and affect just one person’s life, I would like to pursue that.”

Why Essay #1 Worked

In this example, the writer uses a clear timeline of events to convey the story of how they became interested in their major. What the student has done especially well here is demonstrate a developed passion and deeper meaning to their choice of program. 

Your story doesn’t have to start in childhood – for many applicants, it doesn’t! Whatever your story, just ensure your devotion to the study of your subject is apparent and your story is concise, easy to read, and moving. 

Sample Essay #2

Prompt 2 : “Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 words)”

This essay provides a great example of how to answer this prompt: 

“My main goal in college is to attain a specific degree so I may pursue a stable career I’m happy with. However, the manner in which I achieve this is imperative since I will spend a considerable portion of my early adulthood in college. This is why I want to attend an institution that will teach me what to learn, how to learn, and why I should learn. 

When I leave college and enter the real world, I don’t want to stop learning about how the world works or how I can improve upon myself. I believe that to give up the pursuit of knowledge is to give up hope for true happiness. I don’t want to die knowing I could’ve achieved more through my time on earth but chose not to, especially considering the people in less fortunate circumstances who would’ve taken full advantage of the opportunities I was presented. I have a sense of duty to improve myself in some way each day so in the future, I may apply the lessons I’ve learned and experiences I’ve gained to make a positive impact on this world. I fervently believe that true education prepares students for the outside world by emphasizing this mindset. 

Therefore, a successful college experience to me is one that facilitates this kind of growth by providing bountiful opportunities for me to pursue my goals and even open my eyes to activities I never thought of attempting. This sort of environment is one that must be achieved through the collaborative effort of faculty and peers alike. I believe Carnegie Mellon-with its vast undergraduate and graduate majors, research programs, student organizations, and diverse campus culture-accomplishes this well.”

Source: Carnegie Mellon University

Why Essay #2 Worked 

In this essay example from an accepted Carnegie Mellon student , the writer focuses on their passion for the pursuit of education and why learning is important to them. This is an excellent approach; it indicates that this student wants to soak up as much of the CMU learning experience as possible rather than simply get a degree and move on. 

This Carnegie Mellon essay briefly mentions what the school has to offer, why they’re attracted to it, and how attending will help them fulfill their goals. 

Sample Essay #3

Prompt #3 : “ Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words)”

Check out this sample essay to help you respond to prompt #3: 

“Haunted romanticism, ravaged gaze, desperation bordering on lunacy, Saturn Devouring His Son first caught my attention as a bored nine-year-old wandering around a museum, and once again as a high-school student, after catching a glimpse of it in a textbook. 

Because after looking at angelic frescos after more Church frescos, I could not stop myself from flipping back to the tiny printing of this unholy piece. I sought to discover the story behind it—what caused this artist to create something so raw and naked, in the age of staid royal family portraits?

I became immersed in unraveling each bit of the story, how Goya had long transitioned from a royal painter, to a harsh, but veiled critic of society, the desolation that occurred during the French occupation of Spain, the corruption of Charles IV— who was really only a puppet ruler to Godoy. I learned how kingdoms rose and fell—and rose again, how art is unafraid to capture the seditious attitudes of the common people, and how it has endured to teach us of past mistakes.

I fell in love with dissecting the messages from the past, and discovering how we still have not listened to them.”

Why Essay #3 Worked

In this example from a similar Yale prompt , the writer chose to delve into their appreciation for visiting art museums beyond the classroom and discovering their curiosity for art history. 

The essay is particularly effective because it doesn't just list the paintings they admire but instead delves into the meanings and significance behind each piece. 

The key to a successful extracurricular essay is to showcase your enthusiasm for the activity. To transport the reader into your world, it can be helpful to include sensory details that create a vivid picture of your experiences. 

Consider including descriptions of the smells, sights, and emotions that surround your extracurricular interest. By doing so, you can help your reader feel as though they’re there with you, experiencing the activity alongside you.

Get More Sample Essays Here!

If you found it helpful to look at sample essays, good news! You can check out our college essay example database down below for tons of great essay examples. 

FAQs: Carnegie Mellon Essays

Here are our answers to some of the most frequently asked questions about how to write each Carnegie Mellon supplemental essay.

1. How Important Are Essays for CMU?

Supplemental essays are an important part of the application process for Carnegie Mellon University. They allow applicants to showcase their unique qualities, achievements, and perspectives that may not be evident from other parts of their application.

2. How Many Supplemental Essays Does Carnegie Mellon Require?

The CMU essay requirements vary depending on the program you are applying for. For most applicants, there are three required essays and one optional essay. 

3. What Is the Word Limit for Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays?

Each CMU essay must be 300 words or fewer, while the fourth optional essay word limit is 150 words or fewer. 

4. Are the Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays Required for All Applicants, Including Transfer and International Students?

Yes, all Carnegie Mellon applicants must write supplemental essays, including transfer and international students. 

5. Can I Reuse Essays That I Wrote for Other College Applications for Carnegie Mellon's Supplemental Essays?

You may be able to recycle content to an extent based on the essay you’ve previously written. For example, your description of why you want to pursue a particular major may not change, but the school-specific details you add will. 

Final Thoughts

Writing strong CMU essays is a critical part of your application. These essays provide an opportunity to showcase what makes you a fantastic CMU candidate. They also provide a platform to discuss personal achievements that may not be evident in other parts of your application. 

Because the CMU essays are relatively short, it's important to be concise while sharing your stories. It's also crucial to ensure that your essays are cohesive, flow smoothly, and make a strong case for you as a candidate. 

By following our tips, you’ll be able to craft memorable essays and increase your chances of standing out to the admissions committee at Carnegie Mellon University. Good luck!

