description of waking up creative writing

When and How to Write a Character Waking Up

Writing about a character waking up can be a challenge, especially since waking up is something we do in a semiconscious state. It can be tough to pinpoint exactly how it feels, and that makes it difficult to write convincingly. In addition to that, writers seem split on when to start a scene with a character waking up, and whether you should do it at all. 

Is It Bad To Start a Scene with a Character Waking Up?

If you’ve ever been in a creative writing or fiction class, then you’ve definitely been told that it is a bad idea to start a story or scene with your main character waking up. Most experienced writers and instructors strongly advise against it. But why? Is it always a bad idea?

And really, the answer is no; you can pull off a good waking up scene that draws readers into the story. By writing a character waking up in a specific way, you can set the tone for the rest of the scene and offer a unique glimpse into the character’s personality.

However, people tend to discourage starting a scene like this, not because it is inherently bad, but because it is a tactic often used lazily. Many beginner writers rely on this technique as an easy way to transition between scenes. If the transition is abrupt, glossed over, or otherwise disregarded by the writer, then it definitely won’t be taken seriously by the reader.

If you’re considering starting a scene, or your entire story, with your main character waking up, take a moment to consider why you want to write it like that. Do you have a good reason to? Is there another way you could start it? If you don’t have a good reason for writing it like that, you probably shouldn’t do it.

When to Write a Character Waking Up

If you’re going to show a character waking up, make sure there’s a good reason for it. If you just don’t know how else to start a story, and you have your character wake up and start making coffee, chances are your readers are going to get bored. 

If you want to keep your readers interested, focus on the implications of waking up. If your character is awake, then they have to do something. What is it they have to do? Are they looking forward to it, or dreading it? Do they struggle to get up, because they are injured, hungover, or groggy? Give the readers something to think about. Instead of just telling them the character is waking up, let them wonder why the character reacts a certain way when they do get up. 

The act of waking up is not inherently interesting, so it is your job to present it in an interesting way. Use it as a way of emphasizing something, like your character’s memories, fears, habits, and plans. Make waking up a point to focus on, instead of just a lazy transition. And, however tempting it may be, do not overuse this technique. If every scene starts with the character waking up, it’s going to feel mundane. 

If your character suffers from insomnia, then you may find yourself writing many scenes with them waking up, often still tired. If you want some guidance for writing about that specifically, I have another article that could help you out: Losing Sleep Over How to Write a Character with Insomnia?

How to Describe Waking Up

Waking up is a fundamental part of being human; we all do it. The next time you wake up in the morning or from a nap, try to focus on how it feels. Don’t reach for your phone or the lights, and instead think about what it feels like to come back to reality. Were you dreaming? Did you wake up slowly or abruptly? Did you set an alarm? How soon after waking up did you get out of bed? If you focus on how it really feels to do something in your life, you’ll be able to write about it more convincingly. 

With that said, obviously not everyone wakes up the same way. And of course, waking up in the middle of the night with a hangover is going to feel different from sleeping in late on a weekend. Writing about different situations is going to require different strategies.

(As a side note, if you want to write about drunk or hungover characters, I recommend taking a peek at my other article: How to Write a Drunk Character. )

How to Describe Someone Waking Up in the Morning

Waking up in the morning is generally pretty mundane, but there are ways to make it interesting. 

If the character wakes up naturally, then try to draw the scene out so it progresses in a slow and sleepy manner. Introduce details one at a time and try to show the process of things coming into focus. In general, try to avoid actually writing the phrase “things came into focus,” since you can show your readers how that feels instead of telling them that it’s happening.

Overload the scene with descriptive language and details. Bring the scene to life as much as possible, and really set the stage for the rest of the story. Describe what the character hears when they wake up, to clue the readers in to where the character lives. Do they hear birds or busy city streets? Do they hear nothing at all? What about how they feel? Is it cold? Bright?

Don’t just let readers know that the character is awake, let them experience what the character feels as they are waking up. In addition to the physical details, include little hints about the character’s personality based on how they feel about waking up. Instead of just mentioning the sounds of the city, you could describe it with negative language, to suggest that the character hates living in the city. Or, focus on the serene calmness of the sounds of nature and the coziness of the bed, to create a comfortable feeling right off the bat.

Alternatively, if the character wakes up to an alarm, they are probably going to wake up abruptly, and with less time to absorb their surroundings. Alarm clocks represent structure and routine, and your readers will immediately associate the character with being more systematic and less carefree. You should still set the scene with some descriptions to orient your audience, but in general, you should strive to cut back on the flowery language. The character needed to wake up to do something, so they can’t waste time listening to birds. 

How to Describe Someone Waking Up from a Nightmare

Like with an alarm clock, a person waking up from a nightmare is going to wake up rather suddenly. They probably won’t be paying attention to the details of the room, and instead, are going to be disoriented and frantic. A nightmare triggers the body’s fight-or-flight reflex, so the character’s heart will be beating fast, and they will be alert and ready to act to defend themself from whatever they were dreaming about.

After waking up, the character will need to calm down before they can get on with the story. This is a great opportunity to explore the impact of the nightmare and the sentiment of the character. Are bad dreams commonplace, or is the character unused to waking up like this? Is the nightmare an echo of a bad memory, or the result of some supernatural influence? 

Have the character think about the details of the dream after the fact, but do not explain the entire dream for the readers. Give little hints about what it could mean to give readers something to think about. If the dream is foreshadowing a future event or an ongoing struggle, don’t give everything away right from the beginning!

Your character may have a difficult time coming back to reality after a nightmare. When this happens, they could experience sleep paralysis upon waking up. This is when a person is unable to speak or move for several minutes after waking up, and may hallucinate seeing or feeling an evil presence like a demon, a figure from their past, or something they fear. You could use this as a tactic to extend the nightmare into the character’s waking life, to emphasize the impact the nightmares have on them.