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Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays 2023-24 – Prompts & Advice

September 8, 2023

When applying to a school like Carnegie Mellon that only accepts 11% of applicants, it’s important to keep in mind that the other 89% of applicants will ultimately be denied admission. Many of these rejected individuals will have straight A’s in high school and/or SATs in the 1500s. Those applying to certain programs—computer science, for example—will face even more harrowing odds. We don’t bring up this harsh reality in an attempt to crush your dreams or deter you from applying. Rather, we want to impart to prospective CMU applicants the need to maximize every component of your application. The aim is to ultimately shine just a touch brighter than your well-qualified competition. This includes the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays.

(Want to learn more about How to Get Into Carnegie Mellon University? Visit our blog entitled:  How to Get Into Carnegie Mellon: Admissions Data and Strategies  for all of the most recent admissions data as well as tips for gaining acceptance.)

The three 300-word essays required by Carnegie Mellon give applicants the chance they need to separate themselves from the throngs of other extremely talented and deserving CMU hopefuls. Below are CMU’s supplemental prompts for the 2023-24 admissions cycle along with tips about how to address each one.

Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essays – #1

Required – (300 word limit)

Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study?

Here, CMU is asking you to share your story of how you became interested in your selected discipline. You can structure the narrative of this essay as a soup to nuts chronicling of your entire journey toward your discipline of interest. Contrarily, you could share one or two vignettes that illustrate your burgeoning passion for engineering, history, French, computer science, business, psychology, etc. As you begin the prewriting phase, you may want to ask yourself the following questions:

• What is your first strong memory relating to your future area of study?
• What fills you with wonder?
• What books have you read on the subject?
• Do you consume podcasts or documentaries related to your passions?
• Have certain online or print publications helped to fuel your interests?
• What subtopics of your prospective discipline most intrigue you?
• Did a teacher excite you about this topic or was it a parent/relative or outside mentor?
• How did you seek our subject-relevant opportunities outside of the high school classroom?

CMU Supplemental Essays – #2

Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. as you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience.

There’s a lot to unpack in this prompt before you even enter the brainstorming phase of the essay-writing process. First they want to know a bit about your goals in earning a CMU degree. These goals could be:

• Degree-oriented
• Career-focused
• A combination of two or all three of the previous options.

Given that CMU requires you to apply to a particular college within the larger university, you likely already have a reasonably strong notion of what discipline you hope to study. You’ll definitely want to share everything you already know about the degree you aim to earn. Additionally, you’ll want to discuss how that fits into your larger life plans.

Next, you’ll want to take note of the fact that “learning” is mentioned twice in this prompt, a solid indicator that CMU is sincerely interested in how you will take advantage of the unique learning opportunities available to you at their instruction. While not required, you should consider discussing items such as:

• CMU-specific academic programs , professors, or course offerings.
• Undergraduate research opportunities .
• Study abroad programs .
• The classroom environment at Carnegie Mellon— class size , laboratory settings, etc.
• Campus organizations that will help you continue your learning outside of the classroom.

In short, generic thoughts about how you envision engaging in the learning process throughout your collegiate experience are perfectly fine, but school-specific detail can take an essay from good to great.

CMU supplemental Essays – #3

Consider your application as a whole. what do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. tell us, don’t show us (no websites please)..

After completing your main Common App essay and the first two CMU essays, is there anything that you have yet to share that is absolutely elemental to who you are as a person/student? Without the benefit of an in-person interview, it may feel like you never fully had a chance to connect intimately with a Carnegie Mellon admissions officer. You have a burning sense that you have not communicated the full you, your true essence, your je ne sais quoi, your…you get the idea. If you feel something important about yourself has yet to be communicated elsewhere in the application, then CMU Prompt #3 is the answer to your prayers.

Consider that the admissions reader is already familiar with your academic history, activities, and awards. What don’t they know, or, what could they understand on a deeper level? This could be a particular skill or talent, or something about your character or personality. This one is intentionally open-ended, so use this space to share your most cherished accomplishments or most winning attributes. The university itself is inviting you to “brag” here. We recommend obliging, by presenting the equivalent to a “closing argument” at the end of this admissions trial.

One example of what not to do would be to say, “I work as a camp counselor in the summer” if that was already listed in the Activities section. Another no-no is deciding that the admonition regarding linking to websites doesn’t apply to you, because, well…they simply have to see your art exhibit or performance on stage in Oklahoma! last year. We promise that it is better to take CMU at their word that they prefer that you describe it. This remains true no matter what “it” is.

How important are the Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays?

CMU rates the essays as being an “important” factor in their evaluation process. The essays are listed alongside recommendations, talent/ability, character/personal qualities, first-generation status, and race/ethnicity. The only factors ranked above the essays as being “very important” are: GPA, the rigor of high school coursework, class rank, extracurricular activities, work experience, and volunteer work.

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Lastly, if you are interested in working with one of College Transitions’ experienced and knowledgeable essay coaches as you craft your Carnegie Mellon supplemental essays, we encourage you to get a quote  today.

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Impressionable Openers

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Frequently Asked Questions About Starting a College Essay

College essays are a huge part of your college career. If not huge, one of the biggest, and for someone who has been there and done that, I know the amount of pressure the beginning of a college essay, as well as the entire essay, can put on your shoulders.

Not only are you trying to juggle things like word count and grammar errors, but you're also trying to create the perfect college essay introduction that will attract admissions officers to your application or professors to your writing skills. And that, itself, can feel impossible, fill you with dread and self-doubt, but just breathe. I am here to help all present and future students know how to start a college essay.

Today is all about starting a college essay. I have come up with five easy and effective techniques that will help you create essays so good you're going to leave your readers wanting more , starting with your opening sentence! So, this is for all college students and college applicants. Stress no more! This guide was created to help you write a successful college essay. Let's get into it.

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The beginning of your essay should, first and foremost, always have a strong opening sentence . This sentence sets the tone for not only your readers but for the entire essay. Having a wobbly, almost interesting opener can steer an admissions officer and/or professor away, so you want it to be strong. And it doesn't have to be complicated! Less is more in this situation. Here are a couple of ways you can accomplish this.

• Look within and be relatable
• Use your real life for inspiration
• Think about ways to evoke emotion

Here are some examples of impressionable openers:

• Example 1: When I was 11 years old, my mother told me she had cancer over breakfast.
• Example 2: Maybe yellow isn't my favorite color.
• Example 3: I sat next to this girl in class who made me feel stupid.

DISCLAIMER : your opener should ALWAYS adhere to the essay prompts. These are just a few examples that can capture your reader's attention almost immediately.

In order to keep readers interested, visuals are key . Image-based descriptions will not only add value to your writing, it will give your readers front seats to your essay's journey. These descriptions let actions speak for themselves.

Here is an example of a description and demonstration in an essay:

• Example 1: "I was sitting on a bar stool when the word 'cancer' hit me like the smell of her coffee brewing on the stove. The Rice Krispies were popping in my cereal bowl, and MTV Jams was playing in the background, yet all I could hear was the sound of doom all around me. The lips of my mother were moving, but I was frozen, crumbling on this stool like my mother's health. She was sick, and I didn't know how sick or what that even meant, and that terrified me."

Why This Works:

Here you can clearly feel the writers emotional state: shocked, still, scared. Not only is this moment at breakfast traumatic, you feel frozen in time with the writer. Using descriptions like this will evoke so much emotion and leave your reader wanting more.

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Something one of my teachers told me in high school was any good essay will have personal elements in it, no matter the topic. That always stuck with me and became the way I approached my college essays. Showing vulnerability in your writing will always guarantee interest. It also evokes emotion.

You can show vulnerability by:

• Being honest
• Explaining what's going on inside underneath the exterior
• Describe what's going on around you at the moment
• Letting go of the fear of being seen
• Connecting with the topic
• Being transparent about mistakes/flaws

Examples of showing vulnerability:

• Example 1 : My mother telling me she had cancer over breakfast was not on my bingo card this year.
• Example 2 : I never thought losing someone I love would change me.
• Example 3: I had to lose everything in order to gain everything.

I know being vulnerable can be tough for some , but showing this side of you to college admissions officers and/or professors will not only make you stand out, but it can also help free you of things that might be weighing on your mind. Not to sound corny, but it can be therapeutic and make you a better writer . Just make sure you are staying on track with the essay prompt, and you're set!

Whether it's believed or not, an admissions officer wants to see pieces of you in your personal statement, so starting your essay by showing authenticity is a major major key. Along with being vulnerable, there are a few ways you can achieve this.

• Reflect : Take the time to reflect on your experiences, values, and beliefs that have shaped who you are today. Let your values, passions, and interests shine through in your writing.
• Mind Your Voice : Write in your own voice and avoid trying to sound like someone you're not. Authenticity comes from being genuine and true to yourself.
• Tell Your Story : Share personal anecdotes and insights that show your unique perspective.
• Be True to You : Focus on what matters to YOU (as long as you're on topic!). Write about what is meaningful and important to you rather than what you think admissions officers want to hear.

Above all, be open . Showing introspection and self-awareness in your essay will show any admissions committee who you are beneath the surface, as well as your personal growth.

You can also begin your essay being as random and silly as you'd like . It goes hand-in-hand with other important factors like vulnerability and authenticity. But don't get too crazy . Beginning your essay with something strange will definitely draw readers in. Let me show you what I mean.

• Example 1 : I start my mornings off in silence and solitude to keep people away from me.
• Example 2 : Sometimes, I like to circle big words in complex articles to learn new words. Yeah, but to also keep one in my back pocket for later use.
• Example 3 : Being the youngest child means getting away with everything you want, and that's exactly how I like it.

Do you see how each sentence draws you in? Not only are they light-hearted, but they also make you want to know why you want to keep people away in the morning and what kind of weapon you're forming against others with new words. And every youngest sibling will attest to feeling that exact same way. All of these examples are sure to make your essay fun, show who you are, and leave readers wanting more.

Years of writing college essays have taken me through every high and low of the process possible. And when they're good, they're great! But for some reason, my mistakes stick out more than anything. So, I've compiled a list of common mistakes to avoid when writing your college essay .