If you want to read more about how to incorporate dreams and nightmares into your story, check out my article: Writing About Dreams and Nightmares .

How to Describe Someone Waking Up from Being Unconscious

If your character “fell asleep” as a result of getting knocked on the head then they aren’t going to wake up the same way as they would any other time. The first thing they’re going to notice as they wake up is how bad their head hurts. A person has to be hit really hard to lose consciousness, so your character is in for a pretty bad headache when they come to, and they’re going to notice the pain before they can register any other sensation. Make sure that is the first thing you mention unless the character is woken up forcefully by another character, a loud sound, or something else. 

Once the character has had time to overcome the pain, they’re probably going to be pretty disoriented. Show the character trying to work through exactly what happened before they fell unconscious, and have them try to sort through what they know and don’t know. Was it a bad fall? A fight? How much do they even remember? Help the readers along by having the character search for context, like what time it is, where they are, and how they managed to get hurt. 

Keep in mind that a character who is struck in the head hard enough to knock them out will endure a concussion. The article How to Write About Brain Damage (Accurately!) can walk you through the specifics of including that detail in your story.

How to Describe Someone Waking Up in an Unfamiliar Place

The perfect time to execute a scene that begins with the character waking up is with a kidnapping. Your character will be just as confused as the readers, and you can use that as your hook to keep readers engaged. 

If your character wakes up in an unfamiliar place, chances are, the first thing they’re going to do is start to panic. They may start to wake up groggily, but as soon as they realize they may be in danger, adrenaline is going to kick in and they’ll be fully awake in less than a second. 

They’re going to look around at everything to try to figure out where they are, so make sure you describe the scene in as much detail as possible. However, avoid the flowery language. If your character is terrified, they’re going to look at things and not really think about them much, so describe things quickly and visually—and move on. 

In this case, waking up isn’t the focus. Have the character realize the situation quickly, so they can progress the story. If they can’t move because they’re tied up, then they might start trying to think of how they got there, and who could be behind it. But in general, the character isn’t going to waste a whole lot of time before they start trying to do something to get out of the situation.

Some Parting Thoughts

No one should be able to tell you what you definitively should or should not write. There isn’t a wrong way to tell a story. If you think starting a scene with a character waking up is the best way to do that, then don’t let anyone stop you. It’s your story after all, and if you write it with care and passion, it’s going to be interesting.

If someone tells you not to write something, don’t take that advice at face value. Try to think about why they’re giving you that advice, and why they think it would help you. It’s not that starting a scene with a character waking up is bad, it’s just that most people don’t do it well. When people tell you not to do it, they’re actually telling you not to use cheap tricks to avoid writing difficult transitions. If you know how to handle a character waking up, then there’s no reason to shy away from putting it in your story.

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How to Describe Waking Up From a Nightmare in a Story

By Rebecca Parpworth-Reynolds

Are you writing a thriller in which a character is haunted by a reoccurring nightmare? Would some descriptive words help you with your writing? Check out this post on how to describe waking up from a nightmare in a story!

Worried and nervous.

“He awoke to the anxious thudding of his heart and cold sweat upon his brow.”

“The nightmare had left him anxious and unable to sleep. Yet, at the same time, he could not bring himself to get out of bed.”

How it Adds Description

Waking up from a nightmare can often leave someone feeling on edge even after being awake for a little while. They may be very wary and nervous about things in the waking world, so you may wish to describe them as “anxious”.

2. Breathless

• Unable to breathe easily.
• Breathing too fast.

“He jolted awake in the middle of the night, feeling suffocated and breathless from the vivid nightmare that had just plagued his sleep.”

“Gasping for air, she woke up breathless from a nightmare that felt all too real.”

Sometimes people can wake up from nightmares gasping for air, either out of sheer panic or from the content of the bad dream. Describing their “breathless” reaction can help to spread this panic to your reader so that they understand just how scary the nightmare was for your character.

3. Disoriented

Confused and not knowing what to do or where to go.

“As she woke up disoriented from the nightmare, it took her a moment to realize that she was in her own bed, safe from the terrifying creatures of her dreams.”

“Drenched in sweat and with a racing heart, he woke up disoriented from the nightmare, unsure of where he was or what was real.”

When someone wakes up from a nightmare, they can often feel “disoriented” and confused, as their brain struggles to make sense of the sudden shift from the dream world to reality. The intense emotions and sensations experienced during a nightmare can make it difficult to distinguish between what is real and what is not, not only confounding your character but your reader, too!

4. Distressed

Upset or worried.

“Tears streaming down her face, she woke up distressed from a nightmare that had stirred up painful memories and emotions she thought she had buried long ago.”

“He woke up distressed and shaking, the vivid nightmare leaving him with an overwhelming sense of dread and an urgent need to escape the darkness that had enveloped him in his sleep.”

When someone wakes up “distressed” from a nightmare, they are usually experiencing incredibly strong emotions brought on by the bad dream. These emotions can be so intense that they may continue to linger long after the person has woken up, helping you to display the lasting impact of the nightmare to your reader.

5. Emotional

Having strong feelings .

“Overwhelmed, she woke up emotional from the nightmare, struggling to calm her racing heart and ease the knot in her stomach that refused to go away.”

“He woke up emotional from the nightmare as he tried to come to terms with the intense feelings of grief and loss that had left him reeling.”

“Nightmares can be emotionally intense experiences that can leave a person feeling overwhelmed. When someone wakes up “emotional” from a nightmare, this may be because it has tapped into fears and worries that the person has tried to suppress from their waking life. As a result, the emotions your character feels when they wake up can help give your reader an insight into their innermost thoughts and feelings.

• Out of control thanks to extreme emotion.
• Extremely upset.
• Hurried due to anxiety or worry.

“Waking from the nightmare, she frantically threw back the covers to try to escape the monsters haunting her dreams.”

“She woke up frantic due to the nightmare, her heart and her thoughts racing as she struggled to differentiate between the nightmare and reality.”

Nightmares can be very distressing, and when someone wakes up from a particularly vivid or terrifying nightmare, they may experience a sense of panic or urgency that is difficult to shake off. This can lead to them feeling out of control, or lead to hurried movements and bodily sensations such as their heart beating or rapidly sitting up in bed. If this indicates how the character in your story wakes up, try describing them as “frantic”.

7. Panicked

Experiencing a sudden feeling of fear that makes it hard to compose oneself and think and act rationally.

“She woke up panicked from the nightmare, her body trembling with fear as she clung to her blankets.”

“He woke up with a panicked yelp from the nightmare, which many of the other boys relentlessly teased him about at breakfast the next morning.”

Sometimes nightmares make us lose our composure, meaning that we react in unexpected ways when we wake up from them out of sheer fear. This “panicked” response might even catch your reader off-guard!

8. Relieved

Happy that something bad had not happened or that something bad has ended.

“He woke up relieved , the feeling of dread and despair that had consumed him in his sleep fading away as he realized that the worst was over and that he had made it through the night.”

“She flicked her eyes open rapidly, expecting to still be in the hellscape of her nightmare, but was relieved to see the four walls of her bedroom.”

Waking up from a nightmare can sometimes be a pleasant experience, especially when the person realizes it is not real. Create a feeling of safety for them and your reader by describing them as being “relieved” that it is all over.

9. (With a) Start

Moving suddenly when something has surprised or scared someone.

“She awoke with a start , her heart threatening to beat out of her chest.”

“He awoke with such a start from the nightmare that he had to act quickly to stop himself from falling out of the bed.”

Sometimes waking up can trigger sudden movements, such as a gasp, reflexes such as a kick, or even the shock of feeling like you have fallen from a great height onto your bed! If your character wakes up “with a start” then it is clear to your reader that there was something scary in their dream they needed to get away from!

10. Terrified

Very frightened.

“Shrieking in fear, she woke up terrified from the nightmare, her body drenched in sweat.”

“He woke up terrified from the nightmare, his heart racing and his hands trembling as he tried to catch his breath, the memory of the terrifying images still fresh in his mind.”

Rather than just describing someone as scared, “terrified” gives a greater depth of emotion when it comes to waking up from a nightmare. For example, they may be incredibly confident in their daily life, but suddenly they are reduced to a quivering wreck thanks to their bad dreams.

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How to Write a Wake-Up Scene

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Note: For those of you who are thinking about publishing, please use this wisely. One of the five openings to avoid is a wake-up scene. Agents usually hate them, however, for those are you who are writing a short story for school or are writing fanfiction, or are writing just for fun, then by all means go ahead and use this. Ultimately, you can do anything you like. So if it feels totally right to you then start with this opening scene.

» A. Keep in mind the three MAIN ways to start a wake-up scene:

Example 1:   BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

• Make the scene portray your character’s personality.

» A. Third POV is great for suspense scenes, because the reader’s view is completely objective. Use it if you want to put a more pronounced accent on the MC’s reactions and inner thoughts.

Example 2:   

He freaked out when he didn’t hear the sound of his wife singing in the kitchen or when he didn’t smell the pancakes she makes every morning. “Make she went out,” Jim said, trying to reason with himself. “And make that loud explosive noise was just, he driving in to the car door again. Yeah, that’s it.”

He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted.

Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Jim knew something wasn’t right. The longer he waited, the less of an opportunity he had to save them IF, and only if, they were in real danger. Otherwise, he would go back to sleep.

Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door.

Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

He took two steps out the door. Looking left and right, he saw everything in its place. Nothing had been moved or blown up and his he couldn’t see the car in the driveway. He must have guess right… his wife did go out to the store.

Jim raced downstairs to see if Marla, his wife, left a note like she always did. But nothing. Zilch, nada. “What’s going on?” Jim said, feeling quite nervous. He was beginning to think something went terribly wrong and that explosion was no accident. Not– at– all.

• Be mindful of this scene’s purpose. Make a point for your readers to continue reading. Think about length and how necessary it is.

» Early on, hint at what relevance this scene has and what will be the outcome of it.

You can have the character keep waking up throughout the book because they have prophetic dreams, or have the entire story be a deam (which I wouldn’t recommend) and them waking up in the beginning never really happened.

Example 3:   

“Marla,” Jim shouted as he searched for his wife. There, lying in on the kitchen floor behind the counter was his wife, Marla. She had been murder and blood poured out of her body.

“We meet again,” a voice said, walking from behind.

“Please, please, don’t kill me. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll give you all that I have.”

“Too late,” the killer said with a smirk spread across his face. “It’s your turn to die. Heheheheh…” He pointed the gun at Jim and with a grin…. BANG!

The gun went off but luckily Jim woke up to the sound of his alarm. “Shit,” he said to himself. “What was that nightmare about? Good thing it was only a dream.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead and sat up in his bed. “I need to stop eating Marla’s cooking right before bed,” he joked to him self. Jim looked over at the clock. The time said 9:50. Then he began to think. “What if that wasn’t a just a dream, but a warning.” For some reason, Jim didn’t take his nightmare lightly. He ran out his room, went downstairs to where is wife was singing and cooking dinner. Outside, he could see his car parked in the driveway.

“Is everything okay, babe,” Marla said when putting the pancakes on a plate.

“I need to tell you something,” Jim said. He wasn’t sure how his wife would handle his theory, but he willingly tried to explain himself anyway.