• Avoid Being Cliche - While you want to be captivating, you want to avoid overly used syntax and phrases that could potentially lose your reader's curiosity. For example, "in today's day and age," "follow my heart," "don't judge a book by its cover," etc. are all cliches that can be avoided by thinking outside of the box.
• Using Vocabulary to be Impressive - I know you want to impress the admissions committees, but it's important to stick to what you know and not what you can allude to. That is, use verbiage that resonates with your personality. Using extravagant words can work against you, and they can also sound forced. College admissions officers want to see the real you, so show it to them.
• Steer Clear of Controversy - Though it's not said enough, your college essay should tell your personal story and not touch on things that can stir the pot. For instance, talking about politics and religious beliefs may not be the route you want to take UNLESS it's called for in the college essay topic. And if so, stay on track with the essay prompts.
• Procrastinating : Waiting until the last minute to start writing your essay will bite you in the butt. You will feel rushed and end up writing a poorly crafted piece. Give yourself enough time to complete an essay draft, edit the draft, and repeat this two-step cycle until your essay is complete.
• Lack of originality : This goes hand-in-hand with avoiding cliches. Your college essay should exude a lot of your personality, so show admissions officers and teachers who you are! Include your cultural background, test scores that you're proud of, any future aspirations, etc. This all depends on the essay prompts, of course, but in my experience, every essay topic has room to show who you are.
• Ignoring the prompt : This is a major key. STAY ON TRACK. Make sure to carefully read and understand the essay prompt, and write your essay accordingly. The last thing you want to do is write a college essay that has nothing to do with the prompt. Reading is essential here.
• Lack of focus : If you want to know how to start a college essay, that means knowing how to stay focused. Find a quiet space, turn off electronics, hide your phone, and really nestle into how you want to capture your reader's attention. This will help you use your five senses clearly, keep your writing strong and not write an overly wordy essay. Focus is the tool here.
• Poor organization : Make sure your essay has a strong structure with clear transitions between paragraphs. An outline will work best to accomplish this. If you go into starting your college essay without a plan, be prepared to hit all roadblocks.
• Neglecting to Revise and Edit : Like procrastinating, don't fail to revise and edit your work. Always, always, always proofread your essay for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors , as well as clarity and coherence.
• Not Seeking Feedback : Listen, I know that completing an essay is an accomplishment in itself, and you immediately want to submit it, but it's so beneficial to have others read your essay for feedback. You can only spot so many holes in your work when your eyes are constantly reviewing it, so a second, third, or even fourth set of eyes can help point out areas for improvement.

Above all, trust the writing process. Though I do want you to be aware of your jargon, don't get too wrapped up in thinking you're making a mistake. That's what editing is for! Once you complete your college essay, you should always revise and edit accordingly . What you thought sounded good might make you edit it to sound great. Just keep in mind that many colleges are looking for honesty and authenticity vs how well you can sound on paper . So, if you're aware of these factors, you'll be good to go.

Ways to Overcome Writer's Block

Take it from someone who has suffered from chronic writer's block, it's a pain to get through . Imagine being on a writing streak so good that when you stop, the entire essay writing process stops as a whole. It's definitely a challenge, but after 10 years of writing essays and really honing my craft, I learned a few things that have helped me get through even the thickest of writer's blocks, and I want to share them with you. Check them out:

• Take a break : This works every single time. Take a short break and step away from your computer to clear your mind and come back with a fresh perspective. For me, 15 minutes is all I ever need. If you need more time, that's okay. Just try not to make your break a rest.
• Freewriting : Sometimes, I'd start writing without worrying about my structure or grammar to get the ideas flowing, and surprisingly enough, I found my essay taking a pleasant turn.
• Change your environment : Move around. Don't underestimate the effects of a different location or workspace to stimulate creativity. Try coffee shops, bookstores, a park, or a new room in your house. New environment, new energy.
• Set small goals : This one is actually the most important. Some people get overwhelmed with the word "essay" for things like lack of proper writing skills, pressure to write a great essay, etc. But if you try breaking down your writing task into smaller, manageable chunks to make it less overwhelming, it can help. For example, set a goal of three paragraphs one day, take a day to edit those paragraphs, two more the next day, and so forth. Find a formula that works for you.
• Brainstorming : Write down all your ideas--everything. No matter how small you think the idea is, write it down. Even if these ideas seem unrelated, they will help you generate new thoughts and connections.
• Read or listen to music : It took me a while to realize this helps, but engaging in other forms of art can inspire new ideas and break through mental blocks. And new creativity can lead you to impress admissions officers.
• Talk it out : As a writer, it's hard to let people in on the creative process, but discussing my ideas with a friend, family member, or colleague helped me gain new perspectives and insights.
• Relax and Meditate : Hear me out: it works! Practice deep breathing and/or meditation to reduce stress and anxiety that may be contributing to writer's block.

I won't sugarcoat it: the college application process can be intimidating , but it doesn't have to throw you off your game. When it comes to college essays, I see them as opportunities to be fun and expressive. Trust me when I say if you have fun with it, you'll attract the reader's attention , paint vivid details, and write an essay that will leave the admissions officer wanting you at their school. So, take it one step at a time and watch your personal statement come to life.

How can I make my college essay stand out to admissions officers?

Simply put, be yourself. As long as you stay on track with the essay's topic, showing pieces of yourself will allow admissions officers to know more about who you are. Essays are meant to show readers who you are, how you feel, and what you think naturally, not robotically, so be authentic in your writing, and you'll be sure to stand out amongst the rest.

What are some common mistakes to avoid when writing a college essay?

Some common mistakes to avoid in your essay are using cliches and boring wording. You also want to avoid procrastinating, wasting time, not focusing, not editing, etc. When writing your essay, you want to make sure you give your writing the time and attention it deserves, so make sure you're aware of what is pulling you away from your writing. This will help you stay focused. If you have any other doubts, refer to the section about mistakes in this article and let it guide you to success.

How important is the college essay in the admissions process?

Your college essay is key in the admissions process . It's an admissions committee's first impression of you as a writer and potential student, so it should be taken very seriously. Trying to cut corners or rush through the writing process will be obvious, and it will stand out more than things like test scores, academic achievements, extracurricular activities, and any other positive influence you've had in your life. So, don't take the easy way out and really work on your essay.

Feeling confident in your college essay skills and want to explore some other essay content? Explore our blog on the comma splice to enhance your technical writing skills!

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4 Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Essay Examples (2023)

If you want to get into Carnegie Mellon in 2023, you'll need to write responses to CMU's writing supplement that help you stand out and get accepted.

In this article, I've gathered 4 of the best CMU essays that worked to hopefully get you inspired to write your own stand-out essays.