» Reflect on the day the character is ‘designed’ to have. Emphasis what is to come and promise the reader things that you won’t break your promise.

Example 4:   

Marla clearly held back the tears. “Are you being serious right now, Jim. I know how you love to joke.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me this before. If someone wanted to murder us we should have fled.”

“I know, I know.”  Jim lowered his head. “I didn’t believe them at first, but after the nightmare I had I think we shouldn’t risk anything.”

“How much time do we have?” Marla believed her husband. The look on her face showed pure determination.

“We haven’t much time. I have the wallet and keys to the car. We need to leave now.”

“Without packing,” Marla cried, “without eating my pancakes? I put the cherry on top how you like.”

Jim grabbed his wife and practically dragged her outside. “I can eat it in the car. Look, we don’t have all day. “

Jim and Marla both knew what the rest of today’s schedule was going to be like. They were on the run from a guy who wanted to kill them. Whether or not the killer really was going to do what he said he was going to do, Jim didn’t want to risk putting his family in danger. He would be forever grateful to the universe for giving him that nightmare, which gave him a total of 45 minutes to save his tail.

“Babe,” Marla said when they were driving safely on the freeway. “Are we ever going to return?”

Jim shook his head then grabbed his wife’s hand. “You know we can’t do that. “Five years ago when we agreed to become spies for the government, we knew of the consequence. No kids, no close relatives, and no living in places longer than a few months. We exceeded that limit which is why we are in this predicament.”

Marla frowned. “I know. But we only stayed two extra weeks. Besides, we should get used to not running around so much. Maybe we should retire.”

Jim looked over at Marla and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

Marla smiled, held up a pregnancy test and said, “Because, Jim, I’m pregnant.”

Jim swerved the car out of shock, accidentally hitting into a concrete wall on the freeway. Marla screamed, Jim yelled before the collision and soon they both blacked out.  Luckily they survived. The only problem was… well, they ended up inside a dark chamber… their enemy’s dark chamber happened to be following them the whole time on the freeway. Who knows how long they’d have to stay in there? But we can all agree, it would be well past Jim’s bedtime.

** !You might have to scroll down the textbox with your mouse!

    BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

   He freaked out when he didn’t hear the sound of his wife singing in the kitchen or when he didn’t smell the pancakes she makes every morning. “Make she went out,” Jim said, trying to reason with himself. “And make that loud explosive noise was just, he driving in to the car door again. Yeah, that’s it.”

However, Jim was wrong. Dead wrong. He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted. 

      Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Jim knew something wasn’t right. The longer he waited, the less of an opportunity he had to save them IF, and only if, they were in real danger. Otherwise, he would go back to sleep. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

      He took two steps out the door. Looking left and right, he saw everything in its place. Nothing had been moved or blown up and his he couldn’t see the car in the driveway. He must have guess right… his wife did go out to the store.

       Jim raced downstairs to see if Marla, his wife, left a note like she always did. But nothing. Zilch, nada. “What’s going on?” Jim said, feeling quite nervous. He was beginning to think something went terribly wrong and that explosion was no accident. Not– at– all. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

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6 thoughts on “ How to Write a Wake-Up Scene ”

WOW! You guys r incredible, thanks soooooo much !!

You’re very welcome!

Wow hi do you think wake up scenes to start a story are bad even if it’s a twist? like someone wakes up and they’re in somewhere completely new?

No, it’s not bad. Be sure to make it entertaining. Put yourself in the readers position. What do you want to read about waking up in the morning?

Which are the other four openings to avoid?

Dream Sequences

Opening with a character introducing themselves

A character looking in a mirror

Extended dialogue with no direction

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How to wake up a character from a first person perspective? [closed]

I am currently trying to write a story, I already have a rough outline of the plot. But the only thing that's holding me back from moving forward.

The prolouge involves the main character waking up to find his father coughing up blood in the toiler (don't ask). We later find out (Chapter 1) that the main character's father has developed Super Cancer (it's a fantasy story).

My question: You know when someone wakes up? well I need to translate that into a firt person POV

• NOTE: I am new to this Stack Exchange –  AnAspiringAuthor Commented Jan 25, 2017 at 2:15
• Can you explain why this has you stuck? We can't simply write material for you (we do Q&A, we don't help phrase/rephrase particular passages of text), but it sounds like something about waking up is giving you problems. Can you explain what you've tried, and why you're not satisfied with it? –  Standback Commented Jan 25, 2017 at 8:30
• (I'm closing until you can clarify the question, to avoid answers building up that don't address the particular difficulty you're having. Once you clarify, I'll be happy to reopen!) –  Standback Commented Jan 25, 2017 at 8:30

2 Answers 2

I don't usually write in first person POV so, I'm only giving a suggestion.

Here's what you can do.

You could write a short description of a dream that character is having to start off. Then wake up the character by breaking that dream. (Something like the dream world fading or crumbling down. Depends on what kind of sleeper your character is.) I'm suggesting this because I think to it'll be somewhat interesting way to start a prologue and you can even show something about him or add some foreshadowing?

Actually it does not matter what you want to write, because the problem and solution are always the same.

What is holding you back is not that you do not know how to write a character waking up in first person, or not that alone, but that you are not used to writing. You feel like a person that steps on a diving tower for the first time and finds that from up there the water looks very far away. You hesitate, because you are afraid of failure.

So the first thing you need to do is "lower that diving board". You must make writing something normal and unremarkable, like brushing your teeth. And how do you do that? By making it a habit. I have gone into making writing a habit in three other answers of mine. Look at them: one , two , and three . In short, to be able to write that beginning, you need to write regularly for some time.

If you think that, well, you are trying to write regularly but are stuck on the beginning, then I suggest that you write anything at all . The high diver doesn't begin from ten meters, but from the side of the pool. Only when he is used to jumping in the water from the side of the pool does he get up on the one meter board. Do the same. Write anything at all. Whatever you have in your mind. Every day. And even once you are used to writing regularly, you might not want to dive right in on most days. Sportsmen don't begin their training by breaking a world record, but by warming up. Draughtsmen don't begin their workday by pencilling a wonderful artwork, but by doing warmups. Many writers warm up by just writing down whatever comes to their minds. After fifteen to thirty minutes you will find that your thoughts are beginning to take shape, that your words flow more easily, and that you are ready to write in earnest. Begin your days work then.

Finally, do not be afraid of failure, or, in other words, don't expect too much from your first attempt at writing a novel (or other story). Writing is something that you must learn, like any other skill. If you expect your first attempt to be perfect, you will never write that beginning, because you will never feel ready for it. What I suggest you do is write that first scene in any way at all. It does not matter if it is well written or not, it only matters that you write it and keep writing. You can come back and revise it one you have it on paper or you can throw it away and write the next novel. It really doesn't matter, because you have about 10,000 hours of writing to do before you get published anyway, so you better start and stop hesitating now.

Now that you are in the right frame of mind and ready to begin, lets pause for a moment and look at what you might actually do to make that first scene as good as you can. So how do you write someone waking up from the first person perspective? That's quite easy and simple.

What you do is remember how waking up feels for you, and write that down.

Yes, that's all. You have woken up countless times in your life, and you are an expert at waking up. All you need to do is write down how you experience that. Easy as pie. What is the first sensation? The first thought? Are you fully conscious and ready to jump on an unbroken horse, or are you befuddled and need a gallon of coffee before you can even open your eyes to the painfully bright light from your bedside clock? Do you wake up from the sound of your dad coughing up blood, or do you discover the blood smears when you want to brush your teeth?

Just write it down in any way at all. Then either rewrite it, or write on.

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Friday, February 02, 2018

Studying the waking up scene: is it really that bad.

Key Elements of a Good Opening Scene

Introduce readers to a likable or compelling character, present a problem or story question to be solved (show goals and conflict), ground readers in the world or setting, entice readers to read on.

41 comments:

I can't think of any I've read right now, but I've got one I've written that takes place a couple chapters into one of my WIPs that I think has some strong elements going for it. The last thing that character remembers is sparring with the other main character and him going strange during their session. His eyes go funny, and he seemed not all there, attacking harder and harder until he smashes her leg. She'd passed out at that point. So she wakes up with a bunch of questions like what happened, why, and where was she (not at sparring grounds anymore and also not her room). And she's also realizing she's been partly healed by magic. And the only possible person who could have done it is her new friend (the one she'd been sparring with), who had adamantly sworn off using magic before she'd even met him. Then her stirring wakes him up (he'd been slumped in a nearby chair) and they have a bit of a not-an-argument over his excessive guilt and some teasers regarding his past which is why he'd gone strange during their sparring. He doesn't reveal much, but what he doesn't say and how he doesn't say it tells her quite a bit, too. It's still rather rough, but I like re-reading what I wrote, so I'm hoping it'll work for others as well when I get it polished.

It sounds like it'll work fine. It fits with the story and has context before the reader reaches it. I think wake up scene farther into the book aren't as problematic.

The Hunger Games opens with Katniss waking up the morning of the reaping. Of course, the reaping and her sister's bad dreams about it are mentioned in paragraph one, and it grabs us right away. Ms. Collins has managed to open with a character waking up, while putting tension and story questions right into that supposedly cliched opening. One of the things I learned at my last writers' conference is that while we might read the openings of a few books a month, agents read the openings of hundreds of books a month. They become really sick of things that they have to see over and over again; things the average reader might not object to. I think the average reader will still give a book a few pages or even chapters to get moving, but no agent or editor will. One panel I attended was called, "Reading the Slush Pile." The agents were laughing and rolling their eyes as they read one opening page after the next. I got a rude awakening in things that turn agents off. I have to admit, if I had to read as many bad, dull, or cliched openings as they do, I would become much more critical much more quickly.

It's funny, because Hunger Games is the most popular answer when this topic comes up. It's a great scene, and proof that everything can work if done well. That's an excellent point about agent readings and reader readings. This is probably why these "rules" exists. Poor agents see the best and worst of way too many openings.

I would think it was Gone Girl. The classic "oops, it's not" exception to the "routine day" scene.

These days it might be. But in 2014, everyone used Hunger Games :)

I was going to say "Hunger Games" as well, Leslie. Excellent example, in my opinion. That moment builds so much tension and immediately lets the reader know Katniss' role in her family. It definitely made me want to read on and learn about the world she lived in. There was such a heaviness -- how she spoke of her mother lost beauty and her sister's innocence, and that ugly cat who protects her sister. I can't think of any more examples, probably because they were all bad. Another wonderful resource. Thank you for sharing.

My pleasure. I also thinks it's telling when everyone mentions the same example.

The very opening of Roger Zelazny's first Amber book, "Nine Princes in Amber," begins with Corwin waking up in a hospital bed. It worked because of (1) the book's very first line, "It was starting to end, after what seemed most of eternity to me."; (2) the almost immediate introduction of a mystery; and (3) the protagonist quickly turning proactive. And, yeah, as an editor I can vouch for the fact that *way* too many of these turn up in the slushpile. Maybe as many as the headlong action openings without any effort to have the reader connect with the protagonist first. Dario

Those also came out back in the 70s, when the cliche wasn't so cliched. But even then it still did was a good opening should do.