I've also included this year's supplemental prompts for CMU and some ideas for getting started.

Let's get started.

What is Carnegie Mellon's Acceptance Rate?

Getting into Carnegie Mellon is more difficult every year. Last year, 42,015 students applied to CMU and only 7,143 students were admitted.

Which means Carnegie Mellon University an overall acceptance rate of 17% , or in other words less than every 1 in 5 students get admitted each year.

And admissions into certain programs like Computer Science or the School of Drama is even more competitive, with acceptances rates of 7% and 4% each.

Carnegie Mellon Acceptance Scattergram

That's a comparable admit rate to the most selective Ivy League schools like Princeton University for example.

To have your best chances of getting into CMU, you'll need to write great essay responses. Below are 4 of the best examples of CMU essays to help improve your essays and get accepted.

What are the Carnegie Mellon Supplemental Prompts for 2022-23?

This year Carnegie Mellon requires students to write three short essays of 300 words each.

Here are the Carnegie Mellon University writing supplement prompts for 2022. The questions on this page are being asked by Carnegie Mellon University:

Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study? (300 word maximum)

Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 word maximum)

Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 word maximum)

Carnegie Mellon has used these prompts in past years.

And below you'll find several examples of essays that responded to these prompts. I've also included some personal statement essays from admitted CMU students.

4 Carnegie Mellon University EssaysThatWorked

It's safe to say students who get into Carnegie Mellon write interesting and creative application essays. Or at least these ones did.

Here are 4 of the best Carnegie Mellon essays that have helped students get admitted.

Carnegie Mellon Essay Example #1

Carnegie mellon essay example #2, carnegie mellon essay example #3, carnegie mellon essay example #4.

Prompt: Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study? (300 words max)

When I was younger, I faced a lot of negative emotions including anxiety and low self-esteem. For a long time, I felt alone and as if no one understood how I felt. My self confidence was at an all-time low when I started taking psychology. All of a sudden the negative emotions I was feeling started making sense. I was suddenly able to understand how people were wired and why others treated me a certain way. I in fact was able to feel empathy for my aggressors after understanding that those who treated me negatively often faced struggles of their own. Most importantly, I felt as though something out there finally understood me. Because psychology offered insight into my own behavior and helped me to understand others, I was eventually able to overcome my insecurities.

In the future, I would like to help others do the same. No matter where I end up, understanding why people behave a certain way and being more considerate and empathetic for others will only help me thrive. Mental health is a growing issue in our society. The world we live in is a confusing place filled with pain, but psychology provides a way to determine the cause of this suffering and how to change it. I never want anyone to feel the isolation and sorrow I felt when I was younger. I want to help others become compassionate and unconditionally loving not just toward others, but to themselves. Even if I only make a small change in the world and affect just one person’s life, I would like to pursue that.

Prompt: Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words max)

I recall entering the intimidating world of high school as an exorbitantly introverted, stereotypical Asian girl. My father urged me to assert myself and attempt new activities I wouldn’t have typically participated in. I didn’t want to be disappointed in twenty years by the things I didn’t attempt in high school, so I decided to pursue my long-time dream of becoming a cheerleader. I had always admired the optimism that cheerleaders had, and I was at a point in my life where I needed more positivity.

I faced obstacles trying to join the team. An Asian cheerleader? But Asians were supposed to be smart and cheerleaders were dumb! I broke racial stereotypes by becoming the first Asian cheerleader in my high school.

When I made the squad, I was exposed to individuals which whom I did not ordinarily traverse paths. I stepped outside of my bubble and met girls who were extremely extroverted and seemed to be in a constant state of elation. They taught me how to spread positivity throughout my daily interactions and taught me to use optimism as a strength in facing the hurdles of life. These were qualities I would have never learned from a textbook.

My parents had possessed strong reservations about me joining and feared I would meet girls who weren’t motivated in academics. This was false. Many of the girls were brilliant and creative in ways my regular friend group wasn’t. All avenues of life met there on that team.

Cheerleading was the rain and sun that helped a small seed like me bloom into a flower. It delights me knowing that I gained social skills and made friends I never thought I could gain. Cheerleading has changed my perspective on life and joining that family is one of my greatest treasures.

Prompt: “When we‘re connected to others, we become better people,” said Carnegie Mellon University‘s Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture .

At Carnegie Mellon you‘ll have the opportunity to collaborate with a diverse community of scholars, artists and innovators. Given the students, faculty, staff and resources that have been available to you as a student, how have you collaborated with others, in or out of the classroom?

Or, what lessons have you learned from working with others in the past, that might shape your experience in the future? (300 words max)

Because it took some time for me to pass my driving test, I was unable to get a traditional job at the same age as the rest of my peers. I had another friend who was also unable to drive. To fund our shopping addictions, we started our own business, "Velour Slimes," where we sold slimes of a diverse number of scents and textures. The experience gave us a taste of entrepreneurship and the elements of what it takes to run a successful business. One of those elements was collaboration.

Going into business with a friend can get ugly, even with a small scale operation like ours. One of our most grueling conflicts was deciding whether to spend our first profit paying off our debts or buying new materials to make more slime with. Neither of us were transparent with our goals, or on the same page. We let our conflict escalate to the point where we could not look at each other. Eventually we solved our issue by effectively communicating together. By being honest with each other about our ideas and concisely supporting our arguments with evidence, we were able to understand each other and find a balance. In the end, we compromised. We spent half of the money paying off our debts and the other half on more materials to create even more slimes.