Chapter One of my near-future SF novel Division starts with one of two conjoined twins waking up. A conflict (!) quickly develops between him and his brother, about whether to keep sleeping or to get up and practice for a recital. We get to see how these main characters interact, and are introduced to a few of the differences in how they approach their lives -- differences which become crucial. We also get to meet another fairly important character, who shows up during the argument.

The fact that it's conjoined twins immediately sets up an interesting situation, so the waking up isn't typical. Good example of one that would likely work.

Hmm, I never really thought of that. I'll have to see how many of those waking up scenes I have used in my stories. I know I've used some waking-up-and-something-is-wrong scenes (not openers) in some of them. In the book that I currently have out to my beta readers, it opens with an intense nightmare sequence, followed by a jarring wake-up and conflict scene between the mother and the teen protagonist. I'll have to ask my betas how it worked for them.

Hopefully it works, though it does fall into the common openings pile. Probably worth taking a close look at it just to be sure. Fingers crossed for you that it does!

I've read a few openers set this way; no real objection but maybe the author made it work? Especially since I wasn't aware of this "guideline" (seems more flexible a term than "rule"). Haven't started stories this way, but I do have a story in which a key scene comes to a close. It is followed by the other POV character waking up and dealing in the aftermath. Far as I can tell, it works (and not sure how I'd progress the story otherwise, lol).

Definitely a guideline. And honestly, things like this are more like missed opportunities. (And now I just got a topic idea for next week, thanks!) So many slush pile novels open this way so it's hard to stand out. I also think later waking up scenes work much better because the reader is already invested.

I've never had an issue with the wake up scene as a reader. I'm okay with it. It's a way to start. However, as a writer, it's been pounded in my head not to do it. So even though I keep away from it in my writing, I've no problem with it reading-wise.

It always makes me chuckle (and cry) and the difference between readers and agents/editors. I wonder how book reviews feel? They're right in the middle between casual reading and "work" reading a lot of books.

I've never written a waking up scene! I'm sure I've read them, but none come to mind. I can handle just about any opening scene, as long as it's written well :)

That's certainly the key--anything can be done if done well. Such a cliche to say that but I believe it (grin). Good writing and storytelling overcomes pretty much anything.

I completely understand why starting with the main character waking up is not a strong start (and thanks for putting it into words so well, Janice!) but sometimes a story just begs to start that way. Though it always helps to know the 'rule' before you break it. These are the opening words of my first novel published by Harper Impulse, Waking up in Vegas, and I hope it works as an example of how the 'rule' can be broken: I wish I were dead. Phoenix moaned and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the blinding light and the clamour of rain. If only her head would just explode and get it over with. At least the pillow seemed softer this morning. And it smelled nicer than normal too. A fresh citrus scent that quickened her blood. Hang on a minute. Rain? In Vegas? She peeked out from under the pillow. Oh my… Not her room.

I like it. I think the hints that she wakes up hung over, possibly in strange places, adds interest to this. And it does get to the conflict very quickly, another plus.

I fear I may be tarred by this same brush, and have even asked around the webs about it, so maybe you all can tell me. The MC needs to find himself unexpectedly alone aboard a ship usually teeming with crew. Now, to be fair, he is not shown waking up, doesn’t brush his teeth or put on his clothes. In effect he woke up five or ten minutes earlier, and is about to set out in search of his shipmates. In fact, there’s really only one sentence that describes his sleeping at all, and it’s there mostly for grounding, lest the reader think the crew has vanished with a poof. “He wasn’t surprised to have been left sleeping, but wondered how he’d not been roused by the crew’s no doubt raucous departure.” Or something like that. I've added/removed it several times so it's not yet re-jelled. I can find no meaningful way to ‘work it in later’. I have only a scant few paragraphs to build reader sympathy for this guy, and his obvious isolation (ostracization) aboard ship is a big part of it. Within two pages the poop hits the fan and we’re off to the races, and bringing it up after that feels very stuck on and contrived. But in a few reviews, I've been 'dismissed' as "opens with waking up, unacceptable". Am I truly doomed here? Will every agent who reads this waking up opening hit the auto-reject button?

Hard to say without seeing more, but it doesn't sound like the bad waking up scene type. He's already up, already dealing with a problem, and it sounds like there's conflict right away. If that's the case, then you're probably fine. If your feedback is only that it has a waking up scene, then it might just be people telling you the bad "rule." Like if they can't back up why that's bad beyond "people say don't it." If the feedback offers reasons why that isn't working for them, that might indicate a problem. You can try submitting it to Real Life Diagnostics if you want. You'd get some good feedback about that exactly question.

Thanks very much for the reply!!

I wrote a waking up scene to start a novel once. (Pauses to feel nostalgic.) The character woke to the sound of someone breaking into her house, where she lived alone. I thought it worked, especially since the opening scene was her grabbing the nearest vase and rushing downstairs to confront the prowler.

It all depends on how it's done. If you established the character and hit all the right buttons to hook the reader, it probably did. If it felt too abstract or disconnected, then maybe not.

Not only does Hunger Games open with a waking up scene, Collins' earlier series, Gregor the Overlander, also begins with a waking scene. But in both she manages to convey so much about the characters, the family dynamics, the setting. I think it's unfortunate that agents and editors tend to write these openings off right away. Not everyone writes as well as Suzanne Collins, but I'm sure some perfectly good novels are being ignored because of this arbitrary rule.

I'm not sure they write them off, but I do believe that it triggers a "oh great, another one of those openings" and sets up a negative response right away. Just like something readers have read a ton of times makes a book feel flat or predictable.