This experience brought me closer to my friend. We were able to strengthen our relationship while becoming more understanding and considerate of each others’ feelings. I discovered empathy is deeply necessary in improving the negative aspects of modern day society. If we were all a bit more empathetic, the world would be a more pleasant place. For that reason, I try to continuously improve my own compassion.

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Prompt: Why Carnegie Mellon? (650 words max)

With a strong background in computer science and communications, I hope to incorporate both into a future career of building data systems, conducting research, and consulting for organizations that serve underrepresented citizens.

Why This Essay Works:

Specific details and anecdotes will almost always be more compelling than less specific ones. In this essay, the student does a great job of including specific, "nerdy" details, such as "an association test between melanoma associated variants and survival outcome." These details demonstrate your in-depth knowledge of an area and make your essay more engaging.

This essay does a fantastic job of addressing real-world problems and emphasizing the "bigger picture" impact of their studies. Rather than just explaining what they want to study, this student explains how their education will help them have an impact on the world. Make an argument for what problems you see in the world and how you could potentially help solve them.

For "Why Us?" college essays, one of the most important parts is to reference unique aspects to the school. Almost all colleges have strong academics, great faculty, etc. So instead of referencing those points, reference what makes the school unique and different. In this essay, the student talks about "CMU's Technology Consulting in the Global Community" program, which is both highly specific to CMU and relevant to their own interests.

What They Might Improve:

In general, you should avoid simply listing your achievements. This student has many remarkable activities and experiences, but it comes across less interesting because the first half of the essay is simply describing these accomplishments.

For "Why Us?" essays, it is also a good idea to reference the values the school represents. Each school has a different "culture" and type of student body, and admissions wants to know how you will fit in.

If you're trying to get into Carnegie Mellon, here are 4 of the best essays that worked. Read example answers to Carnegie Mellon's writing supplement for 2022 and see how other students got into CMU.

What did you think of these Carnegie Mellon essays?

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Princeton Admitted Essay

People love to ask why. Why do you wear a turban? Why do you have long hair? Why are you playing a guitar with only 3 strings and watching TV at 3 A.M.—where did you get that cat? Why won’t you go back to your country, you terrorist? My answer is... uncomfortable. Many truths of the world are uncomfortable...

MIT Admitted Essay

Her baking is not confined to an amalgamation of sugar, butter, and flour. It's an outstretched hand, an open invitation, a makeshift bridge thrown across the divides of age and culture. Thanks to Buni, the reason I bake has evolved. What started as stress relief is now a lifeline to my heritage, a language that allows me to communicate with my family in ways my tongue cannot. By rolling dough for saratele and crushing walnuts for cornulete, my baking speaks more fluently to my Romanian heritage than my broken Romanian ever could....

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A cow gave birth and I watched. Staring from the window of our stopped car, I experienced two beginnings that day: the small bovine life and my future. Both emerged when I was only 10 years old and cruising along the twisting roads of rural Maryland...

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What Makes a Great College Experience?

Dec 23, 2019

You’ve graduated high school, tossed your cap, turned in your gown, and packed up your bedroom. And now, for the first time in your life, you’re headed off to live on your own at college. This is one of the most exciting and scariest times in your life, and you want to make the next four years the best they can be.

Having a great college experience is about experiencing everything your campus has to offer. From clubs to events to new friends to incredible opportunities for academic exploration, a college campus can provide a wealth of new experiences. Read on to learn how to have the best college experience possible.

Talk to People

The first and most important thing you can do to make your college experience great is to talk to people around you. College is a great time to meet people who are totally different from you – people from not only different states, but also different countries who have different views, different religions, and different interests. Everyone is new and a little nervous, so take that leap and be the first to speak up.

If you’re not sure how to get started talking to people, try leaving your dorm room door open when you’re home and putting a bowl of candy outside your door to encourage people to stop by and say hi. Organize a pizza night on your floor and watch movies. If you see someone sitting alone on the quad or in the dining hall, ask if you can sit with them and strike up a conversation.

Get Involved

Another great way to meet people and get the most out of your college experience is to get involved. College campuses will support just about any organization a student wants to set up. This means there’s a  club on your campus  that’s based around your interests and is filled with people who enjoy the same things you do.

Look into writing, gardening, fashion, cooking, or knitting clubs on campus. If you’re more the athletic sort, look into walking or running clubs, fitness classes, or intramural sports. And then there are often Greek organizations, charity groups, campus religious groups, and academic fraternities.

Ask for Help

Adjusting to being in college can be challenging, both academically and emotionally. You should never be afraid to ask for help with this transition when you need it.

If you’re struggling in a class, get in touch with the professor and go to their office hours. They are there to help you, and most professors will be delighted to see you in their office and help you out.

If you find yourself struggling with  depression or anxiety , go to your school’s counseling center . They can provide you free help in a non-judgmental environment geared specifically toward helping you.

Stay Organized

We know your parents and teachers have been drilling this into you since the sixth grade. But staying organized in college really is key to both good grades and a less stressful experience. In college, you’ll have a lot more homework to keep up with than you have before, and staying organized is the only way to make sure it all gets done.

Work out a system to keep your desk organized with all your books and notebooks. If you’re a planner person, get one and use it; if not, try setting up a schedule on your phone. Set yourself reminders for important due dates, including meetings for the groups you’re involved in and when you need to get advisement and register for classes.

Go to Class

We know this sounds obvious, but one of the best things you can do to have a solid college experience is to go to class. Many professors may not have an attendance policy, but skipping classes will still have consequences. It just happens that in this case, failing tests is the consequence instead of detention.

If you need to take one or two days off a semester, you’ll be okay. But the rest of the time, go to class, sit in the front of the room, and take notes. You’ll be surprised how much doing this one simple thing will improve your grades.