Not giving away too much here, but a waking up scene to start a second book, when the reader is wondering exactly what happened at the end of the previous book, can work. Thinking about that - and the availability of the next book together is for the writer to work on: if a reader can check out the beginning of the next book online, or it is right there as a teaser chapter at the end of the previous book, the beginning may need to be different than if the next book isn't out yet, and all the reader will remember is being tantalized, signing up for the newsletter to be informed when the next book comes out, and that she liked the first book. I agree - there is a significant difference between agents and the general reading public in the area of having read too many openings. Maybe the agents should be looking at whether the scene does all the other things a first scene should do: introduce the (a) main character, start conflict, get bits of the setting in (so the reader gets oriented), whatever it needs to get the clock ticking. "Like all things writing, every rule can be broken with great effect if done well." The key is to do it well. If the agent is too jaded, eschew agents - or find a better one. Well put. Alicia

I think that would only work if the reader went right from book one to book two. If they had to wait a year between books, they'd forget everything and could be confused. I think agents do look for all the other things as well. They're not going to reject someone for doing one thing, they look at the project as a whole.

Not going to lie, my novel is a victim of the waking up scene. Could you consider doing a post on other over-done opening scenes that agents/editors see too often and might be sick of? I'm curious if anything original is left! Haha, thanks again for your wonderful insight!

I'll add it to the idea list. Could make for a fun article. Thanks!

Wow! Great article and amazing replies! I believe we not only learn from our mistakes, but from one another as well. So, thank you all for teaching me something today. 5 years ago, I began writing my first book (novel) and I'm in my third round of edits. I made too many major changes and must go back to the drawing board. URGH! Now, my opening scene is a 72-year-old antagonist with a clandestine past, wakes up in a panic attack and fumbles to take her medicine. She had been suffering with attacks since childhood. The plot is centered around the reasons for these attacks, which she withheld from her grownup children. Do you think this will work, in my case? Again, many thanks for this great article. Seasons Greeting to you and your family! ~Michelle

Glad I could help :) Don't fret about your first book. Having to go back to square one is very common, and that's all part of writing. It's hard to say without seeing the actual text, but generally speaking: If the scene focuses on her being in a panic and then moves on to the start of the novel, it will probably feel like a cliched wake up scene. The panic doesn't go anywhere, it just happens. If the panic causes the goal or conflict on the scene and moves the story forward, then it might work just fine. The difference would be between "this is something that happens to my character" and "here is a plot-driving situation that opens my story." Does that help?

Kind of surprised that no one mentioned The Metamorphosis. "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect-like creature" is probably one of Kafka's most famous quotes. Of course, the reason it's good is because it starts with an interesting conflict that serves as an incredibly strong hook.

That is a classic. And you're exactly right about why it works.

It looks like most of us agree that a waking up scene works after the reader knows the characteristic of the protagonist. Once we place the reader in their world and show the trouble they are in a waking up scene can work. I do agree it is not the best decision to open a book that way. As always, excellent insight. Thanks you.

True. Later in the story I can see it working better to open a chapter or scene, because readers are already invested.

Love to see you taking aim at another of those mindlessly parroted writing "rules", Janice. Good post. Fight the good fight! :P

The first book of Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series is another good example. Again, I think it works because it gets straight to the interesting plot situation. It introduces a lot of mystery and does a really good job of showing off the characters before the monster fight in the next chapter.

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How To Write A Waking Up Scene That Works

This one holds your attention

One of the many rules of writing that no one ever listens to is to not start with your character waking up. The reason is because waking up is boring. The character has a normal morning before they face the problems that will plague them throughout the rest of the book. However, Kathryn Croft’s While You Were Sleeping turns those that tired trope on its head. 

So we’ve established that waking up scenes are boring because nothing interesting happens. However, in this book, waking up is the start of something very interesting. The main character wakes up to a room and a bed that she doesn’t recognize. 

She is also naked and lying next to her married neighbor who has been literally stabbed through the heart. 

Well, that’s certainly not your typical wake up scene. There’s nothing ordinary or average about this day because she’s not in her house and there’s a dead man in bed with her. 

The rest of the story hinges on what she did, or rather didn’t’ do, in the first few minutes of waking up. In this way, she manages to take the normally horrible trope of waking up into one of the most interesting parts of the book. 

It sets the tone for the entire book, and here’s where most new authors make their mistakes. Their waking up scene doesn’t reveal tone, it reveals the setting. 

Any scene that only shows only the setting is a boring scene, regardless of whether or not your character is waking up. 

First chapters, need to set the mood. Waking up with a dead man next to you and trying to hide it in a scared, serious way tells you this book isn’t going to be a laugh a minute book.

However, a character who wakes up in a normal room on the start of what they think is a normal day, could be any genre of book, and that will confuse your readers enough to put the book down before it gets any ‘better’. After all, with a boring wake up scene, your readers think you’re book is only going to get worse. 

If you’d like to see an example of waking up done right, then be sure to check out Kathryn Croft’s While You Were Sleeping. 

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June 11, 2015

The Perils of Waking Characters

By kristin nelson.

  13 Comments  |  Share This:     

OBSERVATION: Beginning your novel with the main protagonist waking up in bed will have agents passing on the material 99.9% of the time.

Here’s why:

It’s an opening we see way too often (not sure why) and 99% of the time, this opening simply is not the best place to launch your story.

1) In general, this action in an opening scene is static (read: uninteresting). It’s a struggle to make it interesting enough to merit beginning your novel here.

2) I’m going to venture a guess that a lot of newer writers don’t know where to begin their story so starting here seems like a safe place.

3) Just trust me on this, there is a better place to begin your awesome story. My suggestion? Connect back to what made you excited to write this novel in the first place and see if you can’t tap into that energy and channel it into your opening scene. Chances are good, you won’t then choose to begin your story with your main character waking up.

And LOL, wouldn’t this make a fun writing challenge? Have already successful, established authors participate and make it a requirement that their story has to begin with character awakening. Could be hilarious. Could be the first time we see a kick-ass opening with this construct.

Photo Credit: James Theophane, Creative Commons

13 Responses

“I awoke to a screeching directly in my right ear. Jumping from my tangle of sheets, I lunged at the throat of the monster that was surely planning to kill me, bashing it against the wall as hard as I possibly could. As I watched the pieces of its innards fall to the lush white carpet around my feet, I realized there were no droplets of warm blood, no pieces of bruised flesh. Confusion quickly turned to embarrassment as I stared down at the cord hanging from my hands, the beaten alarm clock dangling defenselessly a foot above the floor.”

Maybe a different first paragraph would have led to a bite from an agent. :/ It simply felt like that was where the story began. At least I know what not to do in the future, now 🙂

I’ve certainly is something I’ve certainly seen many people doing with first drafts in critting groups. The starting with a dream thing too (with a big hug to previous poster–I was excited by the idea of a story starting with the MC killing a real monster as she wakes up).

I can think of a handful of successful novels from recent years that did start with the character awakening, but it’s not to the same old same old, and something always happens right away–not the person brushing their teeth, making coffee, and having breakfast before something exciting happens.

Are there exceptions to this rule? My first chapter starts when my main character is woken up in the middle of then night by an attack on her home led by her sister. I don’t know that there’s another way to start the chapter.

Is this why you passed on mine????

I never knew this, but unfortunately my first novel starts out this way…but I have to say that it hasn’t hindered my querying…..I have been asked four times for Full MS and two are still out being reviewed. Maybe there is an exception????

But will remember this for future reference! (My second novel does NOT start out this way…..whew!!!)

“When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold.” Hunger Games did it, but it was kind of the exception that proved the rule. The opening sentence is powerful in the fear, sadness, and loneliness it manages to create. You want to know what emotion you’re supposed to feel and why.

Truth, truth, truth, truth. This is right there with opening on the protag staring out the window, looking in a mirror, or having a dream. Worse, page one, line one, dialogue without any idea who’s talking, about what or why we should care.

Ring! Ring! Boy was that alarm loud. I rolled over, held (toy) close and pulled the soft, warm covers over my head. “Rise and shine! Time to get up!” Mom’s cheerful voice called. “Do you remember what today is?” I rubbed my eyes and poked my head out from under the covers. Yeah. Today is the first day of first grade… the first day of school. I did not like school. Last year Kindergarten was not fun at all, and I did not want to go back to Mountainside Elementary. “Do I have to go? I already know how to read.” “Of course you have to go.”

Ugh… maybe i need to think of a better beginning.

It’s hard to tell where you are going, but thinking this is a chapter book. Just from what you posted, I would start with “I already know how to read.” You can tack on that school is therefore stupid or useless or that you don’t know why mom is making you go either before or after that. Make your mc think that while waiting for the bus or walking into the class, wherever your first plot conflict begins. We can infer how miserable he’s been since he woke up.

I did this once as a way of establishing the MC’s synaesthesia – blocks of orange triggered by the alarm sound – but that whole opening was wrong so I have a different start to that scene.

Can’t resist. Here goes.

I awoke with the wind in my hair, cold and blowing faster by the second. Above me, I saw blue sky, and I felt nothing below. Nothing. No bed. Nothing. I realized I was falling. This was no dream. I must’ve passed out when Grucko the Warlord had me dumped out of his interstellar cruiser just below space.

Flailing against the air, I got myself turned around and saw that Earth was closing in on me. Fast. No, not Earth. It was foreign planet I didn’t recognize from 30,000 feet.

Having no parachute, I opened up my jacket, but that only slowed me a bit. My stomach was doing flips and I felt myself passing out again.

A screech behind me startled me. Before I even had a change to look, a warm, moist mouth enveloped me and closed. Only one thing on wings could swallow a man whole, a space drac of Rankin. I didn’t need any light to know that it was just a yearling. He didn’t have any teeth on his tongue yet. But even a yearling is powerful. I felt the muscles of his mouth contracting and squeezing me down toward his throat. I had to avowing getting sucked into his gizzard. If he sucked me down there, it was all over. I’d be ground into bloody slop in no time.

Forcing my hands down to my pants, I took off my belt and wrapped it around the drac’s tongue then wrapped my forearm with the loose end and pulled myself back up his throat. Boy, he didn’t like that. I knew I was cutting off the circulation in his tongue.

I felt him swerve, and the jaws opened. We were mere feet above the rocks. He tried to spit me out, but now I was strapped to his tongue.

I read a novella recently that really made this opening work: “The Following Story” by Cees Nooteboom. But he did so by turning the cliche on its head, and doing it masterfully.

Because in the same breath as we find out that he’s waking up, he also tells us that he can’t shake the feeling that he’s dead. He’s also not in his own room, even though that’s where he went to bed last night. He recognizes the room he’s in — he’d spent many nights in it — but not for many years. In fact, he hadn’t even visited this city in years. So how is he here now? And remember, he’s pretty darn sure that he’s dead. The novella was fantastic. If you can track it down, it’s worth a read. It really shows how a master can take one of the big no-nos and make it work. That being said, until you’ve earned a certain gravitas, stick to the rules. They’re there to protect you! 🙂

Fred, good job. I would turn the page and continue reading yours and it’s not the genre I usually read.

Hi Kristin – I did wonder how far you took this rule as I see and quote you saying it will have “agents passing on the material 99.9% of the time.” I’m currently reading one of your most recent client’s works ‘A Wicked Thing’ and saw that the first line– all in uppercase–was indeed: “SHE WOKE UP WITH A KISS.” I hope you can reply as although your perception on this is understandable, I’m questioning the degree of its validity and why ‘A Wicked Thing’ escaped the rejection pile with an opening line that is frowned upon by most agents. Please respond if you are able – much appreciated.

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