Take Care of Your Body

When you’re in college, it’s the first time in your life that you can eat whatever you want and stay up as late as you like. A lot of people start going crazy on cookies and burgers, staying up till the wee hours, and letting their workouts lapse. But if you want to have a great college experience, you need to take care of your body.

When you’re eating right, sleeping enough, and working out on a regular basis, you have more energy and feel better. This makes it easier to get to classes, get your homework done, and stay involved with your on-campus organizations. Make your health a priority in your schedule, and not just to avoid the freshman fifteen.

Go to Events on Campus

College campuses offer a unique range of event opportunities that you may never get to experience again. There will be concerts, lectures, art exhibits, athletic events, fun runs, and all sorts of other exciting activities. Take advantage of these opportunities while you have the chance to.

Read your college newsletter and keep up with what’s going on on campus. Make a note of lectures, exhibits, or performances that interest you, make it a point to go, and take a friend with you. And whether you’re into sports or not, go to at least one major athletic event during your time in college.

Learn More About How to Have a Great College Experience

College is one of the most exciting and transformative times of your life. You’ll make lifelong friends, discover what your passion in life is, and have an opportunity to experience a culture that exists only on a college campus. Dive in, talk to people, get involved, and make the most of those four years that you can.

If you’d like to have an amazing college experience, come see us at William Peace University. We are a nationally ranked award-winning college in one of the best cities in America. Take a virtual tour and discover the place where your story really begins.

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5 strategies to unlock your winning college essay.

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CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS - JUNE 29: People walk through the gate on Harvard Yard at the Harvard ... [+] University campus on June 29, 2023 in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that race-conscious admission policies used by Harvard and the University of North Carolina violate the Constitution, bringing an end to affirmative action in higher education. (Photo by Scott Eisen/Getty Images)

The college application season is upon us, and high school students everywhere are staring down at one of the most daunting tasks: the college essay. As someone who has guided countless applicants through the admissions process and reviewed admissions essays on an undergraduate admissions committee, I've pinpointed the essential ingredient to a differentiated candidacy—the core of your college admissions X-factor .

The essential ingredient to your college admissions X-factor is your intellectual vitality. Intellectual vitality is your passion for learning and curiosity. By demonstrating and conveying this passion, you can transform an average essay into a compelling narrative that boosts your chances of getting accepted to your top schools. Here are five dynamic strategies to achieve that goal.

Unleash Your Authentic Voice

Admissions officers sift through thousands of essays every year. What stops them in their tracks? An authentic voice that leaps off the page. Forget trying to guess what the admissions committee wants to hear. Focus on being true to yourself. Share your unique perspective, your passions, and your values. Authenticity resonates deeply with application reviewers, making your essay memorable and impactful. You need not have experienced trauma or tragedy to create a strong narrative. You can write about what you know—intellectually or personally—to convey your enthusiasm, creativity, and leadership. Intellectual vitality shines through when you write with personalized reflection about what lights you up.

Weave A Captivating Story

Everyone loves a good story, and your essay is the perfect place to tell yours. The Common Application personal statement has seven choices of prompts to ground the structure for your narrative. The most compelling stories are often about the smallest moments in life, whether it’s shopping at Costco or about why you wear socks that have holes. Think of the Common Application personal statement as a window into your soul rather than a dry list of your achievements or your overly broad event-based life story. Use vivid anecdotes to bring your experiences to life. A well-told story can showcase your growth, highlight your character, and illustrate how you've overcome challenges. Intellectual vitality often emerges in these narratives, revealing how your curiosity and proactive approach to learning have driven you to explore and innovate.

Reflect And Reveal Insights

It's not just about what you've done—it's about what you've learned along the way. When you are writing about a specific event, you can use the STAR framework—situation, task, action, and result (your learning). Focus most of your writing space on the “R” part of this framework to dive deeply into your experiences and reflect on how they've shaped your aspirations and identity.

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The most insightful college-specific supplement essays demonstrate depth of thought, and the ability to connect past experiences with your future life in college and beyond. Reflecting on your intellectual journey signals maturity and a readiness to embrace the college experience. It shows admissions officers that you engage deeply with your studies and are eager to contribute to the academic community.

Highlight Your Contributions—But Don’t Brag

Whether it's a special talent, an unusual hobby, or a unique perspective, showcasing what you can bring to the college environment can make a significant impact. Recognize that the hard work behind the accomplishment is what colleges are interested in learning more about—not retelling about the accomplishment itself. (Honors and activities can be conveyed in another section of the application.) Walk us through the journey to your summit; don’t just take us to the peak and expect us know how you earned it.

Intellectual vitality can be demonstrated through your proactive approach to solving problems, starting new projects, or leading initiatives that reflect your passion for learning and growth. These experiences often have a place in the college-specific supplement essays. They ground the reasons why you want to study in your major and at the particular college.

Perfect Your Prose

Great writing is essential. Anyone can use AI or a thesaurus to assist with an essay, but AI cannot write your story in the way that you tell it. Admissions officers don’t give out extra credit for choosing the longest words with the most amount of syllables.

The best essays have clear, coherent language and are free of errors. The story is clearly and specifically told. After drafting, take the time to revise and polish your writing. Seek feedback from teachers, mentors, or trusted friends, but ensure the final piece is unmistakably yours. A well-crafted essay showcases your diligence and attention to detail—qualities that admissions officers highly value. Intellectual vitality is also reflected in your writing process, showing your commitment to excellence and your enthusiasm for presenting your best self.

Crafting a standout college essay is about presenting your true self in an engaging, reflective, and polished manner while showcasing your intellectual vitality. Happy writing.

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What is a Successful College Education? (continued)

Photo by Nina Johnson

Positive Experiences

The third element of a successful education is often overlooked, and that is rich and positive personal experiences. These are experiences that we value as humans not because they have some instrumental purpose, that we can employ to our benefit later in life, but things that are good in themselves in the moment. College is a huge percentage of your kid’s life. They are going to spend four, maybe five, years here. That’s at least five percent of their entire life, if they are fortunate enough to live to age eighty. It is even more, when viewed from the students’ perspective. College will be a third of their conscious life to date! For this reason, it is important that their days be filled with rich experiences that are valuable in themselves. 

What kind of things really matter? You can make your own list. Learning to have a healthy relationship with yourself and with other people. Making friends. Falling in love. Getting your heart broken. Learning how to get in and out of a relationship responsibly and ethically. Playing a sport. Trying something athletic or artistic you’ve never tried. If you’ve never skied, try skiing. If you’ve never rock climbed, go rock climbing. If you’ve never gone hiking before, go hiking. Travel overseas. Act in a play. Paint a landscape. Play the mandolin. Operate a nuclear reactor. Do things that are fun, that are rewarding, that offer pleasure and satisfy curiosity. 

I hope all of your students have one positive experience that is unique to college—the chance to fall in love with an intellectual discipline. I would encourage students and their parents not to think about this decision instrumentally. Students should not major in a field because they imagine it will be useful. They should major in a subject they love. This is in part because you’re more likely to work hard at something you enjoy. But I also believe that in life, people who have the courage to do what they love ultimately have the most success. That’s why I think it’s so important to get students into the habit of taking a risk and doing what they love, not what they think is safe.

Self-Definition

Fourth, college students have to learn to define themselves in the world. As you know, teenagers are highly impressionable. They arrive at college with an amorphous and plastic sense of self that has been shaped heavily to date by their families, their high schools, their peers, the media, and the internet. 

It is critical, during the years from 18 to 22, that students begin to evolve into adults with their own sets of values, beliefs, and style—ones that they have chosen for themselves, not ones that have been inherited or received from others. They need to take time when they’re in college to think about what’s truly important to them. Do they believe in God? What kind of God? If they don’t believe in God, what provides the foundation of their values? What are the values that they want to pursue and espouse for the rest of their lives? What aesthetic and personal style do they want to present to the outside world? If they fail to ask and answer these questions, as least provisionally, they will be societally programmed robots, not human beings. 

This self-definition—the moment a young person says, “I’m going to be a human being who cares about this set of things, and who chooses to live in this manner,” is important and powerful. There is not, however, much social discourse about it. That is one of the things that makes a liberal arts education so important. The texts that students read in Hum 110 require them to think critically about the values of classical society and, more importantly, about how their own personal values relate to those of others. The class requires them to engage intellectually over fundamental questions of aesthetic, ethical, and political values with peers who come from radically different backgrounds. That ability to listen to other people, to think about what they believe, to compare that to their own values, and then potentially to modify their own beliefs because of these interactions with others, is something only a great college education can instill. And if that education is successful, your students will emerge with a set of values and a sense of self that is uniquely and truly theirs. 

Preparing for the Future

Finally, a successful college education should help students build for the future. A place like Reed should be like a trampoline. You jump on it, and there’s a little bit of resistance, and it’s difficult. After four years, however, it should blow you out into orbit with a sense of power to live a life of meaning and purpose. 

There’s a lot of talk in America about how college should prepare you for your first job. This seems incredibly short-sighted to me. College should not prepare you for your first job, but for the rest of your life. 

I would prefer us to take one step back and to ask students to do more than just find a job. I want them to identify, while they are in college, the kind of life of meaning and purpose that they would like to pursue. This requires more than seeking employment. It forces them to identify a long-term professional trajectory that will offer them the kinds of rewards and experiences they desire. We are going to spend a lot of our lives working. So, students should ask themselves: What kind of work will sustain me? What kind of rewards do I want? What kind of financial, personal, and societal goals will give my life value?

Thinking creatively about the future is not enough. Students need to take some proactive steps to prepare for life after Reed as well. Let me suggest that students should leave Reed with four interesting things on their résumé that they can talk about when applying for work. These might include a compelling summer job or internship, a particular academic distinction, or a valuable skill like the ability to write code or speak a foreign language. You want to leave Reed with four things that you can talk about. As long as you pile up one of those things a year, you’re doing fine.

So that concludes my sermon. I have given this topic a great deal of thought, but I don’t want to suggest that this is the only way to define success. You may have other goals in mind for your student—and they may have goals that are radically different from yours. I am certain, however, that the students who take the time to identify goals are the ones who get the most out of their education—and, like Aristotle’s archers, the ones most likely to hit their targets.

—Author info: President John R. Kroger majored in philosophy, served in the Marine Corps, worked as a federal prosecutor, authored the award-winning book Convictions: A Prosecutor’s Battles against Mafia Killers, Drug Kingpins, and Enron Thieves, and was attorney general of Oregon.

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Editor's Note

• The Birth of a Galaxy
• Patterns of Power
• What is a Successful College Education?
• Life Beyond Reed
• Sculptor of the Surreal, Whacker of Flowerpots
• Loosen Up. Festoon.
• The Geometry of Quilting
• The Borderline Geographer
• Email Got You Down?
• David Lukas ’93: Language Making Nature
• Reediana Briefs

Eliot Circular

• Zeroing In on the Plane of Existence
• Students nab prize for work on “hunger hormone”
• Your Lying Eyes
• Childcare Center Opens at Reed
• Physics major builds a better brick
• Performers Win Kahan Fellowship
• Pumpkin Lands in Kroger’s Office

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